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WONKERS, DO NOT SEND PORN TO YOUR LAWYERS!!!!

Just a little PSA from your friendly neighborhood Wonkattorney. Bill O’Reilly sent nudes, and look what happened to that Loofahwanker — he’s unemployed and out $32 million. And while we’re lawtalking, check out this affidavit that Fox News analyst Lis Wiehl signed after O’Reilly agreed to give her a third of everything he owned.

YEAH, WE HAVE QUESTIONS.

1. I have known Bill O’Reilly for 18 years. We have worked together, we have socialized, and on occasion I have given him legal advice.

Wiehl gave him occasional legal advice? Really?

Bill O’Reilly had a whole team of high-priced lawyers, and so did Fox. But as soon as the cameras quit rolling, he just turned to her and started asking about Generation Skipping Transfer Tax?

SOUNDS LEGIT.

2. At the end of 2016, I hired counsel who prepared a draft complaint asserting claims against Bill O’Reilly. We have since resolved all of our issues. I would no longer make the allegations contained in the draft complaint.

So she threatened to sue him, got a third of his money, and promised never to talk about it again. And now O’Reilly’s attorney is rageshitting that the Times reported on Weihl’s “nonconsensual sexual relationship” with his client. Because if she can’t talk about it, it never happened, right?

In its latest diatribe against Bill O’Reilly, the Times printed leaked information provided by anonymous sources that is out of context, false, defamatory and obviously designed to embarrass Bill O’Reilly and keep him from competing in the marketplace.

Well, Buddy, truth is an absolute defense to defamation. But if your guy wants to sit down with the Times’s lawyers under oath and tell them what they got wrong, we’re sure they’d be delighted to hear it!

3. Additionally, over the years while I was acting as Bill O’Reilly’s counsel, he forwarded to me certain explicit emails that were sent to him, and any advice sought or rendered is attorney-client privileged, confidential and private. I have no claims against Bill O’Reilly concerning any of those emails or any of the allegations in the draft complaint.

WAIT, WHAT? He forwarded her porn, but she can’t disclose it because of attorney-client privilege?

Exactly what kind of porn was this? Were these pictures of Bill masturbating onto the kneeless dog? Or was this the kind of porn that sends you to jail? Because we have no idea what was in those “explicit emails,” but we can’t help but notice that THIRTY-TWO MILLION DOLLARS IS A LOT OF MONEY.

4. Also, I have reached an accommodation with Fox News regarding the termination of my employment. I have no claims against Fox News.

Hmmmmmm. What kind of accommodation did Ms. Wiehl reach with Fox News? The network is being investigated by the SEC for hiding sexual harassment payouts from its shareholders, sometimes disguising them as salary increases. But Wiehl was out at Fox, and the only one who got a bump was Bill O’Reilly. In fact, the Murdochs were so grateful to have the Wiehl payout off their side of the ledger that they upped O’Reilly’s salary to $25 million, a $7 million increase. And with O’Reilly paying Wiehl out over several years, he’d be able to buy just as many loofahs as he could in 2016. Everybody wins!

EXCEPT, the Feds were still sniffing around, asking all kinds of questions about sexual harassment at Fox. And someone was nice enough to forward an internal email to the Times detailing Fox’s OH, SHIT MOMENT when they realized that shifting the Wiehl settlement to O’Reilly’s side of the ledger didn’t magically transform it into a “personal matter.”

“Their legal theory has been that we hid the fact that we had a problem with Roger,” Gerson Zweifach, Fox’s general counsel, wrote in the email, referring to the prosecutors and Mr. Ailes, “and now it will be applied to O’Reilly, and they will insist on full knowledge of all complaints about O’Reilly’s behavior in the workplace, regardless of who settled them.”

He warned the Murdochs that they should expect details from the January settlement to become public. Six days later, Mr. O’Reilly was fired.

So anyone who says that Lachlan and James Murdoch are ushering in a new era of respectability at Fox is cordially invited to go fuck themselves. These guys were perfectly willing to underwrite a guy who harassed every woman in the office, as long as he still turned a profit for them.

Also, no, we have no idea what a “nonconsensual sexual relationship” is, but it sure does invite speculation.

[New York Times / Wiehl Affidavit / Fabiani Statement]

Please don’t send us porn! Send money instead!

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  • MynameisBlarney

    Wife beatin’ falafel boi loooooohoooohooooser.

  • Scooby

    The $32 Million was paid to me for my pain and suffering so it’s tax free.

    • Covfefe

      Tax free $32 million? O’Reilly gets to write it off as an “employee business expense?”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Man, that’s gonna be inconvenient for the people yelling about liberals and Harvey Weinstein.

    • Creepoman

      Bill will soon be rehabilitated into a dem. Look for a (D) to begin appearing beside his name.

    • Daniel

      Not really. They’ll either ignore it or claim it’s a liberal conspiracy- you know, the two responses to everything they dislike.

