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She caught the Katy, left me a mule to ride…

For today’s Dear ShitFerBrains, we are delighted to bring you a couple of fine old-timey emails, one of which called us all sorts of names but which actually turned out to be, to our surprise, correct! The other one was just kind of goofy.

The first, from someone calling themselves “NarCONonFraud,” had the promising subject line, “No, you fucking Republican cunt, the pedo did not make that claim.” It was about our story on Jared Fogle, the former Subway shill convicted of child porn and attempting to meet up with a minor, and the news that a federal judge had rejected Fogle’s motion to have his case reconsidered because Fogle appeared to be claiming he was a sovereign citizen. Wrong, wrong, wrong! said “NarCONonFraud,” we fucking Republican cunts had it all WRONG:

Here, since you’re too fucking stupid to actually read the filing, I have the single sentence where the word “sovereign” was used:

*The Supreme Court offers more guidance on the issue of the
sovereign party’s ability to exercise authority: “But whether a
judicial judgment is lawful depends on whether the sovereign has
authority to render it.” (180 LED 2D 765, 564 873 McUbtrye Ltd. v.
NICASTRO)*

That’s it, the pedo did not claim to be a sovereign citizen, the Judge got it wrong and here Wonkette is spreading the fake news like a common fucking Republican.

What the what? We’re a bunch of Republicans, and Jared Fogle is NOT a sovereign citizen? We had to admit, that sounded like something we’d better at least try to debunk, because virtually everyone was reporting that Fogle had filed a sovereign citizen motion, had it denied, and had a good laugh over it. We started by looking up the case cited, “McUbtrye Ltd. v. NICASTRO” which turned out to be a typo for “McIntyre v. Nicastro,” a case in which the Supremes ruled a product liability case couldn’t be brought against a British company in a New Jersey court, because legal stuff that isn’t important to this post.

That was a dead end, so we went looking for Fogle’s actual filing, because darned if we’re too fucking stupid to read it. Here’s the thing: The two-page ruling by District Judge Tanya Walton Pratt, dismissing Fogles’s case, is all over the web, but it takes a bit of looking to find Fogle’s actual weirdass filing, which was written by a jailhouse lawyer. We finally found it at The Underground Bunker, a blog mostly dedicated to chronicling and debunking Scientology weirdassery, by Tony Ortega, former editor of the Village Voice and RawStory.

Son of a gun, it looks like “NarCONonFraud” was right! You see, Frank Pate, the jailhouse lawyer who helped Fogle with his appeal, is also a crazy “Independent Scientologist” convicted of fraud, so that’s why Ortega knew the name. And after looking closely at the document filed by Pate on Fogle’s behalf, Ortega concludes that Judge Pratt blew it here:

Pate may be full of shit, but what he’s arguing is that Fogle shouldn’t have been subject to federal charges for what were admittedly horrific crimes.

As our correspondent “NarCONonFraud” notes, the only appearance of the word “sovereign is in the passage above (the “McUbtrye” typo is Pate’s), and in context, it’s fairly clear Pate isn’t referring to Fogle as a “sovereign” citizen, but rather, that “the sovereign party” is the U.S. government, which Pate argues somehow shouldn’t have jurisdiction in the case. In denying the motion, Judge Pratt appears to have jumped to the conclusion that because a jailhouse lawyer’s sloppy filing included the word “sovereign,” then Fogle was claiming to be a sovereign citizen. But as Ortega notes, the rest of the filing doesn’t actually look like the usual SovCit combination of pseudo-legalese and word magic:

Sure, it reads like a jailhouse lawyer filing, and it’s a bit pompous, and it may be completely full of shit, trying to get a disgusting sexual predator off on a technicality, but it really isn’t a sovereign citizen document, and we’re surprised the judge and the Courthouse News read it that way.

That said, we’re very happy that Fogle and Pate are doing time, and we’d like to see them stay right where they are.

So congratulations, “NarCONonFraud,” you appear to be correct, and Judge Pratt appears to have rejected Pate’s motion for the wrong reason. She probably should have rejected it because the jurisdictional argument is crap and the Supreme Court case was only about product liability involving a foreign company, not child porn. We’ll update our post with a prominent link to today’s Dear ShitFerBrains, because while it would certainly be funnier to think the former Subway dude had gone SovCit on us, it really looks like he hasn’t after all, sadface :( . And while it’s doubtful the real arguments in the filing would get Jared sprung, the filing should have been tossed on its own dubious claims, not a specious claim Fogle never made. We’ve learned an important lesson in journamalism: read the original documents whenever you can, you fucking cunt.

Now, about that “like a common fucking Republican” slur…

Our other deleted email came to the Wonkette Tipline, and isn’t related to any particular thing we published; it’s just some amusing spam from some guy — also named Tony!!!! — who sends us Rightwing Jesus stuff from time to time, with subject lines like “THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY IS PURE EVIL AND MUST BE ABOLISHED!” and “ARREST BARACK OBAMA FOR HIGH TREASON AGAINST US AMERICAN CITIZENS!” and the rare non-capslocked “All the Evidence Barack Obama Might Actually Be a Demon” — apparently “Tony” didn’t read the GQ piece with that headline, which is all sarcastic and stuff.

In any case, “Tony” was kind enough to include us in the list of recipients for this message of love and hope with the subject line “TO ALL IN THE VIOLENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD……………” which really did have fifteen periods in it. It was sent to an impressive list of recipients!

to AMERICA, GOD, God, Jesus, Soldier, Christians, Abortion, Democrats, Ministers, Obama, Obama, Sean, Tammy, Pray, Atheists, Christians, Democrats, Wonkette Tips

How did “Tony” get GOD’s email address? Does God in lowercase have a separate one, like for non-business mail? And why is only one soldier getting this email? Darned if we know. But here is your vital missive, all of you, from “Tony”:

TO ALL IN THE VIOLENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO MURDER, ATTACK INNOCENT PEOPLE, RAPE WOMEN AND BOYS, STARVE PEOPLE, LIKE THE ROCKET MAN IN NORTH KOREA, JUST REMEMBER ONE MAJOR ITEM.

JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD, DID NOT LIKE VIOLENCE OR CRUELTY!

That important message is followed by this beautiful art picture, in which Jesus appears to be wearing flesh-tone spandex bike shorts under his loincloth:

Please, Lord… Give the rich a tax break.

Now knock it off with all the violence, or Tony’s going to have to photoshop YOU into his impressive pictures of Barack Obama awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to people he never awarded it to:

[subject:] I JUST KNEW THAT OBAMA GAVE A SEXUAL PREDATOR AWARDS OUT!
to: Democrats, Abolish, Everyday, Wonkette Tips

We suppose God may have said something about not lying with fake Photoshops, but a good Jesus fan like “Tony” knows that abolishing Democrats Everyday is a mission that may need the occasional nudge now and then.

And finally, a bit of Comment Moderation bookkeeping regarding a weird Disqus glitch that has popped up — literally! — for quite a few folks who have sent us worried emails. For reasons we can’t begin to fathom, Disqus is popping up what looks like a notice that you’ve been banned, when in fact you have not. When you start typing a comment, you may get a notice that looks like this:

Yes, I’ve gotten that and so has Yr Editrix! But here’s the good news: for most people who see that, they’re not actually banned and there’s no need to ask us to “fix” it. Just type your comment and click the “Post as YourNameHere” button, and you should be in fine shape. If you were actually banned, you would be unable to post, and instead of your comment showing, you’d see nothing but the text box with your attempted comment, and the same “you are banned” message. I’m banned at Gateway Pundit, for some reason, and here’s what I get when I try to comment there:

So don’t worry if you get the “you have been banned by Wonkette” message the moment you start typing. No need to contact us unless you click “Post” and your message still doesn’t appear — then we’ll see what’s up. Please do not panic.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations! Please click here to send us your money and your prayers.

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • bbayliss

      Because????

      • msanthropesmr

        Dumb.

    • puredog

      Mnooch goes full Scaramooch.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      He also took the comparison between him and a Bond villain as a compliment since James Bond is a great movie

    • schmannity

      Taken by an AP photographer. He thought it was a grocer, not an international new organization.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Publix libelz!

    • Jesus, the look on her face. It just screams “This is why I married him”

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        “Suck it, peasants!”

        • Arolpin

          ‘Peasants’ is a rather dismissive name for one’s wife.

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          The peasants are revolting! You’re right, they stink on ice!

      • nightmoth

        Definitely a high maintenance gal.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Probably worth it, though.

          • H0mer0

            I thought beautiful people made the clothes they wear beautiful rather than such items beautifying the excessively rich and vain suckers buying these overpriced clothes.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Oh, dunno anything about that. i just assumed she’s a really great lay. Munchkin is filthy rich, he can afford quality.

    • Does not matter if it goes public or not. He should not be taking photos of money and that is a thing he shoulda known

    • schmannity

      He said on CNN that he guesses he should appreciate the compliment that the photo makes the two of them look like Bond villains.

    • natoslug

      Every time I see this guy, I start imagining a line of sturdy guillotines on the National Mall. I have no idea why. Actually, pretty much every Trump appointee makes me think of guillotines.

      • willi0000000

        . . . and what’s even odder . . . i think of tumbrels.

        • SDGeoff3

          My thoughts go immediately to The Wheel. Ah, the Wheel…

          • willi0000000

            got time for another game? . . . OK, rack ’em!

          • SDGeoff3

            Ahhh yes. Those were the days, Gomez

        • natoslug

          Tumbrils and guillotines and deplorables, oh my!

      • JCfromNC

        The guillotine was, in its day, touted as a more humane(? — not sure if that’s actually the word I want) substitute for the headsman’s axe. Those guys were only human, and thus prone to missing — I believe I read about one execution where the executioner got so unnerved by the prisoner’s last words that he took 5 or 6 whacks to finish the job. Personally, I think that one made with modern engineering and materials would probably be more humane that some of these horror show lethal injection attempts that appear to be done with whatever might be lying around in the janitor’s closet in the prison.

        So maybe beheading’s too good for ’em, is what I’m saying.

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          I like the several whacks method, myself. Sort of drives home the point of “Yeah, we pissed at you.”

        • Lascauxcaveman

          “Personally, I think that (a guillotine) made with modern engineering and materials would probably be more humane that some of these horror show lethal injection attempts that appear to be done with whatever might be lying around in the janitor’s closet in the prison.”

          I agree. When that blade comes down, you’re dead now, no question about it. (Apart from some residual neurons firing until you’ve bled out.) The best part about execution by guillotine, there’s no pussyfooting around about “Oh, it’s the humane way to do it… we’re not killing this criminal, we’re just putting him to sleep, like a beloved old cat who is now living in such suffering…”

          Having said that, I’m actually against the death penalty in all cases.

        • richardgrabman

          I always thought the US use of “high tech” execution methods, fro the 19th century electrocution to today’s poisoning machines was … ahem… overkill, and had more to do with a love of gadgets than anything to do with justice. Execution is barbaric, no matter how you slice it, but the guillotine is at least quick, simple, and as far as we know, neither cruel nor unusual.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Goddamn, that fucker is dumb as a bowl of toast, isn’t he?

  • msanthropesmr

    Jim Hoft is a poopy head.

    • grindstone

      Always appropriate.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Poop libelz!

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Careful, you get banned from Gateway Pundit…

  • Werewolf

    Ok, but why won’t Disqus let me post photos? :-(

    • msanthropesmr

      It doesn’t let us post anything.

  • msanthropesmr

    You haven’t been able to post since the founding of wonkette, so I don’t see what the problem is.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else was spreading the fake news like a common fucking Republican?

    • Bobathonic

      Jonathon Swift?

      • nightmoth

        I bet if Swift were alive today and wrote that piece about how poor starving people should eat babies, nobody would know it was satire.

        • natoslug

          If you argued that it would somehow stick it to the libs, there is a large swath of the population that would immediately insist that we start eating babies post-haste.

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

            Gives new meaning to “Republicans Eating Their Own”.

          • natoslug

            I see no downside.

        • Bobathonic

          A Modest Proposal

    • JohnBull

      Hitler. Definitely Hitler this time.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The farmers?

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • natoslug

      “Common fucking Republican?” So, hypocritically?

    • The Wanderer

      Father Coughlin?

  • msanthropesmr

    But was it Jared the person or Jared the sovereign or Jared the jeweller?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      It was Jared the lying crooked conspirator, in the dining room, with a shovel.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    How did “Tony” get GOD’s email address?

    Maybe he tweeted?

  • msanthropesmr

    Wonkette is interfering with my freeze peach.

  • msanthropesmr

    I’m posting from the UU church in Richmond Virginia. I’m going to be struck down by a Prius.

  • Nockular cavity

    “Obama, Obama,”
    “Obama. You said ‘Obama’ twice.”
    “Ah LIKE Obama!”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i’ve never gotten that banned error.

    DO I OWN WONKETTE NOW?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yes. Donna Rose is now yours to raise as your own. Good luck.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        take it back take it back!

        DR seems fun, but I can barely take care of myself.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Naw, kids are great. Just teach them to do all the work. It’s like having a tiny, incompetent valet.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol…yeah, but all the tantrums…and the endless poop. Also, children are walking vats of bacteria and virus.

            Why yes, I have had some awkward conversations with girlfriends in the past, why do you ask?

          • ken_kukec

            No man’s a hero to his tiny, barely competent valet.

    • jesterpunk

      Yes but you still cannot comment on wonkette because comments are not allowed.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    to AMERICA, GOD, God, Jesus, Soldier, Christians, Abortion

    Well, good luck with that–the last time I emailed Abortion, that bitch took a week to get back to me. In fairness, Abortion has been pretty busy since Janauary 20th, though.

  • msanthropesmr

    God doesn’t care about wonkette! He’s a regular in Kinja. He’s outta the Grey’s.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I JUST KNEW THAT OBAMA GAVE A SEXUAL PREDATOR AWARDS OUT!

    I’ve seen bad photoshops before, but Jesus, this one didn’t even try to look real.

    • Harvey is 3X bigger than Bamz, but round the same height. WHAT OF IT????

  • I disagree with your synopsis. By saying the Feds have no jurisdiction, that is pretty classic SovCit shit.

    • doktorzoom

      It would be, except the jailhouse lawyer seems to be arguing that a prosecution in state court would be hunky-dory, which SovCits would never admit.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Arguing the Feds don’t have standing (or jurisdiction?) in this case, but the state of wherever the crimes took place does.

      Like how we’re gonna nail pretty much everybody that Trump tries to pardon along the way.

  • Nockular cavity

    Who are Sean and Tammy? (I know, I know: it’s Sean Bean, and Tammy Wynnette.) And who is “Pray?”

    • I have the weird idea that dude does not get how a CC line works

      • grindstone

        I think he thinks he’s using hashtags? But not really? Hell, I’m Floridian, you think I could speak crazy, but obviously I’m not fluent.

        • Nockular cavity

          Hey, someone in Florida has to keep the lights on.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Believe me, with Florida man/woman, it’s not easy.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I was wondering why he had to list Christians, Democrats and Obama twice, whereas God was only listed once.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        There’s a small voice in the back of his mind that’s telling him that God isn’t really listening, anyway. ie. the sane part.

    • jesterpunk

      Lumpy and Tammy Faye Messner?

    • puredog

      Today we’re all prey.

      • SDGeoff3

        But some are Devo.

        • Daniel

          Are we not men?

          • JCfromNC

            Two legs good! Four legs bad!

    • But Sean Bean can’t land a role where he doesn’t die, what good is he?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        He’s very good. At getting killed.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          The Martian libelzzz!!1!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        That was my first thought after seeing the Martian. He’s the only one in the entire movie who loses his job over that mess.

  • FlemmishSpy

    Weiner has a big head.

    • schmannity

      You’ve seen the pictures?

    • SDGeoff3

      But not impressive.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    You actually bothered to comment on the Gateway Pundit once?

    • Bad Tom

      Just the poopyhead comment. Honest!

  • jenny_whyme
    • He’s a real hoopy frood

      • msanthropesmr

        Who knows where his towel is at.

    • Suttree

      “Are those ping pong balls or cat eggs? That’s how they reproduce right?”
      -Mother who’s afraid to talk to her children about SkyPenis

      • jenny_whyme

        Ping pong balls… Linus has had his balls fixed.

    • Khavrinen

      I knew someone was going to respond to “don’t panic” with something about a towel.

    • And…this is what i get for not following Wonkette rule 42: always scroll down

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “I am King of Beasts”

    • SDGeoff3

      Linus is too cool.

