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Near the top of everyone’s STFU list.

The attorney for Gloria Deason, one of the women who says creepy Roy Moore creepily “dated” her when she was a teenager, sent Sean Hannity’s staff a devastating “No thanks” note in response to an interview request. It probably won’t make it into any business writing textbooks, but it certainly gets the job done.

Deason was one of the first four women featured in the Washington Post story that revealed sexual assault allegations against Moore; she said Moore took her out several times in 1979, starting when she was 18 and Moore was 32. While their relationship never went beyond kissing and hugging, Deason said Moore had taken her to his home at least twice, and that as she recalls, he bought her wine before she turned 19, then the drinking age in Alabama.

Here’s the email exchange between Hannity’s booker, Alyssa Moni, and Deason’s attorney, Paula Cobia (we’ve formatted it to fit better in a single column):

There’s no date on the email, so we aren’t sure whether that was written before or after last Tuesday, when Hannity gave Moore 24 hours to prove himself innocent or Hannity would drop his support of Moore; by Wednesday evening, Hannity seemed to have forgotten all about the ultimatum.

In the annals of great business letters, we’d say Cobia’s reply is still a little short of the greatest business letter of all time, sent by the attorney for the Cleveland Browns to a lawyer who had complained about the safety risks of fans making paper airplanes out of game programs and sailing them around the stadium:

But it was still pretty good.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us in our quest to make all business communication more interesting.

[Ed Krassen on Twitter / Business Insider / Letters of Note]

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  • Oblios_Cap

    Why is that mean woman picking on that poor pustule of the ass of humanity?

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Don’t pick on it too much it might get infected.

  • Shibusa

    Go Paula!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Her letter almost makes me wish she had some legal wrangling to do with Kirby Delauter. Might be good reading.

  • penny stock

    He’s such a cunt.

    • TJ Barke

      Neither warm nor deep.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • weighmaster

      That’s a letter I’d love to read.

      • MynameisBlarney

        INORITE!?!

      • Thiazin Red

        Someone needs to get on that and find out if there is an amazing angry letter in an attic somewhere.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Things were so complicated before email!

    • commatoes

      What is the emoji equivalent of “fuck you and the horse you rode in on”?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Dunno bout no emojis, but they got a veritable plethora of memes for that.
        A honest ta goawd smorgasbord.
        An overflowing cornucopia.

  • GoutMachine
  • BadKitty904

    …reaching out from Hannity…

    Repulsively appropriate phrasing, under the circumstances…

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Right? I’m sort of interested in this woman’s career and if working for this repulsive man was really where she saw herself when she was in college or did she lose some sort of terrible bet or something?

      • BadKitty904

        My guess is “punishment for sins committed in a past life”…

        • SomeBigRedDog

          If she’s trying to work off bad karma she’s not doing a very good job.

          • BadKitty904

            At this rate, she’ll return in her next life as a Kochroach…

    • commatoes

      Wasn’t that the reason Moore was banned from the mall?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Who among us has never wanted to tell Sean Hannity to “Fuck Off”?

    • GoutMachine

      I wish I had stronger words.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Why not just think of the Great Cursing? Let it inspire you.

        “I CURSE thair heid and all the haris of thair
        heid; I CURSE thair face, thair ene, thair mouth,
        thair neise, thair toung, thair teith, thair crag,
        thair schulderis, thair breast, thait hert, thair
        stomok, thair bak, thair wame, thair armes, thair
        leggis, thair handis, thair feit, and everilk part
        of thair body, frae the top of thair heid to the
        soill of thair feit, befoir and behind, within and
        without. I CURSE thaim gangand, and I CURSE
        thaim rydand; I CURSE thaim standand, and I
        CURSE thaim sittand; I CURSE thaim etand, I
        CURSE thaim drinkand; I CURSE thaim walkand,
        I CURSE thaim sleepand; I CURSE thaim rysand,
        I CURSE thaim lyand; I CURSE thaim at hame,
        I CURSE thaim fra hame; I CURSE thaim within
        the house, I CURSE thaim without the house;
        I CURSE thair wiffis, thair banris, and thair
        servandis participand with thaim in thair
        deides.
        I WARY thair cornys, thair catales, thair woll,
        thair scheip, thair horse, thair swine, thair geise,
        thair hennys, and all thair quyk gude. I WARY
        thair hallis, thair chalmeris, thair kechingis,
        thair stabillis, thair barnys, thair biris, thair bernyardis, thair cailyardis, thair plewis, thair
        harrowis, and the guids and houses that is
        necessair for thair sustenatioun and weilfair.
        All the malesouns and waresouns that ever
        gat wardlie creatur sen the begynnyng of the
        warlde to this hour mot licht apon thaim.

