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Did you really want another picture of that goober’s moonface? He’s the doofus Alabaman Trump wants to make a federal judge even though he’s never tried a case or filed a motion. The one who forgot to mention that he’s married to a lady who works in the White House Counsel’s office and mightcould have the goods on Trumpland for obstructing justice in the Mueller investigation. He’s the one who advocates armed insurrection if the government tries to limit assault weapons. OH, FINE. He’s this chucklehead.

You can read all about his wild adventures at Chernobyl on his personal blog. The guy does have interesting hobbies! Aside from being a horror novelist, Talley is probably the only judicial nominee who ever included membership in The Tuscaloosa Paranormal Research Group on his Senate Conflict Questionnaire.

(But what kind of gun nut only belonged to the NRA since 2016? Tsk tsk!)

As The Daily Beast Reports, Talley seems to spend quite a lot of time looking for ghosts.

I love old, abandoned buildings. Factories, insane asylums, that sort of thing. I am always trying to get people to go with me, but no one ever does. You have to watch out or you’ll get arrested for trespassing.

Which is fine. You do you, dude!

He also spends a lot of time shooting the shit on the TideFans.com message forums. BuzzFeed reports that Talley posted there 16,381 times since 2005. Which is also fine, whatever. Except that he made significant statements about public policy issues and failed to disclose them in his Senate disclosure.

For instance, after the Sandy Hook shooting, Talley told his fellow sports fans,

My solution would be to stop being a society of pansies and man up. We shouldn’t depend on the government to protect us. We should be ready to protect ourselves. Everyone should know that part of their social responsibility is to learn how to use a firearm effectively and carry one with them at all times. I know some of you will freak out at that suggestion, but the only law I can imagine that would have stopped what happened in Connecticut is if every one of the teachers was armed with a gun and trained in how to use it.

Does the nominee actually believe that there should be no bar to carrying a gun in a preschool classroom? Fine. It’s a free country, and you’re entitled to believe any crazy shit you like. But you have to disclose it if you comment on it in a public forum, and you want to be a federal judge.

Talley, whose handle is BamianBoston, also had some surprisingly nuanced thoughts on immigration.

As for those people who are already here, yes, they violated the law. Great. That tells us nothing. The debate is how to punish that violation of the law. Go ahead. Punish them. Fine them. Whatever. Then give them a path to citizenship. The last thing we want here is a permanent underclass of people. And the thought of the police breaking down the doors of otherwise law abiding citizens and dragging them out to be deported is horrible and un-American. The crime most of these people committed is wanting a better life.

Brett, you’ve been spending too much time with those Massachusetts liberals! Next you’ll be wanting to get gay married and go vegan! Oh, but we are to kid.

The thing about Talley is that he’s not an evil villain like Kellyanne Conway. He’s not a superlawyer, or a wonk, or even just a regular bureaucrat. He’s a dilettante, who dabbles in writing (“Now if I spend all afternoon watching movies but I write at the same time, I feel like I am being productive!”), spent a couple of years in politics, practiced law for a few years, and devotes himself to his hobbies. Which is all well and good, but it doesn’t add up to a federal judgeship. Future judges do not risk their careers breaking into abandoned buildings looking for ghosts! They keep their noses clean, spend years practicing law, and don’t make incendiary comments in sports chatrooms. Or at least they used to before the country was taken over by a bunch of egomaniac amateurs!

Talley may be a smart, interesting guy. But he’s nowhere near qualified to be a federal judge. And the fact that he sucked up to Luther Strange and Richard Shelby — and the White House owes his wife a big favor if she testified to Mueller the right way — doesn’t change that.

HE HASN’T EARNED IT. He wants a big steaming helping of white guy affirmative action, and he can’t even be bothered to practice law for a few years for appearance’s sake. The party of racial grievance and personal responsibility cares so little for competence that they can’t even put up a guy who checks the basic boxes. And the fact that Republicans would vote him right on through shows you how little they care about good government as long as they can win.

So forget the fiddle! White Dude Welfare is the Devil’s Own Instrument. Show up at the polls, and VOTE THESE USELESS HACKS OUT!

[Senate Questionnaire / The Daily Beast / BuzzFeed]

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  • kareemachan

    If I didn’t like Wonkette that much, I’d slap you.

    Just sayin’….

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    Jesus H. Christ.

  • Michael R
    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      This was the conversation at the Sedagive household last night.

      With votes, of course.

  • The Wanderer

    Sorry. I still loathe this lump of undead flesh.

  • clubseal

    “Future judges do not risk their careers breaking into abandoned buildings looking for ghosts!”
    Words I Never Thought I’d Read, Vol. 3,998

    • Swampay

      “Future life-time appointed federal judges”….

  • Michael Smith

    Yeah, right, guys. He does the politics and the novels? He’s clearly the next Benjamin Disraeli

  • katkelly57

    I love old, abandoned buildings. Factories, insane asylums

    Insane asylums…he’ll fit right in then.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The fiddle is the Devil’s instrument? I thought it was the dulcimer.