  • nightmoth

    I hope old Tony doesn’t decide that anti-violence god wants him to kill violent people.
    Guns + crazy = ?

    • It’s weird that he is so agin violence and yet hates Democrats so much.
      Huh.

    • SDGeoff3

      Guns + crazy = profit?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Old news: Jim Hoft is a poopyhead
    New news: We’ve been reading a common Republican cunt site this whole time!

    Geeze, talk about 11th dimensional chess. This is how we all get sucked into supporting those tax deductions for private jets and abolishing unions.

  • msanthropesmr

    I don’t feel like a republican?

    • FlemmishSpy

      Me neither – I just ate.

    • Resistor Radio

      I don’t want to feel up a republican?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      They’re all gristle.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Mr. Blobfish

      Parading around the Y like a common Putin.

    • Khavrinen

      Alabama seems to have a problem with pronouns.
      “(T)reated it like a joke” should have been “treated him like he was a joke” — instead of electing him.

    • Parakeetist

      What an evil asshole.
      Burn in hell, you trash motherfucker.

    • The Wanderer

      YMCA, and not YWCA? Hmm, was Judge Moore branching out to the gamin young boys?

    • Bad Tom

      Wouldn’t Roy have had better luck at the YWCA?
      ——-
      Unless everyone’s mis-gendering his Y based victims.
      That might shut the Evangelicals right the fuck up.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        In my town, wimmens have had equal access to the sports facilities at the YMCA for, I think, at least 50 years. We never had a YWCA as far as I know. My baby sister was in a kiddies basketball league there way back in the early 70s.

    • H0mer0

      wow, Kevin Spacey really let himself go!

    • major_asshole

      Is it just me, or does Alex Jones have no nipples in that photo?

      (Now I’m going to vomit for thinking about that.)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Hee hee hee, #ThingsPoliticiansShouldntSay is trending on Twitter. Any nominations from you Wonkers?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I support Roy Moore/Donald Trump

    • FlemmishSpy

      I have the best words.

    • TJ Barke

      “trickle down economics works”

    • grindstone

      I feel grimy after reading that.

    • Christopher Story

      Believe me

      • FlemmishSpy

        Bigly.

    • Christopher Story

      I work for the American people

    • jesterpunk

      “We are the party of family values.”

    • The Wanderer

      “We in the Face Eating Party solemnly swear to NOT eat faces off our voters.”

    • schmannity

      Don’t tell your parents!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      There an Ohio Supreme Court Justice who’s running for Governor (Democrat) who thinks Al Franken and Roy Moore are getting a raw deal and said, “In the last fifty years I was sexually intimate with approximately 50 very attractive females.”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I wasn’t aware that Uncle Sam wasn’t around when JC was crucified. I thought the USA had only been around a few hundred years?

    • natoslug

      Christ has a bit of a persecution complex — just can’t stay off that cross.

    • doktorzoom

      The USA was preordained by God, so Uncle Sam got an advance ticket.

      • nightmoth

        Probably scalped it from somebody else.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My favorite new church sign: “Jesus died for your freedom.” Um, yeah, I don’t think that’s what actually happened, I think he died for my sins; but what do I know, since I’m a heathen?

        My previous favorite church sign: “Your dusty Bible causes your dirty mind.”

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Hmm. And all this time I thought it was supposed to be, I dunno, Satan’s fault? I’m gonna burn that bible and lead a more pure life from now on.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          But what causes my dirty mind if I don’t have a Bibble?

      • JCfromNC

        Shucks, I cannot find my copy of Peter Tauber’s “The Sunshine Soldier”. There’s a passage in there where one of the drill sergeants is teaching a class where he basically says as far as man writing laws given by God, there’s the 10 Commandments and then the U.S. constitution. So I’m guessing he’d agree with your statement, Dok.

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      This is from that time Obama killed Jesus.

      • Khavrinen

        Which time?
        The way a lot of RWNJs talk about Obama, you’d almost think the only reason Jesus rose on the third day was so Obama could kill him again.

    • jesterpunk

      JC gave Moses the bill of rights when he brought it down from the Appalachian Mountains and gave it to George Washington.

      • Suttree

        Needs more American Indians.

    • Nockular cavity

      Dunno, but homoerotic art like that has been around forever.

      • clairence

        I wonder: is that how the ALLEGED pee tape starts?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It turns out, Uncle Sam was Longinus in disguise all along!

    • efoveks

      Why is Uncle Sam looking up Jesus’ skirt? ????

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Uncle Sam’s a mall pervert!

  • WilbyToad

    Hard to Believe: Pennsylvania Cops Abuse Senior Couple Because they Think Hibiscus Is Marijuana
    by Phillip Smith, ALTERNET
    https://www.alternet.org/drugs/pennsylvania-cops-abuse-elederly-couple-marijuana-plants-raid

    I know this part of western PA. Word travels fast and everyone knows everyone. They must be wondering just how fuckin’ dim their cops can be..

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I saw that. It’s nuts. Hibiscus plants do not look anything like marijuana plants, last time I looked, and one thing I’m fairly certain of is that cops know what marijuana looks like.

      • Wonky McUbtrye

        Right? I feel like we’re missing part of the story.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          cops can be dummiez about it. I worked on a story once about this big southern mamma of a woman who got arrested after cops flying overhead in a surveillance plane mistook her mulberry bushes as marijuana leaves.

          • Wonky McUbtrye

            Our stupidity makes me so sad.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          As I read it, their insurance agent came to the house for some reason and mistook the plant and called the cops. That sounded a bit odd to me right there.

      • SDGeoff3

        They have certainly pocketed enough of it.

    • nightmoth

      Hibiscus? Criminey. Somebody needs a mandatory gardening assignment. I’ve had my cleomes mistaken before, but Hibiscus?

    • clairence

      A quick Google search shows that some varieties do have somewhat similar leaves. But the flowers should have been a dead giveaway.

      Anyway, in addition to winning the lawsuit(s), I wouldn’t be surprised if this couple ends up with sufficient retirement funds from the now-traditional GoFundMe account(s) set up in their name.

    • schmannity

      C’mon! It even has the word high in it. It must be illegal.

  • The Wanderer

    Hmm, Jesus wasn’t down with a bit of the ultraviolence? So all that scourging the moneylenders out of the Temple was just him using harsh language?

    • nightmoth

      One of my favorite bits in the NT. “You’ve turned the temple into a den of thieves!” Then the smack-down. Wonder what red-letter Jesus would say to old Pat Robertson and Franklin Graham, etc., etc. ?

      • The Wanderer

        He’d set aside the scourge and opt for nukes.

        • nightmoth

          LOLOLOL!!!

      • Christopher Story

        Funny thing about that: Jesus actually did come back, about ten years ago. But he took one look at us and went back home.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        The same thing. But they wouldn’t listen to some dusky skinned Semitic type person. Republican Jesus is a blue-eyed white skinned European.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.”
      — Jeebus (Matthew 10:34, KJV)

      • The Wanderer

        I know that, but he wandered a bit off script with the ‘live by the sword, die by the sword’ meme.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          It’s almost like the gospels were written by a bunch of people with different agendas, editing, redacting and interpolating each other’s work…

          • The Wanderer

            IK,R? It’s weird.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the guy guiding the hands of the authors suffers from multiple personality disorder.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Heh. Theologically speaking, I think it’s the Holy Ghost that does the “inspiration”. There is also a a school of hermeneutics that claim the HG inspires interpretation of the text too (only their the correct ones, of course) :)

  • rosenbomb

    Hey, I’d be honored to be included on such a high-profile list of recipients. He probably should have BCCd GOD, though, I’m sure the guy gets enough emails as it is…

    • The Wanderer

      A lot of it from the former Finance Minister of Nigeria.

      • rosenbomb

        GOD was really hoping for a Range Rover, but he’s not about to get suckered a second time.

        • jesterpunk

          God needs to find Lori to get his range rover.

          • rosenbomb

            ctrl+F to GOD@aol.com (GOD is a little stubborn about changing technology. He’s still using WordPerfect also)

          • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

            HEY! I LIKED WordPerfect. Back in 1992, anyway.

          • clairence

            what Lori never tells you is that the $18gazillion dollars she earned in a weekend overnight was the full extent of money to be made. Nobody else will collect any money because she has it all.
            And the Range Rover.

        • The Wanderer

          I’m glad he learned his lesson. Based on the continued blegging you see from his followers, he really can’t handle money.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I saw a sovcit email that came into our office (state agency). Besides us, he cc’d the President, Vice President, leaders of both Houses of Congress, a list of most of the leaders of western countries (as well as the Queen of England), and the Pope.

      Made me right proud to be included in the crazy with all those people.

  • schmannity

    That damn time traveling Obama awarding the medal to Cosby 30 years ago. Inpeech!

  • Narconon let down this guy down. Was L. Ron a sovvy like… … this democratic cock.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Russian oligarch and Kushner best bud Roman Abramovic cruises worlds most expensive yacht into Palm Beach ahead of Trump trip to Mar-a-Lago. Will the Trump’s be dumb enough to hang out with him?

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    wow, this wallender show is real cheery shit.

    I may need at least two weeks of MLP to rehabilitate my will to live.

    • Resistor Radio

      Scandinavian mysteries are dark, bro.
      (I don’t know what’s up with me today, I’m using “bro” a lot for some reason).

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was thinking earlier, ain’t much changed since Bergman.

        • Resistor Radio

          Ingrid was nice to look at. (I know you were talking about Ingmar, but her gifs are more fun) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b84a9f46b912a81c8f5cd2e624381e0a67e0cec9ee345034d005d6afb3f6e967.gif

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            doh! I knew I fucked it up.

            I am from texas after all – dont’ think I could find sweden on a map.

          • Resistor Radio

            No, you got it right, unless I’m wrong with you. Both were Bergmans!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, my bad.
            Names and geography – things I’m terrible at.

            Also anything requiring hand eye coordination.

          • janecita

            If you ever have a chance, visit Sweden, it’s beautiful.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            speaking of which, what happen to our euro-commenter Robertjorg

          • janecita

            I don’t know! I miss my daily dose of silly European flirting:-(

          • Grumpy Twat

            He’s not the only silly European round here, you know!
            Of course, your chances of getting any flirting out of a Grumpy Twat, like me, are pretty slim, these days. Even Mrs GT has abandoned hope.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            He has a job now, he was on yesterday.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Just mind the moose. They bite.

          • H0mer0

            can you find Snowdon with a map?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m from the desert, what’s snow?

          • H0mer0

            [“she paints the screen with her eyes”]

      • Msgr_MΩment
    • The Wanderer

      This should cheer you up a bit, then:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw34wGfHcC4

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        that is funny.

      • Resistor Radio

        Heh – “flasher removed of his ‘flash’ by wanted serial surgeon”

        • The Wanderer

          LOL

      • Vienna Woods

        Nice! I miss The Frantics. The current crop of CBC radio comedy sucks.

    • PersianOregano

      yeah the first one I read I thought “excellent mystery but damn Wallender sure is suicidally depressed. The second made ME think about suicide. That’s when I quit the books. I can still take the Branagh version in single doses.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s not a GREAT show, but apparently really mopey sad depressing cop shows are big in Britain and Europe now (I know, it’s a remake of a swedish show, but broadchurch, this, and two others I can’t remember the names of).

        • SisterArtemis

          just finished broadchurch, and loved it, though I cried a bit. Netflix then suggested “Hinterland” and “Shetland” – perhaps those are the two?

          • Vienna Woods

            Shetland is great!

          • Catstro

            We haven’t seen that one yet, and will put it on the queue at Casa Castro.

          • Vienna Woods

            I have run out of moody British shows to watch and it is sad.

          • Catstro

            I assume you’ve been watched Happy Valley (that one is pretty old, so maybe you missed it?). My mother-in-law loves them too, and if a new one comes out she’s ON IT, but I think she hasn’t found a new one in a couple of months. Did you watch Mastermind? A bit different, but in the same vein.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s the other one. Happy valley.

          • Vienna Woods

            I tried Happy Valley, but when bad guy headed back to the basement I called it quits, much as I did when Sansa was headed to Winterfell. Some things I cannot handle.

          • Catstro

            Yeah I usually recommend that one with reservations. It just seems like it would be more triggering than any of the other (also frequently sexually violent) detective shows.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            It was River and there’s one with a middle aged lady cop – the first episode is a guy trying to set himself on fire…I forget.

        • Catstro

          Mopey sad depressing cop shows are my shiiiiiiit, but I haven’t checked out Wallender yet. The only one I haven’t enjoyed was The River because I hate ghostal nonsense.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i hated River.

            But yeah, you’d dig this

          • Catstro

            Excellent, we’ll put it on the list. We have several Bob’s Burgers and some Broad Cities to use as palate cleansers after (always important).

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oooh, are there new BB and BC episodes on netflix?

          • Catstro

            No, we’re ponying up for them on iTunes, since they’re our favorites and we don’t want to wait.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah…your other option is the Huluz. 8 or 10 bucks a month to get Bobs Burgers, Broad City, Brooklyn Nine Nine, simpsons, and others.

          • Catstro

            Oh duh that’s actually how we’re doing it this time. Last season we did iTunes but I forgot we’re doing Hulu now because of a couple of shows the kiddo digs. They were available on YouTube but we have a strict no YouTube policy for her (parental controls aren’t great and some REALLY fucked up shit falls through the cracks), so we rolled our eyes and subscribed, and now we’re glad we did. Anyway, yep about halfway through the new season of BC and I’m guessing the BB Thanksgiving episode is coming up next and we always look forward to that.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye, their halloween ones are fun too. (Brooklyn 99 has a fun halloween episode every year too).

    • SisterArtemis

      wait till you get to the last episode or two…

  • dslindc

    Jim Hoft is totally a poopyhead

  • Christopher Story

    Because I always take someone more seriously when they type in all caps.

    • SDGeoff3

      They always attract my attention. These are the people who pull up to the house on date night and blow the horn.

    • proudgrampa

      WHAT?

  • FlemmishSpy

    Spanx are the true reason Jeebus had so many followers.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The spirit is willing but the flesh needs support…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Spare the Spanx and spoil the child.

    • SisterArtemis

      Carpenters are known for being very toned

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I can vouch for that My first husband was a carpenter.

    • schmannity

      Makes you feel like you can walk on water
      –JC

  • clairence

    Ugh. What good is the internet if I can’t worry and panic at the things that show up on my screen?
    Another day ruined. RUINED, I say!

  • Suttree

    It must be time for Wonkette to have another post on guns, ‘bortion breakfasts, or Alex Jones. I haven’t seen any truly idiotic people lately.

  • I know where my towel is. I never panic

    • rosenbomb

      No cold, naked walks to the cupboard for you?

      • Nope. I even have slippers that are the dust devils from My Neighbour Totoro

        • janecita

          I’m sort of obsessed with Studio Ghibli movies, I’ve a Totoro decal on my car.

          • rosenbomb

            I’ve been on a big Studio Ghibli music kick lately. Spirited Away is still my favorite!

          • janecita

            Mine too, Howl’s Moving Castle is a close second.

          • H0mer0

            I have a sparkly mystical feeling when I think about them.

          • Werewolf

            Had a nice bonding experience with my stepdaughter a few months ago-took her to see Spirited Away at the Alamo Drafthouse.

          • rosenbomb

            I hope that becomes a sweet memory for the both of you :)

    • FlemmishSpy

      I’d rather listen to Vogon poetry than the twidiot.

    • janecita
    • SisterArtemis

      Shortly after I finished HGTTG, I found a microfiber towel-and-washcloth set at the triple-A store, real cheap. Both fold up tiny and fit in my toiletries bag, and THEREFORE!!!! I always have mine with me. Proud moment for this admittedly-not-avid-fan of the Towel Movement.

      • Guest Liberal

        Gimme Egyptian cotton. Though, those microfiber jobs are great for backpacking.

  • Jackie Jackstein FTW

    I’ve seen that same badly photoshopped meme before. Yesterday, on the FB non comment section of Politico. Strange, huh?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT: somebody brought up the fact that some religious nut was a-feared of unix daemons the other day.

    https://twitter.com/nixcraft/status/932295798066311168

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “I smite thee”

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      /sudu
      /remove r/ demons

      I don’t know unix – somebody make that funny.

      • Arolpin

        ~ DoST$ /sudo bash
        bash-3.2# kill -9 $demons
        bash-3.2# rm -rf ./demons

        • FlemmishSpy

          rm -rf /

          • Arolpin

            That may have other, unintended consequences. But feel free to give it a try. :) (I encourage my competition to do this, as is written in NANOG.)

