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Well that was just about the stupidest week of the Trump presidency we can remember, and Trump has had a lot of stupid weeks! So it’s your top ten, and we are indeed sick of talking about John Kelly, so we’re not going to talk about him. If you want to read all the updates on that scandal, look around on the front page of Wonkette.

REMINDER: if you live in Sacramento or Sonoma, Wonkette is coming to see you THIS WEEKEND. Click here for all the sexxxy details!

OK, it is your top ten post, and you know how that works. But first, we must ask you nicely to MONEY US, by giving us money. (You know how this part works too!) You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

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YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW.
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. General John Kelly Fucks Self With Donald Trump’s Sword. Man, we are in love with that headline we wrote.

2. ‘Fake Melania’ Is The Conspiracy Theory We All Need To Believe In Right Now. WE WANT TO BELIEVE!

3. Obama Would Have Called John Kelly’s Son’s WIFE, Not His FATHER, Donald Trump, You FUCKING DOLT. Oh man, the news made us mad this week.

4. What The Fuck Is Wrong With Donald Trump, Besides Absolutely Everything? Where the stupidity of this week’s news cycle began!

5. Trump Knows When He Had Lunch With Rex Tillerson, And It Was Potato. Well it just was.

6. Hi, Maggie Haberman! New NYT Social Media Guidelines! Did You Read Them, Maggie Haberman? DID YOU? We still have no idea if she did or not.

7. Ivanka Trump Remembers Which Floor Of Trump Tower She Was On When Kurt Cobain Died. It was during her “punk phase.”

8. Trump Reddit Assholes Feeling Triggered By All This ‘Me Too’ Business! Oh, the poor dears.

9. Maxine Waters Went To Work Yesterday. Ben Carson Was There. UGH. Auntie Maxine still killin’ it!

10. And finally, Congressman Chris Collins: The Bitch Set Me Up! That’s right, BLAME A WOMAN.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good!

OK bye.

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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  • Nounverb911
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Iz nut

    • Jeff Ackerman

      She’s a wut

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Dayum, man! I’m still doing morning here!

      I need to figure out how to block that pic and replace it with a pic of something comforting and soothing. Maybe a pic of a cigar.

      • jesterpunk

        If you are any good at coding you can modify this to replace pics of Ivanka too.

        https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/make-america-kittens-agai/klchnmggepghlcolikgaekpibclpmgcm?hl=en

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Ah, yes, from tom royal dot com he’s adding this feature:

          Custom Blocking

          I’ve received dozens of requests to add additional names to the list of blocking targets – to the extent that, if I’d added them all, the UI would have become completely out of hand. However, I can absolutely see why people want to block other politicians (and just other people) from the web.

          Version 1.2.0 (finally) introduces a Custom Block option. This text field allows you to input a comma-separated list of names (try “May, Gove”, or “Reagan, Bush”, for example), and each will be added to the target list for our patented* kittenization process.

          I’m gonna add this to my Do To list.

          Thanks!

      • Alan

        Or kittens.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Yes indeed! Or kittens.

          Tarsiers, Lemurs, and Koala Bears, too.

          Oh and owls, also too.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Or any babby animals.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Get yourself a woman who looks at you the way Ivanka looks at her not-hubby.”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a40f70cb054d03053f7bdc016209c66eca8de2f4c71dd49bf8b320f7c38ceae4.jpg

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It’s almost as if Ivanka never saw a real man up close before.

    • Alan

      At least she got cosmetic surgery so she wouldn’t look like that.

      • rumsey

        Yeah, she had what’s called a “pie face” until plastic surgeons altered her chin and nose, sculptured her jawline, and plumped up her cheeks. Paid for by Two Scoops.
        All her kids have the same flat, blank look. I wonder when she’ll put them under the knife.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Criminy! I neglected to consider her poor kids.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Have we seen ANY of them recently? After all, young children heal the fastest, right?

          • Marion in Savannah

            Can’t shouldn’t do plastic surgery on kids because it can fuck up the cartilage and growth points something wicked, particularly nose work. No reputable surgeon will operate on children, except to correct things like “cup ears” or microtia (deformed or missing ear/s).

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            No reputable surgeon? I doubt that would stop a Trump.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Could you for gawdssakes please post a warning before you put this up? I realize there are more serious issues facing our country, but please, let’s think of the children.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Seconded!

        For the children.
        For my cats, cowering under my bed. Wearing their “Soon.” faces.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • PubOption

      How old was she in that pic? Did she even have an adult face before the surgery started?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Smells like Trump Spirit.

  • memzilla Ω

    If you went shopping for a Ron Ziegler knockoff at Dollar General, Sarah Huckleberry Slanders is what you’d come home with.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0afc869007c7ad92c80fce661c880b683ed20a7f0489bbcf4f6e118d0425b5d4.jpg

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      One of my favorite cartoon characters is Droopy Dog.

      One of my least favorite characters is this, Dopey Cow.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Snarly Sanders.
      “I think we’ve covered that before.”

      No you havent’.

  • Nounverb911
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      NOT SATIRE.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I call it “Alt-Satire” now.

    • folderol

      When Eisenhower was president, congress pretty much did what they were told, and the newspapers dropped their political coverage. After all, he was a retired FIVE-star general. If he were alive today, he could question Gen. Kelly. But only him. That’s how this country works. Now.

      • Thankfully, Ike was a borderline-decent human being (even if he did have Tricky Dick as his veep). But that’s the thing about a monarchy or a military dictatorship, it’s blind luck of the draw.

  • Nounverb911

    Trump to play golf while Gold Star Wife buries husband.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/921744172117348352

    • Ghenghis McCann

      How many people could have seen that coming? (Spoiler: World population is 7.442 billion.)

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Lots and lots plus or minus a few.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Witnesses report sighting of long weirdly-shaped leather bag with strange crooked sticks poking out from the top and the word ‘Callaway’ stitched into the side.”

      “WH Spok: ‘Mr. Callaway’s is the President’s* new hire in the Department of the Interior. He carries samples of strange graphite formations in said case. As those samples are vital to his work, the President* felt compelled to return it to him as soon as possible to his residence, which, coincidentally is in Bedminster.'”

      (This is fake. Sanders could make up a lie that good.)

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I’m waiting for the proverbial golf club that breaks the camel’s back.

        • PubOption

          Has he visited his Gulf course in Dubai recently?

        • SeeTrain65

          “We were somewhere around Silver Springs on the edge of the
          Interstate when the stupidity began to take hold.”

