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Donald Trump has made a lot of shitty judicial nominations, but Brett Talley might be the shittiest. Let’s start with the obvious stuff.

  • Brett Talley has never tried a case.
  • Brett Talley has never filed a motion.
  • Brett Talley is 36 years old.
  • Brett Talley has only practiced law for 3 years.
  • Brett Talley has been unanimously rated unqualified by the American Bar Association’s Committee on the Federal Judiciary.
  • Brett Talley supports violent insurrection in response to laws mandating a background check to buy a gun.
  • And by sheer coincidence, Brett Talley was employed in the very DOJ office that selects judicial nominees when he was nominated.

In no universe is this guy an appropriate choice for a lifetime appointment to the federal bench! After 28 people were shot at Sandy Hook Elementary, this loon wrote a post on his political blog calling Obama’s push for background checks and limits on high-capacity magazines “the greatest attack on our constitutional freedoms in our lifetime.” In Talley’s fevered brain, the only thing standing between Americans and chaos is the NRA. As reported in the LATimes,

“The object of that war is to make guns illegal, in all forms,” Talley wrote. The NRA “stands for all of us now, and I pray that in the coming battle for our rights, they will be victorious,” he added.

A month later, he reprinted a “thoughtful response” from a reader who wrote: “We will have to resort to arms when our other rights — of speech, press, assembly, representative government — fail to yield the desired results.” To that, he wrote: “I agree completely with this.”

Brett Talley really does have an active imagination. He also writes horror novels in his spare time.

Which is cool, bro. Although most applicants to the federal judiciary haven’t left quite as broad a record of cosplay photos online.

You can read infinity horror movie reviews at Talley’s fantasy/horror blog. And there’s obviously no reason a Lovecraft lover can’t be a federal judge. We’re far more interested in Talley’s political blog, WHERE HE ADVOCATED TAKING UP ARMS AGAINST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. This seems like a huge red flag, and Republicans give no shits. They just want to pack the judiciary with wingnuts, and the younger the better.

Now, we all remember that these assholes stole Merrick Garland’s seat on the Supreme Court. He’d been approved 76-23 to the DC Circuit, but Chuck Grassley refused to even hold a hearing for Judge Garland during the entire last year of Obama’s presidency. Republicans have some chutzpah to complain now that Democrats are slowing down their judicial appointments considering the GOP’s history of obstruction. Via LATimes,

When Trump took office in January, there were more than 100 vacant seats on the federal courts, thanks to an unprecedented slowdown engineered by McConnell during the final two years of President Obama’s term. The Senate under GOP control approved only 22 judges in that two-year period, the lowest total since 1951-52 in the last year of President Truman’s term. By contrast, the Senate under Democratic control approved 68 judges in the last two years of George W. Bush’s presidency.

FFS, they even have a PAC that changes its name from Judicial Confirmation Network to Judicial Crisis Network and flips positions based on which party holds the presidency! JCN took in $18 million dollars to oppose the Garland nomination, but now they’re going gangbusters to solve the “crisis” of judicial vacancies by jamming all the wingnut nominees through.

But back to Talley. Last week, all 11 pathetic Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance his nomination to the full Senate. So next time we slip and start to think Lindsey Graham has an iota of honor, please remind us that Senator JAG Attorney actually voted for a guy who never tried a case in his life. Ditto Sasse and Flake. Ben Sasse has lately been on a tear about the mean liberals from the ABA giving Nebraskan loon Steven Grasz a thumbs down. The ABA deemed Grasz unqualified because (1) his colleagues called him politically vindictive, (2) he professed his intent to disregard the settled law of Roe v. Wade, and (3) he was “unable to separate his role as an advocate from that of a judge.” Naturally Sasse took to the floor of the Senate to tell this body of august lawyers that they know nothing about the law. He really is an astonishing intellectual whore.

And speaking of whores, now we’ll get to see if any of the GOProstitutes will step up and vote against Talley’s preposterous nomination. They’re getting a ton of bad press, so perhaps there’s still a chance that we can keep this dipshit off the bench. PLEASE CALL YOUR REPUBLICAN SENATORS! You’re calling them anyway about this tax abomination, right? RIGHT?

[LATimes / WaPo]

We survived last week’s news cycle, and we’re back for more! Please throw some bills in the kitty for NoDoz and Slim Jims!

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  • ManchuCandidate

    HERE’S TALLEY!!!!!

    All ideology and no experience makes Brent a lousy judge.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    He seems very bright in that picture. What happens when the candles go out is what worries me.

  • therblig

    hey, mister talley man
    shove a banana up your ass!

    • laughingnome

      Loling while gulping coffee is dangerous

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        BOYCOTT KEURIG!!!11!

  • proudgrampa

    *sighs*

    This is, what, the third article of the day? And I am exhausted already.

    • Parakeetist

      Me too

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • proudgrampa

      Be there or be square!

    • Beelzebubba

      As I predicted – this will snowball. No way WaPo found the only four teens he molested in his career.
      I love how Moore follows the Drumpf playbook and just keeps doubling down on the same losing hand, while everybody at the table is laughing at the bluff.

      • cmd resistor

        If I remember right, they started looking because of longtime rumors about his proclivities and these were the 4 that finally agreed to talk. I also saw somewhere where a friend of the mother of the 14 year old is confirming that the mother told her about it at the time the daughter finally told her about it, which was several years ago.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Yes, there was a very long letter posted all over Facebook by the mom’s friend who confirmed that she heard the story in the 1990’s and that the family are solid republicans, including the now-grown-up girl who was the victim.

    • LesBontemps

      Oh for fuck’s sake, out of all the lawyers in the country, she had to go to Gloria Allred?

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        You are perhaps aware of someone with more experience in this?

        • Maggielle

          Yep, experience: she has it. And I hope her daughter goes to work for her as a lowly but hard-working associate, thereby beginning her path to redemption. I am a great humanitarian.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      How the fuck will it work, if he gets elected? Are they really going to solicit his vote on bills knowing that both primary opponents and Democrats will run ads saying they solicited votes from a child molester?

  • OrG

    I really hate all of these fucking rethugs.

  • ExPFCWintergreen

    Dear Senator Chuck Grassley and Senate Judiciary Republicans: I, too, have never tried a case in a court of law. I am not even a lawyer. However, I have been called to jury duty — TWICE! — and cleverly got out of it both times by pretending not to speak English. Also, I can say, “Objection overruled!” and call lawyers “counselor” just like they do on re-runs of “Perry Mason.” Please give me a lifetime job with a great salary and gold-plated health care and retirement benefits on the federal judiciary. I promise I won’t make any decisions without running them past the Koch Brothers, just as I imagine Brett Talley will be doing, and since I’m just as qualified as he is for such a position, I don’t see how you can say “no.” Your friend, Ex-PFC Wintergreen, American.

  • mardam422

    Well, maybe he can get Mona Lisa Vito to read him the book on Alabama Criminal Court Procedure and he can find a picture of the tire marks from a 1964 Buick Skylark convertible before he sends anyone to the death house.

