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Wouldn’t be a bad day to stay inside and read Wonkette

Oh, goody! More completely fake news out there, courtesy of trolls, conspiracy freaks, and a whole bunch of “patriots” who can’t wait for the chance to save America by cleansing it of the leftist threat. The crazier part of the interwebs have been circulating all sorts of scary rumors about the coming “antifa civil war,” set for November 4. Because of course whenever someone’s planning a civil war in this great nation, they announce it well in advance, like that civil war we had during Operation Jade Helm 15, when Obama declared martial law, became dictator for life, took all the guns, put all the patriots in FEMA camps, and invited the Chinese and UN to come out of their secret tunnels under Walmart and take over. Then it sort of petered out and everyone got their guns back and forgot it had ever happened.

You might think that sort of thing would settle down now that a paranoid conspiracy freak is actually in the White House, but that would underestimate the boundless creativity of paranoid militia losers with guns. You see, now, the threat is that Antifa — which is just one unified group, you know — is fixin’ to start a revolution, and if you need proof, here is the website where a group called “Refuse Fascism” says it themselves! Now, a sane person might look at that and see a call for protests and a pretty implausible demand that “this whole regime be removed from power,” but the more easily distressed folks in the Wingnuttosphere have spun that one call for national protests into a call to actual arms, because of course those Antifa thugs are communist revolutionaries.

The panic was helped along considerably by a Facebook video posted by a guy named Jordan Peltz, a wannabe-cop who made up his very own fake badges and everything, and pretends to be part of the “United States Warrant Service,” which isn’t a real cop shop but may do some bounty-hunting. Or they just like to drive around in police surplus Crown Vics and look tough. Here is Mr. Not A Real Officer Pelz warning about the coming breakdown of society and calling for armed citizens to take up arms against the violent Antifa thugs:

We like how the Fake Cop refers to “us first responders.” Forbes reporter JJ MacNab, who tracks sovereign citizen loonies on Twitter, has done some first-rate documentation of this twit and his delusions, like his belief that his video has 30 million views (the Facebook version is up to 3 million, so why not inflate it by a factor of ten?). In response, Pelz has falsely accused MacNab of doxxing him and his children, and threatened to get revenge, just as soon as he takes this all to the White House so Donald Trump can bring the Justice.

In the meantime, the crazies are gearing up to “protect themselves” from the Antifa revolution they definitely believe is coming, as a charming post going around Facebook claims. It appears to have started with a post on 4chan’s “politically incorrect” (/pol/) board, and just look at all the wingnutty goodness!

Just got off the phone with a friend, looks like the new black panthers organization has confirmed they will be part of nov 4th riots and chaos, BLM has just received almost 25 million for weapons and other tools to supply groups that plan to attack “white people” on nov 4th. It is expected there will be over 5 million people in 6 states. The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition. The group called ANTIFA has now reached just over 800,000 members, mostly kids with ages from 16-28 throughout the country. FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack. Ms-13 has pledged all of there members will join the BLM along with many other gangs.

We have less time then you may think and it is possible the attacks may begin on halloween night around 12 midnight. I have heard of reports that president Trump is very aware of what is going to happen and knows O’bama is directly behind this with the Clintons. Most of us are aware of the corruption that has been going on and to be honest the Democrats know what’s coming and have no choice other then destroy this country to avoid being prosecuted for what they have done. Truth be told they never figured Trump would win and would rather destroy this country then face what they have done. Trillions of dollars have been spent to change the face of this country, please patriots as of next week you should really consider leaving big city’s if you are white or a patriot.

Democrats registering guns? Is that even legal??

A source has told me that Trump has deputized over 4 million military people and are training with special forces. He also may make a public speech asking the militias and patriots to stand down and not get involved as they will not be able to tell who is on who’s side. I would use the standard code of preserve and protect your property and family. I truly never thought this could happen in this country, but as I look around the world and see wars everywhere and civil unrest in many country’s I guess it can happen here. I will tell you this I will be heading for Montana on November 1st as I will be with good people.

Say, you know WHO ELSE went to Montana??? We will tell you, it is WONKETTE!

My final thought is if you can escape out of the big city’s and be with friends that weekend I would strongly suggest you strongly consider it. My motto is simple, better safe then dead. I pray many of you listen and take this as real as it gets. Like I said in the past, they NWO will not have mercy on anyone…good luck America

Thank You!

It’s just all so gloriously batshit crazy — 4 million “military people” have been deputized and are getting training from special forces, the way they do, you know. This will be a surprise to the special forces, since the entire U.S. military only has about 1.3 million members in all positions, and another 800,000 in the reserves. Or maybe the loony wants to believe 4 million civilians have been rushed into training, and each personally given a nifty badge by Mr. Not Officer Jordan Pelz.

It’s as if they’ve taken one of the fever swamp stories about Obama’s (or O’Bama’s) “civilian army” and swapped it around so the sekret private army is the good guy this time. JJ MacNab is, frankly, a bit concerned about some of the stuff she’s seeing in the Wingnuttosphere:

Here’s hoping they stay safe in their bunkers and don’t decide to start preemptively dispensing “justice.” Just to be on the safe side, you may want to get your kids home early on Halloween then stay home Saturday and read Wonkette all day.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations Please click here to send us money so we can upgrade our bunker.

[Newsweek / Snopes / JJ MacNab on Twitter]

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  • msanthropesmr

    As a liberal, I want to point out that the revolution will not be televised.

    • therblig

      streamed?

    • Daniel

      As a liberal I should point out that’s because none of us actually own a TV?

      • chazmanr

        And that kind of BS, holier than thou comment is why no one wants to be called a “liberal”. Because us progressives don’t want to be associated with people like you.

        • Daniel

          Yes, sanctimony and pompousness can be annoying.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Live tweeted?

  • Weird Fishes

    Nahhh, man. Can’t be November 4… I have a conflict – honest to god, I have brunch in Williamsburg. I told you. Can we push the date a little, do you think? Maybe the 7th? Say after 4?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      How about the Tuesday after next? Rethugs: if you want to be safe, stay inside on Tuesday, Nov. 7!!

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Here in the Republic of Tejas, all us godless liebruls will be attending BBQ for Beto dinners to learn how Beto plans on beating Ted Cruz next year.

      • Weird Fishes

        I’m in Dallas tonight and tomorrow. Gimme an address!

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          No, the BBQs are on Nov. 4th, all over the state. And you can go to betofortexas dot com to check out the events schedule if you can make it back then!

          • Weird Fishes

            Ugh, sadly no. After my (real) brunch in Williamsburg I’m back on a plane to other part of our great land. I do love me some Texas BBQ though

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        That the man is using BBQ as a draw means he’s a deep thinker. Where do I send ameros?

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          betofortexas dot com !

  • Oneofthebobs

    Gotta get out of the “city’s”!

    • GoutMachine

      The city’s WHAT?! Dammit, man, I need to know!

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    If the Founders wanted us all to be armed, and ready to overthrow the duly elected government every time we lose an election, why is there a Constitutional section on TREASON, SEDITION, and the HORRIBLE DEATH PENALTY THAT WILL ENSUE FOR THOSE FOUND GUILTY?

  • Michael R
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “and a pretty implausible demand that “this whole regime be removed from power””

    Wasn’t this what right wingers and Teahadists said for 8 damn years?

    As noted by MasRioBravoHombre below me, isn’t this the point of the 2nd Amendment?

    dumbasses.

  • JMP

    It’s certainly a credible threat the Blank Lives Matter and anti-fascists are just going to start flat-out murdering white people, sure they have been non-violent so far but that’s just to lull us all into a false sense of security, and not obvious paranoia from actually violent white supremacists engaging in projection or anything.

  • memzilla Ω
    • SweetDeeKat

      God, I hope so, but all federal courts use e-filing. There’s several offices filing at once. For example, if I file 4-5 cases in a row, I rarely get sequential case numbers.

      • Amy!

        Only two of the cases in the tweet are sequential. And the interesting tidbit, that the case numbers are between Papadopoulos and Manafort, remains an indicator that the four sealed cases were after P, before M.

        No?

    • whitroth

      FAR THE FUCK OUT! *NOW* I’ll bet who else was at the June ’16 meeting: Trumpolini, jr. Babblemouth….

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “BLM has just received almost 25 million for weapons”

    Ha! Although the NRA would suddenly love them.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Damn, brothers, Send me a little of your largesse.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Here’s hoping that the Bureau of Land Management can finally defend themselves from those Bundys!

    • Amy!

      That assumes that the NRA is more of a pro-gun-industry group than it is a racist group.

      Unproven.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        …but assumed.

  • Sisyphe

    Won’t the world have come to an end before then anyway? I was told that Debbie Harry had made sure there would be a Rapture.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Only for bars, cars and guitars…

  • GoutMachine

    These manly men sure do like to play dress-up! Vroom-vroom! I’m in a police car! Weee-ooo weee-ooo!

    • Weird Fishes

      I have a badge too! It even says “US” on it!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Mine says “THEM”.

        • Weird Fishes

          Mine sez 111%!!!!!1!

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Mine says “but after all, we’re only ordinary men…”. It’s a large badge.

  • Ling Ling

    Intense cosplay, bro

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    November 4? During College Football?

  • JMP

    Here’s some leaked video that’s more PROOF of the nefarious plans for Nov. 4:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKXZCbpYgSo

  • Weird Fishes

    How the hell do they finance all of this craziness? Are guns really that cheap?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Two words. Sor os.

      • Weird Fishes

        ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. Yes, of course. I was only asking because my check hasn’t showed up yet.

        • Crystalclear12

          Did you include your receipts and itemize?
          Doris won’t approve your check until you do.

          • Weird Fishes

            I was paying cash. Big mistake.

  • rosenbomb

    The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition.

    I forgot the step in purchasing a firearm where you have to declare your party affiliation at the cash register

    • GoutMachine

      Wait, I thought we all hated guns and wanted no one to have them? (Full disclosure: I hate guns and no one should have them.)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      it’s on the form you don’t have to fill out (and shouldn’t have too!!!1!!)

      • rosenbomb

        “background checks infringe on our LIBETY!!1111!”

        …yet somehow the FBI has tons of data on liberal gun buying habits

    • Crank Tango

      It’s called a DROS—Democrat, Republican, or something.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I wrote Liberal Party of Canada, ’cause I’ve already defected committed citizenship adultery in my heart.

        I bought a Care Bear Stare at the weapons store.

    • Wait, I thought the FBI were part of the Librul Conspiracy, because Comey/Mueller.

  • Oblios_Cap

    An early November revolution? Better get it over with quickly; don’t be fucking up my Thanksgiving dinner.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Forget Antifa, it’s the Apostrophes that will be out for revenge on the Wingnuttia Collective for all the abuse and indignities heaped upon them over the years.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Your so write.

      • Laura

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dg294d:
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    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I love history.

      Was’t Sockratees’ Apostrophe’s’ mentor?

      • Fritz1964

        That was Testicles.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Vincent Ricola’s libelz’!

    • Khavrinen

      Once again I have to say, I regret that I have but one upvote to give for this non-comment.