          • Marion in Savannah

            And then the murders began.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Scamming away again in Cheektowaga
    Searchin’ for my lost investment of cash.
    Some people (I mean me) claim that there’s a woman to blame,
    Now I think, AW hell it IS HER fault.

  • Khavrinen

    OT: Bumper sticker to make Fundagelicals’ heads ‘ssplode —
    “Obama is not a foreign-born, brown-skinned, anti-war socialist who gives away health care. You’re thinking of Jesus.”

    • efoveks

      My morning has been made good. My coffee cup and I salute you. :D

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    If Trump climbed atop the Resolution desk, took a big, steaming shit on the blotter and wiped his ass with the American flag – would anybody notice?

    • jesterpunk

      His base would be happy and claim its somehow Obama’s fault.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      He did it AGAIN this week?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “I’m Brian Williams, I haven’t seen such dedicated defecation since I took a dump with 1st Recon Battalion while under fire near Najaf.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        OOH AHH

        • Anna Elizabeth

          “Sgt. Colbert told me that good, firm turds, acidic enough to burn your anus slightly, were a mark of a healthy Marine. Mine we’re slightly runny, however.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Trump fan: “WOOO! USA! USA! USA! FUCK YEAH!!”

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Trump fan: “WOOO! USA! USA! USA! FUCK YEAH!!”

        Then advances on desk, drooling and clutching a spoon.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Trump’s doctor announces that this shows that 45 has the best bowel movements of any president..

      • MynameisBlarney

        “TAKE THAT YOU STUPID LIBTARDZ!!!111!!!ELEVENTYONE!!!

    • freakishlypersistent

      He does that every fucking day.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Fox News Alert: President Trump continues purges, honers Flag in Oval Office ceremony while liberal media spits on veterans.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That’s called an Executive order.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Executive ordure :-)

        • Marion in Savannah

          [golf claps]

    • Red Richmond

      I’d take notice that he wiped his own ass and didn’t have someone do it for him.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Ghenghis McCann

      ‘Shoot the messenger.’ And, sadly, that is what some of Trump’s supporters would like to do.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I had planned to go as Harley Quinn ,Suicide Squad version, for Halloween. But in pricing all the things I’d have to buy, I decided to get more Fall/Winter clothing that I’ll get more use from.

    Realistically, how often can i wear those Booty shorts, Fishnets, and choker? Twice a week at most, right?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Don’t you mean, “Aging My Chemical Romance Fan”?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yes. xD That still makes me giggle.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Good!

    • Depends how often your partner wants their wildest fantasy fulfilled

      • Anna Elizabeth

        You’re too kind. :D

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Until the fishnets run

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Right? Shit ain’t cheap.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        ‘These Colors Fishnets Don’t Run’

    • Christopher Story

      I’m going as a “Juggalo” this year in solidarity with my family of newly classified gang members.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        ~hugs~

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Four if it’s warm. Seven if you fall in love with a guy with white skin and green hair.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD Puddin’!

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I planned to go as a zombie confederate soldier carrying a flag of surrender but I couldn’t find a costume at the seasonal Halloweenie store and I didn’t want to shell out the bucks to actually buy one online that I would only wear once.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I hear that! :) It would be awesome, but who has the money for that?

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          45 Ameros on eBay but I couldn’t pull the trigger on it.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. I got a nice outfit plus 2 bras for less that it would have cost to do it right as Harley.

      • LucindathePook

        Just dye some old rags in butternut, like the Rebels did.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    “Heathers” was too much for me. “Addams Family Values” up next.

    • freakishlypersistent

      Well, you’re having a damn fine Saturday morn! I just finished all muh chores, Imma do same!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Yes. Yes I am.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      The best of the two films. (Some people say there’s a third. They are wrong.)

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Gayer Than Thou

    OK, the Wonkette baby is adorable, and I can totally understand why we’d take her out on tour. But I’ve seen what can happen to child stars, and I advise caution.
    https://68.media.tumblr.com/16992b6c2876648bd0c347212f0535dc/tumblr_mr2z7lWEyj1ql11g9o1_250.gif

    • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    I know we all are sick and tired of talking about that raging asshole Kelly, but there’s this from the ACLU. I wanted to add the links to the sources but I didn’t because it’s Saturday and I’m a lazy fuck.

    John Kelly is a monster, a disgusting human being and a threat to Democracy.

    JOHN KELLY: THE FACTS

    Source: ACLU

    The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security has wide-ranging authority over the development and implementation of national security policy. Overseeing a wide array of agencies, including: the Coast Guard; Immigration and Customs

    Enforcement; Customs and Border Protection; the Secret Service; and the Transportation Security Agency, the Secretary sits at the center of ongoing debates around border protection, the rights of undocumented immigrants, drug policy, and constitutional limits on the powers of the security services.

    Gen. John Kelly has pledged to bring to the role of Secretary a “deep respect for our laws and Constitution.” Lawmakers should use his confirmation hearings to question Kelly on his record and challenge him to speak out, in his characteristically forthright manner, should the Trump administration pursue its unconstitutional proposals.

    Facts

    • As the General in charge of the Guantanamo Bay Detention facility, Kelly publicly criticized efforts to close Guantanamo (Source) and was accused by Obama Administration officials of working to undermine the President’s efforts to close the facility. (Source)

    • Opposed and publicly criticized the integration of women into military ground combat units, arguing it would lead to lower standards. (Source)

    • Defended the use of “enhanced interrogation techniques”, such as waterboarding and rectal feeding. Kelly went on to dismiss the criticisms of human rights groups as “foolishness”. (Source)

    • Testified in support of an officer caught urinating on talibani corpses. (Source)

    • Supports the imprisonment of terror suspects without trial. (Source)

    • Criticised by Amnesty International for his “unsafe and inhumane” treatment (Source) of Guantanamo detainees on hunger strike to protest their imprisonment. (Source)

    • Supports the war on drugs and opposes legalization or decriminalization of any drugs, including marijuana. (Source)

    • A proponent of border security, Kelly believes that “no wall will work by itself” and has warned about the “existential threat” that unchecked migration poses for the nation. (Source)

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      and by “existential threat” he means miscegenation.

      He should have never been a general.

