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Pretty boy ain’t look gay AT ALL.

Is there nothing on earth right-wing hate group leaders CANNOT blame on the gays? Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, who looks and talks like a closet case who’s gayer than a three-dollar bill hanging out of Judy Garland’s mouth, has some thoughts on the newest military scandal, which is about SEXTING.

You see, a two-star general got fired for sending sexxxxy sexts to a sergeant’s wife. This is not allowed! So he lost his job after an investigation, according to USA Today, “due to a loss of confidence in his ability to command.” Fair enough. Military rules are different from civilian rules.

But Tony Perkins knows why this general ultimately sent the sexts, and it was because of the queers, because for Tony Perkins, everything is about the queers:

PERKINS: I think this is wrong, but who says it’s wrong? The military code of conduct? True, but that also said that homosexuality is wrong, but that prohibition is no longer being enforced. In fact, people are punished for not celebrating homosexuality. Same was true of transgenderism. […]

That’s where the moral confusion comes from. People think, ‘Well, maybe I can get away with it because they can get away with that. That’s acceptable today, maybe I can do this. When we deny there is a moral law and a moral lawgiver, it leads to confusion and chaos, and we’ve seen this increasingly within the ranks of our nation’s military.

You guys, the general what got fired is more than FIFTY YEARS OLD. Are we truly to believe he was an UPRIGHT NON-SEXTER his entire life, but then UH-OH GAYS IN THE MILITARY, which led him to believe that if gays can wear the uniform without being forced to repent or at least get beated up a lot, then it’s OK for him to sext a sergeant’s much younger wife?

Did the presence of the homos make the poor general HAVE A CONFUSE about whether he should do that? Did the queersexuals hold his dick for him while he took sexxxy pictures for his sexts?

Is that how ANY of this works? Does Tony Perkins think the men in our military are such pussies that they could be peer-pressured into changing their behavior entirely just because of the presence of gay people?

Or is it possible Tony Perkins is saying a lot more about his own personal struggles than he’s saying about the military? Does he think that if he had been in that situation when he was a young Marine, the gays might have been able to tempt him to do sins, up to and possibly including letting them do wrongsexes to his b-hole? Is that what it is, Tony Perkins? IS IT, YOU FUCKER?

Meh, maybe he’s just a fucking sociopath who runs a Christian wanna-be ISIS-type organization and he’s never ever not once dreamt of the comfort of a warm dick. MAYBE.

Regardless, we are as usual in awe of fundamentalist Christians who insist that, if God’s little messengers on earth don’t tell us what’s right and wrong, or if people don’t accept the “truth” that their fucking monster God hates faggots, that everything will go to chaos and everybody will obviously just run around raping and murdering all day. (AND GAYING.) They never realize how much they’re revealing about themselves when they say things like that.

It’s really scary. Like “Never Leave Them Alone With Your Kids” scary.

The one thing Tony Perkins did not blame on gays? That time his house got destroyed in the Baton Rouge floods. That was just a oopsie.

Or maybe his dumb fuckhead God was using his holy throwing arm to aim for the gays in New Orleans and accidentally hit Tony Perkins right in his allegedly not gay butthole.

LOL Tony Perkins’s God is bad at sports.

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[Right Wing Watch]

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  • coozledad
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I can totally see Barack Obama doing the same thing.

      And just shoot me now.

    • TJ Barke

      IOKIYAR.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Americans took that “no experience” bit to heart, those rotten motherfuckers.

    • The Wanderer

      “Teenager.” Above 18, or below?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      He even admits to not being able to control himself around woman; comparing himself to an alcoholic being handed a glass of scotch. Jesus.

  • kaydenpat

    Gays are some powerful m’f’ers.

    • vivian

      Don’t know about that, but
      shouldn’t gays be fatherfuckers?
      A ‘gay motherfucker’ just doesn’t work.

      • Daniel

        Why not? What stops a mother being gay?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Okay, now I’m REALLY confused.

          • vivian

            I think I need to Command-Z this whole trainwreck of thought.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Confusion. That’s always the first step down that Highway to Hell. Might I suggest some gay conversion therapy before you find yourself fantasizing about Mike Pence?

      • kaydenpat

        You may have something there.

  • x111e7thst

    Why does this deity who hates the gay so much continue to spare Christopher St.?

    • therblig

      convenient PATH station?

    • Edith Prickly

      My city’s thriving gay neighbourhood has also been spared – even after they painted rainbows on the crosswalks.

