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A new conspiracy theory has emerged on the internet, and for once, it is actually quite delightful! Not in the “oh my god they think spraying vinegar into the air will keep the chemtrails away?” way, but in the “I WANT TO BELIEVE” kind. And that is the theory that Melania Trump has a body double who has been making appearances for her.

According to some internet folks, the Melania we see in this interview has a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOSE from the real Melania. Sure, you could say she is maybe just wearing weird glasses, but what is the fun in that?

WE AT WONKETTE ARE 100% HERE FOR THIS.

Real picture of Wonkette chatcave right now.

It actually makes a certain amount of sense. Clearly, Melania is repulsed by her terrible husband, and skeeves his very touch. It would be quite reasonable for her to want to hire someone to do that for her. I know I would.

Let’s be real. All Melania truly signed up for was a super rich old husband who was supposed to keel over and die and leave her lots of money. She did not sign up to be married to the worst and most humiliating president the country has ever seen. How is she ever going to rejoin New York society now?

I have an additional theory to posit as well here — that there are multiple Melanias, but that they are all robots, with slightly different noses. It could happen! We all saw “Small Wonder” as children. The real Melania is somewhere on a tropical island drinking daiquiris and shtupping virile young pool boys.

IT COULD HAPPEN. And I would totally watch the Lifetime movie about it.

[Newsweek]

Add some money to our tip jars so we can all hire body doubles!

$
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  • Bright Bart

    to quote dipshit jr, I love it!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    An army of Melanias- the palace guard for the boy king

  • Persistent Demme

    OK, but WHY?

    • BigCSouthside

      Melania left him months ago. The Melania we see is just Sean Spicer in a melania suit

      • Persistent Demme

        LOL!

      • onedollarjuana

        That takes a lot of Crisco, I bet.

  • therblig

    ren-alt?

    • Shanzgood

      Yes it’s a fucking medical emergency. If she doesn’t want to give birth, she needs an abortion right the hell now.

      WTF is wrong with them?!

    • weighmaster

      You would think the RWNJs would be completely in favor of keeping an undocumented immigrant from giving birth to an American citizen. Logic isn’t their strong suite, is it?

    • divegrl
  • Nounverb911
    • clubseal

      I don’t know where it comes from, but I dig a woman in a sharp peacoat.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Heh heh….clubseal said “PEE-coat.” Heh heh.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        A short skirt and a long jacket?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Morans don’t let morans drive drunk.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      She better be careful smiling, the plaster could crack revealing the lizard behind the mask.

  • Joe Beese

    Crisis on Infinite Melanias.

  • Nounverb911
    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I bet she didn’t. No way this was in the prenup.

      • MrTusks

        I assume there was a contract re-negotiation on November 9, 2016.

  • Joe Beese

    All Melania truly signed up for was a super rich old husband who was supposed to keel over and die and leave her lots of money.

    Want to bet the kids get at least 95% of it?

    • armed_bears

      You know it… She’s fourth in line or lower.

    • Nounverb911

      Will Ivanka arrange “hunting accidents” for her brothers?

      • clubseal

        “Mr. Cheney, it’s time to start the safari.”

      • Creepoman

        The Short Happy Life of . . .

      • coozledad

        I can see the coroner’s report now: “Victim had been trying to chew gum.”

    • BigCSouthside

      I bet Ivanka gets 95%

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s still a solid $50 for Melania…

    • coozledad

      They’ll have to bury that motherfucker in 60 yards of concrete to keep everyone from digging him up and selling dried pieces of his ass at state fairs as some kind of hoodoo Slim Jims. Including his dog greedy family.

  • armed_bears

    that there are multiple Melanias, but that they are all robots, with slightly different noses.

    It’s a security thing. As Austin Powers said, “They have machine guns in their jubblies.”

    • AJ Milne

      Argh.

      I was resisting going with Austin’s ‘That’s a _man_ baby!’, on the basis that’s… Maybe iffy in these somewhat more enlightened times…

      … reason it kept sticking in my head being, I think: no lie, thanks to this silliness, I looked right at one of those photos, and now half-heartedly suspect she said fuckit, I’m going shopping, and someone from the Secret Service just agreed to stand in…

      … and then got to thinking: it coulda been anyone. Sure, the guys mighta had to shave a bit. But I bet some of ’em got the legs for it.

      … no, I’m not suggestible. You’re the suggestible.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • armed_bears

        I looked for this as a gif! Thank you!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I think that’s a Special Effect. She only blinks on the second shot…

      • coozledad

        Calabashnikovs.

      • Ulricii

        When did Gretchen Carlson get the new job? Looks like Minnesota State Fair performance quality to me. Go Gretch!!

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Carpe Vagenda

    I think I may be genuinely shocked about this. Hard to tell. I’ve had a crappy day.

    Someone must want to deport the foreigns a really lot.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bc5629061bc979a731bb4c2144eb7eb0e48936c0e499a83cb1444e24197439f5.png

    • BigCSouthside

      John Kelly’s tell all book is going to be fucking fire

      • Carpe Vagenda

        You know, I don’t really think so. I think Kelly is the spotlight boy for the fact that this is what the modern GOP is, they just generally do it behind lace curtains.

        • Ulricii

          You are So. Right.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I guess he was hoping Kelly would lie for him, thus providing his “proof.”

    • ariel_gee_398

      Let this be the end of the myth of Kelly the great patriot there to attempt to stop nuclear war and rein in the worst of Trump.

    • Ulricii

      Hey, the Marine that was killed was Black. With that picture in his hand, what did you expect Trump to say? Now if he had been Kelly’s son…

  • Randy Riddle

    That isn’t Melania – it’s Michael Jackson.

    • armed_bears

      Jim Morrison is my bet, but I am an Oldz.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Hopefully Melania Morrison exposes himself at just the right moment.

      • coozledad

        Those sunglasses definitely scream “on love’s highway, bleeding.”

      • FlownΩver

        For sure strange days have found us.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Elvis lives!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      The only thing I’m absolutely sure of is that it isn’t Jimmy Hoffa.

    • geoffalnutt

      Just the nose.

  • JoeChristmas

    She did not sign up to be married to the worst and most humiliating president swindler the country has ever seen.

    FIFY

  • Vincent Ricola

    Also too, they tried to make multiple Mike Pence robot doubles, but they had to give up the plan when all the robots kept dumping diet Cokes on themselves in what appeared to be attempted robot suicide.

    • cmd resistor

      So Mike Pence’s brother who is going to maybe run for Congress is really Mike Pence?

      • Vincent Ricola

        Yes. Yes he is. I will have more information on my youtube channel shortly!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • It’s almost impossible to create a robot face that looks that artificial…

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Before even starting reading this post I noticed that the person in that picture looks nothing like Melania.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    There never was a “real Melania.” The Kremlin rotates a new one in every few months so they don’t lose operational readiness due to constant trauma. Kind of like prosecutors sometimes do with people in their sex crimes divisions.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I think the people in the sex crimes divisions get changed out because of their convictions…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      All the rich folk lease, never own.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        You never want to end up with last year’s model.

      • svejk

        the texas millionaires’ rule: “if it flies, fucks or floats, lease it, don’t buy it.”

  • arglebargle
    • clairence

      was *that the fake Melania, telling him “don’t even think about it”?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    OK. That really does not look like the Melania we think we know… Other possibilities could be… (1) Those glasses came with a Secret Agent Disguise nose of their own (2) There is no (2).

    And to add a fun thought to the vids of “Melania” slapping away Trump’s hand… real “Melania” is a professional and would know better than to do that in public… Trump kinda has the hots for “Melania” the other, so he goes for a gratuitous hand puss-grab when he can try, but “Melania” the other is under orders that there’s to be no touching… SO, the hand slaps are PROOF of “Melania” the other… And way more proof than any proof Trump ever came up with for anything

    • AJ Milne

      I like where you’re going with this, and would watch a pilot done on spec, at least…

      (Can I suggest ‘You’re Slovain you probably think this sitcom is about you’ as the title?)

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Now if Trump can also find himself a body double, the two of them can fuck off to a tropical island somewhere.

    • Amy!

      He’s already got a body double, but they both wear the same suit and appear at the same time.

      (this is fat shaming and I am ashamed of myself for it, but it’s Trump, so …)

    • MrTusks

      You mean Newt Gingrich?

  • Fartknocker

    Someone’s chemtrail dispersion system must have dropped one hell of a load of mind altering chemicals into the air handling system at the Newsweek building.

  • clairence

    Huh. I think the noses look the same actually. But that hair. And the lips and the eyebrows and the skintone. And, of course, the fact that Trump had to say “yeah, duh, of course this is my wife. why wouldn’t it be?” adds to the intrigue.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Looks more like a dude, to be honest.

      –edit– not meant to be a dig on the person, just an observation

      • clairence

        “Lady Looks Like A Dude” was the original song title, but it didn’t sound quite right, so they went a different direction.

        True story.

  • Chyron HR

    Legal meds? You first, buddy.

  • Michael R
    • Nounverb911

      Less maintenance than the real Melania.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Better conversationalist.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Not as weird if it licks the caviar off the kid, either.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          It’s a wash on tipping over trash cans, though.

    • Yellerduck

      I remember as a teenager in Houston being behind this car and noticing the head of beautiful blond hair in the backseat. I pulled up next to the car at a red light and looked over expecting to see a beautiful woman. The Afghan hound who looked back at me was definitely amused at my horrified shock. It was like the moment in Psycho when Norman Bates turned his mother’s chair around.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      let’s leave Carly Fiorina out of it…

  • Suttree

    There aren’t any pool boys at the White House, but apparently Secret Service guys are horny AF.

    • I thought it was the head of security at Trump Tower that she was fucking…

      • tehbaddr

        That also, too!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Well, given the usual level of competence it wouldn’t shock me that they screwed up and got body doubles for someone other than Donnie.

    • AJ Milne

      ‘We thought that _was_ Donnie!’

      ‘Umm.. No. The other one. The orange one.’

      ‘Oh…

      ‘Thought _that_ was a lamentably failed genetic experiment.’

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I pity the poor soul who qualifies as a body double for his royal anus. No one deserves to look like that asshole.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Alec Baldwin sorta/kinda does.

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          But no so much that he would pass for @Realhisroyalanus

  • Nounverb911
    • clairence

      they’re both thinking, “Jeezus. Four friggin years of this crap?”

    • cmd resistor

      I’ve got nothing against roses but even those flowers look unhappy.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This picture always reminds me of Charles and Diana just before they split.

    • Whose funeral was that?

      • Historicat

        The country’s.

        • nothingisamiss

          Perfect

    • coozledad

      “When I was young my mother was cutting potatoes
      and she cut her hand badly with knife.
      She said, “See, life is misery. Life is anguish. Don’t try and make yourself happy. Just make certain you’re never the most miserable person in room.

      I marry that person.

      Flowers of Disgust Melania Trump.

  • geoffalnutt

    The “real” Melania is back in Moscow getting a re-fit, re-tit and re-boot. They’re also installing a chip so its English is better. Finally!

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    It’s Rand Paul guys.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      NUH-UH! Miss Lindsey…..

  • Notice the tip of the nose and nostrils. The fake mel has a bigger nose tip, and much larger nostrils. Her lips are also longer and more narrow. Her cheeks are also wider, and her hair is curly rather than straight….

    Don’t know about this one, but it would make sense why he was talking about his wife like she wasn’t there, and then in another showing say something like look mel is here with me.

    https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/donald-trump-forgets-melania-is-standing-right-next-to-him-during-hurricane-irma-speech-1756016

  • Upright Ape

    “Typically the subject being copied is terminated”.
    -Arnie The T-900

  • Swampgas_Man

    After years of “Michelle is a man” bullshit, this is surprisingly tame.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, “Melania” is still white, so it’s cool.

  • Nounverb911
  • whitroth

    Wait, are you suggesting that Melania is actually a sexbot?

  • Jennaratrix

    For her sake, I hope Melania IS somewhere on a tropical island drinking daiquiris and shtupping (over the age of 18 and consenting) virile young pool boys.

    • Meh, she made the decision to attach herself to that vile lump of mouldy cheese, I have no sympathy for her.

  • jesterpunk
    • Suttree

      Airwolf!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Blue Thunder or GTFO.

    • Joe Beese

      Debbie Rochon, with admiration, reports that Jan-Michael Vincent reeks of booze even at 9 AM.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Debbie Rochon on her first drink:

        “My friend gave me 110 proof vodka and a splash of tomato juice. I ended up face down in a puddle in her driveway. Woke up in the hospital. Realized right then that portions have to be measured out better. It was a wake-up call to proper mixing.”

      • jesterpunk

        I would believe it, look at his twitter feed its pics of alcohol and him demanding money from people.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Suttree

    Ren ALT. Jesus. What a fucking hoser.

  • WiscoJoe

    This theory just got even more conspiracy-y: If the Russians replaced Melania with an updated honeypot spybot model, would Trump even notice?

    • jesterpunk

      Trump didnt even notice when Melodrama was standing right next to him.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Wouldn’t it be better to get a spy close to the president? Like maybe an Ivana spybot?

      • WiscoJoe

        That’s why the former model had to be replaced. She had developed too much emotional autonomy, like in Blade Runner.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The Walrus was Melania. Shhhhhhhh!

  • coozledad

    I may not believe there’s a sub for Melania, But I can believe Trump has to try and locate his pud with a fleshlight. And I could easily be persuaded that Coach Pence helps lever it under his gut.

  • Mavenmaven
  • puredog

    Some of us need a body triple.

    • TundraGrifter

      I usually stick with my toddy tuple.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I think you mean Fake Fake Melania.

  • TundraGrifter

    Perhaps the nose is part of the glasses, like the old “Groucho” prank?

    Or is the long-awaited sequel to “The Crying Game?”

    • PubOption

      There appears to be a flesh-colored section of the rim of her glasses around her nose, which makes her nose appear broader, something like it was before the nose job. It is possible that it is a pad because her nose was filed down so far that standard rims won’t fit.

      • TundraGrifter

        “The Michael Jackson Effect.” If Michael had ever sneezed his nose would have flown across the floor.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    So, Melania is as fake as her orgasms?!

    • And her husband’s hair? Her step-daughter’s face?

    • There’s no point in faking an orgasm with Dampnut, because he only cares about his own pleasure.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I kind of think that the circumstances of sex with that oaf are such that even he would think it improbable that his partner was having an orgasm.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          C’mon, man. We don’t need to be thinking about that.

        • Suttree

          Being crushed to death by a disgusting slob is like an orgasm. Right?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Screams his own name…

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        A very good point.

    • Covfefe

      I neither know whether Melania is as fake as her orgasms nor desire to …. Oh, just forget it.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Hmm, there was that photo op where Trump said Melania wished she could be there, when she appeared to be standing right there! Oops!

  • spangled

    she’s a REPLICANT. replicunt? (sorry)

    no, she probably just had some new plastic surgery that hasn’t settled. or maybe her fillers are dissolving or something, it’s just too weird.

  • Panika MCD

    though the noses look the same to me–even if they did not, couldn’t people assume she just got rhinoplasty?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I would have gone with allergic reaction.

  • Michael R
    • Beanz&Berryz

      That wasp woman has some bodacious tatas…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Ha! Ya made me look.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Ah, Roger Corman. The classics.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I take from this that 1) whoever did the work of turning the cute little nose Melania was born with into the attempt at waspy patrician she has now did a terrible job, and that 2) she addresses that by drawing in sculpturing in what appears to be eyebrow pencil.

    Same nose, though.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c00b6fa4e1439ee9c05a114ea82b69c6fc966922e6c189c5b5b06b27d4693aa.jpg

    • Suttree

      Bullshit! That looks like an actual human being. With emotions and stuff.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        pre Kremlin programming

      • PubOption

        And eyes that can open.

      • It’s amazing what surgery can accomplish.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, her facial muscles still worked back then.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      That’s back when she could still open her eyes all the way.

  • Raan

    The real Melania was killed in a car accident and replaced by Billy Shears.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Baby, you’re a rich man now!

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I think the stand-in looks like one of the Project Runway contestants from one of the earlier seasons. Which makes sense, given some of the sartorial outfit choices of late.

  • Nounverb911
  • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • Joe Beese
    • NotReallyHere

      I can’t stop staring at her elbow-bows. Are those a thing now?

      Maybe they’re a hold over from her “punk-rock” phase?

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      Melania and Ivanka obviously had the same plastic surgeon.

      Wait … Ivanna?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Ilgattomorte

    Nah, that’s the real Melania, wearing a fake nose and glasses.
    The poor woman will try anything to keep that orange lump of sad off of her. It wouldn’t surprise me if she shows up next week in cartoon teeth and a bald cap.

  • Nounverb911
  • Michael R
    • Crank Tango

      Shatner’s really fallen apart, hasn’t he.

    • Alan

      Too much eww factor for me.

  • “I tell you, the people in Stepford, very nice people. Good people. They do good work. Made with American steel imported from Chi-na inside a prison. Those kids do great work, don’t they? Can’t even tell it’s a robot. I wasn’t supposed to mention that, but I did. If only we could replace Crooked Hilary, eh, folks? Yeah… yeah… so good. I’m thinking of having one made to look like Ivanka.”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Not to worry. Nose prolly just swollen from recent surgery.
    Nothing to see here.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    No woman would wear glasses that make her nose look bigger.

    Juat sayin!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      She would if she was styling herself as Jackie Onassis.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Amen, sister.

    …For the last time, men are not the weather. You are not the weather.

    Yes, I mean you. Maybe you are one of the good ones, but I mean you. If I say “not everyone,” you will think, “Oh, not me,” and you will be wrong. So I mean you.

    You thought you were being nice, maybe. That any attention from you was flattering, maybe. That I would see it as a compliment, maybe. I have forgiven you, maybe. Or I am embarrassed for you, or I never knew what your name was. But make no mistake: Nothing about this was inevitable. This was not weather. You are not the weather, and your buddy is not the weather.

    This has to stop. Instead of saying, “You cannot smoke in here,” we are telling every woman, “there is going to be smoke in the restaurant, so encase yourself entirely in protective sheeting.” Instead of saying, “Do not go around lighting people on fire,” we are telling women, “Don’t be flammable.” But you can’t be human and not be flammable…

    Do you want to hear a story? One of the things I was wearing when somebody tried to do something I did not want them to do was a Jabba the Hutt suit…

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    OT, but I just saw a commercial on the teeveebox…

    Do you want to strike fear into the nazis? An ad for Wolfenstein II.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Leadership: Whatever happens, you’re responsible. If it doesn’t happen, you’re responsible.