    • bupkus231

      Note that this piece from the ACLU was first published when Kelly was facing Senate confirmation as Sec’y of DHS. There doesn’t seem any reason to ignore any of it since he’s been moved over to WH CoS – and certainly his performance, both at DHS and at the WH, seems to affirm the worst of the ACLUs fears about him.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I think what you posted here should be posted/repeated often everywhere so that we do not let the terrible narrative of “Kelly is a man of integrity/adult in the room” keep repeating itself. He’s a terrible human who knowingly serves another terrible human. And not because he’s trying to “save America.” Water finds its own level.

  • https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/20/air-force-recall-many-1-000-retired-pilots-address-serious-shortage/785344001/

    So plans to expand the war into Africa or plans to start a new war somewhere else?

    Perhaps the saddest part of this story is the final paragraphs:

    Last month, President Trump became the third president to renew the post-9/11 state of national emergency, which allows the president to call up the national guard, hire and fire officers and delay retirements.

    Those extraordinary powers were supposed to be temporary. But even after 16 years, there’s been no congressional oversight of the emergency.

    Gotta love how much Congress is involved in their constitutional duty to declare and oversee wars.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They scream in outrage over Obama’s executive orders, say not one syllable about Dolt’s, and have done nothing in 16 years to study what “war powers” they handed over? Yeah, that sounds about like the congress we all know and loathe.

    • jesterpunk

      Someone gave me this link last night, congress is basically giving up their power to declare war.

      http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/lindsey-graham-after-meeting-with-jim-mattis-the-war-is-moving-to-africa/article/2638210

      “There’ll be a lot of members of Congress who’ll say, ‘Well, wait a minute, if you can go anywhere you want to go and start killing people, you know, anybody you want to kill, then we need to rein you in,’ and that’s not the way it works,” Graham said.

  • Nounverb911
    • Christopher Story

      Weren’t those files scheduled to be declassified all by themselves?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Yes.

        • puredog

          CIA is seeking to delay release for another 25 years.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Release could let Russia and Cuba know what spying we were doing 50 years ago, which could undermine their confidence in continuing to ratfuck our elections

      • Eileen Besse

        Yes.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump also took credit for the sun coming up this morning.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        He gives himself a 10 for it.

      • Eileen Besse

        Again.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      But Xenu stays locked in the volcano. Free Xenu!!!!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Roger Stone has Liddle’ Baby Donnie’s ear. You know who Trump undoubtedly did not talk to about this? Caroline Kennedy.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I see they’re using the strict dictionary definition of ‘incredible’ here.

    • CripesAmighty

      Here we go! Adding Alcoa (tinfoil) calls Monday.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Activist Wonkett toddler is cutest activist toddler.

  • Nounverb911
  • Irony is dead

    WHO has named Robert Mugabe a “Goodwill Ambassador”

    • Nounverb911

      Abbott and Costello revamped their routine?

    • Lyly Sirivong

      I thought it was a joke. Or that someone got the wrong Robert Mugabe. WTF.

    • Wonky Magoo

      Is it because he’s a preventable disease?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • bbayliss

      The tide has turned?

      • MynameisBlarney

        It damned well fucking better have turned.

        • bbayliss

          When every living former president thinks you’re a sack of shit, you might be a sack of shit.

          • Marceline

            I feel like this is a sign that Mueller is closing in. I find it hard to believe that the Former Five haven’t been able to get updates if they want them. Especially given that Obama and the Clinton were targets as well.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        “Tides go in, tides go out. You cannot explain that.”

        • MynameisBlarney

          “Never a miscommunication!”

    • Marion in Savannah
      • MynameisBlarney

        Signed!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      If only someone had warned us that Trump was temperamentally unfit for office. Someone. Anyone.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Even a woman?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Bueller?

    • Old Nick

      and some nice day it will ‘Knock, knock, motherfucker and they will take him away.
      With thanks to The Bloggess and her metal chicken.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I find this very easy to fap to. And not just because it features a DILF-y liberal billionaire.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • folderol

      You knew what you signed up for when you moved to a blue state.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT: have breakfast casserole in oven, quilting buddy on her way over, plans to sew all afternoon. Somebody else needs to keep up with Dolt 45 today, if you wouldn’t mind. I need a mental-health day.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Take it. It’s yours. Prolly be sewing myself today. Or at least hunting for patterns for footwear.

      • Wonky Magoo

        You sew footwear? That’s awesome!

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Not normally but I need to make a pair of bat feet. Once I horse my shoemaking machine out of the garage and upstairs to the sewing room I hope to learn cobbling. Ron the Cobbler. Very euphonious.

    • Nounverb911
    • Anna Elizabeth

      Good for you! Enjoy. :)

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds great, except for the sewing, which is NOT my strong suit. (Sew your finger once…)

      • Maggielle

        Somebody told me once that there are people who sew and there are people who knit, and that they inhabit different universes. Now I know that’s not true. But it feels truthy. Like one you have to imagine flat things being put together, and the other you need build the 3D as you go. Anyway, I need to take up needlepoint – have felt that since seeing the Women’s March needlepoint about what to do when you feel stabbity.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Needlepoint or cross stitch (which I used to do a lot of) can be very, very calming. Knitting also too.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Wonkette Toddler is growing like a weed. A very cute weed.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Rocket Pony Ron

        ‘Are all the drinks they serve here this weak?’

        • MynameisBlarney

          “I ordered apple juice dammit! WTF is this shit?”

        • Suttree

          And then the murders began.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          The shot glass is just out of frame, behind the salad bowl.

        • What’s weak about large vodka martini?

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I know two vodka martini recipes.
            The first is British. In one door pocket of a Mk. I Mini you place three bottles of gin. In the other you place two more bottles of gin and one of vermouth. Mix and drink when you arrive at your destination. NB: this only works with Mk. I Minis because the Mk. 2 doesn’t have door pockets.
            The second is to pour a large glass of vodka. Then step into the next room and whisper ‘Vermouth!’

        • Anna Elizabeth

          “Gods but I’m thirsty.”

          “Here, have some water.”

          “This is no time for bathing! Whiskey me!”

          • SeeTrain65

            “Boy, am I thirsty. BOY, AM I THIRSTY! BOY … AM I THIRSTY!!!!”
            “Here, give him a glass of water so he’ll shut up.”
            (Drinks water)
            “BOY … WAS I THIRSTY!”

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

      • Me not sure

        🎶”Give me one for my baby, and one more for the road.”🎵

      • SeeTrain65

        NURSE: “Relax. Would you like a drink?”
        (Hands PATIENT a small metal cup)
        PATIENT: “What is it?”
        NURSE: “Water!”
        PATIENT: “No, thanks.”
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvQRYd8xUYU

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        Bartender – “We don’t serve many children here.”
        Donna Rose – “At these prices, you won’t be serving many more.”

