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Last week, Wonkette was very curious about a line from the Senate Judiciary Committee’s latest letter to Jared Kushner, demanding that he please release ALL his Russian emails and other communications. Committee chair Chuck Grassley and vice chair Dianne Feinstein wrote that Kushner had omitted something about a “Russian backdoor overture and dinner invite,” and EXCUSE US, WHAT?

This weekend, NBC reported the story out, and this is what they found:

An email chain described Aleksander Torshin, a former senator and deputy head of Russia’s central bank who is close to Russian President Vladimir Putin, as wanting Trump to attend an event on the sidelines of a National Rifle Association convention in Louisville, Kentucky, in May 2016, the sources said. The email also suggests Torshin was seeking to meet with a high-level Trump campaign official during the convention, and that he may have had a message for Trump from Putin, the sources said.

Kushner’s lawyer, Abbe Lowell, is claiming his client came out of this interaction all squeaky clean, because he emailed Trump campaign people saying they should “pass” on this invitation. Here’s what Kushner said in his BUT HER EMAILS:

“A lot of people come claiming to carry messages. Very few we are able to verify. For now I think we decline such meetings.”

He didn’t want to take a Russian conspiracy invitation unless he was sure it was a REAL Russian conspiracy invitation, you see.

But it was real! Fucking fiddlesticks, dude. At that point Russians were treating the entire Trump campaign like the index in Pokemon Go (because you have to catch them all, those are the rules), but oh nuts, Jared ran away! (This time. We are confident they caught Jared multiple times.)

Weirdly, Torshin still managed to catch a Trump idiot to chill with at that 2016 NRA convention dinner, and it was DERP DERP JUNIOR! Probably just a huge Russian coincidence:

Torshin was seated with the candidate’s son, Donald Trump Jr., during a private dinner on the sidelines of a May 2016 NRA event during the convention in Louisville, according to an account Torshin gave to Bloomberg.

Yeah, here’s that Bloomberg story if you want to read it. Junior’s lawyer, Alan Futerfas, says HIS client came out of this squeaky clean because they DID NOT EITHER share a table at dinner. It was just that an “acquaintance” wanted Junior to meet Torshin, so they said “Bro!” to each other real fast, then they said bye and went back to finish their meal, which was mac ‘n’ cheese with special penis gun-shaped pasta, which looks just like regular penis pasta, allegedly. No word on who the “acquaintance” was, but it was clearly some intermediary or cut-out who knew both men.

And who is this Torshin chap anyway? He’s a former member of the Russian Duma (parliament), an old FSB guy (by which we mean a spy), and NBC says he’s been identified as a Russian mafia “godfather.” He’s also an NRA member and a major gunhumper. He’s been mentioned in the august pages of Wonkette before, in a story about a weird delegation — including former Milwaukee Sheriff David Clarke — the NRA sent to Moscow for a Russian gathering of gunhumpers. It happened the same week in December 2015 as Michael Flynn was in Russia for that nice RT gala, where he had dinner with Vladimir Putin and Jill Stein. While there, the NRA group met with Dmitry Rogozin, an inner circle Putin deputy subject to sanctions. We don’t know if the two groups of Trump idiots who perchance went to Russia the same week for totally different reasons had a chance to get together for fun and fellowship, but we bet they did.

Clarke’s trip to Russia was partially funded by a Russian gunhumper group called The Right To Bear Arms, started by a Russian lady named Maria Butina, who lives in DC now, who worked for the Trump campaign, who is probably a spy (just like Torshin!), and who “brazenly claimed that she had been part of the Trump campaign’s communications with Russia” just after the election, according to the Daily Beast. She also used to work for Torshin.

Hey, Butina is US-based! Wonder if she was the one who so badly wanted Torshin and Junior to meet. (She does seem to go to every NRA convention, so we’re gonna guess she’s probably involved in this.)

ANYWAY. This is just another great story about weird connections between the Trump campaign and Russians. Just remember, no matter what, that Jared Kushner is innocent of all Russian crimes past, present and future, because he says so.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • jesterpunk

    “Oh you meant that Russian? I thought you meant another one.”

    Jared

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      “I did not have Russian at that dinner, I had a mixture of Ranch and French Freedumb.”

      – Donnie Jr.

  • goonemeritus

    Did this family ever meet with anyone not connected to the Kremlin?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • arglebargle

      That is awesome. Right down to the “Spot a Stroke” ad on the side of the bus.