    • Bill D. Burger
  • Bad Tom

    But, why did “Tony” feel the need to remind Jesus Christ of what JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD does or does not like? He did CC Him on the email, also too.

    Perhaps the capitalization is significant, like on Linux.

    IS THIS EVIDENCE THAT THE UNIVERSE IS JUST A COMPUTER SIMULATION, LIKE THEY SAID AT THAT TED TALK LAST YEAR??!?
    ——-
    I just hope God keeps his anti-virus up-to-date.

  • folderol

    If I had a hammer,
    I ban ’em in the morning
    I ban ’em in the evening
    All over Disqus!
    I’d ban ’em for capslocks!
    I’d ban ’em for Jee-ee–zus!
    I’d ban ’em for republicunts
    and democraps
    All over Disqus!

    If I had a talk show
    I’d spittle-rant all morning
    I’d spittle-rant all evening
    On the AM band!
    I’d rant about Clinton
    I’d rant about pee-ee-dos
    I’d rant about news that’s fake
    For Putin’s sake
    On the AM band!

    If I had a theory
    I’d tweet it in the morning
    I’d tweet it in the evening
    All over the Net
    It would be about chem trails
    It would be about FEE-EE-MA!
    It would be about the photoshopped
    proof I got
    All over the Net

    Now back to my Breitbart
    Now back to my Limbaugh
    Now back to my Fox News
    And none of your lies!
    Don’t need to be thinkin’
    Just need to be free-ee-akin’
    About the climate hoax
    And President jokes
    All over this land!

    • SDGeoff3

      Lol, very nice!

    • yyyaz
    • Lascauxcaveman

      …news that’s fake / for Putin’s sake…

      …the photoshopped / proof I got

      You’re really good at this, you know? I can just hear this being performed by Peter, Paul & Mary. Too bad Mary Travers is dead.

      OR IS SHE?!?

      • folderol

        1) thank you
        2) Mary is with Paul McCartney (the other Paul)
        3) I am available for birthday parties (today I will be performing at my own). I do balloons, also. No animal figures, just balloons.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The insertion of Mary Travers’ third syllable “ee” thing is a particularly nice touch.

  • SDGeoff3

    I have been getting the dreaded Red Stripe lately, but it doesn’t say I’m banned. It just stops my comment.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Red badge of courage?

      • SDGeoff3

        I have no idea!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Check your internet connection, because we’re not taking the rap for this.”
      — Disqus

    • schmannity

      Wow. If I got a beer every time I commented.

      • SDGeoff3

        I know! Pretty good racket, eh?

    • rosenbomb
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        that’s where my head went to first too.

      • The Wanderer

        IT’S BEER! YAY, BEER!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          It’s not very good beer. But, if it were the only beer in the world, it would be the best.

      • Bobathonic

        Jamaican me crazy!

      • (((Aron)))

        Hooray, beer!

        • CriticalDragon1177

          Just what you need to kill enough brain cells to make Trump appear to be doing a good job as president!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            as archer once said, “the amount of booze to do taht would kill me.”

          • Bad Tom

            You’re going to need more than the one bottle for that.

          • (((Aron)))

            Hooray!

    • Iam Reading

      Red Stripe, it’s Jamaican, mon

      • SDGeoff3

        Jamaica nuff money to buy a round for the WonkHouse?

      • SDGeoff3

        Jamaica ‘nuff to buy a round for the house?

        • Iam Reading

          I’ll buy 2 for I and I .

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dear MC,
    Fuck off.
    Best Regards,
    God.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Certified Jailhouse Lawyers have to complete a behind bars exam…

    • FlemmishSpy

      Behind bars is where Roy Moore likes to drive his “dates”.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Bill D. Burger

    If we can’t comment, how can we be banned? Duh!

    https://thedrinkinghat.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/charlie-sheen-duh21.jpg

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      No comment.

      • efoveks

        Is this because you can’t or because you won’t?

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          yes

    • janecita

      Tiger blood doesn’t agree with him. He looks like shit.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Should have pasteurized that stuff.

      • DT

        He was AIDSing out right here.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    h/t for the reference to a sorely underrated Taj Mahal classic.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOFjddWHg-s

    • WilbyToad

      What a pairing.

    • FlemmishSpy

      A wile back a DJ on my favorite radio station (KFJC, blessings be upon them) played an astonishing number of artists performing The Cuckoo , wrapped up, of course, by Taj Mahal knocking it out of the park.

      • WilbyToad

        KFJC is legend. I also give KALX across the bay kudos for upping their game.

  • mancityRed6

    who the hell is Tammy?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Melissa McCarthy?

      http://78.media.tumblr.com/0db3fe64f0fb80b9b1c702bb94c70748/tumblr_n7mtnxnoOK1tc3xndo1_500.gif

      (*Debbie Reynolds was also/too, but she was a tad more demure.)

    • efoveks

      Tammy Faye Baker’s ghost??

    • Mr. Blobfish
      • Everrett Fanuelli

        AND DANCE!

      • Catstro

        I’m not gonna spread for no…roses
        (This is one of my top 10 KITH sketches)

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        sometimes I think the harsh canadian winters do something to the brains of “those people.”

        • Vienna Woods

          Makes us kind and welcoming?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            y’all are kind and welcoming cause it’s frickin’ cold outside and you’d invite Ed Gein into your homes if it meant being in the heat.

            ; p

          • sarafina

            You say that like it’s a bad thing.

        • Darlene Underdahl

          Charlie Shultz, Gary Larson, Berke Breathed, Jerry Van Amerongen, they all spent time in cold states.

        • yyyaz

          Spend a couple hours in Yuma, AZ sometime. Cold preserves neurons, heat destroys them.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’ve spent most of my irish ass live in the desert. I know!

          • yyyaz

            Not in Yuma. Texas is hot, but Yuma is like the Twilight Zone because of the aberrant behavior that passes for normal there.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah! fair enough – the people here seem mostly unaffected….south fucking florida in summer on the other hand.

            supposedly every summer they see a spike in violence.

      • Vienna Woods

        I was in a high school play with Scott Thompson!

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Get out!

          • Vienna Woods

            True story: his nickname was Scooter.

          • Catstro

            This makes your story 100% believable (no snark)

  • bbayliss

    I got banned at Raw Story for posting the office numbers of members of congress.
    I suppose I should not have been surprised considering the salacious headlines and poor editing.
    What was surprising is that they made it very difficult to be reinstated, cunts. (In the Australian sense).

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I got banned from Raw Story during the primaries for pointing out that the stories being spread by Russian trolls about Clinton (usually these trolls were posing as Sanders supporters) were false and posting evidence they were false. Fuck them.

      • bbayliss

        Double fuck them. cunts (in the australian sense).

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          I attracted the moderators’ attention, first, by pointing out the entities posting were posting mostly pro-Putin things on European news stories and basically copy-pasta Kremlin talking points and had twitter accounts where they followed Russian news sites.

          From there, they were looking for an excuse to perma-ban me.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            FWIW, I get no satisfaction from that fact that subsequently, wider reporting of election interference has largely vindicated me. I just note that rawstory must have either cared way more about page hits than election integrity, or their moderators were paralyzed by obtuse ignorance and “both siderism”.

            Whichever? They’re no better than facebook, instagram, etc. They were either willingly complicit or useful idiots.

            I did notice that there were a couple of attempts at Russian infiltration here, but they were quickly rebuffed for the most part (though some Berniebros were more than happy to parrot Kremlin talking points), and the decision to do away with ads might have removed micro-targeting info the persona operators rely on.

          • bbayliss

            god knows what’s going on there. I’ll guarantee you they’ll be the first to be compared to breitbart under bothsiderism, if they haven’t already.

        • Tania

          You know you are Aussie when you get called a stupid c-bomb and you take no offense with the latter but no one calls me stupid. The joy of multiculturalism is I an swear in a few different languages.

    • Suttree

      WTF? Those are public.

      • SayItWithWookies

        They probably have a program that flags anything like a phone number, which would be stupid, but not necessarily surprising.

        • bbayliss

          I told the moderator to fuck off.
          He took it personally.

          • sarafina

            What a snowflake.

      • bbayliss

        That was my argument.

    • Michael R
      • FlemmishSpy

        Shocking. Images like this are a staple here at wonket.

    • Nounverb911

      ! got banned from GAWKER for us!ng too many exclamat!on marks!!!!
      (Really)

    • (((Aron)))

      I was banned from RS for nearly a year. Finally got in touch with the editor. He fixed it for me.

      You might try the same?

      • bbayliss

        I did, but there a considerable number of hoops.

    • doktorzoom

      It would depend a lot on context; if someone were posting legislators’ office numbers to urge a vote, I’d be good with that, but if someone were urging people to just call and be jerks to the office staff, I might remove that. Ditto for doxing a business and inviting rude phone calls, even if the number’s public.

      But prolly no actual banhammering on a first offense.

      • SisterArtemis

        You are a wise and judicious banhammerer. Part of what keeps this out of control mob we like to call a comment section a relatively sane zone.

      • bbayliss

        It was during the health care bill. I always urged people calling to be brief and polite.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I never did get reinstated, or even an explanation for why I was banned, despite several emails.

      • bbayliss

        I didn’t give up, was extremely contrite, and made a good argument.
        It still took about 3 weeks.

    • janecita

      I got banned from The Democratic Underground. They didn’t like my anti, attack Syria stance. Back in the day, they all wanted Obama to bomb Syria.

  • Michael R
    • The Wanderer

      A spoof of 80s shows I might actually watch.

  • The Librarian

    If any of us non-commenters were GOP cunts, we wouldn’t be here non-commenting on how much we dislike Trump and his non-policies. Mr/Ms Fraud got one thing right, but it was washed out by the GOP cunts remark. No upvotes for being a Fraud.

  • Tracy

    That Uncle Sam praying to Jesus looks an awful lot like Hulk Hogan.

    • Guest Liberal

      His little Jesu-maniacs are running Congress.

      • (((Aron)))

        Whatchu gonna do when UncleSamania runs all over you, brother?

  • Guest Liberal

    Thanks for that. Cunt is one of my favorite words.

  • janecita

    OT, hell must be having to listen to Jeff Sessions speak for all eternity.

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      Dinner and a show with Sessions, Trump, Shkreli, and Sarah Palin. Sober.

      • janecita

        I’ve never being happier to be an atheist!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I just want to know why Uncle Sam is trying to peek up The LORD’s miniskirt.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      This is why we have the separation of Church and State, to keep Uncle Sam from making sexual advances to God. LOL!

  • Ricky Gay

    I’m a republican? Gah! I need a shower to clean my cunt. :(

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      If you’ve caught Republican down there, better go straight for the Lysol.

      • bbayliss

        Cornstarch ain’t gonna cut it.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Now I lay me down to sleep
    And I pray my soul to keep.
    Should I die before I wake
    I will kick God in the motherfucking nuts/ovaries for the following:
    – Liddle’ Babby Donnie
    – my neighbor who refuses to separate trash from recycling
    – Hitler

    • Guest Liberal

      If you meet Buddha on the road…

    • janecita

      Bush, Reagan, Torquemada, Columbus….

  • janecita

    OT, Steve Mnuchin’s wife needs to lay off the plastic surgery, her face looks terrible.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    “NarCONonFraud” actually did us a service by setting the record straight. But he didn’t have to call Dok a fucking Republican cunt. That’s just hurtful.

  • bbayliss

    What the fuck is Hugh Hewitt doing on my television?

    • TundraGrifter

      Pretending to be a rational Regressive, I’m sure.

      • proudgrampa

        I like that.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Once we establish the Republic of California, I intend to make it my one mission in life to have him declared persona non grata and forcibly removed from CalNation.

    • doktorzoom

      The backstroke?

      • Resistor Radio

        Well, I don’t want to watch him stroke his front!

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        Don’t forget to tip your servers, folks!

    • Ωbjectifier
      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Intercourse the penguin!

    • Arolpin

      Balancing amazingly well for someone so old, fat, stupid, and unbalanced?

    • WilbyToad

      Maybe it’s time for him to explode.

      https://youtu.be/EyFxXdqtGNk

      • Parakeetist

        Best scene ever

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I think he’s molting.

    • bbayliss

      He accepts “preponderance of evidence” for Moore while using the same argument for Franken.

    • bbayliss

      Howard Dean dares introduce the concept of context.

    • SnowBomber

      The shape of his mouth irritates me.

  • TundraGrifter

    Does anyone else remember a website that monitored Faux News, and every so often they would post the crackpot emails they received from fools who thought they were sending an email to the “real” Faux News?

    Dok’s Sunday Post reminded me of that, but the details are now hazy. Ah, the booze…Dodge City isn’t what it used to be…Tombstone isn’t either…The OK Corral is a damn ice cream parlor!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      do you mean newshounds?

      • WeaselPoo

        You are correct.

      • TundraGrifter

        Thank you! That was it!

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Never mind that at the time Barrack Obama was president the allegations against Bill Cosby hadn’t even come to light yet, and who are the other two people besides Bill Clinton? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8fb723f461383b4774ac6535f27f9cb74a01008160d13c6b1354cd7bfff1dc4f.jpg

  • Daniel

    Eric’s fighting to get that “stupidest Trump” title back.

    “The Russia thing is a total sham!” he exclaimed. “It’s total nonsense. There is zero collusion with Russia.”

    Eric Trump then quickly pivoted to the dubious Uranium One case against Clinton.

    “To me, it’s such a travesty that that’s not being investigated because there is something there and it smells and it looks horrible,” he opined. “It’s horrible what happened and you see all the other bad facts. And you at least know the 33,000 emails and every thing else, the fact that they will look into nonsense, something that didn’t happen, and that they will go on tangents for weeks and weeks about nonsense emails [between the Trump campaign and Wikileaks] and other things, but they won’t look into hardcore facts.”

    “It’s really a travesty,” he repeated. “It’s unfair to this nation.”

  • WeaselPoo

    Eric the chromosome-deficient Trump on Fox News Sunday says Trump Russia investigation a sham; no Hillary Uranium investigation is a travesty.
    Why is Eric being trotted out at this point, when Sessions just recently admitted the Hillary Uranium bullshit was too obviously bullshit to Benghazify?
    Have the Trumps and Fox got wind of some impending Mueller action? Or is his appearance just filler of the usual sort?

  • Mary Theresa
    • bbayliss

      I believe most people will agree that you should be “left in jail”

    • Resistor Radio

      Dude. How topical.

    • Daniel

      It’s weird that he and his followers believe that there is no onus on the President to try and defend the citizens of their country.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        MAGA by leaving our citizens to rot in foreign jails! – Honest DJT

        • efoveks

          Well, they weren’t grateful enough to get sprung.? I hear that’s the new standard.

      • gene108

        Only some people in this country are worthy of being citizens. If they could recreate apartheid South Africa here they would.

        • Nockular cavity

          Oh, they’re working on it.

          • sarafina

            Harder than they are working on anything else.

      • jesterpunk

        Remember when they complained Obama didnt try and rescue Bergdahl and how he didnt do anything about the Marine who smuggled guns into Mexico?

        • Cosmic Owl

          Until Obama got Bergdahl free, then the enitre right wing had an immense litter of kittens. I’m talking kittens EVERYWHERE.

          When a few started birthing cows, shit really got out of hand.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i rememeber the Bergdahl shift – it swung over fucking night.

            one of my h.s. friends who’s gone right wing did it too.

          • Cosmic Owl

            Did you get some kittens, at least?!

          • gene108

            I am not amazed that right-wing media can turn on a dime, from what they are saying one day to the next. What amazes me is their viewers turn at the exact same time, without ever thinking, they were saying something different yesterday.

          • Cosmic Owl

            What is interesting to me is how they shout and whine endlessly (yes still) about what a liar Hillary is, because sniper fire and uranium, yet ignore the fact their moron president lies his face off every 5 minutes.

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah Fox and republicans where screaming about how Obama hated the troops and the second he was released they where screaming how Obama supports terrorists. It happened within a few minutes too which made it even more amazing how they all collectively ignored their previous statements and pretended it never happened.

          • sarafina

            They do that a lot.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Roy Moore has said that freedom of religion ONLY applies to Christians. I’m not kidding. He’s said this…out loud.

        • Daniel

          I’ve said it several times now, but the sexual assault allegations were not necessary to prove Roy Moore is entirely unsuited to high office.

          • puredog

            To be sure, but there were/are many who needed extra persuasion.

        • Cosmic Owl

          Molester Moore wants a Sharia Law state, but with Christian Law as his hammer.

