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Kayla Moore, wife of Roy and known asshole, spoke to supporters Friday to reassure them her husband won’t be leaving the race for the Senate, attempted child rape and sexual abuse allegations be damned. The gathered crowd appeared to be the women’s auxiliary of the Kiddie Diddle Bible Society of pastors (including Alan Keyes and craziest wingnut Christian lady in America Janet Porter, who was pretty sure Obama was going to use the swine flu outbreak as an excuse to put everyone in concentration camps! AYUP, these are Roy Moore’s friends!) who spoke in support of Roy Moore yesterday. 

In a short message, Kayla Moore continued her message of Christian hope, which didn’t remotely address the many allegations against her husband, but was mostly about how God Hates Fags. Like we said, Kayla Moore is an asshole.

Moore talked about the coalition of naysayers who for whatever reason don’t like people credibly accused of molesting children, listing the Washington Post (which endorsed Hillary!), the Human Rights Campaign (queers!) and the “Washington establishment” (Mitch McConnell!). Indeed, she said the people attacking her husband are the same people who attacked our Dear Leader Trump! She added:

Personally, I think he owes us a thank yew. Have you noticed you’re not hearing too much about Russia?

We’re not?

(By the way, that was supposed to be a #KaylaMooreJoke. If you didn’t laugh, you’re probably a hellbound heathen like the rest of them.)

Moore then said a prophetic word about her husband’s opponent, Atticus Finch Doug Jones:

… an ultra-liberal, who was an Obama delegate, who is for full-term abortions …

(She is of course talking about the wingnut myth that liberal abortionistas constantly deliver full term babies only to smash their brains and sell them to the Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Sports Bar & Grill for parts. Nobody is aborting “full-term fetuses,” which are usually called “newborns.”)

… who is for transgender bathrooms, who is for transgender in the military, is against everything we and Alabama believe and stand for …

Which is apparently that trying to rape children is cool as long as you hate the transfags and the gaygenders.

BREAKING NEWS: Alabama Governor Kay Ivey is convinced! Though Ivey has up to now been the only Alabama Republican coming out of this smelling like a rose, she told reporters minutes ago she’s proud to vote for her party’s nominee, Roy Moore. She also still says she believes the women. Kay Ivey: Votin’ for the kid-toucher and proud of it!

But back to the Kayla Moore presser. After reminding everybody that Doug Jones loves it when transgenders do nine-month abortions, she levied quite an attack on the Washington Post:

The Washington Post has called everybody that I have ever known for the last 40 years. They have called everybody my husband has ever known for the last 40 years.

Whoa, is she accusing reporters of … being reporters? You better take that back, Kayla Moore, you fuckin’ mean ass church lady, them’s fightin’ words!

She added that WaPo prints things without even checking to see if they’re true, which is adorable.

Having stuck it to the liberals, and having stuck it to the homos, and having spent four solid minutes distracting from myriad allegations that her husband’s most notable accomplishment in his younger years was taking kids behind dumpsters and giving them bad touches, Kayla Moore left, satisfied she had done the Lord’s work.

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  • yyyaz

    As they drop-kick Jesus through the goalposts of political expediency.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • puredog

      After all, the Lawd does move in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.

  • Nockular cavity

    these people give us the heebie jeebies

    But enough about Bernie Bernstein.

  • Daniel
  • bubbuhh

    They abusin Jeezuz.

  • They better sure as shit hope that their religion is as false as they demonstrate it is by their actions otherwise Jesus is likely to be super-ultra-hellfire pissed off at their near universal acceptance of child abuse and child molestation.

    • Daniel

      Suffer the little children.

      • puredog

        I think you may have left out a comma.

    • Jesus would slap the shit out of them. I’d pay to see that.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The Washington Post has called everybody that I have ever known for the last 40 years. They have called everybody my husband has ever known for the last 40 years.

    She’s accusing them of checking their facts, the worst thing you can do in Alabama.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      and also accusing them of printing unverified stories

      WHICH IS IT, PHARISEE ???

  • MynameisBlarney
  • armed_bears

    I’m sorry but, as a snowflake, I am triggered by that video.

    Nah. Just kidding. To hell with ’em.

  • Indiepalin

    If the Fairy Godmother would have only turned Roy Moore into a republican a few decades earlier, we’d all be pissing in tall cotton today.

  • kilgoretrout

    I could do less with Moore.

    • TimResistit

      Judge Moore should judge less.

  • msanthropesmr

    Those those little cross earrings make me believe her. With apologies to Lenny Bruce, perhaps they’d be better as little electric chairs.

    • yyyaz

      I like the mini-nooses.

    • georgiaburning

      As Bill Hicks would say, crosses are the last thing Jesus wants to be reminded of

  • Daniel

    Her fear of transgender people is, of course that they will sexually assault children.

    • Spurning Beer

      Christian children.

      • MynameisBlarney

        White, xtian childerns.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And not marry them afterwords.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Or even apply for a store credit card.

    • Ricky Gay

      Plus, hubby Roy don’t want to get to didlin’ and find a penis where should be a baby kitty.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      they just don’t want the competition

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I notice we’re not hearing much about Russia, especially if we’re living in Alabama and only watching Fox News.

    Mueller has been especially quiet. It must mean he’s done with all of this.

    • Daniel

      Being modest like a good Christian, and pragmatic like a good Republican, she’s used to people being very loud about whatever they do, no matter how little it is.

    • bbayliss

      There was a perfectly innocent explanation, donald explained it to Mueller’s satisfaction, so it’s all good now

  • Oblios_Cap

    She seems nice.

    And perfectly loathsome.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s because her scales aren’t showing.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “They have called everybody my husband has ever known for the last 40 years.”

    Well, that does it for me! How dare WaPo call people who’ve known (some in the biblical sense) Roy Moore?

    • ((( Augustus )))

      and then she also accuses them of not researching their stories holy FUCK these people are so god damned stupid

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        How dare you call anyone who has known my husband during the time period when these women have alleged that my husband has attacked them? And also, why won’t you do your goddamned job and investigate this story? I think WaPo has about 30 sources for their story, that seems like enough.

        Ummm….yeah, that makes no sense whatsoever. Another logic fail from the GOP.

  • Oblios_Cap

    She seems a little too old for Moore to be hanging around with.

  • kilgoretrout

    I’ll bet old Roy makes her play cowgirl.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      reverse cowgirl

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT, but…
    While the WH is busy playin CYA, our rivals are up to some heavy shit.

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/the-chinese-connection-to-the-zimbabwe-coup/ar-BBF5Hbu?li=BBnbfcL&ocid=edgsp

    • yyyaz

      Get used to it. We are now second fiddle and sinking.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Second fiddle?
        You’re being far too kind.

  • Mary Theresa
  • armed_bears

    You think 23andMe bothers to advertise in Alabama? You’d think one report would cover a lot of ground there.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    No Trans person wants to share a bathroom with Kayla Moore anyway. The stench of discontinued Avon perfume, Aquanet, and totoally unjustified self-righteousness would knock down a horse.

    • Ricky Gay

      Don’t forget, she’s also full of shit

      • Anna Rompage

        Is that what that awful smell hovering around her is?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Yeah, and her farts are to die from.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      WTF is that horse doing in the ladies room, anyways?

      • Daniel

        Don’t fucking judge.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        We will never tell.

      • Shanzgood

        Why do you think we go in groups?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          or herds, as it were…

          • Shanzgood

            Nice one!

        • Daniel

          Hence Mustang Sally.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I’m betting it was hot to trot…

          • Shanzgood

            Wow, I’m terrible at this in comparison.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The centaurs’ room was full?

      • Daniel

        Being injected?

      • Daniel

        It’s a safe space when it feels Triggered.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          wanted a place it could feel stable

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Plus she’ll corner you and try to sell you Amway.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Mary Kay

      • Anna Rompage

        Jim Bakkker survival buckets….

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al4Qr9MlDWo

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “BUILD A BRIDGE OUT OF HIM!!”

        • OneYieldRegular

          Jim Bakker appears to be slowly turning into the Head Elf from the Rankin/Bass “Rudolph” Christmas special.

          • george lastrapes

            He’s probably demented enough to believe it. And you got him started. For shame.

        • george lastrapes

          One would think those buckets, when empty, could serve as toilets, but one finds on opening them that they are already filled with crap.

        • I made it to 2:58 before the throwing up in my mouth became uncontrollable.

          Why do I, a borderline, confused agnostic, KNOW MORE ABOUT THEIR FUCKING BOOK THEY THEY DO???

        • (((Aron)))

          BUY MAH BUCKETZ!!!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I’ve been trying to sell AmGay to Chris Hemsworth, but he won’t bi…

      • george lastrapes

        Or Mary Kay. Wouldn’t surprise me if her Cadillac was baboon’s-ass pink.

        • nightmoth

          Just from sales to herself, she uses so much product.

          • george lastrapes

            Oh- when I said Kayla’s Cadillac, I really was meaning her car, not her hoohah, really. Promise. Although I can see how anyone might think…..

    • fredoandme

      it’d knock a buzzard off a garbage truck.

      • yyyaz

        Trump’s tongue off Putin’s taint.

      • george lastrapes

        You are replying two days ago to something I just typed. Has the world gone truly mad?

        • fredoandme

          perhaps.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Discontinued Avon perfume and Aquanet describes a significant part of my Saturday night grooming rituals.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        toss in a half empty bottle of gin and a well worn curling iron and you’ve got yourself a party…

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Every Saturday night ever, if you include the part about crying in the shower at 3:00 a.m.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Thank God you can still find both at any yard sale in the south. Damn, I miss that.

