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Corey Lewandowski does not recall.

Don’t you hate it when it is Father’s Day and you just know you’re about to be fired from the Trump campaign, but then suddenly you get an email from a Trump staffer that says, “CAN I GO TO RUSSIA AND MAYBE DO A LITTLE LIGHT ESPIONAGE?” That is the pits, because you are having anxiety about being fired, and also because it is Father’s Day, which is very distracting. Why, the Blowjob Clown your wife hired as your special Father’s Day treat just showed up and everything, and his name is Buckets! So you quickly fire off an email like “yeah sure, go do the espionage,” and immediately forget about it until 18 months later when Dumbest Russian Recruit Ever Carter Page sits before the House Intelligence Committee and says, “Oh yes! I asked for permission to do the Russian espionage! Also I am trying very hard to be a Russian spy but the Russians won’t let me do stuff because they say I am too stupid.”

All of this happened to Corey Lewandowski on Father’s Day of 2016. We don’t know what happened to Lewandowski on Father’s Day of 2015 or 2017, and neither does he, but Buckets The Blowjob Clown was definitely there, maybe allegedly.

Lewandowski ‘splained this on Fox News, because where else would he ‘splain it?

“You have to remember, in the context of the campaign world––now, my memory has been refreshed, but to be clear, from what I understand and what I recall, that email was sent on June 19th of 2016, so about 18 months ago,” Lewandowski said. “It also happened to be Father’s Day on a Sunday, and it also happened to be the day prior to me being terminated from the campaign, so with all due respect, there were many other things on my mind that day other than trying to understand why a volunteer was telling me he may or may not be traveling outside the country.”

“GOOD JOB, BUCKETS! I AM GETTING FIRED TOMORROW, WHICH IS IN THE FUTURE! BUT I AM DEFINITELY WORRIED ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW! Oh, what is this email from Carter Page, who wants to go to Russia? Who is Carter Page? What is Russia?” These are the thoughts that were probably going through Lewandowski’s mind that day.

For the record, this is what Lewandowski wrote to Carter Page that day, when he was very distracted by his Father’s Day festivities, which at that point had moved to his neighborhood Chuck E. Cheese, most likely:

“So Corey said, if you have interest… if you’d like to go on your own, not affiliated with the campaign, you know, that’s fine,” Page said, adding that he’s in possession of emails corroborating his account.

COREY LEWANDOWSKI CAN’T HEAR YOU, CARTER PAGE, HE IS LISTENING TO THE BAND:

Had Corey Lewandowski previously said he definitely never NOT EVER gave Carter Page or anybody else permission to go to Russia? Yes. But to be fair, in the very same interview where he issued that blanket denial, he ALSO said he didn’t remember if he had ever emailed Carter Page. Corey Lewandowski is not lying, YOU are lying.

It is weird how all these Trump people have amnesia about anything that remotely involves Russia, until somebody conveniently “reminds” them.

We hope they are able to spend many years jogging their memories, IN JAIL.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • Timothy Watson
  • Joe Beese
    • beingreleased

      You beat me to it. Damn my desire for proper html formatting.

    • Joe Beese
      • codeslinger

        ray charles coulda seen it coming! hehe heh, i wrote coming!

      • Covfefe

        Bible says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife or thy neighbor’s slave. Doesn’t say anything about they neighbor’s daughter.

      • puredog

        “Now, Pundit, you’re just being RUDE. Oh — I see. . .”

      • sarafina

        Seems reasonable to me.

    • Chyron HR

      Yeah, he’s a child molester but on the other hand he knows what “NFL” stands for.

      • FlownΩver

        ‘iN FLagrante,” I’m guessing. Or “Not FLaccid.”

    • laughingnome

      This might win him votes in Bama

      • armed_bears

        Nope: They were not his cousins.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Ooooh! You’re right. Points against, on a technicality. : (

      • therblig

        i’m sure there’s a bible verse to support his actions.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          “Suffer the children to come to me” is all I can think of.

          Maybe something back in the Old Testament about taking slave girls as spoils of war for concubines or something? I’ll check in with Betty Bowers on that one.