          • sarafina

            Yes, the Christian Taliban scares me more than the Moslem Taliban.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Me too, since the CT is basically in the process of taking all power here, while the MT is largely confined to foreign countries. They may be horrible but they don’t own all three major branches of government.

          • sarafina

            No joke.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      fucking asshole – (and last week he said what he did was ask the president of china to look into it0.

      asshole.

    • gene108

      And with that Tweet, Trump became Presidential.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        President Duterte?

    • efoveks

      Awww. Poor Donnie 2-scoops. My sad face here: :S Yah, who’m I kidding? This is funny, and I am laughing. :D

    • Michael R

      ” I give and I give and I never get ANYTHING !!! “

      • Cosmic Owl

        And this is the thanks I get?!

      • schmannity

        It’s like The Giving Tree only Hemlock.

    • Cosmic Owl

      There’s the fucking moron we all know and despise.

      • Mary Theresa

        Yeah, he laid low there for 24 hrs.

        • Cosmic Owl

          Restraint is yet another word the fucking moron is unfamliar with.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’d like to restrain him, with a fitted ball-gag.

        • puredog

          Probably jet-lagged.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Says the ultimate thief and grifter.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Considering all the nasty financial shit Trump has pulled in his putrid time on earth, shoplifting does pale in comparison.

    • jesterpunk
      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Only an asshole like Trump would force me to take sides with an asshole like Lavar Ball

        • Arolpin

          The only part that confuses me is that I just naturally assumed that LaVar Bell would be a Trumpista. I guess attention-sucking gasbags don’t do professional courtesy.

      • bupkus231

        Gee – I wonder if Rump knows that this Marine has been in and out of trouble a few times since that incident ( for minor offenses, but… )

        Mar 2015
        Apr 2016

    • YayConspiracy

      What about treason, Donny? Does that qualify for jail time?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The story all Trump supporters love – black people are inherently criminal, Trump is NOT a racist because he helped American citizens who are black get out of jail, the blacks are totally ungrateful (as usual!).

      NOTE: the 3 basketball playing students DID thank him, but of course that’s never enough.

      • Cosmic Owl

        It’s classic racism.

        ‘I did a thing for you, now you, black person, must be grateful to all pale faced people into perpetuity. And your family. And your friends. Heck, all black people, because I, the magnificent Trump, did a thing and you were a bit UNGRATEFUL!’

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          That’s the funny thing – the students DID thank him (for doing his JOB).

    • WilbyToad

      Any other President in history would have been thanked, so think about it , Donald. The reason is simple: You’re an unbearably obnoxious ass.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I figured that putting Donnie Two Scoops and LaVar Ball together would lead to an explosion.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Does anyone have an IQ45-English translation handy? I’ve given up trying to parse his tweets without one, and I threw mine into the fire in frustration last week.

    • Resistor Radio

      I approve of his penis, I mean phoenix, avi.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Dear NarCONonFraud, you are, in the British sense of the word, a cunt.

    Have a great day!

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    While I truly resent being tagged as a Rethuglican, I be damned if I can find a cunt on my person, what with being a male type guy. All all Redumlicans supplied with cunts, even Mitch McConnell. Eww. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

    • efoveks

      Do you have an innie or an outtie.? People are often confused about their body parts.

      • Cosmic Owl

        It’s the small things, like navels and tail bones that cause such confusions.

      • Catstro

        My favorite story EVER about someone being confused about their body part. It involves Sir Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, and Graham Norton.
        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GFipAtefUWw

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          damn you! I have stuff to do and I fucking love graham norton clips.

          (shakes fist)
          DAAAAMNNNNNN YOOOOUUUUUU!

    • sarafina

      It is the Brits screwing up the world some more – although language is often less damaging than bullets.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Speaking of hilarious stupidity, a friend showed me this….
    https://twitter.com/KitsuneAlicia/status/932109609745096707

    • FlemmishSpy

      The sun never sets on the Flat Earth Society.

      • Cosmic Owl

        It just goes to sleep.

        • CriticalDragon1177

          And it gets eaten by a monster every time there’s a solar eclipse

          • Frances

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !fy304d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeCashJobsOrganicOpportunity/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fy304lh

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL….that’s some winning derp there.

    • jesterpunk
      • CriticalDragon1177

        And if people from around the world manage to get there, the way they will get there will debunk the conference itself, as soon as they get there.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Never, ever forget the power of denial. I’m sure there will be discussion groups on just how big the four elephants are and in which direction the great A’tuin is heading.

          • Inconstant Reader

            FIFTH ELEPHANT LIBELZ!

      • Catstro

        In Raleigh! I’m actually offended. I know it’s The South, but we have so much science and technology concentrated here. OTOH, it gives a lot of opportunities for IRL trolling.

        • Cosmic Owl

          The GOP of North Carolina has been busy fucking up the state.

          It’s pretty much what the GOP wants all the states to go through.

          • Catstro

            We’re still not fucked enough to deserve a flat earther conference

          • coozledad

            They ought to move it to Roxboro. They could have it catered by The Open Kettle.
            “…home cooked, made while you wait food. Not great food but edible”

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      That’s ‘globe’ in the flat sense of course.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Which is a contradiction, since a globe by definition is not flat.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Do you think a Flat Earther will be dissuaded by a silly little thing like a huge contradiction? Also, too, if you step on a globe, it tends to become rather flattish. Waste of a good globe though.

    • SayItWithWookies

      IFLScience had an article up about a Flat Earther convention in Charlotte NC (a great place for charlatans to convene, IMO) and I had two observations. First is that in the first video blurb there’s a semi-celebrity from my hometown — Happy the Clown.

      Second is that with their world map as it is, Antarctica is around the circumference of the earth. This led me to realize that there’s a very simple test of the flat earth theory, which would be to circumnavigate Antarctica. If its circumference is equal to the circumference of the earth (i.e about. 23,000 miles) then clearly this bolsters their theory. If it’s more like what regular science presumes it is (I’m just guessing it’s about 5,000 miles or so) then clearly their theory is wrong. Not that they seem intent on testing this idea.

      • folderol

        Well, you see, you can’t actually test the theory because Antarctica is patrolled by 10,000 UN boats that prevent anyone from getting near. It’s true!
        https://steemit.com/flatearth/@kerriknox/debunking-the-antarctic-treaty-part-2-of-4-the-flat-earth-antarctica-conspiracy

        • CriticalDragon1177

          Yes because the UN would “obviously” go through all that trouble just to hide the fact that we don’t live on a sphere, for um, “reasons.”

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          UN my ass. Those are Tralfammadorian boats armed with disintegration lasers. The continent holds several alien military bases.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Oh, yeah! The Tralfamdorians. I’d forgotten about them. Which is exactly how they planned it, isn’t it?

      • Swampay

        “Testing their theory” does not seem to be in their definition of science.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Actually I’m a Bizzaro Earth person myself. We have GREAT conventions because we’re a bunch of lunatics and we know it and don’t care.
      https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/e/e9/Bizarro_World_002.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160708193348

      • CriticalDragon1177

        LOL!

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • BosGrl

      Now stronger!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Soaks up those dirty messes.

    • Guest Liberal

      Removes those ugly misogyny stains circling the drain..

    • OutOfOrbit

      it looks abrasive from here

    • Msgr_MΩment

      What color? Pussy color?

    • Daniel

      Interestingly enough, in Scotland these are rebranded as Señor Coñoez.

  • bubbuhh

    Jim Hoft is a poopyhead. Just checking. ^_~

  • schmannity

    My comment was deleted by Gateway Pundit this week. I guess I’m not trying hard enough.

    • CriticalDragon1177

      Actually getting deleted by Gateway Pundit is a good sign!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i got bounced on my one and only trip over the day of Cville – they had already started with the “he’s antifa” “a liberal”, “false flag” crap.

        • sarafina

          QUITTER!!@!!21@!@!213!!!#@!!!!11111!

  • Blender_415

    Oh shit, that reminds me – 2017 is almost over, and I haven’t been banned (again) from Gateway Pundit. brb.

    • sarafina

      I applaud your integrity and strong work ethic.

    • SDGeoff3

      Get to work, you!

  • Mary Theresa

    Okay, hubby knows nothing about twitter. He’s laughing hysterically in the other room. So I go to check to see what’s funny. He reads this statement to me.

    Moores accusers were enabled to come forward due to the pound me too campaign. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the ways of twitter.

    • The Wanderer

      (laughs maniacally)

    • Khavrinen

      As someone who is officially “A Old”, I usually get it the other way around — running into young people who are absolutely astounded to discover that the “#” symbol was actually around before Twitter existed!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        speaking of which – when did it go from the pound sign to a hashtag? AND WHY?

        • sarafina

          Probably when Twitter got popular.

        • SDGeoff3

          I have always heard #=hashtag or hash mark.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            you must be younger than me, then.

            : D

          • SDGeoff3

            The first I heard it referred to as anything was “that cross sign.” My dad said, hashmark. Pound sign came in when the phone got involved in messaging, and now we have hashtag again. I just started my Medicare physical, thanks very much. ; )
            Aren’t you supposed to be studying torts or something sweet like that?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol…no no no. No more school or work crap. I’m watching tv, napping, and taking a break.

            My mind has been rebelling against me…refusing to make sense of the words.

            (Also too, I is an older student. i want to groan every time a professor says, “you all are probably too young ot remember…” and what follows is something I remember perfectly fucking well from my mid-20s thank you very much!

          • SDGeoff3

            I sit through workshops sometimes at which the presenter will say something like that, I always have a wisecrack to let loose.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          According to this article, it was invented by a Google designer.
          http://www.businessinsider.com/chris-messina-talks-about-inventing-the-hashtag-on-twitter-2013-11

        • Jamoche

          Places where £ is a pound sigh called it a hash.

        • Sunhead

          Outside the US in the Britain-o-sphere # was ‘hash’ or ‘number’ and not pound. I was ever confused reading recipes from the USA that talked about number 1 butter or number 2 meat.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    It is Sunday and the Jeebuuz propaganda cartoon in the column made me wonder: How many photos like this of DotardUS would we be able to find on the interwebs. Nada? None?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/305a8600b142d2207583c0975c81766aad361f93ee5c84a567c543fc4ec548f5.jpg

    • CriticalDragon1177

      What!? Hillary is a Christian!? That’s “not” possible. She’s prove choice and doesn’t want to lock up the gays! No “good Christian” doesn’t want to impose “God’s word” on the masses. Hillary Clinton is a Satanic, Lesbian, Communist, Muslim, Space Lizard, just like Obama! ;)

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Big Foot, space aliens, Bernie Sanders Democrat, Christian Trump. Unseen, unproven. Devoutly accepted by millions of American loons.

        • CriticalDragon1177

          How exactly is Bernie Sanders not a Democrat? He is a registered Democrat, and if not for Hillary, at the very least he could have been the the Democratic nominee.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Bernie is a Democratic Socialist; the Democratic party is not

          • SisterArtemis

            He’s not a democrat; he signed on long enough to run for nomination, then quit again.

          • SDGeoff3

            Bernie got me to leave the Greens, and I and plenty of others, after ultimately voting for Mrs Clinton with a smile, will be staying.

          • Sigh

            Your principles changed?

          • SDGeoff3

            You’re going to keep this up, aren’t you? Take your fucking attitude and swallow.

          • Sigh

            Get bent.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            “Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) said Tuesday night that he still does not consider himself a Democrat despite taking part in a Democratic National Committee (DNC) unity tour with the party’s new chairman, Tom Perez.

            “No, I’m an Independent,” Sanders said when asked by MSNBC’s Chris Hayes whether he now identifies as a Democrat.”

            QED

            http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/329418-sanders-i-do-not-consider-myself-a-democrat

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I was rather shocked to find that someone I had known for years (in a volunteer organization) believed in ancient aliens. They are among us!

          • OrdinaryJoe

            My favorite uncle, who I loved dearly, to his dying day would tell you:
            1. Aliens were recovered at Roswell
            2. The Warren Commission was a coverup for a hit by LBJ henchmen
            3. The moon landing was staged at a television studio in Arizona

          • Old Nick

            On our road trip, we saw caravans of large RVs with the same wavy line (hypnotic!!!!) pattern . Clearly aliens headed to the breeding grounds at a secret site in Utah. Some were even towing their embryonic young disguised as trailers (BUT WITH THE SAME HYPNOTIC WAVY LINES!!!!) We had lots of foil and so were not detected detecting them. Our road trips are scary but lots of fun.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Only white descendants of slaveowners can be actual Christians!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’m pretty sure God keeps her email address tightly limited to a close circle of professional associates and friends.

    • Cosmic Owl

      She can’t give it out to some guy, after all.

      • Shan

        They might send her a…

        Wait, those flyboys already did.

        • sarafina

          I’m sure She was amused.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      From your lips to God’s inbox.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      All “pastors” supporting Roy Moore are right out.

      • puredog

        Even the tacos all pastors?

    • CriticalDragon1177

      You mean Pat Robertson and Bryan Fischer? ;)

    • SisterArtemis

      because of this, probably (embiggen in another window to read, if needed)
      http://www.wiggler.gr/wp-content/god_inbox_mac.jpg?

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Ok , I larfed.

      • Shan

        Ha! The desktop!!

        • SisterArtemis

          I know…. “Ethel Merman”….”Best of George Burns”….

      • Villago Delenda Est

        best of george burns.wmv

    • puredog

      Not on LinkedIn, you say? Sheesh. How are we ever to FIND God, then?

  • Eric always reminds of King Charles II of Spain. The end of the royal line due to profound feeble mindedness and majorly fucked up genetic defects, all thanks to the Magic of Inbreeding.

    They say when he died his organs were so weak they dissolved into a sort of soup. Seems about right.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba89491dd76f3d1bc2386f64d885ca1d71fd93bb3d48975958b75497fb0e821e.jpg

    I get a sparkle in my eye when we talk about redoing a property soup-to-nuts.
    Eric Trump

    • Daniel

      Psst- that’s Charles II.

    • The Wanderer

      Carlos II had to have people pre-chew his food for him, thanks to that prognathous Habsburg chin of his.

      • Daniel

        And the fact that his family was part songbird.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Ew. Couldn’t they just use a mortar & pestle?

        • Daniel

          They tried, but getting them to lisp convincingly was really tricky.

          Alternatively:
          they only had one, and only lies came out of it- because it was the flagon with the dragon that contained the brew which was true.

          • The Wanderer

            I award thee two upfists and an internet.

        • The Wanderer

          Never occurred to them. Besides, why use a machine when you have people standing about unemployed?

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Rather like a Lord of the Bedchamber – SOMEONE has to wipe the King’s butt.

          • Daniel
  • Is God a .com, a .org, or a .gov?

    • WilbyToad

      Please, never a .gov

    • Bad Tom

      Doesn’t God get his own TL domain? I mean, God.

      God@god.god

      Yeah, yeah. That’s the ticket. Uh, address.

    • Master Contrail Program

      You’d think the Great Hereafter would get it’s own suffix, but .ru probably works for most wimgnuts.

    • The Wanderer

      .xxx

    • SisterArtemis

      I don’t know, but if you’re a faceborg person, God has a bitchin’ facebook feed:
      https://www.facebook.com/TheGoodLordAbove/?ref=br_rs

    • yyyaz

      .biz

    • Shan

      .ca

    • OppressedMass

      .edu of course – and you BETTER LEARN, kid, or hell awaits.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      I send prayer requests to info@jesus.brb

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      (it’s .god) but don’t tell the fundies. She really hates those guys.

    • guppy06

      .ru

  • canes_pugnaces
    • CriticalDragon1177

      Yes, because if money could buy those things, the Trump family would have them in abundance.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      pssst. Hey fella. I know where I can get you some good tax deduction on your personal jet.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    to AMERICA, GOD, God, Jesus, Soldier, Christians, Abortion, Democrats, Ministers, Obama, Obama, Sean, Tammy,

    So many questions. Why does GOD need an email address? And why is Tammy on this list? She’s such a bitch.

    • Daniel

      What would God want with an email?

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        He can read it from his starship, I suppose

      • Bad Tom

        Easier to deal with than FedEx.

      • Swampgas_Man

        EDIT–should’ve read further.

    • Master Contrail Program

      And which two Obamas?

      • Khavrinen

        Sounds like an impressive law firm:

        Obama, Obama, and Sean.

        • puredog

          A firm riven by internal strife.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And… did Tony expect Abortion to respond?

