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FLIGHT RISK, EVERYONE, FLIGHT RISK!

Has anyone looked REAL CLOSE at the turkeys Donald Trump pardoned a little while ago, to see if maybe they were Paul Manafort and Rick Gates? Or maybe Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn? Has anyone checked to see if one of Paul Manafort’s many aliases is “Drumstick”?

We are just fooling, of course. Paul Manafort is charged with a shit-load of crimes (and maybe will be charged with many more!), and with his trial starting in May, it’s possible he won’t get to have Thanksgiving with his family next year. So that was pretty nice of the judge to let him have a few seconds of joy.

It was pretty funny of the judge to say they’re not allowed to have any booze, though. Enjoy your time with your peeps, but don’t get drunk and start booking plane tickets, boys!

Buzzfeed explains that Robert Mueller is OK with this:

On Monday, Manafort and Gates asked the judge for permission to leave home for Thanksgiving festivities. Gates asked to travel to events in Virginia. Manafort’s travel would be “local,” per his filing, and his lawyers wrote that Mueller’s team was okay with him leaving home as long as he continued to wear his GPS device, told the pretrial services agency where he was going, and didn’t drink. Manafort agreed to those conditions.

We feel compelled to note that, just as some dogs are able to spring electric fences, these men, especially Manafort, are liable to try something during their hours of freedom. Hell, a Russian oligarch’s ship just docked outside of Mar-A-Lago, and considering Manafort’s many foreign Russian/Ukrainian oligarch connections, we wouldn’t be surprised if he knew the dude. So can Border Patrol and the Coast Guard and all the customs agents in America please keep an eye out for this man?

Paul Manafort is an international man of mystery, so please be advised that he might wear a wig or a funny mustache or introduce himself in a high-pitched voice as “Not Paul Manafort, that’s for sure!” He could even look like this:

If Manafort and Gates decide to flee together, they could look like this:

Do not be fooled by this spycraft. These are dangerous, sneaky men we are dealing with.

OK, public service announcement over, if you see something, say something, happy Thanksgiving, yours in Christ, Wonkette.

Also this is your open thread, bye.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries, servers, and all of the things are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click here to fund us!

[Buzzfeed]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Boy, she really is trying to milk her 15 minutes…

      • Joe Beese

        Girl’s got an advance to earn out.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Break-ins? I thought Hannity said there were no break-ins?

    • jesterpunk

      First Tucker Calson’s show and posing with Sheriff Clark now she is going on Lumpy’s show?

      https://media.tenor.com/images/7a940ba7f131f51a0b80dabc0fdb2774/tenor.gif

    • Weird Fishes

      She is so dead to me. Her behavior is appalling, and for what? Some holiday book sales. They’ll be remaindered by Presidents’ Day.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        I look forward to seeing dozens of them stacked up at Five Below.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Brazile is an outright traitor.

    • Bemused

      She must have really poisoned all the other wells if she’s resorting to Hannity.

      • Joe Beese

        Well, I suppose it’s pitching to a receptive audience.

    • jowgajen

      Wow, Donna has gone full attention whore. Sad end to her career.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Going on Hannity, Jesus. Someone really pissed in her coffee.

    • TakingAmes

      Because of course she is.

    • bupkus231

      After seeing how the attorney for Gloria Deason replied to Hannity’s booker, I’m disgusted.

      What thye fuck is wrong with you, Donna????

  • Joe Beese

    “As many of you know,” Trump said, “I have been very active in overturning a number of executive actions by my predecessor, however I have been informed by the White House Counsel’s office that Tater and Tot’s pardons cannot under any circumstances be revoked.”

    https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/11/21/trump-pardons-drumstick-the-turkey-and-jokes-about-overturning-obamas-turkey-pardons/23284567/

  • jesterpunk

    Can they give them shock collars also too? Like they sell for dogs with an invisible fence and if they cross it they get shocked? I don’t use them on dogs because I think they are cruel but I will make an exception for those 2.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Yes, it’s just the same courtesy they extend to anyone charged with a string of felonies and denied parole.

    • Crystalclear12

      That meet the color requirement, of course.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    They don’t have Thanksgiving in the Ukraine, but there have to be a lot of common folk there who won’t be enjoying the holidays with their families thanks to the likes of Manafort.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Things you never thought you’d say before Trump was elected: You think the head of the President’s campaign will go into hiding in Russia this week?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That is actually the first thing I thought I’d say before Trump was elected.

  • Michael Smith

    He’s lucky he wasn’t selling drugs, they would have really thrown the book at him.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You betcha. A poor blah without $150.00 for bail could rot in jail for a year or more.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        Last week, a guy on my train OD’ed after snorting heroin. Cops came, got him off the train. As I watched from the opposite platform while waiting for the replacement train, the cops were very polite and concerned. They helped him up and escorted him off the platform without handcuffs.

        Since I did not say anything about a forcible blood draw or gunfire, you might have already guessed that this gentleman was white.

  • Crystalclear12

    Judge: are you OK with them being out?
    Mueller: Sure, give’em all the rope they want.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      (pssst! The locator anklet is also a recording device. Don’t tell Paul!)

      • bupkus231

        I wonder if any of the people sentenced to wear those ankle bracelets have tried wrapping them in tin foil?

        Not the way they work, I guess, and probably a violation of probation, but…

  • Oblios_Cap

    If I couldn’t drink on Thanksgiving, I would just stay home. How does drinking have fuck to do with his charges?

    • jesterpunk

      It doesnt but he is getting out when he is supposed to be on house arrest for a few days and there are a lot of people who do dumb shit when they are drunk.

      • Crystalclear12

        Like accidentally tell people they made a deal to screw over Trump.

        • jesterpunk

          Ayup.

          • Weird Fishes

            Now, wouldn’t that be splendid.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          And also a very good reason not to let him out in the first place.

  • Weird Fishes

    I’m disappointed that they’re not going to be watching the Thanksgiving Day festivities behind bars. That said, I wonder if they had to “earn” this little respite, and whether it means further dirt on Bronzo the Malignant and his cronies.

  • BMW

    In capitalist America, Turkey pardons YOU.

    • DainBramage

      That is, unless you hurt Turkish bodyguards’ fists with your face.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • jesterpunk

      Good. I hope he keeps losing and keeps getting madder and madder about it then resigns or is impeached.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        The spiteful petty bastard couldn’t even kill the turkeys Obama pardoned.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Gotta get rid of Pence before that. Or at the same time.

        President Pence, while not being so showy about it, would be worse than Drumpf, in terms of actual legislation passed. :(

        • jesterpunk

          Get rid of Trump, Pence and GOP control of congress. Then President Pelosi and watch a lot of peoples heads explode.

      • bupkus231

        Ragestroke – that’s what I’m hoping for.

    • goonemeritus

      Boy these unelected activist judges know no bounds. The next thing they will be telling our President that he can’t accept bribes from Russians.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So no B-double-E-double-R-U-N for the boys?

    • marxalot

      Aww, but they had a ten and a fiver!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        And a car, and a key, and a sober driver.

    • Seek

      Nope but they might R-U-N-N-O-F-T, Because that would be pretty funny

  • Crystalclear12

    Thanks for the puppies☺

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    Today seems to have sucked more than usual. :|

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Amen, sister.

  • Michael R
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Get in line, asshole!”

  • SayItWithWookies

    Look at that steely-eyed glare. I’ll bet as soon as he’s out of the house, Manafort’ll be on his way to a Michael Douglas cosplay convention.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It all depends on what your definition of “special” is:

    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/933071820173074437

  • ariel_gee_398

    Probably ought to give him a blood alcohol test on Thanksgiving just to be sure he’s complying with his conditions of release and doesn’t need to be hauled into custody, no?

    • Fartknocker

      Actually, some of the new technology is able to detect the presence of ethyl alcohol by evaluating the chemistry of perspiration. Given his predicament I’m sure the bracelet is working a maximum speed.

  • WilbyToad

    Hey, it’s only the fate of the nation. If this is the standard, everyone jailed awaiting trial should be out for Thanksgiving.

    Take a knee.

  • Weird Fishes

    OT, but the Fucktard in Chief speaks:
    Trump Urges Vote for Roy Moore, Cites Candidate’s Denial of Allegations https://nyti.ms/2jMDsWV

    • Joe Beese
    • BMW
    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      “We don’t need a liberal person in there, a Democrat, Jones,” Mr. Trump said. “I’ve looked at his record. It’s terrible on crime. It’s terrible on the border. It’s terrible on the military.”

      Let’s look at that record:

      1. “Terrible on crime”: Lifelong prosecutor, including the killers of the “Four Little Girls”.

      2. “Terrible on the border”: I’m confused. When exactly did Alabama get a border with Mexico? I don’t think Dampnut has a problem with the Alabama/Georgia or Alabama/Mississippi borders, does he?

      3. “Terrible on the military”: Yeah, no. The asshole who disses POWs, Gold Star Families and widows does NOT get to have the high moral ground on this issue, regardless of what Mr. Jones’ record is (and frankly, I have no idea what his record is, and don’t care).

      • Weird Fishes

        Well said 😊

      • bupkus231

        “(and frankly, I have no idea what his record is, and don’t care).”

        Neither does Rump – but someone told him Jones was a Democrat and told him to use his own “judgment” as to what to say….

  • Bemused

    Do we really think that their problem is alcohol? Personally I think they should be required to wear a cell phone jammer and forbidden the use of phone or internet.

    • SDGeoff3

      It gives them a chance to pay a surprise visit with a breathalyzer. These guys are never going to have another convenient day for quite some time.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I’d be so happy if the social media CEOs got this as punishment. Life sentence in a Faraday cage.

      • marxalot

        Can I rent one?

        • bupkus231

          You can build one with tin aluminum foil!

    • Historicat

      I’m thinking maybe Mueller wants them to use the phone. He almost certainly has them wired or tapped.

      “Hey Jared – great to talk to you! Listen, about that conversation we had at the tower …”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Rich white men get to spend Thanksgiving with the family.

    Poor men, black and white, can rot in a cell.

    Ah, the magnificent equality of the law!

  • Jenny
  • BMW
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Is that Jared ? He’s looking at that turkey like “I want a pardon, too”.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Pro tip, sneaking into Mexico disguised as a woman, not as surefire as it sounds…”
    — Ghost of Jefferson Davis

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Thank goodness those unsightly slabs of granite were removed, or they wouldn’t have a place to stand.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Manafort’s release gave Ivanka an idea for a groovy new accessory:

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1yyNUbilYeY/RwzQlxGrZVI/AAAAAAAAANQ/OEUHcZovKck/s400/chanel_ankle_bags3.jpg

    • DainBramage

      Nice to see Flynn got his toenails painted.

  • Sheepshagger

    La majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.

    • Weird Fishes

      J’accept votre surrendre.

  • Vorhees

    Truly don’t get the no drinking part? Are we afraid of cirrhosis of the liver can be used to evade justice?

    • jesterpunk

      They don’t want him blabbing and he is on house arrest so they don’t want him to get drunk and do something stupid.

    • Sheepshagger

      It lets you fuck with them. Drop by with the breathalyzer, see who they’re with.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    In that picture Manafort always looks like a detective just told him where they found the buried body.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Mrs Pixelz has been gravely ill for the past two weeks. By gravely, I mean headed for the grave. But yesterday the doctors outlined a treatment plan that they are confident will cure her. It involves radiation and if she acquires (additional) superpowers in the process, SO BE IT!

    The journey to this point involved X-rays, CAT scans, MRIs, PET scans, blood tests, six different doctors (so far). Whatever they say, we do. And that terrible socialist Medicare system pays for 80% of it. So 80% of a hooray for socialism! It is saving my wife’s life.

    I’m left to wonder what happens to people with no health insurance? Where is the ER you go to to say, “I’m uninsured and I think my wife may have cancer”? And you get the X-rays, CAT scans, MRIS, PET scans, plus six different doctors. So FUCK the Republicans and their hatred for affordable, accessible health care. FUCK THEM with a million malignant rat dicks.

    • Jenny

      Dude. I hope socialism works a miracle for you.

      Everyone else just dies though. If they’re lucky, with people who care about them.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I am so sorry you and Mrs are facing this. I truly hope this plan works.
      And a giant middle finger to anyone who tries to argue that single payer plans rations care
      You don’t get unlimited care unless you have unlimited money
      Anyone who thinks insurance companies don’t ration care is stupid
      Rationed Care is better than no care

    • jesterpunk

      The ER would make them comfortable for now then discharge them.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Fuck ’em forever. And best of luck – and best of days in any case – to you and the Mrs.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Sending healing thoughts your way.

      BTW: by the time I got my third cancer diagnosis I was dropped by my health insurance. I found out that what happens when you don’t have health insurance is a nightmare that I would only wish on people who take other people’s health insurance away.

      • Red Bird

        That’s messed up. I hope you found something to help pay for treatment.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          Thank you.

          I had to wait to sign up for my spouse’s insurance (that was six months with cancer before I could get approval for surgery). I was in the hospital in two weeks.

          This happened during the terrible Tea Party/anti-Obamacare tantrums of 2010. May they all rot in Hell.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      No joke, makes my adventures seem absolutely picayune

    • proudgrampa

      I’m thinking of you.

    • ariel_gee_398

      My cousin has colon cancer and had no insurance (because why pay for something he might not need, better to pay the penalty in his mind, he is an idiot). He was discharged from several ERs when his symptoms were quite severe – couldn’t eat, couldn’t walk, etc.

      Finally, he told an ER doc that he thought he’d die if he was discharged to continue to suffer. They admitted him, diagnosed him, and treated his cancer.
      So that’s what happens – you’re ignored as long as you aren’t about to keel over immediately, then you have to hope it’s not too late.

      • mirele

        My brother called me up on January 25 and said he was vomiting and needed to go to the ER. So I dropped everything, literally turned around just as I was to enter the work parking lot, and drove 25 miles to fetch him. I took him to the ER and there it turned out he did not have insurance. While he was vomiting (and I’m telling you, he was throwing up in ways I never saw in my years in university and law school), the finance woman came in and got payment via a credit card. Then she asked me (based on my brother pointing, “DEAL WITH HER,”) if I wanted to sign my brother up for Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System. So I did. This was the Medicaid expansion the otherwise execrable Jan Brewer accepted and it probably saved my brother’s life. That’s because my brother was in diabetic ketoacidosis and was dying. He spent several days in the ICU before they let him come home.

        So yeah, when my idiot congressman talks about cutting Medicaid, I tell him that he’s going to kill my brother.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Cancer sucks, and I’m so sorry, and I wish you both all the courage in the world.

      If one has health insurance in this country, and gets sick, one should go to a doctor and/or a hospital if need be.

      If one doesn’t have health insurance in this country, and gets sick, one should go to a Republican Congressperson’s office.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Oh, Pixels, I’m so sorry to hear that! Fuck cancer, and fuck the metastatic blight of hatred and greed that is the Republican plague. You and the missus are good people with good hearts, for thinking about people with no healthcare besides the last-resort E.R. Bear hugs to you both.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b67996eebd3a05eb0f5c82a3007e7efce76927c7ce099c77d739a76a307fdaf.jpg

      • Ora

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        fu352d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsSpaceWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fu352lhh

      • Rhonda

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        fi224d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeCashJobsConsultOpportunity/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fi224lhh

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I wish your wife the best and hope that the new treatment works.

    • SadDemInTex

      My uncle is gravely ill and basically homeless. Thank god for Medicare and social services in California….at least he has that.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Fuck cancer, JustPixelz – I hope you and your wife get through this.

      And yes – fuck those Republican bastards for dumping everyone out on the streets with no healthcare. May they all have massive cancerous votes.

    • Shibusa

      80% is good but I’m sure you still have a big bill to cover. Best wishes to Mrs. Pixelz.

    • Boojum

      I am hoping for the best. You can have all of the pity I’ve collected. I don’t really need it.

  • Anna Rompage

    Paul Manafort is an international man of ̶m̶y̶s̶t̶e̶r̶y̶ douchebaggery…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Oooh, fancy dotted line strike-out! Got a link on how to do that?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Don’t worry. If he’s confident of his innocence, he won’t flee the country.

    • Covfefe

      But if Manafort does leave the country, what would that mean for Donald Fredeovich’s claims that whole the Russia thing is fake news?

    • Blackest Noobs

      says Manafort the guy with multiple passports.

  • Blackest Noobs

    p.s. and there’s this:

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/21/us/politics/roy-moore-trump-alabama.html

    Democrats should definitely remember Trump supports pedophile during the 2020 election….play in ads non-stop..over and over again.

    Trump supports “alleged” pedophile for the Senate.

    • jesterpunk

      Play the clip of KAC saying that tax cuts for the super rich are more important then anything.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ooooh that is election gold right there too….should use it for the midterms when it’s pretty obvious the tax bill is pretty shitty..well if they pass it and they gotta pass it cuz if not…the GOP is totally doomed.

        they’re kind of doomed…..but not passing the shitty bill should really doom doom them.

        • jesterpunk

          If they pass it they lose with voters, if they don’t pass it they get no more donations.

          • Blackest Noobs

            it’s a doom-doom situation.

          • jesterpunk
          • Invisible Bunyip

            So an inverse Xanatos Gambit?

          • bupkus231

            “…if they don’t pass it they get no more donations.”

            I’ll believe that when I see it. Those fucking billionaire donors are at least as much liars as any other Republican – even when they’re talking to their servants….

    • BMW

      You know…I am beginning to think maybe Trump’s judgement may be a bit questionable.

  • dslindc
    • bupkus231

      Gee, I wonder what a “holiday meal” at Riker’s Island would consist of?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        It might actually involve turkey, stuffing, pie, Etc. Is it a state-run prison, or a for-profit-private operation?

  • WilbyToad

    Trump Backs Roy Moore: ‘We Don’t Need A Liberal Democrat In That Seat’

    And Trump defended Moore, who like Trump has faced accusations of sexual harassment and assault from numerous women.

    “Roy Moore denies it. That’s all I can say. And by the way, he totally denies it,”

    by CAMERON JOSEPH, TALKING POINTS MEMO

    Kiss of death. Please please please…

    • marxalot

      Except that… he doesn’t.

    • jesterpunk

      They switched from denying it to “they are pure”.

    • Sheepshagger

      “Vote Chomo not Homo”

      Trump 2020

    • Blackest Noobs

      it’s funny im sure someone on his staff is saying the following :” Jesus fucking christ, all he had to do was keep his fucking mouth shut about this for 21 more days….doesn’t he know the last guy he endorsed lost? he soooo fucked this up.”

      “and AGAIN at that!!!” pipes in another person on his staff.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Even the dead in the cemetery should be doing all of the Claude Raines about this. My question is, how much support will Trump lose?

      • WilbyToad

        Ghoulish Old Perverts hang tight.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “He’s like my good friend Pooty Poot.”

    • bupkus231

      Preferably for Rump, even if it isn’t for Moore….

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • StrangerCaptainHowdy
  • Pilotshark

    hopefully they also have live security watching them, cause it is way to easy to slip off one of those trackers, and maybe placed on someone else while they get away.

    if he had three passports, a betting person would say double down on a fourth one, maybe not an American one.

    • jesterpunk

      You know Mueller is going to have someone or multiple people following them anywhere they go.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      It’s standard to have to surrender your passport. For 99.9% of us, that’s one passport. I’m sure Mueller found all his passports.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      In some ways I hope he runs, because that’d be kind of hard for the apologists to explain away.

  • Your daily dose of White Privilege

    • Lance Thrustwell

      True. But maybe it’s also kind of smart. Mueller gets good PR for his cause and it costs him nothing.

    • Crystalclear12

      Or this is their treat for being good stool pigeons.

  • dslindc

    Since he can’t drink, does he have to sit at the kids table, also too?

    • Sheepshagger

      Not advisable for republican males. Enough problems already.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Burrrrn

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’d call CPS on anyone who inflicted his presence on kids FFS.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No Borscht Belt.

