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Hello, Wonkers! It is time for your weekly top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts. In celebration of that, enjoy the above video of Wonkette toddler SPLAINING YOU that she is not a horse and she is not a goose and she is not a swan and she is DEFINITELY not a cupcake? You get it, idiot? Good.

We’ll count down your stories in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could BUY ALL THE HATS! One says “IMPEACH!” (See below.) The others say “HELL. NO.” AND “LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020.” Click here for more info!

Did you know you can click through this picture to BUY THIS HAT???

There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You should buy them!

Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. An Open Letter To All The Sexual Predators Now Waiting For Their Own Shit To Hit The Fan. Robyn wrote this last week, and it’s even more important this week!

2. Meet Roy Moore Lawyer ‘Trenton.’ Trenton Just Chewed His Own Dick Off On MSNBC. Oh, Trenton! Trenton is our NEW FAVORITE, by which we mean he’s awful.

3. LOL Michael Flynn Is So Fucked. He SURE IS.

4. Goodbye MAGA Doug, Rootin’-Tootinest Trump Troll In The Whole Wide World. We hope he has fun the rest of his Russian life!

5. You Broke My Heart, Franken. Well, he did.

6. Rush Limbaugh Explains Roy Moore Only Wanted To Fuck Kids Because He Was A Democrat. You’d think that was rock bottom, but no.

7. Stupidest Man On Internet, On Roy Moore: 14-Year-Olds Weren’t Actually Children In 1979. That wasn’t rock bottom either.

8. Hey Jeff Sessions! Gonna Do Perjuries To Congress Today? Let’s Liveblog And Find Out! Sure seemed like it!

9. Let’s Review Roy Moore’s Creepy Judicial Fanfic About Little Girls (And Boys) Who Had It Coming. Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew!

10. And finally, The Week In Garbage Men: All Of Them, Katie. ALL OF THEM.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

Now you get a present! It is a picture of Wonkette toddler, being silly:

OK bye.

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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  • Nounverb911
  • The Wanderer

    Wow, the Top Ten is replete with people fondling, fornicating, lying, stealing, and being just assholes generally.
    Pics of Wonkette Baby make things better.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m thinking Dok should probably preemptively ban Roy Moore (email: BamaMallPerv1@yahoo.com) since DR is getting close to his dating range.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Close to Donald’s “in x number of years I’ll be dating you!” range, also, too.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Indeniable Ron

      Who is that person and why does he have a job?

      • Old town Urbandale

        He probably was just playing with his phone, didn’t really hear the question, and raised his hand before he realized no one else was raising theirs. Least that’s the way it was in my office…

    • Joe Beese

      In fairness, the numbers would have been the same with respect to Obama’s policies.

      Kim is many things, but he’s not an idiot. He’s seen what happens to sufficiently inconvenient leaders of non-nuclear powers. He has zero incentive to denuclearize regardless of who’s running the United States.

  • therblig

    she’s not a mouse and not a cupcake. can we get wonkbabby to weigh in on this one?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5199d2d7c56fd5ba5aeab75b950dde6a4a3814250e7d35a012fb7e0765932ec1.jpg

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    The lady doth protest too much that she is NOT A MOUSE, squeek!

    • Nockular cavity

      The Voight-Kampff test is pretty good at identifying replicants, not so good at mice.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Beautiful Soup

      beat me to it! “It’s not a question of wanting to be a mouse — it just sort of happens to you.”

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        OG furries!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I bought some blue cheese the other day…

      • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Msgr_MΩment

        How fucking runny was it?

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Not at all. It certainly was mouldy though…

          • Indeniable Ron

            I should bloody hope so.

    • The Wanderer

      A brilliant satire on contemporary mores, a puckish spoof aimed more at the heart than the head.

      And mouse fursuits!

      • Indeniable Ron

        My second fursuit was a mouse. 6½ feet tall and green. Been thinking of pulling him out of storage and updating him a bit.

        • The Wanderer

          Hee!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I don’t know a lot about childhood development, but is it unusual that she can read when she’s only two years old? That seems like it might be that she’s pretty smrt.

  • wait! what?
    • Mr. Blobfish

      This one stinks. I’m a big fan of AC/DC.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dick Cheney, also, too, persists.

    • BosGrl

      :(

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Rick Hill

      Of course, the reasoning is that he cannot be FALSELY accused, not that he won’t do anything

      • Villago Delenda Est

        In Brit’s case, he needs to worry about that, because his face just invites slaps across it in response to some comment.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I don’t know, because Mother looks kind of pervy to me.