    • Zonath

      So when the alt-right accuses Democrats (and liberals in general) of being pedophiles, that’s all just more projection?

  • beingreleased

    OT but gross. Turns out (allegedly) that when Roy Moore was a younger man (like in his 30’s) he liked younger women (like in their teens).
    Woman says Roy Moore initiated sexual encounter when she was 14, he was 32

    • codeslinger

      even if this ain’t true, i’ll go out of my way to make it true!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Youthful indiscretion.

  • Ryan Denniston

    OT: Cohn says we have to pass the Cut Cut Cut Act in order to find out what’s in it!

    “You’ve got to wait till the whole plan is done and see where we finally
    end up, and see what the plan comes out. Everything in our tax plan is
    meant to encourage investment.”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/11/cohn-big-ceos-most-excited-group-about-trump-tax-plan.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part

  • Joe Beese

    His memory is as freshened as if it’d had a vinegar douche.

    • FlownΩver

      “Vinegar Douche” is the name of my new Hank, Jr. (with Mike Huckabee sitting in on bass) tribute band.

  • jesterpunk

    Lewandowski ‘splained this on Fox News, because where else would he ‘splain it?

    He could ‘splain it on CNN since they hired him and paid him while he was also being paid by Trump.

  • Scooby

    In other news FDA now approves indictments as cure for Alzheimer’s.

    • codeslinger

      you so win the fucking internet today!

  • Ωbjectifier

    I don’t remember, I don’t recall
    I got no memory of anything
    Anything at all

    • arglebargle

      Upfist for Peter

  • John Oliphant

    You spiked my rage Evan. You are my most favorite journalist ever. Keep up the good work.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know about it. You guys have my full permission, and I never said that. I mean, I’m not even here, so how could I?”

  • Weird Fishes

    Big mouth catching many flies, spewing much bullshit.

  • memzilla Ω

    It’s simply amazing how an impending federal investigation sharpens one’s memory.

  • Manhattan123

    OT but get yourself over to the Washington Post for some breaking news on Alabammy’s Roy Moore. Whee doggy.

    • therblig

      whoa. and they weren’t even related to him.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Girl puncher might go to prison? lol good.

  • ArgieBargie

    “Corey Lewandowski? He was just a low-level volunteer.”

    — Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, anytime now.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Coffee Boy.

      • ArgieBargie

        FAKE NEWS! What did he ever do to earn a promotion?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        So Papadopawopus, that other guy, AND Lewandowski? Man those Trumpeter drank a LOT of coffee.

  • armed_bears

    Republicans who read, listen and see all this, but fail to act, are Buckets-the-Blowjob-Clowning for the Trump Administration and Russia.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Look, I was just a low-level campaign manager. I wasn’t even really involved in the campaign. Who is this ‘Donald Trump’ you keep talking about? I MET WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE. FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! You can’t see me right now. I don’t exist!”

  • Crank Tango

    Funny how they remember shit when perjury is on the line.

  • Joe Beese

    Leigh Corfman says she was 14 years old when an older man approached her outside a courtroom in Etowah County, Ala. She was sitting on a wooden bench with her mother, they both recall, when the man introduced himself as Roy Moore.

    It was early 1979 and Moore — now the Republican nominee in Alabama for a U.S. Senate seat — was a 32-year-old assistant district attorney. He struck up a conversation, Corfman and her mother say, and offered to watch the girl while her mother went inside for a child custody hearing. …

    Alone with Corfman, Moore chatted with her and asked for her phone number, she says. Days later, she says, he picked her up around the corner from her house in Gadsden, drove her about 30 minutes to his home in the woods, told her how pretty she was and kissed her. On a second visit, she says, he took off her shirt and pants and removed his clothes. He touched her over her bra and underpants, she says, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear.

    “I wanted it over with — I wanted out,” she remembers thinking. “Please just get this over with. Whatever this is, just get it over.” Corfman says she asked Moore to take her home, and he did.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/woman-says-roy-moore-initiated-sexual-encounter-when-she-was-14-he-was-32/2017/11/09/1f495878-c293-11e7-afe9-4f60b5a6c4a0_story.html

    • beingreleased
    • Ryan Denniston

      As Jeebus taught us.