  • “Hello, Big Man Paul Manafort. I am pleased to be celebrating the American giving of thanks with you. I even bring very American side dishes of the casserole of green beans and mashed potatoes.”
    “The potatoes are glowing.”
    “Is from Chernobyl. Very healthy. Full of potassium, polonium. Good for you. You eat much now.”

    • proudgrampa

      Then the SMERSH agent left the room and the murders began.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      As a first generation russian, I strongly support this.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Meanwhile, The Art of the Deal remains #1 on the fiction list:

    https://twitter.com/HillaryWarnedUs/status/932999088332734466

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      bUT we TOOOLd ShiTLERY to GOO AWWWAAYYYYY!!1!!!!!!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Hey look! “God is Gay” is in the top 5! I have that book!

      • bupkus231

        I saw that title as “Thou art God”…

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          A lady in line at Barnes & Noble gave me the worst dagger stare when I bought it. She had a stack of generally evangelical themed books and clearly was not amused. Even my mother told me to hide it because most people aren’t going to know what it really means.

    • Cliff Hendroval

      His clean-up sign on the West Side Highway has been vandalized, I was pleased to see.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Have the owners started removing the trump name from those atrocities on the west side? I don’t get that far north …

  • dslindc
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yo, assholes who say “both parties are the same”?

    https://twitter.com/ryanstruyk/status/933040115445915648

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Butt wut aBout WAAALLLL STREEEEETTTT?/!?/1!?/?!?!?!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Who the hell is that 12% ?!?!?!?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        People who didn’t listen to the question.

      • TJ Barke

        People that assume it’s a false flag operation?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          The Bernbrats can’t be that insane….

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Well, technically the question fits in Al Franken, too, and I’m not ready to through him under the bus just yet.

    • Covfefe

      Demonrats are more rigid than Republicans.

  • Marceline

    Given how Putin likes to deal with loose ends, Manafort and Gates would probably be much safer staying at home.

  • Me not sure

    Paul. If the waiter that brings the soup is Russian, get up and back quickly away from the table. That soup might be “hot”.

    • bupkus231

      Some of that “recreational polonium” perhaps?

      • Me not sure

        I hear it’s legal in Russia.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Mandatory, in some circles.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          And ‘dosing’ is still considered OK, among some users. Yes, I’m talking bout assassins, but still.

          • Me not sure

            It adds a certain melancholy piquancy to any meal.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      All Starbucks merchandise also too.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        We’ll have to buy everything in the store.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      And I want a “bloody Jesus on a cross” cup for Easter.

      • marxalot

        Like, proper bloody. Spanish crucifix bloody.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I’d go by a Sbux store just to get one of those cups. And I don’t even drink coffee.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I’m torn between deciding which is the worst punishment: no alcohol or getting released to spend Thanksgiving with family.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      No kidding! I usually have to have the first to get through the second.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope Manafort has to sit next to the “annoying” uncle who’s a big Rachel Maddow fanboy.
      /sorry, uncle

    • Historicat

      It’s the combo that really makes things painful.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Blackest Noobs

      Billy is turning liberal? say it isn’t so.

      • Covfefe

        It isn’t so. Don’t you ever believe it.

    • OrG

      Don’t worry dude, your head will be back up your ass soon enough.

    • jesterpunk

      WHY THE HELL IS BILL FUCKING KRISTOL MAKING SENSE??? What is going on with the world and can someone please fix it now? Thanks

      • marxalot

        This is, perhaps, the thing I most resent about the last 11 months. Not fear, not loathe, not grieve or mourn, but resent: that I should ever, ever find Bill Kristol sensible or sympathetic.

        • jesterpunk

          IKR? There are quite a few really shitty republicans that are suddenly sounding reasonable and I don’t think I like that.

      • Crystalclear12

        Dogs and cats living together. . .

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And he’s actually made a joke that is funny. This means the transformation to liberal has already taken place.

    • Christopher Story

      We’re just as freaked out as you are.

    • bupkus231

      You don’t have any of those “inner” entities – It’s just gas, Bill, take a Bromoseltzer….

    • BigCSouthside

      Hi bill.

      All that stuff coming to the surface is good stuff. Embrace it.

    • Crystalclear12

      Finally, the drugs in the water are taking effect.
      Move to phase 2: diet coke.

    • How is the man who brought us Sarah Palin at all upset with Trumpy? The only difference is breasts.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And actual power.

        It was always OK and easy to laugh at Palin. She was a joke that never came too close to destroying our nation; to threatening the existence of life on the planet. I don’t know when we’ll have an unreservedly good chuckle over that idiot Trump.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It means that you’re waking up to the realities of 1890 and the Sherman Antitrust Act. It’s too bad that you helped to lead the country to the brink of this disaster over many decades (and that you can’t write or reason for shit.)

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Robyn Ryan

      Adulting.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “That video from a previous wonket post is bringing out my inner macho, macho man.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      It’s just fascinating watching some of the prime architects of the current Republican Party get all squirmy about it.

  • Sheepshagger

    You know who’s having a nervous breakdown this year? William Gibson. He’s been trying to write novels set in the near future, and he’s completely fucked. How is he supposed to fictionalise this shit?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Blackest Noobs

      kinda looks like Trump’s Kebler Elf, Jeff Sessions….well what he really looks like

    • TJ Barke

      God, that is so fantastic…

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Too coherent.

    • bubbuhh

      Mos preshuss!!!

    • TakingAmes

      Terrifying. Thank you.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Blanche de Shambles

      My question is, did he use Ivanka’s modeling career as a way to get access to teenage girls for his “parties”? Did Ivanka groom other teenage models for him?

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m not goin to speculate about vanky, but IIRC that particular agency had a reputation for hard partying young models.

        • Shanzgood

          Isn’t that called child trafficking?

          • Resistor Radio

            Well I wasn’t thinking specifically THAT, but if you have a bunch of beautiful, coked-up fifteen year olds clubbing with businessmen…yeah. I mean, I wasn’t in NYC in the eighties but it definitely was a culture.

  • Thiazin Red

    Of course there is a word in german for the specific pain that comes from an ovarian cyst in the middle of a cycle.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Kraftwageneinstellraum?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Drumpf?

  • TJ Barke

    Cuz criminal traitors should be allowed out of jail…

    • jesterpunk

      It depends, if they let him out then follow him and do a surprise breathalyzer check during the visit they can see who he is with and what they are discussing. Even if they don’t do that its going to make them both paranoid as hell the whole time.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I have a friend on probation for a DUI. They check his pee for liver enzymes or some shit and can tell if he has had alcohol in the last 72 hours.

  • marxalot

    You know, occasionally I really miss drinking.
    Nah, this is better.
    Still! Can we get a Thanksgiving reprieve for everyone currently held pending bail, or trial? Hell, let all the guys doing five for bad judgement get the same treatment as these idiot mercenaries.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I hope the Manafort and Gates families are made up of people of both political persuasions, so they can have frank, open discussions, followed by bloodshed and smashed furniture. (with votes)

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Is Manafort the one whose daughters were texting back and forth about the people he’s had killed? Wonder if they’ll be there to give dad a big ol’ holiday greeting and hugs?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        He is, and I kind of wonder how holidays have been since then? The one daughter, I think, has turned her back on him, more or less.

  • Sheepshagger

    I feel sorry for the FBI agents spending thanksgiving in the van with a triggerfish and directional antennae array. But it’s valuable work.

    • Fartknocker

      He’s more than likely being supervised by the US Marshal’s Service. The USMS are very efficient at being sneaky bastards.

      • Sheepshagger

        More cameras on those boys than paris hiltons snatch.

        • Fartknocker

          I worked with them several years when we’re attempting to arrest a guy who murdered his lover by getting him drunk and then igniting the house. We had an idea of where he was located but then USMS got involved they tracked him down in about 72 hours. The software they use is pretty scary from what they can learn about you in a few keystrokes.

          • Sheepshagger

            Databases and modern infotech are scary as fuck. The man knows everything nowadays, and what he doesn’t the algorithms ferret out .

          • wait! what?

            I prefer to think of them as all being Tommy Lee Jones w/a really bad case of OCD regarding catching criminals.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Well, that’s a lot better than Mirror Universe Lt. O’Brien being an obnoxious dick to socks-and-sandals intellectual Lloyd Dobler.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqY1HgfPY8k

    • wait! what?

      Maybe they can stalk him with a drone of some kind.

      • Crystalclear12

        I have picture in my head of a drone hovering over Manafort family turkey now.
        Thanks!

  • WilbyToad

    NY police union hopes for mass shooting at Brooklyn College after students complain about cops in bathrooms

    by TOM BOGGIONI, RAWSTORY

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/ny-police-union-hopes-for-mass-shooting-at-brooklyn-college-after-students-complain-about-cops-in-bathrooms/

    Something something community relations.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Thiazin Red

      If I ever became ridiculously wealthy one of the first rich people presents I would get myself is a couple of those domesticated Russian foxes.

      • Resistor Radio

        I’d get a capybara. If we were neighbors they could be friends.

    • wait! what?

      Foxes are just dogs that acknowledge their inner cat.

    • Resistor Radio

      Awwwwww, I wanna tickle a fox!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Okay, but what does the fox SAY?

      • Resistor Radio

        The fox says “giggle giggle giggle I’m adorable giggle giggle giggle!”

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It says it wants to file a defamation of character lawsuit against the not news channel that bears its name.

  • Robyn Ryan

    Why can a judge forbid alcohol?
    That seems to be overstepping boundaries. How about we stop letting the government demand ‘righteousness. ‘

    • Sheepshagger

      Judge can set any reasonable bail condition they like. No booze is a pretty standard one. If they dont like it they don’t have to be on bail.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        In the case of Manafort, he should have been forbidden access to Brylcream and crappy wigs.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      It’s a standard condition, since home confinement is supposed to be like being in jail (just cheaper). And you don’t get alcohol in jail either.

      • So you just have to make your own in your toilet tank?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Watching Manafort try to make pruno would be worth the price of admission.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Well, ya gotta start sometime. Why wait until you’re actually inside, where the ingredients are harder to get?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Because his release is a matter of judicial grace, and strictly voluntary on Manafort’s part. If he doesn’t want to conform to the judge’s conditions of release, he can always sit in jail.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      He can leave the house but he can’t have fun dammit.

  • yyyaz

    I hope — really hope — one or both of them makes a run for it. Then all the soon-to-be-indicted assholes will be considered flight risks and have their bail/conditions of release set accordingly.

  • Blackest Noobs

    it’s like when you think could Trump be any more of drag on the GOP or more fucking stupid..he goes and does just that.

    Man, Trump is the best thing for Republicans since Nixon, he truly is.

  • jesterpunk

    OT in kind of funny news, I was reading the local papers police blotter and the first section is for burgleries. Here is the first entry (with address removed)

    A man and a woman tried to enter an apartment Nov. 18. The man was wearing a costume and carrying what looked like a rifle. The victim stopped them by closing and locking the door.

    https://imgur.com/uKeNyPY

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      And then the murders began…

    • hudson

      people are getting soft i’m telling you.

      #1. the perps din’t blast through the door.
      #2. the viction didn’t pull out his own gun and kill the perps and their next two generations.

      • jesterpunk

        IKR? Just shutting and locking the door was enough to stop the whole thing? Like they showed up planning to rob the place and when the door was closed they went “Well guess we are not robbing this place, lets go grab a beer” and walked away.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          It could be they assumed nobody was home, and had previously agreed to move on to an easier target if there was. I’ve had suspicious characters appear out of nowhere at my door, at odd hours and pretend to be looking for “Jeff” or someone. I assumed they were casing the joint and would have broken in if I’d not answered the door.

          Not all burglers want to go through the hassle and added danger of confronting their victims. Simple burglary can get you probation, if you’re lucky. Armed robbery maybe not so much?

      • Resistor Radio

        I watched a recent Broad City where they visited Florida and all the old racist white people with their guns was way too funny!

    • Jamalama

      This sounds like the Carmel Pine Cone, a nearby local rag for the 1%. Their police blog is often hilarious First World Problems/ NIMBY shit.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Is there anything Trump won’t pollute? A simple, innocent thing like pardoning a turkey and he has to take swipe at Obama.

    • jesterpunk

      Because he is a petty asshole?

    • Daniel

      He’s going to dangle his balls in the eggnog come Christmas.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        ROFL – thanks!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Assumes facts not in evidence. That hair growing medication is supposed to render havoc on the hormones.

        • Daniel

          “I give, believe me, the Merriest Grundlemas, it’s true that I will tell you. Mistletoe hanging from my back, everything. Beautiful.”

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        And I just lost my appetite for eggnog. If Donald keeps it up I might be able to avoid gaining weight this holiday season!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          He’s been wearing the mashed potatoes in his Depends for a week now.

          (There’ I’ve reduced your starch intake by more than half. You’re welcome)

    • Thiazin Red

      None of them Katie.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He is a small man and must act small.

      • jesterpunk

        His base also love it.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          They are small, too.

    • “My turkey, very upstanding citizen. Not at all like Obama’s turkey. I hear from some people that Obama’s Turkey is now the head of MS-13, that’s what some people say, you know? And if you want some good turkey to be very thankful to me for, you should try the turkey dinner at any of my restaurants at Mar-a-Lago or my many, many hotels, for the low, very low price of $150 per person. So low, you can bring your kids with you, but don’t. They’re disgusting.”

  • Thiazin Red

    Okay, I’ve got to go to the Whole Foods at Union Square to pick up our damn turkey and some rolls. I hate that place so damn much. Next year I’ll just order it from Union Market.

    • Tranny_Surprise

      Try gobblegobble.com – best one I’ve ever had and it’s Oprah endorsed.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Smoked turkey ain’t Thanksgiving food. Roast turkey is Thanksgiving food.

        (I know, I know, I probably just started another food fight…)

        • Catstro

          I fucking hate turkey, so anything to make it taste *less* like turkey so that I can choke some down in the name of tradition (for instance, smoke) is welcome.

          • Marion in Savannah

            We’re not turkey fans either. We used to have it at Thanksgiving because of guests, but they’re now either all dead or too old to travel, so we’re roasting a chicken instead.

          • Shanzgood

            I feel like that when we have St. Paddy’s Day dinners. Corned beef smells like dog food tho me and the texture makes me gag.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Isn’t a Whole Foods turkey something like $400?

          • Marion in Savannah

            I’m not sure — down here we call it “Whole Paycheck.” One opened here recently near me, and all the yuppies/hipsters flocked to it for a while. Then I guess they decided that they’d like to keep the lights on. Now when I go to the PetSmart (right next door) the folks I see in there are all idjits with more money than brains who live in bespoke enclaves and are trying to be back in NYC. (And this is said as someone who was born and raised in NYC, and lived there for 45 years.)

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Good luck honey–I was at the one on Fairfax & 3rd just a while ago. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but bring your smartphone and/or something to read.

    • Fartknocker

      We’re going to a steakhouse on Turkey day. Mrs. Fartknocker said she didn’t want to cook and I didn’t want to make any sammiches. Plus she loves the restaurant’s Lemon Drop martinis and I’m an excellent designated driver.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        You may be an excellent designated driver but Judge Jeanine Pirro could drive you there and back before you know you’ve left.

      • natoslug

        I cook the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and fartballs Brussels sprouts every year, and usually make one of the desserts. The rest has to be done by the rest of the family. Trying to decide if it will be dry enough outside to bbq the bird, or if I’m going to have to shove it in the oven. Hopefully dry weather, and a moist turkey, and grilling.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Costco is delivering thanksgiving food this year, if you’re near one. They’re not Whole Foods, though.

    • marxalot

      It’s just me and the dog again this year, so I’m getting fried chicken from Blue Ribbon across town.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That sounds kinda tasty. I’m sorry you’re all alone, though. Give the pooch a nice tummy rub from me.

        • marxalot

          I have an invite to go over to a cooleague’s place, and I may have a drop-in visitor in the evening, but honestly I find it restful! Just me and the pup and all the home made cranberry relish I want. Also many tummy rubs.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      That place is a zoo on any average Tuesday.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      We’re getting an Italian platter from a local place down the street. Spaghetti and meatballs, veal patty, antipasto salad, and garlic bread. House is too small to have dinner around an actual kitchen table, so it’ll probably be TV trays and fool’s ball or a DVD movie in the cubicle that passes for a living room. Then back to our separate corners, before we start beating each other up again.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Buon appetito, mio amico!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I was too late to get Mom’s first choice for dinner (by the time I called all they had left was after 7pm). So I called her second choice and got a 3pm reservation at Claim Jumper.

    • Historicat

      I’m just happy that it won’t be 85 degrees on Thanksgiving Day here this year. Having to turn on the A/C because the humidity is at 90% doesn’t really put me in the holiday spirit.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I think I understand now why he’s had numerous corporate bankruptcies:

    https://twitter.com/TomthunkitsMind/status/933088020340924418

  • goonemeritus

    So what does the KGB normally serve for Thanksgiving?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “In Russian allied states, Turkey carve you…”

    • UncleTravelingMatt
    • Shanzgood

      When I first lived in the U.K., we were playing Trivial Pursuit (U.K. version) and one of the questions was: “What do they usually have in the US after the traditional Thanksgiving meal?”

      Me: A NAP!

      • Zonath

        Argument.

        • Shanzgood

          *snort*

      • Daniel

        What was the actual answer?

        I believe it’s “guns” but I’m not sure.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        A mental breakdown.

        • Shanzgood

          Sorry. I actually like my family. They’re pretty much all a bunch of snarky libtards.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Lucky.

          • Shanzgood

            And grateful as well.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Lucky you… Mine’s a bunch of anger-management-class flunkouts who, over the years, have turned the walls into Swiss cheese. Politics doesn’t even really enter into it. I don’t even want to imagine what it’d be like if it did.

          • Catstro

            Me too. It’s kind of a bummer year, what with one cousin in San Francisco and the other too close to giving birth to come. And my sister-in-law and her family are stuck at her bugfuck insane in-laws. It’s probably just going to be me, my husband, my kid, my mother-in-law and her mom, but I really like all of those people so I still feel #blessed

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I like my family too. We do have conservatives, but they’re all a little shell-shocked and shamefaced these days, so we’re not going to pile on too hard this year. They’re more George Bush type conservatives, not Roy Moore conservatives.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Our conservatives all died, and my sister finally decided that she had had enough of her Trumpster father-in-law, so our Thanksgivings have gotten better. If you don’t count the fact that my husband refuses to attend because he hates my parents.

      • goonemeritus

        I usually have gluttony regrets.

        • Catstro

          I still fondly remember the year that I ate *just enough*. It was bliss.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            And makes more room for booze.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Where would we be without space?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Time exists so that not everything happens at once.
        Space exists so that not everything happens to YOU.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I can get all science fictiony if ya want :)

      • Marion in Savannah

        In the middle of a singularity, most likely.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      That twitter handle cracked me up.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Chris Cizzilla is now asking why Franken has been silent on the accusations against him like a common Hillary.

    God is that man stupid.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • altleftjohn

        If you scroll down in this link you get to this table.

        “This will surely not be the last harassment claim to become public. According to the Congressional Office of Compliance, there have been over 200 settlements in the last 20 years.”

        https://twitter.com/PoliticsReid/status/931278604897542145/photo/1

        Your taxes at work.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yup, “this is CNN.”

    • TJ Barke

      He’s so dense that it’s amazing words can escape him…

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        The LIGO probably has recordings of his speech.

    • Thiazin Red

      Multiple statements and volunteering for an investigation is silence? Once again proving there is literally nothing that would be enough for some people.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Heard in the newsroom: “OK, everybody stop typing for awhile. Chris needs to catch up again.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A 73 year-old man stabbed two people to death and wounded another here this morning, but I don’t hear any libs talking about knife control. Why the hypocrisy?!?!?!?

    • Shanzgood

      Is it too soon to talk about 73yo men-control?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        No kidding. I hope I’m that spry at 73.