      • Creepoman

        Nothing compared to Clinton!!!11!!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Yeah, I didn’t think that through.

    • Timothy Watson

      In a normal universe it would, but not in wingnutville.

      • GoutMachine

        I really am beginning to think that hiccup over at CERN a few years ago created the bizarro world we’re currently inhabiting.

        • PubOption

          We seem to have a number of hardon colliders, but they might not be large.

        • puredog

          Well, that IS where CERNovich came from.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Oh, who gives a fuck? Once you’ve decided that you’re going to use victims to score political points we are perfectly within our rights to tell you to fuck All Of The Off.

  • Gorillionaire

    These people are pretty much the worst people in America.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And they are amply financially rewarded for it. Which tells you a lot about our collective priorities.

  • TJ Barke

    Why didn’t his father raise him right?

    • laughingnome

      Christians have a lot to answer for. Why aren’t his priests speaking out?

      • GoutMachine

        I think all white men need to come out against this. Until then …

    • Carpe Vagenda

      This is probably going to come as a bit of a shock to you (unless you remember Pat Moynihan), but conservative fathers of irish descent from New York are not always growthful caring nurturers. Ask the woman who owned one.

      • TJ Barke

        I kinda figured, it’s just fun doing the turnabout is fair play thing to moralizing wingnuts.

    • marxalot

      That’s only for Blahs.

  • Red Bird

    A nonconsenual sexual relationship is what the Duggar family calls a Christian marriage.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “O’Reilly sued his ex-wife for $10 million in April 2016, on the grounds that McPhilmy had fraudulently induced him into agreeing to a consensual divorce. The suit claimed that O’Reilly had been led to “finance an existing extra-marital relationship,” but the specifics were unclear, because O’Reilly convinced the justice overseeing the lawsuit to take the unusual step of sealing the docket.”

    Projection like a mofo.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      So, he paid alimony and his wife wasn’t celibate for the rest of her life?

      (jk, she dated a local cop, and O’Reilly intervened with local politicians to try to have him fired)

      • Covfefe

        No big. Todd Palin, also too. Soon as he became the First Gentleman.

    • BearGHAZI

      “fraudulent induction?” So she’s all like, “Bill honey, could you sign this thank-you note to our neighbors?” and when he does she’s like “HA-HA WE ARE CONSENSUALLY DIVORCED!!1!!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    So “Killing Bill O’Reilly’s career” is going to be the title of his next book?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Will it be fiction like all the rest of them?

    • BearGHAZI

      I prefer “Killing Vagina”

      • Oblios_Cap

        The snapping of the vagina dentata…

  • Daniel

    One thing that gives me some sense of joy, and it is joy deeply suffused with schadenfreude, is O’Reilly’s grotesque self-pity and urge to lash out because he cannot accept that he has done something terrible.

    I like that he’s that much of a man-child that all his bombast about responsibility crumbles when confronted with his own grievous acts.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      grotesque self-pity and urge to lash out because he cannot accept that he has done something terrible

      See also too the reign of Donald the Terrible.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I am employed as in-house corporate counsel. I am also the lawyer for an employee of that corporation. Any advice I give or information I acquire in the course of my dual representation, in the event of any action taken by that corporation against the employee, or by the employee against the corporation, is privileged.

    That checks out. Someone get the National Council of Bar Examiners on the horn. I’m pretty sure the MPRE answer key is wrong on this one.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Agent serving two masters” seems apropos here.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Now I’m imagining Fox lawyers scurrying around yelling “Chinese Wall! Chinese Wall!”

        • Historicat

          Now I’m imagining Fox lawyers scurrying around pulling at the corners of their eyes while yelling “Chinese Wall! Chinese Wall!”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Covfefe

      But the term “relationship” implies a continuing pattern of sexual assaults.

      • GoutMachine

        That’s one hell of a euphemism.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Like saying, I had a non-consensual relationship with your fist.

  • laughingnome

    When Fox stops lying every day to their aged and diabetic demographic, I’ll believe they’ve changed their ways.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      The will have stopped lying to them once they are all dead.

    • So never, then

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “I know I was providing sustenance to the leopards that ate the faces of other people. I never thought those same leopards would eat my face!”

  • GoutMachine

    Meanwhile, the Groper-in-Chief’s numerous sexual assault victims are just being ignored…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I enjoy the way Bill’O is now waving around that document and shouting: “This piece of paper which I got for the low, low price of $32 million proves I’m innocent!”

    • Ling Ling

      snark of the day nominee

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      He needs to have a talk with Arpaio. A pardon is, more or less, an admission of guilt. I think an out of court settlement for 32 million is an example of a pardon, a really, really expensive pardon.

    • puredog

      As an attorney, I have to point out that that affidavit is fucking hilarious.

  • Crystalclear12

    It’s just a bottomless pit, isn’t it?
    When you think you’ve hit bottom the floor gives out and there’s more.