  • ltmcdies

    https://twitter.com/RVAwonk/status/921753378232946688

    I guess nothing gets in the way of hitting tiny balls, huh

    • Canis Greyhame

      Every. Fucking. Weekend.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        He plays golf more weekends than anyone on the PGA Tour.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “I like soldiers who don’t get killed.”

    • SayItWithWookies

      It’s been a hard week for Assmouth — he had to call the widow of a slain Special Forces sergeant a liar after calling her up and shrugging off his death. On top of calling the entire island of Puerto Rico lazy takers, maybe punching his wife in the face — it’s been a difficult Character Counts Week.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Royal Cremation?

      I think somebody could probably sweet-talk DJT into wanting one too.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Royal Cremation is how he likes his steaks.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Anna Elizabeth

      Treason doth never prosper, what’s the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.

      John Harington

    • Marion in Savannah

      So it was another day that ended in “Y” at Trump headquarters?

    • Suttree

      We don’t have to shoot or hang them, but they MUST leave the country. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!

      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, no. He doesn’t get the Dacha. Four concrete walls and a not gold plated stainless terlet. That’s it.

        • Red Richmond

          Once he’s out of power, he’s of no real use to Putin. Do you think Putin gives dachas to those who have outlived their usefulness?

          • bupkus231

            Ask Snowden

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Looks at calendar, ‘It’s Saturday. Bless Trump for this blessing he has bestowed upon us all.’

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      But he also is allowing us to call it “Saturday” and not “Trump is Awesome Day”.

      We need a “Festival of the Supreme Being” solution.

      • Suttree

        Does it involve stakes and fires?

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Trump Steaks…and tiki torches. It’s the aftermath that’s the more “interesting” part.

        • ltmcdies
        • Sophia

          Ha! I first read that as steaks & fries and I was “what?”. I guess it must be lunch time, I’m hungry.

          • Suttree

            I wonder if that might get me by the commenting rules. :)

    • Shanzgood

      If he declared today Saturday, I’d check the calendar.

      • SDGeoff3

        I like that.

    • OutOfOrbit

      sissy pants, sissy pants, donald is sissy pants

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      There is absolutely nothing this asshole will not take credit for. gods, I hate this fuck.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        He didnt take credit for the four dead soldiers in Niger.

        • Marion in Savannah

          He doesn’t understand much, but I think he may grasp the difference between “credit” and “responsibility.” Hates the latter.

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          Nailed me on that.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          That’s because he only likes soldiers who don’t get killed.

        • SDGeoff3

          He’s waiting for four thousand.
          So many dead, many many dead. Many. The many-est dead in history.

    • ltmcdies

      he just wants to see if Ted Cruz dad really was on the Grassy Knoll.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Last night was burrito night, so today I am definitely on the Gassy Knoll.

        • SDGeoff3

          You’re eating the wrong burritos!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Well Olbermann isn’t exactly right. Trump could have blocked it.

    • FlemmishSpy

      At last, we’ll know the truth about the JFK assassination.

    • bupkus231
    • Raan

      Is this motherfucker trying to reverse M. Bison the JFK documents?

    • Persistent Demme

      SQUIRREL!!
      Is something big going to happen?

  • MynameisBlarney

    A’ight, Wonky-Woos! I’mma get me some eats and get some chores did.
    Y’all have a good weekend if I don’t see yuns ’til Monday.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      And you, Blarney. :) ~hugs~

    • The Wanderer

      Have a good time!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And I’m off to the gym to work out my rage after reading this:

    https://twitter.com/nielslesniewski/status/921532025269563397

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I lied–I’m off on this more optimistic note instead:

    https://twitter.com/RedTRaccoon/status/921560183901474817

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • OutOfOrbit

      “I never seen a sight that didn’t look better looking back.”

      –Paint Your Wagon

      I will never forget nor forgive the crimes of the Bush 43 cartel

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I do respect the words of his speech this week but not the man who spoke them.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          What’d Nicolle Wallace ever do to you?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        *nods*

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Today Mrs Pixelz and I plan to binge watch “Criminal Minds” about the irrational, destructive behavior of mentally ill “unsubs” who must be stopped by a special unit of the Justice Department. Or we can binge watch the news; pretty much the same thing.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Life imitating art?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Enjoy! I am binge watching happy things. But we all have our own pleasures.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Though far less Mandy Patinkin.

      • efoveks

        *sniff* :(
        They killed off his character.

  • Just how incompetent is Donald Trump?

    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/921755222501920769

    • Marion in Savannah

      It took the Trump organization decades to learn this skill, which they’ve perfected beyond their wildest hopes.

    • bupkus231

      Didn’t read the story – but how can one “invest” in a project with “no money on the line”? Is he counting his “branding” of the project with his name as an “investment”?

      • Sophia

        Because he lies. He always claims he is an investor until it goes down the drain then he takes the money & runs. What investor, I’m not an investor.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          That isn’t what I learned at Trump University.

          And that photo with the cardboard cutout really impresses prospective employers.

      • Yes – he is paid large sums for doing so and then he collects feed as a preferential creditor

        • Raan

          Well it looks like that’s fuckin’ over now!

    • SayItWithWookies

      He never said he made money for anyone else. Geeze, you’d think people would’ve paid attention to what this motherfucker did over the last forty years.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Only Donnie Two Scoops could fail at selling condos IN TORONTO.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Money laundering. It is impossible to loose money on housing in Toronto.

    • Raan

      Entirely.

  • TundraGrifter

    Just read this description of the Trump Administration in a Yahoo! comment: “Cirque Disarray.”

  • memzilla Ω

    OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

    “A Texas city has required residents who are seeking government disaster relief funds in the wake of Hurricane Harvey to pledge not to boycott Israel.

    “The city of Dickinson, about 30 miles (48km) south of Houston, posted grant applications for anyone seeking money for repairs after the category 4 storm.

    “Local officials say the pro-Israel clause is required under a Texas state law enacted earlier this year.”

    City of Dickinson Disaster Aid Application (PDF)

    • Anna Elizabeth

      The fuck?

    • Marion in Savannah

      This sounds like a law suit just BEGGING to happen.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Ummmm..?..how this even be remotely legal?

      • Gosala

        Equal protection clause at least; also probably first amendment.

      • Mary Theresa

        I believe the governor of TX did it.