    • coozledad

      It’s my hope that when Republicans die, they’ll be greeted in the afterlife by Freddie Mercury in a jock cup. And he’ll have a headmaster’s cane.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Then what happens? Asking for a friend.

        • coozledad

          He breaks into “Fat bottomed girls.”

        • Bad Scooter

          he kisses David Bowie.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            EWW!

      • Nope it is being greeted by a giant Gary Glitter …

        Gary’s punishment is having to fuck republicans

  • Edith Prickly

    Scapegoating is a time-honoured tradition for authoritarian douchebags. So is projection.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    An aside, Evan: the Slacktivist style guide says that this odious creature must always be referred to as The Liar Tony Perkins. Try it; it really spices up an article!

    • Ah, that’s why the name sounded familiar. I didn’t recognize him without his proper title.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    the comfort of a warm dick.

    We should all be so fortunate. And Warm Dick is the name of my new all-penis garage band that Ivanka thinks is punk junk.

    • vivian

      Punk Junk is a good alternate name. Or first album title.

    • Real Ivanka or fake Ivanka?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Even she doesn’t have a clue.

      • PubOption

        How much of the Real Ivanka is fake?

    • anon_the_great

      I dunno. A all-penis band wouldn’t have fingers so….

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        You’ve never tried to play guitar with… perhaps I’ve said too much.

  • Michael Smith

    The right wing demagogue’s number one tool – spin everything into a hot button issue so that people forget what we were talking about and remember that you are on the right side of the thing that REALLY matters.

    “Well, I think really he sent that sext because he doesn’t fear the consequences of sexual action because of the ready availability of abortions on demand for teenagers without parental consent. That’s what our organization is trying to prevent – the moral degradation of the society caused by the genocide that is abortion has ripple effects everywhere, including this sexting situation. Its really a shame.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Golly, these churchy conservative types sure do think about gays a LOT.

  • therblig

    as someone who believes that these guys (perkins, osteen, etc) are all fucking fakes wallowing in the sweet grift of followers’ “love offerings”, it nonetheless must be exhausting for them to spew out this nonsense 24/7. or maybe it’s 8/6 (gotta work on sunday) with the rest of the time behind closed doors, slathered in oil, enjoying a parade of pool boys and farm animals.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    If this is how The Liar Tony Perkins’ God works, He needs therapy, not worship.

  • BadKitty904
  • TJ Barke

    I WILL MAKE THE GOVERNMENT ENFORCE THE RULES THAT MY IMAGINARY FRIEND WANTS!

  • Daniel

    Oddly the Baton Rouge flood that wiped out his house was the only thing that actually was the gays’ fault.

  • Timothy Watson

    You see, a two-star general got fired for sending sexxxxy sexts to a sergeant’s wife. This is not allowed! So he lost his job after an investigation, according to USA Today, “due to a loss of confidence in his ability to command.” Fair enough. Military rules are different from civilian rules.

    No, an officer doing that to a wife of a enlisted soldier should be court-martialed and dishonorably discharged.

  • BadKitty904

    Sounds to me like heterosexuals are the problem here. I say they shouldn’t be allowed in our military!!1!

    • MynameisBlarney

      If only there was a way to screen for the self-loathing closeted homosexuals…

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Oh, that’s easy: they all belong to right-wing faux-religious organisations like ‘Focus on the Family.’

      • BadKitty904

        Start with the Republican Congress…

      • Suttree

        I’m sure that the NSA has everyone’s browser history.

        • arensb

          They should release it, and let PornHub show me videos tailored to my tastes. I’m tired of typing in keywords one-handed. #FirstWorldProblems

  • MynameisBlarney
  • mancityRed6

    if there is one thing I am very glad about, it’s that cell phones with digital cameras weren’t a thing when I was younger.

    • proudgrampa

      I know, right? We woulda got in SO MUCH trouble!

  • Yep, there was no sexting until recent years. It must be the gays, not the sudden explosion in owning phones that can text photos.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Little-Known Fact: there WERE no gays until the invention of the camera phone.

  • Asterix

    I have always assumed that those who are freaked out by “teh ghays” are deeply closeted and therefore terrified. I have some empathy for them until they open their mouths and spew there fear and self-hate over everyone else. They need meds, therapy and then shut the fuck up.

  • proudgrampa

    Another one of those holier-than-thou pricks who, methinks, protesteth too much.