    — Donald J. Drumpf (@realDonaldDrumpf) November 8, 2013

  • tehbaddr

    In that video at the wall, are you supposed to stick your arm up in the crack? Or is that Donald just being a Dotard?

    • r m reddicks

      For Donny every pussy is a crack and every crack is a pussy.

  • marxalot

    It’s not even so much the nose as the mouth. That is not the same mouth! Has Melon had more Work Done? Or are there more Melons than we know? How far down does this go?!?!!1!

    • r m reddicks

      I was thinking that, too. “Oh, well. She was good while she lasted.” Let’s see if trumpenstein walks back that statement that he didn’t make.

  • spangled
    • AJ Milne

      Like a quarter for serious:

      Brainstorming ways to hack the problem of people believing stupid shit misinformation/memeticallly highly contagious stuff the troll farms were spreading, I briefly got to thinking: what if we tried to saturate the interwebs with harmless, entertaining, idiotic, but even _more_ contagious stuff… Keep people susceptible to it arguing over whether Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble were actually in a sexual relationship, that kinda thing…

      … woulda been fun to write, anyway. But kinda seemed like dropping dynamite into a blowout… _Might_ work… But a bit of a Hail Mary if you’re the first one to try it.

      • Raan

        I don’t know about Fred and Barney, but Tom and Jerry were totally a S&M couple.

        • marxalot

          There are whole sections fo the internet dedicated to exploring these questions and dynamics in minute detail. Hit or miss on the grammar.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            The internet is a remarkable resource. I had my suspicions about Betty and Wilma, and you won’t believe what I’m finding.

  • Panika MCD

    is this the open thread?

    because I recently discovered that my corner store has Pop Rocks and they are helpful to keeping me from day drinking!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Pop Rocks were the best. We used to do the “Put the Pop Rocks in the Coca-Cola” thing.

      • shastakoala

        With Mikey?

      • Panika MCD

        that is a waste of good Pop Rocks. I’m glad you no longer abuse them.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          In my defense, I was 10 years old. I also thought Vienna Sausages were the greatest thing ever.

          • r m reddicks

            What? You missed out on the “potted meat food product”?

          • Panika MCD

            greater than POP ROCKS?! you were one fucked up 10 year old.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Stipulated.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Day drinking libelz…

      • Panika MCD

        it’s the cost and calories of day drinking.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Costs… ya… multiple levels of those… Calories… one benefit of some boy metabolizmz is calories don’t add up the same as for some other peoplez…

    • Alan

      Wow. Still make those?

      • Panika MCD

        30 years strong!

  • shastakoala

    Maybe the botox between her eyebrows gave in to gravity and pooled around the end of her nose. It’s possible.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’ve heard of that. It was on the internet.

  • Nounverb911

    Is this to confuse the donnie or the public?
    https://twitter.com/THETOPICisCOOL/status/920758726440751104

    • Panika MCD

      if he can be confused by a secret service lady while his wife is wearing a Nancy Regan outfit, he needs to be put in a home.

      • OrG

        Yes.

      • Does that home have a lot of steel bars and a very strict dress code? ’cause if so, I’m on board.

    • SisterArtemis

      JUST LIKE IN STAR WARS ONE AND TWO!!!!!!!1!!11!!!!11!!!!!!!

      • Canis Greyhame

        America: No one could put on a worse show than the Star Wars prequels!

        Trump Campaign: Hold my spray-tan …

    • Alan

      How is that similar? Woman with brown hair? Looks like Gillian Anderson to me.

  • Baconzgood

    She’s a lizard person plain and simple.

  • Ringletwraith

    I’d like to call bullshizz on the sekrit chatcave photo. I know for a fact that Dok’s glasses are black, and Trix has a ginormous penis coming out of her head. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d85b41cb9a4665af8db72c9b62b3dfba95b710e2c02a7db00e1439c745746e9d.jpg

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Oh come on . . . you know that’s just her favorite hat.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Everyone has a penis hat…

    • Dok’s shirt is friggin awesome!

      • shastakoala

        That is a cool shirt!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Just to let you know there is still beauty 9n the world

    https://youtu.be/MzDRMFa8DKE

  • FlownΩver

    She blew her mind out in a car.

  • Anna Rompage

    We won’t get fooled again…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

  • Jennifer R
  • chazmanr

    How is she ever going to rejoin New York society now?

    She never was a part of it. She was allowed to play their reindeer games, because she was married the shitgibbon. She gets divorced, she is just eastern European modeling trash.

    • Nounverb911

      Trophy wife libelz.

  • willi0000000

    why the black-eye sunglasses?

    • Anna Rompage

      To cover up the evidence of domestic abuse?

      • r m reddicks

        Not to diminish the ugliness of domestic abuse but just hanging out with the guy should be considered abuse.

  • capnkrunch

    IT COULD HAPPEN. And I would totally watch the Lifetime movie about it.

    I would totally watch the porno. Maybe they could cast Melania as herself. On second thought, maybe I wouldn’t watch it.

  • guppy06
    • Sean Jungian

      No, “we ALL” didn’t. It wasn’t on until I was already an adult.

      I see your “Old!” and raise you a “DECREPIT”

      • Alan

        No shit. I had to google it.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    I looked closely at the footage. My impression is that she’s either recovering from plastic surgery or somehow got a black eye. Note how puffy her nose is, how heavy the coat of foundation is and the fricking obvious bandage. You can clearly see some bandaging.

    • Could it be nose chafing from snorting a fuckton of coke?

      • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

        That or she accidentally “ran into a doorknob” with her face.

        • whitroth

          I haven’t seen the pic, but I suspect you’re right, she ran into a doorknob.

          Or someone as dumb as one….

        • Aaron_000

          She definitely carries herself like someone that has the bad luck of repeatedly “running into doorknobs” and “walking into closed doors.”
          🤜👱‍♀️🤛

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Being in her position, I can understand if she’s self medicating/getting shitface drunk every day. Which means it’s not too unlikely that she actually fell down some stairs. Those shoes, and all…

          • Historicat

            I mean, that’s how I’ve been getting through this nightmare.

        • Alan

          She’s married to one so….

    • Marion in Savannah

      If she were recovering from plastic surgery wouldn’t she be “bleeding badly?” You know, the same way Mika Brzezinski was? Trump’s an authority on how women look after a facelift.

  • r m reddicks

    I’ve heard that the real Melania is hanging out with the real Kim Jong Un in either Bora Bora or Tora Bora. The mighty spirits (W.T. 101) weren’t clear on that. Might be why Hair Trumpencruller is all pissed off at Kim.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
  • Sean Jungian

    For us oldsters who were well into adulting by the time “Small Wonder” came out – so far into it that we took pains to avoid even accidentally watching it – a better reference is of course the classic: Stepford Wives.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Yes. Yes. 1000 times yes.

    • Thiazin Red

      The proper version, not the remake that makes no fucking sense.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Yes, also too 1000 times yes.

      • Sean Jungian

        Let us not speak of that terrible time.

    • mancityRed6

      some of us are just young enough to remember not only the show, but there was actually a flash of what the character looked like.
      weird how the brain works.

      • Zombishroom

        That little girl creeped me out.

  • chimpevil

    Evan is so-o-o hot in that pic. Cuddle up beside me and whisper sweet FUCK OFF TRUMP’S in my ear 😍

  • Parakeetist

    OT: this just came in the mail today. Huzzah!

    https://imgur.com/gallery/tl2lh

    • Alan

      I don’t even have to read about it. I just wake up every day.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, let us know how it is. If you like it, I might kindle me a copy.

      • Parakeetist

        Kthx

  • tehbaddr

    The real Melania has been recovered by Russia, and is currently doing field work.

    http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/molotov_cocktease_8858.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Molotov Cocktease libel!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That’s quite an outfit. Is ScarJo going to play her in the movie version?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Wish she had a better face.

      I haz a sadz.

  • Marion in Savannah

    With many apologies to whoever may have posted this in a previous thread, but I just saw it. Charlie Pierce has had Some Thoughts about Trump and dead soldiers:

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a13045163/trump-soldier-call-republicans/

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    home early!

    Not-yet-a-job said I could come home and study for test tomorrow.

    So, y’all stop being funny, smart, and sexy for a few hours, will ya? I need to concentrate!

    ; p

    • Marion in Savannah

      Not-yet-a-job sounds like a great place! Now — go piss off and study.

    • Covfefe

      Did you get to Skul at 8 am or not? Peeps want to know.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I doubt that. And yeah.

        : D

    • DrBigHead

      I worked at such a place in college in the sense that the boss was more than understanding if I had to take time off for tests, papers, etc. I appreciated it very much.

    • Alan

      Do you sleep dude?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i do!

        • Alan

          Whew. I was concerned.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m here a lot, it’s just your imagination. (I also overshare).

          • Alan

            At all times too.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            me libelz!
            I’ve finally given up on the 2-8 am posting.

          • Alan

            That’s good. My wife suffers insomnia. It can be debilitating.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i did too – now I’m so exhausted all teh time. Only problem is adapting to a “working person’s” schedule.

            But thanks for asking after me.

  • Zonath

    Fake news! Everyone knows the “real” Melonia is actually three little people in an overcoat and/or whatever this is:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/815b6500ec8d177909ea5a9be448f3dbabd51f2db6ed426eb6fe5f4b8840d5cf.jpg

    • marxalot

      A produce section possessed by an evil spirit?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Produce Section Gollums.

        New Industrial/Agricultural Goth (*) band name.

        (*) It’s almost as fun making up genres as it is band names.

  • Aaron_000

    Melania Trump always looks so miserable, and appears to be trying to hide in her clothes, when she’s in public with her husband. It’s almost as if she ashamed to be seen with him.

    • TJ Barke

      Can’t imagine why…

    • Alan

      Ayup. Surprised they get her out with him at all.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Ashamed. So sayeth Malania’s own body language.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    I personally believe there is no Melania anymore and that she is actually now part of a cornerstone of one of the gaudy drumpf owned hotels. But that’s just my own personal conspiracy theory.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, shit. The RWNJs pretty much collect conspiracy theories–the more outlandish the better. The rest of us can at least have a few of our very own. Difference is, we can have fun conspiracy theories and we don’t have to adhere to them as if they were the word of gawd, like the RWNJs do theirs. And ours don’t have to be nearly as outlandish, either.

  • mancityRed6

    wasn’t there a press conference or something where tRump talked about how Mellon wished she could be there or wanted to be there or something and she was standing right next to him?
    I’m not saying this theory is right, but I’m having doubts as to whether or not it’s wrong.
    has anyone checked to see if she actually did leave tRump tower?

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      There’s a link to that down thread.

    • DrBigHead

      I think it is more believable that Trump is suffering from dementia. Don’t have to go as far as having robot Melania to account for the behavior.

      That being said, I SO want this to be true!!

      • mancityRed6

        oh, no robots. just a doppelganger

  • Jennifer R

    Here have an adorable little bit of webcomic.
    http://www.robot-hugs.com/purr/

  • janecita

    It’s a miracle that Melania can see anything, she has itty, bitty weird looking eyes. I’m sorry, but I find this woman all kinds of fugly.

    • Shanzgood

      I think it’s a spiritual thing. If she had Michelle Obama’s personality and grace of being, I’d think she was gorgeous. Plus, she wouldn’t do that weird thing with her face.

      • janecita

        I don’t think so, she is too fake. She definitely went overboard with all the plastic surgery.

        • Shanzgood

          That’s part of the weird thing with her face, I guess.

          • Claire

            Yeah, I think “having some work done” looks fine as long as it’s subtle and aimed at making you look good for your age, not making you look like a Barbie doll.

            Having said that, I’m not judging anyone for having plastic surgery. As soon as I save up enough money, I’m having the fat sucked out of my jawline and tightening up my neck. I don’t want to look 20 again, I just don’t want to look ten years older than I am.

          • Alan

            Please don’t have your eyes sewn shut or your nose removed.

      • willi0000000

        Elanor Roosevelt managed to be beautiful.

        this is how:

        “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          She was ridiculed ruthlessly by the press for her looks- but she was a better woman than melanoma by a factor of 10.

          • willi0000000

            only 10? . . . more like the tenth power of ten to the tenth.

        • Shanzgood

          Like Michelle Obama.

      • Alan

        Nope. Plastic surgery is still obvious and unattractive.

        • Shanzgood

          Not if it’s done well and not to excess.

          • Alan

            Okay. Plastic surgery that is obvious is unattractive. I suppose there are a lot of little things done but the procedures that give one features that don’t look human are gross.

      • tehbaddr

        She can’t help but “do that weird thing with her face” after all the work!

        • Shanzgood

          Which she’d never have felt the need to if she were more like Michelle. But then she would never have married Dolt 45 and this conversation wouldn’t be happening.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Botox-induced nerve damage.

        That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ tuit.

    • Alan

      It’s the plastic surgeon who fucked up. Sewed her eyes shut, removed her lips, permanently froze her face in one position. I agree with you, I don’t find her even vaguely attractive. In fact, kinda scary looking.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I think it’s because most of the time she’s out with Trump she pouting or sullen. There’s a picture of her with Justin Trudeau and Prince Harry where she’s positively glowing. And she looks better
      http://www.tmz.com/2017/09/24/prince-harry-melania-trump-justin-trudeau-invictus-games-canada/

      • tehbaddr

        If by positively glowing, you mean half human, then yes.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Well, I for one would never have believed her eyes can open that far. Photoshop?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I happen to agree 100%.

  • Scooby

    Of course she fake. The real one is giving me a lap dance as we speak.

    • janecita

      Ewwwwww!

    • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

      See a doctor.

  • ManchuCandidate

    She’s actually the GoT’s Night King! Season 8 plot twist.

    • janecita

      I can see that.

  • OutOfOrbit

    would anyone be shocked to learn that the OPOS hits wife sometimes?

    • Parakeetist

      No.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    What a relief! I’m so happy for her that she can be with the Tiffany’s guy after all. I wonder what leverage she used to make that happen?

    • Covfefe

      Wait. Are you saying that Melania and Tiffany are together in a three-some?

      • AJ Milne

        Well, y’know…

        She saw her standing there.

  • Next week, she’ll be wearing these new beauties from LaCroix, as shown in this catalog photo from Paris Fashion Week.
    http://www.dbm.today/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/One-third-of-online-customer-data-could-be-fake-says-Wilmington-Millennium-537×350.jpg

  • Jamoche

    I wouldn’t watch the Lifetime movie but I’d watch the Columbo episode – rumors are they’re considering Mark Ruffalo for the part.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Of Columbo or Melania?

      • Jamoche

        Columbo. It’s a real rumor :)

    • Thiazin Red

      Ruffalo is too traditionally handsome, hot Columbo seems wrong.

    • Me not sure

      “Oh… and just one more thing. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

  • bluicebank

    I’m just going to file this speculation under “Schrodinger’s Melania” in which she simultaneously exists and does not until we open the box. Turns out she was either there or not all along.

    • Parakeetist

      I read that as a potential They Might be Giants song.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Or not!

      • bluicebank

        Quantum physics is hard, so your retort is accepted, being as it may be crazy enough to be true.

  • DrBigHead

    OK, if a child sex ring in a pizza joint is believable, this should be a no-brainer

    • TundraGrifter

      I’ve found that very often people who use the phrase “no-brainer” are far more correct than they realize.

  • Johnnymoreno

    I remember seeing that photo and having a passing thought that Melania just usually seemed to somehow,,,take up more space, or something, I just thought she looked reduced, and chocked it up to the corrosive effect of living living with the Orange Caligula.

  • janecita

    When I look at Melania, this comes to mind.

    “You know your mother, Malfoy?” said Harry “That expression she’s got, like she’s got dung under her nose? Has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?

    Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  • Thiazin Red

    The lighting in the two pictures is totally different. The “real” one looks like a soft focus processed shot and the “fake” one is a screen shot from a live broadcast. They look the same with different lighting/less photoshop to me.

  • jesuswasablack

    Next your gonna say this aint melania neither?
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/t4BuxpNaMac/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Can’t be Melania… Those undies are silver, not gold…

    • tehbaddr

      No way! That’s an Eastern Block Sexbot! wait a minute….

    • AJ Milne

      It’s… A Thing how your neurons link things up…

      I got, somewhere downthread, headshot of Melania, presumably from her early 20s, late teens, hard to tell, but let’s call it altitude. Hard for _me_ to tell…

      She seems nice in that one, actually, though it’s that microsecond the shutter takes, and they turn it into a glossy, and who knows…

      Hard to say. Philosophical question, maybe: how awful can someone of that age even be? They haven’t had that much time to work on it… I’m a (on average) straight guy, I like women a certain way; I’m… affected, a certain way, maybe. Still: she seems like all kinds of nice… Like I wouldn’t mind my daughter hanging with someone like that, so much…

      Then there’s _this_ thing. Exploitative, sure, hardly even a blip against how bad it gets in this era, who knows how she was paid for it, the story behind it. Microseconds, again, a decision made, Slovenian town in the rear view mirror, what can I make of my life if I go with this…

      … and then there’s today, Secret Service double silliness or no… On the arm of a man who, if we live long enough to have history, history is very unlikely to be kind to…

      Kinda downward all the way, excuse me if it sounds judgey to say. Not that my own decisions have been always so great…

      But, fuck, lady, hope you can live with the bed you lie in, I guess.

    • mancityRed6

      the Wonkette diet strikes again.

    • DrBigHead

      Ladies and gentlemen, the First Lady of the United States of America.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I have to say, they don’t look alike. Perhaps the divorce is on…and Donnie is saving face until he finds another to take her place. I KNOW!!!!!! He can star on that Bachelor thing!!!!

  • Mavenmaven
  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Has anybody ever seen Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart together with these three guys at the same time? I’m just asking questions.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df59d5c22aeb20973175d17ba25d738e96fbc45b7951f80acc48c8ee6dfd4619.jpg

    • Dg Hacket

      “Team of crack investigators “

    • DrBigHead

      The guy on the left looks more like Steve Howe.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And the guy on the right is Garth, from Wayne’s World.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Donnie saying, “my wife, Melania, who happens to be right here…” pretty much clinches it for me. She is an ersatz Melania.

    • Stulexington

      He must have been lying as he always does!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Can’t tell unless the woman standing there has her boobs showing. You know, there is something to say for having the whole world know what the tits of the first lady of the country look like.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Well, there’s that, I suppose.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Before and after surgery, yet. Which if I didn’t know that Trump was endlessly trying to get his second wife to go naked in spank magazines I wouldn’t have such a problem with. As it is, it isn’t clear to me that it’s her choice.