    • Master Contrail Program

      What if God was one of us?
      Getting trolled by the wingnuts?
      Get blocked by Disqus.
      In his happy Wonky home.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Is God GOD’s little brother?

  • BadKitty904

    In re: Tony – I’m always impressed by how badly Republicans suck at Photoshopping…

    • lowenufc

      It would mean going to Asian markets for those exotic ingredients.

      • Daniel

        They hate being reminded of Vietnam.

      • BadKitty904

        I doubt the GOP has ever even heard of “lemongrass”.

        • lowenufc

          And think of how blown their minds are by rice noodles.
          Is it rice, or noodles? Can’t be both.

          • BadKitty904

            Unpossible!

        • Crank Tango

          If it’s anything like a lemon party, they are familiar with it.

          • BadKitty904

            You mean my lawn would smell lemony-fresh?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    We Were CC’d On An Email To GOD!

    And she’s
    Buy-uy-ing
    An email chain
    To Heaven

  • canes_pugnaces
  • Me The People
  • jesterpunk

    There are some teachers who actually do stuff like this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZH6-hz4WuG8

    • Simple enough!

      Let’s rock.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Heh. I used to wear my bass that low, back in my band days. I guess me and Bob just have really long arms.

      • jesterpunk

        I wear my guitars that low because its comfortable, I can’t wear it high up like some people do.

  • Scenes from Zimbabwe that must soon be copied by the USA
    https://twitter.com/elias_mambo/status/931958667909443584

    • guppy06

      I’m not down with a military coup, thanks.

  • Crank Tango

    Has anybody already shopped Trump and Moore into the predator award pics yet?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Very good article on how the right creates fake news stories from Rolling Stone magazine:
    “Welch’s (armed Comet Ping Pong idiot) arrest was the culmination of an election cycle dominated by fake news – and by attacks on the legitimate press. Several media outlets quickly traced the contours of what became known as Pizzagate: The claim that Hillary Clinton was a pedophile started in a Facebook post, spread to Twitter and then went viral with the help of far-right platforms like Breitbart and Info-Wars. But it was unclear whether Pizzagate was mass hysteria or the work of politicos with real resources and agendas. It took the better part of a year (and two teams of researchers) to sift through the digital trail. We found ordinary people, online activists, bots, foreign agents and domestic political operatives. Many of them were associates of the Trump campaign. Others had ties with Russia. Working together – though often unwittingly – they flourished in a new “post-truth” information ecosystem, a space where false claims are defended as absolute facts. What’s different about Pizzagate, says Samuel Woolley, a leading expert in computational propaganda, is it was “retweeted and picked up by some of the most powerful faces of American politics.””


    Paragraph about Macedonians creating pro-Trump websites for click bait…

    “Macedonians would’ve happily copied anti-Trump fake news too, he said. “Unfortunately, there weren’t any good U.S. pro-Clinton fake-news sites to copy and paste.”

    That was exactly how the right-wing-media ecosystem worked during the 2016 campaign, explains Yochai Benkler, who directs the Berkman-Klein Center for the Internet and Society at Harvard. After the election, he and his colleagues mapped about 2 million campaign-news stories. He found that far-right-media outlets were organized extremely tightly around Breitbart and, to a lesser degree, FoxNews.com. “The right paid attention to right-wing sites, and the more right-wing they were, the more attention they got,” Benkler says. More extreme sites would distort and exaggerate the claims, but they would use a “relatively- credible source” such as Breitbart as a validator. “Because they were repeated not only on the very far-fringe sites but also by sites that are at the center of this cluster, the right-wing disinformation circulated and amplified very quickly.” ”

    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/pizzagate-anatomy-of-a-fake-news-scandal-w511904

    • BosGrl

      Kindergarten and first grade: Critical thinking and common sense. The other stuff can wait a few years.

      • OutOfOrbit

        common sense isn’t really very common

        • bbayliss

          Common sense is the ability to observe and defend the idea that the earth is flat.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        But wait, there’s more! You truly have to be an actual MORON to believe this crap:
        “In April, Hagmann agreed to meet with me for a look at his “courtroom-ready” documents on Pizzagate. His split-level home in Erie, Pennsylvania, is on a quiet leafy street. In the front yard, there’s a small waterfall, a rock garden and a large sign warning that the place is under surveillance. He greeted me in the foyer wearing a suit and tie, his hair slicked back with Brylcreem, and led the way downstairs to his basement broadcast center.

        In October 2016, Hagmann claimed, he “communicated” with a friend who knows someone affiliated with the NYPD. The friend of the friend had been on the “task force” that secured Weiner’s computer and had copied documents onto a thumb drive “proving” Clinton and her associates were involved in pedophilia. “Now, I can’t get him to give me the thumb drive,” he said. “Or even admit to the fact that he had it.” When I asked how he knew the files existed, he said, “I trust my source.”

        Hagmann then launched into a synopsis of three decades of rumors that Clinton and her associates are lesbians and perverts. He started with the claims of Cathy O’Brien, a conspiracy theorist from Muskegon, Michigan, who alleged that while held as a CIA sex slave, she was forced to service Hillary Clinton. Hagmann moved on to Clinton’s “close” relationship with Weiner’s estranged wife, and the allegation that her campaign manager, John Podesta, and his brother Tony resemble sketches of the suspects in the 2007 disappearance of four-year-old Madeleine McCann in Portugal. “Sorry,” Hagmann stopped himself. “I know this case is difficult. Circumstantial.”

        When I asked if he had verified anything, Hagmann shuffled some papers, lifting one sheet by a corner, like a poker player. With apparent reluctance, he turned over a color copy of an image showing a clean, uninjured boy wearing a green T-shirt in a dog cage. The child could have been playing or held hostage. “That might be a disturbing image,” I said. “But I don’t see what it has to do with Hillary Clinton.” He shrugged. “You could say I have dog crap for answers and dog crap for sources,” he said, adding later, “I hope you don’t think this was a waste.”
        The following month, at Awaken to the Shakin’, a Bible conference in Gurnee, Illinois, Hagmann presented his evidence to an audience of about 40 middle-aged churchgoers. His courtroom-ready exhibits included the Wikipedia entry for “fake news,” the New Oxford Dictionary definition of “post-truth,” a quote by John Wayne, a photo of people sitting on a couch wearing horse masks, a photo of scars on the fingers of John Podesta. And the kicker – a photo of a decapitated body that Hagmann said was a victim of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and another of a sculpture by Louise Bourgeois in Tony Podesta’s home, ironically titled “The Arch of Hysteria.” The two images, he said, are shockingly similar.
        All the same, two days after Hagmann’s appearance on InfoWars, Erik Prince, the brother of Trump’s secretary of education, Betsy DeVos, “confirmed” that the terrible rumor was true in an interview on Breitbart. Prince is best known as the founder of the private military company Blackwater USA, whose mercenaries shot and killed 17 unarmed Iraqi civilians in Baghdad’s Nisour Square in 2007. He donated $250,000 to the Trump campaign and became an informal adviser on intelligence and security issues, traveling to the Seychelles during the transition to meet with a Kremlin associate in an attempt to create back-channel communications between Moscow and the president-elect. On Breitbart radio, Prince painted a picture sure to stir the far right. “Because of Weinergate and the sexting scandal, the NYPD started investigating,” he said. “They found a lot of other really damning criminal information, including money-laundering, including the fact that Hillary went to this sex island with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Bill Clinton went there more than 20 times. Hillary Clinton went there at least six times.”

        • BosGrl

          AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

          But this is the worst, because it drags a family in that’s already suffering and uses this child’s name for their purposes: “… the allegation that her campaign manager, John Podesta, and his brother Tony resemble sketches of the suspects in the 2007 disappearance of four-year-old Madeleine McCann in Portugal.”

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I know, I found that part really disturbing, too. Also, too, the fact that neither one of the Podestas was probably in Portugal at the time doesn’t matter to these idiots.

            If Clinton had been elected, I’m sure she would have had many assassination attempts, because the idiots who listen to Alex Jones and read Breitbart believe it’s the God’s honest truth that Hillary Clinton is raping and murdering children, like she’s a common Republican, or something.

            These are the same idiots who decry how partisan politics has become.

          • Shan

            But they don’t seem to mind that she’s still doing it, so long as she’s not doing it while elected?

          • calliecallie

            This is kind of OT, but since we’re talking about conspiracies…Has anyone else read about this hashtag followthewhiterabbit insanity? They think Trump is going to drain the swamp of Obama, Clinton, etc., etc. It’s truly nuts. Scary.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            These people really are deranged, and I have no clue when the fever is going to break. Jeff Flake said it was going to break soon, but I’m not sure I believe that.

        • phoenix00

          http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/not-mad-amazed.gif

          Christ lord that’s a heaping dung pile of mental illness crazy.

        • calliecallie

          “They found a lot of other really damning criminal information, including money-laundering…”

          Remember, it’s always projection with these guys.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Clinton is an actual lawyer, who is familiar with the law, so I’d be VERY surprised if she was involved in money laundering. Meanwhile, Trump is a greedy, dishonest, dolt, who has gotten away with a ton of dirty tricks his whole life. I really hope Mueller ends up indicting and arresting him (but in 3 years so we don’t have to have Pence as president).

          • calliecallie

            Mueller can take Pence and Ryan and Orrin Hatch down with him. Then Rexxon would have to go. I don’t know who’s after him?

            Elaine Chao? She’s a dead man! Neidermeyer? Dead! Are you with me? Who’s with me?

      • Shan

        I remember doing worksheet exercises in 2nd grade on facts and opinions and learning an important lesson: An opinion does not become a fact just because you agree with it.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Well, if you don’t believe that Hillary Clinton PERSONALLY raped, murdered, and chopped up children, because Erik Prince and Alex Jones said she did, well, I just can’t help you!
          “The right-wing-media system went into overdrive. Prince’s story was picked up and embellished by other right-wing outlets, and made its way back to InfoWars that afternoon. Citing Prince’s interview, Jones fumed, “When I think about all the children Hillary Clinton has personally murdered and chopped up and raped . . . yeah, you heard me right. Hillary Clinton has personally murdered children.” Jones’ video was viewed on YouTube more than 427,000 times. Prince’s interview was shared another 81,000 times. On Twitter, the numbers were increasing exponentially- – 300 percent in just six days.”

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          “FUCK FACTS!!”
          I’ll be a BAZILLIONAIRE when I sell t-shirts and coffee cups with that phrase on them.

          • Shan

            I like bumper stickers so I’ll do “MY OPINION CAN BEAT UP YOUR FACTS!”

        • You were properly conditioned!…sorry, I’m re-reading Brave New World.

        • bbayliss

          I remember an op-ed in the local paper sometime in the 60’s, 2 short biographies, one very positive the other negative, readers were asked to guess which was Hitler, which was Jesus. Everyone was wrong.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And that is what separates you from the current right-wingers.

          • Shan

            I also smoked a lot of pot starting from when I was a toddler and ending when most people start. .

            Who knows?

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            The ability to think “outside the box” is critical, regardless of how it came about. Logic was my favorite class in college.

          • Shan

            I took philosophy in HS and rolled my eyes pretty much the whole time.

    • Jackie Jackstein FTW

      “The goal is to create division between communities,” he says. “It is
      making you not trust the state. It’s eroding the mandate of elected
      officials so that they can’t govern properly. It’s making people want to
      not participate in democracy because they think it’s corrupt. It’s
      getting you to either believe that it’s all stacked against you or you
      just opt out altogether because you don’t know what to believe. When you
      don’t know what to believe, you’ll believe anything.”

      That really stuck out for me. In that regard, Russia was very successful in regards to the right, especially the far right. Look at their memes now, like the one in this very post. Look at how it’s twisted from “Hillary’s a pedophile” to “Dems honor pedophiles” to the current Moore defense of “Pedophilia isn’t always a crime.” There is undisputed corrosion in our national politics. Now we need to figure out what to do about it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s the rub, isn’t it? How do we fix stupid?

        • Jackie Jackstein FTW

          I wish I knew. If I had the answer to that, I’d be a happy and very wealthy man.

  • Paperless Tiger

    What kind of unpatriotic asshole would Photoshop a Marine in the line of duty.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Pick a Republican, any Republican.

    • The problem here is one of laziness — is it lazy to make such a bad ‘shop of the Marine, or is lazy to do nothing to the existing Marine? It’s a conundrum.

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Damn. Being oppressed by the International Dateline once again. 3:45AM Hello, Kitty Standard Time be way too late for this grey Wonketeer to be awake. Good night you Republican cunts, wherever you are. Oyasumi.

    http://cms.whiterabbitexpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/oyasumi-nyan-cat-futon-felissimo-1.jpg

    • Gosala

      Sweet dreams.

    • Shan

      Good night!

  • guppy06
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’m beginning to think we need to pass some laws regarding “Fake News!” I’m reading an article in Rolling Stone about the origins of the Comet Ping Pong pizza case, and you have a dolt like Alex Jones spreading rumors that Hillary Clinton personally raped, murdered, and chopped up children. Apparently there’s no penalty for spreading exceeding false information to idiots, who then go and shoot up a pizza parlor.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      There definitely should be laws against that; in the meantime, I hope the Comet Ping Pong owners and pretty much everyone else who was in the place at the time sue the bejeezus out of the shooter, Jones, and all the others who promulgated this piece of nonsense. Although what the Comet Ping Pong guy would do with a trailer and a bunch of baby-back ribs is anyone’s guess . . .

    • Gosala

      First Amendment.

      Republicans used to say every right was matched with a complementary responsibility. Freedom of the press is matched with the reader’s responsibility to engage in critical thought and resist confirmation bias.

      Funny, they don’t talk like that any more.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Intelligent people know Alex Jones is a lunatic, but unfortunately, the Republican base is made up of dolts who don’t understand how anything works. I think we need to protect the rest of the country from the dolts.

        I genuinely thought Carly Fiorina should have been arrested for inciting mayhem when she was blabbing about “aborted baby parts being sold by PP” and then an idiot went and killed three people at PP shortly thereafter, while muttering about “aborted baby parts.” Those people shouldn’t have died because Fiorina wanted to score political points with morons.

        • Shan

          She had free rein after Dr. Tiller was assassinated and nothing happened to O’Reilly.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’d forgotten that BillO had a hand in that. I really don’t know how these people sleep at night.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            They have no moral core. They empty themselves when they spew their hatred. The bile replenishes while they sleep. Rinse, repeat.

    • bbayliss

      I believe Infowars, breitbart and fox are included in the investigation.

  • BREAKING!!! NEW OFFAL WHITE HOUSE POLICY!

    Better show your undivided love and praise toward TRUMP for even acting like he helped you or ROT IN GODLESS CHINKY JAIL YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT for hurting Trump’s babby feelings. That goes double for your bratty probably blah yard apes as well.

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2745043-donald-trump-rips-lavar-ball-says-he-shouldve-left-liangelo-teammates-in-jail

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/08aa0520f7aa95dccd417bdad72be87fd924cd3d7ca4d04ea40c5afdf7e50449.png

    Ungrateful Little Shit

    • Bobathonic

      Graceless and whiny. Like a watb.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The other day I figured out why the picture of IQ45 smiling in his official campaign literature looked phony to me. He doesn’t smile. He either smirks or he makes nasty faces like the one above. That smile was photoshopped, I’m almost certain!

      • Sometimes I thinks we should every last one of us be charged with enabling this spoiled, selfish brat to become President of the United States,.

        I don’t consider Trump as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder any more. He really is just a nasty spoiled piece of crap ruined by genetics and poor parenting.

        Even as I fought against him, I shoulda fought harder!

        If nothing else we should all be ashamed of ourselves.

        • bbayliss

          What makes you think we’re not?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I’ve seen exactly ONE picture of Drumpf with what seems to be a natural smile on his face, and just a couple of Melania. Never seen an unpracticed smile from either of the Kushners. They really are people with no redeeming qualities.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Melania smiled when she greeted Justin Trudeau, when in Canada during the invictus games. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd832ab34d077a7754ea39599aaa20c3be550e6cfadd2f138c8af00d535454e9.jpg

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            There’s a really nice one at that dinner in the Eifel Tower, too, where she actually looks like a human woman.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I feel a bit sorry for her, she’s a trophy wife, not a power hungry political animal.She is so far over her head. Pepe Mnuchin’s wife however does not get the same pass.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            They’re all in over their heads; it’s possible that Melania is the only one who knows it.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I suspect she is the most practical one in the bunch.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Or it was faked–like he was told that he had to manufacture a big smile.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      He’s ugly, in the way that his inner ugliness appears in his expressions. If he didn’t have an ugly core, his actual appearance wouldn’t be particularly handsome, but it wouldn’t be so loathsome.

