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Thomas had ambled up to the table and asked for a beer. He was wearing jeans, a once-white shirt, a hat of indeterminate shape. He looked like a Spaniard, or at least a Portuguese. He told us he had voted for Trump, but now wanted to hit him. We told him he should not, because they would shoot him as sure as they’d jail him. We told him Republicans did not have his best interests in mind. He should try not to vote for them in future.

A well-meaning woman had insisted he couldn’t have a beer, but must eat a sausage instead. He did, but he was surly, then he was ready for his bottle. I had stated my preferences: I’ve never wanted to police how homeless people spent their money, their day, or their liver. If we all, this group of nice middle-class people, could be day-drinking in Sacramento, surely the man with little to look forward to could sauce himself up as well.

But of course it didn’t occur to me Thomas wouldn’t know when to say when.

We took our group picture of all our new friends in Sacramento. Thomas walked into the picture as well. This delighted me, and I laughed and cackled. Can you see him up there? Can you find him?

As dusk set in, Thomas brought back our two-year-old daughter from wherever she had wandered. We considered this could have ended poorly. We kept a better eye on her going forward. We’ve got a runner.

Thomas sat in a chair, and mumbled, and Donna swung on the bar next to him, regarding him with her brown eyes. “Watch her,” Shy said to me, “she’s mesmerized.” She sidled up to him. “Did you hear that, Cowboy?” she asked him. “Cowboy, do you hear?”

Thomas became aggressive, and started mumble-slur-yelling at the little girl. “FUCKING MOVE when I tell you word word mumble slur,” he said, and I considered this an excellent learning opportunity. I looked at her steadily.

“Donna Rose, when a random man tells you to do something, you don’t have to.”

“YES. I am random,” he said, and cooed, “listen to your mama.”

We packed up the Wonkebago, ready to roll to Sonoma. “GOODBYE COWBOY,” Donna called to him plaintively. “I LUB YOU.”

In the morning she told us she had lost Cowboy, and she loved him, and he was her best friend. And she also said bears had killed her in her bad dream, and also there were octopuses to kill the bears. And we said, “oh shit, we are going to have this exact conversation in 14 years,” like the affluent educated parents in Top of the Lake whose teen daughter takes up with, and desires, the greasy scary pimp man, and there is nothing they can do, except for the bears and or octopi.

The next day, we went to Sonoma, and we kissed the Wonkers on their faces for surviving, and we told them we loved them. Aaron, our friends’ little boy, dumped Donna Rose out of his tiny blue camping chair, and she wept, and said “I HATE HIM! RUDE TO ME,” but then told me she could forgive him and be friends again, since I’d asked.

“I love the blue chair,” she wept, some hours later. “The blue chair is my best friend.”

We felt better.

*****

Oct. 26, Orange County, at Moreno’s in Orange, from 7 to 9!

Los Angeles, we have decided you will find parking tomorrow, Oct. 27, at the Red Lion Tavern in Silverlake, where an old man once offered me so much cocaine! Call it 7 to 9 as well, though we bet you could find us there early, NOT DOING COCAINE.

San Diego, Chicano Park, you’re up Monday, Oct. 30, potluck from 5 to 8!

And Big Bear area (actually Sugarloaf), you’re up at 5-8 p.m., Nov. 1, at our dear friend Riss’s private home, 875 Orange Ave., Sugarloaf, so this address will self-destruct!

Las Vegas, be ready Nov. 4, tell us where in the comments!

And places beyond.

$
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  • MynameisBlarney

    NOICE!!!!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    East Coast, please.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I think I’ll just pop over to Metal Supermarket in London and see if they stock sheet lead.

      • Yellerduck

        Then take it over to Savile Row and see if they can bang a suit out of it!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      One wonders what value there is in putting these B-52s back on the 24 hour Alert? I’d think the submarine-launched ballistic missiles were the most survivable part of the Triad, and the B-52s the least survivable and least useful for a possible First Strike.

      Is this all to be “Scary-scary”?

  • Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be soulless mid-level corporate drones…
    https://youtu.be/Dgh6fDayDTI

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I was in a band in Nashville in the late 70’s where the guitar player worked in an office across the hall from Waylon Jenning’s corporate HQ. About once a month, the cops came through to search his offices for drugs, but they always called ahead first so he had the chance to clean the place up.