    • arglebargle

      Apparently the “Caps Lock” wans’t operable. Gotta make up for that somehow.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      English only for non-speakers

    • Opalescent Riddles

      My first thought was that we should be able to incarcerate these dumbasses on the apostrophe abuse alone.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Had to dangle that out there, dincha?

    • Ling Ling

      Law enforcement panther. You betcha.

      • Billy Wigglestaff

        Panther no panth, I’m going thwimming!

    • James Baskin

      He got leggs… And he knows how to use them….

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Just gonna put this all in one comment, so I don’t spam.

    “The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition.”

    Thanks to the NRA and republican congress – that’s literally impossible. (Also, prolly in the purview of ATF).

    “FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack.”
    This person prolly thinks that if the Viet Cong had had FB, it would have been the most effective way to transmit the plans for the Tet Offensive. Maybe we should have coordinated on FB the invasion of Normandy? Those long distance calls to England and Australia are a bitch.

    “and knows O’bama is directly behind this with the Clintons.”
    I thought it was Anti-Fa?

    “A source has told me that Trump has deputized over 4 million military people and are training with special forces.”
    Trump can’t keep secrets in his own white house, and 4 million crazed trumpkins can’t keep their “thoughts” in their pants…are sure this isn’t trolling?

  • Crystalclear12

    Couple of things:
    If we were this organized Hillary would be president.

    Is it too late for that Obama martial law thing?

    • GoutMachine

      Still waiting for him to take away everyone’s guns …

      • Khavrinen

        Aannnyyyy minute now…

      • Three Finger Salute

        I wish someone would.

      • grindstone

        I had that conversation with my FIL early in the Obama days.
        “So, how is that going to happen, exactly? What branch of the government is going to come knock on your door?”
        “ummmmm….”
        “And whose doors are they going to knock on? How do they know what guns you have, because I KNOW you haven’t registered many if any of your guns?”
        “ummmmmm…..”
        “Do you have any idea how much manpower and space and record-keeping that would take, not to mention editing that whole 2nd amendment thing through both the house and senate?”
        “ummmmm………….”

    • Crank Tango

      Once he hacks the electronic voting machines, it’s coming.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Is Antifa even a real group?

    • jowgajen

      Loose collective of anarchists, so technically they are not.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yes, but they are a small subset of people who call themselves antifa.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        see that’s teh thing, it seems to be more of a self-proclaimed label, rather than an organized “group” – with leadership, meetings, maybe a nice newsletter.

      • richardgrabman

        Aren’t most sane people anti-fa?

    • Crank Tango

      I liked some of their early albums. Now it’s all auto tune.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yes. I pay them $20 per week to mow my lawn. Nice fellas, they enjoy lemonade.

    • laughingnome

      The broke up but everyone pines for them to get back together.

      • Khavrinen

        I blame Yoko.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Wasn’t her fault. John shouldn’t have gone to New York. Should have stayed in Montreal to hang out with St. Pierre.

    • Indiepalin

      They now call themselves Crosby Stills and Nash.

    • Baconzgood

      Doesnt seem so anymore. They were never the same after Cliff Burton died.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Who was, Baconz?

        Who was?

  • calliecallie

    It’s like the start of some movie where the main character hears these rumors so he and his friends decide to go off into the woods with some guns and ammo just in case. And then the riots begin in the cities and…this is starting to sound like Red Dawn.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And then the murders started?

      • Ling Ling

        Drink!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Do any of these able bodied militia men realize what they are up against in case of civil war?

    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/90/48/5e/90485ed8b4efc8f1f1f1a6bf983408f9.jpg

    Good luck with your AR15.

    • Blackest Noobs

      these dumb silly gun-fucks are fooled by delusions of grandeur, like they all think they are all John Connor and will be able to wage a war against the machines.
      they are terribly wrong about that.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      this is what I always say – an artillery squad, shit, a platoon of guys with mortars and they’re done.

      Or just one F-117 Stealth Bomber. The wing will draw straws and it’ll prolly be Dennis who has to go. Everybody HATES dennis.

      • Ling Ling

        Six guys (tops) could probably stroll in after dark and holler “boo”, it would all be over. Even if the guard wanted to trot out an airplane, just a low pass w/the afterburner on would end the show. No need to wake up the ordance people.

        • shivaskeeper

          AC-130 or GTFO.

      • shivaskeeper

        In ’07 one of the Companies in my Brigade ran into an unknown AQI training compound. They were cutting across country and literally ran right into the training grounds. There were Over 1000 hardcore fighters. They called for the rest if the Battalion and 30 hours later there were 200 dead and 800 captured hardcore fighters with no American casualties.

        One Stryker Battalion did that.

    • shivaskeeper

      No. They do not. They are also 100% sure the entirety of the military will side with them so they don’t have to worry about it.

      • Ling Ling

        You know some of those guys, don’t you? These clowns absolutely believe the military and police are sympathetic to them. Cosplay is fun, but you need only look to the Malheur siege for an example of how it would turn out. As soon as word arrived that Leroy had moved on to Kolob, people were running over each other to abandon ship.

        • shivaskeeper

          I know some of them, yes. Rural town in a rural county. I also tend to work in the more rural areas around me because the other people doing the inspections in my area don’t like going that far off the beaten path.

          • Ling Ling

            Sorry about your mare. My senior donkey passed recently, I miss her too.

          • shivaskeeper

            Thank you.

  • Ling Ling

    When everybody is a “special forces” then nobody is. Thanks, Syndrome.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m going to start the civil war from my couch while eating pizza with pineapple and canned clams. Suck it libs.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Double doody MONSTER!

  • Scooby

    If he’s gonna be a cop he’s gonna need a Sheriff Clark hat.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Yeah, and more flair.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    Jesus Hispano-Suiza. Has the whole country taken Stupid Pills whilst we were celebrating Vanky’s Birthday today?

  • Michael R
  • Rebel Scum with permit

    I have serious gardening to do that weekend. Not happening.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    Jordan might want to wipe that chocolate milk off of his chin.

  • whitroth

    Um, er, uh… How would the FBI know that there was a 1200% increase in Democrats buying guns? Were we supposed to call in to the local FBI, and tell them this? And here I thought that all them SECOND AMENDMENTISTS had protected us against registration, and so against being a “well-regulated militia”….

    What the hell, I’ll post again what I posted in another thread: what real antifascists suppressing white supremacists might look like….
    https://jwendellresearch.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/d-day.jpg

  • Daniel
  • NotReallyHere

    These people truly are terrorists. I know I shouldn’t let these nuts freak me out, but they do.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yeah. I snark out of fear. These people are legitimately dangerous goofballs.

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    Pew Pew Pew Pew.

    • James Baskin

      KA-Blewie!

  • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃

    What’s it called when you’re mortified by your own race’s stupidity?

    I think these real Americans are hoping for a war with blacks, and hispanics.

    What they don’t expect is that their opponents will be primarily white. Who carry as well.

    *Shines grill on my truck*

    • bobbert

      I believe the answer to your first question is “Being white”.

  • Daniel

    Why do these people so abuse punctuation?

    • Weird Fishes

      Oh, but it’s so much fun.

      …and Core Curriculum, of course.

    • MynameisBlarney

      ‘Cause buk larnin is fer quars n’ cawmies!

  • TootsStansbury

    What the everloving fuck?

  • Fartknocker

    Three items:
    1) Nothing says wanna-be police officer when you mount a heavy duty Panasonic lap top in the front seat of your sweet ride but you can’t access law enforcement computer networks but the Google map looks cool when you’re driving to the Dairy Queen.
    2) Real police cars carrying shoulder fired weapons have gun locks because people steal guns. A Cabela bolt-to-the-ceiling gun mount is not a secure lock.
    3) I’m sure the prisoner shield mounted between the front and back seat impresses his girl friend but it’s a pain in the ass when you’re trying to get your groceries out of the car.

    • GoutMachine

      Girlfriend? You’re funny.

      • jowgajen

        Facts not in evidence.

      • laughingnome

        Imaginary gf

    • TootsStansbury

      Plus the outfit is quite faschy.

      • Khavrinen

        Fashion, fascist, whatever.

    • jowgajen

      I feel like it would have been less work to just become an actual cop.

      • Khavrinen

        Unfortunately for him, some police forces actually require a psych eval…

        • Timothy Watson

          The criminal record check would probably be a problem too…

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Got a ’63 GMC
      That he hand-painted black and white
      SWAT Team clothes and nobody knows
      Where he got that flashin’ po-lice light.

    • James Baskin

      He has a girlfriend?

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Hold on–November 4th at what time? Because I have a spin class in the morning and I can’t cancel again, and the afternoon I have to do my shift at the co-op.
    Jason, if you’re reading this, I say let’s make it the 5th. Call me bro.

    • Daniel

      The fifth already is a thing.
      [Bes British]

  • Master Contrail Program

    As an alleged gun-totin’, ammunition-hoardin’ Democrat I’m concerned that they’ve cracked the code of our Facebook order delivery system. Is it too late in the game to use coded Yelp! reviews?

    • GoutMachine

      They caught onto our pizza lingo. Best move on to Operation Burrito.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The celery stalks at midnight.

        • Master Contrail Program

          Something something vegan cafe something baby something buttholes. Is that clear? See you at the rendezvous point!

          • MynameisBlarney

            *nods*

        • David Chaillou

          La source prend sa source au Mont Gerbier des Joncs.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Got it.

          • David Chaillou

            Actual message from the BBC. May 1942.

    • Jamoche

      Coded donut orders: https://blog.chipx86.com/2016/04/01/terror-with-glaze/
      Think about it – just ordering a dozen donuts gives you a ridiculous number of potential code combinations.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        But I only ever get Boston Creme donuts! This won’t work for all of us.

        • Jamoche

          Wear a delivery uniform and then drop off the donuts at the nearest major office. Nobody will suspect a thing.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yelp reviews for Burger King at 35th and Park:

      “We’ll be there in force. Antifa Red Team 5 standing by.”

      “Antifa meet to make boom-boom in mens room at 7pm on the 3rd.”

      “My burger contained pubic hair. Do NOT go there.”

    • Arolpin

      i like how they know that Democrats are buying more guns and ammo. ESPECIALLY SINCE THERE IS NO BACKGROUND CHECK FOR AMMO. Fucking morans.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…some keyboard commandos eager to murder those smarter than them invent “reason” to do so?

    Is that about the gist of it?

  • Indiepalin

    Remember, remember. The Fifth of November.

    • Three Finger Salute

      November the Fourth Be With You.

    • David Chaillou

      “Incidentally, that thing you are dreading — it will happen on Friday the sixteenth of October .”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Saddest most pathetic loser ever. A complete phony like Police Cop Steven Segal minus the hilarious running and bloated belly.

    • Three Finger Salute

      This needs Yakety Sax so much.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Or, fart sounds with every stride.

        • Three Finger Salute

          whynotboth.jpg

      • Miles Monroe

        We were thinking the Benny Hill theme …

        • Miles Monroe

          … which we just discovered is called “Yakety Sax”.

  • Scooby

    Nov 4. Just in time for P Diddys birthday.

    • Arolpin

      That punk is trying to hone in on MY birthday! Fuck him and his Hamptons White Party.

