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Say no Moore!

Roy Moore is a good ol’ boy who loves Jesus, and America too. And he loves the Bible so much he knows that’s why sometimes he had to ignore the law, since the Supreme Court isn’t the boss of him. Now that he’s in all this hot water over allegedly molesting a 14-year-old, and maybe getting attempted-rapey with a 16-year-old, some of his past judicial opinions certainly take on new shades of meaning, like listening back, knowing what we know now, to certain comedy routines by Bill Cosby and Louis CK.

Consider his vote in the 2015 Alabama Supreme Court appeal of Eric Lemont Higdon, a 17-year-old who worked at a daycare and was convicted of raping a 4-year-old: One charge was for sex with a minor — statutory rape — and the other was for “first-degree sodomy by forcible compulsion,” or forcible rape. An appeals court threw out the latter conviction and the state attorney general — Luther Strange, as it happens — appealed the decision to the Alabama Supremes (worst band mashup ever):

Eight of the nine justices on the panel found that the appeals court had erred. Their legal logic was such that a 17-year-old’s sexual assault of a four-year-old was enough to produce in the mind of the four-year-old, an “implied threat of serious physical injury.” The decision was reversed and remanded and Higdon’s conviction was reinstated.

Moore dissented, because he didn’t see why Higdon’s being a big hulking teenager who wanted to do sex things to a 4-year-old necessarily involved a “threat”:

Because there was no evidence in this case of an implied threat of serious physical injury…or of an implied threat of death, Higdon cannot be convicted of sodomy in the first degree “by forcible compulsion.”

Yr Wonkette is not a lawyer, but wouldn’t that logic invalidate any rape convictions where a victim was unconscious, too? But that’s a side issue — the main thing is that Roy Moore, good Christian, doesn’t want anyone to go to jail for rape unless it’s the rapiest rape possible, and the victim was really pure and undeserving of rape. The New York Times Thursday noted (and then deleted in a later update) two cases where Moore believed accused rapists should have been allowed to challenge the character of their underaged victims:

In a 2015 case involving a man, David Pittman, who pleaded guilty to raping an underage girl, Mr. Moore wrote in a dissenting opinion that Mr. Pittman should have been allowed to introduce evidence showing his alleged victim’s parents “suspected her of sexual activity,” because it could be relevant to discerning her “alleged motive” in claiming she had been assaulted.

And in a 2014 case, involving a man convicted of abusing two underage girls, Mr. Moore wrote in a dissenting opinion that the man, Sherman Tate, should have had the chance in court to demonstrate that his accusers were romantically involved with each other. Mr. Moore wrote that connection “could be relevant to the victims’ alleged bias against Tate.”

In his dissent in the Pittman case, which was joined by two other justices, Moore argued that while Alabama’s rules of evidence prohibit use of a rape victim’s sexual history, in this case, the rules allowed for an exception: Since the girl’s parents had suspected her of having sex with a boy, they had planned to take her to a clinic to be tested for herpes, and that she only accused Pittman of raping her so she wouldn’t get in trouble for sexing the other boy (Pittman tested negative for herpes, you see).

Moore thought Pittman should have been allowed to use the “I didn’t give you no herpes” defense to raise doubt about the girl’s credibility:

I believe Pittman’s constitutional rights to be confronted with witnesses against him, protected by the Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution, may have been violated by the denial…

I believe that we should issue the writ to consider whether, if Pittman’s motion in limine had been granted, a reasonable jury then “could [have] appropriately draw[n] inferences relating to the reliability of the [complaining][w]itness.”

No, that didn’t happen.

In the other case, Moore argued (and again, two other justices agreed) that the 15-year-old victims needed to be cross-examined, mostly because they were lesbos and might have made up the whole story together, don’t you see. AL.com explained his reasoning, such as it was:

In his dissent, Chief Justice Moore said he felt that if Tate’s attorneys had been able to enter evidence of the girls’ “romantic relationship,” it might have shown their “alleged bias against Tate or their collusion.” The possibility of cross-examining the victims about their relationship also could have produced relevant information to the defense, he wrote.

“Tate’s knowledge of the victims’ romantic relationship, coupled with the fact that Tate informed the mother of one of the victims of that relationship, would make the proposed cross-examination relevant to show that the victims had possibly fabricated the charges against Tate,” Moore said in his opinion.

You know how it is with those 15-year-old lesbians: A decent godfearing Christian rats them out to one of their parents, and the next thing you know they’re accusing him of rape.

At the very least, we certainly can see why Roy Moore would deny ever having done anything to a 14-year-old girl. He knows teen girls are just spiteful buckets of deceit and hormones, and liable to say any damn thing to cover up their sinful ways. And wouldn’t you know it, that sort of blame is now being heaped on Leigh Corfman, Moore’s accuser, because heavens, she’s had multiple bankruptcies, and how can you trust a floozy like that?

We hate to do this to you, but this piece of pixel-cyanide is your OPEN THREAD.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help our Brain Bleach fund!

[Lawnewz / ThinkProgress / Daily Kos]

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  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I’m so down to dry heaving over this man now.

    And, seriously, how morally depraved do you have to be to defend this old bigoted kiddie toucher. I mean, it’s okay to diddle young girls, but his queer folk — well, that’s a bit far, right?

    Fuck anyone who defends him. I hate you.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    [[Seventeen pages of redactions]]

    • Nounverb911

      Rosemary Woods libelz!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • GoutMachine

      I was really hoping today’d be just another Mueller Monday. (Woah-a-whoa)

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Tomorrow is Jeffy Beauregard Sessions Tuesday.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Man, Corn is all up in his shit now.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Donald jr is the “smart” one, right?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        There is no SMRT one.

      • Amy!

        That … depends.

        “Smart” in the world of technology (phones, bombs, shoes, pessaries) usually means “programmable”.

        By that standard, sure, he’s the smart one. Unreliable hardware with a tendency to glitch out, or to run into heap overflows (of bullshit) that leave him with an out-of-memory error, but … yeah, phones and shit like that that are “smart” behave the same. Especially the bombs, come to think of it.

  • GoutMachine

    It’s a damn good thing comments aren’t allowed, because I’d probably be banhammered for commenting what I think about this Roy Moore person.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      It’s so fucking tempting.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “Person”? You have the generosity and forbearance of a saint.

  • jesterpunk
    • wide_stance_hubby

      I actually cleared a coffee table with my arm once (I was “slightly” annoyed). It was worth it for the looks on everyone’s faces.

      • GoutMachine

        I’ve always wanted to do the table flip. Seems like it’d be so, so satisfying.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I did a mic drop. At karaoke. The drunk DJ made a lunge for me. I fell back into karate resting position and it freaked him out, that I was prepared to kick his ass. All 5 ft 3, 120 pounds of me. So he started screaming at me, “what would you have done if the mic had broken?” And I said, “pay you for it?” at which time, he said get off my stage. However, he couldn’t throw me out of the bar, so I defiantly went to the bar ordered a beer and glared at him for an hour.
        Don’t try to out-asshole me, asshole.

  • Joe Beese

    And I thought Judge Turpin in Sweeney Todd was a caricature…

  • IAMBOWLINGQUEEN

    Believable and detailed account from Moore’s latest victim. Moore’s family values seem to be telling teenage girls, after he has abused them, ‘don’t tell anyone, no-one will believe you’. No destruction of coffee-makers is going to change that.

    • tehbaddr

      All the same Keurigs suck, let the covfefe revolution continue!

  • jesterpunk
  • tehbaddr

    Eeeeewwww! How the fuck did these not raise a red flag somewhere along the line in his career?

    • Slamtundra

      Alabama?

    • Resistor Radio

      Because those type of legal opinions are all too common, I’m guessing. He wasn’t the only dissenter on some of those.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        ^^THIS

  • Joe Beese

    Bad news: The 5-liter kegs of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing are sold out until Christmas.

    https://www.flavourgallery.com/products/hidden-valley-ranch-keg

  • Christopher Story

    Fuck. You. Roy Moore. That is all.

  • Jenny

    JESUS WAS GAY! SUCK ON THAT, ROY MOORE!

  • Ellie

    In other words, raping children is no big deal for Roy (Big Rock) Moore.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Roy Moore star/main criminal of Law and Disorder “Sexy” Victims Unit.

  • Jimh

    Let’s see if they can “Fake News” this one away, now.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      of course they can…

  • doktorzoom

    Sorry to leave you with a bummer open thread. This shoulda been done midafternoon so I could do a hilarious takedown of Whitefish Energy’s lame excuses for overbilling in Puerto Rico, but my internet went out and I hate my cable company, the end.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Any chance Evan or someone can do a quick post about Jr’s communications with WikiLeaks? Even if that wouldn’t be an open thread it would be a more fun note to end on, if possible.

      • doktorzoom

        Also for first thing tomorrow from Evan!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Emergency dick jokes are being flown in as we speak. It’ll be ok.

      • Resistor Radio

        We are definitely a cargo cult for dick jokes.

    • doktorzoom

      But I’ll have it first thing tomorrow, I promise. Yes, I shall gladly repay you for this turdburger, Tuesday.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Is there a cable company, anywhere, that doesn’t suck? No. There isn’t.

    • Holly

      I’d venture a guess that everyone in this room hates there cable/dish company Dok. We totally understand, and we all stand in solidarity with you. I will say the picture of the douche-bag is not at all creepy or nightmarish.

    • OutOfOrbit

      humph…likely story

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      We are used to getting crappy news, so no problem. And tomorrow is Round 4 of Franken v. Sessions, so all is good.

    • Doug Langley

      You remind me of my students. “I would have submitted the assignment on time, but my 3 yr old poured a glass of water on the power strip and shorted out everything . . .”

      • doktorzoom

        The dog ate my covfefe.

    • DerrickWildcat

      Call Ronnie at Geek Squad. He’s good with the computer stuff.

      • harryr

        My sister’s cat once pissed on my homework. I handed it in in a sealed plastic bag with a note from my mother (the homework, not the cat, though I was tempted on several occasions)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    About 75% of my Twitter feed right now consists of people tweeting the article in The Atlantic about Jr’s correspondence with WikiLeaks (I posted the link below for anyone who needs it.) You can run but you can’t hide, Donald!

    • Michael R

      If they had gotten the secret server they wanted
      none of this would be happening ,

  • Bill D. Burger

    C’mon! Git’ on board ol’ horndog Roy’s va-yun:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOe6Z_1V4AApd-_.jpg

    • “I gave a girl a ride in my wagon…”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Odds that Good Ol’ Roy went commando under his robes?

  • Michael R

    Is Roy Moore anti abortion because it gives him fewer molesty choices ?

    Discuss amongst yourselves

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c25d1b50b7bc6ddde5ad809d72418de8e9f5dcc593e5752f7897dc01e54c61bb.jpg

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It’s just math.

  • chascates
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Is Yertle the Turtle growing a spine?

      • jesterpunk

        Nope, he doesnt want that to distract from their ratfucking and tax cuts for the rich.

      • Resistor Radio

        “I believe at least one of the women have irrefutable proof?”

        • chascates

          And his coworkers at that time portray him as dating young girls.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        It’s not a spine, just very tightly rolled up money.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Of course, the RNC hasn’t pulled out of its joint fundraising agreement with Mr. Moore, and they have 11 paid operatives on the ground in Alabama working on the campaign.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Sit on muh’ lap little girl. I’ll show you how to drive a stick shift!”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOZuzv8W4AAMmp4.jpg

    • Doug Langley

      “This here’s the cockpit! Lemme show yuh how to handle the joystick!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Do you like gladiator movies?

        • Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Midnight Express Libelz!1!1!11!1
            I am officially an Oldz and I can say that this movie freaked me the fuck out. That is all.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • GoutMachine

      ALL OF THEM, KATIE!

    • TimResistit

      In case anyone was wondering, I guess.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • thewalkindude

    In other inappropriate relationship news-

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/077e2d271d42236ce14f1a85f739c22423f7e59f50e069cfc8fb2b42d2eef30f.jpg

    (trump thoughts)
    I am perfectly happy being his friend, in fact I love it… I just have this incredible urge to kiss him, that doesn’t go away… and this feeling that we would be perfect together.

  • Nounverb911

    In other Looneytoons news.
    Some of the Alt-Right Nazis are having a Hissy Fit (am I still allowed to say Hissy Fit?) about Sheriff Dave all of a sudden.

    https://twitter.com/LauraLoomer/status/930173383559573505

  • Bill D. Burger
  • UnsaltedSinner

    I’m posting this again because wow.

    https://twitter.com/JustADCohen/status/930187746085408769

    • marxalot

      Julia Ioffe is an international treasure.

    • Michael R

      I’m curious how this info turned up , but tomorrow is another day .

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        They claim leaks from the investigation, but Mueller does not leak, unless it is strategic.

        • Michael R

          Is he poking Dipshit Jr in the eye with a stick ?

          • Resistor Radio

            That’s not a stick

  • ariel_gee_398

    If you need an uplifting story, how about a state deciding everything is fine as long as it gives a terminally ill cancer patient who can’t walk without assistance some reasonable accommodations – like a pillow – so that he’ll be more comfortable when they execute him?

    https://twitter.com/BenWolford/status/930153799947186176

    • chortlingdingo

      Yes, he was a bad guy, but how do people not see that this is fucked up and cruel?

      • GoutMachine

        Culture of life, and all that, don’tchaknow.

        • chortlingdingo

          Sigh, yes. They’re so pro-life.

    • I can’t muster any pity for a merciless murderer. Sorry to offend.

      • ariel_gee_398

        There’s a pretty wide gulf between feeling pity and thinking the state shouldn’t be in the business of executing people, particularly when it means torturing inmates to death. Executions when they can’t find a vein can be excruciating, prolonged spectacles.

        • It takes energy to be concerned about a thing, as you know.
          Convicted cold-blooded murderers are at the bottom of a very long list for me.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Well, I try to use examples like this to move proactively.

            Like suggesting we make all state sponsored executions public beheadings. This gets us past how these supposedly humane lethal injection executions somehow end up getting botched and cause hours or days of needless suffering. Plus it puts a very dramatic public face on the state killing its bad guys.

            You want this guy dead? Fine. Here is a foolproof method. A little messy, sure. But quick and cheap.

            And we’re no longer tip-toeing around that fact that we’re killing our killers. Like an easy little injection that just puts the bad guy to sleep.

          • As I said, no pity from me. I’m not trying to change your mind and you stand no chance of changing mine. In veterinary medicine, old decrepit animals have veins that are hard to locate. They are usually given a sedative prior to euthanasia which decreases blood pressure, making it even more difficult to find a viable vein. Still, most vets wouldn’t choose beheading as an alternative.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Not trying to change your mind at all. Just saying we should be forthright and practical about what we’re doing, if we’re going do it.

            FWIW, I was never against the death penalty until I found out just how many people convicted of capital crimes are actually not guilty.

    • marxalot

      I have this whole thing about the state’s inability to hold a monopoly on deadly force and the problem of the death penalty, but everything about this is screwed up.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • marxalot

    Because using secret knowledge of an Alabama girl’s predilection for other girls to obtain sex from both of them, or exposing that relationship to one of their (no doubt God-fearing) parents in retribution for fighting back, isn’t equally plausible.

    • Resistor Radio

      THIS

  • The Wanderer

    In cases like this, I tend to fall back on certain Elder Laws to satisfy my reptilian hindbrain’s desire for retributive violence.

    Therefore, I would like to see Moore’s (I will not call him Judge; he has forfeited that) [redacted] [redacted] and [redacted], while applying red-hot [redacted] to his [redacted], his [redacted], and his [redacted], with a melon.

    P.S.: Can Wonkette please stop posting that rapey Pepe-the-Fucking Frog photo of Moore? Seriously, I’m trying NOT to vomit.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Campaigning hard….and still tryin’ to bring em’ in.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOcb_w0XcAAWOiN.jpg

  • Iron Monkey

    That cocksucker Bannon must have been hoping that no one would look closely at Moore because he was a sure winner in Alabama. Sorry Bannon, you lose.

    • Resistor Radio

      Makes you wonder if Bannon has the dirt on Moore already. If you’re a scumbag trying to build a movement with loyal sycophants, isn’t it right out of the Russian playbook to have some leverage on them?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Me not sure

    I would advise Lady Justice to take off that blindfold whenever in Moore’s company.

    • GoutMachine

      She’s fine, she’s too old.

    • She’s waaaay too old for him. And definitely not his type.

    • BosGrl

      She could use the scales like nunchucks.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Sorry, I misplaced the hundreds of upvotes I wanted to give this.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Mr. Moore? Could you just take a seat over there?
    America has a few questions for you! Greaaaaaaat’!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/ba5g4ID9g5cT6/giphy.gif

    • bbayliss

      I don’t think you’re allowed to do that, givin’ me the heebie jeebies

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He’s too nasty for even the Group W bench.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Remember when Republican shitmongers were celebrating Spacey and Weinstein being abusers?

    Pepperidge Farm remembers.

    • BosGrl

      Ayup.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • UnsaltedSinner
    • jesterpunk
      • OutOfOrbit

        among others

      • GoutMachine

        Hugh Jackman, Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman, Heath Ledger, Keith Urban. But yeah, let’s go with Assange.

        • jesterpunk

          I thought Hugh Jackman was Canadian for some reason?

          • marxalot

            No, that’s Wolverine.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Canada doesn’t actually exist anymore…

          • jesterpunk

            They are going to be pissed when they find out.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Courser_Resistance

    Sadly, a chaotic adult life is often directly attributable to child sex abuse.

    • Betrayal has a traumatic effect upon the developing psyche.

  • chascates
    • Michael R

      Because results can be changed ?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Machines can be wiped. See GA.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The Higdon dissent was particularly troubling because Moore’s reasoning focused solely on the perpetrator’s age, not the fact that he was a) employed by the day care center as an intern and b) given supervisory authority over the children at the center, which the other 8 justices felt was sufficient to apply the standard of “implied compulsion”.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I don’t find it especially troubling. What little I’ve seen of his thought process indicates that he is incredibly rigid in his application and interpretation of statutes. I don’t mind that, generally, though he did go off the rails in this case.