    • Spurning Beer

      I see by the old clock on the wall that it’s time for Brit Hume (if that is his real name — he doesn’t sound like a Brit to me!) to be widely mocked.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      or, Brit, we could learn to be respectful fuckign adults.

      Speaking of which, what kind of name is Brit? What’s it short for?

  • Rick Hill
  • Indeniable Ron

    So she’s a mouse. Good to know. Next time you lot work your way east, I’ll bring cheese.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Sweet babby looks like Mom there! I’m so ashamed of the country we’re raising her, and her little friends in. We used to be so cool.

    • amrak63

      The Lolicon Party of Uncoolness (aka GOP) hangs on only by gerrymandering and rigging the voting machines. Its base is disproportionately superannuated.

      We will be cool again.

      • The Wanderer

        And they’re really old, too!

        • amrak63

          And even now, they only succeed by treason (accepting help from Mommie Dearest Russia).

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Demographics is on our side, but they’re stuffing the judiciary with young assholes, which means America will be feeling their effects for the next 40 years or so. Unfortunately, Neil Gorsuch looks pretty healthy, also, too.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            A well placed tumbler of skeevy scotch will take care of that.

          • amrak63

            If we get control of the White House and Congress–judges can be impeached. Besides, they’re right-wingers. You KNOW some sexual abuse and/or corruption scandals can be found on all of them, if they are investigated closely enough.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Where ‘closely enough’ = ‘even cursorily.’

          • Spurning Beer

            Stuffing the judiciary with young assholes?

            Sounds like a sort of judicial turdicken.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Make America Cool Again!

      • Parakeetist

        Squee

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    not a cupcake…not a cupcake…you’re the cupcake!

  • ManchuCandidate

    The 2017 Larry Craig Award for Self Loathing Hypocrisy goes to…

    https://www.theroot.com/anti-lgbtq-lawmaker-caught-in-his-office-having-extreme-1820559283

    Wes “Looking for a few” Goodmen.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      What’s the world coming to when a good family man, Christian, and Republican can’t get a little man on man action in his tax payer funded office, where he fights against gay rights?

      • wait! what?

        Nobody learns from the Bible. Even Jesus was smart enough to lead people into the wilderness…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “wait, gay men also have sex with men. I thought that was something only straight guys did…secretly…”
      — Wes “on the DL” Goodman

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Can we order preworn-by-wonketgal gear?

    /fanboy, not a skeeve. No, really.

  • gene108

    Donna Rose can read better than the President!!!

    What a q-t-🍮🍭🍦🍫🍰🍺

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      She has bigger hands also too. Did she send her last year mittens to Donnie Two Scoops?

  • freakishlypersistent

    Lifesize Jesus Christ in a business suit, babble bangers in fucking Alabama, (and elsewhere), are the most un-Xtian, immoral, obnoxious assholes on the planet.

  • Parakeetist

    Warning: above video is Too Cute and will make you fall out of your chair.

    My dog is right now providing commentary on recent news events. “Arf arf arf.” His name is Murphy.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/cEW7H

    • Dutchman

      I will be in Murphy’s fan club. Look very much like our Bichon girl.

      • Parakeetist

        Thx

      • Billy Wigglestaff

        I love the whole descended-from-Maltese family. That’s my Havanese in my profile pic.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s a cutie. He and Donna Rose can get together, hold a joint press conference, and put these cupcake rumors to bed for once and for all.

      • Parakeetist

        Yes thx

      • Ricky Gay

        Cupcake IS NOT the cakes she likes!

      • Parakeetist

        Yaaas

    • BosGrl

      Adorable.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He looks like he’s saying “I don’t take no guff from nobody!”

      • Persistent Demme

        “Looks” is the operative word here.
        (I’ll bet you can get away with a lot.)
        What a sweetie!

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Yes, he looks like a real sweetheart, and I’m sure he knows whose a good boy. He is!

      • Parakeetist

        Thx hug

  • Villago Delenda Est

    On the hat…

    When her serene highness and the retainers (/wave at ‘Trix and Shy) breezed through Tracktown last month, I obtained one of the hats. I have received numerous “I like your hat!” comments and have told EVERYONE that they need to go, right now…leave your checkstand, your designated waiting on customers spot, whatever…to wonkette.com and get one!

    Also, too, stay for the canned clams and dick jokes and reasonably snarky journalism.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      We also have those cakes you like too.