    • OrG

      Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He could also be sundowning

  • Crank Tango

    Hey look, he created a job.

  • Me not sure

    Did he really call car maker Reneault, Raynawlt?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Dammit, I would have gotten away with replacing myself with a sexbot if it weren’t for those meddling kids!”

    – Melania

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I’m not sure Donald would’ve noticed the difference

      • Heck, who needs robotics? Just a sex doll would work. Probably has the same life like reactions to Trump.

      • svejk

        “I’m sure Donnie would *not* have noticed the difference.” FIFY

  • Upright Ape

    So Jimmie Hoffa finally has company.

    What? Too soon?

    • mailman27

      Trump, after two other marriages, thought it was time to cement their relationship.

  • jesterpunk

    It might explain this, or he is just losing his memory?

    https://twitter.com/AynRandPaulRyan/status/911000417806409728

    • “Tall, Slavic accent… probably Melania.” (Trump)

    • DrBigHead

      He can’t pay attention due to the constant “me me me me ” droning in his head.

    • Rags

      I like this – except that it would mean that he was actually telling the truth. And that I cannot believe about anything he says.

    • C4TWOMAN

      It’s not the nose that makes me wonder..it’s the chin. I think Melon’s is stronger…but then that could be the way she’d wearing her hair.

      You know, this is exactly how tinfoil madness starts….

  • Crank Tango

    My wife Melania, who happens to be right here and hasn’t escaped or anything….

    • mancityRed6

      she’s definitely not back in New York, hanging out with that nice doorman she always goes on about.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Stepford wife.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Shaydee

      Perfect!

    • jesterpunk
      • DrBigHead

        I am sure these assholes have no problem with what he said.

        • jesterpunk

          Oh I know, I just am enjoying saying it about Trump whenever he whines about something considering he was selling those shirts last year.

          • DrBigHead

            Too bad he couldn’t spell “irony” even if we spotted him the I, r, and o.

          • C4TWOMAN

            “Ny? No, that’s not right… yn? Am I close?”

    • FelineMama

      Tit for Tat, Moron!!!!!

    • hudson

      exactly. what a snowflake.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    For what it cost to hire her I’m sure he can hire a Chinese knockoff.

  • janecita

    I have no idea who Gord Downie was, but this made me cry.
    Remember when we had a thoughtful president?

    http://www.tmz.com/videos/0_vuu87hhy

    • Gord Downie was a poet, and a rocker, and a speaker of truth about Canada and Canadians of all stripes.

    • And i was waiting for the official OT go ahead to post this

      • janecita

        I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna cry alone:-(

    • Jamoche

      Canadian national treasure – their farewell concert shut down the entire country.

      • I both regret and not regret going to see the farewell tour live. I regret not, because, obviously. Not regret because i cried like a moran watching from home

        • janecita

          I know what you mean. I regret that I was too damn cheap to buy tickets to the Tom Petty concert. In my defense, they were $400.

          • I saw him and his band, The Tragically Hip twice. They were both amazing experiences

          • FlownΩver

            It was worth it.

          • janecita

            Too late now. First Nirvana, now Tom Petty, I keep on making the same mistake over, and over again.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      My grandson’s favorite (and his dad’s)…. I think they made that 2016 last concert…

    • ltmcdies

      https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/920743803920814081

      The place of honor that Mr. Downie occupies in Canada’s national imagination has no parallel in the United States. Imagine Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Michael Stipe combined into one sensitive, oblique poet-philosopher, and you’re getting close. ”

      I think this sums up Gord to Canadians. He will be missed

      • bupkus231

        What -more beloved than Gordon Lightfoot?

        Too soon?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Nope, Lightfoot is still alive and performing. I’m sure Canada will give him a proper send off when he passes, too.

          I like to think he’s the star The Barenaked Ladies had in mind when they wrote their sheer genius song Box Set.

        • ltmcdies

          Gordon’s more the previous generation

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “We all knew it was coming” is the new “he knew what he signed up for”.

  • Sheepshagger

    Perhaps she had pressing business at the All Russia Insurance Co. Building?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m going with 3-D Hologram. They’re getting really good, but don’t always project well if you’re close to them. Hence donald’s confusion…

  • mancityRed6

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/10/brew-pub-offers-free-beer-shred-richard
    “Brew Pub Offers Free Beer To Shred Richard Spencer Speech Tickets”
    tix to the Dick Spencer “I can too suck my own ego” are free, and two of them will get you a free beer.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    It appears Melania is in a real life episode of To Tell the Truth now.

    Will the real Melania Trump please stand up?

    • therblig

      her skin is stretched so tight, i doubt she can sit

  • Hemp Dogbane

    More accurately, Fake Melania is the real one and Fake Fake Melania is the fake one.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Crank Tango

      Hell yeah!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I hope the Dolt family sees the potential market here. The incels would be delighted with a Melanoma sex robot since they all seem to think she’s hot for some reason. They get sex with a robot and women get a break from their pathetic whining. DO IT DOLTUS! RELEASE THE ROBOTS!

    • RMKH

      Now, that’s some solid thinking.

    • Claire

      I genuinely wish all the incels would move to Japan where it’s apparently acceptable to marry your anime sex pillow. They’d be happy, American women who wouldn’t have to deal with their incessant whining and entitlement anymore would be happy, the world would be a better place.

      Except Japan. I’m sorry, Japan. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Two nuclear weapons AND incels. Nope. Can’t do that to Japan, much as I’d like to get rid of these idiots. China now…

  • Nounverb911

    In today’s episode of ‘Lil’ Donnie, donnie learns what sarcasm is.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e57422389741a63cfd43a2aba319f5d2e385102e670913467d9953644247bcc9.png

  • FZsdaughter

    ZOMG #FakeMelania. Now if only the impersonator could turn out to be a trans-man, Mike Pence would have a heart attack

    • C4TWOMAN

      But, technically, he’d be able to have dinner with her without waiting for “mother”.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      Trans-man? Don’t you mean transwoman?

      • FZsdaughter

        hmmm, maybe. Not too sure how that works yet. If the man is trans-ing, isn’t he becoming a woman?

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Female to male is a transman. Male to female is a transwoman.

  • Sheepshagger

    In all seriousness has she ever had to pass a security check? She’s got all the pedigree of an FSB plant, and if she weren’t married to Donald she probably wouldn’t be allowed near, much less in, the whitehouse.

    • TJ Barke

      Maybe that’s the real reason she stayed in New York for so long.

      • Sheepshagger

        I mean, without being paranoid, if you were say, a crypto guy at the NSA and you married someone with that backstory, they’d yank your clearance wouldn’t they? East bloc model/prostitute/whatever, family connections to the Communist party, hazy citizenship and history- not great.

        • Ling Ling

          Marrying a foreign national can be a problem. How big of a problem depends on where you work and the nation in question. Back in the old days, you would be inflating basketballs until the investigation passed and you could return to spinning dials. Now, I’m not so sure. But she has to be better at filling out her forms than Prince Jared.

    • Crank Tango

      She has the personality of a plant too, now that you mention it.

    • Ling Ling

      No. Senior elected officials have different adjucation rules. Almost none of these clowns could pass a BI and a poly, yet somehow they are in charge. Certainly Trumpolini would not pass a single scope lifestyle exam.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    In other news about fake people:

    https://walkerart.org/calendar/2017/risk

  • FelineMama

    I Believe. Where is The Melania trump? Inquiring Minds Need To Know!!

  • CatDog

    Melania is more real than real and more Melania than Melania. She is a metastatic melanimona proliferating across the overexposed flesh of the body politic. She is the perfect simulacrum of her own robotic lack of any evident selfhood. or something.

  • mardam422

    Are the fake Melania’s tits real, and the real Melania’s fake. Or….

  • Shaydee

    Now if you all don’t stop with all this wildly crazy speculation and rumors, Melanie might just come out swinging with super duper plans to combat cyber bullying… soon as someone tells her what it is and what it means in one of those 5 languages she speaks.

  • bbayliss
  • shastakoala
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      a tea party?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        donna rose’s idea…hopefully.

        • shastakoala

          Very much so and very cute. She was serving.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            whew, I was worried Dok had head-desked one too many times.

          • hudson

            i’m not ashamed to admit that i drink box-wine in correlle tea-cups. works perfectly fine.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Mad Hatter?

    • Boscoe

      But why doesn’t the hat say “INPEECH”?

    • Bad Scooter

      if Wonkette allowed comments, I’d give this one fivegazillion upvotes.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Of course. We’ve got a fake president. Why not a fake FL too?

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Claire

    I hear they both have side pieces. Good for her, sorry for the poor woman who’s his.

    I can’t judge Melania. For all the unpleasant life situations I’ve been in, I’ve never been in one so bad that marrying Donald Trump looked like the best option available. Also, I could put up with a lot of gross-husband shit for a limited time if it meant neither I nor my children would ever have to worry about money again; but I would be justifiably enraged if my contract got “re-negotiated” because the gross husband accidentally became president and all of a sudden I had to do First Lady shit I never signed up to do, in a country I didn’t really understand, for people who are the avowed enemies of immigrants like me.

    • bupkus231

      “…I’ve never been in one so bad that marrying Donald Trump looked like the best option available…”

      Aw, c’mon. Her only decision was whether to go for untold riches ( presuming she believed his bullshit ) or having to work for a living ( and considering her occupation of choice was one where one longevity is effectively limited ), you really think she “weighed” her “options”? She went for the money – and I doubt that the terms of her pre-nup are at all favorable to her….

      • nightmoth

        I’ve read that he also agreed to let her have the one kid, which she did, and no more. He’s not really crazy about children. And you’re right about the longevity—her modeling jobs were drying up and she hadn’t landed any movie roles.

      • Claire

        Yes, I think she weighed her options, that generally being a thing that humans do when they make life choices. Going for the money was an option. Staying in the unfathomably shitty Eastern European porn-and-prostitution world was also an option. I doubt she had many others. I’m not going to shame her for wanting something better for herself than she had, or for being willing to take on a limited-time exclusive contract in exchange for never having to strip for gross old dudes again.

  • Ann Funk

    Didn’t do something weird in Florida when he went down there and said something about how Melania couldn’t make but she was seemingly standing right next to him???

  • DerrickWildcat

    My facial recognition program doesn’t recognize her and it uses the NSA database.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/650f41c389695e8ff8b1c21d6206b7234dd839a8193fb9a0fc5f251b2224e4f7.jpg

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Every Irwin Allen 1960s tv show libel.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Yeah, my first thought was that looked like a computer console in the Jupiter 2.

    • anon_the_great

      I like how the 60’s shows labeled their props for our quick comprehension

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        In the old movie “The Angry Red Planet”, the spaceship had a big computer with a promenently-visible “Burroughs” emblem on it. On of the many LOL!s that movie inspired.

        You know, a spaceship with a punched-card driven computer.

        Okay, I laugh at the darnedest things.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Sorry about Mr. Lahey….

      • DerrickWildcat

        Awwww, I didn’t know that.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • Joe Beese
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I used to have like, 5000 of those.

      • Joe Beese

        The first computer I used recorded data with this.

        http://www.ewart.org.uk/it/hardware/storage/paper.jpg

        • DrBigHead

          I remember dropping the punch cards off at the computer center and waiting for the next day to receive the results. And then discovering that you had a card or two out of order.

        • OutOfOrbit

          that old player piano at g’ma’s was a pooter?!

          • Technically, yes – a mechanical sequencer turning data into sound, to be precise. Like Babbage’s Difference Engine.

        • Ling Ling

          My first computer only had 5 rows on the tape (TTY, not ASCII). I do not miss the noise.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I worked with minicomputers that used that shit for programs and run-time systems (aka operating systems).

          Speaking of Chad…

        • formerChild

          Apropos of nothing, I’ll just leave this here:

          “If all digital data were stored on punch cards, how big would Google’s data warehouse be?”

          https://what-if.xkcd.com/63/

        • calliecallie

          You computer people kill me. I took a computer class in college with the punchcards and whatnot, and I was bad at it. All my friends told me to drop the class, but I was stupid and stubborn also too. I flunked that punchcard computer class.

          I feel now like that should be expunged from my record because that technology is no longer relevant. It would help my GPA.

      • hudson

        i have not as many but sufficient enough. i also have a few zip drives. funny part is i don’t have hardware for any of these.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      I remember the massive 8-inch and 5.25 inch floppies.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I had a cute blond working at the front desk of the computer center where I worked back in the day. The only time I got her to giggle was when I asked if she thought a five-and-a-quarter hard was better than an eight-inch floppy.

        Luckily, she had a good sense of humor and it was in the old days where that wouldn’t have come back and bit me with HR.

        • Wilma

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !do406:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleDailyConsumerCrowdJournalsJobsReport1/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!do406lhh

      • Swampay

        I made it always a habit to use the word “diskette” instead of “disk” after the time I asked a colleague if he left his dick in the drive.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Meh. It’s a mechanical flash drive.

    • TootsStansbury

      I’m an old and remember the olden times. We had an “FU” clique at work where we constantly tried to outdo each other with the elegantly delivered “FU”. I spelled it out in flower petals on a guy’s desk, the sort of thing. Well, i never used to shut down my big, clunky desk top but I had to reboot it at some point. It wouldn’t start back up because something was in the disk drive. I punched the eject button and out popped a disk labeled “FU.exe”.

    • hudson

      lol

  • Ricky Gay

    She’s been faking it since their wedding night, fer chrissakes.

  • C4TWOMAN

    I BELIEVE.

  • Andrew Sayre

    A few thoughts:
    -Guess she finally got the pin number of him.
    – That Melania, such a good heart in that gal. She let the body double who’s on bedroom duty have a day out in the air.
    – I’m more interested in how she’s wearing sunglasses so large it prevents her from blinking S.O.S. to the reporters.
    – It’s Laura Benanti. Way to go blowing her cover, internet. She was this close to getting the tax returns.
    – I heard if you play Trump’s state of the union backward you can clearly hear Paul Ryan say ‘Melania escaped’.
    – That’s nothing. Barron’s now a brunette with curly hair.
    – I bet Trump hasn’t even noticed yet. Or if he has, he claims it was his idea.

    • OutOfOrbit

      it is on the internet that tRump broke her nose & both eyes are shiners

      • Shaydee

        Which internet?

        • OutOfOrbit

          you didnut miss it

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          The Potatoe Internet. It’s a series of tubers.

      • Andrew Sayre

        I’m not making a joke about that.

    • Panika MCD

      you have thought about this far too much. go to your bunk and don’t come out until you have repented and removed whatever pant-like articles are restricting your blood flow.

      • OutOfOrbit

        (that’s tellin’em)

    • laineypc

      – It’s Laura Benanti. Way to go blowing her cover, internet. She was this close to getting the tax returns.

      Damn! Damn damn damn it all to hell!

  • Joe Beese
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Whoever designed that top had a make it work moment that did not work.

      • Joe Beese

        Without spoiling it for people who aren’t current with this season, the plotline with the Buitendorp twins pays off exquisitely.

        • alpacapunchbowl
        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          That show is the only thing I miss from being uncabled. Have not found an alternative source for it.

          Though maybe some smart Wonker knows where to find it lurking in the entertaino-webs.

          • Joe Beese

            I’m sure the Pirate Bay has this season’s episodes. But know the risks.

            I got a copyright infringement nastygram for an old episode of Bar Rescue, of all things. Not a particularly valuable intellectual property, you’d think.

          • Joe Beese

            Hey, Spike TV… infringe this.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Hmmm. Am scared of Pirates, so I don’t know …

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        It is a fancy dickie. Hee hee, I got to say dickie.

        • Joe Beese

          It’s a Space Dickie.

          Unlike bras, there are dickies in space.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            But you can’t hear them scream.

          • TootsStansbury

            But that thing should be screaming.

  • Picabo

    Melania hired a body double.
    And then the murders began.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i gnuuuu’it!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Is this open thread? Well, if it’s not, this is OT. I don’t follow the fooobawwww so I never heard of this guy before, but I like the cut of his jib.
    Nice time!
    http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/21061905/philadelphia-eagles-defensive-end-chris-long-now-donating-entire-season-salary

  • msanthropesmr

    Soul removed?

    • Boscoe

      YOU CANNOT KILL THAT WHICH NEVER LIVED!!!!

  • Panika MCD

    more weird bullshit on our side:

    there are people on the Jackson, MS school renaming thread who think that the president will name the school after Andrew Jackson or something…which is just not how these things work.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      They think President of School Board or Trump will do the renaming?

      • Panika MCD

        Trump is who they think would do the renaming…

  • Bill D. Burger

    It’s very difficult to tell what’s fake and what’s real in a woman whose emotional range is the same as coal.

    And, well hell, even the real Melania is fake.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I was thinking the emotional range of a piece of luggage. Coal can at least get red hot and have smoke and stuff.

    • Roadstergal

      “even the real Melania is fake”

      Seriously. If there were a fake Melania, what would be the difference?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Who knows? Maybe there is a whole carton of Melanias available for use.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      As an old white man, my opinion is that you should not take an old white man’s opinion seriously. Unless they are on your carefully-curated “white list”.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      When Trump says he has proof, I immediately know he’s spewing even stinkier bullshit than usual. “Believe me”, also too.

      • weejee

        tRump doesn’t drink, so he never has proof.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Q.E.fuckin’.D.

    • Crank Tango

      Put up or shut up, asshole.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Sure Donnie has proof, It’s right there in his desk drawer, with the Kenyan birth certificate, his secret plan to defeat ISIS, his tax returns, his awesome health care plan that everyone is going to love, his letter from the boy scouts saying he gave the best speech ever in the history of the organization and the Comey tape…

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Well, then, Donnie needs a dog to eat the proof for him. I can’t think of a dog that I hate enough for the job, though.

      • laineypc

        and the real picture of the inauguration crowd

  • Bill D. Burger

    Mel will be back when the bruises go away and the swelling goes down.

    • DrBigHead

      I don’t want to think about that, even with her

      • laineypc

        It’s just the latest round of “work” she’s had done…

        • DrBigHead

          OK, now I understand. I’m a bit slow sometimes

  • nightmoth

    I love “real picture of Wonkette chatcave right now.” LOLOLOL

  • Gosala

    She knew what she signed up for, but I guess it still sucks.

    — the condolence call that will never happen

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Oh, I dunno. She signed up before Donnie decided to run for presnit and, to our dismay, gain the office.