    • katkelly57

      No, no, no…it’s the Jew’s harp.

      • Oblios_Cap

        ISWYDT . Harumph!

        • katkelly57

          What I dided?!?!!
          ;p

      • BreakingDeadMen

        The Wandering Jew’s Harp

    • Swampay

      accordion. I personally know several accordion players. I live in hell.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Not even the devil will voluntarily listen to accordion music.

        • Arolpin

          Zydeco libelz!

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            !! for zydeco.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I vote slide whistle.

      • JMP

        Now, there are some good accordion players out there! For instance, there’s Weird Al, and –

        – OK, strike that, there’s one good accordion player out there.

        • MynameisBlarney

          And my friend Mandy.
          Last I heard she was making a good living playing her accordion in Seattle.
          She plays punk and metal covers. And yes, it works.

      • puredog

        A dear old friend just emailed me that she is taking bagpipe lessons. Then again, she’s sort of a Scotland-slut, so.

    • jesterpunk
      • James Baskin

        No way you can play with nails like those.

        • jesterpunk

          He can play with those nails pretty well. (The Devil in the movie is Dave Grohl)

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lK4cX5xGiQ

        • MynameisBlarney

          I know quite a few hippies git-fiddle players down here and they all rock some serious claws.

    • Crank Tango

      Wasn’t this already settled in Devil v. Johnny?

    • JMP
    • Charles Insandiego
    • MizzMazz

      I thought it was the Theramin – weird shit happens whenever I hear one.

      • Arolpin

        Well, it certainly didn’t do much for Fishbone’s music output. (See “Everyday Sunshine-The Story of Fishbone” if this makes no sense.)

        • MizzMazz

          I will check it out.

    • As the owner of a banjo, I can assure you that it’s the banjo. The hardest part of playing the banjo is that you have to be in the same room with it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I like how the answer is never to “keep guns away from people” but is always that we need more idiot loonies armed with them.

  • marxalot

    Shit, talk about “give me the confidence of a mediocre white man!”

  • jesterpunk
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    And the fact that Republicans would vote him right on through shows you how little they care about good government as long as they can win.

    And if winning pisses off liberals, BONUS!

  • Jennifer R
    • nightmoth

      “I thought this only happens to places like L.A. or New York,” said Jose Garcia, owner of La Fortune Convenience.—-Dude, WTF?!

      • GoutMachine

        Jesus, Jose, how big is that rock you’ve been living under?

      • nightmoth

        Also, FTA: Tiffany– said she and her husband and their four children moved to the area from Redding about seven years ago. She said that they have always felt safe. “It’s a great community. I am hoping it doesn’t get some kind of bad rap because of one person in one area.”
        Girl—Our entire fucking country has a bad rap right now!

        • MizzMazz

          I lived in Redding in 89/90. I never felt safe. If you looked the least bit off (gay, pagan,liberal) you’d get shit.

        • Jennifer R

          TBF I hear that Redding isn’t a very safe place to live.

      • The Wanderer

        He obviously doesn’t watch the news.

    • cmd resistor

      So, does this classify as a school shooting? Sounds like it may have ended up at the school but they are investigating several crime scenes (maybe up to 7?). One woman and her kid were shit in a truck, apparently while she was driving. Some random asshole running around with guns. Thoughts and prayers, I guess. Shit,.

  • Covfefe

    I have a different question. Does this free-living dude have any idea how much work a federal judgeship is?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Work? Isn’t that what law clerks are for? I just have to sit up there, bang the gavel, and look like I give a shit about whatever people are saying.”

      • Michael Smith

        Some of them do seem to adopt that stance.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He won’t wear anything under his robes, either.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Maybe the saving grace is enough of these judges who are unqualified will quit once even they can’t deny it.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Nah, just make your clerks do everything and rubber-stamp the opinions. Then it’s Margarita Time™.

  • MynameisBlarney

    It’s like those titles were created by picking random words out of a hat.
    Also, too; what a douche.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Gumbo Pitchfork Uprisings were Cats

      And other forbidden knowledge”

      • MizzMazz

        See, I’d read that.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Think I would too, actually.

          • GoutMachine

            Eh, I’ll wait for the movie.

          • MizzMazz

            The book was better ;)

  • Weißwurst Supreme

    Oh FFS… why do even lawyers not get this un-subtle distinction? Being present in the United States without authorization, so “being an illegal”, is not criminal. This hypothetical person without status has committed no crimes.

    They have violated the law and, as a result, are eligible to be kicked out with minimal due process. But they’re not criminals. They have committed no crimes. AGH!!! *tears hair out in exasperation*

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Came into work – we had training, turn around and go to training. Start to wonder this speaker is done…TWO HOURS OF THIS (on a topic I’m studying in class.)