    • wavicles

      Spread the werd.

  • BosGrl

    My cat just said “mama”. Thank goodness my daughter was in the room with me because otherwise I would think I’m losing my mind. I also swear he says “hel-LO” a few times to get my attention when his bowl is empty. I was on the phone with my mother, who told me that when she was a kid, she and her mother would watch some morning show that had people with talking animals and there were indeed dogs and cats who said “mama”. She and Nona had a lot of fun, apparently, mocking these people.

    • jowgajen

      Cats vocalizing to humans is learned behavior. Since mama and hello sound alikes get your attention and positive reaction, she will continue to do it.

      • BosGrl

        I did not know that. I thought their vocal cords couldn’t make words. Huh!

        • Old town Urbandale

          Either that, or he’s possessed.

          • BosGrl

            I swear that was my first thought. This cat belonged to a family member and the cat was in the house when she died. My mother said the same thing and so I addressed the cat by his original mom’s name and he talked and talked.

        • CripesAmighty

          Kitties is SMRT.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Ayup. Alley cats don’t learn intonations like house cats do.

      • Marion in Savannah

        My little tailless black cat has a particular “meow” that she’ll only use when she wants to go outside, so she’s teaching me to speak cat.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Midnight the Cat says, “NICE”.

    • Johnatx

      Chessie the cat had a several word vocabulary. All variations of meow, but with different intonation. There was “chow”, “now”, “no”, “more”
      Chessie has been gone for 25 years, but my wife and I still talk about her. Her ashes are in a little box up on a shelf in our book room along with our other departed cat friends

      • BosGrl

        <3 Chessie <3

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    Bloody hell, Evan, “Yours in Christ”?! The holidays are on us, indeed.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, he’s been doing that for some time now. Gotta give the bible-bangers a poke in the eye at least once a week.

    • natoslug

      If it helps, I always imagine Christ is pulling a train in this scenario. Christ’s really working on that whole “cum unto me” stuff these days.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Donna Rose is not a cupcake, she is a pie. A cutie-pie!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    That last pic in the…whatever that thing is she’s sitting in….looks on kids’ faces can’t get much cuter than that. Dr Who could probably explain it, but it would have to do with cracks in spacetime, June 26, 2010, fish fingers & custard, and a Raggedy Mann doll, so don’t bother, just accept it.

    • BosGrl

      Baby bathtub and I think it’s safe to say that kid has a brain that never stops working.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Mango moron needs to be locked in a padded cell, on heavy dosages of psych meds and eating meals of soft food with a cardboard spoon…

      • CripesAmighty

        No, Mango moron needs to be locked in a cell with a not-gold toilet and not-gold concrete walls, with a not-gold spork.

    • Trump can’t handle any more shrinkage. 🤣

  • King of Austria: We have no quarrel with The Jews. As long as you’re “God fearing”?

    Einstein: Yes…I am. Terrified, actually.
    https://i.pinimg.com/736x/5c/7a/a5/5c7aa579c1f4fc65a96943b5ca762412–anti-religion-gandhi-quotes.jpg

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • The Wanderer

      The furry version of Waiting for Godot didn’t pan out, because the opossum playing Vladimir wandered off.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        And the howler monkey that played Lucky wouldn’t shut up.

    • TJ Barke

      Get your ass up!

      • wavicles

        DO SOMETHING!

    • natoslug

      Nice ass.

  • Joe Beese

    I’ve seen her firsthand and she is definitely a cupcake.

    Kid doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    My mother just explained to me that DR is not actually reading, she’s just looking at the pictures, and identifying the objects, in order to learn the alphabet. I thought she was reading, but once again I’m fooled by FAKE NEWS!

    • amrak63

      She’s pre-reading (is that a term?).

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was super impressed that she could read at 2. I don’t think I could read until I was 5, or maybe even later.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          And Donald Trump still can’t read big wurdz at 71, so don’t worry about it

      • Arolpin

        It’s certainly the term my (speech-language pathologist) wife uses for just that behavior.

      • wavicles

        alt?

    • Juan de Fuca

      It looks like she’s learning using those speaking/word association flashcards which says a lot because what is she now, 2 or 3? So good on ‘Becca and Shy for that.

      Even if everybody knows that early learning speaking cards leads to math flashcards which leads to AP biology flashcards which leads to professional certification flashcards which leads to Cards Against Humanity.