      • Historicat

        My personal theory is that she encouraged him in the hopes that he would a) be out of her hair and b) would find the whole thing too strenuous and keel over.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Yeah. Sounds legit.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • jesterpunk

      That might actually get him more support.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Of course it would. It’s Alabamastan we are talking about here.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      This is my surprised face:

      /s

    • OrG

      Feature, not a bug.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Here I am quietly contemplating how the RW would react if Hillz had colluded with Russia. Aw, fuck, now I have a headache. Mustn’t contemplate these things. They are uncontemplatable.

      • OrG

        The same.

      • jesterpunk

        They tried to claim that Hillary worked with Russia to steal the election so Trump won.

    • Covfefe

      If Donald organized his campaign the way he organizes his real estate business, Donald prolly thinks Mueller is never going to get through that maze far enough to prove that Donald personally had his hands on anything.

    • Crank Tango

      I thought he’d beat the inevitability of death.

    • TJ Barke

      “I’m not your buddy, guy!”

      Sorry, couldn’t help it.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I don’t know of Gord or his band but much respect for a talented life lost too soon.

      • Joe Beese

        When Kurt Cobain died, I remember some curmudgeon grousing about reading front-page obituaries of someone he’d never heard of.

        Today I am that curmudgeon.

        • We’re posting tunes, check ’em out

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I cheated and googled Gord Downey. That way, I could be at least half-assed knowledgeable about my need to have grief about it.

          It distracts me from Donnie and his shit for a few minutes.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Here- you can learn something about Canadian music and the Toronto Maple Leafs at the same time:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-t8W4X8Obo

    • Kooolest G

      gord was also a huge part of the fight for canadian first nations people’s rights. (here in murka we call them injuns) so he and JT worked together on civil rights issues

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Too fucking young.

      AGAIN.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Ahead by a century

  • laineypc

    As I said on another thread, I think he was just trying to remind himself if she was there, as he had forgotten, momentarily. “..my wife Melania (thinks to self: wait, is she here, or no? Damn, can’t remember. Oh, yes, there she is) who is here today….” or alternatively, he said it because he is trying to remember if it’s the double or the actual today with him.

    • Cat Cafe

      I think he’s long gone into the mists of dementia and was thinking “now who is that person standing next to me? Do I know her? Wait, I have a wife, MELANIA! I remember her name! Isn’t she here? Well, if she’s not, I better lie and say she is so people will be impressed that I got a hot broad”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door on this note. Fight on, Wonkers!

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/920686439670734848

    • BreakingDeadMen

      At some point every performer just goes through the motions.

  • beingreleased

    The was this time he Trump said “Melania really wanted to be here,” and she was standing right next to him. Makes ya think.

  • msanthropesmr

    What does this have to do with the aliens?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Everything, sir!

      • msanthropesmr

        What is the black goo? What do the Russians have to do with it? Who is the syndicate?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Russian alien sturgeon eggs and the association that makes them?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    I think I can sniff out the real Melania.

    Let me rephrase that.

    • msanthropesmr

      Smells like expensive perfume and desperation

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        *snort*

        Wait.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Complicity

    • jesterpunk

      Look for the one that smells like plastic?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      please

      • Naw, we’re in Trumplandia now! Phrasing is so elite and coastal

    • msanthropesmr

      Are we still doing rephrasing?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Greed and Self-Loathing in the White House

    • Kooolest G

      if you smell her hands it smells like the caviar body lotion she slathers on barron every night

      • RobespierreHoo

        Or at least she tells you that’s what the smell is.

  • stumpknocker

    today i see this totally miserable pregnant mother of two crying over the body of her husband with her children, and last night i hear trump whining about how tough the deaths of the four Green Berets is on him. i would be giving up my humanity if i did not HATE, that useless waste of air donald the piece of shit trump.

    • C4TWOMAN

      This is where many leftists of the peace/love stereotype are wrong: nothing is wrong with anger, rage or hate.
      Those are emotions that inform you something is wrong and you need to DO something to fix it. They’re only a problem if you use them as an excuse to act irresponsibly.

  • Jennifer R
    • Doug Langley

      Unfortunately, the pix remind me of wallpaper paste, but it sounds delicious.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I have to say, the cheese ruins a perfectly lovely winter root soup.

        • Jennifer R

          You haven’t tasted that cheese.

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      I like what you did there!

    • Cat Cafe

      OH YUM!!! Please post your recipe!!!!!

      • Jennifer R

        Peel and dice the veggies, the carrots should be thinner as they are denser and cook slower.
        Pour in the stock and get simmering.
        wait 30 minutes.
        Make a roux (2 tablespoons of butter and flour browned) then pour in the cream, 1/2 cup of milk (not pictured because welp) and cook until thick then mix in the cheese until melted.
        Mix cheesy sauce into the veggies and stock and mix together over simmer hear.
        Eat.
        You can add salt and pepper to taste.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Mrs. Itt is going to love this. Thanks!

          PS, I might add some fresh rosemary.

          • Jennifer R

            Let the veggies simmer for 30 minutes BTW.

        • Cat Cafe

          Thank you!!

          • Jennifer R

            I edited in letting the veggies simmer for 30 minutes.

        • HazooToo

          On the menu for next week! This week is Taco Pizza and Sausage & Grits.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          You are a much better recipe writer than me. I usually just say “I dunno, throw a buncha stuff in a pot?”

    • janecita

      That’s my favorite Trader Joe’s cheese!

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah my roommate has a gift card and we got some nice cheese.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I see you’re getting back to the roots of cooking.

      • janecita

        ICWYDT:-)

      • Doug Langley

        It caused a real conundrum for Hamlet. Tuber or not tuber . . .

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No clams? I see no cans.

    • TimResistit

      That does look nummy.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The Roots of our MommyBlog…

      My chicken stock confession. When Mrs. Bz&Bz goes off on a trip, I’ll sometimes (usually) get a store-bought roasted chicken for easy eating for a few days. But all them bones, and maybe an onion, and a carrot, and maybe some kale stems I’ve been keeping in the freezer makes me 2 quarts of chicken stock, that I freeze. I only do it almost every time she goes off on a trip.

    • Itakecofefewithwackelpudding

      Brava!

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I wuz out of potatoes, Parsnips & carrots, so I uzed Kiwis, ginsing & celery.

      No cedar cheese, so I used Ranch Dressing.

      Best ting I ever eight!

      7/5 stars, wood maek agin!

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Her home country is Stepfordstan

  • msanthropesmr

    I had sable from Russ and Daughters today. With goat cream cheese.

    • Nounverb911

      Hmmmm! Good stuff, did you stop in at Katz’s while you were in the neighborhood?

  • Raan
  • Joe Beese

    Norton: (hands Ralph a giftwrapped box) Merry Christmas, Ralph.
    Kramden: Thank you, Norton. (opens box) Spats? What did you get me spats for?
    Norton: You know, you’re not the easiest person in the world to shop for. What do you get the man who has… (gestures at Ralph’s stomach) everything?
    Kramden: That’s all right. I know it came from your heart.
    Norton: No, it came from the Fat Man shop.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      And some people think good TV started with HBO.

  • janecita
  • Raan
    • Aggle Wok

      Niiiiiiiiiiiiice

  • CatDog

    Her eyes seem truly special to me. Windows to the absence of a soul. Like the slits in Iron Man’s Mask :
    https://cdn.instructables.com/FAZ/3TEG/HKVKP4KF/FAZ3TEGHKVKP4KF.MEDIUM.jpg

  • Raan
    • HazooToo

      DEFINITELY Joe Biden.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        When he’s not busy singing Hakuna Matata.
        Man, I love Joe.

    • Aggle Wok

      I’ve never seen the Lion King, but now this version is in my head and the original can never live up to this awesomeness.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Have you seen or read Hamlet? It’s kinda like Hamlet but with a (spoiler alert!) happy ending.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      and this is why I love the internet.

  • Doug Langley

    Today at work. Boss hardly spoke to me all day, and the one time she said anything, she was downright civil. So good day.

    Nine days to go. Nine . ..

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      you can do it!

    • grindstone

      Hang in there, brother.

  • Smibo

    I have solid proof that I just made up, that Melon was threatening to divorce the pussy-grabber for grabbing all the pussies, and take half his shit in the settlement. So now Kelly has her in an induced coma, in a room deep below the New Mexico desert. For “national security” reasons.

    The rest of the story is much like the movie “Dave”, but with the roles of the President and the First Lady reversed. Of course, DJT is totally ignorant of any of this (and couldn’t care less, really); as long as he has the arm-candy when he needs it, he never notices anything different about “Melania”, who is actually Deborah Smith from Cincinnati.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Makes sense — Yucca Mountain’s just sitting there empty.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Oh, is that what happened to Debbie? No wonder she spent all that time practicing a Slavic accent. I hope they’re at least paying her well.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Nope. That’s Melania she’s just wearing Groucho glasses and a nose hoping no one will notice her standing next to an idiot. However, he keeps fucking it up by saying her name.

    https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/funny-nose-glasses-disguise-front-view-groucho-marx-mustache-isolated-white-background-34641069.jpg

  • Joe Beese

    As part of my ongoing campaign to humiliate Apple for their form-over-function-to-the-point-of-inoperability Macbook Pro keyboards:

    https://twitter.com/songadaymann/status/920737521818046465

    • bluicebank

      Early Mac user approves. Because back in the day, the awesome was blinding. Now, not so much.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfqw8nhUwA

      • Doug Langley

        And just as I was getting used to my Lisa . . .

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Say what you will about the insidiousness and various other evils of advertising, it can occasionally be art.

    • Alan

      Pretty easy fix.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Functionality went all to shit once Jony Ive got the final say over hardware configuration.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Apple does not make computers. Apple makes cult paraphernalia.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    True stories from the files of “Consolation Donnie: Traveler in Time” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26cb141e66f2d948622da3ae8ce4cde8c61c1e633d74d6030cc8e2d585bda1df.jpg

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I totally bought the Hillary double too. You know they do this.

  • BJW

    Her glasses make her nose look weird. BUT…maybe it is the fake Melania. Melania has had work done under her eyes. The faker hasn’t so needs to wear those sunglasses!

  • True story time, though second hand from co worker lady.
    So co worker lady is A Asian (Vietnam to be exact). Her 4 year old is now in a private school and not flourishing because she is 4 (she is distracting! She does not listen! erm…do you giver her time out? Oh no, time out seems so mean. Yes. Gonna label the kid trouble without having to do anything…but I digress.)
    Anywho, the “good” colors are green followed by yellow. Co worker lady has worked out a sliding scale of “rewards” for good colors. extra half hour of tablet for yellow, extra half hour of tablet AND two extra stories at bed time for green. Dig.
    So, she went to pick her up yesterday, and she had yellow. They had to go to the store, but the 4 year old was grabbing everything and acting like…a 4 year old. Co worker lady goes “You keep this up and you are losing your yellow privilege!!!!” in a fit of pique.
    Lady near her whispers, loudly, to her hubby “Is that like white privilege?”

    Being me, it took me a moment to get it.
    And that has been fun in rural VA for this Wednesday.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Lady Near Her was on her game… Kinda… In a racisty way…

      • Kinda XD But you know she was likely earnestly wondering, just knowing this county

    • Carpe Vagenda

      My family, in full (and particularly the kid, who went to a magnet school for asian studies) are extremely amused.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Trix goes on a road trip and the chatcave is occupied by weirdos.

  • bluicebank

    Fight songs for the Left, imo, but also toe-tapping awesome:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wNSHPQj0W8

    • Ezio

      Bella Ciao is my favorite leftist song.

    • bluicebank
      • House0fTheBlueLights

        That there is a whole lotta rhythmically challenged white people.

        • bluicebank

          Pay no attention to them. The band, on the other hand …

        • *raises hand* Was playing some funk today, and it moves me. And co worker young laughed at me.
          I did not care. Who brought the funk? Yeah, I brought the funk

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            When it comes to rythm, I bring the flunk. But I still dance like nobody is pointing and laughing.

  • proudgrampa

    She Got a Nose Job…

    https://youtu.be/eCuiN2JnjpE

  • Looks like a dude in drag. And definitely agreeing too much with Donny Dinkydick there.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Can we maybe not go there with the “dude in drag” schtick? At best, it’s lazy “humor”.

  • BadKitty904

    I thought Melania IS a body-double.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Those glasses make me think this might be Melania’s punk phase.

    • She probably is listening to the Carpenters, then

      • BadKitty904

        Or the Red Army Chorus.

  • Ezio

    I assume this is open thread, so I just wanted to share that I picked up my new glasses. I used to wear glasses during elementary school but I stopped. But the optometrist recently told me I still need em.

    https://unsee.cc/ripasuno/

    • Aggle Wok

      I think I might finally be of an age where I need readers.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Oh Good. Overnight thread shall be “Let’s Slut-Shame that Slut”. Right after the reminder that the go-to insult for Michele Obama is “Tranny”.

    And Y’all always get mad when I say Global Thermonuclear War sounds like a good idea.

    GFY.

    • I do not see slut shaming, myself, but I could have missed it.
      Also, I do not get mad at you, I just disagree, since it would also kill the cats, and I like cats.

      • blaid droog

        I’m betting on the aquatic mammals taking over, since their only predators will be dead. Long live the whales.

    • bbayliss

      I feel sorry for her. I also think she made a bad decision, but god knows what her childhood was like.

      • I honestly figure her father sort of sold her into it. She was like the sole bread winner in her family when she was posing also :/ Still does not make up for all the tone deaf stupidity or the birther shit, but, I can’t bring myself to dislike her over much

    • Major_Major_Major

      P’m confused, what does the fact that Michelle (her beautifulness) driving a manual or automatic transmission have to do with whether Melania’s chaffer drives a the same/different? We have made SOME progress as a people. Still so much more to go Be strong Anna. You’re a badass.

    • blaid droog

      I’ve been advocating thermonuclear holocaust for 40 years. I think you’re just a jonny come lately.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Huh?

      ETA: Oh, I see it.

      • Took me a mulling over myself. I am very slow today

  • Raan
    • HazooToo

      Ok I am confused wat.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Yeah, I have no idea what is happening right now.

      • Raan

        A throwaway comment in the season 3 premier of Rick and Morty led to people calling on McDonald’s to bring back Szechuan sauce, a promotional sauce offered when the movie Mulan came out.

        • HazooToo

          Did they do the thing?

          • Raan

            The first time, they did it like the picture says. I think they’re bringing it back wider though.

  • Ricardo Santos

    The putting is in the hair! If the hair were black, it would compete with Vader’s helmet. Also, unless she had a bad side effect of botox injections, the lips are a dead give away. The lips are protruding.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    OT: Conversation between me and school social worker today.

    SW: “So I talked to your EA about what sexually explicit things she heard your student say?”

    Me: “Oh yeah? What did he say? Did he say that he couldn’t help being around beautiful women and that he just starts kissing them?”

  • jesterpunk
    • Joe Beese

      History’s greatest monster!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Bernie the canned clam.

        • Joe Beese

          The Hillary treachery isn’t even the half of it. Also responsible for the continuing unavailability of the McRib sandwich.

          And for this I can never forgive him.

    • BadKitty904

      More than just a “legacy”.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Now, now, the last thing we need is something to bring the bros in to ruin a non-comment thread.

  • Ezio
    • Raan

      What is the definition of “large” in this case?

    • yyyaz

      TBF, “B” can feed a family of four, it just doesn’t want to.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        B can easily feed a family of four if they are rich enough.

    • Sheepshagger

      Capitalism can feed a family of four into private prison with breathtaking efficiency.

  • BadKitty904
    • HazooToo

      “It ain’t gonna lick itself.”

      • BadKitty904

        Hmm. Where have I heard that line before…?

      • svejk

        from tweety! (see above.)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Heh. My #3 kittah invited himself in one morning to be my #3 kittah. Unfortunately, he had a broken hip which was fixed by surgery. They basically removed the broken part and scooped out the hip joint and stapled him up. I had to give him physical therapy for six weeks or so. Because of that he has quite a range of motion in that leg. He used to sleep with his hind leg over the top of his head. The vet was amazed enough to take a picture of him in that configuration.

      ETA: I’ll post a picture one day if I happen to catch him at it.

      • BadKitty904

        Limber lil’ rascals, ain’t they?

  • Isn’t it much more likely that her face has altered as more and more of her soul has been drained away?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Um — in the photos under that first video — the middle one — is her right eye black?

  • Picabo
  • HazooToo
    • Aggle Wok

      Tomi is such an unrepentant asshole. Can you imagine how awful it must have been in her sorority?

      • Persistent Demme

        Tomi’s goal in life: to “make fetch happen.”

        • tomamitai

          Did you mean “felch”?

          I’m afraid I’ve completely corrupted the morals of my spellchecker.

      • HazooToo

        I can’t imagine her IN a sorority. Like, maybe she did go to college, and maybe she did graduate, but with the shit coming out of her mouth, I can’t imagine her setting foot in school past 9th grade.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Tweety going out of his way to lick Trump’s ass over the botched phone call. As usual, he is failing miserably.

    • svejk

      no, tweety licks ass real good.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Remember that joke about Melania being an example of an immigrant doing a job that no American wants? Well, not even Melania wants that job, so they’re using a SPACE ALIEN as a body double!!1!!!!eleven!!!!!!drudgesiren!!!!!!!dancingbadgers!!!!!!!

    And now your obligatory WAKE UP, SHEEEPULLLZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Aggle Wok

    Those are seriously poorly designed sunglasses. Unless they came in a kit with a false beard, in that case, they’re perfect for making your nose look like someone elses.

  • Crank Tango

    What? Lots of people hold their shades on with a good thick bead of fixadent.

    • OutOfOrbit

      ouch

    • Aggle Wok

      I was thinking plumber’s putty, but yours is better.

      • OutOfOrbit

        silicone calk?

      • shastakoala

        I was thinking Breathe Rite Strips. But I thought you only wore them at night.

  • blaid droog

    I think melanomas melanoma is eating away her nose. Of course she could have had rhinoplasty done by Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon.

    • Aggle Wok

      Or Trump’s gastroenterologist

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    To me it speaks volumes about her feelings for her husband that every time you see Melania with him, she’s wearing big sunglasses, like she’s ashamed of something.

    • Joe Beese

      Not sure it’s that. Like most people of her stature, they help filter out the unpleasant sight of the little people.

      • OutOfOrbit

        do be a dear, dahling, and lower the shades

  • Joe Beese

    Linda Bloodworth-Thomason says she warned “three high-level Democratic operatives” not to do fundraisers with Harvey Weinstein.

    It’s a shame she didn’t tell her old friends Bill and Hillary. Might have been useful information to them.