    • Marion in Savannah

      My late mother’s birthday. It’s nice of them to think of her… Maybe.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • Michael Smith

      There’s that commie Eisenhower, probably telling the troops how they are all going to have to die fighting the Russians in Eastern Europe because he won’t nuke them. Goldwater ’64!!1!

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      I’ve always loved this photo. :) Ike was told the Airborne might be wiped out, but that they were going to be necessary to buy time for the Beach landing.

      So he went to meet with as many Paratroopers as he could.

      On the night of the 5th, and the D-Day, the Airborne did superbly, and took far fewer casualties than feared. They greatly disrupted German planning and reactions, and took all their objectives even though scattered and disorganized during the drops.

      • Blackest Noobs

        yeah..D-day was just a clusterfuck, but thankfully those guys were like “Plan B, guys!, Plan B!!!!!”

      • Pilotshark

        Yep, projected was 7 out of 10 or 70% casualties, turn out to be 20%.

        All the Way Airborne!

        • Put On Your War Paint!

          Damn right. :) Forex, the famous Easy Company, 506th PIR, from “Band of Brothers”? They were average for Paratroopers. :)

  • Scooby

    It funny that he looks like a cop but the crossing guard at the kindergarten has more power.

  • Bright Bart

    dana loesch must be shitting daggers of mismatched metaphors.

    • Bright Bart

      also glad they remembered to blame Obama.

  • Weird Fishes

    They are the 111%!!!11!1 Not those pansy 110% or other Commies not Committed to Our Cause!!11111!
    111%1111!1!!!
    oUR GRILLS ARE FRESHLY WAXED!11!!!!!
    Remember that!!!1111 !!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Occifer Putz…

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT, but…

    House arrest for Manafort and Gates. Chyron on MSNBC just now.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Passports confiscated and 10 mil bond for Paulie and 5 for Gates.

      • Wonky Magoo

        MERRY FUCKIN CHRISTMAS!

      • Wonky Magoo

        This got me thinking: how much more well-funded would our justice system be if we squeezed the wealthy the way we do the poor?

        • weighmaster

          I regret that I have but one upvote to give.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I just called Antifa Enterprises. They couldn’t possibly be ready for a civil war on Saturday. MS-13 is holding their partners retreat this weekend and BLM hasn’t confirmed if they will be using the whole $25M on arms, or will be saving some for catering. New Black Panthers are busy holding doors open for little old ladies.

    • Marion in Savannah

      They’d better be getting some of those cakes we like if they’re catering.

    • Weird Fishes

      Brunch, man. I’m telling you. It’s The Great Equalizer.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I just hope they something else other than Mimosas.
        They give me heartburn something fierce.

        • Weird Fishes

          ya gotta ask, but they can generally hook you up.

  • Wonky Magoo

    I’m concerned because:
    1. JJ McNab is concerned
    2. It is ALWAYS. PROJECTION. If you want to know what they’re doing, look at what they’re scared of.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      JJ is a smart lady. If she is worried, there is good reason.

  • Miles Monroe

    “You’re massacre”, of course.

  • shivaskeeper

    At some point the foam flecked insanity they harbor will spill over into real life. The rabid squirrels in their heads will finally convince them that all the conspiracies, even the ones they personally made up are true. It’s going to happen sooner or later.

    They will come out from under their rocks and our of their bunkers with guns blazing for a preemptive strike. They will inflict a fair amount of death and pain before they are utterly crushed. Even an Admin as corrupt as this one is not going to want a bunch of armed lunatics roaming around. The police, as corrupt as some departments are, will not want these psychotic asshats dispensing “justice” as it will only be a matter of time before they turn on the police too.

    The only real question to my mind is how many if them are going to take that final plunge across the sanity event horizon.

    • Michael Smith

      Yeah.. and to think Timothy McVeigh was before there was really any internet to speak of.

      • shivaskeeper

        Yup. Like most of the others since him they are convinced they are going to be the martyr that kicks off the civil/race war.

        So far we have been lucky that it hasn’t happened yet.

  • La forza del resistino

    At least we now know O’bama was actually an Irish born interloper.

  • Baconzgood

    Some one should tell this dude that you can buy an ACTUAL police uniform at the uniform places where police buy them (police pay for their own uniforms and then are reimbursed in most municipalities) and those places are open to the general public. Also too you can get a authentic police badge at any Army-Navy store (people collect them like post cards or pewter figurines).

    He’s not even a good fake cop.

  • DainBramage

    The right wing media has succeeded in their Conspiracy To Stupify the American Electorate.

  • Panika MCD

    a) I’m sure there are 6 low population states which have a combined population of 5 million people. this is not news.

    b) most people are better off and then they are dead. they were better off before they were dead.

    c) I’m guessing the guy with the truck grill what is waxed is in West, TX–the town where the fertilizer plant ‘sploded and is in McLennan Co. which also is home to Waco–rather than West Texas–the region of the state where you can find Big Bend, McDonald Observatory, the Davis Mountains, several nice hot springs, Montezuma quail hunting (if they don’t launch preemptive revenge and kill you in your sleep, Justice Scalia), the Marfa Prada and the Marathon Target–because most people out there are fairly nice (though they do have a tendency to get invaded by dangerous wingnuts about once every decade–the rest of the wingnut visitors are looking for space so aliens) and because it’d be a lot more difficult to find a crazy person in a region than in a town in a nutbar county in Central TX.

    d) NOT MASSACRE! NO MASSACRE! THEY ARE THE MASSACRE!

    e) does this explain why Santa Claus shot 4 people at a Halloween party in the Austin neighborhood Hyde Park on Saturday?

    f) I’ve been listening to a bunch of Mental Floss videos, so this whole post was read by John Green in my head.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Someone’s creative juices are flowing…

  • MynameisBlarney

    Anyway, shouldn’t he be gettin’ arrested for impersonating a cop?
    Oh, and maybe incitement?

  • Suttree

    Crystal meth is a hell of a drug. Also too, wards is hurd.

  • OrG

    Dudes, lay off the crack and smoke a joint.

  • OutOfOrbit

    AR15 Shotgun? i want one!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    On the one hand, I’m glad that I don’t know any people like this personally. On the other hand… I worry sometimes that the political polarization in this country has become so extreme that people like this are essentially invisible to me, socially. They could live in my neighborhood, be parent’s of my kids’ friends, etc., and I would have no idea of their views because people now only talk politics and social stuff with their in-groups.

    No chance to change peoples’ minds anymore. No chance to even plant seeds of empathy or understanding that could possibly grow.

  • Master Contrail Program

    “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.”

    Man, clandestine revolutionary communication just isn’t what it used to be.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Little Orphan Annie, is that you?

    • Weird Fishes

      psssst…it’s code.

    • hudson

      you need shortbread/cookies with it. when the chocolate chunks melt in warmth of the hot liquid it’s heaven.

  • rosenbomb

    Also, IF antifa were to start a civil war, wouldn’t they pick a more symbolic date…like 11/9? AKA one of the worst days in this country’s history?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition

    Remember when they said buying lots of guns and ammo was a good thing? They sure don’t

    • Marion in Savannah

      It’s only good if Republicans are doing it. Good God — if Democrats are buying weapons can hoodie-wearing blahs be far behind? Think of the children…

    • OrG

      Well, a good guy with a gun yadda yadda…

    • ltmcdies

      Look the 2A only applies to good ole boys and Nazis… not a bunch of liberal snowflakes who probably took marksmanship courses like the pussies they are

    • DuchessD’Orleans

      Isn’t the whole point of the 2nd Amendment about having the right to overthrow the government if you don’t care for it?

    • bobbert

      Of course they’re buying mass ammunition. That massless ammo ain’t worth squat.

  • chazmanr

    HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME! I have been waiting for the civil war since the GOTP showed up for rallies in 2010 saying, “We came unarmed…this time.”

    • Crystalclear12

      It was in the newsletter. Right after the potluck info.

  • hudson

    i’m going to sleep early on nov 3rd, so that i get enough sleep to go work early and come back late.

    • weighmaster

      I tried that last night, thinking that early to bed = more sleep; but alas, what actually happened was I was awake at 3am with a sore shoulder and full bladder, and then just tossed and turned till the alarm went off…

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I always say that, too. But then I put out vodka and red flag cookies for the Ghost of Karl Marx, and get all excited, and wind up staying up late watching Ten Days That Shook the World on TCM. Happens every year.

  • SDGeoff3

    Is he publishing the actions of the loony right in all this? Crystallnacht, anyone?

    • Three Finger Salute

      More like Kristallmeth.

  • La forza del resistino

    Something’s up … my Auntie Faye just came back from the surplus store with her new camo ensemble.

    • Marion in Savannah

      And I’ll bet it’s right fetching on her.

  • bupkus231

    Could it be these idiots meant to pick Nov 5th, Guy Fawkes Day?

    • GoutMachine

      That would require knowledge of … well, anything, really.

    • laughingnome

      THey ain’t got nothin to do with no guy fawking –

    • shivaskeeper

      International dateline error? Its hard to convert GMT to local time/date.

    • Three Finger Salute

      More like Guy Fawkes Himself Day.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Antifa and MS-13? Are we just pulling random groups out of a hat now? Why not Juggalos and the Lawrence Welk Fan Club also too??

    • specialcircumstances

      They’re coming too. I heard it in a book I heard

      • Yellerduck

        People will never believe you’re conspiracy theory if you keep placing apostrophe’s correctly. You have to move them to other places’.

        • specialcircumstances

          that’s like way too much work

    • GoutMachine

      NEVER sleep on that Lawrence Welk club. Those fuckers are mean.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Dammit, shoulda looked down.

      • Swampay

        They can be vicious with their walkers

        • Paul

          Especially if they remove the tennis balls from the feet of those things. A little work with a file and they can take core samples of your spleen.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Accordions, how do they work?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      You gotta watch your step around those Welkians. They’ll cut a bitch.

    • mailman27

      That’d be a rumble to remember.

  • Michael Smith

    White people = SMRT.

  • Ergoetal

    That Jordan guy sure is a cutie, with his little badge and bad-lookin’ glasses and buzzy radio THAT WILL NOT SHUT UP.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’d call this guy a lunatic, but I’ve heard insane people screaming more coherent things on the streets at 3 AM FFS.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats …

    Where, exactly. does one “register” as a Democrat. (Because I want to.)

    • Marion in Savannah

      Some states require registering for a party in order to vote in the primary. NY State, for example.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And since when does the FBI care about political party registration?

      • David Chaillou

        Ever heard of J. Edgar Hoover? That’s since when.

    • mailman27

      I’ve been a registered Democrat for 25-30 years. Piece o’ cake.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This is a job for the Constitutional Truckers.

  • Weird Fishes

    So much to pick apart. These guys are the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      and they won’t shut the fuck up.

      • Weird Fishes

        or stop wearing absolutely hideous sunglasses, those big strong mystery men!

  • David Chaillou
  • Michael Smith
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Drug libelz!

  • DuchessD’Orleans

    “The group called ANTIFA has now reached just over 800,000 members, mostly kids with ages from 16-28 throughout the country.”

    That’s nothing. In the 1940s is was like 16 million.