      Basically, Junior Learning Speaking flashcards are a gateway drug to Cards Against Humanity.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        The theoretical physics flashcards are a bitch.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Alternative reading?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • TJ Barke

      Chickenshit.

    • Joe Beese

      Since when does Trump give a shit about the GOP?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I think even Donnie is just barely intelligent enough to realize that it would not be good for him if the Dems took control of the House and/or Senate in 2018. Or at least to have it explained to him by someone speaking very slowly and not using words of more than two syllables.

    • Indeniable Ron

      This seems uncharacteristically perceptive for the Annoying Orange.

    • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
      • Daniel

        Well, it did- just not by the people he meant.

    • Marion in Savannah
      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        That’s totally different!®

        (“That’s Totally Different” is a registered trademark of the RNC and Fundagelicals, Inc.)

    • SayItWithWookies

      If he’s that concerned about the GOP he could always resign.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Everyone’s a winner!1!

    • Spurning Beer

      Fucking damn. This is obscene.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Vastly more obscene than drawing dicks in the sky, but we know which one got complained about.

  • More Greatest Hits from our wind ensemble concert earlier this week:

    https://youtu.be/AOXhCYfisYw?t=11m58s

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • WilbyToad

    Trump-loving pastor stuns Joy Reid by blurting ‘morality’ is not a necessary qualification for leadership

    by TOM BOGGIONI, RawStory

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/trump-loving-pastor-stuns-joy-reid-by-blurting-morality-is-not-a-necessary-qualification-for-leadership/

    And brains are unnecessary organs.

    • The Wanderer

      Of course morals are unnecessary. Only blind, unwavering, unswerving, unequivocal loyalty to The Party is necessary.

    • BosGrl

      I’ve watched this segment three times because I could not believe it.

      Edit: Also, Joy’s face when he makes this assertion is fucking priceless.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      again, remember the days when “character” was required for political officials. (I mean it was a farce then too, but still).

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I like that they’re not even pretending anymore.

      • amrak63

        They are breathing out great wrath, for they know their time is short.

        (I hope.)

    • Hitler was a “Christian”, supported by the German Christian Churches.

      Trump is a “Christian”, supported by the American Christian Churches.
      https://thumbs.gfycat.com/KaleidoscopicGoodnaturedGharial-max-1mb.gif

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The corollary in Republican Christian thinking is that immorality is perfectly acceptable among Republican leaders.

    • Daniel

      And ends justify means.

      • amrak63

        And they accuse us of “situational ethics”.

        As projection goes, the “Christian” right-wingers are human IMAXes.

    • amrak63
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Would it be cynical of me to suggest that he likely expressed very different views when a Democratic president got a blow job in the Oval Office?

      • amrak63

        It’s all about the tribe.

    • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

      That is Republican ethos in a nutshell.

    • freakishlypersistent

      The amorality of evangelicals is rot all the way down. They turned out bigly for the pussy grabber as well. It’s all about power, ‘bortion, gunz and hating anyone not like them.

    • eyelashviper

      Brains are acceptable, as long as they are not allowed to function. Gawd would frown upon critical thinking and other such heresies.

      • amrak63

        Gawd would frown upon such things, but God would not.

    • SayItWithWookies

      You don’t have to practice morality as long as you preach it. Hey, there oughta be a word for that.

      • amrak63

        HYP_CR_SY

        “I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat.”

    • Apple Scruff

      Another gem — The part where he says Roy Moore is more credible than the accusers because he is well-known but the women are not.

      • amrak63

        So…did the Reverend believe Bill Clinton when BC said he did not have sex with that woman?

        After all, he was President at the time, so he was certainly well-known.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      “I don’t practice what I preach because I’m not the type of person I’m preaching to.” –J.R. “Bob” Dobbs

  • eyelashviper

    Thank you for sharing so much of Donna Rose with us all.
    It is always a joy to see, and conjures up such wonderful memories of our daughter at that age. She had her own version of vocabulary and insisted that animals were to be called “amilopers” and no one would dare disagree.
    Not A Cupcake is now a standard to be recognized and respected.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Aren’t you guys a little worried about pictures of Donna Rose all over the internet or am I just a little overprotective?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I have a friend who is paranoid about having her photo on the internet, but unless it’s sexual, it’s not really a problem. What would anyone do with it?

      • Wonky Magoo

        Do you really want an answer to that question?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I don’t think there’s a big market for pictures of babies in bathtubs in the perv community, but I could be wrong.

