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Love, Roy Moore DA

Every once in a while, Donald Trump is right about a thing! Although, when it happens, it’s usually by accident. Take this conversation he had with radio hosts Rick and Bubba during the Alabama primary. From AL.com,

“Luther Strange is going to be a great Senator,” Trump said. “He loves Alabama, he loves the state and he loves the country. He will absolutely win against the Democrat. Ray will have a hard time. If Luther wins, the Democrats will hardly fight. If Ray wins (Democrats) will pour in $30 million.”

Turns out The Dotard was dead on about Democrats making a play for the Senate seat if “Ray” Moore won the primary! But no one expected it to come about because Moore is gross pervert child molester (ALLEGEDLY)! Well, no one except the entire population of Gadsden, Alabama, where he was known as a creep who stalked young girls at the mall and high school football games. On the plus side, though, the president will definitely remember Moore’s name now!

The list of Republicans who have called for Moore to withdraw from the race is growing by the hour. Even Ted Cruz finally tapped out, so you know the GOP has decided that no amount of massaging the fleshy loins of Alabama’s evangelical voters can save this seat. Mitch McConnell says he believes Moore’s accusers and is cutting off the NRSC money spigot.

Which will probably give Moore one more burst of support from the pitchfork brigade.

And Steve Bannon has been able to cut his Cialis dose in half, since he gets tingly just thinking about going to war with Mitch McConnell over the Alabama Senate seat.

But the polls were trending away from Moore even before the fifth accuser came forward with her yearbook yesterday.

We reckon there’s probably more women out there with a story to tell. And all bets are off if it turns out Ol’ Roy touched a boy child once or twice, instead of restricting himself to molesting teenage girls like a “normal” guy. We’re deep into some weird shit here. But let’s try to game out the possibilities in Alabama from where we stand today.

Moore Drops Out

Republicans would greatly appreciate if Moore would GTFO of this race. If Moore decides that God’s higher plan involves him going home to spend more time fondling his ten commandments statues, Republicans would likely mount a write-in campaign to elect Luther Strange. Hey, it worked for Lisa Murkowski in Alaska! And given that large swaths of the Alabama electorate think Democrats are fork-tongued baby killers, we assume it would work there, too. But Roy Moore is an ornery sumbitch who swears he’s in it ’til the bitter end, so good luck with that one Republicans!

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey Postpones The Race

In April, Governor Robert “Horndog” Bentley resigned to spend more time figuring out how to sext his girlfriend without cc-ing his wife. New Governor Kay Ivey immediately bumped the Senate election up from November of 2018 to this fall. Now that the thing has turned into a giant clusterfuck, national Republicans are calling on Ivey to kick it out a year to give them time to deal with Moore. Or hell, even three years out, so that Luther Strange could sit for the rest of Jeff Sessions’ term.

But no dice. Ivey has to run again herself in 2018, and she saw that same JMC poll we all did.

Governor Ivey has no intention of pissing off the evangelical howler monkeys who think Roy Moore is being persecuted by Northern heathens for courting young girls like in Bibletimes. She’s sitting this one all the way out.

Moore Runs and Loses

It could happen! We could actually take this seat, if Republicans stay home or cast a protest vote for Strange/Sessions/Jesus. Democrats hold the seat for three years, bringing the Senate to 51-49. Mitch McConnell and national Republicans breathe a secret sigh of relief because, worst of all for them is …

Moore Runs and Wins

Even before they knew he was a pedophile, national Republicans were running away from Roy Moore as fast as they could. The guy’s a maniac who never follows the law and would rather grandstand than horsetrade. They do not want to spend all day arguing about whether he can erect a ten commandments statue outside his office, and they do not intend to have their tax plan derailed by a lunatic who refuses to vote for anything that doesn’t de-fund Planned Parenthood.

If Moore is sworn in, Democrats will run Grand Old Pedophile Caucus ads against every Republican Senator and Congressman in the country. They’ll get killed in 2018. Republicans are getting increasingly desperate. Maybe they’ll refuse to seat him! Or expel him right after he’s sworn in! Hell, maybe they’ll pull off a Frank-Luntz-axel by forcing Sessions back into his old seat, appointing a new Attorney General, and killing the Mueller investigation. (Hahahaha! No they won’t.)

Jeff Flake even remembered to pretend to be a principled conservative again.

Yeah, Republicans are shit scared that Moore might actually win this race!

It’s all very weird, but never fear, Wonkers! Fox News is here with the hottest take.

That’s right. Republicans are going to war over this Senate seat and Democrats swept Virginia last week, but don’t be fooled! We’re totally fucked, you guys!

Also, this is great news for John McCain!

[AL.com / NYTimes / WaPo / AL.com, again / Real Clear Politics / JMC Poll]

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  • Indiepalin

    Write in Charles Barkley.

    • Maggielle

      Ooh, I like that. “I was a Republican until they lost their minds”. The worst thing he ever did in terms of little girls was to accidentally spit on one at a game (he was aiming at someone else), and according to Wiki, he made friends with the girl and her family (and apologized, of course) and gave them tix to future games, and says the incident provoked a major attitude adjustment for him.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, dare I say after retiring from the actual sport, he’s become almost humble; in a rather Charles Barkley sorta way.

        • Maggielle

          Yep, sui generis, for sure.

  • docterry6973

    A Jones win give the Dems a thin shot at winning the Senate in 2018. That said. a Moore win would be comedy gold. He’ll out-Gohmert Gohmert.

    • kareemachan

      Yeah, but the very name “gohmert” makes me puke.

      • Maggielle

        We could start calling him “go-MARE”. It sounds better and kind of French, which would surely annoy him.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • FlemmishSpy

      Donnie gives Sexmonsters a bad name.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Sexmonster was my favorite Sesame Street character.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “NOOOOOKIE!!!”
          /I dare you not to read that in Muppet-voice.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            OM NOM NOM NOM NOM

        • Bad Tom

          Sexmonster would be an excellent punk metal band name.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I tried to talk the guys in my band into the name Hosemonster once. We ended up settling on The Seamonsters, which was kinda appropriate, since we were from Seattle.

          • Whale Chowder

            Did you ever play the Seamonster Lounge in the U District?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Didn’t exist, back in the 80s.

        • Jimh

          Elmo after dark. (Too soon?)

    • kareemachan

      DAH!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Jah.

    • Jim QuinnX

      Sexmoster libelz!

    • Querolous

      Mama don’t allow no mud wraslin’ round here!

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Would you believe a political party so fathomlessly stupid and corrupt it loses if their candidates win?

    • Bad Tom

      Yes. Yes, I would.

  • armed_bears

    “evangelical howler monkeys” is my new band name.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Gospel Scandinavian Death Metal?

      • Parakeetist

        I love their t-shirts

  • WotsAllThisThen

    That’s right, Ed. Republicans are moving forward, young girls are moving backwards, looking for the nearest exit.

    • marxalot

      One hand behind their backs, searching desperately for the doorknob as they smile and nod.

      • Maggielle

        One hand behind their backs, searching for the switchblade/bear spray/spray paint their mamas and/or older sisters gave them. I have visions.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Chairman: “The gentleman has expired.”
    Whoa, if true!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Fake Good News libel!

  • Scooby

    Don’t worry about Moore. Wait untill you see the parade of nut jobs that win Republican primaries next year.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Coal jobs, nut jobs, as long as there’s jobs!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    No way, GOP. You don’t get to jump ship now. You were cool with his racism, his homophobia, and his sexism. You lurved how he hates PP and lurves the Byebull.
    You ride this nag all the way to the finish line.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Repedophiles Party of the South. Diddling little girls since 1974. Keeping up the southern traditions: Sweat, piss, jizz and blood. (Zevon lives!!!)