      • About once a month, the cops came through to search his offices for drugs

        Here Judge, listen to this song. That’s gotta be probable cause for another search…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Right’s worst nightmare: Gays with guns.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Anyone with guns that ain’t them is their worst fucking nightmare.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The sad thing is, there wouldn’t be a necessity for good guys/gays with guns if the bad guys didn’t have guns. The fact that the USA is nuclear capable is the epitome of why bad guys shouldn’t be allowed to have weapons and why we need international disarmament. The USA would never pass a background check.

    • Historicat

      Are those LGBTQ people black Muslims? Because those folks with guns are their worst nightmare.

  • chascates

    They all look like friends I haven’t made yet.

  • PubOption

    Is Thomas in the back row, between Shy and the guy in the turquoise shirt?

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      i would have said the man on the far right, because he has that look on his face that says “i’m teetering between ‘hell yeah!’ drunk and “fuck this fuckin bullshit”drunk…but he’s wearing a big chrono watch and a married ring, so that eliminates him being the ‘homeless’ guy

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    We were standing in the yard talking, all of us, at the bottom of the driveway, when we heard the cars honking, going by at 70 mph. I looked up the drive and there, in the middle of the highway, were my two year old daughter and her best friend, a three year old boy. I never raced so fast in my life or felt so guilty. When I had grabbed each of them by an arm and hauled them off the highway, I finally thought: who would drive past two babies wandering in the middle of the highway, and just honk?….

    • Isabella Martin

      So scary and happens in the blink of an eye

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Good god! Just reading that made me weak in the knees. My kid was about 2 1/2 when she walked out the front door. Thankfully, it was winter and I immediately noticed the draft, but I think about how far she may have gotten before I noticed but for that.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        One afternoon my mom answered the door and it was a cop with two-year-old me in his arms. I had made it all the way down the main street. My poor mom thought I was taking a nap.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I guess a lot of us have “Toddlers on the Loose” stories!

        • Shibusa

          My bro did that many years ago, but the dog, a german shepherd, followed him when he toddled out the door. My frantic mom called the police who started a neighborhood search. It was a fall day. They found my brother curled up in the sun on a neighbor’s back deck, with the dog curled up beside him. The dog would not let the cops anywhere near my brother!

  • MynameisBlarney

    One positive thing about turmps unpresidency?

    He’s inspired cartoonist WORLDWIDE.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029738565

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      This saddens me….

    • Lefty Wright

      The last cartoon summarizes it all. A bottomless pit of incompetence called Trump.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Infinitely better than Ben Garrison.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        That’s a low bar you’re setting there.

        • Three Finger Salute

          That’s why I said infinitely.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      That’s what worries me about cartoonists. They see opportunity in every disaster.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Lemonade.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    Can’t wait to see all my OC Wonkers in Orange.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    If Y’alls ever do the Wonket Drinky-drinky Thing in CO, I’ll make it a Dance Party.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Oblios_Cap

      Gee, I don’t remember Obama getting such attention.

  • marxalot

    Come to Vegas! Just not between the 7th and 12th of November! I will be in Texas, and if I miss the Official Wonkette Vegas Vacation, I will has a mega-sad.
    Related: Austin wonkeros, I’ll have jack all to do Friday the 10th and part of Saturday the 11th if anyone wants to hang out. Venue candidates so far seem to be the Chili Parlour, Schultz’s and the Spiderhouse.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I can’t catch a break. When Wonkette will be in SoCal, I’ll be in Austin, and when you are In Austin, I’ll be back in SoCal. Sigh…..

    • Yellerduck

      I’m in for the 10th! Any of the three are fine with me. All are within walking distance of work.

    • rebecca

      nov. 3. BUT WHERE?????

      • marxalot

        There’s a KOA with RV hookups over by Sam’s Town. We have several nice parks. (Don’t ask me, I’m sober and boring and spend a lot of time with my dog.)

    • BrianW

      I’ll be in the Austin area that weekend, but am busy on Friday and Saturday.