    I’m IN HELL….pretending I”m taking notes instead of wonking.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ve been designing a website for a new company about to go into receivership. Lot’s of fun.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’ll take that as sarcasm, based on what little I know of receiverships.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Well, we’re in the limbo where we don’t know enough about the company to put together a decent site because we don’t have the order and can’t force them to do anything yet.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            IIRC, the rule of thumb is basically, everything has to go through the receiver.

          • Oblios_Cap

            And everything that the Receiver does must go through the court. But it helps the Receiver know some information about the company’s condition other the fictions that the company has releases. We don’t the liq. order yet, so no one’s on-site to find things out.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            gah, sounds nightmarish. As if corporate bureacracy wasn’t bad enough!

          • Oblios_Cap

            Covers the Deputy Receiver’s ass.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Are you taking requests? Don’t do that thing that corporate websites all seem to do now where you scroll down endlessly for new content. I don’t know why it bugs me but it does.

        • marxalot

          And if you do, include a “back to top” button that floats at one of the margins, ffs.

          • P’jama Pahnts

            Yeah! And, she/he’s probably looking for design suggestions. How ’bout something like this?
            http://www.dpgraph.com/

          • marxalot

            I just showed that to my colleague and I think I made his whole week. He responded with his favorite piece of web design: http://www.lingscars.com

          • P’jama Pahnts

            Hah awesome site. “I am Ling. You can trust me”

        • Oblios_Cap

          This is pretty minimalist. Just basic info and posting Legal docs and notices.

  • Me not sure

    Sounds like he’d be the guy you’d want for a good old fashioned witch trial.
    “BURN HER!” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0a67fa3b684674d6cee3b9a4ee5642ce2b2b8261aa13ecf10bc65767db5d781.jpg

  • The Wanderer
    • Resistor Radio

      So if an illegal order can be refused, it all comes down to whether the order is received by Ripper or Mandrake?

      • The Wanderer

        Yes, or if General Sensible gets canned in favor of Ripper.

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/mjs_DC/status/930454192346599427
    That is the only reason these guys(and sometimes gals) are being appointed to the bench.
    They want to outlaw abortion and reverse all the civil rights gains of the past 50 years.
    And sad to say, they’ve been able to slowly but surely do just that.
    Too bad too many on our side don’t see that.
    The courts matter and if takes guys like this getting on the bench to wake our side up..GOOD!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    oddly enough – it’s a CLE lecture on the intersection of criminal and immigration law.

    FUN FACT:
    You can’t waive away a drug offense…but you can for crimes involving moral turpitude…that’s right: murder and rape are waivable, drugs aren’t.

    FFS.

    • marxalot

      How are drugs not a “moral turpitude” offense, anyway?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        what little i know is complicated – it’s not, however drug related offenses (not just charged or convicted) are their own separate grounds.

        I was taught (two weekends ago) about the definition(s) for CIMT.

        • GuidedAccordingly

          Ready for the Federal bench, are you?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            in alabama, YES.

  • DesertedPictures

    Seriously though: might he be better than a experienced lawyer that has been molded into the shape of Scalia by conservative groups?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He’s been plenty molded, he just has no experience either

      • DesertedPictures

        Fair enough! Just thought he might be less horrible on immigration.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          nope- he’s still a wingnut, just not a lawyer- worst of both worlds

          • puredog

            Well, he’s a lawyer, just not an experienced one.

    • TJ Barke

      No he’s already demonstrated he’s a partisan hack.

  • Crystalclear12

    Lazy bastards aren’t even pretending anymore!
    You know what bootstraps are for?
    When you put your boot up someone’s ass you have something to pull it back out with.

  • GoutMachine

    So, is he going to sleep at a Holiday Inn Express every night?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I agree with FDF on this. that is, that Talley hasn’t earned it. That said…

    If I were presented with a choice some superlawyer/hot-shit legal scholar who is also a reactionary Originalist corporation-worshiping fundamentalist troglodyte (remind you of anyone?), and a person who was barely-to-non-qualified, but they were really smart, honest, socially enlightened, funny, humble, and intended to work hard to get up to speed*… who would I pick?

    FDF may have more integrity than I do, is what I’m sayin’.

    *Although Talley might not be a monster, this is not meant to be a description of him.

    • jesterpunk

      I would pick Space Tacos over Talley.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Hey, me too! But he’s one of ours, so I’m biased.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          You guys are sweet!

          • puredog

            Judge Tacos FTW!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It is Taco Tuesday

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    If the Right to Bare Arms is inviolate, then why praytell do I have to pay to have a T-55 tank’s main cannon de-militarized before I can take ownership?

    Surely Rs there is no material difference between your knockoff Bushmaster AR-15 clone and my desired 100mm cannon-armed T-55 AM2?