  • Ryan Denniston

    I can see 2018 now. The Moore Bodycount counter. Except for real, not like that Pizzagate thing.

  • Ryan Denniston

    It’s nice to see that child molestation is a red line that those RINOs in Congress won’t cross. They’ll just try to sneak across at night with those weasel words “If true.”

    • FlemmishSpy

      It ain’t molestation if you ask her mom.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        That was Nugent’s stated deal.

    • Michael Smith

      The RINO’s may not cross it, but the True Conservatives on the internet are arguing that there’s nothing wrong with a man in his 30’s having sexual contact with a teenage girl, as long as she’s post pubescent.

      And they don’t believe the attempted rape story.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom
    • Michael Smith

      Someone should have told that to the GOP in 1968.

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        Yeah, right. As if they would have listened.

        • Maggielle

          This is when I wish I believed in God…or at least the kind of god in the movie Dogma, because if the various angels couldn’t convince them (Alan Rickman was persuasive), in the end Alanis Morissette could lovingly smite their asses down. It’s a horrible movie, and I love it.

          • Arolpin

            It’s a brilliant but uneven movie, and I love it.

            FTFY

          • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

            I never saw that but I’ll have to put it on my to do list.

            I’ll start believing in god when he starts smiting these asshole republicans starting at the top with his royal anus.

    • Daniel

      How about if it’s in the pale moonlight?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Going with the flow, it’s all a game to me

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m beginning to suspect that Republicans do not have a healthy attitude towards sex.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Republicans? I HATE Alabama Republicans!

  • Jim QuinnX

    I hate to be serious at a time like this, but those of you who don’t know many evangelicals may be unaware of the fact that they view vaginas as being a commodity, like soybeans and chewin’ tabacci.

    It’s pretty accepted that God created very young women so they could be bartered off to creepy old men.

    No punch line.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Uterus = Rube Generator

  • Rebecca Johnson

    I honestly cannot see Roy Moore losing this election. It’s Alabama.

    • OrG

      Who counts the votes?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Whoever made it all the way the sixth grade. They’re the ones that got the cipherin’.

        • OrG

          Don’t even need to know times and gazintas.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    It’s worth remembering that there was a short period after Trump’s pussygrab recording came out when Republicans were bailing on him as well. But they soon came crawling back, so I wouldn’t necessarily assume that they’re turning on Moore for good.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Well, they crawled back to Trump when it became clear the Republican base was still standing by their man. So it probably depends on how this plays out in the polls.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        If he wins, I bet they’ll forget about all this unpleasantness very quickly. There are tax cuts that need to be passed.

  • Michael Smith

    I mentioned on an earlier post that I heard a “guest” on Fox News radio yesterday evening implicitly defending Moore by saying that perving on teen girls isn’t pedophilia, and that many teen girls are fully developed women well before they are 18.

    He also claimed that “pedophile” is a term that Liberals are starting to throw around at conservatives like “racist,” or “sexist,” to shut down an argument. It was truly revolting. I changed the channel in disgust, and then changed it back because I realized it was extraordinary that this was being broadcast on national radio.

    This is one of Fox’s favorite tricks – if someone were to call them out and say “Fox was trivializing sex with underage girls, and defending Moore,” they would say it was just a guest on one of their shows, not a host, and it didn’t represent the station’s views. But the host, during the conversation, just went “mm hmm, mm hmm,” the whole time and never argued with him. So your average idiotic Fox viewer definitely understands from the broadcast that he’s supposed to be okay with Moore unless he wants to be a lying, bleeding heart liberal.

    • Alan

      Technically it’s not pedophilia which is sexual attraction to pre-pubescents. It is creepy and ILLEGAL though. I’m sure they didn’t address that part though.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Hebephilia gives me the heebie-jeebies.

      • Michael Smith

        Yeah, not technically meeting the definition of pedophilia doesn’t make it any more defensible to me, frankly.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And remember, it’s a magazine, not a clip.

          • BradtheBot

            And a suppressor, not a silencer!!!

    • Covfefe

      Some people say that Russ Limbaugh has actors call into his show to say the outrageous thing he doesn’t want to say himself. https://gizmodo.com/5779847/are-the-people-who-call-radio-shows-actually-paid-actors

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Yes.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      Someone should let that psycho who stabbed his parents for being liberal pedos know that pedos are now okay.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        But only conservative pedos. His parents were liberal (allegedly) pedos. Seethe difference?

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Hey, if you were a Republican, wouldn’t you relish having a new Todd Aiken moment every week?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Kid diddle diddle.
    Bible Roy in the middle.
    The turtle tried to act like a goon
    The Democrats just laughed
    To see such a sight
    While Hannity’s fans threw Keurigs like loons.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    You can call him Ray, or you can call him Roy, but you doesn’t have to call him Judge. Senator, maybe? Let’s try and keep that from being a thing.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Let’s call him by his prisoner number as soon as he gets one!

  • OrG

    The problem is that roy moore is a text book example of a rethug.
    Bible thumping hypocrite.

    • Pilotshark

      “Hypocrisy is the deadliest of sins, because it allows you to justify committing all the others.”
      Author Unknown.

  • Anna Rompage

    “Moore cruises for high school girls at the mall? How come nobody ever told me this, and how do I get an invite?” D J Trump

    “Can I come along with you daddy” D J Trump jr

  • Michael R

    Kayla Moore posted a letter on social media claiming
    dozens of religious leaders believed her husband .

    “The list that has recently circulated was evidently copied and pasted from the August endorsements without checking to see if I still endorsed Moore,” said Pastor Thad Endicott, of Heritage Baptist Church.

    “I was not asked about this story or allegations,” said Tijuanna Adetunji, of the Fresh Anointing House of Worship in Montgomery.

  • Joe Beese
  • MynameisBlarney

    Purloined shamelessly from DetlefK on DU…

    “WH spokesperson: Donald Trump Jr. was just a low-level volunteer and coffee-boy at the campaign.”

  • Alan

    The senate will likely refuse to seat him if he wins.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Tough decision that. They’d have some ‘splaining to do about overturning the wishes of the voters (no matter how insane) of the great State of Alabammy.

      • Alan

        Yeah well those voters are fucking insane. Maybe they should be splainin why they’re not institutionalized.

      • Weird Fishes

        If only Alabama were a great state.

    • OrG

      I like that idea!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Jeff Flake would also vote to give a lifetime judicial appointment to someone who has never heard a case. Fuck that guy.

    • Ninja0980

      That and other right wing hacks.
      He, Corker and Collins are no heros at all.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Are they on that committee? Honest question, because if not they haven’t voted on him yet and are potentially reachable.

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Flake, Sasse And Graham are all on the Judiciary Committee that voted him through.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Yeah, they are useless then.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Graham, Sasse and Flake are on Judiciary, so they deserve the opprobrium. Collins and Corker aren’t, so maybe something may click now that it’s all hitting the fan.

        • Ninja0980

          They’ll vote yes on him once he gets to the floor given the fact they voted yes on John K Bush, who blogged about even worse stuff then this.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, why not? The guy couldn’t possibly turn out to be a worse judge than, oh, say, Roy Moore, for example.

  • FlemmishSpy
  • WotsAllThisThen

    I’m freaking out that he might win, because of what that says about American voters.