      • Paul

        We’ll write you a note for your boss. “Please excuse Brian because…”

        • BrianW

          Oh no, nothing like that! I’m at a game convention that weekend.

          • Querolous

            A game convention? Is that where the deer and antelope play?

          • BrianW

            More like the geeks and history nerds, actually. However, we can stipulate that “deer and antelope” are close enough.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You’re going in just as I’m going out. Bummer.

      • TakingAmes

        That’s what she said.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      are you flying or driving to austin? I’m on your way.

      • marxalot

        Flying, I’m afraid. I’m not eager to do that drive again soon.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          hey, i hear you. I’m half the distance and hate that drive to Austin.

          Have a good trip!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Sometimes I think this tired old world doesn’t deserve Donna Rose or all the kids just like her.

  • Darkrose

    So glad to have met you all! Donna Rose is adorable, and fast.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      She’s cute as hell. And nimble.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    She’s just too cute to exist, although I’ve seen her in person and can verify that she does exist!

    • SterWonk

      I once put bananas on her face — and a little in her mouth — when she was Wonkette Babby rather than Wonkette Toddler Woman. :-)

  • Jason M

    In case you guys are on the fence about doing a European version of the Drinky-Thing, ya’ll should know that Polish beer is very strong and quite cheap. And our alcoholics generally respect boundaries pretty well!

    • Nockular cavity

      You know WHO DIDN’T respect Polish boundaries???

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Russia, Prussia, and Austria?

        /old school

        • Pierre_de_Fermat

          And Tartars and Swedes
          /even older school

      • calliecallie

        The chef who tried Polish-Asian fusion? Sweet and sour pierogis?

  • Relativicus
    • Lascauxcaveman

      Your turn to buy and my turn to drink.

  • Ricky Gay

    “I am”… I said
    To no one there
    And no one heard at all
    Not even the chair”
    -Cowboy Neil

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Sonoma was a lot of fun. Had good conversation, good pizza, and then somehow managed to get home without going off the side of Donner Pass.

  • coozledad

    The beer is STILL my best friend.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    This story is the best wonkette story ever.

    • Suttree

      I prefer Wonkette stories where people get laid meet their soulmates.

  • Ellie

    Oh, lovely. I needed a Donna Rose this morning, after reading the news.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Nockular cavity

    Lovely piece of writing, ‘Trix.

    Oh, and I’ll put 50 Ameros on the octopuses.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    We considered this could have ended poorly. We kept a better eye on her going forward. We’ve got a runner.

    Athletic scholarship to college–you could do worse.

    And I can’t wait until you get to the mystery location in Los Angeles!

    • rebecca

      girl, i am having just a terrible time deciding where. ideas?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Griffith Park?

        • rebecca

          but WHERE IN IT. it is like 1 million acres big! and can people get there by transpo? and and and!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            It is huge but at leadt there’s plenty of parking. Dude, public transportation in LA? I’m going to say not likely.

          • rumsey

            Car-pooling, guys.
            Wonketeers United.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Ok wait. There’s a bus (96) that you can get on Spring Street across from Union Station that takes you right to the entrance. But then getting to the spot in the park would require some sort of shuttling I guess.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Grand Park, which is near the Metro and is downtown to boot?

        • rebecca

          HMMMM! that’s a thought!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Donna Rose towers above the wonkerati. Literally.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    never a stop near me.

    harrumph.
    (crosses arms).

    Kidding, it’d be the wonkette family and me. Ain’t no commenters near here!

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      …yet.

    • BrianW

      Well, Texas is a big place with a lot of empty space, and not just between some people’s ears. Hey, I can say that because I was born and raised here.

      Seriously though, there are a lot of us in TX, we’re just pretty far apart from each other.

    • Old Nick

      I am driving 3-4 hours to get to a stop. That may not be far in Texas or here in CA., but still an effort.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        no, that’s a drive. Especially each way!

  • Mike Lear

    The “looked like a Spaniard, or at least a Portuguese “ guy ( excellent Steinbeck!) looked like a completely demoralized Sherriff David Clarke to me, I got there late. This being my first Wonkette function, I was quite impressed by that… what had the liberal Antifa thugs done to him and could I still get in?