    • Oblios_Cap

      None that I’m aware of. Sometimes a projectile is just a projectile.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I thought that the Right to Bare Arms was the New Jersey wife beater shirt amendment

    • canes_pugnaces

      You raise a good point. I’d like to own just a few nuclear tipped warheads to help with parking in NYC.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • The Wanderer

      Could it be because they need to get that absolutely vital gold, platinum and chinchilla-lined commode they’ve always wanted?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        how the hell do you keep a chinchilla lined toilet clean?

        • The Wanderer

          I got no idea, you’d need to ask the rich bourgeois parasites.

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          Clean? Just throw it out, who uses the same one twice?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            wingnut welfare for Joe the Plumber

        • TJ Barke

          You shit in it and throw it out and get another to demonstrate how obscenely wealthy you are.

        • P’jama Pahnts

          Just change the chinchilla. Weekly, wether it needs it or not.

    • jowgajen

      Cutting taxes is not a direct benefit in capital budgeting. Companies choose to invest in projects that will make them money at the end of the day. Taxes have some effect on that, but it’s not a direct effect.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Funny how capital investment, just like hiring decisions, is often increased- not decreased- when tax rates are high and companies look to spend that money in a way that benefits them, rather than give it to Uncle sugar

  • canes_pugnaces

    I have a neighbor, black guy, smart. Went to Yale and Stanford Law, graduated even, top of his class. He is not, however, a writer of harlequin ghost stories. He is, however, an ADA. Can he be a judge for life in Trumpworld, and if not, why not.

    Just joking. Cause he’s black, that’s why.

    • jesterpunk

      He also has one of those elitists edumications.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Who you gonna call? Ghost hunter!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      (bookmarks on Amazon)

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        Read this 30-40 years ago. Is definitely worth a re-read.

  • Khavrinen

    “He also spends a lot of time shooting the shit on the TideFans.com message forums”

    Huh; didn’t realize there were that many people spending their time online talking about laundry detergent.

    Just hope it’s not a “Rule 34” kinda thing…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Roll Tide

      • Khavrinen

        Yeah, I knew that; sorry, sometimes my humor is too oblique.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          lol, that was for Annie (and she likely knew it too)

      • The Wanderer

        Feh. They trailed against Mississippi State last weekend. Some team’s going to suss out Saban’s strategy and hand them a loss.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          that was tongue in cheek- I can’t stand Saban either. Mississippi State gave them hell last week, one last third down conversion and it would have been all over except the Bama crying

          • The Wanderer

            Sorry, then – sometimes hard to detect emotional nuances. Yeah, I would still be giggling about it, especially after Georgia and Notre Dame had their asses handed to them.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I was so hoping for a 1,2,3 fail day

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      There’s actually a black market for Tide (I am not clicking on the link in case I end up somewhere I don’t want to be, but I had to share that – Tide is so popular and so expensive that it’s commonly stolen and sold out of the backs of trucks).

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        (psst. Bama football)

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          (That’s what I was afraid of)

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            worse than rule 34, much much worse

      • TJ Barke

        I think it’s used as a form of currency.

        • ImGoingBacon

          Drug dealers use it as a form of currency, because it is hard to charge and prosecute for a trunk full of Tide. $20,000 in cold, hard cash might be a little harder to explain away.

          • marxalot

            And here I thought it was for the money laundering.

          • TJ Barke

            Sorta both.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            you’d need a twenty ton dump truck to carry $20 in laundry detergent

          • ImGoingBacon

            Have you seen the price of a bottle of Tide lately? Holy Price Gouge Batman.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I get mine at Costco, so I have to bring it home in a twenty ton dump truck

        • jodyleek

          Oh, TJ! So close! It’s a “foam” of currency.
          I’ll see myself out.

          • TJ Barke

            Booooo!

          • jodyleek

            Halloween is so two weeks ago. Jeesh!

    • The Wanderer

      Benny Hill ad:
      (housewife): “I do all my washing in Tide.”
      (voiceover): “Why?”
      (housewife): “Because it’s too bleedin’ cold out-tide!”

    • Put On Your War Paint!
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Tide goes in, stains come out. You can’t explain that.

      • puredog

        Yeah, the Tide generally comes after the Rule 34 activity.

        • The Wanderer

          (snert) “Crimson tide . . . “

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Eww….

    • Crank Tango

      It’s a new Era.

  • Jennifer R

    I got a good fuckin tweet to share tonight when it’s the open thread.

    • BadKitty904

      A lil’ Happy News would certainly be welcome…

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Ok, Law-Doing Wonketteers:

    Are the any law-duty fuck ups this dude is likely to commit that could get him removed from the bench? I’ll be here til 4:30…

    • BadKitty904

      Show up?

    • puredog

      I suppose he could refuse to obey a mandate from a federal appeals court, much like state-law judge Roy Moore refused to obey the order of a federal district court judge. Otherwise, live boy dead girl something something, maybe.

  • Viktor

    Trump is bringing cosplay to the courts

    • BadKitty904

      He sure will unless WE stop him. One of the GOP’s biggest goals is destroying the American judiciary.