        • Daniel

          “I’m in a Scottish restaurant. A man’s upset because they’ve underfried his Mars bar.”

        • John Thorstensen

          C’mon. Tell us how you really feel!

        • The Wanderer

          That . . . was delicious. Delivered in a high chant, it’s purest poetry.

    • BadKitty904

      I certainly hope his advertisers keep doing so.

    • commatoes

      Fuck him with a sideways fork always works for me.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Should it be rusty? Should I sharpen the tines or dull them?
        So many questions….

  • Daniel

    “Lazy! Softball! I’ll refute that later somehow probably on my show. Tomorrow. I’ll get Eric Trump on to tell me about it, then we’ll see who’s balls are soft.”

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • commatoes

      This is Hannity we’re talking about. Please stop omitting the “-er” from the end of “fluff” with respect to his preparation of guests for interview.

      • Historicat

        He takes great pride in his work. “No teeth – guaranteed!”

    • The Wanderer

      Marshmallow Fluff libel. I love that stuff.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Good for Paula for representing her client well. We all know what would have happened had she gone on that asshole’s show:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fd494e149f8a74145d56cad29eaf6d79d25d203e05ebaefad91b76d76b9f4ddc.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      “Where you involved in the Seth Rich murder for President Clinton?”

  • Daniel
    • Mr. Blobfish

      Let the public displays of loyalty begin!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Or in Wonkette world A Idiot.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Also, too:
        An Moran.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Time for another cabinet meeting!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Frances

      Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
      On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !fy302d:
      ➽➽
      ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsOrganicWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fy302lh

  • Crank Tango

    That reminds me, I wonder how Gloria’s doing. http://www.bookcaseangel.com/images/gloria-allred.gif

    • GoutMachine

      WTH is happening here?

      • weighmaster

        ditto

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          dildo?

          sorry, not wearing glasses.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Dunno, but I find myself oddly titilated.

      • Crank Tango

        It’s not as bad as it looks, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLPZxO_IxFw

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          what are those little girls, in literal pig tails, DOING THERE GLORIA?

      • Daniel

        A woman is slowly moving a baseball bat through the circled fingers of a man in a back and forth motion.

        They are standing in front of a bookcase.

        • GoutMachine

          I love how morose he looks.

          • Daniel

            He has wood.

            It’s likely giving him splinters.

      • Nockular cavity

        “Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.”

      • Juan de Fuca

        I think it’s a metaphor for how Moore is basically fucked. One hopes.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      They look like they’ve lost that loving feeling.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Lemme guess: prosecution summation in Abner Louima case?

      • Crank Tango

        Ouch! Thankfully not.

  • My only criticism is that the first letter of every line didn’t spell out “Go fuck yourself.”

    • Crank Tango

      There should be an app for that.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The “She won’t come on the show because she made the whole thing up” is inevitable.

  • Professor Fate

    Of course Hannity is going sputter about his integrity being besmirched by a lawyer but remember Sean you have described yourself as a talk show host not a journalist to avoid catching heat for some lies you spouted. Methinks your own Petard is hoisting you.

  • WIDTAP

    “by Wednesday evening, Hannity seemed to have forgotten all about the ultimatum”

    He didn’t forget. He punted to “Let Alabamians decide”, which was likely Hannity’s intended outcome no matter what Moore’s response would have been, including the near impossibility of Moore dropping out of the race.

  • Someone aced their “Sick Burns 101” class at lawyerin’ school.

  • Joe Beese
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Gloria Deason sold nuclear weapons to the Persians.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s like people don’t even want you to shout abuse at them in front of a national audience anymore!”
    — Sean Hannity

  • The Wanderer

    The nicest Fuck You Letter since the one AMG sent to Moore’s ambulance-chaser of a ‘lawyer.’

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer

      Istanbul?

      Not Constantinople?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.

        • The Wanderer

          See? This is why I love the non-commenters here so much.

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s not the multitude of jokes about penii, canned clams, and the strict no-pants rule?