      • Nockular cavity

        #NotAllKnifeWielding73YearOldMen

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Roy Moore denies it. That’s all I can say. And by the way, he totally denies it. And I do have to say, 40 years is a long time.

    Prisons are full of guys who deny doing it.

    • bubbuhh

      So is the White House.

  • Thiazin Red

    Oh man, these make me want to get back into Magic. Squirrel based cards! Chittering Doom reminds me of Morty’s Mindblowers, you fucked with squirrels Morty!

    https://io9.gizmodo.com/these-new-magic-the-gathering-cards-are-nuts-literall-1820647866

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Mom was from Washington, PA. I’d really like to believe this can be a thing:

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/933092346807304192

    • jesterpunk

      They just won a few really important local races around me.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Any Wonkers within driving distance of Central KY who don’t have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving are welcome at Casa GGY! Just message me through the mods for directions.

    • Marion in Savannah

      You’re a good people!

    • Resistor Radio

      Well aren’t you good people!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Beware, though. To Serve Wonketeers is alleged to be a book of the culinary instruction variety.

        • Resistor Radio

          I thought it was To Serve Forty Wonketeers. ;)

        • Doug Langley

          “What unusual thick padding on the kitchen walls!”
          “Yes. It’s impossible to hear anything. No matter how loudly you scream.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Tomorrow we discover that Drumstick and Wishbone were at several of the meetings between Trump campaign staff and their Russian overlords.

  • btwbfdimho
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I never thought I could appreciate Madonna as a political activist, but now I do.

    • Shanzgood

      Tell that to the next MRAsshole who complains about feminism.

    • Crank Tango

      #rebelheart

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Joe Beese
    • mailman27

      Dare to dream!

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      His poll numbers dropped, too.
      I’ll show myself out…

  • bubbuhh

    Hope Manafort and Gates are forced to eat an Ivanka Thanksgiving while conversing with Eric and Junior.

    Yum!!!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b917ed23fafda4d1a6a9c32172f53499b0258ff34a6eb3d9c5fc5faeb5f94598.jpg

    • Zonath

      What the fuck is that abomination?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Looks like yard waste.

      • Anna Rompage

        Low tide at the Jersey Shore?

        • Resistor Radio

          Not enough syringes and diapers

    • Marion in Savannah

      As some commenter (or Tweeter) noted somewhere that I can’t recall:’

      “Good God — even the pumpkins are white.”

      • Lefty Wright

        Trump didn’t want any competition for the orange tint.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’d love to be a fly on the wall when Martha Stewart sees that pic….

      • Doug Langley

        What are the odds she’ll do something that sends her back to jail?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I’ve never met her personally, but from her “Cooking School” show, she doesn’t seem to the the type to succumb to violent rage.

          Plus, she’s been hanging out with Snoop Dogg lately, and that has to have a… um, mellowing influence on a person.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      After dinner, the whole family can head to the classiest available clinic to be tested for lyme disease!

    • Bill D. Burger

      They should be forced to eat that abominable centerpiece.

    • Worst ikebana evah.

    • Michael R
    • Sean Jungian

      Those vegetables look like they were grown outside Chernobyl.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Nothing says Thanksgiving like barbed wire and albino squash inside a giant clamshell?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      With a centerpiece like that, nobody will notice that your chairs are invisible. #winning

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or that you seem to be eating on the kitchen island.

        • Sean Jungian

          I thought “standing around kitchen island” as well. Bon appetit?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        You have so many guests you seat them all at the kitchen island.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        That’s a centerpiece? I assumed it was Ivanka’s stab at cooking dinner.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Now you know how she stays so trim!

    • Doug Langley

      “Oh, just a little something I threw together from the compost heap . . .”

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Can’t remember who said it first, but:

      “Hey, Ma–remember that old stick we threw away? Ivanka Trump is decorating her table with it!”

    • mailman27

      A spiky welcome home. Or Willkommen spikenzee volk!!

  • MOG253

    Stop making me laugh on the airport, TSA IS LOOKING AT ME!!!!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      You might be in for a close encounter of the TSA kind …

  • hudson

    regarding tater and tot, what a bastard.

  • moeman

    The Judge did not say they couldn’t fraternize with 14 year olds. Gobble, gobble.

    • Doug Langley

      A LOOPHOLE!!!!

  • Michael R

    If there’s a Russian GPS blocker , Manafort knows about it .

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Manafort can’t afford to buy all his family members plane tickets to wherever he’s staying?

    • Red Bird

      No but he can probably afford to buy the right kind of influence at the court.

    • hudson

      really disappointing that none of the carpets were the flying kind.

  • mailman27

    Might as well stay in the cooler; at least you can drink a nice home brewed Kool-Aid bev.

  • OutOfOrbit

    All they need is a quick ride ready — cut off the GPS & go.

  • Crystalclear12

    I wonder which red state is going to snap up the “At least we aren’t Alabama” motto after Moore gets elected?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Missippeh?

    • ltmcdies

      A,O,T,K

  • NotReallyHere

    I read this piece by Ezra Klein on Vox. It gave me a little bit of hope for the future, assuming we have one.
    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/11/21/16676390/donald-trump-george-bush-historical-analogies

    But the most important lesson is that the story of American politics is ongoing and unpredictable. We tend to take elections as the closing of chapters, as statements about what America really believes and where we are truly going. Yet they’re anything but. In 2004, Democrats could not imagine where they would be in 2008. In 2014, no one believed Donald Trump would be president today — including Donald Trump. History shows American politics is often far from what it seems, and you don’t need to reach long into our past for examples.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Trump defending Roy Moore is proving the GOP stands for Grand Old Pedophiles.
    COME ON, DEMS…time y’all get mean and run ads saying:

    GOP = Grand Old Pedophiles!!!!

    • altleftjohn

      So Greedy Old Pricks is out now?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        That’s the “B” side …

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Maybe the pricks should be kept in.

      • Historicat

        I thought they were Gross Old Perverts.

      • marxalot

        That is the problem, yes.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Surrah Queen of Arkansaw is taking the holidays off. The role of Hair Drumpfsterfire’s PR Guy in The White House All-American, All-Russian Thanksgiving Special will be played by…

    http://www.murrypurry.com/comics/2009-10-02.jpg

    Joseph Gobbles.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I knew I had seen Drumstick before.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Drumpf’s schtick is getting old.

  • Michael R
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Some of you lawyer and jailer folks out there may be able to answer this question for me: how hard is it to actually remove a monitoring device now? We’ve all heard stories of people cutting them off (mainly in novels, for me) but – what would it take? Would a strong pair of bolt-cutters do? Does any kind of alarm go off if the bracelet is severed?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Cutting the band cuts the circuit, which would trigger an alarm. More modern ones work on skin contact, so placing a flat object between the monitor and the skin would register as tampering.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        But he could still like chew his leg off?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Sure. It might work until the monitor doesn’t detect sweat or pulse…

          • jesterpunk

            You just need to MacGyver something to take care of that with a rubber band and some chewing gum.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Until the body part gets cold …

    • Fartknocker
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Former Atlanta Braves General Manager John Coppolella banned for life, 13 Braves prospects declared free agents after MLB rules Braves violated international signing rules.
    The team will also suffer severe restrictions on signing international players for the next three years, and other personnel may still be punished for their misconduct.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Holy shit. That is rough. It’s the Braves, so, whatever, but still . . .

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Well, it was a pretty serious violation – one of the players involved received a $4.25 million signing bonus (which is almost as much as a team is allowed to spend on their entire international signing class). So they weren’t just bending the rules, they were blasting by them like they didn’t exist.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Who among us hasn’t tried to sign a 14 year-old Dominican?

          • jesterpunk

            I thought Rush had all the 14 year old Dominicans?

    • LadyLaz

      This (current) Atlantan is amused. I am pissed over the new park.

      • Bobathonic

        That new one waaaaay away from downtown?

        I watched them when they were at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium.

  • jesterpunk

    Shit another one.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2017/11/21/disney-pixar-head-john-lasseter-takes-leave-absence-after-missteps/886425001/

    In a memo obtained by USA TODAY, Lasseter wrote to staff Tuesday saying that he’s stepping down following “painful” discussions. The news broke as The Hollywood Reporter was compiling a report into alleged sexual misconduct.

    Without mentioning the report, Lasseter said in the memo: “It’s never easy to face your missteps, but it’s the only way to learn from them. As a result, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the leader I am today compared to the mentor, advocate and champion I want to be.

    “It’s been brought to my attention that I have made some of you feel disrespected or uncomfortable. That was never my intent,” Lasseter wrote. “Collectively, you mean the world to me, and I deeply apologize if I have let you down. I especially want to apologize to anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of an unwanted hug or any other gesture they felt crossed the line in any way, shape, or form. No matter how benign my intent, everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and have them respected.”

    Although I do think he handled it better then a lot of people.

    • Joe Beese

      Ouch. That one hurts.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah it does.

        • Joe Beese

          One Pixarite isn’t satisfied.

          A former Pixar employee requesting anonymity says Lasseter’s leave of absence statement is “ridiculous” and “trivializing this behavior.” The employee adds, “To sum this up as unwanted hugs is belittling and demeaning. If it was just unwanted hugs, he wouldn’t be stepping down.”

          https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/john-lasseters-pattern-alleged-misconduct-detailed-by-disney-pixar-insiders-1059594

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Further:

            The report says women at Pixar employed a defensive move known as “the Lasseter,” which prevented the executive from putting his hand on their legs.

            This isn’t just about unsolicited hugs.

    • LadyLaz

      I am not a hugger. Don’t f’king hug me

      • jesterpunk

        Exactly, don’t touch anyone without their permission. Its really not a hard concept but so many people seem to have problems with it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      LaVar Ball is the Reading Rainbow guy. Twitter told me that, and obviously it’s true because he’s the one getting sent a bunch of racist death threats from Trump supporters — who are never wrong, because God is on their side and so is Pepe. God doesn’t like rainbows, especially not from PBS blahs who like to get twice as high.

      • Bobathonic

        Oh yeah? Where’s his eye thing?

  • Picabo
    • Resistor Radio

      Fucking racist, cold-hearted sonofabitch.

    • mailman27

      Oh man.

    • Raan

      Calvin Fischoeder would be a more compassionate president, and he’s basically one white cat away from being a supervillain.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      They’re all going to run to Canada (where they already have a substantial Haitian community in French-speaking Quebec), and Trudeau is going to get pitchforked (he will probably win reelection, but the hate machine will get dialed up to 11). A growing number of Canadians are proving how polite they really are not, when it comes to their taxes being used to support black and brown people that America doesn’t want.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Fucking cretins

  • h4rr4r

    Why no alcohol?

    They are quite likely guilty but this seems totally unrelated to the crimes they are accused of. Sounds like moral horseshit to me.

    • marxalot

      One: the judge can set whatever grounds he wants, and if he doesn’t want you having fun, stay home. Two: people do stupid things when their inhibitions are down. If you wish to prove that you’re capable of good judgement and therefore deserving of judicial latitude, demonstrate the ability to stay sober while on release. And no getting loose and blabbing about an ongoing investigation!

      • h4rr4r

        Sure, that does not change the fact that this is punishment without even a trial.

        I can understand detention for the risk to society or even to prevent flight, but this is not that.

        If you can’t defend the rights of these men, then don’t be surprised when you lose yours.

        Obviously you being accused means you give them up. Do remember who is in charge of the executive branch.

    • OrG

      Pretty standard for release awaiting trial. I think they should be in jail.

      • h4rr4r

        I would be more ok with that than this.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Why? If they break the rules, drink, then fail a breathalyzer, they can get tossed in the pokey. IMO that’s where they should be anyway. Manafort, especially, is an obvious flight risk; anyone with 3 passports could easily have others stashed that Mueller doesn’t know about, and he clearly has connections. I don’t personally plan to spend another five seconds worrying about whether he deserves a wine cooler.

          • h4rr4r

            Because they have not been convicted of anything.

            If you can punish then without conviction it can later be done to you.

          • Bobathonic

            As I survey the land, it looks like we’re all being punished.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Punishment? It’s a condition of bail. The perp has to agree with it, so it’s not imposed upon them, they agree to it. In no way is it ‘punishment’ for anything. People arrested for their alleged crimes sit in jail unless they meet the term of the bill the judge see fits. That’s not punishment, either. that’s keeping the guy under arrest until his trial.

          • h4rr4r

            He agrees to it only under threat.

            I disagree with pretrial confinement, unless this person poses some immediate violent threat. Mind you I generally disagree with incarceration for non-violent crimes.

            It is very clearly punishment based only on accusation. If it was not the only conditions would be those required to ensure the accused makes it to trial.

            I understand this is not the current law. Our current system is evil.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The agencies who supervise people on release have their own set of rules. Generally, if law enforcement has to go get someone, the less alcohol they have in their system, the better it is for everyone involved.

      • h4rr4r

        Still feels like punishment before conviction

        • Courser_Resistance

          It is. It’s a racket. A friend caused a serious auto accident on the highway. He has serious anxiety issues and had xanax with him at the time. So the cops assumed he was under the influence of drugs. His mom paid his bail and I got him released to me. After that, he couldn’t even have a beer with pizza until his case was completely settled, about 9 months. He was subject to random drug testing and had to call in every day. In the end, of course he wasn’t driving under the influence, but as both I and others can attest, once the charges are laid, you’re not really ‘free’ until it’s over. Which no, isn’t fair and sucks rocks.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          It’s voluntary. If he wants to, he can sit in jail instead.

          • h4rr4r

            That’s the opposite of voluntary. The threat of jail makes that quite clear.

          • Anna in PDX

            Look, usually I think holding regular people pretrial is an evil racket, but Manafort is a very clear flight risk.

          • h4rr4r

            What does alcohol have to do with that?

          • Anna in PDX

            Causes him to engage in risky behavior? Beats me

          • h4rr4r

            Bullshit and you know it.

            This is a restriction tossed on as a formality since im the USA we punish the accused long before they are convicted.

            Ask anyone ever prosecuted for anything.

          • Anna in PDX

            Ok I know they do that to us little people, and I am really against it, I’ve read Balko’s book and everything. but I really don’t see this guy not drinking this thanksgiving as a straw that broke the camels back.

          • h4rr4r

            It is not, it is simply another example of our broken system.

            Yet posters here will defend it, for political reasons. Disgusting.

          • marxalot

            Point of order: Manafort is under house arrest. His options are: abide by conditions of his release, or stay in his own home.

          • h4rr4r

            I wonder if you feel this way about the lady accused of laughing at Sessions.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            The lady accused of laughing at Sessions was charged with a misdemeanor and released on her own recognizance.

          • h4rr4r

            So if they accused her of a felony it would be ok?

            Or perhaps had decided to remand her to custody for the misdemeanor?

            At what point do you think we can start controlling the live of people merely accused of crimes?

        • marxalot

          Going without a drink is a “punishment” to you?

          • h4rr4r

            Being denied anything other freemen can do very clearly is.

          • Bobathonic

            Like, say, leave the country?

          • h4rr4r

            Assuming we can ensure his return for trial.

          • Bobathonic

            Would you honestly assume that? I wouldn’t.

          • h4rr4r

            That would depend on where he was going and if he was willing to pay for a federal marshall to go with him.

          • Bobathonic

            That doesn’t seem very free.

          • h4rr4r

            That seems like a reasonable restriction to ensure someone shows up at trial rather than punishment.

          • marxalot

            But he isn’t free. This is a condition of temporary release, since he is in fact detained prior to trial. The “no booze” condition is, in fact, a classic case of what is termed “the mercy of the Court.” Regardless of how we feel about pre-trial detention, he is subject to conditions that people who are not currently under arrest aren’t.

          • h4rr4r

            He has not been convicted. This is the same way our system abuses many people. That he is an awful person does not change how I feel about it.

            I understand he is at the mercy of the court, hell of a contradiction in terms.

            Pretrial detention should be reserved for special cases.

      • h4rr4r

        Good point obviously the ease with which law enforcement can do their jobs is more important than anyone’s rights. You will surely be the first to install the new government provided cameras in your home.

        Making law enforcement’s job easier should not enter into it.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          That is quite a leap from “defendant charged with multiple felonies under pre-trial detention order can’t have a glass of wine, pursuant to 18 USC§ 3142(c)” to “ordinary citizen must install cameras in home.”

          • h4rr4r

            But think of the convenience for law enforcement!

            Are you not deeply concerned about that?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Oh, just fuck off. You asked why, I told you why. I don’t write Federal criminal laws.

          • h4rr4r

            My point was clearly these laws are wrong. The system is wrong.

            People are ok with it because those guys are on the other team.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I hope you never get arrested for a felony, but from your protestations I’m thinking you may have already at some point.

            I’m sure it sucks, and no it’s not all fair. If you want judges not to be able to set the terms of bail, vote for people who change the system.

          • h4rr4r

            I was able to prove my innocence before it got too far. I have relatives less lucky.

            I have guilty relatives who were guilty of one thing and found themselves being accused and smeared in the media as something else.

  • Picabo
    • jesterpunk

      Chickenshits.

      • LadyLaz

        Exactly. Craven all of them

        • Bobathonic

          Compromised and given a choice.

  • bbayliss

    “These guys [cental park 5] are guilty no matter what. Roy Moore deserves the benefit of the doubt. Doug Jones is soft on crime because he prosecuted KKK members.”

    That’s pretty much where we are. Digby https://digbysblog.blogspot.com/

    I would add; we’re in bizarro world where denying allegations is proof of innocence.
    Putin denied any interference, bingo case closed, move along…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Not read yet, but getting raves at LGM.

    The Nationalist’s Delusion
    Trump’s supporters backed a time-honored American political tradition, disavowing racism while promising to enact a broad agenda of discrimination.
    ADAM SERWER NOV 20, 2017
    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/11/the-nationalists-delusion/546356/

    UPDATE: so far, so good.

    It was 1990 and David Duke, the former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, astonished political observers when he came within striking distance of defeating incumbent Democratic U.S. Senator J. Bennett Johnston, earning 43 percent of the vote. If Johnston’s Republican rival hadn’t dropped out of the race and endorsed him at the last minute, the outcome might have been different.

    Was it economic anxiety? The Washington Post reported that the state had “a large working class that has suffered through a long recession.” Was it a blow against the state’s hated political establishment? An editorial from United Press International explained, “Louisianans showed the nation by voting for Duke that they were mad as hell and not going to take it any more.” Was it anti-Washington rage? A Loyola University pollster argued, “There were the voters who liked Duke, those who hated J. Bennett Johnston, and those who just wanted to send a message to Washington.”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That Obama was the inadvertent catalyst for the downfall of America is no fault of Obama’s, but a sign of how really rotten to the core this nation has always been. I think he has a good heart, but was tragically naive.

      • bbayliss

        He made the mistake of overestimating the intelligence of the American people.
        When you’re smart it’s hard to believe how stupid most people are.

      • Meccalopolis

        Hopefully this is the dead ender’s last gasp. The demographics are not on their side. And we have the added benefit of the destruction of the repug party. Major realignment in the next few years

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I had a great “emergency” call from Microsoft about an hour ago. It seems my Windows license key “has been expired” today, and “all services have been suspended on my computer” which has already been made non-operational as I write this, and it will self-destruct in 5 seconds unless I call their 1-888 number. Huzzah! This means I have an excuse to go out and buy that MacBook I’ve been wanting … except I can’t afford it. To my great surprise, I am still able to not comment on Wonkette. Congratulations, Wonkette! You have managed to bypass the Microsoft licensing police!!!

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Sounds very fake.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Blatantly so, yet some people fall for it. Friends have called me in hysterics asking me what they should do. I tell them to have a beer and forget about it.

    • jesterpunk

      Did they offer to clean up your PC for you if you give them remote access?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’m sure they would, if I had been stupid enough to call their fake 1-888 number and then pay them $500 for fixing it after they accidentally wiped it.