    • phoenix00

      Reeks of Central Park 5 all over again.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      the worshipping parades and dances are just around the corner. That’s why he hates Kim Jong-Un, he made fealty to the leader look bad.

    • OutOfOrbit

      extradition anyone?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It’s funny that, until the internet, it wasn’t entirely clear exactly how many people suffer from undiagnosed mental illness.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I used to think the figure one out of three was absurdly high, and now I’m thinking it might be too low. Thirty eight percent of this country thinks Trump is doing a good job as POTUS. Mental illness is the only explanation for that.

      • OutOfOrbit

        I AM NOT IN THAT 38%!

    • bbayliss

      I was unaware of my BRILLIANCE!!
      I always thought I was just a guy.

  • Dolmance

    I’m confused how this makes you a bunch of cunts. I mean, you are a bunch of cunts, I guess, in the best way possible, only where does Jared Fogle come in? And what about the sandwiches?

    • SDGeoff3

      Would someone pleeease think of the sammiches??!11!

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Is Wonkette going to start making sammiches?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          That’s what I’ve been hanging around for. I wanna sammitch.

    • Paganish

      Apparently, a big bunch of cunts is the best thing to attract a big bunch of dicks :P

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Subway has a station downstairs from Comet Ping Pong.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    What the fuck, there you go admitting fault and publishing a correction like a common libtard.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      admitting your mistakes will get one nowhere in this world.

  • Mary Theresa
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      puppiez iz diabolical that way.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    On Comet Ping Pong Pizza:
    “When the restaurant started getting death threats, Alefantis called the police, then the FBI, and got nowhere. “It turns out you can say anything about anyone online,” he says. “It’s your First Amendment right to terrorize.””

    This is insanity. This country has truly gone mad.

    • Gosala

      I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure death threats are not protected speech.

      WTF FBI?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        The FBI was too busy combing through Podesta’s risotto recipes to investigate actual death threats.

  • phoenix00

    So was “NarCONonFraud” actually snarking with us? Or does he/she just have strange capitalization habits?

    • OutOfOrbit

      aRe campitAls haBit fOrming?

      • phoenix00

        In certain doses, quite possibly! Ask your doctor.

    • ContextIsKey

      Narconon is a drug-rehab program based on Scientology. It’s viewed as very cult-like. The writer is highlighting the “CON” aspect of the program.

      • phoenix00

        Hey good to know! So it’s VERY possible he/she’s one of us!

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Now I really wonder who answers mail addressed to “Abortion” and “Pray”.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3f9c69f79d62dbdf3808e1c9e03e72f50915bb5d4be65eb069cc5ea605d678bc.gif

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      All of Tony’s messages go to Abortion’s spam folder.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        So they’re… what’s the word I’m looking for?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Good job, Russia!
    “”The Russians don’t create this whole [alt-right] movement. They just harness it.” Of course, so did Trump. But Watts believes the Russians, at least, are playing for much higher stakes than one presidential election. “The goal is to create division between communities,” he says. “It is making you not trust the state. It’s eroding the mandate of elected officials so that they can’t govern properly. It’s making people want to not participate in democracy because they think it’s corrupt. It’s getting you to either believe that it’s all stacked against you or you just opt out altogether because you don’t know what to believe. When you don’t know what to believe, you’ll believe anything.””

    • Gosala

      bingo!

    • WeaselPoo

      And it makes coherent and publicly supported (politically viable, moral and practical) policy more difficult to create and implement.
      Examples: Sanctions against Russia beimg undermined by Trump admin; Trump kiboshes global warming mitigation to US economic disadvantage, but Russia a signator.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I saw something earlier today about how China is stepping into the void of international trade, while Trump is trying to get rid of our trade agreements. He is SUCH a freaking idiot.

    • bbayliss

      Undermining international democracy for 3% of the cost of one aircraft carrier.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It’s amazing that our dolts fell for Russia’s BS. A lot of these morons genuinely believe Hillary Clinton is a murderer.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        The Russians are very thrifty!

        • SeeTrain65

          Just envisioning Putin sitting as his desk clipping coupons …

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Well how else do you think he accumulated $200 BILLION dollars?

          • SeeTrain65

            Regular reader of the Moscow Penny-Saver.

  • WilbyToad

    The Saudi-US War on Yemen Is Killing 130 Children a Day and Other Bleak Statistics

    This year, at least 50,000 children are expected to die as indirect casualties of the war

    by Juan Cole
    https://www.commondreams.org/views/2017/11/19/saudi-us-war-yemen-killing-130-children-day-and-other-bleak-statistics

    This is a continuing responsibility from previous Administrations to the current. This is where Right and Left media fail us. Where is the coverage so we as a nation can weigh in? These are our weapons going to Saudi Arabia for our proxy war. We are also quietly expanding our troop presence in conflicts throughout Africa, most notably in Somalia.

    I’m not saying covering sexual morality isn’t important, only that war and deaths of innocents deserve serious attention. We pay for it, we own it.

    All network news have email and phone contacts. Tell them you want to know more.

    • Gosala

      Meh… little brown babies…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      scum sucking motherfucking taint worshipping cock bastard republicans.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Well said.

    • Gosala

      but socialized medicine means rationing health care

      — every Republican

    • JCfromNC

      Too broken-hearted by the story to upvote it.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Make America Great Again – kill the poor”

    • SayItWithWookies

      What in the everloving fuck. Okay, someone’s set up a GoFundMe account for her, so that’ll help — but the systemic problem is still there. Looking at you, Kentucky asshole governor Matt Bevin.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      meanwhile:

      Congress will not create a new branch of the military dedicated to space this year, but lawmakers who support the move and defense experts say it’s only a matter of time.

      The annual defense policy bill passed by Congress this week punted on what would have been the biggest change to the Pentagon since the last time a new military branch was created in 1947.

      But the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) does make several changes that lay the groundwork for the so-called Space Corps to become a reality in the near future.

      “This issue is not dead at all. Congress laid the ground work for this to come back up in future years,” said Todd Harrison, defense budget analyst and director of the Aerospace Security Project at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. “I think [Space Corps] is inevitable, as in within my lifetime.”

      The House version of the NDAA would have created a separate branch of the military dedicated to space known as Space Corps. Though the concept elicited jokes about galactic battles against aliens, lawmakers were eyeing more familiar, terrestrial threats, namely Russia and China.

      Advocates for reorganizing the military’s space operations say the United States is lagging behind its adversaries in that area. Russia and China have already made moves to spin off their space operations into separate military branches.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        sigh:

        Reps. Mike Rogers (R-Ala.) and Jim Cooper (D-Tenn.), the chief architects of the Space Corps proposal in the House, framed the compromise as a first step toward eventually achieving their goal, saying in a joint statement after the bill’s release that they will not allow a “space Pearl Harbor.” Rogers and Cooper are the chairman and ranking member, respectively, of the Armed Services strategic forces subcommittee.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Will they have a special military academy? Will the students be called ‘space cadets’?
        So many questions.

    • Kateaux

      What the everloving fuck?

    • ContextIsKey

      You know, every small town paper in the US prints the names and details of local US servicemen who are killed overseas. It would be nice if the same papers would print the names and backstories of people who were killed through the negligence of the government because the govt wouldn’t pay a pittance for their meds or their dialysis or whatnot. Many poor souls don’t even get a mention in the obituary section.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    in all the hubbub yesterday i forgot to mention – THREEEEE DAY WORK WEEEEEEK.

    Also, no school.
    There will be laziness, oh yes….there…will…be…laziness
    : D

    • Mary Theresa
    • C4TWOMAN

      So we’ll be seeing a lot of you? or will you take this time for a life enriching experience away from the Intertubes?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, unfortunately, you all will be seeing a lot of me.

        : D

        • C4TWOMAN

          So no around the world

          baylake river voyages?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, aside from the rio grande, there’s not much water. (And you DO NOT want to go swimming in that muck).

          • puredog

            Yeah, you need bigly water for that.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I’m only losing 4 hours of work this week. And the store I work at is OPEN Tgiving, so no holiday pay.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’ve posted a number of links to a Rolling Stone article on the origins of FAKE NEWS!, particularly the Comet Ping Pong Pizza story. One of the most interesting things was that some of the biggest spreaders of fake news (besides Russian troll farms) are Midwestern cat ladies.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Putting annoyance at my fellow feline lovers aside, I suspect its the ven diagram of people who love cats and people who for whatever reason are sedentary and home bound.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yes, I don’t think that all cat owners are Trumpanzees, or conspiracy theorists, but the overlap of Midwestern, housewife, and cat lady seemed like a potent brew of “I don’t know anything, and I’ve got plenty of time to spread my insanity around on the Internet.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I should add that not all Midwestern cat ladies are dopey Trump supporters.

    • Resistor Radio

      This line hit a little close to home:
      “It’s getting you to either believe that it’s all stacked against you or you just opt out altogether because you don’t know what to believe. When you don’t know what to believe, you’ll believe anything.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’ve said many times on The Wonkette that I’m having a hard time telling what’s real anymore. Trump has been so outrageously surreal, that it’s hard to know when someone is posting satire about him

        • Resistor Radio

          I’ve said the same, many times. There are levels of insanity that I didn’t even think were humanly possible. Like that crazy Colorado gunhumper, with the vintage lady mannequins posed around his house that he talks to? Mr Dragon or Crazy dragon or something was his name, I thought that was hilariously brilliant satire. I thought it was amazing, I was so impressed. And then I googled him for a bit and discovered he was real. I just can’t, I. Just. Can’t.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’ve seen Borowitz reports that I was pretty sure were real.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      There are some really strange animal rescues out there and when they get in fights it can get bizarre. They go very quickly to accusing each other of being scam artists, animal hoarders, tax cheats, and, of course, pedophiles.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I had a friend get in a cat fight with some Midwestern cat ladies on a design page, and things got nasty quickly, so I can easily believe what you’re saying.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    When asked about Roy Moore’s alleged sexual misconduct on this morning’s “Meet The Press,” two White House officials said that voters should get to decide whether or not the allegations against him should immediately disqualify the Republican Senate candidate, NBC reports.

    White House Office of Management and Budget director Mick Mulvaney started off by defending Trump’s silence surrounding the accusations against Moore, saying the president “doesn’t know who to believe,” and therefore thinks “thinks that the voters of Alabama should decide.”

    “I think that’s the most commonsense way to look at it,” he said.

    Roy Blunt, Republican Senator of Missouri, echoed a message similar to Mulvaney’s. While he said that the accusations against Moore are “more credible than [Moore’s] response,” the voters of Alabama ultimately get to decide who they believe. When the conversation shifted to Trump’s own accusations of sexual assault, which have come from more than a dozen women, Blunt reiterated his stance.

    “Whatever [the accusers’ had to say, people heard that and they elected President Trump president of the United States,” he said. “At some point I think you ought to let the voters have a say here.””

    YES, JUST LIKE WHEN 3 MILLION MORE PEOPLE DECIDED THEY WANTED HILLARY CLINTON TO BE PRESIDENT.

    https://www.thecut.com/2017/11/white-house-officials-say-roy-moores-fate-is-up-to-voters.html

    • C4TWOMAN

      And here I thought removing someone convicted of a horrific felony was an administrative responsibility, not a “let the voters decide if he’s guilty” thing.

    • Gosala

      Integrity. How does that work?

      • C4TWOMAN

        Simple: my wo/man, right or wrong.
        Questions?

        • Gosala

          * head desk head desk head desk *

          • C4TWOMAN

            *gives pallet load of aspirin*

      • NOT LIKE THIS

    • Someday we’ll get to live vote via twitter or something for accused murderers’ innocence or guilt, and then the verdict and then the sentence and finally the execution. (#hanging vs #defenestration).

      Just like in those future movies set in the future!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        That was a recent episode of The Orville, Seth MacFarlane’s new show.

    • puredog

      Moore, whose towering stubbornness is truly monumental, will never withdraw from the race. Therefore, the voters of Alabama are GOING to get to decide whether, on the state of the record, he should be elected. thus the WH is simply acceding to the inevitable. To be sure, if they had the righteous integrity of, oh, I dunno, Mitch McConnell (barf), they could have made a different statement. But this way they get to have their cake and eat it too.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I think the only reason McConnell came out against Moore is because Mitch knows what a full on loon Moore is, and he’ll be a very unpredictable vote for tax cuts.

  • C4TWOMAN

    I’m banned at Rawstory even though I’ve never commented there.

    Strangely, I’m still allowed to upvote and flag comments…

    • WilbyToad

      When it’s inexplicable, reboot. Clear the cookies, sweep the system.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I tried months ago, an intermittently at times when the computer had been shut down and restarted in the normal course. We figure this IP address(which is relatively new) was used by someone who was banned and they’re assuming I’m their sock?

        It’s understandable, but what really annoys me is, when I emailed them about it, they never replied.

        Someone else around here reported RS mods could be jerks for reasons.

  • WilbyToad

    Joni Mitchell ~ Coyote (The Last Waltz)
    https://youtu.be/f7MbmXklj3Q

  • schmannity

    The greatest U.S. District Judge in the last 50 years has died. Savior of the Everglades. Scourge of the Jeb! administration. A man so fair, his most famous defendant, Manuel Noriega, complimented him. A saint in the Episcopal Church. A talented boogie woogie piano player, and a gentle soul. William Hoeveler. 95 well-spent years! Godspeed!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    OT: Just got back from shopping run, had to go to Wal-Mart to buy toothpaste, which is the only thing I ever buy there because no other store in town carries my brand and preferred flavor, and I only go once every 6 months and stock up. I paid with my debit card at a self-service kiosk. Guess what? The kiosk did NOT ask for my PIN number, it just charged my card without the PIN and gave me a receipt. I said to the clerk “Now wait just a gol-darned minute here, it’s supposed to ask for my PIN number” (I can talk like that because I live in Missouri). She said “It won’t ask for the PIN if you are buying less than $50 worth of merchandise.” I said “No, that’s not how it works, it’s a debit card, and it absotively, posolutely MUST ask for my PIN number. Please call a supervisor.” Supervisor came, said the same thing as the clerk. I said “No, that’s not how debit cards work, please call the store manager.” Store Manager came and said “You are right, it should ask for the PIN number” and he took my name and phone # and said he would investigate and call me with the results. I told him if they don’t fix this, I am never shopping at Wal-Mart again (I was lying, I really like that particular toothpaste).

    I bet you $1 he never does either thing. Wal-Mart is getting a letter from me tomorrow and I’m paying cash for toothpaste at Wal-Mart from now on.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      this literally just happened ot me 20 minutes ago – I actually stopped and wondered why it didn’t ask for my PIN – I assumed it charged as credit.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Could be in your instance, but I’ve been using my debit card in this town for 8 years and even when they charge it as a credit card, I still have to enter my PIN number. Of course, this is a backwards little town in Missouri, half the stores don’t even have chip readers.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          weird.

          BTW, how is your friend and his case going?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            There is kinda good news, maybe, because we told his his insurance company (State Farm) that the woman who hit him told her lawyer, who told the Prosecuting Attorney, who told us, that she was using her vehicle for work purposes at the time of the accident, and the State Farm attorney says they will pursue a claim against her employer and ask for lots of money, like maybe $250,000, and he will get anything over the amount that State Farm has paid him for “uninsured motorist” and the cost of the motorcycle. He might get a bundle. But he knows not to count on this. He said “If I get $1000, that’s $1000 more than I have now.”

            This has only happened because I checked the Missouri courts website on Nov. 7 to see if the bitch who hit him completed her driver’s ed and community service and paid her fines, which she didn’t, and she was a no-show at court, and while I was on that site I noticed that State Farm had filed a claim against her in September in my friend’s name. I told my friend, who called State Farm, who put him in touch with the attorney in St. Louis, and he told the attorney about the employer issue. Otherwise, we would never have known they filed this claim, because they did not inform him.

            He had called the personal injury attorney he hired a year ago, the one who dropped the case in January when they found out she had no insurance, and left them a message about the employer issue, but they never called him back. The State Farm attorney was astonished to hear this – he said it is a very good case when you can sue an employer, and he doesn’t understand why the local attorney did not call my friend back. But the local attorney is an asshole – not someone I recommended to my friend, someone recommended by one of his idiot redneck friends who saw the asshole’s ads on TV.

            The State Farm attorney seems to be very competent and personable, probably because he is not a small town idiot, but a real, professional attorney from a big city.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            and since its state farm’s money, I’m guessing their attorney will be very kind and helpful to your friend.