  • proudgrampa

    I cannot believe the amount of gray hair in that photo!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Less than in my mirror…

    • Suttree

      I confused the guy kneeling with Shy for a moment. :)

      • proudgrampa

        Looks like his twin, doesn’t he?

    • SDGeoff3

      I was counting bellies. (Looking down at mine at the moment.)

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        Mine’s hidden behind someone, and also “baldness,” so therefore, using these metrics, I am young again!

        • SDGeoff3

          Yes you are. No protest from me. You may see mine in the San Diego shots. I’m looking forward because I had to miss them last time.

      • proudgrampa

        I was just jealous of all the HAIR!

  • SterWonk

    I was about to set out for Sac, when my car broke down! :-(

    Sorry I missed everyone!

    • rebecca

      aw honey!

  • mailman27

    The dreaded Stinky Guy.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    So, Chicano Park. We can haz likker or do we have to put our cans in brown bags?

    • SDGeoff3

      I have no clue. Will it be safe for me to expose my grilled chicken wings?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Oh dear god. Think of the children… Idk what to bring.

        • SDGeoff3

          BTW, I just checked the SD City Code, and there is a 24 hour ban on alcohol there, as in most of the parks.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            So we smoke!

          • SDGeoff3

            Yes we do.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Mais oui!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            OT: I’m in the library working on a friend’s paper and the guy next to me is in his 20s and he has been watching SpongeBob for about an hour.

          • SDGeoff3

            hmph. Do you have to listen, or is it just the screen?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Both.

          • CindyinEncinitas
          • SDGeoff3

            Nope. I think we missed it.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Wouldn’t stop you in Atlanta. That’s what they made Red Solo Cups ™ for.

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      Is that the Chicano Park that figures in the Indigo Girls’ song?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        No idea. That would be cool, though.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          The song is “Shame on You”, and is likely available on YouTube if anyWonk wants to see if it fits the park.

  • Cock Blockula

    I missed that incident since we had to leave early. Glad it turned out well. We should all be the village and keep our eyes on DR during these events. She is at that age to cut and run at a moment’s notice.

    I had a runner too. Mostly when we were in grocery stores where he could be hide in the aisle or behind fruit bins and soda displays… Used to freak me out.

    • Maggielle

      My friend’s daughter did a runner once – at Disneyland. She jumped into a teacup and hid till her mom started screaming for her.

      • Cock Blockula

        =8O Yikes!

  • RMKH

    Dear Editrix – my son was a runner. Once, at about 3 yo, he bolted into the Saturday evening Bumbershoot crowd, which is about as dense as humanity gets here in the northwest corner. I had to knock down old ladies to get to him before he was gone forever. So keep an eye on that girl. She’ll get over it eventually.

  • calliecallie

    I love that toddler phase. Donna Rose is an outstanding toddler.

    • H0mer0

      bless your heart. It was a mixed bag with twins.

      • calliecallie

        bless your heart. I started late in life and was only able to have the one. Both the boy and I would have been delighted if he’s been twins.

        • H0mer0

          I always tell them they are so lucky to have a built-in buddy. I think they know it.

  • TimResistit

    I’m glad I never had kids. I’d be a wreck of a worrier. They would not be allowed to leave the house until they’re 32.

    • Canned Covfefe

      I shouldn’t have been allowed to leave until at least 40 … or so

  • Courser_Resistance

    All three of us kids were runners. I scampered off and was found IN an elephant ring, feeding them peanuts I picked up off the ground. One brother disappeared into the back room of a Sears. My parents finally learned with Baby Bro. We put him on a leash.

    • Suttree

      I loved to hide in the circular clothing racks at K-Mart. It is never spoken of. Probably because I walked a friend home in Brooklyn in 2nd or 3rd grade and couldn’t find my way home for a couple of hours. I saw some cops but I didn’t talk to them.