      • Frances

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !fy300d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleLegitimateOrganicJobsFromHomeJobs/get/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fy300lhh

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      25 years? Was it even paid off?

      • Nounverb911

        Should be by time they tear down the Mercedes Dome…

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          The Mercedes Dome will always be Megatron’s Butthole to me.

    • Jenny

      Lmao! You damn bus!!

    • Nounverb911
    • elviouslyqueer

      The linguistics minor in me is really impressed by how many conjugations of “fuck” they managed to come up with.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      The Weather Channel, hmph.

      They really need to stop contracting with amateurs.

      NPR (as well as many others) gotcha covered, though:
      https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/11/20/565305716/watch-on-georgia-domes-final-day-atlanta-bids-farewell-with-a-bam

  • Covfefe

    Now WAPO is saying Charlie Rose.

    • jesterpunk

      Met with Russians and Jared?

      • Covfefe

        No. Ladies. Impure acts.

        • jesterpunk

          Oh you have to be more specific with what thing who did.

    • Joe Beese

      Yowza!

      Eight women have told The Washington Post that longtime television host Charlie Rose made unwanted sexual advances toward them, including lewd phone calls, walking around naked in their presence, or groping their breasts, buttocks or genital areas.

      • Joe Beese

        He admits it too.

        It is essential that these women know I hear them and that I deeply apologize for my inappropriate behavior. I am greatly embarrassed. I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility for that, though I do not believe that all of these allegations are accurate. I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken.

        I have learned a great deal as a result of these events, and I hope others will too. All of us, including me, are coming to a newer and deeper recognition of the pain caused by conduct in the past, and have come to a profound new respect for women and their lives.

        • Joe Beese

          One has to ask: Did he learn this great deal before or after the assaults were reported in The Washington Post?

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          I’m starting to think that people who crave the attention of the public are assholes.

          • Historicat

            Seems like it. Maybe we should just put everyone’s name in a hat and draw names at random for public office – it’s hard to see how we could do worse.

          • Clark_Nova

            Half of the population have 2 digit IQ’s. I don’t think your hat trick will work.

          • Grumpy Twat

            I thought the random draw thing was a good idea until I looked at some of the people around me.

        • Meccalopolis

          Yeah Fuck you, bye. Learn how to look for a job

    • Edith Prickly

      So is the WaPo going to stop publishing Richard Cohen since they’ve discovered sexual harassment exists in the media too?

  • Jim QuinnX

    But they failed to go “Simon says” give us all the emails.

  • arglebargle

    Which one is the smart one in all of this?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Eric, mindbogglingly.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Tiffany.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Putin?

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Vlad.

    • Khavrinen

      Assumes “smart one” not in evidence.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Barron is the expert, and he’s really good with the cyber.

    • Edith Prickly

      NOT, K.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      The one with the glasses.

  • Swampay

    Hey, Butina, how’s about you butt-out-a?

    • Covfefe

      Honey traps butt up.

  • Crystalclear12

    NRA and nefarious meetings?
    I am shocked.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      More lizard people than a Royal Wedding, I’d guess. :)

  • TJ Barke

    Whelp, I’m convinced, totally innocent.

  • 2018 and legal retail weed shops cannot get here fast enough.

    Oh, and the congressional election. That too…

    But mostly the legal weed shops, so I can come to sometime in 2020 and either watch the election of President Warren or wake up to a devastated land full of supermutants and plasma rifles.

    • TJ Barke

      If you’re really lucky you’ll find a legendary explosive minigun. God I miss that playthrough…

  • susan_g

    Putting together a list of these turds that I want to see behind bars is tough if you’re ranking them but I pick:
    1. Flynn
    2. Kushner
    3. Junior

    From there it’s a grab-bag.

    • jesterpunk

      The entire republican party in DC?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The entire Republican Party in DC the USA?

        • jesterpunk

          That would work too but we might need to build some more private prisons first.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Good news is- the republicans will push to build them for us, right before they’re caught and sentenced

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah, thats why I think they should be the first guests in those prisons for a very long time.

    • Edith Prickly

      The racist Keebler elf.

    • Khavrinen

      Just say “AOT, K”; saves time.

    • commatoes

      Can we include Seb Gorka? I want to see how an “alpha male” adapts to incarceration.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yeah, without explicitly violating the Commenting Rules for Radicals, I’m gonna tiptoe around them and conjecture that ol’ chubby cheeks is going to be real popular among his cell mates.

