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Hey! Remember that time that Bill O’Reilly finally got kicked off of Fox News because of how much he could not stop sexually harassing the women he worked with?

Well, we all knew, obviously, that Fox knew all about his filthy falafel habits all along. I mean, if we did, then they did. But a report in The New York Times this week showed that not only did they know about all the old sexual harassing Bill O’Reilly did, but they also knew that he had just settled another sexual harassment “problem” for the tidy sum of $32 million dollars in January. WHICH IS A FUCKTON OF MONEY FOR THAT KIND OF THING. Andrea Mackris, the recipient of Bill’s falafel fantasies, only got 9.

Perhaps because this one involved…

“…allegations of repeated harassment, a nonconsensual sexual relationship and the sending of gay pornography and other sexually explicit material to her, according to the people briefed on the matter.”

I feel like there is another word for a nonconsensual sexual relationship? HMMM. What would that be?

In this case, the settlement was paid to avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit against him by 15-year Fox News analyst and lawyer Lis Wiehl. O’Reilly insisted to the times that, once again, he did nothing wrong and only paid her off to avoid embarrassing his children and whatnot.

“It’s politically and financially motivated,” he said of the public outcry over the allegations against him, “and we can prove it with shocking information, but I’m not going to sit here in a courtroom for a year and a half and let my kids get beaten up every single day of their lives by a tabloid press that would sit there, and you know it.”

Allow me to point out that this strategy clearly did not work! If he truly were innocent, it would probably make more sense to prove that in court than to become famous for paying women millions in order to “settle” these suits. Now, O’Reilly is still famous for being a sexual harasser, but is ALSO $32 million dollars poorer.

Anyway, the crux of this story is that Fox News knew all about this lawsuit beforehand, and then decided to renew O’Reilly’s contract anyway, and also give him a $25 million a year raise. Perhaps to offset the cost of paying off the women he sexually harassed.

Since the publication of the article, Fox News has issued a statement explaining the reasoning behind the contract renewal.

When the company renewed Bill O’Reilly’s contract in February, it knew that a sexual harassment lawsuit had been threatened against him by Lis Wiehl, but was informed by Mr. O’Reilly that he had settled the matter personally, on financial terms that he and Ms. Wiehl had agreed were confidential and not disclosed to the company. His new contract, which was made at a time typical for renewals of multi-year talent contracts, added protections for the company specifically aimed at harassment, including that O’Reilly could be dismissed if the company was made aware of other allegations or if additional relevant information was obtained in a company investigation. The company subsequently acted based on the terms of this contract.

21st Century Fox has taken concerted action to transform Fox News, including installing new leaders, overhauling management and on-air talent, expanding training, and increasing the channels through which employees can report harassment or discrimination. These changes come from the top, with Lachlan and James Murdoch personally leading the effort to promote civility and respect on the job, while maintaining the company’s long-held commitment to a diverse, inclusive and creative workplace.

Long-held commitment, indeed! What is a better demonstration of said Long-held commitment than “Well, he paid them off himself, and we said we’d fire him if he did any more sex harassing, so whatevs.” Or the fact that O’Reilly recently appeared on the network to promote his book. Clearly, Fox knew about this problem and didn’t care that much until people on the internet decided to not shut up about it ever.

Which is a very good reason to not shut up about anything, ever. And in the spirit of not-shutting up, ever, IT IS NOW TIME FOR YOUR OPEN THREAD! HOORAY! And don’t forget to tip your Wonkettes!

[New York Times | Variety]

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  • Blackest Noobs

    it’s good to know men will pay other men to behave badly toward women. and thus our problem is men, so take men out of the equation.
    you may interpret that as you want.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The constant is the problem here. Men are the constant.

      • The Wanderer

        You are right. Therefore I shall commit Virtual Seppuku.

        (SFX: CGI TANTO, FOLLOWED BY CGI ENTRAILS)

        • Rags

          Aaaaand…daki-kubi

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Woman without her man is nothing.

        Wait! Forgot to comma.

        • starfanglednut

          Or a colon maybe.

          • willi0000000

            “you keep our colons out of this!”
            – men

  • Villago Delenda Est

    $32 million.

    Must be a shitload of incontrovertible evidence to rate a $32 million hush money payoff.

    • Mary Theresa

      She was paid to drop charges she had filed with the NYPD against him.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If all this is “politically and financially motivated”, then you’d think he’d fight them because they were baseless charges.

        Apparently not so much.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Let’s see a long court battle might cost $2million….

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          You’d think that it would be in Bill O’s best interest to at least wait until the NYPD closed the case for lack of evidence, since they wouldn’t waste their time investigating something that was solely “politically and financially motivated”.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Ayup. This is a true case of smoke indicating a fire.

        • Mary Theresa

          I think they were rape charges. BRB with link.

        • shivaskeeper

          Not at all. If you are Dem and are simply hinted at being accused of something, then you are guilty of whatever you might be accused of and probably setting kittens on fire while personally killing live babies and issuing various stand down orders to the local and federal law enforcement agencies while you are running a pedophile ring out of a random basement.

          If you are a GOP you are never guilty because… reasons, like “Bitch set me up”. So it’s much easier to just pay and carry on like nothing happened since nothing did happen because you were never guilty of anything in the first place, so nothing could have happened. The money is just to make the totally false, and of course, baseless charges to go away so you don’t have to waste your time defending yourself from something that never happened. Plus your well defined family values mean you are only agreeing to the payment so your wife and children do not get dragged into the spotlight and/or have to hear nothing but lies about you.

          It’s simple really.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Well, when you put it THAT way…

          • Donna Mueller

            yup-with the party of personal responsibility, it’s ALWAYS someone elses fault !!!!!!!!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You’ve obviously never checked under the couch cushions.

      • willi0000000

        where’s your couch, the Pentagon?

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Boojum

    I want that case. Call me, Fox Women!

  • Sashineb
  • Juan de Fuca

    This is one of the best stories I’ve read all week:

    Texas high school homecoming queen kicks game-winning field goal
    Dawson High School (Texas) senior Claire Jeffress is having a good month.
    Last week, Jeffress was named the homecoming queen, and the varsity kicker posed for a photo, complete with her tiara, in a football uniform.
    On Friday, she was the hero of a thrilling 38-35 win over hometown rival Pearland, kicking a game-winning 30-yard field goal with just over a minute remaining on the clock.

    https://twitter.com/DawsonHighSchl/status/919018476609703936

    • The Wanderer

      Hooray! Well done, Miss Jeffress!

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      double threat, eh? well done!

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Except, guys, please use red eye filter next time. That is… unfortunate.

  • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

    Only a half dozen comments? It’s like they’re not allowed or something!

  • marxalot

    *yawn…*
    oh, hey everybody, what’s up. I’ve been awake for hours but you wouldn’t know it by me.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    “give him a $25 million a year raise”

    The flying fuck? How much were they paying this shitecannon?

    • data_ninja

      This must be why the rich need tax breaks. Most of their money is being spent to pay people off for things like these, and they just want some of it back.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Next time somebody bitches about how much an athlete gets paid, I’m going to point at Dil D’oh’Reilly

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        But that’s different, because “he built that”, while those blah athletes are “ungrateful millionaires who don’t appreciate what Murica has done for them”

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Right, because Adonis like physiques bulild themselves

          • willi0000000

            . . . and brain injuries heal themselves.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Awwwwwww

  • President in Exile Firefly

    His next book: Killing My Bank Account.

    • Ling Ling

      Snark of the day nominee

      • President in Exile Firefly

        Thanks, man. I’ll put that right next to my Pullet Surprise.

  • theCryptofishist

    “Creative”? In what way is Fox News creative?

    • Daniel Hooper

      In the number of new ways they blame Obama and praise Trump. I mean, obviously; they’re certainly not going to do anything crazy like hire interesting talent or offer varied opinions.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Or, heavens forfend, tell the truth.

        • willi0000000

          c’mon . . . it doesn’t take much creativity to report the truth.

          [ . . . but consistently staying ahead of The Onion is hard! ]

    • Me not sure

      Creative with the truth?

    • Panika MCD

      coming up with new models for stupid?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      inventing new lies?

  • Moebym of the Returners

    All I’m going to say about O’Reilly is that my Republican Friend TM thinks he’s the bee’s knees, and believes his accusers are all lying bitches. She’s…problematic.

    I’m pretty sure that something I said or did last Saturday pissed my friend off, because I would have heard from him by now on any other Saturday.

    • Panika MCD

      you need a better Republican friend.

      • theCryptofishist

        What do you suppose this one’s trade=in value is?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Everyone knows it drops 40% as soon as you take it off the lot.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I just drove it around the block, I swear!

        • Panika MCD

          3 Jesus pamphlets, a signed copy of Killing Lincoln and a case of Bud.

  • Sashineb
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Dear Dad,
    We’re well beyond the embarrassment and would frankly rather have the inheritance you asshole.

    Fuck you,
    The Kids

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’m sure they much prefer to go through the rest of their lives as the kids whose father who chose to settle rather than defend himself- nothing embarrassing about that at all.

      • Panika MCD

        I’m guessing most of his kids don’t know or don’t acknowledge that he’s their father.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          or wish they didn’t

          • Panika MCD

            those are the ones who don’t acknowledge it. it’s like knowing you’re going to die one day, but not obsessing over it–except instead of suppressing mortality salience, you’re suppressing paternity salience.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Who? Never heard of him. Besides, O’Reilly is a common Irish name…

          • Panika MCD

            egg sac lea.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    When will Donny Douche Jr. tweet about this? Fox News, the puppy mill of sex perverts.

  • Panika MCD

    why does he always bring up his kids? he’s been an on air talent for ages and had numerous sexual assault cases and I don’t know his kids’ names. what does he know about his spawn that the rest of us should know? OR is he trying to pull a Palin by bringing them up banking on people reporting on them and then claiming it was a witch hunt all along (albeit one he started)?

    • shivaskeeper

      Using his kids as a shield, pure and simple.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      kids are props and shields for these assholes, nothing more…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Those poor kids.

      • Seek

        They can’t be young at this point. The Macris thing started a long time ago and I remember them being teenagers then. He ain’t exactly a spring chicken so … I’m guessing that they’re aware that he’s a serial sex offender.

    • Daniel Hooper

      Given the number of sexual allegations against him, he may be trying to protect the children that could be used against him as evidence. Which, I guess, is noble?… Kinda? I mean, would YOU want it be public knowledge Bill O’Reilly is your father?

  • redarmyzombie

    God I hate these fucking people.

  • OrG

    Anybody considered the possibility that he’s lying? That maybe he paid $32 Mil. because he’s extremely guilty as fuck?

    • Panika MCD

      no one ever.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      William of Occam says, bingo!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Stupid razors.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Is that the guy who founded Dollar Shave Club?

    • Ling Ling

      Still struggling w/the fact that an obnoxious toxic windbag has many millions to spread around.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      FAKE GNUS

    • sarafina

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Serai 1

      Why would he pay out if he was innocent? The money alone inculpates him.

      • Amy!

        Next time, he should commit a federal crime instead. Then he can get a pardon. Still admission of guilt, but it doesn’t cost anything (except you conscience, and he sold that for a packet of bean meal decades ago).

    • starfanglednut

      The devil you say!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    so the moral of the story is- make up something ugly and outrageous about O’Reilly then sue the shit out of him, because he’ll pay out rather than fight it.

    Hmmm, there was the time my cousin caught Bill O in the family barn fucking all the livestock (except the goats, that’s Erickson’s dept). TIme to sue O’Reilly! C’mon Bill, are you going to deny it or just write me a check?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    For $32,000,000, you can go to an island without an extradition treaty and buy all manner of creepy sex acts. So, in addition to being a hypocrite, he’s very foolish with his money.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It was never about sex. It’s just not fun being an abusive asshole when you’re paying the other party to pretend to be the victim.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        True, it’d be like the Twilight Zone where the gangster goes to Hell

    • BadKitty904

      Well, he IS a Republican…

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Chris Evans knows all the words to all the songs from The Little Mermaid *and* Aladdin, Y’alls.

    Have him scrubbed and sent to my tent.

    • Panika MCD

      what are we scrubbing him with?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        A Falafel

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Sorry, that’s Dil D’oh’Reilly

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Ahhh….you are also too Naughty, I see!

        • Panika MCD

          he can be scrubbed in my camp.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Chris? If you’re reading, take *lots* of Vitamin E, my lovely. Lots.

          • Panika MCD

            I will need the right supplies. send a list.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            On it!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Or I could just lick him all over.

    • I will fight you for him girl. A recent Buzzfeed quiz named him my ideal celebrity bf, which is obviously destiny speaking

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Share? I’m not the jealous sort. Lots of Gorgeous Chris Evans to go around?

        • I am concerned the sharing would wear him out

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Captain America? ….maybe.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *confidently waits for his turn*

          • Anna Elizabeth

            This is why I live Open, Darling Unicorn. :)

  • The Librarian

    Bill, Bill, Bill, what a gross, disgusting lump of flesh you are. Molded from the same toxic ingredients as Harvey Weinstein. Faux News, seriously, you are on par with Mr. Weinstein’s company, who tacitly approved his lecherous schemes until oooops! The only shame is these two fuckwits weren’t stopped sooner.

  • BadKitty904

    Who?

  • Mary Theresa
  • WomanInThePersistence

    Hilarious and Trump-free. Enjoy!

    https://youtu.be/tJE3KDxTbWI

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      The very best part of a very, very good movie.

      ‘EAT ME!’

  • Jennifer R

    Getting excited, almost time for the sacramento meat up.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Meet-ups are the best! Have a great time!

    • SterWonk

      Yeah, I need to head out too! See you there!

      • SterWonk

        As it happens, I didn’t make it — car trouble. :-p

        Hope everyone had a good time!

    • Have fun storming the castle!

  • BadKitty904

    One of the little old ladies on our block told us this morning that she’s going as Mary Parkman Peabody, a local heroine, this Halloween.

    For those of you who aren’t familiar with Ms. Peabody and her righteous asskickery, this plaque is posted a few blocks south of our house:

    The event that brought the civil rights movement in Florida to international attention was the arrest of Mary Parkman Peabody (1891-1981), the 72-year old mother of the Governor of Massachusetts (Endicott Peabody) , for trying to be served lunch in a racially integrated group at the Ponce de Leon Motor Lodge on March 31, 1964. The socially prominent Mrs. Peabody, whose husband was an Episcopal bishop and who was related to Eleanor Roosevelt, stayed at 177 Twine Street when she was not in the St. Johns County Jail, where she spent two days. She was the guest of Mrs. Loucille Plummer (1924-1978), a nurse and civil rights activist. The house survived a firebombing attempt in 1965 because of Ms. Plummer’s local civil rights activities.

    Here’s Miz Mary in action, causin’ trubba (and the locally iconic photo my neighbor is basing her costume on):

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/21492f43a254c1346b3ced8d7317caf860ba9b35e4073440227bc6be4e6a2b92.jpg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I love Mrs. Peabody. And your neighbor. Who sounds like a delight.

      • BadKitty904

        She’s the same little old neighbor lady who puts a Vote for McGovern sign in her yard during every Presidential election. She’s a blue-rinsed hellion.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          You are so lucky to know her. I’m a mite bit jealous.

    • Ellie

      I know who Mrs. Peabody was, and who her husband was, and I applaud your wonderful neighbor!

      • BadKitty904

        She will be marching in our town’s annual Halloween parade, wearing a LARGE name-tag, bearing Ms. Peabody’s name and SJCJ prisoner number, so everyone will know who she’s portraying.

    • james crubb

      Check out Victoria Woodhull for old timely magnificence, first woman to run for US prez.

  • Blackest Noobs

    expect more of these kind of stories in Trump’s America…..oooooh aint this making America Great Again!

    http://nypost.com/2017/10/20/middle-school-probes-racist-locker-room-videos-showing-pantomime-sex-acts/

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I cannot begin to express how horrifying I find this.

  • Blackest Noobs

    o/t: korean jesus just gets me better than macedonian jesus

    • WomanInThePersistence

      https://youtu.be/JEvy8mROAj0

      I’m not actually a believer, btw.

      • Serai 1

        Not necessary. I’ve always loved that song, along with Spirit in the Sky and any number of fantastic gospel songs.

  • shart of turin

    Bill, to his son: “Why am I just now hearing you were expelled for 3 days for cheating?”

    Son: “It was a made-up story fueled by my liberal teachers. I was totally innocent, but hid it from you anyway to shield you from the pain and embarrassment. Oh, and go fuck yourself.”

  • Bobathonic

    So I had Stuff To Do and lost track of a fave car chat in an earlier thread. I love my MINI Cooper S convertible.

    And obligatory:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oaEM4JYFPfw

    • Serai 1

      Mmmm, Roger Taylor.

    • CripesAmighty

      Fun little machine. Beemer doesn’t make a bad car.

      • Arolpin

        They are insanely fun cars, silly and questionable ergonomics, but truly fun, even with the base model. I like small, fast cars though. I seriously considered a Fiat 500 Abarth, mostly because one of the teachers at the elementary school down the block drives one, and I loved the sound it would make when it drove down the street.
        I ended up with a Focus RS, and if I put it in Sport mode, I get all sorts of pops and crackles and backfires when I let off the throttle. It’s different from the Ararth, more guttural and grunty than crackley, but it’s also a much more functional (and faster) car. (I told my wife that it’s a hatchback so I can fit the kids and all their sports gear; it’s all-wheel-drive so it’s good in the snow; and that it was a lot cheaper than the used-911 Turbo I really wanted.)
        As to your statement that Beermer doesn’t make a bad car, may I remind you of the 320e?

        • CripesAmighty

          you mean the late ’70s/early ’80s one? I beg to differ–not real fast, but a ballerina on wheels–exquisitely light to the touch, tossable.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      With all due respect, THIS is a Mini Cooper S: http://www.carandclassic.co.uk/uploads/cars/austin/7555175.jpg

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • Serai 1
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Yum, green eggs.

      • Doug Langley

        And ham?

        • Arolpin

          And hash. Green eggs and hash.

        • Pisto75666

          *inhales* sure, if you’re buying. *exhale*

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Cock-a-doobie-do!

      • Ronda

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !da303d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleOnlineIndexEasyTechJobsOpportunities/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!da303lhhh

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Is there a similar video answering the firemen-with-red-suspenders question?

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Three Finger Salute

    So, let me get this straight, Billo: It’s not OK for “the libruhl media” to “beat up” your kids (which I agree, kids should be off-limits, but nobody’s doing that)… but it’s OK for you to beat up your wife? With or without the cameras rolling, eh Billo?

    https://i.imgflip.com/1y0vy6.jpg

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Wait, wut? Does this mean the daughter who he sued to get unsupervised visitation with despite the fact that she said she was scared of him after watching him assault her mom?