    • GoutMachine

      It’s turtles, all the way down …

      • ez

        Mitch McConnell libelz

    • Covfefe

      Topless, bottomless pit. If you ax me.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Welcome to the descent into hell.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Pretty nice handbasket you’ve got there. Shame if somethin’ happend to it.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Does “Don’t grab my tits” constitute legal advice?

    • Bright Bart

      excellent advice. here, have $32 million dollars.

  • Daniel

    The next time a Fox talking head complains that allegations of sexual assault, rape, or sexual harassment result in the destruction of a man’s livelihood, I hope that someone smacks them in the face with this.

    And Roger Ailes.
    And Eric Bolling.
    And Harvey Weinstein.
    And Roman Polansky.
    And Woody Allen.
    And Bill Cosby.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Next on Fox News: Harvey Weinstein, what a liberal scumbag, amirite?

  • SayItWithWookies

    See, Bill O’Reilly was a lone wolf sexual predator – it was just a coincidence that he was also a part of the Fox News sexual predation wolf pack.

    • laughingnome

      Predators of a feather flock together – actually predatory birds do not flock together.

      • Daniel

        Penguins?

        • laughingnome

          Nah – they are more like fish.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    $32M is a third of BillO’s former stash as a settlement… So far as we actually know, he’s probably still richer than Trump…

  • Crystalclear12

    That pretending everything is fine strategy doesn’t seem to be working.

  • I wonder what the legalities would be: what if, as part of the condition/contract of employment, employees were told up front that they would be sexually harassed and/or assaulted, and that by agreeing to work at the organization, they would be giving consent to any and all who worked with the organization to at any time during the course of their employment to be sexually harassed and/or assaulted (all trained on and signed for as part of their contract).

    Would something like this hold up in the court of law anywhere?

    • GoutMachine

      Are you asking for a friend? ;)

      • I’m just musing aloud.

        I mean the network is so steeped with this type of behavior, if they were able to change the conditions of employment – uniformly across the group, would they be able to nullify any future legal actions by something like this, and if people signed on, could they make it retroactive to the first date of hire or some such nonsense.

    • OutOfOrbit

      no. purdy sure. i think. prolly. yeah, contract to illegal acts is not binding

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Any such contract would be illegal on its face and unenforceable.

    • marxalot

      I have read a couple stories with that very premise, but, you know, fiction.

  • GoutMachine

    I have known Bill O’Reilly for 18 years. We have worked together, we have socialized, and on occasion I have given him legal advice. And then the murders began.

    • Maybe legal advice is a euphemism for something else?

    • marxalot

      That might be worth 32M$

  • MynameisBlarney
    • wide_stance_hubby

      That’s it. I’m going back to the pic of the stoned dog.

    • Creepoman

      Can’t wait for Thursday!

  • beatbort

    Coming soon, the blockbuster bestselling junk book:
    Killing O’Reilly (Softly With My Lawsuit).

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “Bill, I wanted to get back to you on that real estate investment trust question you had. I checked, and the law states that any trust meeting the stated requirements at the close of any quarter shall not lose its status as a real estate investment trust because—”
    “Hey Lis, what are you wearing?”
    “Excuse me?”
    “Listen, I’m going to email you a picture. Let me know when you get it . . .”
    Wow, that’s a horny bastard!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Would it be harassment if I wanted Fox News to go tits up?

  • Aileen

    $32 million is so much money. That’s not standard groping money. That’s “nonconsensual sexual relationship” PLUS something deeply, deeply weird and career-endingly embarrassing.

    • Daniel

      Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu OR’yleh wgah’nagl fhtagn

      Cthulu wasn’t dreaming.

      • That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die.

        • Daniel

          And O’Reilly very definitely can eternal lie.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

          The Stars have come Right.

    • Creepoman

      Falafaloofahing is worth maybe $6M, tops, so this must be something unimaginably bizarre. Forget amputees and pedophilia – I’m guessing they have Bill’O on tape admitting he’s a liberal.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I am assuming there is a pony involved and awaiting his own settlement.

    • MrTusks

      Shit man, $32 million is a civil verdict you get for accidentally killing someone.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    I remember last year when the Murdoch princelings, James and Lachlan, first became a more visible and active presence in the higher hierarchy of News Corpse, there was a good deal of optimistic speculation about how they were going to bring a less racist, more news-centered approach to their father’s empire. Lachlan in particular was said to long to bring a more sober touch.

    Hooh boy, was that ever goofily and irredeemably naive.

    The princelings have taken ol’ Rupe’s business model of malignant Republican agitprop and Big White Lies and turned it into a veritable three-ring circus of racism, fascism, and sheer demented malice.

    While—reluctantly—parting company with the pious old wife-beater Bill O’Reilly, they have elevated the likes of Tucker Carlson and Jesse Watters, favorites of emo Nazis everywhere, and transformed Fox and Friends from “breakfast with your fascist uncles, plus someone with tits” to “breakfast with your fascist uncles who’re drunk, angry, and just getting back from an all-night Klan meeting: and also, someone with tits.”