  • Nounverb911

    And now some pearls of wisdom from the one the only wrong Joe Walsh….

    https://twitter.com/WalshFreedom/status/929756201834950662

    • jesterpunk

      Right after you explain why you are not paying child support Joe.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      In court he has the presumption of innocence. In court he has the right to due process of law.
      But hey, if Mr. Moore is willing to sign, under oath and under penalty of perjury, an affidavit denying all allegations…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Once he’s been formally charged, I hope Moore gets a fair trial. That good enough for you, Mr. Walsh? Nimrod.

    • gallbladder

      Next to Trump, Walsh has got to be THE dumbest fucking organism walking the planet.

      #deadbeat

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Louie Gohmert: “Hold my beer.”

        • gallbladder

          I stand corrected. Fucking hell.

          • jesterpunk

            Ted Cruz “Did everyone forget about me?”

        • Resistor Radio

          “Hold my asparagus?”

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      He does have rights, but he is not on trial, and does not need to be elected.

    • The Wanderer

      Well, Walsh isn’t an “accused” deadbeat dad.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hey, deadbeat dads have rights, too!

    • Sheepshagger

      “Stay away from the accused pedophile children”

    • Doug Langley

      Are we talking about this Joe Walsh?

      “. . .Hillary Clinton has been found grossly negligent of classified information. Period. She should not have any security clearance. That should be taken away from her . . .”

    • hudson

      Shame on you. You are a father right?

      • gallbladder

        More like “father.”

      • marxalot

        Absentee sperm donor.

        • Eileen Besse

          THIS.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Not really, no.

    • lucidamente

      That ratio is bad enough to start a new branch of mathematics.

    • Daniel

      Again “he has rights” does not mean “he should be a senator”, you entitled prick.

    • SeeTrain65

      Meanwhile, Daddy Derpest, explain to your kids why Daddy doesn’t have to pay his child support while raking in Wingnut Welfare.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I can see why the NYT deleted the reference to the Pittman case. It’s a hell of a long ways from “I think we should hear the parties’ arguments on a Sixth Amendment question” to “I agree with the bad guy.” The Tate case is not quite what the authors want it to be either. Bad journalism.

  • hudson

    HOW THE FUCK ARE SO MANY PEOPLE STILL SHILLING FOR HIM? WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

    • jesterpunk

      He is up in the polls too.

    • marxalot

      They don’t care as long as it “makes libs mad.”

      • GoutMachine

        It’s their version of doing it for the lolz.

        • marxalot

          Irony is not a governing strategy! A flame war is not democratic debate!
          Ugh.
          Join me in the New Sincerity.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Yup. The Republican platform in 2017 is “Spite Today, Spite Tomorrow, Spite Forever”.

    • theCryptofishist

      They really want what they think he’s offering. Also, that unconscious doubling down because they don’t want to admit how bigly they’ve fucked up.

  • memzilla Ω

    Here’s the link again to the Liddle’ Donny Jr. – Wikileaks collusion story if you haven’t seen it already.

    Here’s the sweet part: the entire White House knew about it.

    https://twitter.com/Mister_Fun_Guy/status/930185597783855109

    THEY ARE ALL GOING DOWN.

    • jesterpunk

      Lock them all up?

    • Michael R

      Nice to see Kellyanne Conway in it to win it finally .
      I just saw Brad Parscale playing dumb on TV last week .

    • Sheepshagger

      These people have less criminal nous than a corner boy in Baltimore.

      • Opiwan

        stop libeling we Balmer corner boys! I WILL SUE YOU LIKE A COMMON ROY MOORE!

        • wide_stance_hubby

          We did not get the nickname, Mobtown for nuthin’ ya know.

        • marxalot

          Hey, at least they didn’t say these clowns have got better chops than y’all, hon.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And the whole time Jeff Sessions was standing there with his fingers in his ears going “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU”

    • hudson

      i will take up religion if what you say happens. this admin seems to be filled with overt racists, creepy predators, treasonous traitors. most them seem to be bastard grandkids of marie antoinette herself. several of them seem to have all the above mentioned virtues.

  • lucidamente
    • theCryptofishist

      Is that foam that will be impossible to clean up? (Not that they were going to anyway.)

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Sashineb
  • UnsaltedSinner

    You’re all very, very offended by this, right? In fact, he should throw out all his belongings. You’ll be furious, won’t you?

    https://twitter.com/CollinRugg/status/929777702537543681

    • BosGrl

      Oh, um, yeah. Uh, please stop.

    • gallbladder

      How fucking DARE you post such impotent rage!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I’m offended! But not as offended as I’d be if he also threw out his TV, computer, and XBox.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Looking forward to his eviction for throwing stuff from his apartment. Sadz.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Retweet?! Pussies. THROW another Keurig off the building. Then buy another and do it again.

    • SeeTrain65

      I’m offended they didn’t do this sooner so we could prove mental incapacity long ago.

    • Victoria Ricola

      I’m triggered.

      • tehbaddr

        Me too, also! They’re really showing us Libtards a thing or two, tell you whut!

        • Daniel

          It also triggers me when people key their own cars.

          • theCryptofishist

            With the car keys. Which then get so bent that they can’t unlock the car. Boy that really gets my goat!

    • Daniel

      I’d be really offended if he locked himself out of his flat with his phone still inside.

    • marxalot

      Oh. No, wait. Stop.
      Oh no, don’t. Don’t go spend 135$ on a new one. Stop. Don’t smash that one, too.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

        “Shut up, ya little shit … Daddy’s gotta buy four more Keurig machines to throw off the balcony.”

        • Daniel

          “Why, daddy?”
          “Because Sean Hannity told me to!”

    • I’m failing to be sufficiently offended. Why don’t you go buy another two or three and chuck them off the building? I might build up sufficient offense then.

    • Ellie

      I would only be offended if he expected me to clean up his mess.

      • Daniel

        Well, he is a Republican.

    • jesterpunk

      Collin, you know what would really offend me? If you gave me a few thousand dollars. I would really hate that and be really mad about it.

    • jesterpunk
    • Johnatx

      I would be triggered if he caught his dick in his zipper repeatedly

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So reddit shuts down the incel forum, and they all come out and run for Senate?

  • KnaveOfSwords

    So, not exactly related to anything currently making headlines, but…

    Someone needs to make the GOP talking points for gun control and the GOP talking points for voter registration fight it out.

    Take all their arguments about why gun control laws won’t prevent everyone having guns anyway, and their claims that it’s better to let 100 people who shouldn’t have firearms slip through than have 1 person wrongly denied their right to have all the guns, and apply them to their efforts at stricter voter ID and other measures that might not prevent voter fraud even if it did exist, but do strip people of their right to vote. Then apply their counterarguments to gun control. Keep going until they run crying from the room.

    • GoutMachine

      They’re not exactly paragons of logical consistency.

    • jesterpunk

      I tried that before, Republicans seriously argued that voting is more dangerous then any shooting.

    • Until you suggest that brown or black people should be able to own guns and/or vote… then it all goes out the window.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Well, obviously the former teens accusing Roy of doing the Scarlet R were lezbeans, seeing as they turned down this righteous Christian hunk of burning love.

  • Holly

    The Republicunt women that are actually defending this man and calling his accusers sluts and whores? I just don’t know what to do with my rage/anger…are you fucking kidding me? How did we fall this far from reality.? Can someone explain this to me? I’m so fucking mad right now…and venting isn’t helping. Anyone seen the bottle of sherry?

    • marxalot

      It’s behind the divan.

      • janecita

        😂 with the smelling salts.

        • Holly

          How did you know I was southern?

          • janecita

            Miss. Lindsey told me;-)

    • theCryptofishist

      Is a very split thing–we are the godly and behave as we should and defer to our husbands/fathers/sons/clergy, and they are evil and sent by Satan expressly to take this good, god-fearing man from an important position.

      • Holly

        I adore you. Not in a weird way just pure unadulterated adoration.

        • theCryptofishist

          Thank you. It’s nice to be adored.

    • Paul

      I’m not telling you. You’ll fucking throw it.
      Dear.

      • Holly

        No I won’t. I promise! Now where the fuck did you hide it? Dear.

        • Paul

          Darling. It’s in the back yard. Go look.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Back

    • mailman27

      Cooking sherry? It’s gone. Used it up in a…um…recipe. Sort of thing.

      • Holly

        OK sure wink wink.

        • theCryptofishist

          Maybe there’s vanilla in the spice cabinet.

          • mailman27

            Nope. We’re just running out of everything! You know, just, gone!

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, maybe we should schedule a bread riot at city hall later this week.

          • theCryptofishist

            Maybe that was the barbarian horde that we had over last week.

          • Paul

            STFU. There is, and since she’s such an awesome baker I buy her the really good stuff, “Baldwin’s”. You trying to bankrupt me here?

            Next time suggest Sterno or something.

          • theCryptofishist

            If you’ve got a few days, you can make pruno from the applesauce.

        • mailman27

          It was the chicken ciacci– caichi–torri? Whatever, quite tasty nonetheless.

          • Holly

            It was you, wasn’t it? You took the sherry!

    • Ellie

      If they do that, they think that they will never be the ones who are raped, and if they already have been, they’ll come down hard so that nobody suspects it (because if they were raped, they must have deserved it). It really isn’t an explanation because it’s nuts, but I do believe it’s the way it is.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I suspect it may not just be that they think they’ll never be raped. It’s that if the rape victims deserved it, they can make sure they’ll never be raped by not deserving it.
        If only Bad People get raped, and I’m a Good Person, I’m safe.

    • jesterpunk
      • Holly

        DAMN YOU KAREN!

    • SeeTrain65

      It’s between the couch cushions where you left it. ; )

    • James Baskin

      Before this is over, you’re going to need something strong than sherry.

      • Holly

        I can’t smoke anything – so crack is out.

    • BosGrl

      They must keep their status quo no matter what. There is no deviation. The Christian white male must be the head and he is always right.

      • marxalot

        The first victim and second beneficiary of white supremacist capitalist patriarchal kyriarchy is the white wife!

        • Holly

          That is so true. Sadly.

      • Holly

        It’s scary, right? Can you imagine living in a that world? Holy fuck! I’d be sent to prison, and I’d go happily. After I committed sins – many many sins. Not one or two minor ones but BIG ONES!! REALLY FUCKING BIG ONES!!

        • BosGrl

          I’d be sharing the cell with you.

          • Holly

            I’d be honored.

          • Paul

            I’ll bring those cakes you like when I visit the pen.

          • Holly

            But the real quesion is will they allow conjugal visits when you bring those cakes?

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            And will there be a file in the cake?

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Yeah, that devil-worshipping Chick Tract/Michelle Remembers Satanic Ritual Abuse shit? Also projection. It is now clear that these people will allow their children to be sexually abused for power.

      Pizzagate also, too.

  • Old town Urbandale

    the Alabama Supremes (worst band mashup ever)

    And the one bright spot in a thoroughly depressing article.

    • SeeTrain65

      Brings new meaning to the term “Baby Love.”

      And yes, I did just throw up in my own mouth, TYVM.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Their version of “You Can’t Hurry Love in the First Degree” was pretty good.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Menedez jury is still deadlocked – may end up a mistrial.

    https://twitter.com/mattmittenthal/status/930159586346196993

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I suppose that’s a fair point about the media coverage. But sex creep senatorial candidate beats out plain vanilla corrupted pol any given news day.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wait, he posts a screenshot from CNN to claim that the media isn’t covering this story?

      • Daniel

        That’s the joke.

        • theCryptofishist

          It was stunning…

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      They’re just worried about their slim 52-48 majority.

      • James Baskin

        No shit. 52-48 and they’re having a hard time. Make it 49-51 and holy shit, they aren’t going to be able to pass anything.

        • theCryptofishist

          Okay, I’ll be in my bunk!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        BINGO

    • Resistor Radio

      I can’t believe Rand Paul is still on board the Moore windowless van.

      • Bill D. Burger

        They keep hearing a shrill voice coming from the vehicle: “Careful Roy. My ribs are sore ….. oh…. I see THAT’S ribbed for my pleasure.”

    • Red Richmond

      Oh go right on fucking off with your pearl clutching pissy pants pusillanimity, you whiney manbitch Lindsey Graham. “Will not end well for Mr. Moore” what, if he doesn’t quit the scum sucking Hills-Have-Eyes mouthbreathers there will elect him to the Senate? And them what, you won’t seat him? Kick him right back out for being too shitty even for your demented standards? Fuck no you won’t, he’s an (R) and that makes him one of God’s own chosen forgiven favored children, sent to earth to bless the rich and powerful with tax cuts and fuck-you’s to the poors and the blahs.

      Go find a fucking fainting couch to sit on Lindsey, I’m sure all that hypocrisy has to be exhausting.

    • Beautiful Soup

      Isn’t it sad that if the gop establishment types didn’t already dislike Moore, we would never ever hear Mitch McConnell say he “believes the women.”

  • Doug Langley

    Okay, our story so far. A recruiter has been trying to get me a job doing PHP work. That’s a language used to program web pages. Anyway, he was worried that my last PHP job wasn’t recent enough, so he set an online test I could take. Did that last Wed. It was tricky, wasn’t sure I did well. Today he calls me. Turns out I did “really well” on the test. Then he told me the client chose someone else instead who just had a job doing PHP, so it was more up to date.

    “Your test results prove you know the subject, so we believe you don’t know the subject. Get lost.”

    ** headdesk **

    • SeeTrain65

      “But at least they got their laughs in.”

      Jesus Christ, what a fucking world …

      • Doug Langley

        Wasn’t even age discrimination. They never met me or spoke with me.

  • bubbuhh

    They should all throw their keurigs off buildings cuz they don’t deserve even stoopit expensive coffee. Also too they should be sued round and square by the peeps hit by all those stoopitly thown keurigs.

  • mrFawkes

    More Moore
    A new victim has come forth stating Roy Moore molested and came close to raping her. She was 16 at the time and this was 1977. After graduating from West Point in ’69, Moore went on to serve in Vietnam under a Military Police Battalion. He left the Army in ’74 as a Captain and went on to law school. He returned to Alabama in ’76 and was hired as an asst D.A. This is when Moore’s contact, molestations, and assaults with underage girls began.
    Or, is there much more to his history?
    As an officer, Moore was well-versed in knowing not to fraternize with enlisted personnel, i.e no sexual relations. He was also nicknamed “Captain America” by his unit because he was such a prick/stickler when it came to rules and regs.
    With the body count of Moore’s molestations rising, and it will get higher, it begs two questions as to Moore’s military career–1) How many Vietnamese girls did he molest, rape and violate when he was in country?
    2) What is in his military service records?

    • GoutMachine

      Here’s what’s key for me:

      He was also nicknamed “Captain America” by his unit because he was such a prick/stickler when it came to rules and regs.

      Classic case of “reaction formation” in psychology – it’s the tendency that if you have some dirty secret, you come out loudly and vehemently against it or get so wrapped up in its opposite.

      Kinda like how all the virulent anti-gay family values dudes are all boning dudes.

      • Wonky Magoo

        Also, too, how you get rapists working as sex crime prosecutors, and abusers working as domestic violence counselors.

        • marxalot

          That last one is also the target-rich environment attraction.

  • Suttree

    The fact that conservatives keep harking back to the fact that SOME of these women were of “legal” age is disgusting. I remember that age. My sister was 3 years older than me, and her friends seemed a sea apart. Yeah I was 15 and she was 18. They let me hang out because I looked older than my age. But when they went out to fuck up, they dropped me at home. High school guidos with IROCs, in New Jersey in the 80’s knew better.

    • marxalot

      Also: just because a girl is “legal” and therefore able to consent doesn’t mean she has. There’s the unspoken attitude that once a girl is 18, you don’t even have to ask: she’s legal!

      • Suttree

        I probably could have explained that better, but yes that is correct. I was trying to say that people who at the time, were viewed as abhorrent had a higher moral standard.

        • marxalot

          Oh, no, I 100% agree with you. The hoodlums I ran with were also super careful with each other’s kid siblings because, come on man, that’s a kid. It’s just I keep seeing the Arbitrary Legal Age thing come up without any discussion of the Still Not Consensual part, so I’m tossing these in everywhere.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            “We had some bad boys, for real. Wasn’t about guns so much as knowing what to do with your hands. Those boys could really rack. My father had me on the straight, but like any young man, I wanted to be hard too, so I’d turn up at all the house parties where the tough boys hung. Shit, they knew I wasn’t one of them. Them hard cases would come up to me and say, ‘Go home, schoolboy, you don’t belong here.'”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      At 16 I was barely sentient enough to keep myself from walking into walls, much less make an informed decision about having a relationship with a person many years my senior. I guess we should be somewhat thankful that, in addition to being a pedophile, Moore was so overtly creepy that he managed to manipulate not a single one of his victims into thinking they wanted it or there was nothing wrong with the way he acted.

      • theCryptofishist

        As far as we know.

  • DrBigHead

    OK, for the sake of argument, let’s say that Moore has had absolutely no sexual contact with underage girls. His supporters STILL have to explain how they can support the man who ruled as he did in the Higdon case. Jesus fucking Christ, the man was dismissing sex with a 4 year old! And I don’t give a damn that the perpetrator was also a minor. How can any alleged Christian support this perverted animal?

    • Daniel

      Easily.

      • DrBigHead

        Apparently so.

      • SeeTrain65

        And without a hint of self-realization.

    • OrG

      They are AGAINST LIBERALS.
      Period.

      • ((( Augustus )))

        they don’t even really know why, I don’t think

        • DrBigHead

          All they know is that liberals are unspeakably evil.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          LIBRALS are babby killers, that’s why.

    • James Baskin

      They have no respect for females.

    • hudson

      that right there should have raised serious flags. what the fuck is wrong with these people? 4 years old, ok? how the fuck is it for anybody to say a 4 year old be violated like that?

      4 YEARS OLD. MOST KIDS HAVE NOT MASTERED SPEECH BY THEN.

      SORRY BUT I’M VERY ANGRY THAT THIS CREEP IS WITHIN A SHOT OF MAKING IT TO THE SENATE.