        • jesterpunk

          I never get calls from “microsoft” and I even have a windows 3.1 vm set up just for them. :-(

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I remember Windows 3.1 … there were like 38 floppy disks required to install it, right? Maybe not that many, but it seemed like that many at the time. I once had to install some college-level math software on a NetWare server, and this required over 50 floppy disks. I would get halfway through and one of the disks would fail and I would have to start over, which sucked big time.

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah there where a huge stack of floppies to install those. I was so glad when cd’s finally came out and cd players where standard on computers.

          • Bobathonic

            Oh those were the days, stacks of install floppies.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            My best story is the time my hard drive failed, and I went to find the installation floppy that came with it to re-initialize the MBR, but the floppy had died. I called the vendor. The lady on the phone said “You can download the image for a replacement floppy at http://www.verycheaphardrives.com.” And I replied “It’s a bit hard to get on the internet when your computer won’t boot.” Long silence…

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            My mother was trying to get her frequent flyer miles for a ticket home from Florida and spent 90 minutes on the phone with some moron who kept saying she would send the info to my mother via email so she could make the reservation herself. My mother must have told her 40,000 times that she didn’t have a computer and didn’t have email. Finally I took the phone away from her and said in my all-caps voice; SHE DOESN’T HAVE A COMPUTER. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS? She had no good answer. Just bad programming.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good god, how stupid. This reminds me of the time I went to Best Buy to buy a new TV three days after Hurricane Katrina ate my house, and at the door were these cheerful, young volunteers handing out flyers listing all the places in Baton Rouge where evacuees could get help. Except instead of phone numbers and street addresses, all they gave for the helpful agencies were web addresses. It’s hard to access the Web when you have no computer and are living out of your car, or maybe you found a little apartment but they can’t connect your phone and internet for 3 weeks because they are otherwise occupied with restoring the utilities for 2 million people. I pointed this flaw out to the cheerful, young volunteers. Their faces dropped. “We never thought of that!”

          • jesterpunk
          • Angela Ruzzo

            I had a sweatshirt with this on it, but they wouldn’t let me wear it to work.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c9c21f87196e241d3374311a7a3e0184d15ae39d2c706fabc7608d6f69fbecf.jpg

          • Arolpin

            I installed NT 3.51 over a dial-up modem. Put all the install disks on a server at work, connected my modem, started FTPing the entire bunch, went out drinking for the night, came back from drinking and it was still downloading, woke up and did the install. It seemed a lot less work than swapping floppy drives or trying to get whatever shell of an OS I had put on the computer I built to recognize the CD drive.

          • Historicat

            I’m sure 3.1 was no more than 25 floppies, tops.

          • Bobathonic

            Word was 25 floppies alone.

          • puredog

            Fuck, it’s impossible to get anyone useful on the phone if you call Microsoft (not that I’ve tried for years; I learned quickly). Why would anyone think that a call purporting to be FROM Microsoft would be in any way useful?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I managed it once, but only by trying about 20 numbers I found by Googling “How to reach a real live person at Microsoft.” I had installed a valid license for Office Pro Plus 2014, and then I bought a new computer. Their official instructions ON THEIR SITE were that you had to uninstall it from the old computer, which would free up the license on their official licensing servers, before installing on the new computer. I did that. Didn’t work, of course, because Microsoft was lying through their teeth when they said that the license was transferable if you did this. Had to call them, they refused to re-validate the license and instead remotely installed an online version without telling me that was what they were doing. Now I can’t add any features to Office. I hate those people like poison. Bill Gates is the AntiChrist.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        “we’ll get rid of all the malware”

        Lol, sure you will…

        • jesterpunk

          Thats why I keep a windows 3.1 vm around. I would go even earlier but that is the earliest version I could find.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            First version I ever used was 2.0, which wasn’t very useful because I had nothing but DOS software to put on it. 3.11 was the best.

          • jesterpunk

            I used to love windows 2000, that was actually the last version I really used. After that I switched to linux and macs.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I liked Windows NT until I discovered it did not come with USB support. Win2K fixed that. But Windows XP was really their best version ever – very stable, very reliable, compatible with all your old software, and it installed pretty fast.

    • altleftjohn

      When I got a similar recorded call criminal sanctions including jail time was mentioned. I’m still at large, but if I disappear you’ll know what happened.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I am an IT Systems Administrator with 14 Microsoft certifications…I will represent you in court for free.

    • Fartknocker

      My 83 year old Mom got scammed by these sons of bitches for about $4k before my sister figured out what was happening.

      On a different note, I heard that Wonkette doesn’t allow comments but Doctor Zoom is the nicest, bestest person on Earth.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Were your mom and sister able to exact any vengeance on the pond scum?

      • Doug Langley

        Look, just because Doc has the authority to edit non-comments doesn’t mean Doc Zoom is the warmest, bravest, kindest person I’ve ever known in my life.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well, my mother is dead, so that means she isn’t on Earth anymore, as a result of which I can accept your evaluation.

    • mancityRed6

      several people I didn’t know tried to call me from California last week. and I keep getting calls with the same area code and prefix. when in doubt, never answer your phone.

      • puredog

        THIS

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I got a garbled call from someone who said something about “before we notify your state authorities.” I wonder how many people actually get scammed by these things?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Tens of thousands. Maybe millions. See this article:
        Largest IRS Phone Scam Likely Exceeded 450,000 Potential Victims
        https://www.pindrop.com/blog/irs-phone-scam-live-call_analysis/

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I get the IRS call every year, and somehow, it’s always with a British accent, and they always say something that isn’t grammatical (even in UK English). And that’s the only reason I don’t get scammed, because I fully believe that the IRS has it out for me.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            They no longer have the budget to “have it out for you.” They audit only seven-tenths of 1% of the returns they receive these days, which his WAY down from the 2004 figures.

            I remember after Hurricane Katrina I worried about what I would do if the IRS wanted to audit my pre-2005 tax years, because all those files and receipts and records were drowned. I researched this on the IRS website and it said “the IRS will consider documentation requirements satisfied by the best reasonably available information presented in good faith.” I have NO expectation that the IRS would honor that. Fortunately, I was never audited.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          My parents got the call about “their computer sending out a virus” and I was, like, YOU FELL FOR THAT? They aren’t that old.I had to yell at them for a few days and then reformat their hard drive. AND work with the credit card company.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            In this one respect only, I’m glad both my parents are dead, because they were totally unequipped to deal with digital fraud. They couldn’t even figure out how to use a microwave correctly.

            I’ve been telling ALL my friends and relatives for TWENTY YEARS to do frequent full backups of their computers to an external hard drive, as I do every week, but none of them ever do it.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        lots and lots of old people (and anyone else not technically proficient)

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Very true. ALL the very old people I know are very trusting. A friend of mine’s father, age 84, let a complete stranger into his house because he said he was from the police, without asking for an ID, even though the man was not in uniform, and then the “policeman” asked for the address and phone number of the old guy’s daughter. The daughter had specifically told her father to NEVER release that information to ANYONE, but her father didn’t hesitate and gave “the policeman” that info. The “policeman” was some guy hired by the daughter’s ex-husband to track her down and hurt her.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            oh my gawd. Was she okay?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Escaped by the skin of her teeth, because her dad called her about an hour later to tell her about the visit from the nice policeman and the friendly chat they had.

      • gallbladder

        We get those fucking calls here in Canada.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I hope you tell them “fuddle-duddle vous avec votes.”

          Canada doesn’t have states or an IRS, morans…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Friends of mine who are MacHeads get Microsoft emergency calls, it just cracks them up.

        • puredog

          And here we thought you were evolved. Maybe the calls are coming from the Lower 48.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I don’t think India or Pakistan are American states…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The US doesn’t want them, they are full of browns who No Speaka Da English.

      • LadyLaz

        Lots. My mom btw was just scammed by something like this. 2k

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • WilbyToad

    Sessions wants to financially reward police departments that turn in undocumented immigrants

    The overwhelming majority of local police departments were picked because they indicated in their applications that they’d be willing to collude with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and at the expense of public safety. Research has shown that so-called “sanctuary city” policies make communities safer, because immigrants are less afraid to report crime to police:

    By contrast, the same grant program under the Obama administration gave a leg up to police departments in 2016 that were “building trust” within their communities, based on standards set out in Obama’s 21st Century Policing plan, which sought to promote transparency and diversity among police, and switch to a “guardian” culture instead of “warrior culture of policing.” Applicants in 2016 also earned points for engaging in school-based policing, homicide or violent crime, and homeland security.

    Hmm, that sounds like engaging in public dialogue with brown and black communities, and America’s most racist Keebler elf can’t have that shit.

    by Gabe Ortiz, DAILY KOS
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/11/21/1717622/-Sessions-wants-to-financially-reward-police-departments-that-turn-in-undocumented-immigrants#read-more

  • Joe Beese

    John Lasseter really needs to fuck off.

    My hope is that a six-month sabbatical will give me the opportunity to start taking better care of myself, to recharge and be inspired, and ultimately return with the insight and perspective I need to be the leader you deserve.

    http://www.vulture.com/2017/11/john-lasseter-to-take-sabbatical-from-disney-pixar-citing-missteps.html

    Here’s an insight: You’re not allowed to fondle your employees’ legs, asshole.

    • jesterpunk

      Yeah its looking worse then it did from my original non comment about him from other stories about it. He can go away too.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        My first thought was, who the hell is John Lasseter? My second was, he seems nice…

        • jesterpunk

          He is the guy in charge of all Pixar and now Disney cartoon movies.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Damn, that’s pretty important.

    • altleftjohn

      But his intent was benign. Like some tumors.

    • Oh for fucks sake. Goddamnit

    • Doug Langley

      Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. I was working in Hollywood when Pixar was founded. Never met Lasseter, but heard about him. (I did meet Ed Catmull, who turned out to be an incredibly obnoxious jerk.) Lasseter was an animator at Disney when the Pixar people begged him to join. “I don’t know anything about computers” he said. “Don’t worry! We’ll teach you!” This at a time when most people trying to break into CGI couldn’t pay anyone to teach them.

      So Lasseter directs some movie, gets some Oscars, and it all goes to his head. He lobbied the Academy Awards to allow animated films to qualify for Best Picture. Having Oscars for Best Animated Film just wasn’t enough for him.

      Talented? Yes. Spoiled brat? Bet on it.

      • Doug Langley

        Also: consider that in that industry, talented people get kicked out of jobs at a moment’s notice, that no job lasts long, that companies constantly churn artists from one place to another. Consider how unbelievably privileged a person must be to take a 6 month vacation from a highly competitive studio and still expect to have a job waiting when he gets back.

  • Doug Langley

    Got a phone call today:

    “Hi! This is your bank calling! You are one of our valued customers, so we want to reward you! Come in to a meeting to discuss how you can throw money at us with new loans and accounts . . .”
    “Thanks, but I have no money. If you want to reward me, just return the money from the forged check.”
    “Oh, um . . . I don’t see anything like that here.”
    “Well, I hope it’s soon, because otherwise I won’t afford rent in two weeks.”
    “I’ll be sure to make a note of it!”

    Sheesh.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • proudgrampa

      I think I’m going to be ill.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        You certainly would be if you drank that fucking plonk.

        • proudgrampa

          “I have known plonk, sir. Plonk and I are friends. And YOU, sir, are no plonk!”

    • jesterpunk

      Who would have guessed a grifty grifter would continue to grift when he was sworn in?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Oh, for fuck’s sake. At this rate, I’m surprised they didn’t promote this swill during the turkey pardon thing today.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      How is that legal?

    • Resistor Radio
    • Bobathonic

      Not even to clean paint brushes.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      WTF? That’s disgusting.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Trump whine? Yes, yes he does.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      That’s some top notch ass kissing. They’re not stupid.

  • Red Bird

    Tomorrow is going to be National Pretend to Work Day. I plan to celebrate by staring at drawings all morning until the boss man says we can leave when we want.

    • Resistor Radio

      An American tradition!

    • Bobathonic

      I’ll be in an Actual. Damned. Meeting.

      The nerve of some people.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’ll be putting in a show and running a rehearsal

        • Lascauxcaveman

          “Meet Me in St. Louis?”

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            lol, no. It’s actually Bugs Bunny at the symphony.

      • Crystalclear12

        But you’ll be asleep for the meeting, right?

        • Bobathonic

          I have participation duties.

          • Crystalclear12

            Damn.

          • Bobathonic

            Only 18 minutes left on the telcon, though. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I have an 8am meeting (covering for the boss as the boss took the day). Probably by noon they’ll tell us to vamoose.

      • Red Bird

        :(:(:(

    • Suttree

      I once had a boss (back when I was working heavy iron), that would bring over a whole food spread and a few cases of beer at noon on Wednesday. He would drop it, shake everyone’s hand and leave us alone. On the way out he always hollered “You fuckers better be here on Friday!”

      • Doug Langley

        Got you beat. I once had a boss who invited me to his Thanksgiving dinner. Got food poisoning from it.

        • Suttree

          I used to stay at my boss’s house with his son (my coworker) and trip balls. When we went to work on his camp down in Yscloskey we’d get as many blue crabs as you could stuff your face with.

          Looking back at it, I really shouldn’t have fucked that job up. I miss it. :(

    • puredog

      “Hey, Boss-Man! I gots me some cookin’ to do!”
      Made the curd and the dough for the lilikoi meringue pie. Will bake the shell tomorrow, and assemble that bastid on Thursday in the AM.

      • Arolpin

        My boss told me to have my team work from home tomorrow, and do what they have to do but keep their email open until 1pm. Of course I have one guy who is going into the office anyway (he’s working a big project and has been taking Fridays and every other Monday off to burn vacation days). I thought about going to the NJ office because our house cleaner will be here in the morning, but I can shut the door to my office and work anyway.
        My new boss (company just got bought, old boss is taking over several organizations, senior guy in our group is taking over) basically told me to call it a week about 3pm today.
        I made the corn-meal tamale base for one of my stuffings last night, will make cornbread for an alternate, vegetarian stuffing tonight, and will be making cheese balls and other assorted cold appetizers tomorrow afternoon/evening.
        I start making bloody marys about 9am, because there is an 8k run in our town that goes right by our house, and I normally have 8-10 runners stop by for a drink or two. It also helps get me in the proper state of mind to manage a ~30lb turkey in the oven, a turkey breast in the smoker, and a ham on the grill, along with whatever else needs to be done.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Send me your thoughts-n-prayers, because I work as a cashier at a fucking grocery store. It’s been the third circle of hell since the first of the month; tomorrow I expect to drop down to the sixth, possibly seventh, circle – possibly deeper if we run out of boxed stuffing.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        When I picked up some stuff at the market on Sunday, the cashier helpfully pointed out if I forgot anything the store would be open until 4pm on Turkey Day.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          We’re open until five, plus the lucky bastards who are scheduled to work are stuck there until 6:30 to clean up and prepare for the insanity of Black Friday (we’re a “marketplace” store with toys and clothes and stuff, not just food). IMO folks who can’t get their shit together by, say, 3 p.m. on Wednesday should be SOL – the store should be closed by then on the day before and all day on the day of both Thanksgiving and Christmas.

      • jesterpunk

        Put out 3 gallons of milk and 2 dozen eggs and stand back with a video camera. But really hope its not too bad tomorrow but people are insane around holidays.

      • Red Bird

        Thoughts-n-prayers GGY. May you survive the stress like a common Hillary Clinton.

    • Laser

      8 hours paid to shop on Amazon for presents.
      That’s my plan with the boss overseas….

      • Red Bird

        :O

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    My dog has one of those GPS trackers. Is there an app for Manafort tracking?

    • Raan

      NORAD needs to get on that shit.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Haha. Paulie’s being followed by Canadian Santa tracker. I don’t even know why they still do that; everybody knows Santa’s sleigh is parked at YUL airport, where it’s overseen by the Pierre Noël family who presently resides in Ottawa…

    • An Outhouse for the résistance
      • ((( Augustus )))

        Duke went pretty far and pretty fast in that first one

        by my calculations he averaged about 8 miles per hour

    • Crystalclear12

      Yes, it also comes with a free FBI agent that follows your subject everywhere!

      • OutOfOrbit

        FBI agents can be neutralized

        • marxalot

          Or spayed!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • yyyaz

      Unfortunately his dreams are as empty as his conscience has proven to be.

  • Gorillionaire

    If Manafort was a 13 year old black girl who tried to explain to a cop that the man who hit her was also molesting her, she would have to stay in jail.

  • Suttree

    I had to skip a few posts after KM’s to get here. Some heavy shit y’all. I’ll go back later, but for now I’m going to catch a buzz.

    • jesterpunk

      Stay out of the Franken thread.

      • Suttree

        Way too deep for me man! Shan warned me off.

        • Suttree

          I mean way too deep for me right now.

          • puredog

            Yeah, for the first time IN MY LIFE I almost abandoned a Wonkette thread because it gave me a sad.

          • Suttree

            I understand. If I was at home all day I could have handled it. But i wasn’t, and I am not about to go trawl those waters right now. I have clothes to wash and a bottle to put a dent in before any of that happens.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I’ll sum it up for ya:

            “Franken should fall on his sword. He is bad and should feel bad.”

            “No, the thing looks like a pretty obvious set up. Even if he’s an ass and sophomoric class clown.”

            [/lots of name calling]

          • Suttree
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • jesterpunk

      He wasn’t delivering food to her he was checking out her house to see if there is anything inside worth selling.

      • Cat Cafe

        He was measuring her for the floe.

    • Victoria Ricola

      Ugh. This fucking guy.

    • Bitter Scribe

      This reminds me of the time when Reagan vetoed a Social Security cost-of-living increase, the Democratic-majority Congress overrode his veto, and then the Republicans ran a TV commercial taking credit for the increase.

      Why do politicians lie all the time? Because it works.

      EDIT: Did Sasse ever get FLAMED in his Twitter feed. Good.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Well, look at all the Republicans who voted against “the stimulus”, but then showed up for photo-ops and speeches for projects that were funded by the stimulus.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      No sense of shame. No self-awareness. And he’s one of the “sane” ones.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Isn’t he the guy who wrote a book that said millennials don’t suffer enough because they don’t dig ditches for 18 hours a day or something?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      That processed turkey breast has gotta last a year, Grandma!

    • susan_g

      Just a few months ago, this turd was making the rounds and being lauded by people who should have known better as some sort of good-guy republican. There is no such thing.

  • marxalot

    I have a meeting in 15, then… tomorrow is actually surprisingly full, at least until 13:00, because I dunno, we have to do jobs here? But I also have a phone consult with a surgeon tomorrow morning, and am both elated and terrified!

    • LadyLaz

      Hopeful on the consult. Still working also

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Technically also still working too, if sitting in my office catching up on Wonkette (again) counts as work.

        • LadyLaz

          If you are typing on a device with a keyboard of some kind – sure!

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    “Journalist Investigating Drumpf And Russia Says ‘Full Picture Is One Of Collusion'”
    https://www.npr.org/2017/11/21/565654507/journalist-investigating-trump-and-russia-says-full-picture-is-one-of-collusion

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “Conspiracy to Commit Treason” sounds sooooooooo much better …

      • jesterpunk

        “Mr Trump can’t be guilty of treason, the treason clause says anyone owing allegiance to the US and as my client has proven repeatedly through out his life he only owes allegiance to himself”.

        Trump’s lawyer.

        • Doug Langley

          He plans to pull a Perry Mason and get the real colluder to confess on the witness stand.

      • Raan

        Yeah. Collusion is when two guys agree to split the prize and you get a shitty curb stomp final.

      • bbayliss

        Collusion has no legal standing, the media started using collusion early on. It’s always been conspiracy.
        ” Mueller is exploring any coordination or Criminal conspiracy between Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign and the Russian government as part of the election interference that Russia conducted against the U.S. in 2016.”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      The full picture? “Well, we’ll just add some birds over here…”

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45f95e7c387b972ea80b3936471f8c24adaf3ee91b36b9c415fd46fa55070835.gif

      • LadyLaz

        Why our national bird deserves to be- more brains that 62 million of us.