    • Paul

      Holy shit, speaking of Aquanet, where the ever loving fuck did they find that battleax in the red dress with the coif from 1965?

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        She found a style that worked for her when she was 17 and hasn’t changed it since.

  • DrBigHead

    Well, you gotta admire the republicans for one thing, and that is their ability to demonize democrats to the point that voting for Moore remains the preferred option.

    • Spurning Beer

      Kayla failed to mention that even if Roy did child grab-ass in the 1980s, he was a Democrat at the time. QED, y’all.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        We don’t want those kind of perverts in Washington. The Dem kind.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    I think I hit Wingnut Bingo within the first 10 seconds… a new record.

  • JoeChristmas

    Get us up to that fancy Washington DC, so I can get the hell out of this hell hole of a state!

    • yyyaz

      If Roy Boi thinks it’s hot in August in ‘Bama, he will be in for a nasty surprise should he make it to D.C. A catfish in a deep-fryer will look more comfortable.

  • beingreleased

    “… who is for full-term abortions.”

    Coincidentally, I was just asking my wife this morning if it’s ok to abort in the 34th trimester.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Using the Mitt Romney model of economics, if we make the country shitty enough, fetuses will choose to self-abort.

    • shastakoala

      I think it’s ok in the 34th semester.

  • Anna Rompage

    Too bad the 10 commandments didn’t have a few more, such as
    “Thou shall not covet the underage teenage girls at the mall”

    • beingreleased

      God never said you shouldn’t. That must mean he wants you to.

    • shastakoala

      There’s always the angel did it defense.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Incest and pedophilia seem to happen in the Bible a Lot

        • yyyaz

          Just don’t look back.

    • Daniel

      Yeah, but which of the originals would you have bumped for that? Could you really mean to imply you’d be happy to live in a work where we didn’t remember the sabbath? What would happen if there were other gods before that one?

  • Crystalclear12

    Is this an Alabama thing or what?!
    Seriously, WTF!?!?

    • Proactive Cooperator

      Its a GOP thing. The Confederacy has been the base of the party since 1964. Nixon made the Deal in 1968. Things are pretty much the same.

    • therblig

      what, rampant stupidity? nah. it’s all over

  • WotsAllThisThen
    • But with real smiles

      • yyyaz

        Those teeth-baring poses they make are less smiles than a display of dominance/aggression.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      A real Alabama x-tian lady would never put something on her head that would flatten her hair. The higher the hair, the closer to heaven.

    • Shanzgood

      Nah, the Caucus is a bunch of Serena Joys.

    • armed_bears

      Does Margaret Atwood get a writer’s credit for the Trump Administration?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Kay Ivey is no East Coast educated academic elite.

  • beingreleased

    Here’s a bit of a twitter thing I did:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f30c63ba289782899545848fffe9282ee545f7d1cf31f7b99e6266922d1344f1.png
    [Note for those with quick eyes. I posted the wrong screen shot the first time]

    • MynameisBlarney

      That is fucking disturbing as fuck.

      • yyyaz

        An apt description of Roy Boy.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Sports Bar & Grill- the happy hour baby back ribs are to die for…

  • Zonath

    If you ever make the argument that a likely kiddy fiddler/sexual abuser should be voted for because at least he hates the right kind of people, then you just need to shut the fuck up immediately and forever.

    • armed_bears

      Well, that right there is a bumper sticker I’d buy.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Better have a big ass bumper.

        • armed_bears

          Done and, sadly, done.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Especially if the diddler in question has been trying his damnedest to prevent people from taking a piss in a public restroom because he’s convinced that they’re going to molest children.

      • Bemused

        Maybe he figures that since he’s tempted in that direction, everyone is?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Paid troll is paid…in taxpayer moneys?

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/11/nasty-defender-rep-dave-brat-facebook-he

    WTF, Over?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He’s banging her.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        You know it…

      • armed_bears

        Is she a teen?

    • Shanzgood

      NEVER SAY CALM DOWN

      • MynameisBlarney

        What about “now now, you’re being hysterical!” I hear that one really works.

        • armed_bears

          Umm, no.

        • Shanzgood

          Yes! Because of that, I possess many ribcages that I wear as tiaras now.

          • MynameisBlarney

            See! I toldja it works!

      • shastakoala

        Or Relax.

        • Shanzgood

          Aaaaagh! INSTA-RAGE

  • ((( Augustus )))

    I FUCKING HATE HER CROSS EARRINGS

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      They’re the “Have a Blessed Day” of jewelry.

      • ((( Augustus )))

        eeeeeeeuyck, so fake and gross

        don’t get your blessings on me, Pharisee

    • Daniel

      You’re saying they make you cross?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Hang ’em!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s not your cross to bear…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Is that a Gladly, the cross-eyed bear reference?

      • Querolous

        You nailed it.

    • exinkwretch

      They’re WAY too small. She is clearly not devout enough.

    • Anna Rompage

      The misconception is that those freaky Romans didn’t nail Jeebus to the cross, rather they took turns nailing Jeebus ON the cross….

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Well, at least there is now a reason and a plot for Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3.
    Meanwhile and in due time, Jesus will definitely have a talk with Kayla about those cross earrings. Sick AF.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • CountryClubJihadi

      This made me so happy.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      This should become standard battlefield practice.

      • Suttree

        Shock and awe indeed!

        • Old Nick

          I live by a Naval Air Station and will have to ask around to see if the brass has issued warnings

    • armed_bears

      Somebody’s career up in smoke there…. Do not give young men expensive jets and too little to do.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        He was awarded two bronze balls and a purple wang.

        • armed_bears

          I wanna see the new nose art on his jet.

          • ImGoingBacon

            It’s art by Tom of Finland. I saw it on the internet, so it must be true.

          • Querolous

            It could have been a female pilot with nose art by Okeefe.

      • They said it created no danger so it didn’t break any (established) rules.

        • armed_bears

          His call sign is now “Toast”. Trust me, he is done.

          • That would be sad. I think it was funny, myself.

    • beingreleased

      I think the military considers this worse than bombing a wedding party.

    • Suttree

      Is this hoping that his nuts are twisted in a figure 8 motion?

    • Zonath

      Wish DC airspace wasn’t so restricted, or I would be crowdfunding a similar stunt for Congress and the White House.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I’m gonna go to the Phoenis in the sky
      That’s where I’m gonna go when I die
      When I go to the hallowed halls
      I’m gonna be with the big cock and balls.

    • Is that a 10-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the airshow?

    • what, me worry?

      I approve of this use of military equipment far more than sending it to Yemen, to kill women and children.

      #NaughtySkywriting4Peace

    • ArgieBargie
  • Suttree

    Is it against the commenting rules to wish that redhead’s hair on all of these terrible women?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I hope not, because, LAWL!

    • Daniel

      And anyone else who supports Moore.

      Trump finally learns to be careful what he wishes for.

    • Shanzgood

      Just the hair, not the color! They don’t deserve to be redheads!

      • Suttree

        Very true!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I do believe Ol’ Red is checking out Kayla’s ass in that photo.

  • gingerland62

    She was a sophmore when he attacked the 16 year old at the same school. She knows.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      her disgustingly hypocritical cross earrings show us that she’s doing everything in her power to trick herself into forgetting reality exists

    • SayItWithWookies

      He probably married her because of her child-bearing hips, her abilities as a homemaker, and because she can’t be compelled to testify against him.

    • Bemused

      She’s not one of “those girls” though, so she’s OK and the other girls deserved it.

      • gingerland62

        He MARRIED her.. They are jealous.

  • Michael R
    • kilgoretrout

      Fox News is a clear and present danger

    • Daniel

      He only killed that one guy, and that was years ago.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He hasn’t tried to rape anyone RECENTLY

        (that we know of)

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          The fact that Roy can’t get it up anymore has a silver lining.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Didn’t they used to use silver to treat the herp?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that’s what Kayla said…

    • MynameisBlarney

      They really don’t give a shit about how history will be looking back on them with a furious scowl.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Meh. Mushroom clouds tend to wipe the slate clean.

      • armed_bears

        …them with a furious scowl.

        …them from within a scarlet cowl.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, if that doesn’t mean someone else is about to speak up, I don’t know what does.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Even since I got kicked off the Ali Bami court, I haven’t gone to mall once, that I know of.

      — R Moore.

    • armed_bears

      When even your stable of sycophant starts to speak with weasel clauses, you know you’re at peak derp.

    • YoBunnyBunny
  • canes_pugnaces

    My guess: Roy Moore went to ‘Tasty Cream’ with her at the local mall, too.

    • Spurning Beer

      Anyplace with a children’s menu.

  • Swampay

    This whole thing proves once again: The louder someone is on how other people should conduct their sex lives, the more likely it is that they’ve got something to hide.

    • Crystalclear12

      Also known as the smelt/dealt it rule.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      See, now you’re getting it. It’s Always Projection

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    “the Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Sports Bar & Grill”

    Jeeze, thanks for outing our meeting place, Evan! Now we’re going to have to go somewhere else to get those fetus cakes we like.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wait, we like sportsball now?

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        For Aesthetic Purposes Only.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Oh right!

  • Victoria Ricola

    JFC. I’m done. I think I’m going to run off and live in the deep woods while there are still deep woods to run off and live in.