      • GoutMachine

        That’s nobody’s business but the Turks’. And Mueller’s.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        BYZANTIUM!

        Dammit!

      • commatoes

        Y’know, that’s nobody’s business but the Turks.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I blame Cenk…

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well, he IS young.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          People just liked it better that way

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Been a long time gone since Constantinople.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      How did the Turks and Russians end up on the same side…of anything?

      • GoutMachine

        Trump unifies people … in playing him like a fiddle.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Prezactly. Putin and Edrogan know a mark when they see one.

      • commatoes

        IIRC, Russian oil goes to the Black Sea and into the Med. through Turkey.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Fair point, gas pipelines also too. Iran, Iraq and Azerbaijan pipe through Turkey too.

        • Last Hussar

          There was one of those James Bond documentaries on it.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Maybe the thread isn’t whatever interest Turkey and Russia have in common but how they both exploited crazy ass Mike Flynn’s anti-American Obama hatred?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Two treasons with one chump.

      • Armenians and Kurds

    • John Thorstensen

      This gets more and more, uh, Byzantine.

    • Edith Prickly

      Colluding with only the best dictators!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Yup, nailing Flynn’s treasonous ass to the wall is also another nail in the coffin for Donnie- makes that obstruction charge air tight

  • Latverian Diplomat

    If more people wise up, Sean Hannity is going to have to revert to the “Clint Eastwood Interview Format”.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Kindergartener libelz!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I guess the Orange Menace didn’t learn anything in Kindergarten, unlike Robert Fulghum.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Anyone contacted by Hannity’s minions should get a letter like this in response.

  • John Thorstensen

    Another classic, uh, dismissive reply to note, from the old British “Private Eye” magazine:

    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2013/08/arkell-v-pressdram.html

    • puredog

      SPY Magazine once published a letter to the editor (who was Graydon Carter, of course) in which the writer complained primly and at length about the number of profane expletives in the magazine. The entire response was: “Go fuck yourself.”

  • Juan de Fuca

    Bonus points if the attorney for the Cleveland Browns folded his letter into a paper airplane and had it personally delivered/flown into Dale O. Cox’s office.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Marion in Savannah

      Ahhh… The Trike Force. This never gets old.

  • SterWonk

    The second greatest business letter of all time seems apropos here:

    In the case of Arkell v. Pressdram (1971), the plaintiff was the subject of an article. Arkell’s lawyers wrote a letter which concluded: “His attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of your reply.” Private Eye responded: “We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr J. Arkell. We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off.” In the years following, the magazine would refer to this exchange as a euphemism for a blunt and coarse dismissal, for example: “We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram“.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I wish I had saved one from my work. It was from a very polite but frustrated real estate executive in Japan over one of the last available prime pieces of real estate in the area. He politely inquired if the property had been the site of a Civil War Battle? An Indian Massacre? Was it otherwise haunted by malicious spirits? (All the soils testing and other usual research had been done). Apparently his colleagues believed the land was to good to be true and were unable to reach a consensus.
      Ultimately they had a Shinto priest bless the property. It must have worked, as there were no haunting or malicious spirits that I heard of.

    • Last Hussar

      Nope, that is the greatest.

  • jesterpunk

    Dead Breitbart is running a story about how Bill Clinton is guilty of assault again and how he will be sued unless he gives the accusers a lot of money to drop the cases. They are completely ignoring the Moore stories and have decided they are all fake and even if they are real then a republican in office is more important.

    • Edith Prickly

      It’s forever 1998 in Breitbartistan.

      • jesterpunk

        Well yeah they have nothing on Obama except tan suits and mustardgate.

        • gallbladder

          Don’t forget his elitist skinny lattes and saluting while drinking same.

          • jesterpunk

            And Presenting while Blah.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            That’s right- tell your superior officer he shouldn’t return your salute while drinking his coffee. See where that gets you.
            (hint: rhymes with “BcBurdo”)

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          Don’t forget the arugula imbroglio and “saluting while holding a coffee cup.”

          Oh, the humanity.

      • jesterpunk

        Also is it just me or does the phrase “Pay us lots of money or we will come public and sue” sound really fishy?

        • Daniel

          And like blackmail.

          • jesterpunk

            Yep.

  • Daniel

    Welcome to Hannity and I want to start by reading a letter from one of the accusers of Roy Moore who I invited to come here and explain herself.

