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The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos

It’s Thanksgiving weekend, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy.

Happily, there are several good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with the right, since the debunkings come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Antifa Right Wing Watch. In 2014, crypto muslimfascist organ Slate also took on the topic, calling it a “strange and persistent right-wing myth,” and adds a useful Origin Story — it apparently got started in 1968, with a holiday piece by cold warrior columnist Henry Hazlitt. Should culture war break out while you serve the leftovers, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.)

According to one revisionist version of Plymouth Colony, the Pilgrims’ basic error was in trying to live like the original Apostles:

The original colony at Plymouth Bay had been founded by Puritans who hoped to emulate the early Christians by keeping all their worldly goods in common. They forgot St. Paul’s admonition that only those who worked should be fed from the common store.

Most other versions leave out any mention of Biblical sharing (which might raise uncomfortable questions about that Galilean redistributionist anyway) and present the Pilgrims as victims of “a short-lived form of agricultural communism” imposed upon them by their sponsors back in England (BOOO!); in any case, the scheme soon failed because under socialism, nobody had any incentive to work:

This system quickly failed. The women described the communal chores as a form of slavery, men rapidly lost motivation, and the able-bodied feigned illness to avoid work.

And there are even some selective quotes from Governor William Bradford’s journal that say so!

“For this community [so far as it was] was found to breed much confusion and discontent, and retard much employment that would have been to their benefit and comfort. For young men that were most able and fit for labor and service did repine that they should spend their time and strength to work for other men’s wives and children without any recompense.”

Finally, after everyone nearly starved, Bradford threw out communism and gave each family their own parcel of land to work, and then even Nature rejoiced by bringing forth a bountiful harvest, YAY individual initiative!

Oh, and there were some Indians. Let’s not get into that. (OK, maybe a little. In the first version of the story we ever encountered, here’s the sole mention that the Wampanoag lived nearby: “It was so bleak that some Pilgrims sold themselves as workers to the Indians for a few cups of food.” Happily, the baggers stop short of suggesting that this example was where slavery came from.)

Except, maybe that’s all a lot of hooey? For one thing, the first three-day Thanksgiving feast occurred in 1621, while the “socialist scheme” — which Bradford called the “common course” — was still very much in effect. The actual division of land into single family plots only came in 1623, a detail that some versions of the wingnut story find it useful to lie about; John Stossel actually moves the year of the first Thanksgiving to 1623, which seems rather unsporting. In any case, the original motivation for pooling resources had nothing to do with socialist ideology:

the plan was in the interest of realizing a profit sooner, and was only intended for the short term; historians say the Pilgrims were more like shareholders in an early corporation than subjects of socialism.

“It was directed ultimately to private profit,” said Richard Pickering, a historian of early America and the deputy director of Plimoth Plantation, a museum devoted to keeping the Pilgrims’ story alive.

Former Foreign Policy editor Joshua Keating explains further that the common holding of land was not socialism, but instead was very much intended to make money — a joint venture, not an anarcho-socialist collective run by scruffy proto-Marxists named Dennis:

Communal farming arrangements were common in the pilgrims’ day. Many of the towns they came from in England were run according to the “open-field” system, in which the land holdings of a manor are divided into strips to be harvested by tenant farmers. As Nick Bunker writes in 2010’s Making Haste From Babylon: The Mayflower Pilgrims and Their World, “Open field farming was not some kind of communism. All the villagers were tenants of the landlord.”

There was no local baron in Plymouth, but it was a commercial project as much as a religious one, and the colonists still had to answer to their investors back in England. It was this, not socialist ideals, that accounted for the common course. Bunker writes, “Far from being a commune, the Mayflower was a common stock: the very words employed in the contract. All the land in the Plymouth Colony, its houses, its tools, and its trading profits (if they appeared) were to belong to a joint-stock company owned by the shareholders as a whole.”

Adds Keating, “the Rush Limbaugh crowd should note that the settlers at Plymouth were rebelling against the rules set by a corporation, not against the strictures of some Stalinist collective farm or a hippie commune.”

Oh, and the whole famine thing? Conditions were definitely hard, especially for settlers unaccustomed to decidedly non-English climate and growing conditions. But no, not famine:

The arrangement did not produce famine. If it had, Bradford would not have declared the three days of sport and feasting in 1621 that became known as the first Thanksgiving. “The celebration would never have happened if the harvest was going to be less than enough to get them by,” Mr. Pickering said. “They would have saved it and rationed it to get by.”

The competing versions of the story note Bradford’s writings about “confusion and discontent” and accusations of “laziness” among the colonists. But Mr. Pickering said this grumbling had more to do with the fact that the Plymouth colony was bringing together settlers from all over England, at a time when most people never moved more than 10 miles from home. They spoke different dialects and had different methods of farming, and looked upon each other with great wariness.

“One man’s laziness is another man’s industry, based on the agricultural methods they’ve learned as young people,” he said.

Stupid historians, with their “context.” Can’t they just recognize socialism causes laziness? People never help each other unless you pay them to!

Not surprisingly, wingnuts know as much about history as they do about how the US Constitution works. And if you want a good read about the Massachussetts Bay colony’s early days — the guys who came a bit after the Pilgrims — go read Sarah Vowell’s The Wordy Shipmates. Good luck with your post-holidaying, and may you and your teabagger relatives enjoy the warm embrace of family, if not a shared understanding of reality.

Embrace Your Teabagger Family Members (but not their worldview)

(You didn’t really think we’d get through this without Ponies, did you? Silly.)

Special Postscript, added in 2014: In July 2014, we received a very important comment in the ol’ Dear ShitFerBrains queue, in reply to the 2013 version of this column. We held onto it just so we could append it to this post. Someone with the not-at-all pompous username “historyshowsus,” a Breitbart aficionado from the days when that site still used IntenseDebate, just wanted to let us know that everything we wrote is wrong, wrong, wrong. How’s this for a rebuttal?

I’m sorry but the VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute) disagrees with your liberal refutation of HISTORY and the actual journal of Gov Bradford himself. This article is a lie and is so typical of the manipulation of history that is fed to our children in order to feed the leftist agenda. http://mises.org/daily/336

You’ll never guess what’s at that link! Yep, a 1999 reprint of a 1985 version of the very same myth that we just debunked, citing the Bradford journal out of context, claiming that common land ownership was socialism (not a freely-agreed-to contract), and insisting that only Private Property and Individual Initiative saved the Pilgrims (it does at least get the date of the first Thanksgiving right).

In other words, dear Wonkette: Your corrections of the myth are actually incorrect because a Very Prestigious Libertarian Organization published the original myth nearly 30 years ago, and they are very prestigious, you indoctrinated liberals!

C’mere, “historyshowsus.” You look like you need a hug from Pinkie Pie.

Yr Wonkette is supported by readers like you! Please click here to send us money, for socialisms.

[NYT / RightWingWatch / Rush Limbaugh’s Dumb Book (with Wonket kickback) / Slate / A Level Look at Land Allotments, 1623]

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  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      And the little dog too!

    • SDGeoff3

      I like her.

  • Nounverb911

    Rush Limabugh arriving on the Mayflower would have caused the Native Americans to build a wall around America so impenetrable, that the Europeans would still not be allowed in today.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Yo, where’s the Oxy and the child prostitutes?”

  • Baconzgood

    I’ve debunked this several times to my crazy uncle.

  • armed_bears

    For those from yesterday’s post who wondered… Yes. The winter kid took to the bottle readily and is peeing up a storm. The weird stuff for which one can be thankful!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cab7c262314e38c252bc43b97b9274de2aac1da58768632c38abf267d25cd37f.jpg

    • CountryClubJihadi

      So adorable!

    • That goat looks like it’s got some rabbit DNA in there somewhere, which makes it the most ADORABLE GOAT EVER.

      • armed_bears

        Nubian x Dwarf Nubian, so yes. Part rabbit.

    • Parakeetist

      Who’s a good bebby?

    • marxalot

      Throughput! It’s super important.
      Also, naaaa babby.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I did too. Those microbrews were delicious yesterday!

      • folderol

        Mmmmm… microbrews. Now I know what I am doing today.

    • Cock Blockula

      Now you could practice goat yoga with that babby.

      (Yes, apparently goat yoga is A Thing)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvj6voiH5S0

  • Juan de Fuca

    Say, you know who else feigned illness to avoid work?

    • JAKvirginia

      Um….. hold on…. It’s coming…. damn…. begins with T…..

    • arglebargle

      Bill Murray John Winger?

    • Crank Tango

      I’m coming up bone dry. Someone will have to spur my memory.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Ferris Bueller?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I dunno. It’s a lot of work to goof off the way that kid does.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Ferris was an entitled, lying, manipulative asshole.

          Or he’s Cameron’s Tyler Durden.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            He was all those things. It took a lot of effort to get there.

          • Captain Kraut

            But an entertaining asshole and that’s what counts nowadays.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donald Trump?

    • Old town Urbandale

      The new American Way is being forced to go to work even though you’re sick, because you don’t have health insurance or paid sick days. Yeah, it’s smart having our burger flippers and line cooks at work with projectile diarrhea.

    • Ellie

      Yet again, they drag out that passage from Paul, completely ignoring the culture and the context. If Paul were dropped down into our society today, do they really think he’d direct that comment at Joe Doakes who hasn’t been able to find work in 6 months, or his sister Jane, whose husband deserted her and her four children to “find himself,” or their mentally ill cousin, whom medication allows to be on an even keel, but not necessarily able to hold a job OR could they possibly comprehend that he would be aiming it at someone like Pat Robert$on whose only job is to tell people that if their choice is to pay rent or give money to him, they should choose him?

      He was talking to people who figured they were “saved,” and Jesus was coming back, and other people should work and take care of them. Sound like anyone on TV?

  • marxalot

    Look, if a lie is old enough, it’s history! 30 years is totally archival to the average wingnut, for why, because it is higher than he can count on fingers and toes put together. Ancient wisdom!

  • JAKvirginia

    I love people who use social concepts devised and defined hundreds of years later to explain the past, like people who use modern building techniques to explain the construction of the pyramids. Sigh….

    • TundraGrifter

      It’s similar to people who talk about earthquakes coming in hundred year cycles. As if a hundred years to The Earth was even the blink of an eye.

      • marxalot

        We notice things in hundred year cycles. That’s closer to reality.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      They were grain silos! GRAIN SILOS! Built by ALIENS!

      • JAKvirginia

        Dr. Rankin to the ER. Dr. Rankin to the ER. STAT!

    • richardgrabman

      Or retroactively assign labels from one era into another. Considering “Capitalism” was a neologism coined by Karl Marx, it wasn’t even a thing in 1621, or 1623 either. And for that matter, neither was “Socialism”.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Every time I read something he’s written, I become more and more convinced that the rumors regarding his high IQ are nothing but a great big lie and that he has doubled the supposed number like a common Breitbart denizen in the midst of losing a battle of wits.

      Also too Sarah H seems a bit old for him- he should be out with Roy Moore trolling the parking lot of the local Chuck E Cheese…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Woods is your typical hypocritical Trumpanzee moran.

    • folderol

      Perhaps Woods has been trolling us all along. And we fell for it.

      Nah…he’s a dick.

    • Uncle Mark

      Unfortunately, Sarah’s brilliance pales in comparison to those challenging and thought-provoking letters from Pickle

  • BosGrl

    “… Plymouth colony was bringing together
    settlers from all over England, at a time when most people never moved
    more than 10 miles from home. They spoke different dialects and had
    different methods of farming, and looked upon each other with great
    wariness.”

    So it started with the first Pilgrims.

    • mancityRed6

      technically true. Liverpool and Manchester are separated by about 60 miles or so but their accents are completely different.

      • BosGrl

        We can’t have that kind of mixing!

      • bbayliss

        The difference between Americans and Brits;
        “The British think one hundred miles is a great distance, Americans think that one hundred years is a long period of time.”

        • Alternative Dog

          This gives me an opportunity to share my favorite YouTube comment anecdote. I was reading a flame war between a young Brit and a young American who were arguing about which country was worse when it cam to slavery. At one point the American said “You should learn some history.” The Brit replied “Dude, my high school is older than your country.”

          I still laugh at that remark.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          This is SO true. I keep seeing couples on “Escape To The Country” who want to move from London to some place like Somerset to be closer to their adult children, who “live so far away.” It’s like 137 miles from London to Glastonbury. I know Americans who drive 100 miles every day to get to work, and they go home every evening. I also worked with a guy in St. Louis whose daughter was going on a high school trip to England, and he actually said to me “I don’t understand why she wants to go to England and look at old houses. If I want to see old houses, I can drive through the West End.” The oldest house in that part of St. Louis dates from the 1830’s.

          • Captain Kraut

            Living in Somerset is the bee’s knees, I love that area. They just clothe their move for completely selfish reasons into a fine cloak of familial martyrdom. They are English, after all.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I would love to live there too. Or Wiltshire, within bicycling distance of Stonehenge or Salisbury. The last time I was in Glastonbury I told our B&B landlady that we were driving to Tintagel, and would be back in time for supper. She said “Oh, no, that’s too far to drive in one day!” It’s 120 miles each way. We left by car at 7 am (this shocked her to the core as we would miss her cooked breakfast, so she very kindly set out boxes of cereal and a bottle of milk the night before), had a lovely day at Tintagel, explored Bodmin Moor on the way home where we helped to rescue an injured sheep and consoled several hikers who were deeply distressed by the injured sheep by treating them to a round at Jamaica Inn (I was driving, I had a coffee), and were back in Glastonbury in time for an 8 pm supper. The landlady couldn’t believe it.

          • Captain Kraut

            Maybe she thought you were using British Railways, that could turn that trip into a week long adventure, after all.

          • richardgrabman

            Where I live (Mexico), foreigners in the beach resorts claim they have “colonial” homes, meaning I guess something built when European countries had colonies elsewhere. At any rate, houses that are rebuilt from houses built sometime anywhere before about 1920. Which, considering the country has been independent since 1824, and the foreigners are talking about towns which only date back to about the mid-19th century doesn’t make a lick of sense. By the way, the computer lab in my neighborhood in Mexico City is in a building dating from 1776, and is hardly the oldest building around.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You are so right. I remember sitting in a computer cafe in downtown Glastonbury sending emails to some American friends, and I looked out the window to see the 19th century Market Cross, which had replaced a much earlier one probably dating to the 14th or 15th centuries, and the Pilgrims’ Inn, built to house pilgrims to the Abbey in the late 15th century. Not one building in view was less than 400 years old, and several were older than that. The contrast between the view and the computer I was using was dramatic. I had one of those “Freeze frame and remember this” moments.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And Michael Romanov bugged the cranberry sauce.

  • Baconzgood

    Happy black friday. I hope you had a chance you push down and trample an old woman at Walmart to get 5 bucks off a flat screen.

    • BosGrl

      Ex wanted a cheap memory stick at Best Buy, so daughter and I tagged along at 12 am just for the hell of it. Did get the memory stick, then tried Kohl’s. After feeling very stressed for about an hour, daughter and I found some grab gifts and stocking stuffers, but then the line was half as long as the store itself. We looked at each and said, not in a million years and walked out. There was nothing in that store that was so cheap it was worth spending that kind of time in line.

      • TundraGrifter

        We were talking about Kohl’s at dinner yesterday! I’m waiting for the day when I check out the clerk hands me a wad of cash along with my receipt.

        They will take coupon on top of coupon on top of coupon. A few years ago I found on the bonus sale rack hidden in the back some very nice cotton flannel shirts to wear in our cold winter house (layer over a Henley). They started off at about $6 each and kept on going down with my fist full of coupons. I think I even walked away with some Kohl’s Cash for my next visit.

        • BosGrl

          They were giving $15 Kohl’s cash for $50 purchase and that would have been nice. I do like that Kohl’s cash!

          Also love their basics, like the henleys and flannels and socks and stuff.

          • Old town Urbandale

            I liked when they used to send out the $10 off a purchase of $10 or more. I’d always “spend” the coupon on sympathy cards, selecting them so I’d get three cards for a few cents. Okay, I’m a cheap bastard…

          • weejee

            I’m too olde. FFS, I can remember when Kohl’s was a local grocery chain in Milwaukee.

          • BosGrl

            Is that so? Wow.

          • bobbert

            Shorewood. Grocery store that sold socks.

        • Baconzgood

          I refuse to spend a single nickel today. I won’t even buy a coffee.

          • NastyBossetti

            I’m usually this way on black Friday, but I *might* be forced to buy gas to make it home from work, unfortunately.

          • Old town Urbandale

            I wasn’t planning on buying anything today, but the deodorant applicator was scraping away skin instead of laying down a ribbon of Old Spice. Slipped over to the neighborhood K-Mart, and it was a ghost town. No way this store stays open past Jan. 31. They’d probably make more profit charging the patrons of the ice arena across the street for parking when the hockey team’s in town.

          • BearGHAZI

            Fun fact: a splash of vodka makes effective underarm deodorant. Just don’t miss, and have it go down your throat at 7am

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I had a cat once who loved to creep up between my torso and my arm when I was in bed and sniff and lick my bare underarm. I have no idea why she did this, but it reduced her to a kind of ecstasy, although I did not enjoy it as much as she did. Does cat saliva count as deodorant?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Our K-Mart closed 40 years ago. It is now a strip mall containing Hobby Lobby, Best Buy, and several smaller stores, including Radio Shack which closed last year.

          • marxalot

            I have a policy: on days when I would prefer not to have to work, I don’t make other people do it.
            I will renew my lease today, because the office is open and I need to do that before, say, January, but I won’t spend money at a retail establishment of any kind. If I start the car at all, it will be to take Dummy to the dog park.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I share your attitude. I am retired now, but when I was working, I really enjoyed my holidays, and I wanted everyone to be sharing them along with me. When I was a girl stores were closed on Sundays and holidays. I don’t recall that anyone starved to death on those days, or ran out of diapers or beer…we planned ahead, we borrowed from neighbors in an emergency. The only time I remember this being an inconvenience was one Saturday evening in 1978 when I realized I had forgotten to refill an important prescription, and that was my own damn fault.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I may have to go out to the hardware store for some potting soil. Time to start up the next crop of, uh, “beans”.

          • Captain Kraut

            Oh, a fellow “beans” enthusiast. I like mine vaporized. Less calories than in a chili.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I won’t even stand in line for free stuff. Now if Trump wants to throw some free paper towels at me, I know what to do with them – throw them back after I use them to pick up my cat’s hairballs.

      • Ms.Moon

        I don’t know why people do it to themselves. I just purchased my mom and brother’s gifts online I did not have to leave the house.

        • BosGrl

          I’ve been shopping online since there was a shopping online. I HATE going to stores.

    • TundraGrifter

      It isn’t enough that I win.

      Others most lose.

      • Uncle Mark

        …and be trampled underneath…being covered in tears, bruises, and my bootprints for having the gall to impede my shopping. All will be reduced to being nothing more than human-speed bumps.

    • weejee
      • BosGrl

        There were a lot of people out last night, but I can’t imagine retail makes any kind of money. In MA, stores can’t open on Thanksgiving, so no double OT for retail workers, but I don’t know what the rules are in NH. It doesn’t seem like it would be worth it.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          My mother and I went to Bob’s store because my father refuses to get a new pair of sneakers despite the ones he has now being so worn out after a decade it’s like he ran a Forrest Gump marathon. Picked up a few sweaters to wrap up for the tree too. Not very busy. I think we’re all done for the season.

          • BosGrl

            It can work sometimes. Will Dad complain that the new sneaks aren’t comfortable like his old ones? LOL.

      • LucindathePook

        Mr. P went off to work today at the store, the ReStore. It is having a Black Friday sale.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Hey, thanks!

      Half off black picture frames at my shop today, custom orders included. Should be fun.

      • Old town Urbandale

        Black frames matter!

      • folderol

        Why are you persecuting white frames?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          You’re making a joke, but white frames really are a special pain in the ass.

  • Indeniable Ron
    • UnsaltedSinner

      Is there really no New Newcastle in America? Seems like an oversight.

      • Captain Kraut

        Might be due to the lack of old castles in America.

  • TundraGrifter

    If you haven’t read “The Wordy Shipmates” by Sarah Vowell, put it on your Holiday gift list for folks who have trouble finding a nice, inexpensive present for you. Them them to buy you a Vowell.

    All of her books are well worth reading, but this one is the closest to the Thanksgiving theme, above.

    • bbayliss

      She’s a prize.

    • ltmcdies

      I love her books. They’ve become my go to for American history.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oooh. I have it on my phone.

      This will totally forestall our driving argument about whether getting away from the excessive BeeGees and Neil Diamond stuff on the satellite sixties station is worth listening to Patton Oswalt trying to find something new to say about the Beatles.

    • Ellie

      I’ve just ordered a used copy from Amazon. I think it will be one of the few books on history that I enjoy. Thanks for the suggestion.

    • Paul

      She is one hell of a researcher/writer .

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’m sorry but the VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute) disagrees with your liberal refutation of HISTORY and the actual journal of Gov Bradford himself. This article is a lie and is so typical of the manipulation of history that is fed to our children in order to feed the leftist agenda.

    The very prestigious economics institute that is essentially an office building in Alabama. That looks like the type of place I’d go to buy car insurance – in the 90’s.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e11889b16d9e491bcacf9a961db1ba5b9457884af3fee35bef0bf2a9739f9301.jpg

    • Catstro

      There is at least one dermatology practice in that complex.

      • Captain Kraut

        Dr. von Measles libelz!!1!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      von Mises was yet another fucking moron who ignored the data because it got in the way of his ideology.

    • Captain Kraut

      Could based in mom’s basement also, too.
      That sign just proclaims it’s somewhere on those grounds, doesn’t it?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Bottom line: these revisionists are turkeys.

    Carry on.