  • AlanInSF

    “,,,smash their brains and sell them to the Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Sports Bar & Grill for parts”

    Parts, and delicious deep-fried appetizers.

  • Spurning Beer

    “Do you have any idea how many children Roy didn’t molest?”

    • ((( Augustus )))

      Billions Moore Unmolested !

  • calliecallie

    Bless her heart.

    • Spurning Beer

      Wow. That’s harsh.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        That is harsh indeed. I would have gotten by with “fuck her eye sockets with Donald J. Trump’s diminutive member!” myself.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • BadKitty904

    I DEMAND to know the name of the hairdresser of the “redhead” on the far right (of the photo, not necessarily the political spectrum)!!1!

    • kilgoretrout

      Carrot Top

    • ImGoingBacon

      Opal. You know, one name, just like Cher.

    • Crystalclear12

      Church ladies R us.
      On Main next to the bait shop.

      • BadKitty904

        Don’t tell me Truvy Jones or Annelle Dupuy Desoto weren’t involved. Janice Van Meter must be pea-green with envy…

        • shastakoala

          They’d just make it look like a brown football.

          • BadKitty904

            A little makeup and a lot of hairspray can make a huge difference in every woman’s life.

          • shastakoala

            “When it comes to pain and suffering, she’s right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.”

          • dshwa

            What makes a man
            Reach up and touch?
            Ultraclutch!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Ronald something. I think it was a Scottish name.

      • MynameisBlarney

        McHaggis?

        • kilgoretrout

          Mack Truck?

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Big Country?

    • dshwa

      Secretly a gay who hates her. “No really, it’s the latest fashion. You’ll be the belle of the ball. Really.”

    • Spurning Beer

      You know, southern women adore their gay hairdressers just like they adore their gay choir directors/organists. It’s a loophole, like prison sex.

      • BadKitty904

        Those are the only Southern men who are usually interested in anything said women have to say.

      • dshwa

        She may adore him, but as I said below, I very much doubt the feeling is mutual if he did that to her hair.

    • bupkus231

      Her hairdresser used to do Mary Trump!

  • They aren’t saying “wives and daughters” or “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”, for some reason. Strange.

    • kilgoretrout

      THINK OF THE CHILDREN was Moore’s first election slogan.

      • Bobathonic

        As well as his lifelong erection slogan.

        • bupkus231

          Gee – What a concept! I gotta come up with a slogan for my woodies!

          • Old town Urbandale

            Uh, “get ’em before they’re gone”?

          • bupkus231

            I dunno – but you have the right idea. Do I know you?

      • canes_pugnaces

        His first slogan was: !4 is not too young.

  • canes_pugnaces

    And for those of you who think the country isn’t completely insane, and that the Dems are somehow immune from batshit crazy, allow me to introduce into evidence this tweet from the Dem running for Ohio gov:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6fad35aedfe3e81a0d26492d344294a780e741e6fa6ecc568e0728c4e098f2ed.png

  • OrdinaryJoe

    White Knightress for Mall Troll Roy (R-Pedophilia).

  • DainBramage

    Governor Kay Ivey is just looking to export a pedophile to DC.
    Seriously though, Kay, you want this sex predator to be a senator? Some nice values you’ve got there.

    • Anna Rompage

      Maybe she’s just trying to protect the teenage girls in her state…

      Doubt it, but maybe…

      • Bobathonic

        By having him move to DC?

        • bupkus231

          Maybe he’ll get a place to stay in suburban Virginia?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Those charges don’t cross state lines, do they?

          • bupkus231

            Still some 600 miles away from Alabammy….

    • dshwa

      The cold political calculus came down on “it’s better to be on his side if I want to get reelected.”

      Fuck Alabama, let’s give them their hearts desire and vote them off the goddamn island if they elect this shitbag.

      • Professor Fate

        I remember reading somewhere that true measure of a politician are what issues they willing to support even if they lose an election. For most alas the answer seems to be ‘none really’

        • jesterpunk

          Look at what happened to democrats who supported and helped pass the ACA. Voters freaked the hell out because a blah guy and congress helped them actually afford health care they elected republicans and Trump to undo everything Obama did.

    • bupkus231

      All these motherfuckers have the same “values” – which are all variations on “Fuck everybody else, and gimme more!”

      The longer this Roy Moore shit goes on, the more I HATE Alabama – and I already wish to avoid that place like the plague.

    • beingreleased

      These Alabamans – they aren’t sending their best. They’re sending us their criminals.

  • Anna Rompage

    Of course these folks are still supporting Roy Moore, I mean for gawds sake, these are the same people that give their money to TV evangelists.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I am running off to Whole Fetus Foods later, anyone want baby part pizza?

    • Anna Rompage

      Buffalo Style Fetal Nuggets?

    • therblig

      gmo free and free range only, thank you.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        cage free and grain fed are the best babbies

        • Old town Urbandale

          And don’t forget to pick up a pound of vegan baby buttholes. Oh, and those cakes we like.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Now With Placenta!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      On the FDA-mandated labeling, you can see how babby is chopped and formed. Damn regulatory state!

  • Professor Fate

    And they will protect the unborn but once born and they end up dealing with creeps like your husband the message is ‘you’re on your own’

    Somewhere Irony is weeping and drinking absinthe through a straw.

  • Mary Theresa
    • therblig

      i hope mr. silver will remember
      a southern man don’t need him around, anyhow

    • dshwa

      But are they worse enough?

    • therblig

      are the results in from Kallikak Knowledge Kollege? i bet they give ol’ roy much better odds.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    WaPo publishes things without even checking to see if they’re true. They’re just calling everyone KaMo and RoyBoy have ever known to chitchat.
    Logic: how the fuck does it work?

  • canes_pugnaces

    Is any of this real? Reading the news is like Vonnegut and Orwell on acid.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Slaughterhouse-Fourteen?

  • exinkwretch

    Charlie Pierce at Esquire has been relatively quiet lately, but he gets mads props of his quip the other day dubbing good ol’ Judge Roy “the Don Juan of Cinnabon.”

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    She reminds me of one of the Wives in A Handmaids Tale. She’d be perfectly happy with a Handmaid to boss around.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Keep talking, you pestilential assgoblin. With every last word you demonstrate that your hateful nonsense has no place on a civilized planet, much less in a civilized country. The more you talk, the easier it is for everybody to support all the causes you hate.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      “Pestilential assgoblin.”
      Pure poetry. Shakespearian in fact!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I was just about to praise that phrase myself!

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        I might have stolen it, I don’t remember :/

  • what, me worry?

    Being progressive and living in the Deep South myself, I can tell you that nothing delights the far right more than liberal fury.

    The snark and mocking at the expense of the People of Alabama because Roy Moore is a repulsive kid toucher is fun, because it feeds the stereotype, but it’s important to note that Moore is currently 8 point down to an establishment Democrat in the AL Senate Race, in a state that won’t routinely elect a Democrat dog catcher.

    • dshwa

      Its nice that he’s 8 points down, but being a kiddie diddler should have you down 100.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Or six under! (We’re talking polls, so the Votes are implied).

    • bupkus231

      Yeah – but there’s still three weeks until the election – plenty of time for the shock to wear off, and all those asshole Alabamans to decide it’s better to piss off libruls…

      I won’t believe Doug Jones wins until at least a week AFTER the election.

      • what, me worry?

        I remain hopeful that paedophilia will shock enough actual Christians (as opposed to the social warriors pretending to be Christian) in Alabama enough to overcome their repulsion toward a (D) after anyone’s name.

        At worst, I think a lot of them will stay home because of this.

        • bupkus231

          The “actual” Christians have long become a small minority in this country. So, even if they stay home, they won’t affect the outcome once all those “Christians” get going on protecting their tribe.

          • what, me worry?

            O, Ye of little faith…

            See what I did there? It looks easy, but it isn’t…

            Sorry, couldn’t resist.

      • Aileen

        I worry about this too, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if a few more accusers came out in the next 3 weeks. You don’t get BANNED FROM THE MALL by limiting yourself to just 5 or 6 children.

  • Mary Theresa
    • therblig

      i think i know where roy got his playbook:

      Mike Damone: I mean don’t just walk in. You move across the room. And you don’t talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That’s what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

      Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

      Mike Damone: That’s the idea, Rat. That’s the attitude.

      Mark Ratner: The attitude?

      Mike Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

      • Spurning Beer

        That was at the mall where Judge Reinhold used to hang out, right? The DA of Ridgemont County?

  • Even though I grew up surrounded by a sea of these, I am SHOCKED to see some ALABAMA GALS still sport this hair don’t.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/797aaeef9cbad98916ecd9abdb49dc57e8ff1e4e49347820efa7eee5f83c084d.png

    It’s Not a Wig

    • Spurning Beer

      They’re PhDs.

      Pentecostal Hair-Dos.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        They think it makes ’em look Charismatic!

    • Pump up the volume, sistah!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      The higher the hair, the closer to heaven, darlin’

    • kilgoretrout

      She’ll never be lost in a crowd.

      • I’m guessing at Roy Moore Rallies the identifying factor is color, not shape, width, or height.

    • James Baskin

      Two can per day hairspray habit.

      • Hope she doesn’t smoke after sex.

        • BJW

          After sex?? She doesn’t want to mess up her hair.

          • Old Nick

            SEX?? Ew

        • James Baskin

          My guess would be she smokes during sex.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Has anybody checked whether Mary Anne McLeod Trump’s tomb was raided and her hair stolen? Because that is the most logical explanation.