  • Joe Beese

    O/T:

    Media Rights Capital and Netflix are deeply troubled by last night’s news concerning Kevin Spacey. In response to last night’s revelations, executives from both of our companies arrived in Baltimore this afternoon to meet with our cast and crew to ensure that they continue to feel safe and supported.

    Several years too late for that, unfortunately.

    • hudson

      exactly. not a penny from my household going to HOC.

      • Joe Beese

        We petered out halfway through last season. I figured we’d get back to it at some point when none of our other shows were on.

        I don’t think I could stomach it now.

        • GoutMachine

          The first two seasons were good. I think I made it to episode 2 of season three and was like, “Meh, I’m out.”

    • Bitter Scribe

      Kevin Spacey is a lech? That’s really disappointing. I always kind of liked him.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Let me make this perfectly clear ANTIFA. We are the…

    Do I need to get off my ass and get glasses already, or is that wingnut claiming to be part of the 111%?

    • mackafritz

      I think that’s the III%. Some sovereign citizen bullshit, I think.

      • Wild Cat

        I think the Three Percenters are Revolutionary War fetish dudes who point out that only 3% of the colonists fought to establish a slave state independent of King George in 1776.

        They really dig lubing up their muskets.

    • Three Finger Salute

      they don’t math

    • Sean Jungian

      I thought it was “ILL” percent. Like maybe some kinda Beastie Boys illin’ type thing.

  • TundraGrifter

    November 4th? Just as long as it’s over by 11/12, because that’s the date of the big NFL boycott.

    • GoutMachine

      Oh, is the NFL still a thing?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Unfortunately, yes.

  • Sean Jungian

    Leave the city’s what??? Escape the city’s WHAT???

  • Ricky Gay
    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Candy corn = TRICK.
      Cheetos = TREAT.

    • Edith Prickly

      Today’s Covfefe Tawk: Candy corn is neither candy nor corn.

      Discuss amongst yourselves.

      • Wonky Magoo

        I always thought it was like potpourri.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        It’s an emetic.

      • Alienist

        Try Alton Brown’s candy corn recipe. Real candy!

        • Edith Prickly

          Interesting, but way too much effort for a candy I don’t like to begin with. :)

  • shastakoala

    But Halloween falls on Taco Tuesday. Travesty!

    • jowgajen

      Or tasty opportunity.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        ‘You get a taco, and YOU get a taco, and YOU get a taco!’

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Just what level of educational and criminal record attainment does someone have to reach to have to resort to buying all your own cop shit rather than just being a cop?

    • specialcircumstances

      Neither. You have to be allergic to “work”.

    • Master Contrail Program

      If I ever have kids I’m buying World’s Greatest Dad mugs by the gross. It just seems easier somehow.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Doesn’t Twitter have like a “no threats” policy?

    • Three Finger Salute

      That’s just a recommendation. The “Plz to give us moar clickbait” policy, you could say it “trumps” all.

  • TundraGrifter

    ‘The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition.”

    So, with nothing else to worry about, the FBI has taken over from ATF and is cross-indexing firearms purchase records with voter registration rolls? And then what?

    • GoutMachine

      Profit?

    • Ling Ling

      Big Data! We knows stuff!

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    Back in 2012 I was still a UFO nut. A lot of people I knew were worried about Nibiru and the 2012 Apocalypse and they used to talk abut being “ready” to fight Obama if he stole the election from Romney.

    I was on my way out from that after Coming Out Bisexual. It didn’t go over well when I Came Out, and when I told them I wasn’t voting for Romney.

    I cannot evaluate if these guys are any more serious than that old forum.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Mavenmaven

    They are armed and have their tiki torches ready.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    11/4? I was going to see “Thor: Ragnarok.” Can we move it to the week after?

    • Sean Jungian

      Same, the 4th is bad for me, too. Plus I REALLY don’t wanna start some shit right when winter is about to give us the smackdown here in ND.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m reminded of the woman who wanted the eclipse parties to be moved to a Sunday when the kids could not miss school for them.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Remember, remember, the 4th of November…

  • Three Finger Salute

    When the All-American murders begin, I’m going to go in my campus safe space and hang out with the international peace officers in the demilitarized zone.

    And their little dogs, too.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1e5efb0871f7ddad728553949db52c67e3e3b04d3d0aedf6863cba39aee728d.jpg

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0498d59aeca36e70c6fd03b164170e18a973d315fb7b2fe7bf3a045259af4fc6.jpg

    • Wonky Magoo

      Helloooo general!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Deaf Dief, meet Talbot Pupineau.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Oh, my, YES!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    I have heard of reports that president Trump is very aware of what is going to happen and knows O’bama is directly behind this with the Clintons.

    SO. MUCH. BUTTHURT. STILL!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8156694013fb920d38cda041af4bf647afc63037d0d9b43f59d1ea54cb7d262.jpg

    • Ricky Gay

      They fell in to a burning ring of fire!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The problem here is that the October Revolution centenary is 7 November.

    THAT is when you launch your civil war.

    I’m expecting our “alt-right” friends to be idiots and launch theirs on April 20th, which is just a bad day because so many will be baked.

  • DuchessD’Orleans

    I love that O’Bama is an Irishman now

    • Three Finger Salute

      Black Irish Matter

      • MynameisBlarney

        Black Dutch LIBELZ!

    • george lastrapes

      Yah beat me to th punch, Duchesse!

    • David Chaillou

      Them Cath-a-lick Micks are almost as sneaky as Muslims.

      • Three Finger Salute

        …but they’re all just psy-op controlled opposition for teh eleventy zillion Joooooooze! The kosher chemtrails are waging war on yr mind!!!111%!

    • Roadstergal

      I have an O’Bama T-shirt they did for St Patty’s day a while back. I giggle at the evidence that they are running out of ways to Other this very all-American dude.

    • Seek

      I was driving in Ireland and saw a sign for the Old Kennedy homestead and thought nothing of it but there was also one for Barack Obama. I was laughing my ass off.

  • Baconzgood

    You know, aainst my better judgment….I like these anti-facist types. ‘Bout time we had a radical armed left

    • Wonky Magoo

      I also find myself rooting for the strawman here.

      • Baconzgood

        You know they changed gun laws in California because the Black Panthers started carrying guns.

        Nothing scares the right more than an educated, motivated, organized, and legally armed Lib-tard. Especially if they are brown.

    • Flashman

      They drive the right nuts because the right believes that it alone is tough and has a monopoly on the use of force and violence. On a certain level, Mao was right: all power flows from the barrell of a gun.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    The wannabe brownshirts do love to work themselves up, don’t they?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Shorter lunatic, “Any day now my fantasy will come true and I will be the prettiest white man at the revolution and all the girls will want me.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      There’s gotta be a Reddit for those dudes, other than the incel ones. (Although the Venn diagram for the two is an almost perfect overlap.)

    • Wonky Magoo

      “Also, a Great Job will fall from the sky and give itself to me.”

    • Blanche de Shambles

      “Soon I’ll be Queen of Summertime!”

  • like that civil war we had during Operation Jade Helm 15, when Obama declared martial law, became dictator for life, took all the guns, put all the patriots in FEMA camps, and invited the Chinese and UN to come out of their secret tunnels under Walmart and take over.

    Can… can… I go live in this reality? Because… that sounds awesome in comparison…

    • OutOfOrbit

      you Want to be a bed-wetter?

  • Juan de Fuca

    The picture of the fake cop (Jordan Peltz) reminds me of the time my mom bought me a CHiP’s police outfit for my 7th birthday. Came with a vest, a badge and a walkie-talkie. Like Jordan Peltz, I also wore that outfit everywhere and thought I was Erik Estrada. Then again, I was seven years old.

    • James Baskin

      So is that guy.

    • Erala Contratista

      Love the silk screened “badge” too, also.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    November 4th is a Saturday. Are we really gonna start a war on a Saturday and fuck up everyone’s weekend? Can’t we do next Tuesday instead?

    • Juan de Fuca

      I’ve got a boring safety meeting at work next Tuesday.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        If we’re gonna do war on Tuesday it needs to be in the afternoon. I have a standing taco Tuesday lunch date.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    I have heard of reports that president Trump is very aware of what is going to happen and knows O’bama is directly behind this with the Clintons.

    Okay, I’ve heard of the ‘Black Irish’ but I had no idea it was meant literally.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Boy, everything old is new again. With all the heat this O’bama guy gets can we assume Real ‘Mericans have gone back to hating the Irish?

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Another reason the planet is fucked. Instead of CO2, these assholes clearly exhale pure, undiluted stupidity.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    It’s fascinating, in a sad sort of way, that the Second American Civil War may be started accidentally by paranoid and heavily armed wingnuts who mistake trick-or-treaters for Antifa “supersoldiers”.

    https://twitter.com/mitchellvii/status/925076822307622912

  • Aaron Wise

    In the name of Jeebus we pray:

    Please dear Jeebus,

    Let this man enjoy his entry into Jeebus’ arms while attempting to shake down a group of heavily armed, yet concealed carry permitted, minorities.

    In the name of Jeebus I pray.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “I don’t want him, Satan can have him. He’s too racist for me.” -Jebus

      “Me libelz! I’m the guy who lets everyone fuck for fun!” -Satan

      Off to purgatory it is, then.

  • Khavrinen

    Oh, sure, laugh all you want, but this post has finally opened my eyes to what’s truly going on today, and just what real patriotism looks like.

    You see, when they appointed Robert Mueller ( a Republican, remember? ), it was because they had heard rumors of this plan, but hadn’t yet pinpointed the date, so they had to work hard, gathering more intel and feeding crazy stories to the media to keep AntiFa confused and distracted. Then last week, when they were certain of the Nov. 4 plan, Mueller sent out the call for men whose hearts were true, and Manafort, Gates, and Papadopolous bravely stepped forward to make the ultimate sacrifice for the nation, by making up stories about all the collusion they obviously didn’t do.

    The indictments are all nothing but a smokescreen to keep large numbers of violent leftists too busy watching the news and celebrating to pay attention to their FB orders, and maybe even too hung over to show up on time for their scheduled attacks, when all the “special forces trained” military will be ready for them anyway.

    Eleventh dimension chess, people — this just shows what an expert at it Trump really is. We should have believed him when he told us what a great brain he has.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Note: REAL fake cops drive surplus Taurus Interceptors these days.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Your real cops drive unicorns. You’re lucky.

  • Master Contrail Program

    They timed this one badly. Sure, that printed on police badge looks intimidating but it’s nothing compared to the army of superheroes, Sith Lords, and sexy pirates they will be facing after Party City has their clearance sale on Wednesday.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Ooh, thanks for the reminder, I need to get a couple of purple candelabra-base bulbs tomorrow.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Um Buddy, You’re early by one year. The anti-fa revolution will not be on November 4, 2017. It will be on November 6, 2018. Keep spewing your bullshit. We are using it for fertilizer to grow voter registration cards!

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      And unlike these losers, OUR revolution does not involve violence.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, violence with votes.

        • Nasty Girl Brianna

          We will fight them with Love and Rockets.

  • bobbert

    My goddam birthday libelz! I want moar indictments, plz.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Happy Birthday!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Happy birthday!