        • commatoes

          I meant it as he thinks he is the natural leader and the rest are beta males or “pajama boys”. Any other possible interpretations, I will neither confirm nor deny.

  • Nounverb911

    Trumps original Pee Pee tape is almost as old as Kushner….
    https://twitter.com/POLITICOMag/status/932440551609249793

  • Latverian Diplomat

    JK: Psst. The geese fly south in winter.
    AT: The Hell? What are you saying?
    JK: That is not the proper pass phrase, you are not verified. Abort! Abort!
    AT: You have seen too many movies.
    JK:That is the proper pass phrase, but it’s too late now. Gotta go.
    AT: I think your mind is about to self-destruct…amateurs.

  • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

    What? JARED is evolving!

    Congratulations! Your JARED evolved into STATE’S WITNESS!

  • bluicebank

    OT. Scientists confirm extra-solar visitor is an asteroid.

    They named it Oumuamua. Because of course.
    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/11/171120120935.htm

    Here’s the song, with two teen girls doing an actual way cool thing:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TC-fRuP1Lg

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Descriptions of the object’s path through the solar system have been truly hyperbolic…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Which is an elliptical way of saying, what….?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          We have to allow these outside object their extreme eccentricities…

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Hate to say it, but the girl on the right is nailing it, and the one on the left no so much.

  • The Russian Backdoor Overture was one of Stravinsky’s most influential works on the young and curious Frank Zappa.

    • Covfefe

      Rock man and off!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Was that the one that started:

      Umpah shucka, umpah umpah, umpah shucka, umpah umpah?

      • Shan

        Can’t Stop That Feeling, recently from GotG?

        Or did you mean 70s porn?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          AOT,K

        • Naytch

          Brown chicken, brown cow!!

          • Shanzgood

            Wot?

          • Naytch

            Meant to be onomatopoeia. If you repeat it aloud several times it sounds like seventies porn music. :)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Kremlin Hardcore Ecstasy

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “Hooked on A Feeling” has many repeated Ooga-Chackas in it. Is that the one you’re looking for?

        There’s sublimely weird version of this song, as performed by David Hasselhoff off in some strange corner of the internet. I suggest you stock up on good psychoactives and search it out.

      • Arolpin

        That sounds like something from Thingfish. Probably the one with the Mammynuns.

    • commatoes

      Another option if Dolt decides against the pee pee choice.

  • Nounverb911

    COP: Do you know how fast you were going?
    JJP: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!
    COP: No and I don’t care, give me your license and registration.

    https://twitter.com/darehgregorian/status/932681116942774272

    • TJ Barke
      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Dammit, dog! STOP JUDGING ME!

        • TJ Barke

          Dog is tired of bullshit.

          • Shan

            I love Judgment Dog.

            I mean, I get that look all the time from my cat because I put three fewer pieces of kibble in his bowl or his water is 20 minutes past not fresh enough or I actually MOVED while he was next to me.

            But from a dog? It’s pretty amazing. However, I’m not surprised it’s a Husky.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            I wish I got judgement- I get pathetic cries of anguish from Elderly Senile Cat because none of the three types of wet cat food or chicken baby food or turkey lunch meat is ok. He wants an ice cube in his water dish!

          • Shan

            I’m lucky that my Vince isn’t finicky, even in his old age. The only thing I need to do is make sure his bowls are full at all times and obey his door-operating commands, which I don’t mind because it’s way better than cleaning out a litterbox, ever. And I’d install in/out catflaps but I’m afraid I’d get all manner of other creatures coming into the house. And, no, the ones with the activation devices on the collars won’t work because my car sheds collars as fast and often as he does his fur.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            One story about why cat flaps are bad- my neighbor had one- she was sitting in the living room when a family of 5 little skunks squeezed through the cat door, trooped into the kitchen, and began eating the cats food. She just sat very, very still. Eventually they left and the cat door got blocked off permanently.
            ESC is 18 1/2- my daughter picked him out from the shelter as a tiny kitten. This is sadly may be his last Christmas with us, although there are days I think he sold his soul to be one of Satan’s minions in exchange for eternal earthly life. He is the Ruler of The House and entitled to be picky.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            I stayed with friends that had a cat door sensor operated by the microchip in the cat (do you ‘chip your pets? Returns so many lost ones to their owners).

            The house cats learnt they could provoke the tom next door, and then run through the cat door, followed by him smashing his face into it.