      • amrak63

        I didn’t attend Auburn, but: WARRRRRR EAGLE!

      • Cat Cafe

        I just love how telling this picture is. The Orange Oaf behaves towards this fine, strong raptor as though he is inanimate. No sense at all of paying attention to the bird’s demeanor (on GUARD and FULL ALERT), sticking his hand right under the bird’s talons like a complete arrogant fool. Such a perfect metaphor for his bone-ignorant, callous disregard for everything and anything around him.

        • DT

          You didn’t finish describing the GIF. As he realizes it’s going after him it reveals how much of a coward he really is.

          • Cat Cafe

            YES

  • Picabo
    • altleftjohn

      The Nets are owned by a Russian, so you can’t expect him to be neutral.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The Nets still exist?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Brooklyn Nets.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I think that was Jay Z’s team… Trump probably doesn’t like them either, or didn’t at that time…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m starting to almost feel sorry for Keebler. Jefferson Beauregard Sessions has to be toxic to their brand. Wonder how long before they ditch the whole “elves baking cookies in magic trees” thing for something less easily identified with the IQ45 regime, like self-tanner or confederate flags?
    Wait.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      How about Canuckistani elves eating cookies after consuming magic trees?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Keebler products are kind of awful anyway.

  • CW

    How long before the far left blames Hillary for Mugabe quitting, just like she was blamed for personally murdering Gaddafi?

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Loomis isn’t quite far left, but he did have a bit of passing wistfulness.

      But Mugabe and Raul Castro are also the very last of a generation who held such promise to liberate the world’s colonial peoples and the passage of that generation has a certain sadness to it, at least when considering the potential, if not the reality.

      http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/11/the-end-of-an-era

      • Suttree

        I read that and took it to mean what was meant with wild eyes back in the day. I doubt that Loomis desires more Mugabes.

      • Suttree

        I see you comment there. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/132c36807dcf89bbbf11e0edd0b16f62e25f66cb2ea8b1719bd97f102d88ff71.jpg
        I don’t comment because I just don’t feel comfortable. I like LGM though.

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          Occasionally, and usually to righteously inform offending persons of their stupidity. It’s slightly more wonky, not really a hangout.

          • Suttree

            Yes it is. I have been lurking there for 6ish? years, and have probably commented under ten times. Weird vibe. And trolls. I cheat on Wonkette with Roy Edroso’s place. They have a really good spirit there. Different snark. I like it though.

          • CW

            Wonkette is the best normal Democrat hangout I’ve found since The Atlantic got overrun by alt-right college sophomores.

          • Suttree

            Yes it is. When I first started finding blogs was back in 2004ish?. Someone on (I believe maybe?) The Atlantic linked something. I found Tigerlily who was friends with tengrain at Mock Paper Scissors, and then spread out from there. I found Wonkette because Ana Marie Cox was being interviewed on NPR/VPR and I looked it up. I haphazardly looked now and again until Trix took over.

          • CW

            I first came across Wonkette in 2010, reading their hilarious Mark Sanford coverage. It was members of TNC’s Hoarde on The Atlantic who I know IRL who got me into Disqus commenting. Once I got disillusioned with Bernie, I realized that Wonkette had one of the few remaining sane commenteriats.

          • Suttree

            I found a bunch of little tiny blogs that had just a couple of commenters, and I started there. I’ve always been a snarky drinky pissy kinda guy. When I found Wonkette, I was in love. It took me a long ass time to become familiar though. Maybe 5k comments in 3 years, and wherever I’m at now. 25ish? im guessing. I should look.

      • CW

        Mugabe was seen as a Mandela type character in the early 80s, so this quote makes sense.

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          He took care of that pretty quickly, it seems.

          Robert Mugabe, then Prime Minister, had signed an agreement with North Korean President Kim Il Sung in October 1980 to have the North Korean military train a brigade for the Zimbabwean army. This was soon after Mugabe had announced the need for a militia to “combat malcontents.” Mugabe replied by saying dissidents should “watch out,” announcing the brigade would be called “Gukurahundi.”
          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gukurahundi

          • Suttree

            Yes he did! As have many freedom fighters.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I thought Raúl Castro was seen as Justin Trudeau’s uncle and Zodiac Sr’s mentor in how to assassinate a gringo president without really trying. At least among a certain faction of the U.S. population.

  • Joe Beese
    • Raan

      I’m surprised that the poultry farm didn’t name them Mike and Paul to troll Donnie.

    • tehbaddr

      I’m wishing DRUMPF would go “live out his days in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains at Gobbler’s Rest.”!

      • Raan

        What do you have against Gobbler’s Rest?

      • ((( Augustus )))

        “Kids, I’m sorry, Mr. Trump isn’t president anymore, he’s gone to a nice big farm upstate!”

        “Can we go visit him?”

        “…No.”

    • Suttree

      Gobbler’s Knob is where Turnip meets with Russians.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Punxsutawney Phil libel!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “Faustus: Stay, Mephistopheles, and tell me, what good will
    my soul do thy lord?

    Mephistopheles: Enlarge his kingdom.

    Faustus: Is that the reason he tempts us thus?

    Mephistopheles: Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.
    (It is a comfort to the wretched to have companions in misery.)”
    ― Christopher Marlowe, Dr. Faustus

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Or as we say in Illinois, “Missouri loves company!”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    So is everyone done with the circular firing squad and ritual bloodletting on the Franken thread yet? Looks like I picked a good day to be busy (I didn’t actually pick it)

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I, too, have been occupied elsewhere whilst avoiding the gnashing of teeth.

      • Old town Urbandale

        When Disqus blew up for me, I knew it was time to move on.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, it was not good.

    • puredog

      I fled, finally

  • Joe Beese
    • jowgajen

      But job creators!

    • jesterpunk

      Yes but once they have all the money then they have all the money.

      • jowgajen

        The revolution will come first.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      LOL, GMTA.

    • Cat Cafe

      But he ain’t letting THOSE people come over in this here country, the ones that actually aren’t coming but the TEEvee says so! Also he’s making those smart people butthurt! HA, HA, HA!

    • tehbaddr

      Well there you have it folks. Get ready for some hard times and hopefully a bloody revolution. Those teabaggers are always going on about the blood of patriots, well then they shall have it!

    • NellCote71
  • tehbaddr

    “BORDER PATROL”? Fuck that! That fucker can hire hire any aircraft willing to take his sorry ass out of the USMERIKKKA!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • OutOfOrbit

      I can’t make heads or tails of that.

      • Doug Langley

        Translation: unless you’re a billionaire, your income drops like a rock.

        • NellCote71

          But the high-income bracket will be making so much money that they will hire everyone and give us raises. Or so I have been told.

      • jowgajen

        It’s percentage adjusted, rather than in dollars, so it shows the real effect on income. It also shows that individuals have tax cuts phased out over 10 years, while businesses do not.

    • Cock Blockula

      It would be a better chart if the x axis had the income ranges displayed.

      • Meccalopolis

        Love the handle

        • Cock Blockula

          Thank you! (Takes a bow)

  • Cock Blockula

    Deep Question for tonight’s open thread:

    How does one actually break Poe’s Law? Can you get arrested or fined?

    • tehbaddr

      You can get not allowed comment community shamed.

    • Raan

      A.) Wrong kind of law.
      B.) Trump broke it last year. It’s just broken now.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Arrested or fine? Nevermore.

      • Doug Langley

        Are you raven about your bad puns again?

      • Covfefe

        Poe’s Law is more of what you’d call a guideline than an actual rule.

        • Werewolf

          Parlay!

      • proudgrampa

        The pendulum swings both ways.

    • wait! what?

      Is that the one where the only secret ingredient is you?

      • NellCote71

        Actually, the secret ingredient is a telltale heart.

        • Cock Blockula

          Or a cask of amontillado?

  • Joe Beese
    • OutOfOrbit

      It is just math

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Well when your constituency votes for you on an emotional level they let you do anything. You can even grab them by the taxes!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      “It’s totally worth it if it means sticking it to people with darker colored skin”

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …and them degenerate queers, and slutty whores and uppity feminazi career women, and snowflake butthurt millennials, and Eurotrash (((globalists))), and Cucknadian sissies with pink socks, and eco-freako Agenda 21 tree-huggers, and the free shit army of libtarded socialists, and Owebama Bin Lyin’, and Killary Klanton, and John Pedosta…

        (echo fades out as America fades from relevance)

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    His Honor was not real happy about the prosecutor’s rescheduling of the morning calendar. We had to hold two of the hearings this afternoon because they related to my clients’ continued confinement. The three judges I was supposed to appear in front of this afternoon were none to happy either, and yours truly took the brunt of that. Still, my self-control was admirable. All I said on the matter was, “Your Honor, there’s a whole stable of lawyers over there who could have made an appearance in this matter; Mr. Doe shouldn’t pay for the State not being able to send a lawyer across the street.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      A stable of lawyers that will probably need to be mucked out if they stand around for too long.

    • LadyLaz

      Yeah, could not do criminal defense

    • Sheepshagger

      Oh I’m sure they’ll sanction the prosecution and tell them about their obligations and give them a solid penalty.

      Ha, fuck I’m funny.

  • Cat Cafe
    • proudgrampa

      I will upfist this everytime I see it!

      Hope he has more.

  • Joe Beese

    Wonder how Kevin Spacey’s treatment is going.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Tonight’s song because I so wish it was 1992 again

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAMkKUG0-x8

    • Joe Beese

      Time for a “25th Anniversary Edition”, I guess.

  • Timothy Watson

    Who wants to bet that Mueller has surveillance teams all set up just hoping that Manafort/Gates try to do a dead drop or meet someone?

    • ((( Augustus )))

      I bet you’re right

      these clowns are that fucking stupid, and Bobby M. knows it

    • proudgrampa

      It really is hard to believe that they are just letting Manafort run around by himself with no surveillance.

      If they are, then we don’t deserve nice things.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He’s wearing an ankle monitor- that has to be sending out a gps signal. The question is whether or not they have his home under surveillance,

      • tehbaddr

        I think they have him under surveillance, he prolly can’t take a shit or stroke one out with them knowing!

    • LadyLaz

      Mueller is anything but stupid

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Joe Beese
    • vivian

      Jesus is the reason for the treason?

      • Raan

        Our money does say “In God We Trust” on it.

        • vivian

          … and Jesus saves.

          Edit: Has there ever been a Jesus Savings and Loan
          in the Deep South? Seems like such a natural fit.

          • Werewolf

            But Moses invests.

        • Meccalopolis

          All others pay cash

      • Bill D. Burger
    • tehbaddr

      Enjoy your Holiday!

    • bupkus231

      25 euros? I suppose it might be a “scarcity” price, but jeez, that’s a lot!

      • Lyly Sirivong

        That’s for both the Blu Ray and the DVD. But it’s definitely not cheap.

  • gallbladder

    Cue the doomsday evangelicals and repent right the fuck NOW!
    https://qz.com/1133304/as-earths-rotation-slows-2018-could-see-a-spike-in-large-earthquakes/

    • Covfefe

      I blame it on Obama.

      • proudgrampa

        Of course!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Ol’ Pat will stop it___ as long as everybody stops being the ghey’!
      ___ and for a price. Gawwd’ will help you, but he ain’t gonna’ do it for free.

      http://www.byfarthersteps.com/images/prayerassault.gif

      http://www.dvorak.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/pat.jpg

    • wait! what?

      Is it really testing a hypothesis, though?

      Btw, if this pans out it means the Earth is flat.

    • Zonath

      For some reason, Google News likes to serve up the wingnut doomsday shit a lot to me, so I have already seen headlines such as, “Deadly Earthquakes Could Hit a BILLION People Next Year” and better, “Earthquakes in 2018 could kill BILLIONS as Earth slows on axis.”

      • gallbladder

        Well then, you’ll be prepared. But do be sure to stock up on Jim Bakker’s pancake mix. It’s the only way to be saved from what I hear.

        • bbayliss

          Actually it’s the only way to save your grandchildren from hell…He doesn’t give a fuck about you as long as the check clears.

        • Zonath

          Jim Bakker’s pancake mix is the leftovers of Tammy Faye’s pancake makeup.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Google is trash, I searched for a direct link to one of Trudeau’s tweets and got a bunch of 4chan results immediately following the actual tweet. Fuck them, they need to fucking de-index that crap or some governmental authority needs to make them do so. That, and make 4chan shut down.

        • bupkus231

          Try some different search criteria. I’ve often found that what one thinks are perfectly reasonable criteria only turn up shit, but if you try some variations, one can often find reasonable stuff ( or at least stuff that can lead you to reasonable stuff ).

          Of course, one has to be able to recognize whether a link is “reasonable” or just “what one wants to hear”. Most search engines leave that judgment up to the user……

      • bupkus231

        I didn’t bother to read any of that – but do these “scientists” say that the Earth’s rotation would slowing significantly more in 2018 than in any other years in recorded history? If so, why? The turtle’s getting tired?

        • Dg Hacket

          Nobody’s sure why. Maybe something to do with the flow of magma in the earths core

  • Mormos

    #whiteprivilege.

    • vivian

      Welcome to Trumplandia.
      “If you’re white, you walk…
      if not, you better run.”

      • NellCote71

        Amend to white male.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • h4rr4r

      That implies a level of planning beyond what Trump is capable of. I bet Mitch is behind this.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
    • BosGrl

      I applied for a job with the Census Bureau about six months ago. Went for an interview and everything, passed the test, told to wait for a call. Still waiting. Maybe I shouldn’t answer the phone if they ever do call.

    • bupkus231

      I read a little more about that asshole – it appears that his “argument” in that book was that in “packed” districts ( packed with the supporters of one party ) woud “naturally” end up with fewer “dissatisified” constituents than one where the split was more even. Thus, a district that was gerrymandered to have 95% Democrats and four that were gerrymandered to be 55% Republican ( which would result in 4 Republican reps and 1 Democratic one, in an partisan polarized world ) would result in more “satisfied” voters.

      I haven’t done the math ( only made up those figures – but, I have a better statistics background than this asshole, even 40 years after the fact ), but it all sounds like BULLSHIT to me. Yet, Republicans love this guy….

  • memzilla Ω
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He’s from California, so I’m going to guess his Russki codename is Big Bear?

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        More like Big Stoopid

      • memzilla Ω
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I remember hearing a report somewhere that he and his wife are absolute slobs and creeps

    • BadKitty904

      Only if he’s a Russian agent.

    • susan_g

      I don’t know what the russkies call him but here in Cali he’s known as “that asshole”.

      • Meccalopolis

        Da

      • bupkus231

        One has to assume that’s the opinions of those sane Californians who don’t vote for him. The voters who have kept him in office so long ( since 1997 ) can hardly be described as anything close to “sane”….

        Yet, isn’t the right that calls California “the land of fruits and nuts”?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          “Governor Moonbeam” is another pejorative. Jealous of the fact that Jerry Brown is doing a far better job for California than the incompetent and downright nasty GOP governors of bankrupt, backwater red states. I actually do wish CA, WA and OR would secede to Canada and become provinces. Take New England with them too. (Except New Hampshire, lotta gun nuts and anti-tax lolbertarians in the “no step on snek” state.)

          • Bad Scooter

            i’d never vote for MA to secede. i refuse to surrender the U.S. to the alt-right and all their
            -isms. fuck those assholes. not on my watch. i’m not done resisting and will die with my boots on.

    • altleftjohn

      I bet myself $1000 who it would be before I clicked the link. I won.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        suckerbet- we ALL knew

      • Bad Scooter

        I guessed correctly too, except i wasn’t smart enough to bet myself, dammit.
        whatcha gonna do with your winnings?

    • jesterpunk

      He does represent Russia so I guess it makes sense.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      TOTALLY NORMAL NOTHING TO SEE HERE MOVE ALONG!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Hey, the Taliban liked him too.

    • Covfefe

      Fine. What is his Russian code name? I clicked through your link and still couldn’t find it.

  • 52camellias

    I’m always curious about the people who use the phrase “Trump’s plan is X.” There’s no evidence that Trump is capable of planning anything. Repeating something he heard on Fox News 15 minutes earlier, sure, but planning? That would require an attention span. And possibly the ability to write and speak English that can be understood.

    • jesterpunk

      The only thing Trump plans is to undo anything Obama did.

    • bupkus231

      One has to assume that he pays people to plan for him. Guess he fails to get intelligent planning, but only what he wants to hear….

    • Spurning Beer

      Isn’t there an old adage about that? “When Trump makes plans, God laughs.”

  • Stulexington

    Can they maybe insist they bring another guest along? Someone in a uniform who doesn’t drink either.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Just lock ‘em the fuck up already.

  • BadKitty904
    • Resistor Radio

      Badkitty is bringing the romance tonight!

      • BadKitty904

        Damn str8.

  • altleftjohn

    I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who told me the following story. In 1985 where she worked there was a guy routinely came over to her part of the workplace and made disgusting remarks to her. Finally, he came over one time and pulled her sweater away from her and looked down her neck and made some kind of disgusting remark. Her response was to literally knock him on his ass. That evening she got a call from the boss saying that she needed to apologize to the guy. She promptly told the boss to go piss up a rope. When she called the labor department she was told that there was nothing they could do. A few weeks later she got a call from said boss asking her to return to work because they couldn’t find anybody to do the job for the amount of money they had been paying her. I’ll let you guess what her response was.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I’m going to guess she’s bilingual in Chinese, and promptly ended the conversation with a salutation of Yuk Foo.

    • proudgrampa

      “Bless your heart’?

    • OrG

      Piss up a rope?

      • altleftjohn

        Old Navy expression.

  • Ezio
    • vivian

      Slowly comes the dawn to the willfully unenlightened.

    • BosGrl

      Oh, dear God, is our Kristol LEARNING??

      • proudgrampa

        Hmmmm. Could be.

      • gallbladder

        It’s that or lucky guesses.

      • Covfefe

        No. Our Kristol is not learning. He simply has buyer’s remorse, because his wing of the wingnut Party has lost, bigly. Nor is he ours. He never will be.

    • Stulexington

      You’re slowly figuring out that your party of choice has been taken over by complete nutcases and that the Dems are acting closer to the textbook definition of conservative than the Republicans are.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      The world makes no sense to me anymore. I find myself watching MSNBC and nodding my head in agreement with Jenifer Rubin. This must be madness.

      • Lord Jim

        IKR?! JENNIFER. RUBINSTEIN. I don’t understand anything anymore.

    • Weird Fishes

      Welcome to the human race, Mr Kristol.

    • tehbaddr

      Even that asshole is shocked!

    • Arolpin

      I’m going to be charitable and assume that he’s finally seeing what the end result of conservative politics leads to, and is horrified. Because beneath that NeoCon exterior, there is still a smidgen of humanity left in Bill.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I find more and more with the new Parade of Horribles that seems to pass by each day that I hate people. I inherited my Grandfather’s knack for relating to horses and dogs. I like horses and dogs. I am trying to figure out how I can redirect my life so I spend my days dealing with horses and dogs and not people.

    • Joe Beese

      I often feel that anyone who isn’t a misanthrope isn’t paying attention.

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t become a vet tech…

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I can relate. Except I’m also a self-directed misanthrope who doesn’t want to burden the horses or dogs with the displeasure of my presence. I’m basically a recluse 99% of the time.

      • Covfefe

        Technically speaking, dogs aren’t human. They don’t have the same hang ups that humans have. They don’t want to be lonely, but t they’re happy with only one other.

    • Suttree

      The only animal that understands me I understand is kitty cats. I can’t work as a farrier like that.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I have a large rasp in my tool shed that I inherited from Grandpa. Seemed way too big to use for wood work and I never could figure out what it was for. But last week a friend who owns horses was in the shed while I was looking for something she wanted to borrow. She picked up the rasp and said to me “Nice farriers rasp.” I must have had a “what?” look on my face because she then said, “You know, for trimming the hooves of the horse before you put on new shoes.” I just smiled and thought to myself, “Thanks gramps.”