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Wait, you share a birthday with Ivanka?

    • Trollhunter

      Ivanka!?!? Is that you??

  • Gorillionaire

    So that Paul Joseph Watson shit weasel got this hysteria started, then? Well I suppose I’ll be hearing that my sister and brother-in-law will be flooding the social media with paranoid bullshit any moment now, just as soon as they get mom to pay their phone bill first.

  • mailman27

    I think the whole purpose of that farrago of nonsense was the opportunity to use the term “stand down.” These guys just love saying shit like that. Such military.

  • Holy crap, that spelling and grammar make my eyes bleed. Crazy thing is, these people are ‘English only’ types, even though they can’t write la lengua.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      It’s their “Sekrit Langwage” that only they can understand.

  • Three Finger Salute

    I love how one of these guys is named Howard Curly. So they’re literally Nazi stooges?

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DB_5t1GuHl0/hqdefault.jpg

  • Bigby

    Soooo, lemme get this straight…a) it’s a BAD thing for Americans to buy guns (“1200% uptick in sales”!) and b) it’s a GOOD thing they’re being tracked and tabulated by the FBI? [head sploads].

    But but but gun sales are DOWN under Drumpf, sooooo if libtards are up buying 1200% moar gunz…who’s NOT buying moar gunz to make the net sales negative, hmmmmmm?

    I’m sure Dana Roach will get out the message to BUY MOAR GUNS, PATERIOTS pronto!

  • Donkey Option

    I know that when I’m secretly am planning a violent overthrow of the government and social order, I talk about it with random people on the phone and tweet about it. Yup. That way no one will ever see it coming. Hmmm, maybe we need to put up billboards too just in case. You know, if we have money left over from the 25 million that was given to the New Black Panthers.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They’re expecting that no one will expect the Whirling Derpish Inquisition.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Our main weapons are weapons, derping, and…

    • Master Contrail Program

      I’ve been making $97 an hour working from home part-time with Google for years and I just can’t shut up about it.

      So yeah, I can relate.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Nobody ever said these people were intelligent.

  • notaten

    One question I have is how the FBI knows that there has been a 1200% increase in Democrats purchasing guns and ammo, but that Las Vegas shooter bought 30+ weapons and 1000s of rounds of ammo in a years time, and no one could know. I have a confuse.

    • clairence

      clearly the FBI only tracks left-wing gun buys. Righties are alright.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        And apparently they need to know your political affiliation before purchasing said guns and ammo.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    It’s like the Purge gets earlier and earlier every year. It’s not even Halloween yet, and already there’s Purge decorations up at my local Bike Repair Co-op/Abortionplex.

    • Bigby

      If there’s gonna be a Purge, Imma need some power armor and some Tony! Toni! Toné!

    • Yeah, at least let us binge on half-off Candy before the purge.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Finally we’re going to be able to say Merry Purgemass again! Thanks Trump!

  • James Baskin

    I’m trying to picture the reaction of a female date when she sees the inside of his car.

  • Courser_Resistance

    They’d better not ruin my viewing of Thor:Ragnorak on Saturday afternoon!

  • reelreeler

    My Uncle was ANTIFA. He was a B-17 tail-gunner during WWII. He shot down Nazi fighters and his plane dropped bombs on Nazis

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      My grandpa was ANTIFA in the Battle of the Bulge.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Have you seen the fascists of today? They’re the ones who’ve basically surrendered in the Second Battle of the Bulge.

        https://funwithfascism.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/fat-nazi.jpg

        (Even worse: When I did a google search for “fat Nazi,” this picture showed up on fucking Voat. Cognitive dissonance abounds…)

        • Nasty Girl Brianna

          “Fat Nazis” is the name of my death metal cover band.

        • P’jama Pahnts

          “Even the quality of our Nazi’s has gone down…”

          https://www.facebook.com/andyborowitz/videos/10156182323830681/

          • Boojum

            Our Nazi’s what?

        • Paul

          Now I’m reconsidering my earlier award of the internet for the day to somebody else. Bigly sad.

          Would you consider a lesser award? Say the Pony Express?

        • reelreeler

          Wonder how many cow-hides were needed to make that coat?

      • Ellie

        So was my Dad.

        • Notreelyhelping

          My dad was an ANTIFA armorer and probably shipped guns around for dads and grandfathers. He got out of the Bulge cause of kidney stones.

          Yay kidney stones!

    • grindstone

      My dad was a flight engineer on a B-29.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I had an uncle who was ANTIFA at Remagen Bridge, and an uncle who made paradrop landings in the South of France.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      My gramps was in the navy, WWII, pacific theater. Maybe not nazi’s but I’m still countin’ it.

      • grindstone

        Duly counted, PJ.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That’s what my dad did. Drove landing craft about.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        My dad was on a USN destroyer and escorted tankers and Liberty ships from San Francisco through the Aleutian Islands to Archangel in Russia. Don’t tell anyone, it was a secret in 1941. They carried Oil, Tanks, and Airplanes to Russia.
        They dodged Japanese to equip the USSR to fight Fascists.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I had a great-uncle who went ANTIFA all the way up Italy, and then through Belgium.

      My Grandfather was a cook for the ANTIFA.

      • notaten

        Hey, my Dad was a cook for the antifa. Maybe we’re related.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          American ANTIFA, British ANTIFA, or Canadian ANTIFA?

          • notaten

            American ANTIFA

          • Blanche de Shambles

            So was my grandfather! Ran a field kitchen in Patton’s Third.

          • Alan

            Scottish, served in Canadian ANTIFA.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Right on. The great-uncle of mine who was in Italy and Belgium was also a Scot who served with the Canadians. Elgins and then First Armored.

            My grandfather ran a field kitchen in the US Army.

        • Han Shot First

          My grandfather was an Antifa soldier until the Nazis killed him in eastern France in 1944.

      • One Granddad drove an Antifa petrol tanker and another granddad fixed them.

    • Cat Cafe

      My dear sainted Mom, rest in peace, was ANTIFA–she worked on the Enigma machine decoding Nazi messages. My Dad, was also ANTIFA–he worked on the earliest radar installations on the British coast. Come to think of it, all of America was ANTIFA–well, sorry, most of them.

      • grindstone

        Your mum was at Bletchley Park?? That is rather wonderful.

        • Cat Cafe

          It really is. And she never, ever talked about it–so ingrained was the “Secrecy Vow.” Literally, she never told us one single thing, until “The Imitation Game” came out. Then, she said, she wanted to stand up and shout in the movie theater “That was me! I was there!” I kind of wish she had!

          • grindstone

            “That was me! I was there!”

            I just got all choked up and emotional. Wow.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Two uncles and my Father in Law were all Antifa. F-I-L was a translator in North Africa and France. Cajun French was his first language. Uncle Corwin hunted U-boats in the Atlantic starting in 1940 (think lend-lease). Uncle Leroy rode in a tank from North Africa to Italy, serving under Patton. We have a proud history of fighting Fascism in my family.

  • clairence

    If Trump’s tenure so far has taught us anything, it’s that all those ‘defend against tyrrany’ militias are just BS right-wingers looking for excuses to shoot guns and harass not-right-wingers. “We are the III%” says the guy standing up to (so-called) anti-fascists. Methinks both of those groups are full of it. Maybe we could ship them all out to the desert and let em duke it out.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      I’m still trying to parse that number. Is it 111%? (which doesn’t exist) or 3% (much more likely) or the baddest-assest *ILL*%? Inquiring minds want to know!

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    So… I’m not sure anyone has asked it already, but I just have to – do my eyes deceive me, or is that “badge” of his actually a printed decal on his shirt?

    • It came in a cereal box.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      I’m sure the radio is a toy also.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      He was a good boy at the dentist and got a sticker

    • Boojum

      Yes. I think it’s an iron on, like the Superman on his footie pajamas.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Adorable. Like the US SPACE TEAM on my little brother’s favorite pjs.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    Fucking morons. Don’t they know that REAL revolutionaries always plan their attacks on the 5th of November?

    https://i.imgur.com/CjLLeaN.gif

    • Three Finger Salute

      The funny thing is, those Internet “Anonymous” wankers are 400-pound skript kiddehs in mom’s basement.

      On paper, “Anonymous” (the character) looks like Justin Trudeau ca. 2011.

      In real life… “Anonymous” and the Internet Nazis both look like Rob Ford.

      Blame Canada…

    • clubseal

      Remember, remember the 5th of November
      … because it has the right meter, I guess.

  • mailman27

    Then the murders began… Nov. 4th?? Nah.

  • clairence

    “Somebody needs to turn their freakin’ radio off” he says as he turns his radio off.
    How many people does he think are in that car?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If he wants to play dress-up, why doesn’t he just become a cop?

    Suspect First Name:
    JORDAN
    Suspect Last Name:
    PELTZ
    Suspect Middle Name:
    MATTHEW
    Aliases:
    Date of Birth:
    Arrest Date:
    06-04-2013 09:00:00
    Booking Date:
    2013-06-04 09:00:00
    Location:
    DRC 0101

    FTA:PROBATION VIOL M, PV:POSS SCH 5 SUB M1

    Right. Failing to Appear on a warrant for a probation violation arising out of a possession of a Sch. V drug would definitely hurt your chances.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That makes his Fake Cop Persona make more sense… Plus also too, this way he doesn’t have to go through the appearance of being impartial about who he might have to shoot…

      • David Chaillou

        It’s very impartial. They can shoot anybody they caught with a broken taillight. That’s why they all wear boots.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Might have had some hallucinations from abusing those Schedule V drugs…helps explain the paranoia also, too.

      • Boojum

        What a pussy. He got busted for Tylenol III. I guess that’s why he’s a III%er.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Damn Feds infringing HIS Freedom!

    • HogeyeGrex

      Also puts paid to all the bullshit on the USWS site about how awesome and policey and squeaky clean they are. Fucking low rent grifters with daddy issues.

    • Alan

      Explains a lot though.

    • H0mer0

      schedule V? That would be like cough syrup with codeine. Pretty wimpy.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        It’s not the misdemeanor possession charge. It’s the FTA.

  • Swampay

    The group called ANTIFA has now reached just over 800,000 members, mostly kids with ages from 16-28 throughout the country. FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack

    Here’s another way to tell they’re full of shit. “kids with ages from 16-28” wouldn’t be caught dead using facebook.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Man, people who call 28 year olds kids are way fucking old.

  • Jenny

    I go to my bunk for sexy times not to hide for these idiots.

    Look at all those dumb Texans. COME OUT TO WEST TEXAS SO I CAN RUN YOU OVER? WHAT???

    Ain’t nobody traveling out to Monahans just so you can feel special!

    • Manders

      “come out to West Texas”

      No, thanks. If I’m gonna take a trip I have a few thousand places higher on my list.

      • Sakonyachen

        The Waverly Projects in East St. Louis are nice this time of year. At least compared to West Texas.

  • lowenufc

    Wow. For a bunch of Murica’s bravest, they sure are a’scared of a whole lot.

    • HooverVilles

      Perpetual fear constantly pumped up by FOX NOISE.