    • Beelzebubba

      I pity any yoots who end up in his courtroom.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Are those magic grits?

      • mardam422

        I’m done wit DIS guy!!

  • Beelzebubba

    When an elected representative government (you know, will of the people and all that) doesn’t give you the results you want, armed insurrection is the appropriate response?

    Flunking grade school civics is so far beyond “unqualified”, I’m not sure there’s even a word for it in English.

  • Parakeetist

    Oh, great. Another fucking idiot.

    • Nounverb911

      AOT,K!

    • Indeniable Ron

      They’re consistent, anyway.

  • Nounverb911

    Well, we do have a president that never presidented before, so this makes perfect sense….
    (No it doesn’t)

    • Beelzebubba

      Most everything he does is unpresidented.

  • It was a dark and stormy judicial nominee…

    • OrG

      And then the murders began…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        and were never adjudicated

      • OutOfOrbit

        beginning with tRumpisster’s judicial nomins

  • Bill D. Burger

    If we survive the Fucking Moron without a nuclear conflagration, the greatest and most damaging fallout will be in our judiciary. Wholly incompetent and unqualified hacks with lifetime appointments.
    “Look America. Trump’s appointed another federal judge!”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/5yTY0Gmntws4E/giphy.gif

    • Rags

      The dam will well and truly burst if 4-5 gets another scotus pick…..gotta swing the Senate in 2018.

  • TJ Barke
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Stephen King finally gave up. Truth is stranger and more horrific than fiction.

  • DerrickWildcat

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0fd135735137b270a153f1ba0f0bd3c26d3b559a88f5cf6e95ade9646121a6f7.jpg
    Here’s another book. Dinosaur sex books are just as popular as Brett Talley Horror books.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Open the door,
      Get on the floor
      Everybody fuck the dinosaur…

    • janecita

      I’d totally read that book. I already have so many questions. How did the dinosaur become a billionaire? Did he eat the guy after they had sex? Are dinosaurs well hung?

      • The Wanderer

        Given their sizes, I should think that dinosaurs were relatively endowed. Now comes the interesting bit – did they have a mammalian penis, or the bifurcated reptilian hemipenes?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’m sure that concerned, principled Republicans like Bob Corker, Jeff Flake, and John McCain will vote against this nom…

    I can’t even finish that sentence. And this is why I don’t really give a shit which Republican is playing the “He’s not my Trump!” game this or any other week…

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Weird Fishes

      You win.

  • Proud Liberal

    Will Republicans really confirm this guy? Jesus I hope not.

    • OrG

      They will.

      • Proud Liberal

        They are destroying our courts. If we allow this to happen, we might as well just hand over our democracy and give up.

    • TJ Barke

      Do you really need to ask?

      • Proud Liberal

        No. I’m hanging on to any last vestiges of hope at this point.

  • cmd resistor

    Whose idea was this guy? Are there really no just regular conservative judges who might otherwise be qualified that they could use?

    • TJ Barke

      The federalist’s probably.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Neil Gorsuch is the modern conservative “intellectual” and he’s a fucking idiot, so no.

      • cmd resistor

        True. I don’t know where all that talk about his (Gorsuch’s) brilliant legal mind came from. Maybe from him. I was not impressed with anything he wrote that I read. But I would assume he at least had some legal experience before becoming a judge?

        • ariel_gee_398

          He was in private practice for 10 years, and then at the DOJ for a bit. And look, private practice counts as being a lawyer, but it is so far from the majority of cases that federal judges have to deal with, and yet that’s where we always seem to pull judges from these days.

    • jesterpunk
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “For the last time, Brett, it’s the Second Amendment, not the Second Commandment
    — Brett Talley nomination hearing coach

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Well, it’s obviously not his editor pointing that out.

  • BigCSouthside

    There’s at least five people within 300 feet of my office desk right now more qualified than this guy

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I watch Law & Order sometimes; I can also play the L.A. Law theme on a kazoo, and I thought Night Court was one of the funniest shows to air in the past 40 years. Those are the minimum qualifications to be appointed a judge in the Trump maladministration, right?

      • BigCSouthside

        What are your thoughts on guns and the estate tax?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Ban the first, keep the second.

          (No, not amendments.)

      • Indeniable Ron

        I believe liking Night Court raises a red flag unless your favourite character was Dan Fielding.

        • The Wanderer

          Dan was a magnificent beast, but I hold a special place in my heart for Dan and June Wheeler.

        • Querolous

          What? No love for The Velvet Fog?

      • Naytch

        Can you do the “bahmp-bahmp” noise?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m alone in my house with my three dachshunds and I think we may have a higher percentage of qualified candidates than you, if our standard is “better than Talley.”

    • jesterpunk

      I drove past a few law offices yesterday, that makes me qualified to be a judge right?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    You know the old saying…If it wasn’t for double standards, Republicans wouldn’t have any standards at all.

  • OT but important voter registration info for Alabama

    https://twitter.com/botresist/status/929851771807240192

  • laughingnome
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Sorry if I put on my jealous writer’s hat on for a minute. What really galls me is that not only is this guy going to become a federal judge — he’s a published novelist despite being a dangerous insurrectionist and also, too, an atrocious hack. How is it this guy gets a publishing contract, and a job, while I haven’t even so much as gotten a call or e-mail back from the library at my alma mater? I’d love to see his query letter. Or is he “self-published”?

    That’s what I mean: nobody appreciates quality literature anymore. It’s all about advertising, building your “brand” or your “tribe” or “organic followers” or what Writers’ Digest calls your “platform.” The actual book is secondary to selling yourself. I don’t even think Lovecraft could be published anymore. He, well, loved the craft too much.

    • Meccalopolis

      ‘sell yourself’ What the hell do you have an agent for?

    • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

      Sadly, his publisher is real:

      http://journalstone.com/

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Just googled, too. It certainly don’t look like no Random House.

        GGS: You are probably being judged by better at your alma mater.

    • The Wanderer

      I recall the (possibly apocryphal) story that Isaac Asimov, by then a famous writer, took one of his early efforts and submitted it under a fake name. The work had been very successful under his name; under the fake one it was rejected.

    • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

      I think it’s not too hard to get published on one of these outfits like Journalstone. They print on demand, fill orders, offer minimal editing services, and I think they maybe have tables set up at some horror / fantasy events where there is a little stack of your books on the table with the other little stacks of books by their other writers. Then maybe you get an ad placed on some of the Lovecraft e-newsletters, blogs etc. It’s not the big time. It really doesn’t sound much better than being self-pubbed.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      No big surprise, just look at twilight and 50 shades. And, to my taste, Harry Potter itself.

    • Nah, Lovecraft could get published by Regnery Press or someone due to the outrageous racism. Love his work, but the man was outrageously racist.

  • Michael R

    unanimously rated unqualified

    AOTK

  • proudgrampa

    Well, if he is confirmed, he can be removed later in spite of the “lifetime” thingie:

    https://www.yalelawjournal.org/article/how-to-remove-a-federal-judge

    • Indeniable Ron

      If your government ever regains its sanity, this could be getting quite a workout.

      • proudgrampa

        Indeed.