      • DrBigHead

        I’m afraid that unless he withdraws voluntarily, he is going to win.

        • Daniel

          Oh, he will win.

          • bupkus231

            As revulsed as I am by Moore – and the asshole voters who are gonna elect him anyway – I’m kinda waiting for the show. The national GOP is really gonna tear itself apart – and we all thought it would be Rump that would cause that….

      • Daniel

        They excused the assault of the Duggar children when they were infants too, and blamed the children themselves.

        The Evangelical right is a fucked up culture.

    • NotALiar

      He’s not a Democrat. It’s that simple.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        He was, once. Says right in his Wikipedia page and everything!

        Surprised FOX hasn’t called him “Roy Moore (D)” yet.
        Guess he’s not become quite toxic enough.

    • bupkus231

      His supporters have to explain how they can support the man who defied federal law and federal judicial rulings – for a federal government position?

      Never mind secession – throw these ignorant, contrarian assholes out of the US. We can do just fine with 49…

  • Nounverb911
  • memzilla Ω

    Just a little reminder to my fellow Wonketarians, Jeff Sessions will be testifying in an open session of the House Judiciary Committee tomorrow starting at 10:00 on C-SPAN. And I have asked — OK, BEGGED — our Editrix to livebloog it.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/90faec915ab3eb96d5ca3637f206b7027f6632e41fefbb10c83ff39b7e9b777a.gif

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Thanks for the reminder to set my alarm!

  • Ricky Gay

    Ya know, when it comes to family values and integrity, less is Moore.

  • WiscoJoe

    Um WIKILEAKS BOMBSHELL looks like they’re not actually some sort of impartial “radical transparency” advocate that just wants information to be free, man, and good government and liberty and stuff. WHO WOULD HAVE EVER EXPECTED????

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Greenwald is gonna be crushed.

      • Ricky Gay

        One can hope

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        by a grand piano?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Or an ACME safe?

      • WiscoJoe

        Predictions on the spin? I’m thinking something along the lines of:

        “Wikileaks is an independent organization and it would be an Orwellian affront to the very essence of liberty and the concept of privacy to expect them to act in any way that might conform to the so-called ‘standards’ of pernicious media propagandists and insidious deep state big brother police state deep state big brother pernicious argle bargle, back to you Tucker.”

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Hey, that’s pretty good. I was gonna say, “Nuh uh! You can’t believe paid journalists!”

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          “back to you Rush”

        • Daniel

          You know it’s just this is I’m so- this is just typical of the mainstream media bias, Chuck, that no one is talking about how Hillary Clinton- look, she was out there day after day burning her initials into puppies’ faces, and there’s no one talking about this or how about, just for example, her deleted 33, 000 emails, which no one is saying anything about? I think that it really is so unfair that we talk about the President, and he’s all our president like it or not, and his loving son doing what is just normal for a young man, still a kid really, never been in politics to do and try to help- Australian accents can be confusing to someone who’s never been in politics before, but we’re not talking about, you know, Benghazi and I think that’s what the American people, real people outside your elitist media bubble want to know about and it’s a disgrace you’re talking about this nothingburger and not all the fine charity work and son-being that Don Jr does.

      • theCryptofishist

        Greenland, also, too. (Sorry, just popped into my head.)

      • Suttree
      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Let’s hope.

    • Edith Prickly

      Oh, is Ecuador finally kicking Assponge out to go live in Russia with his BFF Snowden?

      • WiscoJoe

        No! He’s going to become Ambassador to Australia, which will finally topple western democracy once and for all (in his Don Jr. co-written fan-fic).

    • TJ Barke

      The fact that it was only interested in Western corruption was the tell.

      • WiscoJoe

        But, but, but… Wikileaks was totally interested in publishing Trump’s tax returns as well! They even politely asked the Trump campaign for permission. Radical transparency!

      • marxalot

        I mean, we have enough of it, that’s for damn sure. But once the first rush of US diplomatic cables went through, there was a curious dearth of anything from outside NATO, wasn’t there?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And only trashing one side repeatedly.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Sobriety is for amateurs.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Hell, I’ll do it if it comes to that…

  • Picabo
  • Paperless Tiger

    You know who else had multiple bankruptcies?

    • Nounverb911

      TWA?

      • Suttree

        At least DeLorean bothered to traffic cocaine.

    • SeeTrain65

      Do moral bankruptcies count?

      Then … The Republican Party?

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Paperless Tiger

      Proof. How does it work?

      • Khavrinen

        Well, originally, you mixed the questionable liquor with gunpowder, and if it burned it was considered “proof” that it had a high enough alcohol content.

        Oh, you meant the other kind…

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Transitive property: who can explain it?

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump: “It’s not like he grabbed em’ by the puss…….uhhhh….oh….strike that. It’s not like he moved on em’ like a bitch……..damn. Fuggetabowtit.”

    • Timothy Watson

      It’s murky whether the Senate could refuse to seat someone who was elected (see Powell v. McCormack).

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Eh, I dunno. He can challenge it, but the court will probably do like the D.C. Court of Appeals did and defer back to Article I, Section 5 and state no jurisdiction as the Constitution does clearly state each House shall be the Judge of Elections and Qualifications for their members. That’s a relatively high bar to clear.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Too bad he couldn’t make the same distinction a year ago regarding Trump.

      • bupkus231

        Or with any of Rump’s nominations since the election.

    • hudson

      whatever else my differences with you sir, thanks for standing up to basic fundamental decency and humanity.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • ibwilliamsi

    I find it difficult to believe that Moore waited until he was 30 years old to start forcing himself on little girls. I also find it difficult to believe that he stopped when he was 32 years old – or at all.

    • GoutMachine

      Yeah, me too. There are a shitton of skeletons in his closet.

    • rosenbomb

      Yeah…that’s not usually a habit one casually picks up at 32. I wonder how many other victims are waiting in the wings.

      • Red Bird

        True. A habit you casually pick up is something like becoming a wine enthusiast and learning how to recognize the different varietals of grapes.

    • marxalot

      I knew a guy who, in his early 20s, said that he “got into girls” when he was 12 or 13, and so were they, and that’s what his excuse was.
      Anyway, he was convicted of something along the lines of sexual battery of a minor (I believe the girl was 16, and her dad found out about her new boyfriend) when we were in our late 20s. Of course, he was a little older than us. And she, frankly, was a little old by his standards.

    • schmannity

      Using hyper religiosity as a cover.

      • ibwilliamsi

        It’s not just for Catholics anymore!

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    @realDonaldTrump tweeted about the release of Podesta’s emails *15 minutes* after @Wikileaks wrote to @DonaldJTrumpJr

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/11/prematurely-pro-fascist-scum

    • BosGrl

      What does this mean, though, besides our outrage? It’s already pretty clear his supporters don’t care. Is this something that can lead to some kind of charges?

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        It’s a hell of a record built up for when the Dems take back Congress.

        • bupkus231

          Do you really think the asshole “base” cares about “records”?

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    If you have not seen this …

    Wilson on Roy Moore:
    https://www.thedailybeast.com/roy-moores-gop-stands-for-grand-old-pedobears?source=twitter&via=desktop

    To give a hint: title of piece is “Roy Moore’s GOP Stands for ‘Grand Old Pedobears’”

    • Lambsendbeds

      Sexual Harrassment Panda libelz!

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        From allahpundit of all places:

        //twitter.com/allahpundit/status/930218618213711872

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • MasRioBravoHombre

    I have said for decades that the GOP longs to legalize rape, in every instance and situation. They want public executions for anyone who alleges rape. They want this even more than they long re-enslave African Americans.

    • theCryptofishist

      With the twist that rape is now going to be the entirety of African American sexuality (well rape for guys and evil temtressing for the gals) under the law.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        I’m eager to see which con assplug will DARE to call today’s victim a LIAR.

      • marxalot

        The whole “Black men raping!” thing is also brought to you by Panasonic, for the best in projection.

    • h4rr4r

      Now now, that’s slanderous. They want both those things equally.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Well, they’d keep it around to criminalize black men having sex with white women, I would think.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        Nah…thye’d claim lynchings are like elections. Majority rules, you know. Only with extrajudicial murder.

    • BosGrl

      The ones that yell SHARIA LAW the loudest are projecting, I think.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        Those are the ones who use the Old Testament babble about the “people of Hamm” always being “hewers of wood and drawers of water”. So, slavery is all God-ified and good and moral, it just fucking IS.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • BosGrl

    Oh, now I get it, I think, re Sessions. They let Moore get elected, then expel him, then Sessions quits AG and the governor of AL appoints him as a senator.

    • jesterpunk

      Then they have another special election and waste even more money.

      • BosGrl

        It’s only wasted if it’s used to feed a child what’s already born.

    • weejee

      Very too many turnstiles.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, then Donnie moves someone like Pompeo over since he’s already confirmed, and orders him to fire Mueller.

  • Michael R

    I can’t tell the timeline , but I was wondering if Donald’s ” election is rigged ” nonsense coincided with Assange’s instructions to contest the election .

    ( note : i just read the answer to this a few comments down from here , and yes )

    it pays to refresh the comments kids !

  • docterry6973

    The GOP establishment is slowly telling Moore to go away, and Moore is attacking them. It would be the ultimate irony if the GOP is split by 50 years of dumbing down their base and encouraging their mindless hatred.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Kind of looks like that’s been going on since the presidential primaries.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      And here they were worried it would be the robots and ‘puters and microwaves that would become aware and rise up against their masters. They totally didn’t expect their mouth breathing base to do this!!!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The direct opposite of intelligent life.

    • Metadude

      Less ironic than poetic justice.

  • William
    • Bill D. Burger

      Run, Honey! Run!

  • Juan de Fuca

    This guy sounds is exactly like the people we’re still fighting against in Afghanistan.

    • hudson

      you mean the fine art of baccha baazi that they have honed up there under the fine garb of religious purity?

      as they say in sanskrit ati vinayam dhoorta lakshanam. louder the piety , more immoral the character.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Agreed. And as we say on Wonkette – “It’s always projection with these motherfuckers.” It’s not as classy sounding but basically means the same thing.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I say “Projecting more than an IMAX theater showing movies on the surface of the moon.”

      • marxalot

        When you fast, do not be like the hypocrites, who tear their garments and cover themselves in ashes…

        • hudson

          sounds about right.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Who will be the first subhuman filthmonger to call today’s victim a liar? Hannity? Drugs Blimpaugh? Beck? That psycho, Judge Jeanine, who clearly dreams of sex with Drumpf?

    • BosGrl

      Dreams? Isn’t her husband in jail?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      AOT,K?

      • TJ Barke

        You know it!

  • Bill D. Burger

    I’m going to buy a Keurig machine just to brew some coffee during Roy Moore humiliation.

    My Breville machine makes great coffee…..but this is for a cause.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Pixel cyanide is right, Dok.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Laughing my ass off. Republican shitsuckers thought Moore’s list of victims would end with those first four? Yeah, geniuses, pedophiles always stop all on their own.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Roy’s celebrity supporters and coming to his aid.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOiznsnW4AEUMLh.jpg

  • William
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      1. Is JFK running for office?
      2. Is 19 under the age of consent?

      If the answer to either is “no”, then shut the fuck up Ann Coulter.

      • Khavrinen

        3. Is JFK still dead?
        If the answer is yes, what the fuck difference does it make now?

        • mackafritz

          I thought he was living in Argentina with Hitler.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        JFK’s penis still stalks the land.
        They say that sometimes, late at night, you can hear it whistling through the sagebrush.

        • Eileen Besse

          So there is hope?

        • Blanche de Shambles

          “Ich bin eiiin Berliiineeeeer.”

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            “I am a jelly stick.”

    • jesterpunk

      You are right Ann, I am not voting for JFK in the next election because of that.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or a juicy story about Rudy Gulliani marrying his cousin.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      “LIBERALS DID IT TOO! NYAH NYAH”

    • Angela Ruzzo

      She didn’t mention FDR. It doesn’t count if she doesn’t mention FDR. Also Washington, Jefferson, Arthur, Jackson, possibly Lincoln, Cleveland, Harding, Wilson and Eisenhower.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • SeeTrain65

    OT: What’s The Matter With Kansas? You name it.

    And the national party wants this for the entire country. From Charlie Pierce …

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a13528330/kansas-sam-brownback-disaster-republicans/

    • Resistor Radio

      So let me get this straight, people are dying, literally dying on an unsafe section of I-70 so they can prove an ideological point that has already been disproven? Fucking ghouls. I wish I was a Kansas voter. I would shove my votes so far up their Koch-sucking—

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BMW

    I can’t wait to see Hannity’s expose tonight on the sex crimes of Bill Clinton.

    Haha…just kidding. There’s no way in hell I would ever watch Hannity.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The man did have a way with a word.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DONkMrMX0AA1OUg.jpg

  • Victoria Ricola

    I really hope that the next newspaper to publish an updated Don Jr/wikileaks communication timeline includes little asterisks indicating what our comrade, Glenn Greenwald, and his helpers at the Intercept were breathlessly reporting on during that same time frame.

    Just sayin.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Funny how all these “transparency advocates” are only transparent about things that advance their self interests. Kind of like everyone else on that planet that they feel so morally superior to.

  • mrFawkes
    • William

      Classic!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      If I had a Keurig, and a coworker did this to my Keurig at work, I would make absolutely sure the asshole was fired. If he did this to a company-owned Keurig at any place I have ever worked, then he would definitely get fired. Then, of course, he would sue for suppression of his First Amendment rights, but he would lose.

    • marxalot

      Well, given what the average k-cup comes out tasting like…

  • Michael R
  • Angela Ruzzo

    If I read that a man had raped two lesbian 15-yr-olds, my first thought would not be “they made it up because he told on them to their mothers.” My first thought would be “He is a male chauvinist asshole who decided to show them what they are missing, by force.”

    • marxalot

      “And threaten to tell their parents unless they gave it up.”

  • Holly

    Guys….Guys….GUYS!!! I can’t keep up…today has been exhausting, and I’m totally under the influence of a few glasses of sherry, and I need to laugh. Please! For the love of everything we hold dear….make me laugh. I’ll be forever grateful my Wonks.

    • msanthropesmr

      Sherry? What is this, Edwardian England?

      • Resistor Radio

        SNOB

        • msanthropesmr
          • Holly

            When are you inviting me over?

        • Holly

          Whatever makes you say that?

          • Resistor Radio

            Not you, cheekily intended for those who would look down on it, a perfectly acceptable adult beverage.

          • Holly

            You are too kind. I know that sherry is normally associated with dainty little old ladies. Well, I’m a little old lady who like her sherry and when I say likes I mean loves her sherry, and I ain’t dainty.

      • Holly

        Sherry is fabulous. It’s not just for little old ladies anymore….even though I’m a little old lady. Don’t take my word for it. Try it.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Sherry is absolutely wonderful! We finally got married last year after LIS for 13 years. Oh, you didn’t mean her … never mind!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?

      • msanthropesmr

        Hold the relish, it gives me gas.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Make me one with everything.

    • William
      • Holly

        Hehehehe – Thank you.

    • marxalot

      What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the fridge?
      “Close the door, I’m dressing!”

    • Ling Ling

      I am hopeful that Roy’s campaign goes down faster than a Beechcraft full of doctors.

      • Holly

        WTF?

        • Ling Ling

          Hehehe… Doctors frequently buy expensive toys, but not really learn to use them.

        • William

          Relax. Back in the day when it seemed like every physician wanted to be a pilot, the Beechcraft Bonanza was nicknamed the V tail Doctor killer. It had some strange stall and spin characteristics. I haven’t heard that phrase in some time.

          • Holly

            Oh, believe me I know. My entire career, both Navy and civilian was flying the Beech C90. I know the V-tail reputation.

          • William

            Ex Navy P-3 flight engineer here.

          • Ling Ling

            EP3 here

          • William

            VQ-2? maybe?

          • Ling Ling

            I wish. Not make it to Rota until I became a contractor. VQ1

          • William

            Ah!. I won’t ask any more questions, because I know you’re not supposed to answer them.

          • Holly

            That’s excellent William! And nice to know you.

          • William

            Likewise.

    • msanthropesmr

      Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Roy Moore is into freaky stuff.

      • Resistor Radio

        Do you have any Lena and Olle jokes? I feel like you probably do.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Lena is listening to the traffic report and there’s a guy going 80 down the wrong side of the freeway. So she calls Ollie and says “Honey be careful, some nut is driving down the wrong side of the road!” and Ollie says,”ONE nut? They’re ALL doing it!”

          • Resistor Radio

            That’s what I’m talking about! Thank you.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            h/t Garrison Keillor (I highly recommend finding all his annual joke show archives. You will have tears running down your face you’ll be laughing so hard)

          • Resistor Radio

            That’s what I was thinking of when I asked, I used to LOVE the joke show. :)

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          Ole and Lena are lying in bed one night when the phone rings and Ole picks up the receiver, listens for a few seconds, then shouts, “How da hell should I know? It’s 900 miles away!” and slams the receiver back down. “Who was dat, Ole?” Lena asks. “I don’t know, some idiot asking if da coast was clear!” Ole says.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          Young Sven asks his dad Ole one day, “Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is that because I’m Norwegian?” “No,” says Ole , “It’s because you’re nineteen!”

          • Resistor Radio

            My cackle made my kitty jump.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          Ole and Lena are sitting at their dining room table, listening to the radio and watching it snow out. All of a sudden there is a big message on the radio, “There is a snow emergency, please park your car on the odd side of the street.” So Ole puts on his clothes and goes out to move his car. The next day the same thing, another snow emergency and the radio says, “Please park your car on the even side of the street.” So Ole goes and parks his car on the even side of the street. A few days later there’s a really bad snow storm and the radio says, “There’s been a snow emergency please move your car to the …” and the radio goes out. And Lena says to Ole, “Oh, forget it. Just leave your car in the garage this time.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee.
          Giggling, Lena said, “Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to”… so Ole drove to Duluth.

      • Holly

        It’s a groaner – but it’s a good groaner.