    Turns out Bill O’Reilly wasn’t the bottom of the barrel. Not at Fox.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    He continues to play the semantic game of “Well, I never had a complaint filed against me.”
    Yeah, and all those folks who rob banks never committed any crimes until they got caught.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That language — or something very close to it — is in every psychosexual evaluation I have ever read. Sex offenders are the champions of minimizing illegal conduct.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget
  • jesterpunk

    No wonder Faux Noise is so good at spreading bullshit sexual harassment stories, they just have to ask anyone working there as part of their research.

  • ManchuCandidate

    32 million isn’t enough to pay for all the brain bleach to erase the memory of getting an O’really dick pic.

    • Daniel

      It was reportedly gay porn he sent her.

      Somehow I think this will do more damage to him with his demographic than that he might well be a rapist.

      • ManchuCandidate

        So he likes Falafel and Shwarma?

        • Anna Rompage

          That, and apparently, both the sausage, and buns…

        • laughingnome

          Istambul hookers?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Tony Stark libelz!

        • Meccalopolis

          mmm, shwarma

      • Anna Rompage

        Is that why he’s such an insufferable angry prick? Because he’s yet another self loathing, conservative closeted gay guy, and his inner rage of not being able to come out to his conservative friends and colleagues has him all bound up in knots?

        • Daniel

          Possibly. There’s also the possibility that he is a spoilt, unduly rewarded and exceedingly pompous middle aged white male convinced the world revolves around him and he acts accordingly.

      • laughingnome

        If it’s “lesbian” porn it won’t.

      • Weird Fishes

        “Nice pic, huh? I’m bigger.”

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Sorta OT, sorta not since it’s about another apex serial sexual predator.

    Opinion piece from The Onion:

    Happy Monday, Everyone! Looking Forward To Another Week Of Infecting Every Aspect Of Your Daily Lives!

    Good morning, everyone! What a week we’ve got coming up. A tremendous week. The fall season is here, we’re working on huge tax cuts, and there’s a lot of optimism having to do with business in our economy. Also, we’re ending Obamacare. And I’m going to get the wall. But beyond all that, what I’m looking forward to the most is another seven days of infecting every little aspect of your daily lives.

    Oh, you thought you might be able to block me out for even a moment? Good luck with that one. There will be no rest from having to think about me, or my administration, or the latest controversy I’ve thrown myself into. I am inescapable. My name, my face, my voice, my words, and those of my legions of surrogates—no matter how much you try to go about your normal life, I will find a way force myself in. MAGA!

    I’m like a disease without a cure. There’s not a single thing I haven’t contaminated. News, entertainment, medicine, sports; if there’s a part of culture I haven’t ruined for you yet, just wait. This could be the week. I’ll either claw my way into your waking consciousness or just linger in the back of your mind, ready to pop out at any moment and remind you that I’m the president of the United States and will be for at least the next three years. You know that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach—the one that’s been there since last November? Well, it’s not going away this week, I’ll tell you that.

    I will poison every second of quiet reflection that you previously enjoyed. No more sitting calmly with a coffee on a park bench. No more carefree drives with the windows down and the radio up. No more tranquil moments reveling in the splendor of a sunset. Just me festering in your brain, befouling all you hold dear.

    The mind is funny like that sometimes. The second you’ve freed yourself from the burden of having to ponder my ironclad stranglehold on absolutely every facet of American life, there I’ll be again, ready to resume the endless cycle of fear, regret, anger, and shame. Go ahead, try and tune me out right now.

    Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump.

    They never cover it in the fake media, but I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day I’m around. It’s a fantastic feeling. I get true joy knowing that somewhere out there, someone is just looking through their refrigerator, or chatting with their family, or waiting in line to buy groceries, and I suddenly weasel my way into their brain and ratchet up their stress about not only the future of this country, but also the rest of the world. It’s a different joy than how I felt as a private citizen, when only a small percentage of people were constantly nauseated by the mere mention of my name.

    It’s much, much, much better.

    So enjoy the precious few minutes you have each morning before remembering that I exist. Because that is all you will have before I begin my daily task of tainting everything you love, a list that, this week, may include: the World Series, Halloween, rock concerts, shopping, birthday cake, swimming pools, Christmas trees, makeup, vacations, watching movies, time capsules, family reunions, rollercoasters, end-of-year bonuses, video games, Broadway musicals, relaxing with friends, religious solitude, fine dining, a good night’s sleep, and the new iPhone, just to name a few.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      OMG, that sums my life up in a nutshell.

    • NastyBossetti

      If I believed Donald Trump could read and/or write and that his writing level were this coherent, this is exactly what I think he would say.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I was think exactly that as I posted that extremely long article.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    … obviously designed to embarrass Bill O’Reilly.

    Your honor, I object. We are far beyond the point at which it is even possible to “embarrass” Bill O’Reilly.

