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Happy Monday Cringefest, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, here’s some nice time party otters.

A gunman opened fire with a military-style assault rifle in a rural Texas church, killing 26 people, ages 5 to 72. Gun fetishists have already been sending out boilerplate thoughts and prayers, but as people question how a man thrown out of the Air Force for beating his wife and kid was able to own a firearm, Trump says, “it’s a little bit too soon to go into it.”

Last night, the Texas A.G., Ken Paxton, said that more concealed carry firearms would have prevented the shooting.

The same people who brought us the Panama Papers have released the Paradise Papers, detailing the extent of offshore accounts held by filthy rich people and politicos around the world, financial links between Trump and Russia, as well as investments from Queen Elizabeth II, and more.

A complex array of shell companies connecting Russian state-owned businesses with close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin were being used to hide hundreds of millions of Ameros in investments from the Kremlin to Facebook and Twitter.

Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross has been caught up in the Paradise Papers too! Oh, looky there, Ross still has business ties to Russian oligarchs that were obscured in offshore bank accounts.

New reporting indicates that there’s AT LEAST nine people around Trump that have spoken to Russians during the campaign or transition. Nine people. Nine.

People are murmuring that Robert Mueller has enough evidence to bring charges on not only Michael Flynn, but his kid, Michael Flynn, as well as wondering whether or not the elder Flynn tried to employ the Art of the Deal swap the rival of Turkish President Recep Erdogan for two million Ameros. WHOA, if true! (It’s true.)

The Russian lawyer lady who met with Trump Jr. about “dirt” on Hillary Clinton was on Russian TV and said that she would would answer all the Senate Judiciary Committee’s questions (as long as it’s public) and that Little Donnie would consider a do-over on anti-Russian funny-money laws if his daddy won.

Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert joined several other Tea Party wackos and introduced a bill to “You’re Fired” Robert Mueller because of his “obvious conflicts of interest,” and his lack of concern about Sean Hannity’s stupid uranium thing.

Senate Republicans are set to unveil their version of the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich), but Crom only knows what’s going to be in it as the reconciliation process doesn’t allow them to saddle the US with another trillion Ameros of debt.

Republicans in traditionally blue states are nervously fidgeting after seeing the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) and realizing that they’ll lose their own money if they vote to kill tax write-offs for state and local state and taxes, THEN get crucified at the polls.

Larry Summers has a new op-ed in WaPo eviscerating the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich). It is lovely, and very nerdy.

Back in June, Trump and his minions sat down with some Native American tribal leaders and tried to convince them to rape the Mother Earth with big drills, and despite the repeated concerns from the chiefs over legality, Trump told them, “But now it’s me. The government’s different now … Just do it.”

Donna Brazile is walking back her claims that Hillary Clinton rigged the Democratic primary like a bad puppet show, saying she found “no evidence,” as she continues to enjoy what’s left of her fading 15 minutes of fame.

Rand Paul has several broken ribs after his neighbor, apparently, kicked his ass with “high-velocity force.” (Reminder: we only support ass kicking WITH VOTES.)

Rick Perry is throwing a XXXL lifesaver to coal magnate Bob Murray and other companies and trying to disguise it as an energy safety net for America — just as coal companies are on the brink of bankruptcy.

You may remember the story of “Fat Leonard” — a rich creeper who liked to have sexxxy parties and schmooze (bribe) Navy officers. Now the investigation has grown to include more than 440 active and retired personnel, and 60 current and former admirals.

We can’t stress enough how much of a piece of shit Texas Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert is, so here’s a story about him bitching about mothers who need abortions to save their lives, and how six weeks is more than enough time for rape survivors.

As Virginians go to the polls to vote for RACIST dickhole Ed Gillespie or Democratic candidate Ralph Northam, people are wondering if Trumpism is the new way to win elections right when there’s a surge in black activism in politics.

Downstate Republicans in Virginia are getting pissed Ed Gillespie won’t get on his knees and slobber all over Trump’s ring.

Kentucky’s GOP House Speaker Jeff Hoover resigned after admitting to sexting staffers, but House Republicans have decided to hire a private firm to investigate who initially LEAKED claims of sexual harassment against Hoover just as it’s trying to kill the state pension system. Priorities!

A Florida state senator is being accused of sexually harassing six women in the statehouse, so his friends decided to attack the women accusing him of sexual harassment and his rivals.

There’s a deluge of women reporting sexual harassment in statehouses around the country, including hundreds of women in Illinois and California alone, and dozens of women in Massachusetts. [Archive]

Wisconsin Republican Rep. Scott Allen thinks that all you little sluts should be popping out babies instead of harming the labor force with your abortions and your Pills.

Trump’s trip to China is being billed as a “state visit-plus,” so Trump doesn’t get his fee-fees hurt, and the Chinese get A Idiot willing to do their bidding.

According to anonymous sources, Trump was talking with Japanese officials about North Korean rockets flying over Japan and, “could not understand why a country of samurai warriors did not shoot down the missiles.” [h/t C&L]

Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has issued an anti-corruption decree, but many see it as a power grab, arresting 11 princes, ministers, and dozens of other officials. Conveniently, Prince Mohammed bin Salman recently hosted Prince Kushner for a sleepover where they stayed up late playing video games, and swapping tips on makeup, genital fluffing, international money laundering strategies, and arresting your opponents.

Saudi authorities are claiming that they intercepted a missile fired by Houthi rebels in Yemen on Saturday, and (as usual) everyone is losing their shit and blaming Iran.

Saudi Prince Mansour Bin Murqin was killed in a helicopter crash near the Yemen border, according to Saudi authorities. His father was the former Crown Prince who was “You’re Fired” to make way for Prince Mohammed bin Salman. [Archive]

Kellyanne Conway went on Brian Stelter’s show and they got into a squabble as Kellyanne kept trying to change the subject, resulting in Stelter bluntly saying, “I understand that you don’t want an adversarial media. I guess you just want everybody to be like Fox News, state-run media.

The anonymous DC cyclist who gave Trump’s motorcade the single-finger Hail to the Chief last week was “You’re Fired” after letting her bosses know, and some people think that’s bullshit (it is).

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert talked about Trump’s trip to Asia with pens, pineapples and pensJohn Oliver ‘splainered what economic development incentives are, and why you should be concerned; Chelsea Handler had some talky time with Sarah Huckabee SandersBill Maher knows not true thingsSNL recapped Indictment Day with Little Donnie and Eric, and had a cold open shower scene with Trump, Pence and Manafort.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! BABY PARTY OTTERS!

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