    • BadKitty904

      Caught in an interstate rest-stop stall with a Young Republican in 5…4…3…

      • Suttree

        Don’t they still have pages? It would save on gas money.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like to have people actually want to send pics of their genitals to you…

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Tank Grrls!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        You’re welcome!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      “Grab THIS!”

    • coozledad

      Reconnaissance photo of the Barroom blitz.

    • The Wanderer
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      WAY back in the early 70s I spent most of two summers at CFB Borden. One night some of the tech school cadets snuck into the tank graveyard and painted a Centurion tank baby blue with a pink turret.
      Last time I drove through the base, a few years back, it was still there. And still pink and blue.

  • shastakoala

    Don’t sext, don’t tell.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I think Tony Perkins was gay AND a great actor in Psycho. This is fake news.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Damn it. Our secret is out–making straight people sext each other is how we build our ranks (after scooping up as many of their children as possible).

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Once you infiltrated our ranks with the Teletubbies, we were doomed.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        You were powerless once we weakened you with all the soy products.

        [pets comatose villian pet calmly]

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          We couldn’t resist the fabulousness.

    • BadKitty904

      Why, we barely have the time to order wedding cakes!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        OMG, BK. Didn’t Obama send you a slave straight person when you got married, too? Ours takes care of such tasks for us. It was an EO, you should call Obama and find out what the delay is about.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Still my favourite KitH sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpnbTlEd5NM

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Geezis! Geezis krist!

        • BadKitty904

          Hmm. That must’ve been the week we were busy causing a blizzard or earthquake or something…

          • wide_stance_hubby

            It’s ok. We’re a busy people, we gheyz.

          • BadKitty904

            Supernaturally so, per the Republicans…

  • TJ Barke

    People telling you to stop gay bashing is not the same as punishing you for not celebrating homosexuality.
    But then, I don’t believe my imaginary friend’s aftermarket morality system should control the world.

  • William

    I’m pretty well convinced that nobody thinks about dicks more than homophobes. Phallic symbols are pretty much their universal answer to questions no one is asking.https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b76d711d2af6480aa72efaaf2d4dd4ef2e91c5041db6d4baba6075dcdb465011.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      Yeah, so far Perkins, Moore, et.al. have beaten the odds.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Just means they’re much more careful. Either that or they’re WAY too kinky.

        • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

          Or no self respecting homosexxxual would entertain the idea of having sex with them.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            THIS^^^^^^^^^. I’m not that particular, but this group?! No way. Not if those were the last dicks on earth.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Can we find one with low self esteem?

      • BadKitty904

        So far.

      • Trump’s Potemkin Village

        I’m waiting for the deliciousness of a Mullah Mike Pence scandal.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s almost like evangelism/fundmentalism is mental cancer…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      And every last one of them is unfuckable. Every last one.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      The only question left is, are there any heterosexual anti-gay activists at all?

  • The Wanderer

    As I recall, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson blamed gays, as well as liberals, for 9/11*.

    *HE SAID 9/11! DRINK!

  • George

    I think these people should develop a TV series, like The Walking Dead, but instead of a wall of Zombies, it’s like the San Fransisco Pride Parade. They don’t bite. They just throw glitter at you. And you don’t die…right away. You spend all your time sending dickpics to women half your age and slowly waste away.

    It’s a morality tale, like God’s Not Dead. How can it miss?

    Think of the advertisers lining up: “Cash For Gold,” Jim Bakker’s survival food thingee, hunting knives that are also ham radios…it’s a bonanza.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Did he take is animals with him?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Probably. Otherwise how would he be able to have sex?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Karmic Irony or Ironic Karma?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I hope waterborne gayness has seeped into his foundation.

  • Suttree

    Those gheys are subverting our morals! There is nothing we can do to protect ourselves! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/40520493458384a22de5a8296a574bd04663e1bf33c6a6111c66eb571e86dec7.jpg

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Psycho.

  • Bad Scooter

    he keeps talking about confusion, but never admits it’s he that is the most confused of all. if he were honest, he’d admit that he’s bitter about forcing himself to live by some imaginary moral code that prohibits gayness while others are out of the closet and living their gay lives without being punished (in his opinion) by society for the “sin” of being attracted to someone of the same gender.

    embrace your sexuality, Tony!

    • Christopher Story

      People like this don’t believe in God, they’re just afraid to be alone in the dark. Thus they have to force everybody else to submit to their “moral code.”