    “Thank you for the invite,” she says “please tell Sean Hannity that I would…believe and support Roy Moore immediately after learning about the…interview which his,” meaning me, “own panel did…find credible. In fact…Mr. Hannity is capable of conducting a
    fair and balanced interview. He is…known for journalistic integrity.”

    So there you have it. She’s admitted she’s wrong and I, Sean Hannity, am right.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Sean, my client will agree to be on your show if you can find a journalist to conduct the interview. Maybe ask Charlie Rose.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    When the hammer comes down on Donnie, Hannity’s hysterics will be GLORIOUS!

    • C4TWOMAN

      Schadenfraude dialled up to Eleventy billion!

    • JohnBull

      More evidence of Deep State. And Obama still has his shadow government shucking and jiving all over the place.

      • ginmar

        Sorry, you’re NEVER going to get to the medal round with that pitiful execution. Practice your form and hire a new trolling coach. I hear Milo’s looking for work.

        • Bad Scooter

          “WHY does the GODLESS LEFT want to crucify OUR great president? I will share evidence that OBAMA is still in control of Democrat operatives working within the HIGHEST levels of OUR government, AND *dramatic_pause* expose how the DEEP STATE is intent on stopping the Trump administration from carrying out their plans to make YOUR life better! I’ll tell you why these LIBERALS will stop at NOTHING until they reach their goal of destroying President Trump and what YOU can do to FIGHT BACK and SAVE OUR COUNTRY from these evildoers after the break. STAY TUNED, my ratings – err, YOUR LIFE – may DEPEND UPON this bombshell of TRUTH!”

          am I channeling Hannity or am I channeling Hannity?

        • Naytch

          Dammit, I got Poe’d!! Thanks ginmar!

      • Daniel

        Serious question: is there anything negative that could happen to Trump or any of his supporters that wouldn’t be “evidence of Deep State”?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Yawn. Very poor attempt. You really need to up your trolling skills.

        • Resistor Radio

          Lol, I thought he was snarking and was impressed with the “shucking and jiving.” Ugh. I can’t even tell anymore.

          • Naytch

            Me, too!

      • Daniel

        “And Obama still has his shadow government shucking and jiving all over the place.”

        Like where?

        • Opiwan

          Yeah, and where do I sign up?

      • Oblios_Cap

        I figured this was being droll. It appears everyone else is going with “obtuse”.

      • For those American who do not know that is not a “victory” sign Churchill is aiming at you Mr Bull
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f586ff078a5a5edd40fa1790a2066dbe1fba280b2d1b5265809633926cb681f1.png

    • Edith Prickly

      I predict it will be spit-flecked stream-of-consciousness ranting about dictator-for-life Obama and his evil sidekick Killary KKlinton framing Donnie and company so they can take all the guns, eat all the pizza and Benghazi all the e-mails.

      • NorthernSaber

        …and then the murders will begin, to a soundtrack of vegan butthole yodeling.

    • marxalot

      I’ve never seen anyone have an apoplexy live on television before.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      literal sputtering and wailing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments

      • Resistor Radio

        I would prefer his garments stayed unrendered.

  • 52camellias

    Mueller needs to find another dictator-led country that has been paying money to people in the Trump administration. Then he’ll have the whole Triad of Evil authoritarian regime set.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Oblios_Cap

      He sure is a sore loser.

      • gallbladder

        And an even sorer winner.

  • Sorry Dok, but the greatest legal letter is still the following

    Dear Sirs,

    We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr. J. Arkell.

    We note that Mr Arkell’s attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off.

    Yours,
    Private Eye

    • jesterpunk

      I don’t know this one has to be up there.

      https://abovethelaw.com/2013/12/the-greatest-response-to-a-cease-and-desist-letter-probably-written-while-drunk/

      Needless to say, Britton’s response is amazing — he even threw in some legalese, despite the fact that he’s not a lawyer (oh yeah, heretofore, baby). Here are some highlights from his letter (all errors included in the original). You’d have to be drunk to write something like this, right? Who cares, it’s freakin’ awesome:

      Exit 6 has proudly sold at least 38 drinks in Cottleville MO and has a strong presence in St Charles county, a suburb 40 miles outside the St Louis metropolis. It has recently come to Exit 6 Pub and Brewerys attention that there were 3 check ins to the beer with a very similar name to the “F Word”. Unfortunately it was only similar to the F Word because we meant to call it the same thing. Lucky for us, we’re poor spelers.