    • gallbladder

      Sustained.

    • laughingnome

      Judge: Fuck it. Let’s do it live!

  • BigCSouthside

    I’m kinda curious as to how Fox News gets to continue to operate. It’s basically a sexual assault factory with the whole company using all of its resources to enable it.

    • bbayliss

      Ask the catholic church.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Money from hostile foreign entities and loud vocal support from the controlling politically party of the United States of America?

    • Anna Rompage

      Because conservatives don;t care about women being sexually assaulted by creepy men, unless those men happen to be liberals…

    • Crank Tango

      Step 3: Profit

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’m guessing pictures of O’Reilly’s naked body were involved in the porn.

    Also, too, rich blowhards usually don’t have a problem finding women willing to have sex with them. See: Limbaugh, Rush and Trump, Donald. Is Bill-O so disgusting that no woman will have sex with him for less than $9 million.

    • Covfefe

      There are times when birds in the bush . .. . oh I give up. This isn’t going to work.

    • Khavrinen

      It seems pretty likely that for men like this the issue isn’t an inability to find women willing to have sex with them, it’s that the power-trip of knowing that she doesn’t want to, and they can back her into a corner anyway, is what they actually get off on.

  • Covfefe

    Have we forgotten that the real offense here is LeAKING CONFIDENTIAL LEGAL DOCUMENTS? We should investigate the leakers, not Bill O’Reilly, because Bill is the victim here.

  • rosenbomb

    The boyfriend’s dad loves Bill-O, and he voted for Trump. But he doesn’t think they are predators.

    I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how one lives so disconnected from reality.

    • laughingnome

      Willful ignorance is the worst kind.

      • Sometimes we have vested so much interest and effort in the stories we tell ourselves, that it is psychologically much easier to continue our own emotional investments in our personal delusions that accept the stories we created aren’t accurate.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      60 million people in this country are willfully disconnected from reality.

    • jesterpunk

      Let me guess he also believes Hillary is a predator right?

      • rosenbomb

        I’m pretty sure he used the “well Bill Clinton is a rapist so Hillary is bad!!!11!” last time I bothered talking politics with him.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Billdo is GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!

  • marxalot

    “Nonconsensual sexual relationship” is what the papers print when a cop rapes a girl in custody.

    • NastyBossetti

      I think they don’t even call it that. “She consented,” is what they say, as if a person in custody can consent.

      • marxalot

        You’re right, thiat’s what they call the high school security cop’s ongoing abuse of a student.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Orifice politics.

  • JohnBull

    Fucking thing sucks.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Didn’t ∅’Lielly win a Putzlitzer or sumpin’? I’m pretty sure it was a Putzlitzer, anyways.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Bildo should have given that 32 million to those incel creeps for their sex-robot project.

  • Crank Tango

    It was a poke.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      MAGA. It’s about creeps.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The lot of ’em.

    • Pisto75666

      A social media post manufactured to make a soldier’s wife who’s critical of Drumpf AND a woman of color, look bad? SURELY NOT! /S

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Curious that Hannity never got caught up in this. I suspect if he saw a naked woman, he wouldn’t know what to do?

    • Anna Rompage

      It wouldn’t shock me the slightest if Hannity was one of the “actors” in the gay porn Bill forwarded to his victim…

    • Wild Cat

      He’s into pregnant women. Likes abortion cosplay.

    • jesterpunk

      Do we know Lumpy wasn’t involved?

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I should have been clearer. Not necessarily in this case but sexual harassment at all.

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah thats what I meant too, with everyone else there sexually harassing people do we know Lumpy wasn’t also involved in that or have people not said anything publicly yet?

          • Edith Prickly

            Someone already has – but I suppose we have to consider the source.

            Though it seems plausible that Hannity would aim low.

    • Nothing publically yet….

    • Daniel

      I started writing a parody noir story about Hannity as he sees himself when he launched into the Seth Rich bullshit. That included dames he had no idea how to handle too.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but it wasn’t just Bergdahl worried about Trump affecting his trial, the judge also thought the same thing.

    http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/bergdahl-life-prison-endangering-comrades-50653140

    The judge deciding Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s punishment said Monday he is concerned that President Donald Trump’s comments about the case could impact the public’s perception of the military justice system.

    Sentencing for Bergdahl on charges of desertion and misbehavior before the enemy was set to begin Monday, but the judge, Army Col. Jeffery R. Nance, instead heard arguments about a last-minute motion by defense attorneys that recent comments by Trump are preventing Bergdahl from getting a fair sentence. Bergdahl faces life in prison on charges that he endangered comrades by walking off his post in Afghanistan in 2009.

    • OutOfOrbit

      it’s not like he fragged his CO! (not always bad)

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Speaking of fragging, i’m quite confident that if DJT had gone to Viet Nam, it would have been his fate and he probably knew that.