      But what is the explanation for the person (over the right shoulder) wearing an official Gumby Theatre “My Head Hurts” twister kerchief on her head?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Wow; those hairstyles! The South will rise, again!…

  • Spurning Beer

    If Judge Roy is chargeable for any of his offenses now, I’d be satisfied if he got a deal for no jail time, but a felony conviction on his record, and listing on the sex offender registry.

  • dshwa

    A visual just in time for William Burroughs’ thanksgiving day prayer:

    For decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I’m going back to church tonight
      Just like back when I was eight
      But I don’t mean to pray
      I’m gonna nick the collection plate
      I’ve got nothing against church
      Only people who go there
      and show they’re
      Plain ignorant and don’t understand
      a congregation at weekends won’t change their behaviour
      So many people are weak enough to have
      to seek answers from the peddlers of hope
      I should know
      I had to go there myself
      Not since the day I became antipope
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s1G1y7_r8bE

  • 1PeterG1

    Credit to Kayla for her prcipaled stance on maximizing the production of molestable children. Wouldn’t want a shortage would we. And how could she really enjoy having publicly financed health care if there weren’t people who don’t. Especially those poor newborn ragamuffins.

  • Iron Monkey

    They have called everybody my husband has ever known for the last 40 years

    You would think he was running for the Senate or something.

    • James Baskin

      And been accused of inappropriate sexual contact with children!!!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Right? Hell, an aunt of mine worked as an accounting-type person (not an agent) for the FBI years ago and the Bureau contacted everyone she had ever gone to school with, dated, etc as part of her routine background check. You didn’t hear her pissing and moaning about it.

      • Courser_Resistance

        One of our neighbors kids was getting an FBI background check for a security clearance. Man, those were big no-fun guys. Yes, they basically check out everyone you have ever known.

        • Jukesgrrl

          My Dad was a steel mill supervisor in a town that also had a nuclear power plant. When one of his former employees would apply for a job at the power plant, he would get a visit at his home from a Fed who would be there to ask about his former employee. That’s how careful they are with nuclear plants. And Kayla’s bitchin’ about a Senate candidate being vetted?!

          • Old Nick

            Everyone who applies for admission to The Florida Bar (ie wants to practice law) (and I imagine in most states) gets the same scrutiny. It’s a pain in the butt if you are an older student who has been around. I hung onto my application in case I ever have to figure out where I was living in the 1960s.

  • jesterpunk

    I called it, they are now going to go with “So what if he molested kids, they where girls not boys so its all good”.

  • Crack_A_Toe_Ah

    Thanks for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Before the meeting broke up, they all made plans to meet for Sunday brunch and not tip.

      • jesterpunk

        They will leave those bible verses that look like $20 bills.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Okay, i’m convinced. I’m moving to Alabama!

    • NotReallyHere

      It was the cross earrings that really convinced you, right?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I can’t bear them.

        • NotReallyHere

          Hmm. The big red hair, then?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            I don’t have a good pun for that!

      • Does she have crosses painted on her nails? A True Christian© would.

      • Beowoof14
        • george lastrapes

          But they go so well with a stars-n-stripes thong!

    • OrG

      Sweet Home.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It seems nice

  • Crystalclear12

    The audience should’ve been full of their granddaughters. They need look in their eyes and say this shit.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Martha (the redhead) speaks!

    https://vid.me/4EtXj#0m25s

    • NotReallyHere

      ACK! I could not listen to that lady with the hair.

  • Tom65

    In any normal state, this circus would guarantee a humiliating defeat for Moore. Alas…

  • Courser_Resistance

    There’s a Special Hell for the Enablers

  • Blackest Noobs

    how do you believe the women and still vote for the guy the women accuse?

    seriously, can we just fucking nuke the state of Alabama?

    • jesterpunk

      Because he is running against a Democrat.

      https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/928756267425943553

      Actually also read the whole thread.

      https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/928730814350811147

    • Courser_Resistance

      The ‘women’ were just trailer-trash hoors. Who cares? #MAGA

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Duh, its Alabama.

    • Iam Reading

      I prefer going back in time and giving Sherman and his troops flamethrowers so that they can start at the Mason-Dixon line and just burn everything all the way to the fucking coast

      • Blackest Noobs

        fuck, i would give Sherman tactical nukes…you know, just to be sure and all.

  • Squeegee

    I remember growing up in Iran the Ayatollah said there were no gays in Iran.

    I am betting this clown thinks there are no gays in Alabama either……that is a northerner problem and they can deal with it there!

  • Squeegee

    Should I hate myself that my favorite song is “Sweet Home Alabama”

    • Beowoof14

      I like Lynard but sometimes, I need to listen to this to help me through when thinking about some in the south.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVRxdPWV3RM

      • Squeegee

        There are a lot of cities and towns down south that are pretty decent like Louisville.
        And my friends in Austin say the only thing wrong with Austin is that it is in Texas.

        • george lastrapes

          Amen to that. But Texas is far less racist than many folks would expect; the big cities-and there are several-are pretty liberal; and Texans expect Texans to be polite and friendly, and so most of them are. Texas was a blue state, and will be again.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Yes.

    • RobespierreHoo

      You should have been on the original band’s “last tour”.

      • doktorzoom

        Hi, please review the rules.

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • WilbyToad

    Kayla isn’t just an asshole, she’s a stochastic terrorist.

    2017 is the deadliest year yet for transgender people
    by Christianna Silva, NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/2017-is-the-deadliest-year-yet-for-transgender-people/

  • OrdinaryJoe

    You are all looking at the complaints from the times he tried and failed to pick up a girl at the mall. I’m thinking about all the times he tried and succeeded.

  • Beowoof14

    What’s a little molestin when you have Jesus on your side when it comes to gays. ( How they get there is kind of stretch cause Jesus never mentioned gays or abortion)
    I see Ole Roy found himself a dumb and mean woman, who apparently likes the bad touches from Roy.

    • bupkus231

      I can’t help but feel that perhaps Kayla wasn’t mean before she married Roy. Dumb, sure – but I think the meanness was a consequence, not a pre-existing condition.

      Perhaps I give her too much credit.

      • mr_snarkie

        A steady diet of fear, ignorance and hatred will do that to a girl.

  • Squeegee

    Also worth noting cities and states that are the most conservative/racist/homophobic are severely hurt economically as their best and brightest flee that social construct.
    One reason so many southern cities are so sleepy.

    • Lefty Wright

      Yeah, that’s also why so many of the small towns in the Midwest are drying up. The talented young people are leaving unless they have a large farm or their family has a successful small business.

    • george lastrapes

      I wonder if I should move back to TX from OR, for that very reason.

  • Jukesgrrl

    I can’t even …

  • Jackie Jackstein FTW

    So, Ummm. . . Kayla. Can I call you Kayla? No? Tough, you’re Kayla. Okay, so if the Post is just making up “scurrilous” lies about your kiddie-diddler husband, then why, pray tell, are they journalism murdering you by calling everyone you’ve ever known in, like, forever? Why nit just, I dunno, make it up?

    That out of the way,, don’t underestimate the gay vote, especially in Birmingham and Huntsville.

    • Blackest Noobs

      why in the fuck would a gay person want to live in Alabama?
      i mean of all states to live in as a gay person, i don’t even think Alabama would break in the top 50.

      • Lefty Wright

        Well, you could say the same thing about a black person. Actually, a lot of them left back 50 or 60 years ago.

      • Jackie Jackstein FTW

        Some people are trapped in their circumstances. Hell, I lived in Alabama until last year.

        • Blackest Noobs

          i get that…but i just don’t see a gay voting block swaying this vote for the Dems…but maybe there is…i just do not think it is very likely.

          • Jackie Jackstein FTW

            You’re not wrong.It’s very, very unlikely to make any difference. I know tghe people there. I know the mentality. I will be surprised as hell if Moore doesn’t win. I hate being negative, but that’s just the brutal reality of the thing.

            On the plus side, if the DNC can get it together, they can campaign on Moore’s unfitness to a decent win in 2018 and beyond

          • Blackest Noobs

            yes….IF…and big IF the Dems can get their shit together.
            but it IS possible…cuz Virginia did it…won seats thought unwinnable by a Dem.

        • Parakeetist

          Are you okay? Can I get you some water?

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Someone ‘s got to run the bakeries and tea shops.

        • Blackest Noobs

          there’s bakeries and tea shops in Alabama?

  • Isabella Martin

    Jesus must be so proud

    • He can’t see what’s going on. That redhead’s blocking the view.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Roy Moore’s a man for the ages — mostly stone, bronze and iron.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      11-16 also, too

      • Parakeetist

        Vomit

  • Jackie Jackstein FTW

    I can understand Ole Roy’s aversion to abortion. After all, new borns are pretty damned close to his dating pool.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I’ve heard of a thing for feet. But a thing for fetus?!

      • SDGeoff3

        Is that two feets?

        • Parakeetist

          Yes

  • capnkrunch

    Please please please betray my expectations people of Alabama. While Moore getting elected would be incredibly validating for my view of southern conservatives, I would really rather not have a pedophile in the Senate.

  • Iam Reading

    I completely and utterly despise the mentality, the culture, and the stupid ass twang coming from the fucking slave states.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Don’t be prejudiced against the accent! Seriously, it’s just an association you’ve formed, and reasonably enough. But always remember, something like accent does not dictate thought.

      • bupkus231

        But all too few Southrons exhibit “thought”.