      • Three Finger Salute

        IOKIYAR.

        Sick son of a bitch. I really do empathize with those kids.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, my folks staged a bizarre kabuki custody battle over all the reasons why they should have been forced to take an exam before they were allowed to adopt a goldfish me and my brother.

          It lasted approximately forty years. It was not fun.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Sorry to hear that Carpe. My father damn near shanghai’ed me 200 miles to his drunk mama’s house in Connecticut. He’d have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for meddling kids — getting pulled over on a snowy winter night on a fucking DUI

    • Ellie

      Am I the only one who remembers this “man” being uninvited to speak to an event by the Center for Missing and Abused Children when he declared that the young victim of kidnap and rape liked living with his rapist kidnapper better than with his (direct quote) “old parents?” Fox obviously loved the slimeball then, and they still do.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Oh, that’s disgusting. I just looked in the dictionary. There are no words for how much I absolutely despise this “man.”

  • Thought i started my laundry 2 hours ago. Turns out i didn’t hit “start” hard enough.

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t you hate it when that happens?

      • Yes. I need clean clothes for monday and this is my first of several “hang to dry” loads

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I hand wash and hang dry everything. Laundry every day! But my clothes last forever, I haven worn out anything in 3 years, I’ve sized out of clothes that still look new.

          • Johnatx

            Do you dry them outside?

          • Anna Elizabeth

            No, I’m on 3rd Floor so I hang things in the shower. I use clippy pants hangers to tension tops and such so they dry wrinkle-free.

  • Blackest Noobs

    tacos.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Yes.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Sausage rolls.

      • sw19footrub

        Pork pie.

    • h4rr4r

      Fajitas, almost done too.

      Chicken and beef. Kid distracted me at the store or there would have been pork too, in the form of chorizo.

      • Blackest Noobs

        mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhh pork travesty!

      • Arolpin

        Spanish chorizo, mexican chorizo, or basque chorizo? (I put them in ascending order of awesomeness.)

        • h4rr4r

          Mexican, it’s for fajitas!

          Spanish is good but not a good fit for this.

          • Arolpin

            If you can get the basque version, DO! They’re in links like the Spanish version, but still full of grease and gristle like the Mexican version. I like to cook them by putting about 1″ of water in a pan, medium-high heat, cook them until the water has all boiled off and then another minute or so to get a sear on the skin, then slice them up if you’re putting them in fajitas, otherwise just toss them on a bun with some dijon mustard.

          • h4rr4r

            I shall have to look out for that.

            Spanish chorizo at least what I get at Wegmans is dry like sopressata.

          • Arolpin

            The bodegas in NYC sometimes had Mexican chorizo that was pretty close to the Basque version. I was pretty happy with that until I mistakenly bought the Spanish version. It’s a good sausage, just NOT what I was wanting or expecting.
            I hope that the folks at the Boise Wonkette meet-up had a couple of good Basque chorizos, but I don’t remember Quinns serving them, and the Yankee Dog carts stay closer to downtown unless you request one for an event.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Portuguese chouriço is different, but also too pretty good.

    • notaten

      Tacos qualify for automatic upfist.

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Enchiladas (pork) with tameteo sauce

    • Blackest Noobs

      with beer. probably more than one. of each.
      soon. very. very soon.

      • Blackest Noobs

        and probably with weed butter too, or just in my mac and cheese.
        and then more weed the natural way….vaping it…and then moar tacos and moar beer.

        • h4rr4r

          I wish I lived in a legal state.

    • sw19footrub

      on every corner.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      BLTs.

      • Blackest Noobs

        bacon lettuce tacos

    • TootsStansbury

      Are for dinner tonight!

      • Blackest Noobs

        or 2nd dinner or 4th breakfast or 8th lunch.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      They’re not just for breakfast any more.

      • Blackest Noobs

        or just for 2nd and 3rd breakfast, cuz, come on fella, this be America.

  • Mary Theresa
  • ltmcdies
    • BreakingDeadMen

      They speak of Spencer, Cruz, Gorka, Miller, Trump, Jr. and many others, but Assange has to be on the short list of contenders for the World Backpfeifengesicht Championship

    • ariel_gee_398

      I anxiously await Pamela Anderson’s response poem.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Now, now. You can’t call it surprise sex unless one of you goes “Oopsies!”

  • Blackest Noobs

    groupon stop asking me to get a haircut in Maryland.
    i live in Virginia.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I take it that those are two different places? ;)

      • Blackest Noobs

        ha ha…um..yes…two different states of the union.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I was snarking. Obviously not very well.

          • Blackest Noobs

            no. i gotcha. just snarked back.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It’s so difficult for us left coasters to keep track of all of those itty-bitty little states in the east.

          • h4rr4r

            We feel the same way about the great big empty states.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Pity they have so many electoral votes.

          • h4rr4r

            Under a million, you get combined with another state.

    • TootsStansbury

      A close friend married and moved to Maryland. My left in NOVA friend and i whispered it was like changing religions. Moving to Md., I never.

  • Blackest Noobs

    survey:

    if you had a public library open on sunday for just 4 hours would you go?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yep.

    • Ellie

      I used to, all the time.

    • h4rr4r

      Is it one of the huge ones or tiny 3 room thing?

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I’d mean to go, then probably forget.

    • Ricky Gay

      Would Bill O’REILLY be there?!

      • Blackest Noobs

        definitely….Bill’s gotta eat.

        • Ricky Gay

          He can haz loofah!

    • sw19footrub

      Do I have to put pants on?

      • Blackest Noobs

        probably

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Only if you don’t want a personal escort downtown.

    • starfanglednut

      Absolutely. I wish my library had sunday hours.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      No, our libraries are open. I get tired of being stared at by yahoos whom cannot afford a PC at home.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Yes. Our city has 4h Sunday opening Oct through May. I miss it in the summer

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      yes. Ours are.

    • Johnatx

      Yes. Some of ours are open on Sunday, others not.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Ours isn’t even open on MONDAYS, never mind Sundays.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i need to move there, work there. MONDAYS off would be terrific. nobody else has off, can do stuff without other people ruining it like they do.

  • Doug Langley

    Nerd stuff! If you haven’t heard, this is must-see:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8pY6ysj8Lo

    • CripesAmighty

      Yah. And Albert is all, “see, told ya so.”

  • WeaselPoo

    So…Fox gave him a $25 million RAISE to not do AGAIN what he had done several times BEFORE to several women (at the same time his boss Roger Ailes was also suffering from similar politically motivated gold_digging by other whoors?).

    I pity the intern charged with the powerpoint presentation that explains What Not To Get Caught Doing and How Often You Can Get Away With It.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I wonder if Fox and the Weinstein Company used the same lawyers to draft contracts saying you can assault all the ladies you want as long as you pay the damages.

  • Me not sure

    I see where Trump signed an order allowing the USAF to recall 1,000 retired pilots to service (as if they haven’t got civilian responsibilities). What the fuck is this about?

    • ariel_gee_398

      He got sick of playing with his toy army men and wanted something more lifelike?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      The Air Force needs about 1,500 pilots more than it has. Bonus programs and other incentives have not made up the shortfall.

      The Air Force has been at the forefront of the Pentagon’s battle against the Islamic State, flying most of the combat sorties in Iraq and Syria since 2014.

      In June, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., labeled the pilot shortage a crisis that would prevent the Air Force from fulfilling its mission.

      “This is a full-blown crisis, and if left unresolved, it will call into question the Air Force’s ability to accomplish its mission,” said McCain, chairman of the Armed Services Committee.

      https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/20/air-force-recall-many-1-000-retired-pilots-address-serious-shortage/785344001/

      • h4rr4r

        If the current pay and bonus are not enough, offer more. Capitalism 101!

        • Me not sure

          Free market.

        • Amy!

          Or they might try getting the screeching evangelical fuckwits out of the Air Force Academy. I know of at least a couple of people who left (or were forced out), and at the very least that atmosphere of hostility toward anyone not white, christian, male, etc. reduces the size of the recruitment pool.

        • shivaskeeper

          Congress could do that. They set the pay scale and could authorize bonuses, but they won’t

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Waste the money on personnel instead of giving it to defense contractors? Madness!

      • WeaselPoo

        Ah. I see.
        But didn’t Rumsfeld say something apropos of this type of situation?
        “You go to war with….”

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          ‘You go to war with the army you have. This is Ed. He’s the army we have.’

      • Khavrinen

        “The Air Force needs about 1,500 pilots more than it has. Bonus programs and other incentives have not made up the shortfall.”

        “Oooh, perfect time to kick out Trans service-members, right?”, President “let’s compare IQ scores” Trump.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Right?

        • notaten

          I don’t have any links or sources handy right now, but I remember after 9/11, everyone had to re-do our security clearances. At the time we had like (again,, near as I can recall) 30 Farsi and Arabic type languages speakers in our intelligence services. After the new security background checks, we were left with something like nine people who could speak and understand the languages we were trying to decipher. Why, you ask? Because the other people were gay. Asinine, that’s what that is. Makes me sick.

          • Ling Ling

            I am DLI alumni, and the history of Farsi/Arabic at DLI is an amazing story of feast and famine. Back in the 1970’s they basically killed the entire program until the Iranian revolution. True fact. BTW, in those days DLI was a rather tolerant place.

          • shivaskeeper

            This happened.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            It’s almost like there are negative consequences to trying to run a 21st-century military using a 19th-century interpretation of a 10th-century BCE book. Who knew?

    • WeaselPoo

      Maybe he just needed another pointless EO to sign so he could feel presidential? It’s not been a good week/month for him.

    • Juan de Fuca

      The USAF is short about a 1,000 pilots and Trump doesn’t give a fuck about people who have completed their military service.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “I only like soldiers who don’t retire”

    • Ling Ling

      Speaking from experience, recall/stop loss actions really bite hard. Nobody wants to return to living on active duty pay. I know people dragged back who have nearly had to file for bankruptcy/divorce. We did our time in the barrel, go find some new heroes. Or perhaps they could claim “bone spurs” developed since separation? As I told one bogus tap dancing O4 on my way out: “we have had six years to work to this date, why is it only one of us is ready to go?”

      • notaten

        I retired in 2003 and I have a dream/nightmare at least a couple of times per year that I get recalled to active duty. That would suck so hard.

        • Arolpin

          When I separated I had almost 3 years left on my inactive reserve time. When 9/11 happened I was VERY glad that I was no longer in the inactive reserve, because going back to active duty would have meant probably a 85% reduction in my salary, and I would have had to pay for my apartment (not giving up a rent-stabilized NYC apartment), my car, all of my other expenses, and there would be basically no money to cover any of that. I would have been in a lot worse shape were I married with kids and a mortgage.
          This is complete and utter bullshit. This is not a national emergency, this is a massive clusterfuck caused by electing a stupid, racist, ignorant, and worthless waste of skin to be POTUS. I hope that those who are recalled refuse to report, and take it to court. Force their congresspeople to overturn the emergency measure that is FUCKING 16 years OLD!

          • notaten

            I can’t imagine what would make the Navy want me back, but if it did ever happen, I know I would make them pay, first by fixing all of my dental work, then by paying for all of my neck, shoulder and knee problems that are well documented to have happened as a direct result of my jobs. By the time all of that is taken care of, we will probably all be a puddle of radioactive goo, but I will at least die with a nice smile.

      • Juan de Fuca

        I used to always scratch my head at the way the Pentagon would drastically cut people during drawdown phases and then, just as the force reduction was completed, realize they had cut too many and had to do a stop/loss. The first one I went through was right after Desert Storm and it continued throughout the 22 years I served. It was like we had the worst resource planners in the world working at DoD.

        It resembled the slinky effect of those old battalion/squadron PT runs we used to do.

        • Oh, I remember the “peace dividend” very well. One of the reasons I made my decision to get out was because I saw a lot of very good NCO’s getting booted, and if you were in the “8 to 18” group, you had a big target on your back. Add in that my MOS was slated to be done away with, and merged with another two, and it was a fairly easy decision. What I remember is that one of the other guys got recalled, losing the job he’d just started, because of Desert Shield. Me, I was past that stage, so they couldn’t recall me. Not that I wasn’t asked if I wanted to re-up around three months after I got out …

          • Arolpin

            I got the calls from the recruiters after 9/11. I politely told them that I was perfectly happy with civilian life, and that my inactive reserve time was done, so please don’t contact me again.

          • I knew there was no way in hell I was going to get to 20, given the cutbacks, in addition to not wanting to spend almost two years going through the training for the MOS we were being merged into. I remember watching CNN when Desert Storm kicked off, watching the bombs falling on Baghdad, and then the phone rang. Somehow the idea of re-upping just didn’t appeal to me, for some reason.

        • Arolpin

          I was speaking with a customer on Thursday night who joined the Navy in ’87, did boot camp and nuke school, then almost immediately got selected for OCS. By the time he graduated and was commissioned, they were in the midst of the post-Desert Storm draw-down, and they had too many officers, so they basically asked him if he wanted to get out. He did 6 years in the Navy, almost all of that in either technical school or college, and they let him just walk away because of the draw-down.

          • Ling Ling

            I also know a nuke w/that story (which is awesome, I am so jealous).

          • Arolpin

            Yeah, I was pretty jealous of that. I made it very clear to my command to NOT waste an OCS slot by nominating me, because I was going to get out. It wasn’t until I spoke to my CO directly, gave him the info about the job I had lined up, and he was from that town, so he researched and agreed it was a real company, getting real press, and I had a signed offer letter, so he accepted that I didn’t want OCS. Based on the timing of it though, I probably would have been Commissioned in ’97, and been right in the middle of my obligation after 9/11. By that time I would have had enough service time to stay for a pension, and I would probably be 10 years retired now (but obviously working at a 2nd career, because you can’t live on an O-4 (assuming I was promoted at a reasonable rate) retirement salary.
            Even the guys I know who did 25 years and got out as E-8/E-9 immediately went to work for defense contractors once they retired, and they live in low-cost-of-living-places like Panama City or Tulsa.

        • shivaskeeper

          I remember that draw down. My understanding of it was between the two programs they offered to get people out early, no one thought to put a cap on them. When they hit a certain number in the program, stop offering it. Next thing you know we went from excess troops to not enough people to move trucks around the motorpool let alone accomplish mission.

    • CripesAmighty

      Honoring our fabulous, wunnerful military by dragging ’em away from their lives: “Thank you for your service, now get back to work.”

    • shivaskeeper

      Military retirees are subject to recall until they are 60 years old. Officer or enlisted, it does not matter. Think of the retirement pay as reduced pay for reduced services.

      This one is odd because it lifts the cap the service has on the number of retirees allowed to be recalled, because yes, that is capped at I believe 25 per branch. If you need that many retirees to come out and refill the ranks you need to do a better job recruiting, training, promoting, and retaining your people.

      Does this mean we are going to a major unannounced war? Preemptive strike somewhere? That AF pilots are burned out and resigning their commissions? Other? Who knows.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I was reading a recent article on A-10 crews in Korea. They ARE burning out. Too much flight time, not enough training, not enough personnel. The Army can’t keep them once their enlistments are over.

        • RobespierreHoo

          Army doesn’t fly A-10s.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            As I have been told. It’s all very confusing to me.

        • shivaskeeper

          A-10 is Air Force. All fixed wing combat aircraft are Air Force, Navy, or Marines. Not Army. Because I am pedantic.

          The Air Force can keep them in. They can be stop lossed and not allowed to get out when their enlistment is up. They are choosing not to do that since it’s bad publicity, just like it was bad publicity during the height of Iraq and Afghanistan to stop-loss people and recall IRR troops.

      • Me not sure

        The cap was lifted for Bush when we went to “war on terrorism” and I read that Trump contends that the same authorization was in force for this.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s pretty well suspended for wartime. There are a few other limitations, like if they took an early or medical retirement, they cannot be recalled, This EO still lists the Coast Guard under the DOT when it falls under the DHS now.

          There are a few other limitiations in place, but my question is can they be compelled back to active duty? Officers cannot be drafted. They have to serve of their own free will at all times and as such can resign their commission at any time and get out, unlike the enlisted who have terms of service. As far a I know they can be asked to come back by the service Secretary, but they cannot be compelled.

          I’m just an ex enlisted man, so I’m not quite sure how that works.

    • shivaskeeper

      Correction to my other post/ The services were allowed 1000 recalled personnel total. not 25 per branch.

    • Jesse

      Now might not be the best time to visit Seoul…

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    Nice time: My employer bought a table to an awards dinner so I’m getting ready to dress up and eat at a swanky resort. Hold down the fort while I’m gone!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      AWE-sum!

  • bbayliss

    $32 million is not enough.

  • Christopher Story

    While I generally loathe the character of the women on Fox News, my better virtues still worry about their well being.

  • WomanInThePersistence
  • schmannity

    $32 million for a single harassment has to be in the top ten. That kind of money sounds like a rape or pregnancy/abortion settlement, or at least it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Mary Theresa

      Thus far, it sounds like rape and I think the victim is a lawyer, so higher pay out. Plus she may have filed charges with the NYPD.

      The complaint contained allegations of sexual harassment and a nonconsensual sexual relationship with O’Reilly, among other allegations.
      http://thehill.com/homenews

    • CO

      How much did he pay loofah lady?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        $9 million.

        • tomamitai

          I bet she falafel when she heard how much she could have gotten!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Maybe the gay porn was Bill-O and Glenn Beck together? I’d need $32 million to ease the pain of watching that.

      • mailman27

        Would that even qualify as porn? I mean, Rule 34 only works because somebody, somewhere would get off on it.

        • Arolpin

          Log Cabin Republicans. Remember, no matter what Republican economists might say, Rule 34 (and most economic theory) is true because of DEMAND, not supply.

        • Aggle Wok

          Ted Cruz, mebbe? He’s got weird porn taste

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          There probably IS some sick fuck somewhere who would get off on it.

  • Serai 1

    Kung pao chicken and basmati rice goes deliciously well together.

    • Parakeetist

      Mmmm

  • Three Finger Salute

    I really hate this maladministration. I take the pill for a medical issue but nope, apparently I’m a slut even though I’ve never fuddle-duddled with anybody.

    Leaked memo reveals: Trump admin wants to slash birth control access and push ineffective “rhythm method” for women

    This has Penance written all over it. Trump doesn’t give a shit about sexytimes politics. If anything, he’s in favor of the pill because it stops women from bleeding out of their whatevers. He doesn’t want to get his orange fingers all messy when he grabs them by the covfefe.