  • Ryan Denniston

    If Moore does get elected, I think his mandated sexual harassment training should be broadcast on TV for us all to enjoy.

    • BrianW

      Moore: “Wha sur, you insult mah integrity by suggestin’ I attend sex-youal assault training. Clearly, ah am already a master of the topic.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Joe Beese
  • Lance Thrustwell

    At what point will we get a Democratic candidate with Trumpian levels – or even beyond that – of plain-spokenness? You know, one who will go out in front of cameras and say “The Republican Party has become a party of traitors, criminals, rapists and child molesters”? I think it’s about time, and it could even work.

    • BadKitty904

      My husband has commented that some entrepreneur could make a mint funding a media source that actually tells the truth about our current “government”.

      • laughingnome

        In essence Steven Colbert does that.

      • OrG

        Like Wonkette?

        • BadKitty904

          But with pants.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Well, Vox, Wonkette and Pro Publica are good places to start!

    • Covfefe
      • Lance Thrustwell

        Yeeaahh…. But someone just a teensy bit less problematic would be nice.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Right?
          He’s got baggage that don’t help none.

  • BadKitty904

    So, how’s that new experiment working out for you, Dr. Frankenstein?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/04a7779716d86b0d69517f29148f8adbace0c75305b16fd2cef6f302a1b26029.jpg

  • Covfefe

    Fingers. Wind. Two pastors want to scratch their names off the pro-Moore letter. https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/alabama-pastors-want-off-roy-moore-endorsement-letter-as-sex-abuse-allegations-pile-up/

  • Weird Fishes

    Okay. 29% are more likely to support him?

    What’s going on in Alabama? I mean, really. Do we even want them here any more?

    • laughingnome

      There should be some kind of structured rehabilitation of that state. A kind of reconstruction, if you will.

      • nightmoth

        As soon as the yankee troops left the South, the South started passing legislation that robbed the newly freed slaves of their civil rights. The North should have sent the troops right back in again. And I speak as a born and bred Southerner.

    • Jgb979

      Combination of deeply entrenched ignorance, a conservative thought bubble blanketing the state that allows Sean Hannity’s voice to be louder than the five accusers (so far)

      And well….

      An old timey approach to ages of consent

    • Bill D. Burger

      “When they’re attacking me, they’re attacking YOU. They’re attacking Christians. It’s the godless left wing media and the fake news. They hate men of God.”
      ___ Roy Moore
      And the low/no information white trash in Alabammy eat that shit sandwich and come back for seconds.

      You see, THEY and ROY MOORE are the real victims here…just like Jesus. That’s how it’s played and they love it.

    • TJ Barke

      See, in their brains this is a liberal media conspiracy to smear Moore, so he must be the greatest conservative ever if they’re trying so hard to smear him.
      Evidence against the conspiracy is evidence for the conspiracy.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      AND 33% say it doesn’t make any difference. So 62% of Alabama residents are OK with pedophilia. 62% of Alabamians believe it’s worse to be a Democrat than a pedophile.

      • Weird Fishes

        Lovely place. Ignorant, backwards, regressive, mind-bogglingly stupid, but you know… Nicefolks.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Meh, its just republican math. These are the majority of the 48% he already had down solid. (That’s the real math).

      The republican math starts with “Ahm one-hunnert-ten percent votin’ Roy Moore n’ you kin quote me onnat” Since the allegations, those folks are “hunner-n-thirty-nine percent gonna vote for ‘im”.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    What’s the deal, Alabama? When did it become half your age minus half your age plus fourteen?

  • Michael R
  • nightmoth

    How come all the people who say “Drain the Swamp” stink of slime and dead fish?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Hold on there. 29% are more likely to vote for him since the allegations? That’s a lot pederasts.

  • The scenario I’ve seen floated is that Moore wins; the Senate refuses to seat him; Sessions resigns as AG and is appointed to the Senate seat by Ivey; Trump appoints an AG that will do Trump’s darkest bidding.

    • Jimh

      I’d like to present your new Attorney General, Darth Galt.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The Death Star has an unprotected thermal vent at the end of this Gulch.

        • The Russians have a video demonstrating the use of the Death Star’s thermal vent.

        • Jimh

          STAY ON TARGET…

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Bannon? It’s going to be Bannon, isn’t it!

  • MynameisBlarney

    BAM!

    A poster on the Atlantic forum hits all the vital areas.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029841853

    • BadKitty904

      Well, he/she is ’bout 150% correct….

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I have empathy for them. The liberal Twitter-ati are all the cool kids from school. Beautiful, rich, living in big cities with glamorous jobs. They’re obnoxious and entitled blowhards.

      I don’t have empathy for their deplorable behavior or treatment of those who do have “identity politics” disadvantages, whether they (Trumpians) believe it or not. However, I covfess: I can empathize with the coal miners in West Virginia and the Rust Belt factory workers about whatever “economic anxiety” they very well may legitimately have, because I don’t have any workforce skills either.

      Let’s be honest here, and not get defensive about a college education being about “more than just a job” and the intrinsic worth of liberal arts majors: we are economically worthless. There is no viable market sector for the “local book people” or “local arts people,” because there’s not much in the way of consumer demand for books and the arts. Forget about what Canada does or Britain or France, because we’re not in those countries and there is zero political will in America to emulate them or bring back the WPA. You want a good job, it’s STEM or bust. But just like the coal miners, I don’t have the “left-brain” or math-minded capacity to retrain as a computer programmer or do anything in medicine or science. Most people don’t.

      Where I start to lose sympathy/empathy, though, is when I see that they’re not even making a good faith effort to try taking advantage of workforce reintegration programs being offered to them on a silver platter. My university told me in so many words to take a hike, and none of the campus job fairs were even open to humanities or social science majors because it was thought of as a foregone conclusion that you were going to go to grad school. Well, I didn’t; I really can’t, and I probably shouldn’t anyway. But nobody’s offering these retraining programs to me, let alone posting them for free.

      I get it; I have “university privilege,” and I wasted taxpayer monies going to commuter college for my gen-eds on a Pell Grant, and then transferring to State U for a spoiled-brat toilet-paper degree in the “liberal” arts (and I’ll be honest, there were no conservatives among the professorial class — in fact, quite a few of them probably rode the bus with Timothy Leary and never got off). I can totally understand if people in far worse circumstances don’t exactly feel like we’re in the same sinking boat.

      But what I want the legitimately “economically anxious” to understand is that I’m not the enemy. I’m not well-off at all. I don’t sip $10 lattes at Starbucks; I have the rare, occasional hot cocoa from Dunkin’ Donuts as a treat — and even then, only if I have a coupon from the paper. I live in a tiny little dump of a house, in a dead suburb outside a dead factory town in Massachusetts that was once the jewel of the American textile industry. I couldn’t even get a retail job if I was able to do it, because the malls are dead too, and Amazon is growing into such a monopoly they’re even Wal-Marting Walmart.

      I’m not the enemy. The robber barons who made off like bandits with student loan monies, and who outsourced American factory jobs to slave labor in China — like Trump! — they’re the enemies. The Silicon Valley techbros who are going to replace even Chinese toddlers at Foxconn with robots, and give nothing back to the displaced little guy to support even the most basic necessities — food, shelter, medicine — they’re the enemies!