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    …Because there was no such thing as sexual harassment in the military before soldiers started deciding to be gay. It all makes sense now.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8f90f8192fe751fb970dd6fed8933f501775e296af0919b8576d64217d9303b6.gif

  • Iron Monkey

    Difficult to ignore the power dynamics–a major general harassing the wife of a subordinate.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      This is why “Military rules are different from civilian rules.”

    • therblig

      how did it work out for David and Bathsheba? not so good for Uriah.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        …Got ’em in a Heep o’trouble…

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Yeah it’s a crime. Always has been a crime, in the military. It is absolutely not legal for a military person to fuck whoever they want in the military. It may be fraternization or something else but it will get you in military prison. It’s generally not allowed.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I thought it was Scaramucci in the thumbnail !

  • TJ Barke

    Pro tip about how to not be confused: Do unto others as you would have them do to you, and don’t do something to others you wouldn’t want them to do to you.

    Do you not want to be sent pics of genitals of people you aren’t attracted to? Then don’t do it to others.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Missed opportunity there, Tony. Could have also said the wife should have dressed more modestly.

    • BadKitty904

      “Priority blaming,” you know…

      • ariel_gee_398

        And since the gays are causing all these hurricanes, they are the major threat right now.

        • BadKitty904

          Why would I cause a hurricane to strike my own state? If I were responsible for hurricanes, wouldn’t I send them to Kansas or Arizona or some such?

          • ariel_gee_398

            The crafty misdirection of a wily opponent.

          • BadKitty904

            That’s me, alright – subtle as a flagpole…

          • Grumpy Twat

            Hang on a minute! So who just sent Ophelia over to Ireland?

          • BadKitty904

            I blame the clurichauns…

          • Grumpy Twat

            Pissed up leprechauns! Who knew?!

          • BadKitty904

            Tricky little buggers, the Good People…

  • BadKitty904

    It’s clear to me that Perkins is just envious of gay American’s fabulousness…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0145f812f9bbcb154473189858268aea3e5c2d040d561a2535fcb75648eaf1bd.gif

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Of course. I mean, look how the man is dressed!

  • Christopher Story

    My favorite “Gays are responsible for everything!” preacher is still Bryan Fischer. The pretzels that man can twist himself into in the case of blaming the gays for all life’s ills is worthy of an act in Cirque de Sole. Or at least a Goebbels lifetime achievement award.

    • Covfefe

      Fischer puts in a good show, but doesn’t radiate the vibes that our man Tony does.

      • Christopher Story

        I think that’s why I prefer Brian’s schtick. His antics are far more animated and tortured.

  • Transgenderism is not a sex act.

    Homosexuality is, but between two (or more) single consenting adults of equal power status, there is no moral or ethical question.

    Sex between someone with power over their prospective partner raises multiple ethical red flags.

    Sex with someone who is already married or sex with someone when you are already married likewise raises ethical red flags.

    This isn’t that difficult to understand, and it convinces me that these assholes are arguing in bad faith.

    • BadKitty904

      Or, as we say Down Here, they’re “lying through their teeth”…

      • Grumpy Twat

        Well at least they aren’t talking with their mouths full.

  • splashy79

    Yes, I always wonder about these people that have such imaginations when it comes to the really creepy stuff they are supposedly against.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Don’t forget that it was George Alan Reker (aka: ‘Pecker Wrecker’) the Co-Founder with Perkins of the Family Research Council that was found to have taken a ‘rent boy’ with him on his numerous trips abroad. All innocent, of course, he claimed. rotflmao

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_NOI-A77oPIM/S-V_LyTqGyI/AAAAAAAABEA/_rT83kKh40I/s1600/rekersroman003.jpg

    Wonder who Tony takes with him. Be irresponsible not to speculate.
    (btw: These creepy, hypocritical fundie mofos just make me sick. They spend more time, a lot more, obsessing about gay sex than any gay person I’ve ever met. Lookin’ at you too Rick InSanitorum.)

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I served with an openly gay soldier. He was in the s-6, which is commo. He was technically proficient and a pt stud. Great guy destined for rank, despite his constant bitching about his husband :)

    At no point did it occur to me to sexually harass my colleagues because ‘the gay’ had an office downstairs with all the radios

  • geoffalnutt

    Tony Perkins thinks about gay sex much more than actual gay folks. Hello?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The Gay is more powerful than the God seems like the wrong argument for Perkins to be making here in my opinion.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Weird, innit, how an omnipotent being has next to no power to do anything at all.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Weird how he can’t find a better man than Perkins to do his work…

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          God needs a better HR department.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Just one small quibble with the post: they are okay with raping and murdering, as long as it’s gays, women, Blacks, Muslims, and Democrats on the receiving end.