  • Iron Monkey

    This guy thinks that the only solution is revolution and the only direction is insurrection. Makes sense as long as it isn’t about gun laws.

  • Ling Ling

    Harriet Miers, come on down!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Dinosaur porn or gtfo.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Pounded In The Butt By The Peter Principle: A Love Story.

  • calliecallie

    This is a horror story.

    • The Wanderer

      And not even a good one.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OT: Pastor Copeland appears not to have noticed that he’s just conceded homosexuality is innate/ordained by God and not a choice.

    He also appears to have missed the thing where some jewish guy was tortured to death on a cross so we wouldn’t be punished for the sins of our fathers, but that might be a bit churchy for him.

    https://twitter.com/DearAuntCrabby/status/929835854536892416

    • cmd resistor

      Whoa.

    • Parakeetist

      Fuck this dude

    • The Wanderer

      This asshole’s still alive?

      • cmd resistor

        Happily, I have managed never to have heard of him.

        • The Wanderer

          Consider yourself extremely fortunate.

        • Oblios_Cap

          And I’ve already forgotten him.

      • Nockular cavity

        I don’t think so; look at his picture.

        • The Wanderer

          That’s no proof; he always did look like an incubus* had sucked the life out of him.

          *Note: Not a succubus

          • Oblios_Cap

            Succubus snu-snu is the best. Or so I’m told.

          • The Wanderer

            I’m told it can drain the life out of you – but what a way to go!

    • Beelzebubba

      Poverty is a sign of moral failure. Check.

      • cmd resistor

        Well, sure, we all knew that. If God likes you you get a reward. Usually $$$$.

      • Roadstergal

        That one never gets old. It’s one of the more toxic messages the Christianists have exported to poor countries.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Revelation 13:5 “And he was given a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies, and he was given authority to continue for forty-two months.”

      Eleven down….

    • Oblios_Cap

      Shut up, asswipe.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Isn’t there a flaw in his argument, considering who he’s preaching to, which is that Obama was also President, so he, too must have been “chosen” by “gawd”? And didn’t his swamp-dwelling followers spend 8 years rejecting him? I have lost my ability to even grasp what the fuck goes on inside their empty heads.

      • SpideySenser

        Nothing is going on in there, absolutely nada.

    • Zonath

      So why does this asshole have tax-exempt status again?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        See, that’s gonna be real interesting if Trump does try to go after the Scientologists and opens the question of whether the government gets to decide that churches aren’t real churches because they’re grifty secular operations.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Economic anxiety!

    • Querolous
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    This guy should go well with the big Pharma guy Donnie just nominated for HHS Secretary

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-hhs-secretary_us_5a09b3bbe4b0b17ffcdf0419?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Surprised it’s not Shkreli.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        So much for those economically anxious coal miners and their opioid addiction

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          “Weed is only for n****, hippies, and Cucknadians”

          -Deplorable voters and Elferson Secessions

  • Weird Fishes

    OT but relevant: Senate majority leader calls on Roy Moore to end Senate campaign after claims of sexual misconduct with 14-year-old girl
    http://wapo.st/2yZ4SzJ

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “We’re gonna primary that cuck” -Scumbag Steve Bannon

      • Weird Fishes

        I’d love to say that it’s entertaining to watch them eat their own but even when they do something even worse seems to take their place.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Cthulhu Write-in campaign in 3….2….1….

          • Weird Fishes

            I have to wonder whether that wouldn’t be an improvement

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Lord Cthulu is ready and waiting to turn his enemies to sushi.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Oh, gawd, they’ll probably try to get Bevin. He would be . . . well, I was going to say worse. I’ll say “actually, an improvement because although he has exactly the same horrifying priorities McTraitor has, he’d be a newbie and not in a position of leadership.” So – carry on.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Nobody ever said McConnell isn’t a vindictive little shit.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Moore is a blockhead. I’m sure he can be charming and charismatic when he wants to be or he wouldn’t be where he is, but he’s still a blockhead. He will never step aside.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      WAIT. McTraitor said something right? Jesus Christ on a cracker, I’ll be right back – I’ve got to check my calendar. Apparently we are somehow having a day that DOESN’T end in -Y.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Ha, he realizes the Democrats will have weaponized votes if they seat a pedo in the Senate, and when they lose the Senate the Dems will be seeking blood for all the GOP fuckery.

    • Rags

      I did read (unconfirmed) that if he withdraws yet he wins the election, Lucifer Strange gets the seat.

      • Weird Fishes

        I would have thought his replacement would have to be appointed, but God knows what rules there are down there in Bammy.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket. I can haz federal judgeship now?

    • Roadstergal

      You are more qualified than Brett.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I occasionally write one-handed reads that I sell for $1 on Amazon. I’d like a cabinet-level post.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Hell, I just computer-rendered (for a client) a story about a man forced into sex by a 6’7″ black transsexual. After a silkwood shower, *I* deserve a Presidential advisory position.

    • eyelashviper

      SCOTUS

  • Mavenmaven

    Recognizing ideology over legal probity is a hallmark of fascism.

    • Cheryl

      Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
      On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !fw332d:
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  • proudgrampa
    • Indeniable Ron

      You’d be overqualified.

  • Indeniable Ron

    Republican control of all three branches of government, executive, legislative AND judicial. Well, all y’all know where the exits are, right?

    • Khavrinen

      Until/unless they actually manage to get that wall built…

  • elviouslyqueer

    My intrepid beagle-basset has his own Twitter, is an astonishing IPA connoisseur, loves chili cheese fries, and is a die-hard LSU fan.

    Mind you, he does eat his own poop from time to time, but that’s still a damn sight more qualified than this egregious nutbag.

    • Oblios_Cap

      The GOP nutbag is too busy spewing shit to eat it.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Lord Cthulu is displeased that you would write unkind words about one of his minions.

    • Timothy Watson

      Cthulu would never accept this toolbag as a minion.

    • AJ Milne

      Dunno. Can’t really picture this guy getting Cthulu’s endorsement. Couple problems:

      1. Cthulu was pretty solidly in the alien evil category. Kinda Lovecraft’s thing, really. Horrors From Beyond. He worked hard to make them alien, inscrutable. They weren’t particularly banal, suburban horrors. Talley, unless he turns out to be wearing a skin suit, seems quite the opposite. Banal to like the nth power. He’s like PTA type evil.

      2. Lovecraft, sure, was pretty racist. But it was those ‘dark savages’ whose description makes modern readers cringe who worshipped Cthulu. So this guy, again, he’s just kinda the wrong constituency. Pale douche != dark savage.

      … granted, on the other hand, Lovecraft’s horrors, famously, don’t so much hate humans as not much give a fuck for them either way. Nothing personal, just: a writhing, gibbering terror’s gotta eat…

      … so, y’know, Trump and most of his cabinet might relate pretty well with that, anyway.

      • Daniel

        “Talley, unless he turns out to be wearing a skin suit, seems quite the opposite.”

        And Ted Cruz already has that demographic to himself.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I was thinking no 2.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Read more horror? Nah, living it is bad enough.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    I give this guy 2 years before he is caught in a bribery scandal.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Or molesting children. Girl or boy or why not both.