  • Brian Loudermilch

    Some folks have all the Luck. They get to be Out of their Fucking Minds without even trying. If I want to get that STUPID, I have to spend a small Fortune on Great Weed and Single Malt Scotch.

    • Meccalopolis

      In that case, a mind is a wonderful thing to waste

  • WotsAllThisThen

    As a matter of coincidence, this weekend I’m also planning to get out of the city with some friends.

  • bumfug

    Meanwhile, Twitter suspends a guy for what’s not real hard to spot as a joke…https://twitter.com/keithus/status/924996230178136064

  • wandajayne

    Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
    I WAS going to have my nails done. Now, this…
    Dammit!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I know, right? You sit for an hour, then 10 minutes later you reach into your pocketbook for a hand grenade and it’s ruined.

    • sorrento99

      You mean your nail’s?

      • Boojum

        You’re nail’s.

  • Swampay

    O’bama? Is he going to be a leprechaun for Halloween?

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Sigurd

    Sorry guys, the Grand Antifa just called me to say me the plan is off. Our secret Facebook page has been compromised.

    I repeat: Plan is off. Return your guns to the nearest FEMA center.

    • SDGeoff3

      Will the pizza basements be receiving weapons also as well?

    • sweet freedom

      What the fuck am I going to do with all this potato salad?

  • Daniel Hooper

    These dumbasses can’t get anything right. Civil War was last year; this year it’s Ragnarok. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9d943de738b3470e882fc1a8bed3495197c0bfa2633431dfcde312afc4d7529f.jpg
    And it’s Friday, not Saturday.

    • SDGeoff3

      Well they are in for a big surprise, the little dickens.

  • Jordan Peltz, a wannabe-cop who made up his very own fake badges and everything

    Impersonating a police officer is an arrest-able offense in all states and territories.
    They should arrest him and then youtube his tearful confession that he was just doing it for laughs

    • JohnC44

      What I don’t get is why this guy needs to impersonate a cop. Is it really that hard to get hired as a real cop as a thoughtless, sociopathic, and overtly racist d-bag with a gun fetish? Seems like he would be hired on the spot with that resume in about any police dept south of the Mason-Dixon line. Am I missing something? This guy was born for police work (apparently).

  • armed_bears

    “AR-15 shotgun”?

    Bitch, please.

    • everstar

      Man, and people give me shit for not knowing anything about guns when I dare suggest we should regulate them more. Good grief.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Remember it’s a semi-automatic cause you have to pull the trigger each time.

    • Boojum

      His Comma Carmeleon wasn’t working.

      • armed_bears

        Yeah… but, actually, there ARE AR-15 (style) shotguns, for when being merely overarmed is not enough: You particularly want to display your inferiority with a hybrid weapon that just screams “I’m compensating!”

    • CripesAmighty

      He’ll gitcha once he figures out how to load those dang shells.

  • mancityRed6

    I literally have no time for this kind of bullshit. JFC. what a bunch of morons.

    • DEVIL!!!! *points* YOU HAZ BLUE POINTY BEARD!!!!

      • mancityRed6

        someone did that for me, I thought the sun was a nice touch.

  • Resistor Radio

    Dang. Sooooo glad that Trump tweeted out that thoughtful “DO SOMETHING!”

  • Grumpy Twat

    FFS! Can you people get nothing right?
    Parliaments get blown up on November 5th!!!111!
    http://www.parliament.uk/about/living-heritage/evolutionofparliament/parliamentaryauthority/the-gunpowder-plot-of-1605/

  • atheist

    I thought this level of right winger paranoia was restricted to Democratic admistrations. Didn’t they hear trump won?

    • Khavrinen

      “Yeah, but our paranoia goes to eleven…”

      • HooverVilles

        And that everyone is BIGLY SAD!

      • atheist

        Why can’t it just go to 10?

    • JohnC44

      They must have only gotten the popular vote totals. Who could blame them for thinking he lost the election being down 3mil votes and all?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Can we just lock them all up for apostrophe abuse?

    • jodyleek

      And “than” neglect?

      • SDGeoff3

        Your just dreaming.

        • Amy!

          Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!

          • SDGeoff3

            Mmm-hmm. I know. I want to reach through my screen and bite them.

    • Jamoche

      “Comma police, arrest this man.”

  • clubseal

    “… better safe then dead.”
    With a comma, this could be the motto of people who forget to put an oxygen source in their fallout shelters.

  • Well, he sounds like just the sort of sane, rational fella who should own a LOT of guns. God bless America.

  • MOG253

    OTH Now they can blame ANY violence on protesters and fire at will. Ugh.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    White punks on dope…

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Ohhhh Fee Wable

    • TJ Barke

      White dopes on junk.

      • SeeTrain65

        White dopes are punks.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Gee terwillikers. This is the first I’ve heard of Civil War II, the Sequel. Where do I sign up?

  • anon_the_great

    “The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons…”

    I’m sorry. That was me. I bought a new squirrel gun and a brick of .22LR

    And it’s Democrat with capital D you fucking illiterate Proud Boi.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    O’bama? The fuck, is he Irish now?

  • Amy!

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    “then”

    • Jo Mathie

      I’m more annoyed with the incorrect use of “you’re” – apparently people are physically massacres and masks now. Also 111%? I’m pretty sure all of these idiots never got beyond third grade. It will be amusing to see their reactions when absolutely nothing happens on November 4th though.

      • Amy!

        It was “better safe then dead” that triggered (argh!) me.

        We’re pretty much all safe, then dead.

      • RMKH

        Products of fundamentalist home-schooling.

        There will be protests on the 4th. I sure hope nobody gives these creeps an excuse to start blasting.

      • kareemachan

        I spent 10 seconds trying to figure out the 111% then shrugged and gave up. Maybe if I did Twitter, I could ask him. And then again, nope.

      • Boojum

        !!!%

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        Unfortunately, their response will most likely be along the lies of “Our prompt, patriotic response scared those libs good! Violent uprising averted, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!”

  • LucindathePook

    “escape out of the big city’s” what? Sewer system?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Jeez. Great minds think alike. Do you guys get cable?

      • JohnC44

        Huh? Is that some kind of new UHF?

  • Vel Venturi

    It’s all LIES. I waited in the pumpkin patch for months, hoping that Obama would rise up and bring Jade Helm, but he never did liberate my great state of Texas and consign the Teabaggers to the Wal-Marts. So cruel to get my hopes up. I’m not even going to bother getting dressed up for this one.

    • Amy!

      But you were so keee-yoooooot dressed up like a butternut!

      I hadda be a delicata. I mean, sure, nice name, but I had hips out farther than I could stretch my arms, and I looked diseased.

      Hmmmph. Not me! I’m not dressing up this time.

    • SDGeoff3

      Dress up like the Alamo.

      • Vel Venturi

        Great idea, I have some rental cars I can use.

        • SDGeoff3

          YES!!

  • Alan

    Involuntary committal.

  • Alan

    Huh, learn something new every day. Didn’t know they asked your political persuasion when you bought a gun.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    This is like the third or fourth time the right has claimed the left is going to riot and do violence to them. Kind of like xtian doomsday predictions I guess. Sooner or later they’ve gotta be right. Oh, November 4th is the rescheduled Niburu apocalypse too, I think, so the civil war will necessarily be short what with the end of the world and all.

    • Augustus

      it’s become a tired trope but unfortunately it proves true over and over and over again: these motherfuckers project like it’s their job

      everything, EVERYTHING, they accuse “the left” of (whatever their twisted definition of it is, anyway), they so badly want to do themselves

      they are jizzing their pants every day at the thought of shooting some brown people

      hell, maybe they can find one of them cerebral palsy 10-year-olds to torture!

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Sorry I’ll be at the Washington / Oregon football game…..can I reschedule?

      • kareemachan

        Go Huskies!

        • IdiotsforPalin

          Go Dawgs!!!!!!

  • Augustus

    OMG THINGS HAPPENING NOW

    ARE INDICATIVE OF THE WORLD

    THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY LIVING IN

    this fucking guy, jesus christ

    • george lastrapes

      In fact, things are more like they are now than they ever have been.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Leave the big city’s what? Sewer systems, where we hide and live off alligator meat? (It’s tough and a little gamy, but not bad with a nice marinade.)

    As for the !!!REVOLUTION!!!…I’m not doing a thing until I get my last three Soros checks. Marinade doesn’t grow on trees.

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s a riot.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Antifa is the spectre haunting ‘Merica

  • Alan

    He did say he’s disturbed so he got that part right.

  • laineypc

    It’s not demoncrats registering guns, it’s Registered Demoncrats who are buying guns and OF COURSE they are going through legal channels (and hence detectable to FBI) while preparing for an illegal war and allowing the FBI to track them and OF COURSE the FBI is tracking the political affiliation of people who buy guns. That’s on the background check, right?

    • george lastrapes

      Why guns for liberals? The disapproving frowns just aren’t quite enough.

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        wingnut logic:
        FEAR = BUY MOR GUNZ

        • george lastrapes

          The NRA and gunmakers are happier when Dems win. Their biz booms!

  • Manders

    Like 18-28 year olds are gonna get up early on a Saturday to moiderize a bunch of people. Please.

  • Peter Walford

    Great journalism (as per usual) … but please … “a paranoid conspiracy freak is actually in the White House” … you are frightening Tasmanians now.

  • RMKH

    Rampant apostrophe abuse. F.

    • SDGeoff3

      Death on the rack.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    almost 25 million for weapons and other tools to supply groups that plan to attack “white people” on nov 4th. It is expected there will be over 5 million people in 6 states. The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition…….YOU’RE FUCKED WHITE BOY.

    • Nockular cavity

      GET OUT OF THE CITY’S!!!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        There’s a rallying cry we can all get behind.

  • laineypc

    If anxiety is a misuse of your imagination, I wonder what paranoia is.

    • SDGeoff3

      I’m going for self inflicted anxiety.

  • TJ Barke

    Not how antifa works…

    • Amy!

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure that the test for admission into antifa is the classic “When should you punch a Nazi?” one.

      • CripesAmighty

        Before or after breakfast?

        • ziggywiggy

          After…it’s the most important meal of the day! Can’t punch nazis on an empty stomach.

        • Amy!

          Why not both?

        • TJ Barke

          Technically you’re always before and after breakfast when you’re not right at breakfast.

          • CripesAmighty

            And this week won’t be last week until next week
            –Daffy Duck

      • TJ Barke

        That’s the thing, there’s nothing to be admitted in to. Antifa basically is angry kids that hate fascists, hence the title. It’s not an organization. Its raison d’etre is: Hey, there’s a bunch of nazis or fascists marching around, trying to gain political power so they can force their casual cruelty onto our society, let’s go fuck them up.

        • Amy!

          Agreed, and I know.

          But it’s funnier to have an entrance exam:

          When is it okay to punch a Nazi?

          When he’s within reach.

          • Delu

            No.

            When he’s trying to punch you or someone else maybe.

            But not any other time.

        • You know that and I know that but these chickenshit assholes keep trying to turn antifa into some sort of organization, so they can justify their cowardice.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Always?

        • Amy!

          I was thinking “Is he within fist’s reach?” but yours works, too. :-)

  • speakin’ ‘merican Don’ need no steenkin gramm’r rules!