  • BadKitty904

    If you REALLY want to mess with these revisionist asshats, point out that the first documented “Thanksgiving” feast in what is now the continental United States, involving European colonists and Native Americans, took place at the founding of Florida and the presidio of San Agustín, on September 9, 1565. That was 56 years before the Pilgrims arrived.

    Menendez and his followers probably dined on cocido – a stew made from salted pork and garbanzo beans, laced with garlic seasoning – hard sea biscuits and red wine, said Gannon, based on what the Spanish had aboard their five ships.

    If the Seloy Indians contributed food, then the menu could have included wild turkey, venison, gopher tortoise, mullet, corn, beans and squash, Gannon said.

    http://jacksonville.com/tu-online/apnews/stories/112602/D7NHQDKG0.html

    • Ωbjectifier

      I’ll have what the Seloy’s are having.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Seriously. All respect to the Wampanoag, but it sounds like the west coast european guests brought much better pot luck.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Plus the Spanish garlic. Gotta have garlic.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
      • marxalot

        I love seeing Attenborough in his natural environment, wallowing in some substrate.

    • Covfefe

      Floriduh Man talks Messican at supper —and calls it Thanksgiving!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Gopher Tortoise…great name for a rock band.

      • Captain Kraut

        And their sensational first album, Mullet Corn.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I know some turkeys who are about to get (whips sunglasses off, CSI music starts playing)…FRIED!

    “Michael Flynn is itching for some snitching. Or so, his lawyers have led the president’s legal team to believe.

    On the night before Thanksgiving, Flynn’s attorneys notified Trump’s that they could no longer discuss the special investigation into Russian interference in last year’s election. The president’s lawyers took the call as a sign that Trump’s former national security adviser is, at the very least, negotiating with special counsel Robert Mueller over the possibility of turning state’s witness, according to the New York Times.

    That suspicion is sound. It’s common for defense attorneys representing different clients targeted by the same investigation to share information with each other. But once the interests of those clients diverge – say, because one is trying to rat out the other to keep his (large, adult) son out of prison – then such chatter becomes unethical. If Flynn has decided to so much as formally consider cooperating with prosecutors, then it would be standard practice for his lawyers to quit talking shop with Trump’s team.

    It’s possible, then, that Flynn is merely in discussions with Mueller’s office, and that those talks will ultimately fall through. There’s also a small chance that Flynn’s lawyers are freezing out Trump’s for an entirely unrelated reason.

    But the weight of the evidence points to Flynn flipping.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/11/mueller-may-have-flipped-michael-flynn.html

    • Juan de Fuca
      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’ve always wanted to coolly walk away from an explosion…

        • Invisible Bunyip

          It’s great until a chunk of shrapnel hits you in the back because you aren’t keeping an eye on the explosion you just caused.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Here’s a brief and incomplete list of things that don’t happen in real life the way they happen on teevee:

            1) Doctoring
            2) Lawyering
            3) Detectiving
            4) Lawmaking
            5) Gun shooting
            7) Explosioning

    • BosGrl

      I just saw the point made on Twitter that Flynn and Flynn Jr either aren’t expecting they are going to get pardons or else what they are charged with can’t be pardoned, or something like that. I.e., they would get their best deal from flipping.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Conspiring to kidnap someone and return them to a country where they will be killed is a bit more serious than something like shoplifting, that’s for sure.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          But not as serious as walking down the sidewalk while blah.

    • PubOption

      So it could be a Black Friday for Donnie.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m pretty disappointed that Flynn’s son may not be going to jail. I also found it a bit odd that his son was boasting a few weeks ago how everyone was going to be so disappointed that he wasn’t going to jail. Sonny boy never claimed he was innocent, he just claimed he wasn’t going to jail.

        • calliecallie

          If it gets me Trump and crew in jail, I will let Flynn Jr. go.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Donald, Uday, Qusay, and Lolita/Lucrezia in jail, Flynn Jr. free.

            Yup, fair compromise.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I really wanted to see both of the people (Flynn and his dumb spawn) shouting “lock her up” being led off in cuffs. I’m VERY disappointed.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          He isn’t going because he already filped like an IHOP pancake.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Socialism. 200 years before Karl Marx was even born. Makes perfect sense.

  • arglebargle
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Oh great, a bombing and mass shooting in Egypt. Looks like what’s left of ISIS bombed a mosque and 40 militants waited outside to shoot those trying to escape and the ambulances as they showed up. 235 dead so far…

    • BosGrl

      Dear God.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      A quote from George Carlin just mysteriously popped into my mind after reading this: “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yikes.

      How do you say “thots’n’prayers” in Egyptian?

  • Resistor Radio

    This I know: John Stossel is nothing if not unsporting.

    • Ωbjectifier

      “Give me a break!”

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Did anyone inform Karl Marx that his ideas were invented 200 years before him? I’m sure he wants to know.

    • Guinnessmonkey

      I will never stop being amazed at how many people in both the far-right and far-left miss obvious stuff like this.

      During the primaries I’d see Bernie supporters who claimed that government control of the Army or roads was an example of “socialism.” Which I suppose explains why one of the best examples of a socialist state was the Roman Empire. *facepalm*

      Socialism has an actual definition and a historical context. It’s not a universal pejorative for the far-right or a universal positive for the “there’s no difference between Trump and Clinton” crowd.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        There is a reason why “Social Security” is called Social Security, and not “Your Personal Retirement Savings Account”, which many people persist in believing it is, even after you explain to them how it works. These people annoy me just as much as the idiots who complain that they’ve paid home owner’s insurance for years and never got anything out of it, as if your house NOT burning down or blowing away or flooding or being robbed is not something one should be eternally grateful for.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I was just reading about this 30 minutes ago. There was Joachim of Fiore in 12th century Italy, the Shepherd’s Crusade of 1251, the Peasant’s Revolt of 1381, and the 15th century Hussite Revolution, all of which advocated one form or another of Early Christian Socialism.
      http://isj.org.uk/religion-and-revolution-in-the-middle-ages/

  • TundraGrifter

    Then the Regressives sat down to watch a couple of games in the National Football League – one of the most socialist and most successful business entities in modern America. Guess they don’t understand “revenue sharing.” Or much else.

    President Trump has a real problem with the players exercising their First Amendment rights. As for their “owners” being borderline Commie Pinkos – not so much.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I’ve thought about this, and think of the NFL owners as more of a cartel, monopolizing a very specific commodity, rather than a socialist organization.

      I originally thought ‘mafia’ but that usually involves mostly trade in illegal things with a few ‘legitimate businesses’ to launder the money. With the NFL, it’s all pretty above board.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I’m sorry but the VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/665ea207103384b8118a9deee3597a2174f8aa3777cf6fe6af0010bba272e137.gif

    • Kateaux

      Jeremy Brett for the win!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      The. Best. Sherlock. Ever.

      • frrolfe

        A lot of episodes are on youtube. Also too, the Brett episodes had the best Dr(s) Watson.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I had them all on VHS tape, but they drowned in Hurricane Katrina so I splurged and bought the entire set on DVD, and there are very few programs I will spend that kind of money on. Later I found out the local library had them all. My local library is a treasure house of British TV drama. I just checked out “The First Churchills.”

  • nightmoth

    Yes, well, we all know Rush is a big fat idiot.
    Here’s something to be thankful for: Oscar Pistorius had his prison sentence doubled. There’s a good op-ed in The Independent about it, but it’s so darn ad-heavy and slow-loading I’m not even posting the link. Here’s the takeway, though:
    “Imprisonment,” wrote Williams, “has another purpose, beyond the individual: the justice system is what we use to announce to one another how seriously we take a crime.”—–Male violence isn’t original. A man who shoots his girlfriend through a locked door isn’t some modern-day Hamlet. He’s an entitled, boorish bully, raised in a world where male aggression is normalised, lacking the courage to question his own hate.” So, kudos to the South African prosecutors for not giving up, and thank you.

  • TJ Barke

    And furthermore Von Mises was a fucking hack.

  • OrG

    To be fair, limpballs has to lie. If he told the truth even his dumbass audience would call bullshit.

    • Covfefe

      Like limpballs act is all an An Act, to make money off the Trumpenproletariat, giving them what they want, even before the Trumpenproletariat attained its class consciousness, to greater glory of limpballs’ bank accounts and high living, and limpballs is clever but not crazy. I’ve often thought that myself.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Happy Black Friday. Trump is a fuckface. Nothing has changed.

    • Alan

      Thanks Mr. Cheerful.

    • Sophia

      You seem to be stuck in a rut here.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Black Friday is a blatant attempt by the greedy capitalist pigs to enslave the working classes in ever-expanding debt. I reject Black Friday. I stay home and prune my roses on this day every year, if it doesn’t rain. Today it will be 68 and sunny, perfect rose-pruning weather.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        It’s pretty warm but very wet up here in the PNW. What part of the country are you in?

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Missouri. We’ve had several hard freezes, so the roses are now dormant. Perfect time to prune. Although back in the winter of 1998/99 we had no winter at all, and after I gave them their hard winter pruning at Thanksgiving, they had grown 12 inches and were blooming at Christmas, which had never happened before in the past 100 years, according to some Old Timers I consulted.

  • george lastrapes

    OT but timely. I finally remembered that quote that everybody gets wrong- or I think I did.
    “When fascism comes to America, she will be wearing a stars’n’stripes thong and crucifix earrings, and nothing else.”

    • Christopher Story

      So… Tomi Lerhan on Saturdays?

      • george lastrapes

        Her fidgetations and propagandagasms trying to keep her thong covered, while exposing as much of her thighs as she can, serve to distract FOX viewers from the intrinsic inanity of the content as it slides in subliminally.
        This is nothing short of brain-rape, with bimbo accomplice.

  • NotReallyHere

    Capitalism really is like a religion to these weirdos.

    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of socialism, I will fear no evil: for capitalism art with me; the profits and the earnings they comfort me

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Though I do not see them, I know that they will suddenly flow around me to the corporation that will pass them onto me, someday.

      • CripesAmighty

        And to the Leveraged Buyout, for which it stands…

        Oh, wait.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Thy ROI, it soothes me…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, “ROI” is the French word for king. So, the divine right of return on investment.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      it’s all god damned faith-based assertions for them, all of it

      I fucking hate it and I hate them

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Of course it’s a religion, it’s their only religion. They worship money. “You cannot serve God and money” and “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils.” It says so right there in the Bible, the very same book some of these money worshippers say they read in worship services every week. The Quran is less specific, but according to Abu Said, the Prophet said “The truthful and trustworthy businessman will be in the company of Prophets, saints and martyrs on the Day of Judgment.” From this, I must assume there are no devout Muslims running Wells Fargo.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • FZsdaughter

    Turtles all the way down.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    DId anyone watch Trump serving up some fine word salad to the Coast Guard?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Reading his word salad is usually painful enough.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      This was the keeper:

      “The Navy, I can tell you, we’re ordering ships. With the Air Force, we’re ordering a lot of planes, in particular the F-35 fighter jet, which is, you know, almost like an invisible fighter. I was asking the Air Force guys, I said, how good is this plane? They said, well, sir, you can’t see it. I said, yeah, but in a fight — you know, a fight — like I watch in the movies — they fight, they’re fighting. How good is this? They say, well, it wins every time because the enemy cannot see it. Even if it’s right next to it, it can’t see it. I said, that helps. (Laughter.) That’s a good thing.”

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Coming to theaters in 2018, “Dumb Gun,” starring Donald J. Trump, Sean Hannity, Roy Moore and Paul Ryan. With Dakota Fanning as the grabbee, and featuring the hit single “Take My Brains Away” by Kid Rock & Ted Nugent.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          I imagine the conversation between the Air Force officers went like this:
          “I’m going to tell him the jet is invisible.”
          “You think he will believe it?”
          “100%”

        • Ωbjectifier

          Worst. Volleyball. Scene. Evar!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I hadn’t even thought of that…and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Thank you so MUCH!

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Trump’s been watching old Wonder Woman cartoons again

        https://am24.akamaized.net/tms/cnt/uploads/2017/02/Ww-InvisibleJet1.jpg

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Trump: “Man, I sure would like to like to grab THAT pussy!”

          Wonder Woman, through clenched teeth: “I’d love to have you try!”

        • Bad Tom

          BOEING ENGINEER 1: I admit they have radically simplified the airframe design.
          BOEING ENGINEER 2: That’s not a regulation flight suit!

      • CripesAmighty
    • Juan de Fuca

      How I heard it: “You guys are winning again because I’m letting you win and the economy is great and you don’t really have much of an impact on that but it means you’re doing great things by being in the military and the economy is great which means I can buy new coast guard ships for myself. So thank you. You know I really enjoy playing with those ships.”

      • jesterpunk

        Will he buy the invisible ships?

    • george lastrapes

      Remembering Wm. S. Burroughs’ report from the ’68 Republican Convention, telling us just how a reanimated Purple-Ass Baboon received the nomination.

    • ltmcdies

      hey … you guys have invisible planes….isn’t that something.

      and the smirking behind his Nibs was noticible

  • Alan

    Von Mises Institute. Hahahahaha.

  • TJ Barke

    I made this joke yesterday, but since we’re back to the theme of socialism and thanksgiving, I’ma make it again; Seize the means of turducken!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute) disagrees

    They are not prestigious and they disagree with reality on most things economic.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Nothing says prestigious like “very prestigious.”

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        “Very, very prestigious”?

      • pstokk

        I’m in a project where someone claimed “our method and results are scientific”. I rolled my eyes so hard I’m still chasing them around the floor.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “This system quickly failed. The women described the communal chores as a form of slavery, men rapidly lost motivation, and the able-bodied feigned illness to avoid work.”

    And then everyone started having children out of wedlock, listening to jazz music, and smoking the reefers.

    //Updating governor Bradford’s right wing blather for him.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Bonus points for the use of reefers…

      • Blackest Noobs

        reefer is making a lexicon come back ( don’t call it a come back).

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          that’s madness…

          • Old Nick

            Mezz Mezzrow
            I got a reefer five feet long
            Lots of mezz but not too strong
            You’ll be high but not for long
            IF YOU’SE A VIPER

        • folderol

          Blunt. I prefer blunt over reefer.

      • TJ Barke

        I could use of some reefers…

      • Paul

        I like “brain darts”.

    • CripesAmighty

      And dancing.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      What’s that? People with attitude problems about who the boss of them was, raised in a thousand-year serf economy, who suddenly had the luxury of a fertile land-rich community with minimal supervision, avoided ‘voluntary’ labor and dumped all the heavy lifting on the women?

      THE FUCK YOU SAY.

    • Cock Blockula

      “The women described the communal chores as a form of slavery…”

      Chores period, said every woman, everywhere since the history of humankind…

  • Jay Hansen

    History shows us that Ludwig von Mises was a complete idiot. Not an incomplete idiot, but a real, concrete, absolute, totally complete idiot.

  • WilbyToad

    Anyone have an Alabama email chain?

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029881727

  • Ricky Gay

    Back in the day, Rush woulda been on the menu.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Stop that crazy talk! It’s not too late…

      • Ricky Gay

        Gonna need a ton of butter

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Comes pre-greased, like a duck or a goose.

          • Shanzgood

            And never stops tasting vaguely of barbecue.

        • TJ Barke

          Can’t eat that, it’s full of drugs…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Nowadays, they just attach some guy wires to him and drag him up Central Park West

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Good work Dok! But everyone knows the Pilgims’ real failure was when they enacted a progressive income tax, affordable healthcare, and let the “Indians” steal all the good Pilgrim’ing jobs.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and then they let John Wayne go around calling everyone Pilgrim…

  • altleftjohn
  • Resistor Radio
  • calliecallie

    Worse episode of Drunk History ever.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Didn’t get a chance to post this yesterday, was too busy eating it. The bird going for a spin…

  • Thiazin Red

    Dubious accomplishment corner: I managed to properly cook an entire thanksgiving dinner while also having the worst hangover I’ve ever experienced. Everything still came out tasting good, so good for me I guess.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I did my first spatchcocking of a turkey, and it worked goodly too.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’ve heard about that, I might try it on a chicken first.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          While discussing the prospect of doing the deed, there was much wringing of hands by Mrs. and a Miss Bz&Bz about “messing with a goodly thing,” but they consented, after awhile. The borrowed poultry shears for making the cut are an impressively wicked tool.

          In retrospect, it makes total sense that it works. It reduced the roaster/smoking time from 3 hours to 2, and the cookedness of all parts was more uniform. Even having the no-longer frozen turkey a couple days early and in the fridge, there was still ice on the inside. With it spatchcocked, the former interior started cooking straight away rather than not really getting any heat until the back had cooked all the way through, which would normall mean the legs and such would be way too cooked.

          • Thiazin Red

            Now that I think about it, my oven might not be big enough to cook a turkey that way.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            My smoker/roaster is small. The s/ced birds took up almost no more footprint, and had a reduced height, so it actually helped in a cramped space…(the height limit in my case).

          • Thiazin Red

            Reducing the height would be a help since I can only have one rack in the oven when I’m doing a turkey.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        I heard the term “spatchcock” for the first time this year. How did it slip by me for so many decades? It sounds vaguely obscene. Will definitely try it.

        • Resistor Radio

          I also learned it this year, from “Bob’s Burgers.”

        • NastyBossetti

          This is the first time I’ve heard it, and I’m mostly just surprised I haven’t heard one of my brothers – who love both cooking and innuendo – use it before.

          • Shanzgood

            I’m afraid to look it up.

          • NastyBossetti

            Looks like it’s the same thing as butterflying, though there may be some nuance I’m missing.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I always thought I was butterflying my chickens; now I realize I was spatchcocking them. I’m even cooler than I thought I was. :)

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I didn’t look much for the etymology, but one bit I think I might have saw referred to it, early on, relating to culling excess baby boy birds, to which I’ve attributed spatchcock to once having meant “dispatch [the young] cock”. But that’s just me fitting the word to a story I might have read.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        what’s that do to the bird, just make it cook faster?

        • Ellie

          Faster and more evenly.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Also makes it easier to season both sides. Yes, I really like to overseas my birds.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I had to look up spatchcocking. First time in my life Google came up with only two items.

    • Jonny On Maui

      All I did was the bird. Ms.MLG did everything else and it all was wonderful.

      Ms.MLG did not clean, as she was feted.

      • pstokk

        I can never keep up with wonkette innuendo.

    • Resistor Radio
    • Celtic_Gnome

      Thanksgiving dinner seems to be the only meal I can cook consistently without fucking something up. We had duck. Just the two of us, and a turkey is way too much.

      • Old Nick

        Duck is my favorite thing to cook for people who think they don’t like it.Oooh crispy sweet duck. I’ll get one out of the freezer for tomorrow. Supermarkets do not have reliable duck in stock so I usually buy 6 or 8 when they come in. Same with lamb racks.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    True fact: Mrs Pixelz can trace her family back to the Mayflower! Her ancestor was an ordinary paying passenger rather than a religious Pilgrim. After a few years in the socialist nightmare, he killed someone and fled Plymouth. Eventually he was caught and hanged. (wipes away a tear) We’re so proud.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Now I’m wondering who he killed and why.

    • Ellie

      HAH! He’s the guy I bring up every time I’m talking to someone who wants to rewrite the story of the Mayflower! You know, all holy, perfect people, who were our Founding Fathers?

    • rocktonsam

      Today, We’re all proud

  • William
    • Thiazin Red

      The hero we deserve.

    • eyelashviper

      I am inspired…

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I have vowed to never set foot in a Hobby Lobby, but hadn’t considered doing it to make mischief. Kudos to the lady.

    • Edith Prickly

      HAHAHAHAHA excellent

    • schmannity

      Looks like Palin is shopping for new mailbox lettering.

  • ltmcdies

    morning…..I don’t know what’s being plotted in this picture

    https://twitter.com/TomthunkitsMind/status/934026780666748929

  • Ricky Gay
    • eyelashviper

      Even Stephen King would break out in a cold sweat looking at that…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And all of them are going to take a tumbrel ride after the pumpkin pie!

      • Ricky Gay

        Thanks for the heads up!

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          ISWYDT

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I believe that Thanksgiving rendition is inacurate. It shows Mike Pence sitting at a table with two women present and no Mother. Impossible.

      • Doug Langley

        Norman Bates found a way around that.

  • weejee
    • ltmcdies
    • mancityRed6

      he asked for this and now he’s getting it. why is this surprising to anyone?

    • Kryptonian Canis

      And there’s really only one fish higher up the food chain.

      • dshwa

        Two. Flynn probably has the goods on The Dauphine Prince Jarrod as well.

    • SayItWithWookies

      If Mike Flynn is acting rationally, then he is clearly out of other options. Wow.

  • OrG

    Totally O/T I remember when sleeping in meant after noon. Now it’s 7:00 AM.

    • Sophia

      I know how you feel

  • 🍁 Treg Brown 🍁
  • The Librarian

    Oh, for FFS, a few socialist tendencies to provide for the common good isn’t going to kill anybody. Not having them will. Have any of these Idiots ever read the Preamble?

    • dshwa

      They only like the part with the guns in it.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …and “Creator”.

  • SayItWithWookies

    That’s not some made-up myth justifying capitalism — it really happened that way. Just like the story of D-Day, when Allied troops first hit the shores of Normandy under withering fire from the German positions, a lot of soldiers argued that wiping out the Nazis for the world’s collective good was just like slavery. Only after a quick-thinking Eisenhower promised each soldier his own parcel of land to farm did it turn into a veritable land rush and the foe was driven back with alacrity.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
      • Villago Delenda Est

        Bimbo has mashed potato for brains.

        • Resistor Radio

          Mashed potato libelz!

        • BrianW

          Mashed potatoes serve a purpose; they feed people and make them happy. None of this is in evidence where she is concerned.