    • The Wanderer

      Or pedophilia. He’s got a creeper vibe about him, and pedo is all the rage among conservative types.

      • Khavrinen

        It is SO important to keep up with the latest trends, you know.

        • The Wanderer

          That’s why I’m walking backward for Christmas.

    • elviouslyqueer

      2 months. Child porn.

      You read it here first.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        I was trying to be optimisitc, but yeah.

      • eyelashviper

        If only barnyard critters in Bama could talk…the entire GOP would be outed.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Well, I was wrong. It was 2 hours and nepotism.

  • Khavrinen

    “Meet Brett Talley, The Horror Novelist Who’s Never Tried A Case And Is Going To Be Judge Of You”

  • Oblios_Cap

    This kind of thing is why nobody in their right mind should ever believe that Republicans have the country’s best interests at heart.

    • Querolous

      Noblesse sans oblige.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Seriously, there HAVE to be slightly more qualified conservative assholes available for this role.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i donut believe there is such an animal. “qualified” (technically) mebbee, but none good for the country

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Oh, no, obviously not good for the country. But you know, maybe a lawyer from my hometown who is wary of Mexicans and thinks that gay sex is gross but doesn’t OPENLY ADVOCATE FOR ARMED INSURRECTION.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i donut know of any. conservatives/Republicans have redefined themselves, and it ain’t purdy

    • TJ Barke

      The only qualification they need is to listen to the federalist society.

  • Scooby

    At least he can get his judicial decisions published as horror.

    • laughingnome

      This is such a natural looking pose.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Like minds. . .

      • OutOfOrbit

        she looks drunk

        • Oblios_Cap

          Who would marry him sober?

      • And that bath pouf on the bride’s head is a classic look.

      • Maggielle

        The hand on the wall next to them makes me nervous.

        ETA: I think that hand is holding the string that keeps her arm up like that and prevents her from running away.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Wedding pictures are the worst.

        • Daniel

          That’s why Trump’s had so many attempts to get them right.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Classic pose there, also keeps their drunk asses from falling over.

    • The Wanderer

      Married. That means he’s reproduced.

    • eyelashviper

      Is the bride 12? or his sister?

      • natoslug

        Yes.

      • laughingnome

        Yes

        • natoslug

          Hah! You have to type faster if you’re going to go for the obvious!

      • jesterpunk

        Its going to make family dinners really awkward if they get a divorce.

    • Daniel

      That poor woman was horrified when she turned round to find this stranger had snuck up behind her during her modeling shoot.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I like her dress.

      • Daniel

        He’s about three seconds away from ruining it.

      • janecita

        Me too, I love the pop of red.

      • Maggielle

        Yes. And I think she is cute. Darn.

    • marxalot
    • Timothy Watson

      And then the murders began.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      My first glance at the photo reminded me of some guy who was auditioning for a bit role in a zombie film, the one who smiles while he’s chewing on a brain. A longer look at the photo didn’t change my opinion. I worry about the human in the white dress.

  • eyelashviper

    ALL of these dangerous judicial appointments bear the footprint of the cloven-hoofed Bannon. The Dotard would have absolutely no idea of who to appoint, and probably does not even understand anything about the judicial system, other than to complain that he can’t give them orders.

  • kareemachan

    I don’t have any repug senators to complain to, she said proudly but sadly. Or maybe the other way around.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Kamala Harris will chew up this idiot and spit him out.

      • Maggielle

        Please oh please let it be so.

      • Relativicus

        They only need 51 to confirm.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          If she gets a chance to speak(and I’m not big on their procedural rules) I have no doubt she’ll still have a few things to say about him.

  • rocktonsam

    they’ve got a short window to get all this crazy shit done before it Mueller Time!

  • Zonath

    Haven’t the people of Alabama suffered enough at the hands of dangerously unqualified, regressive, ideological idiot judges?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’m going out on a limb and say this guy had strong feelings about the distempered puppy slate at the Hugo Awards.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Hey, he stole the title of MY horror book: That Which Should Not Be: The Nomination of Brett J. Talley.

  • James Baskin

    Boo!

    • OutOfOrbit

      JFC donut do that!

    • TJ Barke

      Best horror experience of the year!

  • Maggielle

    Can we get Stephen King to write a novel that makes this guy disappear?

    • OutOfOrbit

      haha good one

  • marxalot

    Prostitute libel, yo.

  • Daniel
    • Button

      <3 Dark Place.

      • Daniel

        Goddamsonofabitch.

        • Button

          I have a clever response for this, but I don’t even have time to drink this water, I’m that busy.

  • Marion in Savannah
  • janecita

    OT, Oh no, a photographer takes an unflattering picture of Trump! Fox News is outraged by it!

    Top New York Times photographer gets ‘revenge’ with unflattering Trump picture – Fox News
    https://apple.news/Alk24xzurQMGxw6Kkiq2p5Q

    • Marion in Savannah

      Oh, FFS. I defy anyone, at Faux Noise or anywhere else, to find a truly flattering picture of that bastard.

      • Chyron HR

        Do Ben Garrison’s comics count?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Nope. Gotta be a photograph, not hagiography.

      • Zonath

        I thought I had found one once, but it turned out to be a picture of a dead salmon rotting in the sun.

    • Zonath

      Hahah. Love this quote:

      Video shows that Trump quickly made the unflattering face before smiling and looking presidential for the remainder of the photo op.

      So news flash Fox News, but Trump never looks presidential. He looks like an overgrown toddler stuffed into a suit that’s at least two sizes too small. And do the other world leaders know how to compose themselves without having to apparently make a boom-boom in their pants? Yes they do. The other world leaders make boom-boom in the toilet like big boys and girls. Why can’t Trumpy sit still for one moment? You always have to ruin the photo, Trumpy. No ice cream for you when you get home.

      • TJ Barke

        Really I’d say his suits all look too big, in a futile attempt to hide his obesity.

      • Stulexington

        Reminder that this look by Trudeau that broke the internet lasted a fraction of a second and it was an intentional slip. If he can’t keep his game face glued on then it’s his fault for not looking presidential, not the fault of someone who calls him on it.
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a2f8ee9f0826287b84311012f124db0e3960f0539ed7c105fa17fdb52220915c.jpg

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I love that picture. At the very least I love 50% of the subjects in it. As usual, the good guy is on the left.

    • “Unflattering picture” is a redundancy in tRump’s case.

    • Alan

      Is there a flattering picture?

    • Oblios_Cap

      That’s a total IQ of almost 48 between the Three Idiots on a Sofa and Hucklefucker there.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    For fuck sakes, I’VE drafted a motion.

    • Daniel

      Is that lawyer bathroom slang?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos



        it is now!

        • elviouslyqueer

          Is that before or after you’ve downloaded a brown load?

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIbLhhZ3B9w

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            this is an oddly frank exploration of this universal issue.

            As a descendent of Scotch-Irish Protestants, I think we should bury this issue and never discuss it, ever.