    One question… TMI, but, if I do want to fill an RX for the pill (which I take for P.C.O.S.), would I have to take a “virgin test”? Because I underwent an operation about five years ago that… “de-virginalized” me. How would I prove that it was a surgery robot what fingered me, and not a boyfriend who lives in Canada where Penance has never met him?

    Or will they just have Sessions put the pill on the scheduled drug list, along with other sinful substances like devil weed and pennyroyal tea…?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb71GyLkGYc

    • Mary Theresa

      I’m on HRT ( hormone replacement therapy) due to having my ovaries removed. I pay over $100 a month for HRT and I have good insurance. WTF?

      • Three Finger Salute

        I’m really at a point where I think the women’s resistance should include Lysistrata. The only problem with that is, Trump will just sign an XO legalizing rape — and the DoJ will look the other way.

    • Panika MCD

      I have an aunt who writes books about the rhythm method and according to her oldest it is something that you do in marriage and requires the husband to know a whole lot more about his wife’s body than I think anyone in this administration is comfortable with. like the husband has to attend all gynecologist appointments with the wife and stuff. Tsarina Von Clownstick can’t even properly describe a period.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Tsarina Von Clownstick can’t even properly describe a period.”

        That must be why he ends all his tweets in exclamations! Sad!

      • tomamitai

        For it to even have a chance of working reliably don’t you have to monitor the cervical mucus and track the basal body temperature to determine “safe” days for intercourse? If you’re smart and diligent enough to do all that, maybe you should be increasing your contribution to the gene pool instead of limiting it?

        • Panika MCD

          that and more. but they had 6 kids–all planned. I think they’re done contributing to the gene pool.

    • Johnatx

      Regarding efficacy of the rhythm method. My wife is the result of her mom using it

      • Panika MCD

        I am the result of my mom not knowing about reflex ovulation. Alien Brother is the result of her not knowing about it until she was in her second trimester with him. I was planned, but early (and then 3 weeks late). he was unplanned and then a premie.

        • Johnatx

          Our kid was a premie. Glad we lived in Houston with good hospitals and that we had good insurance. Not sure what the outcome would have been, otherwise

      • Three Finger Salute

        Someone in the comments sad that their mom used to tell a joke: “what do you call a woman who uses the rhythm method? ‘Mom’.”

        • Johnatx

          I kid my wife that her folks should have named her Surprise

          • Three Finger Salute

            Maybe Rick Perry’s real name is Oops.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          We always called it “Vatican roulette.”

    • LucindathePook

      What do they call people who use the rhythm method?
      Parents.

    • grindstone

      I’m a married woman with a child. The first pregnancy had complications; I can’t have another safe pregnancy. I also don’t want a hysterectomy when *birth control is safe and effective*. What the everloving patriarchal bullshit fucking fuckery is this???

  • Panika MCD

    notes from this audio only hearing I’m working on:

    I can now tell the Bonnen brothers apart by voice which is kinda surprising as they are both state reps and I spend most of my time in the state senate.

    I had to take a break because Sen. Huffines (R – ODD DUCK) went from being reasonable at the beginning of the hearing to accusing USACE of being bad for using two different strategies for two entirely different geographical regions. he wants the commander for the Galveston district (which goes along the coast from Brownsville into Louisiana and extends about 150 miles inland) to answer for why he can’t get USACE permits for projects in DFW. and he won’t take anny of yr “that’s not in my region” as an answer, Col. Zetterstrom!

    • Johnatx

      Interesting. So, is this hearing focused on Harvey impacts?

      • Panika MCD

        no. this is the Joint Committee to Study a Coastal Barrier System. it’s basically updates on the feasibility studies for the Ike Dike and other projects with a little bit of information about structural damage from Harvey sprinkled in. it has a lot more to do with storm surge mitigation in Region 1 and Hurricane Ike than the mitigation of Harvey storm surge further south as these are studies already in progress.

        • Johnatx

          That’s the study that was originally proposed by A&M-Galveston? Didn’t it get hung up in court over disputes over potential environmental impacts? It’s been a while since I read about it.

          • Panika MCD

            there are a number of studies that are all being folded into the mega-study USACE is doing. most of the studies at SSPEED (which includes those at A&M Galveston) are on track.

  • Jennifer R

    Just getting sufficiently baked enough, then walking out the the wonky meety thing.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      :)

  • WeaselPoo

    Also Trump says he’ll personally pay $430K in legal defense fees for staffers having to lawyer up for Russia investigations.

    HAHAHAROFLGIGGLESNORTLOL!!!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “I have proof of my innocence but will pay the fine blah blah blah” works if it’s a $200 speeding ticket or some such thing. $32M? You are guilty as fuck.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Gay pornography? OK, you’ve got my attention.

    • SDGeoff3

      Why, it’s getting to be one-stop snarking around here.

  • CO
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      True enough. Trump’s unfitness for any sort of public office was readily apparent very early in the campaign. But oh no, anybody but that awful woman!

      • CO

        Buttery males

    • Heck, that’s what I’ve been telling the Trump voters in this area who bitch about something he’s doing.

      • SDGeoff3

        I see a new teeshirt and bumpersticker line a-borning.

  • bbayliss

    This is SO good: “THE SEEDS OF MEDIA SELF-SABOTAGE”
    https://crooked.com/article/seeds-meda-sabotage-trump-bannon-hannity/

  • 32 million as a payout says that there was a lot of things going on that Loofa Boy was not only guilty of, but really didn’t want public. The gay porn bit sounds like he’s keeping something … in the closet… let’s say.

    • SDGeoff3

      That was a weird moment, reading that.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Girl on girl is what I’m thinking.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s not what most people call “gay” porn.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          So true, twas a desperate attempt by my brain to make sense out of it.

          • A man having girl on girl porn would just get a shrug from most people. Maybe a few “tsks!” from the religious groups, but it wouldn’t be damaging.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            The issue, I believe, is his sending the material to the woman without her invitation.

          • That’s egregious, but still doesn’t amount to a 32 million dollar payout, and also wouldn’t be “embarrassing to his family.” Or more realistically, his employer and his audience.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            That would be the “nonconsensual sex” part.

      • tomamitai

        Aren’t we all?

    • Bad Scooter

      I was thinking the same thing. If, as he claimed, “we can prove it [women were financially motivated to accuse him of harassment] with shocking information,” why wouldn’t he present said proof during settlement negotiations? I can’t imagine he would have written checks in such large amounts just to avoid a trial. Sounds more like the evidence favored the women whose pussies he wanted to falafel.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Huff Post should hire writers that make sentences clear…..”Oswalt uncovered a note that his wife typed in 2004 while preparing to move out of his house, the comedian tweeted on Friday.”

    I didn’t know his wife moved out of his house in 2004.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Hiring them would mean paying them in something other than “exposure.”

      As it stands now, we have stories like this one and about mothers who killed their children with autism. Apparently, autism is a popular murder weapon. Who knew.

  • Duke

    Wife’s not here. Ya know what that means?

    Potato sausage and three bean salad.

    I spoil me.

    • SDGeoff3

      Now there’s a menu I like.

  • HazooToo

    Ok, I have a question about those nasty ass incel people…. Gay Incels: Does the Government owe them a boyfriend?

    • Three Finger Salute

      The incels tend to be concentrated among MRAs, who are extremely right-wing. Teh gayz need not apply. Otherwise you’re a “cuck.”

      • HazooToo

        Good point.

  • Jennifer R

    Putting the accursed pants on and walking out.

    • Damn public decency laws

      • Jennifer R

        yeah

    • Christopher Story

      One day we will throw off the tyranny that is pants and walk freely as we so choose. I dream of this day.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Arise! Ye have nothing to lose but your pants!

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Aye, just like Donald Duck.

        • Christopher Story

          He was a progressive a head of his time.

      • Swampgas_Man

        It was for this that my people invented the kilt.

      • Aggle Wok

        Gonna step inside and throw my pants off right now!

        • Christopher Story

          Preach!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Um, I might be confused, but for me, the whole idea of no pants is so that I can walk freely without going outdoors…

        • Christopher Story

          Because you are a victim of the pantriarcy. There are no pants. Pants are a social construct to keep us slaves to the indoors. Free your legs and you free your mind.

    • shivaskeeper

      Enjoy.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Trying to get Trump to block me on Twitter. It’s not working…

    • SDGeoff3

      He’s needing more attention, then. Something’s got him cranky.

      • Pisto75666

        He’s trying to throw everything in front of these Mueller investigations and it’s not working. That’d be my guess.

        • SDGeoff3

          I think so.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Did KFC short him on a drumstick? Or maybe somebody caught him improving his lie on the 14th hole?

        • SDGeoff3

          So that’s where he practices it.Improving the lying, I mean.

    • HazooToo

      Have you sent him ALL of the Trumptaur and Emperor w/No Clothes pics?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    As horrifying as anything else is the depressing realization that half-talent windbag had $32m to drop in the first place.

  • Pisto75666

    So you have ALL these guns and someone STILL robbed you? Hmm, interesting

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/responsible-gun-owner-blames-theft-of-10000-in-weapons-on-stripper-dont-let-them-in-your-house/?comments=disqus

    Yet Swaggerty told Fox 59 he still considers himself a “responsible legal gun owner.”

    “I had probably three .22 rifles, two shotguns, numerous pistols, I had an SKS which is .762 millimeter, I had an AK-74 which is a .554 millimeter and I had an AR-15 which I just got for Christmas which is a .556 millimeter,” Swaggerty noted.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      If that’s an accurate quote then Mr Responsible Gun Owner owns guns that fire bullets about the size of a sewing needle.

      • aktlib101

        You know, the socialist “metric” system and the challenged American gun-owners brains

      • Pisto75666

        Directly from the article so I’m guessing it’s accurate. I still want to know who the hell needs an AR-15, an AK-74 AND numerous pistols? Unless of course he’s got new neighbors he doesn’t know /s

        • Amy!

          It isn’t accurate. He or the transcriber is converting from 5.54mm, 7.62mm, 5.56mm to measurements similar-to-caliber, which indicate fractions of an inch: .38, .22, .45, etc.

          ETA: 7.62 NATO is .30-06 (more or less). The “-06” indicates that the round was designed in 1906, which gives more information about what it looks like and stuff.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ‎5.45×39mm for the AK., but yes.

          • Amy!

            Wondered about that. I’m not sufficiently familiar to catch that typo.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            NP, I had just looked it up the other day and remembered.

          • h4rr4r

            7.62 Nato is .308.

            30-06 is a much more powerful round. It is however the parent of .308.

          • Amy!

            Gah. Right. My bad. Thank you.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Burglars do not rob you when you’re home, they rob people who are AWAY from home.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        This is why I can’t emphasize enough that, if you’re really afraid of being robbed, get a dog.

        • Persistent Demme

          And it doesn’t have to be a big, intimidating, dog.
          Just noisy.
          The noise is a strong deterrent.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Exactly.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        A self-identified “responsible” gun owner in Kokomo, Indiana is blaming a stripper for the theft of 16 firearms from the bedroom where he let her stay despite the objections of his wife.

        Ahem.

      • h4rr4r

        Burglars don’t rob anyone. They burgle. Robbers rob people. This is why robbery is a much more serious crime than burglary.

    • h4rr4r

      .762 millimeters? Is that for shooting ants?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        It’s actually 7.62mm, the man is a Moran.

        • h4rr4r

          I know, I was just making a joke.

      • Arolpin

        For when the .17 caliber is too big. (There is actually a .17 caliber, center-fire cartridge. I’ve never seen the gun that fires it, but I always assumed they were for hunting butterflies, but only because I hadn’t seen the Monty Python Mosquito-hunting skit when I discovered this caliber.)

        • h4rr4r

          .17 Rem is a .223 necked down to .17. Just like .22 hm2 is a .22lr necked down. The latter also has the case lengthend a little.

          However that would be 4.5mm vs 0.762mm

          • Amy!

            .17HMR I think is what Arolpin has in mind. More useful. Not a necked-down .22 or .223 cartridge, I don’t think.

          • h4rr4r

            .17hmr is a necked down .22wmr.

        • Amy!

          No, they’re wonderful. They shoot relatively far very flat, and almost all of them are sold to be scoped. They’re for getting rid of pests that are too chary to sneak up on, and too small to hit with a hunting round. Groundhogs, skunks, like that.

          (“Wonderful” is prolly overhyping it, but for dealing with pestilences that are undermining foundations or weakening dams dangerously, it’s really useful, and hasn’t got all the baggage of the .22LR rifles).

          • h4rr4r

            30-06 is better for those pests. Not like you planned on eating them.

            Now if you really want to be done with such a pest .300 winmag is a good choice.

            Hitting them with a bigger round is no harder and ensures a clean kill. Cause they kinda go kaboom. Plus it’s good practice.

          • Amy!

            I’d like to be able to shoot again if I miss the first time. A .30-06 will brutalize my shoulder.

            Similar reason not to shoot .45 Auto. My wrist goes numb on the first or second shot, and I can’t control it after that.

            Also, cleaning up a groundhog that’s been splattered all the fuck over is really no fucking fun at all.

          • h4rr4r

            That is why the gun loudener, muzzle brake, was invented. Well not for the 06, just the 300.

            Why clean it up? Foxes need to eat too.

            To be honest these days, I would get an airgun out for that work. I have fell in love with them these days. If NY adds them to the legal take list I will get .50 airgun for deer.

          • Amy!

            If everyone had the same tastes, there’d be a haggis shortage.

            I’m very sorry that I don’t like to shoot the guns that you like to shoot. :-/

          • h4rr4r

            Sorry if you thought I was being overly serious.
            Clearly I should have worded that better.

            The .17 is way more practical, but practical is less fun.

          • Amy!

            :-) Sorry. I live in rural NC, and having people in gun stores tell me what exactly the little lady needs today gets rather on my nerves, so I’m likely taking some of that out on you (and I’m not little, and I’ve done my research and testing and I really fucking don’t want an all-black AR-15 with night sights and a high-capacity magazine for groundhogs! (that last not addressed to you at all, sorry again)).

          • h4rr4r

            Sorry if it seemed like that, I was really just reliving my youth for a minute. Kind of at your expense though, I guess.

            I hate tacticool crap. I really am deep into airguns now, sadly for practical reasons!

            I cannot express how much those matching parens meant to me.

          • Amy!

            *laugh* I actually learned Lisp at one point, partly because my usual narrative style seemed to make it a good fit. But the culture of Lisp was so unbearably arrogant that I got a tee shirt that said “Worse is Better” and wore it until the local Lispies wouldn’t talk to me any more. Very passive aggressive, I’m afraid.

            You willingness to apologize instantly made all your other posts read much more jocularly, and so instead of saying “Thank you” as I should, followed by an apology, I delivered the apology and the (ranting) explanation. Ah, well.

            The other part of me and guns is that I came to them late, can’t eat meat (so don’t hunt), and really hate killing creatures. Which I sometimes have to do, so I’ve tried to make sure that I can do it with maximum efficiency and least mess. The reason to clean up is if I’ve had to shoot some poor stupid damned critter that’s trying to turn my foundation drain into a burrow, for example, or that has decided that the leach field for the septic (which uses domes rather than gravel) is an awesome annex to their burrow (the fuck? these critters are anosmic, or what?), it’ll be close to my house, and I don’t want to attract predators there (there’s deer hunting land next door, so I carry them to the fence and toss ’em over into the woods).

            And then puke and have bad dreams and stuff, but yeah, mostly looking for the most practical tool.

      • Doug Langley
  • Three Finger Salute

    Oh, Newsweek, you really walked into it with this headline

    Uranus in opposition: How to see it

    …you go to Twitter dot com and type in @realDonaldTrump.

    • HazooToo

      Yeah, but the one you see when you bend over in front of a mirror is prettier.

    • Cat Cafe

      I snickered when I saw that. Because I am 12.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Today we are all 12.

        • CripesAmighty

          Too bad the President is 6.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Excellent sky chart. Click on the chart to see what the real sky looks like with Uranus.

      https://theskylive.com/uranus-info

  • ariel_gee_398

    Jimmy Carter imperfect, perhaps not woke:

    Former President Jimmy Carter said that he “would rather” that NFL players stand during the national anthem than kneel.

    Carter told The New York Times’ Maureen Dowd that he thought players “ought to find a different way to object, to demonstrate.”

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/356566-jimmy-carter-i-would-rather-see-all-the-players-stand-during

    • h4rr4r

      I think he has done enough good for one man. We are all imperfect.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Nope, gotta disagree, Mr. President. Being polite about it wasn’t working.

      • bupkus231

        Ya know – I’m beginning to think that kneeling during the national anthem is just an ineffective means of protest. The poutrage from phony patriots has often overwhelmed the message – and there doesn’t seem like there’s been any recent “progress” towards addressing the killing of black men by police – or our institutionalized racism. It’s not even being talked about like it was after Ferguson and Freddie Gray in Baltimore.

        Maybe we need stronger means of protest – but, of course, abandoning the kneel now would only give asshole Rump a “victory” he could crow about.

        • marxalot

          Maybe the players should strike outright.

      • Serai 1

        I don’t think he means polite. I think he means something other than kneeling.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Sat through Kiss Me Deadly from Netflix after a month-long wait. Pfui. The lead has all the charisma of a damp sponge, and the only real surprise was a young Chloris Leachman.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    You gotta love faux infotainments definition of the word ‘talent.’

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Just read another bullshit article about how Kelly is better then that and really should apologize. We’ll see just how good he is.

    • Toledo Window Box

      If he WAS better than that, he wouldn’t have done it.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    these changes come from the top, with Lachlan and James Murdoch personally leading the effort to promote civility and respect on the job, while maintaining the company’s long-held commitment to a diverse, inclusive and creative workplace.

    It’s a shame they have no commitment to facts and the truth. If they did, they could call their transformation complete.

    Don’t hold your breath.

    • notaten

      Facts and Truth are a liberal conspiracy, in order to oppress the good Christian White Slaveholders, which is against God’s laws, or some such nonsense.

  • HazooToo

    Does anyone else play Elements, the online card game?

    • Doug Langley

      Oh, mah Gawd. I haven’t played that one, but many years ago I was working at a rinky dink graphics house. Boss couldn’t pay us much (when he paid), but he kept promising “someday the big project will come!” Well, one day it finally happened. Someone had made a card game called Adventures of the Elements and wanted to do an animated movie of it. Finally the big project!!! Turned out, of course, that boss realized it was too big for us to do and had some other company do it.

      Each card covered an element like iron, carbon, sulfur, etc. Playing cards against each other would result in chemical reactions that would weaken your opponent. Or something.