            (I did this kind of work for the ill-fated law job…we represented the insurance companies, technically, but i felt better about that cause we were helping people out).

            Also, what state farm is doing is called subrogation. (it’s not bad, but I’d still try to find a local attorney. At least to appraise the situation)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            My friend is not proactive. I gave him the name of a highly recommended local attorney (recommended by the corporate attorney at my last job) but he never called him. He is the kind who sits and waits for life to happen to him. There are a lot of people like him, and I don’t push, I only recommend. He did not take my advice 3 years ago when he was facing foreclosure after his wife died of cancer, which would have required him to write a letter and make a few phone calls, all things he is uncomfortable doing, and as a result he lost his house. He would not have SSDI and VA benefits if I hadn’t been more forceful than I am normally comfortable with being, but I didn’t want to see him homeless and/or dead.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            gah. I hear ya…you gotta put some work into it. It’s I got $11k worth of medical expenses wiped away. Pain in the ass, even humiliating, BUT FUCKING WORTH IT.

            Just make sure he does not fucking sign anything without talking to a professional about it first.

            I’m not a lawyer and can’t give legal advice (by fucking law), but you might want to tell him that this might be his one shot to get his medical bills paid and get some money to live on for the rest of his life.

            It’s worth a phone call and a 1/2 meeting with a lawyer. Even a phone conference. I’m guessing he’s probably very depressed about all this (and rightly so).

            Best of luck to you both.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            He already signed papers with the State Farm attorney, without discussing it with me beforehand. I had advised checking with the local attorney I recommended, but he didn’t do it. There is only so much I can do.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i hear ya. You’re a good friend. Hopefully he comes out good in the end.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            He has an accessible apartment, with rent based on his income, and he has SSDI, and VA benefits, and ParaTransit bus access, and I got him a 2% interest loan from the Missouri Assistive Technology office to pay for a $7000 power transfer bench gadget for his pickup truck, none of which he would have acquired without considerable effort on my part, although I am sure he has no idea how much work it took because I didn’t tell him. I sleep well at night. If he can get $100-$150,000 out of this lawsuit, I will call another friend who is an expert at finding good houses in foreclosure, and he will help my friend find a house to buy, and then he can save $610/mo in rent, with enough left over to build a wheelchair ramp and an accessible shower.

          • Beelzebubba

            The state bar should hear about the idiot attorney’s behavior. “If there’s no big payoff, I quit” doesn’t play well under the ethics rules.

        • SDGeoff3

          In San Diego, you never know what kind of machine you’re going to get. I get the confuses sometimes over it.

      • Beelzebubba

        It’s a debit. You’re expected to complain and ask for your money back if somebody swipes your card and goes on a $49 spree.
        Burden’s been shifted to you, in other words.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah burden shifting – an area of the law that still escapes me. (Who makes the rules and when does the burden shift? I’m assuming its in the case law, but damn that’s a lot of research for shifting).

    • phoenix00

      We’ve got NFC chipped-credit cards up in Canada now. For purchases under $100 just tap the card against the terminal and boom, you’re out the door.

      (Yes, time to bust out the tin-foil hats and anti-radiation wallets!)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        See my reply to Dept. of Space Tacos – this is a backwards little town in central Missouri, they only got some chip readers about a year ago. My bank hasn’t entered the 21st century yet, which is actually rather nice in some ways.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Can’t you get your paste on Amazon? Check it out. Especially if you’re basically buying in bulk. You might get a better deal.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I probably could, but it’s just easier to stop at Wal-Mart because it’s across the street from my grocery store. I’m retired, I sometimes need an excuse to get out of the house, otherwise I’d just sit here reading books all day long.

        • SDGeoff3

          You surely get a fine range of entertainment cruising through the aisles at Walmart.

    • expipiplus1

      I ran into this at a gas station a while back. I called the bank that issued the debit card. This is something the bank offers to the seller, the gas station in my case. The bank intentionally disabled the two-factor authentication at the request of the gas station, whom they regard as their more important cu$tomer. The bank refused to change the behavior for my account. This is a highly asymmetrical risk, so I don’t use a debit card unless it’s absolutely necessary, which is rare.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Very interesting, thanks for that info. Wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Wal-Mart has done this. It’s possible that they have only done it at the self-serve kiosks as well. If either is true, I will add that to my L-O-N-G list of reasons not to shop there.

    • I’ve seen this at one convenience chain that recently upgraded their credit card pinpads for the chip. It assumes all cards are charge cards, and won’t ask for a PIN number. If it’s <$25, we don't have to sign the receipt.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s very interesting…I will look into that, thanks.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      all I can say is I have run into the same thing at other stores, and many times if it is under $25 they don’t need a signature for my credit card! not sure when this change started, but it does seem all too common

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I have seen that too, with credit cards and purchases under $50, but I have never seen it with a debit card. It could be something new…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I but gift cards at Kroger for gas and the stores I regularly shop at. I get 2X and sometimes 4X fuel points to spend on gas AND I maintain my budget AND I protect my debit card from misuse. And no, I don’t shop at Wal-mart, despite having one right up the road.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Unfortunately, we don’t have a Kroger here. It’s a small town.

    • BJW

      Now see, I seem to remember it’s common for that to happen at our Walmart if it is under $50. I don’t pay a lot of attention because I always default to credit, as I don’t want to pay 25 cents to our credit union. But I don’t even get asked if I want to change it for less than $50.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I believe Wal-Mart does have that policy for credit cards, but I wouldn’t really know because I don’t use credit cards. I always use cash or a debit card (no charge for me), and I always had to enter my PIN number before, so they’ve changed something recently. It occurred to me after I got home that they might have installed self-service kiosks that default to credit even when it is a debit card.

        • BJW

          Could be. I never use those kiosks although I’ve used them at Meijer. I finally got old enough to not want to learn new unnecessary skills.

          I’m not in a tiny town but one of 8000 in rural Ohio. But the machines at our Walmart will just take the card after I scan, and if its less than $50 spits out a receipt without me entering a pin OR signing anything. I always do it as credit and when it is $50 or more I have to manually change it to credit, and then sign.

          But that doesn’t help YOU. And it’s possibly that what is done in Walmart stores up here is different than for you. :)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And on this note, I’m off to postcard for Doug Jones (post carding is the new phone banking.) Proudly wearing my IMPEACH hat, which looks great–thanks Trix!

    https://twitter.com/HillaryWarnedUs/status/932304208669429761

    • Beelzebubba

      I’m far from being a fashion nazi, but . . . wtf is that?

      • BJW

        Looks like the tunic part of the white pant suit she wore at the convention, I believe. I didn’t like it but it looks better when you can see the whole outfit.

      • phoenix00

        Umm, something from the Easter Island Moai Head collection?

  • Swampay

    Wow, really? Was wonkette singled out by name amongst GOD, AMERICA, etc etc? They must really hate you! That’s kind of an honor?

  • David Chaillou

    I knew comments weren’t allowed at Wonkette. Another bigoted Republican website.

    • phoenix00

      Full of cunts who can’t take a (dick) joke.

      • C4TWOMAN

        What a bunch of snowflakes. I’d NEVER noncomment there.

        • phoenix00

          Harrrumph me neither not!

    • Gosala

      Not enough caps, also, too.

    • bbayliss

      At breitbart it’s fine to call for violence, even murder, but type the words shit, crap, or grab ’em by the pussy and the comment will be “held for moderation” and disappear.

      • David Chaillou

        I didn’t use any of those words, nor push any of those ideas, but I’ve been permanently banned from dead Breitbart’s home of Dunning-Kruger’d smartypants.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Profanity gets in the way of their violence porn enjoyment.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Jake and Elwood at the 95th street bridge make me crave some fried shrimp from Calumet Fisheries.

  • Suse
    • Suse

      Read the comments on Ivanka’s tweet!

      • bbayliss

        I apparently don’t know how to do this but some are brilliant, I was trying to post the response with stainless steel tray

        • Suse
          • Beelzebubba

            Does the duck go inside the octopus, or is it the other way around? I can never remember.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Helpful mnemonic: It isn’t called “Turducktopuscannedclams” for nothing.

          • phoenix00

            MONSTER~!!!

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Random pile of odds and ends in a giant clam. Okay……

        • retiredeng

          “Have no idea how to decorate your Thanksgiving table? Problem solved.” Um… no. It looks like a pile of white crap.

        • Suse

          See above.

          • bbayliss

            My favorite, did you see the fly?

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      There’s some lovely filth down here!

    • gallbladder

      I was just looking up “fucking hideous” in the dictionary.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      pssst, Ivanka, remember this when designing centerpieces: less is more

      (piling a ton of stuff in a clam shell is not good design)

      • CripesAmighty

        I thought the grocery bag just broke.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      this is a fun one!

      As an alternative, consider the lovely simplicity of this stainless steel tray with matching flatware. Not only will it provide a timeless symmetry to your table, it will also be such a kind gesture to help prepare your family for holidays in a more institutionalized setting. pic.twitter.com/9FWpm2bU3e— Lizzie65 (@LorraineP65) November 18, 2017

    • Zyxomma

      Apart from that, that giant clamshell resembles one from the Great Barrier Reef. I haven’t visited the entire reef, but in the part of it I did visit, there was a strictly enforced NO COLLECTING rule. That clamshell might be ill-gotten gains.

      • doktorzoom

        Eh, think it’s a mass-produced faux shell.

        • Serai 1

          Yep. A real one would be outside her budget, I suspect.

        • Zyxomma

          I didn’t know there was such a thing, thanks. That said, I took a look at Ivanka’s twitter feed (please give me a cootie shot, stat). Some of the replies are absofuckinlutely hilarious.

    • doktorzoom
      • phoenix00

        That’s Klingon, right?

        • Serai 1

          No, no, it’s Dwarvish!

          • phoenix00

            Thank you.

          • Serai 1

            That was snark, actually. The language in the tweet is the speech of the Old Ones, from Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos. ;)

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Somebody make sense of this for me:

    Authorities serve Apple a warrant for Texas shooter’s iPhone

    The guy’s dead. The two San Bernadino shooters, okay, ISIS! and all, but still.

    • Lefty Wright

      Possibly more on motive, and the possibility that someone else may have been involved? The more you know about a mass murderer, the more likely you may be able to do something in the future to prevent a few of them. Of course, tighter gun control is apparently off the table. We wouldn’t want to deprive anyone of their right to own a dozen semiautomatic assault style rifles, bump stocks, armor piercing bullets, 30 round or larger magazines, and your own customized body armor. That’s unAmerican.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Regarding motive and prevention: unless the perp is an immigrant or a Muslim, I’ve never heard of anything seriously proposed or done about prevention.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          increasing mental health screening and treatment along with education/therapy re: domestic violence would be an obvious fucking start.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Very true, but I will be amazed if it happens. Americans would rather suffer the enormous personal, social and financial costs of murder than invest in prevention.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        But more evidence for DV links. If guys convicted of DV or with restraining orders are prohibited or identified and watched, maybe, maybe we can make a dent?

    • Beelzebubba

      They want into ALL the iPhones. Including ours. Don’t expect them to ever stop trying, until some Trump-apppointed dipshit judge gives it to them.
      Apple has, in the meantime, gone to six-digit password codes. Whatever they did to crack the San Bernadino phone is now 100 times harder, which I’m sure pisses them the fuck off.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • phoenix00

      They want to unlock his phone. Apple’s phone data is all encrypted locked down tight. If Apple’s previous statements are correct in that they don’t store any master keys or backdoors that sidestep the encryption, this goes nowhere.

      Except if Texas tries to hold Apple in contempt, in which case HAHAHAHA

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        right…but to what end? I kinda don’t see the point. How much more “violent asshole” evidence do they need?

        • phoenix00

          Good question. Smells of fishing expedition no doubt.

        • Serai 1

          Probably some reason they’re not interested in trumpeting to the world.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Timothy Watson

      Yeah, actually, you should have left them there. You gave someone a get out of jail free card just you want one too.

    • Mary Theresa
      • BillEGoatSmirk

        🎶 It’s just another Mueller Monday 🎶

        • alpacapunchbowl

          That’s my fun day…

      • bbayliss

        Isn’t it reaching the point where this can be said about every tweet.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      All I know about LaVar Ball is what I’ve read about him on Very Smart Brothas. He does sound like kind of a shitty person. Not as shitty as Dolt 45 though. Not by a long shot.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        They did a parody of LaVar Bell on SNL two weeks ago. My brother and I were watching it today and laughing harder after this TRMP dis.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I’ll have to check that out!

      • SeeTrain65

        Not as shitty as Trump, no.

        But shitty. Very, very shitty. An egomaniac living vicariously through his sons’ mediocre achievements.

    • Serai 1

      Such a whiny little titty-baby.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    I thought that Uncle Sam came along sometime later than Jesus.

    • Lefty Wright

      According to the Mormons, Jesus did visit America. So maybe the spirit of Uncle Sam was there. Who knows? No further off base than the tale of Noah and his ark.
      https://rsc.byu.edu/archived/jerusalem-zarahemla-literary-and-historical-studies-book-mormon/when-did-jesus-visit

      • Wee Mousie

        Uncle Sam was set to be crucified along with Jesus, but he was a capitalist and had money, so he bought his cross and burned it the night before. Therefor they had to let him go. Republicans know this story, which explains why they are capitalists first, and Christians only if they can fit it in.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Somebody should organize a big ol’ national pray-in for Doug Jones’s victory. Then if Moore wins, we’re no worse off, and if Jones wins, we can larf and say suck it losers, obviously God answers our prayers and you don’t even pray good. I’m a militant atheist, but hell, I’d show up and hit my marks.

    • harryeagar

      i was talking to a woman I used to work with yesterday. She was trembling with rage against Trump, told me she has contributed over a thousand ameros this year to Jones and other candidates.

      I know how much money she makes. That’s muscle not fat.

      Let’s hope money does influence elections,although I cannot forget Al Cech.

  • Viktor

    Ammon and Cliven Bundy warmly welcome Jared to the ranch

  • Suse

    Conservatives Protest Starbucks’ Newest Holiday Cups, And It’s Not About Jesus This Time http://www.distractify.com/news/2017/11/19/1YVcac/conservatives-protest-starbucks-holiday-cups

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL…only fox news could take a starbucks cup and turn it into a gay agenda.

      • theCryptofishist

        Don’t real gays drink the local coffee shop coffee, unless they live in a place without such amenities, so they mail order Peet’s or something?
        I bet those christians are sorry they smashed their Keurig now.

        • wavicles

          Let’m drink Folgers, fuck ’em.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Oh, FFS. Those people could find persecution in a paisley pattern.

      • bbayliss

        Paisley has a liberal bias.

    • Beelzebubba

      Late to the party – we predicted that (must credit Wonkette!) the day the cups appeared.

      Not a hard call, to be sure: Conservatards got butthurt when Starbucks put NOTHING WHATSOEVER on the cups.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • SeeTrain65

      It’s what it’s usually about: the conservatives’ ignorance.

    • Serai 1

      And they still haven’t noticed the cleverly disguised Sheila Na Gig in there.

  • Sorry if this has been posted but caught this floating around and now have wonderments https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c10e654cee91b87be88f00a6fc145e56e56f97b65d33ee292edec85fd97d6a8.png

    • SDGeoff3

      Hmmm.

    • JCfromNC

      Whoa. If true.

      Honestly, there are so many people claiming “I was there, and I don’t remember this happening this way at all” now that I really don’t know what to think. But hey, Al apologized so let’s throw him out of the Senate so we can get another Republican in there. :/

      • OutOfOrbit

        perceptions, impressions and memories can vary. if AF thought of that he may have just figured denial would be pointless and keep the story alive all that much longer

        • bbayliss

          Or he could have witnesses to dispute her story. The military escort already has.
          In what rational people call reality one, he may be vindicated, in the parallel RW world he never will.

      • doktorzoom

        Pfft. His apology is far more likely to lead to his being able to get past this and stay in the Senate than any amount of fighting back or trying to litigate the propriety of the photo. Franken’s from a liberal state, was overwhelmingly reelected, and Minnesota liberals are probably far more likely to forgive after an honest apology than if he dragged it out forever.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I wouldn’t be surprised if that was true.

    • Mary Theresa

      Seems everyone was a bit feely, gropy during that trip, including his accuser.
      https://twitter.com/pacelattin/status/932050905087721473

    • Beelzebubba

      Well if it’s on Twitter, it must be true.