    • I’ve created a draft with my motion.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i thought i felt something come up in my boxers

        • Swampgas_Man

          I’ve motioned at a draftee.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Brrrrr

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Is that a subpoena in your boxers, or regular size?

        • Actually I only wear thongs.

          And only on my feet.

    • Alan

      When I owned a business I did it all the time. I’m not a lawyer. Easy Peasy.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I drafted a healthy motion just this morning.

      Oh…wait…
      *looks around at thread*

      This isn’t the lame toilet humor thread, is it?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, scroll down.

  • laughingnome

    Roy Moore is releasing a record called “Coal Miner’s Minor Daughter.”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “We’re far more interested in Talley’s political blog”

    We can haz motion for recusal?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Judicial ethics is a dead language to these people.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        scalia inspired, no doubt?

        (LOVE LOVE LOVE the double standard between scalia mouthing off on cases and issues and teh one fucking time Ginsburg gave her opinion on an issue at a talk).

  • He must be saving Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity in his back pocket for the next SCOTUS opening.

    • Daniel

      Under Bush I’d have laughed.
      Under Obama, I’d have enjoyed the idea as an indictment of the GOP’s total absence of ideas and desperate race to the bottom.
      Under Trump I worry that the joke is a real possibility.

    • RickK

      Please stop giving them ideas.

  • Relativicus

    I don’t know what country wonkette is from but the only requirement for a “conservative” on the the federal judiciary is the volume of Liberal Tears generated by him or her. And it’s just like liberals to cry and whine about a nominee just because that person is grossly unqualified to sit on the federal bench.

    • Talley has published TWO “true ghost stories” according to Wikipedia. If it were just one I’d say he was unqualified to be on the federal judiciary – but c’mon – two?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I’m actually jealous of this bastard. Granted, they’re probably self-pub or an infinitesimally small indie press, but still: He’s a hack, and a nutcase, and yet — he’s a published novelist. Lucky son of a bitch.

        • Journalstone publishes his books. They’re a small outfit specializing in horror, and freaks.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I looked them up on Wikipedia. No article, but a related one about a magazine called Dark Discoveries that’s also part of the same imprint. Maybe I’ll get lucky someday. Still irks me that this guy is a hack and a nutcase and yet has his name in print. Although, the Kardashians and the existence of “Instagram influencers” should have proven once and for all that talent is quaint and passé. Just like political acumen is optional for becoming president of the United States. It’s all about your “brand”…

          • Sad, but true.
            But every once in awhile life WILL surprise us. Never give up!!☆☆

      • Jimh
        • Thanks for re-igniting my Jason Bateman crush.

    • The base level for them seems to be “did he get through law school?” and “is he a conservative whack job?”

  • natoslug

    Update from the twatters: https://twitter.com/jbendery/status/930122280818049024
    (assuming I embedded the fucking twatlink correctly, we learn that he’s married to the chief of staff to WH counsel Don McGahn).

    • natoslug

      So not only was he on the committee to select nominees or whatever, his fucking wife was overseeing things as well. Once again, only the best people.

      • natoslug

        Oh yeah, and he “forgot” to mention that he had a conflict of interest, what with BEING MARRIED TO A FUCKING WH LAWYER. ONLY. THE. BEST. FUCKING. PEOPLE.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m sure any case in his district relating to the Trump administration will be TOTALLY fair.

          /s

      • Jimh

        So how is this not an actual crime?

        • natoslug

          IOKIYAR?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Conflict of interest? The whole administration is one big conflict of interest.

          • Jimh

            Which is not surprising. What I DO find surprising is the seemingly very little effort taken to conceal any of it.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Yes, it’s the boldness, the sheer in- your- face, of it all.

    • BigCSouthside

      They basically have no respect for the public. They think we won’t dind out, and if we do who cares, we can’t stop them

    • TJ Barke

      Keep draining that swamp.

      • natoslug

        I’m thinking the swamp is supposed to be everything outside of DC, and the goal now is to fill DC with the worst of the worst and then, I dunno? Nuke it from orbit?

        • marxalot

          …go on.

        • TJ Barke

          It’s the only way to be sure.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And filling it with alligators and assorted reptiles.

    • data_ninja

      I figured it would have to be whomever this guy is connected to or knows. Either this is being tried to done quietly and hope no one notices, or this is our next squirrel to stumble upon (while something more dastardly is going on).

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    I’m starting to think I could be a federal judge. Never tried a case, not even an attorney, but I am owned by a cat so I am an expert on being judged. So if I just convert to Rethuglicanism, I can get the bench?

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Let’s see. You ever molested a child? Paid big bucks to a Republican Senator? Went to law school, and didn’t practice law? A friend of Trump the Fickface? Sure which seat do you want? Many open for the right price.

    • natoslug

      I’m middle-aged (almost?), white and male, so I have the three most important qualifications. I’m surprised I haven’t been nominated yet.

      • SpideySenser

        How much money you got and do you know the Kochs?

        • natoslug

          I keep investing in food and college edumakashunz, so not much money at the moment. As for Kochs, just my own.

          • SpideySenser

            Kollidje? Now what fer you needin’ that? Waste ah cash.

          • natoslug

            That’s what I keep telling my kids. Give up on your hopes and dreams. Accept that life is shit, not going to get better, and get a job. Okay, that “get a job” part is true, but only because if the girl-child is going to keep living at home, I’d like her to maybe get out of her room on occasion (other than for school). Of course, the job I just lined up for her, if I can get her to take it, is online, so I may not have thought that one through well enough. If she doesn’t take it, I’m going to have some unkind words about millenials, seeing as she would be starting at $25/hour and can work around her class schedule.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I wish more parents were like you. But I also wish we had a system in place so that, if you’d already given up on your “hopes and dreams” but have no chance of getting any other job, you can just give up on breathing altogether.

          • natoslug

            I wish we had a system in place where we could find a job or something fulfilling for everyone so that nobody had to give up. And maybe a bit of help for those that are thinking of giving up. Yet another thing that gets me accused of being a socialist.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Me too, that’s why I gave up because I know it’s not going to happen. Existential depression is a gateway drug… unfortunately, no such facility exists where I can just have a morphine bag hooked up and go peaceably to sleep.

          • natoslug

            The idea that maybe things will eventually get better keeps me going. It’s not much, but for me, it is something. Yeah, I admit that I may be somewhat delusional.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        Dammit, I forgot being a bi woman would disqualify me.

        • natoslug

          We can overlook you being a woman if you have enough money, and are dumber than a rock. Pretty sure the bi part would be a disqualifier, though.

          • kareemachan

            But if she was a bleached blonde who had some “enhancements” done….. she might get away with it.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            The old “they only do it to turn on guys” fantasy, might work.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          We are a minority, we should get special dispensation. (Can’t hurt to ask.)

    • Alan

      Yes.

  • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

    Don, are you trying to tank the presidency? Is this a cry for help? Do you want to be impeached to spare yourself further misery? Blink twice for “yes.”