  • CripesAmighty

    How rude! I haven’t even had time to send the invitations to the Civil War and Candlelight Supper with Luxury Finger Buffet.

    • sweet freedom

      I’m going to whip up some brownies, but that’s about the best I can do on such short notice.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.dcd.uscourts.gov/sites/dcd/files/17-mc-2336_MEM_OP_REDACTED%20FOR%20UNSEALING_20171030.pdf

    Judge rules attorney-client privilege doesn’t apply to certain conversations Manafort had. This is apparently a big thing…

    “To establish the exception . . . the court must consider whether the client ‘made or received the otherwise privileged communication with the intent to further an unlawful or fraudulent act,’ and establish that the client actually ‘carried out the crime or fraud.’”

  • “Antifa” is against fascists, so you can understand why people like this would object.

  • “Race traitor” that I apparently am, I’m nonetheless uncertain where I’d even send my money to add to that $25 million BLM weapons buy.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Just send your money to George Soros, he’ll make sure BLM will get it.

  • There may well be an uptick in liberals buying guns, but if so it’s because of dangerous people like him.

  • Boojum

    Mr. Not Officer Pelz has an iron on badge sticker. That is a first for “us first responders”.

  • kareemachan

    Can’t spell “your” correctly and what’s this about Ghosts?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Nobody starts a war in November in the northern hemisphere temperate zones. The days are too short, and it’s too cold, and it rains a lot. Also, historically people ran out of food in winter, so it wasn’t a smart idea to start a war in the autumn. Napoleon learned this the hard way.

    • tza

      Don’t forget that man oh so beloved of many of these wingnuts, good ol’ Adolf. “Fight Russia in the winter? Sure! Btw, make our guys coats based on aesthetic, not cold resistance.”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yeah, he lost too.

    • sweet freedom

      Good point. The reality is that most of these “patriots” would run out of steam right around the time Olive Garden starts serving the Senior Special at around 4:00 in the afternoon.

  • sorrento99

    Apparently prior to 365 days ago you could walk in public and pray.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like being that disconnected from reality.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      …or just some troll who wants to stir shit up, because they hate the fact that black people exist (for some ridiculous reason).

    • SeeTrain65

      I’d attempt to find out, but I don’t think I’d enjoy enduring the pain of removing my brain with an ice cream scoop.

  • Grokenstein

    You’re massacre.

    Jesus CHRIST, these walking pig turds are stupid.

    • JohnBull

      Today we are all massacres.

  • Shibusa

    “4 million “military people” have been deputized and are getting training from special forces”? FFS, we can’t even get training FOR our special forces.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition. The group called ANTIFA has now reached just over 800,000 members, mostly kids with ages from 16-28 throughout the country. FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack.”

    We can’t even get these kids to vote in a non-presidential election year, but they’re all going to participate in a mass insurrection? Christ, I wish this was true.

    • CripesAmighty

      Weed?

    • redblack

      “locations to attack?”

      yeah. as if us big-city libs just can’t wait to occupy a filthy milk barn™ in the middle of some malaria-infested cornfield outside of kokomo, IN.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Come on! You know you’ve been dying to live in Brownback’s Kansas! Who wouldn’t want to live in a place that’s getting sued because they don’t have the money to fund their public schools.

  • CripesAmighty

    Frankly, sounds like an excellent opportunity for tourism to the city of your choice–a day out free of roads clogged by stinky clanking pickups, and conspicuous buttcrack displays to spoil your dinner.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      So if I see some redneck driving around the city looking confused and paranoid, I can just assume that he’s looking for someone to shoot this time, instead of suffering the usual frustration of being lost and having nowhere to park his ginormous gas guzzler?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The main story over at Politico is about Tony Podesta.

    • bbayliss

      Ya know what, I don’t even care.
      Let ’em have their fantasies as long as justice prevails.

  • Old town Urbandale

    The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition.

    *This* registered Democrat is seriously thinking of buying a gun and ammo– not for the Antifa uprising, but to protect myself from RWNJs.

    Of course, it could be that the NRA and gun manufacturers are behind all this Antifa civil war nonsense to scare liberals into buying guns…

    • TJ Barke

      The most vicious of vicious circles.

    • HooverVilles

      $$$ Cha Ching $$$

    • Buzz1313

      1200%. Hah! That part made me laugh. I’ve never bought a gun. Does the FBI check party affiliation when someone buys a gun? Do the gun dealers ask? How would the FBI know that? Idiots!

      • JohnBull

        They do know, which explains why so very few democrats have guns. I’m not even comfortable caucusing anymore.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Caucus? Hell! When I get together with the other three evil Democrat-Libruls in this community to smoke our marijuana cigarettes we’re so scared that we only light two joints per match, remembering that “three on a match” mantra from WW I. “They” might see the little flames and wipe out all the Democrat-Libruls around these parts. What’s this world coming to?

      • Smibo

        Ya gotta wonder what orifice that statistic was pulled from. Of course if you were to challenge him (most certainly it’s “him”) on it, he’d respond with something like “look it up” or “do your own research”.

    • mailman27

      There’s a pretty much constant blizzard of bullshit flying unchallenged through our media airspace– but hold on a cotton-pickin’ minute. “A 1200% up tick (!) in registered democrats (sic) buying weapons…” ? Come on now.

  • TJ Barke

    Modern America, where people that believe in liberty and justice are the real tyrants and nazis are the real patriots.

    WTF…

    • HooverVilles

      Up is down and left is right.

    • SeeTrain65

      Oppositeland.

  • dshwa

    Why can’t they all run to Kansas, then we can build a wall around it. Much easier and flatter than the Mexico wall.

  • azeyote

    so i guess some white people can’t be satisfied being white as their claim to fame – kinda insecure for a superior race –

    • HooverVilles

      EGGGG-SACTLY THIS!!!1!1

  • Beezelbubbles

    Wait…Antifa is committing treason against the U.S., but Neo-Confederates are okay? Wut?

    • Delu

      Exactly.

      The swing in opinion with regards to armed insurrection on the side of the Trumpians has been startling but not at all unexpected.

      They were all masturbating over the thought of them using their “god given 2nd amendment rights to take down the corrupt Obama dictatorship”

      Today, they are trembling in their boots over the perceived notion that hey, that just might happen, instead it’s someone else with the guns wanting to rebel (other than call for Trump to be removed from office no one else is calling for armed revolution).

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        I think it’s more that they just want an excuse to shoot a bunch of them there scary liberals. They want it so badly they’ve gone and made up 99% of whatever nonsense they’re talking about – the only tiny bit of truth is that there’s an anti-trump protest supposed to be on the 4th, so there will be people marching. And these assholes want to shoot them.

        • redblack

          their little hillbilly crusade will turn around as soon as they hit one of our big, blue, sanctuary city traffic jams.

          it’s a problem that will solve itself.

  • Delu

    They don’t seem so afraid about revolution and insurrection when talking about themselves doing it to the country like they did when Obama was President.

    Of course what they really do fear is actually having to fight at all whichever “side” they are on.

    Coward Trumpians are cowards.

    • HooverVilles

      Chicken Hawks.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Wolverines! Head for the hills! Piss in the radiator to keep the truck running if you have to, but survive however you can to fight another day! The Red Pink Dawn is a’ commin’ to take yer freedumb!
    http://riverhillcurrent.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/22march8-superJumbo.jpg

  • Ernie

    I wonder if gene therapy could possibly help the future spawn of these obviously inbred dick-weasels?

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      No. They’d hamster any kiddos who showed an unusual (for them) amount of variation.

  • natoslug

    I am anti-fascist, and I’m investing in bourbon.

    • redblack

      ^^^ elitist.

  • Buzz1313

    All jokes aside, I really hope the Feds are monitoring these head cases. Also hoping the Grammar Police make a few arrests. Good patriots need a lesson in spelling, otherwise they come out sounding kinda stupid.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Are these the stupidest people on the planet? MS-13 is involved? Are the Illuminati organizing it? Or the Jesuits? I think the Jesuits do a better job myself, but you never know.

  • Android Astronomer

    HAHA! Oh, that’s so funny. As if ANTIFA were a nationally organized group, or Democrats would be able to get it together to that extent. Yes, SO funny. Ha.

    ************ Okay, I’ve typed in 13 asterisks so only liberals with USB ObamaDongles can read what follows. Don’t forget, ANTIFA members, dress your kids as DC superheros on Halloween (NOT MARVEL SUPERHEROS SINCE RWNJs LOVE TO DRESS UP THEIR KIDS AS MARVEL SUPERHEROS) if you want your kids to get guns and ammo in their Trick-or-Treat bags. And don’t let them stop until you get at least 800 rounds of ammo. After all, the RWNJs outnumber us. Have you seen Trump’s electoral college map?

    On November 4th, we TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY FOR SOCIALISM as if that could be a thing, but now that I see it in Caps-Lock, it looks a bit contradictory to me. NEVERTHELESS, remember that if your last name starts with M through Z, bring donuts. If your last name starts with A through L, bring bagels. And please, Californians, stop complaining about the carbs. We get it. We just don’t care. What are you going to do, shoot us? HA! You don’t have the nerve. Oh, and don’t forget to bring your guns so we can shoot everybody.

    Remember, we’re taking up arms against our fellow Americans for THE LIBERAL AGENDA, which overlaps somewhat with the gay agenda and the Muslim agenda, which, for all intents and purposes are part of THE LIBERAL AGENDA, which is to do things THE LIBERAL WAY because THAT IS OUR AGENDA!

    Because… Well, just because. Some of these people are our neighbors. The Wyatts down the street voted for Trump, but they’re still really nice. My kid goes to school with their kid, and they’re good friends. So, what, on November 4th, I’m just supposed to break into their house and shoot them all in the head? For what?

    No, wait! What am I thinking? WE ARE THE MASTERS OF THE APOSTROPHE! WE ARE THE MASTERS OF THE SUBJUNCTIVE MOOD! WE ARE THE MASTERS OF SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT IN SUBORDINATE CLAUSES. WE DESERVE TO RULE!

    WE WILL USE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF GUNS AND AMMO TO TAKE AWAY THEIR GUNS AND AMMO okay, this is starting to sound a bit silly, don’t you think?

    How about this: what if we just killed the RWNJ adults and took their kids and taught them how to think critically?

    Yeah, no, you know what? Count me out. I’m spending the day eating leftover Halloween candy. I don’t think I can go from being a librarian research assistant to being a mass murderer. I’d rather see the next season of Doctor Who than destroy western civilization. That’s MY agenda.

    Anybody who wants to binge-watch Doctor Who with me this Saturday, come on over. But leave your guns and ammo at home. All that gun stuff creeps liberals like me the hell out.

    • JohnBull

      Those Wyatts sound suspicious to me. They may SEEM nice, but that’s how they trick you. Before you know it you’re in a Jade Helm camp.

    • CatDog

      the venn diagram for the convergence of mulsim, liberal, feminist, and gay agendas is just one huge rainbow circle because they have all fused into one! obviously.

      • Sigurd

        For some reason I cannot reply to the original comment anymore. At first, …I totally thought it was a mad-MAD rant.. but it was ..(sort-of?) worth reading!