        • Suttree

          I have never done any of that work. I was just making a funny. I have worked as a blacksmith though. I know what those rasps look like. You sure as hell ain’t gonna file iron much less steel with them.

        • Courser_Resistance

          My grandpa had one too and he never owned a horse. But his brother did and never had her hooves trimmed so my grandpa would trim and file her hooves when he was there. Grandpa wasn’t a farrier or anything, he just had compassion for the horse, Jill, as I’m told. She was long gone by the time I came along.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Jamoche

      Too many words for a congresscritter. My explanation was “imagine everything was a toll road and they charged you more based not on what road you used, but which shop you were going to on that road.”

    • BosGrl

      This is the best explanation of net neutrality, which, I admit, I didn’t understand too well myself.

  • LadyLaz

    I am going to leave and play soccer, but I think I have lost part of my soul in this last year. I read the next installment in WaPo on disability. It was, really, beautifully written. But I looked at the old white guy in Mississippi, in serious pain and deep debt, waiting 500 days for a disability determination and thought, “you asked for it motherfucker.” Maybe stop voting republican for once in your sorry life.

    • hudson

      good for ya. over all soccer and field hockey players and swimmers are the fittest athletes around.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I understand. My feelings weren’t quite so vehement, but yeah. Sucks to be you, dude.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      500 days is probably about right. I am three weeks over one year myself.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Anyway, I guess everyone knows by now that Hillary was indicted, too. She wears an ankle cast, like a common fall victim, to cover-up her GPS monitor. I also heard that she is going to kill pizzas over thanksgiving. And Trump is going to execute all of Obama’s turkeys at Guantanamo. Waterboarded turkey.

    So there’s that.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I feel sick for that poor family.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Jesus Fucking Christ.

    • BosGrl

      This is horrifying. His wife knew something was wrong.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh man… how horrifying it must be to get that news. After they wouldn’t let his wife lay eyes on him. She was afraid of something like this.

    • shivaskeeper

      That would be the reason for the closed casket.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got a reason for me to wish I didn’t love football, WaPo?

    NFL owners could change anthem policy next season if protests continue

    Some NFL owners believe there is a strong possibility they will enact an offseason change to the league’s national anthem policy if players’ protests during the anthem persist through the end of this season, reverting to a previous approach of keeping players in the locker room while the anthem is played, according to several people familiar with the league’s inner workings.

    “I think that if players are still kneeling at the end of the year, then it could very well happen,” said one person familiar with the owners’ deliberations on anthem-related issues.

    Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • Resistor Radio

      That is some kinda bullshit.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Forced patriotism. The best kind.

      • gallbladder

        (see: Nuremberg rally)

        • Cat Cafe

          Only that wasn’t forced

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Ah, the “out of sight, out of mind” move.
      Right now, I think the NFL should be more worried that Jerruh is trying to rip the whole thing down in a fit of pique.

      • Donna Mueller

        OT, but it was WAAAAAAAAAAY fun to see Jerrruhs’ team get its ass handed to it the other nite by philly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          It’s always a good day when the cowgirls get spanked

          (wait, maybe this belongs on the Franken thread)

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      About sums up the trump administration.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Also known as “the American mindset”

      • BadKitty904

        About sums up the entire Republican Party.

        • Cat Cafe

          Exactly sums up the so-called “religious” right and the hate cult that is “Evangelical Christianity.”

  • Walter Wellstone

    Fuckers.

  • Bill D. Burger

    You should live out yours in maximum sucurity. Russia is not going away…..Mueller is waiting for you.

    https://twitter.com/asmithfilms/status/933114510768050183

    • WIDTAP

      Gawd I love Tom Steyers’s little project.

  • Suttree

    FFS! NBC is actually talking about Turnip and the women who accused him. For all of 45 seconds. Journamalism

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, it’s better than the 0.5 seconds it seemed to get before the election. “Sorry, Mary, we’ve got to cut to Gus with a discussion of Clinton’s emails and Benghazi.”

      • Suttree

        Exactly! Fucking fuckety fuck fuk fuckers!!!!!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or show an empty tarmac in anticipation of Donnie’s plane landing…

      • h4rr4r

        Had they given him a total of 0.5 seconds of coverage as a joke candidate deserves we would not be in this mess.

    • Doug Langley

      Refresh my memory. How much time did they take in mentioning Bill Clinton and the woman who accused him?

      • Suttree

        I got up and took a piss in the middle, so I assume about eleventy billion years.

  • proudgrampa

    Been down so long, looks like up to me.

    https://youtu.be/Mgw5j9h8528

  • BadKitty904
    • gallbladder

      LOVE Ella.

    • Resistor Radio

      I love that song :)

  • Ezio
  • OrG

    Maybe we could allow ALL people awaiting trial to spend Thanksgiving with their families.
    HAHAHAHA! I crack me up.

    • altleftjohn

      But no drinking.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I had one tell the judge he’d stay in jail for Thanksgiving rather than getting out and coming back the following week to finish up his time. When the judge asked why, he told him the food in that particular jail is really good (which it is) and that his family didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving.

      “Your family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving? How awful! May I ask why?”
      “Mr. Running Doe is Cayuse, Your Honor.”

      White people, sometimes.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Ummm yeah, c’mon yer honor. That one shouldn’t have been too tough to figure out.

        • WIDTAP

          “Ok, but how about Columbus Day?”

      • theCryptofishist

        Maybe they should have let him go to Alcatraz.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I was wondering about that recently. Does Pirro have a speech impediment or is she really drunk all the time?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    On this note, I’m off to organize my drawers of workout clothes. Since the reign of Donald the Terrible gives me plenty of rage-fueled energy, they’re going to be put to good use. BBL, Wonkers!

    https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/933069904072278017

    • Nounverb911

      Only if they are white.

      • Vorhees

        Somehow I doubt it would apply to a democratic senator.

        • Doug Langley

          Or Hillary Clinton.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I’m off to the gym soon myself. See you later too :)

    • Lord Jim

      Good luck with your drawers.

      :P

    • proudgrampa

      I reorganize my drawers every day.

      I didn’t know that’s what it was called.

      • theCryptofishist

        No, I think those are your knickers.

    • Justin Zimmerman

      I’ve been doing P90X3, it’s really helped me recover from back surgery. Too bad my diet contains a lot of beer, bourbon, rum, and vodka.

  • Nounverb911

    Well, Palm Beach County is officially a ‘NOGO’ zone now….
    https://twitter.com/KristinaWebb/status/933113697928695809

  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      I can’t tell them apart…well, aside from the fact that Manson had better hair.

      • Begin Anew Day

        And better morals.

        • puredog

          And played better guitar.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

    ‘In honour of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

    The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he said.

    ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.

    The man from New Zealand reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’

    Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

    The Australian started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

    St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’

    The Aussie replied, ‘These are Carols.’

  • Joe Beese

    The best Pixar films (and there are many great ones) are so appealing that they leave you feeling vaguely that the studio can read your mind. They can squeeze any emotion out of you that they like. An empathic intelligence of that caliber should be able to muster enough empathy in personal relations so as not to force women to perfect “the Lasseter” to block an unwanted thigh grope. And yet here we are. I need a drink.

    https://hotair.com/archives/2017/11/21/sweet-fancy-moses-pixar-guy-part-pervnado/

    • Doug Langley

      Is this an awards show?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Pervnado. SMH

  • Ezio
    • BadKitty904

      See, Republicans? THAT’S how it’s done.

      • theCryptofishist

        But we have such a nice monument of Goering on a horse, just waiting for a nice plinth…
        Whoops, wait, can that. The Field Marshall’s horse just collapsed under his weight. Dynamite that sucker.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      How will the German people ever learn that nazism is wrong?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      But but but heritage

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911

    Disney animation chief John Lassiter taking six month leave of absence for “missteps” with employees.

    https://twitter.com/pbpost/status/933117698409713664

    • theCryptofishist

      Now, back in Walt’s time, Walt could have sexually harassed half the staff, and no one would say “boo”.

  • Joe Beese

    Moore calculated that as long as he stands firm, no matter how bad the scandal gets, the belief that anything is better than a Democrat will keep most of the party with him. He was right.

    https://hotair.com/archives/2017/11/21/trump-re-endorses-roy-moore-dont-need-liberal-person-democrat/

    • Joe Beese

      And if Franken runs for re-election, we’ll do exactly the same thing.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Do you really believe the allegations against Franken are even remotely as serious and credible as the allegations against Moore? Or that the people who cynically drummed up faux outrage over emails, Benghazi and Uranium 1 have not already figured out how to weaponize sexual assault/harassment allegations? Republicans are completely unscrupulous, and they will twist the left into knots over this if you let them.

        • Joe Beese

          No, on the scale of scumbaggery, grabbing an adult woman’s ass isn’t as loathsome as trying to get in a 14 year old’s panties. But that’s not the point.

          Given the choice between a moderately scumbaggy Democrat and a non-(proven)-scumbag Republican, we will vote D every time and I don’t believe anyone who says otherwise.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Did you sleep through the 2016 elections? Because I didn’t and I remember a whole fuck ton of Dem purity ponies who couldn’t bring themselves to vote for a woman who didn’t grab anyone’s ass or do much of anything untoward or illegal at all. I remember a disturbingly large percentage of them voted for the admitted serial sexual abuser instead. I also remember a whole bunch of disenchanted Dems not showing up in 2010, 2012 and 2014 because they didn’t get their pony, so they chose not to support an imperfect but plenty decent and competent Obama. Dems≠Republicans when it comes to tribal loyalty at all.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            If Franken were credibly accused of 1/10th of what Moore is accused of, he would be gone already. Conyers is toast. Were he Republican, he would already be planning his re-election campaign, with the backing of the president of the United States. The point is that the Republicans will excuse ANY sort of monstrous behaviour, to gain and hold power. They have to. Just as they have to gerrymander, ratfuck, collude with hostile foreign powers and engage in voter suppression. Dems will not. And the Republicans know it. They will find ways to turn your principles and scruples against you. They have done it before. They will do it again. Be wary, because this is what they do – this is what they MUST do – to stay in power.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Wait? What? Non-proven scumbag Republican? Are you unaware of all of Roy Moore’s judicial fuckery?

      • Cat Cafe

        Can we not equate Franken’s misdeeds to Roy Moore? Society absolutely judges gradations–legally, morally, emotionally, civicly–and has the right to, if not the duty to. We don’t judge “jokingly punching someone in the arm” or “posing for a photo pretending to punch someone” or even “punching someone” the same as “murder.” We don’t equate what Franken did with active child molesting. They are several orders of magnitude different. We also take into account the full measure of the person, as well. We are allowed to do that. We NEED to do that in order to function as a society. GOP/Russian propagandists are delighted to manipulate our well meaning sense of fairness and decency to get us to eat our own. Don’t fall for it.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Also too, so much for staying away from the Franken thread. I guess some people aren’t content to just have this argument there, but want to have it on EVERY thread.

          • Cat Cafe

            Because it matters. It’s not just a recreational point or argument.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Zonath

      The separation between the alternate timelines seems to be breaking down.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I blame the female Dr Who

    • Joe Beese

      I’m not standing under his umbrella.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        You might want to – that’s not rain.

    • Dg Hacket

      So, there really the same person?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hurt my neck with sideeye on this one. His goddamned lying moose of a daughter is working for one!

    https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/931526833119662080

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Projection Alert!

      What about you, Mike?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Yes! ___ He enabled and covered for Pedo Josh Duggar.

    • hudson

      while at it also come clean on your health insurance. how much are we really paying for you guys to be not worried enough to fuck the rest of the country?
      also too how come you guys never seem to have any actionable reaction about kids being slaughtered in schools? what’s going on?

    • jesterpunk

      Mike you support Donald fucking Trump and Josh Duggar so kindly go fuck yourself with a cactus.

    • proudgrampa

      $15mil?

      Shee-it. A drop in the bucket.

      • suziq

        A buck each to 15 million people?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        EEOC guidelines are a max of $100K per incident.

    • Roni Raven, Proud Hall Monitor

      Moose libelz!!!!1!

    • Kooolest G

      If we made politicians pay for their own sexual harassment settlements we would end up with a congress full of women and billionaires

  • Picabo
  • WomanInThePersistence

    That picture of the dogs is simultaneously horrifying and hilarious. I don’t even want to know where you found that.

  • BadKitty904

    Time to start supper or we’ll have no sip to sup or crumb to crave. Y’all keep your chins up…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3jdbFOidds

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Someone rang the doorbell twice this morning, but I didn’t answer because I was alone. I racked my brain all day wondering who it could have been. The cops? A FedEx or UPS driver? Someone looking to case the house for a possible burglary? Heaven forbid, someone telling me my parents were involved in a plane crash?

    A few minutes ago, I heard the doorbell ring a couple more times, and I looked out the window to see the neighbor standing outside. It turns out she wanted to know if we were still going to Thanksgiving dinner at her house.

    All these sexual assault allegations and all the true crime docs I’ve been watching lately have made me paranoid.

    • Rang twice and it wasn’t the postman?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “Tomorrow night, if I come back, there’ll be kisses. Lovely ones, Frank. Not drunken kisses. Kisses with dreams in them. Kisses that come from life, not death.”
        ― James M. Cain, The Postman Always Rings Twice

      • theCryptofishist

        Or the Iceman, commething?
        What is “commething” anyway? Just kidding–it’s a drug thing.

        • yyyaz

          That long day’s journey into night is longer some days than others.

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          commething is not allowed.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Some reason they couldn’t phone? I’m not a fan of people just dropping by.

      • Moebym of the Returners

        I guess she didn’t have our phone #.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    One measure of the allure of Trump’s white identity politics is the extent to which it has overridden other concerns as his administration has faltered.The president’s supporters have stood by him even as he has evinced every quality they described as a deal breaker under Obama. Conservatives attacked Obama’s lack of faith; Trump is a thrice-married libertine who has never asked God for forgiveness. They accused Obama of being under malign foreign influence; Trump eagerly accepted the aid of a foreign adversary during the election. They accused Obama of genuflecting before Russian President Vladimir Putin; Trump has refused to even criticize Putin publicly. They attacked Obama for his ties to Tony Rezko, the crooked real-estate agent; Trump’s ties to organized crime are too numerous to name. Conservatives said Obama was lazy; Trump “gets bored and likes to watch TV.” They said Obama’s golfing was excessive; as of August Trump had spent nearly a fifth of his presidency golfing. They attributed Obama’s intellectual prowess to his teleprompter; Trump seems unable to describe the basics of any of his own policies. They said Obama was a self-obsessed egomaniac; Trump is unable to broach topics of public concern without boasting. Conservatives said Obama quietly used the power of the state to attack his enemies; Trump has publicly attempted to use the power of the state to attack his enemies. Republicans said Obama was racially divisive; Trump has called Nazis “very fine people.” Conservatives portrayed Obama as a vapid celebrity; Trump is a vapid celebrity.

    There is virtually no personality defect that conservatives accused Obama of possessing that Trump himself does not actually possess. This, not some uncanny oracular talent, is the reason Trump’s years-old tweets channeling conservative anger at Obama apply so perfectly to his own present conduct.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/11/the-nationalists-delusion/546356/

    • Joe Beese

      It’s almost as if they’re all a bunch of hypocrites.

      • shivaskeeper

        The hell you say.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Trump’s great political insight was that Obama’s time in office inflicted a profound psychological wound upon many white Americans, one that he could remedy by adopting the false narrative that placed the first black president outside the bounds of American citizenship. He intuited that Obama’s presence in the White House decreased the value of what W. E. B. Du Bois described as the “psychological wage” of whiteness across all classes of white Americans, and that the path to their hearts lay in invoking a bygone past when this affront had not taken place, and could not take place.

      That the legacy of the first black president could be erased by a birther, that the woman who could have been the first female president was foiled by a man who confessed to sexual assault on tape—these were not drawbacks to Trump’s candidacy, but central to understanding how he would wield power, and on whose behalf.

      • Joe Beese

        It wasn’t a great insight. He’s a lifelong racist who was just being himself when he discovered a huge market for it.

    • h4rr4r

      I don’t like this because it implies I am as defective as that asshole just for being white.

      Small issue on the grand scale, but come on this guy is no great example of white folks.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I don’t think that’s the point of the article, though. It’s more along the lines that Trumpism has been explained in economic terms, when really, it all boils down to racism.

        • h4rr4r

          I was just poking fun at the racism, well failing at it I guess.

          The joke was supposed to be basically that these racists never seem to be good examples of their race.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Ah, I see.

      • yyyaz

        1990 wasn’t 30 years ago either. But I quibble.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Christ on a cracker, how can anyone watch the Lions – Vikings game off the sauce? That’s just… indecent.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Go LIONS!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Wanna’ see/hear sum’ real MurriKKKan Moore/Trump pedophile enabling slime hard at work denying the truth and screaming LA LA LA…CAN’T HEAR YOU? They’ve just left a Roy Moore gathering blessed by Jesus hisseff’!
    You’ve been warned!

    https://twitter.com/BettyBowers/status/931309467714678785

    • Ryan Denniston

      Today is the age of alpha dog. I think the media are providing a very sold perspective on all of the deranged people out there yessir!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Carter Page was way more engaging. You wanted to root for the guy at times. Also, GET A GOLRAMN LAWYER!!!

    • Ryan Denniston

      If we’re lucky, a Child Protective Services department across this country of ours has already sprung into action and is giving this “pastor” the full Muller.

    • yyyaz

      Unrealus Pedophilius Theocratus Bombastus von Derpenstein.

  • Justin Zimmerman

    As this is my first post in an open thread, I would like to share that I am a bit of a BABYMETAL fan: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/937a3d8277a204d058bde520a63d9f53bee03bab9c72f22990c7b6fd4c049940.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Babymetal is bananas.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      I’m not very familiar with them. But I gotta say, Karate is an awesome song.

    • Nounverb911

      Colbert’s intro was classic.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0ERg64grnY

      • Justin Zimmerman

        Yas!

      • LOL. There’s no space between the 1/8th notes. They’re incapable of improving.

  • Jeff Ackerman
    • Justin Zimmerman

      I live on Kodiak Island when I was a young lad, seeing the Aurora in person is awesome.

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Yup. Saw them on Iceland. Sometimes they took over the whole sky.

      • Courser_Resistance

        We used to catch them in northern Wisconsin and Michigan on vacations as a kid. My dad would wake us kids up to see them.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I invested in Aurora Cannabis. They’re doing really well!

      • Jeff Ackerman

        I invested in cannabis too, the only return was a feeling of well being and all was right in the world.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Bestiality erasure!

  • UnsaltedSinner

    In honour of the first snowfall of the winter…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8C_e5dGeG4

  • Anna Rompage

    I wonder how much Moore the GOP has yet to go, before they finally find a person who’s so deplorable , that they won;t throw their support behind them… I mean aside from someone supporting education, a strong social safety net, consumer protections, health insurance for all, and a fair tax plan that doesn’t sell out to the big corporations…

    • CW

      Eventually there will be too few whites to keep them in power, and even cheating and race baiting don’t work anymore. Then the GOP will change.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Yep, they are trying to redistrict in Georgia. Failed, but they tried. Too many black people and white people living together in the same areas.

        • CW

          Judges won’t let you run district lines down the interstate anymore.

    • shivaskeeper

      That would be any Democrat. That is already a mark so black they cannot be supported.

  • theCryptofishist

    How long did that video go on? I cut out after his unfunny joke about not killing Tater and Tot. And did he start his own clapping. Makes me long (sorta) for Jeb Bush.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Man, Thanksgiving without drinking? I’d rather stay home alone, in the dark, with a couple beers and my GPS bracelet.

    • Zonath

      “I’m on house arrest for conspiring against America” sounds like a really good excuse to me.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yeah, I definitely would not have agreed to that part.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah, well he’s not exactly in a position of strength to argue, but I was all DAMN, Mueller don’t play.

  • Joe Beese

    Meghan McCain and Ben Domenech got married today.

    May they be blessed with a child who will disgustedly reject everything they stand for.