      • ltmcdies

        this is what this dumbass does for a Thanksgiving tweet..;.so glad I blocked her ass

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          the good news is- she gets roasted in the comments for being the vacuous, entitled little white princess that she is

      • Shanzgood

        What? I can’t…Is she saying he would have sat out D-Day?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Of course! ’cause he hates the troops! Derp! And loves Hitler! Derp! Because soshulizm!

      • CriticalDragon1177

        That gets the award for obviously photoshopped photo of the year!

      • The Librarian

        The only thought that comes to mind is what a fucking moron she is.

      • mancityRed6

        FFS

      • Zonath

        Food for thought? Does Tomi Lahren’s brain have an eating disorder?

        • Resistor Radio

          Filled with North Korean parasites, methinks.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          If that is food for thought, it proves her brain starved to death long ago…

      • Resistor Radio
        • mancityRed6

          don’t hate, it takes up your time and energy. just know that karma will take care of her

          • Resistor Radio

            Karma needs to get on the stick. Her list is waaaay too long and I’m not seeing much movement these days.

          • mancityRed6

            the wheels of justice grind slowly but they do grind fine

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Her looks will fade, then the horny old men who watch Fox will ignore her and she’ll have to compete with Ann Coulter for space for her books in the bargain bin at Wally World

          • Eileen Besse

            THIS!!!

        • Blanche de Shambles

          You know, I never thought that rich women with Marcel waves fighting in gorgeous 1920s gowns would be a thing for me, but you learn something new every day.

      • NastyBossetti

        I guess, in a sense, she’s right, since I am thinking way too hard trying to make any kind of sense out of this stupid picture.

      • William

        I’m a veteran, and I still can’t find even the most remote connection between taking a knee at a football game, and an amphibious landing. ..But hey if the right wants to bring some shallow suggestion of patriotism into the game, I’m all for it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c126bdd6c417c09926a59f81fd81cc4dccde5b4bf221f1017fd9c5337e1061df.jpg

      • BrianW

        Junk food for thought, maybe.

      • rocktonsam

        Was she born stupid or dropped on head ?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Is that the coloreds only landing craft? It would have to be in the segregated military of the time.

      • Edith Prickly

        Shut up, dumb lady.

        • Old Nick

          Let’s save our energy for an antagonist who has something besides bleached hair. Tomi got nothing. Stupid, ignorant, inarticulate, without charm or even good looks. She’s negligible. Pffft.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Colin is preparing to storm the beach with his fellow antifas.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Yup, fighting the very fascism that the right embraces today

          • Lascauxcaveman

            OK, then. From that perspective it almost makes sense.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            except, Tammi or Timmeh or Tonedeaf or whatever her name is, isn’t anywhere near that smart

      • folderol

        She makes Ann Coulter look reasoned.

        • data_ninja

          Now just hold on a second, let’s not say things we can’t take back.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        She looks young and healthy. If she’s so patriotic, why doesn’t she sign up. She can don 80 lbs of gear and practice shore landings instead of lecturing the rest of us about patriotism.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        If that’s her idea of food for thought, she must be intellectually starving.

      • Ruhe

        Maybe she has to keep doing this sort of shit so her parents will keep paying for her health insurance.

      • ryp

        I guess when your brain is starving, you can find nourishment in the dumbest of memes.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Yeah because stealing European land to encourage the war effort would “not” have made their sacrifice any less noble.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    There was once a time when I might have been shocked by the Von Mises Institute basically quote mining to make a point.

    • Resistor Radio

      We used to be so naive.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        At one point I used to actually think that Rush Limbaugh was a reliable source of information.

        • Resistor Radio

          I thought he was performance art for quite awhile.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          But then you divided into 2 cells and became much less niave?

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Sadly I was significantly more than half way to being old enough to be president before that happened.

    • frrolfe

      I hate Von Mises to pises.

  • eyelashviper

    Nah, they have found early writings, on ancient birch bark magazine holders, that attributed the terrible times of the Pilgrims to the lack of Bitcoin. See, no Pilgrims starving or cannibalizing today..!!

  • Zonath

    Lessee, they came over, occupied land that wasn’t theirs (they didn’t even have the fig leaf of a royal charter), stole from the natives, and within a generation were massacring the natives, but in the minds of the RWNJs, their biggest moral and social failing was that they might have pooled their resources?

  • msanthropesmr

    Plymouth Rock was actually Galt’s gulch.

  • Kneeling Bozilingus
  • TJ Barke

    Something going down in London?

    • ltmcdies

      BBC reports Oxford tube station closed for a “customer incident”

      • h4rr4r

        I told you I really needed the bathroom.

        • theCryptofishist

          Ah, just like BART.

      • natoslug

        Hopefully just another level 5 goose incident. Damned geese.

  • Fartknocker

    If the Pilgrims hadn’t landed at Plymouth Rock we would never had enjoyed gambling at casinos operated by Native Americans or mocassins.

  • rocktonsam

    Hey I like Susan stamburg’s cranberry relish .

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      One of these decades I’m going to try it.

    • Thiazin Red

      There was an old lady at my grandma’s church who made the best cranberry relish. You had to add orange zest and more than a little sugar.

      • The Librarian

        That’s the kind my sister makes and the only one I truly like.

        • Thiazin Red

          The canned stuff is nasty and if you make it fresh it really needs something to cut the bitterness.

          • Old Nick

            I really like Ocean Spray jellied plain. Sorry. Of course I and my son really like Spam. I guess we should move to Poynesia or East Asia. A local PHO place had cans (of Spam) proudly displayed at the counter with other exotic stuff.

          • The Librarian

            Yep, canned is really awful, I have bad memories from childhood, lol. Love the real deal, but best not to dwell on how much sugar goes into it. It’s why I usually take a piece of pie to go for the next day.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It’s our long-time family favorite. The question comes down to the cooked or the not-cooked version.

      • NastyBossetti

        And a little Grand Marnier.

  • mancityRed6

    oh, and I’m going to Joplin tomorrow. the happy dance I’m doing seems strangely out of context when I say that.

    • Resistor Radio

      Go get her!

    • schmannity

      Joplin tomorrow. Spooklight tomorrow night.

      • mancityRed6

        maybe, some day. but tomorrow night I think I’ll be busy.
        changing outlets in her second living room, what were you thinking?

        • schmannity

          Changing outlets. Is that what the kids call it?

          • mancityRed6

            on the snapchats or the facespace messenger, yes

  • Alternative Dog

    Those chimeras are really causing a ruckus:

    https://twitter.com/nopparat/status/933548948324618240

    • Kryptonian Canis

      One of us! One of US!

      • Old Nick

        Perhaps the most useful movie line ever! So adaptable to so many situations and with the delightful aftertaste of the original.

      • Old Nick

        Is “Freaks” still shown at every college freshman film festival? It was required viewing 55 years ago. It’s nice some traditions continue.

    • Shanzgood

      Did he rub himself with bacon grease?

      • Thiazin Red

        Maybe he has the same animal friendship powers my mother’s husband has. I swear all dogs instantly fall in love with him, and even animals who don’t usually like people will be his friend.

        • AJ Milne

          My daughter gets that with cats. They’ll cross the street to meet her.

          • Thiazin Red

            I want to have him meet my cats, the female hates everyone except for us and the vet. If she likes him I’ll know for sure its a real power.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I’ve had the same thing happen. The friend I go on walks with calls me the cat whisperer.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            When I go on walks, I try to coax kitties to come to me. Usually works. I only use my power for Good.

        • Shanzgood

          My stepdad was like that. My rescue cat hid under my bed for weeks after I got her. The day my parents arrived for a visit, she hadn’t long been finally out and about and was curled up on my bed. My stepdad dad went straight over to her and while I was saying “That’ll probably scare her under the bed again” she rolled over and let him rub her belly.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’m that way- I just tell people I speak dog

    • Thiazin Red

      Where did all the huskies come from? Is this some weird husky only dog park?

      • mancityRed6

        no segregated dog parks where I am

      • AJ Milne

        Street scene: Anchorage.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        The real question is: Where can you buy a dog-head like that? I suggested to my wife that she get me a nice cordless hedge trimmer for Xmas. I think Imma change that.

    • William

      It’s about time dogs got a petting zoo.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    So the RWNJs are making a fuss about Malia Obama blowing some smoke rings, eh?

    https://twitter.com/bewaremysting/status/934047856264179713

    • dshwa

      A teenager in college rebelling against her parents? Fetch the fainting couch!

      • Rick Hill

        This is actually Obama, still playing ninth dimension chess.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Here’s my ninth-dimensional chess: to rebel against her parents, my daughter had to go to college and not get drunk every night.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            In my case that was just rebelling against my father. Although he started his academic drinking days in first grade… :

          • Carpe Vagenda

            This. My kid is the designated driver who practices self care and talks her ‘friend group’ through their family-of-origin issues in a growthful way.

            It makes me feel as if all our hard work ain’t been in vain for nothing.

      • Thiazin Red

        Obama has talked about his drug use in the past, so is it even rebellion?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I doubt she was allowed to smoke dope in the WH while underage. Also too, kinda hard to sneak out to that kegger with your classmates…

        • dshwa

          Fair enough.

    • eyelashviper

      And those dead animals, tails cut off and waved around, with sick smile,……

      • William

        Turkeys get a pardon. Leopards and elephants. Not so much.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh my gawd! She’s a semi average American young adult!

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Yeah, let’s talk random shit about Obama some more, to distract from the shitshow we voted into office. Worked great so far!

  • schmannity

    Lazy whites on Native American food stamps. Colonist queens!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Your explanation of these historical events directly contradicts Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and Breitbart. I’m afraid that’s a bridge too far for me.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Are you saying that they published the abridged edition?

  • William
    • Ωbjectifier

      You really have to be extra stupid to mistake Navajo for Spanish.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Oh, they can manage that easily.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Arizona. What are you going to do?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Phoenix mebe- most people here have no problem telling the difference between injun and messican

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            No, I had a college professor who was full-blooded Portuguese, who did a field study with a tribe in Arizona while on sabbatical a few years ago. (Peculiar guy, albeit with an irreverent sense of humor, who kinda looks like a combo between Manson and Tommy Chong.)

            So he’s at a gas station to pick up some munchies (yes, for that reason) and encounters a local Bundy type. First thing the guy asked him was if he was an “injun.” He said no. Then the guy asked if he was a “Mexican.” He said no. Then the guy got really angry and asked if the prof was a “n____.” Again he said no.

            So the guy snapped and asked him, “Well, what the hell are you then?” Prof says, “I’m Steve, nice to meet you.” He’s lucky the hick just walked away in a huff. AFAIK Arizona is one of those wacky gun-worshiper states.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I live in Tucson, most anyone here who isn’t an idjit can instantly tell the difference between a Native American and a Hispanic person- some of the dumber than dirt rubes who live in the sticks and some of the dumber than dirt people who live in the Phoenix metro area OTOH…

          • Jenifer

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
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          • Veronica

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          • Olivia

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
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        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Then it’s especially stupid (unless it was a tourist), since the Navajo Nation lies mostly in AZ.

      • Zonath

        And even dumber to mistake Navajo for “Mexican”.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Oxbridge accent? Not English.

          We’re at this level of stupid.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Most of the Navajo people I know from the Arizona/New Mexico area have some proficiency in converstaional Spanish so they actually are trilingual.

      • Resistor Radio

        You’d have to be pretty stupid to mistake North America for India. :)

    • Lascauxcaveman

      America! FUCK YEAH!!

    • Nounverb911
  • wait! what?

    Does this mean I can charge Thanksgiving guests fees for eating/drinking/sitting and their penchant for obscene gravy related farts?

  • theCryptofishist

    We all need hugs from Pinkie Pie. Or Pugs from Inkie Ie.

    • Resistor Radio
      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Geez, get a room, you two!

        • doktorzoom

          I won’t pretend to be an expert on shipfics, but I don’t know that there are a lot of Pinkie/Twi ships out there. I know of a couple of cute PinkieDash ships… I liked this’n, f’ristance, by the goofus who wrote the “Adventures of a Winning Pony.”

          Yes, I may need professional help.

          • Resistor Radio

            Your link doesn’t open anything. Did you just type words in red to see how many times I would jab my screen? You’re a tricky one, Dok! ;)
            ETA: see, I would think that Pinkie’s wide-eyed enthusiasm would make for a nice foil to Twilight’s rationality. Just saying.

          • doktorzoom

            Just to prove I check replies and that I am pathetic enough to have linked to a shipfic, I have fixed the link. I am somewhat comforted to see I got the title of the writer’s Big Saga wrong (it’s actually “The Life and Times of a Winning Pony”) but to balance that, I’m dimly ashamed that I felt compelled to correct the error and link to the fic. Ponies are complex.

            Again, professional help.

          • Resistor Radio

            That was so sweet! I’m kinda surprised that I enjoyed pony shipfic as much as I did, so maybe I need professional help too? Ponies ARE complex.

          • doktorzoom

            Not a shipfic, but this is my favorite MLP fanfic, which could make a fine science fiction rogue AI story even without ponies. But it’s a rogue AI that optimizes happiness… or else. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/62074/friendship-is-optimal

          • Resistor Radio

            So I’m hooked…I’m way behind on my usual day-long Wonkette reading/not-commenting habit because I’ve been immersed in this story. I took a nap after a few chapters and dreamt about it, I think, that fuzzy moment between sleep and consciousness I was trying to decide if I would upload. Anyway, I’m only about 6 chapters in and I’m loving this story. Thanks for the tip. ;)

          • Resistor Radio

            Wow. Great story, and a great universe. She’s a rogue AI that’d leave us all better off, and yeah, I definitely want to emigrate.

      • theCryptofishist

        (She’s best pony.)

        • Resistor Radio

          (Agreed)

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Last night it was from each according to their cooking ability, and to each according to their gluttony. This morning I wearily ponder the leftovers of socialism.

    • mailman27

      Tonight I will enjoy the leftover sammiches of socialism!

  • arglebargle

    The pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. And then the murders began.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Not actually funny.

      Signed,

      The Wampanoag

  • theCryptofishist

    Oddly, this does sound something like what happened in Jamestown, where (don’t get your hopes up, wingnuts) there was starvation because nobody wanted to work the fields when they could be looking for gold. So there, it’s private gain’s fault. (At least according to Corporal Punishment.) And since the starvation resulted in cannibalism, I’m just as glad we didn’t use them as the model for the holiday.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the other white meat…

    • Shanzgood

      Is that the settlement that disappeared without a trace and the only clue left behind was a tree carved with the word COVFEFE?

      • OutOfOrbit

        *tunefully*: it had to be you. it had to be you.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      And it was a monopoly on trade in an addictive substance that saved the colony.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “it’s private gain’s fault … the starvation resulted in cannibalism”

      I take it we should change the name of the GOP to the Donner Party.

  • reelreeler
    • mancityRed6

      except tRump doesn’t have those kind of crowds

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I was going to say that. No way the worthless son of a bitch could draw a crowd like that now. He couldn’t even get one for his inauguration!

      • AJ Milne

        Il duce, allegedly, made the trains run on time. The reality being rather less impressive…

        Cheeto Benito, I dunno…

        … has a lot of Twitter followers… if you count the bots?

        • AJ Milne

          (Addendum: also knows Puerto Rico is an island. The impact upon the state of the electrical grid of such masterful statecraft, as yet, is undetermined.)

        • mancityRed6

          you don’t count the bots

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Rudy Gholuliani WISHES he had those kinds of crowds off of his small balcony.

    • andyshelt
      • george lastrapes

        History repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce.

    • Covfefe

      Donald had a bigger crowd for his inauguration.

      • mancityRed6

        well, that’s what he says

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Donald also wears the best hats. His hats are outstanding. Many people are saying it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Well, you gotta admit, Donald did make the tweets run on time.

  • Lefty Wright

    What a lot of people fail to realize is that these colonists did not have a grocery store down the street. They did not even have streets, more like paths. And they went nowhere. They were stuck in a fairly hostile environment with only themselves and what goodwill the natives deigned to give them. Starvation is an excellent motivator to get off your ass and work.

    • Covfefe

      For this class of people, things weren’t any better at that time in Merry Old England.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Not to worry, professional historical reenactor Theresa May is working hard at re-creating those conditions.

        Make Britain Grovel Again! Because it’s 1620.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2cdcbc53e96c731fe7940625e2efb77274db83663284e6e626d3b8828c50e187.jpg Now, now, wingnuts, it has been an established fact for generations: the Pilgrims were the first welfare queens.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Also in that case, undocumented “immigrants” that really would steal all their land and destroy their way of life.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I think there’s an element of self-awareness in the whole immigration debate. What they really fear is the tables being turned and the palefaces being treated like the Indians. A Trail of Tears for hillbillies.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Please don’t encourage Trump.

    • NastyBossetti

      Can’t tell if this person thinks that’s good or bad…

      • OutOfOrbit

        i sense snark

        • Jamoche

          It’s the “your” that sells it.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Especially since the whole thing is spelled correctly – that’s a sure sign of a filthy liberal elitist.

    • Resistor Radio

      I like that, but I have to admit that when I clicked I was hoping for a Fiona video

    • Rick Hill

      When you’ve lost Cinci…..

    • dshwa

      Man I was hoping it was the WKRP clip.

    • Doug Langley

      Wait – that’s obscene! Well, I’m sure the sheriff will track that down and punish the people involved. Right? Right?

      • Paul

        Not Texass.

        • Doug Langley

          You’re right. They were pretty nonchalant about that “fuck Trump” truck. Oh, wait . . .

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I like that the person mentions “your” president. That’s how I feel, cause he sure as hell isn’t my president.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve been watching Nostalgia Chick’s seven part series on applying film theory to the work of Michael Bay, with a focus on the Transformers series. Its pretty interesting.

  • Baconzgood

    “the VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute).”

    They are SO YOOOUUGEST PRESTIGIOUS that this is the first time Baconz heard of them. Not like CMU’s prestigious robotics college vs the prestigious Upstairs Peoria Night School of Mechanicsburg . Every one knows prestege is like indie bands. The less people know about then the better they are.

    • AJ Milne

      (Upfists for Girl Genius reference.)

    • Doug Langley

      When I was in libertarian circles many, many years ago, Von Mises was everywhere. He’s practically the patron saint. His book Human Action was almost a Bible.

  • Rick Hill
    • AJ Milne

      When you’re a celebrity, they let you grab them by the giblets.

    • Resistor Radio

      What kind of furniture do you buy a turkey, anyway?

      • dshwa

        All I know is they drink from goblets.

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          Really? Not beakers?

      • theCryptofishist

        A daybed. Turkeys really love daybeds.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          filled with straw

          • theCryptofishist

            That sets them off dancing…

      • Paul

        Wing back chairs.

    • Rick Hill

      “Tell me again. Why are we standing next to this….animal? No, not my husband. The funny looking bird. I said NOT my husband.”

    • Doug Langley

      He thought the turkey was a he?

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Having bald eagle flashbacks.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Important thread on (another) fuck-up by the NYT:

    https://twitter.com/SethAbramson/status/933903761050865665

    • Alternative Dog

      Wow! That is a very thorough and important examination of the details and why they matter. I remain cautiously optimistic that justice will be served.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Jamalama

      Yeah, this seems important. It is very interesting that the NYT is blowing easily checked facts, allowing unqualified statements from the White House and seemingly obscuring Trumps role in Russian collusion by pinning more of the campaigns actions on Flynn. Flynn was a stooge and now it seems the NYT is being played (or is a player?) themselves in this mess.

  • Mystery_Poster

    Ugh, just when you thought we couldn’t sink any lower: I just read that people (former or current Wal Mart and Best Buy employees) are selling their vests on the ‘net. They are telling people they can wear them to skip the long lines and even just walk right out with stuff they haven’t paid for. Is America great yet?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It’s their way of raging against the machine.

    • OrG

      Hooray for the free market!

    • NastyBossetti

      Hmmm… I have an old Bed Bath & Beyond shirt somewhere. How much did you say these things going for?

      • Mystery_Poster

        The article I read said about $100.

        • NastyBossetti

          Too bad I have a hard time telling people lies that could get them arrested.

          • Mystery_Poster

            For sure, or encouraging them to take what’s not theirs, even if it is from Wal-Mart.

          • therblig

            no elected office for you, then.

          • NastyBossetti

            And that is but one of SO MANY reasons I am unfit for public office.

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      A very good idea but illegal as hell.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Oh dear God, even more wingnut losers will be walking around with these on their heads now
    https://twitter.com/GOP/status/934112894735831040

    • Shrieking Harpy

      The code should be TAKING.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Its also satanic!

    • Alternative Dog

      I assume the GIVING involves funding Trump’s legal defense.

    • jesterpunk

      Good more people advertising they are racist shitbags in public. Makes it really easy to know who to avoid.

      • mancityRed6

        like the Irish prayer and twisted ankles

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        After the fall of civilisation, I will know who to have roasting on a fucking spit.

        • AJ Milne

          I dunno… But maybe I’m just out of my depth, here…

          … do the undead have to worry much about cholesterol?

    • mancityRed6

      I live in Brownbackistan and I still have yet to see a MAGA hat. a few bumper stickers that I can count on one hand, no signs in the yard, but no hats.

      • Old Nick

        I live in the desert by a Naval Air Station. There were a few on hunting-knife-on- the-belt types last spring, but I haven’t seen one in months. Lots of retired engineers here who started out triumphant (sort of pun) but are now quiet. They are narrowly educated but they can think. One prefaces every (cordial) political conversation with “Let me start by saying that Trump is insane” Gives me hope.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I’ve seen a few in my town. Always on the head of a very old, angry-looking white male. I give the them the crinkly nose stink-eye combination look of pity and loathing. I was taught to respect my elders, but I ain’t gotta respect that.

        • mancityRed6

          respect is earned, not given

    • therblig

      shouldn’t the code be FLUSHING?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        That, or “GRABBING”.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I have to hand it to Trump, because who else could sell $7 baseball hats to rubes for $40 bucks, and then make them think they’re getting a deal, when he sells them the cheap caps for $27 bucks instead?