  • Baconzgood

    “The object of that war is to make guns illegal, in all forms,” 

    Hmmmm. The Japanese don’t even have this idea And they are strange with their violent Manga comics and the Nippon Professional Baseball Legue (with their not playing extra innings after a 12 andn calling it a wash/tie) and the cutting off fingers because of shame, and their fascination with commode technology, and their pixilated genitals in porn, and their eating ANY thing that comes out of salt water, and their strange tee-shirt that make no sense but written in English (seriously B.A gave me one that said “Hendrix-Lennon Rock Funk New York)

    Oh the Japanese are strange. Well strange to us. But, and I didn’t even look this up, I guessing they had (at most) 60 gun shot deaths in the last year.

    So who’s weird? Tokyo has more people than NYC. I bet Tokyo has less deaths by gunshot a year in the whole city than Queens has less during a Mets loss in 3 days.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Japan. The world’s leading purveyor of WTF.

      • RMKH

        Florida libelz!!!

    • kareemachan

      I wish *we* had their commode technology. OMG, they ROCK at it!

      • Maggielle

        Japanese commode technology is a thing about which I know nothing. So: wiki.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan

        Kind of amazing.

      • Baconzgood

        It’s not out of the ordinary to hear them “sing”. I had a friend who studied language in Tokyo for 6 months (he had a facility for languages).

        He told me (he was 6′ 6″ a little taller than me) he had a “fancy apartment by Tokyo standards. But it was smaller than a room at a Motel 6”

        No Snark.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    I know I’m just a student, but that never gone to trial bit stuns me. Can actual, experienced law professionals weigh in on this.

    I can’t imagine this cat has looked at rules of procedure or evidence since studying for the bar.

    • Alan

      I’m not a law professional so I’m just going with dumbfuck.

    • jesterpunk

      You are more qualified then he is.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      What do you mean by “trial”? We generally assume that to mean “jury trial” as opposed to “bench trial.” In that case, there are lots of really excellent lawyers with no trial experience. Rejecting a potential judge for that reason is a little like rejecting someone as your band’s new guitarist because he doesn’t play Beatles tunes. In many areas of law, ending up in trial is a very bad thing for the client, and trials are avoided at all cost.

      I’ve tried around 120 cases to juries and appeared a dozen times in appellate courts. Justice Kagan had never tried a case prior to 2009, and has only argued 6 cases in her career. That certainly doesn’t make me more qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        fair enough and why I asked for input.

        Yes, I was talking about jury trial. I know most lawyers are not necessarily litigators, I’m just concerned about the folks that do go to trial – however a small percentage. Also too, motions and things.

        Anyway, excellent points.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          To trial lawyers, it is very important that judges have trial experience. Judges who were trial lawyers tend to let us do whatever we want. Judges who weren’t tend to get hung up on rules and ceremony, and whatnot.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            this is why I need to learn to keep my mouth shut on these issues.

            : D

          • Maggielle

            No no no. This is how I learn stuff. Don’t keep your mouth shut.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            Friend, friend, you don’t know what you’re asking!

            (Kidding, okay, gotta shave, bathe and go! Bye all!)

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Nah. Every place is different. Someone else might tell you the exact opposite of what I said. Ask 10 lawyers a question, you’ll get 30 answers and 40 explanations.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol. I think I’m a walking example of a little knowledge being dangerous.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            Also too, ha!:

            Ask 10 lawyers a question, you’ll get 30 answers and 40 explanations

          • Daniel

            And bankrupt.

  • marxalot

    So what has he done, exactly, since getting out of law school? Because the answer doesn’t seem to be “lawyering.”

    • natoslug

      Marrying a WH lawyer who oversees judicial nominees, joining a DOJ group/committee/whateverthefuck that selects judicial nominees, and writing bad horror? See?- totally qualified!

      • cmd resistor

        https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/13/us/politics/trump-judge-brett-talley-nomination.html?smid=tw-nytpolitics&smtyp=cur
        Apparently he forgot to mention the wife in some of his filings where you’d he would have.
        ETA quote from Times article:
        “Mr. Talley served as deputy solicitor general for the state of Alabama, currently serves in the Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Policy and was recommended by Alabama’s U.S. senators,” said Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary. “He is more than qualified to serve in the federal judiciary.”

        • natoslug

          I can understand. I constantly forget that I have a wife as well. Makes for awkward dinners.

          • cmd resistor

            She is the chief of staff to White House counsel.

          • natoslug

            No, I’m pretty sure my wife works at Humboldt County’s AOD outpatient facility, with the occasional shift cover (cover shift?) at Sempervirens.

    • jesterpunk

      Trying to piss off liberals?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        That’s all they look for in an applicant these days.

  • Daniel

    “Meet Brett Talley, The Horror Novelist Who’s Never Tried A Case And Is Going To Be Judge Of You”

    Surely this is a Poe?

    • natoslug

      Well, he’s certainly done a poe job lawyerin’.

      • MynameisBlarney

        And a poe job book writering also, too.

        • natoslug

          Switching Poes, I’m sure he did Nazi us discovering that he was unqualified and had conflicts of interest.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I think we just passed from Poe to Pun without noticing.

          • natoslug

            It’s a grey area, the Poe-Pun line. Pardon me.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Nevermore!

      • Daniel

        Once upon a Wonkette reading, as I found my weak will pleading
        at many a tainted, incurious volume of trumpian law,
        there came inside a loathsome screaming, as of a horror in whose dreaming the western world, it was seeming, was trapped, trapped behind Trump’s chamber door.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Then he moved on Eleanor.
          Like a bitch.

          • Daniel

            I took Berenice out denture shopping but I couldn’t get anywhere.

        • kareemachan

          And then the murders began….

    • Button

      Boooooooooooooooooooooo

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    He wouldn’t even be qualified to supervise an intern in Idaho or Nevada for two more years.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Daniel

      Dear God they just keep digging:

      Wayne Allyn Root, a Trump-loving radio host, defended Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore on Monday against charges that he molested multiple teenage girls by claiming that they looked like they were in their 20s at the time of their encounters with Moore.

      “They were beautiful young girls and they could have passed for 20,” Root said, as reported by Right Wing Watch. “Let’s say he hit on a couple of them. First of all, none of them say he had sex with them. He kissed them — that’s it!”

      • MynameisBlarney

        You shoulda seen the way she was dressed!
        She was askin’ for it!

      • laughingnome

        There’s really something wrong with these people.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I grew up around people like that, and yes, they are totally fucking fucked the fuck up in the head.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        yeah, doesn’t fucking matter dickfaces. (Also, he didn’t just kiss them, twat).

      • Alan

        Uh huh. Tell that to the judge. No, wait….

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Yeah, about that… for the past several decades, girls have been entering puberty at earlier ages, and have been physically maturing faster. And Roy Moore’s perving on teenage girls is still on ***Roy Moore***, not on the girls, no matter how mature-looking and attractive they are. Wayne Root can eat a family-size bag of salted rat dicks.

      • LucindathePook

        Well, he knew the 14-y-o was 14 as he met up with her in the courthouse at her custody hearing.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT, but my muse wouldn’t stop pestering me.

