OH HEY WONKERS! It is late on Friday afternoon as we type you this and it took us one hundred hours to write that damn Elizabeth Warren post, so we are going to make this brief for “it’s our weekend too” purposes. This is your top ten post. That right there above is a dinosaur. OR IS IT WONKETTE TODDLER DONNA ROSE? Who can say!
We’ll count down the top ten stories of the week in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH, which you should take extra seriously this time because there MIGHT be more dinosaur pictures at the end of this post. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
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Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, which is totally different from a dinosaur:
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Donna Brazile Wrote A Thing. Oh. She did. And it was bad.
2. Sarah Huckabee Sanders THROUGH With Uppity Black Lady Reporters And Their So-Called ‘Questions.’ Shut up, white lady.
3. Robert Mueller Ready To Throw Somebody In Fucking JAIL, Y’ALL! The only kind of news we don’t mind coming back on a Friday night to write.
4. TELL US SOME HORSESHIT, SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS! A liveblog of the first White House press briefing after THE INDICTMENTS.
5. Oh No, Sean Hannity Shit His Pants. And it was GROSS. Hannity’s first show after THE INDICTMENTS.
6. Everybody In White House (Including Trump!) Hates Jared Kushner And His Stupid Shit-Mouthed Face. Gonna be funny when they start pretending they don’t know the president’s son-in-law!
7. Happy Birthday Ivanka LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Luv Robert Mueller. Hey it’s not our fault Ivanka’s birthday was the same day as THE INDICTMENTS.
8. Who Wore This Red Wedding Dress Best? Katy Tur Or Katy Tur? SPOILER it was Katy Tur.
9. Who Did Halloween The Worst? Megyn Kelly Or Megyn Kelly? SPOILER it was Megyn Kelly.
10. And finally, Bless This InfoWars Idiot’s Fucking Heart, As He Just Found Out Hitler NEVER DIED! SPOILER Hitler is actually still dead.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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