      • SDGeoff3

        My younger brother was a real cut up and one of his friends who was a KMart employee gave him the number for the intercom. One day, we were picking up a few things and he said, “Hey big brother, watch this”. He walked over to a house phone, dialed in and said “Housewares, dial 9 please. Housewares, dial 9.” You could hear him loud and clear. Hung up the phone and we shopped on. I still chuckle.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          My brother, the weird one but not the weirdest one, got on a store mic and shouted “Monkey Man!”. I believe it was in Woolworth’s but it could have been the grocery store.

          • SDGeoff3

            I’m really laughing out loud in CAPS here! Great!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      My brother next in age to me was the runner. The two youngest were embarrassed by him, and never repeated his behavior. And yes, at 52, he’s still weird.

      • Courser_Resistance

        LOL. My family is odd in the extreme. Both my parents are only children & my father likely has Asbergers, though he was just known as ‘The Absentminded Professor’.

        My parents essentially raised 3 ‘only’ children. And we are all weird in our own ways. Eccentric was never a dirty word in my family and occasionally a point of pride.

  • Teto85

    My grandfather always told this story about me. We were in a grocery store checkout line and he was carrying me under his arm. The checker asked, “What’s the matter can’t he walk?” My grandfather replied, “Yes, that’s why I am carrying him.” And how did Donna Rose get to be 2? Babbies, you can’t explain them. You guys have a fun trip. And thanks for the updates.

  • MamaBrown

    I want to hang out with all of you. It is my fondest wish.

    • Alternative Dog

      Remain hopeful, it may happen some day. I drove about two hours to make my first appearance at a gathering in Oakland a couple years ago. It was totally worth it. This time my commute was around 15 minutes.

      Not sure where you are located, but there are Wonkette fans everywhere. It’s only a matter of time before a crowd will unite around some event.

      • MamaBrown

        I remain hopeful! I’m in Boston, I know my people must be everywhere. I was dead set on meeting up and marching with the Wonkette contingent at the Women’s March–I was at the designated spot and met a bunch of folks there, but my friend was pretty salty and got so unpleasant I had to bail. Next time I will not be swayed.

  • geoffalnutt

    Donna Rose And The Cowboy. The movie: Starring Holly Hunter,
    Billy Bob Thornton and Morgan Freeman (as Murph).

    • Kooolest G

      there actually was a movie with holly hunter, billy bob thornton and morgan freeman in it. it was called levity. the best part, it also had kirsten dunst in it

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      And Dakota Fanning (from the past) as DR, pls.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Did some checking as I saw her name in Top of the Lake (seen 3 eps so far) and wondered if Holly is GJ. Yes, and she’s 59 to my amazement. Excellent.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Wayne made it home safely. Meeting all the people was great. Touching base with Shy and Editrix was great. Donna Rose is adorable. I have a happy. That is my Sonoma meet-up report.

    • Lurkette

      Plus we all listened to your fire stories because we are like that and we care about you and want to help. So glad to meet you and the Santa Rosa and Sonoma folks. We didn’t even get around to trashing Dana Roherbacher until 4:45 or so. Becca has some good stories.

    • Bob Bancroft

      Excellently stated and concise. Celeste and I enjoyed the Sonoma Plaza Wonketariat shindig muchly. Great set of folks,

  • Beanz&Berryz

    DR uses her words good…

    • Begin Anew Day

      In about 2.5 more years she will have a vocabulary containing 1100 more words that donnie T.

      Yo donnie! Sux to be you!

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    Real-life Tony Stark in Less Than Polite Urban Cowboy 2, Errpublican Boogaloo

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    This story broke mah heart.

  • cafiene

    Mother of one. Will only ever be one. Ask me how I know how fast ikea goes into lockdown on a Saturday. Just as fast as the other time. Or how good brakes in a Home Depot forklift are.

    We never should have taught her to walk.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      You know this, I just feel like saying, she will find more ways to drive you nuts.

      • cafiene

        Every damn day lol

  • I know, how you feel, Donna Rose. We all want a blue chair.

  • tegrat

    Shaping up to be probably the hottest day of the year tomorrow in Santa Barbara. Great beach weather! See you there!