        • OutOfOrbit

          if only …

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Remember too that fragging isn’t just about troops going after their superior officer who’s an asshole, it happens among the ranks to get rid of problems.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            Private on Private violence.

            And you can bet that asshole would never have risen to a rank above Private.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Money therefore officer. But the only way he’d’ve got above 2nd Lt. would be by buying his way up.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            Point well taken. But that, I would think would increase the chances of fragging exponentially due to the nature of that asshole’s disposition.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Oh, definitely. Though I imagine he would have had his father buy him a nice desk job in Saigon where he could be a vicious asshole and not suffer any consequences.

        • Blackest Noobs

          yes to his fate, but no to probably knowing it.
          Donald was just another wealthy white boy coward.

  • Wild Cat

    Fuck. The TSA sexually assaults me whenever I travel and I have to pay them to do it!

  • Covfefe

    18 years. Non-consensual sexual relationship. Statue of Limitations. $32 million. Third of his income. If I wasn’t a Christian, I’d ask if we’re talking past due child support.

    • Wild Cat

      Probably not. O’Reilly just likes to talk.

    • Maybe there was some coercion involved and a few trips to planned parenthood…

      • OutOfOrbit

        i would think that coercion is manifest

      • Wild Cat

        I’m not sure if O’Reilly’s idea of physical contact with a female extends beyond him dragging his wife down the stairs by her hair.

        • Pisto75666

          Or as he likes to call it “foreplay”

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    The should have been a fifth paragraph adding that everyone in all the universe stipulates that Bill O’Reilly is a loathesome person.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Axiom, so unnecessary.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I can imagine O’Reilly looking at a female staff member archly after his infamous “tides” comment and saying: “Know what ELSE goes in & out?”

    • Hamburgers…

    • laughingnome

      His knee?

    • Nounverb911

      Money in his saving accounts?

    • Daniel

      “The wheels on the bus.”
      “I don’t think they…”
      “THEY GO IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT.”
      “No they…”
      “ALL. DAY. LONG.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Falafels?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The first Trump-Pence logo?

    • Daniel

      Donnie, Walter and the Dude after this… what have you?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Anal beads?

      • Daniel

        I really want there to be a Fox News host called Anal Beads now.

        • MynameisBlarney

          A. Nalle Beedes.

          • Daniel

            The Probe: With Ana L Beeds next on Fox.

          • laughingnome

            The Double with Ana L. Beeds and Dick Likker

          • Daniel

            I am now horribly desirous of a Fox and Friends where Steve Doocey attempts to explain anal beads to his audience.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I am sure that other guy that isn’t Steve Doocey would be more than happy to explain.

          • Daniel

            That’s why I want Steve. Brian fancies himself a jock, Doocey’s got a brain made of porridge and I think is genuinely confused (and angered) by traffic lights. “How do they know when to go on?!?!??!?!”

          • MynameisBlarney

            Brain fancies himself a jock?

            *blinks slowly several times*

            http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/lol_spider-man.gif

          • MynameisBlarney

            Our correspondent Ana L Beeds went DEEP undercover for this story.

          • laughingnome

            It’s the kind of story you can’t get in any other way than by the backdoor.

          • MynameisBlarney

            That’s right.
            They were reluctant at first, but she kept pounding her fist on that back door until she got ALL the way in.

          • laughingnome

            A. Nell Biedes

        • weejee
        • SeeTrain65
    • Wild Cat

      Mitch McConnell’s head?

    • shastakoala

      The screen door hitting his ass on the way out.

    • chicken thief

      The focus of the beav cam on Gretchen’s crotch on the old Fox and Friends show?

    • chicken thief

      The Veep at luncheons where only a woman is present?

  • Blackest Noobs

    nonconsensual sexual relationship = lawyer speak for rape.

    • chicken thief

      on more than one occasion…

  • Wild Cat

    “Whip me. Lis! Whip me! Pretend I’m Obama and you’re the slave owner! Ouch! On my pale Irish Catholic naughty ass . . . whip me! I’m such a naughty, naughty racist!”

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Ew! Ha, but ew!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “On occasion I have given him legal advice.” = “I threatened to sue his ass off.”

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      =”I advised him to settle with me if he had any desire to keep the rest of his money”

  • weejee

    Instead of sad 70-80s shag carpet, we’re being carpet bombed with shag stories about oldes and there simply is not enough brain bleach on the planet.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/46758effeb95b5cdab8e06f23add690e2a8c77b5e572da2c21a86bb6cb05af80.jpg

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Sure that’s enough?

      • MynameisBlarney

        For me, oh yeah.
        Dunno ’bout yous guys though.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    LOL — the SEC is investigating News Corp for omitting material facts in its public filings — hahaha — a little known nugget (and totes inside baseball cause I am a pocket protecting, runny nose nerd), but the SEC clunked old Roy Cohn (ya that fucker) back in the day for running an inadvertent investment company — Fifth Avenue Coach Lines — it met the hyper technical definition of “investment company” in the Investment Company Act of 1940. Alas, your legal tidbit for the day.
    I will grab my pocket protector and wipe my runny nose and show my nerd ass out.