    • jesterpunk

      That might increase his support from Trump supporters.

      • SDGeoff3

        Donations already pouring in is my guess.

    • jodyleek

      Good god, so gross. Of course he’s a sexual predator. It’s all projection with these people. It’s like they can’t help being hypocrites and psychopaths.

    • laughingnome

      What;s the statute of limitations on rape in Bammy?

      • Joe Beese

        Has to be less than 30 years.

      • Suttree

        From the article the charges that could have been filed at the time was 3 years. Not rape charges though.

      • SDGeoff3

        Twelve hours.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Moore misinterpreted Christ’s statement, “Suffer the little children to come to me.”

      • SDGeoff3

        I’m not going to play around with that one.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I just threw up a little. This is sad, although not overly surprising.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Did he get dating tips from Ted Nugent?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Whang, dang!

  • Indiepalin

    Father’s Day is the most confusing time of the year for Corey Lewandowski’s children.

    • arglebargle

      It came on a Sunday that year. Go figure.

    • laughingnome

      You mean depressing

  • jesterpunk

    OT but

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/11/09/trump-voters-polling-election-244644

    But among Trump voters, the president is viewed as a positive agent for change: Nearly two-thirds, 66 percent, say he is changing the government for the better. Only 8 percent of Trump voters say he is changing it for the worse.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CYeq0LzUMAAKKtT.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      How many of that 68% believe the Government should only be able to run the military and maybe the Post Office?

      • jesterpunk

        They dont like the post office, they think private businesses should handle it instead. Which is funny because that is one thing literally mentioned in the Constitution.

        • Manhattan123

          Not to mention, after the apocalypse it was the post man who got us all back together!
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/33e4585e555e4bcb0bb4d03fa29050eccdaa63d1e26cb4fa0ee7763059681374.jpg

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Postman Pat fought valiantly for the British side.

            Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
            Postman Pat and his black-and-white cat,
            Early in the morning
            As nuclear war was dawning
            He packed up all the body bags in his van.

            Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
            Postman Pat shot a MAGA Hat
            All the birds were singing
            And the bells of death were ringing
            Pat became a very grizzled man.

            Everybody knew his bright red van:
            An armoured vehicle
            That the Queen once rode in,
            Maybe, you could never be sure
            There’d be a knock…
            Ring…
            Mercenary at your door…

            Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
            Postman Pat and his black-and-white cat,
            In the wake of Donaldmania
            Pat cried “Rule Britannia!”
            Make America Great Britain Again.
            Pat made America Great Britain again.

          • FlownΩver

            Don’t forget, he had help from Tom Petty.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I remember that. Tom added a little bit of awesome to that otherwise crappy flick. I really enjoyed the book, though.

          • Manhattan123

            It actually is a fun albeit ridiculous movie.

    • therblig
    • LeftyProud

      Do any of you remember, way back when, right after the election, there was much gnashing of the teeth and asking “What went wrong? Why are these people so mad and embracing this racism?” All the finger wagging at the dems for how we “talk down” to the Trump supporters? Now, fuck them. Trump supporters are hateful trolls, and they deserve to go back to their hate holes where they belong. I had to just get that off my chest. Carry on.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Corey suffers from Sessions Prevarication Syndrome, which leads to memory loss, and flapping of the ears when you lie.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I could stand to hear more about Buckets the Blowjob Clown.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m also too very intrigued.

    • therblig

      much more popular than Thimbles

      • SweetDeeKat

        [snort]

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I kinda want to know more about his “alternatives to balloon animals” thing he’s got going on.

    • SDGeoff3

      Are there videos? Just curious

  • guest1331now

    I know, jail. But jail really sucks, even for assholes, and I am wishing there were an effective ‘wake the fuck up and realize what you have done and feel real, redemptive remorse’ option.

    But yeah, jail.

    • The Wanderer

      Sometimes jail (and prison) is necessary.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Private prisons are the worst idea in the world. But I think we need to keep one open: to put Trump and his crew, plus everyone else who supported prison privatization in the first place. I think The Donald would enjoy slaughtering chickens for $1 per day, don’t you?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Trumpleone Family has lots of “buffers”.