      • HazooToo

        Oooh, that sounds fun! This one is a fantasy based one. I’m trying to build a Life/Light deck, focused on flawless victories & blessed venomous forest scorpions on speed.

        • Doug Langley

          It was reasonable fun. The painful part was to realize that finally, FINALLY, we got a big project which meant big bucks, and after playing around with doing some models, some this, some that, that there was no actual scheduling or staffing up or anything you do for an animated film. When the whole thing fizzled, I realized that the big money would NEVER come for this jerk boss.

          • HazooToo

            He didn’t even do the minimum of research about it, did he?

          • Doug Langley

            He did employ one guy who had supervised some Hollywood animated films, so that was a big plus. But this guy was so disorganized and used to thinking cheap that it just couldn’t get off the ground.

            EDIT: I meant boss was disorganized, not the guy he hired.

      • C4TWOMAN

        That sounds cool! Is it still available?

        • Doug Langley

          No idea, sorry.

  • notaten
    • proudgrampa

      I’m sure that is shocking the neighbors…

      I know it would in my neighborhood.

      • Ling Ling

        I have repurposed an old Android phone to collect WiFi information/GPS as I drive. Most WAP beacons are banal, but so far my fave is “anal bead friday” which I observed in downtown Chicago.

        • proudgrampa

          BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I ran across one in Amsterdam last week that yelled (yes it was in all caps) HIPSTERSCUM!!!

      • notaten

        There are only 4 neighbors on our dead end road, and none of them really care who does what with whom. Can you help me load some hay? Sure! Okay, good enough. You know, like they actually know what’s really important. I love my neighborhood!

        • proudgrampa

          Nice!

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      They misspelled teh.

      • notaten

        They’re not hip to teh wonkette style guide, yet.

  • Viktor

    Bill O’Reilly is angry and will punch a tree. He hates being a member of the “Cosby Ailes Weinstein ” club.

    • Khavrinen

      I wouldn’t mind seeing their membership decline, if you know what I mean.
      Like, to zero, maybe?

  • CripesAmighty

    Old militantly secular joo jammin to some old R&B gospel. I’ll share:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mVPYNksPpj0

  • HazooToo
    • Anna Elizabeth

      Cute! :)

    • Quantum? Damn near killed him!

    • Doug Langley

      Well, what do you Mach of that?

    • Panika MCD

      a Higgs-Boson walks into a Catholic church and the priest says, “we don’t recognize your kind here.” Higgs-Boson straightens up and says, “but without me, you can’t have mass!”

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Physics nerd humour is the BEST humour. Probably.

      • Khavrinen

        Or is it statistics humor? Probabilistically?

      • Doug Langley

        You got Hooked, huh?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          More like hit with a big Planck.

    • redarmyzombie
      • Doug Langley

        Reminds me of some years back when I was working at a friend’s house for a Flash project. His darling 3 year old son walks in and says “Wacha doing?” I said “Well, I’m editing this Actionscript to set up an event listener on frame events to activate an X and Y position shift on this sprite in response to user triggering.” He just looked at the screen and said “Why?”

    • Serai 1

      Galileo and Copernicus are leaving a bar after an all-night drunk. Copernicus squints up at the sky and says, “The sun’s coming up.” Galileo groans and mutters, “We are so fucked.”

    • Shibusa
  • Panika MCD

    this poor guy from the GLO is having to read a letter from Commissioner Bush that has a fuck ton of Captain Obvious in it and he’s doing that thing where you read through it as fast as you can and, even though I only have audio, I can tell he hasn’t looked up once because he feels like an idiot. I feel so bad for him.

    • Red Bird

      Latino Bush?

      • Panika MCD

        George Prescott Bush–one of Jeb’s so he’s half Latino.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/10/angry-veterans-label-gen-kelly The most damning insult of all is being hurled at Kelly. A Blue Falcoln is the ultimate insult or at least one of them. (A Blue Falcoln is miltary slang for Buddy Fucker)

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Kelly knew what he was getting into.

    • Toledo Window Box

      He earned that “Blue Falcon” demerit badge.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I was asked to repost the article I posted here earlier about Kelly and the ACLU anywhere, everywhere and as often as I could so I posted it at C&L on the Blue Falcon thread.

  • HazooToo
  • marxalot

    This weekend’s Critical Reading is Susan Sontag, “Illness as Metaphor” and “AIDS and its Metaphors,” and June Jordan, from Some of Us Did Not Die. This weekend’s leisure reading is a big stack of comic books (“Crosswind,” “Bitch Planet”). We’ll see how much I get through. Also I am making bacon in the oven of all places because I’m tired of batching it in the big skillet.
    What’s good?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      :)

      Ima being lazy and slacking today. I had some Freezer Pizza. Saturday is my “isolate and diet break” day.

      • notaten

        This is from the evil wall Mart, but it’s pretty good for freezer pizza https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1a4ee8a1f07331fc61c3de21360b2ae6a4f9d1d06f5a5d2bc01b18a57e48b0df.jpg

        • Anna Elizabeth

          That sounds yummy!

          • notaten

            I think it is very tasty. And, may sound weird to you, but if I have a slice left over, i scrape the toppings into an omelette and toast the crust for, well, toast. I don’t like to waste food.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Not weird, I don’t waste food either. :) I adore Goat cheese and Spinach, and I go to Walmart for my dairy purchases anyway. This is on the list. :)

      • Alan

        Eat whatever you want, just less of it. From the old guy who still wears size 30 pants.

    • Wonky Magoo

      Oven bacon is GREAT. If you cook it slow enough, it even comes out flat.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        I like the applewood smoked, and found a method from ATK: start in a skillet with a small amount of water. The bacon is well-rendered, and not too crispy (burnt)

    • Juan de Fuca

      Getting ready to order a pizza (because I was too lazy to make one) and order some new movies to watch with Mrs. D. It’s funny though, because I was just mentioning to her the other day how I need to get back to reading books again. I used to be an avid reader and somehow have gotten away from it. Used to hit the bed at 8 and read myself to sleep every night. I need to get back to doing that.

      • proudgrampa

        Man, I don”t what I’d do if I couldn’t read every night. I am totally using it to escape these days…

        • Juan de Fuca

          That’s what I’m thinking, PG. Shutdown the laptop and start opening books again. :)

          • proudgrampa

            Science fiction and English murder mysteries (very civilized, you know!) are my go-to for escapism.

            Cheerio! ;-)

    • Red Bird

      Macaroni bolognaise for me tonight.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Does anybody remember LCD Soundsystem? Apparently they’re back and their latest single is pretty good.

    https://youtu.be/lqq3BtGrpU8

    • marxalot

      They are indeed back, and while the new stuff hasn’t quite hit my Mandatory Dancing button like their old stuff (I must dance all the way through “Daft Punk is Playing at My House,” for instance), it’s good enough that it might get there.

    • Michael R

      LCD Soundsystem’s ” Sound of SIlver ” and Yo La Tengo’s ” I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass ” are the last two albums I spent a lot of time with . After that I don’t know what happened .

  • OrdinaryJoe

    For $32 mil I’ll take a loofa to O’Liely.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    Was watching the quali at CoTA earlier. Just after Hamilton had got the pole at the end of Q3, they showed a shot of Niki Lauda in the AMG Petronas garage. Just beside him? My friend Tufty. I think he’s chief engineer there now.

    He’s known as Tufty because he ran for Student Union president as “Tufty the Squirrel” on a road safety platform.

    He lost.

    • Very cool. I am upping my health & safety qualifications in a couple of weeks. Super exciting fun times!

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        That sounds riveting. Jacuzzi time?

        Next week I have to start a quality initiative and teach people how to do “innovation sprints”. Sigh.

        • No jacuzzi today, too busy and am now watching movies (doing a mini modern Bond marathon)

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Modern Bond marathon sounds much better than what I’m watching on TCM. It’s Tony Curtis in some weird-ass circus thing.

          • Circuses are creepy and awful (including Cirque de Soleil) at any time. Just wrapped Quantum of Solace. Gonna go hang up the laundry in the washer to dry, then Skyfall. My only complaint about my blu-rays is that the soundmixing is for shit, the action is way too loud and the dialogue is so quiet you can’t hear it when you’ve turned things down

          • Arolpin

            Blu-Ray is mixed for a good surround-sound system, with a dedicated center channel for dialogue. It doesn’t sound as good with just standard TV speakers.
            My wife is talking about redoing the living room next year, which means that I’m starting to think about going big on the surround sound, with in-wall speakers and probably in-ceiling rear channels and dedicated sub-woofer etc. the real issue is that the room isn’t optimized for A/V, but since the house is 110 years old, no room really is.

        • CripesAmighty

          Jesus. Did your company hire the same TQM consultant morons my old firm did back in the ’90s? Bet they gave you a ‘cool’ mascot, too.

    • CripesAmighty

      Lauda? Wow. What’s he up to these days? While I was certainly sympathetic to his personal trauma, always thought it was chickenshit to pressure FIA to move F1 to Hockenheimickeymouse from the Ring.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        He’s a non-exec director of AMG Mercedes Petronas. I think he’s got money in it as well.

        The Ring is too narrow for modern F1. What really pissed me off was when they got that shitheel Tilke to redesign it and took out the forest section.

        This is what it looks like now.

        https://www.bennetts.co.uk/-/media/import/5809_images/Hockenheim

        • Bobathonic

          Not looking, too scared. Tilke produced a slew of mediocre tracks.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            It’s what the forest section of Hockenheim looks like now. Really sad.

            Tilke’s circuits are far too, I dunno, astringent. Clinical, maybe. No oomph to them at all.

        • h4rr4r

          Too narrow? Please, modern F1 would prefer if all the tracks were only one car wide. Parades are safe!

        • I had no idea who Lauda was until i saw that movie Ron Howard did a few years ago (i grew up with a single mom-no sports on our TV ever)

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Really interesting chap, I think. Great driver as well. Since I’m A Old, I do remember watching him race a McLaren and winning the championship over Prost in the sister car.

        • CripesAmighty

          Blah. Haven’t followed F1 in years. This is why. Much more fun to go watch vintage series–or flog an old 911 around the Nordschleife yourself.

    • Arolpin

      Wait, you’re friends with an engineer with the AMG Petronas F1, and you didn’t get tickets? I’m actually planning for a trip to either Montreal or COTA with my kids in a couple of years, and it’s PRICY!

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • HazooToo
  • ariel_gee_398
    • Michael R

      It’s time to revisit Paul Ryan washing clean pans
      at a closed soup kitchen , because that’s all he’s good for .

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6597780adf6ca4d92218c3233b9416220a462adffcc8b84f33808b4df5467891.jpg

    • spangled

      $250,000+ isn’t middle income PAUL

    • Serai 1

      The man Lewis Black called a “spoiled vanilla milkshake”.

    • Juan de Fuca

      That must be why you’re going to raise taxes on the middle class by basically eliminating the mortgage interest deduction that many of us enjoy and make it so the only people it benefits are those who own a home worth $800,000 or more.

      https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/11/how-trump-tax-plan-would-alter-mortgage-interest-deduction.html

      • h4rr4r

        Even worse, for me, eliminating the local tax deduction. Around here property taxes are way higher than mortgage interest.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Most of the benefit I receive from the deduction comes from my California return. So if I claim the larger standard deduction on my federal return, where does that leave me with my CA return? Losing about another $1,000 per year is where.

          • Amy!

            With less money?

            Wait, this is a trick question, right? Because less money for at least ninety-five percent of the population is the point of this, pretty much, right?

          • Juan de Fuca

            My Trump supporter was going on at work about Trump’s new tax bill the other day work. “They say he’s going to raise the standard deduction for the middle class!” I said “They’re also saying that regular people like you and I are going to lose our home interest deduction, so how’s that gonna work out for us?” “Oh, really? I didn’t hear about that one…”

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Yeah, both of these are a big deal. The middle class is really going to get it in the ass.

          I detest these lying shitehawks.

        • Arolpin

          My property taxes every month are almost as much as my mortgage. Like within 10%. Since I’m trying to pay off my 30-year note in 15 years, I’m already reducing the value of the interest deduction (as you pay down the note, more of your payment goes to principle and less goes to paying the interest).
          Add that to the state income tax and I am going to see my taxes go up significantly. I’m fine with raises taxes on my income bracket, as long as they raised them on those above me and lower it for those in lower brackets. Raising my taxes to give billionaires a high tax cut would make me even more pissed off than I am now.

          • h4rr4r

            Almost as much? That sounds nice, mine are more.

            I am the same here. I love what I get for my property taxes.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Not to mention reducing the cap on 401k contributions to create more present day taxable income from non-rich fucks to make up for the breaks the rich fucks are getting.

    • Alan

      That was succinct.

  • Michael R
  • bluicebank

    I don’t get these SOBs and their sexual harassment. I mean, OK, I get it, even though it violates rules 1 through 10 of how to be a gentlemen. But from a purely financial point of view, wtf?

    Do you know what I would do with a spare $32 million and I was ugly as sin AND without a personality worth spit, AND had natural desires for female companionship? Not what fat-face Bill did. I’d pay for a class to get some class. Pay for a dude to teach me the fine art of being cool. (No, it doesn’t involve a Porsche 911 Carrera). Get a personal trainer to exercise the fat out of my head/torso/butt/legs. And then with the leftover $31 million-plus, buy some shit, like maybe a nice place with a swimming pool … also a koi pond with floaty flowers like they have in Japanese gardens. Because, cool.

    That leaves me a few million, and god willing, a nice woman lurves me, who won’t sue the bejesus out of me because I didn’t fuck her shit up, but instead says nice things because I was all shibumi with my Japanese garden. THAT is what you do with 32 million if you’re can’t get a date to save your life.

    • h4rr4r

      It sure does involve a 911, if it is air cooled.

      Ok fine maybe not cool, but if I had $30 million, I would have one.

    • HazooToo

      This requires thinking of women as people and not commodities which can be bought.

      • bluicebank

        Thus the class lessons. And the dude you hire to instruct you on coolness. But I suppose it one doesn’t already know that women are equal to you, then an extra 500K for the philosophy lessons.

        • HazooToo

          I think we’re going to need a mandatory class in every single grade that teaches the same thing, every year: Every other person is a complete human with feelings and needs, and none of them are less than the others. Every school, every grade, even home-school. You should not become an adult without having this etched into your skull. At that point, I think you could get by with just the coolness lesson, because you’d already be a decent person.

          • bluicebank

            Amen. Add some classes on reason/logic, so that anytime bullshit arises, the kid can identify the logical fallacy. In Latin.

            “Argumentum ad populum. I call bullshit.”

          • Jamoche

            “And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”

            “It’s a lot more complicated than that . . .”

            “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”

            “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes . . .”

            “But they starts with thinking about people as things . . . ”

    • Alan

      You could even hire a few hookers with that kind of cash.

      • bluicebank

        With that kind of cash, one could become witty.

  • Bill D. Burger

    What can one say but, “Rest in….errr….Die Motherfucker Die and Burn in Hell!”

    [Fox News is imploding
    By Caroline Orr |OCTOBER 21, 2017
    The scandal surrounding Bill O’Reilly is just the latest in a series of self-inflicted wounds that have left Fox News with a scarred public image and a reputation that may be too damaged to repair.
    Former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly paid $32 million to settle new sexual misconduct allegations just one month before Fox News extended his contract, according to a new report by The New York Times.
    This was at least the sixth payout, and by far the largest, made by O’Reilly or Fox News to settle claims of sexual harassment or abuse against him.
    The revelations paint a damning picture of a company that was willing to continue working with O’Reilly despite being fully aware of the sexual misconduct allegations against him, as well as the massive payout he made to keep the accusations quiet.
    They also add to a growing list of self-inflicted wounds — including multiple sexual misconduct scandals, allegations of racial discrimination, internal conflict, numerous retractions, and a worn-out business model reliant upon bashing the media for ratings — that have left Fox struggling to repair what may be an irreparably damaged public image.

    Fox is imploding, and they have no one to blame but themselves.]

    https://shareblue.com/fox-news-is-imploding/

    • OrG

      I don’t remember any retractions.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Like the Fucking Moron, they usually double down on their numerous lies.

    • Three Finger Salute

      good riddance to bad rubbish

    • Jamoche

      “a reputation that may be too damaged to repair.”

      Like their core knows or cares about their reputation.

  • Jennifer R

    So the path I chose to walk to the thing stopped having a foot access most of the way there, and the only trace back was pretty much back here at my apartment. Feelin exhausted and just gonna drink and play GTA V.

    • Bad Scooter
      • Jennifer R

        Got a six pack of Stella.

    • HazooToo

      Is that the one with Trevor? Which one is the one with Trevor?

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah, that is the one with Trevor. Trevor is a blast.

        • HazooToo

          I love the part where he Ugly Cries! Poor batcrap crazy Trevor.

          • Jennifer R

            It’s a blast to go into first person mode, and blast off the side of a mountain too.

    • Alan

      And, as every time you comment, I have no clue. You’re like a brain teaser. I like brain teasers.

      • Jennifer R

        I was walking to the wonkette meeting thing, but the path the computer said to take doesn’t exist, and the only other path was back the way I came. So I decided to just get drunk at home instead.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just fer’ shits & giggles and schadenfreude.

    https://www.facebook.com/LmaoMommy/videos/1178556722289222/

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I rode in an ambulance to the hospital on one of those wooden board stretchers with my neck in a brace and it was the worst ride of my life.

      They had me completely immobilized and my left hip was being beaten into mush on that god damned wooden board for 20 minutes on the worst stretch of road you can imagine.

      I would have better off walking my ass the 20 miles to the hospital.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Dayuum’! Some of the guys in the vid obviously completed a course in sadism and incompetence before they attended the injured.

        https://m.popkey.co/9f3c6c/8yRdl.gif

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          If they weren’t that seriously to begin with, they certainly were afterwards.

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • HazooToo
  • Weird Fishes

    He’ll be back.

  • Here’s another thing we should never shut up about:

    Pineapple is a great pizza topping.

    You’re welcome.

    No, really. Calling me a hero is a little too much.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      You’re just trying to rile the east coasters. That’s fine though, because they’re wrong about pizza anyway.

      • h4rr4r

        Pineapple is fine, we have the best pizza. Sure some cassaroles out there are ok, but they are not pizza.

      • shivaskeeper

        No. You take that back. You take it back now.

      • Bad Scooter

        i took the bait

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          You did! I’m still laughing at that.

      • Bad Scooter

        them’s fightin words.

      • Have I been on the wrong coast for over half a century?

    • ltmcdies

      YES…..

    • cheetojeebus

      Pineapple, fresh jalapeno and pancetta or gtfo

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      There are some things that to me are just plain wrong and fruit on my pizza is at the top of the list.

