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Wouldn’t be a bad day to stay inside and read Wonkette

Oh, goody! More completely fake news out there, courtesy of trolls, conspiracy freaks, and a whole bunch of “patriots” who can’t wait for the chance to save America by cleansing it of the leftist threat. The crazier part of the interwebs have been circulating all sorts of scary rumors about the coming “antifa civil war,” set for November 4. Because of course whenever someone’s planning a civil war in this great nation, they announce it well in advance, like that civil war we had during Operation Jade Helm 15, when Obama declared martial law, became dictator for life, took all the guns, put all the patriots in FEMA camps, and invited the Chinese and UN to come out of their secret tunnels under Walmart and take over. Then it sort of petered out and everyone got their guns back and forgot it had ever happened.

You might think that sort of thing would settle down now that a paranoid conspiracy freak is actually in the White House, but that would underestimate the boundless creativity of paranoid militia losers with guns. You see, now, the threat is that Antifa — which is just one unified group, you know — is fixin’ to start a revolution, and if you need proof, here is the website where a group called “Refuse Fascism” says it themselves! Now, a sane person might look at that and see a call for protests and a pretty implausible demand that “this whole regime be removed from power,” but the more easily distressed folks in the Wingnuttosphere have spun that one call for national protests into a call to actual arms, because of course those Antifa thugs are communist revolutionaries.

The panic was helped along considerably by a Facebook video posted by a guy named Jordan Peltz, a wannabe-cop who made up his very own fake badges and everything, and pretends to be part of the “United States Warrant Service,” which isn’t a real cop shop but may do some bounty-hunting. Or they just like to drive around in police surplus Crown Vics and look tough. Here is Mr. Not A Real Officer Pelz warning about the coming breakdown of society and calling for armed citizens to take up arms against the violent Antifa thugs:

We like how the Fake Cop refers to “us first responders.” Forbes reporter JJ MacNab, who tracks sovereign citizen loonies on Twitter, has done some first-rate documentation of this twit and his delusions, like his belief that his video has 30 million views (the Facebook version is up to 3 million, so why not inflate it by a factor of ten?). In response, Pelz has falsely accused MacNab of doxxing him and his children, and threatened to get revenge, just as soon as he takes this all to the White House so Donald Trump can bring the Justice.

In the meantime, the crazies are gearing up to “protect themselves” from the Antifa revolution they definitely believe is coming, as a charming post going around Facebook claims. It appears to have started with a post on 4chan’s “politically incorrect” (/pol/) board, and just look at all the wingnutty goodness!

Just got off the phone with a friend, looks like the new black panthers organization has confirmed they will be part of nov 4th riots and chaos, BLM has just received almost 25 million for weapons and other tools to supply groups that plan to attack “white people” on nov 4th. It is expected there will be over 5 million people in 6 states. The FBI has seen a 1200% up tick in registered democrats buying weapons and mass ammunition. The group called ANTIFA has now reached just over 800,000 members, mostly kids with ages from 16-28 throughout the country. FB will be used as the most cost effective way to transmit locations to attack. Ms-13 has pledged all of there members will join the BLM along with many other gangs.

We have less time then you may think and it is possible the attacks may begin on halloween night around 12 midnight. I have heard of reports that president Trump is very aware of what is going to happen and knows O’bama is directly behind this with the Clintons. Most of us are aware of the corruption that has been going on and to be honest the Democrats know what’s coming and have no choice other then destroy this country to avoid being prosecuted for what they have done. Truth be told they never figured Trump would win and would rather destroy this country then face what they have done. Trillions of dollars have been spent to change the face of this country, please patriots as of next week you should really consider leaving big city’s if you are white or a patriot.

Democrats registering guns? Is that even legal??

A source has told me that Trump has deputized over 4 million military people and are training with special forces. He also may make a public speech asking the militias and patriots to stand down and not get involved as they will not be able to tell who is on who’s side. I would use the standard code of preserve and protect your property and family. I truly never thought this could happen in this country, but as I look around the world and see wars everywhere and civil unrest in many country’s I guess it can happen here. I will tell you this I will be heading for Montana on November 1st as I will be with good people.

Say, you know WHO ELSE went to Montana??? We will tell you, it is WONKETTE!

My final thought is if you can escape out of the big city’s and be with friends that weekend I would strongly suggest you strongly consider it. My motto is simple, better safe then dead. I pray many of you listen and take this as real as it gets. Like I said in the past, they NWO will not have mercy on anyone…good luck America

Thank You!

It’s just all so gloriously batshit crazy — 4 million “military people” have been deputized and are getting training from special forces, the way they do, you know. This will be a surprise to the special forces, since the entire U.S. military only has about 1.3 million members in all positions, and another 800,000 in the reserves. Or maybe the loony wants to believe 4 million civilians have been rushed into training, and each personally given a nifty badge by Mr. Not Officer Jordan Pelz.

It’s as if they’ve taken one of the fever swamp stories about Obama’s (or O’Bama’s) “civilian army” and swapped it around so the sekret private army is the good guy this time. JJ MacNab is, frankly, a bit concerned about some of the stuff she’s seeing in the Wingnuttosphere:

Here’s hoping they stay safe in their bunkers and don’t decide to start preemptively dispensing “justice.” Just to be on the safe side, you may want to get your kids home early on Halloween then stay home Saturday and read Wonkette all day.

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[Newsweek / Snopes / JJ MacNab on Twitter]

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