  • TimResistit
    • Weird Fishes

      Dammit! Mere seconds.

    • Nounverb911

      No wonder trump likes him.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I don’t think that’s illegal in Alabama. Age of consent is 14 months, right?

      Don’t they calculate their calendar in goat years anyway?

      • kaydenpat

        Ouch!!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I believe this is what they are calling Trumpism without Trump.

      • TimResistit

        LOL

    • kaydenpat

      Oh dear!!

    • SeeTrain65

      “The funniest thing about Jimmy Swaggart is he’s Jerry Lee Lewis’s cousin. … Jerry married young. Very young. He married an embryo.” – Robert Klein

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Indictmentmas is soooo over. Welcome to Roymoorepervisnacht!!

    • laughingnome

      Roy Moore: I don’t see nuffin ’bout 14-year-old girls in those 10 Commandments.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s daughter’s ass.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Thou shalt also not under any circumstances offer to show her your cubits.

          • SeeTrain65

            “Damn! I had ‘Thou Shalt Not Wank.'” – Griff Rhys Jones

      • Nounverb911
    • Nounverb911
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Bezos’s paper endorsed democrat in Alabama?

        Alles klar, Herr Kommissar.

      • SDGeoff3

        So subtle and fact-y.

      • SeeTrain65

        Breitbart Plans To Do Same Sleazy Shit They Do Every Day

        Bannon: We’re Winning

        Breitbart Ad Revenues Off By 90 Percent And Getting Worse

  • FlownΩver

    No. Absolutely not. Not under any circumstances, in any way whatever. By which I mean yes.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Blowjob clownin’ ain’t easy…

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      That is impressive.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Indeed.
        Best use for that stuff IMHO.

        • TimResistit

          Yeah, building material or fish bait.

      • SDGeoff3

        I think so.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I can imagine a parent screaming “DON’T PLAY WITH YOUR FOO….holy shit that’s amazing!”

    • goonemeritus

      You’re hired, our strategic business unit specializing in Spaghetti-O sculpture has been looking for someone with your skills for years.

    • Paganish

      Next project: Spaghetti-O Mail Armor. Armor -3, Flavor +5

      • MynameisBlarney

        I cast serious doubt on the +5 to flavor attribute.

        • Doug Langley

          Depends on how long he’s been wearing it.

        • SeeTrain65

          Do what I do. Add a lot of pepper and parmesan.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Compared to metal?

    • kaydenpat

      You’re hired!!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I honestly thought that was some kind of Cheerios dessert drizzled with maple syrup. Didn’t think t was Spaghetti-Os until I saw the other comments.

      • MynameisBlarney

        This Cheerios dessert drizzled with maple syrup concept of yours intrigues me.
        I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Cheerios. Filled with good vanilla ice cream. Drizzled with maple syrup. Serve.

        Aaaaahhhh!

        • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

          Is there any possibility that would work with chocolate sauce? (AFAF).

        • SeeTrain65

          Puffed wheat works well, too.

    • Doug Langley

      “Oh gosh, I’m terribly sorry, we were looking for someone with experience in Spaghetti-O plates, not Spaghetti-O cups, you’re not qualified. Better luck next time.”

    • SeeTrain65

      “If you don’t stop stealing photos from my Instagram account, I’m going to …” ; )

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • SeeTrain65

      “Go to prison. Go on. Piss off. Go to prison. Find the nearest prison, and go to it. Knock on the door and say I’ve sent you to prison and you’re to stay there.” – Bob Mueller
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IooCcGFKrgE

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    THAT GIF! OMG THAT GIF! THE ANIMATRONIC BAND OF SATAN!

    WHAT IS THAT FRESH HELL STRAIGHT OUT OF A 1980s SHOPPING MALL?!?

    You want more bad puppetry creepypasta, check out what Mickey and Minnie used to look like in the 1950s, and the Canadian French-language educational show Téléfrançais, a word that apparently translates to “Bad acid trip in Montréal, eh.”