  • The Wanderer

    Court proceedings after Trump:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJpY7eT6oNk

  • BadKitty904

    I will go so far as to say that Bluto looks almost human with that beard.

  • memzilla Ω

    The last thing we want here is a permanent underclass of people.

    Actually, that’s the FIRST thing we wanted here, you ahistorical douchenozzle.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad7b31133c3a86e0e4a925fd621e534d68092580c1c4985fa36b6c180ce7e6c3.jpg

    • NastyBossetti

      Excuse me, but I do believe they were documented.
      On bills of sale.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Ninja’d

    • jesterpunk

      Ben Carson said they where immigrants who came over for a better life.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Principled conservative Lindsey Graham voted this clown out of committee.

    • The Wanderer

      As he does, yes.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    we have a french guy asking a question. How did a french dude end up on the US-Mexo border?

    There’s a story there.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Steve King has some theories.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        smuggling cheese?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Maybe he came for the Cinco de Mayo festivities.

          • puredog

            “Cinco d’Aioli”

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            I don’t think the French want to remember the Battle of Puebla.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I didn’t say he was celebrating . . .

      • MynameisBlarney

        Do they involve cantaloupes?

      • clubseal

        Something about a car named Christine?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He’s a spy for Vladimir Poutine?

  • Swampgas_Man

    Dammit, I’m a sucker for a Lovecraftian. I may have to actually read this dick’s books. But being someone I could talk to at a bar is NOT equal to being someone I could trust on the bench.

    • puredog

      IOW, not all bars are created equal.

  • Daniel

    He’s a rebel lawer who’s in rebelliance against conventional logic.
    Author, dream weaver, and federal judge.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This guy is nominated to replace the corrupt, wife-beating asshole who had Don Siegelman taken from the courtroom in leg irons and belly chains. So, in many ways, he’s a step up.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/19/us/mark-e-fuller-former-judge-could-be-impeached.html

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i just realized, given this guy and roy moore, does anyone else think its hypocritical our immigration laws require “good moral character.”

    • The Wanderer

      Yeah. The country was founded on hypocrisy, after all.

    • marxalot

      Hav you read “The Straight State?” Things like “good moral character” ran along with physical health requirements to weed out undesireables– including queers (as a special, suspect element of any population).

  • OT: I’m becoming immune to gory details of shootings described in the media, but sometimes a simple detail will hit me like a locomotive and knock the wind completely out of me…

    “Ferreira said of the child who was shot in his classroom, “He’s a really strong kid. I didn’t know he was shot for a good thirty minutes until I got up to walk to the office in the classroom and I saw he had bloody clothes. He started crying and I informed the teacher that he was shot.”

    Childhood’s End, indeed. Maybe Arthur C. Clarke was onto something.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      God fuckin dammit I didn’t need to read that. Fuck. Leaving now.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • mackafritz

      His minions won’t get it.

      • laughingnome

        To menny werds

    • Ducksworthy

      Is that a church sign? I hope its a church sign.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I like how there’s an O’Reilly store behind the marquee.

      “There’s no words on that board!”

  • Swampgas_Man

    I’d like him better if he were a full-bore loony. Imagine opening session with an invocation to Great Chthulhu!

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: y’all need this since we got fuck-all dumbfuck ghost hunters as potential federal judges and an Attorney General who is lying sack of shit who isn’t a pedder-ass.

    https://yesplz.co/chris-evans-dog-just-softly-sang-to-his-beloved-stuffed-lion-and-our-hearts-cant-take-it/?utm_content=inf_677_4078_2&tse_id=INF_3165a030c67011e7b926579f881108d6

  • Mr. Blobfish

    OT, but Hannity is once again cool with Keurig.

    • jesterpunk

      After his fans smashed their keurig.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/HPPo897APrNh6/giphy.gif

    • Suttree

      Riiiggghhhttt Sean,

      Despite Hannity’s claim, Gamgort did not apologize to Hannity. In a letter to staff obtained by the Washington Post, the CEO apologized to employees “for any negativity” they experienced as a result of the announcement.

      • WIDTAP

        Well, that’s as close as an apology as Hannity is ever going to receive from anyone with any sense, so take it while you can, I guess.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    “Ghosthunter” tours of “insane asylums” need to stop. All it does is perpetuate the stigma of mental illness as evil and demonic possession. You wouldn’t turn Auschwitz into a Halloween exhibit, so why do the same with Bellevue or McLean?

    • Blackest Noobs

      or the fact that ghosts dont fucking exist for starters.

      • marxalot
        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          My mother pointed out something about the new Ghostbusters movie. She’s not a fan of potty humor, especially when it doesn’t make sense: “ghosts don’t have bodies, so… why are they passing gas?” If there was ever a legitimate reason to not like that remake, it’s that. (Plus being sick of reboots in general.)

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Flatulence jokes were a sop to the young boys.