      So, yes, I do have empathy for the obsolete lumpenprecariat, because in a different way, I’m part of that obsolete lumpenprecariat too. But Making America Great Again isn’t going to be solved by forming a circular firing squad against people in the same position just because they’re of a different skin color, or national origin, or religious belief (or lack thereof), or gender/gender identification, or sexual orientation. That’s what Republicans want: to divide and conquer, so that we rats can claw each other to death for crumbs while they dine on a luxurious feast at the banquet table above.

      Hate me all you want, but we are Stronger Together and I was With Her. Not necessarily because she’s a woman, even though I think it’s long overdue that America set that glass-ceiling precedent. But because the Democrats actually acknowledge that there are problems, and come up with solutions to fix them for everyone or to at least lessen the blow if something (like industrial automation) is inevitable. I’m rambling a bit here, but, I’ll end by saying that the only way we’re all going to be Stronger Together is if we stop fighting each other and go after the plutocrats and their party of bought-off enablers. That party is the GOP. Don’t fight over crumbs. Eat the rich and Make America Great Again.

    • Shan

      That was tasty.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Also, this is great news for John McCain!

    Hey, what gives! All this Wonkette trope are belong to us, your beloved noncommentariat.

  • Michael R

    U.S. Rep. Mo Brooks,

    “America faces huge challenges that are vastly more important than contested sexual allegations from four decades ago,” Brooks said in a text message to AL.com.

    “Who will vote in America’s best interests on Supreme Court justices, deficit and debt, economic growth, border security, national defense, and the like? Socialist Democrat Doug Jones will vote wrong. Roy Moore will vote right. Hence, I will vote for Roy Moore.”

    • TJ Barke

      Moron…

    • Parakeetist

      Kill me

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      How long would it take to de-louse the Republican Party?

      • BadKitty904

        The damage should be terminal.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          All the way to the joists, eh?
          Okay, boys, we’re gonna need the charges and the detonator!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I really do want to see a Judgment at Nuremberg for these terrorists.

          • BadKitty904

            Not as long as they hold Congress prisoner…

      • Jimh

        Oh, it’s lousy all the way down…

      • Parakeetist

        45,000 years

      • jesterpunk

        Nuke it from orbit, its the only way to be sure.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Just like roaches, they quickly become immune to everything, including child molestation (which, believe it or not, used to end a political career).

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Eternity in the Lake of Fire ought to do it

    • Mr. Blobfish
    • OrG

      So, not even pretending any moore, huh?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Ein volk! Ein Reich! Ein Kinderschtupper!

      • Nockular cavity

        Kuche, Kirche, Kinderliebe.

    • cmd resistor

      Didn’t he run in the primary against Moore and Luther? And do something sleazy in an ad that had to do with him being at the baseball game that got shot up?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Yup and yup.

        • cmd resistor

          So, another R Asshole. No surprise.

  • Crystalclear12

    So, we are about to get an actual head count on pedophiles and enablers for the state of Alabama.

    Cool.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “We were going to shun Roy Moore, but he won us over with his folksy charm. And his ‘dating’ tips. That yearbook move is genius!”
    — A Republican Senator

    • puredog

      The yearbook thing gives me a little bit of a sad that there weren’t smartphones in the 70s, because you KNOW there’d be sexts.

      • laughingnome

        Polaroids?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          If you took all the girls I knew
          When I was single
          And brought them all together for one night
          I know they’d never match
          My sweet imagination
          Everything looks worse in black and white

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BadKitty904

      Say, yeah – what about that???

  • Mavenmaven

    The only thing that could get Moore even MORE support from his core constituency was if one of the women accusing him for hitting on them was his sister.

    • Maggielle

      I wonder if there are any girls who are currently still girls who could come forward. I hope to hell there aren’t, but if there are, I’d GoFund their therapy and/or legal bills.

  • Parakeetist

    Why do I get up in the morning? Why do I read? Why, why, why?

    Fuck it, here’s David Bowie.

    https://youtu.be/6VrqCBsbeuc

    • OrG

      I would have chosen “I’m Afraid of Americans” but that works.

      • ImGoingBacon

        ‘Young Americans’ might be more appropriate for this situation.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      David Bowie justified human evolution.

      When he died reality shuddered, and the Great Implosion began.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I’d vote against Roy Moore, but then I might find myself on the same side as those people.”
    — An Alabama Republican

    • BadKitty904

      “I’ll do whatever the Party leaders tell me to do.”

      ~ Every Republican

      • laughingnome

        Say, you know who else always followed party orders?

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Professional clowns?

        • weejee

          As a defense plea, it didn’t work well in Nuremberg.

        • OrG

          Kiss Army?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Subway…those party subs are prepared exactly to your specifications…

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            …by a Roy Moore fan named Jared. (Not that Jared. But he is also going to jail, in platinum bracelets.)

        • Juan de Fuca

          Discovery Zone?

        • Nockular cavity

          Caterers?

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          All the people in the house, making some noise?

  • BadKitty904

    Republicans should be counting their blessings that Alabama livestock can’t press charges or testify in court.

    • weejee

      That’s baaaaaaaaad.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      The amount of sheep farms Republicans have been banned from is staggering.

      • BadKitty904

        Squeal Like a Pig

        ~ Motto of the Alabama GOP

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Then again, women are considered livestock in Alabama…

      • BadKitty904

        If the state GOP has its way…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        As the good book sayeth…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh, ewe.

      • TJ Barke

        Let’s not lambast him, now.

        • Guesty_McGuest

          I hope you both feel sheepish.

      • Red Bird

        And it’s been proven that sheep can remember faces.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Long ago, on a desert island, a party of sailors was stranded when their boat was destroyed in a storm. They were lost and alone save for a flock of sheep that lived on the island. After months of no female companionship, the sailors, one by one, began to secretly satisfy their desires with the female sheep. The secret got out and the captain was incensed and appalled. He demanded the men stop this immediately, which, of course, they did not. Many more months went by and finally the captain couldn’t take it any longer. By dark of night he went to the flock and had his way with a ewe. The men, who had been waiting, caught him and began to laugh him to scorn. “But you all have been doing it!” cried the captain. “Yes” laughed the men, “but you picked the ugliest one!”

      Thank you, I’m here all week! Try the shrimp.

      • therblig

        more in line with Alabama:

        The Sheep Child
        BY JAMES L. DICKEY
        Farm boys wild to couple
        With anything with soft-wooded trees
        With mounds of earth mounds
        Of pinestraw will keep themselves off
        Animals by legends of their own:
        In the hay-tunnel dark
        And dung of barns, they will
        Say I have heard tell

        That in a museum in Atlanta
        Way back in a corner somewhere
        There’s this thing that’s only half
        Sheep like a woolly baby
        Pickled in alcohol because
        Those things can’t live. his eyes
        Are open but you can’t stand to look
        I heard from somebody who …

        But this is now almost all
        Gone. The boys have taken
        Their own true wives in the city,
        The sheep are safe in the west hill
        Pasture but we who were born there
        Still are not sure. Are we,
        Because we remember, remembered
        In the terrible dust of museums?