      • vivian

        I saw a friend of mine’s picture being used by a catfish… so… gross things.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Well to some people the last photo of DR can be considered “preasurable”.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Yeah, but with FB, there are 10 million photos of babies taking baths on the internet, so the hand that a perv would find it are pretty slim.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yeah true, but still I won;t put naked pics of my son on the net just to be sure.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I”m not an expert on child porn by any means, but I suspect that the pedophiles like their pictures a bit dirtier than DR’s photo.

    • Wonky Magoo

      I don’t even put pics of myself on the web, and I obscure details of my personal life on purpose to make it harder for people to dox me. I feel you.

  • Read an article earlier this morning about how defectors from North Korea seem to be infested with all types of yeechy parasites. This apparently is due to the common practice of using human waste to fertilize the meager crops.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/world/asia/north-korean-defector-parasitic-worms.html

    This tells me two things:

    *Conditions in North Korea are truly terrible and worst than we imagine.

    *Humans are naturally toxic cesspools and you don’t want to touch anything that leaks out of ’em.

    • eyelashviper

      Feces or manure of any kind is typically used as fertilizer, but it must be composted first to get rid of parasites, bacteria or other nasty stuff..
      Maybe Lil Kim has a new weapon to foist upon the world, one intestinal bug at a time.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I don’t think human feces is supposed to be used as fertilizer. Also, for some reason, rabbit poop is supposed to be the best fertilizer.

        • eyelashviper

          In China it has been used for centuries, but was always composted before..it was called “night soil” to disguise its origins. Without the heat of composting, serious pathogens can survive, and be hazardous.
          Even in other countries, treated sewer sludge is used on crops, but now there are even more dangers, with chemical and other residue that cannot be removed by composting or other treatments.

          • SisterArtemis

            So, our area wastewater management system (multi city) piloted a great program a few years back – they bought land outside the city, tilled processed waste solids (yes, poop and pee, but processed) into the soil, planted cottonwood trees (new plantings each year or two, I think), put in a pipeline from the wastewater treatment plant to pipe processed wastewater (again, yes, pee water, but processed) out to the cottonwood tree site for ongoing fertilization.

            A few years back, they harvested the first crop of cottonwoods, used in paper and cardboard production. The profits from the sale of the harvest get pumped (!) back into the system, and the goal is to have the cottonwood farm cover some or all of the cost of waste management in the future, thus lowering the cost to us, ye olde citizens. Cool, huh?

            They did have to get a federal waiver to create a project which generates a profit, but got that waiver, and so far the system has been successful.

          • eyelashviper

            Good grief, such thinking and good smart programs are rare in Murika these days.

          • SisterArtemis

            Well, that’s why the Left Coast is the Best Coast.

            That said, we also have the great minds that concieved of the ultra-right wing Jefferson State just south of here

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I learn something new everyday on the Wonkette.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I spent a year in South Korea in 1976 and they were definitely still following that practice then. But maybe they had better medical care? Though poor street kids were certainly all et up with untreated scabies.

      I bet NK’s water is pretty sketchy, too.

    • puredog

      It puts me in mind of that captive American student whom they finally sent home and who promptly died. IIRC, his body was a medical special itself. It’s like the North Koreans don’t believe in the sanctity of human life or something.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      the local fish wrapper was hyping our attempt to attract the new HQ2. the land is cheap and plentiful here…but our dumb city officials will give away the farm…or the villa, I suppose.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        If HQ2 goes to your town, prepare for home prices and rents to triple in a few years, like they have in Seattle.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          that would actually be nice for mom’s house. But i doubt it.

  • This is what happens to Rocky after a few too many, uh, umm, ‘cupcakes’…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e791f112f045a3310de182d7af9cd7ea1ac2e8af51dd698610be5f1d2d938fc1.jpg

  • Me not sure

    Now, all I want to do is go to the bakery. THANKS, WONKETTE!

  • TundraGrifter
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “You wanna go bark at some stuff, Bob?”

      “Nah, let’s just lay around for the rest of the day.”

      • TundraGrifter

        They can go from zero to the front door in about 4 seconds.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          They’re as cute as they can be. I particularly like that one has his (her?) arm draped over the other.

          • TundraGrifter

            That is Felina (from Marty Robbins’ “El Paso”). Her brother is Pancho. Their mother was found on the mean streets of Richmond. They never knew their father(s).

          • Impatient

            Canz we search public records, or sumpin? I wanna help!