    Mickey and Minnie hold Ralphie hostage, and he wants to shoot his eyes out

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef2d764e3dea21e48e3569cc5ca608f8ac26e4567a43051b557d3396f298e92e.jpg

    The demon fruit of Québec, from his lair at TV-Ontario

    https://scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/17437852_448773148797844_9101641062979469312_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTQ4Mzg1MjI2NDI0NTUyMDM3Mg%3D%3D.2

  • jesterpunk
    • Nounverb911

      Hitler Red Panda?

      • jesterpunk

        There is red there too, so not Hitler.

        • Nounverb911

          Okay, never mind.

          • The Wanderer

            Ginger Hitler?

    • proudgrampa

      Wow. That is a cool cat!

  • gallbladder

    Just like Lorita “Cookies On the Table” Doan.

  • Michael Smith

    Wow, these guys really weren’t prepared to have people looking into their illegal activities.

    • jowgajen

      They don’t think of them as illegal. They don’t believe they can do any wrong, or that they can ever be punished.

    • jesterpunk

      They thought IOKIYAR applied.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Still might.

    • natoslug

      You’d think at least two of them would realize that they should practice their stories ahead of time, make sure they don’t contradict one another. Fortunately, they’re just the right combination or stupid and arrogant.

    • kaydenpat

      Seems like it. They need to brush up on their lying skills.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    USA Today noted, however, that Lewandowski “both denied granting Page permission to travel to Moscow in his capacity as a private individual and also said he couldn’t remember whether he had or not” and “gave a litany of contradictory answers about Page’s involvement in the campaign.”

    Liar, liar, pants on fire…

    • kaydenpat

      This is what happens when you can’t keep track of your lies. Confusion abounds.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Who among us has not forgotten we sent one of our political workers off to a foreign country to see if they might lend us some support?

    • kaydenpat

      I know right?

  • UncleTravelingMatt
    • Nounverb911

      So did Poland annex Russia or did China annex Russia?

      • The Wanderer

        I think he heard that there’s a breed of pig called a Poland China.

        • Doug Langley

          In Charlotte NC.

    • kaydenpat

      What’s up with this “many people saying” nonsense? How is that an argument? Such childishness.

      • SDGeoff3

        It’s the Fox accent.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Wut?

    • Shanzgood

      Tell me that’s the fake account…

      • puredog

        Image of Pompeo “looking strongly” has me in giggles. Sorta like Pence in the DMZ.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        It is.

        • Shanzgood

          Whew!

  • laughingnome

    Roy Moore’s problem doesn’t just go away. I’m betting there are more recent stories that will come out.

  • Jenny

    Hey, next time I hope he visits Freddy Fazbear’s pizzeria instead.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Thank go…

    Uh…about damn time!

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10141910010

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT AND FFS!

    Donna Brazile criticizes Barack Obama’s ‘titanic ego’ in her new book
    (Y’all will have to read and post the best bits – I gotta go).
    https://www.yahoo.com/news/donna-brazile-criticizes-barack-obama-192951618.html

    • jesterpunk
    • MynameisBlarney

      She can literally eat the corn outta my grocery snakes.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Oh Donna, you fucked up by about 8 months. Hillary/Obama bashing is so 2016, no one does it anymore except Fox News dipshits and they are getting laughed at for it by most of America at this point.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Maybe she is one of Putins trolls of last resort.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          “release the secret weapon” – Putin

          • MynameisBlarney

            Not THE secret weapon though.
            Pretty sure that’s when Melania-bots 1 and 2 are “activated” and start shooting lazer eyes at everyone one in DC.

      • kareemachan

        She’s gone over to the Dark Side…

    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      Hey now, Twitter has informed me that we cannot insult her because we claim to be feminists and she’s a WoC so if I call her a fucking, obnoxious, attention-seeking piece of shit, I’m as bad as the Shit Gibbon.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Twitter sucks and so does the Tumblr intersectionality cult.

        • Bemused

          Intersectionality is a thing, but tumblr’s ability to apply theory to reality generally isn’t the best.

          • Weird Fishes

            Oh, so you’re a regular there? 😄

          • Bemused

            I frequent a small corner, yes.

    • Jenny

      So much rubles! Her hidden bank account must be brimming!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I bet it is. Why else would you write such shyte.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. one of y’all told me last night, it’s not ego when it’s deserved/earned.