          • Shan

            Hahaha! Nice one! Good kitty!

          • Shan

            Also, I really love your nym!

            (Evidence that I’ve spent too much time here: Autocorrect had tried to change “nym” to “bum” at first!)

        • commatoes

          He is either sitting in silent judgement

          OR

          there is a residual haze in the room as his owners demolish an obscene amount of Taco Bell™, a couple boxes of Eggo™ waffles, and a few bags of Doritos™.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Damn, and she always sounds drunk on the teevee. That’s one helluva combination (whoa if true).

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Upstate? It’s not like she was going to hit anyone important.”
      — New York Times Style Section

      • Arolpin

        That’s only valid north of Hudson (or Troy, if they’re talking about where the hipsters priced out of Hudson are moving).

        • President in Exile Firefly

          Troy = “the new Williamsburg”

      • Naytch

        Hey!!! ;)

    • yyyaz

      Damn Noo Yawk libruls, 20mph over the limit in AZ is criminal speeding and would earn any of us a trip to the hoosegow and a minimum bail of $1,000.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Whoa! That’s a little harsh for state that’s mostly wide-open, straight, flat freeways.

        • Erala Contratista

          Don’t drive here much? “Flat”, yes, because of lack of hillage mostly, but not flat because of pavement decay. Even Mississippi’s roads are smoother.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Ha! Last time was 1989. I guess 28 years of Republicans refusing to fund infrastructure has taken its toll?

      • ryp

        In California 20 miles over the speed limit is the flow of traffic

  • Shan

    After the last thread, does anyone think JK’s bone structure is starting to make him look like some of thise charity-party ladies? Not in a trans* way, just in a fake ‘n’ bake, useless person with too much time and other people’s money way.

    • FeloniousMonk

      “fake ‘n’ bake, useless person with too much time and other people’s money” FTW

    • yyyaz

      And who has no idea of what to do with either except waste them.

    • commatoes

      His voice does have a Missouri spinster school marm quality.

      • Shan

        I’ve never heard it, on purpose. Not keen on that description, either, for various reasons.

        • commatoes

          As in the stereotype from Little House on the Prairie and westerns. I meant it more as a TV/movie trope from the 1950s to 1970s.

    • keinsignal

      Jared Kushner constantly looks as though he just emerged from a moist sac.

      • Shan

        Like a shark fetus?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    special penis gun-shaped pasta, which looks just like regular penis pasta, allegedly

    They’re similar, but the former is smaller than the latter.

    What? One of us had to say it.

    • TJ Barke

      Eeeehhhhhhhh, too easy.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Yes, but irresistible to the thirteen year old inside of me who won’t grow up ;-)

        • Covfefe

          At least you’re not “the president.”

          • Shan

            Subtract 10 years.

        • Historicat

          There’s a Roy Moore joke here somewhere but I’m not willing to think about it.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They both have a hair trigger…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      but was it al dente?

  • Nounverb911

    Jared was the sentence of the day for the MW ‘Word of the Day’….

    “While he was falsifying his documents for Congress, the only sounds Jared could hear in the office that night were those of his own typing and the air conditioner bombinating.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      My guess that bombinating meant urinating explosively was not support by the example sentence…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Futerfas said the men didn’t talk politics, but instead talked about guns.

    Oh great: now I’ll never get the image of their pissing contest out of my imagination.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’m a fundraiser. When you’re cultivating a prospect, there is no such thing as “just talking.” I imagine this works the same way when recruiting assets.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Trump Camp: Mr. Mueller STAND DOWN1!!11!

  • Nounverb911
    • Latverian Diplomat

      If the facts are against you. deny the facts.
      If the law is against you, deny the law.
      No matter what, pound the table…

      • Nounverb911
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        At this point, Jarvanka can pound sand…

        • Nounverb911

          Her website has a recipe for that.

        • commatoes

          I think she should come first. She does carry his testicles for him in her purse.

          • I think those might have been his testicles in that Thanksgiving centerpiece.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I thought it was:

        If the facts are against you, argue the law.
        If the law is against you, argue the facts.
        If the law and the facts are against you, go for a jury trial.

    • Shan

      – Did you submit the correct disclosure forms?
      – Yes.
      – When?
      – The last time?
      – When was that?
      – I don’t recall. Let me check with my assistant who signed them for me and clicked “send” without my oversight, knowledge or permission.