          • TundraGrifter

            I’m happy to report they are in recovery from a difficult puppyhood. Apparently mother anxiety can be transmitted to her offspring. They are very shy and skittish – but we’re working on it.

          • TundraGrifter

            There is a telethon planned for next month. I’ll keep you apprised of the details. Or we may just hold a concert.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            They look like mini foxes.

      • Impatient

        Pic and caption get my vote for laugh of the morning, FWIW. Funny, low key. Saturday. ^^^^^^ ! (Oh, and, dawgs!)

    • Khavrinen

      Rehearsing for the next big Olympic sport:
      Synchronized Napping.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Instructor is talking about criminal convictions that can make you deportable – sexual abuse of a minor is one. He said, “You won’t hear a lot of people say ‘hey, let’s give the child molester a second chance.'”

    My brain immediately said, “except Roy Moore, apparently”.

    • weejee

      IOKIYAR

    • Doug Langley

      Has instructor brought up Moore yet?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    DR is completely and totally a cupcake.

  • Marion in Savannah
    • eyelashviper

      Adorable,
      totally OT…why is it that the floors in all of these kinds of photos are so clean?
      Mine have dog hair, sand, and other stuff, most of the time…sigh.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

        • eyelashviper

          Hangs head, another blow to my image (haha) as Good Housekeeper.

          • natoslug

            Don’t think of it as dirt — think of it as expanding your microbiome, and therefore extending your life. http://www.bbc.com/news/health-42009932

          • eyelashviper

            My microbiome is quite full, thank you.
            I do have to get out the vacuum when the dog hair begins to form in large drifts (we have a German Shepherd, known for massive hair manufacturing and eternal shedding)

          • natoslug

            The girl-child dragged the central vac hose upstairs, so I did not vacuum yesterday. This is what the hallway looks like this morning. I really hope that little brown thing in there is a coffee bean (quite likely, since I sometimes get a little wild loading up the grinder in the morning). If dog hair and the various bits of debris and questionable things they drag in daily help make you live longer, I’m going to live forever.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d9ed854be4f15efd0638b17449c0581d9fab9ae46c4f05fcc93a4841812cf19.jpg

          • eyelashviper

            LOL, and me also too…
            Have family coming for Thanksgiving next week, so have to get in gear and put my glasses on to see the debris.

          • natoslug

            I care too much for my family to risk their health by cleaning.

          • puredog

            Really, it’s like stirring up heavy metals when dredging an urban waterway.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Yep.

            It’s always a bad idea to get the lead out, because then someone else is gonna have to pick it up. Why poison your family and friends, unnecessarily?

          • calliecallie

            I’m totally stealing that.

          • puredog

            You went a day without vacuuming? Well, I guess we now all know how you got your username. (Sorry the webcam is not on here; the black tumbleweeds of double dog fur might trigger anxiety in some viewers.)

          • natoslug

            Four dogs, two cats, and I live in the middle of a redwood forest. At the moment, the redwood trees are shedding old leaves (bundles of needles?), and the yard is a mix of puddles and mud, so the living room floor is frequently almost indistinguishable from the forest floor. My wife’s evil little Pomeranian is the worst — her long fur is perfect for snagging and dragging in massive quantities of redwood debris. I think she does it intentionally, just to piss me off.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Lol, we have two Shelties, and dog fur tumbleweeds have the tendency to show up in our foyer less than a week after vacuuming!

          • Wonky Magoo

            The typo in that headline is killing me. “Dog owners lowers early death risk,” BBC?

          • natoslug

            I am guessing they meant to write “Dog ownership lowers early death risk,” but maybe the current headline is an example of a heretofore unknown British colloquialism. So rarely used that before now, nobody even knew it existed . . .

          • H0mer0

            I totes agree. I don’t get sick that often despite having kids and living in a messy house so when people ask me how I stay well, I answer “dog kisses!”
            [last night I thought the cat had gone to sleep elsewhere and woke up to something snoring and almost rolled over kitteh who was curled up next to me. I almost squshed him]

          • natoslug

            Our cat gets locked out of the bedroom, due to excessive drooling, excessive mewling, and excessive clomping around the house (three legs, so a very noisy walker).

          • cmd resistor

            I cleaned houses for a job fir a while and the very idea made my mom laugh given my home efforts

      • TundraGrifter

        “My mother says you can eat off the floor of her kitchen. You can eat off the floor in my kitchen – and you’ll have a lot more choices.” ~ Elaine Boosler.