    • Kryptonian Canis

      They misspelled “GRIFTING”.

  • Resistor Radio

    So, when do you think we get our next indictment?

    • Cyber Monday works for me….

      • Resistor Radio

        Hopefully before Net Fascality makes it so we can only get our news from Sinclair

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee mueller’s stacking them up for a sudden avalanche

      or mebbee, “the Black Blizzard”

    • jesterpunk

      Jr next week.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        The Twitters are excitedly reporting that Flynn flipped so maybe he will drag things out.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Mueller’s a real click tease, isn’t he? I keep refreshing certain pages to see if anyone’s gone down yet.

      • Resistor Radio

        “Click tease?” Omg I love you

  • Ya know, Patrick has his moments of insight. I am going with the starfish. Final answer.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7769bf5c439f682cf4ef839e57a4def8d051a198ad58f2c5421b2bb11c933a1c.jpg

    • Jamoche

      Fry’s pretty good at pop culture, so long as it’s before 2000.

      • therblig

        i would have gone with fry as well. fucking trumpy, can’t even drool properly.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Trump does post-nasal drool. That’s why he sniffs like he does.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            That and the cocaine.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            It’s not bad enough we have to look at his odiousness. We have to listen to his drip, too.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’d go with Fry too.

    • wait! what?

      You pop that crayon outta Homer’s head and he wins all the prizes.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Trump is disqualified because he is a trivial pursuit. Also, this is a trick question. Everybody knows George Costanza already won Trivial Pursuit.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia02fGpUQfU

  • Sophia

    Would someone please shame me into getting off the computer and go clean up the horrendous mess in my basement. I’ve been trying to get motivated but it’s not working

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I keep giving myself deadlines.

    • jesterpunk

      Close the basement door and put a do not enter sign on it. Problem solved.

      • Sophia

        That’s been the plan so far.

    • mancityRed6

      sooner begun, sooner done

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I loved Mary Poppins…

        • H0mer0

          a snarker’s work is never done.

        • mancityRed6

          who?
          kidding, kind of. I’ve never actually seen it

    • Jamoche

      Subdivide – pick the smallest unit you can clean up, do it, then come back and snark for a while.

      • Sophia

        I can go for the idea of snark breaks,

    • therblig

      ms. blig is fond of quoting quentin crisp, “after 4 years, the dust doesn’t get any worse”. that said, i still have stuff in the living room that i had to move up from the basement when we needed our sewer system replaced back in april, so don’t listen to me. maybe dance music will help?

      • Sophia

        Maybe I’ll turn on CNN and it has to stay on until I’m done.

        • therblig

          or sleep all day and turn on the 700 Club at 11pm

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Order one of Lil’Donnie’s hats. If you complete the clean up before the hat arrives, you can return it. If you don’t complete the clean up, you have to wear it in public.

      • Sophia

        Now that’s incentive.

      • NastyBossetti

        You are a genius.

    • Mahousu

      If your basement floods, the cleanup may be covered by insurance. Just a thought.

      • Sophia

        Hmm. I like the way you think.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Maybe spread it out over several days. Choose a few things to clean up today, etc. Once you get started today you may just keep going until it’s done. But at least if you tell yourself it’s only a few things, it might not feel as overwhelming.

    • Doug Langley

      You might find change under the dustballs.

    • Old Nick

      Old guy says – Living alone is hard and lonely, but at least no one tells you what to do in your own house. Let it go.

      No . Sorry, that’s not what you were looking for. Get up and clean that basement, just as soon as you finish reading Piketty’s Capital in the 21st Century. No that doesn’t help either..
      Eat a Dove bar and then go do it. Minimal delay

    • Johnatx

      Good thing about Texas. No basements.

    • Anna in PDX

      Inspiration. Thanks

    • Alan

      If it’s messy enough you can convince the insurance company that you don’t know how the fire started but you were lucky to put it out before it spread upstairs.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    I get really tired of the whole “they came seeking religious freedom” bullshit too. They got tossed out of every country they landed in — Holland in particular — for trying to exert the freedom to deny religious freedom to everybody else. If they’d had their way, Roger Williams would have been executed. The buckleheads were the original Taliban. Rhode Island even welcomed (gasp!) Jews. The first-ever American synagogue, Touro, opened in Newport. Maybe we should be celebrating Rhode Island’s contributions to American culture instead of Massachusetts’? And I say this as a Bay Stater myself.

    • Jamoche

      The original “why won’t you tolerate my intolerance” crowd – they came here to establish religious oppression. And it worked.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Bothsiderism as “free speech” still refuses to die. CNN broadcasts a chyron asking the “audience to decide” if Jews are people, a professor in Canada has his hooks in the opposition party and wants the “audience to decide” if women and LGBT are people, the U.S. won’t condemn Nazism at the U.N. because “Nazis deserve freedom too,” Trump issues his “many, many sides” comment enabling the Charlottesville terrorists and giving credence to the revisionist “Heritage, not Hate” assholes… This from the same type of people who figure that there’s no scientific consensus on climate change, there’s no historical consensus on genocide, and even if there was, the debate over whether the Holocaust really happened is worth having anyway as a “thought” exercise, just to prove how important and awesome free speech is. If you don’t tolerate it, you’re the one who’s a fascist. Orwell must be spinning in his grave.

    • AJ Milne

      Cannot upfist enough.

      ‘Religious freedom’ the way forcing a rape victim to carry it to term because ‘family values’ is religious freedom.

      You almost stop wondering how an alleged Enlightenment revolution winds up here, when those are among the role models.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Musta got lost somewhere down the line.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW0hxbrmFhM

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        There’s a reason The Crucible is considered a cautionary tale.

        Which is a shame, really, because now all the assholes defending Moore consider it de rigeur to bring it up, as if anybody was planning to burn him at the stake.

    • Johnatx

      Calvinists, right? The good old 5 TULIP tenets. Fuck them

    • marxalot

      Maryland was known as the “Sewer of New England” because it was founded by papists! The “pilgrims” got booted out of every other country for being arsehats who wanted the freedom to impose their religion on others. Truly, we have not deviated much from the culture of the Puritans.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, Providence didn’t have any witch trials, that’s for sure. Just mafia. But that came along much later.

    • Spurning Beer

      When he was in his 70s, Roger Williams canoed down Narragansett Bay alone to Newport, because some Quakers were going to be visiting from England, and he wanted to debate them. His beef with them was that they claimed to know the will of God, and he argued that was preposterous. He was happy to have them visit or settle in RI, though.

      At that time, being caught being a Quaker was a hanging offense in Massachusetts.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Slavery was communism also too, right?

    • mancityRed6

      and socialism

      • therblig

        and yet, profitable. perhaps it was the best of all worlds.

    • Slavery was certainly Biblical

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        1624, Communist Pilgrims import their first African slaves.

  • ltmcdies

    Latest from London…possibly a “prank”…

    https://twitter.com/JackTheFact29/status/934116830809083904

    • The problem is relying on Twitter for actual information. The Orange Bastard should have taught you that, Jack.

      • ltmcdies

        I’m amazed Trump wasn’t insulting London’s Muslim mayor as being soft on terrorism three seconds after the first report…

        I guess golfing keeps him off the tweeter, huh.

        • Sally

          Golf and talking strategy with the Russians and Mercers, who just happened to dock their respective yachts near MarAScrewthe Taxpayers this weekend.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Thiazin Red

    Happy nice time, I got the first bit of funding to officially start my own independent research.

    • mancityRed6

      research into? don’t leave us hanging

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?

        h

        • wait! what?

          Lil Kim covered that in a song…

        • mancityRed6

          three

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            According to a double-blind study using randomly selected wise old owls?

          • mancityRed6

            yes

      • Thiazin Red

        In a lot of diseases there are sex differences in the incidence, how much of an impact risk factors have, and how it progresses. So the project will be looking at how sex differences in autophagy, how cells get rid of proteins or other cellular components, during aging could contribute to the differences we see in Alzheimer’s disease.

        • mancityRed6

          damn. the people you meet when you can’t comment.
          good on you.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Can you make a home cure for UTI next? That works in 20 minutes?

          • H0mer0

            capsaicin enema

          • efoveks

            That’ll wake a person up!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            There have been times I would have tried it if I thought it would work.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Wrong orifice, but thanks for playing!

          • H0mer0

            no it’s not.
            Trust me, I’m a physician.

          • Shanzgood

            Cranberry juice does NOT work. I suffered from them very badly for YEARS until I stopped using bubble bath and scented laundry detergent/dryer sheets. Basically, don’t get any chemicals down there that you wouldn’t put in your eye (I use baby wash). I haven’t had one in over 20 years and I used to get such awful ones I’d cry and pee blood.

            Basically, prevention is best.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Also, drink enough water and don’t delay urination.

          • Shanzgood

            That, too. If I feel the irritable beginnings of one, I go have a wash and make sure to drink lots of water. Because I know I don’t get enough water.

          • marxalot

            Just chug 8 oz of blueberry juice in 20 oz of water. After you’re done pissing interstitial fluid, you’ll be right as rain.

          • Shanzgood

            I’m not sure about the sugar in the juice not being a way to feed the bacteria. I’m not a doctor, though. I just know what works for me, plus the research I read about cranberry juice recently. I used to drink it pure (godawful sour stuff) and didn’t find that it made a difference to just drinking a lot of water. Plus, it’s stupid expensive.

          • Alan

            Same experience. Home cures perpetuated by Dr Google are usually bullshit.

          • Shanzgood

            The cranberry “cure” was around LONG before the Internet, though. I got that via friends. I also got the actual preventative measures from a friend. Again, pre-internet.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I read yesterday that cranberries actually break the chemical bond between the bacteria and the urinary tract wall. But not enough of it to be a “cure” I guess.

          • Alan

            Get it from your equine vet. Works in mere hours. The shit doctors prescribe doesn’t concentrate in the urinary tract. One twice per day. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8bdb1c7f5bf9e71e2581e25fb644fc77c0c7802afa5174cbcb421953d1cdc539.jpg

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I’m allergic to sulfa…

          • Alan

            Oh. Don’t take it. Sorry. It does work miracles for UTI though.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Make a cure for other brain dysfunctions/defects next. Please. I don’t even mean the colloquial “mental illness” called conservatism. I mean legit manic-depressive disease, schizophrenia, autism, A.D.H.D., O.C.D., P.T.S.D. Make America Not Crazy Again.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Sounds all science-y and shit.

    • Resistor Radio
    • NastyBossetti

      Congrats!

    • tehbaddr

      R01? IRTA?

    • Old Nick

      I have 3 children all dependent on research grants to a greater or lesser extent. Yay for you and may your grants get renewed forever and ever for millions and millions of years

    • Zyxomma

      Hearty and heartfelt congratulations!

  • ltmcdies

    and this boys and girls is why you never pay attention to the Daily Mail…they were posting this shit before any confirmation from London police…

    https://twitter.com/kyemerkett/status/934116322761433088

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      ah, the Daily Fail. never ceases to misinform.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope the giraffes and hefelumps are unharmed.

  • AJ Milne

    (À propos de rien, désolé that I’ve been away, Wonketarians who might have wondered. Driver code, violence, crime, feeding children, you know.)

    • Msgr_MΩment

      …and then the murders started…

  • Impatient

    Thank dawg for MSNBC’s buzzer-to-buzzer coverage of Franken’s hand. If I had an actual dawg that took off in the same direction at full speed, every time someone said the word “squirrel,” I’d be tempted to put it ‘out to pasture.’

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m watching Blackadder instead of “news”

      • mancityRed6

        I’ve got the Spaced series, and the specials…somewhere

      • AJ Milne

        So it’s Not The Nine O’clock News?

    • Parakeetist

      Watching Penguins and Bruins

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        college football for me

        • Old Nick

          No TV in my house. I did binge watch Deadwood at the lady friend’s house yesterday

    • Alan

      I have a motion activated dog. Keeps me entertained. This shitshow, not so much.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “Good for the environment” you say? Yes, I never really thought about it, but I guess putting oil back into the ground, and water supply, is probably healthy.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        America: Sticking it to the “Redskins” (I hate Dan Snyder) for 400 years. (Canada doesn’t have much better of a record, and fuck Oilberta for holding the economy hostage and getting the Liberals caught in a bind.) Crappy Shanksgiving, everybody.

  • Angela Ruzzo
    • TJ Barke

      Now if only we could ban him from this one…

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Sending him to Gitmo just crossed my mind.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yr move, Canada

    • Querolous

      How about Ecuadorian Embassies?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s weird how no journalist has ever been able to find Ben’s stabbing victim.

      • therblig

        he buries bodies better than hillary ever did.

    • Alan

      Satire? Can’t tell anymore.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    From the NRO:
    “Higher deficits won’t turn us into Greece or reduce economic growth.

    The GOP tax-reform plan is under heavy scrutiny from critics who are wary about the implications of increasing the budget deficit. These critics routinely cite two reasons for their concerns: that it could put the U.S. on a catastrophic path similar to Greece’s during the European sovereign-debt crisis, and that we would risk harming the future rate of economic growth. These arguments certainly bear consideration, but increasing the budget deficit is unlikely to be as disastrous as critics claim. In fact, given the dismal state of investment in the U.S. economy, it might be exactly what we need.”

    Gee, it’s almost like Republicans have TOTALLY forgotten about how increasing the debt was the worst thing since the Crucifixion of Jesus, when Obama was president.

    Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/453966/tax-reform-debt-dont-fear-deficit-spending

    • Sally

      And they never even mentioned that one of the main reason we even HAD debt under Obama was because Bush never bothered to put his two failed wars on the books, which Obama did first thing. They are such lying jerks.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yes, that was convenient, wasn’t it?

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Egypt mosque attack leaves at least 235 dead in Sinai Peninsula

    CAIRO — At least 235 people were killed when gunmen opened fire and bombed a mosque in Egypt’s volatile Sinai Peninsula on Friday. Government officials said 109 more had been injured in the attack — among the deadliest in Egypt’s history.
    . . .
    Two eyewitnesses and a security source told Reuters that the suspected militants targeted supporters of the security forces attending prayers. Citing official sources, the state-run MENA news agency reported that the mosque is largely attended by Sufi Muslims — a form of Islam considered heretical by some conservatives and extremists like the Islamic State group.

    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/egypt-mosque-attack-leaves-dozens-dead-wounded-n823746

    • Sally

      And Trump jumped right on that while he waited months to even mention the deadly wildfires in our own NW states.

    • tehbaddr

      Kinda like our RWNJ’s shooting up churches!

    • Anna in PDX

      All my Egyptian friends are calling today Black Friday for this reason 😢

    • Zyxomma

      I shared this (from another source) and offered condolences to my Sufi friends on FB. I used to want to visit Egypt. I don’t anymore.

    • TJ Barke

      We are living The Onion…

      • Johnatx

        It’s true. It’s gotta be tough to write for them nowadays

        • Alan

          It’s easy, just print news stories.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      streaming is streaming- doesn’t matter what it is you are watching, the end of net neutrality will make it either slower or more expensive (or both).

      Stupid braindead RWNJs…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, in Britain, X-rated sites are blocked at the ISP level. You have to go down to some government office and apply for a license to open up access, and present all kinds of identifying information to prove not only that you are 18 years of age but that you are who you say you are. The government has the right to deny you a porn license for any reason, and it can also be revoked. If you do get approved, you’ve basically volunteered to put yourself in a sort of “consensual sex registry.”

        The British government now knows that you’re a filthy pervert because you decided on your own to go down and apply for a porn license. Anyone who thinks this won’t be used against you in the future is deluding themselves. I doubt Mother Theresa, who architected the Snooper’s Charter and is Minister of the Anti-Sex League, is a fan of British New Wave that flourished in the era… but she sure is looking to take Britain into 1984. (When Thatcher was PM, how about that.)

        • Old Nick

          Jesus on a cracker! Once I realized that most porn is now made by people with agency, I said Laissez le bon temps rouler
          l heard the British had shit food and I understand their gun laws but this shit is PERVERSE.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I assume everyone just uses a VPN

  • Johnatx

    Anyone else at the point where it is just “Fuck everything and fuck everybody?”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yup. I’ve given up on trying to rationalize with irrational people. Holidays will do that to you.

      • Johnatx

        Fuck holidays. Why celebrate Fucking genocide and then the establishment of a patriarchal religion? I absolutely do not understand the frenzy surrounding the holiday season. Sure, it’s nice to see friends and family – why not do it at another time of year?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I don’t have friends (except mebbe for digital ones here), and my family isn’t worth bothering with (I wouldn’t if I had a job and lived alone). I hate fool’s ball too. There isn’t really anything redeeming about this holiday, at least not for me. Plus, knowing what I know about the history of Rome and the development of Abrahamic religions (a lot, if not most, of which is really, really bloody), I can’t really get on board with Christmas or with Hanukkah except as a social and cultural facet and various elements of the hypocrites’ holy books and traditions to throw back at them. For instance, that it was because of Jewish labor organizers why we have Saturday as part of the weekend and not just Sunday. Perhaps if we were more welcoming of Muslims (Friday prayer day), we’d have a three-day weekend. That makes me a terrorist. Not even because I said something nice about Muslims but because I said something in favor of labor fairness.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Well, try not to be bitter, dear.

        • Old Nick

          Think harvest feast and Winter Solstice. Works for my family

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Of course the only harvesting most of us see is determined shoppers at WalMart harvesting $50 tvs at 12:01 am.

          • Old Nick

            Start a garden and adopt the metaphor. Even a fruit tree or sativa in a pot will put you in the game to celebrate. Celebrations are good.

    • TJ Barke

      Some days. But not so far today. That could change though.

    • Parakeetist

      I think I reached that in elementary.

      • Johnatx

        Well, Eisenhower and then Kennedy were president when I was in elementary school, so things were still kind of ok. Unless you were black or a woman or poor

        • vivian

          Or Jewish or Italian or Polish or, etc., etc.

          • marxalot

            Or queer!

        • Sally

          Yup, that’s when I stopped hearing the principal read Bible verses every morning (seriously!) And wondering about the hand placement for the pledge used by my middle aged well-endowed 3rd grade teacher.

    • tehbaddr

      Trying not to be that way, faith in humanity and all that…

    • Old Nick

      Just a little cognac at 11 am. Stopping soon

  • Blanche de Shambles
  • Angela Ruzzo

    Today, for the first time, I saw a sponsored ad on Yahoo News for Liberty University online courses. If you visit the site, it says “Each of our programs is grounded in biblical principles.” This will surely get you a job at Wells Fargo. They offer online degrees in “Aviation.” How, exactly, do you get an accredited degree in Aviation with “100% online courses”?? Is this Guardian Angel Aviation?

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      For a while they had sponsored links from a fundamentalist site on the science page.

    • therblig

      all part of Rapture Readiness.

      • Johnatx

        You need to trademark that

    • SayItWithWookies

      It must be one o’ them flying schools where they don’t teach you how to land.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      StarFox? Microsoft Flight Simulator?

    • Anna Rompage

      Gawd is my copilot, and it’s his will whether we fly safely or not?

    • Alan

      Ummm…I got nuthin.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Jesus could fly. Not many people know that.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Or did he fly but was invisible when he did it, just like if he was flying in the new F-35!

    • Proactive Cooperator

      Maybe how 400 passengers fly on the same plane to the same place, but no 2 people pay the same fare. How to check the wine stock on a 747 ?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      We remodeled our kitchen a few years ago. The cabinetmaker, and old friend of mine suggested we meet him at Liberty where they had done a big job (money is money, similar to what he wanted to do for us ).

      That job was finishing up and they were hoping to get the contract to do the new Science Building that was Liberty’s next big building project.

      I stil laff my ass off at that. How the fuck, what the fuck, Science at Liberty U? Fucking hilarious.

  • Conservatives hate context as much as they hate consent.

    • therblig

      good cons
      bad cons
      they all fell
      for trumpy’s cons

    • TJ Barke

      Well yeah, if you have to wait for consent, how are you ever supposed to be able to exploit the shit out of everyone and everything?

      • Alan

        Apparently by cutting funding for public education. Seems to be working.

        • Proactive Cooperator

          IMO they are pushing for another Dark Ages that will bring peasants and serfdom, if not outright slavery.

          • Alan

            Clearly. Prohibiting the serfs from ownership was the best way to make them (and their kids and their grandkids) dependent.

  • Resistor Radio

    Aw, I just got invited to board games and leftovers with my cousins. This has been an awesome holiday for me; there was so much drama and hurt feelings last year, it feels good to be welcomed back in the fold.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I got to bring my son to Thanksgiving at my brother’s. Last year he was homeless. I guess he hit bottom because this year he is in rehab and looking forward to the future. It was so beautiful to see him sitting in the back yard talking with my oldest brother. He was so happy. I am so grateful. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d8e4be8d6d72d6d1446c8b0c37a89d85f46dfa5398f27815d877605c5ccd3b0.jpg

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Aww :) Happy to hear that Cindy. Best wishes to you and your son :D

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Thanks. Best to you as well also too. As well.

      • therblig

        that’s wonderful. it’s good seeing good things coming to good people.

      • Alan

        Awwww.

      • Proactive Cooperator

        That’s good. Hope it works out for him.

      • Resistor Radio

        That’s very heartwarming, indeed. *hugs*

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He appears to be a world-class hugger.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          He’s a great big cuddle muffin, he is.

  • therblig

    got up late (11:43) even though i only had one glass of wine last night. took the poodle out and enjoying a quiet cup of coffee before anyone else gets up. harry just met ron and about to meet hermione. wonder if those cute little kids knew they were about to become filthy rich and world famous? and yet, unlike trump’s spawn, they all seem to be grounded and human.

    • Alan

      Everyone else had more wine than you?

  • Nockular cavity

    historyshowsus
    again and again
    something something something something something…
    Godzilla!