  • jesterpunk

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/russia-gets-a-new-candidate-for-president-is-she-serious/2017/10/18/bfdb99f6-b41d-11e7-9b93-b97043e57a22_story.html?utm_term=.c8a4db33cf6a

    Ksenia Sobchak — the socialite, journalist, former opposition figure and daughter of Vladimir Putin’s political mentor — announced her candidacy for president Wednesday, courting a protest vote in a presidential bid that appeared to get official approval from the Kremlin.

    In a campaign statement in the Russian daily Vedomosti that barely mentioned Putin and focused instead on public dissatisfaction with Russian politics, she said that she was “outside of ideology” and not a fan of Russia’s annexation of Crimea (though she denied being against it).

    “I am ‘against all,’ ” she wrote, announcing her candidacy. “You are not for Sobchak, you are voting against all — against Yavlinsky, Zyuganov, and Putin.” The first two refer to opposition candidates Grigory Yavlinsky and Gennady Zyuganov. Putin, who has not announced his candidacy despite the elections being less than six months off, has been president or prime minister of Russia since 1999.

    Putin might have some competition in the next election.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Let me say in advance R.I.P. Ksenia Sobchak

      • jesterpunk

        Not sure, it does say her dad was Putin’s mentor so she might be smart enough to not eat or drink anything he was anywhere near.

        • TJ Barke

          Just cuz you’re wary doesn’t mean that you’re immune to murderers.

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        “Can you say ‘defenestration’? I knew you could.”

        • Crank Tango

          Yeah I’d be wary of anyone that needs help moving their jacuzzi out the window if I were her.

    • tomamitai

      Sobchak is Russian for “Jill Stein”.

      • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

        Or perhaps Jelania Steinslavskaya. Whaddaya think? Too cosmopolitan?

    • h4rr4r

      I hope she likes the taste of polonium.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      My guess is she’s Putin’s puppet.

  • proudgrampa
  • Jenny

    Yo I hear there’s a battle of wits tonight on CNN. Let’s watch the good senators battle for the title of the country’s most over righteously obnoxious lawmaker.

    Still just the runner up to President Dump. They’ll have to fight it out in the death match cage!

    • Zonath

      I dunno. I kinda think that for Don to be in the running for that title, he’d need to actually make a few laws first, an endeavor at which he’s pretty much categorically failed.

      I approve of the death match idea, though (with votes).

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    So, this is an actual thing that happened to me today. I am taking a course which I believed is named in the Course Catalog: “The Computer is Your Friend”. The instructor was, I believe, trying to teach us how to fit big things into a single cell in Excel and to demonstrate the concept types the wholly innocuous sentence, “I like cocker spaniels.” The problem is, he’s using an overhead projector connected to a live keyboard and you can’t type that sentence without typing the 1st 9 characters and the first two spaces first. The guys a hunter-pecker, so those first nine letters and the two spaces remain on screen for a second or two. Long enough for me to think, “Gee, dude is really going for it here. I laughed so hard I tears were streaming. I almost stroked out. I had to leave the room. I am SO immature …

    • OutOfOrbit

      pooter logick is weird

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And so is understanding computers…

    • alpacapunchbowl

      You know that thing where you and a friend are both laughing hysterically and trying to hold it in, and you’re *this* close to pulling it together but then you make eye contact and you bust out laughing even harder than before?
      It’s a good thing I’m not in that class with you, is what I’m saying.

      • TootsStansbury

        You mean like the guy in the row in front of you has really loud tummy growls?

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          Sorry about that. IBS plus a really big salad.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Oh yeah, for sure.
          Also too, when you and a friend are having an early drink at the music venue/bar near your apartment on what is usually jazz night, but a self-described “vocal artist” gets on stage with a trio that could probably bust out some good jazz, and the “artist” starts making noises like bird calls and that offensive “injun war cry” ululating thing.
          Or when you and your pals have nicknamed one of your professors Diamond Dave à la David Lee Roth of Van Halen, and while lecturing on a case involving a party named David Roth he starts making David Lee Roth/Diamond Dave jokes.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        A belly laugh is a precious thing….

        • alpacapunchbowl

          AMEN!
          Hurts like hell when it’s trying to escape through your nose though…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            And usually no-one nearby gets it…

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yes! Which makes it even funnier, but also makes it feel more imperative that you knock that shit off. Which in turn makes it even harder to stop.
            Ahhh. I’ve been lucky to share some truly joyous and satisfying inappropriate laughter with people.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Rude pundit knocks it out of the park again:

    “Every day is a new level of Hell as we sink into the seven-layer dip of cruelty, nonsense, and misery that spews out of Trump and his White House of Horrors. You know what the big news was this time 8 years ago? That the bank bailout was working so well that Wall Street executives were already being greedy fucks about their bonuses. That the deficit was going up. That President Obama and the Democrats were trying to get health care to millions of people. Spin that around in your head. No insults, no lies, no attacks by Obama against John McCain for losing the election. You forget what it was like to not have to add “What the fuck is our dumb motherfucker of a president saying today that might kill us all?” on top of the shitpile of dealing with your regular life. Like, goddamn, can’t we have one fucking day when Trump’s not ruining everything for us?”

    http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2017/10/what-did-that-dumb-orange-motherfucker.html

    • TootsStansbury

      *President Trampbannonmercer* “So what’s your point?”

      I hate these fuckers, I truely do.

      • redarmyzombie

        What’s the point?

        Hold on, lemme get my pencil. Say, do you wanna see a magic trick?

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      That really says it all. I’m still waiting for that glorious morning when I wake up, turn on the telly and hear the talking heads loudly proclaiming that, YES, he has finally been removed due to his inability to discharge his duties as commander in chief.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’m still holding out hope its fat, ugly andy kaufman.

        • Billy Wigglestaff

          Me too, me too! Only he would take this tasteless joke so far!

    • mrpuma2u

      Drain the swamp my ass. The swamp has been restocked with the biggest, nastiest, greediest gators and crocs that have ever existed. Hate all of the Drumpf gangster operation.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Nicely said.

  • therblig

    WATB gunhumper calling out republican “traitors” while gunsplaining rate of fire increase. these people are just plain mentally ill.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=244&v=sCLoIorYguU

    • proudgrampa

      Yup.

    • TJ Barke

      What they are is thoroughly brainwashed.

      • TootsStansbury

        It’s so awful. How do you go about deprogramming people involuntarily?

    • tehbaddr

      “Blow up their phone lines, their inboxes, and everything else”

      I’m sure this will end nicely.

    • Joe Beese

      Thanks to the IMDb, we know that special effects for “Fembots In Las Vegas” were done by Johnny Borgese.

    • tehbaddr

      Ms. Summers!

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Evidently the answer to my question: “How are you gonna convict my client of a crime when what he did isn’t against the law in Idaho?” is to propose that the judge replace the Idaho pattern jury instructions for the offense that doesn’t proscribe my client’s conduct with a California pattern instruction for a similar offense that does. Did they stop teaching law in law schools?

    • OutOfOrbit

      the answer to your question is 42.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      psst, you’re making gov’t lawyers look bad.

      ; p

      (but seriously? These people you go up against are fucking terrible – or hideously underfunded and overworked, but either way…)

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Most of them are pretty good. This woman is not. She has been out of law school for about 5 minutes and is outraged by my client’s conduct and simply will not listen to reason. She’s a city attorney who is costing the county a lot of money.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          was this just filed? Has the judge yet tossed her proposed jury charge in the trash?

          Looks like you’ll get another righteous win soon! Congrats.
          (also, pray tell, what is illegal in California and not Idaho? I’m just curious).

          • h4rr4r

            I just hope it involves potatoes.

          • sw19footrub

            97.3% of Idaho state statutes cover or relate to potatoes, so I think it’s safe to say it does.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            The trial is scheduled to start Monday morning. The judge won’t do anything with our instructions until then, and this will probably end with a Rule 29 motion.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah…obviously I don’t get into litigation much.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            In answer to your other question, this prosecutor wants to convict my client of misdemeanor sexual battery under California law because his actions would not constitute a felony in Idaho, and under the facts of the case, would not constitute misdemeanor battery in Idaho. It would be a hell of a stretch, even in California, because her argument is that my client and the alleged victim were dancing at a bar, my client touched the alleged victim’s butt, and the alleged victim was too drunk to consent. (And the boyfriend flipped out on her when he saw it.)

          • sw19footrub

            Title 55-2832: Reckless Endangerment. Transport with intent to psychologically impact a potato.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            “But your Honor. I didn’t mean to drop that potato!”

          • Billy Wigglestaff

            Was the potato hot?

          • Raan

            “Your honor, you cannot legislate behavior between a man and a consenting tuber!”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The law is not what you think it is.. if we change it…

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Wait, what? 0.o

  • Major_Major_Major

    Fuck it, more Days N Daze
    https://youtu.be/RuWkFTlsWvo

  • Picabo
  • paxpax

    Robyn – made me choke on my tea when you channeled Judy Tenuta – IT COULD HAPPEN!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump sends $25,000 check to fallen soldier’s family on same day as Washington Post report
    CNN
    By Dan Merica and Kaitlan Collins, CNN
    Updated 2251 GMT (0651 HKT) October 18, 2017

    Trump called Chris Baldridge in June, weeks after his son was killed. During the call, the Post reported, Trump offered him $25,000 to help.]

    Fast forward….1 month….2months…..3months…..4months go by…..and TOTALLY BY COINCIDENCE, the Washington Post posted a story about it TODAY, and after the White House found out about it, bingo bango, the check went out today! Amazing coincidence…totally!

    http://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/18/politics/donald-trump-personal-check-soldier/index.html

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Fucking slime. And I think it is frankly inappropriate for the Presnit fuckface to give money to a fallen soldier parent. I understand the shit from the story, but these seems as usual crude, stupid and unjustified as Trump shot off his fuckface mouth.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I hope they attempt to cash it post haste.

    • Bobathonic

      It was actually written for $17k.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Odds that it comes out of The Trump Organization?

    • Canis Greyhame

      Did he cut the check using other people’s money in the Trump Foundation coffers, like he always does when the press catches him being a deadbeat?

      • RobespierreHoo

        No, it’s from the Donald J. Trump Fight Childhood Cancer Memorial Golf Charity Fund.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Sorry about your dead son, here let me throw money at your face to make it all better. Oops, forgot to actually send the money. Too busy ensuring thousands of other sons will end up dying in needless wars around the globe in the fallout from me being a shitgibbon on the world stage.

  • Jenny

    Tiffany & Co. sunglasses given to her by her boyfriend, not the Dump!?!?!

    They might be an older model or a knock off passed on to Trump because they don’t deserve the real thing!

  • Me not sure

    The real, Melon has made a ha-lo parachute jump into PDRK on a mission to beat liddle’ rocket man’s brains out with her spiked flood heels.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    so all you people bashing on capitalism will be glad to know a court won’t enforce a contract for you to sell your children.

    Unless the libertarians get in charge of things…

    • OrG

      You can SELL children??
      Why wasn’t I told?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Had I known, I would have had some.

        • OrG

          IKR.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        uh…there may be some related statutes on that.
        ; )

      • Rasilom

        How much a pound are they going for?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        When my best friend gets the chance to go out and do grownup stuff she likes to tell people that she finally sold her kids to the circus.
        She also, early in her pregnancy with her first kid, referred to it as “the vomit-inducing amoeba”.
        I love that woman! We’ve been friends for almost 30 years for a reason.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Better to rent them out. Why settle for a revenue pool when you can have a revenue stream?

    • TootsStansbury

      Capialism is OK as long as the practitioners are kept in a burlap sack and beaten soundly with a hammer of regulations and a veto in the court of public opinion when they get out of line.

    • Raan
  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d6dcc4b14125c2e8f7c99ac5ffb326a2e30a000179ce6789fc501f1fe6937587.jpg I don’t think decency has ever been a priority for Herr Trumpenstain.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      coming from the daily fucking news….

      • bbayliss

        During “National Character Week”

        • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

          On “Take a Decent Person to Lunch Day,”

    • Bill D. Burger
  • jaspersdad

    It’s hard to pick just one Hip song. There are just so many. I may post a couple more.

    https://youtu.be/E_RSJ6xuHbE?list=RDSan1NQSS1Rw

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Donald Trump is a “Himalaya of the mind.”

    • Great choice. I posted Bobcaygeon down wards somewheres

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I just found out my Aunt and Uncle live near Bobcaygeon. That’s where I will be relocated during Trump’s leftist purge.

      • Keep your eyes peeled. The contellations reveal themselves one star at a time

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          Could’ve been the Willie Nelson, could’ve been the wine.

  • rubikcube

    It’s Hope Hicks or maybe Pence!! Look closely. It would be so delicious if Trump put Pencey up to that!!!
    Honestly has Alex Jones weighed in yet? Or is he looking to fry up that nose meat for breakfast?
    (*I apologize in advance for that imagery but delete I will not)

  • Carpe Vagenda

    jhfc

    Former Disney and DreamWorks Animation head Jeffrey Katzenberg has denied a crude statement about Molly Ringwald attributed to him in a 1995 MovieLine article that resurfaced this week – but nonetheless says he’s “deeply, deeply sorry.”

    “That Molly Ringwald had to read those words attributed to me and believe I
    said them is horrifying, mortifying and embarrassing to me,” Katzenberg said in a statement to TheWrap. “Anyone who knows me now or back then knows I do not use language like that as a matter of course, or tolerate it. Ms. Ringwald, 22 years too late, I am deeply, deeply sorry.”

    On Tuesday, the actress penned a column for The New Yorker titled “All The Other Harveys,” in which she joined the growing chorus of women in Hollywood speaking out against sexual harassment in the industry in light of sexual harassment allegations against Harvey Weinstein.

    Without mentioning him by name, Ringwald noted a MovieLine profile in which Katzenberg was quoted as dismissing the actress’ career after several years on hiatus: “I wouldn’t know [Molly Ringwald] if she sat on my face.”

    “Maybe he was misquoted,” she wrote. “If he ever sent a note of apology, it must have gotten lost in the mail.”</blockquote?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Is this my chance to reignite the “Breakfast Club” discussion from last night?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Do as you please. I still think that movie was not very good.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          We’re in agreement.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Hated it as a high schooler. Its nice we have something to agree on.

          • I didn’t hate it, but I much preferred some other fodder and I never understood the cult following to be honest.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            The message to girls, at least as I remember, was “be just like the popular girls, and don’t even think about marching to your own drumbeat”.

          • yeah that is why it was not my thing. Though Molly’s char was the popular girl and learned that other people also too have value I guess.
            My fav bit was when they made Allie pretty and the jock was all whoa
            And I am all…but she still scratches her dandruff into her capn crunch sammich, just sayin

        • Joe Beese

          I’ve heard that the young ‘uns still relate to it.

          Which would be odd. A bit like my generation relating to the Annette Funicello Beach Party movies.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            I totally relate to Lillian Gish’s teen angst in “Broken Blossoms”

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Buster Keaton’s desperation in “The General” speaks to me.

          • Auntie Mame is my spirit animal

          • WomanInThePersistence

            “Is everybody lit?”

            ETA – I think we have bonded before on our mutual love of that movie. Because it’s wonderful.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Heathers was more Gen X lol

          • Joe Beese

            Heathers was one of those movies that, as part of my age cohort, I really should have seen – but didn’t.

            Contemporaries still blink at me in uncomprehending disbelief when I tell them I never saw Risky Business.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I actually really liked “Heathers”, was meh about “Risky Business”, and have never seen “Footloose”.

          • You should try footloose. As a teen film it is whack, but as an adult, it is hilarious XD

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Maybe someday I’ll give it a try. Mind you, I like Kevin Bacon. But it just sounded so……stupid.

          • I too have never seen the Heathers, or the Risky Business.
            I never-the-less know them line for line.
            I blame Obama

        • puredog

          That depends entirely on what you mean by “very” and “good.”

    • TootsStansbury

      I really hope this ignites a discussion; Tramp and his goddamn Nazis aside. I’m cocky eyed hopeful that way.

    • Joe Beese

      All I can say is that when she sat on my face, my first reaction was, “Wow! It’s Molly Ringwald!”

  • jesterpunk
    • Pinkham’s Law

      Fuckface libulz!! Also too, Clownsticks!

    • Stulexington

      He hasn’t produced his birth certificate to prove otherwise, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Is this the open thread?

    I sure hope so. Here goes…

    Recently I have heard the term “crop dusting” used around our office. One of the youngsters told this old curmudgeon that it is a euphemism for someone passing gas while they walk down the aisle in cubeville. It seems some of the upper management think it is great to do this. I think the term “crop dusting” is hilarious in this context.

    What is that sound? Is someone begging for something? Who is that?

    Oh! It’s you donnie! Are you begging for this comedy gold to be used to gild your family? How happy I am to oblige!

    [Scene: The Oval Office. Donnie T., Jared Kushner and John Kelly are having a meeting. Enter Ivanka Trump-Kushner)

    Ivanka: Sorry to interrupt you guys but I just have to tell Jared something.
    (She walks over, leans over and whispers in Jared’s ear. Then she straightens up, turns around and walks back out)

    (All three men suddenly make faces of disgust)

    Donnie T: Did she just…?

    John Kelly: I’m afraid so sir.

    Jared: Sorry guys. She gets this way sometime. I think she learned it when she was going through her punk phase.

    Donnie T: She crop dusted me? ME!!??? She came in here just to crop dust us!? That’s all she really wanted? Just to do that? General Kelly!

    John Kelly: SIR!

    Donnie T: Inform the Secret Service that there has been an aerosol chemical attack in the Oval Office! I want the White House kitchen staff questioned as to what Ivanka has been eating lately. Then I want those menu items removed from the White House kitchen!

    [END]

    • WomanInThePersistence

      “Crop dusting” is a classic piece of restaurant slang.

      • Aggle Wok

        That’s where I picked it up!

      • Begin Anew Day

        With donnie in the White House I think we are all getting crop dusted all of the time.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I first learned the term crop dusting when I was working in a restaurant years ago. I cannot tell you how utterly delighted I am that it has entered the popular lexicon.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Damn. They cut the pie fight out of your script, too?

      • Begin Anew Day

        It’s in Act III.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The new Patton Oswalt stand up special is on NetFlix. Definitely worth watching. “It’s chaos. Be kind.”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Canadiawonkettes,
    Has this come up already, or has Ry Cooder been contacted about delivering Gord’s eulogy?

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Real or fake, she certainly is taking one for the team.

    One-and-a-half, if you measure from the base.

  • Picabo

    Today in history, 1957. Paul McCartney made his debut with The Quarrymen, later to be renamed the Beatles.

  • Nounverb911
    • Stulexington

      Why? Because ignoring you is the best distraction yet.