      • h4rr4r

        Tomatoes, peppers, olives, all that’s fruit.

        • shastakoala

          Sausage and tomato pizza. Yum!

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          GAAAAAAAA!!! Gotcha’d me. Well, I’m not allowed to eat pizza anymore, anyway. See above.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            But pizza is Nature’s most perfect food! All the food groups, and no dishes to clean up except the pan!

    • SisterArtemis

      Here’s a nice tidbit: the Editrix is on Team Pineapple where pizza’s concerned! Heard it from her very own lips, plus she ordered pizza with pineapple on it at our Drinky on Thursday.

      • OrG

        Case closed.

      • Bad Scooter

        yeah, but isn’t ‘Trix some kinda west coast hippie?

    • bluicebank

      Might as well tell this old pizza maker to add anchovies to the topping.

      Pineapples are for mixed drinks. You can even make a margarita out of them.

      • h4rr4r

        Anchovies are good.

        • bluicebank

          Properly done, yes.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            They must be whole fillets and they must be REALLY salty, else what’s the point?

        • Arolpin

          Agreed. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to even smell them after a horrendous bout of food poisoning caused by an ill-considered idea of getting a Greek salad at 2am while drunk. I opened the fridge the next day and the smell of the anchovies had me throwing up again.

      • Bad Scooter

        mmmmm, I’ll take a margarita and a small cheese pie to go, please. no anchovies.

    • Johnatx

      Pineapple and Canadian bacon is pretty good

      • SisterArtemis

        My favorite pizza:
        Pepperoni
        Olives
        Pineapple
        Cashews

        Sometimes chopped up red onion, but you gotta ask yourself, is it really worth an extra $1.25? Sometimes yes, sometimes no…

        • Amy!

          I do pineapple, banana pepper, mushroom, and black olives. Sort of a vegetarian hawaiian pizza, since I can’t get ham or canadian bacon.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          bah, spicy jalapenos or GTFO.

          • Drinkalong

            Jalapenos
            Sausage
            Anchovies

            Have never had my pie ‘raided’.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Tomatoes
          Mushrooms
          Red peppers
          Green olives
          Anchovies
          at least three kinds of cheese
          and if you wanna add onions I won’t mind

      • Doug Langley

        Yum!

      • Three Finger Salute
      • Arolpin

        Pineapple and Canadian bacon is fucking awesome! FTFY.

    • HazooToo

      WHERE DOES IT END? We allow pineapple on pizza, and what’s next?! Sponges? Glass shards?! USED, EMPTY DOUCHE BAGS?! It’s a slippery slope, people! Lets not go there!

      • SisterArtemis

        You gotta admit, it’s a nice array of textures…

      • Bad Scooter

        Let’s hope the Pineapple Pizza lobby doesn’t start producing slick propaganda encouraging our fall down this slippery slope of tropical fruit!

        • HazooToo

          I will e-mail blast the entire knitting circle to make sure they’re not caught off guard by the Pinapple Agenda!

    • Bad Scooter
    • Alan

      The anti-pizza.

    • Jamoche

      But not BBQ chicken. The chicken dries out and the BBQ gets tacky.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      You monster!

  • Bill D. Burger

    I’ve had sum’ fun doing this to my friends.
    ” It’s all fun and games until somebidy’ busts’ a hip! ”

    https://www.facebook.com/hissalot/videos/1455253791208589/

    • SisterArtemis

      I think it’s interesting watching the leg movements – a hop and a skip while running. Programmed response from our days in, I don’t know, snake infested valleys?

      • shivaskeeper

        Closer to not knowing which way to go and trying to stay light on your feet. It;s more about being able to shift to right direction without being off balance once they figure it out.

        • SisterArtemis

          Yes, but never stop-and-freeze, like humans also are prone to doing when freaked out. Or at least never in this video.

          • shivaskeeper

            Fight, flight, or freeze. Freeze is the option when your brain just does not know what to do or is completely overwhelmed. Everyone has jumped back from a snake or a spider, or some other critter at some point when they have been startled, so freezing is most likely not going to happen. The reference is there, so the reaction is as well.

            If they had never been startled before, they might freeze.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            fucking scorpions.

            that is all.

          • shivaskeeper

            Always check your boots before you put them on in the morning when you are at Ft Hood. Always shake out your bag outside the barracks when you come home from the field. Always.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i heard about the boots thing after Iraq War 1.0.

            Back in H.S., I had one drop through the skylight once while peeing…all I saw was a flash and heard a click. Look down and “OMG! THE EVIL FROM MY NIGHTMARES IS NEAR MY FOOT!”

            Next thing I remmeber I was on the front lawn.

      • Bad Scooter

        maybe Gawd programmed that response into us on whichever day the bibble created animals?

      • Jamoche
    • shivaskeeper

      I would have tried to pick it up.

      • Bill D. Burger

        A little bit o’ Steve Irwin in ya’! ;)

        “This is a tiger snake. She’s a beauty!” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a3b8e4b4b3518c8f44637ae258a8ab5e84361808bba36fd492236911e0082295.jpg

        • shivaskeeper

          Something like that. I’ve been catching and keeping snakes since I was 8 or 9.

          • Bill D. Burger

            We have a lot of Western diamondbacks and prairie rattlers around here in Estes Park, and bullsnakes that look a lot like them. You learn to tell the difference very early in life! Seriously, I respect the rattlers….very much.

          • shivaskeeper

            I used to catch and keep the local Timbers and Copperheads. In TX it was the Western Diamondbacks. Plus most of the local non-venomous species. I would keep them for a season or so and release them back where I found them.

    • wait! what?

      I’m definitely a jumper in situations like these.

  • Paperless Tiger

    All that just to keep a psychopath to spew ridiculous lies at the gullible idiots who pay them to be misinformed. What a country.

  • La Cieca
  • Nounverb911
  • Doug Langley

    So I spent the day getting a haircut, dropping by the bank, paying bills, and buying groceries. Space Tacos chided me that I wasn’t doing this day-off-fun thing right. Well, I took his advice to heart, walked to the nearest thrift store, and bought underwear.

    Um, I’m still not doing it right, am I?

    • shivaskeeper

      I think you may be fuzzy on this concept.

    • Amy!

      Huh. Sounds to me as though it’s kind of a day off from fun, so … go, Doug?

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Were you able to find Underoos in your size?

      • Doug Langley

        I’ve lost so much weight in the past few months that clothes just don’t fit. And I do not like underwear that doesn’t fit.

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          I hate boxers. To me they are just uncomfortable in ways that I will not mention here.

    • notaten

      Umm, I was thinking of underwear that would be exciting and still a great bargain.,.. kay um, I will go away now. Forget I was ever here.

    • CripesAmighty

      No. You need to splurge like I do, and get drawers at Dollar General. You only live once.

      • Doug Langley

        Wow, talk about your drunken sailor spending!

      • h4rr4r

        I recently discovered 5 below.

        Amazing, I got a TMNT shirt for $5! My kid loved it, so I wear it a lot.

        I know, I know, I am pretty much a 50%er.

        • CripesAmighty

          Check. I’ll be sure to include that in my upcoming Lifestyle book,
          “Life In The Breakdown Lane: A Connosieur’s Guide To Extravagant Subsistence”.

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          It took me a moment on the TMNT thing. Acronyms and emojis are destroyin’ the English language.

        • Pisto75666

          A friend of mine introduced me to 5 Below earlier this year. OMG it’s HEAVEN.

          • h4rr4r

            I did not get one, yet, but they have rc boats! That take AA batteries. I have a lot of rechargable AAs, so that was almost magical to find out.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Ooh, do they have small R/C cars? I’ve been hunting all year for ones that can be adapted to S-gauge track, which is one of those things I do cuz it’s the hardest way to accomplish what I want to do.

          • h4rr4r

            They have rc cars, not sure I saw any that small. Do they need to fit the track width or do you just want to use it for power?

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            The chassis needs to be around 3/4″ wide or less so I can make 3D-printed wheels for it; S gauge is 7/8″ wide so there’s not much room to work with. Used to be some suitable vehicles ten-fifteen years ago but of course I can’t track ’em down now.

          • h4rr4r

            The ones I saw were wider than that.

            Amazon has some tiny rc cars.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Will check. The g/f has one of those Amazony Primy things. TYK!

    • Alan

      Don’t feel bad. I mowed the front yard, finished painting the kitchen, polished the stainless appliances, cleaned behind the stove,…. Days off suck.

      • Arolpin

        I took one son to a travel lacrosse try-out, then get some food on the way home. Putzed around for an hour, then took both twins to their soccer game. I ended up having to be linesman AND call offsides (stupid jerk in charge of soccer in our town completely fucked it up because all he cares about is the travel team). I spent an hour sprinting up and down the field while my wife and friends made fun of me and made LifeAlert jokes.
        Now I’m watching Game 7 of the ALCS, have a decent bourbon, and don’t have to get the boys to hockey until 8:20 tomorrow. Then a trip to the batting cages, a travel baseball tryout, and a lot of Halloween costume fabrication. Plus laundry and get my car washed.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m exhausted just hearing about it!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      *sighs*

      ; p

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It depends. Did you Thrift Shop like this?

      https://youtu.be/QK8mJJJvaes

    • Rags

      Fun is what you do when you don’t have to do it.

  • Nounverb911
    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I’m going to create a thousand disqus accounts so I can upvote that a thousand times.

    • Three Finger Salute

      100 million people died in WW2 for nothing. America sucks.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Nailed it.

    • ANNG14

      And they call themselves patriots.

  • Jennifer R

    Ya know, I haven’t had a good pizza in like six years and have resigned myself to never having one again. And it’s been a few since I could find good crab rangoons either.

    • HazooToo

      Good crab rangoons are like unicorns. Same with corn nuggets in the north. But good pizza you can make at home in like ten minutes.

      • Jennifer R

        Not in this kitchen.
        I used to make deep dish pizzasoup with an ex. Came out really nice because we would get mozzarella cheese so fresh, it was milk an hour before we got it.

    • shastakoala

      Now I want Crab Rangoon.

  • thewalkindude

    Watching the ALCS, despite Joe Buck’s nonstop verbal fellating of the Yankees…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Joe Buck is the Chris Cillizza of sports commentators. I cannot understand how he is still employed.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Doesn’t mention that theft went up by 65.3%…
    https://twitter.com/Hardywolf359/status/921703907319074816

    • h4rr4r

      Stop rolling through stop signs/red lights and maybe more folks will respect them.

    • Alan

      Stunning considering that bike is worth several TV’s.

      • h4rr4r

        TVs are cheap these days. Way cheap.

  • Picabo
  • shastakoala

    I have spent the entire day watching the Monk marathon, doing my daughter’s laundry and generally feeling sorry for myself. A good day. :)

    • Amy!

      So, what’s a monk marathon? Like, some praying, and then they illuminate manuscripts, and then the chanting?

      • shastakoala

        With an OCD theme.

        • Alan

          CDO.

          • OutOfOrbit

            OWI

      • Three Finger Salute

        LOL. Nah, the USA Network dramedy series where Tony Shahloub plays a San Francisco detective, Adrian Monk, whose latent OCD goes into overdrive after his wife is murdered.

      • NorthernSaber

        Nah- I was thinking more like 12 jazz hours with Thelonious. “Well You Needn’t”, “Epistrophy”, “Round Midnight”… My kind of Monk Marathon!

        • Amy!

          Oooh. Yes, with some Mingus, too.

          • NorthernSaber

            There us actually a jazz chart called “A Mingus Amonk Us”. When I was gigging we played more stuff by Monk than by anyone else. Love his angular melodies, and those chord voicings always offered nice choices when soloing. We’ll never see his like again!

          • Amy!

            It took me forever to figure out what it was that I was listening to as a teenager in the seventies, in a town where we had three choices: country, western, and disco. The college radio stations played jazz, and there was a lot that I liked, but I was too poor to buy it then, and the only name I remembered was Miles Davis. So I had Bitches’ Brew and Kind of Blue and nothing else particularly jazzy for years and years.

            When I started picking up more Miles, I discovered that all of the people I loved (well, mostly) had played together. Cannonball Adderley and Lee Morgan were among my discoveries, but Miles, Monk, Mingus, Coltrane all apparently played the same clubs at one time or another. I find myself looking up and listening sharp when the Mingus pieces come up in the rotation (well, and for other things, too, but I’ve noticed how often I’ve checked the media player’s listing and found Charles Mingus).

          • NorthernSaber

            I tell my students that the small group jazz discussion begins with “Kind of Blue”, and that fusion’s begins with “Bitches Brew.” Love them both, and Lee Morgan always pushed me to play “outside” more than I usually did. Say, are you into Christian Scott Atunde? I really dig his sound, and Roy Hargrove is right up there too (saw him years ago in Stockholm and it was anazing.) You’ve made me want to go listen to some Mingus- will have to check the vinyl collection to see what’s there!

          • Amy!

            Oooh, I have not heard these names. You may be responsible for the financial results (assuming their stuff is available on CD, that is).

          • NorthernSaber

            Ha! Yes, both have CD’s out. Roy does burning straight-ahead, and he has a cool funk project called “The RH Factor”, too. Christian is younger, more political, more controversial, and has a more modern sound (with a great guitar cat.) I think you’ll like them both. And while you’re at it, check out some Freddy Hubbard to see where these cats today came from! (I recommend both his solo work AND his stuff with Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers.) Enjoy!
            Jazz Forever-
            NS

    • Alan

      Love that show.

      • shastakoala

        Me too! He reminds of my son. I’m smiling.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I’ve spent the last several years trying to get someone to feel sorry for me.

      • OutOfOrbit

        oh hoo gives a fuck

        /s

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    I made it exactly 53 hours, 26 minutes and 33 seconds before becoming a complete failure at staying on my ‘special’ diet my doctor put me on.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Three Finger Salute

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Serriffe

      “What did the New Romans ever give to us anyway?”

      Not Comic Sans, that’s for sure.

    • Doug Langley

      Ooh, you’ll be doing hard Times for that.

      • Three Finger Salute

        A violation of the Geneva convention, to be sure. A bold Impact.

    • OutOfOrbit

      had to reach back for that one

    • gallbladder

      As a graphic designer of 20 years, I can honestly say…

      …I’m fucking copping that.

      • memzilla Ω

        Then you will defintely like: https://youtu.be/m6djQHeqMwQ

        • wait! what?

          Yes, yes, let’s try to get along. After all, we do all taste the same.

          When we’re dead.

    • Johnatx

      That was a Helvetica thing to do

      • gallbladder

        Weak. Boo. Sad.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        These are terrible Times we live in.

    • bluicebank

      Sans Serifans thank you.

    • Shibusa

      Don’t do that in the Futura.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      But I did not shoot Helvetica.

  • HazooToo
  • Johnatx

    God, I’m trying to figure out how to vote on the seven proposed revisions to the Texas state constitution. I think I know how I’m going to vote on 4 of them. 3 of them, I have no clue

    • stumpknocker

      remember the Alamo

    • h4rr4r

      So yes or no on the mandatory cowboy hat?

      • Johnatx

        Actually, outside of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, and geologists in the field, I haven’t seen that many folks in cowboy hats. And I don’t like barbeque.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Are you SURE you live in Texas?

    • Fartknocker

      I find this website to be very helpful. I’m voting against all of them in protest of the fucked up school financing law which the Legislature failed to address because Dr. Strangelove was worried about which bathroom the transgendered kids were going to piss in.

  • bluicebank

    In other news, Donnie will allow the release the documents related to the JFK assassination.

    No word yet on whether Ted Cruz’ father was the ringleader.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/trump-plans-to-release-of-jfk-assassination-documents-despite-concerns-from-federal-agencies/2017/10/21/d036cf36-b65d-11e7-9e58-e6288544af98_story.html?tid=pm_pop

    • OutOfOrbit

      cuck-a-doodle-do

    • wait! what?

      #jfkshotfirst

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I wish I had the electric Twitter machine so I could spread this hastag

    • Three Finger Salute

      I thought Zodiac’s father was Pierre Castreau. 🙄

    • gallbladder

      To be accepted…well, at least if you steer clear of the implied non-fakery of Donnie’s crayon footnotes.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “I only like presidents who don’t get killed”

    • Stulexington

      Wow, he’s really getting desperate for distractions.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      He’d rather reveal the alien bodies at Area 51 than his tax returns.

  • wait! what?

    Happy Halloween from mother nature

    https://youtu.be/0OLzK8AyTH0

    …and of course…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn8o7uim6DU

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      giant……silk……..orb weaver……………
      http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/127081/fainting-o.gif

      • gallbladder

        Hey!!! I’ve beer: Have you baklava?

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          Fresh out, sadly. Let me go see what we’ve got………butter cookies. I haz disappoint.

          • gallbladder

            I’ll take it! And yes, I’m still sponsoring you and Bast. :-)

          • The KGB Ate Our Votes

            Phew! I thought you might have found two other cheeky gals!

          • gallbladder

            No way: You two are my favs!

      • shivaskeeper

        Upvote for Rigby Reardon.

    • shivaskeeper

      You want to have a bad day? Run into a Golden Orb Weaver web you did not see until it was far too late. Then not see the fucking spider anywhere, so you know it’s on you.

      • Straight to the shower with you, for safety’s sake.

        • shivaskeeper

          You are in the woods, on a trail.

      • OutOfOrbit

        *running … screaming hyster-erically … arms flailing … etc*

      • Bobathonic

        I grew up in Fl, and I swear every one of my friends ran into a web at some point, and so did I. They sure do spin them.

        Zoo in DC has some in their invertebrate zoo. Totally open display, you could touch one or their web if you wanted to.

        Smithsonian Nat’l History museum has daily tarantula feedings if you like that sort of thing.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Been there. Thanks for the memories.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Got chased off a lanai in Sydney, Au in 2000 by a funnel web. Dumped him out of my boot and he wasn’t afraid at all….as a matter of fact, he was pissed.

      https://i.imgur.com/SGCbMLY.gif

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • gallbladder

      The one on the left. Pure (purr) pupiless evil.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      My co-worker was telling me the other day that if a person who has a lot of cats drops dead the cats will start eating him/her. The funniest parts was her saying, “And they don’t wait! They just dig in”

      • OutOfOrbit

        best when eaten fresh

      • gallbladder

        (see: “The Uncanny”)

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          Whoa!

          • gallbladder

            Saw that pic on TV when I was 10. Cushing was great in it.

          • The KGB Ate Our Votes

            Never heard of it – and that would have been up my alley. Like “The Night Gallery”.

          • gallbladder

            You GOTTA check it out. The cat segment is, well, memorable.