        Merely with his eyes, the sheep-child may

        Be saying saying

        I am here, in my father’s house.
        I who am half of your world, came deeply
        To my mother in the long grass
        Of the west pasture, where she stood like moonlight
        Listening for foxes. It was something like love
        From another world that seized her
        From behind, and she gave, not lifting her head
        Out of dew, without ever looking, her best
        Self to that great need. Turned loose, she dipped her face
        Farther into the chill of the earth, and in a sound
        Of sobbing of something stumbling
        Away, began, as she must do,
        To carry me. I woke, dying,

        In the summer sun of the hillside, with my eyes
        Far more than human. I saw for a blazing moment
        The great grassy world from both sides,
        Man and beast in the round of their need,
        And the hill wind stirred in my wool,
        My hoof and my hand clasped each other,
        I ate my one meal
        Of milk, and died
        Staring. From dark grass I came straight

        To my father’s house, whose dust
        Whirls up in the halls for no reason
        When no one comes piling deep in a hellish mild corner,
        And, through my immortal waters,
        I meet the sun’s grains eye
        To eye, and they fail at my closet of glass.
        Dead, I am most surely living
        In the minds of farm boys: I am he who drives
        Them like wolves from the hound bitch and calf
        And from the chaste ewe in the wind.
        They go into woods into bean fields they go
        Deep into their known right hands. Dreaming of me,
        They groan they wait they suffer
        Themselves, they marry, they raise their kind.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          That is astounding. How did I not know of this?

        • OneYieldRegular

          Bravo.

          It’s unfair that Dickey gets chiefly known as the author of Deliverance. He is a stunningly great poet. See “The Lifeguard,” “The Heaven of Animals” and the incredible anti-war poem “The Firebombing” for other great examples.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Putting polling places in schools is convenient for many of Roy Moore’s like-minded supporters…

    • laughingnome

      They enjoy having kids around while they pull their levers.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Why is Chad always hanging around here?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          because he’s well hung?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Someone didn’t punch him hard enough.

        • Tragic Typos

          Can’t vote if you don’t knock one out.

    • Impatient

      Maintaining routines helps all of us get through the day, right?

  • Wuulf
  • “If Moore can be banned from the mall, he can be kept out of the Senate.”

    – Jennifer Rubin

    Forget it Jen, it’s Alabama.

    • Jimh

      OMG this.

    • BadKitty904
      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        The last great Coen brothers film.

        • BadKitty904

          They’ve done some wonderful films, but – in my POV – this ‘un will secure their place in cinematic history.

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            It’s bonafide.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s the damned pater familias of CoenBros flicks!

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Years ago my wife and I would make Dapper Dan and Fop pomade cans for friends for Christmas. We stopped when they started actually trying to use the ‘pomade’ (Which was actually just vaseline with dollar store fragrance added).

          • BadKitty904

            Pretty funny.

          • Rags

            What do you think pomade is??

          • starfanglednut

            It’s so great. I also really like Burn After Reading.

          • BadKitty904

            I don’t believe I’ve seen that ‘un. You recommend it?

            (And how are you coming along, cuteness?)

          • starfanglednut

            Oh, yes see it! Might even be on netflix. I’m muddling through. Up and down with depression. How’s about you?

          • BadKitty904

            You have help with that, yes?

            Me, I’m just rolling along. Not much new, just prepping myself for the full fury of the holidays…

      • mailman27

        Every time I’m tooling around with the remote and O Brother is on? I’m watching it.

        • BadKitty904

          You shall see thangs…wonderful to tell.

          • SweetDeeKat

            A cow…on a cotton shed.

          • BadKitty904

            And, oh, so many startlements.

          • Mary

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !fe502d:
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  • Ghenghis McCann

    ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…’

    • MynameisBlarney

      This was the winter of our discount tents?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Short answer- Ed Rollins has been huffing paint again…

    • jesterpunk

      Again? Wouldn’t that imply he stopped at some point?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        only until he made another trip to Dunn Edwards

  • MynameisBlarney

    What a fun coincidence!

    Guess who has ties to Gadsden Ala-pedo-luvin-bama?

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029841663

    • OutOfOrbit

      who, doG Gammit? i give up!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Mary Sessions.

        Small fuckin’ world, innit?

    • BadKitty904

      It’s an Inbred World, After All…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Lying Christo-perv Dixie Diddler Roy Moore (R-Pedophilia). That seems to sum up what we have here.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    “Listen Roy, we are trying to lower TAXES, not the age of consent.”

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Moore: “That’s fine. Getting consent has never been my concern.”

    • To be perfectly honest, I expect that they will eventually lower the age of consent. Not specifically to enable child rape, but to let kids work and make contracts with employers and get hooked into the credit card system even earlier.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Not to mention those coal mine aren’t going to dig themselves!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, they’ve already said that the only acceptable minimum wage standard should be $0. Didn’t Lizard Gingrich also say something about kids these days being too spoiled to work in factories or push brooms or something?

  • folderol

    (tune of Dennis Moore [from Monty Pythons Flying Circus])

    Judge Roy Moore, Judge Roy Moore
    Likes to cruise the malls
    Judge Roy Moore, Judge Roy Moore
    His leering eye appalls

    Pubescents he will date,
    He flirts with jail bait
    Judge Roy Moore,
    Tries to score
    On sophomores

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    “Only Cloud William can speak the holy words!”

  • I think he’ll win. In the end, they’ll tell themselves it’s all fake news, even though they know it’s not. And then they’ll elect a child molester to be their Senator because of abortion and getting Jesus back in schools and shit. Notwithstanding that according to the gospels, Jesus said he gets super pissed when someone ruins the innocence of a child.

    And then the rest of us should constantly remind them every time they open their goddamned traps about our morals and culture that they support raping children and sexually assaulting women and they should shut the fuck up forever.

    • puredog

      Roy gets elected and seated, he’s not going to be a Dem millstone.

  • BadKitty904

    Some of Roy’s “little friends” are talented…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myhnAZFR1po

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I didn’t know Jeff Sessions was a child actor.

      • BadKitty904

        Like he could ever be that talented…

    • LadyLaz

      That guy still lives in Rabun County Georgia. He actually couldn’t play the banjo. The AJC did a newspaper article on the dude. He reports that some casting agent just walked into his classroom in public school and picked him.

      • BadKitty904

        Rabun County is just over the Georgia border from where my family’s summer home is NC is located. The Rabun Gap-Nacoochee School (source of the Foxfire books) is located there, as well as the Dillard House, which makes the finest apple butter – from its own orchard – I’ve ever eaten anywhere.

        • ImGoingBacon

          The Foxfire books were/are awesome. While I think some of the homeopathic remedies were a little out there, the other stuff was very interesting.

          • BadKitty904

            I can personally testify that they are based on the Real Deal. One of our neighbors was included in the series as one of the last living ox-bow-makers in America…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Slightly OT, but who holds Federal elections in December. Is that like “Confederate November” or something?

    • jesterpunk

      Someone who wants to make sure the turnout is low so they can win?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Ot, but adding pepperoni and marinara to a cheese steak is fuckin awesome.

    • laughingnome

      I read that as marijuana and agreed

    • Nockular cavity

      I believe that’s called a “mafioso” steak sub around here.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, we ain’t so fancy-schmancy down here in the Keys.
        We’re just lucky to have a restaurant that serves something other than the same damn grouper sammiches with slightly different names referencing either Jimmy fucking Buffett, Hemingway or Humphrey Bogart.

  • Roadstergal

    29% of Alabaman voters are MORE LIKELY to vote for him now that he’s a pedophile.

    The Christian theocracy, gun-humping, and gay-bashing was already there, remember. So they heard about the kid-fiddling and thought, ooh, bonus!

    • BadKitty904

      Who knew “hyper-hypocrisy” was a thing?

    • OutOfOrbit

      somehow, this doz not suprerize me

  • 29% of Alabama voters say the allegations make them MORE LIKELY to vote for Moore.

    DId I read that right?