  • Nounverb911
    • notaten

      I feel like I could turn this into a great thrash metal song, if only I had some talent, or musical ability of any kind.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Huh. Does this seem like an odd URL?

    https:// wonkette dot com/624511/__trashed-5

    • Aggle Wok

      Ha. What happened to trashed 1 through 4?

      • sw19footrub

        We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you.

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      He wants to smack Trump’s cock across his face.

    • Joe Beese

      I refuse to believe that’s not satire.

      Don’t even try to convince me otherwise.

      • sw19footrub

        Use of black velvet in place of canvas indicates otherwise. :<

    • TootsStansbury

      That’s one goddamn good German, I mean Merkin.

    • redarmyzombie

      Somehow, his attempts at giving Trump the chiseled body look just make me want to puke even more…

    • BigCSouthside

      There is a 100% chance he has a naked trump drawing in his private collection

  • Jamoche

    Did I miss it, or has nobody posted this Melania Bot skit?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6NqscIsidQ

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So how is everybody today?

    • Joe Beese

      Finally got confirmation that I’ll have Thanksgiving and Christmas off, in exchange for volunteering to work New Year’s Day.

      Same as it’s been every year for the last decade. Just with 10 times the unnecessary drama.

    • Aggle Wok

      It’s a beautiful evening, especially if you’re not watching national news.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m not. I’m barely even skimming the non-Open Threads.

        • Aggle Wok

          I’m cooking dinner and watching silly sitcoms

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’ve been binging on capybara videos, and really cute feel-good movies.

          • Aggle Wok

            Oh that sounds lovely, any recommendations?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            “Paddington Bear”, “”Strictly Ballroom”, “Finding Nemo”, and now thanks to Jen, “Auntie Mame”(on the menu for tonight).

          • Aggle Wok

            Thanks! All of those fit the nicetimes requirement. I love Auntie Mame, gonna check for a streaming option

    • Catstro

      Pretty good, but also sad, because I just found out that John Dunsworth died earlier this week. With Frank Kelly’s passing last year (Father Jack), all my favorite tv drunks are dead.

    • Stulexington
      • WomanInThePersistence

        Oh, I’m so sorry. Just got home from work and I hadn’t heard. I know you are a huge fan. *hugs*

        • It’s ok. It was expected, but very unwelcome. I have loaded a full Hip playlist to my phone for the rest of the week

    • sw19footrub
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Just another day where I just want to throw up my hands and say “Not my monkeys, not my circus”.

    • redarmyzombie
      • WomanInThePersistence

        Oh dear.

    • Parakeetist

      Pretty terrible, and you?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m fine, thank you. And I’m sorry that you’re having an awful day. *hugs* Is there anything an anonymous collection of friendly, supportive people can do to help?

  • bubbuhh

    Teh article made meh nose twitch in a memory way
    Electronic nose gives robots the power to smell

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cf425e85c73b9be61daf2dd3fd2eeb35f02afd4ceef39811d3a99431685d256d.jpg
    http://factor-tech.com/robotics/6305-electronic-nose-gives-robots-the-power-to-smell/

    A postgraduate student has designed a device that gives robots the ability to smell. This technology could save lives by helping to locate the victims of natural disasters.

    To initiate her research, Blanca Lorena Villareal studied the olfactory systems of living organisms.

    So, Robot Melanoma’s nose haz to be bigger to fit in all the husband napalm sniffin stuff. Still, don’t know why Robot Melanoma needz teh incredibly tasteless high heels.

    • Covfefe

      Somebody some time ago, invented dogs. They can smell too. Maybe we could use dogs to locate the victims of natural disasters. Which do you suppose will come on line first?

  • Nounverb911
    • Aggle Wok

      I can’t wait to see Uranus!

      • I have been waiting for someone to ask to see mine for so, so long.

      • Ulricii

        My anus haint worth seening, Aggle. Oh! You mean NounVerb’s. Never mind.

        • Aggle Wok

          You coulda said taint. I can’t believe you didn’t say taint!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            cain’t…

    • Zonath

      What are those angry-looking red spots on the right side of Uranus?

      • They are the reason I have to carry this inflatable ring to sit on, of course.

      • Bobathonic

        That’s what I’m asking you, doc.

      • puredog

        That’s what she said.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Dang… We’ve got clouds tonight… At the moment… And a food cart on fire…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        What? Which food cart?

    • hudson
      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        *Obligatory gravity joke*
        Seriously though, that’s pretty enough to be a screensaver…even without flying toasters.

        • hudson

          ya it was very nice. i dropped the trash on the curb and just stood there for a while soaking it up. about 40 mins later the sky still had that blue. all in all it was a gorgeous day weather-wise here.

    • Bobathonic

      I was never *that* flexible.

  • Ulricii

    Nah. It’s Melania. She’s just wearing a pair of those Groucho glasses sans the eyebrows. Take a close look at the sunglasses pic. See the heavy line where the fake nose is attached? Told you so!

    • bbayliss

      I thought that was chewing gum.

    • hudson

      i think the silhouette of lips in the two pics are different. i mebbe wrong.

  • jaspersdad

    No dress rehearsal, this is our life

    https://youtu.be/QE2joQsWXJg?list=RDZuwobLCaoWE

    • All the rock concert upfists. I posted the final concert finale of that one earlier.

      https://youtu.be/d18UWu4dRv4

    • had my cry this morning when I turned on CBC1 on the XM…

      Saw them 20+ times. Trudeau handled it better than me.

      • jaspersdad

        They closed many shows with this one.

  • Picabo
    • Joe Beese
      • Beanz&Berryz

        Oh my…

        • Aggle Wok

          Girl next door gone sexy!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Kills me Every Time…

      • Begin Anew Day

        Nothing Wrong At All.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Married to Mark Harmon. He seems like a nice fellow.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I LOVED that show.. and those two…

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Everyone in my college dorm watched the show and wished we were going to school in Boulder, 500 miles to the west.

    • Williams once said the real star of Mork and Mindy was cocaine.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Deserving a re-mention of a video of Robin Williams recently posted here, of him doing a USO show in the Middle East, when Call to Colors and Retreat are bugled during his show…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      One day before me! (yes, i am an old.)

      • Spurning Beer

        Happy almost birthday, old timer.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Mine is tomorrow also too. Geezer I am.

    • Bobathonic

      When the pic opened, only Mork was visible (I’m on a thinksitssosmartphone). NOT what I expected.

    • Persistent Demme

      I STILL can’t watch him.
      Wonder if it will always be “too soon.”
      *sob*

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I want to hold him, and squeeze him, and kiss him, and pat him, and love him. I will call him…George!

    https://twitter.com/goldengateblond/status/920785613003087872

    • Beanz&Berryz

      He’ll still eat your face, in time…

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Killjoy

    • Aggle Wok

      Oh! I’m in love!

  • Begin Anew Day

    The body double theory explains certain things we have seen.

    Swatting donnie’s hands away? “NOT in the contract ASSHOLE! Keep those stubby, greasy fingers away form me! I’m only getting paid to provide VISUALS. Touching me costs EXTRA!”

    • Bobathonic

      That’s Melania, right?

      • Begin Anew Day

        No.

        Just another contractor trying to not get screwed over by donnie T.

        • Bobathonic

          Sounds like Melania. Who wants that oaf touching them?

          • Begin Anew Day

            On The Nose!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A positive story from the NFL: Philadelphia Eagles lineman Chris Long-son of Hall of Fame player Howie Long-is donating his entire year’s salary to a scholarship fund and equal educational opportunities for underprivileged kids. Long grew up in Charlottesville, and first felt compelled to act over his disgust at the white supremacist rally there. He has also been very vocal on behalf of his protesting black teammates.

    • yyyaz

      And my bias of liking Howie is confirmed.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Certainly speaks well of him for raising a son like that. It usually doesn’t just happen by chance. Look at the Trump spawn.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        A lot of those NFL guys are really very human, very caring people. My dad worked with the Chiefs for 20 years and most of what I saw as a kid in the locker room and field were like older brothers who just wanted to play a game and had respect for each other despite being on different teams or of different backgrounds.

        • Also too, despite how I do not like the feetballin, they work hard for their jobs in a career that does not last that long, has lifelong health ramifications, and most do not make miiillllions.
          The whole “You owe us because you play a game!” is akin to a modern slavery mentality to me. No, they are doing a job. If you could do that job, you would be doing that job. I don’t own a lineman any more than I own a feetballer.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hall of Fame quarterback Steve Young, a very smart and humane guy, says that professional sports, esp. the NFL, is the truest example of Darwinian meritocracy. There is no sentiment…either you produce or you get cut.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Hey, it’s the same now in the teaching profession.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            With a SLIGHT difference in pay scale.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      An amazingly generous, good-hearted man…

    • puredog

      That boy was brung up rite.

  • Michael R
  • Crank Tango
  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s probably for the best.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I’ve started early tonight. Perhaps I’ll be able to get through the whole bottle.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      #lifegoals
      Shit goes flat, yo

      • DrBigHead

        Not scotch

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Jim Beam Black bourbon. I only use scotch to treat athlete’s foot.

          • DrBigHead

            You must have only tried an Islay

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I’ve tried a variety of scotches, one of my brothers is a devotee. Just can’t abide the stuff.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            ARE YOU MAD!?!?!?

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            You like drinking Listerine?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Better than the sugary booze-water that is bourbon.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I forgive you for saying that, because in virtually every other way you are awesome, and no one is perfect.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m mostly a wine drinker, but I am quite fond of Oban single-malt. If I want something mellower, I’ll go for a Glenkinchie. And you are so kind to overlook my quirks.

            Fwiw, you are also a wonderful person in every other way I have seen here.

    • Holly

      I’ll see your bottle and raise you two bottles of wine.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I like wine, but not for serious drinking. It gives me a terrible hangover.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Sorry about Gord, everybody. Good singer, good artist.

    • gallbladder

      Canada will be closed until next week. Today, Parliament stood in silence for a minute. You could literally hear a pin drop.

      • I watched it. It was impressive, and so were all the speeches from both sides of the aisle. The Ontatio House held for silence as well.

        • gallbladder

          If my city (Calgary) has any shred of decency, they will light the torch on the tower tonight.

  • William
  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Holly

    This will be the last time I address this stupid, hateful fuck and his treatment of our fallen and their families. EAT SHIT YOU FUCKING FUCK. My heart is broken and my anger has been eating me alive. My entire military career was given to getting our wounded to medical treatment and safety. I saw fine men and women die and I saw the devastated families of these soldiers. So when he says to a grieving widow “he knew what he was getting into”? He is evil and I hate this man with every fiber of my being. Thank you for putting up with my outbursts.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thank you for your service, sacrifices, and honesty.

      • Holly

        Please know your kind words are very much appreciated. Thank you.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The very least I could say. Thanks.

    • DrBigHead

      I honestly cannot see how any military person can support him.

      • RobespierreHoo

        You have to understand the military dynamic. Most of the enlisted personnel are of working class/lower middle class origins( not all, I said MOST) and see the military as a good life, with opportunities they lacked, felt they lacked, or slacked, in civilian life. Most carry the worldview of their background, sharpened by the inherent conservatism, hierarchy,and discipline of military life at any rank.
        The officer class is mostly very conservative, middle class or offspring of the officer class, skewed heavily Southern and Midwestern, ROTC, land grant schools, a minority from the service academies (until very recently narrow gauge engineering schools with an overlay of kick ass military discipline) and have their worldview sharpened by inherent conservatism, hierarchy, and love of military life in the officer ranks.RHIP.
        There are multiple reasons that one person finds teaching attractive and another is drawn to a heavily regimented, disciplined, dangerous, and frequently violent calling where ,when the slick veneer of the “be all you can be” ads is removed, has death and destruction as job requirements.

        • Holly

          I’d like to agree but I choose to eschew verbosity as a matter of course. But I will say I’m more than a little offended,.

          • RobespierreHoo

            Actually, for the complex subject matter, thought it was pretty concise. Anything factually inaccurate, or are you merely “a little offended”.

          • Holly

            Actually I find your cavalier attitude more than offensive. Additionally, the sweeping generalizations are indicative of someone that’s never had meaningful contact with the military or it’s service members. I would also venture a guess that you’ve never experienced the loss of a loved one. Please keep the clever psychobabble to yourself. Thank you.

      • Holly

        I know exactly what you mean. I see it everyday and there’s no reasonable explanation. There are some that think generalizations wrapped in academic nonsense will make sense of what will never make any sense.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      No apology necessary. I think you demonstrated great self-restraint.

      • Holly

        Thanks Bub. The restraint you so graciously afforded me is really all Paul’s doing. He’s been keeping me off the proverbial ledge lately. I’d also like to say that all you wondrous Wonks are helping my mental state enormously.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You have every right to be furious. He’s a ghastly excuse for a human being, who has earned loathing from all decent people.

      • Holly

        Just when I think he can’t sink any lower…..WHAM! He hits us with more proof he’s the worst or the worst. Thanks for always being here for me. You’re the best.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          No. You are the best. I’m not joking.

          • Holly

            If I could I’d hug the stuffin’ right out of you and kiss your lovely nose.

          • Paul

            She is. I’m very fortunate.

    • Parakeetist

      Salut

    • redarmyzombie

      Yes, but tell us how you *really feel. Don’t hold back now…

      • Holly

        Don’t get me started again….I’ll be here all night.

    • Persistent Demme

      You are not alone.

      (My background is nothing like yours, but I grew up on military bases, and cannot believe this shit, or that he has supporters on bases.)

      • Holly

        We need to keep close and keep each other on an even keel and that’s exactly what I find here with all you Wonks. I do so love you guys.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      You are eloquent and I have no worthy response. I am in tears over the lives we have squandered and troubled for our ignorance and greed. I’m so sorry about what we’ve allowed to happen.

      • Holly

        Thank you for the kind words. We’re all in this nightmare together and that helps me sleep at night. Light and love to you.

    • Bad Scooter

      preach.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Watched some clips from Nicole Wallace’s show. Yeah, Republican, but her hatred of Trump is incandescent, and she was on fire today. Highlights included her accusing him of tweeting on a Ambien hangover, a Medal of Honor recipient saying that if you think Trump has hit his moral nadir, think again, and a WaPo reporter who is looking into Trump’s claim that he calls all the widows and finding it is a big, fat fucking lie.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    huh, Trump even admits he shouldn’t have won the election?

    “”This was an excuse that was used by the Democrats. An excuse for losing an election that frankly they should have won, because winning the Electoral College is so easy for Democrats,””

    • Jamoche

      I think this is part of his whole “I won so bigly, nobody else ever won like I did” schtick. Sort of “if it had been any other R but me, the Ds would’ve won”.

    • BigCSouthside

      God, if we didn’t have the EC giving republicans in states no one lives more vote power, the GOP would go extinct

    • TJ Barke

      Yet again, he does not understand what he’s talking about.

      • hudson

        i’m desperate to know one area of human enterprise of which he knows anything about, other than grifting.

        • TJ Barke

          There’s none.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, he cheats at golf. That could imply he knows the rules.

          • jesterpunk

            He owns the clubs, if they dont like him cheating he will cancel their membership and keep the money.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          He’s not even particularly good at that. He just has intimidating lawyers and opponents with no power.

    • Doug Langley

      “I should not have won, I won, therefore . . . there was no rigging??”

      • thewalkindude

        “If she weighs the same as a duck….?”
        “She’s made of wood!”
        “And therefore…?”

    • Doug Langley

      So how goes school?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        decent! thanks for asking…super awesome boss at not yet a job let me go home early today to study for test tomorrow.

        I also have tomorrow off so I can take test AND go to a legal event (for which I get extra credit, which is the ONLY damn reason I’m going).

        I saw you only got 9 days left. Fucking ANYTHING from the recruiters?

        (Mine sent me an email telling me they’re still looking, bitchez, I interviewed like 3 months ago).

        • Doug Langley

          Zilch. But I checked and it looks like I’ll qualify for unemployment. If so, that can tide me over until something strikes. Very possible I can go back to community college and teach. I surrender, they win.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            adjunct, I’m assuming? if it makes you feel any better, I love and respect my comm college profs. They make the whole program worth while; if any one of them went (with the exception of hte dept head), it’d suck ass.

            Chin up, keep looking.

          • Doug Langley

            Yes, adjunct. I appreciate your comments about comm college profs. No research, no papers, all we’re supposed to do is teach. And we want to. Occasionally I’ve had a student tell me “I’ve learned a lot in your class” or “You inspired me” or “Your help made the difference between a C and an A”.

  • ariel_gee_398
    • Crank Tango

      French ancestry?

      • hudson

        i was about to say of anglo-saxxon extraction.

    • They all looked nice in hats?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I guess someone doesn’t really follow the news.

    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/920599325356552192

    • Crank Tango

      Please, ask them.

      • Jamoche

        While she’s at it, she can ask the Germans
        https://twitter.com/HerthaBSC_EN/status/919194863438098438

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Thank you, not murrikkka, for being sentient enough to get it and courageous enough to stand against the worst of us. I am honestly grateful. Now, if only the UN would step in and oversee our 2018 elections.

    • TJ Barke

      She’s really got her finger on the pulse of current American events.

    • Shanzgood

      Pay attention you vapid cow!

      • TJ Barke

        Cow libel!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      There’s only been about 30 of them very articulately, passionately, and publicly answering that question for the last few weeks.

      • Holly

        but she was told there would be no math!

    • gallbladder

      Weapons-grade impotent perox rage personified. Festering Nazi pop-tart…go fuck yourself.

      • TJ Barke

        With a little refinement that could be a haiku.

        • gallbladder

          I’ll work on it.

          • Tarni Haiku? That could be fun!
            Token for the right
            The moment you lose your looks
            Your career will end

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Wait twenty years. Then you will see her weapons-grade impotent botox rage. That is, if you really wanted to.

        • I give it ten. That seems to be the shelf life of the Honey Tokens

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Imagine her when she gets to KaC’s age. On the other hand, please don’t.

          • I wanna know why women can no longer age. Rolly polly grandmas are awesome! So are vivacious ones! What is with this
            “you have to look 30 forever or never be thought of again” shit?
            Nothin agin surgery if that is your thing, whatever gets you through the night, but the repeated cases seem…horrifying in result.

    • Me The People

      “I’ve looked everwhere inside the wingnut media shit bubble I inhabit and I’m not getting any answers”

    • Doug Langley

      “What exactly are you kneeling for?”
      “We’re protesting the country’s treatment of blacks.”
      “Sorry, you lost me.”