      • Amy!

        I find that reassuring, in a way. If I drop dead, then the kitties should be fine.

        Except that I have to figure out how to make sure they get enough water, which is more of a challenge. Leaving the toilet seats up is just … ugh.

        • h4rr4r

          This!

          Cats can go a long time without water, they are desert animals. Eating raw meat, like a person, would take care of their water needs until the food ran out.

        • Stulexington

          Don’t worry, they’ll figure out the toilet seat if they need to. Cats are smart like that.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        Postmortem predation. Google it. I’ll wait.

  • Serai 1

    There’s some brilliant shit in here.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHSe27mOB-s

  • Picabo
    • TJ Barke

      There’ll be tips. Of pitchforks…

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hildebeast Sanders can, to quote a great diner philosopher, …

      https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1454429952ra/17960872.gif

      • gallbladder

        Flo!!!

    • gallbladder

      My only hope is that she won’t be washing dishes.

    • miss_grundy

      I hope they have her checking the bathrooms every hour and cleaning them. It serves her right for being a hoochie.

    • nightmoth

      Even better: she’ll be left Chick Tracts as tips.

  • BloviateMe

    Soo, wife is out of town from last Thursday to this Monday. I tend to make poor choices when left to my own devices (hangover Friday and “working” from home is the first). Having said that, some weird dude got really aggressive behind me while driving, and literally followed me home, clearly to find out where I live (my apparent sin–driving the speed limit next to the elementary school) and make sure I knew. I thought about doing the same to him, but ultimately chose to not escalate the situation. Young fella, big fella, I’d be fucked going toe to toe. It troubled me, later, that he thought it was OK to basically try to intimidate me for whatever reasons were going through his head, and knowing I probably couldn’t do much about it.

    Now, I haven’t owned guns for a decade (they burned in a fire), and never felt the need. But I spent the night wondering what the fuck I’d do if someone, like this weirdo, decided to get aggressive when I’m home, basically defenseless. Worse, what if I couldn’t defend the wife in a dangerous situation? I’m certain the beagle would warn us of danger, but I’m even more certain she’d do nothing about the danger itself (unless disemboweling a shoe in under three minutes is called for).

    Between that and spending half a day crying over the rape post, I got all pissed off and went out and bought a home defense shotgun. Again, I’m not opposed to having a gun, I’ve had a bunch. I know what I’m doing, and am about as safe a person with them as you can get, but I’m pissed about the reasons that compelled me to buy the fucking thing.

    I’m looking at the damn thing, and drinking, and contemplating this new Trumpian order of violence and sad and hating how things are. Apologies for the spewing. I’m just venting in general, because I can’t seem to channel my thoughts constructively.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      fuck, I’m paranoid about people following me home.

      Anyway, pepper spray, anything that shuts down your sight and breathing is better than boom sticks. (And this comes from a texan).

      • shivaskeeper

        It’s not the shotgun, it’s feeling the need to have one for protection right no. That’s the issue.

        • BloviateMe

          Aye, that’s the issue, and now it’s my issue after a decade of not being my issue. That’s what I’m struggling with, not the gun itself.

          • shivaskeeper

            I get it.

          • starfanglednut

            This new trump world has us all living in fear, for varying reasons. I hope you feel better soon.

      • BloviateMe

        Problem is, I have no idea if pepper spray works on zombies.

      • h4rr4r

        I am pretty sure the shotgun will shutdown breathing just fine.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          dep ends how close your attacker is – yeah, you don’t need to be a good shot like with a regular single bullet weapon, but, yeah…

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Good guys with guns” such as yourself wouldn’t be necessary if there were no bad guys with guns. The only way to have that is to have no guys with guns. Repeal the Second Amendment and disarm the country. Including nuclear.

      Also too, fix our fucking culture that glorifies violence and adrenaline-rush revenge. The USA is an angry society and thrives on being an angry society. Peace and politeness are considered weaknesses and “boredom” (see also: Americans hate Canada). Americans love to break shit — “shit” all too often meaning people who the breakers determine to be “shit” worthy of being broken.

      Assholery is bad enough. Assholery plus deadly weapons is a recipe for disaster.

    • Stulexington

      I personally have never needed to look farther than the knife block to reassure myself that I can protect my home, but I can understand if you felt the need for another sort of defense weapon. Whatever it takes to make you feel safe in your own home, I mean it’s pretty clear you know how to respect it which is really all that’s important with gun ownership.

      • BloviateMe

        I guess I just don’t want to show up with a knife for a gun fight. I never thought it would happen, but now…I just don’t know anymore. People seem more aggressive than I remember.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Yes, it seems like the unhinged folks have gone full unhinged recently. We are discussing replacing our dogs (cats are great, but we’ve had our dogs alert us to potential break-ins on a couple occasions.) I hear where you’re coming from though. Shit is stirred up as hell.

          • BloviateMe

            I don’t like it. I really don’t, but, I don’t want to be unprepared, as much as I hate being prepared.

            Fuck.

        • Stulexington

          True enough. I recently moved to conservative central so there was a huge jump in overall aggression around me. Been involved in more road rage incidents my first year than the other 25 years of my driving career combined.

    • Amy!

      I’m told that the sound of a shotgun’s pump action (if you got a pump, which you prolly did since other actions are unusual and expensive) is enough to discourage a lot of potential burglars/home invaders/whatevers.

      I’m not sure that I believe this. There’s a book by Massad Ayoub, In the Gravest Extreme that I thought was quite good (in the first half, at least) in terms of talking about whether to have a gun around.

      The language of the NRA and others, that they are for self-defense, is at least euphemistic (and more likely flatly misleading). Guns are for shooting things. Shotguns are good for shooting all sorts of things, not just people (handguns are pretty worthless for shooting anything that isn’t people, although they can be used for varmints). So: if you have one, you prolly ought to be willing to use it, and to catalog the reasons and circumstances under which you’d use it.

      As the shooters (the folks who are completely into it) say: it’s not a magic wand. You can’t just wave it. To use it for “self defense” or “home defense” means: pointing it at another human, and shooting them. If you’re not willing to do that, and home/self defense is your reason for having it, you prolly shouldn’t have one around (because you won’t use it, but someone could take it from you and use it against you).

      Disclaimer: I’ve got guns, after having carefully considered that question (also partly for shooting varmints, which is easier to think about).

      • BloviateMe

        I bought a pump on purpose, because yes, if you know guns, that’s about the scariest sound ever. There was a cheaper semi-auto, but I knew what I wanted.

        I will say, I have absolutely zero desire to take a human life, but if I’m in a position where I feel it’s appropriate to level the barrel, I’m not fucking around, at that point. I hope like hell I am never in a position to find that out, of course.

        • Amy!

          Sounds right, then. Just keep checking yourself on what you’re willing to do.

          I keep thinking that I’ll take the ones that I’ve got that can’t be used for varmints and turn them into cash, instead. Just not sure, any more, whether I ought to have them (but I’m still pretty sure that I could use one if in the gravest extreme, so …).

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Did anyone else read this ridiculous NYT article that is unconvincingly dismissive of the St Louis protesters?

    Some of the activists’ biggest victories have come at the expense of the police.

    Officers have made more than 300 arrests, some of them questionable. They have swept up an undercover officer, an Air Force lieutenant, a reporter for The St. Louis Post-Dispatch and people who were not protesting. The newspaper published accounts of people who said the police struck or pepper-sprayed them after they had been taken to the ground.

    The police took on more criticism when video captured some officers stealing a protest chant: “Whose streets? Our streets.” Chief O’Toole only made things worse when he later declared that the police had “owned tonight.” And many were outraged at a photo that showed a suburban police officer with his hand around the throat of an elderly black woman during a demonstration in a shopping mall.

    Yo, asshole reporter? The cops misbehaved and are now being called out on it: that =/= something that comes at their “expense” unless you think they are entitled to mistreat the community TYVM…

    /FFS

    • Three Finger Salute

      One of our Wonkers calls them the Vichy Times. “Liberal” news my ass…

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        This is brilliant

    • Stulexington

      Yeah, they haven’t come at the expense of the police, they’ve been handed to them by the police.

  • WomanInThePersistence
    • Three Finger Salute

      Awww… who’s a sad widdle spaghetti Wookiee? You are! 😊

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Spaghetti wookie maybe his next nickname. To my shame, I usually call him “Thorsie-wor”

    • h4rr4r

      How does he hold Mjölnir?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Pfft. Some thunder god.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Do not ever speak unkindly about my dog. Especially when he is facing a bath.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Thor needs a blow dryer…and a treat or three.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        A blow dry AND style, maybe:
        https://i.imgur.com/hZ8aazw.jpg

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          fancy dog is fancy.

        • miss_grundy

          The updo reminds me of Dotard’s mommy’s hairstyle though…..

    • BloviateMe

      LOL, I took the wife’s dog for a 5 minute walk with the same result. That was twenty minutes ago and I’m still wet.

    • therblig

      is he not mighty?

    • Covfefe

      WHO MAKES THOR GO OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN????????

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well, me, actually.

        • Covfefe

          OOOOOOOH!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Im not so good at the bold type. Suffice it to say, I prefer that he pees outside.

          • Covfefe

            Be glad you don’t live with a cocker spaniel.

        • BloviateMe

          Were you…hammered?

          I slay me.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • CripesAmighty

      Well, look who just caught up.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    <@stonekettle>
    Sure are a lot of Russians around here…
    </@stonekettle>

    https://twitter.com/deray/status/921792423000444928

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That was Cambridge Analytica’s first real-world test out as well.

      Fuck all these people.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Facebook + Twitter = Pure Evil

    • Three Finger Salute

      What’s SK’s post thing say? I concur with the below comments wholeheartedly, but still want to know what the original quote says.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So was watching the amazing documentary “Dawson City Frozen Time” and apparently Fred Trump started part of his fortune by owning and operating brothels in the Yukon. Explains a lot.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      I don’t know but I’ve been told……

    • miss_grundy

      Yep. Grandpappy Trump was a operated brothels and hotels in the Yukon and made beaucoup bucks. He tried to go back to live in Germany but they kicked him out so he wound up coming back to America.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Now I’m imagining a wooden two-story building, half-buried in snow, with the name ‘TRUMP’ painted on it in giant gold letters.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    If I don’t get out of here soon I’m going to laugh myself into hysterics.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Why the fuck does Billo have thirty two million dollars to use for this purpose?

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      He keeps it hidden in the dildo up his

    • Rags

      It’s about 40% of his net worth.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Definitive proof that there is no god.

    • Anna Rompage

      Why does this shit fucking shill have anymore than $500 in the bank and isn’t living paycheck to paycheck?

    • miss_grundy

      How does someone as stupid as this guy make so much money that he can hand over $32 million in a lawsuit?

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Michael R
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      you and your dog go on so many adventures!

      You two are like an ad for the all new jeep cherokee.

      Me, I fear and despise the outdoors.

      ; p

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I despise the new Jeep Cherokee, the Grand Cherokee, the Patriot, the Compass and the Renegade. None of ’em look like Jeeps anymore and they’ve completely destroyed the brand by turning ’em all into cars.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          You’re absolutely right. happened after they got bought out. The best car in the world was a late 90’s era jeep.

          We used them for tv news unit, I loved mine.

          Sigh.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            I had a 2001 Jeep Cherokee Sport and I loved it. I’m still kicking myself for trading it in.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          What about the four-door Wrangler, the Jeep for people who wish they could afford a Hummer?

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            I’m fine with the CJ line. I also liked the original Cherokees that were manufactured up until 2001 and the Commanche pickup.

            I currently have an 05 Liberty that I was okay with because it still had the look of a Jeep. The same same goes for the 2008 to 2012 Liberty. but after that I’m kind of meh.

            I can take or leave the Commander because it’s just too big. Oddly, it was a jeep Commander that recently rear ended me in my 05 Liberty causing my insurance company to total it due to its age and the damage was 70% of the value. The vehicle is completely roadworthy.

            The Commander took the brunt of the damage and was actually undriveable.

            I also credit my first Jeep Liberty with saving my life in a near head on collision with a semi tractor so you can probably understand why I feel the way I do about them..

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I certainly can. I feel the same way about the first-generation Explorers – my ex and three friends were saved by its truck frame and very rigid body. I’d never do with the new ones what we did with that one.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m sorry folks, but until these serial sexual harassers & white colar criminals in general, are held legally accountable for their actions, and are put behind bars for lengthy sentences, they will continue to do what they do….

    Paying out money is not a significant enough penalty for these folks.

    The prospect of jail for someone who has nothing, is not that big of a deal. The prospect of jail and civil forfeiture for someone who has a lot, is devistating…

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I say we should put all old, rich white men into detention centers until we can find out what’s going on.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Well there are all of those Obama FEMA camps layin’ around empty.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Shopping malls too.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I’m in mine already, okay?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Won’t happen as long as they’re the ones who control the levers of the system. Civil asset forfeiture with or without going behind bars seems to only be a thing for black and brown people with “broken tail lights” who were “resisting arrest” by trying to breathe.

    • Stulexington

      I’m pretty sure the crime doesn’t qualify for club fed so I really look forward to assholes like Billo and Harvey going to everyman jail. Isolated from the attention they crave, slowly falling into obscurity while they eat horrible food and have no privacy, it’s a wonderful dream.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    This is great news for New Yorkers:

    “On Halloween this year a new law takes effect in New York City prohibiting employers from inquiring about a candidate’s salary history during the hiring process. The law is explicitly intended to untrack lifelong pay inequalities for women by uncoupling them from their salary histories. From now on any such inquires will be treated as unlawful and discriminatory.”

    http://www.businessinsider.com/option-groups-richard-stein-on-nyc-law-on-salary-history-2017-10

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, that’s all well and good, but does that stuff show up on background checks? Big data can tell a prospective employer a lot — and my guess is, it’s pretty difficult to prove on your end whether they’ve dug up dirt on you or not if they don’t call you back. I’m even suspicious of those CVS/Walgreens bonus card programs selling medical data to the highest bidder.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        No, salary history does not show up on background checks. Usually, what they check is credit and criminal history. In NYC, however, there is also now a law that they cannot do credit checks, which is a good thing:

        “The SCDEA exempts positions where a credit check is required by law, police and peace officers, and high-level positions involving trade secrets, financial authority, and information technology. The exemptions do not include most entry-level, non-salaried employees. They do not include bank tellers, cashiers, salespeople, clerical workers, administrative staff, restaurant and bar workers, and private security employees. “

        • Three Finger Salute

          Well, finally someone’s doing some good work, then.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Yeah, it’s pretty great. It’s too bad it isn’t US-wide, though, because it really should be.

    • h4rr4r

      Nice for everyone.

      I am fighting this battle for one of my employees. He was underpaid in his previous job, was paid the minimum I would allow for his current position and now they want to low ball him on a raise. I have another employee I hired back for more than double his previous salary and they still don’t understand paying a fair wage is cheaper long term.

      • Jonny On Maui

        It wasn’t until the third fully trained fully job proficient tech walked away from the salt mines…

        These were my techs. The last thing I did was get them a raise before I left. It only went through because I told ’em the rest of the techs were looking and ready to go to work for better money.

        Assholes…

        • h4rr4r

          I won’t lie, my life would be so much easier if we can keep him. The guy I hired back at more than double deserves every dime.

          I will get him a raise just not sure it will be enough.

      • Doug Langley

        I’ve reached the point where I seriously believe companies really want massive turnover. How else to explain their treatment of employees?

        • h4rr4r

          This company does not. I have been there 11 years. It is just a few individual department heads that care more about this years bonus than long term outlook.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • TJ Barke
    • gallbladder

      I have to admit, I’ve never heard of this until now, but the down-trodden downbeat works so well through it all.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So Trump said he would pay legal fees for associates embroiled in the Russia deal. I say get the money up-front and in cash.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Couldn’t happen to two nicer guys, but, damn…
    https://twitter.com/LATSeema/status/921583746549030912

    • h4rr4r

      Normally I would agree, but I suspect this was because Dubya and Walnuts are not true believers in Drumpf.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Well, that’s my point. Not like they didn’t deserve it, from regular folks, but the GOP has slid so far to the looney right, they even get it from their own base. Alas, poor GOP. I knew him…

        • h4rr4r

          I blame the gin some asshole put in my tonic water.

      • shivaskeeper

        During Bannon’s keynote speech. That is who’s doing the booing. Fucking Nazis.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • Shibusa

      The question is…what is the Democratic party doing about it? The Repubs have been focused on suppressing unfriendly votes for years now.

      • jesterpunk

        Fighting it in court is all they can do, republicans control most states because democrats cant be bothered to vote in non presidential years typically.

  • ariel_gee_398

    No doubt the lawyers fought over all the language in this affidavit, including the bit about how she “would no longer make the allegations contained in the draft complaint.” Well of course she fucking wouldn’t, she just got paid $32 million in satisfaction of those claims. The lawyers would have also agreed about whether or not this document could be released to the public. You’d have to be an idiot to think this exonerates O’Reilly, so I suspect his fans will buy it.
    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/921903118236966912

    • Covfefe

      This affidavit basically says that Fox News was involved, one way or another, with settling this case. That makes more sense than the theory that Fox was not involved.

      • ariel_gee_398

        The draft complaint probably named both the network and O’Reilly as defendants, so both defendants settled with O’Reilly paying the whole deal. You’d have to be a pretty shit attorney to not try to sue Fox, too, given O’Reilly’s history, the money the network has, and the pattern of harassment at the network.

        • Covfefe

          I would be really surprised if Fox News didn’t contribute to a settlement.

    • miss_grundy

      Wow! She wound up winning a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot.

  • Nounverb911
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Don’t we need to lose a war against Germany first?

      • Blackest Noobs

        it’s coming. sides get flipped. their D-day, our Atlantic wall.

      • Amy!

        Hmmmm. Decided that was too close to breaking the rules, or maybe past; deleted.

  • Shibusa

    “….overhauling management and on-air talent talons….”
    FIFY!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      when I was in local TV news, we always used the word “talent” semi-sarcastically.

      • Courser_Resistance

        local radio also too.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • h4rr4r

      I have not seen that yet, does he cover it from the Vietnamese POV? That the south Vietnamese president was awful? We were afraid of commies but for many Vietnamese it had nothing to do with Communism.

      • VirGinYa

        Yes.

      • Three Finger Salute

        America doesn’t know what the fuck communism even is. As evidenced by the fact that we think European countries with any social safety net at all are “communist dictatorships.” A number of which are monarchies, about as far from Marxism as you can get, including and especially Britain — and the loosely-connected commonwealth colony of Canada. Sweden is also communist because they don’t treat women like shit. But fascism died with Hitler, who was a “national socialist” and therefore also too a communist. No Nazis in the White House, nothing to see here, move along.