      • bbayliss

        It’s not just that. He called for an investigation, she’d like to let the whole thing go.
        The “perpetrator” wants an investigation, the “victim’ doesn’t want an investigation?

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Hmmm…3 dimensional chess?

          • bbayliss

            If Stone knew it was coming I’d guess Franken knew it was coming and sat down and used his brain to figure out how to best counter it.
            Step one, apologize for the photo while suggesting that his recollection of the kiss was different from hers.
            Step two, call for an investigation, knowing he might be exonerated while raising questions as to why trump has not been investigated.
            step three? rule the world?

          • Indeniable Ron

            No, step 3 is Profit!

        • Mary Theresa

          I feel torn posting this, but here you go. It seems that was the theme on this trip.
          https://twitter.com/pacelattin/status/932050905087721473

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Don’t hold your breath waiting for her apology on Fux to the guitar player.

          • Serai 1

            What is it? I’m just getting a big blank space.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        I have just read a couple of articles that the photographer’s statement is fake, and that the photographer is unknown.

    • anon_the_great

      Uh, that’s slut shaming ennit?

      • sincarne

        Including the picture on the right sure puts it at least close.

      • Serai 1

        Maybe stick to believing the stuff that’s actually believable?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      When does the Senate committee call her to testify? They take the testimony under oath I assume, penalty of perjury and all that.

    • Serai 1
  • harryeagar

    Dok, did you try to post a comment at Gateway Pundit? What was it you wanted to tell him?
    You can trust us, we’ll never tell another soul.

    • doktorzoom

      Heh, that was just for illustrative purposes. I was banned there YEARS ago. Before Wonkette had Disqus, I think.

  • theCryptofishist

    But panic is my only form of exercise.

    • Indeniable Ron

      I prefer jumping to conclusions myself.

      • Serai 1

        Ugh, the swim back from that island is way too long and cold for me.

      • theCryptofishist

        Too aerobic.

  • theCryptofishist

    Whenever I see “SovCit” I think Soviet Citizen.
    I think when people say they are a SovCit, they better be wearing some fringe or the ghost of Beria will grab them and drag them into a gulag where they will be forced to make industrial hamburgers in hell.

    • Last Hussar

      I blame Judge Dredd

    • phoenix00

      In you know where, hamburgers industrial you, and gulag grab you!

  • andyshelt

    Just trying to work out which is the more insulting.

    Being called a Republican or a cunt?

    • anon_the_great

      Republican. You really had to think about that?

    • bbayliss

      what’s the synonym for synonym?

      • andyshelt

        To paraphrase Mark Twain,

        “Suppose you were a Republican, and suppose you were a cunt;
        but I repeat myself.

      • SDGeoff3

        Kinda-like.

      • wavicles

        also-too

    • Amy!

      I think that the phrase itself is an oxymoron. One’s deep, warm, and beloved. The other’s a corrupt political party.

    • phoenix00

      Easy. Babies come out of one, sexual predators come out the second.

      • Indeniable Ron

        I am pencilling that into my dictionary!

      • Serai 1

        I think the last few weeks have proved that’s not the case.

        • phoenix00

          You can also say the same things go into both places!

          (/dick joke)

  • andyshelt

    JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD, DID NOT LIKE VIOLENCE OR CRUELTY!

    How did he feel about dipshits who write everything with the Caps Lock button on?

  • theCryptofishist

    “to AMERICA, GOD, God, Jesus, Soldier, Christians, Abortion, Democrats, Ministers, Obama, Obama, Sean, Tammy, Pray, Atheists, Christians, Democrats, Wonkette Tips”
    Obama and Obama are on their twice, as are Christians. And how does Abortion feel about all this?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Wait, I’m an atheist. Why didn’t I get the email?

      • Zyxomma

        Same here. I’m an atheist AND a Jew. And female.

        • SDGeoff3

          Two more points for left handed and Illuminati!

        • Jesse

          Not ‘an atheist,’ ‘atheist.’ You must not be the right one.

          • Zyxomma

            That cleared it up. Of course, I’m also a Democrat, so I don’t know how this email missed me. Maybe because I’m not an abortion?

          • Jesse

            A streetcar named abortion. That should work.

      • theCryptofishist

        I’m an agnostic, and I don’t know.

    • Pisto75666

      Forget Abortion, I’m personally really interested in Tammy & Sean’s take on the whole thing.

    • SeeTrain65

      And Democrats. Sean and Tammy must be pissed.

  • redarmyzombie

    Forget God, I’d like to know how Tony got Abortion’s email…

    • Jesse

      WHO NAMES THEIR KID ABORTION???!!??!!!1!!11!!! That’s just rude…

  • Bitter Scribe

    I think Jesus in that picture is saying, “Hey, dumbass, how about getting up off your knees and pulling these fucking nails out of my hands and feet?”

  • IndigoSnap

    Wait, I’m confused—are GOD/God and Jesus among the VIOLENT or are they just being CCed for transparency?

    • Indeniable Ron

      Jesus knocked over a bank (literally) and God killed a ton of people back in the day, so I can see why one would include them.

      • Serai 1

        Jesus is a tree-killer, too, remember.

        (And it wasn’t a bank. The money-changers were the equivalent of our modern day currency-exchange services. They didn’t store your money or give you interest – they exchanged Roman coinage for Jewish shekels, the only currency allowed in buying sacrificial animals inside the temple. This was because the Roman coins were idolatrous, as they had images of Roman deities on them. Jesus wasn’t pissed about what they were doing, he was pissed that they were making a profit on the exchange rates.)

        • Indeniable Ron

          I know, but a) the joke works better in my version, and b) that STILL sounds like a bank to me.

          • Serai 1

            Funny, I thought banks were places where you put your money for safekeeping, but whatever.

          • Indeniable Ron

            So did I. Then I talked to some bankers.

  • RevengeOfSmot

    OK, I’ll try it fucking again, but they never seem to get the message. Art befuddles them i guess…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7fbf03b04992fbef87e7b68803f32c3bd83beea5e3a5d61d19d67121cf083ed3.jpg

    • Delu

      Jesus did warn about false prophets, but I guess this piece of art illustrates it better.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I take it Tony cc’ed God the way a passive-aggressive co-worker cc’s the boss.
    DICK MOVE TONY.

  • AMERICA, GOD, God, Jesus…

    Wait. That’s four sovereign entities?

    I thought there was only one bottle of soap.
    https://d35fkdjhhgt99.cloudfront.net/static/reviews/0/570e364b/full/2012-05-DrBronners-peppermint-bottle.jpg

    • doktorzoom

      Dilute! Dilute!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        My friend recommended it to me, so I used it in the shower for body-wash. He did not mention dilution.

        • doktorzoom

          If you’re not reading the label, you’re not getting the full Dr. Bronner’s experience.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I remember I felt tingly then cold. It was rather entertaining. I will read the label next time I see a bottle to see what I missed. : )

  • Celtic_Gnome

    How can one be banned for saying Jim Hoft is a poopyhead? That’s like getting banned for saying the sun rises in the east.

  • merl1

    I got the banned notice and just ignored it.

    • wavicles

      I did too. leave it alone and it’ll go away.

  • Perkniticky

    NOBODY PANIC! I’m just saying that to myself because I’m feeling a bit panicky. Every once in a while I find Trump to be overwhelmingly horrible and it helps to express these things.

    • Wee Mousie

      It’s because of your inner Dumbledore.

      • SisterArtemis

        Hey, I need one of those!
        I already have an inner McGonagall.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Speaking of Jared Fogle, is he the worst or second worst Jared? I’m asking because between him and Jared Kushner, that name is pretty much ruined.

    • SeeTrain65

      Definitely top five.

    • phoenix00

      Jared Leto libelz!!!

      (Unless he gets accused of sexual harrassment, or is a truly horrible actor)

      • Serai 1

        Leto’s an asshole, too, so the trend still holds.

  • doktorzoom

    Oh, hey, turns out that one of our Top Experts on SovCits, JJ MacNab, has posted on this matter, too (I’ve posted the two best tweets in her thread here:
    https://twitter.com/jjmacnab/status/931936902239809536

    https://twitter.com/jjmacnab/status/931947178536222720

  • SeeTrain65

    I didn’t get a “banned” notice and now I feel left out. ; )

    • Wee Mousie

      Me either, and now I feel so — I don’t know — I guess, wanted.

      I may pack it in.

    • phoenix00

      Same here.

      Kinda like sinking a 3-pointer by total accident your very first pickup game.

  • Delu

    It’s the Russian Hackers with the banned messages isn’t it?

    Give it to us straight, we can take it.

    • amrak63

      It’s the Russian Hackers with the Banned Messages in the Conservatory.

      (You forgot to specify the room where it happened.)

  • Bobby Tolberto aka TDA

    I’ve been banned from better places than this.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    NarCONonFraud is always correct. About everything. So as to the fucking republican cunt demographic, NarCONonFraud stands by those words. :)

  • Last Hussar

    Dear Neocon-thingy
    You know people make mistakes, right?
    Instead of getting abusive why didn’t you try a polite email, saying you think Wonkette misinterpreted something, especially as it may be the court’s original error?

    • phoenix00

      You are aware that’s not good for ratings, why Democrats lose elections, guns and libety taken away, vagendas get manocided, etc etc.

    • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

      No no no, that would be bad. Wonkette should invite NarCONonFraud to write articles.

    • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

      By the way, it’s not “Neocon“, it’s “NarCONon” — you’re not a Republican cunt, are you? :)

    • Desertphile

      “Instead of getting abuse wh….”

      Getting abuse? What— is that a service we can sign up and pay for?

      “Dear Neocon-thingy….”

      Do you not have a “first language?” Did you not read what the writer of the correct email calls herself? The name is “NarCONonFraud,” and that name ties in loosely with the original article because that article mentioned the $cientology crime syndicate.

      “why didn’t you try a polite email,”

      How do you know her email was not / is not polite?

      • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

        My guess is the title of the email, “No, you fucking Republican cunt, the pedo did not make that claim” which, in my opinion, is poetry.

      • Last Hussar

        I corrected the typo almost immediately. I couldn’t remember the name scrolling up and down on the tablets I could have copy pasted I realise.

        This does come across as a little strong:-

        “Here, since you’re too fucking stupid to actually read the filing, ”
        “Wonkette is spreading the fake news .” (I admit this one could be a joke)

      • Serai 1

        No, you fucking Republican cunt, the pedo did not make that claim.

        Here, since you’re too fucking stupid to actually read the filing,

        like a common fucking Republican

        If that’s your idea of polite communication, I can guess you don’t get out much.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Go Serai 1 go!

  • Wee Mousie

    All commenters in the Wonkette comment section, which is not allowed, are banned, and only Wonkette’s nasty vile little snark mob would be evil enough to comment there.

    • phoenix00

      …. except comments are still not allowed, not even the evil ones.

  • vreejack

    So far I have managed not to be banned at Gayeway Pundit, but i’m unsure how hard it is; I don’t think he reads the comments. Jim Hoft is mos def a poopyhead tho. Srsly.

  • Desertphile

    At this moment I am Skype-ing NarCONonFraud. A nicer person never existed; he meant his email to be humorous— something I suspect was not obvious, since Wonkette probably gets hundreds of such emails from serious lunatics, not comedians.

    • Last Hussar

      I apologise for my post below.

  • Desertphile

    As for the government (if any) for The United States of America, calling that “a sovereign citizen” frightens the shit out of me if there’s evidence for that. I thought the USA is now under Kremlin control.

    • Serai 1

      Nobody called the US a “sovereign citizen”.

  • Indeniable Ron

    Hang on a sec, isn’t Uncle Sam begging for change? I mean, even if Yeshua has pockets on that loincloth, how’s he gonna fish out the denarii?

  • SerialParkingViolator

    Just came here from trolling a higher education/academic blog and all this talk about being banned is making me anxious. Because trolling academics is fun. I have to admit, it’s sort of “shooting-fish-in-a-barrel” cheap/petty fun, but still, I’d hate to have stepped over the line and be banned. Gotta go check, be right back.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • Ryan Denniston

      Remember back when we could have nice things? Now I daily check Twitter.

    • SnowBomber

      This is wonderful and painful to watch. It’s hard to believe it’s only been a year since we had such intelligent, charming, well-liked men in office. When was the last time press briefings/receptions were even so warm? Sad.

  • Incoming Ham

    “JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD, DID NOT LIKE VIOLENCE OR CRUELTY!”
    Dear Tony, AKA Captain Capslock, Commander of the Keyboards of Righteousness, I give you Matthew 10:34.

    • Serai 1

      Given that Jesus was not wont to talk about violence as an answer to anything, I think we can safely assume that’s a metaphor you’re quoting there.

      • Incoming Ham

        You would think. These versus are confounding. But since they weren’t written by Jesus and much later, who knows what the writers wanted to convey:

        Luke 12:49-53
        I have come to set fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism to undergo, and what constraint I am under until the ordeal is over! Do you suppose I came to establish peace on earth? No indeed, I have come to bring division.
        For from now on, five members of a family will be divided, three against two and two against three; father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother…

        Matthew 10:21-22, 34-39
        Brother will betray brother to death, and the father his child; children will turn against their parents and send them to their death. All will hate you for your allegiance to me; but the man who holds out to the end will be saved….You must not think that I have
        come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a son’s wife against her mother-in-law; and a man will find his enemies under his own roof. No man is worthy of me who cares more for father or mother than for me; no man is worthy of me
        who cares for son or daughter; no man is worthy of me who does not take up his cross and walk in my footsteps. By gaining his life a man will lose it; by losing his life for my
        sake, he will gain it

        • Delu

          These verses (yeah) actually did come to pass.

          What Jesus did was to introduce an entirely different set of standards and thinking and approach to faith, one that directly clashed with the traditional one that the Pharisee’s occupied.

          They didn’t like it, they saw this as a threat to their own positions. Hence the conflict, hence the splitting from Judaism of the new Christian movement.

          And there was indeed a lot of bloodshed and violence as a result of that. Jesus was simply the first of many.

          • LadyLaz

            Jesus was absolutely in the line of Pharisee teaching. Hillel, the man who developed the golden rule, developed what became Pharisee thought. Do not buy the smear tactics used by early Christians to curry favor with the Romans.

        • Serai 1

          Seems clear to me – he was talking about the effects of his teaching on an embedded system that would inevitably resist it. New religions always cause dissension, and families do break up over them.

          Christians get pissed on a lot for taking their book literally, and yet the criticisms lobbies against them so frequently take the exact same tack when dealing with the scriptures – TAKING THEM LITERALLY. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

          • Incoming Ham

            There is a bit of old testament influence on the new – it’s not so much around Jesus as the editorializing about morality.

          • LadyLaz

            That is the point, though, isn’t it? If some xians are going to deny gay marriage because the Bible says so – the Old Testament no less – then they get called out on failing to follow other portions of the Bible. Those who live by the Bible verse die by the Bible verse. Anyone who quotes Leviticus at me over gay marriage needs to answer why they eat shellfish or allow divorce.

          • Serai 1

            The point I was making is that people who claim that taking the bible literally is foolish DO THE SAME THING when it’s convenient to THEIR argument. It’s either stupid and no one should do it, or it’s acceptable and thus the Christians are not stupid for doing it. You can’t have it both ways, ESPECIALLY when you’re claiming to be on the high ground.

          • Heyzeus Ahchay

            Taking the bible in any way other than a fucking joke is stupid.

        • Internet Hitler

          I have not come to bring peace, but a sword with votes. And I’m all out of bubblegum.

          • Delu

            Bringing peace.

            1 sword at a time.

  • There should be more fake freedom medal award pictures. That could be an entertaining genre.

    Also, as a subgenre, Obama smilingly strangling various people, instead of awarding a medal.

  • Internet Hitler

    Jim Holt is a poopyhead. #science

    • BouncyFlyer

      Why pick on poor, innocent feces by that comparison with SMOTI?

  • jim2011

    Gonna guess all-caps deity is the Yahweh smite-em-all old-school original mix & capital G is the much more mellow low-pro New Testament virgin-fertilizer.

    That CC roster smells like the love-child of hard drugs & brain injury.
    Which is worthy: snark or pity?

  • Oblios_Cap

    God and Obama both got two e-mails. So, does tony consider Obama to be an equal to God?

  • Fritz1964

    God has banned my comments to Him via Disqus…

  • fergawdssakes

    banning is bs most of the time.
    lockstep sites all over the social and political spectrum

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Whew!

  • Frances

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !fy305d:
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  • Charles Insandiego

    This is a test. Am I banned?

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