    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam)
    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam)
    He’s from Birmingham (Blam-da-Lam)
    Way down in Alabam (Blam-da-Lam)
    But don’tcha touch his thing (Blam-da-Lam)
    Din’tcha see his ring? (Blam-da-Lam)

    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam)

    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam)
    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam)
    Big Pervert touched a child (Bam-ba-Lam)
    Fake news gone wild (Bam-ba-Lam)
    They said he’s outta his mind (Bam-ba-Lam)
    He said, “But teen girls are so fine” (Bam-ba-Lam)
    I said, “Oh, Big Pervert” (Blam-ba-Lam)
    Whoa, Big Pervert (Blam-ba-Lam), I said, “whoa” already.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Ram Jam libelz?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Black Betty libelz.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    If confirmed, he can look forward to a long career of being reversed by higher courts.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      At least he’s got a guaranteed audience for once.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • He’s got Huckabeast eyes.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s the fake-looking buck teeth where there are no fake buck teeth that freaks me out.

    • MynameisBlarney

      ERMAHGERD!

      JERDGE DERP!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks for the morning laugh buddy.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Anytime!

    • jesterpunk

      He is part of the Derp State.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That reminds me, are we going to have six more weeks of Winter or not?

  • Stulexington

    That moment, when your life is a scarier horror story than anything you’ve ever written.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Never have their motive been more clear. They are anarchists. They are doing everything they can to undermine law and order. They have no respect for the Constitution of the United States, they want to destroy it. And the Rethugs in the Senate are enabling it. I have no hope for the future of the United States. This makes me sincerely doubt there will even be a United States in the future.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I actually hope there isn’t. It needs to be broken up and brought under the auspices of the civilized members of the international community. Hand over the blue states to Canada and wall off the hick parts or give them over to the E.U. to oversee as a colony. That’s a better way of Making America Germany Again (Merkel’s version, not Hitler’s).

    • TJ Barke

      They’re exactly the opposite of anarchists.

    • Daniel

      They aren’t anarchists, they are nihilists.

  • Weird Fishes

    “It was common knowledge that Roy dated high school girls. Everyone we knew thought it was weird,” former Etowah County deputy district attorney Teresa Jones told CNN national correspondent Alexander Marquardt. “We wondered why someone his age would hang out at high school football games and the mall. But you really wouldn’t say anything to someone like that.”

    Why not? Afraid he would Jesus you to death? Suck you in to his death spiral? Point out your own moral and ethical failings?!

    Jesus Christ, what a bunch of fucking cowardly enablers.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i started hating both H.S. football games AND the mall somewhere around 16.

      • Weird Fishes

        Are you from…Alabama? It’s okay. This is a safe, nonjudgmental space. Just nod, or point at the bad touches map.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          Thankfully no – but I do have a step brother from there. Been there once. Biggest store in the town was a K-mart. (But they did have a starbucks!)

          • Weird Fishes

            Starbucks?! Poser lib! What, Krispy Kreme Koffee isn’t good enough for ya?

        • george lastrapes

          Get your most feared wishes
          From Mr. Weird Fishes.

          • Weird Fishes

            This one I would poke with a stick until it fucking howled.

            But thank you. These clowns just continue to make it too easy.

          • george lastrapes

            Yes. The jokes just write themselves. So do the horror novels. And the alternative facts. And the abnormal-psych texts. And the absurdist kabuki tragicomedies. And the mock-epics. And so on and on and on…..

          • Weird Fishes

            God Bless Wonkette. Without her we would be blind.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            And feeling alienated.

          • Weird Fishes

            Never in life. 😊 Say hello anytime.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Thank you, not so much since I found this site. It is like coming home. : )

          • Weird Fishes

            Wonderful site. Fantastic folks. I love it here. 😊

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Reading the internet I had noticed most threads being inundated by negative, nasty opinions, I mean not even clever at all. Just vile and hateful. Most of which had no relation to reality. Facebook become downright vicious. (I FB because I have friends all over the world from when we traveled, it is a great medium to stay in touch with them.)
            I was beginning to loose hope in humanity because the trolls are so loud and numerous. Then I found this site with wonderful, witty posters. And I no longer felt so alone.

          • Weird Fishes

            I know exactly what you mean. I find Twitter relentlessly depressing (I’m not a Facebook person), even the NYT and WaPo’s comments sections are overtaken by trolls. Find safe harbor where and when you can, says I.

            I’m in nyc, you?

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Florida home of Florida man and the good ol’ boy network.
            I’m surrounded by trumpsters.

          • Weird Fishes

            You poor soul, I’m very sorry for that. Is there any way you can escape?

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Well I have moved away for a time we lived in a nudist club in California. We fit right in (hubby is Canadian) I’m from Maine originally. We loved the people, and the politics, but the weather was not warm enough. Visited my nephew and realized the Florida weather suited me best. So we moved back. The politics aren’t as bad when a D. is in power.
            We visited the Hudson Valley and Long Island last year. Very pretty country. I do envy your cosmopolitan outlook in the city.

          • Weird Fishes

            Hi, sorry for not replying sooner; it’s been a day. Well, darnit, next time you’re up this way you should say hello. We left Brooklyn earlier this year and are now up in the Hudson Valley, and we love it up here.

            How would you describe a “cosmopolitan outlook?” We have a number of different external influences, which I think colors how I see things, but I’d like to hear your take.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Bear in mind this is just from my own observation, but when I go to New York, Just like when we visit Toronto, I see a beautiful variety of cultures and skin tones that you do not see in Florida unless you live in Orlando (aka tourist central.) My city was once considered the second most segregated city in Florida, back in the 60’s. I think exposure to different cultures is good in that everyone learns how to get along with each other.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “His law partner, Harlan, used to only date cadavers. I never asked him about it — how do you even begin that conversation? — but it kind of creeped me out a little. I do try to be open-minded, you know.”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Since this seems to be an everything is terrible thread (Sorry for spamming, but I gotta go to class and work soon and you’ll be free of me for six or seven glorious hours):

    North Carolina church accused of ‘kidnapping’ children with help from a county clerk

    North Carolina’s social services laws cite “family preservation,” so as to prevent “unnecessary placement of children away from their families.” Yet, many children have been taken from their families and put into the custody of church members. Thus far, three single mothers have come forward to allege a county court clerk bypassed the foster system so that church members were able to obtain custody of their children, despite a judge calling the conduct inappropriate.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/north-carolina-church-accused-of-kidnapping-children-with-help-from-a-county-clerk/

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Considering what we know about the holier-than-thou, a crack house is probably preferable to a “church family.” At least the crack house is honest about its deplorability and squalor. Not to mention, you’re better off dying from crack than living in the prison hellhole of a religious cult.

      • Ill-Advised

        Or with the kind of men such places attract.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Moore being a typical example.

    • Lefty Wright

      A couple of assistant district attorneys in adjoining counties are also implicated. They gave legal advice and coached the congregation on how to respond to questioning if they were ever asked about any actions taken by the church. It’s much more sordid than the RS article shows it to be.

    • natoslug

      I hope he lawyers better than he writes.

      • Daniel

        That’s not him. He didn’t write that, Scottish people did.