    • Bobathonic

      how nature points out the folly of man

  • Serai 1

    Paul was a repressed closet case who couldn’t deal with his attraction to dick, and took it out on everyone else by making up a bunch of rules to make sure everyone was as unhappy about their sex lives as he was. Why the fuck would I want to listen to him about how a society is best run?

    • SDGeoff3

      He was ugly and also had a speech impediment.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Geoff!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I thought Geoff/Jeff was that guy who had nuclear weapons in his garage?

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e0cf8767e3ebeb0a9e5bfe2dfeaf305057e0f90dad8fb2d1025fc9b8863bc0bf.png

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Well, Geoff? Is there anything you want to share with us?

          • Why does the Toy-Я-Us mascot need nukes? Toy market getting that tough?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I guess the new Milton Bradley board game “Don’t Push the Red Button” wasn’t the hot seller they thought it would be. Especially considering the pitchman, who clearly intends to fail spectacularly at the very simple object of the game. I mean, really, it’s not exactly eleventy-dimensional chess…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz7GRRvwCso

            “It’s not whether you win or lose… it’s whether you win don’t die in nuclear war.”

          • Toledo Window Box

            PAKISTAN with nukes is a much bigger problem than anybody ever talks about.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            People do talk about Pakistan with nukes. It’s Israel that you’re not allowed to bring up.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Don’t fuck with Jeff.

        • SDGeoff3

          Hi honey!!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I used your pyrex yesterday… I feel bad I haven’t gotten it back to you. Maybe next weekend?

          • SDGeoff3

            I have two more. Why don’t you keep it?( I inherited about two dozen pieces of pyrex and stuff like that when my mom moved to assisted living about six months ago.)
            Next weekend could work. Do you have my email address? Don’t ever worry about communication. It always happens.

        • SDGeoff3

          How is your thanksgiving?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Fun! Yours?

          • SDGeoff3

            Very, very nice. Sorry to take so long to get back. We went to The Boathouse on Harbor Island. It was exactly what we hoped for.

      • Serai 1

        I thought that was Moses.

        • SDGeoff3

          Him too.

    • Talking about Rand and his lawn-sacking neighbour it seems. Too. Also. AoTK.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    In case you were wondering how stupid Junior is:

    https://twitter.com/RawStory/status/934054715654135808

    • dshwa

      He’s really pulling ahead of Eric in the stupidest Trump category. Although Ivanka put in a strong bid with that thanksgiving centerpiece she made.

      • marxalot

        You mean that thing she scraped off of the tideline in North Jersey and spraypainted?

        • dshwa

          Yeah that.

          • Sally

            Yeah, that white shell, white pumpkin, white pine cone monstrosity.

        • Shanzgood

          Well, she gets points for recycling?

          No, never mind.

        • Jamoche

          More like dredged up from the endangered species list. Just like her brothers, only with less obvious bad optics.

          • Shanzgood

            You have to zoom in to see the white rhino horn.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        “Made”? Don’t you mean “got someone else to make, stage, photograph, retouch, and digitally enhance, then stole and claimed as her own”?

        • Vienna Woods

          Didn’t even claim it as her own. I read the article- it’s the work of some idiot “designer”.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Looks like something she ripped off from Sandra Lee.

        • Jamoche

          Sandra Lee would use the giant clam as a punch bowl – and still have all the other crap in there too. And it would be College Kegger Punch.

        • proudgrampa

          Nobody doesn’t like Sandra Lee.

      • Serai 1

        Seth theorized the other night that Eric might actually be the smart one.

        • Jamoche

          Eric at least knows how dumb he is – he was the only one to spot the troll email because he knew nobody would really ask him anything.

        • tehbaddr

          The bar is low, doesn’t take much to be smarter!

    • Alan

      Nope, that’s very clear.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I see the “who is the dumbest son?” contest is still ongoing…

      Which one is Fredo? AOT,K

      • Toledo Window Box

        I’ve always thought Junior was more of a Sonny, an idiot hothead, than a Fredo.

    • Jamoche
      • Msgr_MΩment

        In The Revenant, bear pokes YOU.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      That boy is just not right in the head.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      To be honest, I was not wondering how stupid Junior is. That acorn did not fall far from the orange tree.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He’s got Affluenza so badly he’s certain he’s above being prosecuted for this. His daddy’s the “president” and Jr’s likely never suffered a consequence in his entire life. It’s more than time for a little loving correction.

      • Pisto75666

        With an actual hammer.

      • miss_grundy

        I don’t think any of the Trumps have ever suffered a consequence in their entire lives. They just walk away from everything and blame someone else for the mess. And that is why it will be so refreshing when they all wind up being arrested for the various roles they played in Russiagate.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      I see he’s hopped into his trusty douche-canoe and proceeded up Shit Creek without a paddle.

  • TundraGrifter

    “…the Pilgrims were more like shareholders in an early corporation than subjects of socialism…”

    Here’s a fun fact to know and to share that you won’t get from the Regressives. Have you read “Moby Dick?” Why not? Anyway, at one point Ishmael muses about life on earth being a “joint stock” enterprise. That’s not the modern “limited liability” corporation, where the shareholder’s liability is limited to the amount invested (by purchasing shares of ownership). “Joint stock” is more the Lloyd’s of London financial model – joint and several liability to the extent of the corporation’s debts.

    You can be damn sure modern investors would be paying much more close attention if that was still the way corporations operated. They might still be people, my friend, but they would be people investors would never let out of their collective sight.

  • SisterArtemis

    A reminder to all in or near Oregon – today is Green Friday, free admission to many parks: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ee077af38e40384dee621a947b4795d56d9329626c73861f7ca9eaa55dba99d0.jpg

    • Well, the parts some teenager with fireworks didn’t burn to shit…

      • SisterArtemis

        That was indeed awful, and has lasting impact, but still most of the parks are both wonderful and beautiful.

        • Yep. OR is a big beautiful state. I live on Bull Mountain (no shit) with a view of Hood on the rare clear day. Very nice now that we are not breathing ash like this past summer.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Oregon weather report: if you can’t see Mt. Hood it is raining. If you can then it is going to rain.

  • Mavenmaven

    And we eat cranberry sauce to commemorate how well trickle down economics helped the Native Americans as the Pilgrims became wealthy.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Won’t someone think of all those slaughtered Cranberry Bog Dolphins?

      • Zyxomma

        You just reminded me of a story I read as a kid. A boat (maybe a whaler?) wasn’t back from its trip, and the fog was really, really thick, so someone got the great idea of dyeing a sail red with cranberries, and draping it over the town’s highest tower (or it might have been a widow’s walk). Ship safely home; no cranberry sauce for the celebratory feast. The end.

        … and then the murders began.

      • Pisto75666

        Didn’t some of the victims of the Bowling Green massacre (never forget!) have them as pets?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    An Open Letter to Republican (and, sadly, a few Democratic) Elected Officials:
    1) Ain’t nobody want to see your junk. Even your mama, who washed it when you were a baby, is not interested in what it looks like now. If you absolutely HAVE to take a picture of it, take it with a regular camera, not your smartphone, so that if you decide to drunk-text somebody you can’t “accidentally” send her your career-ender.
    2) If you think you have something brilliant to say about a woman’s reproductive cycle – you don’t. Just say it quietly to yourself in the bathroom mirror while you take your dick selfie. Don’t inflict it on the rest of us, unless you WANT to be known as Todd “Shutting it Down” Akin for the rest of your life.
    3) Remember that time you got completely wasted and grabbed a stranger’s ass in a bar? So does she, and you’ll be hearing from her soon.
    4) Quitting is not the same thing as being principled. If you aren’t going to win in 2018 because the leader of your party is a festering pit of need, greediness, ineptitude, and racism, stick around and throw a wrench in his gears. You may discover that you have constituents who like that kind of thing.
    5) Again, importantly, remember: a picture paints a thousand words, and the internet is forever. So keep those pixels out of your pants!
    Kindly,
    GGY

    • Alan

      Ya know, I’ve thought that the ones who seem moderately sane would probably be elected by a landslide. Unless they know something about their constituents that I don’t.

      • Shanzgood

        Kansas primaried out a bunch of Teabaggers and even ended up electing a few extra Democrats. That’s how Brownback’s tax cuts got axed this summer. Now if only they’d had the guts to override his veto of the Medicaid expansion.

        • Alan

          So was turnout better than normal? I think pissing people off so they vote is one hope.

          • Shanzgood

            The KSOS site shows stats for big elections in the upper 40s to lower 50s, usually. So either the people who DO tend to vote voted better or more of the ones who vote badly stayed home. I wouldn’t know without looking closer and the stats are formatted rubbishy small on my phone screen.

    • tehbaddr

      Really liking #4!

    • Old Nick

      25 years ago or more, my relatively conservative (trust banking) employer gave seminars to all employees at which we (the legal department) told them that in the work setting they should not say anything they did not want broadcast, should not write anything they didn’t want on the front page of the newspaper and should not touch or make sexy talk with anyone at work or in the work setting. Seems simple enough,eh? I could tell hours of stories about highly educated and compensated people doing all those things afterward. Many careers ended or involuntarily redirected ((nice euphemism, huh). People just don’t listen!

  • CindyinEncinitas

    My friend Mallorie took this here last night. She’s a model but she should be a photographer. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6568bfb4c747c2dbe09a2e0eed409c893f7237e51be831455bf6e27827552cc9.jpg

    • Zyxomma

      Lovely. Maybe Mallorie can be a photographer after she retires from modeling. (I have a friend named Mallory who’s a photographer best known for weddings; I attended hers years ago.)

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I hope she does.

    • Toledo Window Box
      • CindyinEncinitas

        Holy shit. That’s amazing!

      • TundraGrifter

        Dulce!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My best friend likes to sit with me up in that park in Santa Monica, and hold hands, and watch the sunset, when I’m in LA.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Since we’re sharing scenics, here’s a shot I took of my daughter and a friend atop Mt Storm King, near where I live:

        (click to embiggen)

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6fe0dea327cef145ef29b121b038c5429e897eb3d7d785d1eb89dade7ca818b0.jpg

        The world is a lovely place, you just have to go out and look for it sometimes.

        • Toledo Window Box

          Beautiful!!

    • TundraGrifter

      I would say she certainly is a photographer!

    • Sally

      Just wonderful!! Wow!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Damn, I wish I was in California right now.

    • ltmcdies

      that is a beauty of a shot….just lovely

    • Persistent Demme

      San Francisco looked a lot like this last night.
      It was so beautiful!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Imagine, for a moment, the abject horror of being a guest at the Trump family’s private Thanksgiving dinner. It makes my flesh crawl.

    • Anna Rompage

      What, you don’t want to celebrate thanksgiving by eating a 3hr old filet-o-fish, and cold stale fries, while the head of the family goes on and on about his crowd size?

      • Proactive Cooperator

        Call me a sicko but I always thought when he talked about crowd size and big ratings or anything bigger than someone else, was always about penis size. But I guess everyone knows that anyway.

    • Jamoche

      If you’re a guest there, you’re either already an obsequious suck-up or a Putin plant, so you deserve whatever you get.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        True enough. But my speculation is about how one would feel if they, as a normal human being, wound up there through some bizarro world circumstance.

        • Captain Kraut

          “Mr. Smith goes to Mar-A-Lago” libelz!!1!

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Woody Harrelson said he had to go out and smoke a joint in the middle of dinner when he met Trump, because he was such a raging narcissist. Keep in mind the guy’s worked in Hollywood for decades, and he said Trump was the biggest narcissist he ever met.

      • TundraGrifter

        Joey No Socks libulz!

    • Kryptonian Canis
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      But you get a framed, autographed copy of his electoral college map, so things balance out.

      • I’m still shocked that he’s smart enough to tell red from blue…

      • Pisto75666

        Plus a framed picture of that massive Inauguration Day crowd! /s

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Signed by all six of them!!

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        Somebody gets to take home a booby prize – Eric, or the giant stuffed clam centerpiece Ivanka ‘designed’ earlier this week.

    • Sally

      You know who was there? Folks from the Russian yacht, as well as the Mercers, who pulled THEIR yacht into a dock a mile from MarAScrew the Taxpayers last week too. So they were all very happy to make fun of regular people, and laugh about their scams. Tick Tock, Trumps. Tick Tock.

      • Old Nick

        Tick tock, Mercer. He hasn’t been rich that long and with any luck will overplay his hand badly.

    • Alan

      An invitation I would impolitely decline.

    • Daniel

      Eric gets his head stuck in the turkey every. Single. Year.

    • therblig

      the living envy the turkey.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • Spurning Beer

    All I said was, “I’ll be in the kitchen boning the turkey.”

    Jeez.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      At least you’re not choking the chicken.

      • Zonath

        Or plucking a pheasant…

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Poking the peacock?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          That’s my Dad’s job, not mine.

      • VirginiaMorningBlend

        Looks like someone’s got a partridge in their pear tree this morning!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Poor Keith Partridge, RIP :(

          • VirginiaMorningBlend

            Pardon my crassness. I never thought of that. Open mouth, insert partridge foot.

      • Persistent Demme

        Mr. Demme always chuckles when I roast a chicken, and I say I’m gonna “check the chicken.”
        (A lot of times HE offers to check the chicken.)
        *eyeroll*

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy
      • Kliban was the best!

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          No one understands me when I mutter things like “and bring some shit for my fly.”

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            A tennis ball, a piece of string …

      • Darlene Underdahl

        Whack Your Porcupine. I got that book for my daughter thinking it was all like Kliban cats. It wasn’t. She took it to Show-and-Tell. I got a call from the school.

    • tehbaddr

      Careful! Some of that cartilage can be sharp, wouldn’t want to cut your tender areas!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      there’s a spatchcock joke in there somewhere…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m so sick of all of this political correctness.

  • TundraGrifter

    “I’m sorry but the VERY prestigious economics institute (Von Mises Institute)…”

    That “I’m sorry” today can be shortened to “S/NS.”

    Meanwhile, just what is the VERY prestigious Van Mises Institute? We turn to their IRS Form 990 (2015 – the most recent available). It is a $20,000,000 (assets) self-described “non-profit” that pays its Chairman (and founder) $197,683/year. And its President $168,896. Officers, Directors, Trustees and Key Employees raked in a total of $488,614.

    Is the basic Von Mieses economic theory “Start a non-profit and life high, wide and handsome?”

    Other salaries and wages totaled $1,165,741 out of some $3.9 Million in income. It appears this “charity” doesn’t distribute grants – it teaches at various conferences and seminars. Now, if I were a Regressive (and I’m not) and this was the Clinton Foundation (and it isn’t) this analysis would howl about the tiny percentage of contributions given away (it won’t).

    They did spend $346,687 on conferences and meetings. And $456,365 on the vital mission of soliciting contributions to keep the Van Mises Institute alive. That’s a 12% load – heavy, in my opinion, for a “charity.” And without tearing into the books I can’t prove it, but I can suspect the actual amount spent on fundraising and not “program expenses” is considerably higher than that.

    • I hate VonMieses to pieces!

    • Alan

      Not to mention that 99% of economists think they’re batshit crazy.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Proactive Cooperator

      That WAS good ! Thanks!

  • The only confusion, discontent, and laziness I see here is among these RWNJ’s who don’t do their homework before they bloviate.

    • dshwa

      They all prefer the Breitbart cliff notes to actually reading the whole story.

      • Jamoche

        I’ve got just the site for them: http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/homework.htm

        One of the often-recurring requests on the newsgroup rec.arts.books.tolkien is from students requesting a synopsis of J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic work The Lord of the Rings. The work is extremely long, and because of this many students simply can’t find the time to give the work a thorough reading before giving a written report on it. In the interests of cutting down the number of requests for this material, I have written a short synopsis of the three volumes which make up the Lord of the Rings as well as an accompanying synopsis for Tolkien’s posthumous book The Silmarillion.

        And if you believe that, you deserve the grade this awesomely epic trolling will get you.

        • Old Nick

          I read 5 Tolkiens, Hobbit, LOR, and Slimarillion (out loud) to my children many years ago. One of my best parenting efforts. Many other books too, Wind in the Willows, various Jack Vance, etc. Really, Truly. It would take me a week to summarize The bigS past Good guys make world, bad guy fucks it up, long time goes on, good guys get help and lock bad guy in the closet. So many names

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Tell ’em to buy a copy of Harvard Lampoon’s Bored Of The Rings. They can read it in about a half-hour and just report on that. I’m sure the prof/teacher will reward them.

          • H0mer0

            sort of like how Wonkette is so informative in understanding the sexual motivation behind politics, I find parody so much more helpful than Cliff Notes.

    • miss_grundy

      Like some doofus on FB who responded to my posting cheering on Robert Mueller to tighten the noose by saying that Mueller will be arrested for the Uranium One deal.

  • tehbaddr

    At first read I saw Holiday Hooha!

  • GOP and their distractors. Ya know shit is hitting the fan when Con-servatives are now focused on Malia Obama blowing smoke rings https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5dd1e7750b5950fb4c24bfb945e6b90cbd2520a7723336140daf4c67ac3c77fa.png

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Even Ivanka said to lay off Malia. No dice from the deplorables. She’s “fair game” because, um…. gee, I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but there’s a bigly yuge reason why they think it’s acceptable to mock and harass Obama’s daughter…

      https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/trump-fans-howl-in-rage-after-ivanka-defends-malia-obama-shes-fair-game/

    • Alan

      Imagine when they find out she’s had consensual sex with a nice guy her age.

      • Christopher Story

        The horror!

      • puredog

        And what if he’s white? Or — cringe — Mooslim?
        I wish that enough journalistic ethics persisted. that they would leave her alone. If, like Qusay and Uday, she starts being a shitty grifty businessperson and betraying the country, then will be plenty of time to start in on her. Until then she should be the beneficiary of the Barron/Chelsea Presumption.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    My chapter in this year’s Dysfunctional Family Thanksgiving book. Having your Repub brother in law, whose Wife3.0 is about the same age as his adult son currently in graduate school, emphatically reject your semi-snarky comment suggesting the reason for all the affinity sexual assaulting of late is because you have all these old men in hotel bathrobes trying to rub out a raging Viagra boner, by stating: “That’s not how Viagra works because I know because I take it !!!) Opps. Was my fault. I violated about 10 of the rules on taboo subjects at family gatherings.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That is funny. Although I myself do try to follow the old advice of not discussing sex, religion or politics in mixed company, let alone in public. At least my family is dysfunctional and paranoid enough that we don’t even need politics to get at each other’s throats. With my aunt (the hoarder), it’s about throwing away trash; with my father, it could be anything, even the weather — my mother mentions that the forecast calls for snow, he starts getting snappy and shouts “WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!? YOU WANT ME TO GET THE SHOVEL? YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OFF FROM WORK? WHAT?!? WHY’D YOU BRING THAT UP?!?” — when literally all she meant was, “forecast calls for snow.” So in my house, the only rule about taboo subjects at family gatherings is basically don’t talk about anything because it’ll turn into Fight Club. This being my sole exposure to human interaction for three decades, it’s no wonder I can’t function normally with people on the outside.

    • My heart hurts for you.

      This year I called my most dysfunctional family members unexpectedly late Wednesday afternoon to make my Thanksgiving wishes to catch ’em off guard. It worked for the most part – no passive-aggressive Trump Cult (or, it being Alabama, Roy Moore Cult Talk) or why huntin’ HELPS animals, and how gays recruit victims in the schools (“Well you should know about that!” I was told once), etc.

      I did learn that my PTSD-riddled militia member closet case Gulf War vet nephew who recently FOUND JESUS is now working at a gun shop catering to fellow militia members. Everybody seems to think this is a WONDERFUL NEWS. The gun shop is somewhere outside of Gadsden, AL, by the way.

      Small World, isn’t it?

      • proudgrampa

        Too Small, if you ask me…

    • puredog

      Without disputing that your b.i.l. is a raging asshole, about the Viagra thing, he may have a point (pun expressly and vigorously disavowed).

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Yes. That’s why there is Taboo No. 9: Don’t fire random snark arrows at family gatherings as you never know who you may unintentionally hit in their whatever.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • LucindathePook

      Balloon smarter. Cuter.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Less crime-y and treason-y, also too.

        • H0mer0

          also too, doesn’t he evolve?(My son sez he evolves into ‘Raichu’)
          Mr Trump, notsomuch.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Good point… and then there’s the fact that, unlike Trump, Pikachu actually has abilities.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      But they’re both fat and have unnatural skin tones!

      • Nockular cavity

        Both cause seizures.

    • therblig

      pikachu has a more extensive vocabulary as well.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I found a promising article on NRO entitled “I Still Hate You, Sarah Palin, by David Kahane.” Turns out it’s some dipsit pretending to be a liberal, and urging conservatives that they needed to start playing dirty (lolz!):
    “Not only were we offended at the sheer effrontery of McCain’s pick: How dare the Republicans proffer this déclassée piece of Wasilla trailer trash whose only claim to fame was that she didn’t exercise her right to choose? Where were her degrees from Smith or Barnard, her internships at PETA, the Brookings Institution, or the Young Pioneers? We were also outraged that the Stupid Party had just nominated a completely unqualified candidate nobody had ever heard of, a first-term governor of Alaska whose previous experience consisted of a small-town mayoralty. As opposed to our guy, Barry Soetoro of Mombasa, Djakarta, and Honolulu, a first-term senator nobody had ever heard of, whose previous experience had been as a state senator (D., Daley Machine) in Illinois. After eight long, illegitimate, lawless years of &*^%BUSH$#@! tyranny, how dare you contest this election?