  • Raan

    Jared is a fuckin’ rattata. They’ll be trying to catch a Bannon or Paulie, and there’s Jared and they’re like “Ugh, fine, but I’m just going to send him to The Professor for the candy.”

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Jared Kushner backdoor.”

    Today’s new Pornhub category, sorted.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Kushner was sent an email by Trump Jr. about his conversations on Twitter with WikiLeaks, which were first disclosed by the Atlantic this week. Kushner forwarded an email about the WikiLeaks conversations to communications director Hope Hicks, the source said. A second source familiar with Kushner’s testimony did not dispute that account…

    “As to the document from Mr. Trump Jr., Mr. Kushner was one of many people to whom one email was sent, and he did not respond,” Lowell said in the letter.

    Forwarding an email to another campaign official =/= responding now? Well, I guess that makes sense to TrumpPenceZees…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/baae234eef8439761688067bd36e75ed28ece958e8e26ddf96bea5dc207c3543.jpg

  • jesterpunk

    Hey wasn’t the world supposed to end yesterday?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I missed the memo again??!!?!?!?

      • jesterpunk

        Yep, Nibiru was supposed to destroy earth yesterday after the one in September was delayed because someone forgot to fill out the proper paperwork.

        https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/881215/nibiru-planet-x-end-of-the-world-november-19-earthquake-light-apocalypse

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          They need to get organized better to deal with those permits. I assume as it is an Earth destroying event, they have to get a permit from the UN?

          • jesterpunk

            It has to go through Nikki Haley. But whatever happened to the Antifa behead all the White People thing? That should have been easier to get the paperwork together for.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Nope. Vogons. And their paper work is Hell.

          • Last Hussar

            Murika don’t need no UN permission to destroy itself

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I’m beginning to think Nibiru isn’t into this whole-destroy-the-earth thing as much as everyone thinks he is.

          • jesterpunk

            Considering no one has spotted it yet I think you might be right there.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I was never particularly good at math when I was in school but one thing I noticed about numbers was that they always worked.

          If the equation came out wrong, it wasn’t the fault of the numbers. It was my fault for counting incorrectly.

          Somehow, in numerology, the opposite is true.

          Damn you, numbers!

      • commatoes

        To be fair, Harold Camping is only available by seance now.

    • Spurning Beer

      It’s a process.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      The bypass has been delayed, again.

      • Raan

        Okay, who’s been over to α Centauri?

      • TakingAmes

        Fucking permits…

    • bbayliss

      This isn’t hell?

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      It did..

    • Indeniable Ron

      I wondered what that big noise was around 10:30.

    • Grumpy Twat

      You mean all this Brexit shit was for nothing?

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • DainBramage

    What’s up with the Russians and the NRA? Is that a big thing? Are they actively trying to get Americans to kill each other? So many more questions.

    • jesterpunk

      We don’t need their help with that, Americans can kill each other just fine on our own.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        USA! USA! USA!

    • TJ Barke

      It’s a divisive issue. They’re in favor of Americans being divided.

      • DainBramage

        That makes sense.

      • Notreelyhelping

        That or they’re involved in the arms trade.

        • TJ Barke

          Could be. The gun industry isn’t only based in America…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Boy howdy. Is there anything quite as disruptive to American civil society as our gun fetish? The Russians who want to destroy us want us all heavily armed.

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        The blowback will be in our favor. Every person in favor of kid murdering guns will be accused of being Russian moles by the time this is done.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I hope so.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        1960s: “The Russians are using Rock And Roll and Promiscuity to tear our country apart and sap our will!” The Russians are doing no such thing.

        2017: “The Russians are NOT using Social Media and Collusion to tear our country apart and sap our will!” Fuck yeah they are.

    • Edith Prickly

      They want to sell more AK-47s?

      • Indeniable Ron

        Prolly more Kalashnikovs in use in the US than anywhere else in the world.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      NRA members really appreciate a strong man who is tough on thought crime.

      • NorthernSaber

        Can we speculate that some of them like it rough, also too?

    • Alternative Dog

      The NRA is the marketing branch of the arms manufacturers. There’s huge money in arms sales and even more on the black market.

    • NRA would really like to get rid of the sanctions and get to sell in Russia right now thank you

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I’m starting to think that telling the Russians we’d do absolutely anything to win this election attracted the wrong crowd.”
    — Jared Kushner

  • Notreelyhelping

    It just struck me how fucking wonderful it would be if Kushner was secretly working with Mueller. “You broke my heart, Jared!”