        • javadavis

          It says, as of this moment, the comment is being moderated or similar. I wanted to reply “don’t say that, the RWNJs will believe you.” But I cannot reply either.

  • TimResistit

    I figure they’re gonna threaten to shoot up and leak testosterone all over the place but that’s around huntin’ season and at least a third of them will be drunk in the woods.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      The only things getting crushed are beer cans.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        And fragile egos.

  • anglrdr

    Look, I met some antifa kids at the Nazi rallies over the weekend.

    Everybody’s going to be fine.

    Also, “we’re the III%?” WTF even is that?

    • sincarne
      • HooverVilles

        Yep, those guys.

    • redblack

      ILL%?

      3%?

      111%?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Trump math.

    • Carole

      It was a lot higher than III%, because my ancestor was in it, and he was an ordinary farmer with one pair of shoes. But I guess “The XXV%” sounds significantly less impressive.

  • Guinnessmonkey

    I like the reference to the “Ghosts that will come in the night to take you,” which I’m assuming is a KKK reference.

    KKKlassy.

  • Nick

    And this ladies and gentleman is why america will never pass gun control laws. The fantasy, and that’s all it is, that guns provide is simply too powerful

  • sweet freedom

    Nov 4th, huh? I gotta stop missing these meetings.

    • A Bisexual Unicorn

      ************ Hey you forgot to have the 13 “*”s so that only those with USB ObamaDongles can see the comment! But yeah we moved it from Dec 15th to Nov 4th.

  • CatDog

    You cannot doubt his credentials. He has hisses, pops, AND crackles!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb-Ht7FgSbM

  • blaid droog

    If they held off till Nov. 5th, they’d have a ready made script to work from plus this terrific quote. “A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy”.

    • Carole

      Well, you can’t expect a passel of American wingnuts to have studied British history in their fundamentalist home schools.

  • Poly_Ester

    Just another case of an inmate who thinks he runs the asylum.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Conveniently, Nov 4th is a Saturday. Will the revolution be over by Monday morning? I have to work.

    • redblack

      yeah, right! you’re a godless commie lib taker. we all know you don’t work. you just mooch off of hard-working americans, courtesy of the NWO/deep state/soros/obama/jew/clinton/MS-13/BLM/antifa/russian/globalist elites.

      also, too, you’re probably some chad thundercock/pussy with no guns.

      edit: shit! i forgot fascist-who-has-lost-1000-elections-since-2008!

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Your forgot random CAPS LOcK and mispellings.

        • redblack

          damn it. i am just no good at wingnuttery. i’ll do better next time.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Needz moar exclamation pointz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • HooverVilles

        For enhanced authenticity, replace you’re with your, replace too with to, and forget the commas.

  • hvdv

    Who touched this poor thing in the wrong place? How small is he, that he still shops in the boys’ department for his shirts? I have many questions.

  • Molon Labe

    You might want to reconsider supporting folks who won’t show you their faces.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      ? How about those presidents who won’t show their taxes?

      • Molon Labe

        What exactly do you think Trumps tax returns are going to show? That he wrote-off pee-pee hookers in Russia? Who knows, maybe?

        Believe it or not, the world isn’t always as polarized as you might believe. Think diversity. Like a fucking rainbow.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          They’ll show us something he doesn’t want us to see. Obviously.

    • NotALiar

      How about you show your face.

      • Molon Labe

        So, whats your argument? That I should show my face? Or that antifa shouldn’t be expected to show theirs? Because its almost as if you are undercutting either argument with that clever twist.

        • NotALiar

          No, I want to see your beautiful face.

          • Molon Labe

            How would you know its beautiful if you haven’t seen it?

          • NotALiar

            All children of God are beautiful, friend.

          • Molon Labe

            Cheers !

  • akryan

    I wonder what it must be like to live in a perpetual state of fear/excitement about a coming civil war that never happens? The longer it doesn’t happen seems to make them more and more paranoid that it’s going to be even bigger than they ever thought. FFS who the hell would want to take over west Texas anyway?

    • redblack

      mexico?

    • HooverVilles

      Like the rapture is coming on month______, day______, year______ people.

    • chortlingdingo

      Do you think he means the city of West, Texas, which has loads of delicious Czech food and kolaches, or geographical West Texas, which is mostly farmland, wind turbines, oil stank, dirt, and bibles?

      • A Bisexual Unicorn

        Well now I want to take over West, Texas.

      • Charles Watkins

        The town that got blown up?

        • chortlingdingo

          Yep, fertilizer plant. It’s all pretty much back to normal now. I drive through West a couple times a year when I go see my grandparents in the Dallas area.

  • The Librarian

    Bogus cop talks so much bogus, and on Nov 4, the Loon Brigade will polish their guns before they shoot themselves in the leg. I’ll be hanging out with the Wonketteriate on Sat, smoking a bowl and waiting for that extra hour.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Wait, I thought he was a real cop?!? Don’t cops have iron-on badges?

      • Khavrinen

        He’s going to get a metal one, he just hasn’t collected enough box-tops yet.

        • Rickyphoo

          He could get a real nice plastic one at the Dollar Store.

      • The Librarian

        Lol, Spawn1 and I watched the video and she just couldn’t even, either. Much disgust. We switched to watching John Oliver. :)

    • Marla

      This story was debunked a long, long time ago as having its genesis in a Russian troll farm. This iron-on badge “cop” is the perfect fodder they are looking for.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Dok, if you weren’t there I’d say let them have Idaho.

  • Beaufighter

    “You’re massacre.”

    Sleep well, America.

  • NotALiar

    They are going to kill people on Saturday because a garbage person on fucking 4chan wanted to fuck with idiots.

  • NotALiar

    God damn these people are pig fucking ignorant. By all means plz threaten more “libs” on Twitter. Maybe the fbi will drag their dumb asses in too.

  • SadDemInTex

    These people have always been out there. They never had a platform until now to communicate so easily with other nutjobs. Thanks Silicon Valley and fuck you.

  • willi0000000

    c’mon guys . . . hold off for another couple of weeks and we can do it on my birthday.

  • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

    “…when Obama declared martial law, became dictator for life, took all the guns…” If only.*sigh*

  • unclejeems

    So, the FBI is tracking the gun-buying habits of Americans. OK, shouldn’t all those gun worshippers be upset about that? Then again, logic doesn’t appear to be their strong suit.

  • guppy06

    I have heard of reports that president Trump is very aware

    And that right there is where the whole conspiracy theory truly falls apart.

  • EER

    This is not a real person. The language is kludgy. Why get off the phone with someone when you are on line?

  • EER

    Seriously, “a public speech,” the misuse of “then” instead of “than,” (well, that’s fairly common), but the weird “standard code of preserve and protect your family.” Also, escaping out of the big city’s instead of escaping the big cities. Also, no words are misspelled.

  • EER

    “Civil unrest in many country’s” (same problem with plurals) and what would spell Obama O’bama? A deficient algorithm.

  • Laura

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dg294d:
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  • pixeloid

    I thought of leaving a message (and this article) there, but figured a few lulz aren’t worth all the death threats and stalking that would be sure to follow.

    • Carole

      Good call. The only good thing about this is that maybe the bounty hunters will mistake the 3% for Antifa.

  • Relativicus

    We have states that have no laws against impersonating a police officer? I did not know that.

    Good thing most of these people are the “stand behind the big person and shout insults” sorts.

  • Mike

    I come from an era when most people like this were either hospitalized or roaming the streets, tipping over the odd trash can here and there.
    Now, we let them marry, procreate, run for office, and yes, even become president.
    I’m glad To be at the end of my life, rather than the beginning.

  • Rickyphoo

    O’bama? I didn’t know he was Irish.

    • SeeTrain65

      So is his wife, MacChelle.

    • doktorzoom

      Especially considering he made that joke when he visited Ireland (his mom apparently did have Irish ancestors).

    • minidriver

      Corned Beef is our secret weapon!
      (even though Corned Beef is an American creation)

  • Carole

    DV Mickel L. Page should be arrested for assault on the English language. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that his name is pronounced “Michael” and his parents couldn’t spell.

  • redblack

    attention, wonkette in occupied territory:

    john has a long moustache. repeat: john has a long moustache.

    the chair is against the wall. repeat: the chair is against the wall.

    have a productive day, comrades.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Blue Fox? This is Red Apple! Blue Fox? This is Red Apple! The oppressor is in the nest! Repeat: The oppressor is in the nest!”

      (All right, I stole it from Dana Gould.)

    • Carole

      What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

  • Marla

    Is his badge an iron-on?

    • SeeTrain65

      Please. He has class.

      It’s screen printed. ; )

  • SeeTrain65

    Because of course whenever someone’s planning a civil war in this great nation, they announce it well in advance, like that civil war we had during Operation Jade Helm 15, when Obama declared martial law, became dictator for life, took all the guns, put all the patriots in FEMA camps, and invited the Chinese and UN to come out of their secret tunnels under Walmart and take over.

    “Let’s face it … that’s why Hillary lost.” – Brian Williams

  • Tiny kaiju

    These idiots can’t even get the date right. Guy Fawkes day is November 5. Nitwits.

  • Tiny kaiju

    “FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack.”
    Because no-one has ever hacked, trolled or manipulated FaceBook. Maybe we can send all these fools to Plum Island using FB.

  • Tiny kaiju

    I don’t know much about guns and can’t be arsed to look it up, but isn’t a .22 something you shoot small varmits with?

    • Sigurd

      That’s what I thought, ..from never holding a gun, …but playing GURPS ..RPGs eh.

  • Teecha

    THEN AND THAN ARE NOT SYNONYMS

    • GrammarSlammerBammer

      See also: your, you’re

      • Teecha

        You are entirely correct. And as a teecha, I will red pen the fuck out of those.
        But I can sort of understand how a person might mistake those homonyms.

        But then and than really annoy me coz they’re not even homonyms. They sound entirely different, and if they don’t, the speaker needs a slap and an elocution lesson.

        • Sigurd

          You’re right, but as a 2nd/3rd L. speaker … they kinda are homophonish, but after like 20 years.. I can now finally hear the difference. (And hopefully speak that difference too.)

          Learning German as well ..that helped. Where _denn_ and _dann_ are just as different.. and also sound more different. (Both words are ‘dan’ in Dutch.)

          • Teecha

            You are hearing people who have poor diction.
            Then and than rhyme completely with the German versions.

  • Fritz1964

    Just like their White-trash Supremacist “gatherings,” what if they threw a Civil War and nobody came?? But seriously, at what point does a threat made to one’s life and limb become prohibited or at least speech that warrants an investigation by law enforcement (not the boy with the fake badge…)?

  • marco_esquandolas

    HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE? (I know..I know…)

  • William Calhoun

    I’m glad you brought this up. I’m a dedicated Marxist-Leninist Antifa radical and I’ve been waiting for my check from Soros for weeks. I’ve got a pile of guns waiting at WalMart on layaway and if I wanna make it to Nov. 4 locked and loaded, I’m gonna need some cash. Can someone get the head of this conspiracy on the line and tell him to get those checks mailed !

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    Nothing like a little chin hair to make up for a slack jawline and no chin…

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