    • msanthropesmr

      When is a door not a door?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
      Because if they had 4 doors they’d be a chicken sedan.

    • mackafritz

      Two atoms were walking down the sidewalk when one says to the other, “I’ve lost an electron.”
      The other says, “Are you sure?”
      The first says, “I’m positive.”

      • Holly

        That’s good! That’s really good!

    • Alan

      What do mermaids wear? Algebras.

      What did the acorn say when he grew up? Geometry.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      A turtle walks into a police station and says that he was mugged buy a group of snails.

      “Can you identify them,” ask the cops?

      ‘Oh, no, says” the turtle, “it all happened so fast.”

    • William

      How many beans are actually in a can of beans? 239, because if there were one more it would be too farty.

      • Holly

        I have to admit I laughed, and I hate fart jokes.

    • Doug Langley

      Wizard of Id strip:

      King: “I’ve had a rotten day. Nothing went right. Make me laugh, jester!”
      Jester: “I demand a raise!”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Mr. Blobfish

    True or false: Mrs. Judge Roy Moore has found herself a good divorce lawyer.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      False. Divorce is worse than pedophilia to some Christians

      • Khavrinen

        Hey, there are already enough of them saying outright that Democrats are worse than pedophiles.

    • Suttree

      False. An Alabama woman’s stature is directly related to sticking up for her husband when he rapes and molests other women.

      • Alan

        And little girls too.

    • bupkus231

      False – she has stuck up for her hubby, in at least one very offensive Twit or FB post. Mrs. Judge Roy Moore is at least as fucked up as he is.

  • Suttree
    • Resistor Radio

      Very patient kitties!

      • Suttree

        I have never had a kitty that patient! At least when I want them to let me snuggle. I always get the kitty who wants to nest on your face while sexy time is going on.

        • Resistor Radio

          I’m sure to someone, somewhere, that’s a turn on.

    • Jamoche

      Cats auditioning their next opposable-thumbed species to Uplift for can-opener duties, since we’ve turned out to be a bust.

    • Panika MCD

      babby trash pandas are the best! (too bad they get cranky after that.

    • 52camellias

      Not sure, but from here it looks like those trash pandas are attempting to eat the faces off the kitties. Are you sure they are not zombie trash pandas?

      • Suttree

        I used to have a girlfriend who kissed like that. No! An actual real live woman. After the first 2 years I convinced her to take it easier.

    • tehbaddr

      Those are Possums, they get along great with cats!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BTW, IDK WTF is taking the NYT and WaPo so long. I know it’s better to be accurate than to be fast, but you’d think they would have something on Junior and WikiLeaks by now…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67231863e279de4628894a5c704d7a300bee35897f3fdbd08ebbdeb46df9bafc.jpg

  • chascates
    • armed_bears

      OK… I gotta ask: What is? Where from? Really? And WTF?

      • chascates

        This is Drudge lede; apparently he’s bailing on him. CNN had a hede that one of the girls assaulted produced a note he gave her. Not sure if they’re the same.

        • armed_bears

          OK… but Durdge I dare not, so I shall go skim the CNN.

          “skim the CNN.” Yes, that’s what kids are calling it now.

        • Jamoche

          “Lordy, I hope there are notes.”

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          When you’ve lost Matt Sludge…

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        There’s a whole post about it. It’s terrible. He violently assaulted this girl.

    • Alan

      As mom said, don’t write it down unless you want it read.

  • Panika MCD

    can anyone lend me a cup of brain bleach for that bullshit defense of a 17 year old raping a 4 year old?

  • Bill D. Burger

    And just where is ol’Roy….well, let’s look in the…

    https://i.imgur.com/2qg0WUw.png

  • jesterpunk

    Who said this, Roy Moore or Ted Nugent?

    Well, I don’t care if you’re just thirteen. You look too good to be true

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    For all their complaints about socialisms, Alabamans should really think about the fact that coastal elite liberal commie states pay more in tax revenues which goes directly to states like Alabama to support their welfare-having asses. THat’s socialisms.

    • DrBigHead

      Its not socialism because they are deserving.

      • Jamoche

        Irregular nouns: I’m deserving, you’re a moocher.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          “I’m deserving because I’m white right.”

    • redarmyzombie

      The problem with your suggestion is it requires them to think.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      IDK why the fuck it isn’t showing, but the tweet says this:

      Overheard in Longworth: “I know nothing matters, but how are we talking about Roy Moore and not mentioning Trump? It’s the same damn thing.”

      Yup

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    So, Dimwit Jr’s new best friend is an accused rapist on the lam from justice? Color ME fucking shocked!

    • Panika MCD

      do what to who?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I don’t see that color in my crayola box. Lemme look in the craycrayola box.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Look next to “fuchsia”.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I can’t look next to fuchsia because I have no fucking idea what color that is.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You need the alphabetically organized Crayolas.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I just know it’s not HTML value #C0FEFE, which looks very close to the robin’s egg blue that colors the Twitter bird…

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7e425670f79858db97fa3cb13b3ede4259c1baec8baff3d19d8ac9465f50db0b.png

          • Wonky Magoo

            It’s like puce, but sharper.

          • redarmyzombie

            It’s the one sitting next to chartreuse.

          • Alan

            Bright pinkish. I only know that because my wife and fucking paint samples.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You and your wife do WHAT?

          • Alan

            Oops, I thought everyone did that.

        • Alan

          Next to orange now.

      • DrBigHead

        You have to have one of those big 64-count boxes. I believe “fucking shocked” replaced burnt umber

  • Bill D. Burger

    After blasting Trump the other day with one of my favorite lines ever: “Donald Trump’s head is a haunted house.” Steve Schmidt really blasts Roy Moore.
    I’m beginning to like Steve Schmidt…..I know! Fucking crazy times!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfVv3876VlA

    • Panika MCD

      he’s been on the “everyone else” side of the “Tea Party v. Everyone Else” since admitting that he was wrong in helping make the decision to add Sarah Palin to the 2008 GOP ticket.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Suttree
    • Panika MCD

      tickle fight!

    • Meccalopolis

      Ok that’s cute but I’ve seen what a coon can do to a dog

      • Suttree

        You’re right. But a friend of mine was the crazy kitty lady and she kinda adopted a raccoon. Mr. Racoon and her chief kitty used to play together on the street together. They would run up and down trees until they were tired. And then they would lay next to each other on her porch. Squeeee! Raccoon never came around any other human beings besides her though.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Picabo

    It’s snowing in hell. George will is endorsing Doug Jones.
    “Roy Moore is an embarrassment. Doug Jones deserves to win.”
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/roy-moore-is-an-embarrassment-doug-jones-deserves-to-win/2017/11/13/0dcb24e2-c89b-11e7-8321-481fd63f174d_story.html?tid=ss_tw&utm_term=.ea67ee071912

    • Alan

      George may be a fucking idiot but he does have some scruples.

      • Meccalopolis

        Can he talk about baseball some more? That really slays me

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “It’s snowing in hell”

      The downside? Another excuse for Repugnants to deny global warming.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Reading a cop’s activity log for the morning of 10/7. Every time I do this, it makes me feel sorry for cops. In one morning, he responded to calls for: 2 dogs at large; 1 cat; one woman who left her purse at Rite Aid and wanted him to go retrieve it for her; a man who smelled marijuana, he thought, coming from the direction of the high school; a suspicious object on a bridge that turned out to be a lunchbox; and, finally the one where he was just no longer in the mood: “comp says first base side dugout, 5-6 juvs smoking something. no juvs in park. no one at all in the park. anywhere.”

    • h4rr4r

      The smell of marijuana coming from a high school? Unbelievable!

      When I was that age we thought that was why they called it high school.

      • Meccalopolis

        I knew guys who snuck tokes off one hitters in class. Hold it in till the smoke disapates but if you cough.. ha ha, busted!

  • hudson

    how the fuck does sean hannity sleep at night?

    • SeeTrain65

      Comfortably on a mattress filled with blood money.

    • FlemmishSpy

      On a stack of filthy money.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Pills?

    • Panika MCD

      with a spoon full of Chuck Norris jizz.

      • hudson

        eww. thats just creepy.

    • Blackest Noobs

      punches to face; he hires a guy to knock him out every night.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Are they hiring?
        /asking for a friend

    • Resistor Radio

      Hanging upside down from a beam in a crypt?

    • Vampires sleep?

    • Master Contrail Program

      He doesn’t. They merely tighten the bolts in his neck and re-flatten his hair and he’s good to go.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Looking forward to tonight’s episode of “As The Worm Turns”.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      And does a double backflip.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • ((( Augustus )))

      attempted to normalize

      we’re not beat yet

  • redarmyzombie

    Roy Moore, using his position of power to defend pedophiles and also belittle and denigrate their victims? Why, I am shocked. Shocked I say. Somebody, fetch me my smelling salts, for I am overcome with the vapors.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’ve places the fainting couch right behind you, poor dear.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Oh, he was just down with denigrating anyone. Remember, he also ruled back when he was a trial judge that a woman in a divorce case could not have unsupervised visits with her own children because she was now in a lesbian relationship (she also could not have any contact with the children if her girlfriend was present). He got thrown off that case.

  • Nounverb911
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “He fetched coffee for us once or twice.”

      • h4rr4r

        Unpaid position, probably gained via nepotism.

    • Khavrinen

      Wait till the rest of the indictments come through; we’ll get a similar tweet from the President himself.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Donald Junior supposedly had secret secret time messaging with Julian Assange.

    tell me again there was no collusion?!?

    • Reximus

      But who LEAKED this??? That’s the important question

      • Blackest Noobs

        suprisingly Wikileaks leaked it. yes…they have a problem.

    • RobKanC

      No collusion. No collusion. You are the collusion.

  • Historicat

    I’m so sick of seeing that vile pus-filled sack’s face with his creepy grin.

    • mancityRed6

      you’re gonna have to be a little more specific there.

      • Historicat

        All of them, Katie – every last one.

  • This sounds like a “fair and balanced” Judge.

    Is it too late for Bill Cosby to change venues?
    https://continuumissues.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/cosby.gif

  • Nounverb911
    • Resistor Radio

      Disinformation? No, THAT information.

    • I love this trolling from M-W.

      It’s not like conservatives are gonna boycott the dictionary because, well, duh.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        They keep trying to make coffee with it.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Hillz must be running this troll account.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
    • Alan

      Hahahahaha. Creep.

    • jowgajen

      But then he got married, found gawd, and lived the wholesome life of the itinerant grifter. Praise Jebus.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Holy holy tax cuts…

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        He is fourteen years older than his wife. He was 38 and she was 24 when they got married.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Oh, this is getting fucking beautiful. Grown-ass man, banned from mall.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Not to sound like a common Roy Moore or anything, but how/why did this stuff not come out in his previous races?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        coughAlabamacoughcough

        • jowgajen

          coughgoodoldboycough

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Hm. Cough.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Read – “women are also whores, who wear slutty clothes, so whats the big deal”

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Wait what?

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Because that’s how the Republicans will be trying to slut shame these girls.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Oh. Yeah, that is kinda s.o.p. for them.

      • Alan

        Cause only the other kiddie molesters cared. Alabama.

      • Suttree

        How happy do you think these people are right now? It is working like this because people are coming out en masse.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Happy? What are you talking about?

          • Suttree

            The women coming out. I am surprised that men are backing them up. That’s what I mean by people. These women are getting shit on and the right is trying to tear them down. Imagine ONE woman coming forward 30 years ago. What do you think would have happened?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            They finally have their moment, you mean. I can see that.

          • jowgajen

            Anything less than a fully sourced and supported story in the Washington Post would have been ignored.

      • William
      • Suttree

        I assume that you have never lived in the south?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I… have, in Louisiana, Texas and South Carolina. But I didn’t grow up there – I was as distant from any Good Ole Boy network as any Yankee.

          • Suttree

            I lived in Louisiana for 20 years. Born a yankee though. I lived in the big city and I saw it. The good ole boy network is everywhere! I am going to assume that you just didn’t see any underbelly. Probably didn’t know any cops, lawyers, or drug dealers?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            A couple of the last, but only in, ah, passing, you might say. :)

          • Suttree

            Hehe. I hear ya. My lawyer used to be a judge and knew every other judge in the parish. I got out of 2 DWIs that way. No one was hurt. I just got pulled over on the way home from the bar. I am not proud of this fact! I should have called a cab! It cost me thousands of dollars, but those arrests are not even on record. Everything expunged.

          • Holly

            It really is entrenched isn’t it. It’s more than a little appalling. It’s criminal.

          • Holly

            I’m a southerner and it’s even worse than you can possibly imagine.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            On the one hand I want to say “tell me more”, and on the other I suspect I might not want to know.

          • Holly

            You really DON’T want to know. However, I will say this – the confederate south NEVER really died, and that whole fucked up mentality is very much alive and well. What’s really appalling is the bigotry and hate are more than accepted – it’s positively embraced by the morans. See what I mean? Don’t get me started. I’ll go off on a rant, and..oh, wait…sorry Mr. Canoehead.

      • Blackest Noobs

        one word: Alabama.

        another word: misogyny.

      • jowgajen

        The American bourgeois takes care of its own. There’s no risk of him going to jail. There’s no risk of him losing his house. No, worst thing that will happen to Roy Moore, serial sex crimer, is that he will have to find an alternate grift or retire with a pile of money.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        He never won an election until 1994 (he lost twice when he ran for DA, and once running for a trial judge seat). He was appointed in 1992 to fill a vacant bench seat, then won a 6-year-term in 1994. He then ran for the Chief Justice job as an underdog in 2000, and won. He never finished the term since that was the first time he thumbed his nose at the feds.
        He stayed out of politics until 2012, ran again as an underdog, and won by about 60,000 votes. He didn’t finish that term either.
        So in reality he’s only won three elections in over 30 years of trying, and two of them he was never considered a threat until he won the primary.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Spotts, you always know stuff. I appreciate it.

          • Cheryl

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      • aureolaborealis

        ROLL TIDE!

    • Blackest Noobs

      So basically the Senate is saying, for now, if Moore wins, they, Republicans Senators will move to expel Moore. expelling a Senator has not happened since the Civil War.

      • Can they do that caning thing again also too?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Hey, Republicans?

        THIS IS YOUR FUCKING PARTY. THIS IS WHO THEY ARE. THIS IS WHO YOU HAVE GIVEN THE REINS TO.

        The only reason you’re getting the vapors now is because it is becoming a very public political liability.

        Fuck you.

    • jesterpunk

      And they will still vote for him.

    • Victoria Ricola

      I worked at the mall food court in high school and we workers all got daily harassment by creeps.

      And nothing was ever done because the mall wanted the business more than they wanted to listen to high school food court workers.

      So anyone getting BANNED FROM THE MALL is a extraordinary level of fucking creep. Like a chasing people to their cars while waving their dick around creep or spying on little girls in the changing room creep.

    • Edith Prickly
      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        HA!

    • Nockular cavity

      Your move, Paul Blart.

  • Nounverb911
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Did they have Infinite Improbability Drive?

      • data_ninja

        I don’t know, but this cup of tea is perfect!

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          Strange, mine is almost but not quite entirely unlike tea.

      • I don’t know, i’m not invited to that sort of party. Or any sort really

    • That was a long way around the block to announce the birth of your baby.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Even SInclair Lewis made Elmer Gantry keep away from the 14-year-old girl he was attracted to.

  • Alan

    So can congress impeach themselves?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      But but….. TAX CUTS!!!!

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Pixel cyanide would be humane.

    This is more like pixel ipecac syrup laced with pixel brown acid.

  • So this guy, THIS FCKIN GUY, managed to get more authority and more power with every single evil deed!

    He must have every Alabama GOPer by the short hairs at this point.

  • I go to a movie for two hours and you guys make the world worse. Goddamnit America. Pull your underwear up and get a job!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      America FUCK YEAHHHHHH

    • msanthropesmr

      Psych ! Not wearing any!

    • Blackest Noobs

      was the movie at least good? decent?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Sorry, headed the other way, pants are coming off!…

  • msanthropesmr

    I’m still boycotting Keurig.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Dave Daubenmire, who is certifiably insane, thinks Roy Moore should become President.
    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/right-wing-bonus-tracks-president-roy-moore/

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He’s a sportsball coach of some sort, right?

      Guaran-damn-tee you there’s skeletons in his dugout…

  • Nounverb911
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      WHY DIDN’T HILLARY TAKE A BREAK FROM BENGHAZI AND STOP ROY MOORE’S PENIS FROM ASSAULTING WOMEN HEEEEHHHHH…?

    • Edith Prickly

      SRSLY?? Assponge must have been getting high on his own supply along with Moron Jr. while that shit was going down.

  • Rick Hill

    Wow. A multifaceted individual. not just a bible thinping fck yer laws guy but a honest to goodness activist judge, Actively trying to save all the raepists, or something.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
  • Nounverb911
    • Nounverb911
    • Wonky Magoo

      He can’t even ride a stump right.

    • chascates

      Most toxic mushroom I’ve ever seen.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Just because you’re covered in orange from head-to-toe won’t make daddy love you more than Ivanka.

  • Portia McGonagal
  • Angela Ruzzo

    More certifiably insane people.
    Liz Crokin Explains How The Illuminati Uses ‘The Wizard Of Oz’ To Create Child Sex Slaves
    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/liz-crokin-explains-how-the-illuminati-uses-the-wizard-of-oz-to-create-child-sex-slaves/

    • The Wanderer

      “This new learning fascinates me. Tell me again how sheep’s bladders can be used to prevent earthquakes.”

      https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/64986778/oh-really-wow.jpg

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Willy Wonka appears frequently in these conspiracy theories about the dibble’s movies. Supposedly, anything creative about pure imagination makes you want to nibble on the dibble’s wonky willy.

        • I can’t wait to hear the conspiracy theories about Ready Player One. The music in the trailer is a super slowed down, instrumental of Pure Imagination

          • Resistor Radio

            There’s a movie? Oh yay!

          • March next year, directed by Spielberg. Trailer is insane

          • Resistor Radio

            Just watched it, wow!