  • Alternative Dog

    Time for a drive-by gloat…

    I couldn’t help but notice that Donna Rose was getting a little bored drifting among the towering adults as we ate, drank and discussed how to make the world a better place. What this young lady needs is a trip over to the playground equipment I thought to myself. Although I did not feel comfortable asking her parents to let some relatively unknown old man wander off with their 2-year-old daughter, when I noticed Rebecca and DR walking back together from the Wonkabego, I decided to intercept them and suggest that maybe we three could go over to the playground to give Donna Rose some toddler appropriate R&R. Trix said once DR gets over there she’ll never want to leave. As an experienced father, I’ve had twently years to erase the wisdom I acquired with my own 2-year-old so I wasn’t going to let her reservations deter me. Much to my delight, Rebecca said “sure you can wander off with my daughter.” I may be paraphrasing a bit.

    We started off exploring the various equipment that was spread in and around the sand pit but eventually settled on the jungle gym in the middle of the fenced off area. I lost track of time as Donna Rose made repetitive circuits up, around, and down the alternate climbing paths, bridges, and slides that composed the structure. It’s hard to describe how adorable it was to hear that tiny voice repeat the same phrases over and over again as she progressed through each iteration of climbing up the rope ladder (“Kinda bouncy”), achieving the summit (“I’m way up here”), peering through the railing as she crossed the platform to the slide (“I see you!”), and eventually heading down the spiral slide (“I see you!” [yeah, not very original]).

    She did this about 20 or 60 times with occasional diversions across the suspension bridge (“Kinda bouncy”) and the chained poles (“Hold it”) before it started getting so dark that I thought we should return to the party. I gathered her up on what I informed her was her last trip down the slide and she didn’t fuss at all as I carried her through the gate and we bid adu to the playground (“Bye playground”). About half way back to the gathering we ran into Rebecca who was just coming to fetch us.

    It was a delight to meet my fellow Sacramento Wonkatariates, and it’s always a joy to hang out with Trix and Shy, but I have to admit that spending time with Donna Rose was the highlight of my weekend. I’m in no hurry for my son to become a dad (he’s not ready), but I relish the opportunity to spend time with adorable little ones.

    tl;dr: Trix and Shy are wonderful parents and Donna Rose is totally adorable.

    • Eva Lear

      I ❤️ Donna Rose. We were the very LAST to arrive, the ones who refused to take the macaroni salad… This precious flower walked up to me and held her hands up for me to hold her. I was melting! Thank you for making us feel so welcome!
      Great meeting you Wonkette folks!

      • Alternative Dog

        I was delighted when you guys arrived. Not only are you an exceptionally warm couple, but the fact that you made the effort to attend from so far away even though it was late in the day speaks to the community this place fosters. Look forward to seeing you next time.

  • Marsupial99

    Ok, so now I have to ask: what does Babby like? For instance, if my wife & daughter and I were to bring a gift for her to the San Diego meet-up, what would she prefer? My Little Pony toys? Donald Trump dartboards?? (Don’t say “cash”, that’s a separate thing for Mommy & Daddy.)

    • SDGeoff3

      San Diegans await breathlessly…

    • 2 year olds like cake

      • Alternative Dog

        And repetitive silly games like hide and seek around the corner of a wall, making goofy noises and exaggerated facial expressions, and the occasional jack-in-the-box like surprise as they pop into one’s personal space. I speak with experience from last Saturday.

        In other words, basically anything that would amuse someone on LSD.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I recall my son liked falling down on purpose a lot.

          • Begin Anew Day

            Did he go on to Pro Rasslin’?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Soccer.

        • Begin Anew Day

          Grateful Dead albums and magnets?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Fidget Spinners?

        • bobbert

          And chasing me around and around the room.

  • thewendyb

    Instead of LA go to VENTURA BEACH because heat stroke

  • Jonny On Maui

    Thank you.

  • Begin Anew Day

    I had to say goodbye to my dog today. She couldn’t walk anymore.

    Is there any greater injustice in this cruel, senseless universe than dogs (and cats) not being immortal?

    The sick fuck who did the “intelligent design” of our plane could use a few whacks on the head with a stout club!

    In the mean time please keep that runner on a leash. Or at least have a tracker chip installed!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Sorry to hear that. Another doge passes over the Rainbow Bridge.
      https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Images/Gate_pics/RB_Poem_Gate.jpg

      My Bella is now ~10 but being a little doge (22 lbs), I hope that she lives a good bit longer. Fingers Crossed.

