Well that was just about the stupidest week of the Trump presidency we can remember, and Trump has had a lot of stupid weeks! So it’s your top ten, and we are indeed sick of talking about John Kelly, so we’re not going to talk about him. If you want to read all the updates on that scandal, look around on the front page of Wonkette.
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OK, it is your top ten post, and you know how that works. But first, we must ask you nicely to MONEY US, by giving us money. (You know how this part works too!) You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. General John Kelly Fucks Self With Donald Trump’s Sword. Man, we are in love with that headline we wrote.
2. ‘Fake Melania’ Is The Conspiracy Theory We All Need To Believe In Right Now. WE WANT TO BELIEVE!
3. Obama Would Have Called John Kelly’s Son’s WIFE, Not His FATHER, Donald Trump, You FUCKING DOLT. Oh man, the news made us mad this week.
4. What The Fuck Is Wrong With Donald Trump, Besides Absolutely Everything? Where the stupidity of this week’s news cycle began!
5. Trump Knows When He Had Lunch With Rex Tillerson, And It Was Potato. Well it just was.
6. Hi, Maggie Haberman! New NYT Social Media Guidelines! Did You Read Them, Maggie Haberman? DID YOU? We still have no idea if she did or not.
7. Ivanka Trump Remembers Which Floor Of Trump Tower She Was On When Kurt Cobain Died. It was during her “punk phase.”
8. Trump Reddit Assholes Feeling Triggered By All This ‘Me Too’ Business! Oh, the poor dears.
9. Maxine Waters Went To Work Yesterday. Ben Carson Was There. UGH. Auntie Maxine still killin’ it!
10. And finally, Congressman Chris Collins: The Bitch Set Me Up! That’s right, BLAME A WOMAN.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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