        • george lastrapes

          Look what happened in Charlottesville- a Southern woman was murdered by a Nazi of the Northern persuasion. “How can such a thing be,” you should be thinking from atop your high horse- but all too few generalizers exhibit thought.
          But don’t be too hard on yourself. The most cursory glance of history will show just how rare is thought.

          • PersianOregano

            The murderer was a native Kentuckian if I recall correctly. Do they self-identify as northern or southern?

          • An Outhouse for the résistance

            Wasn’t Kentucky still in the Union?

          • george lastrapes

            I think so. Fixing to check. But bear in mind that in antebellum times, the USA was a vague and abstract concept, and loyalty to one’s state was easier to grasp. But the states had internal divides: in the upper south, the lowland planters inhabited a different world than the upland subsistence farmers did. The former had slaves, but the latter did not, and saw no reason to fight and die for the sake of slavery. But that didn’t mean they had any sympathy for the slaves- they felt edged out of work, exiled to barren land, doomed to poverty, by slavery.

          • george lastrapes

            I checked. Interesting story! Their legislature declared for the Union, Confeds tried to seize control, Union troops came in to help. (Short version-see Wikipedia, ‘Kentucky in the American Civil War’.)
            Your answer, then, is a ‘yes with annotated qualifications’, my favorite kind of yes.

          • george lastrapes

            An Ohioan, I think.
            I was born in Louisiana, and we thought Arkansans were Yankees. (Joke)
            But seriously, all the way from northern AL to PA, there is Appalachia, a cultural ‘archipelago’ which is neither northern nor southern.

          • george lastrapes

            I checked, he was IDed as an Ohio resident. Coulda been born across the state line-

          • bupkus231

            The reason I singled out “Southrons” was the comment about the accent. You are entirely correct in your assertion – I would go even further, all too humans exhibit thought – but it kinda misses the point of the snark.

          • george lastrapes

            Know this: the snark can become offensive, even hurtful. It’s like a slap in the face. What entitles you to be a guilt-free face-slapper? What makes southerners your designated target?
            We are in the Resistance. We’re on the same side. We’re in the same trench, goddamit. The weapons we liberals have? Reason, the vote, and snark. Careful where you aim your snark.

          • bupkus231

            Blow it out your self-righteous ass.

          • george lastrapes

            Sad to say, that’s pretty much the response I expected.
            Get better soon.

      • Iam Reading

        Show me data to refute my extensive, but still anecdotal, experiences

        • Spurning Beer

          Challenge accepted. My missus is as southern as can be, and talks as southern as can be. She uses expressions like “fixin’ to” do something. My genealogical research shows that she comes from standard hillbilly stock: farmers in southern Alabama and Georgia, descended from farmers in Virginia and elsewhere, descended from landless gentry from England. She’s related to William the Conquerer through at least two lines. But 23andMe also says she has African American and Native American heritage. She was a hippie chick who drove a 15-year old friend to an illegal abortion in Birmingham in the 1960s. She worked in a small, black owned business for over 30 years where she was the only white person. She had her boss “give her away” when we got married. Her car has “Resist” and “Vote Democratic” stickers on the windows. She’s involved with a couple of activist groups.

          So I contend that being pea-brained and talking southern are separable.

          On average, though, you’re right, of course.

          • Iam Reading

            I call outlier. Your wife is an outlier. Which is definitely a good thing.

          • george lastrapes

            Ah guess yer right about that. Smart southerners are rarer than winged pigs, true freaks of nature, so despise away, we deserve it.

          • Iam Reading

            Yeah, I’m up here in Idaho with all the offspring of Confederate deserters. So things aren’t that great up here either

          • george lastrapes

            I was being a bit ironic. I’m sick of hearing that hatred and prejudice are wrong, unless directed against southerners.
            Where I come from (Texas, not where I am now) is about 60% unreconstructed reprobates. Oregon, where I am, is about 60% our kind of folks. Difference in degree, but not in kind.
            But I must say that the racists here are more vicious than our Texas variety, and the neonazis much worse as well.

          • Iam Reading

            Absolutely. Intermountain neo-nazis are fucking horrible.

          • george lastrapes

            Funny thing: the very worst racists can come from places where there are no blacks- some might be in their teen years before they even see a black person in person! The same with antisemites. The same, I suppose, with yankee-haters or other generalizers.
            The military actually deserves much credit for breaking down such prejudices.

          • Iam Reading

            You are 100% correct. My grandfather was incredibly racist and lived in Upstate New York way in the country on 150 acre farm. He did not see a black person face-to-face in real life until he was in his 60s. He was a huge disappointment. In fact I couldn’t even tell him about my job when I was teaching geology in college because fossils were of course planted by the devil.

          • george lastrapes

            A similar story for me. My maternal grandmother came from a part of Arkansas which the War passed by- no slaves, no black folk- and she was the most racist in my family. But she was also kind and polite, and she let me know she expected the same of me. But, to the point, she thought that dinosaur bones were the bones of demons and that my interest in such was a danger to my soul!

      • C4TWOMAN

        THIS.
        Same thing for working class accents. Ages ago I realized there’s no percentage in sounding posh without a posh bank account.
        Anyway part of the association is right propagandists going out of their way to sound folky or pretend to Care about those communities issue. If we look at the math, there are a hella lot of peeps in the South who voted for Hillary. They just don’t control politics down there.

        • george lastrapes

          When you think about it, Texas has more progressive/liberal types in it than Massachusetts, and is easier to spell, as well.

          • Parakeetist

            Wha

          • george lastrapes

            Because TX is 5x more populous than MA.

      • george lastrapes

        Ah thank yew for that.

    • mr_snarkie

      Fuck all y’all! —Not really…just had to put this out there.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I would still hate that woman even if she and her husband had never hurt a single kid or stolen a dime. That’s just the sort of person I can’t abide.

    • SDGeoff3

      Fortunately, you have every reason to hate them anyway.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Jesus, they’re gonna elected a fucking pedophile!!!!

    just fucking unfuckingbelieveable.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      I’ll say it again; Michelle Remembers/Satanic Ritual Abuse was projection.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      They elected the pussy grabber.

      • Blackest Noobs

        listen, said it before, we’re a country of misogynists…well culturally speaking for the most part..but im pretty sure we’re not a country of pedophiles…ooooh there’s pedophiles but pretty much anyone left or right, liberal or conservative, religious or not…we’re pretty much on the same page when it comes to pedophiles.

        so yeah Trump gets away with it cuz he’s not a peder-ass but just a misogynist who is ALSO an asshole. (which if you calculate in douche_culus = double the asshole, it’s the double dickbag equation)

    • RobespierreHoo

      Moore will lose, Jones wins, close election. Book it, Dano.

  • Jackie Jackstein FTW

    OT: Just saw the full shot of Mrs. Moneybags Mnuchin’s big day and I am prompted to inquire as to why she’s dressed like an unfilmed member of Suicide Squad? I mean, it’s like 1989 Tim Burton had a garage sale.

    • Blackest Noobs

      pics or it didn’t happen.

    • Lisa

      She didn’t want to touch the lowly dollar bills with her bare hands. If they are Benjamins…..

      • george lastrapes

        I think the Mnuchins went to Fort Knox so they could do it, make the beast with two backs, bump ooglees, on our nice clean gold. It’s probably devalued now, worth less than aluminum.

  • Alice Peal

    Yep the problem is those gays hiding behind trees and bathroom doors, never the predator sex fiend hiding in plain sight.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      At the mall that he was banned at.

  • harryeagar

    I would have been more impressed if she had brought her mother to the mic to explain how Roy asked her permission to date Kayla.

    • bupkus231

      Shit – Kayla was 23 and divorced with a child by the time Roy got to her – her mother was probably eager to get rid of her.

      Kinda makes you wonder about her first choice….

  • Lisa

    So, a few years ago I was a Real Simple Magazine Featured Reader (because I wittingly answered the question “What do you always stock in your pantry?” With “Vodka, because food can be delivered!” – thank you, I’ll be here all night). I had to answer a few questions for them. I was fact checked via email three times and once by phone. For a FEATURED READER. Pretty sure investigative journalists do more fact checking than Real Simple reader profiles. GAWD! I can’t even. Also, did you read about the Ohio congressional somebody who worked tirelessly on”genuine marriage”. He resigned after being caught in compromising position with someone of not “genuine marriage” ilk. All these people hating LGBTQs clearly have some deep issues.

    • bupkus231

      I would submit that the journalistic integrity of “Real Simple” a few years ago was lightyears beyond that of the typical rightwing “news” outlet today – and the entire concept of “journalistic integrity” is completely alien to the common rightwing mind

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Someone tweeted it so it must be true.

  • Blackest Noobs
    • little miss high and mighty

      Brecht/Weil said it best:
      “O, Moon of Alabama, we now must say goooood bye.
      We (done) lost our goodol Maaa Ma
      and must hav whiskey or we will die.”

  • Alice Peal

    This is not an only in Alabama problem.

    • Indeniable Ron

      No, but currently they’re the ones choosing to be PROUD of it.

  • As Kayla’s dry cleaner, I can tell her presence remains from her suits – she reeks of schoolgirl blood, vibrator dependency and je reviens.

  • bupkus231

    I suppose this may a bit OT, but on seeing this, I couldn’t help “comparison”:

    Link: http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/white-house-tries-defend-trumps-double-standard-misconduct

    …Sanders’ argument is predicated on a bizarre assumption. Faced with a credible accuser and undeniable evidence, Franken acknowledged wrongdoing and apologized. His accuser has accepted that apology and the Democratic senator will now face additional scrutiny.