      I would like for both Ms Owen Kramer and Mr Bucks to rest assured we meant no deception, confusion, or mistaking in the naming of the beer F Word. We never thought that our beer drinking customers would have thought that the alcoholic beverage coming out of the tap would have actually been coffee from one of the many, many, many stores located a few blocks away. I guess that with there being a Starbucks on every corner of every block in every city that some people may think they could get a Starbucks at a local bar. So that was our mistake.

    • SeeTrain65

      Top Ten from National Lampoon:

      Sirs:

      Scientists at my university have refuted the bogus theory of evolution once and for all; they have unearthed fossil remains that definitely prove Jesus had a pet dinosaur. It wore a studded leather collar three feet in diameter with the name “Bowser” on its tag.

      You atheists have been dealt a stunning defeat.

      Bob Jones, President
      Bob Jones University
      Bob Jones, N.C.

  • Michael Smith

    Its a big day for dissing via professional letters, and I for one and pretty happy about it.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    sigh:
    Velshi & Ruhle smack down manic Moore supporter claiming ‘godly men’ can’t fake being innocent

    • jesterpunk

      Just in general or a specific reason?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Glad to hear Ruhle spotted the flaw(s):

        “I know the man that is good, who has a character of impeccable values,” the Ohio-based Porter proclaimed. “He is godly and that’s just not something you can fake every single day for 40 years in a row. It just can’t be done.”

        Co-host Ruhle immediately stepped in to correct the record.

        “That’s not necessarily true,” Ruhle admonished Porter. “There are a lot of people in history who have claimed to be men of the cloth, faith leaders, and turned out to be scam artists. I’m not saying Roy Moore is, but we can’t say you can’t fake it for 20 years because people have.”

        Report Advertisement

        “Well, let’s look at the evidence. Not only do we have this man of impeccable character, 40 years without a rumor of anything possibly going wrong with his behavior, but –,” Porter parried only to be cut off by Ruhle.

        “That’s not true, there are definitely rumors,” the MSNBC host explained to her. “This is a man who was removed from the bench twice, so you can’t say impeccable.”

        “Well he was removed from the bench for standing for the Ten Commandments,” Porter attempted. “It’d be a good thing if they were still in place. People would see things like ‘thou shall not bear false witness.’That would be a good thing right now.”

        “He was removed for breaking the law,” host Velshi informed her.

        “He was removed from the bench for standing for religious liberty, but let’s get to the case,” she claimed as she tried to change the subject.

        “We have a separation of church and state,” Ruhle shot back only for Porter to claim, “We have the freedom of religion, not from religion.”

        She then launched into rant, dismissing claims of Moore’s victims, blaming them on the “Washington Post-driven, baseless allegations without evidence on the eve of an election,” where it spiraled out of control as she continued to attack the victims’ truthfulness.

        https://youtu.be/3z_805fvVs0

        • jesterpunk

          They don’t play around and love calling out bullshit.

        • Shan

          “We have the freedom of religion, not from religion.”

          They’re supposed to both be true.

          Fucking idiots.

          • Daniel

            And what the fuck is that supposed to mean anyway? You can be any religion, but you’re not allowed to be none?

          • Shan

            Or you can be any religion you want as long as you behave like the one we like best.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            these people seriously believe that’s what “freedom of religion” is.

            You can practice any one, but you have to pick one! (So we can either embrace you as a christian, tolerate you as a jew, or hate you as a muslim.)

          • Shan

            You said it better than I did.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            a rare event, I assure you.

            : D

          • dshwa

            You have to pick one. It just better be theirs.

          • SeeTrain65

            “You have the freedom to believe whatever the fuck I believe.”

        • Indeniable Ron

          I find myself curious about a couple of things:
          1. How old was she when she became his ‘friend’?
          2. Does she have any teenage daughters?

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Freedom of religion, but if you’re a Muslim you shouldn’t be allowed to hold office. Yeah. That makes perfect sense

    • gallbladder

      “The Law of God.” If I could banish one fucking phrase…

  • BadKitty904

    OT: FCC Votes for Massive Corporate Giveaway at Expense of Consumers
    Agency Greenlights Further Media Consolidation, Destruction of Lifeline Program, Disruptive Tech Transitions
    http://krwg.org/post/fcc-votes-massive-corporate-giveaway-expense-consumers

    “Today, the Federal Communications Commission voted to eliminate four decades of protections against rampant media consolidation, despite already low numbers of local and diverse voices. In addition to removing limitations on the cross-ownership of newspapers, radio and TV stations in the same market, the FCC also voted for changes that would prevent millions from accessing the Lifeline program, the nation’s only program to bring phone and Internet services within reach for millions of low income Americans. By barring non-facilities based providers from offering Lifeline, nearly 70 percent of families in need are in jeopardy of losing service.”