          • If i could stop watching MSNBC in terror, i could finish both that and Hillz book

          • Resistor Radio

            My bedside table is stacked with books I’m not finding the time to read right now. I understand.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Strange Things is already in the batshit crazy ‘cyclopedia. My prediction? RP1 conspiracy will have something to do with the “Polybius machine,” an apocryphal arcade game that supposedly caused seizures in some kids (and was removed from the malls where it was rolled out for a trial run), but which the wingnut blogs later claimed was some sort of CIA mind control (of course). Art imitating life, I guess — I can actually see this plotline being featured on Strange Things and the tinfoil blogs picking it up as “the Illuminati is revealing itself in plain sight!!!”

            Henry Makow is a guy who needs to show up on Right Wing Watch, which doesn’t cover nutcases from Not America (like Katy Hopkins in the U.K. and Blair Cottrell in Australia) nearly enough, if at all. Henry claims that Star Wars is Justin’s “trigger,” and that he literally thinks he’s Anakin Skywalker and therefore has an alter ego representing the dark side of the Force. OK, Henry. Go back to playing multi-dimensional Scruples. The batshit is strong with this one.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Ah… if they only had a brain.

    • Suse

      JFC and WTF!?

    • Jamoche

      You ever wonder if maybe some people’s pattern-matching brain cells are permanently stuck on way the fuck too high?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Some people’s pattern-matching brain cells are stuck on *.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I blame drugs. Either too much, or too little.

    • Resistor Radio

      And here I thought the wizard of oz was about the gold standard. Or something about silver, maybe? Once listened to a toastmaster tell me all about it, but that was almost 30 years ago.

      • Meccalopolis

        I thought it was about the dark side of the moon

      • Lance Thrustwell

        It’s a political allegory and a modern fairy tale. Double duty.

    • Alan

      Umm, I’m not even clicking it but of course they do.

    • Resistor Radio

      Liz Crokin is just begging a house to land on her.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      If she only had a brain…

      • eggs ackly-wright

        The Black Hole of Stupid. There is no escape.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          So this would be the non-event horizon, then?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Da noive. Put ’em up, put ’em up.

    • keinsignal
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Putting the “mad” in Mad Libs, ain’t she.

  • Rick Hill

    Bets that this is why Yertle made such a statement today? That he believed the women? He knew enough of the stories and behaviors of Moore that there would be no hiding from the facts

    • Lance Thrustwell

      “I believe the women” = “I see the writing on the wall here.”

      • Rick Hill

        Not just writing on the wall. He either had some folks who knew Roy cruised the teens when he was younger or it was common knowledge, these guys gave it a pass but they joked about it in the clubhouse.

    • Claire

      He knows Republican voters have a life-threatening allergy to facts. I think he was just smart enough to see Senate Republicans being herded toward the “pedophilia supporters” pen at the worst possible cultural moment.

  • BearLeft

    I think I kinda start to see why Moore had such a big hard-on for his ten commandments monument. Ain’t nothin’ ’bout no rape in there, see? See?

    • See you ask thy neighbor’s wife if you can covet her daughter.

      • Or his Ass 😨

        • Khavrinen

          Haven’t had any Republicans accused of that.

          Yet….

    • DrBigHead

      Even if there was, what he did was not rape. Just ask him

  • aureolaborealis

    Don Jr. coordinating with Wikileaks, including leaking one of Two-Scoops’ tax returns, so the dirt on Killary would look more legit:

    https://www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/545738/

    • jesterpunk

      So that explain this from Assange’s interview with Megyn Kelly.

      http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/293453-assange-wikileaks-trump-info-no-worse-than-him

      “We do have some information about the Republican campaign,” he said Friday, according to The Washington Post.

      “I mean, it’s from a point of view of an investigative journalist organization like WikiLeaks, the problem with the Trump campaign is it’s actually hard for us to publish much more controversial material than what comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth every second day,” Assange said.

      “I mean, that’s a very strange reality for most of the media to be in.”

      • Hahaha. Assange thinks a pipeline from Putin’s hackers and Republicans is a “media”.

        Try “accessory to theft”

  • aureolaborealis
    • Suse

      Looks like Stitch!

      • H0mer0

        must have some papillion. that is soo adorbable!

      • redarmyzombie

        He used to be a border collie before he got run over?

    • Panika MCD

      Calliope Jane’s face does that when she’s been playing “MOUTH!” with JJP for a really long time. it’s adorable.

  • amrak63

    Here’s the schoolgirl Judge Roy deserves:

    https://i.imgur.com/8nTZpQr.jpg

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Um, hasn’t donald had multiple bankruptcies, too? Just askin’…..

    • BosGrl

      His were rich people bankruptcies. The kind we have is for us losers, of course.

  • Reximus
  • WiscoJoe

    Gadsden Mall: Don’t tread on teenage girls

  • cheetojeebus

    “It’s a hard world for little things.”
    Moore is a character we’ve seen many times before.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t-konY4cHE

  • Nounverb911
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Hahahahahahaha They used you and you are not an ambassador!

      • h4rr4r

        They = Putin

    • FlemmishSpy

      I thought J.A. was the go-to guy for leaks.

      • bubbuhh

        If you have a young girl to piss on, he’s your dick.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door for now on this note:

    https://twitter.com/timheidecker/status/930214344951918592

    • bubbuhh

      cuz “off the record” is always honored by hackerz

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I’m thinking someone told Jr. to stop responding.

    • DrBigHead

      Wow. Just, wow. Does he need someone tagging along with him to remind him to breathe?

  • bubbuhh

    Pence Cahooted
    Pence denied Trump campaign was ‘in cahoots’ with WikiLeaks — the same day Jr sent out a link provided by WikiLeaks

    Among the revelations in Julia Ioffe’s bombshell report for the Atlantic alleging that Donald Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., corresponded with WikiLeaks over the course of 10 months, is the unfortunate timing of a blanket denial of any collusion between the campaign and WikiLeaks by now-Vice President Mike Pence.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/pence-denied-trump-campaign-was-in-cahoots-with-wikileaks-the-same-day-jr-sent-out-a-link-provided-by-wikileaks/

  • Suse

    I hate Facebook.

    • Holly

      You and me both Suse.

    • mancityRed6

      thumbed but I can’t really say that since Joplin woman and I wouldn’t be texting each other right now if it wasn’t for the facespace.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        How is that going?

        • mancityRed6

          it still is, so, well? she’s getting me to write a little. and maybe, so long as she isn’t sick right now, I might be able to make tacos for two this weekend.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Oh, wonderful. Good luck and carry on. : )
            I just wrote my first script for dialogue for a scene in the video game mod I am making. I can sympathize.

    • bubbuhh

      internet for dumbasses

      • Panika MCD

        that’s Reddit. FacePlant is “internet, but with your family”.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          There’s a difference?

          • Panika MCD

            yes. you don’t reddit with family.

          • amrak63

            Unless you’re white trash or Greek gods. ;)

          • Panika MCD

            Greek Gods go to symposiums.

          • amrak63

            [pedant] You mean symposia. [/pedant]

    • amrak63

      What is this “Facebook” of which you speak?

    • Bill D. Burger
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Me too! For a bunch of reasons, but now the worst of which is that Zuck is a kapo who gave platforms to Nazis.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    OT: Does anyone else like that Geico commercial where Beck and Matthew McConaughey are working out in the gym?

    • h4rr4r

      I am not sure mentioning McConaughey on a Moore article is a good idea , considering one of his most famous roles.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Alright, alright, alright.

    • Panika MCD

      hain’t seen it. but I do like both of them.

  • Ricky Gay
    • Shan

      Cheaper and faster than going to Thailand, I guess.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        And better grits!

        • Shan

          I never eat grits when I’m in Thailand.

  • Parakeetist

    This trash needs to be in prison.

    Everything else I want to say will get me banned, so I’ll let my poodle Murphy speak for me.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/IjqQv

    • amrak63

      I think his votes should be removed with a rusty cheese grater.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    And fuck Poland …… (at least those Nazis on the Bridge in Warsaw)….

  • Shan

    I just set my girls (my daughter and her stray friend I took in) to the task of chopping the veggies we need for me to cook the dinner. They seem to be having a good time chatting and listening to music together, so…yay?

    • h4rr4r

      Did you check to make sure Roy Moore was not hanging around?

      • Shan

        They have knives.

        • h4rr4r

          They are probably too old anyway.

        • bbayliss

          but do they still have fingers?

          • Shan

            Yes, I checked.

    • mancityRed6

      yes

    • yyyaz

      Double yay, but keep the band-aids handy.

      • Shan

        All good!

  • Panika MCD
    • tehbaddr

      I see no poodle-like dog there. Cute dogs yes!

      • Panika MCD

        “but ‘poodle’ rimes wiff ‘cute-le’…?” ~ CJ

  • Bill D. Burger

    Carnival Cruz has just announced that he’s withdrawing his support for Moore.

    Only lil’ Rand Paul now has his willing butt cheeks up in the air for Roy.

    (Could someone look in Moore’s van and see if Paul in in there? Thanks.)

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Three-judge panel in 9th Circuit allows some parts of Trump’s Muslim “travel” ban to go into effect.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/930217612738482176

    • Parakeetist

      Vomit

  • Jamoche

    https://www.scottishspca.org/newsroom/latest-news/happiest-dog-in-scotland-launches-scottish-spca-staffie-awareness-week/
    Happiest dog in Scotland – he wagged his tail so hard he kept breaking it – gets a new home.

    Also, another reason America sucks: in Scotland, “20% of all dogs we rehomed was a staffie or staffie cross, making them the most popular dog to rehome.” Yeah, that’s a bull terrier breed, kin to the kind that are seen as awful over here.

    • mancityRed6

      staffordshire bull terrier is their technical breed name. although, purebreds are shorter than most of the mixes seen.

  • Blackest Noobs

    any cred Alabama has, and it does have some, will all but disappear if they elect Roy ” Pedo” Moore.

    Alabama can be great again if you lose the pedophiles, the bigots, and the racists.

    • jesterpunk

      Wouldn’t that be a lot of the state?

      • bubbuhh

        About two thirds

        • jesterpunk

          Not three fifths?

          • bubbuhh

            The old three fifths rule is the reason it’s only two thirds.

      • Blackest Noobs

        like i said, make Alabama great again by reducing the populations…shit we can give their homes to refugees.

        • jesterpunk

          That works for me.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Resistor Radio

      I love that one. Many giggles were giggled.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      He seems nice.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • bubbuhh

      sounds like an excellent starting list for a pedophila investigation squad.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Wannabes!….

    • WomanInThePersistence

      How very Christian of them.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        So, bless their hearts, then?….

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Awesome. Let their names rot on record.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Captain Hatred is a Mo!

    • BosGrl

      Except they didn’t. Turns out it was a list from a letter of support from August.

  • pgjack

    Whether it’s accusations against Trump or Moore the idea that all these women make up stories for money or notoriety is getting a little ridiculous. Moore is a child molester and Trump a molester of women and possibly a child molester. The fact that Republican voters don’t seem to care about these matters makes them enablers. What a pile of scum.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Ugh. Just…..uuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhh…….

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Can we sell Alabama to Poland?

    • Panika MCD

      no, but we should sell some Alabamans ice bergs.

    • jesterpunk

      What did Poland do to you?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        They embraced Polish Nazis.

        • Suttree

          There was a post on facefuck from a guy that I used to work with that is Polish. Just a link about the story from the WSJ. No comments and 1 like from another Polish guy. I really want to ask him about it, but I don’t want to know. I never see him, but I respected him when we worked together. I’m going to ignore it.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Probably the best thing to do.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Stockholm Syndrome, meet Danzig Disease.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        Wouldn’t show me enough Brest.

    • OrG

      Sell? Take it,as is.

  • memzilla Ω

    Wanna know why McYertle disavowed Moore? ‘Cuz I’ll bet the New Yorker called him for comment about this:
    , https://twitter.com/KFILE/status/930218895050502144

    • Panika MCD

      it wouldn’t make sense for them to call the Turtle Leader for that story.

      • memzilla Ω

        Not to confirm it, to comment on it. “Senator, if it’s true that…”

        • Panika MCD

          he dropped the “if true” yesterday.

      • Suttree

        I agree. McConnell isn’t going to drop support for something like that. They are already talking away much worse than that. “He had a disagreement with the mall owner because some law blah blah blah”

        • Panika MCD

          he’d already dropped support and he’s not directly involved in small town Alabama. they’d have many other people to call who are actually residents or were residents at the time.

          • Suttree

            Dropping support is different than saying “go the fuck away”.

          • Panika MCD

            that’s not something they say outside of smoke filled rooms unless they are Dick Cheney.

    • TootsStansbury

      That cynical motherfucker knows something.

      • Resistor Radio

        That’s what I’m talking about.

  • boyblue123

    Wow. The guy was banned from an entire mall

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/930215276884430848

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Well of course ! They keep turning 17 or 18, the hags. You think it’s not work grooming new ones all the time?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Slavery having been ended and all, if this Moore fellow is elected, I see no reason not to grant Alabama their wish of 150 odd years and allow them to leave the Union.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Brings a whole new shade of meaning to the term “mall rat”, don’t he?

  • yyyaz

    ‘Bama journalist on Tweety’s show just said Roy Moore has a bigger following than the Evil Elf™. Fuuccckkk.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Sure, now he does. ‘Cause he is even more evil. Do these (so called) people live in opposite world?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    WELL THEN.

    This past weekend, I spoke or messaged with more than a dozen people—including a major political figure in the state—who told me that they had heard, over the years, that Moore had been banned from the mall because he repeatedly badgered teen-age girls. Some say that they heard this at the time, others in the years since. These people include five members of the local legal community, two cops who worked in the town, several people who hung out at the mall in the early eighties, and a number of former mall employees. (A request for comment from the Moore campaign was not answered.) Several of them asked that I leave their names out of this piece. The stories that they say they’ve heard for years have been swirling online in the days since the Post published its report. “Sources tell me Moore was actually banned from the Gadsden Mall and the YMCA for his inappropriate behavior of soliciting sex from young girls,” the independent Alabama journalist Glynn Wilson wrote on his Web site on Sunday. (Wilson declined to divulge his sources.)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      In other words, everyone already knew. And they’re going to vote for him anyway. Yay, Alabama!

      • Incoming Ham

        “Oh now, he was jus’ funnin’!”

        ~ People Who Will Vote For Moore.

    • OrG

      Goddammit this guy was a judge. Why in the fuck is this just now coming out?

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        There was some story years ago in Los Angeles about a judge who was masturbating under his robe on the bench (robe failed the UV light test also too). There are some interesting judges out there, apparently.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Would be nice if these people would come forward publicly. I know it sucks, but “unnamed sources” just keeps giving Moore ammunition.

      Not that it matters anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

  • Dolmance

    As many bankruptcies as Donald Trump?

    Oh, I forgot – JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!

  • Incoming Ham

    This is the America that Trump voters yearn for.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqe4W08124M

    • mancityRed6

      oh, look, only white people allowed.

    • Bill D. Burger

      They DO have this prelapsarian and bucolic vision of an America where:
      Those people weren’t uppity and knew their place.
      Those people stayed in the closet and shut up.
      Those people cooked & cleaned and shut up.
      Where Christianity was the only religion that mattered.
      White men controlled EVERYTHING.

      It’s a Donna Reed Show USA that has never really existed except in their racist, bigoted and depraved minds. And they hold to that white Utopian belief firmly and dearly.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …and they’re willing to fight to the death for it. These people should be in a supermax mental institution, but no, because #ThanksReagan

      • Resistor Radio

        Seriously, most of the people fapping to this stuff weren’t alive back then, they only know it from tv. That’s not to say there aren’t plenty of Olds with rose-colored glasses, just the young dudes with the tiki torches don’t know shit.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          They are dumbing them down with all that revisionist history. They won’t read an actual history book to know the truth, so they just swallow anything they see on tv.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I’ll take my Donna Rose USA where you get freedom, and YOU get freedom, and YOU get freedom also too!!1!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        The Donna Reed reference is spot-on, though. These loons think “Somewhere That’s Green” from Little Shop of Horrors was an instruction manual.

    • Suse

      I loved out milkman. We left the backdoor open for him and he’d put the milk in the fridge. He also threw the ball to my dog for a few minutes. The good old days!

      • Meccalopolis

        I remember milk deliveries in NYC

    • Resistor Radio

      Despite being lily white and with all the women home in the kitchen, today’s deplorables would probably still find fault in the part where there were other churches where people were free to practice their faith. They would prefer the Puritan-style church system, one per town and if you didn’t belong you were shunned.

      I like how he kept pronouncing it “heliCOPter,” reminds me of how they used to say “ROHbut.”

      Anyone else catch the policeman littering when he wrote that ticket? :)

      • Incoming Ham

        I missed the faith part – I think you are dead on.

    • BosGrl

      This is how my hometown would have appeared to an outsider in the ’70s. It’s still like that, kind of. These kinds of towns have a lot of suppressed rage.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I really didn’t think the South could find someone worse than a Klan member to run for office. So ole Roy steps up. Pedophile AND Klan member. And the congregation rejoiced, all 53 of them.

  • Panika MCD

    “dear wonkies,

    sum 1 need to make me raviolis that are not slippery.

    love,
    Calliope Jane”

    “dear Wonkette,

    why are there no Hot Dog Pockets for Cary Cary? dogs should not be eating dogs. but cats should be able to eat them.

    signed,
    Cary Cat Cary”

    “dear wonkies!

    I got new nylabones! I share them, but they are named Baron Von Bacon, Professor Peanut Butter, Colonel Chicken and Mister Beef.

    toots,
    Jazzy Jazz Pants”

    • mancityRed6

      I’m calling it. Professor Peanut Butter, in the study, with Mister Beef.
      wait

      • Panika MCD

        Professor Peanut Butter, in the conservatory with the poo-pee pad.

        FIFY

        • mancityRed6

          now that’s brutal

  • TootsStansbury

    Thanks Putin and Putin enabling Republicans. I hate the world. You suck and you’re convincing me everything sucks. My problem is I’m not content to sulk in a corner.