        • puredog

          Can’t spell “choilces” without e. coli.

        • TundraGrifter

          “When I want to clean the kitchen floor I just walk across it barefoot. Then I buff it wearing socks.” ~ Elaine Boosler

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Elaine Boosler! Had completely forgotten about her. She was funny… but not as funny as Judy Tenuta!

          • TundraGrifter

            We went to an Elaine Boosler show at The Punch Line in San Francisco back in the day and she was hilarious! She had come up from LA to try out her new act. It was great! The crowd began to chant “Encore! Encore!” She said “I’m not a musician; I’m a comedian. I don’t have an encore.” We kept chanting. She said “Well, I could do my old act” and we yelled “Yes! Yes.”

            So she did another 45 minutes – her entire old act! It was also very, very funny!

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Lucky you!

      • Doug Langley

        They’re Photoshopped.

      • Marion in Savannah

        We’ll draw the veil of charity over what my floors usually look like.

      • Alternative Dog

        My mother lived up to the plaque that hung in the stairwell to our basement:

        “Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy”

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Perfect.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        I’m gonna hazard a guess that a person who keeps a digital scale in his/her eat-in kitchen is at least fastidious, at worst- has some serious control issues spreading throughout various aspects of his/her life.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Food-sitting. All the hep cats are doing it.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “You wanna know why I’m sitting in this food bowl? Because it’s empty!

    • Jukesgrrl
  • freakishlypersistent

    Fuck me, just saw the footage of our racist AF AG joking about Russians at the Federalist Society yesterday. And everyone laughing and clapping. Imagine for a moment if all this shit was being found out about someone with a (D) after their name.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Imagine if Democrats showed up at some far left wing meeting? If Obama had gone to a New Black Panthers meeting, conservative heads would be rage-sploding, yet these fuckers do it ALL the time. Clarence Thomas’s wife is a Tea Party supporter. Neil Gorsuch also shows up at far right wing nutjob symposiums.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It’s reminiscent of the film clip Dubya made of him looking for WMDs under the table in the White House dining room and other places. They don’t know the difference between self-effacing humor and pure lack of shame.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    here goes annoying student again…when she starts up, I usually go smoke.

  • The Librarian

    4. Even though Doug was Debunked (new band name), will all the idiots that believed his bs still flock to the polls for Moore? I’d like to believe there are sensible people left in Alabama, but it’s getting harder to make that case.

    5. My heart broke also too over Franken. He’s such a great Senator and I love watching him make people squirm when he questions them at hearings.

    • efoveks

      He handled the fall out like a grown up, owning it and apologizing… and showing the public what personal responsibility really looks like. OTOH, Prezz Pussgrab’s best defense is that he is still in denial, and Moore– oh there’s just no redemption there.

      Take heart. History will be kind to Al Franken. If the rest aren’t forgotten completely, they will be remembered for their cowardice and vile.

      • The Librarian

        Indeed, I give credit to Mr. Franken for his statement and for calling for an ethics investigation on himself. No GOP would have the balls to do that.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Because they’re all guilty as shit of even more.

  • eggs ackly-wright

    OT: Firefox users beware of a notice that pops up to download updates. It is evil/fake. Close your browser and restart.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Stopped using Firefox years ago because the almost daily updates were pissing me off.

      • puredog

        The All New and Improved Firefox features a fairly extensive facelift, which in some cases has changed much-used features, to my grrrr. A little sleuthing and I was able to devise workarounds that are compatible with the new interface iin most cases. TBH, it was partly a hassle because my bookmarks folder is so totally screwed up and redundant, as a result of clumsily installing FF on new computers and then importing bookmarks. One of the things I plan to do if I have a mild lingering illness is to clean that puppy up (along with organizing my photos and — gasp — even actually printing some of them). Yeah, that’s the ticket.

        • phoenix00

          Firefox Quantum (aka. version 57). Brand new architecture so old plugins and extensions won’t go. Breaks NoScript unfortunately (but the dev is working on it!)

          • SeeTrain65

            I commented to them if I wanted Chrome Light, I’d be running Chrome.

            I spoke a little hastily, it seemed. It’s not so bad. I have a backup to the only plug in I couldn’t use on the new one.

          • phoenix00

            Yup the revamped UI took me a little bit to get used to as well. Once NoScript is done and released I’ll be 100% happy.