    To hear the White House press secretary tell it, there should be no comparable scrutiny of the president because he still pretends he’s done nothing wrong.

    In other words, to hear Sanders tell it, if a man in a position of authority is accused of mistreating women, he shouldn’t do as Franken has done. The smarter move, by this White House’s standard, is to deny everything, lash out at his accusers, and insist that each of the women are liars – because investigations are reserved for those who own up to their actions.

    That last para sure sounds like Roy and Kayla

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      I may not like Bernie, but I feel bad that he has to share a last name with this twat.

  • hillarysleftone

    how Roy Moore made it through a tour of duty in Viet Nam without an (American) grenade rolled under his cot is a fucking mystery for the ages…

    • Spurning Beer

      Last night, Rachel said that his Army companions stated he almost got fragged.

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig
    • James Baskin

      Thank goodness for that. Don’t need no Democrats.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    She seems kind of old for a name like “Kayla” (kind of old for her husband’s tastes, also too).

  • 🍁 Treg Brown 🍁

    “Kayla Moore All ‘Who Cares If Roy Molested Kids? LET’S TALK ABOUT FAGS!’

    I enjoy being talked about as much as the next guy, but does that mean I can talk about her with impunity now?

    • Indeniable Ron

      Go crazy!

  • gallbladder

    Fine. Don’t have him step down. We’d all rather see him knocked down anyways (with votes, that is.)

    • Beaufighter

      I’d say humiliation is the best revenge, but I doubt these people are capable of shame.

  • moeman
    • andyshelt

      So these are the light switches found inside the Vatican?

      • SDGeoff3

        All around the choir school.

        • Terry Doyle

          Easily found on eBay or Google “Jesus light switch”.
          https://www.ebay.com/i/252751004646?chn=ps&dispctrl=1

          • SDGeoff3

            I remember things like that in friends’ homes when I was little. It appears to be a glow in the dark item.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Thanks yous so very very much.

    • Robyn Ryan

      I had one as a kid. Glow in the dark.

      • little miss high and mighty

        you better’ve saved that sucker. Gotta be a true musem piece by now.

    • The Person.

      Please tell me that’s a gag gift…

    • little miss high and mighty

      Is this fine fine heirloom stil avaiable? Archie McPhee, perhaps.
      We needs it bad.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    How about those hairstyles? They are keeping the spirit of Cornelia Wallace alive. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/042a129508f695717ad8dd3dd26b5a87de1f548c4a5758957bfca627e6333e2c.jpg

  • Tom65

    …bless her heart.

  • andyshelt

    Best defence of Moore to date from this GOP supporting dipshit.

    Montgomery native Tim Hensley, 58, was seen arguing with a protester who held a sign that read “Roy Moore is a pedophile.”

    Henley said that he’d forgive Moore for sexual assault.
    “This was 40 years ago. I probably did some things I wasn’t proud of then. I’d forgive him unless we found out about something, say, five years ago.”

    So there we have it, molesting children is acceptable unless it was done recently.
    What the fuck is wrong with these people?

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/roy-moore-character-witnesses-montgomery_us_5a0f1d1ae4b0e97dffed0ed3?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Shibusa

      Josh Duggar for POTUS, 2052!

  • Indeniable Ron

    She’s complicit as hell.

    • Beaufighter

      Oh yeah, she’s gonna be on the hook for fraud with her charity. And by charity, I mean sweet grifty money channelled straight to the Moores.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      absofuckinglutely.

  • Beaufighter

    “Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Sports Bar & Grill”

    Who do I contact for franchise opportunities?

    • Parakeetist

      Yum

    • cleos_mom

      The pizzeria in the basement is optional.

  • Red Bird

    Just so you know Evan, I didn’t read this.

  • Boojum

    They called everyone he’s known for forty years. In other words, his dates.

    • George

      Most of his dates weren’t born 40 years ago.

      • H0mer0

        more like 50 years ago

        • George

          I was making a funny

  • Jgb979

    There are some dinosaur sized skeletons in this closet.

    There’s a reason your kid in his 20’s has been arrested 9 times already (he could just have shitty assholes for parents)

    • Boy Elvis

      You can be sure if Roy liked ’em young back then he still does. That shit doesn’t just go away. He probably just got more cautious about how he went about it.

      • Carla Vandermeer

        Has anyone poked around in his browser history? I’m guessing it would yield some interesting results.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Apple meet tree.

    • gffish

      Someone should interview Caleb Moore and ask him if his pedophile pa hit on Caleb’s prom date.

  • bubbuhh

    Can’t imagine having the secks wif her, not even wif a sky penis. Got skidmarkz on her brain, she does.

  • nathan3e

    Well, at least it’s a diverse group of Pedo Lovers in the background.

  • Beezelbubbles

    Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian

    FASHION TIP TO KAYLA MOORE: Wearing crucifix earrings, while defending sexual assault on children, does’t make you a Christian. You’re welcome!

    • George

      True. The earrings are irrelevant. The defence of kid-touching is enough to prove your Christian bonafides.

      • starfanglednut

        Lol.

  • nightmoth

    Former Miss Alabammy contestant puts final nail in conceit that “beauty contestants are in it for the college scholarship monies!”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    she seems nice

  • George

    BTW, that picture looks like Peggy Noonan doing her best Miss Catfish 1962.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    “If you don’t vote for my husband, your kids will be molested by Democrats. At least them girls was touched by a Republican.”

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Well played on the volley.

  • Begin Anew Day

    “…Kayla Moore left, satisfied she had done the Lord’s work.”

    That statement can only be true if her Lord is a gelatinous mountain of melevolent slime named Cthulhu.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Or the Crawling Chaos, Nyarlathotep!

      • The Person.

        The Chaos that Crawls Up to You with a Smile!
        *resists urge to post anime lyrics*

  • BREAKING: ALABAMA ROY MOORE SUPPORTER/AQUANET ADVOCATE LADY SPEAKS HER MIND OFF TO DEVIL REPORTER

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/watch-alabama-voter-malfunctions-when-asked-to-prove-conspiracy-theory-on-moore-accusers/?comments=disqus

  • Begin Anew Day

    So do the law enforcement agencies of Alabama keep lists of teenagers who went missing in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s?

    On a completely different tangent I point out that serial killers often start out with smaller crimes and work their way up to full blown murder.

    Allegedly, not all serial killers are loners. Some have wives and kids.

    Finally it would not surprise me one bit if some serial killer turned up as a fundamentalist dominionist church pew sniffer.

    Just saying.

    • miss_grundy

      You are describing the Green River Killer. He was a married man and a leader in his church and yet he was convicted of 49 murders and may have committed as many as 90.

      • The Person.

        …And the so called “Gorilla Man” who read the Bible incessantly and heard voices telling him to strangle promiscuous women. And Albert Fish, who justified both his kid-touching (and killing, and eating) and his extreme masochism with verses from the OT. And the Kansas City BTK killer, who was a manager, family man and regular churchgoer who committed brutal S&M inspired home invasions. I kno I’m missing some…

      • Begin Anew Day

        In the spirit of wild speculation I wonder if it is possible that another church going married man with experience in the criminal justice system may or may not have started out perving on young girls only to graduate into more heinous crimes. Someone with a colossal ego who thinks he knows best about god’s will. Someone who believes that he WILL NEVER BE CAUGHT. Someone who has bullied young people into silence.

        Would it be irresponsible to speculate about such a person?

        • miss_grundy

          Nope. I wouldn’t put it past him.

  • lroom

    I hate these fucking people.

    • phoenix00

      Don’t say “fucking”…….

      • cleos_mom

        They must do it, in whatever style. Submitted for your inspection the “full quiver movement….”

        • phoenix00

          I’ll pass on the inspection, thanks…..

          • cleos_mom

            Wouldn’t like to get too close to it myself !

  • MAZS

    My reaction: this must be like what most Muslims feel about ISIS.

    • THIS.
      You wanna know why these fucks fear “Sharia” law so much? Because they wanna do it so very bad

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    “I believe the women, but I still support Roy Moore”.
    Well, that sounds like a reasonable compromise!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    whatever happened to their “proof” none of this is true?

    I mean, making gross accusations about a paper printing things that are obviously false vs. saying things about your husband’s innocence that is obviously false.

    • H0mer0

      the party of projection

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Jesus, it’s Sarah Palin with 50-70% less sexy

    • Sy Colepath

      50-70% less than zero? Impossible!

      • anomie

        No, she had a certain hotness among right wing types. Even I (and I despised her) could see why they’d love them some Palin. She said everything they’d ever fantasized about a woman saying.

        • Old Nick

          But the (Palin) VOICE !!! Negates any possible sex appeal unless you are Sean Hannity, who told her publicly and repeatedly how HAWT she was.

          • george lastrapes

            Before Palin, who was the hottest RWNJ pinup?
            Phyllis Shoofly?

          • cleos_mom

            My guess is that during the debate, GOP admirals stood up and saluted by the thousands every time she giggled. Many of them hadn’t saluted in a long, long time.

        • Buttsex and a reliable meth dealer? Jesus christ, the porn writes itself.

  • Incoming Ham

    This asshole will win and Congress will fret about it for a week. Then they will move on to trying overturn Obamacare for the 80th time or starving little “entitled” children who just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

  • I think it is time to start talking to K’s HS friends and find out precisely when this man started “dating” her.