  • clubseal

    29% said they were more likely to support him after allegations of sexually abusing minors. What the actual FUCK.

    • Stulexington

      To be fair, they’ve brainwashed themselves into thinking it’s all a huge conspiracy orchestrated by the left because Clinton is the mother of the anti-Christ. Allegedly.

      • ImGoingBacon

        Chelsea Clinton libels!!

  • Stulexington

    And it’s just gonna get worse as the rich start backing kookier and kookier wingnuts who promise results, even though they have no idea what they’re doing. The rich will keep throwing money at them because they are desperate idiots and that’s the sort who will throw money at any faint hope.

    • “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the FUTURE of the Republican Party!”

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0355cd04a5a7e0d42c0cf3888e072832bafb92e39dcc6fecea57e60d234ab9c1.jpg

      • MynameisBlarney

        The hell is Ming The Merciless doin on Star Trek?

        • therblig

          i believe that actor was killed in a car crash shortly after filming, so he never got to see the episode.

          • Erm think thats Galt played by Joseph Ruskin who did a few more trek roles and lived to be 89. Well, distracted me from the world for a few minutes

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            : )

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            : (

        • LadyLaz

          I always liked the green one in the shiny swimsuit and boots.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Well yeah, but MING!

          • xintheline

            That is my friend’s Aunt.

        • Kurn

          The Gamesters of Triskelion

        • theCryptofishist

          And who’s that redhead?

        • From the autobiography ‘Ming: A Merciless Life’:

          So serial work had dried up by the mid fifties and I was reduced to doing guest spots on TV shows like Star Trek and I Dream of Jeannie, and whoring myself out to a new phenomena they called ‘Fan Conventions’.

    • Ill-Advised

      It’s easier to spend a little money well than a lot of money well.

  • Opiwan

    How in the actual hell can you want to vote for someone MORE after an accusation of pedophilia? No change, maybe I can understand for extreme partisan reasons, but MORE??

    Hell really is other people…

    • OutOfOrbit

      well when a majority all do the same shit

    • Glistening Fishlifters

      It’s that victim complex they love to roll around in so much.

    • Courser_Resistance

      They’d vote for Satan himself if the only other choice was a Democrat. They hate Libs Just. That. Much.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        …and then decry how ugly and partisan politics has become.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Ironically, if I owned both Hell and Alabama, I’d live in Hell and rent out Alabama.

    • theCryptofishist

      They see the world through the lens of christianity being a persecuted religion. They literally believe in Satan and think that he’s stage managing this whole thing. Therefore, it is incredibly important to rally behind him and get Satan out of Alabama politics.
      To roll my eyes enough to express my disgust at the whole damn thing, I’d have to spend the rest of the day in bed, with a sleep mask on, resting the.

  • Roy Moore was banned from the Gadsden Mall.

    This helps explaing the “Don’t Tread On Me” text on the Gadsden Flag.

    Ipso Facto, the flag was intended to protect teenage girls from pervy white Republican men.

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    Folks used to say that “Mississippi exists so that the people in Alabama can feel better about themselves”.

    Yeah, not so much…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Alabama is Afghanistan with more Duck Dynasty reruns.

    • I was taught the phrase “Thank God for Mississippi” the first day I was hired by Montgomery City Schools.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Growing up in New Jersey, our teachers just taught us a song about how to spell Mississippi – “M-I crooked letter, crooked letter I…”

  • Maybe

    This is a powerful attack against Moore, but why did the story about his stealing from his own “charity” die away so fast?

    Of course, Trump did the same and his supporters didn’t hold it against him.

    It’s a cult, not a political party.

    • FeloniousMonk

      I know right? Stealing from taxpayers and charities is a qualification for Republicans, but payment of legitimate travel expense for a Democrat is a “lock her up” offense. They know that both Trump and Moore ran fake charities benefiting only themselves … and the base loves it! The cranky, nasty base will pick the narcissist sociopath every time! Is that what a cult is?

      • Maybe

        For the base stealing from the federal government or the poor and needy is a virtue.

        Cults vary, but they are generally led by a narcissistic sociopath who demands loyalty from his followers. The one universal belief is that cult members are special and superior; outsiders are dangerous and not to be trusted or believed.

        Does this sound like any current political party you’re aware of?
        http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    Look on the bright side 2017 America:

    Moore may be a sexual predator and a pedophile, but at least he isn’t into incest. That’s a POTUS thing.

    Good times.

    • OutOfOrbit

      sez who?!

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        amended: so far.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i will except that

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      That we know of.

      • Nockular cavity

        It IS Alabama.

    • James Baskin

      ” but at least he isn’t into incest.” Allegedly!

  • MsEdgyNation

    “massaging the fleshy loins of Alabama’s evangelical voters”

    Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew farewell to my lunch. Ew.

  • BreakingDeadMen
  • I’m guessing Judge Roy’s shopping habits kept the Gadsden Mall ‘Polyester Leisure Suit Outlet Center’ open far past its natural expiration date.

    • exinkwretch

      Has the store where he purchases his Village People cowboy outfit been identified yet?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I believe you mean the “Faux Western Wear Outlet for Cowboys who Wrangle Nothing but Unwilling Teenage Girls.”

      Check it out, it’s right next to the Hot Topic.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I worked in a small town mall. Given what I saw from customers, the mind boggles at what it would take to get banned from such a place.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      This was about 30 years or so, I worked in a small town- I found out that before I started working there one of the 30 year old employees was known for parking outside the local high school around recess (his lunch time) in his fancy car and also trying to get “dates”.
      Apparently the local sheriff had a man to man with this guy and he stopped. He was told if he didn’t, some of the local daddies would have a much more unpleasant talk.
      So maybe this is more common and people don’t talk about it.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Skateboarding?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Dancing.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Especially all the hippity hoppity stuff with the saggy pants!!1!1

          • Marion in Savannah

            Hoodies and Skittles. A dangerous combination.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Littering?

  • Shan

    That poll…”underage women”? That’s not how that works.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Hey, technically an 8 year old girl is an “underage woman”.

      • Shan

        Like an embryo is an “unborn baby”?

        • Indeniable Ron

          Precisely.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Poor Hillary, why won’t she just die already? The poor, sick thing, who WON the election by 3 million votes, is just so sad and sick. Can we have more BENGHAZI uranium email investigations now?

  • Manhattan123

    Can’t these nutjobs just stick to smashing their Kuerigs instead of rallying around a kiddy diddler?

  • Beelzebubba

    Waitaminnit: 29% are MORE likely to support Moore, AS A RESULT of the allegations???
    Just how fucked up IS Alablamma, anyhow??!!??

    • NastyBossetti

      When adjusted for evangelical respondents only, that number went up to 37%.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      “Probably about 20 to 25 percent of the adult American population is so right-wing authoritarian, so scared, so self-righteous, so ill-informed, and so dogmatic that nothing you can say or do will change their minds. They would march America into a dictatorship and probably feel that things had improved as a result. … And they are so submissive to their leaders that they will believe and do virtually anything they are told. They are not going to let up and they are not going away.”

      Bob Altemeyer

      http://www.whale.to/b/authoritarian_followers.html

      • Beelzebubba

        Perfect candidates to become Trumpanzees. If anybody wonders how Hitler came to power in a seemingly-stable democracy , this is your lesson in how it happens. (I think he had something like 35% actual support.) It can happen here, if the Rethuglicans in Congress are sufficiently craven.

    • Marceline

      That’s not because of Alabama, it’s because they are Republicans. It would be the same anywhere.