    • Ooooh, wouldn’t that be a M. Night Twistlefuck!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Is it time to rescind Kush’s security clearance yet?

    • Covfefe

      Obvs, House, you don’t understand the nature and purpose of security and classifications. What’s “classified” top secret, code name, compartmentalized and such is Donald Fredovich’s combination or agreement, express or implied, with Vladimir Vladimirovich, and other unnamed co-conspirators, to perform an unlawful act or to perform a lawful act in an unlawful manner. Jared Isofovich on it. He needs his clearance to function.

      EDIT: corrected Russian for “son of Joseph.”

      • Last Hussar

        Which one in Sonovabich?

        • Arolpin

          AOT, K.

          • H0mer0

            (sheet!)

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Ah. Spasiba, tovarisch.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Ha ha ha. He doesn’t have one.

    • H0mer0

      More like “Merkin Kush” if Mueller doesn’t act quickly enough.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “[I]f you look at the content of these emails, he’s the hero,” Lowell said of Kushner Sunday.

    • bbayliss

      ?????????????????really?????????????????

    • Indeniable Ron

      He does have the intellect of a large sandwich.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Maybe it’s just me, but when I read “Abbe Lowell”, I see “Abbe Normal”.

  • Resistor Radio

    Since you brought up up, I just need to rage type that Jill Stein is a fucking psycho who had her nose up Russian ass and lefty assholes STILL voted for her. Grrr Arrrgh.

    • mailman27

      Useless idiot.

      • Kyu

        Jill Stein is, yes.

  • Boojum

    Backdoor should at least get you dinner, first.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      I’m told it’s backdoor, then dinner. Please don’t make me explain why.

      • H0mer0

        “The men don’t know but the little girls understand”
        (okay, now commences the barfing when I realized….)

      • Boojum

        Please don’t.

  • geoffalnutt

    Jared saves the world yet again!! Wow!!

  • Daniel

    This man is going to completely reform the government, bring peace to the middle east, end the opiod crisis and innovate all the technology.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      If he could only take time off from serving as a Russian agent!

      • Indeniable Ron

        The FSB frowns on moonlighting.

    • Mavenmaven

      …from his prison cell!

  • Last Hussar

    As an aside…

    In Britain ‘muller” is slang for
    A) a heavy beating in sports ball
    B) getting drunk

    Eg.
    30 – 6! We mullered the Ozzie buggers.
    So we went and celebratred. I had seven pints, loads of JD, then Dave started buying shots- I got completely mullered.

    • I am super confused as to why it’s pronounced “Muller” … it’s my last name too and I’ve only ever heard it pronounced mill-er or mewl-er (the latter is incorrect).

      • H0mer0

        maybe it’s like how Boehner is not pronounced how it is spelled.

        • SDGeoff3

          Quiche.

          • H0mer0

            Why thank you! I think I will!

        • Probably. I’ve just never heard mull-er. I’m so used to correcting everyone that say mewl-er … but this one’s new to me. Either way it’s not my original last name so I’m not butthurt about it or anything I’ve just come upon a totally new pronunciation in the wild and was like huh!?

          • Smibo

            In German pronunciation, “Mueller” would almost sound like “moolah”, but not really, because of that uniquely German vowel sound. It’s hard to describe, but if you try compressing “MOO-ella” down to two syllables, you’re probably close.

          • LOL, I believe it. I live in a very German dominated area now, hubs is German, I’m not remotely (Italian from Brooklyn, I butcher their language).

          • H0mer0

            “Headley”

        • Smibo

          I have always pronounced Boehner exactly how it’s spelled.

      • Petunia Cat

        Obvs you can pronounce YOUR name anyway you want. 😊
        The way I pronounce it is a “Mueller”. But I don’t know how to spell that ‘U’ sound. The generic European one that English doesn’t have. Ari Melber, The Beat, on MSNBC pronounces it the way I’m referring to.

        Congrats on having same last name as current Big News Hero!

        • To be fair, it’s my married name and my whole family pronounces it like you would for Ferris Bueller– I don’t understand why it’s Miller, but I’ve just never heard “Mull-er” … there’s a first for everything!

          And lolol I guess it’s better than my maiden name which people just invented pronunciations for.

          • Petunia Cat

            I find the Ferris Bueller pronunciation really weird. Miller would be preferable than that. Last names though, eh? Mine is a common noun and people still managed to mispronounce it!