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    I am glad that I did not have a mouthful of sparkling beverage when I read about Kayla bitching about reporters doing everyday reporter things.

  • guest

    Kayla knew Rutting Roy creeped on teenage girls before they were married. She went to the same high school as one of his accusers. This actually makes her as perverted as Rutting Roy.

  • miss_grundy

    They sure make them stupid in Alabama. But then Republican women are really coming across as willfully stupid as they come. How can you possibly support a man who has gone after teenage girls? Didn’t these women have daughters? Would they have wanted their daughters to receive inappropriate or unwanted attention from this pedophile? At this point, I would say boycott Alabama.

    • Edith Prickly

      They completely believe he’s being targeted because he’s such a good Christian. The persecution complex is baked into these people.

    • anomie

      With Kayla you really have to wonder a little more about what’s going on psychologically. She was in the same high school class as some of these girls. Did she have a kinky thing for older men? Fantasies about May-December type porn? No judgement, just figuring she can’t be dumb enough not to have known his reputation around town or seen him around the mall or at football games.

      She was into it. Now it’s backfired.

      • Makes you wonder how long she was groomed by Roy Boy. I wonder what’s written in her high school yearbook?

    • little miss high and mighty

      November is a ways off… thr wedge may yet set in. Maybe the Moore enthusiasm will not convert to getting the butts in the car to the polling place.
      They will have to switch him out with a move flavorful stink by then.

      • Old Nick

        Today is November 18th, Were you referring to the special Alabama election in December? That event is less than a month from now, still I guess something could happen. Gov. Ivey has said she will vote for Ole Roy regardless of the allegations. Let’s hope Jones can stay ahead and win.

        • bupkus231

          Face it, Kay Ivey only got to be Governor because Robert Bentley got caught fucking around. It’s clear she owes her career to asshole Alabama men fucking around…

          Link: The Love Song of Robert Bentley, Alabama’s Horndog Governor

        • little miss high and mighty

          sorry, meant to say December is a long way off.
          really sorry. tory sticks, they wriite in in dtroves or else stay home unenthused by their new perv’s candidacy.
          Maybe a storm- miracles happen sometimes

    • cleos_mom

      How can you possibly support a man who has gone after teenage girls? Didn’t these women have daughters

      There are people who wouldn’t hesitate a nanosecond to blame a child who’d been molested, especially a daughter: Why was she alone with him? Why was she dressed like that?

    • rocksout

      There are still elections in Alabama believe it or not. Please try to remember not EVERYONE in Alabama votes republican and those that don’t do not deserve our scorn.

  • Kayla Moore reminds me an awful lot of my ex-MIL. Who lives in AL.

    • NotConvinced

      The bigger the hair the closer to God are Thee.

  • NotConvinced

    I’d prefer untouched children and closeted/jailed judicial pedophiles.

  • JohnBull

    Hey, Kayla. Maybe spend a little more time worrying about your own son, because someone probably should, and a little less time on gay people marrying seven states away.
    Just a thought.

  • in my punk days i would wear crosses in my ears.

    technically, i still do.

    ;(

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Those things were SO over the top ridiculous!
      I was having drinks with friends in a bar where there was a tv on mute in the corner, the look I got on my face when I faltered mid-sentence upon catching a glimpse of the oh-so-christian ostentation literally dripping from her earlobes gave the pal I was talking to a good hearty laugh. He’s been going through a seriously bad depression and can use all the therapeutic laughs he can get, so Mrs. Moore may have inadvertently finally indirectly performed a christianist mitzvah.

    • anomie

      You weren’t alone, I did that, too. It was the 80’s, it seemed edgy & cool. I think I was slavishly copying Madonna? That’s my best explanation.

      I probably still have them here somewhere.

      • little miss high and mighty

        they’s required earwear around here.
        Stricktest inspections.

        • george lastrapes

          And they go so well with the stars-‘n’-stripes thong!

    • And coke spoons as necklaces. Ah, fashion.

      • cleos_mom

        Please don’t remind me of my off-one-shoulder sweater. I spent years recovering.

  • guppy06

    having spent four solid minutes distracting from myriad allegations

    Wouldn’t that be “a myriad of allegations?” Hm? Hm?

    • Duke

      Well, they could be allegations about myriads. I mean, it’s possible.

    • Morningside

      No

    • wavicles

      Don’t start that again.

    • SDGeoff3

      Let’s leave the alligators out of it. They are not hurting anyone. At the moment.

  • nosuchuser

    And Mississippi gives a great sigh of relief as Alabama laps them in the race to be the worst state in the Union.

    Yeh, we’re a hot sheep fucking mess but at least we draw the line at electing pedophiles to the US senate.

    • Unclejeems

      Hey, at least a shout out to Kansas and Oklahoma.

      • nosuchuser

        Given the magnitude of this mess they’re clearly bush league and not worthy of making the national papers…

      • cleos_mom

        Needs to be a very loud shout-out in view of this week’s burbling about reviving Reaganvoodoomics.

    • anomie

      Oh hey now, come on, NC doesn’t elect pedophiles, true, but we’re a big fucking mess right now. We’re working hard to beat Alabama as Worst State in the Union at the rate we’re going!! Congrats to Mississippi, though.

      • Cosmic Owl

        Georgia is struggling mightly to not suck as much as Alabama.

    • cleos_mom

      I can identify. For the past few years Kansas has succeeded in making Missouri look downright liberal by comparison.

      Italics for emphasis.

  • CATMAN
    • little miss high and mighty

      D.T. Szuki made a similar comment to Joseph Campbell, having read the entire block.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    In the spirit of compromise, I’d like to say that I’m perfectly OK with a ban on aborting babies that have already been born.

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

    Number of people reportedly molested by a trans person in a public bathroom: zero
    Number of people reportedly molested by Roy Moore: 6? 8? I’ve lost track

  • JackLinks

    Kayla, when Mark Twain made the following comment, he was thinking of you and that old pervert you’re married to!

    “If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.”

    ― Mark Twain, Notebook

    • Cosmic Owl

      I like his

      ‘It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they have been fooled.’
      how very prescient of Sam.

  • James Baskin

    I don’t believe that these people don’t believe the allegations. They. Know.

    • Cosmic Owl

      They tend to mistake beliefs for facts.

  • Viktor

    How dare yall spread blasphemy about my crooked foundation, coke addict son, and mall cruising husband. The gays employed at Uranium One, yall never mention them in the lame stream media.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    My husband hates the godless baby killers, but will support your right to slaughter 60 people on the strip of Las Vegas all day long.

  • Cosmic Owl

    FFS, sheeple.
    abortion is officially illegal at 28 weeks.
    in practice, that means it’s rarely done after week 25.

    They lie so fucking much about this one topic, it makes me fucking sick.

  • Bob Smith

    Religion is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable, tyrannical authority who can convict you of thought crime while you are asleep, who can subject you to total surveillance around the clock every waking and sleeping minute of your life, before you’re born and, even worse and where the real fun begins, after you’re dead. A celestial North Korea. Who wants this to be true? Who but a slave desires such a ghastly fate? I’ve been to North Korea. It has a dead man as its president, Kim Jong-Il is only head of the party and head of the army. He’s not head of the state. That office belongs to his deceased father, Kim Il-Sung. It’s a necrocracy, a thanatocracy. It’s one short of a trinity I might add. The son is the reincarnation of the father. It is the most revolting and utter and absolute and heartless tyranny the human species has ever evolved. But at least you can f#$%ing die and leave North Korea!

    • bupkus231

      You should’ve updated this rant before re-posting – Kim Jong-Il is dead and Kim Il-Sung’s grandson is in power – or at least provide attribution ( Christopher Hitchens, 2009 )
      /pedantry

      • Bob Smith

        Done. Don’t crucify me, I’m not a mythological deity…….

        • SDGeoff3

          You mean to tell me…

    • cleos_mom

      Religion is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is
      the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable, tyrannical
      authority who can convict you of thought crime while you are asleep, who
      can subject you to total surveillance around the clock every waking and
      sleeping minute of your life, before you’re born and, even worse and
      where the real fun begins, after you’re dead.

      My sympathies if that describes the religious climate you grew up with; the statement is a credible reference to the more fundamentalist branches of the Abrahamic religions but doesn’t even vaguely define religious belief in general.

      • Bob Smith

        God’s word is clear, 41,000 different denominations can’t be wrong.
        Religion retards us in our basic understanding of the universe. Religion infects us in our most basic integrity. It says we can’t be moral without Big Brother, without a totalitarian permission. It means we can’t be good to one another, it means we can’t think without this. We must be afraid, we must also be forced to love someone who we fear, the essence of sado-masochism and the essence of abjection, the essence of the master-slave relationship and that knows that death is coming and can’t wait to bring it on. I say this is evil. Religion poisons everything. Hitch

        • cleos_mom

          Impressive. If Judaism, Christianity and Islam were the only existing religions or the only ones in history.

          As it is, please do some traveling — remember, ignorance is curable.

          • DT

            Your eastern religion is at least as much bullshit as the Abrahamic ones.

          • Bob Smith

            Religious people are obsessed with anything having to do with sex. It’s about control and power. If you control the sexuality of society, then you control them completely. The Religious types don’t give a crap about babies or people; they care about establishing their ‘Faith’ and dominance over the population. It’s simply about subjugating women and controlling them. Religions all tend to do this, especially, the Abrahamic religions. This is a good way to know that Religion is Man-Made. The objection to abortion in particular is based in the concept that “only god can create life, and only god can take life”. Abortion is seen as “over-riding god” and is a threat to the theological worldview.