      • Beelzebubba

        Pretty sure northern establisment Repugs are not on the same page as these Alablammian dipshits.

        • Marceline

          You mean the establishment Republicans who stole a SCOTUS seat and are willing to risk nuclear war for tax cuts?

          • Beelzebubba

            “We may be venal, dishonest, Koch-sucking hypocritical scumbags, but we’re not perverted, venal, dishonest, Koch-sucking hypocritical scumbags!”

    • wavicles

      How much time, (and booze) ya got?

  • Viktor

    Someone is going to have to break the bad news to Roy Moore, the National Mall isn’t a real mall with stores and teens.

  • NastyBossetti

    OT but related: this is a bleak read.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Yep – that is definitely going to happen.

      Aggrieved white men are going to burn it all down because if they can’t “have” it, then no one can.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Moore’s going to win that seat. I heard some idiot being interviewed this morning who said he was so outraged by the political persecution of Moore that he put out lawn signs in solidarity with the pedophile/attempted rapist.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Bad news for Republicans if he does. Like suburban women need a reason to be more angry, and as if evangelicals need a reason to look more hypocritical. Like an organism taken over by some bizarre alien brain parasite, they are beginning to cannibalize themselves.

    • cmd resistor

      Someone posted a comment in a thread on a post about Moore on FB. She went on and on about how Moore was chosen by God to defeat Satan and Satan got all these women to make up lies about him. It was pretty scary.

      • Trollhunter

        How would I know if Satan didn’t make her say all of that to cover for him?

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Roy Moore is just another persecuted christian in Alabama evangelical eyes, they might as well be trying to throw him in the lions den.

    • laineypc

      If evangelicals aren’t willing to disavow a pedophile then their persecution is more than deserved, they’ve completely lost their way.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I bet in 20 or 30 years, these very same “evangelicals” will be clutching their pearls if anybody dares to suggest that they were the bunch of bigots who supported this perv. They will swear up and down it was those “other” fundies and even if they did vote for him it was about “states rights” or something. “All that pervy stuff wasn’t even on our radar!”

        • laineypc

          My epistemological vision of the future in that time is much more apocalyptic. I imagine each individual stating whatever they need the truth to be in that moment, kinda like our “president” does, and that nobody pays attention to anybody else’s truth unless it aligns with their own needs. Kinda like now I guess. Only it’s on an individual level, more than politically aligned, so nobody speaks truth to anyone else and nobody believes anybody.

  • James Baskin

    cuz I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee……

    • The Wanderer

      Remember to wipe the banjo off after you’re done with it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      The girl’s name was Banjo?

      • wavicles

        I don’t know but Bingo was HIS name…, o.

    • xintheline
      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        “Good morning, Director Comey. Secretary Clinton said she never sent or received any classified information over her private e-mail, was that true? Before you answer, take a listen to this banjo pickin’.”

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Ah, the old Walnuts! Good News Brigade is back!

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    What is he wearing? The whole bolt of acrylic pile used to make Rand Paul’s poodle rugs?

  • andyshelt

    Frank Raddish, pastor at the Capitol Hill Independent Baptist Ministries, defended Roy Moore stating that his critics:
    “do not want a very principled, convicted man to be up there in the U.S. Senate.”

    Here’s some free advice for the dipshit pastor.

    Could I suggest that “convicted” might not be the best word to use to describe Moore if you’re trying to help him given the allegations against him.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/roy-moores-base-is-sticking-with-him-still_us_5a0a1c02e4b0bc648a0d4d34?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Better: Accused-but-not-yet-convicted.

      Best: Uranium Deal!

    • unclejeems

      I’m sure that ol’ Roy had a life-changing conversion when he accepted Jesus as his personal lord and savior, whenever that was, and was “convicted” of his sins. And I’m sure his slate has been clean ever since.

      Or maybe he was already “saved,” but confessed his pedophilia to the Lord, who instantly forgave him. (But this is not like in AA, where you have to make amends.) This may have been the kind of “conviction” the preacher was referring to.

      So it doesn’t matter what Roy did forty years ago–he’s now washed in the blood of the Lamb and will go to a very special Heaven when he dies. And for Republicans, they’re saved every time, no matter what the crime, all their sins have been washed away. Right.

      But it’s harder for a Democrat to enter heaven than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. So no amount of prayer can save us.

      All I can say is, the type of so-called “christians” who defend this perp have soiled themselves by interfering in politics over the last three or four decades. The oldsters may not know it, and will plunge ahead. But the youngsters are becoming disgusted with the whole thing. Let’s hope.

  • Red Bird

    Isn’t the plan to get Moore in so they can replace him with Sessions.

    • unclejeems

      Sessions was quoted as saying he’s not interested.

      • wavicles

        And you know his word is his bond.

        ‘Ceptin his upcoming bail bond, that’ll be cash.

      • Red Bird

        I don’t believe that Sessions has the backbone to tell them that. Maybe he thinks he is defending the country by staying in place.

      • phoenix00

        Just wait ’till he’s You’re Fired from the DOJ

      • Ill-Advised

        But he was lying. Unless he wasn’t. Hard to tell.

        • unclejeems

          Meh, he just couldn’t recall whether he was lying, and so he wasn’t interested, unless he was.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Moore’s still got a good chance of winning – mostly because the Alabamans who are most creeped out by him aren’t old enough to vote yet.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      The high school set, you mean???

      • Indeniable Ron

        At 14? In Alabama? Still in elementary school.

  • canes_pugnaces

    The GOP deserves Ali Bami Teen Fan Moore.

  • lroom

    Governor Ivey said coming into office that she was gonna clean up the old boy’s crap in our government. Wingers hate her guts. I imagine her laughing her ass off when they ask her for help.

  • Joshua Norton

    What happens when you wash down Xanax with red wine?

    Asking for a friend

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      They both work better. Or you go into a coma and/or die. Mostly the first answer though.

    • bubbuhh

      Not a good idea or funny.

      What Happens When You Drink and Take Xanax?

      Drinking alcohol while taking Xanax is extremely dangerous. According to Scientific American, both alcohol and Xanax are cleared from the body by the same liver enzymes. Because both drugs are broken down by the same compounds, it takes longer for the body to detoxify itself after you take Xanax and alcohol together. This means that these substances remain in your system longer.

      Xanax augments the effects of alcohol, and vice versa. When you take Xanax while you’re drinking, both drugs will be more potent than if you used either one of them alone. As a result, your risk of excessive sedation, dangerous accidents, respiratory depression, cardiac problems, and loss of consciousness increases exponentially.

      If you continue to abuse Xanax and alcohol together, you could have serious cognitive and psychological consequences. Memory problems, depression, sleeplessness and agitation are a few of the long-term consequences of combining Xanax with alcohol. In addition, you raise the chances of becoming addicted to both drugs if you take them at the same time. Xanax and alcohol can both produce severe withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking these substances all at once, such as:

      – Seizures
      – Anxiety
      – Agitation
      – Delirium

      Simply put, lots of people die or end up in medical establishments of all sorts by abusing this combo.

      • Beezelbubbles

        Your scientific explanation is the work of the devil!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Just don’t.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A live girl or a dead boy. Or a dead girl.

      What they call a Judge Roy Special at the Gadsden Mall.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Parents, do not let your minor children use the same bathroom as Alabama evangelicals.

    • Brilliant!

    • george lastrapes

      Candy-van-gelicals. Any kind of gelicals or jellicles. Born-agin-yesterdays.