        • Maggielle

          Anything to speed up the Rapture.

      • CripesAmighty

        “If the president does it, it’s not illegal.”

    • Sophia

      ACLU in 3,2…

      • Me not sure

        Oh yeah.

        • SeeTrain65

          “Hey, ACLU!”

          (Brick wall crashes down)

          “OH, YEAH!”

          • Me not sure

            Barnett v. West Virginia ( the Jehovah’s Witness flag salute case) 1943:
            “There is no political orthodoxy which is enforceable by the government upon the people of the United States.”
            Boom! Done!

          • Raan

            If you were a super hero, would your power be inherent knowledge of legal precedent?

            Actually, that sounds like a Robot Chicken sketch.

          • Me not sure

            What I’d really like would be to set some.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      What is the likelihood that Dickinson residents would even have the opportunity to boycott Israel? Does Israel have home reconstruction contractors there?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Oranges in Texas can only come from Israel now.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          So anyone who doesn’t buy oranges is guilty of boycotting Israel?

          • C4TWOMAN

            “But, officer, I have a citrus allergy!”
            “Tell it to a judge.”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            What else are they to think why you didn’t buy Israeli oranges?

    • Suttree

      Can I sue these fuckers for making my brain hurt?

    • SayItWithWookies

      As soon as they sign the pledge, Texans in Dickinson get a 40-lb bag of couscous.

      • Suttree

        And a good stoning pelting with falafel.

      • Raan

        I would sign that pledge. I’d sign it multiple times with different fake names. I’d show up to collect in disguises if needed.

    • TJ Barke
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘You’ll buy those Jaffa oranges and you’ll damn well LIKE IT!’

      • Raan

        Can I just buy the cakes the English make with them?

        • efoveks

          Ooh, cakes! Cakes we like!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Wait a minute.

      I am not, in fact, boycotting Israel. Just the opposite, in fact. I buy products from Israel. I listen to their Philharmonic Orchestra. I buy their sea salts.

      Overall, I like Israel and, with some exceptions, most Israelis.

      But what conceivable business would it be of any State in the Union to demand that I pledge not to boycott Israel at any time in the future, should I become sufficiently pissed-off at whatever stunt Bibi decides to pull next?

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Also, how is it possible to determine whether the act of NOT purchasing an Israeli product is boycotting? Does TX think it can punish thought crimes?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Well, yeah.

          And Abbott thinks he can define “thoughts.”

          • Raan

            How can you define something you don’t have?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            That actually makes it easier. Not having an actual thought means that nothing interferes with your crazy impulses.

        • Covfefe

          I, frankly, don’t know whether I’m boycotting Israeli components or not, and do not know how to tell.

    • CripesAmighty

      If that means Manichewitz jug wine, I’ll take the underpass.

    • Raan

      What’s to stop someone from just, y’know, lying? How do you prove that someone intentionally boycotted goods from Israel rather than just not wanting anything they were selling?

      • IT is dog whistle for making sure no muslims get any help money

      • Covfefe

        Point is, you have to sign on to bigotry to get the money.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “This is sad.” – Woody Allen

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        “But let’s not turn it into a witch hunt” – Woody Allen

  • Nounverb911
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Wonky Magoo

      Pet peeve: PRETEEN GIRL. I hate, hate, HATE that phrase in this context, because it obscures reality. The word is CHILD.

      I know, it’s hard, because some children have boobies. How is a guy supposed to tell the difference between a child and an adult? Is she a teen, a tween, a preteen, a young woman, a girl? So confusing! /sarcasm

      • BrianW

        Yes to this. The legal term for a victim under 14 years old where I worked was “child.” As in, sexual assault of a child.

      • StarBangledSpammer

        Thanks for that – had not considered it before. Up here in Seattle we had Mary Kay Letourneau and her “preteen” “lover” (aka 12 year-old boy).

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It pisses me off that taxpayers are paying for the salaries of people in the military who are assaulting or enabling the assault of fellow citizens.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      But women are sacred, ya’ll.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, except for the ones that are sluts and are asking for it.

        • StarBangledSpammer

          Women *were* sacred. So I guess ladies first became hoors in 2008. Thanks Obama? Or maybe it was the slut pills that ushered in moral relativism. Who can say really?

          • Marion in Savannah

            Only some were sacred — the “Madonna-whore” complex springs to mind.

    • miss_grundy

      Taking a cue from the commander-in-chief????

  • armed_bears

    Ugh. What a week. I am turning off all electronic devices and wrapping myself in tinfoil for the weekend.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    The Times is figleafing that Haberman helped write those guidelines because savvy and also ethical and not at all hamfisted about what people who aren’t old white people who know her parents and fellow social promotions think about her.

    • efoveks

      This should be irony, not uplifting. Truly we live in strange, and interesting, times.

    • Suttree

      Wingnuts might be correct about them becoming Pravda. They just don’t realize it’s conservative horseshit that they’re writing.

      • Oh no, they realize it, hence when they do anything that is mean to conservatives they go off as they do

  • Nounverb911
  • Anna Elizabeth

    A British man was hunting for employment after World War 2, when he encountered his old Commanding Officer, Colonel Lord Ramsbotham, DSO, now Retired.

    “I say Jarvis. You were the best Batman in Italy. Why don’t you come be my Valet, it’ll be like old times under Monty. Start tomorrow!”

    Dutifully, the next morn, Jarvis strode into the Master Bedroom.
    “Good Morning, M’Lord. It’s nice and Sunny, breakfast is on it’s way up.” Jarvis then proceeded to smack Lady Ramsbotham on her ass!

    “It’s morning, Sweetheart, back t’ Village for ye’!”

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    How To Do It:
    The Liberals are going to legalise the whacky tabaccy by next July. To that end, provincial health ministers and others are gathered to work out details – who will sell it, legal ages, consumables vs. smokables, enforcing impaired driving laws. The provinces look to be handling it the way they control alcohol – for instance, Ontario is reported to be selling it through the LCBO (in a separate chain of stores) and the legal age will be 19 as it is for liquor.
    It’s all very sensible and Canadian.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      What’s it like to live in the 21st Century and in a happy and prosperous nation?

      • Suttree

        We have to do drugs to get feelings like that.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Tiresome. We spend all our time apologising for it.

    • Blackest Noobs

      In the US? eh….i dunno, man, i just don’t see that happening in the US…especially with Kebler Elf having a hardon for going after pot smokers, even the medical kind.