    • Christopher Story

      I wonder how many of his sexual fantasies start with him being “raped” by a gay black feminist liberal.

  • Mavenmaven

    Those gheyz are amazing, they make grown men sext AND they cause earthquakes! You’d think they were Obama!

  • BadKitty904

    Fundies “project” more than the local mall’s octoplex theater…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/44cb543a39ecc2aaa917ad946912df8d20b50bf176cf99dc1f0f9e0864d4b22d.png

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Besides, some of us already KNOW.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Cher and Cher alike.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          <golf clap>

  • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      Um, that’s not your “spine”.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      The gays. They’re Just Like Us!™

    • Uncle Mark

      I saw that movie. It was terribly boring, but heard Mike Pence scream like a little girl the whole time.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I heard they actually KISS each other on the MOUTH in the director’s cut version.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      OMG, they’re installing track lighting for their Robert Batemans!
      The horror…the horror…

    • grindstone

      I love that it’s rated PG.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Oh, how I love this. Thank you.

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    Ah. damn you moderator! There was hilarious comment by this guy who had some issue with Pride Parade, and apparently though gay people spent all their time sending dick pics to “women half their age”. I was trying to get into the head of a guy who doesn’t know gay people don’t have sex with women.. didn’t get a chance. The moderators banhammered him. Too soon.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    This religious shit is creepy. Like, Children of the Corn creepy.

  • BadKitty904

    Honestly, the VAST majority of gays I know are far more concerned about their lawn than about corrupting KKKristian Amerikkka…

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Obligatory, because people don’t know what THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!

    https://youtu.be/71PNZH1OaW0

  • Thorn Spike

    There seems to be an awful lot of “confusion and chaos” in Toni’s fevered brain. In his pants, also too.

    And what the holy hell was he even doing at Elena Kagan’s confirmation hearing, anyway?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Since his brain seems to be IN his pants…

    • kaydenpat

      That’s what happens when all you do is hate.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Who’s wearing pants?

  • Ilgattomorte

    I’ve got to tell you, that speeding ticket I got last week, That was because of the gays. It just goes to figure that if gays can be in the military, then why can’t I do 95 in in 40 mile an hour zone?

    Then there was that shoplifting incident. That was because of the gays too. I mean, if gays can marry then why can’t I walk out of Bloomie’s with a five place setting of Lenox china in my pants?

    Of course, there was also that liquor store robbery. If I’m being perfectly honest, that one was because of the Mexicans. But, if you think about it, there’s probably a lot of gay Mexicans. So, I guess we can chalk that up to the gays too.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I am the very model of a modern Major-General
    I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
    I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
    From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
    I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
    I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
    About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o’ news
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenu

    • Tony Prost

      Just saw that last weekend at the San Diego opera.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I would love to see it in a proper theater. I’ve just seen it on tiny little local theater stages.

    • mailman27

      That shit is brilliant.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “When we deny there is a moral law and a moral lawgiver, it leads to confusion and chaos…”
    Seems to me the confusion and chaos come from the religiously minded people who want to force everyone else to live according to their religion’s rules. I mean, I’ve never been confused about my sexuality the way TP seems to be. And I hardly ever sext people I hold power over.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Jgb979

    For right wing political christians, (aka sociopaths), their religion is literally the only thing holding them back from murdering everyone in the street.

    They literally can not conceive of a morality independent of what their religion says.

    Weird how no one ever has made the argument “well shellfish is an abomination…..therefore since red lobster exists I get to send pictures of my dick to my bosses wife!”

    • Covfefe

      I take issue with the notion that Christians cannot conceive of a morality independent of what their religion says. Need I say it? No, I don’t need to. But his first name both begins and ends with a “d,” and that stands for “demon.”

    • klangston25

      See, I was looking for a justification for sending unsolicited dick picks, and now you just gave it to me. Thank you.

  • Ricky Gay

    Somebody should tell Tony the tiger about all the seamen in the Navy.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Everyone keep in mind that Perkins makes a very comfortable living by peddling this bullshit. It’s a fucking racket.