    You know what? It worked! McCain finally succumbed to his long-standing case of Stockholm Syndrome (“My friends, you have nothing to fear from an Obama presidency”), Tina Fey turned Palin into a see-Russia-from-my-house joke, “conservative” useful idiots like Peggy Noonan and Kathleen Parker hatched her, and finally Sarah cried No más and walked away. If we could, we’d cut off her head and mount it on a wall at Tammany Hall, except there is no more Tammany Hall unless you count Obama’s Tony Rezko–financed home in Chicago. And it took only eight months — heck, Sarah couldn’t even have another kid in the time it took us to destroy her. That’s the Chicago way! Yes, my friends, it’s once again time to quote Sean Connery’s famous speech from The Untouchables, written by David Mamet — the lecture the veteran Chicago cop gives a wet-behind-the-ears Eliot Ness (Kevin Costner, back when he was a movie star) while they sit in a church pew. “You want to get Capone? Here’s how you get him: he pulls a knife, you pull a gun, he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way!” If you just think of us — liberal Democrats — as Capone you’ll begin to understand what we’re up to. And we just put one of yours in the morgue. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but maybe now you’re beginning to understand the high-stakes game we’re playing here. This ain’t John McCain’s logrolling senatorial club any more. This is a deadly serious attempt to realize the vision of the 1960s and to fundamentally transform the United States of America. This is the fusion of Communist dogma, high ideals, gangster tactics, and a stunning amount of self-loathing. For the first time in history, the patrician class is deliberately selling its own country down the river just to prove a point: that, yes, we can! This country stinks and we won’t be happy until we’ve forced you to admit it.

    In other words, stop thinking of the Democratic Party as merely a political party, because it’s much more than that. We’re not just the party of slavery, segregation, secularism, and sedition. Not just the party of Aaron Burr, Boss Tweed, Richard J. Croker, Bull Connor, Chris Dodd, Richard Daley, Bill Ayers, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, and Emperor Barack Hussein Obama II. Not just the party of Kendall “Agent 202” Myers, the State Department official recruited as a Cuban spy along with his wife during the Carter administration.* Rather, think of the Democratic Party as what it really is: a criminal organization masquerading as a political party.

    Did Sarah stand for “family values”? Flay her unwed-mother daughter. Did she represent probity in a notoriously corrupt, one-family state? Spread rumors about FBI investigations. Did she speak with an upper-Midwest twang? Mock it relentlessly on Saturday Night Live. Above all, don’t let her motivate the half of the country that doesn’t want His Serene Highness to bankrupt the nation, align with banana-republic Communist dictators, unilaterally dismantle our missile defenses, and set foot in more mosques than churches since he has become president. We’ve got a suicide cult to run here. And that’s why Sarah had to go. Whether she understood it or not, she threatened us right down to our most fundamental, meretricious, elitist, sneering, snobbish, insecure, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders bones. She was, after all, a “normal” American, the kind of person (or so I’m told) you meet in flyover country. The kind that worries first about home and hearth and believes in things like motherhood and love of country the way it is, not the way she wants to remake it. What you clowns need, in other words, is a Rules for Radical Conservatives to explain what you’re up against and teach you how to compete before it’s too late. Luckily, since I care about money even more than I care about politics, I have just such a book in the proposal stage, currently making the rounds of various publishers, assuming any of them are wise enough to take me up on it. And, yes, this time it really is personal.”

    *wonder how this guy feels in 2017 with all the Russia stuff from Trump? I’m guessing he’s cool with it.

    Read more at: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/227836/i-still-hate-you-sarah-palin-david-kahane

    • Wow. Projection is a bitch.

    • Jamoche

      Oh, National Review. I don’t know what reality they live in but it isn’t ours.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        “As opposed to our guy, Barry Soetoro of Mombasa, Djakarta, and Honolulu…”

        Honolulu is such an exotic place, isn’t it? Probably full of Mooslims!

        • Jamoche

          I have to remember not to joke about my ’60s Hawaiian birth certificate being possibly dodgy when I bring it in for my job verification Monday. New job, whoo!

        • aloharob

          I saw him on the bike path recently living under a tarp. He offered to me a spam musabe.

          • chezmoi

            With Dijon mustard?

    • Resistor Radio

      Lol, yes, that’s exacly how liberals write.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        How dare we bring up the hypocrisy of Palin telling other women how to live their lives, when she couldn’t even get her own daughter to live her ideals?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “Not just the party of Aaron Burr, Boss Tweed, Richard J. Croker, Bull Connor,”

      Riiiiiiiiiight. Because when I think “liberal” I think Bull fucking Connor.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Also, Democrats were the ones who really wanted slavery, that’s why the South is so red now, because everyone there HATES racism.

        • therblig

          it all makes sense now. i guess hitting myself in the head with a ball peen hammer wasn’t a waste of time after all.

          • puredog

            Cures what ails ya.

          • H0mer0

            (tee hee, you said ‘ball peen’)

    • therblig

      apparently, his real name is michael walsh, someone else i’ve never heard of

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Walsh_(author)

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I should go look up “Kahane’s” articles from 2017, since I’m SURE he’s really upset about how every single person in the Trump organization has ties to Russia, since he was so concerned about one spy within the Carter administration.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I thought the name “David Kahane” sounded familiar! That jerk stole it from one of the characters in The Player (one of my favorite movies).

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      That is some pathetic whining allied with a 9 year-old’s understanding of sarcasm and a take on history that is… ummm… challenged, at best..

    • LucindathePook

      Does anyone still have that “Leave Sarah Palin Aloooooooone” thingie?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Sarah Palin wasn’t mocked because she “worries first about home and hearth and believes in things like motherhood and love of country”; she was mocked because she was (and still is) stupid.

      • puredog

        Like many of us, she may be a wee bit stupider than she was ten years ago, and unlike many of us, she had zero margin of error.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Republicans always play the victim card. It’s one of the few things they’re genuinely good at. The whole article is about how unfair the mean Democrats are to them. The projection is a bit overwhelming.

    • redarmyzombie

      Jesus fucking Christ, that was hard to read…

      • H0mer0

        (TL;DR)
        Conservatives don’t even channel Swift well (Swift-boating doesn’t count)

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I wasn’t even sure what I was reading at first, it was such mumbo jumbo.

    • Cat Cafe

      Boy, he sure loves the sound of his own keyboard! Too bad the paragraph formatting thing doesn’t work properly, or the edit function.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It was definitely word vomit, that’s for sure. The logic was flawless though – “Republicans are innocent lambs, and Dems fight dirty to win.” LOL, sure, that’s why Neil Gorsuch is on the Supreme Court after the Russians helped Trump throw an election. They’re just too honest, ethical, and fair!!!!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      *crosses fingers, shuts eyes, and whispers pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease let it be true… pleeeeeeeeeeease*

      • YoBunnyBunny

        If we get this for Libtard Happy Holidays, I will totally settle for using my fucking iphone for another year.

      • Maria Sewell

        Don’t want to jinx anything so I’m wearing garlic and spitting to ward off the evil eye as I say this, which is making typing hard. But the single thing that is making me a little hopeful is the first gentle sounds of Trumpanzees warming up for a Flynn Toss under the bus.

  • MOG253

    Oh, tell them to STFU and eat some pie.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      By a strange coincidence, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing…

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        The one telling or the one shutting?

      • MOG253

        Out of town, in a hotel, no leftovers, NO PIE!!!!! UGH.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Why isn’t Barton’s nude photo (and video!) more of a story?

    “Barton told The Texas Tribune, “You’re as aware of what was posted as I am. I am talking to a number of people, all of whom I have faith in and am deciding how to respond, quite frankly.”
    Though GOP circles are questioning Barton’s political future, according to The Tribune, a spokeswoman says Barton has no intention to resign and will continue with his campaign. Barton announced earlier this month that he’s running for re-election.”

    Only Democrats resign in shame, after being exposed as hypocrites.

    • Shibusa

      My favorite comment on WaPo when that story broke said, Thoughts and prayers to anybody who saw those nude Joe Barton photos.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I thought the exact same thing. I was all like “I pity the poor fool who had to look at those pics.” NOT erotic.

        • H0mer0

          sorta like how I pitied Andrea Makris and the poor paralegal that had to type up the deposition for her suit against Billo.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            That would turn anyone’s stomach.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, I spent last weekend re-certifying in Wilderness First Aid. I had to look at more bellies than anyone wants to. Unhappy Belly in the backcountry needs lots of examination. Gotta practice it.

        I do not need to see more white men bodies, Thank You Kindly.

    • Mary Theresa

      Barton can’t discuss it now that the capitol police are involved. It was trending on twitter.

    • In my fact-free understanding of the situation, he didn’t really do anything wrong, if everything he said about it is true. He was separated from his wife, it was consentual, and the woman signed a don’t-fucking-share this clause. Yeah, we could go after him for not practicing “Christian values,” but meh. There’s been so many in the “family values” crowd that’s done much worse lately, it pales in comparison.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        His chief offense is being an ignorant, hypocritical bag of shit on matters of substance. The fact that he is a gross, disgusting pig is just icing on the cake.

        • puredog

          That’s about right. Hell, I didn’t need to know any of the recent stories about Roy Moore to know that he was one of the very worst assholes in a competition that is very crowded, and deserved to have done to him with votes whatever could be done to him with votes. The chance that the recent revelations might (might) sink his candidacy is the icing on the cake here.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He’s a Republican from Texas, who apologized to Exxon Mobil. I really don’t give a shit about him sending consensual (allegedly) nude photos and a video, but if you’re going to claim that you’re morally superior, then show it by not sending “unChristianlike” photos.

      • Shanzgood

        My fact-free thought was that if a man had revealed consensual nudes of his female partner for public consumption it’s be called “revenge porn” and he’d be prosecuted (where that’s legal). Aside from his “family vamues” hypocrisy, why is he the one getting all the shit and attempts at humiliation for this instead of her?

      • H0mer0

        Aren’t those “don’t fucking share this” clauses unenforceable?
        I actually think that his gesture was kinda adorable in an abstract way if it weren’t for the accompanying photos (thank you whoever for at least blurring out the wood.)

        • puredog

          If it was even wood.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They should picket his office, with signs that just say, ‘shrinkage’.

    • puredog

      Adults, consensual? The more interesting story is him threatening the woman who released it. “Revenge porn” is a crime in Texas.

    • SayItWithWookies

      If ever there was a convergence of bad taste and terrorism, it must consist of Joe Barton taking that selfie and then sending it to someone.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        The person he sent it to may have keeled over dead. I know if I’d seen that I”d be forever scarred…at the LEAST.

    • H0mer0

      What shame, what hypocracy? At least dems admit they like to fuck in a mutually consensual and adult manner. Frankenstory was twisted and blown out of proportion.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    For me, Thanksgiving is ordinarily relatively free of adults arguing. Even the Republicans in my family tend to be fairly liberal. However, we had a real treat yesterday: my eldest niece just finished her first 3 months at a very conservative catholic college in Helena, MT that shall remain nameless, and she brought her roommate home with her! Between the two of them, there is no knowledge that has escaped their grasp (and in less than 90 days!)

    The end came when they started instructing my mom, my sisters, and my wife (a retired librarian, director of a non-profit, advertising exec for a national restaurant chain, and lawyer, respectively) on the damage feminism does to women. The roommate referred to “feminazis” the niece said that she does not “practice feminism” and both of them agreed that feminism had gone “too far.” I feared for their lives.

    It was MrsMatt, surprisingly, who ended the lecture — and she maintained her composure. “Where did you learn this nonsense? In a class?”
    “Yes. In [whateverclass]?”
    “At a college?”
    “Yes?”
    “A co-ed college?”
    “Yes.”
    “Yeah, maybe we have gone too far, if you can’t even be thankful for the women who made it possible for you to learn this bullshit.”

    • Zonath

      I had a friend who went to Carroll College. Sad to say that it did not make him any less of a conservative reactionary.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I know 2 Carroll alums, and they are the same. I actually started laughing when one of them called it the “Harvard of the West.” He was not amused.

        • Zonath

          LOL. Carroll isn’t even the Harvard of Montana.

      • Kooolest G

        My bro in law teaches biology there, they have a great science dept, but I think the rest of the liberal arts are not so liberal.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Their nickname is the “Fighting Saints,” I believe. There’s something a bit off kilter about that image but maybe I’m missing a Midwestern perspective.

    • RobKanC

      The millennial generation has a lot of hard opinions and always thinks they know it all. Not disparaging them, just making an observation.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Hell, it happens with every generation. The youngs go off to college and pick up bullshit that horrifies their families. In the 60’s it was kids coming back home with radical *liberal* ideas.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          True. That first Thanksgiving of freshman year shouldn’t be held against them permanently.

          • redarmyzombie

            It’s whether they learned from it or not that determines it…

          • proudgrampa

            Fersure. I remember the first Thanksgiving my brother came home from college. All he did was tell (bad) jokes.

            Mom and Dad wondered whether they were getting their money’s worth.

        • Shanzgood

          Exactly. I was such a blowhard (shut up, not like that) at 18-19, I don’t know how my parents tolerated me.

      • aloharob

        I wish I still knew what I used to think I knew.

      • Daniel

        Has any generation not?

        Aside from the lost one, anyway.

      • NastyBossetti

        Maybe millennials are just Emerson fans.
        “Speak what you think today in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradicts everything you said today.”

        • Daniel

          Was that on Tarkus?

          • NastyBossetti

            Emerson Plays Emerson, I believe.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Ouch! ZING! MrsMatt showed them how ridiculous their blather is.

      She might have also suggested that they voluntarily refrain from voting, since their tiny lady brains aren’t really capable of making good choices.

    • proudgrampa

      I think I like MrsMatt.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Me too.

        • Bad Scooter

          yes, I was afraid you were about to tell us the murders had begun!
          sounds like Mrs.Matt not only kept her cool, she was quite the gracious Feminazi when she schooled the young ‘uns. I hope they will think about her wise words and reconsider their views!

          kids these days … 🤔

    • NastyBossetti

      If one of the niblings came home from college spouting this kind of thing in front of any of their 8 aunts on my side of the family, I can only imagine the tongue-lashing that would ensue.
      My oldest niece just came home from her first 3 months at college, and she was largely the same as ever. She is going on a school trip to Europe over the winter break, though, and I expect that her first trip out of the country will have some effect.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      You and MrsMatt are very wise, witty and lucky to have each other. I love MrsMatt’s pithy response!

  • ltmcdies
    • proudgrampa

      Obviously, this kid has too much time on his hands…

      • amrak63

        Nah, more power to him.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      OK, it’s official. Canadians are a post-human species. They have accelerated their evolutionary trajectory well past their lesser-primate cousins Americanus Orangeanus, and are on the precipice of the Singularity. Meanwhile, the clown prince of the apes here invented “covfefe.”

      Never stop winning, Canada. You’re going to be winning all the time.

      • amrak63

        Plus, you gave the world Rush (the band, not the Oxycontined loudmouth).

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          And Captain Kirk, who is leading the campaign to have levidrome included in the Oxford Dictionary.

          And Alex Trebek, who is probably going to include this word at the international spelling bee and/or as a Jeopardy clue.

          And the Trekkie PM, who can read and speak in two languages (his wife, in three — English/French/Spanish), while our “leader” shows no signs of intelligent life, can’t even understand English, and invented “covfefe,” “bigly” and “bqwatever.”

          Can I get a mulligan on my birth certificate?

          • Bad Scooter

            must credit Scott Brown for bqwatever. To add another to our “leader”s list: he thinks he invented the term ‘fake news’ 🙃

          • chezmoi

            Don’t forget he also coined ‘prime the pump’.

      • Impatient

        And … Never stop wincing, America.

    • CripesAmighty

      Man. That makes me feel like a drooling wastrel. And then I remember who the ‘president’ is. Ahhh, much better.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Just try not to remind yourself who their prime minister is. America has a bigly deficit with Canada, all right: the executive branch lacks executive functioning.

      • proudgrampa

        Why you gotta make everything political?

        Not that you’re wrong… ;-)

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Master Contrail Program

      Your love for me has just got to be real.
      You camped for days and got a somewhat great deal.

      • Daniel

        I will give you those things you thought unreal
        All these consumer goods here bear my seal

        • Master Contrail Program

          Follow me now and you will not regret.
          Sleeping in parking lots in your Chevette.
          We’ll be the first ones in the local Best Buy.
          Batteries, phone cases and Transformers 5!

          • Daniel

            Red sun rising in the sky
            Sleeping village tents at Best Buy
            Costs seem lower on TVs
            fleece those swine, feel at ease

    • Nockular cavity

      Are they open now my friend?
      Shoppers stampede round the bend.
      People running for low prices,
      trampling others for new tech devices

      NO, NO, NOT THE LAST iPHONE!

      • Master Contrail Program

        Savvy shoppers wearing hockey pads.
        Gearing up as if for war.
        Testing shopping carts all through the night.
        To be the fastest shopper in the store.

    • Khavrinen

      Speaking of Christmas classics:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5IXlfJSEi4

  • OrG

    Good news – Putting a hot dog on a fork and “roasting” it on the stove is just as rewarding as it ever was.

    • proudgrampa

      Marshmallows, too. Also.

    • Shanzgood

      I have an envy of your gas range. Mine is a glass top electric and I HATE it.

      • Daniel

        “I have an envy of your gas range”

        [sniggers imagining a fart choir]

        • Shanzgood

          We could have had that last night but only one of my dad’s brothers was there.

      • OrG

        I’ve done it on an electric stove before.

        • Paul

          Did either of you get burned?

          • Shanzgood

            I only burn myself taking things out of the oven.

        • Daniel

          Putting the “hot” in “hotplate”.

        • Daniel

          I assume it was not turned on.

    • Paul

      Well, ain’t you all high brow and shit. A fork??!!11! La dee dah. What, no sticks in the yard you elitist?

  • Shibusa
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Manifest Destiny: The O.G. Lebensraum.

      • amrak63

        Nah, Lebensraum ideology, in whatever language, is as old as limited resources, and the resulting desire to take more of them, wherever they can be found.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Well, there goes another Blightfart/Limburger myth.

          The Nazis were really just capitalists.

      • Cat Cafe

        “Traditionally, the WestLand and California has ALWAYS been part of the United States”

        • redarmyzombie

          “Chupa mi verga, cabron!”
          -California

          • amrak63

            “Chupa mi” = “Suck my”

            Que son una verga y un cabron?

          • redarmyzombie

            Si.

    • Parakeetist

      And horrible hats

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      The cunning use of flags.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He oat not say such things.

    • Khavrinen

      “There’s just something about those Indians. They wear funny shoes — don’t even have buckles on them!”

  • Shanzgood

    I like it when my kitchen still smells good from the food I cooked the day before. Today, it’s roasted onions and cauliflower with spices.

    Cleanup time!

    • Daniel

      Sometimes this is good. Sometimes, like last week when my mum was pickling the shit out of all of the onions, it is not.

      • Shanzgood

        I dunno. If there was garlic or dill involved, it could be nice.

        Maybe not for a week, though.

    • puredog

      My refrigerator wafts gently of passionfruit, which is a marked improvement over fermenting dead possum.

      • Shanzgood

        I think most things would be an improvement over the possum.

        • puredog

          It was a metaphorical dead possum, not a literal dead possum.

          • Shanzgood

            I kinda got that.

          • amrak63

            I didn’t. I was wondering how a possum got in PD’s fridge and died.

          • Shanzgood

            It might have been dead already. You never know with possum eaters.

      • redarmyzombie

        Were you making a traditional Klingon possum wine?

        • Shanzgood

          Silly. They use LIVE possum.

          • Daniel

            How can they be sure?

          • Shanzgood

            It smells worse.

    • Paul

      Let us not be hasty. That’ll wait while you have another piece of pie?

      Ever tried grilling cauliflower? Slice it into 1″ “steaks”, slather with olive oil and salt and pepper. A meal in itself. Although a small filet goes well with it.

      • Shanzgood

        I think I will! I have seen recipes for doing this with cabbage and garlic. Sounds good!

        • Paul

          It’s delicious. You can eat it plain, right off the grill. Or you can use it as a base for another recipe. Take it from the grill to a baking pan and pile stuff on top. I know you have vegans so make them something with fucking lentils or whatever, but for yourself try loading crabmeat, bread crumbs, cheese and a little cream and butter mixed in.

          Hint: buy the biggest heads you can find because you need part of the stem to hold the “steak” together. You should be able to get 3-4 steaks out of it. You will have a bunch of florets left over from the outer part of the cauliflower. Voila, crudités for an appetizer later in the week.

          Use your imagination and your vegans’ imagination for what to pile on top. Basically anything works. Sausage is good too, even that Andouille stuff. :)

    • Kryptonian Canis

      I’ve developed a strange habit lately of making crusty baked goods well after the witching hour. Crom only knows what the upstairs neighbors must think.

      • Shanzgood

        They probably drool a lot in their sleep.

    • redarmyzombie

      Cornbread stuffing, balsamic pepper steak, and turkey in pinot grigio!

    • SayItWithWookies

      I got all the pots & pans and most of the dishes taken care of yesterday — which is extremely atypical. But then I got most of the cooking done the day before yesterday. Geeze, I better see a doctor in case something’s wrong with me.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I cooked so much that there was stuff still cooking when the offspring and I were too full to continue with the next course. The whole kitchen smells warm and simmery.

      The fridge looks like I played Tetris with the contents.

      • Shanzgood

        Ha! My refrigerator is like that because daughter came shopping last time and bought a bunch of stuff she never ate.

        *sigh*

    • Alan

      Good luck. I have a smell I can’t find. Seems to be getting worse.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • OutOfOrbit

      MAGA?!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        /s

    • SayItWithWookies

      So Assmouth is hanging out with someone doing work for the business he’s allegedly completely distanced from. Fucking charming.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      What a disappointment!

      I thought Tiger was hanging with Trump because he finally found someone who had damaged his own brand more than Tiger did.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      What Emoluments clause?

  • 3FingerPete

    This annual Thanksgiving article is Wonkette’s Alice’s Restaurant.

    • Shanzgood

      I forgot to listen to that yesterday!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • amrak63

      What? No baby buttholes?