  • Joe Beese
    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      gah!

  • Picabo
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Some people probably needed to pay a little closer attention to educational tv. Of course, you don’t have to take *my* word for it.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/reading-rainbows-levar-burton-bombarded-with-tweets-from-angry-trump-fans-who-think-hes-lavar-ball/

    • TJ Barke

      Stupid fucks…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      dumb dumb dumb dumb…

    • jesterpunk

      They do this all the time with minorities, they hear Trump criticize one and go after anyone with any kind of similar name.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        We all look alike. /s

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I guess they really all do look alike for some folks…

    • jowgajen
      • proudgrampa

        Didn’t this just kill a guy a few days ago?

        • Courser_Resistance

          There’s a serial killer wood chipper out there.

          • proudgrampa

            The Land Shark is still in jail, right?

  • If Manafort and Gates decide to flee together

    Before this is over, it’ll be a 3 ring Flea Circus…
    https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/runescape2/images/c/c4/Flea_Circus_%28green%29.gif/revision/latest?cb=20121221013926

  • bluicebank

    Totally proud today of my state of California, for not going quietly into the sanity, thanks to one man. Yep, we still make ’em crazy out here, too. Take that, Florida!

    “This man is about to launch himself in his homemade rocket to prove the Earth is flat” — WaPo headline

    Seeking to prove that a conspiracy of astronauts fabricated the shape of the Earth, a California man intends to launch himself 1,800 feet high on Saturday in a [steam-powered] rocket he built from scrap metal.

    Assuming the 500-mph, mile-long flight through the Mojave Desert does not kill him, Mike Hughes told the Associated Press, his journey into the [atmosphere] will mark the first phase of his ambitious flat-Earth space program.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2017/11/21/this-man-is-about-to-launch-himself-in-his-homemade-rocket-to-prove-the-earth-is-flat/?tid=pm_pop

    Fare thee well, sweet prince. Also, points for going steam-punk. Also, you’re going to die. But goddamnit, you’ve got style, I’ll give you that.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/86bd86bdb5ae674d3b30135d6e4b3d97b589d6c41901f43205762bba14632870.jpg

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Evel Knievel Libelz!111!!!
      (Yes, I am old. I watched this when it was broadcast)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pghl2U0wVIw

    • Bitter Scribe

      So what does he plan to do…fly over the edge?

      Do these people believe that both sides of the flat Earth are populated, or just one side? And if just one side is populated, what’s on the other side? Backing material?

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Sticky tape.

      • bluicebank

        It’s a Mobius strip.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Turtles. All the way down.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Say, idiot, you do know you can climb HILLS higher than 1800 feet, right?

    • Raan

      He’s no Jebediah Kerman, but he’ll do.

  • WIDTAP
    • Joe Beese

      Uber is really gunning for Comcast’s spot, aren’t they.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      It makes me feel so much better to know they only hacked my email address home,address and phone number this time

  • msanthropesmr

    So, what’s new, wonkeroos?

    • puredog

      You don’t want to know.

    • WIDTAP

      Not too much, how about you?

      • msanthropesmr

        Eating dinner at a sandwich place. About to make my hour commute home after teaching a class in the first amendment in higher education.

        • Sheepshagger

          Did you just stand there screaming “FUCK YOU! FUCK THE POPE!FUCK JESUS AND MOHAMMAD !!!!””?

          I think my lesson plan needs work.

          • msanthropesmr

            Aktually, we Profs have fewer speech rights than the public. Wouldn’t have gone over well.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Wait…there’s a FIRST amendment? I thought we only had one.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Finally got my data logger set up and ready to watch components cook themselves to death. Fun stuff.

    • Joe Beese

      Google Collects Android Users’ Locations Even When Location Services Are Disabled

      https://qz.com/1131515/google-collects-android-users-locations-even-when-location-services-are-disabled/

      • Joe Beese

        If they were “never used or stored”, why did they start collecting them in the first place? This is like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar saying they weren’t going to eat any cookies. Sure.

        https://daringfireball.net/linked/2017/11/21/android-cell-tower-location

        • h4rr4r

          Truthfully as someone who does development, I have pushed plenty of software with overly verbose logging. Who knows what data you will need for troubleshooting later. Mind you the only users of that software are employees at work.

          • Joe Beese

            If companies were willing to pay you billions of dollars for those logs, I wouldn’t trust you either. :-)

          • h4rr4r

            This data is not worth billions. Trust me :)

            Your phone is easily tracked without any software on the device unless you keep it in airplane mode at all times.

        • Raan

          I hope the algorithm that looks at my location data goes back to the programmers and says “Guys, I don’t want to do this anymore, it’s making me sad.”

      • msanthropesmr

        Oh, so you know I’m at which which.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lotsa angst and wailing and gnashing of teeth on the Franken thread. Meantime the GOP is about to ratfuck your taxes and end net neutrality. And some turkeys got a pardon, while others got ankle bracelets…

      • Suttree

        I’m out of fucks to give to argue with people. Not going there.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          smart move. me neither…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Sold a boatload of cheese. And I’m being very selective about what threads I’m looking at, just to preserve my own sanity. I do recommend the ungay video one. It’s fucking hilarious.

    • hudson

      lost my glasses that i got early this year.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Shut up and give us a Beanie pic.

      • msanthropesmr

        I’m 60 miles from beany. I’ll be home in about 90 minutes.

    • Raan

      I’d tell you, but you just ate.

  • Picabo
  • blaid droog

    No booze. That’s gotta suck. Unless their both into coke. Coke. The pause that refreshes. For certain Don Draper did not write that lame ass line.

    • Suttree

      You aren’t allowed to drug test rich people. It will flaw the law and order bullshit.

  • Sheepshagger
    • Jamoche

      “Let’s talk about something important, mate, like the way the entire country wants to kill us.”

    • marxalot

      ‘STRAYA!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        AMEN!

    • Jenny

      BUT THE CROCODILES!!

      • Sheepshagger

        butt crocodiles.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • hudson

      lol.
      meanwhile, i’m trying to cleanup for the ashes. i know you are a sheepshagger from NZ. still… did you hear about the fuss about the ben stokes tweet?

      • Sheepshagger

        Don’t follow sports. Inner city aesthete me.

        • hudson

          good. i reckon i have wasted nearly 20% of my life following sports. i regret it. but cannot break the habit. it’s like an addiction.

          • Sheepshagger

            I’m firmly of he opinion that sport exists in New Zealand solely to give our retardate men folk some topic of discussion. Absent that they’d just moon at each other and mutter about cars periodically.

    • proudgrampa

      Now that’s STRINE!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I want to move to Australia. Can I be in charge of the sheep dip?

    • Raan

      Serious question, is Vegemite a joke Australia is playing on the rest of the world?

      • Sheepshagger

        That’s not funny.

  • marxalot

    Tonight I make the cold relish (it needs time to set for max flavor blending, and I’m gonna be out tomorrow night) and the pumpkin custard. I suck at piecrusts, so I just don’t bother. I can make the cranberry compote Thursday morning, it’s just me and the dog. Maybe I’ll do Thanksgiving day brunch instead of dinner, and spend the rest of the day reading. What’s everyone’s secret ingredient this year?

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m bringing the cheese plate. Easy peasy.

    • proudgrampa

      Vodka.

      • marxalot

        Couple years ago, I put spiced rum into everything.

    • altleftjohn
      • puredog

        It’s a Jon Carroll thang.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I so love Calvin Trillen.

      • Arolpin

        The only thing wrong with that is that they use fontina cheese. A proper carbonara should use mizithra, and should be slightly gritty, not creamy. It was one of the first date-night meals I learned to cook, because it’s dead simple, tastes great, and is something different.

    • Suse

      I’m bringing my much requested creamed onions to a vegetarian/pescetarian dinner. I’m going to cook an herb-roasted turkey breast and ciabatta and pancetta stuffing on Sunday for hubs and me.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Spaghetti squash with Parmesan, sage, and pine nuts and Miso scallion roasted sweet potatoes.

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Oh man does that sound good.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      A restaurant called The Blind Tiger.

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Also too, there will be duck bacon at breakfast. And cherimoya, though maybe not on the same day.
        And of course, craft beer.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Costco

    • Maggielle

      Kibble and a spoonful of canned food for the various dogs and cats. Wine for me. Maybe pizza. Maybe kibble. I am not watching news anymore, not even Rachel, not even Joy Anne. I have a stack of books and Netflix where I’m housesitting. I’m not even hardly internetting much anymore. On Friday or Saturday I plan to buy materials to begin needlepointing so I can stab things. Happy Thanksgiving! Truly. I hope everyone has a pleasant time.

    • puredog

      Lilikoi.
      Pie crusts are super easy, I find, but you really need to have a Cuisinart, in my experience.

  • James

    Uggh. Why did I read down the non-comment thread.

    Poor Mrs. Johnson. I can relate to the closed-casket from the military, but to have that turned into international news? That’s horrible. It makes me heartsick.

    • jesterpunk

      What is even worse is fucking Trump and his supporters have attacked her too for not worshipping him.

      • WIDTAP

        Trump tells widow, “We should have let them keep the body” in 3…2…1….

        • jesterpunk

          He already told her “He knew what he signed up for.”

  • Joe Beese
  • Shanzgood

    Tonight: pitas stuffed with roasted sweet potatoes, pine nuts, avocado slices, cucumber salad with fresh dill, harissa mayo.

    • hudson

      you are making stuffed pitas? nice.

      • Shanzgood

        Whole wheat pita. And my daughter just asked for more.

        Don’t be fooled. I got a discount from a friend on a Hello Fresh meal plan and I went for it because I suck at meal planning and have no cooking creativity.

    • tehbaddr

      Mmmmm! No pig bits or pork rind on top?

      • Shanzgood

        No, it’s a vegetarian meal plan I signed up for.

  • rocktonsam

    I’m more concerned that our nation’s fucking moron flys the coop than this asshole

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Gone is gone.

  • WIDTAP

    …and now we are giving a pass to countries using child soldiers.
    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/top-democrat-expresses-concern-tillerson-broke-law-related-to-child-soldiers/
    The Trump team are really very bad at this governance thing, aren’t they?

    • TootsStansbury

      I think that’s their whole point.

    • h4rr4r

      Bad at it implies this was done by mistake.

  • Suttree

    Guh. Imma start back from the top of the thread. I misstated something down there that was stupid considering current events. My apologies. I wasn’t thinking. I got too excited about cheese.

    • hudson

      this is the problem with this country. the voters are apologizing over cheese, and the voted never apologize.

      • Suttree

        ANd we are still cursed as people who want to destroy society.

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      We’ve all been there; cheese is very exciting.

      • Shanzgood

        Hee!

      • Arolpin

        And cutting cheese makes me (and any other perpetual 13-year old) laugh. And laughing is good, even if it’s a cheap, immature, childish laugh.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          My only request, and it’s minor, is please don’t say “Everything’s gouda”. Just……don’t.

          • Suttree

            And or also formunda.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      “Too excited about cheese”? I know these words, but they do not make sense.

      • Suttree

        I love me some cheese! I get excited about cheese! When I have moniez and go to splurge, it is almost like doing a drug deal. I get that same anticipation high!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Actually tonight’s supper is going to be cheese and bread. Cremeaux de Borgogne and Soumaintrain. Sometimes I think I have Stockholm syndrome.

          • Amy!

            Gah. You make me wish that I could find a cheese store anywhere within reasonable distance. *sigh*

          • WomanInThePersistence

            May I ask what part of the world you live in? Some fancy-pants grocery stores have good cheese departments. That where I work.

          • Amy!

            Siler City, NC.

            Whole Foods (in Chapel Hill) is okay, but it’s thirty miles. The co-op I belong to is 20 miles, but it’s struggling now and not really getting a decent selection of much of anything. There’s a Harris Teeter about twenty-five miles away that is where I usually go (and I admit to having a weakness for the two-pound block of extra-sharp cheddar, even though it’s hardly haute cuisine).

            I’d prolly do better if I were a fan of goat cheese (there are some amazing local producers, I gather), but I’m just … not, really. The good stuff (for me, at least), is when I can get to CH.

            I kinda envy people who are surrounded by good stores and entertainment places and stuff, but … my place is beautiful, and even when I lived closer to those places, my social anxieties kept me from using them very extensively. :-)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            If you like that cheddar, then enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with that. And while most American goat cheese producers do the fresh young chevres, there may be some more aged cheeses that you would like a bit more.

            And of course, living in a beautiful place where you feel comfortable is the most important thing.

          • Suttree

            Mmmmmm. I love simple meals. Cheese, bread, pickled peppers, some dried/cured meat, and fruit is something that I can live off of forever. With wine or cider of course. I miss my Baka. That was lunch every day. My father keeps it going. I do it when I can afford it. I love it!

    • Nounverb911

      You must love “Big Block of Cheese Day”.

      • Suttree

        It takes strength. I used to take my last $20 to buy a couple bottles of wine, while I shoplifted $50 of cheese. I was young once. Now I shoot the shit with the cheese monger and eat $20 of cheese and drink cheap beer.

    • Arolpin

      Disqus suqs donquy diqs today. I was well down the thread and it started showing me what I already read, then dropping new threads below 3-hour old threads. Reload, reread, and repeat.

    • tehbaddr

      Oh, no! Was it a soft ripened cheese?

  • Nounverb911
    • DainBramage

      It’s a parody account, but I see Bannon saying that. Of course, he might say it like, “We have a golden opportunity to inflict a child molester on the country and shit on the poor and middle class. Win – win.”

  • Me The People

    Great news for the people of Zimbabwe. Mugabe today, Trump next.

    https://youtu.be/wr8_MReeI3w

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I just hope we don’t have to wait until Trump is 93.

    • proudgrampa

      If they can do it…

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Emoluments, is that some new type of wine?”

    • hudson

      also too his charity trust folded amidst scandal and penury. this guy can’t seem to run anything.

    • TJ Barke

      Ron Perlman will you be my new dad?

    • Meccalopolis

      Cool tat

  • schmannity
  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Kushner’s White House portfolio shrinks as Trump wants him and Ivanka to return to New York. My latest:https://t.co/w9te2UMaKd— Gabriel Sherman (@gabrielsherman) November 21, 2017

    • Count Awesome

      Kelly didn’t clip Kushner’s wings, Kushner shot himself in the foot.

      • Amy!

        Given his history with documentation (for security clearances, and in response to demands from Congressional committees, and who knows what else), he shot himself repeatedly, on full auto.

        What’s surprising is that Trump is willing to see him sent away.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Do you think he is? I just assumed this was prelude to an anonymously sourced “Why Won’t the Peasants Acknowledge Ivanka’s Sacrifices?” poutrage in People.

          • Amy!

            If “Trump wants him and Ivanka to return to New York,” then he is, I guess?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Get him out of there before he starts leaking to save himself.

      • shivaskeeper

        That could be the reasoning. But leaving DC does not mean he suddenly forgets everything he knows. Granted this is Kush and he forgets everything he knows before he knew he was supposed to remember it. So who knows.

    • jesterpunk
    • Nounverb911

      But, but, but, EVERYONE in NYC hates the Kushners..

    • hudson

      By NY you mean Sing Sing in Westchester NY, right?

    • It’s remarkable that it took a proper General 10 months to figure out what average Wonketteer new about Kushner in 10 minutes.

      • puredog

        “I CAN HAZ ARMY NAO?”

    • shivaskeeper

      Escape From New York was a much more compelling story than Return to New York. Just saying.

  • Me The People

    Jesus Hugh McChrist what bloody century is this supposed to be again?

    https://www.theguardian.com/business/2017/nov/21/uk-water-firms-admit-using-divining-rods-to-find-leaks-and-pipes

    Ten of the 12 water companies in the UK have admitted they are still
    using the practice of water dowsing despite the lack of scientific
    evidence for its effectiveness.

    The disclosure has prompted calls for the regulator to stop companies
    passing the cost of a discredited medieval practice on to their
    customers. Ofwat said any firm failing to meet its commitments to
    customers faced a financial penalty.

    Dowsers, or water witchers, claim that their divining rods cross over
    when the presence of water is detected below ground. It is regarded as a
    pseudoscience, after numerous studies showed it was no better than
    chance at finding water.

    • BadKitty904

      But if they stop, it might offend the Good Folk and bring bad luck…

      • Me The People

        Yeah then the UK energy companies will have to burn extra virgins in the wicker men to ensure the next year’s prosperity.

        • BadKitty904

          Knock wood.

    • shivaskeeper

      This is the possible the pure textbook definition of doing something one way because we have always done it that way.

    • Shanzgood

      I guess that’s more benign than trickle-down economics.

      • Me The People

        Which we also have here in the UK unfortunately.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        More effective, also too.

    • Arolpin

      I reject almost any form of woo, but if I were drilling a well in the desert, I would pay for a dowser. I figure at $30/foot or whatever they cost now, it’s probably worth it for piece of mind.
      (We drilled a well for a house when I was about 12, on a ridge, in the desert in Idaho. The driller brought a dowser with him, he picked the spot, said it was between about 120-150′ deep, they started drilling, and it just kept getting deeper. We finally hit water about 180′ down, but we were able to pump 60 gal/minute, so we figured it was close enough. I played around with it, and was able to have someone blindfold me and I could follow the underground sprinkler pipes on my grandparents lawn. I suspect that I had mowed that lawn enough that I unconsciously knew where the pipes were, because it was pretty obvious how the sprinklers were laid out.)

      • yyyaz

        I pride myself on my skepticism … but when I had to have a well dug in New Mexico, the driller hit a coal seam at 60′. Through a friend of a friend of a friend, I got word of a dowser who had never failed. Long story short, 2 months and 300 miles logged to said dowser’s odd place in the middle of nowhere, she shows up with no notice on a hot afternoon, too hot for the “magic” to work. Another month later, she showed up again, unannounced, of course, but does her deal. I then polled all of my co-workers at the Albuquerque Journal where I worked. They unanimously agreed they would sell the property rather than risk dropping maybe $5k to sink another dry hole. No one within miles of my land had a working well. I went ahead and got a 20-gal./minute producer at 120′. I can’t explain it, still don’t believe it.

        • Arolpin

          Yep, the only woo I have any belief in are dowsers and ghosts.

          I know intellectually that ghosts don’t exist, but one of my early childhood memories is waking up to see an apparition coming through the wall into my bedroom. I remember the lights on the town tennis court behind our house were on, so there was some light in the room, and it sure looked like a ghost floating through the wall. I ran to my parents room, woke them up, told them there was a ghost in my room, and they told me that I just had a dream and to go back to bed. I walked from their room to the living room, where the ghost was coming through the wall from my bedroom, it floated across the living room, and out the wall to the front of the house.

          I mentioned it to my parents, to make sure I didn’t dream it all, and they confirmed that I came into their room, reported a ghost, and was sent back to bed. I’ve tried to figure out what it was for the past 45 years or so, and the only answer that makes sense is a ghost. (My box full of birthday money, maybe $25, which was a LOT for a 4-year old in ’73 or so, went missing about the same time, so it’s possible that it was a kid from the neighborhood sneaking in through my window to steal my money, but then why did he not run out when I woke up and why do I remember him going through the living room and through the wall?)

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So I’ve been driven mad by Tweety’s droning pontifications about sexual harassment scandals all week. What are the odds he sexually harassed someone?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      They’d pass out from boredom first.

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I’ll see your Viagra and raise you two Cialis.

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Perhaps the CNN pundit Chris Cillizza best encapsulated the mainstream-media consensus when he declared shortly after Election Day that there “is nothing more maddening—and counterproductive—to me than saying that Trump’s 59 million votes were all racist. Ridiculous.” Millions of people of color in the U.S. live a reality that many white Americans find unfathomable; the unfathomable is not the impossible.

    . . .