  • bubbuhh

    Dixie Diddlers be a fine fine name for a band of traditional Southern funny uncles.

    • george lastrapes

      The Kiddiddlers.

  • akryan

    who the fuck are the 29% that say these accusations make them more likely to vote for Moore?

    • I can send you a list of My Family What Still Lives in Alabama.

    • phoenix00

      Deplorables.

      (Or is that putting it lightly?)

      • I prefer Howler monkeys, but sure.

        • phoenix00

          Howler Monkeys libelz!!!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    A Republican candidate squeaking out a win in a state that went for Turnip by 28 points? That would be shocking!

  • Jim QuinnX

    Hey, did y’all hear that Roy Moore just signed a big endorsement contract?

    He’s the new celebrity spokesman for “Barely Legal” magazine!

    Bah da boom!

    I’ll be here all week, folks. Be sure to tip your servers.

    • Too old for him.

      Try “Jail Bait”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The Quarterly Review of The Pigtails and Pedal Pushers Make Her Look Like an Adult or GTFO.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    On the plus side, though, the president will definitely remember Moore’s name now!

    No, he won’t.

    • Petunia Cat

      He sent a tweet about the shooting Tuesday in California. But it was the same tweet with the same town name as the one he sent for Sutherland Springs. 🤦🏻‍♀️

  • FeloniousMonk

    Write in Lizard People!

  • jesuswasablack
  • Republicans just keep on fucking those chickens childrens.
    https://i.imgur.com/NzkASky.gif

    White or Dark meat?

  • jesuswasablack
    • Petunia Cat

      Definitely a pedophile, he doesn’t even have a grown-up gun. #BabyGun

  • jesuswasablack
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hey, remember 1000$ guy, the (totally not russian at all) source for the talking point about the Washington Post paying for dirt on Roy Moore?

    https://twitter.com/passantino/status/930223479407775744

    • Ducksworthy

      He got that note that says: “Sir your English syntax sucks. No more Rubles for you. Assume a new Twitter identity immediately.”

    • Petunia Cat

      He stole the identity of a navy guy who died in 07. He’s the purple hearts guy.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Huh. He seems to share a number of obsessions with Trump. And a certain rhetorical bent with Roger Stone…

  • Zyxomma

    Pond scum has far more integrity (and backbone) than today’s Republican party.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Invertebrate LIBULZZZ!!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    The current Alabama State Motto is “Audemus jura nostra defendere” which means “We Dare Defend Our Rights.” If that means State’s Rights (and it does) that’s all well and good but it is Latin and ain’t we buildin’ a fence to keep out the goddam Latinos?

    It is high time for a new State Motto what can be ufurled and flowed proudly on flags and license plates. I have a few suggestions:

    Alabama – The I’ll Show You Mine State

    Alabama – If They Ain’t Bleedin’, I’m Proceedin’

    Alabama – Meet Me at the Gadsen Mall!

    Alabama – The Do You Like Gladiator Movies State?

    Alabama – The “Praise Jesus They Cancelled To Catch a Prediator State”

    Alabama, Alabama, bo-balabama, Banana-fana fo-falabama, Fee-fy-mo-malabama, Alabama!

    Alabama – The “I’ll Ask Yore Momma ‘Afore’n I Rapes You” State.

    • unclejeems

      Alabama: Five million people and five last names.

      • Mystery_Poster

        Hey, don’t knock Alabama. You know, the toothbrush was invented in Alabama (if it had been anywhere else, it would have been called the teethbrush).

        Ba-da-dum! I’ll be here all week.

  • harryeagar

    It’s gonna be real hard to get Moore off the (sheep) stump

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      You have it backwards. Sheep are short legged lil fuzzy beasts. They stand on the stump. Unless you’re Jeff Sessions sized.

      • chicken thief

        I asked him to be sure you got it right and Jefferson Beauregard says he forgets how it goes or even if they have sheep in Alabamy.

  • Bebecca

    Just to be clear. If the choice is between Roy Moore and a Democrat, I would run to the polling place to vote for the Democrat-Jeff Flake
    It is so easy to know for certain what you would do when that situation will never happen. Like men saying they know they would never have an abortion.

  • SeeTrain65

    There has never been a time in a recorded history of the Republican Party where they have moved anywhere but BACKWARD.

    Meanwhile, Dems could win it all, Presidency, House, Senate, even have nine liberal justices on the Supreme Court, and morons like Rollins would still say we’re in disarray.

    • gshenaut

      Well, they started out pretty strongly, the Republicans. Abe Lincoln, for example.

      • redarmyzombie

        It was all downhill ever since Teddy Roosevelt…

        • With a temporary bump from Eisenhower.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      So, when one is moving backward, those who are moving forward must look like they are moving backward, which is why all backward-moving conservatives believe the country is moving in the wrong direction. Hallelujah! Why didn’t someone explain this to me sooner! Now I just feel sorry for them because they’ve all been taught to walk backward by their backward-walking parents.

  • unclejeems

    So “they”, the Democrats, are moving backwards. Did I miss something, or did Fox just admit that it is, indeed, the propaganda arm of the Republican Party? Maybe they already had. I wouldn’t have heard, anyway, since I never watch Fox–never could stand to listen to dedicated, deliberate, proud ignorance on public display.

  • richardgrabman

    And another scenario floated yesterday. The Alabama Republican Party pulls their endorsement of Moore, making him an “illegal” candidate, so the whole election gets a “do-over”. The Alabama Sec of State suggested this with a wink and a nod yesterday, pointing out that the election would be “null and void” if Moore was running as the party candidate but the party said he wasn’t.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    The Dems have a bad habit of infighting in the most unproductive way, but at least we call out our own. The GOP just closes ranks & cloaks their sinners. This unprecedented repudiation is a function of what I’ve been calling the Roy Moore factor. They’re probably thrilled by this; now they have a legitimate reason to cut him loose.

    • redarmyzombie

      They would be, were it not for the fact that their Frankenstein monster will probably still vote for him anyway.

  • Iron Monkey

    How the fuck can anyone be undecided about whether they describe themselves as an Evangelical Christian. It really doesn’t seem that difficult a question.

    • efoveks

      It’s Alabama.

    • BadKitty904

      “Hypocrisy”…

    • Ill-Advised

      Crisis of faith?

    • mardam422

      I saw one even better. There was a poll that asked if you would be amenable to pills that had a sensor in them so your doctor could tell if you were taking them. About 33% said yes.
      About 33% said no.
      The rest said it would depend on what they were taking the meds for.

      WTF????

    • chicken thief

      It isn’t. If you can read above 3rd grade level. So…

  • Do you mean that Moore’s picture won’t be on the cover of Tiger Beat after all?

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    … “no amount of massaging the fleshy loins of Alabama’s evangelical voters can save this seat.”

    Actually kind of disappointed you didn’t say “save Roy’s ass,” which would have been just a testicle’s throw from his fleshly “loins.”

  • Mary

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  • mardam422

    Edwin Edwards said the only way he could lose an election in Louisiana is to be caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
    1) This is even worse than Louisiana…it’s Alabama
    2) Moore hasn’t been caught with either
    You do the math.

  • Katamount

    Meanwhile, on Omega Four, Chief Cloud Moore takes the oath of office with the holy words….

    “Ee’dplebnista norkohn forkohn perfectunun….”

  • chicken thief

    Ted Cruz is against Roy Moore being in the Senate because Lyin Ted wants to retain his crown as the Skeeviest Fucking Creep in the Senate.

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