  • Incoming Ham

    I had one of those WTF days in which I got an unsolicited recruiter email asking if I knew anyone who fit specific criteria for a job. I was and told her I would be interested, to which she says ” Thank you, but we need someone with deep team leadership experience.”

    I have been a team lead, director, producer and EP for 10+ years. I let her know that and told her I would pass on her req to people with deeper team leadership experience.

    There are times when I am glad I can’t use my outside voice in emails.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I hope you pass her req right into the trash can.

      • Incoming Ham

        Indeed. It went straight to the circular file.

    • BosGrl

      You should have said, are you looking for recruiters because you seem to need some help.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    So Amazon is going to have a Lord of the Rings teevee show because Game of Thrones. Do we need nekkid Hobbiteses?

    • Blanche Beecham

      I see hairy toed, trixie hobiteses everytime I take a shower. I don’t think it will be as profitable as dragons, but maybe nekked elves?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        You should play my video games.

    • cheetojeebus

      I think…..ummm…….fapitafapitafapitafapita….god I hate myself sometimes.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Louis, is that you?

    • mancityRed6

      I don’t know about this crowd, but that’s really not a question to ask on the internet.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Elric of Melnibone should be the series. Do it while Dave Brock and Nik Turner are still alive.

    • Meccalopolis

      Tom Bombadil? Scouring of the Shire? If so I’m on board

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Bombadil needs to be destroyed.

        • amrak63

          Awww, why?

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Just pure irritation.

    • TJ Barke

      Ugh, no, those dumb The Hobbit movies were bad enough…

      • Ellie

        I stopped watching (DVD) at the bunny sled.

    • bluicebank

      Initial description is misleading, at least for us LOTR nerds. But deadline.com clears up that this TV series has nothing to do with Tolkien’s troligy:

      “Set in Middle Earth, the television adaptation will explore new storylines PRECEDING Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring.” [caps mine. Fellowship is 1st of the LOTR trilogy]

      This explains why the Tolkien estate had to be on board, since it owns the rights to the Silmarillion, which is where Amazon would have to draw from. That and other works J.R.R. Tolkien’s brother Christopher has produced from the late author’s notes.

      Fifty bucks says there’s going to be some badass Balrogs with freaking WINGS. Dragons, naturally.

      • amrak63

        [pedant] Christopher Tolkien was J. R. R. Tolkien’s son, not his brother. [/pedant]

        • bluicebank

          oops! Will fix in edit. thx

      • Douglas White

        Actually I hear it is a real-estate reality show “Million Dollar Hobbit Holes” or “Flipping the Shire”.

    • TootsStansbury

      I’m a prude who didn’t like the sexually aware munchkins in ‘Wicked’.

    • Kateaux

      Yes, yes we do need nekkid Hobbiteses, the nekkidididity scenes not having made it from the book/s into the LOTR movies. (Hey, why are you giving me that funny look? There really are at least two nude scenes, one in Fellowship, one in Return of the King.)

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Lord of the Cock Rings.

      • NorthernSaber

        Ok, if the neighbor comes over here wondering what the FUCK that snorking noise was I’m sending her to you!

    • george lastrapes

      Judge Roy WANTS him some girl hobbits, all nekkies and strapped in to the passenger seat! Of legal age, of course.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    This fall on The Pedo Files: The Truth Is Out There….right under your fucking nose.

    • Suttree
      • The Wanderer

        Flesh Gordon ref FTW!

        • NorthernSaber

          Bunch of us Berklee geniuses caught a highly edited version of this at Harvard Square Cinema a million years ago. If memory serves we were several sheets to the wind and I think that might have been the night we climbed up a tree to watch Allen Ginsburg read poetry at some point. Maybe. Oh to be a 19-year-old music major in Boston again!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Every time a Confederate state does something fucked up, we should take a military base away or cancel a federal contract.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hit ’em where it hurts: Outlaw fried food and target meth trailers.

      • Panika MCD

        that hits rural NY also too.

      • OrG

        # Not all fried food.

    • Panika MCD

      remember who controls the 3 branches of government and then ask yourself, “if this rule were in place, what would it mean for Virginia right now?”

      • mancityRed6

        and California

        • Panika MCD

          California was part of Mexico at the time. it doesn’t factor into the proposed rule.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Mexico? I refer you to the Compromise of 1850.

          • Panika MCD

            oops. you’re right about that one.

            but I still recommend you drop calling Southern States “Confederate States” if you want people to admit that the war is fucking over.

          • george lastrapes

            Profanity is the pathetic and desperate last refuge of the illiterate motherfucker.

          • george lastrapes

            Profanity is the desperate and pathetic last refuge of the illiterate motherfucker.
            I mean that in the nicest possible way!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’d rather see them only get as much services back as revenue the contribute. Why should Massachussetts, New York, New Jersey, etc. be paying for their welfare? If they want to vote Republican then they should be treated as Republicans.

      • Panika MCD

        not all donor states are blue.

        • george lastrapes

          Pretty close, though. The correlation was 100% in the fateful year of 2000. I’ve said it before: someone who is better at it than I should turn the “Red-state-blue-state paradox” into an elevator speech and it needs to be recited like the Apostles’ Creed.

          • Panika MCD

            that was 17 years ago. you might want to update your data.

          • george lastrapes

            I am able to subtract 2000 from 2017 and come up with 17. And I didn’t even have to use the tensor calculus. But I have not a clue as to what your point is.

          • Panika MCD

            there’s been a lot of change since then including 2 new presidents, a census, a redistricting period, a recession and kids born at the time being able to drive now. you didn’t think the amounts states give and receive from the federal government would have changed also?

            these bullshit stereotypes are exactly why we’ve been losing ground: we keep putting money into places where it may no longer be useful while thumbing our noses at places where it might be. and you don’t get anyone over to your side by being an asshole to their whole state nor do you improve a welfare state’s economy to the point where it is a donor state by denying it funds.

            it’s like your notion of state funding follows the Republican idea that if you deny people welfare they’ll get off their lazy asses and be rich like them.

          • george lastrapes

            What the hell are you talking about? Are you mistaking me for someone else? As I have said the correlation is not so strong in 2017 (yes, I know what year it is) as it was in 2000, but it is still there, demanding our attention.
            MY notion of state funding? I am describing, not prescribing. And as a southerner I have had it up to here (indicating forehead level) with being called a deplorable reprobate because of where I live. I’m trying my goddamnedest to make a difference.
            Have I been an asshole to a whole state? I wish I had that power, though I would decline to use it.
            I think Dean’s 50-state strategy was one of the brightest ideas of recent history.
            Enough said. We are on the same side, are we not? Let us save our snark for the enemy.

          • george lastrapes

            As I said, or implied, the correlation is no longer 100%. Texas and a couple of other little inconsequential states screw up the perfect correlation of 2000. But on the average, the blue states give more than they get, willingly; and the red states get more than they give, with ill grace, and then betray their own interests thinking they will in some way hurt those snotty blue-state elitists.
            I’m wondering what your point is. That I don’t have all the data at my fingertips? You’re right! That I generalize? Most of the time, I do. The red-state-blue- state paradox still holds.

          • Panika MCD

            there are also blue states that fuck up your 2000 data. because it was 17 years ago.

            and quit using Republican logic for federal funding. it’s dumb. you are using the same logic as they do to try to kill welfare programs. congrats!

            also: why the fuck are you painting residents of any given state with the same brush? you don’t think there’s any variance?

            also: you really thing GA is “inconsequential”? you’re comfortable with saying that about any state whatsoever and then whine about them thinking you’re an elitist and not kissing your toes when you are acting like one? maybe if you don’t want to be confused with an elitist, you should try not to be such a fucking elitist.

          • george lastrapes

            IRONY. Directed at you, not GA. Are you from GA? Did I say GA? I might’ve been thinking of PA.
            And I’m not saying the blue states should quit funding the red states. I’m proud that they do.
            And of course I know that people are individuals. I’m a clone of no one, not even my own family members.
            So what’s your point? Are You lefter than me? Have it your way, and welcome to it. A clearer thinker? Work on capitalization and punctuation.
            You’re my VERY FIRST LEFTIE TROLL. (Swoon)
            Bye now, off to read a book.

    • george lastrapes

      But “we” is, as ever, fiendishly hard to define. Then there is the problem of “is.”

      • Douglas White

        And how do you even define a concept as convoluted as ‘define’?

        • george lastrapes

          We need to consider the meaning of ‘meaning’.

    • george lastrapes

      Virginia is blue. Ohio is red. The 20th century is over. Quit pissing on the South, unless it’s worth losing another election over.

  • quantum mechanic

    It’s like ‘stealing a lawnmower.’ So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    I literally cannot think of anything to say within the bounds of the Rules For Radicals save that I am glad Extinction is nigh.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh hey! I thought of you today, I was wondering how your neighbor could wear booty shorts in this weather, then I saw a girl wearing booty shorts. For better or for worse, I absolutely associate you with booty shorts. :)

      • amrak63

        Whoa, was WarPaint a member of Booty Shorts? I miss them so much, since they opened for that first Go-Gos reunion tour. Alas, the lead singer had that bizarre accident involving a tuba-playing penguin, a manual typewriter, and Kool-Aid…

        • Resistor Radio

          I heard it was FlavorAde? But tell me more about this penguin…

          • amrak63
          • Resistor Radio

            He kicked Funky Winkerbeans ass and stole his tuba, didn’t he?

          • NorthernSaber

            That’s the baddest fucking Opus in the history of Opi…

          • Arolpin

            DEATHTONGUE!

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I’m wearing them right now. :)

    • amrak63

      You just gotta remember to replace whatever you really want to do, or amend it, with the words “with votes”.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Ben Jacobs of The Guardian reports a local Alabama paper has a story …
    //twitter.com/Bencjacobs/status/930225348184338432

    Looks as though it is related to the New Yorker one.

    Which brings up this from Wilson:

    Is Bannon about to throw Roy Moore over the cliff?
    //twitter.com/TheRickWilson/status/930217212891353090

    • ariel_gee_398

      So Roy Moore is the Harvey Weinstein of Alabama? Maybe that will get through to people.

    • amrak63

      Can we hope Moore will manage to pull Bannon over the cliff with him?

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        The possibility may have already occurred to Bannon.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        His Senate Disruption Campaign is not off to a great start.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Reichenbach Falls, except Bannon won’t be continuing the series, we hope.

        • amrak63

          All of us mean “with votes”, of course.

          *looks warily about for Bannmjolnir*

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Is Bannon going to discover what Mitch McConnell and Dr. Frankenstein both did?

    • jesterpunk
    • WotsAllThisThen

      “These stories have been going around town for 30 years.”

      Then HOW THE FUCK did he keep his job for 30 years????

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Alabama

        • amrak63

          BOT, K.

      • Christopher Story

        Patriarchy

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Don’t read the comments unless you want to be enraged. Apparently it’s the young girls’ fault for not talking about it at the time.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Cross-posted from the previous post, I just got an email from the Beto O’Rourke campaign (asking for more money to help them defeat Cruz next year, which I’ll give them closer to Christmas) with the Subject line “We deserve better than a Senator who will stand by an accused child predator”. Called it!

  • amrak63

    To correct what I said earlier, first hang Judge Roy up by his votes for a while, THEN remove his votes with a rusty cheese grater.

    • mancityRed6

      rusty potato peeler.

      • Raan

        Rusty lawn aerator.

        • amrak63

          On second thought, nuke it with votes from high orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            You know how to operate a Caterpillar P-5000 Powered Vote Loader?

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Afterwards, for any possible remaining particles.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Rusty saw mill

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I know in terms of the big picture it doesn’t matter, but is there someone else besides Gloria Allred that can represent some of these women?

    • bbayliss

      What’s that about? and why doesn’t she follow through?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I think she does – maximum embarrassment in public and maximum settlement in private.

        • bbayliss

          When I think about it, I guess I know nothing about her.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I hope she gets all of his ducats. All. Of. Them.

          • bbayliss

            As Ivana reportedly said “Don’t get mad, get it all.”

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Her daughter? besides, I think Gloria is pro bono, good at PR and gets things resolved.

  • yyyaz

    John Sipher is an ex-CIA agent who worked in Moscow. Because of course he is. Unconfirmed rumor has it that his brother Lou is a main adviser to Orange Foolius.

    • OrG

      Who’s John Sipher?

      • yyyaz

        Tweety just had him on the teevee to explain the basics of Russian spycraft. Which the Orange Toddler does not grasp.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        A CIA guy in Moscow named John Sipher? Was that his work name? Was “Clandestino Obviousspy” already taken?

  • Panika MCD

    dear Wonkers,

    if you don’t want to give credence to losers like Confederate fetishists, maybe quit referring to former CSA states as being actively CSA states. just a thought.

    signed,
    there is a brain in your head–use it.

    • Ryan Denniston
      • Panika MCD

        no. it wouldn’t. not all former CSA states are erecting new CSA monuments, some CSA monuments are in Union states and none of them are CSA states anymore. THE WAR IS OVER. us feeding into the nutbar idea that the South Will Rise Again is stupid. like I said: there is a brain in your head. USE IT.

        • Amy!

          WTF, Panika?

          I have to drive past fucking confederate flags (one of them like 20 feet by 40 feet, the fucker’s enormous) and recently the “Preserve Our Monuments!” yard signs from assholes who either can’t be bothered to notice that they’re racist, or who actually fucking are racist and figure they can get away with it and smirk at sane people in victory. My state lege is still pushing hard for fucking racist gerrymander-maps, and pretending that if the court appoints a special master after the lege fucked up twice, then that’s taking away the right of self-governance (ignoring the disenfranchisement that their fucking maps were designed to produce, in two separate revisions, against their own constituents).

          Why in hell shouldn’t I, and anyone else capable of constructive ratiocination, condemn these racist, ass-backward, confederate-loving assholes?

          • Panika MCD

            so call those people “racists”. don’t call your state a “Confederate State” like it’s a thing. you have to fight these bastards on every level you can including not adopting language that they like.

          • Amy!

            Did you miss the part where the fuckers own the legislature, with super-majorities in both houses, and have gerrymandered the fuck out of the state?

            How about the part where they’ve made it illegal to remove the fucking statues to Treason in Defense of Slavery?

            Call it what it is: these assholes want the confederacy back, and use the symbols as emblems of freedom (for a hell of a lot of people) and racism (for an overlapping set).

            Besides all of which, these were the states that joined the CSA, and as an informational label, it’s not only adequate, it’s more informational than most others when dealing with issues of racism and systematic vote-suppression.

        • Only problem with your logic…

          Confederate Nutters don’t use logic.

          • Panika MCD

            so we should feed into their fantasy? NO.

      • wait! what?

        David Coggins, the site’s owner and developer, said he “had some concerns” about the timing of the unveiling, just 15 days after a woman was killed and 19 other people were injured when a car plowed into a group of counter-protesters at an alt-right and white nationalist rally in Charlottesville.

        I was kind of hoping that David would have concerns regarding who was driving the car, and their motives, instead of having concerns regarding the car’s “actions.”

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Can we still call them “Traitor States”?

      How about “Sesesh”?

      As in, “We sure showed them Sesesh boys a thing or two at Vicksburg!”

      • Panika MCD

        THE WAR IS FUCKING OVER. EVERYONE WHO WAS ALIVE THEN IS NOW DEAD.

        • Douglas White

          But is it really?

          • Panika MCD

            maybe for white guys like you who don’t see that there are better things to do with your time.

          • Douglas White

            Hmmmmm. Trying to think of something ‘better to do with my time’ than help insure that the white supremacy STILL prevalent in the Southern US today doesn’t continue to grow…..

            … still thinking…… nothing yet…..

            …. still thinking…… still nothing……

            still….

        • Blanche de Shambles

          AND FOR SOME REASON, A GREAT NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN THE SOUTH HAVE SPENT THE LAST 152 YEARS TRYING TO REVERSE THE FEW POSITIVE DEVELOPMENTS THAT RESULTED FROM THAT TERRIBLE CONFLICT.

          • Panika MCD

            so let’s feed into that fantasy as if it’s an option by calling them “Confederate States”? that’s some fucked up logic you’ve got going on there.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            No, it’s calling them out for what they are, and making it completely clear how we feel about it.

            If people want to be neo-Confederates, then we need for people to understand what that means, and that it is completely unacceptable among decent people. It was during slavery, it was during the war, it was during Jim Crow, and it is now.

            Note that this is not just limited to former Confederate states either. Any of those idiots in places like Indiana, or Kansas, or Idaho who want to fly the battle flag can take a flying leap also.

  • Anna Rompage

    In my new fairytale land of marital bliss, my newlywed wife took me out today to shop for new dishes, and Champaign flutes too. We received something like 10 bottles of Champaign for our wedding, and she thought it only felt right to have the proper stemware to drink it out of. Gone are the batchelor days of drinking straight from the bottle, or mason jar when wanting to be a little more classy…

    On a side note, we did stop by the Home Despot and purchased a faucet for the newly refurbish laundry room/pantry.

    Next up, I think we’re going to be watching back to back episode of Dancing With The Stars that she has logged on the DVR… (just kidding, it’s sportball night in America, thank the gawds)

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yay. So glad to hear you two are happy :)

    • wait! what?

      Can the fairytale be edited so you buy coupes instead of flutes? Your champagne will taste much better in the former.

      • Resistor Radio

        Are those the shallow wide ones that they used in old movies? I always wanted a couple of those.

        • Suse

          Yes, but the bubbles dissipate more quickly in coupes. If you like to keep it bubbly, use flutes.

          • wait! what?

            …or serve it below 40F. For more persistent, but finer bubbles, try Crémant.

        • Arolpin

          I thought those were only used to find the right-sized breast.

          • Resistor Radio

            Like Cinderella’s glass slipper?

          • Arolpin

            Sort of. It was some lecherous French saying about the perfect-sized breast fit in a Champaign coupe, anything more was a waste.

        • Catstro

          If you enjoy thrifting at all, that’s a good thing to look for on an outing, especially if you don’t mind mis-matched glassware (I prefer it). I’ve found some really cool coupes that way, and they’re generally an easy score.