    • We are missing a golden opportunity.
      Everyone should be tweeting Tammy right now about why, exactly, they are protesting. With names, pictures, stories. She needs to be FLOODED with the reason why.

    • redarmyzombie

      To paraphrase David Tennant and the people of Scotland, “They’re protesting against systemic violence and racism, you weapons-grade plum.”

    • Holly

      It’s too hard! And that’s probably what she always says.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        She wouldn’t know hard if she got poked in the eye with one.

        • Holly

          LOLOLOL

    • jesterpunk

      Is she still on her parents insurance?

    • Doug Langley
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Stoopit twunt.

  • Me The People

    These people who don’t get that you can look different in different photographs
    1) Are dumb as a rock
    2) Never owned a passport.

  • Picabo

    Urban legend has Marine Jahan as a body double for Jennifer Beals in the dance scenes in “Flashdance.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac9524416b674154a0e8f98dc3f6fd81e29be9c29fa497c2968d2d9743c66e6c.jpg

  • Red Bird

    Well you never see Ivanka and Melania in the same room at the same time, do you?

  • Red Bird

    Are not doing open threads any more?

    • Think this is the open thread?

      • DrBigHead

        Looks like is is de facto. The open thread has been the last post of the day. I keep checking other news outlets expecting some major breaking story that has all the Wonkette writers tied up.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      We have seized the means of open thread production.

      • jesterpunk

        Vive la révolution

      • Are we an autonomous collective now?

        • redarmyzombie

          You know how it is, supreme executive power, yada yada…

  • Deep musical thoughts:
    https://youtu.be/ieQH6X_XBJo

    • gallbladder

      I always loved “Nautical Disaster” from that album.

      • Another quality album. 89-99 was a magic period for them

        • gallbladder

          Saw them for the first time in 1987 in a student bar at the University of Manitoba. Never imagined then what they would eventually become.

          • I managed to score tickets to a mini 6 city tour they did when Phantom Power came out. They announced the city and venue to morning of the concert, and you had to haul ass to get in line with cash. (I was 6 in 87, so…..Phantom Power was the first time i was old enough to go and i still took my mom)

      • Crank Tango

        Yeah that one’s my all-time fave, if I had to pick.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i say this every test, so for consistency:
    “I am never going to remember all this.”

    (Sorry, I wanted to contribute something to the thread.)

    • jesterpunk

      You don’t have to, there are 2 important things for every job. Knowing how to find the information you need and knowing who to ask for help when you cant find what you need.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR? Especially in this field.

        I’m just goddamn obsessed with A’s.

        • Why? I am given to understand they are a shite sportsball team

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            rofl…stupid apostrophes!

        • jesterpunk

          I work in IT enterprise support and that applies to my job too. It seems to work for everything as long as you are not conceited enough to think you know everything.

          As for the grades just do the best you can in classes, from what you said about your internship you do know this stuff and how to find info.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks buddy.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          In university I was worse. I had to look at the post-test grading sheet to see if I made the highest A or not. I would get pissed when somebody got a better A than I did. I know it had no bearing on GPA but I could not help myself.

          I had to do counseling when I got my first B.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oooh – i haven’t even thought of whether I got the highest grades or not. (ours don’t get posted like that).

            But yeah, I’d sure be interested in it.

          • Doug Langley

            Technically, posting grades violates Federal law. It was carefully explained to me as an instructor that grades are between me, the student, the school, and nobody else.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, I mean if its identifiable right?
            (My gov’t teacher put our grades up, but by student ID…(i had straight 100’s in that class.)

          • Doug Langley

            Weird. Every school I’ve seen notifies students of their grades through the LMS, so only the student can see his grades.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            we get our final grades through the online system (I post a screen cap for y’all each semester), but they usually want to keep you apprised of where you are. Another prof called us up to the front one by one to tell us where we were.

          • Doug Langley

            Huh. We submit all grades through LMS and it’s up to the student to check. The only time I go proactive is if a student is having real problems, I go through the LMS to notify a department and they check with the student to see what’s up. Of course, if the student comes to me and wants help, I’m on it.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            That’s how it was for me. Student IDs.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thankfully they stopped using SSN for ids back in the late 90s when I did college the first time around. (Although I had to get a new damn ID).

          • cmd resistor

            People in my with too much time their hands figured ways to tell grades on posted lists with anonymous code id numbers.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh jesus, don’t do that to yourself, Tex.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, so the one super duper annoying student in my program, the one i’ve bitched about here, ALWAYS finishes her test first. I’m not stupid enough to do that – cause you know law classes are almost entirely test based – but last semester I swore, just once, I was going to finish before her.

            Did it and aced the test.

            (Yes, I’m petty – but we all HATE her).

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Congrats!
            Nothin’ wrong with a little bit a’ petty.
            I was always the kid who everybody hated because I finished the test first and got the best grade. But when I got to law school? I took every fucking second they gave us.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            IKR? I like to think I’m pretty smart and stuff, but I’m often one of the last 5 students to finish.

            Maybe there’s a correlation?
            ; D

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Who, you? Overthink things and second guess yourself?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            fucking essay questions dude! (And yes, I check my multiple choice answers after I’ve carefully answered them).

            The worst was a torts test. I dunno if they do this in actual law schools, but our proofs give an essay question with plenty of material. Frankly, you can go either way on the question, as long as you build a cogent argument.

            Halfway through, I decided I wanted to reverse my position. Again, a cogent argument would have been fine – but I thought going the other way would have been easier. Had to fucking rewrite a whole new essay question and then fucking ATTACH IT to the multiple choice answers from the first attempt.

            It was a goddamn mess. As far as I know, the only B i’ve gotten on a test was in fucking torts.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh yeah, that’s *exactly* what they do. All classes. If they really want to fuck with you they’ll do something like give you a hypothetical that as you read it you realize it’s the Bill Murray plot of Caddyshack (yes, this happened to me).
            And I’ve done the same thing halfway through, completely changed my mind. And then I waste precious time trying to figure out how to edit what’s already there (handwritten in the only bluebook you’re allowed) to prove that you’re not actually a fucking idiot. And then I realize that I’ve been completely wasting precious time as I decide that I had it right in the first place.
            Good. Times.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ayup…glad to hear it was a moderate introduction to law school.

            And yeah, handwritten in bluebook fucking sucks. I do EVERYTHING on computer, I’m used to being able to edit and delete and move things around. (Although I’ve learned some tricks).

            I love teh caddyshack bit. My real property prof (hwo I have for two other classes this semester) did a whole test on simpsons references.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            p.s. One of my criminal law essay questions was goddamn insane. Guy gets hired to murder someone, goes to a convenience store to buy alcohol for liquid confidence, a woman sees his gun and runs into the street where she’s hit by a car. The hitman steals the booze, and gets drunk, hits somebody while driving drunk, then gets to the house and finds the husband with his lover and accidentally shots the wrong person. What could he be charged with?

            Our search and seizure question was equally insane. Guy gets pulled over, takes off, runs through two houses, escaping out the window of the first while dropping something, and gets found in a bedroom.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Haha, that first one really does get ridiculous, holy hell.
            We had one with a guy in his work van yadda yadda yadda. 98% of the time you’re going to have at least the implication of felony murder and have to waste time parsing out the nuances of that obvious distraction.
            Uggghhh. I do not miss that shit.
            Lord St. David Bowie, please bring peace and calm to my mind in the midst of this law school flashback. Thank you and ah-men. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a7b98e2a47774c2539b7cf7c35f0588a92e3433a6b5ad7affa80be84e67c43a.jpg

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, hey you graduated and passed the bar. Be proud!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            That is true and I need to remind myself once in awhile. My (interestingly, mostly female) relatives to this day will tell *everyone* we encounter, restaurant, grocery checkout, bar, you name it, that I am a lawyer.
            It is indeed a big fuckin’ deal. And much bigger than me.

        • cmd resistor

          In law school grades in the high 80’s were great. I think an 87 average was Magna cum laude.

    • Obligatory: YOU CAN DO EEET, TEX. Like you did all those others.
      You got this!
      Also, a chick pea is neither a chick nor a pea

      • alpacapunchbowl

        But it is a garbanzo.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      You will do fine.

    • Holly

      You’re going to ace it and make this here Wonk family SO PROUD! You know I’m already totally on your team. Make sure you eat a good breakfast…I’m sending all the love.

      • Also wear clean underwear

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          doing laundry now! (PROfessional event in the A.M.)

          • See? Clean underwear good.
            Not that I would know. FREEEEDDDOMMMMMMM

          • Doug Langley

            Hmph. Perry Mason made Della do all his laundry.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            speaking of which – did you know the whole climax of the movie Liar Liar was a (semi) valid contracts case?

            Jim Carrey’s character was right that juveniles can’t enter into contracts, like the pre-nup in the movie. However, getting out of the contract when one is in their 40’s is apparently almost impossible.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, thanks Holly!
        Its different now that I’m interning all the time.

        But listen, after this, only 4 more law tests left – beginning in december, you won’t have to hear me bitch (except about my last two core classes, ugh).

        • Holly

          You’re going to be great and FYI! Our Paul is an attorney and if he can do it…..just sayin’

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, I’m just a lowly paralegal. Down here in hte mines, toiling away.

            ; )

      • cmd resistor

        Good night’s sleep and good breakfast are the key.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You’re going to do very well. Because you’re smart and hard-working.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks friend!
        : D

  • hudson

    happy diwali folks. may you all progress and find happiness in the year to come.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5e/Deepawali-festival.jpg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Thank you!

  • bluicebank

    I finally found out the actual connection between the Trump Administration/GOP to “Game of Thrones,” and it has nothing to do with politics.

    Everyone on GoT is an idiot, except for maybe the blacksmiths and Tyrion Lannister (who at best is trying to herd cats). Tactically and strategically, speaking, they are all idiots. Rant ensues. Apply this to TrumpCo: idiots to a man and woman.

    1. White Walkers: Idiots. You can get the incestuous Craster to give up his first-born sons in exchange for protection, but it didn’t occur that you could get him to build some ships for your army that can’t get past two feet of water?
    1a: Dead army: Idiots, clearly, but with simple-but-effective computer programming, a-la thermal/scent recognition. Easily defeated by decapitation, fire, water, or dismemberment. Hint: machinery is your friend against overwhelming numbers of the undead.

    2. Children of the corn/forest. Idiots. Caused the whole problem in the first place and didn’t come up with a solution to the Ebola. All now dead, because of course.

    3. The Night Watch. Idiots. Say what you will about the Ice Wall, but defense is not a strategy. Once they learned what the White Walkers & Army of Morons were afoot, all they had to do was to extend the perimeter with IEDs, aka land mines. Hell, you don’t even have to embed the things with shards of obsidian to tear down a rotting corpse. Don’t tell me that Westeros didn’t have the tech to build an IED, since we already know they had flint, gunpowder, and ceramic. Pressure switches are easy.

    4. The North. Salt of the earth. Basically hillbillies without hillbilly skills. Idiots. If you can ferment alcohol, you can make a weapon, but I guess the Iron Age dies hard in this kiln-fired culture.

    5. Dragons and their mother. Idiots. Or rather, bi-polar. They take “shit or get off the pot” as an either-or tactic, as in they are either taking up time on the toilet or destroying the outhouse.

    6. The Lannisters. Idiots. They’re motto should be “please do part a fool and his money,” or, “we have met the enemy and it is us.”

    7. Bank of Westeros. See Wall Street. Penny wise and pound foolish. Idiots.

    8. Followers of the God of Light. Their motto should be, “It’s one, two, three, what the hell are we fighting for? I don’t give a damn, because it’s Westeros.” (they can’t rhyme)

    Key difference between TrumpCo and Westeros, to paraphrase from the Big Lebowski:

    Say what you will about the tenets of Westeros, but at least it’s an ethos.

    • yyyaz

      Reasons Nos. 5689-5697 why I have not and will not watch GoT. Gotta go or I’ll be late for the early-bird menu at Golden Corral.

    • redarmyzombie

      “Penny wise and pound foolish”

      Yeah, but do they float?

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      Sansa and Arya. Definitely NOT idiots. The series will end with Sansa on the iron throne.

      • Edith Prickly

        Ned, Catelyn and Robb – idiots.

        • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

          I know! Let’s go to a wedding at Walder Frey’s! AKA Catelynn makes a promise her son’s butt can’t keep.(granted, stupid promise to begin with)

      • bluicebank

        Arya, to be sure. But in the context of her Shibumi sense of an assassin. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shibumi_(novel)

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Holy fuck. Did you write this incredible, hilarious screed? Amazing.
      May I share with my roommate, who is a GOT superduperuberfan?

      • bluicebank

        Why not? I can imagine the writers are hard at work, anyway. Still, it’s a fantasy novel, not true sci-fi. It’s always possible that the White Walkers would laugh their heads off at Iron-Age IEDs and turn me into a shambling corpse just because they can.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Ok, so, that’s the thing. I always loved zombie movies and all the thought-provoking commentary good filmmakers could invoke with the genre.
          But a few years ago it occurred to me. Once I’m a zombie, what the fuck do I care? It’s absolutely awful for any of my loved ones who might still be alive, but if I’m a zombie, other than my insatiable craving for brains/flesh/what have you, I don’t feel anything.

          • bluicebank

            Well, sure. If you’re a zombie, you are no longer you. All that is left is the skeleton and connective tissues. FYI the zombie genre is basically a way of de-humanizing the opponent, the go-to propaganda tack, in the early stages was the commies.

            But to your point, if you’re a zombie/wight or whatever, you don’t actually exist except as a drone. So for me to kill you (technically not, since you’re already dead and all I face is an animated corpse, fearsome as it may be), I have no moral problem. “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” blurs the lines, but only slightly.

            But back to the White Walkers. They appear to be a disease vector, virulently so. You may be one of their soldiers, but you wouldn’t know it, being as you are no longer pining for the fjords. You are a dead parrot. The White Walkers, though they appear mechanical, have a simple plan. But that plan is untenable, since it requires live humans to continues its army’s existence.

            Thus, the White Walkers are idiots. They are playing the short game. Much like us.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Mind blown, dude.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Fern growing from Hawai’i Volcanoes “Devastated Area”, snow covered Mauna Loa in the background. February 2013.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4b6c6d81f5e3118e251e0cd88ea6630f18712628fe78ea8dcb6211d6e245aee5.jpg

  • Christopher Story

    Thank you for the Lone Gunman reference. Byers, Langley and Frohike were awesome. I loved those guys as a kid.
    “Byers is trying to drown himself in the ice bucket…”
    “Byers, stop trying to drown yourself.”

  • Christopher Story
    • He’s too cute to be a Slytherin!

      • Christopher Story

        That’s how he gets you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That is a very handsome puppy indeed.

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      Squeeeee!!! OMG!

    • Raan

      Beast-ass pro dog. 13/10

      • Christopher Story

        I like your math!

    • Holly

      totes adorbs

      • Christopher Story

        Thank you.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      He looks like a charmer.

      • Christopher Story

        He’s never met a stranger; just a friend he’s never seen before.

        • Red Richmond

          You describe my son to a T.

  • mancityRed6

    tonight is my Friday. tomorrow and the next two days are my Saturday. vacation days are a lovely thing if you don’t take them all at once.
    Imma try to get a new phone tomorrow. and a workout with laundry doing.

    • Fartknocker

      I would be drinking by now, but that’s just how I roll.

      • mancityRed6

        for at least 5 hours now. moderation is the key, even if the disjointed language in my post doesn’t suggest that.

  • Christopher Story
    • yyyaz

      How long does it take them to master the salt and lime?

      • Christopher Story

        Quite a while, what without opposable thumbs to work with. That and he hates limes.

        • That is ok. Take it straight, puts hair on your esophagus.

          • Christopher Story

            So that’s where that came from! Thank you for explaining, my Beautiful will be so relieved.

    • bluicebank

      Even under the influence of tequila, a photographer can catch the cuteness of a puppy. Cats, on the other hand, are annoyed by one’s booze breath. (Hampers their ability to steal your soul.)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      happy puppy is happy. That dawgs got that “let’s play even though its WAY past my bedtime” look.

      • Christopher Story

        He is youthful spirit. Loves everybody and everything. Except snakes. And water. He is down right phobic of water.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          awww. If it makes him feel any better, the fucking cats hate it. Like get disciplined wiht the spritzer and fucking bolt the room and nurse their “wounds” in the hallway hate it.

          • therblig

            blig jr’s monster cat will jump on the table and let me soak him before he decides to get down. then, in the morning, he knocks ms. blig’s glasses off her nightstand to let me know it’s time for breakfast. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eda1ddf4583f46f6d8648fa64e838663446a9e172d0b695a5c5b734c7da1f2ee.jpg

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            what a handsome boy!

            Bastard cat goes to bed with me, in the morning, he lets me know the food in his dish is not fresh enough by climbing on me (he’s a fat fucker) and purring right in my goddamn ear.

            Babby kitteh is a morning kitteh, she hangs out with me when I’m ironing my clothes for work.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I’ve been listening to this guy a lot lately. Brilliant musician.
    https://youtu.be/I9sefCBtqik

    • Aggle Wok

      Was it you that posted those lyrics earlier?

  • Me The People

    YO SCIENCE! I made a video of an amoeba using the phase contrast. This is a small but pretty fast moving one. Check it out – it’s like a tiny living booger.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iGYVf7S7Gc&t=58s

    • gallbladder

      What did you name it?

      • Me The People

        Raymond.

        • Everybody loves him, or so they say.

          (Actually, I’ve been told by people who know that he’s kind of an asshole.)

          • Me The People

            I kinda liked that show, for a while anyway. My wife instinctively hates him, and her instincts on these things are pretty good.

    • TJ Barke
      • Me The People

        Love it – never heard it before either!

        • TJ Barke

          That’s a punk classic, oddly enough. Mostly because the chorus is so recognizable.

          • MizzMazz

            Have not heard this in years. Isn’t it interesting how many punks and metal musicians are also scientists?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      What are all the little ones racing around the blob?

      • Me The People

        Don’t know yet – some kind of small ciliate, seems to be able to anchor itself by a long filament and detach at will.

    • Aggle Wok

      Raymond is so cute! I could watch him for hours

    • Christopher Story

      I keep playing the Bill Nye theme song in my head

  • amrak63

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    https://i.imgur.com/46zQOFc.jpg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Sweet dreams.

    • Christopher Story

      True Story:
      I was asked as a child who my favorite Chief’s player was (because seven year old are supposed to know that stuff?) And when my mother leaned in to whisper in my ear,
      “Just say Joe Montana,”
      I turned to her and responded with all seriousness,
      “Mom! Montana’s a state!”