    • jesterpunk
    • JohnBull

      On the bright side, poor people still have refrigerators the one-percenters can claim is an extravagance.

    • JohnBull

      I’ve got five students whose families rely on low-cost internet for me to share lesson plans, since we don’t use paper past sixth grade. I’m sure they’re looking forward to a 20-mile drive to the nearest library to wait for a half hour to check my lessons for free.
      Jesus Christ I hate Republicans more and more every day. On Thursday I will give thanks I’m not sitting or eating with any of them.

      • BadKitty904

        Uneducated voters are easily controlled voters.

        ~ The Republican Party

  • Blanche de Shambles
    • Resistor Radio

      What is that from?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Looks similar to a scene in Akira, but I can’t say for sure.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Akira.

        • Resistor Radio

          Thanks, I might be due for a re-watch (it’s been yeaaaaaaars)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      that’s his ego going nuclear

      • GoutMachine

        Yeah, but this is a conservative we’re talking about, so it’s going nucular.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Newkyalar.

      • george lastrapes

        However tiny Hannity’s brain is, it is too large for his forehead. Any surprise or unwanted fact could lead to a catastrophic release of pressure, dooming Hannity and injuring hundreds more.
        But perhaps there is a way out. Stephen Miller has been considering forehead reduction surgery (FRS), and there is the possibility that his excess forehead could be donated to Hannity for forehead enhancement surgery (FES).

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          In the hood, we call it a “fivehead”.

    • Daniel

      I think you’re overestimating his comprehension skills.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I always thought the greatest legal letter was “v”, as in Roe v Wade or whatever. I’m not a lawyer though so what do I know….wait, don’t answer that…I know you guys…something about clams and not wearing pants at work will come up.

    • jesterpunk
      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        All are pretty great letters!

      • Marion in Savannah

        The response to the porn star threatening to sue is a pearl beyond price.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Now that was fun!

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        “I enjoyed our brief correspondence”
        LMAO!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Hi, Paula –
    I am reaching out….

    Stop right there. That’s what’s getting all these skeevy guys in trouble these days.

  • Sashineb
  • William

    I wonder if the look on Lumpys face was a precious as the expression he had when the Bundy interview went from “American hero” to “Let me tell you about the negro”. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/870aef09765d04393dcf8b670c44cb7bc8cf92775c77aa1fffbf811665fc29d9.jpg

    • george lastrapes

      His forehead/ Is horrid.

    • Last Hussar

      Worst. Bohemian. Rhapsody. Ever.

  • txb23

    I love “…Fuck Right On Out Of Here,” but I prefer another phrase, which I first saw via the webcomic Achewood: “Fuck Along Now.”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I like it! It’s tart and folksy.

    • Querolous

      “Auf wiederfucken”

  • MamaBrown

    After the election last year, lots of us PSN people started friending each other on Facebook like mad. I’ve “met” some amazing, astonishing, fabulous women as a result, and one of them is Paula Cobia. She is awesome sauce!

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      (PSN?)
      That’s cool and all, but damn, I would *never* friend random strangers on FB, no matter how awesome they are. You might as well send an email to the NSA saying Hi, here’s me and all my connections, along with my phone number, address, and pictures of my kids..

      and that’s not even me being paranoid.

      • MamaBrown

        Pantsuit Nation, which was a private group at the time. Most of us proceeded with great caution. I know I did. Some people were troubled by trolls but most of the fake profiles were obvious and trolls were quickly outed. I’ve never had any trouble and have met some absolutely fabulous women as a result.

  • puredog

    I never get tired of that Cleveland Stadium letter.

    • freshwaterdrum

      Willoughby Dam! I’m an old Clevelander, and that’s the first I’ve seen of this! Not a lot of good things to say about the old ballpark, but that will be one, going forward. Thanks for that bit of lakefront history!