      Fuck you Donna Brazile, you non senator, non-president, non-harvard grad and prof, non-Nobel peace price, NON MOST LOVED POLITICIAN.

      • Doug Langley

        So don’t hold back. How do you really feel?

    • kaydenpat

      I’ve placed Donna on my “don’t care” list. She can go kick rocks somewhere.

    • kareemachan

      I don’t believe anybody who willingly poses with Davey Clarke.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      And she guest starred on ‘The Good Wife’ why?

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    I can barely remember what day it is half the time but I’m pretty sure I would remember if I committed treason.

    • jesterpunk

      But what happens when you commit treason with multiple people every day? Its hard to remember just one.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        This is why you really need a Treason and Sedition Day Planner. Gold plated, available from Trump Industries for $189.99 plus tax plus delivery fees plus a small consumer fee.

        • jesterpunk

          “Oh I thought you meant the other treason on that day, Carter Page wasn’t involved in that one. My bad”

        • MynameisBlarney

          PFFFFT!!!
          All the hip traitors get theirs from Tiffany’s.
          A plain-jane day-planner for 2500 clams.

          • SDGeoff3

            Did I hear “clams”?

          • Indeniable Ron

            No.

        • SDGeoff3

          A bargain!

    • kaydenpat

      Because committing treason would be abnormal for you. Not so with Trump sycophants.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        It’s really hard to find a day when one of them *hasn’t* committed treason.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? I’d been off work for several days, went in, said cheerfully to my first customer, “So, how’s your Sunday going?” He looked at me blankly for a minute, then said, “It’s Saturday.”
      But if I went to Russia to conspire to throw an election to a game-show host? Pretty sure that’d stick in my mind for awhile.

      • SeeTrain65

        “I mean so many of us simply forget on a daily basis that we left our phone on the dresser, misplaced our car keys or conspired with Russian interests to throw an election. It just happens.”

  • therblig

    Leigh Corfman says she was 14 years old when an older man approached her outside a courtroom in Etowah County, Ala. She was sitting on a wooden bench with her mother, they both recall, when the man introduced himself as Roy Moore. He then said, “Momma always said, ‘life is like a box of condoms'”

    • OrdinaryJoe
    • puredog

      Although Moore has proven himself capable of dodging public fora, and “Dogged Brave Journalism” is not the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of Alabama, I would like to see this story drawn out over Moore’s repeated denials, with increasingly conclusive corroboration, until he decides he’d rather spend more time with his fambly than be a U.S. Senator. (Bonus points if his fambly differs with hiim on that.)

      • cmd resistor

        Now I’m seeing why he declined the invitation to debate Jones.

  • “Oh, man… if you expect me to remember EVERY little bit of light treason… we’re gonna be here all day, folks…”

  • goonemeritus

    Well at least he remembers now, unlike Hilary who still doesn’t remember shooting Vince Foster.

    • jesterpunk

      She didnt shoot him she emailed him uranium pizza.

      • Mavenmaven

        Delivered by the smuggled children hidden in the basement

        • WotsAllThisThen

          While Mueller plotted to erase Corey’s memory.

        • gallbladder

          Guarding the unsecured ovens.

        • jesterpunk

          All supervised by Ben Ghazi.

    • kaydenpat

      In a pizza joint full of pedophiles in downtown Benghazi. Shame on Killary for not remembering something so important.

  • kaydenpat

    They can’t even lie well.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Bad lays, also too.

      • TakingAmes

        Goes with the selfishness.

        • Weird Fishes

          And the sobbing.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I never thought for a second that Steve Martin’s “I forgot armed robbery was a crime” would be the go to defense for Republicans today.

  • Ergoetal

    If Carter had said something like, “Oh yeah. Buckets is pretty good. I had him yesterday,” THEN he’d remember.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    OT – Back from the store, I got my Pork Chops.

    No Catcalling again today, but something funny – I opened my jacket just before I reached the store. I then noticed a car go out of it’s way so the driver could watch me walk in, and various ladies in the store giving me the Stink-eye. It wasn’ until I returned my cart to a young man with a huge smile on his face that I realized I had opened a button on my blouse when I unzipped my jacket, and everyone got to see the color of my Bra and a lot of cleavage besides. xD

    • Shanzgood

      Oops!