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    So check out this wedding dress from Pakistan. I love it. Just the faintest hint of GoT. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac8001fb17bd332ddb59e6bd9646362c2f6d43ae57ad3d7f84512197613130f1.jpg

    • Now THAT is a wedding dress

    • Aggle Wok

      That is gorgeous!

      • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

        Frankly, it would be worth making an extra 50K to pay for it and renewing marriage vows.

  • jesterpunk

    Anyone notice any reason why Trump’s reaction would be different here?

    “He knew what he signed up for”

    https://www.local10.com/news/politics/trump-speaks-to-widow-of-sgt-la-david-johnson

    “Sorry for your loss, I will send you $25k and get my staff to set up a fundraiser page for you and your family.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/18/politics/donald-trump-personal-check-soldier/index.html

    • UnsaltedSinner

      https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/920745331649929219

      So who should we believe: The father of the fallen soldier or the guy who is infamous for not paying his bills and for lying about how much he gives to charity?

      • jesterpunk

        Well yeah that too, but the white family he is nice to and offers to do things for them. The blah family he basically tells them to fuck off.

      • The check was sent TODAY.
        Funny coincidence that timing.
        I demand an investigation into where the funds came from

        • jesterpunk
          • Blackest Noobs

            gosh only in Hollywood would this Trump thing end in poetic justice.

            sorry gang, he’s gonna get away with it. why? because he has done so this far in the game and no one, NO ONE, has done a goddamn thing.

          • jesterpunk

            We will see, if he pisses off republicans enough they might impeach him or remove him with the 25th amendment. But if they lose the house and senate in 2018 he will be impeached and removed from office.

          • Blackest Noobs

            they won’t Jester….seriously they will NOT EVER do that.
            it would be admitting they made a mistake and Republicans never ever admit they made a mistake.

            yes, Pence would work out perfectly for them, and it would make all the sense in the world to either impeach or 25th amendment him, but THEY WILL NEVER DO IT.

            and i wouldn’t hold my breathe on the Dems doing anything either even if they somehow pull off a Christmas miracle and take back both Houses of Congress.

        • Christopher Story

          I second the motion

        • Blackest Noobs

          well i can tell you right now the funds definitely did not, repeat, did not come from Trump’s bank account.

          That is not the Trump way….the Trump way is the following:

          1) dupe a bunch of people to donate to your “foundation.”
          2) bill “foundation” for “fees” that go directly into Trump’s bank account
          3) any funds left over, donate funds to a charity and say that He personally donated the money when in reality it was other people’s money he calls his own ( though most of the time, the whole donating other people’s money as his own rarely gets to point #3)

          • Impatient

            But if it was other people’s money that he otherwise would have paid himself in fees, isn’t it really Trump making the donation, in the end?

          • Blackest Noobs

            he doesn’t donate money…period.
            says he does, then he doesn’t.
            see #1. dupes people. charges fees. gives nothing to anyone.

  • Bitter Scribe

    We all saw “Small Wonder” as children.

    Or adults, not all of us willingly. My ex-wife and stepdaughters loved that show. I think having it on so often was one of the factors cited in our divorce decree.

    • Aggle Wok

      That show seriously creeped me out

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Actually, I’d never even heard of it until today.

      • It was like Webster, only not as funny

        • yyyaz

          Daniel, Noah and Merriam were all hot stuff.

      • AJ Milne

        Likewise.

        It _does_ sound like… a very _stretched_ premise for a sitcom?

        I was gonna say, oh, hey, different time…

        But I was _in_ that time. So far as I recall. Tho’ somehow I missed that one…

        I mean, I was in that time… unless it turns out I _am_ a replicant, and these memories are all implants.

        In retrospect, this seems about as likely as some of what I seem to remember…

        … as, among other television peculiarities, I also seem to recall a sitcom running in syndication/reruns…

        … a sitcom. About a German WWII POW prison camp.

        Someone’s having me on, I think.

        (‘Kay, So I ripped that off, honestly. See http://wondermark.com/857/ )

  • Raan

    Impromptu Wonkette Straw Poll:

    Best episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

    I vote for “Charlie Work”.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Aotk

    • Beautiful Soup

      I like “Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life” and “The Gang Gets Invincible.”

  • No one knows noses like Nazis know noses.
    Nazis know noses best.

    • vivian

      Nazi Yahtzee?

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Those nosy Nazis.

  • Picabo

    Onion ninja alert. “Five-year-old helps pay for schoolmate’s milk and then starts a campaign that raises thousands”
    “”What are you doing with that money?” Oelfke asked her granddaughter.
    “I’m taking it to school,” Sunshine replied.
    The little girl finally spilled the real reason why she needed the money.
    “I’m going to take it for milk money. I’m taking it for my friend Layla,” she explained. “She doesn’t get milk — her mom doesn’t have milk money and I do.”
    “This event led Jackie to help Sunshine start a GoFundMe page that has, of this diary’s publishing, reacher almost $8,500—well past the original $700 they had hoped to raise to pay for a semester’s worth of milk for her class. Sunshine’s plan was to make sure that every kid in class had milk during snack time.”
    “Guess what! My whole class got milk today,” Sunshine proudly told her grandma on Thursday. “Layla now has milk money.”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/10/18/1707834/-Five-year-old-helps-pay-for-schoolmate-s-milk-and-then-starts-a-campaign-that-raises-1-000s

    • Jonny On Maui

      “And the children shall lead them…”

    • aktlib101

      Sunshine for President !
      (will be a huge improvement over the brain-damaged Orange Idiot)

      • therblig

        5 years old and she already has more empathy and selflessness than trumpy and all his mutant spawn will ever have.

    • hudson

      awesome.

    • My oldest used to bring in extra things for a girl he liked who was not a wealthy and I think spent days where she did not have lunch.
      Not his precious fried chicken of course.
      But he would bring extra grapes and give her his juice and his lance crackers.
      Kids can be good things.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Sunshine 2050!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Once again, did anyone in our illustrious press ask if Obama contacted anyone in the family?

      Edit: I mean, ask Kelly

      • jesterpunk

        Nope, they could have even looked through their own archives to find stories about it. But instead they keep running stories about Trump’s claims.

        • New protest sign idea.
          What do we want? Journalistic integrity!
          When do we want it? After even a modicum of research into the subject area!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            The folks who need to read that sign are the same folks who wouldn’t know WTF the sign was saying.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Every time I see John Kelly’s mug I see Quintus from “Gladiator.”
      http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Tomas+Arana+NeSNXI82x2Rm.jpg

    • cmd resistor

      Sarah huckabee comments on Kelly are further proof that she is a truly horrid person.

  • Bitter Scribe

    This is probably unfair to Melania. But you know what? After all the years of effluvium about Michelle Obama’s gorilla arms and tranny adam’s apple, IDGAF.

    • Left Coast Tom

      She knew what she signed up for.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        mega burn

      • Impatient

        OR DID SHE? Imagine, going along thinking, Yeah, this is just like when he sold those frozen steaks … or wine by the gallon … …. OH SHIT! OH SHIT! HE WON? OH SHIT! OH shit! Oh shit! oh shit! oh sh……

  • OutOfOrbit

    guys i just zoomed in close to [fake] mellon’s face above & something creepy is definitly goin on there for reelz

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      You mean besides the uncanny-valley plastic surgery?

  • Gosala

    Robert Reich has a nice, if long, video explaining how Trump is merely a vector of chaos and distraction preventing us from noticing how the wealthy are robbing us all.

    I basically agree with him but I am haunted by a feeling that there is more than a hint of white privilege, a feeling that he is right but not right enough.

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1735113743167881&id=142474049098533

    • He’s actually quite wrong.
      Trump IS the wealthy actively robbing us.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    WHERE’S MY OPEN THREAD!!!!!! I CAN’T BREATH WITHOUT MY OPEN THREAD!!!! I CANNOT (imaginary) COMMENT BECAUSE DOK WILL BANHAMMER ME FOR BEING OFF TOPIC!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      This IS the open thread. I mean, I think it is.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        HA! I knew it!!!! Lured into an illegal thread open or not!!!OMG OMG OMG

        • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

          No!!!!! You’re the illegal thread!

    • OutOfOrbit

      we are alone!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      We have made this the Open Thread. Because we’re like that.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      It is open thread.

      Because, I say it is.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      …and then the murders started.

      ; p

  • HazooToo

    I am sorry. I am sorry, but I have to get this off my chest. Wonkette, I expected BETTER from you! You give us all this news, day after day, but you leave out what is possibly the most compelling story of the entire CENTURY! How could you do this to us?! We trusted you! We gave you moneys! And you COULDN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED to do some ACTUAL INVESTIGATIVE REPORTING on where the fuck Dok Zoom bought this goddamn T-Shirt?!

    I expect to see a full size picture of this thing by morning. https://twitter.com/commiegirl1/status/920657982421004288

  • bubbuhh

    I think that’s Melanoma wearin a fake nose wf her glasses. Teh real question: Can Melanoma shoot booger bullets outen her fake big nose?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • memzilla Ω
    • UnsaltedSinner

      Not really…

    • bubbuhh

      Acksully, it should be very easy to raise taxes on teh rich fuckz.

    • Stulexington

      I mean they gave us money, how can we not do some quid pro quo? Ethics is hard.

    • jesterpunk

      He pulled the bullshit line that the rich pay most of the taxes and how its not fair. They pay more by dollar amount but not by percentage of their income and they have most of the money too so they should pay more then anyone else.

      • Gosala

        That’s all true, but also too and wealth redistribution via taxation is critical to preventing the concentration of wealth at the top that is otherwise inevitable in capitalism.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Oh, I wouldn’t find it hard at ALL to not give them tax cuts. In fact, I’m not giving them tax cuts RIGHT NOW.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Really? Because, I’m pretty sure if it were somehow necessary to remove tax preferences the revenue could be balanced by raising the top marginal tax rate.

    • SpideySenser

      Fuck that noisy asshole. Creepy douche-bag says what?

  • Crank Tango

    Do you remember the good old days before the ghost town? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ2oXzrnti4

  • Stinky_Hole

    Ohhhh, I see. This is like the episode of “Fawlty Towers” where they disguise Connie as Sybil to put Basil’s lie about her being too sick to come down to their anniversary do over.

  • georgiaburning

    Robot, maybe. More likely a Skrull

    • Stulexington

      Nah, the original is a Skrull, one who can’t stand to be around The Honest Don so subcontracts.

      • georgiaburning

        East European LMD technology should be more advanced, but nobody smart wants to work for the Earth-616 Donald either

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Founder. Scan for morphogenic enzymes.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    I’m not prone to believing conspiracy theories, but that doesn’t look like Melania. And if this is our open thread, could someone tell me how old you have to be to stop wearing Doc Martins? Asking for a friend.

    • Jamoche

      *looks down at Docs* Stop?

      • AJ Milne

        I am regularly complimented on mine. Ankle boot height, brownish; I keep ’em pretty well oiled.

        And… Umm… When I was born, phones had this round, wind-y thing on them you used to dial.

        (ETA: Wait. do people even still say ‘dial’? I mean, apart from me? Because I think that was because of that thing.)

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Traditional black ones here.

          • AJ Milne

            I have some low-cut black ones. But the brown ones were a replacement for some awesome olive-ish/brownish Wolverines a bit like that someone stole from my car one morning…

            … pretty sure it was some street guy, picking bottles, trying doors, looking for change; it was garbage day. I try not to begrudge. I’m sure he looked awesome in ’em, anyway, while they lasted. Still a bit sadface about it. Nice when people say nice stuff about the Docs, tho’.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I worked with a woman at a record store (back in the dark ages, obvs). She wore green doc Martins. She later got a job at a bank and was wearing a nice pant suit with her Doc Martins. She said, “please don’t tell anyone I’m a lesbian.” I felt badly that she felt she had to hide it considering how open she was about it at the record store. I told her that her secret was safe with me but she might want to lose the boots. The moral of the story: There’s a fine line between being a punk and being a lesbian. Personally, I don’t give a fuck.

          • AJ Milne

            (Lawls…)

            I guess I get that pretty well… Docs…

            True story: dated a bisexual for a while. And, yep, seem to recall she was pretty fond of them too.

            Also not really related/maybe quasi-related? But I’ve occasionally had people say to me stuff like ‘you dress too nice to be straight’…

            No offense taken at all. But probably a pretty different deal for me. Insofar as I don’t work for a bank.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I felt bad for her. She was always so open and proud. It broke my heart that she felt she had to hide who she was.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Dial phones. Yeah. I remember them. I was not happy considering my phone number was 998-9678. That’s a whole lot of waiting right there.

          • AJ Milne

            I hear you…

            It’s like: you wouldn’t get dates because, sure, she _tried_ to call, but she sprained something in the effort, wound up sitting there sadly, icing her thumb, thinking, ‘if only’.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            That metal rotary thing fucking HURT!

          • Gosala

            That’s why you used a pencil

          • SpideySenser

            True story…we finally ditched the dial phone at the family place in ME a few years ago (no cell service til fairly recently). My kid’s friends would come with us for the weekend and had NO CLUE how to use it to call their ‘rents. Hilarity ensued.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          I don’t have Docs at the moment, but I do have a nice pair of BRD military surplus boots from back when there were two Germanies. And dial phones….

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          People do say ‘dial’ still, but it’s slowly dying off along with the people who know why it was used.

    • Aggle Wok

      You can’t age out of wearing docs. Unpossible!

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Joe Strummer wore Docs. I was so proud of my kids when they bought their own. I stole a pair from my youngest and I love wearing them.

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      Too old for Doc Martin’s? Jus’ don’t get buried in ’em – there’s some young punk who needs yer thirteen eyelets at estate-sale pricing…

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        True story…Joe Strummer was cool as shit, but he wore argyle socks with his Doc Martins. :D

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          That was a Thing, back in the day. I have no idea why.

    • OrG

      Older than 56. At least.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I’ll be 56 in November, so I have 6 weeks. Cool!

        • OrG

          In November it will change to older than 57. At least:)

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I knew I liked you for a reason

    • SpideySenser

      I don’t think there is an age limit. Did the salesperson ask for an ID?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Pretty much:

    “The coming years will prove increasingly cynical and cruel. People will definitely not slip into oblivion while hugging each other. The final stages in the life of humanity will be marked by the monstrous war of all against all: the amount of suffering will be maximal.”
    ― Pentti Linkola, Can Life Prevail?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Fuck, dude. I’m gonna go read some Kierkegaard to cheer myself up.

      • Think I might find my copy of Dead Souls for a laugh

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that’s just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it’s a joke.”
        ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or, Part I

        • alpacapunchbowl

          See? I feel better already!

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          How? How did Søren know?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I definitely did not get my sense of humor from my Danish heritage.

      • cmd resistor

        Was he the fear and trembling. And sickness unto death guy ot 20th century man’s hideous isolation?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Yep.

    • Gosala

      Life in the state of nature is nasty, brutal, and short.

      — Th. Hobbes

      • Charon_69

        I’m more of a fan of ‘Calvin and’

    • bbayliss
    • UnsaltedSinner

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef6e4eb0746aa6bf9e37a676361e4bee371a694e4b3bfdd3263391b0bd601ec5.gif
      Whiles night’s black agents to their preys do rouse.
      Thou marvel’st at my words: but hold thee still.
      Things bad begun make strong themselves by ill.

    • Charon_69

      That’s my dream job and role I was put on this earth to do-professional hugger

    • Joe Beese

      Probably.

      But with my forties in the rearview mirror, the increasing imminence of my personal apocalypse has put the world’s on the backburner.

  • Jamoche

    Trumpie: blathering about previous presidents not sending condolences
    Maddow’s on-call presidential historian: pulls up letter from Lincoln.

    https://gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/obama-mic-drop-gif-1.gif

    • I do love how much of a nerd she is

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        In the end, I suspect it will be the nerds who save us.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Yeah, the kitchen gnomes started slicing onions right about when Rachel read that letter out loud.

  • Meccalopolis
  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Left Coast Tom

      That should be a crime.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Meh. Even if the system is fine, it’s easier to say the evidence got lost anyway. Cops have been doing that shit since forever.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Considerig the rampant corruption in law enforcement, maybe theres a reason theres no pesky backup

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          I do believe you have hit the nail upon the head.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Cops regularly lose audio recordings of witness statements while trying to transfer data from the recording device. Probably 1/4 of my cases over the past 10 years, the computer has eaten a recording. See also, body cam footage in San Diego.

          • CripesAmighty

            Yeah funny how that happens when your nightstick just happens to hit the ‘delete’ key.

    • bbayliss

      bug or feature?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        You got it.

      • Left Coast Tom

        As a software engineer…if I’m told someone designed a database system such that it cannot be backed up, I’m going to call that someone a waste of oxygen.

        • data_ninja

          Isn’t the role of backing up databases left to the network administrators, rather than the developers? Or in more granular structures, database administrators?

          • Left Coast Tom

            The role, yes.

            Per the article, the NYPD attorneys are arguing that this is an impossibility due to the system design.

          • data_ninja

            Bullshit.

            ETA: Okay, in the realm of possibility because stupid people exist, if someone somehow dares design a system that prevents backups from occurring on a regular interval, they should be sent to remedial tech support (phone only!) until they’ve learned their lesson.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Wouldnt surprise me if it was delibrate.

    • Joe Beese

      I take better care of my porn collection than that.

    • jesterpunk

      I work in enterprise IT support and not really surprised they dont have backups. We deal with so many people who say something like “we have raid why do we need backups” after the drives die because they ignored every warning until it was too late.

      • data_ninja

        Do you open handed slap the people that say things like that? Because I would be tempted to. My previous job had no backups to speak of except maybe some flat files. I had to audit everything and setup backups from the ground up. I can say now that it was a good experience to have under my belt, but was fucking nerve wrecking at the time.

      • Joe Beese

        There are two kinds of people: Those who have lost data, and those who are going to.

  • btwbfdimho

    While US is busy dealing with the kneeling NFLs and the flag and the anthem, China is taking center stage…
    Who said socialism was a failure?
    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-41647872

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why not “the US” . . . comrade?

      • btwbfdimho

        Was I disrespectful?
        BTW, I’m not a comrade…zero sympathy for “the” CP.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Nah. Bad Russian bot joke.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I for one welcome our new Chinese overlords. Cuz their food is so good.

  • Charon_69

    The stories that come out after this debacle ends will be delicious and mind-boggling

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Let’s hope there’s people left to tell them.

  • Juan de Fuca

    And all will fear my ROOAAAR! Well, one day they will…

    https://twitter.com/goldengateblond/status/920785613003087872