      • The Wanderer

        One of the prevalent bits of folklore about my workplace is that our old facility (60-70s vintage, closed in 2000) is haunted, and people claim to have actually seen him. Nicknamed ‘Clarence,’ the ghost is usually associated with the chancy shadows and odd noises one usually associates with an old and deserted jail (not to mention the drugs taken by some of the former residents).

        • Blackest Noobs

          one of the libraries i worked in had a secret underground tunnel. i…being a supervisor had all the keys…so one night when the chiller was acting up…i and a co-worker went to investigate…he was talking a whole lotta horse shit about ghosts and civil war soldiers…so i said to him, you go down that end, and i’ll check over here.

          what he didn’t know was ive been down there before, knew there was another way to the other end, and also knew he had no clue where the light switch was at the far end. so i being who i am…hid in the dark and as he passed by…i whispered in my best southern accent, ” the south will rise again.” that guy ran as fast as he could until he heard me laughing.

          ghosts are all just figments of our wild imagination.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, there’s that. But apparently enough people believe they do. I just am tired of associating mental illness with premonitions of evil spirits and other such “fearsome” things in the culture.

        • Blackest Noobs

          i am not.

      • clubseal

        That thing I saw once in the shadows LIBEL

      • marxalot

        I mean, I once had a spectral/hallucinatory cat that my then-girlfriend also saw, only out of the corners of our eyes, but that wasn’t a ghost so much as a shared delusion. That we were being visited by a large orange tom who did not in fact exist.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Don’t give them ideas.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        We’re kinda already there with that Anne Frank costume, I guess.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      “…and it was in this room, ladies and gentlemen, that he died…suffocated by shoving his own head up his own ass. Some say, on a quiet night, you can hear the ghost of Hannity crying TRUUUUUMP, TRUUUUUUMP in a plaintive, lost voice.”
      A future tour guide at the abandoned Fox studios.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Now that’s worthy of a ghost-hunters show!

      • Indeniable Ron

        Has to be a made-up story. We all know Hannity has no soul to remain on Earth.

    • Notreelyhelping

      I think they’re intrigued by the concept of an “insane ghost” who could do…anything!

      The tours, however, do accomplish two things: they bring in revenue that might be used to restore historic buildings that otherwise would be torn down; and they highlight how brutal conditions were for people with mental illnesses.

      Is it exploitation? Of course it is.

    • An old mental hospital in my town has been turned into a permanent “haunted house”. It’s disgusting, and insulting to the people who actually lived and suffered in that place.

    • Hiss

      We’ve got an old mental hospital that was redone as a boutique hotel. No way in hell I would stay there. BTW, I used to be a psych nurse.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Ah November in Seattle, wind storm, no power, no indication from of when it’s coming back, though crew assigned, then voila power back…. Only 19 hours this time…. Off to buy new milk and eggs.

    Hope you had fun storming the castle.

    • Suttree

      At least booze doesn’t go bad.

      • Nounverb911

        And I don’t need ice cubes.

        • Suttree

          Down south after hurricanes, I got used to drinking warm beer. That’s why I still drink Bud.

          • Ducksworthy

            Try the Red Stripe. Its more meant to be drunk hot.

          • marxalot

            …because you were reduced to drinking your own urine, and you miss it?

          • Suttree

            No. I just got used to it. Have you ever tried to drink 20 bears (this is pulling them out of ice, cold) that got warm in 5 minutes? It gets over 100 degrees during late summer. So yes! I am still drinking urine. ..!.

          • marxalot

            I try not to drink bears.
            Have you tried Corona?

          • Suttree

            Corona is the worst beer (right after sweineken). I just like Bud. Leave me alone! *runs and cries in the corner No really, I like Bud. I rarely if ever drink anything else unless someone hands it to me. (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone)

  • Suttree

    Pffff. I’ve commented on Wonkette 27,000 times in the past 4 years. Show some dedication Brett!

    • WIDTAP

      …and still I would not nominate you for one of Trump’s judges.

      You’re welcome.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Today, we are all judges, not IN the IQ45 administration, but OF it.

      • Suttree

        I judge a lot! Hence the many upvotes that I dole out. :)

  • TundraGrifter

    The Devil Went Down to Alabama – then he said “Nah – I’m good.”

    • Ducksworthy

      Then he ran for office.

      • The Wanderer

        That was George Wallace.

    • clubseal

      “I thought I left Hell.”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT but I know there are a lot of smart computer-literate Wonkers: I’ve somehow ensmallened everything. My font right now is probably a 4-point. I can barely see to read Wonkette or Facebook, and I have no idea how I did it or how to undo it. I’m on a Lenovo PC and I can barely find the On/Off switch, so please, if you try to help, don’t make it complicated!!!! TYVM

    • Raan

      Ctrl+0.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Good gawd, that worked hugely!! Now everything is enbiggened. Love bug you rock!