    • Indeniable Ron

      If you insist on drinking champagne from flutes, make sure the seals on the keys are airtight or it’ll just leak out. Plus it makes the champagne taste like brass.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Champagne to your real friends and real pain to your sham friends!

  • TJ Barke

    Motorcycle chain lubricant and degreaser arrived, yay!

    • Suttree

      Wut? Cleaning with gasoline isn’t good nuff for ya?

      • TJ Barke

        That’s for savages.

        • shivaskeeper

          Gasoline is a great degreaser for chains and bearings. I do not consider myself a savage.

          • DrBigHead

            And kerosene. Easier on the skin

          • shivaskeeper

            Gasoline is cheaper than kerosene and evaporates much faster though.

          • And where the heck can you even buy kerosene anymore?

          • Amy!

            Gas station five miles from me?

            Pump is separate from all the gas and diesel pumps, and marked (in English and Spanish) that it’s not for putting into cars, and in the winter usually locked up (you have to go inside to get the key to fill your cans). Kerosene heaters for the barn or workshop or other large drafty building are still a thing, in rural parts. Also for inside houses, sometimes, but that’s so dangerous that they keep trying to convince folks to at least make the house a drafty place so they don’t kill themselves (even with the new breed that are supposed to be safe for indoor use).

          • Hmmm, actually I have bought K-1 kerosene from a Big Box store for kerosene burning lamps.

            Never saw it at the pumps, though.

            Do you live near a tractor dealer? 😀

          • Amy!

            Three within fifteen miles, more once you expand the circle. Also an outlet of Tractor Supply, a chain store.

            (tractors don’t drive up to the pumps, you know, and nobody puts kerosene in tractors; it’s pretty much solely for heating around here. all the tractors are diesel, except the old ones that run on gas)

          • Indeniable Ron

            Tractors don’t drive up to the pumps? You clearly don’t live in my little town; the diesels use the cardlock at the south end of town, and us gas guys go to the UPI. The ones with the old Johnny Poppers, though, hafta buy the kerosene for the starters at the Country Depot.

          • Amy!

            Jeez, you’ve still got guys who have those things running?

          • Indeniable Ron

            Not just running – some of ’em are working tractors, like our ’51 Cub. Why replace something that still works? And most of the farms around here are small ones, so a single superannuated tractor can handle them quite well.

          • Amy!

            Some of my neighbors have old machines as well, and presumably if they’ve got something that requires kerosene, they buy it in cans. In fact, I’ve got an interest in (and use of) an early seventies MF-135. But machines as early as you’re describing … six volt? And apart from the little gray Fergy and the Fordsons, machines that early don’t have three-point hitches, do they? So all the attachments are machine-specific? (and clumsier, as a rule, no?)

          • Indeniable Ron

            Yes, six volt, and the local NAPA dopes a good trade in six-volt batteries. But I converted the Cub to 12 volts and a GM alternator for reliability.
            And yes, all the damned attachments are machine-specific. This was well before the patents on the three-point hitch expired. I’ve used both (at one job I was the designated tractor driver) and the old attachments are FAR clumsier to install and use. Luckily 95% of what we use the Cub for is pushing stuff around with the homemade front blade setup so it isn’t currently an issue. Though building a three-point setup would be pretty easy if needed. I even know where to get the parts.

          • shivaskeeper

            All the feed stores by me sell it in K-1 in 5gal cans for kerosene heaters,

          • TJ Barke

            No one ever does.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Yeah. Back in my day, all we had was gas and wd-40, and we were happy to have it.

        • Douglas White

          You lucky bastard!

        • Suttree

          You were lucky! We had to build a boat, find a crew, then go harpoon a whale. Then we had to use the only drinking water we had for steam power!

          • TJ Barke

            Luxury! Why back in my day we had to row out on logs and yell at the whales until they became annoyed and stranded themselves!

          • Suttree

            Ha! Alright, we have a winner here.

          • Arolpin

            Well, la-di-dah, Mr. We-had-a-boat! What we wouldn’t have given for a boat! We had to dump rubble in the sea to create walking paths to go out and yell at the whales. And the rubble was our homes, and the whales still didn’t strand themselves.

    • wait! what?

      …nobody ever uses lasers instead of these…

      :(

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1955, Whoopi Goldberg. She is one of the few entertainers who have won an Emmy Award, a Grammy Award, an Oscar, and a Tony Award.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4e5925784f6f44d189fec8079224ba065d42f74a904cc4e933521268b6dfd30c.jpg

  • Kateaux

    Arrggh, that picture of Moore — it’s as if Emperor Palpatine tried and failed to make himself up to look like a normal human being. (Apologies to actor Ian McDiarmid, who is in real life a normal human being, and actually a rather handsome one.)

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Best line (to me) from the SNL cold open?
      Jeffy Sessions (Kate McKinnon) says to Roy Moore – “I am used to being the creepiest guy in the room, but I look at you and ewwww”.

    • btwbfdimho
      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Ewwww. You’re ruined it for me.
        I kid. I laffed.

      • Kateaux

        That’s even creepier than the original (pre-McDiarmid) version of that scene.

    • Douglas White

      Emperor Palpatine? You mean Rey’s grandfather? That guy?

      • Meccalopolis

        Spoiler alert?

        • Douglas White

          it’s just a rumor that’s floating around the net (though one that makes sense…).

          • Meccalopolis

            thanks, I thought it odd that she came out of nowhere with super force powers

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    And of course we have reached the part of the Year when people whom cannot read, hear, see, nor think are playing Star Trek Online.

    People, no matter how many Terran Empire ships you blow up, they Will Keep Coming until we close the Rifts to the Mirror Universe, and if all the other players are BrainDead Morans, none of us will get the fucking Bonus.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I stopped reading at Star Trek. Sorry. ; )

  • Ryan Denniston
    • Ricardo Santos

      This man really tries hard not to look stupid to himself. This clown probably wishes he had an ass kissing “magic mirror on the wall”. Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the bestest of them all. I cannot tell a lie, but Obama is still alive. oops.

    • Indeniable Ron

      Hilarious. Two Scoops and Duterte both look like they wandered in to the wrong room by mistake.

  • bbayliss

    The latest from breitbart:

    T Strole • 7 minutes ago
    Of course she wants hearing, she can spue her lies and how does Moore prove she lies, 40 yrs ago, plan and simple, and that snake atty knows it. Everyone is convicting the man because of stories not proof but stories, to lie about Fed judge, why would I believe them over a judge

    • SeeTrain65

      He/she’s right. Beware what you spue, ladies.

    • TJ Barke

      Motherfucker, he’s a corrupt good ol’ boy, piece of shit, so’s his son. Face facts, your side is fucking garbage.

      • bbayliss

        you Poed me.

        • TJ Barke

          No I was yelling pointlessly at the breitfarter.

          • bbayliss

            Oh, I don’t think it’s very effective.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      drooling dickhead says wut? Pssst, their testimony is evidence, you dullard

    • Michael R

      File under :

      “You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common – They don’t alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      When your politicians lie constantly, what people say becomes meaningless. That’s collateral damage of having a liar like Trump in office.

    • shivaskeeper

      Thank you. I am now dumber for trying to parse that comment.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        UltimateInsult.jpg

    • Crank Tango

      I smell vodka.

      • NorthernSaber

        I hear a banjo, and it REALLY needs to be tuned…

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Playing through the broken glass

      • Marion in Savannah

        I sense home skooling.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Just listened to two different women in Roy Moore’s hometown defend him using the “why didn’t they speak up before” argument.

    Umm, maybe because he was a popular prosecutor in the D.A’s office in Etowah County who later ended up as a popular (in them parts) Alabama Chief Justice?

    And he’s not now?

    As a reasonably smart thinking young person, I would’ve bided my time as well because who would all of those people in Gadsden believe? An esteemed local prosecutor on the rise or the 14-16 year old girls he was hitting on and molesting?

    Karma’s a bitch, Roy and like the truth, has a way of finally catching up in the end.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Also was prosecutor. Cannot imagine scenario where I’m in a car with an underage woman. And one I met via work… yuck

    • shivaskeeper

      That is the standard GOPer line right now. No accounting for all the ways he could have officially fucked with these girls or their families if they said anything. No accounting for the fact that if someone was to come forward with this story because it happened yesterday, the girl would be the one getting torn up in the local press and the local town, not him, No accounting for the fact that prior to now he was not on track to be a national level figure.

      Fuck them. Enablers. The lot of them.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Agreed. The lot of them.

    • BosGrl

      When you doubt you’ll be believed, you keep it to yourself or confined to maybe your mom and your closest friends. Also, it’s humiliating and embarrassing to talk about.

  • Beelzebubba

    “Roy Moore, good Christian, doesn’t want anyone to go to jail for rape unless it’s the rapiest rape possible, and the victim was really pure and undeserving of rape.”

    And here we thought he was being a hypocrite.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Weren’t the victims white? I guess that means the perpetrator has to be black to count.

  • Zonath

    If elected to the Senate, will Roy Moore be required to maintain a distance of 500 yards from any school field trip groups?

    • amrak63

      If elected to the Senate, will Roy Moore be required to maintain a distance of 500 yards light-years from any school field trip groups the planet Earth?

      FIFY.

  • Jennifer R

    Three very sexy weekends in a row for me.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sexy or sex filled?

      • Jennifer R

        First one, then the other.

        • shivaskeeper

          Very good.

          • Jennifer R

            Lot of videos and photos too.
            Introduced several people to new things as well.

          • NorthernSaber

            It’s very nice and generous to introduce people to new things!

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, now some more folk know they like ass eating.

          • shivaskeeper

            Who doesn’t?

          • Jennifer R

            Most of wonkette it seems. And all the cishets on twitter.

          • shivaskeeper

            I am cishet. It’s 2017 FFS.

          • Jennifer R
          • shivaskeeper

            I am not. But I knew about this particular thing over 20 years ago.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah I have been eating ass since about 2005-2006

          • shivaskeeper

            Mid ’90s. A German girlfriend introduced me to it. Also the concept of the receive, you must give as well.

        • amrak63

          “I’mmm too sexy for my weekend/too sexy for my weekend/what the fuck rhymes with weekend?”

          • Empress of the Iguana People

            bookend, mend, tend, friend, lend, send…
            My kid likes SuperWhy

          • Arolpin

            Prepend, deep-end, pretend, append, knee bend(s).

            We are happy, we are merry,
            We have a rhyming dictionary.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Heaven forfend that I should help you with a rhyme.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            I’m going off the deep end

          • Douglas White

            You had sex with your…. Geek friend?

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t rub it in.

      • Jennifer R

        Mistress held me down by the neck and slammed her dick in to me as hard as she could.
        P sure you aren’t up for any of that.

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      Go, You! :)

      I had lots of guys checking me out, but I was too angry to be approachable. I don’t think they make men that brave anymore.

    • Indeniable Ron

      If I didn’t like you I’d probably be really jealous and/or annoyed by this.
      (Don’t mind me, I haven’t seen the g/f in over two years and it’ll be a MINIMUM of another six months before I can. Not will. CAN.)

      • Jennifer R

        First time meeting Mistress, for an overnight visit.
        She held me down by the neck, squeezed when I struggled and went to town on me.

        • Indeniable Ron

          Wow… not my sort of thing, but it sounds like you really enjoyed it.

          • Jennifer R

            I thought she was being rough (In the good way) but she said she was actually being rather gentle. Sploosh

  • 🍁 Treg Brown 🍁
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      We should elect people to irritate the Washington Post? Why didn’t he vote for Hillary?

      • OrG

        Convicted felons can’t vote.

        • amrak63

          Nice one, Batdude.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I was gonna steal that and respond to his tweet with it, but that meant looking at his twitter…

          …the horror, the horror…

    • BosGrl

      Sad little boy is sad.

    • amrak63

      Hey, Divorce D’Spousa! Want some ice and aloe vera for DAT BURN?!?!1?

      https://i.imgur.com/KDRFILV.gif

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So Alabamans prefer a guy who says he believes in Christ over a guy who actually does things like Christ, like, you know, speaking for the voiceless? Got it. Never going to Alabama. I’ll pay the extra gas money to circumvent that state.

    • rocktonsam

      F the tide also,too

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      My party used to elect folks who prosecuted folks who hurt kids. Now, the party is getting behind a predator.

      How far we’ve fallen

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Come to the bright side. We have cookies.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Are they warm and soft?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            You betcha!

      • Seek

        Careful observation over the last 40 years leads me to now presume that they haven’t reached bottom. Every time I thought they couldn’t do something worse, they have proven me wrong.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Hold my beer…

  • Picabo

    “Ted Cruz Finally Turns On Roy Moore: Actions Make Him Unfit To Serve In Senate, Merit Criminal Prosecution”
    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/11/13/ted-cruz-finally-turns-roy-moore-actions-make-unfit-serve-senate-merit-criminal-prosecution/

    • Suttree

      So even Rasmussen’s polling isn’t looking good?

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Ted knows it’s never good to be the last rat to leave the ship.

        • Alternative Dog

          From years of experience I presume.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      When you’ve lost Ted Cruz, you’re left with people who are even bigger assholes than Ted Cruz, and I didn’t know that was possible.

      • shivaskeeper

        Rand Paul. He’s the one left.

        Each one is his own special asshole.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Well, if Ted Cruz says so. I mean, he’s got a daughter and everything.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Ted Cruz pulls out?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Welp, there went dinner.

  • FDRliberal
  • natoslug

    At least we now understand what legitimate rape is.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyRAHY7jFto

    ~ The city is flying
    We’re fighting an Army of robots…

    And I have a Bow and Arrow. None of this makes sense.

  • La forza del resistino

    I’d add my childish snark here, but Judge Roy would only want to date me.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • OrG

      LOL The Alabama-est part of Alabama.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Dayum.

  • Marion in Savannah

    In case anyone’s bored there’s a possibly amusing troll in the Mel Gibson/Christmas movies thread. It’s mostly ad hoc bullshit, but every now and then it gets amusing.

    • wait! what?

      It’s weird how some people will insist on blowing Mel while his house burns down. Figuratively, of course…

      • Marion in Savannah

        This is one of the ones that keeps on telling us that we never graduated from school and don’t have jobs. Among other shit.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Hey, I graduated from school and have a job and STILL manage to be a failure all on my own. Take THAT, troll!

          • wait! what?

            My Soros check cleared for this week, so I’m just sitting back and eating bonbons while watching Republicans set each other on fire.

            #pantslesslife

    • SeeTrain65

      “Don’t say that! He’s a retired millionaire! He’s a success story!”

      And I’m Barack Obama, Chris Evans and George Clooney all rolled into one.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Also too you’re richer than Croesus.

      • If such a person existed, i would fight many people to be around them

      • memzilla Ω

        “My name is Elmer J. Fudd. I own a mansion and a yacht.”

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Hmm. Sounds like a round of Kill, Marry, Fuck.
        I’ll Marry Obama, Fuck Clooney and Kill Evans.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      True story ~ My mom (age 78) said, “There’s a ‘Daddy’s Home 2’. Did you see the first “Daddy’s Home”? I said, “yeah, when it was ‘free’ on Amazon Prime”.
      Needless to say, neither of us are paying theater prices for that one.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    haaaaaaaahahahaha.

    Sucks to be Glenn Greenwald if the guy who bought him his Pulitzer prize and pays for his fabulous expatriate life as a socialist gentrifier has apparently jumped ship.

    https://twitter.com/pierre/status/930235445262372864

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Now that’s an interesting and disturbing take on the situation. Trump’s comments about the election being rigged coming straight from you know who.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Let’s watch Greenwald flee to his true masters, Wormtongue style.

      • C4TWOMAN

        At least we’ll find out if he’s a treacherous worm or if he really was that gullible.
        (I forget if there’s evidence putting him solidly on the “worm” side. Anyone feel free to linky)

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, worm. No doubt. Rapist and coward too, also.

          • tomamitai

            Are you saying Greenwald’s a rapist? I hadn’t heard that before.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh sorry, no. Assange. Greenwald just apologizes for him, because “transparency”.

          • capnkrunch

            You’re thinking Assange. Greenwald is a worm but probably not a rapist and maybe not a coward.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Correct about the former. The latter? He’s a fucking coward who’s clinging to fame whoredom by becoming a Fox News regular.

        • Edith Prickly

          We’ll see if he starts yelling about McCarthyism again.

        • Edith Prickly

          BTW it’s “lalala, crickets” on his Twatter feed right now.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Thx for the link.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Wow. Just finished reading.

            Snowden:libertarian grifting hack who thinks any means justifies the end.

            Greenwald: apparently the same type of creature, willing to lie to the left about his motives(his tepid support of Obama comes around the time Ron Paul fell from grace as his newsletters were rediscovered….) Greenwald leaving MSNBC in a snit was timely: it gave him the excuse to separate from left leaning/mainstream by acting offended, at the same time getting cred from his real base. It is hard to believe an educated seasoned lawyer was fooled by the CATO institutes’s “saving our freedoms” and “libeurty” line, but not impossible. When he spoke at CATO in Feb 2008, CATO’s wikipedia page was almost a puff piece waxing about how they planned to “join/recruit the left”:

            https://web.archive.org/web/20080216043013/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cato_Institute

            Outreach to progressives

            Cato has long sought to build bridges between libertarians and progressives based on their shared values of tolerance, equality, and individual liberty. Cato’s scholars advocate positions that are appealing to many on the left-hand side of the American political spectrum, including support for civil liberties, liberal immigration policies, equal rights for gays and lesbians, and peace. An early example of this effort was the launching of Inquiry Magazine, which was aimed at liberals who shared libertarians’ skepticism about concentrated state power. More recently, in 2006, Cato vice president for research Brink Lindsey penned an article arguing that libertarians and liberals should view each other as natural ideological allies.