    • laughingnome

      Trump’s skeevy mentor.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        The one and only — you can add Joe McCarthy’s little fuckwit legal eagle too.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Ah, Joe McCarthy. The major modern American politician most like Trump IMO.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Tail-Gunner Joe libel!

    • Erala Contratista

      Wipe nose on sleeve! Not protector!!!!

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    $32 million reeks of underage trafficking in pizza house tunnels.

  • calliecallie

    “…no idea what a “nonconsensual sexual relationship” is, but it sure does invite speculation.”

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • weejee

      PETA is on line two. Something about goats.

      • Edith Prickly

        Naaa-aaa-aaah! All yr goatz belongs to Erick son of Erick…

        • chicken thief

          Jes kidding!

  • chicken thief

    At this rate Bill can harass at least two more women before he goes broke.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      If by harass, you mean “rape two more”, then yes.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I have a sinking feeling that this will turn out to be like Zeno’s Paradox for sexual assault. The early plaintiff gets a third of his net worth. The next one gets a third of the now-reduced net worth. The one after that gets a third of even more drastically reduced net worth until the last plaintiff gets a quarter and bent bottle cap and yet Billo still isn’t quite wiped out.

        BTW – Historian Bill has yet another one of those “Killing” books out. Don’t buy it.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Bill O’Reilly made a career out of demanding that poor people and others take “personal responsibility” for their misfortunes. Funny how that never seems to apply to him.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘You do it so I don’t have to!’

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Well duh. He’s a Wealthy White Man(tm). Rules like that are just for the peons beneath him.

  • Shibusa

    I feel like there’s a movie in here somewhere.
    Killing Lincoln Lawyer?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I have no idea what a nonconsensual sexual relationship is either, but I have had many consensual nonsexual nonrelationships in my lifetime. Indeed, I’m in one right now with Bill O’Reilly.

    • phoenix00

      All I got are barely-consensual nonsexual non-relationships…..

  • peteywheats

    “nonconsensual sexual relationship”
    well…
    “nonconsensual sex”
    would be rape…
    so…
    “nonconsensual sexual relationship”
    would be a rape-based relationship.
    Sounds like sexual slavery.
    Fuck you, nazi Americans.

  • Shibusa
    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      I just threw up in my mouth a little

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Sure. Look at that throat! Rowr!
      – female frog

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Nah.

    • Manhattan123

      Chins up, Bill. Glenn Beck might still hire you.

    • SnowBomber

      Ooh, he’s a hot one! Jowls? Check. Liver spots? Check. Sun damage? Check. Sallow skin? Check. Flabby earlobes, fleshy wattle? Check, check! Hold me back.

  • Khavrinen

    “WONKERS, DO NOT SEND PORN TO YOUR LAWYERS!!!!

    Just a little PSA from your friendly neighborhood Wonkattorney.”

    If you’re finding it difficult to remember, I came across this helpful link a couple of days ago:
    https://medium.com/@annevictoriaclark/the-rock-test-a-hack-for-men-who-dont-want-to-be-accused-of-sexual-harassment-73c45e0b49af

    [ via Stina Leicht’s “Feminist Monday” post ( http://www.csleicht.com/ )]

  • TxSpinyLizrd

    For $32 million, described as a non-consensual sexual relationship, did he:

    Humiliate her?
    Injure her in one (or more) of his violent rages?
    Get her pregnant?
    Hold her captive?
    Rape her repeatedly?

    I wish her the best and hope that $32 million brings her some peace.

    • Zyxomma

      I do not wish her the best, and I hope that $32 million gives her only grief. Any POS who’d work with him for YEARS yes, deserves the money but no, deserves no peace from said cash.

  • Manhattan123

    5. He grabbed my pussy and I’m herewith stipulating 32 mil will shut me up.

  • Bill Diaz

    It disgusts me that so many of people take these settlements with ‘Non-Disclosure Agreements’ attached. It happens in medicine, which is why doctors in the US get away with murdering more than 250,000 of us and still get to complain how the ~20,000 lawsuits filed against them represent an unreasonable cost.

    Everyone that permits an NDA like this to stand supports the rapist or murderer they sued and lets them commit more crimes. Look at Donald Trump, his first wife clearly described a rape in her filings against her husband, but isnt allowed to say that because of the NDA.

    How many patients would be saved if all the incompetent doctors that murder their patients through incompetence could just bury the facts of their crimes? How many rapists would be stopped in their tracks if their victims were unwilling to be paid into silence and complacency?

    Our criminal justice system is far more criminal than just and I dream of a day when NDAs are outlawed so that victims in civil suits cant be bought into silence and tacit approval of horrible crimes.

    Have a great day!