      • puredog

        Ctrl + +

    • marxalot

      Are you using Firefox, Chrome, or Other to see Wonkette? And are your other desktop things also small, or just in the browser? CTRL + 0 will fix browser things.

    • Cat Cafe

      Click control and +. It will embiggen it. Also, up in the place where you write in the URL? On the right side there should be a little icon like a magnifying glass, click that and it will let you zoom or “reset.”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    How can I get me one of these government jobs? I mean, I don’t want to be filthy rich, just a little grubby, kind of like the Whitefish guys.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The thing with those Whitefish guys is that they got greedy and went for the Big Score. If they’d been willing to accept maybe $40M of grift, it’s much more likely they’d have got away with it.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Absolutely. If they had of billed maybe three times the normal rate instead of six they would have grifted the crap out of us. Greed really makes people stupid.

        • marxalot

          Rule 1 of a meal ticket scam: don’t get greedy!

  • Zyxomma

    Thanks, $5F. Juanita Jean’s also all over this.

    • Suttree

      I actually just bookmarked her maybe a week ago. Liking it so far.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    I’M RACIST, BUT I LIKE DATING BLACK PEOPLE SO LONG AS THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT BEING BLACK. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/11/im-racist-like-dating-black-people-long-dont-talk-black

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      Fuckin’ A.

    • Raan

      Try jumping into lava.

    • The Wanderer

      My suggestion is that he should put his whole [redacted] in front of the [redacted].

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Skull, proton beam emission aperture.

    • Suttree

      Ugggg. Really? Really! /ffs

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      “I’m ok with black people, as long as the speak, Dress, and behave like white people, and don’t hang out with other black people. That might make me feel uncomfortable. But I’ll get offended if you call me a racist.”

    • puredog

      Great answer.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT again but: if al-Abama elects a pedophile to OUR Senate, can we forcibly remove them from the Union?

    • Suttree

      Let’s give all of their federal moniez to Georgia! They voted Obama twice.

    • Cat Cafe

      I bow to you for “al-Abama” and will borrow it henceforth if you allow! And yes, really, all we have to do is let them secede. We may have to build a wall to keep the detritus from the festering failing state away from us.

    • Interesting. Malaysia kicked Singapore out in 1965 and both parties have done better for themselves out of it.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Ghosts of the Confederacy

  • Suse

    When does this guy come up for questioning? Or has he already?

    • The Wanderer

      Downthread it was mentioned that Linseed Graham helped vote him out of committee.

  • Weird Fishes

    OT because of course they did, the fuckwits, via the NYT.

    Senate Plans to End Obamacare Mandate in Revised Tax Proposal https://nyti.ms/2jqD6W7

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yeah, speaking of zombie plagues that won’t die.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “I love old, abandoned buildings. Factories, insane asylums, that sort of thing.”

    Then he’ll be right at home in the Trump White House.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The inside of the President’s skull.

      • Indeniable Ron

        ‘Wow, you could park the Graf Zeppelin in here!’

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Does the nominee actually believe that there should be no bar to carrying a gun in a preschool classroom?

    Even Scalia in Heller said “Fucking no way. Gubberment can ban them from Schools”

  • Cat Cafe

    You guys! I figured out the Rand Paul “mowing the lawn” incident! Remember that lovely Repug who told us that sexual assault of a child is less of a crime than “borrowing your neighbor’s lawnmower”? RAND PAUL BORROWED THE NEIGHBOR’S LAWNMOWER!!!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “You don’t sit in another man’s canoe, period.” — Sam Axe

      • puredog

        “Or eat his food.” — Sam Midge

    • The Wanderer
    • P’jama Pahnts

      Wait…who the fuck said that about assaulting children?

    • bbayliss

      Was he trying to make it touch his dick?

      • Mary

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !fe502d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsNextWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fe312lhhhhh

      • Lou

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !da186:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleOnlineEasyStoreTechJobsOpportunities/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!da186lu

    • phoenix00

      If broken ribs is the result of lawnmower infractions, I don’t want to know what happens if the Mustang gets, uhh, re-appropriated.

      (On second thought, I kinda want to know….)

    • mardam422

      And returned it with no gas?

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Are you sure he didn’t troll Wonkette?

  • SDGeoff3

    He seems interesting.

    • The Wanderer

      In much the same way the dinoflagellate that causes red tide is interesting.

  • Crazt Maist Waizy

    I like the tone of this. He doesn’t seem like a complete racist tool like the guy who wants to hire him. The only problem is,

    When I hear someone is a paranormal investigator, I find them intriguing and would like to hear about their life.
    When they are revealed to be a gun nut who wants guns in school, that’s kind of an ‘oh, brother’ moment.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      It’s a marketing strategy. Clearly, he wants more ghosts to hunt.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hang around the Trump White House long enough and the spooks will come to you.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I’m actually liking this guy more and more. No, he’s not remotely qualified, but fuck those lawyers who “do not risk their careers breaking into abandoned buildings looking for ghosts! They keep their noses clean, spend years practicing law, and don’t make incendiary comments in sports chatrooms.” The Bench is littered with people who kept their noses clean, took that Prosecutor/Public Defender job just long enough to get their Criminal Law ticket punched, asked too many fucking questions at CLEs, and are really just law school gunners all growed up.