          • chezmoi

            Hmm. I only use ABPlus and Privacy Badger, and they are both humming happily as ever.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Huh. My updates are automatic and barely noticeable. They did a big one recently and it seems faster, problems are rare.

        • Jamoche

          Automatic updates always broke plugins, and I was only using it for those plugins.

        • SeeTrain65

          Last one I got was about a day or two ago.

          They changed the whole thing. Too me a good two hours to figure out how to get my settings back where I wanted them, but I finally did it.

    • Jack

      Anyone else have their embedded videos show up as green and purple shadows?
      This new Firefox sucks!

    • phoenix00

      The legit way to trigger an update: Hamburger menu -> Help -> About Firefox. If there’s an update it’ll update automagically then prompt you to restart the browser.

  • WilbyToad

    Hightower: Donald Trump’s Strange Bromances with Duterte and Putin

    Trump has zero knowledge, experience or skills in foreign policy, and he’s in way over his head when dealing with someone like Putin. Why wouldn’t our president at least challenge this dangerous foreign threat to our people’s democracy?

    “Well, look,” Trump meekly replied when asked this question, “I can’t stand there and argue with him.”

    Really? Well, since you’re not up to the job, please get out of the way so we can find a president who will stand there and argue with the Putins and Dutertes of the world.

    ALTERNET
    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/donald-trump-bromance-putin

    We all know why he can’t argue with Vlad… and Donnie has a brand spankin’ new laundromat in Manilla.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      I once heard Jim Hightower speak. He had just written a book called There’s Nothing in the Middle of the Road But Yellow Stripes and Dead Armadillos.

    • phoenix00

      Why argue when you can reacharound?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    In honor of Skypenis, I bring you …

    WOOD YOU GO? Inside one of the world’s weirdest tourist attractions – the South Korean theme park full of giant penis scultpures

    Standing proud inside Haeshindang Park are dozens of sculpted willies erected in defiance of an oold curse

    • OutOfOrbit

      well you seem oodly attracted to this stuff, aye?

    • Granny Sprinkles

      Millennial Daughter was just there last weekend!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Don’t have to go that far, the WEAM (World Erotic Art Museum) is in Miami, and is pretty dedicated to the penis.

      • Grumpy Twat

        There is a penis museum in Reykjavik
        http://phallus.is/en/
        I overheard an American tourist at the desk ask, “So if I buy a ticket, what can I expect to see, here?”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Would they like to sponsor a U.S. Navy Air Show?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          That’s funny, I would think the name would give it away. Probably expecting a live exhibit?

          • Grumpy Twat

            The guy behind the desk was very patient, gently explaining that it was, as one might expect, dicks all the way.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I admit it, I let people think I’m Canadian, like my husband, when in Europe.

        • SeeTrain65

          “Mr. Phallus, on the night of the 15th, what do you remember?”

          “Well … it was light, it was dark, it was light, it was dark, it was light, it was dark …” – Robin Williams

      • H0mer0

        Peeno Noir?

        • SeeTrain65

          I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my eyes rolling.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          They could sponsor an addition.

  • Swampay

    She is a cupcake.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    “Good God, people, what do you not get about me not being a mouse?!? Sheesh!”

  • SisterArtemis
  • calliecallie

    That Donna Rose is the cutest toddler ever.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “I not a bish!!”

    Our Benevolent OverToddler continues her unbroken streak of cuteness.

  • Cosmic Owl

    I wouldn’t argue with that youngster.

    she knows damn well she is not A BISH!

  • capnkrunch

    Please no more Donna Rose videos. It’s giving me diabetes.

    • SeeTrain65

      YOUR PANCREAS WILL SHUT DOWN AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Speaking of MAGA, Martha Plimpton’s Twitter depicts it as an acronym for Morons Are Governing America.

  • SeeTrain65

    I’m with Mommy. She is a cupcake.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    OMG that video is SO PRECIOUS!!! It makes me so wistful for those days gone by with my own three. Two through about four is such a fun, sweet and malleable age. I miss those sweet little voices that come from those teensy, weensy, munchkin vocal cords. And how silly they are at that age. Gosh, I wish I could have mine be that age for one or two days a week forever. Well, for another decade or so. Once I’m over 60, eh, not enough ATP for that.

    Will be throwing some plastic at you soon.

    • Lily412

      She was the best darn mouse that ever “eek”ed.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    “Yours in Christ” for the win. :)

  • jim2011

    As someone who also likes to enjoy furniture by squatting on it like a gargoyle, I can relate.

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