  • Guinnessmonkey

    I tried to listen to it. I really tried, but I had to stop. The stupid was too strong for me.

    No, fucknut, the UCMJ doesn’t forbid a commanding officer from hitting on one of his solddier’s wives because the Bible says it’s immoral.

    It’s because it’s OBVIOUSLY bad for morale and discipline if the commanding officer is hitting on soldier’s spouses. You don’t want guys being sent into a dangerous situation to wonder if the officer in command is only ordering you into danger because they want you out of the way so they can bang your spouse.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How the fuck did this guy get to be a two star with professional deficiencies like this not have been picked up on long ago?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Exhibit A: Michael Flynn.

    • Tony Prost

      Well, that’s in the Bible!

      • VirginiaMorningBlend

        King David says “Go for it!”

        • SDGeoff3

          “And Moses stretched forth his rod..”.

    • Covfefe

      Real problem is, what do you do if the E-7 frags the Commanding General? How do you sweep something like that under the rug?

    • TakingAmes

      You can actually find that reasoning in the Bible. The story of King David sending Bathsheba’s husband into battle so he could more freely fuck her brains out comes to mind.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      You don’t want guys being sent into a dangerous situation to wonder if the officer in command is only ordering you into danger because they want you out of the way so they can bang your spouse.

      Actually, that is pretty biblical.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, who looks and talks like a
    closet case who’s gayer than a three-dollar bill hanging out of Judy
    Garland’s mouth,”

    My sentiments about this religious fraud and scoundrel, exactly.

  • Oblios_Cap

    We need moral laws and a moral law giver. I wonder who Perkins has in mind for that role?

  • Randy Riddle

    I’m actually going to be in DC soon at a conference not that far away from the Family Research Council’s main offices.

    I’m debating on whether to install Grindr on my phone. Just to see what’s there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Behold, I come quickly.”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You’ve nailed this closeted fucktard very well, Evan.

    As for that two star, Imma going to go out on limb here and say that homosexuality had nothing to do with his brazenly unprofessional behavior.

  • ziggywiggy

    I don’t think most gay haters like him are gay closet cases. They are just bigoted assholes who found easy scapegoats, con men using religion as their bottle of snake oil, playing on people’s fears and biases.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I think sexual insecurity and misogyny can have a lot to do with it, also too as well.

    • jowgajen

      Known closet queen. The gay mafia has spoken.

      • ziggywiggy

        Was there a recent GM meeting and I missed it? Hard to keep up. LOL

        • SDGeoff3

          I keep getting the texts a day late, dammit.

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Why not both?

      • ziggywiggy

        That’s it!

  • pinareno2000

    Whenever I hear the argument that religion is necessary for ethical behavior, or the converse–that a secular society cannot be truly ethical–I think of Sweden. Here, you are considered “weird” if you are religious, yet the Swedes nonetheless adhere religiously to principles such as human rights, gender equality, fairness, non-tolerance for corruption, healthcare as a human right and, most of all, the idea that all people have equal value.

    • SDGeoff3

      And the language is not all that difficult. Why have I been studying Swedish you ask? Pinareno just ‘splained it.

  • Tony Perkins just knows that he, Tony Perkins, wouldn’t be so confused if the gays weren’t up in his face and down his throat all the time, like they are. So to speak.

  • Snarky comments aside, it’s yet another demonstration that he like so many with similar beliefs have essentially no understanding of the concept of “adult informed consent.” It’s just not relevant to their evil world view.

  • Panika MCD

    Tony Perkins also think if we allow transgender people to pee and make boom booms–as if they haven’t been for centuries–that all the guys will be rubbing their dicks on Sonic windows. this is the brain his god gave him: one that is trying so hard not to rub his dick on Sonic windows, but gets distracted and does it anyway because it doesn’t know the difference between a bathroom stall and a drive in, one that is checking out the dick at the urinal next to his as his god intended.

  • Uncle Mark

    While we’re making up excuses for the “good” general’s bad behavior. I would submit the more likely excuse that his Commander & Chief regularly grabs women by the p**** and flouts the law, so why wouldn’t a subordinate general look to that as a model for his behavior?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Another explanation, also much more likely than Tony Perkins’ Tribute to Judy: The General has been taking Alex Jones’s lead-laced vitamins (Now with More Lead!) and is mad as a hatter.