      Hi, Anna! And Anna’s Boobs of Mass Distraction!

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        Oops, Aye. xD

        Perhaps I’ll be more popular at Walmart now.

        • Shanzgood

          Huh. I thought you went to Target.

          I saw a news article this morning that Target decided to close the store in Hutchinson, KS. Residents are so upset they’ve planned a candle-light vigil to say goodbye.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Target yesterday. My Target only has convenience food.

            I would need an intervention if they were to close my Target!

          • Shanzgood

            My little local one closed years ago and we STILL miss it. Now there are only the Super Target stores left and…I just don’t like them.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            There are Super Targets in Colorado Springs, I haven’t been to one in years, though. I would guess they feel something like a Walmart?

            What I love about my Target, it feels upscale, the clothes are awesome – SRSLY, 2/3 of my wardrobe is Mossimo – and the staff like me.

        • Indeniable Ron

          I think you’d have to be wearing American flag undergarments.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            xD True Dat.

    • Persistent Demme

      Ugh!
      I hate when that happens!

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        xD I have learned to triple-check this blouse.

    • Indeniable Ron

      You sly minx!

    • Dinz6315

      Ooooops….

  • Mavenmaven

    Well, I’m a real American and everyone knows we can’t remember anything important for more than 15 minutes unless it is a childhood TV series.

    • Manhattan123

      I could still sing the opening theme to The Flintstones, but ask me about my collusion with the Ruskies, forget it.

      Yabba dabba doo.

    • Nounverb911

      I was on the “Johnny Jellybean Show” in 1958….

      • SisterArtemis

        I was on the “Captain Shipwreck Show” in 1964.

        a) terrible name for a Captain, sort of presages an Incident at Sea
        b) I wish I could have been on JP Patches, which was the ULTIMATE local kids show ever for a zillion years, out of Seattle.

    • mancityRed6

      bonus points if it’s tied to a toy, a cereal/candy, or both

      • TakingAmes

        If it was the 80s, it was definitely both/all three.

        • Reesatay

          You remember the 80s? Oh jeez, I’m screwed.

    • TundraGrifter

      Or the ad jingle for a product no longer on the market.

  • laineypc

    How do they even function in their daily lives, given the seriousness of their memory troubles? They probably all spend a good half hour looking for their car in the Costco parking lot.

  • calliecallie

    I can’t remember the last time anyone I knew went to Russia either.

    • Nounverb911

      I met someone that went to Moscow, Idaho once.

      • kareemachan

        I WENT TO MOSCOW, IDAHO ONCE – OMG!!!!1!!

        • sarafina

          My uncle went to graduate school in Moscow, Idaho. For chemistry. And then he worked for the government. (U.S.)

        • Indeniable Ron

          So you two know each other?

      • Invisible Bunyip

        I’ve been to Finland, Minnesota. Finland’s close to Russia.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And I don’t remember the last time I was fired on father’s day.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I took a trip there in 2010.The people are pretty much normal nice people. But the shadow of authoritarianism is still there.

    • Yellerduck

      I was Russian when I was heading to the restroom before lunch. When I came out, I was Finnish.

      • Weird Fishes

        ‘A’ for effort.

        • Yellerduck

          It was the timing, wasn’t it?

      • calliecallie

        And while you were there, European.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I told my neighbor the other day that it was okay if he went to Russia. The neighbor, Harold, said, “No, stupid! I’m going to Kroger’s to get some Russian dressing.” I responded, “Whatever works for you, Harold.”

    Am I in trouble with the FBI?

    • Doug Langley

      Yes.

  • dirkmcquickly

    You’re a puppet. No, you’re a puppet.

    • Lefty Wright

      They need to pull the old Bugs Bunny trick he did with Daffy several times with duck season. You’re a puppet. No, you’re a puppet. No, you’re a puppet. I’m a puppet. No, I’m a puppet.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17ocaZb-bGg

  • Roadstergal

    It’s a proud Republican tradition.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IBvZlRqOTw

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    It is weird how all these Trump people have amnesia about anything that remotely involves Russia, until somebody conveniently “reminds” them.

    https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ImpossibleLastingIndri-small.gif

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “I forgot” seems to be a theme with the Dolt white house. Memory loss is a symptom of marijuana abuse. I don’t think President Obama is the one getting high.