    • freshwaterdrum

      Love the avatar, BTW

    • Delu

      It was just too appropriate too.

      Not too often that you get to use that as well.

  • BearLeft

    Yes, Mr. Bailey’s letter for the Cleveland Stadium Corp. is still the record holder. And though Ms. Cobia’s letter certainly rates among the top asshole rejoinders, I submit the following favorite response of a lawyer I once knew: “Fuck you. Strong letter to follow.”

  • Suttree

    Maybe if these women can waterboard Sean they would come on hi9s show? Sounds fair to me.

  • Viktor

    Hi, (insert name here), I am reaching out from Hannity at Fox News…
    HITS DELETE

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      I didn’t know that “Hannity” was the word they used to abbreviate the phrase “the journalistic toilet.”

  • Manhattan123
  • Last Hussar

    That is only the greatest business letter in the USA. The greatest business – legal – letter is the answer in Arkell vs Pressdram

    http://www.lettersofnote.com/2013/08/arkell-v-pressdram.html

  • TundraGrifter

    I just looked Sean’s website to read the latest Uranium Dumb nonsense and noticed he uses a photo of himself that must be thirty years old. Vanity thy name is Hannity.

    • Oh the humanity that there is a Hannity who looks like a manatee but still rolls in his vanity

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      His hairline still starts at his eyebrows, though, no matter how old the photo is.

      I always giggle and think of the old highbrow = intelligent, lowbrow = dumbass theory when I look at Hannity. It was made for him.

  • Duke

    I detest “I’m reaching out.” It used to mean that you were making an effort to contact someone for their benefit. Now it means “I want something from you.”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Reaching out is Hannity-ese for “going for the on-camera grope.”

    Hey, here’s a thought. Every time he “reaches out,” agree to in the interview on the condition that 48 prior to the event, he undergoes his long-promised, long-dodged waterboarding stunt (for charity!)

    Then clock how fast he runs away.

  • emgeegee
  • chronozoan

    From now on let’s just call Sean Hannity “Shemp” since he’s everybody’s least favorite Stooge.

  • Sid Pevear

    ” He is not known for journalistic integrity”. That to me is the greatest line in this whole letter! We all know this because he would need to be an actual “journalist” to begin with. Just fuck off Sean! Gotta love it!

    • Frances

      Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
      On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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  • MamaBrown

    Dok, I sent this article to Paula. She loved it, posted it to her FB page!

  • Marc Berrenson

    Just read where Maria Bartiromo said that President DumbFuck had no allegations of sexual misconduct against him. Then, when she was told (likely by some yet to be charged molester at Fox) that she sounded stupid and that even Hannity has heard the Access Hollywood tape, she admitted to “several” allegations, but said she didn’t consider them because they weren’t “current.” In other words, if you deny the allegations, then create a situation where you can’t be sued, then those allegations have no bearing on your suitability to hold the highest (used to be, anyway) office in the land. Bartiromo is the female Hannity. She looked like she was orgasming all over herself in her interview with The Cheeto.

    She’s got a nice set of honkers, though.

    Hey, I deny saying that, therefore it doesn’t count against me.

  • nick kelly

    PREACHER GIVES MOORE LAST RITES

    Embattled Senate candidate Roy Moore may have been treading water, surviving, until 48 hours ago. Then not one but two millstones were hung around his neck. First but not worst was the late, reluctant, sort of endorsement by Trump. This amounted to extolling Moore’s key, and only virtue: he isn’t a Democrat.

    No doubt Trump sat up all night twisting the Rubes cube and realized that even if Moore won, and was expelled, he would be able to vote for tax ‘reform’ before being expelled. Then Trump could withdraw support, join the 16 GOP senators who want to expel, which with the Senate Democrats, ought to give enough votes to expel. Then Sessions could return. etc. The only doubt was raised by VP Pence, who seemed pensive and asked if this might not be perceived as a ‘double cross’ of his fellow evangelist. Trump shrugged and said there no doubt be new charges by then and after all who was Trump (referring to himself) to defy the will of the Party?

    This was all predictable.

    Not so the preacher’s defense of Moore: that he was ‘attracted to young girls because of their purity’.
    This provoked the near impossible in the land of machine guns and evangelicals: the gag reflex.
    Moore may not be the only victim of this damning praise, It may also blow back on the source and the tendency of evangelicals to (a) run in packs, and (b) judge not on behavior because you are saved by faith alone.

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