        America’s total ignorance of anything Not America is why we shouldn’t be allowed to have any military operations around the world at all. We fuck up everything we go near, the proverbial drunken bull in the China (Vietnam, Middle East, now Africa…) shop.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Yes, it’s amazing on both the North Vietnamese and the South Vietnamese governments.

        • h4rr4r

          I shall have to make the time. When I learned about this it killed whatever bit of respect I had for my highschool history education that Zinn had not already killed.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            want to get it deader? Read “The Half Has Never Been Told” by Edward Baptist.

  • Shanzgood

    Oh shit. Just had a conversation with my son where he explains that Negan from TWD is the dad of Sam and Dean from Supernatural.

    Noooooo!

    • Was also Denny on Grey’s Anatomy

      • Shanzgood

        Immune because did not watch.

    • BloviateMe

      Without Lucille, he’s a cupcake. No worries.

    • shastakoala

      I have a theory that Neegan and Madison from Fear of the Walking Dead are siblings.

      • Shanzgood

        Not watched FoWD so I’m immune.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
  • wait! what?

    Damn zebra tripping dobermans.

    WARNING

    This escalates quickly at the 2:08 mark.

    https://youtu.be/UbQgXeY_zi4?list=RDlX44CAz-JhU

    • 52camellias

      This is like “Zootopia” except with more blood and strippers.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Or like an out-of-control Orangina ad.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Whatever floats your boat canoe, I guess… but after reading about the lymphoma risk, I’m thinking… maybe turning yourself into a human coloring book is a bad idea.

    Justin Bieber makes Internet go wild showing off giant new tattoo spreading across his torso and abs

    Soory not soory, but he looks like a gang member too. Wait — is that a vampire koala?

    http://peopledotcom.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/justin-bieber1.jpg?crop=555px%2C21px%2C828px%2C555px&resize=742%2C495

    Health-wise, I worry about his same-named fellow countryman, although I would think that the less ink the better. Aesthetically, however, his is more tasteful — because it’s just that one.

    https://www.straight.com/files/v3/images/16/06/o-justin-trudeau-boxing-tattoo-facebook.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      That tattoo looks pretty shitty. If he was going to get something he should have picked something better.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Considering Beeb the Dweeb’s predilection for bad behavior, I’m going to guess it was a prison tattoo. Seriously, it does look like some kind of Aryan Brotherhood shit.

        J-Trueheart’s Haida Raven, meanwhile, is apparently a tribute to his kid brother, who had a similar if not identical design in back of his upper-left shoulder. At least he didn’t go hog-wild drawing all over himself like a gang-banger, and therefore should be OK in terms of what that study showed.

        Discount-bin Canuck, on the other hand, is a combination rehab clinic and chemo ward waiting to happen. Sad.

        • Roni Raven

          You just won the internet with your last paragraph. You had me at discount-bin Canuck.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I do not understand tattoos, especially out of control tattooing.

      • Jonny On Maui

        There’s many reasons for tattooing, have been for as long as human history. Sadly, one of them has always been, “Cuz Ima douche.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      someday JB look in mirror, him say, “what were you thinking?”

      • Three Finger Salute

        When he’s about 40 and that taut canvas with phone-doodle artwork looks like an amorphous lump of clay with fractal-pattern ink blots on it.

        • OutOfOrbit

          oh my!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Chris Evans says people come up to him and say: “Dude! Your movies! I *love* Star Trek!”

  • Nounverb911
    • Serai 1
      • BloviateMe

        That made me giggle.

      • Three Finger Salute

        HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!

        “This concludes this test of the Royal Canadian Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, well… you’d be in pretty big trouble right now, and we’d have to send out a massive national apology. Soory if we alarmed anyone. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming: CBC’s live 24/7 stream of the Great United States Dumpster Fire.”

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘Police report hundreds of noise violations coming from one particular sidewalk this afternoon. The reports were investigated but no person of colour was involved.’

  • Courser_Resistance

    The week ended on a much needed high note for me. I managed to do pretty well on Lyft this afternoon AND my last ride of the evening was coming to the movie theater right behind my apt bldg! I took it as an sign and packed it in.

    ALSO TOO, my new glasses came! OMG, I can SEE again!. My last pair never fit me well and were badly scratched. There’s only a small change in the Rx but being to see through clear lenses is awesome!

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Lyft told me I could make $35.00 per hour. I would have loved to make $17.50 per hour. I made about $9.00 per hour. Fuck Lyft and the Uber they rode in on.

  • Nounverb911

    There once was Harvard fellow named spicer,
    Who the press once put through the dicer…

    https://twitter.com/Limericking/status/921831207528214529

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Nounverb911

    Bill Orally vows to expose himself on Monday, Film at eleven never….

    https://twitter.com/BillOReilly/status/921881927069716480

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Must’ve taken them all this time to make the shit up.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Thor has been bathed. He is unamused by this.

    • Aggle Wok

      Does he get a blow out now?

    • BloviateMe

      To be fair, I’ve never seen an amused bybthis.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Spellcheck is not my friend

        • Jonny On Maui

          Does it break the rules to say I’d like to pet Spellcheck with a fire axe?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Try French comedies from the 1950s.

    • Roni Raven

      This noncomment is worthless without pics.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • jesterpunk

      8 am though?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Right? That feels like a “after a couple of drinks?” job.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          xD

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        pfft, purely so it’s up when I finally wake up.

        As you know, from my weekly class, I don’t *do* 8 am.

        • Doug Langley

          I have to be at work by 8. And it’s a one hour drive. Yes, I hate it.

    • Jonny On Maui

      pfffttt…

      Get back to me when you can dreadlock your nose hair…

      • Roni Raven

        Or corral it in a hairnet.

        • Jonny On Maui

          “That’s not a moustache. My nose hair is invading my face!”

          • Courser_Resistance

            As someone who used to date a man with beard and mustache, just let me say, EW!

    • ariel_gee_398

      I don’t think you hit truly old until you have to add ear hair to the list.

      • Jonny On Maui

        In, on and around…

    • Courser_Resistance

      As an oldz female, I have to check for the odd chin whisker. They’re freaky. Nothing, nothing, nothing, then OMG it’s half an inch long!!! When did THAT happen?

      Also, locating the bastards with tweezers using progressive bifocals. Fuck ALL the Things!

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Filthy Felafel Habits??!!?!?

    FELAFEL LIBELZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Well dammit, it turns out that my “clever” idea for getting the two halves of the display frame I’m building for Hewlett-Packard to stay together doesn’t work. I’m gonna hafta use wood screws and drywall anchors: the anchors will eventually get stripped out (like I was trying to avoid), but at least they can be replaced fairly easily.

    Sometimes I try to do things
    And it just doesn’t work out the way I wanted to
    And I get real frustrated
    And I’m like, I try hard to do it

    And I’m like, take my time
    And it doesn’t work out the way I wanted to
    It’s like, I concentrate on real hard but it doesn’t work out
    And everything I do and everything I try it never turns out

    https://youtu.be/TE4Fvjhz2sE

    • Jonny On Maui

      In that case, tools down, hands free and

      https://youtu.be/mIjZE4kcg_Q

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Doing that. Gonna pick it up again on Monday. Now is beer-drinking and pot-smoking time.

        • Jonny On Maui

          I’ve been looking forever for that Freak Bros. poster that read,

          Smokin’ dope and drinking beer is like pissing into the wind.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i often want a pepsi, but a diet pepsi. (still thanks for the ole school throwback!)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      interesting rec from youtube:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9jXnZS3ouU

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Anna Elizabeth

      No! Really?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      What was your first clue, guys?

  • Nounverb911
    • Serai 1

      So they’re actually going through with the handfasting?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Pence makes Mother bundle him every night, just to be safe.

  • Serai 1

    Rob Reiner discussed his new LBJ film, and the whole Harvey Weinstein mess

    Love this guy. Always have.

    ETA: OMFG, listen to the end for the Tesla story!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Dammit Bill, you’re confusing everybody! Go back to being wrong all the time, so we can breathe..,.
    https://twitter.com/BillKristol/status/921438014416543745

    • BloviateMe

      I hate when someone you hate says something you don’t hate.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        It’s very irritating.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I hate when my hate gets all turned around.

    • Johnatx

      We gotta take back the White House and Congress so I can go back to despising Kristol, Rubin and Frum.

    • Suttree

      It truly is the end times.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Advice to those attending tomorrow’s meet-up in Sonoma – bring a warmie. It will be warm when the meet-up starts at 3 PM, but right around 5 PM, it will cool down. Noticeably. For a supposedly mild Mediterranean climate, I spend a lot of time in sweaters.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    just fucking cause it’s a saturday night and this is as wild as I get these days:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Masterful

    • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

      This delights me!

  • Nounverb911

    Fox News announces new audio-visual deterrent for ‘on-air’ staff wishing to leave Fox.

    https://twitter.com/donmoyn/status/921223826498772997

    • Roni Raven

      White people dancing. Just cringeworthy. And I’m white.

    • gallbladder

      I’m bleeding from my wherever..and I’m male.

      • Roni Raven

        And you also just made me spew my beverage out my nose. Well played.

    • BloviateMe

      No.

    • Christopher Story

      What’s with the grandma blouses?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Raise your hand if you’ve never had to bribe someone to bury a sexual harassment lawsuit.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Chris Evans – “I get asked a simple question about preferences, and suddenly there are 50 Headlines of ‘Chris Evans -Butt man!’ ”

    Yr Anna Elizabeth has a chance, Y’alls.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • Anna Elizabeth

      The Baseball term of Art is “Unforced Errors”, I do believe.

      • RobKanC

        I thought it was so in tennis.

        • Daniel

          It is, and rugby and football also too.

  • gallbladder

    (slips into Colonel mode) Right…RIGHT! I’m off for it. Right! Three weeks with no drink.I’m off for it…RIGHT!

    Fuck help us all ’cause it’s here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTUcoR8_pyE

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Oh, I love Kate Bush!

      • gallbladder

        Me too. Three decades ahead of her time.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yes. My first of her was “The Red Shoes” album. Every song a masterpiece.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • BloviateMe

      You sure it’s billions? You sure it’s not kazillion bajillions?

      He’s such a fucking toad.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Old man doesn’t understand how digital ad buys work, eh?

    • Mike Steele

      for free

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m in a Mexican food coma. Chilaquiles, green chile, and tortillas from the best takeout joint on the west side.

    • ariel_gee_398

      But no Almanac?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Nah….rats. A little low on funds, and the friend I often meet there had some obligations with her kids. Might make it tomorrow with my cousin, Hops willing.

  • jaspersdad

    Altuve!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Yes!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Picabo
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I got to see Diz a few years before he died. His chops were pretty much gone by then, but a great privilege to see a musical genius and living legend.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Oh wow! :)

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I got to see Count Basie two nights in a row back in the day. I went the first night he was in town, and they said they still had tickets for the following night, so I signed on. Those motherfuckers in the Basie band swung SO hard.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :) Dad used to take Mom to the Blue Note while they were dating to see Count Basie and Ella Fitzgerald. Dad would get a table right up by the Count, he knew the Manager.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh wow…to see Basie and Ella. I could’ve died a happy man that night.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Right? :) My one uncomplicated, joyous memory of my father is all the music he introduced me to. The Count, Ella, Sarah Vaughn, Dave Brubeck, Sinatra. :)

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f53xo_NNF8

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I know there are some bad memories, but musically at least, he did something good for you. We have to hang on to the smallest rays of light.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yes indeed. :)

          • NorthernSaber

            Count’s band came to U Maine in 1984, right before Count died. Cab Calloway led the band that night. Jesus what a show!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Right? I think I might’ve robbed a Circle K to get the dough for the second night. It would’ve been worth a stretch in the joint.

          • NorthernSaber

            I saw Dizzy a bit before that at Colby College. Not a great show. I somehow weaseled my way backstage to meet him. He wandered in, all alone, a few pops into the night, and couldn’t have been less impressed with some hayseed trumpet player from the middle of Maine. Ran into him again when I was at Berklee- went about the same. Don’t blame him- those old cats went through some shit, that’s for sure.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, I never wanted to meet any of those guys for that reason…they’d seen it all in their lives and were just trying to make a few bucks before the end. The one exception was getting to meet Jack DeJohnette. He could’ve have been more friendly and engaging.

          • NorthernSaber

            Clark Terry was wonderful in that way, and Branford Marsalis was funny, engaging, and down to earth. I’m a HUGE Miles fan, but frankly glad I never met him! On the rock side Neal Peart is not known for warm-fuzzies, but if you can play like that I guess that evens it all out!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, I would’ve been terrified of meeting Miles. Coltrane seemed like a fairly approachable guy though.

          • NorthernSaber

            Agree completely. I really don’t think I’d have had the courage with Miles. Branford was a chat in the Berklee dorm right before he went out with Blakey- great guy. Yeah- bet Trane was the same way. Couple of the modern cats like Dave Douglas and Chris Botti are known for being pretty chill as well. I’d love to meet Derek Trucks, but I have no idea how one speaks to a giant among men!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            AWE-sum!

          • NorthernSaber

            “Minnie the Moocher” was simply epic- we all sang along!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Envy! Naw, I can imagine how much fun was had though. :)

      • Rags

        Saw him for free (!) at Disneyland many years ago. My first exposure to jazz. My 8 year old brain like.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Disneyland used to hire some really great musicians back in the day. A lot of good country/bluegrass players got their start playing there.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight…

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/921878850203783168

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Jebus, now that Donnie is feeling pressured he is sending next-day fuck youscondolences to people. What a way to demonstrate empathy, dickfuck!

      • William

        He’s the Amazon Prime of dickheads.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Last minute scramble to try to keep from flunking out? Sounds about right for the dumbest goddamn student to ever get into Wharton.

    • Daniel

      We tried to drop off our condolences about your dead child/spouse/next of kin but you were out. You can collect your Presidential well wishes at _________ between 9 am and 4:30 pm Monday-Friday.

  • RobKanC

    Lol. Since when does diverse mean blonde white women who wore short skirts. Fuck Fox News.

  • William
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Night, Cally!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Night Cally!

  • memzilla Ω
  • William
    • BloviateMe

      “So good it’ll violate your senses!”

    • Anna Elizabeth

      LOLOMG

  • JD Mulvey

    Every time you think the age of Trump can’t get any lower, it does.

    Here’s ICE and Breitbart blaming the California wildfires on a homeless Mexican immigrant: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/20/us/wildfire-immigrant-breitbart.html

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      WTF are those and why are they out in public where small children might see?

    • gallbladder

      I thought that you loved me. Depression sets in.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        Could be worse. You could be Eric. You can see where he gets his good looks.

        • Roni Raven
          • Three Finger Salute

            That’s how you know he’s Qusay and Junior is Uday. Eric is Qusay Busay.

          • Amy!

            I will never be able to forget this. A whole row of neurons, wasted!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Let’s have a moment of silence for all the neurons who have made the ultimate sacrifice since the 11/9 Massacre.

          • Rags

            Uday and qusay make me queasy

        • gallbladder

          I feel better..I think.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If possible, Ivana looks even more ghastly now. As does Donnie.

    • Nounverb911
    • notaten

      Jaysus! At least put a warning on that , like IYATTERNDLATP!!!!!!!(if you are trying to eat right now don’t look at this picture)

    • ariel_gee_398

      Brings this song to mind, for some reason: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PdKGDMhau4

      • Edith Prickly

        Thanks for reminding me what a good band they were…

        • ariel_gee_398

          There are far worse ways to spend an evening than with a mid-90s Brett Anderson.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • TJ Barke

      The Aristocrats!

    • SayItWithOtters

      Eric looks just like her.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      That dress might work if the white diamond were reversed into an hourglass shape. God the 80s were an awful decade for women’s clothes.

    • Ling Ling

      Looking at this picture makes me glad I couldn’t afford to dress up. Clean jeans, a shirt w/a collar. Good to go.

  • gallbladder

    Right! (still in colonel mode) https://youtu.be/CNk3N5CmdOA?t=265 Started off as a nice little idea about grannies attacking young men, but then it just got silly.

  • Johnatx

    Night all. Oh, for folks near Austin, Beto O’Rourke is having a town hall Sunday at 1 pm at UT in Burdine Hall

    • Three Finger Salute

      Night Johnatx! Much love to Beto!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Night, John! :)

    • Panika MCD

      as in manana or a week from tomorrow?

      • Johnatx

        Tomorrow. Oct. 22. 1 pm. I saw it on the Book of Faces. Either Texas Democratic Party page or Indivisible TX-10 page

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Night!

  • Mike Steele

    Life is good – Mueller has traded Mickey ‘Sez Who?’ Cohen for Russians ready to chat; DJT about to get tanked by Putin, as McCain, Cardin, et.al. are pressing for him to impose sanctions they approved a zillion-to-three; latest tweets reek of flop sweat:) Yea!

  • William
    • gallbladder

      They are bigger than her intellect.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Even the pre-enhanced versions were bigger than her intellect.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Looks like someone got straight DDs in high school…

  • ariel_gee_398

    Will UPS start running a new ad campaign? “When it absolutely, positively has to be there the day after you lied about sending it months ago.”
    https://twitter.com/Walldo/status/921856120062337024

    • Stulexington

      If there is one thing that should not ever be rushed, it’s condolences.

      • Roni Raven

        Especially when they’re printed in that purple ditto ink.

      • Amy!

        “Dear [Gold Star Relative],

        I am so sorry for the loss of [military rank] [first name or names] [last name], whose valor in combat was huge! [He/She] had a great time in [target of exploitation (official country name, do not use nicknames)], believe me! Then [he/she] died. Sad!

        I like soldiers who didn’t die. Still, [he/she] is a hero, so there’s that.

        Have a great day!

        Mr. President Donald J Trump, Commander in Highliest Chiefness, esquire, PhD Wharton and TU, OBE, MAGA!”

        • Stulexington

          Envelope sealed with a tacky gold star.

        • therblig

          PS: Please support me in my fight against FAKE NEWS with a contribution of $25, $50, or $100. All contributions over $50 allow you to purchase a MAGA hat for $75.

      • TOO SOON..?

        Works for the NRA.

    • Are they the ones who got Obama’s time machine when he left office?

    • Panika MCD

      they don’t need to. they’re already unionized so they have that going for them.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “USPS: When shaming black women doesn’t quite get the job done!”

      • CripesAmighty

        Fucker isn’t even using the post office. Gotta grease the corporate palm.

        • Rags

          And the post office does overnight also too. So why?