  • Uncle Mark

    This is SHOCKING !! All these pure, innocent, almost virginal heterosexuals perverted by these deviant, corrupting homosexuals. /s.

    http://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529

  • James Baskin

    Tony tony bo bony fe fi fo phony Tooooooooonnnny.

  • mardam422

    Noun, verb, gay agenda.

  • When people like Perkins say that the only morality — the only context in which the literal word “morality” has any meaning — is Biblical, as narrowly interpreted by evil fucks like Perkins, they’re saying that God is Evil and they wholeheartedly follow this Evil “God” to hate and attack and oppress.

    They’re also saying, basically, that the *only* reason they don’t just cut loose in utter psychopathic, sociopathic evil is because they fear eternal punishment by their evil God, so they express the psychopathic, sociopathic evil they believe their evil God calls for, instead of just raging in rabid insanity.

    Because God Loves us.

    • chortlingdingo

      Right? I’m deeply concerned by people whose only reason for not doing evil things is a fear of hell.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Makes us all just one crisis of faith away from a bloodbath.

  • kareemachan

    He is amazingly fixated on homosexuality. One doesn’t wonder why, one knows why.

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    “The gays made me do it”

    • Jeffery Campbell

      If I had a dime for every time….

  • medcannabis1

    I’ll bet there is a picture or video of Tony and Mike Pence with a ball gag in his mouth and a big dick in his….. PRAISE JESUS… MOTHER would not approve

  • YoBunnyBunny

    So, a certain wingnut that I know once told me that he doesn’t “agree” with gays and their “lifestyle” because it’s “unnatural”.

    My reply: “You want me to sit on your face.” … the nerve of this perv right here…

    • chortlingdingo

      You should send him a video compilation of animals being gay in the wild.

    • Weird Fishes

      Maybe it’s how he prays? Or is it preys. I can never keep them straight.

    • Parakeetist

      He should read about silverback apes. The older males do stuff to the younger males all the time.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Is that available on youtube? Asking for a friend.

    • HazooToo

      Did he miss the part where that’s none of his fucking business and it’s really unnatural to tell people they can’t have sex, fall in love, and get married just because he disagrees with their lifestyle?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Of course he missed those things. Just like he missed the fact that somebody else’s existence and orientation isn’t something that requires his “agreement”. That’s like not “agreeing” with left-handed people.

        • HazooToo

          The conversation is never over, is it? Ever. There will always be some asshat telling you “it’s unnatural”, like this is something you’ve never heard and shut down before.

    • From now on, when people tell me they do not agree with the gay life style, I think I will ask them if they are also against breathers and drinkers of water.

  • Parakeetist
    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      The sane one.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Tony, rentboy.com called, your credit card was denied!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Parakeetist

    I know I posted this on another thread, but it’s necessary again.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/QcRsI

    • TimResistit

      It’s one of my all time favorites cause I was done brung up on them golden books.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Party of personal responsibility finds scapegoat. Details at 11.

  • theblackdog

    If there is a right and just God, they will give Tony Perkins painful hemorrhoids for the rest of his life.

  • bubbuhh

    Tony Perkins dreamz him a dream of tiny evangelistic wimmenz dickz friskin down the churchly aisles just to rub their tiny dickly beardz against his christian naughty bitz. He scared n a bitz turned on.

  • TimResistit

    Join me in the Bigot Two-Step of Argumentative Fallacy

    Right foot: “Homosexuality is un-natural and therefore bad.”

    Left Foot: “Homosexuality is found in nature all over. Many animal species regularly engage in homosexual behavior”.

    Right Foot: ” Oh, you’re saying we should act like animals?”

    Right or Left Palm: “Hello forehead.”

  • Red Bird

    So Evan has a crush on Tony .

    • Lily412

      At most, he might hate-fuck him ONCE.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    You guys, the general what got fired is more than FIFTY YEARS OLD. Are we truly to believe he was an UPRIGHT NON-SEXTER his entire life

    As a young lieutenant, he had to pick up his glossy matte dick pics from the photomat, then figure out how many stamps to slap on the envelope. I almost feel sorry for the guy.

  • Relativicus

    “Is there nothing on earth right-wing hate group leaders CANNOT blame on the gays?”

    Yes, being gay! I think the Devil invented that.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Ah, but they’ll say that having teh ghey is a *choice* and if those people would just choose Jayzus instead, they could be “normal” like them.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, who looks and talks like a closet case who’s gayer than a three-dollar bill hanging out of Judy Garland’s mouth….