      • Miles Monroe

        NEEDZ MOAR YODELING

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You can’t hear the lobsters?

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy
          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Chowder
            12 oz. $ 5.00 16 oz. $ 8.00 32 oz. $ 16.00

            So the 12 oz. is less per ounce than the other two. I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to do it.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            It takes a lot for a clam to learn how to yodel. There was no time for math.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            If I bought 36 oz. of chowder for $15.00, would they get mad?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            They’re clams. They’re pretty easy to hoodwink.

          • Miles Monroe

            “Lobster pound” sounds like something Troy McClure would be into …

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator
    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      “Be sure to drop the human in the the pot of boiling water head first. They die pretty quick if you do it right.”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        THE JACUZZI FAUCETS!!! I CAN’T TURN THEM!!!!

      • Arolpin

        And if you don’t want to hear them scream (it’s just air escaping from their lungs), stab them at the point where their head attaches to their body. They don’t have any armor or even a real exoskeleton, so it’s easy!

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Oh, rub it in Canada, with your appreciation of science, awareness of health concerns, and diminished lobbying ability by the merchants of death.

    In a Canadian first, Yukon Territory rolls out cancer warning labels — on alcoholic beverages

    Why do you hate cancer? Why do you hate FREEDOM?!?!? Don’t you know that God sent cancer to humans to stop them from being tempted by teh socialisms? MAGA! NEEDZ MOAR CLEAN COAL TO WASH AWAY THE DEVIL WEED!

    • amrak63

      *sigh* If only I liked ice and snow better…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I like ice and snow; I’m used to it by now. But I’m not a refugee from a designated refugee country; I don’t have a job, and I’m too crazy to be let in without becoming a public charge. That said, I’ll always be an admirer of Canada wherever I am. Certainly when considering I’m on the wrong side of the Orange Curtain.

      • amrak63

        I was going to ask, considering both Canada and the Nordic European countries, if there was something about cold climates that forced people to be better to each other, but I was forgetting Russia–and in the old days, the Vikings.

        Though the Vikings give me hope for my country–if some of the most savage predators in human history could evolve to become the finely civilized nations of Nordic Europe, maybe there’s hope for us, too.

        • Shanzgood

          They had different early ideas on gender equality.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Savage, but excellent navigators, and extremely well-organized.

      • AJ Milne

        Snowboard, ski, skate… Learn one of the above, become a little obsessive, or failing this, master mulled wine, hot chocolate, and table talk, and take charge of the lodge to which the exhausted return, and, eventually, you begin to feel the steadily shrinking winters are cruelly short.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Or if you can afford it, settle down in Victoria BC, where the weather is pretty much the same as Seattle.

          Sure, a little on the wet side, but a week of below freezing weather is a “long cold snap” and a real snowfall is front page news.

    • puredog

      “If you share this beverage, there will be less for you.”

  • As Nick Bunker writes in 2010’s Making Haste From Babylon: The Mayflower Pilgrims and Their World, “Open field farming was not some kind of communism. All the villagers were tenants of the landlord.”

    More like Nick De-Bunker!

    Ha! Take that Limbaugh!

  • BadKitty904
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Skyrim road trip!

    • jaspersdad

      Texas?

      • redarmyzombie

        Middle Earth.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      I remember a cross country trip, when I was probably 8, where I sat in the back giving my father the finger. He never noticed.

  • amrak63

    In case no one has posted this yet today:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFem9Erh0U

    • William

      Need me some Steely Dan today. Thanx.

  • cmd resistor

    So idiot trump tweets he is going to call egyptian prez about the mosque attack and that we need thw wall and the ban. Oh and god bless the people of Egypt.

    • Parakeetist

      WTAF does the wall have to do with Egypt?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, if you build a bunch of grain-silo pyramids, and put some of them upside-down in between the upright ones, it makes a bigly yuge wall that would have kept the Muslims from committing radical Muslamic terrism against Cleopatra and also too Moses. Or something like that.

      • William
      • Vel Venturi

        I’m sure he wants a wall on our border with Egypt.

      • miss_grundy

        It’s supposed to keep out the foreigners who are terrorists. Of course, just like in Egypt, America has its own domestic terrorists who will continue to shoot up churches, schools, dance clubs, movie theaters, malls, and anywhere else that people congregate. But don’t tell that to Dotard or his sycophants because their heads will explode.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Those are local good people on many, many sides who are fighting NFL players who want to take away our FREEDOMS. Why do you hate freedom? You hate Christmas and want a free Obamaphone from the statist globalst Santa Claus, don’t you? Well, Santa is WHITE and he’s bringing clean coal to EVERYONE! WE’RE GOING TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! GIFT OF THE MAGA!!!!

          • redarmyzombie

            Wow, that was good, I almost had a brain aneurysm…

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I have to take regular breaks. Satire is actually getting painful.

          • Phried Ω

            Not just statists but deep statists.

      • Nockular cavity

        Make the Lower Nile Great Again!

      • Bad Scooter

        Big, beautiful walls for every nation = the Donald’s idea of peace on Earth.

    • William

      Because nothing will keep Egyptian Mosque haters out of the USA like a wall with Mexico.

      • cmd resistor

        Stupid even by his standards.

        • Bobathonic

          Objection. Assumes standards not in evidence.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Now, now. Liddle’ Babby Donnie only says those things because he’s an ignorant fucktard.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Do I need to box up some thoughts and prayers to send?

      • Lord Jim

        After all the mass shootings and natural disasters, imma need to restock before I can ship out anymore.

  • memzilla Ω
    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      So when does it end?

      • Lord Jim

        When Americans become, on average, more kindhearted and better critical thinkers. So, not anytime soon, is what I’m saying…

  • Moebym of the Returners

    So the host of Thanksgiving dinner yesterday spoke briefly about the history of Thanksgiving, starting with the Mayflower Compact. The way he put it, the Compact was a failure because (as someone else helpfully pointed out) it setup a system of governance that was akin to Communism, leading to a catastrophic first winter in which many Settlers died; the Pilgrims only began to thrive in the New World when each man was given a plot of land to do with as he pleased, and that’s how capitalism supposedly began in 1623.

    I’m not sure if he was being tongue-in-cheek or if he actually believes this to be true, but I know the story is bullshit. That said, can someone with more knowledge of this period in history provide a little more background?

    EDIT: Whoops, I guess I just proved that I hadn’t read the post. I hope he was being tongue-in-cheek, but something tells me he sincerely believes this.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The pilgrims survived in large part by digging up the food in native caches. Fortunately for the pilgrims, most of the locals were too sick or too dead to stop them.

      • Sheepshagger

        Yay fatal impact!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        To be fair, they did apologize and try to make restitution later.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Many stories of how the Pilgrims nearly starved to death date from their first year in America. Due to bad weather in the Atlantic Ocean, they didn’t reach land until November 1620, and did not reach Plymouth until December 1620, far too late to plant crops, by which time they had consumed most of the food they had brought with them. In their first year, half of them died of disease. However, by the fall of 1621 they had harvested some crops and were doing rather better. They were not fully self-supporting for another year or two, at which time they held a feast of Thanksgiving. I think this is a fairly good rate of increased prosperity for a diverse group of people emigrating to an unknown and somewhat hostile land, and is a predictable pattern regardless of what form of land ownership they followed. Everything else that has been written about the Pilgrims afterwards was either mythology or revisionism. Governor Bradford was a notorious pessimist and religious fanatic, so it is not wise to believe everything he wrote in his journals.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The Atlantic Ocean is a very, very big ocean. Many, many people are not aware of this. William Bradford is becoming known by a lot of very good people on all sides. People are going to be talking about him more and more, believe me. He was incredble with ocean, and also with the cyber.

        • proudgrampa

          The Atlantic Ocean is a very, very big ocean. This means that it has a lot of water. Not many people know that.

          • Phried Ω

            Make Plymouth great again. And also too Desoto and Maxwell.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          LOL. I remember reading about the Jamestown settlers, how only a few of them knew how to fish or had brought fishing paraphernalia with them. Another thing modern people don’t realize, because they don’t read history, is that many early settlers were agricultural workers or artisans or tradesmen who had never shot a gun, because they weren’t allowed to in their home countries. They were totally unprepared for the environment they found themselves in, which was rich with an astonishing number of wild foodstuffs, yet they almost starved to death. There were wild fruits and vegetables galore, which they had never seen and refused to eat. Poison ivy was a terrible scourge for the early European immigrants, and mosquitoes were another.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The Bradford Casinos made a lot of money by schlonging the contractors and declaring bankruptcy. Nobody knows this.

    • proudgrampa

      That’s OK. I almost never read the articles in Wonkette. Or the posts.

      • Phried Ω

        I just check the sports box scores and read the comics.

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        Whatever you do, don’t read the comments.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          What are you talking about? Comments are NOT allowed on Wonkette.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Articles aren’t either, that’s why you shouldn’t read them.

    • Courser_Resistance

      For whatever reason, this was the first I’d heard about the socialism/capitalism of the Pilgrims shite. No one ever tried to feed me that bullshit. Or if they did, I immediately dismissed them as a nutjob.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • geoffalnutt

    I know it’s a tad early, but can we all bow our heads and give our silent tribute to the upside-down Christmas tree. Thank you. (*sob*).

    • Shanzgood

      I don’t even even understand why that’s a thing.

      • Jonny On Maui

        An upside down christmas tree signals distress…

      • geoffalnutt

        See Corey Lewandowsi’s latest rant on FOXNews. It’s breathtaking.

        • I don’t think that i will

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The hot blast of a Michael Flynn flip must make him feel a mite jumpy.

        • miss_grundy

          I would prefer not to but I bet he is having a shit fit because Mr. Mueller may be coming for him too. I so want Mr. Mueller to come for all of them so they can spend however many years left of their lives sitting in prison. I especially want Dotard to die in prison.

          • puredog

            I do too. However, even if we don’t get the Dotard’s head on a pike, Mueller has the capacity to basically make the Republican party — feckless already — utterly without any feck at all. Like I say, Inmate Dotard is the best, but at the very least I think Mueller will be able to fully shut down the possibility of any Republican accomplishment, and that’s not nothing.

          • Lord Jim

            Rich, white men only go to prison when they have bilked a lot of money from rich, white investors. See Madoff, Bernie.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I read a recap, and yes it was quite something. But check this out:

          “Upside-down Christmas trees are common among many Slavic groups—Carpatho-Rusyns, Poles, Slovaks, and Ukrainians.”

          Maybe Corey will change his tune once he learns that the Overlords of him are into it.

          • chezmoi

            It sounds like a clever idea, especially if one has cats. I had to get rid of all my fragile glass ornaments years ago when a kitten took it down twice.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      I was actually considering that as an option since we have a very, very naughty kitteh in the house, but the Mr said we didn’t think we could fit a gallows in the living room and my noose trying skills are abominable.

    • William
  • Jonny On Maui

    Anyone else enjoy warmed up day old stuffing topped with an over easy egg? I’m getting weird looks…

    • Shanzgood

      That sounds good, actually. I wish I’d have thought of that when my daughter was (sadly) eating leftover stuffing this morning. She loves over easy eggs and that might have cheered her up.

      • Jonny On Maui

        It’s delicious!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Thanksgiving moco?

      • Jonny On Maui

        That’s the ticket!

    • What is this leftover stuffing?

      • Indeniable Ron

        A myth.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I’d eat that, for sure. Tell Ms. MLG not to be a food snob.

      • Jonny On Maui

        She’s not. Just not food adventurous…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      That’s an ABOMINATION.

      Thou shalt not mix cotton and wool, meat and dairy, egg and stuffing.
      — Leviticus, 12:34

      • Jonny On Maui

        Fuck Leviticus! Damn buzzkill…

        • vivian

          “Thou shalt not fuck Leviticus” is in there too somewhere, I think.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            What do two Corinthians say?

          • vivian

            Did you read my latest column?

    • puredog

      I like the look of some of those Wonkie recipes for leftover stuffing, but I ain’t got none.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I have to go to the store to get a box of Stove-top. This year’s turkey was stuffed with root veggies and celery (Yum!)

      • Arolpin

        I’ve got about 1/2 a steam-tray of really nice deconstructed tamale stuffing that will work really well baked with some eggy goodness. I also have 1/2 a steam tray of a rather bland stuffing that will probably get tossed out by the end of the weekend.
        I really like the deconstructed tamale stuffing, and one of these years I’m going to actually make tamales (or buy them, but I can never find someone selling them around Thanksgiving) and stuff the bird with that.

    • proudgrampa

      We haven’t taken ours out of the safe yet…

    • Sheepshagger

      What the fuck are eggs over easy? I’ve never understood that.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Fried, turned once, served with the yolk still runny

        • The Wanderer

          So the yolk runs when you jab it, soaking into the toast.

        • efoveks

          (I like the yolk hard, but they still count as over easy, because if I cooked it, it HAS to be easy. :D)

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I like them over hard but, being the clumsiest person I have ever met, lack the dexterity to turn over an egg.

            For the past several years, I have just put a couple or three eggs into the Nutribullet and given them a 10 second spin. The resulting omelets are so fluffy they practically float off the pan and even I can’t fuck it up.

          • puredog

            Over medium is the gold standard. I always tip extra when I find a short-order cook who gets it.

          • chezmoi

            Just firm and still golden inside, not yellow?

            I put mine into a buttered pan, add a tablespoon of water, close it up with a tight-fitting lid, and let it steam-baste to the point desired. My husband did that the first morning after, and I never looked back.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Hmm, something to try. I can never get omelettes fluffy.

          • efoveks

            I am going to try this!Maybe right now even. I just got home from work and boy am I hungry tonight for some reason. :D

        • Sheepshagger

          Well hell. Here’s me thinking its something exotic.

      • Jonny On Maui

        It’s what you call ’em if folk can’t handle sunny side up…

    • Catstro

      OMG that sounds amazing. Filing that away for when I have leftover stuffing.

    • William

      Well….I mean stuffing is pretty much bread, right?

    • The Wanderer

      And that’s my breakfast sorted out for tomorrow morning! Thank you!

    • NastyBossetti

      I will put over easy eggs on top of pretty much any leftovers. I didn’t have time for that this morning so I just ate stuffing with my lunch.

    • Shanzgood

      I hate frying eggs in a pan, though. So I bought a thingy that cooks eggs in the microwave, even to the (*gag reflex*) runny consistency my daughter likes. The problem is that she won’t use an egg cup (like she learned for “soldier toast” from her British dad) and instead tries to PEEL them. This frequently results in busted half cooked eggs (gag) that get thrown out because they’re full of eggshell or flopped down the drain.

      Suggestions on peeling?

      • puredog

        There’s a tool for that.

        • Shanzgood

          What tool?

        • Impatient

          Sandblaster? Dremel grinder? Inquiring mind here.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Cook ’em to solid if you’re going peel. All I got…

        • Shanzgood

          Yeah, she likes ’em gooey. Gak.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Then the art, and it is an art, of pan frying must be learned. If your daughter starts now she may finally get the knack when I did which was about a week ago.

          • Shanzgood

            She still wants “mommy” food.

      • data_ninja

        From what I read (although it’s for hard boiled eggs) is to put them in ice water right after cooking for 10 minutes, then peel. I don’t know how well it will work for not-as-hard boiled ones.

        • Shanzgood

          Nothing seems to work for soft boiled. I found a great thing for medium and hard boiled that says shake it for 30 seconds in a jar with cold water and it peels like a dream but with soft boiled it’s just ends up a disgusting mess.

      • chezmoi

        She needs an egg coddler for Christmas.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpeOgziFChM

        • Shanzgood

          Hmmm…maybe?

        • Shanzgood

          I dunno. That’s like the dippy “soldier toast” she won’t do. She wants to peel the eggs and smash them onto toast or English muffins with some pepper, like a sammich.

          • chezmoi

            So, she can dump them out of the container. No eggshell, at least.

            It doesn’t have to be fancy – I got a pair of Royal Worcester ones for a wedding gift in ’65, and they were fun to use, but a small jar would work fine.

            It’s either that or she learns to poach.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      If you’ve gone that far, might as well MAKE the strata, which looks AMAZING.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    What about anarcho-syndicalism during the time of the Ming Dynasty ? No one talks about that !

    • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

      That’s because the news of the day was dominated by the final defeat of the alt-right nazis at the hands of antifa during the second battle of Bowling Green!

      • Phried Ω

        and the big game. The hunchbacks of Notre Dame versus the Hector Trojans.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        There was a second Bowling Green massacre? Why is [sic] the liberal media hiding this from us?

        • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

          National Security!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Say what you want about the tenets of Qing Esoteric Buddhism/Shamanism, at least it’s an ethos.

  • William
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Why, oh why won’t they just invade us???

      • William

        If you lived upstairs from a meth lab, would you want to buy it?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got something to give me a good laugh before I head out the door, auto-play Newsweek link?

    OBAMA VS. TRUMP: BARACK’S THANKSGIVING TWEET 10 TIMES MORE POPULAR THAN DONALD’S

    • Skeptical_thinker

      So, Obama trolls Trump just by existing.

      • The Wanderer

        That’s axiomatic.

      • Mike Steele

        Likewise, HRC.

    • William
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Synonyms: shitgibbon, shitecunt, etc.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Closely related term: gobshite.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Trump’s video addresses are wooden and ponderous and he’s obviously reading them. The Thanksgiving address was no exception. Also, it was too long and just another opportunity to speechify and praise himself. If he know how to president, he’d say something along the lines of “Melania and I extend our warm wishes to everyone while we gather with friends and family to celebrate Thanksgiving, and to our troops who are serving our country away from home and for whose services we are especially grateful.”

      • OrG

        Needs moar self-promotion.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Not for a REAL president’s address, it doesn’t.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          …and abusively admonishing his daughter for smoking, dating and dancing. Silly Barack, don’t you know that if you don’t abuse your daughter, you’re not a real American? Real American men only let their daughters date daddy!

          https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOSLRfWXcAE08fo.jpg

          • Phried Ω

            Creepy!

  • The Wanderer

    Latest story:

    Center Stage

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Toledo Window Box

      ESPECIALLY if the fat orange dimwit tries to fire him.

  • Alternative Dog
  • Raan

    I thought it was because it was a lot fuckin’ colder than they were used to in England and they didn’t know how to grow corn in the sandy soil.

    • georgiaburning

      It’s unlikely they had experience growing corn anywhere. Maize (called “corn” in the USA and Canada) originated in the Americas and was brought to Europe by Columbus in 1492. Cultivation outside Spain didn’t happen much until the mid 1500’s and the British climate isn’t too appealing. During their exile in the Netherlands, some of the separatists might have seen it.

    • marshlc

      Weren’t they very short on farmers, too? So most of them had hardly any knowledge of the farming methods that WOULD translate to the very different conditions,

  • Run2Live

    Can’t think of anyone else over the past 25 years who’s more responsible for the dumbing down of right wing America.

    • William

      Really? Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O-Loofah, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter.

    • Bad Scooter

      i can: Tony Perkins, Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, James Dobson …

  • Mary Theresa
    • The Wanderer

      Holy Peter. Is James Woods angling for a WH job?

      • CripesAmighty

        Makes sense. There may be openings any day now.

      • Mary Theresa

        I’m gonna go with Karem….. too many blows to the head.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Too many blows to the ego.

    • Shanzgood

      If they melt, it’s from laughter or depression because of her stupidity.

    • Toledo Window Box

      James Woods is known to have extremely high intelligence, while clearly being a moron. It’s pretty amazing.

      • Rick Hill

        So…you’re saying he’s a robot but one who’s been programmed by our conservative, lizard overlords?

      • William

        He can’t be that smart. There are many arctic environments that are deserts and a snowflake wouldn’t melt. Just sayin.

    • William

      Well in all fairness, the hat is a distraction, and she looks better without it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9528d9bb38ee5a3cfa18db7793e17382ad4a9f334078d64d459beb779db1ce50.jpg

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Now, now, lwt’s not get hosstile.

        • William

          I won’t. It’s really not the Cartright thing to do.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            I find her preachiness to be ponderosa.

      • Mike Steele

        Hoss libelz!

        • William

          OK. Just don’t Dan Blocker me.

          • Royal Ugly Dude

            I will gladly Hop Sing to your defense.

          • William

            I would happily buy you a cup of Roy Coffee in appreciation

      • OutOfOrbit

        i heared that DBlocker woutd’a been a Wonk if he was here

        • William

          Probably. Besides being a Korean war vet. (drafted), he was a 6th grade school teacher and supported Pat Brown against Reagan for governor of California.

        • Impatient

          He mighta been TWO Wonks if he was here. (No libelz! Just kidding! Remember all four boys spread out on the floor in front of our TV every Sunday evening. Loved Hoss!)

    • jesterpunk
    • miss_grundy

      Someone should have left this jerk out in an onion field. He could have served as living manure.

    • miss_grundy

      In all fairness, once they finish writing their articles or delivering their reports on camera, they all repair to a local watering hole where they laugh their asses off at her latest stupid remarks. At least, that is what I would do.

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      I’d love to take a vacation in his reality, it sounds so much nicer than ours.

      • OutOfOrbit

        that requires a total absence of brain activity, otherwise — that way, madness lies

      • Mary Theresa

        I don’t think I want to take those drugs that make Sarah Huckabee look smart.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        He calls it vacation I call it the last ring of hell.

    • TootsStansbury

      It’s all fun and games until the giant bats show up.

    • Hiss

      Sheer fortitude like snowflakes in a desert?
      Oddly phrased, that.

    • SeeTrain65

      That’s not melting, Jimmy. That’s called “LAUGHTER.”

      You know? Like directors do these days when you read for a part.