    • Proactive Cooperator

      I think you are on to something here. Last time I was in DC I didn’t forget anything. Even remembered where I parked my car. In the dark.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        “I forgot” seems to be a…did I post this already? Can’t remember…

  • Peter Fotopoulos

    Lewandowski has #Russiamnesia.

  • Proactive Cooperator

    I JUST REMEMBERED I knew some one back in the ’80s that went to Russia. A lot. I will be more than happy to come to DC and testify about it. I just need plane tickets. And hotel room. With room service. Between the Smithsonian and the clubs. And expense account. For “incidentals” and souvenirs.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Mrs Land Shark went to Russia before we were married … does this mean I have to testify also too?

    • sarafina

      Not necessarily, but she DEFINITELY must!

    • Indeniable Ron

      So SHE’S the one who conspired with Hillary to throw the election!

  • Persistent Demme

    I can’t stop laughing at “Buckets The Blowjob Clown!”
    Evan: what color is the sky in your universe?!

  • Indeniable Ron
  • Rabbit_Rebozo

    I went to the USSR in 1986. While there I gave up national security info when I explained to our tour guide that the reason there was a drawing of a submarine on the Charleston, S.C. souvenir t-shirt given her by a previous client was because there’s a big-ass nuclear submarine base in Charleston. I await my all expense-paid summons to Washington.

  • TundraGrifter

    His best defense is that Hope Hicks was banging his socks off and it’s very difficult to remember anything before, during or after such a wonderful experience.

    • Yellerduck

      No, really. She was banging his socks off, with a hammer and screwdriver. He has very sweaty feet.

    • Weird Fishes

      Ewwwwww. Seriously, no.

    • george lastrapes

      Int her name HO PIX?

  • Three pages of comments and no one pizza-splained the Rock-a-Fire Explosion was the *Showtime Pizza* animatronic band, not the Chuck E. Cheese band? For shame.

    https://youtu.be/b90Cf6ARscc?t=15s

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Do people actually celebrate Father’s Day in a manner that is distracting? At my parent’s house, my father opened some presents and cards and pretended to love them (they went into his closet and were never seen again), we all gave him a kiss and a hug, then we all went out to eat at McDonald’s (his favorite because it was cheap), and then he took a nap. In later years we took him out to eat at Bonanza, which became his new favorite because it was also cheap. It was not a hectic day.

  • Spurning Beer

    In 1970, I ordered a salad with Russian dressing. In my defense, I was 17 years old, it was a long time ago, I was distracted by the fact it was my senior year of high school, and did not recall the incident until my memory was refreshed by ordering a salad a second time.

  • Rickyphoo

    It is seriously depressing that these incompetent dipshits managed to get the dumpster fire elected.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    More like Sharter Page, amirite?

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

  • BMW

    Why, the Blowjob Clown your wife hired as your special Father’s Day treat just showed up and everything, and his name is Buckets!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3b852135b6109c179ddc82aa2937ae0681f87b5efc74405a0495c836f2623087.gif

  • SeeTrain65

    Buckets’ doppleganger, Tingles, The Cunnilingus Clown, could not be reached for comment.

  • dshwa

    “We hope they are able to spend many years jogging their memories, IN JAIL.”

    I hope they spend many hours jogging their memories with Robert Mueller ratting eachother out. Then jail.

  • The Librarian

    I’m not surprised the present govt is in such disarray. Nobody can remember anything!

    • Ill-Advised

      I can be paid to not remember things, too, but I’d heard that was called blackmail. Or greenmail. Or, just possibly, incompetence.

  • Ill-Advised

    Damn. I just remembered my best friend in college was a Russian major. Am I still in trouble if I explain the only word I know is “nyet” which I think is pronounced “not yet?”

    • The Librarian

      I’m in bigger trouble since I have Russian ancestry. Actually, it’s Ukrainian, but with the borders ever shifting, we’ve always just said Russian. Not anymore!

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