            The idea big L libertarians believe this is all a LIE as the Ron Paul Newsletters should demonstrate. IMHO the sole reason to “ally” with leftists was so some progressive credibility would rub off on them. While CATO isn’t directly connected to Paul’s Newletters, their release should have given Greenwald the shivers if he’d been a naive dupe in the Libertarian world. This weak sauce “we barely know the guy” CATO article? Please:

            https://www.cato.org/blog/ron-pauls-ugly-newsletters

            And so it’s understandable that over the past few months a lot of people have been asking why writers at the Cato Institute seemed to display a lack of interest in or enthusiasm for the Paul campaign. Well, now you know. We had never seen the newsletters that have recently come to light, and I for one was surprised at just how vile they turned out to be. But we knew the company Ron Paul had been keeping, and we feared that they would have tied him to some reprehensible ideas far from the principles we hold.

            Orly? So why didn’t the smartie pants say something earlier? Because they were waiting to see if it’d blow over.

            Kinda like Greenwald. He’s trying to see what he can get away with and still be considered a “maverick hero”. Total swine.

            Assange: I cannot even with that guy. I used to be a fan as many of us who fought Scientology were….

          • Edith Prickly

            I remember Dave Neiwert from Orcinus, who has been covering the far right and white supremacists for decades, calling out Greenwald for his support of Ron Paul and pointing out Paul’s racist history. Greenwald never acknowledged that, just did some hedging about how Paul’s isolationism could change the debate around military interventions – we’ve seen how well that worked out.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Neiwert is awesome. Isn’t as prolific as he used to be, but I guess he’s pacing himself these days…

      • “Being caught red-handed just means that need to use skepticism…”*

        *”By which I mean denial in ‘skepticism’ cosplay”

    • Shibusa

      Pretty amusing thread!

    • capnkrunch

      Oh my god, these fucking people. I was reading the Twitter thread and the response by doucheholes is “Obama and Clinton are the real collusion” or alternately “no collusion. No collusion. You’re collusion!”

      What the fuck is this even about? They colluded to give Trump the election and frame him for collusion? Do they actually not have 2 working neurons?

      • Indeniable Ron

        Nope.

  • Ricardo Santos

    Sounds like this asswipe was showing empathy in his decisions; like in that could have been me. Or creating legal precedence for his possible future conviction.

    • shivaskeeper

      He was protecting his own. Plain and simple.

      • Ricardo Santos

        Thanks shivaskeeper, your explanation was just “plain and simple” and to the point.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • BreakingDeadMen

      The owner apparently apologized for the way it was announced. Still, it’s a win. Funny, I used a Kuerig at work, went to a Starbucks and also an NFL game in the last week. I had no idea how easy it was going to be to #Resist. Thanks, Trump!

      • JohnBull

        We’re just going about our daily lives, which is what some other Republican president told us to do not long ago to defeat the terrorists.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          And shopping. He wanted us to shop. Then he crashed the economy.
          Dumbass.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It’s going to be so easy for me to boycott Mercedes-Benz and Alfa Romeo.

    • BMW

      Purely by coincidence, I got my Keurig out yesterday to make hot chocolate for my daughter and I (I don’t drink coffee). Great product!

      • rocktonsam

        Awesome, I want one !

      • Marion in Savannah

        Mr. MinS LOVES the Keurig hot chocolate. Which, of course, isn’t really properly done without little marshmallows.

        • The only hot chocolate that is OK without little marshmallows is Mexican Drinking chocolate

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            French chocolat or GTFO

          • The Chocolat in Chocolat le Film is the kind of drinking chocolate i’m talking about

          • Alternative Dog

            Love that movie!

      • tomamitai

        In a work setting, where nobody wants to be responsible for keeping the brewing equipment clean, I can see using a pod type machine, but it seems terribly wasteful for home use.

        • Slamtundra

          Can’t you get reusable pods?

          • tomamitai

            We have a “Keurig compatible” at home that has a little basket thingy with a permanent wire filter you can use in place of a pod, but, when I want coffee, I’d rather just microwave some water and pour it into a manual drip cone than mess around with the machine. But then, I drink tea more often than coffee.

  • ken_kukec

    “… and the victim was really pure and undeserving of rape” — who could still possibly meet that standard by the time they reach age four? Well, one that’s too ugly to attract a strapping 32-year-old district attorney, maybe.

  • Left Coast Tom

    On somewhat less disgusting news, California is on track to meet its 2030 50% renewable goal 10 years early.

    Two years ago, Gov. Jerry Brown signed an ambitious law ordering California utility companies to get 50 percent of their electricity from renewable sources by 2030.

    It looks like they may hit that goal a decade ahead of schedule.

    An annual report issued Monday by California regulators found that the state’s three big, investor-owned utilities — Pacific Gas and Electric Co., Southern California Edison and San Diego Gas & Electric Co. — are collectively on track to reach the 50 percent milestone by 2020, although individual companies could exceed the mark or fall just short of it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      You go Moonbeam! Come a long way since the smog era of the ’70s.

      Meanwhile, Republicans want the rest of America to look like New Delhi.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      God, I love that state.

    • Indeniable Ron

      Most of those old California jokes are biting us in the ass these days.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    https://youtu.be/qvHjY_w8bJk we can add Trump to the list of future residents. Tonights Resistance Radio song

  • lindser
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Now that’s a genuine nothingburger, or should I say Benghazi™Burger.

    • Marion in Savannah

      SQUIRREL!!!111!!!!11!!!

    • BigCSouthside

      Jesus. Joy Reid debunked uranium One in under two minutes. They’re throwing the big smoke screen. Trying to make it like everyone does it.

      This is it. Mueller must be close

      • Jamoche
      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        They’re still banging the stupid uranium drum? Sheesh, everybody knows how that went down. Hillary Illuminati-mind-controlled Stephen Harper into selling Uranium to the Kenyan Muslims by making him watch The Wizard of Oz YouTube cat videos for hours. Then he started to get hangry, but she wouldn’t let him eat any kittens until he agreed to sell off the uranium. At least that’s what Alex Jones said, so it must be true.

    • tomamitai

      I’m sure that the Clintons have nothing to fear from an investigation, as long as the investigators are honorable professionals. If, however, Cheetolini’s minions appoint someone who takes seriously the trucker-speed rants of Alex Jones et alia, then Bill & Hillary may have something to worry about.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Trey Gowdy Libe… Nevermind.

  • Panika MCD

    I’m checking out for the night because I cannot stand it when it’s Wonks saying things that show exactly why we cannot have nice things. check your fucking stereotypes and try not to be a horrible fucking person. three things to start with:

    quit calling southern states “Confederate States” unless you think anyone is right to say, “THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!” because that’s what you’re feeding into.

    quit acting like states that receive more money than they contribute to the federal government are greedy. you are parroting the exact logic that Republicans use when they are trying to kill welfare programs.

    quit using data from 2000 like it’s still relevant. guess what? the states that contribute more to the federal government and those who take more than they put in have shifted. it’s not a clear Red-Blue split anymore. guess what? the swing states are not the same states anymore. we need to stop dumping money into Ohio when Texas was closer in the last election. and in 2000 I was a junior in high school–I am now 10 years out of grad school.

    oh, and one more thing: don’t make me remind you guys to use your brains.

    • Hi Callie! I’m sorry for being an ignorant northerner sometimes. Would you like Alberta? You can have them, i promise!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ha! I didn’t say any of those things, so nyah.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Georgia contributes more in taxes than we take, as per the last stats I saw. We are Purple.
      @panikamcdillon:disqus, don’t take any of it seriously. Fight with facts.

      • Panika MCD

        I get super pissed when it’s people on my side that are preventing us from having nice things.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Agreed – I get pissed when people say “you’re smart. Why do you stay in Georgia/The South?” Umm, because it’s my home, has been my family’s home since back before the Civil War? Paternal from the Gray Plantation (now Gray, GA). Maternal family from Pitts Plantation (now part of Statesboro, GA). How is the South going to get better if everyone with a brain leaves?
          That’s the problem with states like AL, MS and SC. Smart people flee. They go to Charlotte, NC. Or New Orleans, LA. Or Atlanta, GA. Or Orlando, FL. Or Nashville, TN. Then the places they leave get more constipated.
          I like reading your posts and knowing that there are people in TX who are fighting. I stayed up all night watching the Wendy Davis filibuster and it gave me such a thrill.
          Keep up the fight, gurl.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Sorry I’m a horrible person.

    • shivaskeeper

      Stereotypes are easier than thinking.

    • JohnBull

      Why is Ohio so……what’s the word I’m looking for?

      • SeeTrain65

        I have about 450,000 words you can use to describe Ohio. Take all you want.

      • Raan

        Important without having done anything to warrant it?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Full of shitty sports teams?

        • SeeTrain65

          Browns libelz! … No, wait …
          Bengals libelz! … No, not that …
          Reds libelz! … Hold on …
          Cavaliers libelz! … What? They’re 6-7 and down to the Knicks tonight? Oh, christ …
          Indians libelz! … No, they blew the ALDS to the fucking Yankees … next …
          Blue Jackets libelz! … Just broke a four-game losing streak? … Moving on …
          Crew libelz! … THERE! Charter Member of MLS, currently playing in the MLS Playoffs! … But ownership wants to move them to Austin, Texas. Fuck them.

          Congrats. NO LIBELZ FOUND.

    • Jennifer R

      I am more than fine giving states more money than they take in.
      The problem is when you have failed states like Kansas continuing to toss money in to failed systems. Let’s keep giving them the money, but maybe some other state gets to tell them how it’s disbursed.

      • Panika MCD

        let’s attach a lot of strings to that money. we do it with FEMA funding. claw backs are a bitch.

        • Jennifer R

          Things like, pay for healthcare and stop drug testing welfare recepiants.

          • Panika MCD

            and have the IRS audit their use of the funds.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          The GOP governors LOVE block grants, because less accounting. That is why GA Gov Nathan “Raw” Deal didn’t expand medicaid, fucking 300K people in the state. He wanted block grants to funnel money to his asshole friends. Well, the one HMO that they set up to screw over ACA enrollees, Harkin Group, went under. The office in my town is now being used by Emory Clinic (affiliated with Emory University).

    • bbayliss

      Seems to me you’re offering to use yours for us.

      • Panika MCD

        that makes no sense.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Don’t make me remind you guys to use your brains.”

      Speaking strictly for myself … Talk about punching above my weight …

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    OMG you guys, we got the big commission from Hewlett-Packard! $18,000!

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Damn right it’s good! This is the biggest sale our little mom & pop shop has ever made! Jan just finished paying off the bank loan last month, so we are doin’ fine!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Hewlett-Packard? those 2 guys still making O-scopes in a garage?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Wasn’t that Tektronix?

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          They’re preferred in our lab.

      • FlemmishSpy

        Hewlett & Packard first made oscillators.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hewlett-Packard

        • OutOfOrbit

          i wonder what that “O” stands for in O-scope

          • Slamtundra

            Oh, I think you know.

          • OutOfOrbit

            humm

    • Woohoo!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Woot! I look forward to my cut. Remember, ‘cause I helped with that thing, that time.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Of course, silly person whose avatar makes me think naughty things about emus!

  • btwbfdimho

    News from Al-Abama.

    53 pastors have signed a letter of support for Roy Moore. #ALsen https://t.co/3FHvrJ2tk7 pic.twitter.com/HnxLwigRcX— AL.com (@aldotcom)

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      They presented an appearance of being ‘clean’ (self-restrained, not involved in carnal matters), yet they were dirty inside: they seethed with hidden worldly desires, carnality. They were full of greed and self-indulgence. (Matt 23:25-26)

      • JohnBull

        Pfffft. Like Matthew’s an important part of the Bible.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Matthew is a book of the Gospels. But these guys are more Old Testament, and less new Testament.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            ‘Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, In due time their foot will slip; For the day of their calamity is near, And the impending things are hastening upon them.’

            Deuteronomy 32:35

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “Ma! Looks like a good day for a smiting!”

      • Edith Prickly

        “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. (Matt 23:27)

        • Blanche de Shambles

          I prefer “whited sepulchres,” but I’m kind of an old-school KJV person.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          I was just about to post that verse.

          It is their hypocrisy that shows their true religion.

        • mailman27

          In defense of the Pharisees, you don’t want to make the outward appearance too grim. Considering the contents.

    • wait! what?

      Dr. Michael Peroutka from the Institute on the Constitution isn’t a pastor. But then again, it didn’t say only pastors signed. I was hoping to see something on the signature list like:

      “Ned Flanders, gamer”

    • BreakingDeadMen

      That headline needs the word allegedly, at least one person says they did not sign:

      “Tijuanna Adetunji of the Fresh Anointing House of Worship in Montgomery, said she was not contacted about the letter and did not give permission for her name to be used.”

      • OOOOOO is it a fake????
        Faking Pastor’s names might actually make these people notice something

        • Indeniable Ron

          That Tijuanna Adetunji clearly isn’t a Real Pastor?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I didn’t even think to check for that. I just assumed that they were all kid twiddlers also too.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Al-Abama. Worst theocratic jihadists ever.

    • RobKanC

      I mean God did it. It’s right there in the Bible. Something something morality. Abortion bad.

    • Suttree
      • mailman27

        And I give you….

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Let’s see if their tune changes after the last allegation, which is even more devastating than the others because he was violent and completely terrorized that poor girl.

      • theCryptofishist

        And she has his signature.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Exactly. And she and her huz voted for Trump.

        • Resistor Radio

          In her fucking yearbook. Christ.

        • Indeniable Ron

          You get the sense that even then he KNEW he’d never face any consequences for his assault.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Plus the mall banning.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Thanks for posting. It’ll be interesting to crosscheck those guys for future indictments for sex crimes. Bookmarked.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        We probably should just start searching for mugshots NOW … but I’m sure they are as clean as the new driven snow …

        • Indeniable Ron

          They’re each other’s alibis.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          “Bishop” Eddie Long Libelz!1!1!111!
          TBH, I think Eddie took his own life and it was covered up. Just too sudden.

        • mailman27

          More like the yellow snow, amirite?

    • Incoming Ham

      “Let he who is without sin sign a letter of support for Roy Moore.”

      False witness blah blah blah something?

  • Picabo
    • Marion in Savannah

      God, I miss him. I don’t Twatter…

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I do. Twitter is my public presence in social media. My Twitter posts all crosspost to FB. Any posts that I create in FB are for special audiences.
        True Fact ~ TRMP is the worst example of a Twitter user. He only follows 45 people. Most of his followers aren’t real people. His metrics are horrid.

        • Holly

          Would you mind if I borrow* “His metrics are horrid”? It bears repeating on so many levels.
          *code for steal/swipe/pilfer/purloin

      • Alternative Dog

        I posted a couple gems from him yesterday. The man has a special talent.

    • JohnBull

      And the subscription to the Limbaugh Letter. Those beat any marriage or feeling of self-worth.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Shared and Retweeted. The Keurig “boycott” is even funnier than the alt-right New Balance shoe burnings from earlier this year. More Mocking = More Laffs.

  • John

    If Goatse (if you don’t recognize the name, DON’T google!) were to return to the media landscape, he would instantly be hailed as an articulate political satirist.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      No. No, he wouldn’t. Goatse is still a sick motherfucker, and so is Roy Moore and all of his enablers.

    • wait! what?

      Kirk J. libelz?

    • yyyaz

      Ben Garrison libel.

      • Old Nick

        Not possible. He is way beyond being libeled.

    • mailman27

      DON’T LOOK!! For the love of god.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    @disqus_tqdoFPJryu:disqus – My response to your deleted comment:
    I am sick of sick people and I won’t miss them when they die, from votes.
    True story ~ I have a theory, based on project management principles, that 20% of people are assholes and cause 80% of problems. Want to live a happy life? Avoid those assholes.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Let’s recap Wonketeers:

    1) 39 year old Don Jr is “a good kid.”

    2) 36 year old Kushner is too young looking to have done anything illegal.

    3) 29 year old Papdopoulos made a youthful mistake.

    4) 14 year old Leigh Corfman is a consenting adult.

    Did I miss anything?

    • RobKanC

      3 of them are good old white boys. One of them is a witch.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Raping a 4 year old doesn’t involve forcible threat, did you get that one?

      • canes_pugnaces

        Again, this is perfectly normal.

    • Michael R

      Don’t get me started on Leigh Corfman’s emails .

    • Juan de Fuca

      Being told you weren’t allowed within 200 ft. of a shopping mall in Gadsden, AL in the early 80’s didn’t mean you couldn’t keep your job as a prosecuting attorney with the local DA’s office?

      • canes_pugnaces

        200ft BECAUSE you had freaked young teen girls out… perfectly normal.

        • Juan de Fuca

          …was trying come to up with another Gadsden Flag joke but I’ve reached peak Gadsden. Other than it sounds like one helluva town to raise a family in.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          So, has “200 ft.” been scientifically proved as a perv-safe distance?

          • canes_pugnaces

            That is the Alabama seal of non pervdom.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        A feature, not a bug!

      • Again.
        Ala. Fucking. Bama.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Generic white guy ex asa. Idea I’d talk to a 14 year old, let alone have her in the car is gross. Yuck to all this shit

      • canes_pugnaces

        I have a 15yo daughter. Some 32 yo asshole picked her up… last day on planet.

        • Incoming Ham

          I remember being 14 outside waiting for my mother after a rehearsal and this guy kept driving around the block asking me if I wanted a ride. The director yanked me back into the theater and made me sit there until my mother showed up and walked me out to the car. She showed up early from then on and the theater crew never let me or any of the other kids sit outside and wait for rides.

          There are a lot of creeps out there.

    • ariel_gee_398

      5) 14 year old Justin Pero was a dangerous criminal police had no choice but to shoot? https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mother-questions-why-14-year-old-son-was-shot-dead-n819611

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Trayvon Martin was a violent thug armed with Skittles and Arizona Iced Tea.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          9-year-old Tamir Rice also, too.

          And 3-year-old Alan Kurdi was a terrorist in the making.

      • 12 year old Tamir Rice looked just like an adult with a real gun! Despite his sister screaming the opposite and even the 911 caller saying it looked like a toy.

    • mailman27

      36 yr old lawyer w/3 years of law under his belt, never argued a case in court, never sat on the bench, even traffic court, is appointed to a lifetime position on the federal bench.