          • iceweasels

            Are they? What about Dan Savage’s mom? She was quite religious?

          • Bob Smith

            Your point is what?

          • iceweasels

            Do you know who Dan Savage is?

          • Bob Smith

            What does Dan Savage’s Mom have to do with the way in which the world’s religions manipulate human sexuality to push their own agenda? What is your point?

          • iceweasels

            You didn’t say the world’s religions. You said all religious people. My point is you’re inaccurate. Bye.

          • cleos_mom

            “My” eastern religion?

            You fanatics are so quick with your assumptions. Maybe it’s a consequence of taking everything literally.

          • Bob Smith

            Cleo_Mom: I stand by everything I and Hitch said. The problem with religious Fundamentalists is the fundamentals of religion. I support your right to believe in any crackpot deity you want, I just hope theists do the same and stop burning my kind and the stake. BTW, death to infidels takes place in our world today. And you wonder why I hate religion? Religion has a bad tendency to be totalitarian.

      • “statement is a credible reference to the more fundamentalist branches”

        It’s all part of the same continuum, though. The main difference for the non-fundamentalist side is they tend to be less horrible and may actually do some good.

        • cleos_mom

          You do know that there’s more than one religious belief in the world, I hope? And that they aren’t limited to the major religious groups/

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I hate these people and I hate that they’re going to get away with it.

  • norcalOG

    It’s Alabama, Jake.

  • Jennaratrix

    I’m really glad that I’m leaving the country in about a week and won’t be back until this shitshow is over.

    • anomie

      Where ya going?

      • Jennaratrix

        Belgium for work. I’ll be too busy to keep up with the news much, and the television sucks because military base, so I’ll be blissfully free of the 24-hour news cycle for about three weeks.

        • anomie

          plus good Belgian beer; good Belgian chocolates…..

          • Jeffery Campbell

            And good Belgians. Of which Hercule Poirot is the exemplar.

    • BeachLoafer

      Does that mean you actually know when this shitshow will be over?

      Because I, for one, am more than ready …

      • Jennaratrix

        I just mean the immediate shitshow of the Alabama special election. I have no concept of when the BIG shitshow will be over; I’m starting to suspect never.

  • Master of the Gothic Script

    “I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic
    depravity, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means are
    venomous enough, or secret, subterranean and small enough – I call it
    the one immortal blemish upon the human race.”

    ~Friedrich Nietzsche

  • SDGeoff3

    The photo is priceless. You got yer Stepford hair, and your christian “The higher the hair, the closer to God” look.

    • Ms.Moon

      I grew up in the “80’s I have a fondness for huge hair, but the evangelicals go crazy with it. There was a woman on one of those 24 hour praying channels that scared me she had big eyes, HUGE hair and it was usually pink and makeup that probably took her hours to remove.

      • george lastrapes

        But she never removed it! That was the look!

        • Ms.Moon

          She looked like she got caught in an ’80’s time warp style wise she always wore the same type of outfit with huge shoulder pads and that hair pink or purple. Jan Crouch she was at the top of the google search when I typed in her description too.
          http://dotb.tc0bblfg2d81v7kurec.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Jan-Crouch-and-Franklin-Graham.jpg

          • george lastrapes

            The Whore of Babylon in the very flesh!
            Reminds me of the early ’60s when the girls and young women were backcombing the hair and spraying it into invincibility, creating biomorphic shapes not of this Earth. But stories were told of those who found colonies of cockroaches in those seldom-washed coiffures. The mid-’60s saw hairspray get the boot, and Lady Godiva-length hair become fashionable.

          • chezmoi

            It was black widow spiders in the beehives, where I come from.

  • John Lo

    Jesus fucking Christ. Is Alabamie just a sewer with turds that don’t float?

    • LiberalANDProud

      Why yes. Yes it is.

      • Teto85

        I heard that in Phineas’ voice.

  • kareemachan

    Am I hearing this correctly? She wants to *personally* try to “correct” fags?

    • KenTFM

      Just looking at and listening to her I understand why there are fags. Ooftah!

    • Jeffery Campbell

      What she really and truly needs is the gay squad to correct her hair, makeup and clothing. But no self-respecting gay would touch that POS with a 10-foot pole.

      • Teto85

        Or want to be touched by her.

  • WhyamInotsuprised
  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Isn’t it precious the way these people actually believe that to be Christian means you never lie, never molest children, never abuse children, never cheat on your spouses, never embezzle money, never prey on the gullibility of people and unashamedly take their money and just generally never do anything naughty? Why, you’d think being a Christer was a good thing.

  • Nana Anan

    LOVED that first line:

    “Kayla Moore, wife of Roy and known asshole… ”

    GOD I love this site.

  • Nana Anan

    Would be funny if all the women in the audience look EXACTLY like her.

    Then – you see smoke coming out of her ears, and you then see smoke coming out of the others, then a twitch, and then they start twitching from the SAME software malfunction.

    And you thought Stepford Wives was JUST A MOVIE…

  • Nana Anan

    We need a NEW TV slow – KIND of like West World.

    But call it: The Stepford Wives of Alabama.

    I’m sure it would get GREAT ratings.

    And TONIGHT on Stepford Wives of Alabama… Kay blows a fuse – LITERALLY but CAN Roy replace it before she loses her memory…

    • Nana Anan

      Yes I upvoted my own post, I thought that was a good one.

  • (((Aron)))

    It’s time to do the Lord’s work:

    https://youtu.be/kbkEb2Y5RG4

    • You are my hero.

      • (((Aron)))

        Nice legs, Daisy Dukes makes a man go *GRUNT*GRUNT*

        Wish I could say I created that!

  • george lastrapes

    Odd that the would-be senator and wife are so hellbent on going to Babylon, which is Washington D.C., although they would probably prefer to live in one of the bucolic suburbs, such as Sodom or Gomorrah.

  • this country says it’s about

    Hiding behind the Bible for political ends – lower than whale shit – but nothing new. Don’t these knuckle draggers realize they are selling out their alleged beliefs – showing they love power more than they love Jebus?

  • Thoth

    What if they discover a gay gene tomorrow, will it be acceptable, even admirable to abort a gay fetus?

    • george lastrapes

      British geneticist Bryan Sykes, in his book ‘Adam’s Curse’, gives the best explanation of genetics and gayness: there are maternal lines whose mitochondrial DNA (MDNA) selfishly turns male fetuses gay in utero, so that those males will be available to help her raise their sisters rather than striking off on their own to find mates (exogamy, seeking a larger gene pool), for the furtherance of that MDNA. (Think of hunter-gatherer societies.) Women pass their MDNA on to both sexes; men don’t pass MDNA on at all.

      That solves a quandary. Family trees suggest some genetic basis for homosexuality, but the usual pattern of inheritance could not explain how such an anti-reproductive trait could survive.

      This was just one chapter in a fascinating book.

      • Lily412

        I believe it’s because evolution doesn’t always select for the most beneficial traits. I think the appendix is a good example here.

        • george lastrapes

          That’s quite possibly a bad example- a recent hypothesis is that the appendix is a repository for gut bacteria, repopulating the innards after something catastrophic like dysentery. A good example might be the peacock’s tail.
          Bear in mind that the question of ‘gay gene or no’ has heretofore resisted any standard ‘genetic’ explanation, and that Sykes is a world-class geneticist at Oxford. His hypothesis is certainly worth your consideration, and his books are lucid explications of subtle reasoning.

          • Lily412

            Well, he definitely knows more than me! My idea of science is sniffing the expired milk before I drink it.

          • george lastrapes

            Don’t be intimidated- Sykes does a terrific job of making his science understandable. His focus on the ‘X-vs-MDNA’ has produced some deep, far-reaching implications for more than just genetics. The ‘gay gene’ is the subject of just one chapter. I can’t recommend highly enough, and keep sniffing the milk (I forgot to, last week- eeew).

      • Teto85

        Too many midichlorians and you become Darth Vader.
        Oh, mitochondria. Never mind.

    • george lastrapes

      I should add that there is a MDNA line which snuffs out male offspring in the earliest stages of conception! Generations of girl babies only. Men have their X-chromasomes to battle the MDNA, and there is an X-line which favors male babies!

    • Toledo Window Box

      Only if it’s gay and a Democrat.

      • Thoth

        Yeah, let’s hope they never nail down that compassion gene or we’ll all be fucked.

  • hey in sort of russia news, mueller’s requesting documents from the Department of “Justice” on the firing of james comey

  • BeanToes

    I met women like these when my kids were in elementary school. They were the reason I could never get any other Mom to join the PTA, hang bulletin board decorations for Teacher or help me lead the local Girl Scout Troop.

    I just wanted to let the kids have a little fun and then we adults take turns hosting grown-up fun: an afternoon happy hour at each other’s houses once a week. Interrupted their small group, bible study, I guess.

    Kill-joys, all these women.

  • LiberalANDProud

    “The Washington Post has called
    everybody that I have ever known for the last 40 years. They have called
    everybody my husband has ever known for the last 40 years…”…”but they’s never called me! What’s a poor Christian Southern woman with a man with wandering eyes and rushin’ fingers to do. I needs the love too.”

  • mary5920

    I am convinced that Jesus isn’t obsessed with the same issues that take up lots of space in the mind of a religious zealot. He seems very concerned with the least among us, and had harsh criticism for those who hurt one of his little ones.

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