    99% of what a Federal District Court Judge does is statute-driven drudgery. The other 1% ends up on appeal. The only real objection I have is that nominating him demonstrates exactly how little respect Trump has for our legal system.

  • Notreelyhelping

    I happen to share his interest in ghosts (i.e., I’m crackers, probably), but I don’t think I’d want to go on a midnight to dawn investigation with someone who babbles on about how wonderful guns are and how the government’s stealing all our God-given liberty.

    “Pass the coffee, Brett. No, not your coffee. The thermos. And shut the fuck up.”

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    He sounds like your garden-variety Republican (big on ego, big on entitlement, big on Ayn Randian selfishness and very short on actual merit). Ho hum.

  • SisterArtemis

    Not that the junior lawyer has anything to do with it, but I like the cover art on that fiddlin’ devil book.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    I am a member of TAPS, West Coast. Nothing wrong with paranormal investigations – just with being a wingnut dickbag with no qualifications.

    • Notreelyhelping

      If you’re ever in Portland, check out the White Eagle Tavern. It’s kind of buried in hype, but it’s also pretty fascinating.

  • SeeTrain65

    Did you really want another picture of that goober’s moonface?

    No. And this will be my default answer to this question until the end of time.

  • All of them Katie
    • How dare you ridicule the large thighed servant of Master!

      • mailman27

        The Master would not…approve…

    • RugzYaBurnt

      Given how Torgo ended up, I’m fine with this comparison, actually.

  • anon_the_great

    I like the White Privileged premise here but Ben Carson

    • I would like to introduce you to the well known idea of the human shield….

  • Begin Anew Day

    “(But what kind of gun nut only belonged to the NRA since 2016? Tsk tsk!)”

    The opportunistic kind.

  • Begin Anew Day

    I’da been all over this horror fanfic angle yesterday but my internet provider decided to go donnie T on me and not provide my internet for a day. It’s a good thing I still remember how to use a phone! Some LOUD PERSUASION on my part brings me back to the wonkette fold.

    Do you know how to tell the good horror fiction from the bad horror fiction? It’s simple.

    The publisher lets you know you are about to buy some dreck with the cover art. Brett’s editor uses an illustration that just says “Refried Hack Lovecraft Pastiche”. I don’t blame the artist. Hopefully they got paid in Ameros up front.

    This kind of dreck is going to get a new set of legs here in donnie’s brave new white supremacist world. Lovecraft was a monstrous racist. Cthulhu has been a guilty pleasure for me for many years.But I think I will have to let the Oceanic Dreamer go now.

    I’ll just box up the yellow decaying paperbacks, dig a hole in the back yard and bury everything, at night, under the wan light of a gibbous moon!

    Wait! What’s that sound from the book shelves in the basement? NO! The HPL books! They’ve grown tentacles! They’re crawling up the stairs! The paper shredder! My only hope is to get them to follow me to it!

    OHNONONO! The shredder is growing unholy limbs as well!

    • Indeniable Ron

      Around here we call that ‘Tuesday.’

    • You can have my Lovecraft anthologies when you pry them from my squamous, rugose hands!!!

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn?

      Asking for an old friend.

      • Begin Anew Day

        All the way to the bottom of the Marianas Trench! How would any of us be if we had been woke up from a billion year snooze by a bunch of merchant marine pests? Hungry and ORNERY!

  • Nick.Trite

    Hey now, as a confirmed dilettante, I’m offended.

  • Moar Wordz

    I think BamianBoston might find that the responsibilities of being a Federal Judge might crimp his style.
    Saw a dude who looked like him at a cafe in Boston this past Monday, friendly, no beard or stache, likes Labradors, no Bammy accent or ectoplasm so probably not the guy.

  • Relativicus

    Look, the jig is up, Talley. You took your chance, got your name on the list and almost squeezed through unnoticed. But you were noticed. Withdraw for whatever reason you want — not wanting to be a distraction, plus a little “I’m being vilified by godless medialiberals,” is an easy one — but it’s time to go now.

  • Deborah Ujevich
  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Any ghost hunter who wants to be a judge must pass one test? Did you get any hard evidence that can’t be debunked? I don’t see any kind of results from his paranormal adventures.
    Just curious, did his wife enjoy paranormal peeping too? Did she go on any hunts with his group? Good xtians turn their backs to the paranormal because there are no ghosts, only deamons from the puts of hell. What kind of lunatic wants to find them?

  • RugzYaBurnt

    This puke’s Sandy Hook comments alone make me utterly disgusted that any woman would ever fuck/marry/spend more than five minutes of time that was not generously financially compensated on him.

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