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy
  • Rick Hill

    Jeebus, making technostuffs work can sap our brain right out the pores of your face

  • Mike Steele

    Just an offhand guess but, maybe in year One, pilgrims were simply too tired/sick/spent to do much planning; they were likely focused on immediate needs at home. Plus, their Gov. was spending lots of time on religious planning, as opposed to distribution of labor or wealth. Once they quit-their-bitchin’ and put their heads together, co-op/tenant farm (or whatever modern-construction euphemism you choose) was established for common good…voila! The first bank holiday:)

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Blackest Noobs

      i was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how utterly fucked up the tax bill IS and all she could add was Democrats are being obstructionists…then proceeded to tell me she knew nothing about the tax bill.

      YOU CANNOT HAVE A VALID OPINION IF YOU DO NOT BOTHER TO KNOW THE SHIT YOU THINK YOU KNOW!!!!

      she even had the gall to say it’s bad on both sides…..i am soooooooo fucking tired of that cop out from their side or our side….THEY are in POWER…let’s focus on that instead the counterproductive they’re both bad, DEM and REPUB.

      how about you stop getting your info from FOX NEWS…yeah all her retorts were their staple talking points but sure you never watch FOX despite it channel last selected on all your tvs….but yeah…it’s not from FOX NEWS.

      • CripesAmighty

        Funny how many of them won’t admit it. When you ask them where they got that ridiculous idea, it’s “Uh, I done my ‘research’.” Hmm. Wonder why that is?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        …..aaaaaaaannnnnnnddddddd breathe……………….

  • Mike Steele

    Certain it has been mentioned downthread, but if anyone needs some motivation to get their post-prandial resistor back in gear, just read the text of Trump’s address to the Coast Guard in FL (found it on Buzzfeed). No fuckin’ body who spews such utter jabberwocky should be permitted out of a padded cell, much less into the Oval Office.

    • William
      • bbayliss

        That’s a tiny bit of the delicious combination of self congratulating and Obama blaming that he did.

      • Rick Hill

        Higher cognitive functions is hard work

      • Bad Scooter

        so The Donald thinks he placed an order for a bunch of planes that are, essentially, just like Wonder Woman’s jet. Since he has to take all factual knowledge that comes at his brain cells and relate it to fictional movie scenes in order to understand anything. sweet!

        • wait! what?

          They also run on invisible fuel aka Donald’s tax returns,

        • The Wanderer

          So when will some bright guy tell Trump that an invisible wall’s been built on our southern border?

          • Bad Scooter

            we have to make the movie first and title it “TRUMP’s BRILLIANT IDEA: THE INVISIBLE BORDER WALL THAT MAGA” so he watches it.

        • William

          I have to research this one. Remember when he thanked a service member for all the good work the Coast Guard was doing? (The service member was in the Air Force). http://www.newsweek.com/air-force-coast-guard-donald-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-paper-towels-677046

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          I’m expecting to hear that he wants Isvespa redesign the uniforms for Women pilots to be like the Linda Carter Wonder Woman’s costume since she flew an invisible plane too.

      • Impatient

        Can DARPA move up the testing of their invisible cell?

    • bbayliss

      Jabberwocky is generous.

    • Ωbjectifier

      And we thought Shrub was dumb.

      • chezmoi

        Well, he was. Back in the day.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          He still is dumb. Don’t let them lower the bar just because Lil’Donnie is dumber. They should make a movie about those two and title it Dumb and Dumber.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        He was dumb, but just smart enough to surround himself with people who weren’t dumb, evil, yes, but not dumb. Lil’Donnie chooses dumb and greedy.

    • TootsStansbury

      Why is he blathering about the other branches to the Coast Guard and don’t the Republicans want to slash their funding anyway?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He seems to think that members of the Coast Guard don’t know that he wants to pay for The Wall by cutting funding of… The Coast Guard!

      If he tries to make a break for asylum in Russia across that Atlantic water thing (It’s big! Nobody knows that.), I don’t expect him to make it very far.

      • Impatient

        Star Chamber II ?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Invisible Jets! Like in Wonder Woman!

  • jesterpunk

    WTF, ‘Merica Fuck Yeah.

    http://buffalonews.com/2017/11/24/husband-of-hunting-accident-victim-her-life-was-cut-way-too-short/

    Jamie Billquist was watching TV at his home on Armenian Road in Sherman Wednesday night when he heard his dogs barking.

    His wife, Rosemary, had just taken their Labs, Sugar and Stella, out for a walk in the field behind their house after getting home from work.

    He went outside to see why the dogs were barking and saw an ambulance pull into his driveway.

    “Jamie, we’ve got a gunshot wound,” an EMT who happened to be a friend of Billquist’s said to him as he rushed into the field.

    The victim was Rosemary. He rode with her in the ambulance to UPMC Hamot in Erie, Pa., where she was pronounced dead.

    A neighbor, Thomas B. Jadlowski, 34, of Cornish Street, thought he saw a deer in the field and fired his pistol, according to the Chautauqua County Sheriff’s Office. Then he heard a scream, sheriff’s officials said.

    Jadlowski told investigators he found Rosemary Billquist about 200 yards away. He called 911 and applied pressure to her wound.

    • chezmoi

      Oh, dammit. That is just sick.

      • jesterpunk

        He hasn’t been charged with anything yet and still has his guns. Its going to be another one of those “accidents” and since he feels bad it will be enough punishment.

        • amrak63

          ‘Cawz FREEDUMB!

        • marxalot

          Has anyone gotten the gun into counseling?

          • jesterpunk

            The NRA will be sure to send him a condolences card for his gun feeling bad.

        • chezmoi

          It was no accident. He went out there to kill something, and he succeeded.

          • proudgrampa

            That’s the first rule, right?

            If you point a gun, be prepared to fire. And face the consequences.

          • jesterpunk

            Did you forget he is a white “responsible gun owner”?

          • chezmoi

            How could I forget? This is the kind of crap they always do, leaving guns around on coffee tables or in purses for kids to find, or target practicing on a city lot, or just damn showing off at barbecues.

          • Impatient

            Being uncertain of what was downrange, he clearly intended to kill anything that was downrange. And this is not murder because … “America. FUCK. YEAH!”

        • miss_grundy

          Jadlowski can never feel badly enough for killing his next door neighbor. Never, ever, ever enough. I hope Mr. Billquist makes his life a living hell so that he will have to sell his property and move away, if he is never tried for this.

          • jesterpunk

            There have been plenty of stories where white shooters get off because they feel bad. I hope he get sued and loses everything then has to watch his neighbor melt down his guns right in front of him.

          • CripesAmighty

            I hope Mr. Billquist sues his ass off, so that he’ll own Jadlowski’s house and can kick him out, achieving same.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          Has Congress called FTD to deliver the Thoughts and Prayers, yet?

    • Khavrinen

      If you can’t tell the difference between a deer and a human being, hunting may not be a good hobby for you.

      • marxalot

        Also if you use a pistol for deer hunting.

        • Ωbjectifier

          The pistol was a high-powered, single shot handgun often used for deer hunting, said Sheriff Joe Gerace.

          One of those assholes. I knew a guy that went “bear huntin” with a .454 handgun. It isn’t so much hunting as it is Jackass inna woods. With guns.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Often used by WHO?

    • miss_grundy

      I hope Mr. Billquist asks Mr. Jadlowski for his rifle and then makes sure that all the bullets are ejected and then uses the rifle butt to beat his head in–and without benefit of votes.

      • jesterpunk

        It was some kind of pistol. But yeah beat him with that.

    • amrak63

      50-50 odds that he really thought she was a ni*CLANG*, and made up the deer excuse on the spot, because he realized that would sound not quite as bad.

    • OutOfOrbit

      2 : 1 he was hunting her and it was premeditated

      • Dg Hacket

        Who hunts a deer with a pistol?!

        • therblig

          Stan, in “The Deer Hunter”

    • OrG

      What are you gonna do? It’s the price of freedumb.

      • jesterpunk

        She should have gone out with cover. That is just to walk the dog.

        https://www.safeguardclothing.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/03/35862417_m.jpg

      • chezmoi

        *sigh*
        This is such a bummer I can’t even NRA-joke about it.

        • David Chaillou

          If the deers were allowed to conceal carry morons would think twice before shooting them, and Rosemary might still be alive. See how we need less gun regs rather than more?

          • chezmoi

            *sob*

      • RobespierreHoo

        It’s too soon.

    • marxalot

      Happy Thanksgiving, neighbor.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Good firearms make good neighbors.

    • The Wanderer

      We should be thankful that the firearm is receiving counseling for a traumatic incident.

    • dshwa

      Why the fuck are you shooting at a deer with a pistol after sundown? Even if you hit it you’re probably not killing it, at least not right away, or even dropping it in place, and you’re not finding it in the dark after it runs off.

      • jesterpunk

        Why do you hate FreeDumb?

        • dshwa

          I hate the dumb part

    • Alternative Dog

      Because firing a pistol in that general direction is the first thing I’d do when I suspect a deer is in a field 200 yards away.

      • dshwa

        I hate to go all conspiracy theory, but that does seem a little fishy.

        • TundraGrifter

          Unfortunately, it’s far more common than you might think. Because far too many people don’t seem to think much at all.

        • Impatient

          (NRA) gun safety rules incude: don’t shoot unless you intend to hit something beyond the business end of your gun, and don’t shoot if you’re not sure of EVERYTHING downrange. Bullets travel far.

          Of course their safety rules have been displaced by Fuck Yeah! Murica!

      • harryeagar

        There are not 5 people in this country who could hit a target the size of a deer with a pistol from 200 yards

    • TootsStansbury

      This is so sad. A couple, who named their dogs Sugar and Stella, is torn apart by senseless death because armed moron.

    • TundraGrifter

      In some parts of the US of A, it’s considered to be a tragedy if a deer is allowed to die a natural death.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      ♪ Thank your good neighbor… ’cause Congress don’t care… ♪

    • TundraGrifter

      Years ago I read that if you hiking in the Midwest (and East) during the fall, it’s best to not use white toilet paper.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Being that I am not a gun nut hunter in PA, can some knowing Wonketteer explain if this is standard hunting practice in Erie, PA? You know, just go out on your front porch, spot a deer, then shoot it?

      • therblig

        my brother in law lives in Cambridge Springs, just a short distance from Erie and no, only a fucking moron (who should eat his own gun for black friday dinner) would do something this stupid.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        If it is, then I will need to remember to leave my antler hat at home when I visit my cousin in PA for Christmas.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      A waste of good meat. #darkmeatsmatter

    • ariel_gee_398

      Nothing about this story makes sense. Was he just going to leave the dead deer in the field? And aren’t there restrictions on what gender/age of deer you can shoot? So he was just guessing? Jesus christ this guy deserves to be .

      • jesterpunk

        You can’t shoot deer at night so he was breaking the rules. Not enough for them to arrest him or take his gun though.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • miss_grundy

      Too bad that billboard isn’t across the street from Trump Tower.

      • jesterpunk

        Too bad it isnt across the street from Mar-A-Lago also too.

        • BadKitty904

          Too bad it isn’t across the street from the White House. And Congress.

          • therblig

            too bad it isn’t on a book cover with “How it Happened” underneath.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            I was thinking a book cover with title “Wow, that was a bad dream, Madam President”

          • Bitter Scribe

            IK,R? IMO Hillary Clinton has unseated Al Gore for the title of “Best President We’ll Never Have Due to Election Fuckwittery.”

    • chezmoi

      Thanks again, Tom!

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      The fam was pretty good yesterday, except right wing dude bro BiL started bitching about New Yorkers while watching the Macy’s parade. He said, “Look at them! You can tell they think they’re better than everyone!” So I made a comment about coastal elitists and their damn talent and education. He went on after I jabbed him about how New Yorkers are totally taking his jerb (engineer for high tech med devices). Then, quietly, I said, “Say, do you know who else is from New York?”
      And the Mr, with the assist from the bathroom, “TRUMP!”
      And that’s all I have to say about that. Except, “Ha ha!”

  • Rick Hill
    • chezmoi

      I have a 10″ HP, so I see no ads at all.

      • Jamoche

        I have Adblock. And a Mac.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i get that people like to piss on mac users – and many of my fellow mac brethren deserve it (and i’m not happy with you these days apple) but let’s always be honest and accurate about everything.

      That’s a 5 year old NPR story saying Orbitz – and only orbitz – was trying to sell mac users on more expensive trips hotel rooms:

      “Well, Mac users, along with supposedly being hip and clever, spend more money than PC users – at least on hotel rooms – substantially more. And the travel website Orbitz is funneling that data into its search engine, showing Mac users different, at times higher, priced options than it does PC users.”

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        and ps:

        That’s right. So they spend anywhere from $20 to $30 more a night,which is kind of significant considering the average booking on the site is about $100.

        And of course, it all makes sense:
        “MATTIOLI: So they had a hunch that Apple users and PC users acted differently.”

        So, the average household income for an adult Mac user is $98,000. And that’s compared to $74,000 for the PC owner. They also tend to be younger, higher education grade. They are – skew more male, actually. So there are these differences that could be meaningful to a retailer who’s trying to get as much of an incremental spend as they can.

        • Lord Jim

          So I don’t get ads for fancier things cuz I’m a brokedick fucktard?

          Sounds about right.

          XD

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, I buy my mac shit on sale on refurb.

          • Lord Jim

            Refurb is an underutilized option, Way I see it, it means an issue was discovered and addressed by a tech, and it’s cheap.

    • SeeTrain65

      If you bought a brand-new Mac, you absolutely have more money than your PC-using counterparts.

  • TootsStansbury

    “historyshowsus” awwwww, Wonkette can say they knew Steve Bannon way back when he was just a little spore.

  • marxalot

    Well, I was going to go into the office and renew my lease today, but when I came back from walking the dog I heard the oddest sound. Seems my upstairs neighbors have a leak, and it’s now broken through the ceiling in my guest bathroom. So instead I shall be rousting the maintenance people from their hard-earned food comas.

    • TootsStansbury

      That sucks, are you still going to renew your lease?

      • marxalot

        That’s the question. I mean, I hate moving. But this is the second leak I’ve had in this place. The good news is, maintenance has already responded and is upstairs trying to find and stop the leak. From the sound of it, they’ve succeeded in making it worse.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Needs moar chainsaws….

  • wait! what?

    Top Candies of 2017

    A year ago, I saw several different kids dressed as Donald Trump for Halloween, back before we knew that we’d be suffering under that lunatic’s idiocy. What an exhausting year! Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, but this year even the candy seems worn down by the last horrible year of politics.

    https://manvchild.com/post/166850228711/top-candies-of-2017

  • bbayliss
  • OrdinaryJoe

    Sometimes a simple chart can speak volumes. This charts the Dow. The 2008-09 dip is the last year of Bush budget. The 2016-17 up is the last year of Obama budget.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/267f1ffdfb6dcf5aa18ed08d5c02ba3535f6f1ffb92c51392cb96af71f872f2d.png

    • Khavrinen

      Charts don’t tell you much if you don’t label the axes.

      • jesterpunk
        • Anna Rompage

          A pick ax while wearing wingtips?

          • jesterpunk

            The right freaked out about him wearing jeans and tan suits. If he wasn’t dressed up here congress may have tried to impeach him.

      • TundraGrifter

        So you want to grind about the axes?

        • Proactive Cooperator

          Please axe your questions after the presentation.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Y?

          • TundraGrifter

            Don’t axe me!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        This is my rifle, this is my gun….

      • therblig

        or the Axis

      • Bad Scooter

        I assume the Y axis represents the Dow Jones Industrial Average, but “guess what these numbers mean” is no way to present a persuasive argument.

    • SayItWithWookies

      That stuff before January 2009 was the free market anticipating the repressive, Stalinist, gun-confiscating Obama presidency; while the stuff afterward was it looking forward to the free-enterprise espousing, tax-cutting and deregulating Trump ascendancy.

    • wait! what?

      Orange you sad it wasn’t Donald?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      If Donald had a crayon company it’d be called Crapola.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      No Moron Mango?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Or Livid Tangerine?

        • Ωbjectifier

          Shitgibbon Orange is too absract for the kids.

        • Anna Rompage

          Petulant cheeto Orange

    • data_ninja

      Ye olde Bloom Couny comic:
      https://i.imgur.com/hTOMvYX.jpg

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Here at Mehmeisterjr Industries, we have been trying to develop a flesh-toned crayon color based on Steve Bannon’s flesh tone.

        Unfortunately, the exact combination of purple, red, yellow and green keeps changing from day to day.

        • TootsStansbury

          “Bannon Bruise”

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Great title for the new color! We may well use it, if the target ever stops shifting.

            In the meantime, any ideas for the related Bannon crayon color based on the contents of an acid-filled bathtub?

            I am partial to “Unidentifiable Bone White” but others in the organzation prefer “Check-the-Dental-Records Ivory.”

        • Phried Ω

          Dare I say a veritable rainbow of misanthropy?

        • theCryptofishist

          You have to get some dichro colors that aren’t shiny and pretty in there.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I love penguins. Opus is one of my favorites, along with Tennessee Tuxedo and Tux the Linux mascot.

    • BosGrl

      My adopted town’s high school team name is Redmen. They also voted for Trump.

      • Johnatx

        Oh, I can top that. The high school of the virtually all white suburb north of Houston name was originally the Clansmen. Now, they’re the Highlanders

        • BosGrl

          Sigh.

      • theCryptofishist

        So, they have Putin as a mascot?

        • BosGrl

          The people here are actually very nice. Not Putin-like at all. I don’t get it.

  • Rick Hill

    So, Rick Hill’s adventure’s in techiness:
    The new tablet, the Hi 10, apparently it does not do peer to peer transfers n the mini usb ports.(There are three ports, each a different mini usb type thing) and none of them seem to transfer data. For some stupid fcking reason. As one guy commented:
    Both the devices are own PC’s the only way to transfer files is via USB((flashdrive)btw, this doesn’t seem to be an option because my model doesn’t have a full sized usb port like some do), Cloud, UTP (mod) cable, via the SD card slot, mail, push bullet app, External Hdd.

    I did get it to connect to my router with the wifi connection but can’t see it in my work group. The only positives about this seem to be the low price and the large memory. I’m considering sending it back and getting something else, though that would surely be a pain.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      I have to unplug and replug my mouse every time I turn my PC on. I have no idea why.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It may be time to buy a new mouse. (Mine was acting strange for awhile and decided to die on Tuesday. Bought a new one on Wednesday and problem solved.)

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          PC and mouse and both new and came together.

          • William

            Very few couples can do that. Congrats.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Hmm, well it is either a mouse or a PC problem or both.

            But, hooray, you are within warranty.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            I’m thinking the mouse might be getting power when the computer is off and your unplugging it power cycles the mouse causing its to reset and be seen by the computer.

            If you have one of those lights or fans that plug into a USB port or your phone or tablet or something that can show it is getting power, can you plug it into the USB port when the computer is off to see if its powered.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Put a new battery in it…

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Maybe try reinstalling the mouse driver.

        I say that with a shifty look on my face because I’m not an actual computer person… I just nod knowingly when my beloved talks about fixing computer problems and try to remember the words he uses.

    • SayItWithWookies

      How about Bluetooth?

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Please let this be the breakthrough that it looks like it could be (and dammit, science, don’t let your hands get tied by that fucking “autism is magical and mental illness is a gift” anti-psychiatry Tumblr cult). I’ve said it elsewhere. If being crazy is an inevitable trade-off for being intelligent, then I’d rather be stupid if it means being sane.

    Neuroscientists say that human brains evolved to have unique “feel-good” circuits different from chimpanzees; further research into dopamine could be crucial to understanding everything from intelligence to addiction and mental illness

    Evolution is a thing. Nobody but, well, idiots is disputing that. But from where I’m sitting — alone, with no job, and extremely limited prospects for getting one because my brain didn’t evolve properly, or evolved too much in the wrong parts and not enough in the correct ones — maybe it was a mistake.

    • marxalot

      Hey, mine evolved so that it didn’t react normally to dopamine or seratonin. I’m not crazy, but my endo-cannabinoid receptors are malformed and I’m allergic to happiness.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        That sucks bigly. 😞 I still can’t figure out why people have “marijuana circuits” upstairs. I take it though, since yours are malformed, that must be why pot causes (or exacerbates) people going haywire if they already have something wrong in the ol’ inner sanctum. I consider it an allergy, like people can be allergic to peanuts or flower pollen or anything else “natural” that nevertheless is harmful to a certain subset of people.

        One of the problems with prohibition is that the legalization side (or elements of it anyway) goes overboard in viewing it as a panacea for everything even though some people may very well have reactions and not everything “natural” is fit for human consumption (you wouldn’t put poison ivy in a salad, for instance). Or other creatures; humans can and do eat chocolate, but it’s fatal to dogs and cats.

        Although, what I meant by “crazy” is the popular shorthand for being cursed with anything in the D.S.M. book of bad habits. As I said I don’t really buy into that whole semantic argument that’s spreading like wildfire into a full-blown political advocacy movement: that there’s no such thing as mental “illness” or neurological “defects,” merely “differences.” This kind of research is what that group is trying to make illegal on grounds that it could lead to a “cure” for things that the group doesn’t consider “flaws” in the first place.

        So as a counter-reaction to them, who I can’t stand because of how militant they are in their weaponized delusions, I just go ahead and label myself crazy and hang my head in shame. I probably shouldn’t do the last part, but holding my head high carries with it the risk of normalization which is what the other side wants. Calling myself sick or broken is the only way I can see to keep the fires burning towards a much-needed cure. They’re demanding that autism be equated with homosexuality and bipolar disorder with lefthandedness.

        I’m on the side of science, and humans using their capacity for problem-solving to, well, solve the problems that nature evidently couldn’t, or which may not have been “problems” in the caveman days but certainly are problems now. Not the diversity-at-all-costs cult that refuses to acknowledge that “problems” even exist, or ever did in the first place. “Too much of a good thing” is a phrase for a reason. If your chances of being mentally ill increase with your IQ, then yes, you can be too smart for your own good. Maybe we need