    • Covfefe

      Really sensible, The province will have a list of everyone who does the bud. And when the conservatives and/or the RCMP return to power, they’ll know where to look.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Well, the LCBO doesn’t take names (any more) so I think we’re safe. Plus, if you give a Canadian something you don’t DARE try to take it back. It makes us shirty.

  • Nounverb911
    • Suttree

      How about he shares his resignation. We can all rally around that.

      • efoveks

        Even better, how about both Cruz and Trump resign?

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          Better yet, how ’bout all the repukes resign and then get frog marched en masse.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • miss_grundy

        Other than watching Faux News, this is what he has time for.

    • miss_grundy

      Meanwhile, does anyone know how the USVI is doing? And that PR will probably not have electricity until December and that the people who should be on the USNS Comfort probably can’t get to where it is because there are still roads in PR that are washed out. But Pres. Bing Bong is golfing.

  • memzilla Ω
    • efoveks

      THIS!!!

      • SDGeoff3

        You can order them. Not sure if I can name the company here.
        Google “you dont’ watch nfl tshirt” $24.99 plus shipping.
        I’m hoping they send the model up there with my order!

        • efoveks

          Will do! Thank you. :D

  • Nounverb911

    Happy Birthday Carrie Fisher.
    We miss you.

    https://twitter.com/starwars/status/921707647845384196

  • Nounverb911
    • Marion in Savannah

      But what’s the calico in the background named?

      (And if my cats ever hear that you said they were worthless…!)

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It clearly got there first but it’s crammed into a corner and being ignored. I’m going with Social Services.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          *golf clap*

        • H0mer0

          and its little butt is precariously close to the edge.

  • Sophia

    Okay time to get moving. Among other various things I need to do my dining room floor is covered with elves, fairies gnomes, etc. that I pulled from the garden this week. While it is rather whimsical it is also dangerous when roaming in the dark.

    Keep up the good fight!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Ghenghis McCann

      This might not go down well, even in England. They say ‘youse’ in Liverpool.

      • Wonky Magoo

        Also New Jersey.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Don’t you mean “New Joisey?”

          • Wonky Magoo

            Oops, my bad!

          • Don’t you mean “Joisey”?
            Also, what exit?

        • Raan

          “Your Honor, these two yutes-”
          “What? Two what?”
          “Sorry, two youths…”

      • Me not sure

        Here in the South it can be you all, y’all, or in some parts you’uns.

        • Marion in Savannah

          And, if addressing a large crowd, “all y’all.”

          • Me not sure

            As in “All y’all need to sober up and go home.”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Sorry I never read down.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Who among us HAS read down?!

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Thanks.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And the plural all Y’all.

    • g’day, Bruce!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Bruce!

    • C4TWOMAN

      LoL

    • Blackest Noobs

      what’s a Bogan?

      • Marion in Savannah

        “Bogan (/ˈboʊɡən/) is Australian and New Zealand slang for a person whose speech, clothing, attitude and behaviour are considered unrefined or unsophisticated. Depending on the context, the term can be pejorative or self-deprecating.”

        Or so Teh Gazoogle tells me.

        • Blackest Noobs

          ah…thanks for the 411

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Or, as the English would say, Australians.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

      • Sophie McMillan

        An Aussie Red Neck.

        • Blackest Noobs

          i think i would prefer the Aussie Red Neck over the American one, shit, Canadian Red Necks are helluva better than their southern counterparts.

    • BosGrl

      “Youse” and “y’all” don’t bother me, but don’t get me started on spelling “lose” as “loose”.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And adding apostrophes to plurals… To say nothing of “their,” “there,” and “they’re.” SNARL.

        • BosGrl

          People on FB are always requesting I join their groups, which invariable are called something like Mom’s united against heroin, instead of Moms United Against Heroin. I ignore because typos happen, but how can you just let your group name stay like that? Ugh.

          • Old Nick

            greengrocer’s apostrophe–ie apple’s, orange’s

            It’s been a class distinction thing for a long time

          • BosGrl

            I’ve seen educated people do it. It’s not the making the mistake in the first place. It’s not recognizing it and correcting it when you see it.

      • H0mer0

        it always reminds me of “whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven,” not lost.

    • Old Nick

      see,e.g., Gangs of New York

  • bbayliss
    • Ghenghis McCann

      ‘Russians think Bulgarians are Vulgarians.’

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Well-done, Bulgarians!

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Watched last night’s Lawrence O’Donnell. It was great, but I was so annoyed with some of the panelists saying Trumpkins pulled Kelly down to his level. Kelly was already at his level. There was no “pulling.”

    • So this. He is a racist bootlicking sob.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Definitely. See my post of the article from the ACLU website below. The man, and I use the term loosely, is a monstrosity.

    • BrendaKay

      “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.” ~James Lane Allen, Novelist

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” — Abraham Lincoln

        • suziq

          Lincoln was a Republican, many people do not know that.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Nobody knows this. Big oceans. I invented water.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            Who would have known, little tiny hydrogen atoms could be stuck onto oxygen atoms. Nobody knew this.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            It was easy once I invented hydrowhatsit and oxycontin.

          • Marion in Savannah

            But we’re hearing about it more and more.

    • miss_grundy

      Blame the press for creating the fiction that Kelly was respectable just because he wore a uniform of the armed forces. There were and are people who wear the uniform and they probably have lousy characters and Kelly is one of them. And the Trump administration loves to kick minorities around and they seem to get quite miffed when the minorities return the kicks.

      And I really wish the WH correspondents would grow a pair, get up from their seats and put that hoochie, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, through a gauntlet and give her a good spanking. That would be the bomb if they would just gang up on her while she was at the podium. It would probably be the best presser evah!

      • pstokk

        Entire press corps should have walked out when Kelly said he would only take questions form reporters who knew gold star families.
        Has our press learned anything from 2016?

        • miss_grundy

          Truthfully? They haven’t learned shite from dealing with the Dotard’s carnival campaign. And perhaps if they would put their big boy or big girl pants on, they would have told him to take a giant leap off the top of the Capitol Dome. Every one of his associates is a grifting piece of shite and they all need to be locked up forever. I hope Mueller finds shit on Kelly, so he can be carted off to jail as well.

  • Nounverb911
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Getting back to Ivanka’s punk credentials, was she head-banging to a Ramones record playing on the stereo at her sorority’s kegger?

    I actually don’t want to know.

    • Me not sure
      • Ghenghis McCann

        Wouldn’t ‘Cretin Hop’ be more suitable for the family Trump?