    Rolling Stone’s Tim Dickinson, in a since-deleted tweet, observed, “Clinton is talking about trump supporters the way trump talks about mexicans,” whom Trump derided as rapists and criminals. Bloomberg’s John Heilemann said, “This comment kind of gets very close to the dictionary definition of bigoted.” The leftist writer Barbara Ehrenreich wrote on Facebook that Clinton was “an elitist snob who writes off about a quarter of the American electorate as pond scum.” As New York magazine’s Jesse Singal put it, “Not to be too cute but I have racist relatives. I’d like to think they aren’t ‘deplorable’ humans.”

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/11/the-nationalists-delusion/546356/

    • jesterpunk

      , “Not to be too cute but I have racist relatives. I’d like to think they aren’t ‘deplorable’ humans.”

      Yes they really are deplorable.

      • Michael R

        They don’t like to be labelled is all

        • jesterpunk

          Oh right they are just “economically anxious”.

      • TJ Barke

        Moron…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And once again, fuck the mainstream media. Normalizing, apologist motherfuckers.

      • Right that.

      • jesterpunk

        But something something liberal media.

        • nevernude

          The liberal media just had nine (9) GOP people on the Sunday shows to talk about their tax scam, and zero (0) Democrats to argue against them.

          • jesterpunk

            Of course they did.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      THey may not all be deplorable, Chris, but you certainly are.

      • shivaskeeper

        They are deplorable too.

    • jowgajen

      I’m not sure what they think the word means?
      It seems to fit perfectly:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a0ebc934cfcb1239718c272a5395d79dd9634f1d9c42e63b5520f90937909f3.png

      • Raan

        I just today got a box of radiatore that fit the latter description.

    • Jamoche

      Racist or complicit, I don’t see any difference.

    • jesterpunk

      Also for the rest of Trump supporters if you support Trump when he calls actual fucking Nazis very fine people and ignores crimes done by white men then you are fucking deplorable too. Sorry the truth hurts sometimes.

    • Me The People

      Some folks are willfully naive about our shit-stained species and what it’s capable of. Don’t they know history, read the news etc?

      • shivaskeeper

        Is this a trick question?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Maybe you’d like to think your racist relatives aren’t deplorable, but you would be WRONG.
      also, too– racists and nazis ARE pond scum.

      • Arolpin

        The Mets are Pond Scum*. Racists and Nazis would need eons of evolution to aspire to be the slime left after a pond full of pond-scum evaporates due to drought caused by global warming.

        *Must some St. Louis Cardinals fan who made up thousands of those shirts in the mid-80s.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Unlike the Mets, pond scum is usually on top by August.

          • yyyaz

            Bada bing!

          • Arolpin

            Yankees fan here (had to pick a team to follow when I moved to NYC, and I grew up a Cards fan, so I couldn’t root for the Mets, plus the Yanks sucked at the time). The Arol-twins are Mets fans, to my unending shame, so I actually attend as many, if not more, Mets games as Yankees games.

    • jowgajen

      Stop calling me racist just because I do and say racist things, omg.

      • jesterpunk

        “You’re the real racist for calling me a racist”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Now it’s “I actually am a racist, but there’s nothing wrong with it”. Goalpost moved!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        There is literally nothing worse than being called a racist.

    • shivaskeeper

      Wait. Jesse Signal has racist relatives but they are not deplorable? Just racist. Also, too about a quarter of the electorate has proven themselves to be exactly the deplorable pond scum Clinton said they were.

      Also, too, also, too fuck Cilliaza

      • Amy!

        Also, a quarter of the electorate is about the proportion that voted for Trump (because % turnout).

        • shivaskeeper

          Yup. Funny how that worked out.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A couple profiled in one on the almost infinite fucking articles about “forgotten” Trump voters talked expansively about their economic anxiety and how angry it made them to see football players “disrespecting the flag”. Then they snickered and said NFL stood for “Niggers For Life”. I rest my fucking case.

    • nevernude

      “Those racists wouldn’t be racist if you hadn’t called them racist” is exactly the level of critical thinking I’d expect from useful idiot Chris Cilizza

    • Ryan Denniston

      I think Cilizza could appreciate some historical perspective. And a colonoscopy.

      https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/11/the-nationalists-delusion/546356/

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        This is a quote therefrom.

    • nevernude

      oh, wait, nearly forgot: fuck Chris fucking Cillizza

    • nevernude

      Also, Bernie Sanders should be on that list of spineless appeasers.

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        Sound familiar?

        Worse still, euphemisms such as “regular Americans,” typically employed by politicians to refer to white people, were now adopted by political reporters and writers wholesale: To be a regular or working-class American was to be white.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          This is something Tweety likes to run with a lot. He claims that RFK would have appealed to these white,working class Trump voters. Maybe in ’68 but he would be seen as an elitist nowadays. By the way, did you know Tweety is from Philly?

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          The argument for the innocence of Trump’s backers finds purchase across ideological lines: white Democrats looking for votes from working-class whites, white Republicans who want to tar Democrats as elitists, white leftists who fear that identity politics stifles working-class solidarity, and white Trumpists seeking to weaponize white grievances. But the impetus here is not just ideological, but personal and commercial. No one wants to think of his family, friends, lovers, or colleagues as racist. And no one wants to alienate potential subscribers, listeners, viewers, or fans, either.

          • nevernude

            hmmm what was the key thing all those groups had in common, I can’t quite seem to put my finger on it

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      And these fuckers will be fine with carrying Trump’s water when he gets declared president for life in 2020.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Does Cilizza realize that HRC said “some” rump supporters, not all of them. I guess he gets the Tim Russert award for Blanket statements.

  • DainBramage
    • Me The People

      And the winner of Trumps “Design My Wall” competition is…Edgar Allen Poe! Includes a free bottle of Amontillado.

  • Nounverb911
  • OutOfOrbit

    BLUE HAIR?!

  • Sheepshagger

    Leaked footage of GOP emergency strategy session.
    https://youtu.be/_3b3KcRJJAM

    • Joe Beese

      A great movie that I never want to see again.

  • BadKitty904

    My brother, via Skype, was just doing Robert Mueller, as Davy Jones from “Pirates of the Caribbean,” grilling Manafort:

    Do you fear prison? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your crimes laid bare? All your treasons punished? I can offer you…an escape…

    • Raan

      Did he manage to roll his R’s?

      • BadKitty904

        He’s very good at doing accents. That’s what start the impression in the first place.

    • yyyaz

      Beautiful.

    • Suse

      I like your brother!

      • BadKitty904

        Of the three of us, my sister is the funniest, but Jeffsy has his moments.

  • Wonky McUbtrye

    I’m going to spend the next few days continuing to try and block out the holiday. It’s really just pain for me this year, sorry to say. I’ll get through it.

    • BosGrl

      Hugs, Wonky.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m so sorry. *hugs*

  • memzilla Ω
    • Wonky McUbtrye

      …in a lawn chair!

      • Ryan Denniston

        Cause he’s bleh and clearly lazy.

    • Raan

      oh christ i never noticed this before

    • jowgajen

      Like every meme dealing with past events, the story here is a lot more interesting and nuanced than presented:

      https://www.snopes.com/charlie-brown-racist-franklin/

      • BosGrl

        After reading that, it seems he did his best for the times he was in. Clearly, he wasn’t a racist.

      • SisterArtemis

        That’s an interesting article – I never really thought much one way or another about Franklin when I was a kid reading the strip. He was just one of the gang to me, so sounds like Schultz’s efforts were successful when it comes to my kid-hood perception.

    • OutOfOrbit

      CS surely groped around

    • Shanzgood

      What’s on their plates?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        buttplugs

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We’re reading this all wrong. Franklin is alone because he’s got some ladies coming later.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Hey Donna Brazile is on Tweety farting out of head.

    • jesterpunk

      She will be on with Lumpy later tonight.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “The 38 worst things about Democrats are . . .”

      • Arolpin

        If #1 isn’t Donna Fucking Brazile then the list is invalid.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Go home. You’re drunk!

  • proudgrampa

    Curious. Is Keith Olbermann on a break from The Resistance? Has anyone heard?

    • jesterpunk

      Might be because of Thanksgiving.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Makes me wonder if Keith has to deal with obnoxious RWNJs at his turkey day dinner table. I would love to be a fly on the wall, if applicable.

  • I used to have long hair, take acid, and hang out at hip joints.

    Now I long for hair, take antacid, and need a new hip joint.

    Progress?

    • Sheepshagger

      The moist flower of my youth is a dried arrangement now.

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        “moist flower” = TMI

    • hudson

      rofl!!! lol. ya progress. hahahaha.

    • proudgrampa

      It’s like you and I are twins…

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fuckin’ Entropy at work, man.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      *reaches for Tums*

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Robert Service has a line in one of his poems that seems appropriate here,
      “I’ve hurled my youth into a grave”

      • Joe Beese

        “The grass has grown thick over the grave of my youth.” – Solzhenitsyn

      • I had a protege who, after a long days work, would go out and run and play soccer and bicycle and so on instead of joining his mentor in the requisite habanero pepper and tequila shots at the end of the day.

        I would remind him that he was wasting his youth.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          Alcohol therapy is never a waste, running wears your knees out.

          • And the fucking shin splints are an inconvenience at best.

    • WIDTAP

      The Circle of Life?

    • Meccalopolis

      Nae (I resemble that remark)

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    All right, wonkettes. What is everypony reading? Me, i am reading https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0018QOYWA/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

    • Suse

      I’m reading a new book on the Black Dahlia case.

    • puredog

      Just finished “The Sympathizer,” and am about to embark on Book One of the “Golden Compass” prequel.

      • Suse

        There’s a prequel?

        • puredog

          Yup, it’s collectively called “La Belle Sauvage,” and book 1 is called “The Book of Dust.” Just came out. Nos. 2 and 3 are still en futur.

          • Thiazin Red

            Get the audio book, Michael Sheen’s reading is incredibly good.

          • puredog

            Too late for me, maybe not for Suse.

    • Raan
    • shivaskeeper

      https://www.amazon.ca/Tales-Giant-Snakes-Historical-Anacondas/dp/0894649957

      Making the case for why modern snakes can’t be over 30 feet. Very well researched,reasonable compelling writing, but a specialty book for sure.

      • proudgrampa

        There shouldn’t be ANY snakes of ANY length.

        Sorry, I’m just not into herpetology. Except from a distance.

        Oh, and I don’t like spiders, either.

        • shivaskeeper

          I never grew out of the creepy crawly phase.

          Plus I raised and bred various pythons and boas, including three of the “Big five”, for years, and was a registered importer/exporter.

          • proudgrampa

            I love you, buddy, but I am NOT visiting you at your house!

          • shivaskeeper

            I don’t have any of them anymore. There aren’t even any hiding in the walls.

          • proudgrampa

            Oh, SURE!

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          Noooo!!1 There must be all the snakes!!1!

          • Delu

            On a plane?

          • proudgrampa

            Slytherin, perhaps?

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Catch a Falling Spy”
      –Len Deighton

    • Joe Beese

      The Internet has effectively destroyed my ability to consume book-length works.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        You poor poor man, just get worried if you consider voting Republican or for Jill Stein

        • Joe Beese

          [glances around nervously]

      • Meccalopolis

        The shitbird admin has really cut into my reading

      • proudgrampa

        Yeah, 140 characters and my eyes start to cross.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Johnny Enzed and Hamilton.

    • mackafritz

      “The Rise and Fall of DODO”

    • proudgrampa
      • Thiazin Red

        I loved those when I was little. Chester the cat was my favorite.

    • Thiazin Red

      Story of a New Name, Elena Ferrante’s writing is amazing. Of course credit to the translator too, since I don’t read Italian. I’m ashamed to say that the really saccharine Hallmark card covers put me off reading the series for a long time.

    • Jamoche
      • Thiazin Red

        Cool, I liked Seventh Bride that one sounds good too.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Recently started:

      The Spectral Piano
      From Liszt, Scriabin, and Debussy to the Digital Age
      Author: Marilyn Nonken, New York University

      The most influential compositional movement of the past fifty years, spectralism was informed by digital technology but also extended the aesthetics of pianist-composers such as Franz Liszt, Alexander Scriabin, and Claude Debussy. Students of Olivier Messiaen such as Tristan Murail and Gérard Grisey sought to create a cooperative committed to exploring the evolution of timbre in time as a basis for the musical experience. In The Spectral Piano, Marilyn Nonken shows how the spectral attitude was influenced by developments in technology but extended the aesthetic concerns of Liszt, Scriabin, and Debussy. Nonken explores shared fascinations with the musical experience, which united spectralists with their Romantic and early Modern predecessors.
      Read more at http://www.cambridge.org/us/academic/subjects/music/twentieth-century-and-contemporary-music/spectral-piano-liszt-scriabin-and-debussy-digital-age#bYCKP31EA4e2hL0h.99
      http://www.cambridge.org/us/academic/subjects/music/twentieth-century-and-contemporary-music/spectral-piano-liszt-scriabin-and-debussy-digital-age?format=HB#20YR825AjqxoV1Uo.97

      Recently finished:

      Hearing Bach’s Passions
      Daniel R. Melamed
      https://global.oup.com/academic/product/hearing-bachs-passions-9780190490126?cc=us&lang=en&#

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      The Epic Crush of Genie Lo by FC Yee

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I’m reading Now We Are Dead by Stuart Macbride. I’m also rereading Sweet Dreams by Kristen Ashley.

  • Suse

    Roy Moore Dated ‘Younger Ladies’ For Their ‘Purity,’ His Pastor Friend Says (plus there were no age-appropriate wimmen in his town at all!) http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/roy-moores-pastor-ally-says-he-dated-teens-because-of-their-purity

    • Ryan Denniston

      OPE? POE? EOP? What was the code in Dr. Strangelove (heh, heh)?

      • proudgrampa

        Someone has definitely been drinking the distilled grain alcohol and rainwater.

        • Ryan Denniston

          And lecturing fine folk about Coca-Cola machine violations

          • Bobathonic

            Batguano libelz!

          • proudgrampa

            If that was all they violated…

    • That sounds like the arguements disgusting assholes make about fucking kids to avoid spreading HIV

    • Parakeetist

      WTAF vomit oh no I’m outta here I’m gonna live on Mars k bye

    • shivaskeeper

      Saw that earlier. He went to West Point and Vietnam so the implication is Jody tool all the available women his age. Plus the 14 year olds were “pure”. Unlike that divorced harlot with a child he ended up marrying.

      Lying hypocritical sacks of shit.

    • BosGrl

      “ladies” – vomit

    • Chyron HR

      DON’T CALL THEM DEPLORABLE!!!!!

  • WIDTAP

    Guess who is thinking about going to Alabama to campaign for Moore.

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/11/21/trump-roy-moore-accusers-doubt-257454

    • Suse

      Mr. Hilter?

    • Ryan Denniston

      What, Trump wanna get Stranged again?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      But but but Al Franken!!11!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Pedophiles and abusers of a feather flock together ___ sumthin’ sumthin’ ….

    • Joe Beese

      He loves the poorly educated, I hear.

    • Michael R

      If Moore was running against a Nazi Trump would be so torn .

      • Delu

        But he’s running against a Democrat, so no conflict there (Trump himself said so).

    • Delu

      “We don’t need a STINKIN liberal in the senate!”

      Ok the STINKIN part was something I inserted on my own.

      The rest however was right from the Trump’s mouth.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      He’s going to “campaign for tax cuts”.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    The Orange Anus Discharge will pardon the white meat only……..

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Jamoche

      Keep working at it, you may discover your inner human.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s 1968, the remake.

  • BigCSouthside

    Alright, so I’m hosting thanksgiving, and my wife and I are the only liberals (16 republicans). On a scale of 1 to Robert Downey Jr how drunk should I get?

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      I would reëxamine the premise, but I suppose it is too late for that.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Falling down drunk.

    • jowgajen

      The young Charlie Sheen.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wine does come in boxes.

    • Delu

      Go full Thor.

      Remember to throw the chalice/cup on the ground after you are done.

      • BigCSouthside

        I’m a fairly large bearded dude, I could go Thor style

        • Delu

          Remember the drinking session Thor had with Erik Selvik in the first movie (before Erik went full Nudist)?

          Yeah that one.

    • I’m right there with you BigC.

    • tinker12

      I’d probably start drinking now. But, it’s your house, so I’d tell them at the door — no fking Trump talk or you’re out of here.

      • BigCSouthside

        Eh, tried that before a couple months ago. Ended up smoking pot til 3 and talking to one of them about how there isn’t some secret special privilege for black people like they think there is

        Edit: had to explain that “if you use the N word I’m going to throw you off the fucking balcony” is not hyperbole.

    • Parakeetist

      Shane MacGowan

      • grindstone

        Peter O’Toole

        • Joe Beese

          Oliver Reed

          • schmannity

            George Jones. DUI on a riding lawnmower after license suspension drunk.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That’s something beyond drunk. More like a lifestyle.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’d suggest only mildly… If you’re hosting and they are friends, you could likely burn bridges if you are too drunk…

      • BigCSouthside

        They are all family

        • Anna Rompage

          Never mind!

          Ahoy captain, I suggest 3 sheets to the wind! Arrrggggghhhh

    • Joe Beese
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I recommend calling the whole thing off

    • wait! what?

      Drink nothing. Get them drunk mention one of them is pro choice and sit back and watch them eat each other.

      • BigCSouthside

        Lol get em going and randomly slide a baseball bat into the dining room

        • wait! what?

          Or plenty of smaller sized overcooked meringue pies. They sharp peaks will do all the work once casually lobbed…

          • Jamoche

            https://mythicalmonkey.blogspot.com/2011/03/buster-keatons-pie-recipe.html
            Buster Keaton explains the fine points:

            So, what we used to do is our prop man would get our baker—whoever is closest to the studio—to make pie crust, two of them, with nothing in them, and take just a little flour and water to make a paste, just enough to glue the two together. That was so that your fingers wouldn’t go through the bottom of it. Now you fill it, about an inch, with just flour and water mixed, which clings like glue and stretches. Now, on top of it, if I’m going to hit somebody in dark clothes, a brunette, you put a lemon meringue type of topping on it and garnish with whipped cream, you see. When it was a light costume, a blond, something like that, you put in blueberry, and then enough whipped cream just to splatter.

            Then when you threw the pie, you shot put up to a distance of about eight feet. But from there on back, you brought that pie from here [points to shoulder] right overhand, ’cause with a little practice you can learn to make that pie come in this way [vertically] and not crossways. The better to maximize the splatter.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Monkey walking drunk.

    • jesterpunk

      That is why I volunteered to work on Thanksgiving. Dont have to deal with politics coming up.

      • BigCSouthside

        In my immediate family, arguing is a sport. They are catholic conservatives, I’m an atheist liberal. It’s usually civil with them, its the other 12 I’m worried about

    • Weird Fishes

      Appendicitis dru k

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I call it “Ukrainian Cruising Altitude.”

    • Amy!

      This sounds like a job for LSD.

      • BigCSouthside

        Now that would be interesting. Could you imagine 16 republicans tripping balls under one roof?

        • Amy!

          I think Trump calls that a “Cabinet meeting.”

    • schmannity
    • bbayliss

      Knee slidin’, puke flyin’ drunk.

    • i’m hosting (on the north side) and if any fucking family (or family friend) makes even the teeniest pro republican comment, i am ready to go. with the foulest of epitaphs.

      in fact, i kinda hope they do.

  • Me The People

    Thanksgiving on the Atkins diet. Any ideas wonketeers? So far I’ve got Turkey and that thing with the green beans and cheese – could do with being a bit more festive.

    • shivaskeeper

      Fuck the diet for one day? Other than that I got nothing.

      • Me The People

        Hmmm….maybe…tempting lol

        • shivaskeeper

          Look at it this way: If you have been on the diet for a while you will fall into the sugar/carb/fat coma much faster than normal and still not be able to eat that much. Because of the coma.

          Plus you do not miss out on the mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, stuffing, and all the other goodness that goes with the main dish or dishes.

          • puredog

            Take reasonable portions, Fletcherize, eat slowly, push yourself away from the table. God will forgive.