    • SadDemInTex

      I don’t exactly disagree with you but the suing the doctor thing makes me uncomfortable. Medicine is actually a lot of guesswork still, it seems to me. Gross negligence and dishonesty must be dealt with rigorously but I worry about people who lose their fucking mind when a loved one dies and must blame someone. I have seen examples of it (especially when it is a child who dies). My mother-in-law could only keep croaking that “It’s not my fault”.

      • Lefty Wright

        Generally, those claims get weeded out quickly. Attorneys working on a percentage spend a lot of time and money. Any lawsuit is a gamble, but starting on one when you think the odds are less than one in ten of any victory will get you broke. For medical cases, you will be facing an insurance company lawyer. Unless you are at least as experienced and have an exceptionally strong case, you cannot expect those $20 million settlements or judgements. I have seen cases where poor medical judgement caused more serious problems. In one case, it meant my wife needed more extensive surgery for cancer, in another it meant that a very late diagnosis meant my mother endured more suffering than she should have her last three months. But my wife is cancer free over six years later and any surgical intervention for my mother would not have extended her life, just made her more comfortable. I doubt any attorney would have touched either one of them.

      • Zyxomma

        I understand, but I’ve got horror stories … the surgeon (1960s) who was on a drunk after the death of his wife cut off my dad’s leg in a SERIES of over a dozen amputations and DIDN’T FORM THE STUMP when he was done, at a Catholic hospital in NJ.

        Dad would tell the nurses and nuns he needed some kind of cushion for his other heel (he was too tall for the hospital bed); instead of providing it, they fucking prayed for him. Yes, the gangrene spread to the resultant bed sore. New York Hospital/Cornell admitted him as an emergency patient and was able to save his life, but not his other leg. As it happens, if he’d gone there in the first place, he would have lost a little toe; not two legs above the knee. Yes, I was among the caregivers cleaning out that open wound with saline solution when he was sent home; this is not hearsay.

        Then there was mom’s ankle problem. Her surgeon assured her she’d be dancing at her daughters’ weddings; instead he fucking crippled her for life. She was mostly ambulatory (with a Canadian crutch) until her final weeks on earth, but there was constant pain and swelling.

        There’s more, but not worth telling. Neither parent ever sued. May they rest in peace.

        • SadDemInTex

          That is gross negligence and your parents could have sued but it is hard unless you have resourses already. The people I know who sued had$$

          • Zyxomma

            My mother, for all her flaws, was a brilliant manager of the family’s finances. That, and my dad had a life insurance policy that paid off the balance of the mortgage as soon as the insurance company had documentation that he’d died, so mom owned her house free and clear since early 1968. Maintenance and taxes weren’t cheap, but she had no mortgage payment.

            I grew up wanting to be a doctor. Then I watched the medical profession cripple and murder family members, and changed my mind. Sure, there are good doctors who first do no harm, but there are also a lot of greedy, incompetent SOBs.

  • Flashman

    I of course empathize with all victims of sexual harassment, though I would have to admit that lawyers who work for Fox News and get 32 million fucking dollars for their pain are not at the top of my priorities list.

  • whitroth

    If I decide to run for inCongruess, let me assure you that Faux News will *not* be invited to my press conferences, being as they are a) a fascist propaganda outlet, run by (to use his own kind of language) a foreigner who bought his way into this country, b) set the environment of the company such that people, including upper management, felt justified in bribing government officials in the UK and the US, and c) felt comfortable using the company as a meet market for the men running it.

    That’s NOT a “news organization”. At least Hustler is honest.

  • Run2Live

    I can think of at least a couple other Bills who were known to have “non-consensual sexual relationships.”
    Buffalo Bill & Bill Cosby.

  • William
    • Zyxomma

      Ugh. Brain bleach, please.

  • Bad Scooter

    5. Additionally, also, too, everyone has a price.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    So Bill is 68 years old and has $64 million left, plus an $8.5 million home in the Hamptons … why does he need to compete in the marketplace? He should retire and let younger men have a chance to lie for Fox News and abuse women.

    • dshwa

      Unless there’s more out there, and he’s afraid if he doesn’t keep earning he’ll be destitute.
      Alternate theory: he just can’t stand no longer being a kingmaker like he was on FOX.

  • ken_kukec

    Not sure what Wiehl’s hourly rate was, but $32 mil can generally get you a whole lot of legal advice on the Rule Against Perpetuities.

  • BJW

    Nonconsensual sexual relationship? Gee, I think there’s a simpler term, 4 letters starting with an r…whatever could it be?

  • Viktor

    Today is the day Bill O’Grabey said he would release the truth via a report from his investigation team. So far Bill posted a note from Megyn Kelley mentioning Bill being a stand up guy by attending her baby shower. HE’S INNOCENT

  • Lambsendbeds

    Damn ! I can see I made a serious mistake being raped by random strangers instead of some rich creep like Bill O’Reilly. Then I could have paid my therapist with some of the sweet, sweet payoff money. I must learn to plan my life more carefully.

  • phoenix00

    Hush. Money.

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