  • Squeegee

    This twit is so totally going to federal prison when Trump’s four year term is up

    • chronozoan

      Why wait?

      • Indeniable Ron

        The sooner he gets locked up, the more choice of cells he has.

      • Beelzebubba

        We wait so that Il Douche can’t pardon him.

    • Ricardo Santos

      If they bring State charges first, Donny can’t pardon him, after he leaves, they can bring in Federal charges. Win, win.

  • NorthernSaber

    Is this is or is this isn’t our Open Thread? Asking for an imaginary friend…

    • amrak63

      No, “Drinky Drunky Florida Mayor etc.” is the open thread.

      • NorthernSaber

        Thank you! Hadn’t hit the “Refresh” thingee….

  • fawkedifiknow

    “Maria Butina” would be an excellent internet porn name.

    • chronozoan

      Maria Butina : Russian Backdoor Overture

      • Daniel

        See The Ballet The Bolshoi Banned!

    • SDGeoff3

      Or for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

  • Delu

    Jared Kushner forgot a lot of Trump Russia stuff apparently.

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s those names. Too many syllables. They scare him so much that he suppresses them.

    • Beelzebubba

      He forgot all of it, except for whatever the media has uncovered, or other witnesses disclosed.
      Also, 100% of what he forgot is Russia related. For some reason.

  • Wait….
    Dude omitted the one email that he actually did NOT do a treason in?
    Does he know how this works? Or did he not want to remind the Russians of it?

    • Delu

      Must be his new strategy.

      Or something.

  • chronozoan

    Russian backdoor overture is clearly code for gaysex

    • H0mer0

      Was that written by Tchaikovsky?

      • SDGeoff3

        Lol!

  • Viktor

    KGB spy Jared is too stoned to fill out papers correctly

  • Bitter Scribe

    Attention Russians: Why don’t you carry guns around in your own goddamned country and leave ours alone?

    • Stulexington

      IKR, the AK-47 is pretty much the gun of choice for Not-America.

  • Zyxomma

    Oy, vey.

  • mailman27

    East of Urals, Russian bear says “Right to Bear Arms” bears arms against your rights to arming of bears and Nyet! Nyet! Csarina Butina! and when does Comrade Vladimir get big election payoff? Trump is a idiot, no?

  • Marc Berrenson

    All this time I thought that Jared and his wife had both gone to law school, before going into the family business. I kept following the guy, trying to figure out why he looked like he didn’t have a clue. Then it starts to look like Jared is going to be wearing an orange jumpsuit and making license plates pretty soon, and the guy is still walking around looking like he doesn’t have a clue. The fact is, that neither Jared or his wife have the slightest concern that they might go to the joint. This, despite the fact that Kushner senior is an ex con and should know better. These people are in their own bubble 24/7. Had either of them gone to law school or grown up without a platinum spoon up their asses, they’d have a sense of how a Federal criminal prosecution can really screw with your day. His lawyers are playing games with Mr. M, and probably telling Jared what he wants to hear. Let’s see if he gets a clue when he’s arraigned in Federal Court, bail is set, ankle bracelets are put on and passports are forfeited. And you know that the putz made phone calls and sent e mails and had meetings in N.Y., where The Cheeto can’t save him.

    • Frances

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  • Albatrossity

    You really have to wonder, given the myriad ways that the Russians have figured out how to screw up this country, if many Russian rubles have been contributed to the NRA. I really hope some enterprising reporter, in this golden age of investigative journalism, is snooping around in that direction right now.

  • Jennaratrix

    He has an eminently punchable face, doesn’t he? With votes I guess, except not really because he wasn’t elected, he was appointed, as what exactly no one knows.

  • FasterThanLite

    Never noticed his lazy eye untill this photo. The condition seems to run in this administration.

  • Ducksworthy

    So the NRA is part of the Russikie plot to undermine our democracy? Who would have thunk it?

  • Lawrence Freundlich

    Splendid reporting, which clearly follows the intricate web of Russian influence on the Trump Kampf, from big shots to functionaries. The Trumps are aiming at dictatorship and an overthrowing of whatever remains of our constitutional democracy. If they don’t go to jail, I fear that all is lost short of revolution. And revolution it would have to be. Dear God, please protect Mr. Mueller.

  • bewareofme

    Brilliant Evan!! DERP DERP JUNIOR made me lol

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