        • natoslug

          I sincerely apologize to the Scots, and ask that they consider cutting back on the commas and considering the occasional full-stop.

          • Daniel

            It’s a poem so it should have line breaks:

            From ghoulies and ghosties
            And long legged beasties
            And things that go bump in the night,
            Good Lord deliver us!

            Your man up there is not particularly good at his plagiarism.

            Also, I refer to one of my dogs as a long legged beastie, because he is.

          • natoslug

            Okay, works much better as a poem. Written out as originally presented, it looked like Talley was presenting that as a single sentence, and a poorly-constructed one at that. And if there’s one thing I am good at, it is creating poorly-constructed sentences.

  • Ill-Advised

    Does this mean that if I finish my novel by the end of the month, I can qualify to judge cases? I could jam in a chapter in on the Polish Code in the fifteenth century if I start now and limit it to Henri of Anjou.

  • kareemachan

    Breaking news: he didn’t disclose he is married to a WH lawyer, either.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I look forward to the release of Commence Sandman and Master of Marionettes.

    • Daniel

      Ingress Sandman.

  • ChadFu

    Speaking of this asshole who should never be a judge….look what just turned up in my news feed:

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/360117-trump-nominee-for-federal-judge-did-not-disclose-he-is-married-to-a

  • HooverVilles

    The GOTP are doing everything they can to wear us down into submission.

    Democrats – Don’t let them do this! Resist and most importantly VOTE. GET OUT AND VOTE!

  • ChadFu

    Damn it…you guys are too fast. Carry on.

  • ChadFu

    <— Old Chadwells…..not a Fuckface troll.

  • canes_pugnaces

    The Trump cancer has matastisized. Three more years (minimum) of this. Count them. Not so sure there is going to be a quick turn around on this.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There definitely won’t be a quick turn around. Eight years wasn’t even enough to get the stink of the Bush Administration out of State and Justice.

      • canes_pugnaces

        This is substantively worse. Bush didn’t spend his days on Twitter and face up the ass of dictators.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …and if anything, the legacy of Barack Obama is Donald Trump. ‘Murricans just were NOT going to let an uppity negro tell them white boys what to do.

  • george lastrapes

    I just have to wonder. If Roy’s supporters can say kiddiddling is permissible because somebody in the Bible did it, would that reasoning hold up in the new Trump-fundy judicial system? Could a wife-killer skate because the Bible says to kill witches and “That’s plainly what my wife was, your Honor.” Or “He had on a wool-linen suit, and Deuteronomy says blabla…” Or whatever. Christian Sharia, coming soon?

  • Jo Mathie

    Is there a sort of competition to elect the worst people ever to be put in positions of power?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Is that a trick question? Oh it’s rhetorical, nevermind.

    • phoenix00

      Is this one where you lose by winning, and win by losing?

      (Also: all the winning, tired of winning, etc etc)

  • bubbuhh

    Talley a man of no good judgment
    Get This: Talley Failed To Disclose His Marriage To Ann Donaldson, the Chief Of Staff To White House Counsel Donald F. McGahn At Any TIme During The Confirmation Process

    According to the New York Times, Talley is married to Ann Donaldson, the chief of staff to the White House counsel, Donald F. McGahn. Talley also never disclosed it on documents available to members of Congress who are weighing confirmation.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/trump-judicial-nominee-busted-after-failing-to-disclose-marriage-to-white-house-lawyer-and-mueller-witness/

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      was just coming here to post the talkingpointsmemo version of this

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I’ve tried over a 150 cases. I’ve handled thousands. I’m not qualified to be a Judge. If this guy thinks he is, its disqualifying on its face.

  • Michael Smith

    Looks like Cthulu has an ally in the judiciary now.

    • Me not sure

      I thought dead Scalia was still holding down that job.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • ExecutorElassus

      ← fails at reading downthread before shooting his mouth off =/

  • Mr. Blobfish

    For once, I don’t have the words. Yes, I realize these are words, but, fuck.

    • Boojum

      Those are the words. That last one, anyway.

  • Me not sure

    OK, Wonkette, now your just fuckin’ with us. FAKE NEWS! … Oh… he’s real?

  • Blanche de Shambles

    I bet this guy shares something else with H.P. Lovecraft as well.

    His pathological racism.

  • susan_g

    Nutjob Roy Moore was the Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court. Clarence Thomas, a dope, sits on the Supreme Court and newly annointed Niel Gorsuch is being found to be not too smart either. This is standard GOP judge selection. Talley is just more of the same.

  • Incoming Ham

    Let’s skip the middleman. Go shake a chestnut tree and give the nuts that fall out jobs in the administration.

    • Gussie Jives

      Or just a Speak and Spell programmed with Sean Hannity quotes.

      • phoenix00

        Might as well be Sean Hannity

  • Gussie Jives

    In some strange way, this actually fits seamlessly into the events of the past year, doesn’t it?

  • Daniel Hooper

    Speaking of Cthulhu, I thought it was the King of Yellow that drove everyone mad, not the King of Orange we have now…

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “The Horror Novelist Who’s Never Tried A Case And Is Going To Be Judge Of You.”

    Oh well, then. He’ll be as spectacularly qualified as Betsy DeVos. How much is he paying for his seat?

    • Rickyphoo

      His wife’s silence about her knowledge of trump’s obstruction of justice is the payment for the seat.

  • ExecutorElassus

    Surprise! He didn’t disclose that he’s married to a White House lawyer! Whoops!

  • Viktor

    These are the kind of dim wits Trump replaces real lawyers like Preet Bharara with. It makes sense, the know nothings like Brett have one track minds that align with creeps like Trump.

  • SeeTrain65

    Talley IS a horror novel.

    We can only hope the Senate makes him a horror novel writer FULL TIME.

  • javadavis

    Talley? Is he related to that guy who got busted for VN atrocities? Oh, that was Calley – so what! Lock him up!!

  • Sakonyachen

    “We will have to resort to arms when our other rights — of speech, press, assembly, representative government — fail to yield the desired results.”
    So I can shoot people if I don’t get my way? Nobody told me that part in Civics Class.

  • Jonny On Maui

    So he’s a NRA terrorist. I’m shocked!

  • Delu

    Yes and this from the same party who had people that said that since Obama is in his last term, his nominee is someone that is “not appropriate” because the selection does not represent the “will of the people” (and this was all said BEFORE Gardner was even nominated) and then they refused to meet with the nominee even before he wqas nominated.

    Trump party, pushing hypocrisy like no other!

  • Zyxomma

    I don’t have a Republican senator to call, thankfully.

    • Sakonyachen

      It’s the only part of living in Illinois that I enjoy

  • Jennifer R

    Here is a thread where you can watch grown ass Nazi furs threaten the life of a 16 year old kid who realized they were Bad News.
    https://twitter.com/DeoTasDevil/status/930218195973222401

  • Cheryl

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !fw332d:
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  • Boojum
  • Boojum

    He has been on brief or argued 11 appellate cases. Zero trial work and he wants to be a trial judge. Lawyers will run all over him.

  • Boojum

    I need to be held.

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