        • Me not sure

          Well, there is a Nazi connection to the word “blitzkrieg”.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’d rather he wanted to be sedated.

    • Blackest Noobs

      well given her “punk” band of choice was Nirvana, i’m gonna say no.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I’m sure by the time she was in sorority she was kickin’ it to the metal stylings of the Spice Girls. Or maybe full on Gangsta Rap with Hanson.

      • Paul Dietzel

        “All I’m saying is there’s a reason Sporty Spice is the only one without a fella”

        • Anna Elizabeth

          xD That’s one of my fave movies, innit?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • puredog

      In that picture, Melania looks like Donald. Weird.

      • BosGrl

        Ugly inside is ugly outside, yep.

      • Red Richmond

        She has the same pursed-lip, pouty-bitch mouth that donny has when he’s bored and not getting to talk about himself or scream-shit about someone he hates.

        Weird though, ivanka in profile… is it just me or does her chin implant look like its trying to achieve escape velocity to break free and get the fuck out of there?

      • Khavrinen

        Well, you know what they say about people and their pets…

    • Ugh. I can only imagine what princess vank vank is saying to her. She looks both annoyed and depressed.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Wasn’t that what she wore at the inauguration? Maybe Ivanka is reminding her that she’s stuck with him for 4 more years. Lord knows I’d look glum.

      • NotReallyHere

        I think it’s, “You’ll always be second to me.”

  • thewalkindude

    The 44th President of the United States-

    “Our nation reveals itself not only by the people it produces, but by those it remembers,” Obama said. “We do so not just by hoisting a flag, but by lifting up our neighbors, not just by pausing in silence, but by practicing in our own lives the ideals of opportunity and liberty and equality that they fought for.“

    And the 45th… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/03040f552ee7f9095628bcdff1bca85be33c908375c37fac6618c985c4412c3d.jpg

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    I have like fifteen million things to do today. Why am I procrastinating so hard?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      You don’t want to break from the tribe, do you?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        ‘2.4.6.8. We’re all gonna procrastinate.’

    • Marion in Savannah

      If the procrastinating is so hard, why not put if off until tomorrow?

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I always put off til today what I didn’t do tomorrow.

    • BosGrl

      I’m with you, my friend. So much to do, so many reasons to avoid…

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      It’s Saturday, relax.

      • SisterArtemis

        Which for some of us is also our Tuesday. *sigh*

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          That is just so wrong on so many different levels. It just ain’t fair.

          • SisterArtemis

            Hey, we all want to shop, eat out, pee in a clean bathroom, etc, on the weekends, so somebody’s gotta work. In my case, more people want tattoos on the weekends than in the middle of the week, so Friday starts my work week, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    • btwbfdimho

      Are you against or pro crastination?

    • eggs ackly-wright
    • sarafina

      Why not?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I shall wear my Lucky Red Bikini today. The last time I wore it, I got lucky.

    • She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny lucky red vavoom bikini
      That she wore when she got lucky today
      an itsy bitsy teen weeny lucky red vavoom bikini
      Maybe hot brittish guy will come to stay

      • Anna Elizabeth

        ~hugs~

        • :snuggle:
          I myself plan on copious amounts of flannel, finding the winter jackets, and slacking most hard core

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Good plan. I am going to slack today as well, eat freezer pizza and chill.

          • bbayliss

            Me? Long underwear, sweatpants, polar fleece, and old man smell.
            Don’t get old, it sucks.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Thank GAWD for my heated mattress pad.

          • too late XD

          • bbayliss

            Condolences.

          • Old Nick

            Wool. That is all.
            Of course I used to live in Northern Maine but now live in the Mojave Desert, so most of my lovely Filson and Sleeping Indian wool is now useless. It’s going to be around 90 next week. Maybe I’ll go to the mountains where I can use them if I can conquer my terror of mountain roads…I know- I’ll go to Big Bear on Nov. 1 and maybe it will wool weather there.

          • bbayliss

            Big Bear!

          • Old Nick

            Are you coming?

          • bbayliss

            Nope. Just breathing hard.

          • Old Nick

            Ok, ok. Will you be at Big Bear on Nov. 1

          • bbayliss

            no, it’s been 35 years since I was last there. good memories.

    • Daniel

      [Makes note- red bikini helps get lucky] got it.

  • Zyxomma

    I see a matinee of ABT today. Psyched.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      What’s on tap? Petipa? Balanchine? Ashton? Dish!

      • Zyxomma

        Ratmansky premiere of Songs of Bukovina, Frederick Ashton’s Symphonic Variations to music by Cesar Franck, Jerome Robbins’s Other Dances, to Chopin, which I first saw performed by Baryshnikov, and Ratmansky’s Serenade after Plato’s Symposium to Leonard Bernstein music. It was a terrific program and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    You guys probably know this about Trumpkins already, but I just learned last night after watching Lawrence O that Trumpkins is interviewing attorneys general for the districts of New York and Florida. And only those districts. The corruption in this administration is astonishing.

    • BosGrl

      “Are you gonna be loyal to me?”
      “Uh…”
      “Are you gonna be loyal to me?”
      “Well, Mr. President…”
      “Are you gonna be loyal to me?”

    • Courser_Resistance

      And yet, I’m not really astonished. Because of course they are.

    • miss_grundy

      It has been a news topic for a couple of days. And news people are talking to ex-Obama administration types and they respond by telling these people that this is never done by other presidents, since the Justice Dept. has to work independently from the executive branch.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Anna Elizabeth

      LOL for realz!

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      If I was closer to retirement, I would wear that for my work’s Halloween costume contest.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Well that explains why he likes them so much: https://twitter.com/nytpolitics/status/921770621989728256

  • bbayliss
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Goggie cat, goggie cat. Does whatever a goggie cat does.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/BuzzFeed/status/921541797498667008

    • SDGeoff3

      I love it.

    • Doug Langley

      I’ll see your swimming cat and raise you this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbGVn5Z2DLc

      • sarafina

        Mine does that to my ankles, I am not nearly as amused.

        • 52camellias

          Does your cat make a flying leap at your ankles first? I fostered a cat who frequently ambushed his ankle prey, but I’m pretty sure it was a neurotic hangover from the poor thing’s previous situation. I eventually found him a nice forever home, in case you are wondering.

          • sarafina

            No, she brushes against my leg, and if I don’t stop what I’m doing and pet her she collapses onto her side and starts gnawing while stabilizing herself with her claws around my ankle.