          • CripesAmighty

            Spite. USPS is a union shop.

    • therblig

      “Before we spend any money, see if any of them have fax machines.” – DJT

  • TJ Barke
    • Anna Elizabeth

      OOh, not what /i was expecting, Anna Likey! :)

    • wait! what?

      Videos have so outpaced songs in terms of artistic achievement that they don’t even need music anymore.

      • RobespierreHoo

        I suppose if you were born during Bill Clinton’s second term, that’s true.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Born in the run-up to Reagan’s second term.

          I didn’t even know videos had “music” anymore.

        • wait! what?

          Nah. I’ll even double down and go as far to say that the visual arts surpassed the audible arts starting with Vermeer.

  • TJ Barke
  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
    • gallbladder

      Many years ago as a child in Winnipeg, I took in a noon-hour persona known as “uncle Bob” whose presence was, well, as equally as “entertaining.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        …and then he migrated somehow to Toronto and became the mayor…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, now we know what happened to his beach chair.

    • Roni Raven

      Is that Chris Christie?

      • therblig

        no. he would never be that active.

  • Nounverb911
    • bbayliss

      My all time favorite movie.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
    • Panika MCD

      Metcam is powerful.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    There’s nothing going on. And he didn’t see anything!

    https://youtu.be/OMHHWfSe4TE

    • wait! what?

      …she DID have dueling scar and a hook…

    • gallbladder

      Lemming!

  • jaspersdad

    Anybody seen this yet?

    https://youtu.be/4AphW6a_9OM

  • stumpknocker

    i am so hammered but even so, i leave the wonker world with this song.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65AuuFpNFxY

    • Three Finger Salute

      Awww! Night Stumpknocker!

    • Roni Raven

      Takes me back to my younger years. Hadn’t thought about that song for ages.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      May your morning be full of bloody Mary naps! G’night!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    What’s that old line about doing good in secret, and being found out by accident?
    https://twitter.com/JillFilipovic/status/921659166346960898

    • A Humanitarian in the Bush is worth three at the CPAC?

  • Nounverb911
    • Congrats, Parker, now put the dang tweeter down. More important things afoot

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    My fish are all unlicensed. And illegally modified to fire full-auto.

    https://youtu.be/c1RGwaCUjm0

    • gallbladder

      I’m going spare as we speak.

  • Seems to me he settled for whatever sum they were inclined to settle for. There were very likely other things, like people in dark glasses following them about, random stops by the park to visit any kids…..
    who the fuck pays 32 mil to avoid embarrassment? A guilty mother fucker.

  • wait! what?
    • Three Finger Salute

      This. It’s why I don’t have any anymore. I already didn’t have spare change. Now I have no hope either.

    • Stulexington

      This is why every crack in the Republican party is greeted with a “meh, I’ll believe it when I see it” mentality instead of hope that this is the final act that breaks them.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • gallbladder

      Yeeessss!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “… we circled the spot until some “brown jobs” took them prisoner. As soon as they were in safe hands I dived straight at them and did an “upward Charlie” over them…”

  • gallbladder

    So, Drumpf speedballing gravy right about now?

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Despite mucho procrastination I got 3/4 of the Top Secret Mascot Costume’s kilt made. A 72″ waist uses a LOT of plaid fabric. Spaghettini was made and consumed with my ultra-thick mushroom marinara sauce. Tomorrow it’s off to London for a collectibles show and taking pics of a Subaru, plus glomming some Li-po batteries and a charger for fursuit use. It’ll be a good outside day. I like outside days.
    Stay safe, everypony.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sounds tasty! ‘Night Ron!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      And you, Ron. Well Done! That’ll show Jerry the clipper!

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Rags

    Just saw a Smirnoff vodka commercial on the hou/ny game which was just to say that it’s not made in Russia. Maybe more people are paying attention?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      This is a “vote with your ameros” situation in my view. Titos is the patriotic vodka and won’t land you in the 8th circle of Hell’s hangover wing.

      • dshwa

        Grey Goose.

      • Amalga

        SKYY. Just sayin’.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Right here in Minnesota!

  • Relevant! And I’m not sure how we at Wonkette have done without this for so long. . .

    https://twitter.com/waywardandwine/status/921412734616453120

  • gallbladder

    Wait a minute. Who has the salt?!?

    • Are you making rat dicks, again?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Some guy named Morton.

      • data_ninja

        He doesn’t like it when you pepper him with comments.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          You herb it here first.

          • data_ninja

            You arrived just in thyme with that one.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            It ain’t over lentil it’s over!

          • redarmyzombie

            It may take some time to curry his favor…

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Oh Honey.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            A sage remark.

    • SisterArtemis

      RUN, SNAILS! RUN!!!!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      <3 *sigh*

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He looks like a bad cloning accident where someone mistook chin cells for stem cells.

    • Amy!

      Through late night TV’s whine I hear
      Echoes of my childhood fear
      The pains and sorrows, year by year
      How long we’ve walked to get to here

      Insomnia, I chase it
      I dream it but don’t face it
      And I can sleep all night, will I or nil

  • godsaidHA

    “A very good reason to not shut up about anything, ever.” First Amendment right there. Keep hollering.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT (or is it?), but all I can say is “Wut?”

    https://twitter.com/jamietarabay/status/921911345414467584

    • dshwa

      Well, Stalin wasn’t available so what can you so?

      • proudgrampa

        Neither was Idi Amin…

    • Ling Ling

      Appointments like this make Bolton look sane.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      What brainless fuck though this was a good idea????

      • proudgrampa

        That’s what I’d like to know…

    • redarmyzombie

      On the one hand, this is insane. On the other, Donald Trump was made President and Theresa May still has a job, so I’m not nearly as shocked as I probably should be…

  • aktlib101

    From the scary news department, The Guardian, with another article on the insectageddon. 6th mass extinction is here and we are causing it.
    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/oct/21/insects-giant-ecosystem-collapsing-human-activity-catastrophe

    “Insects are multitudinous almost beyond our imagining. They thrive in soil, water, and air; they have triumphed for hundreds of millions of years in every continent bar Antarctica, in every habitat but the ocean. And it is their success – staggering, unparalleled and seemingly endless – which makes all the more alarming the great truth now dawning upon us: insects as a group are in terrible trouble and the remorselessly expanding human enterprise has become too much, even for them.”

    “The astonishing report highlighted in the Guardian, that the biomass of flying insects in Germany has dropped by three quarters since 1989, threatening an “ecological Armageddon”, is the starkest warning yet; but it is only the latest in a series of studies which in the last five years have finally brought to public attention the real scale of the problem.

    Does it matter? Even if bugs make you shudder? Oh yes. Insects are vital plant-pollinators and although most of our grain crops are pollinated by the wind, most of our fruit crops are insect-pollinated, as are the vast majority of our wild plants, from daisies to our most splendid wild flower, the rare and beautiful lady’s slipper orchid.”

    “Furthermore, insects form the base of thousands upon thousands of food chains, and their disappearance is a principal reason why Britain’s farmland birds have more than halved in number since 1970. Some declines have been catastrophic: the grey partridge, whose chicks fed on the insects once abundant in cornfields, and the charming spotted flycatcher, a specialist predator of aerial insects, have both declined by more than 95%, while the red-backed shrike, which feeds on big beetles, became extinct in Britain in the 1990s.

    “Ecologically, catastrophe is the word for it.”

    • proudgrampa

      The insects are the canaries in the coal mines.

      Have I mentioned that we are freakin’ doomed?

      To my proudgrandkids:

      I am so sorry for the world that you will inherit.

      proudgrampa

      • Three Finger Salute

        Implying that the world will still be here for them to inherit.

        • Oh it’ll be here. When we are long gone, it will still be here. Future cockroach archaeologists will be unearthing things and wondering what is with all the Styrofoam and fake tits.

        • proudgrampa

          They’re pretty smart. Maybe THEY (and their friends) can save the planet.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s weird. I remember hearing that humans would never be able to extinguish a species of insect. Any species.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • HazooToo

    I suck at conversation tonight. A lot.

    • OutOfOrbit

      go on

      • HazooToo

        Stop making me love you!

        • OutOfOrbit

          *unspeakable blushing, squishing toes together*
          Awe shucks

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Disappointed with sportsball tonight. I was hoping the Wolverines might beat the Sanduskies.

    • Nounverb911

      Something, something, something, Joe Buck, commenting rules, something.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Fuck Penn State. I could never root for that team after what they did. And fuck the corpse of Joe Paterno too.

      • theCryptofishist

        With some one else’s bevoted dick.

      • BloviateMe

        I’m with you in spirit, but this new crop of kids had nothing to do with that.

        • theCryptofishist

          How about creepy frat boys?

          • They all got creepy frat boys

          • BloviateMe

            Pretty much all schools have that.

          • theCryptofishist

            True, but that trial was really disturbing. I hope those kids’ lives are ruined. With votes.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Oh, I know. And I don’t blame them for it. But personally, it’s impossible for me to wish them well as a team.

    • Roni Raven

      Me too also. On a brighter note, the University of Spoiled Children lost. bwahahahaha

  • Nounverb911
  • UnsaltedSinner

    Classic stand-up history. Recommended.

    https://twitter.com/rauchway/status/921929170917015552

  • wait! what?
  • aktlib101

    Wow, elections DO have (deadly) consequences.
    New York Times: “Why Has the E.P.A. Shifted on Toxic Chemicals? An Industry Insider Helps Call the Shots”
    (long and detailed article, worth reading)
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/21/us/trump-epa-chemicals-regulations.html

    “So scientists and administrators in the E.P.A.’s Office of Water were alarmed in late May when a top Trump administration appointee insisted upon the rewriting of a rule to make it harder to track the health consequences of the chemical (PFOA), and therefore regulate it.

    The revision was among more than a dozen demanded by the appointee, Nancy B. Beck, after she joined the E.P.A.’s toxic chemical unit in May as a top deputy. For the previous five years, she had been an executive at the American Chemistry Council, the chemical industry’s main trade association.”

    “The E.P.A.’s abrupt new direction on legacy chemicals is part of a broad initiative by the Trump administration to change the way the federal government evaluates health and environmental risks associated with hazardous chemicals, making it more aligned with the industry’s wishes.”

    “Dr. Beck, who has a doctorate in environmental health, comes from a camp — firmly backed by the chemical industry — that says the government too often directs burdensome rules at what she has called “phantom risks.”

    Other scientists and administrators at the E.P.A., including Wendy Cleland-Hamnett, until last month the agency’s top official overseeing pesticides and toxic chemicals, say the dangers are real and the pushback is often a tactic for deflecting accountability — and shoring up industry profits at the expense of public safety.”

    “In March, Scott Pruitt, the E.P.A. chief, overrode the recommendation of Ms. Hamnett and agency scientists to ban the commercial use of the pesticide chlorpyrifos, blamed for developmental disabilities in children.”

    • Anyone who lived through Reagan and paid any attention already knows this one.
      See also: Gorsuch’s mom.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Literally dotarded.

  • Christopher Story

    The nephew is fed and sleeping and the Beautiful is, well, beautiful as she prepared for bed. We had to relax and straighten her hair again. Given its nature, it’s as much an adventure as it is a project. I’ve gotten good enough to cut the whole thing, from relaxer to leave in conditioner, down to about 45 minutes. Needless to say, I am finally off my feet and enjoying the rest of my night.

    • HazooToo
      • Christopher Story

        Amen.

      • Parakeetist

        Squeeeeeeeee

      • theCryptofishist

        Are the two at the end finches?

        • HazooToo

          I think so, but it’s been a while since my parakeet fascination!

          • theCryptofishist

            They aren’t budgies. Their legs seem to be further forward, and the don’t have the pticin beaks. (I can’t spell pt– words. Too weird. Parrot beaks, all hooked and strong, although I can believe those possible finch beaks can crack open seeds, also, too.)

          • HazooToo

            This is my favorite bird in the Universe. This one, specifically. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUNECHCKWBc

          • theCryptofishist

            That sounds pretty subdued, for a cockatoo. I wonder what it understands…

          • HazooToo

            That it is loved and massively entertaining, I hope!

          • theCryptofishist

            Yes, there is that.

        • therblig

          yes.

      • On the first war on Christmas my true love gave to me,
        To Cockatoos on a golden’s leg

      • Three Finger Salute
  • HazooToo
    • BloviateMe

      I need to see the inside. NEED.

      • HazooToo

        “Which house is yours?”

        “It’s the one that looks like it’s eaten several other houses and made a decorative shell of their remains.”

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Cannibal Carpenter Crab?

          • theCryptofishist

            I think that’s who nabbed my legs. Needless to say, I’m not swimming at that beach again.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Since that looks like an action figure on the steps, I’d say it’s about two feet high, so…

    • TJ Barke

      Fake, look at the janky treeline behind the house.

      • HazooToo

        Nooooooo, my punctured imaginatioooon!

        • theCryptofishist

          I didn’t see that either. Every time people here are debunking photoshop, I’m sort of scuffing my feet and not meeting anyone’s eyes, so they don’t know how easily I am fooled.

          • HazooToo

            lol, embrace the wrongness! I feel less dumb when I admit it.

          • Right? All chances of being wrong are learning experiences so therefore good

          • HazooToo

            And digging in to cling to a bad idea is both frustrating and loses friends. It magnifies your mistake instead of diminishing it.

          • That too. Me, myself, I would rather learn than be wrong more than the one time for goodness sake.

        • BloviateMe

          Pffft, ignore him, he’s not our real dad. And that house is SO real.

    • Christopher Story

      Why Picasso had to stick to paintings.

    • Stulexington

      It looks like a McMansion fucked another, uglier McMansion.

      • theCryptofishist

        Are you sure there was no bastard Frank Gerey involved?

    • theCryptofishist
      • HazooToo

        Plz tell me that’s not photoshop too!

        • I thought maybe cause the one tree leans…but all those branches?
          That would be one tough shop

        • theCryptofishist

          That is an actual building in Poland. There’s a URL on the left hand side.

    • therblig

      it’s a Frank Lloyd Wrong

  • BloviateMe
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Thuuuuuh Yankeeeeeees Loooooooose.

    • data_ninja

      This makes me happy.

      • Roni Raven

        me also too.

      • Johnatx

        Me too. Lived there 32 years.

    • proudgrampa

      OMG.

    • Mike Steele

      Baltimore homegirl Lady MS sez GOOD!

    • Master Contrail Program

      Yay! Now I can actually root FOR someone in the World Series. I don’t loathe the Dodgers as much as the Yankees, so I would’ve been reduced to rooting against the Yankees otherwise.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      I was kinda hoping they’d hang in there and do battle wit da mighty Cubbies, but teh Universe had other ideas…

    • Anna Elizabeth

      It moves me to see us all brought closer together by our loathing for the Yankees.

  • Changeling
    • Anna Elizabeth

      It can never be posted too many times.

    • theCryptofishist

      I’ve seen it around, and I like it. Nice to see it again.

      • theCryptofishist

        And on a thread of thirteen hundred posts on Disqus, it’s probably new every couple of hours.

  • Arolpin

    Congratulations to the Astros. (GRRRRR!!!!)

  • jaspersdad

    This song is about feeling invisible. I know it’s cliché…. but this song is brilliant in its simplicity. Anyone who can’t identify with it is too cool for me.

    https://youtu.be/7-wvHLPtnSQ

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I like it, and also too I love her hat!

      • jaspersdad

        She has great hats. Love the way the drummer tears the skins off at the end.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          It’s a great video. :)

    • Duke

      I like the socks.

      What I think is cool is that she samples herself singing the background and layers it in live. At least I think that’s what she does. I’ve never noticed that from another artist.

  • HazooToo

    This link contains questions like “How do you get a drinking straw out of a man’s penis?” and you all really need to click it please thank. https://imgur.com/gallery/2QhHl

    • Anna Elizabeth

      For realz, people would not be surprised if Jones asked those questions.

      • HazooToo

        “Finally! The real important questions everyone is too PC to ask!”

    • Three Finger Salute

      HOW IS BABBY FROMED?

  • Johnatx

    How about those Astros? Hot Damn!

  • Lizzietish81

    Just finished binging on Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood. The ending makes me smile.
    SO much better than the original series.

    • BloviateMe

      I’m upfisting you cuz I feel like I haven’t seen you post in a while, and you seem happy, but I have no idea what you are talking about.

      • redarmyzombie

        Just smile and nod.

      • Three Finger Salute

        It’s an anime. A pretty damn good one.

        • BloviateMe

          *smiles and nods*

  • Showin it off on the OT because why the hell not?
    Hey, pooty pants, is this enough respect for you? Cause I can add MOAR respect

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6fafc5a6e82d3a851c1ef0dfd99dd9a9b2b7e6e0c7496f5a4b75e0dc25693d03.png

    • HazooToo

      Needs more respect under the chin. His dewlap should be longer and saggier.

        • theCryptofishist

          Trying and failing isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re ambitious, We should all be ambitious.

          • BloviateMe

            Tomorrow though, I’m sort of chillin’ right now.

          • The thing that failed me was Goblin king? Has a more natural skin tone. Refused to blend.

          • theCryptofishist

            Maybe if you went for Revlon instead of Maybelline?

        • Duke

          Peter Jackson just ruined The Hobbit movies. Like no one could tell him “no.”

          “Make the double chin hang down to his naval.”

          The trilogy was spectacular but I didn’t bother getting the Hobbit movies.

          • theCryptofishist

            The not saying “no” think ruins a whole lot of art. Working against the limitations sharpens art. Separates the dross. Jackson may never make another good movie.

          • SCROTUM BEARD!!!!
            You just have to see it in the correct context.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrKXH1CeXck

    • Anna Elizabeth

      LOLOMG! Well Done, Jen!

    • theCryptofishist

      Tweet it at Don, Jr.
      well, no, don’t, you’ll be harassed by all sorts of asseses.

      • I do not mind assess. But I do not do the tweeting.
        If I did, I would have an account thingy just for this shit, would not bother me what they say XD

        • Toledo Window Box

          Big audience.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It’s a bird!

      It’s a plane!

      It’s DOTARDMAN!

    • Canis Greyhame

      The long tie is a nice touch!

      • That is why I did it. The T was BEGGING to be a too long tie.

        • Toledo Window Box

          Extremely nice. The font and lettering colors, not primetime yet. The pic is gorgeous.

          • yay! And all the bits are actually HIM. I went and cut them all out snip snip.
            I do not, however, do lettering *hangshead*

          • Toledo Window Box

            I think what Ms.MLG wrote, exactly – or maybe this:

            It’s a fat awkward bird!
            It’s a drunk flying a plane!
            It’s DotardMan!