      • Begin Anew Day

        May Crom make her MIGHTY!

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        I think my stepdaughter’s Yorkie made it to about 15. The end was still painful though. Now she has a feisty little Chihuahua.

    • sillyclucker

      I’m sorry to hear about your dog. I have one that’s 15. I’m waiting for the day she doesn’t seem glad to be alive. She still looks forward to dinnertime and tries to play. I have to carry her down the steps but she can still go up. If I, or one of the other dogs, brushes by her, she falls down, but we are all as careful as possible. Her first family didn’t want her, but I want her to go on forever. Like the good girl she is, she’s trying, but I know I don’t have much longer. It hurts my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss. You have my full sympathy.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Thanks. These canine cupids steal our hearts and that is only fair: we stole their hearts first.

    • Alternative Dog

      My condolences. I wonder if they know how much we miss them.

      • H0mer0

        I heard they do, but like the concept of heaven and afterlife, it involves suspending disbelief in order to keep my thoughts from going down that existential rabbit hole.

    • kareemachan

      I know it wouldn’t be the same, but I wish I was rich so I could clone all the wonderful kitties we’ve lost. One was a 3-legged Galactic Wonder Cat, and I’d dearly love to give him that leg back. And yeah, I know it wouldn’t be the same animal or personality, but still…

  • Begin Anew Day

    So I bought a delightful Star Wars postcard which had Darth Vader inspecting the bodies of slain rebels. I sent that card to donnie T at the White House. I remarked that donnie’s recent maneuver with the cost sharing subsidies in the healthcare insurance market had a lot in common with the Sith Lord counting bodies.

    They sent it back!

    Thin skinned don’t do them justice!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      How did they have your return address? No, no – don’t do that. Send it anonymously so it counts to breaking the Guinness record for postcards sent in one year – 900K to Hank Aaron in 1974, the year that he passed Babe Ruth’s HR record.

      • Begin Anew Day

        I say to thee NAY!

        I want donnie T to know my name and address! I don’t want him guessing who I am. This year I have had to say goodbye to my wife and my dog. If donnie T wants a piece of me…I’m ready!

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Then send a letter and make them spend the time on security measures.
          You are making it too easy on them.

          • kareemachan

            A very stuffed letter.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      I have thought of forwarding all my RESIDENT mail to the Resident Of The United States (ROTUS).

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Ah, but then they would have my address for sure. Never mind.

        • kareemachan

          Give ’em a fake one. Maybe Trump Towers or Mother Pence’s?

      • Begin Anew Day

        The property manager at 1600 Pennsylvania NW in Washington DC really fouled things up with the new tenant.

  • sillyclucker

    I want to be Donna Rose’s best friend too ! I have a cowgirl hat, I don’t drink alcohol and I have kittens. And baby chicks. Those are my qualifications.

    • SDGeoff3

      What canned foods, if any, do you serve?

      • sillyclucker

        Umm…let me see…soup and the occasional spaghettio dinner.

        • SDGeoff3

          That may be ok.

          • sillyclucker

            I could do other things ! Just tell me which would be acceptable.

          • SDGeoff3

            IMHO, you better check with Mamma!

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    I see, learning to deal with attaching and losing starts early and takes a while.
    When Mrs God’s youngest was almost seven and we went to visit my parents or MG’s, the girl would pitch a crying fit when it was time to hit the road. We had to wrestle her into the car.

    • H0mer0

      H0mer0’s parents had the same experience with one of H0mer0’s offspring when they were trying to leave Mumbai (H0mer0 is befuddled as when she was that age, she couldn’t wait to leave Mumbai.)

  • Alternative Dog

    For any latecomers visiting this post who might be interested, there’s a picture of Tom the cowboy in the comment thread.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Your storytelling powers are evocative, indeed. Very pretty, too. I sighed when I finished reading.
    I sighed just now, also, when I realized that right at this moment you’re all together in wonkville and I’m halfway across the country. Nevertheless, sending best wishes for a happy time for all and another opportunity for Donna Rose to fall in love.

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