            Glad you found your foster a home.

  • miss_grundy

    And to think that this week’s theme was “Character Counts” week. We found out that Kelly, who was thought to be the adult in the room, is just another racist, bigoted, misogynistic asshat like the rest of the swamp creatures that have infested the West Wing. I wonder what fresh shite will bring next week.

    • Still time to learn what a wanker Matty is!

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Well, you carry one reputation into the Trump White House, and you leave with quite another.

      • sarafina

        The Dotard is both infected and infectious. Worse than fleas. Or the common cold.

    • Khavrinen

      They said “Character Counts” — they just didn’t tell you it was in negative numbers.

      • SDGeoff3

        Heehee.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    This is the best spam email I ever received, or at least the best since ‘Keith Moon’ tried to sell me cheap prescription drugs:

    My name is Charles Koch, A philanthropist the CEO and Chairman of the
    Charles Koch Charitable Foundation, one of the largest private
    foundations in the world. I believe strongly in‘giving while living.

    I had one idea that never changed in my mind – that you should use your
    wealth to help people and i have decided to secretly give
    {$1,500,000.00} to randomly selected individuals worldwide. On receipt
    of this email, you should count yourself as the lucky individual.

    Your email address was chosen online while searching at random. Kindly
    get back to me at your earliest convenience, so I know your email
    address is valid.

    ( officialcharleskoch@gmail.com ) Email me

    Regards,

    Charles Koch.

    • Doug Langley

      I bet he knows a nice Nigerian prince.

    • The Librarian

      It’s fairly well-known that anybody associated with the wealthy Kochs doesn’t give a flying fuck about anybody or thing except their wallet. The person sending this is A Idiot. Hopefully, the only people falling for this voted Trump.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        They do support the arts. I was mildly horrified when I was listening to the Met Opera and heard they helped underwrite it. If I can still listen to Wagner after WWII, I guess I can still stomach the Met knowing the Kochs help them out.

        • SDGeoff3

          They support the arts to appear generous to the public. It’s a ruse.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Well, I’m sure they get a deduction for it.

          • SDGeoff3

            A nice one. And good seats.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            They probably make the divas suck up to them.

          • SDGeoff3

            Those divas would smack the crap out of them. Divas don’t get where they are by being intimidated. Divas are In Charge.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            And to have influence over content. I can hear it now, Well, we can’t air a documentary about the our biggest donors.

          • SDGeoff3

            Well, it happened.

        • The Librarian

          Yes, you’re right. David Koch contributed to Ken Burns Vietnam documentary. That kind of blew me away.

        • miss_grundy

          The Koch bro who is supposedly gay is the one who likes to give money to the arts. He also donates to PBS and NPR, if I am not mistaken.

          • hanadora444

            One of them also bankrolls PBS shows that are specifically about science. Which is rather ironic since he also bankrolls politicians who demand that you believe that Adam and Eve rode around on dinosaurs.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Be thankful the Lincoln Center people didn’t let him buy the name of the Metropolitan Opera House.

          They let him fund the NY State Theater, where the NY City Ballet performs, so now the David H Koch Theater sits glaring at David Geffin Hall, across the complex.

          • 52camellias

            Just thinking about that makes me smile.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          They fund pbs and npr too, gradually getting hold of our trusted sources.

        • Zyxomma

          I went to see ABT this afternoon (thanks, cousin). The NY State Theatre at Lincoln Center is now the David H. Koch Theater, and I avoid looking at all signage. Usually ABT is at the Met, but this is a better theater for dance, because George Balanchine designed the stage to be the best in the world for seeing dance.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            We can’t let them ruin art for us

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Think of it as cultural money laundering.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Bingo!

    • Well he’s no Lori….

    • SDGeoff3

      Unless he’s got a Range Rover for me, I will decline this generous offer.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Despite the irony of a Koch giving away money, no doubt that someone giving away $1.5M would use a gmail address, lol

    • phoenix00

      MacLaren P1 or bust!

    • amrak63

      Please respond through my agent, Miss Tsukasa Hiiragi:

      https://i.imgur.com/0NQ5NYV.gif

  • Red Richmond

    Wonkette toddler Donna Rose person is a most adorable toddler person. I have to ask though, what is that sign/wall hanging she’s holding in the top pic?

    • SDGeoff3

      She doesn’t want us to see it until the paint dries. She is very proud of her work.

    • phoenix00

      She will answer after she is done touring, as she is quite busy and simply cannot be disturbed.

  • I’m proud of this enterprising, inventive, girl but I’m kind of sad that we are now depending on 11 year-olds to solve the Flint water crisis:

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/10/20/559071028/troubled-by-flint-water-crisis-11-year-old-girl-invents-lead-detecting-device

  • Aggle Wok

    About #5, how come we’re not all calling him President Bing Bong Shits, like all of the times? It’s fucking perfect. Well and truly. And it’s fun to say!

  • andyshelt

    “Republican official ‘would have shot’ Guardian reporter attacked by Gianforte”

    It looks like Trump’s attacks on the media are now being treated by the GOP into a call for more direct action by some of their officials.

    And remember, this threat to shoot a reporter is in response to that same reporter simply asking Gianforte a question about healthcare. It’s chilling to see the change from Trump’s “fake news” bullshit to threatening to revoke licenses and now into death threats. How much longer before some Trump moron with a gun starts to make this a reality?

    What the fuck is wrong with these people? (I’m seriously getting so sick of typing that question so many times over the last few months).

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/oct/21/montana-gianforte-ben-jacobs-karen-marshall-would-have-shot

    • phoenix00

      … and yet they get elected…..

  • Poly_Ester

    Did you see the tweet from a loyal but dumb trumpista who claimed that John McCain was not a POW because he stayed in the Hanoi Hilton while in Nam?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Yes. She actually believed it was a real hotel! Idiot for sure.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s where Jane Fonda staid, morans!

        • gshenaut

          I recently discovered that Moran is a real town in TX, known for being a leading manufacturing center for bump stocks. Odd, innit?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        But who told her that?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I did, indeed. I tried for a solid 7 or 8 minutes to compose a tweety response, only to shrug and give up, muttering “my gawd, it’s so not worth it.”

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I do hope someone explained it to her with extreme prejudice.

    • amrak63
  • andyshelt

    https://twitter.com/JoeVargas/status/920507354403233793
    Seriously dude, I’d lay off the meds, legal or otherwise.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    I hope your address changed because you needed a bigger P.O. box.

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