    I just built up six-pack abs from laughing. I love you so much, Evan.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      I’m picturing Judy waggling that bill ringside at a drag show – and that Perkins is even gayer than *that*.

    • Ducksworthy

      My arch Republican neighbors just sent around their son’s electronic coming out announcement. Not that it was necessary at this late stage in his life and not that that would lessen their (or his) support for the political party that wants him dead. He’s not in the military though.

      • Lex Luthor

        That’s a thing? There are announcements now? Can you do a gift registry? I didn’t even get a lousy toaster oven.

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    Bah, I wish they would stop hating on folks like us.

    I work with a guy who listens to the American Family Radio, owned by the hate group AFA. I am the B in LGBTQ. You can imagine how I’m not thrilled by this.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Projection. How does it work?

    • HooverVilles

      Nailed it!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Is it possible that Tony Perkins and TLM are one and the same?

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate. I think I saw something about that on the internet.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Then it must be true.

        • Michael Loraine

          Yes, many people are saying…

  • Bemused

    No, the General did not suddenly become confused about fraternizing with a sargeant’s wife because of the gays. Tony may become confused because of the gays, but that is because he isn’t really working with the actual facts and sometimes myths and lies are hard to remember.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      He also seems to be confused about the difference between homosexting and heterosexting.

    • Cat Cafe

      He’s not “confused” because of the gays. He’s “strangely tingling and trying to hide it” because of the gays.

      • Bemused

        Well, but it is confusing for him. He doesn’t (want to) understand what that is.

      • HooverVilles

        What’s that saying about those who protest too much?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Tony P’s logic is, not for the first time, impenetrable.

      I am a straight guy (though not a General) but suppose that I were a General or someone in a position of authority. (I am also not in a position of authority.)

      I might register that the wife of a Sergeant under my command (or of an employee who reported to me) was attractive.

      But I would have to ignore any impulse to act upon that attraction either under the UCMJ or civil law because to do otherwise would be illegal, immoral and disgusting.

      What some gay person may be doing or not doing would entirely irrelevant to my situation. I can’t even call it a dilemma because there is only one honest and honorable course of action, which is inaction.

      What fucking idiots called on Tony Perkins to add his crazed “testimony” before Congress?

      • HooverVilles

        THIS

  • motmelere

    Definite sociopath. Only people with no moral compass need a 2000 page archaic rulebook to function in a civil society. Here’s a quick example: Stealing children and demanding money for their safe return is wrong; you and I didn’t need to be told that, we know it. The only reason there is a law against it is to warn the Tonys of our country what will happen to them if they try it. BTW, isn’t the bible kind of pro-child theft? Asking for a Tony.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      And then only following the rules that conform to their bigoted agenda, while conveniently omitting all the other ones.

      Hey Tony, I don’t see a beard, you SINNER!

      • HooverVilles

        I am sure he doesn’t wear clothing of mixed fibers either.

    • Lily412

      This. Secular morality exists, dummies.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Oh, lordy, I would like to drop Tony Perkins off in a leather harness at the Rock Bar around midnight. He wouldn’t get out and and more importantly….HE WOULDN’T WANT TO.

    • Cat Cafe

      He’s already spent enough time there that they’d greet him familiarly, trust me.

      • HooverVilles

        Trump has so poisoned things that I can’t help but add; believe me to your sentence.

        Sorry.

        • Cat Cafe

          My mistake. Sad.

      • ImGoingBacon

        He won the Mr. Rock Bar leather contest, with his chaps. Or so I read on the internet, so it must be true.

  • Qntino773

    Creepy Tony forever lusts after what he cannot get. Like Mike Pence, Tony is frustrated that gay men will not accept him and his bizarre love of prosperity jesus, so he lashes out at everyone within the gay community for his personal foibles with his tax-exempt, con game aka church group.

  • Jonny On Maui
    • HooverVilles

      Interesting. Thanks!

  • Bitter Scribe

    By some amazing coincidence, people who decide that “moral law” comes from God invariably agree with Him.

    • Cat Cafe

      And that “moral law” so often reflects their viciousness, hatred, vengefulness, pettiness, and cruelty–funny, that’s not how I would characterize “morality.”

    • HooverVilles

      EGGGG-SACTLY

      Hmmm,

      1) doG created man in his image.

      OR

      2) man created doG in his mental image of what doG is.

      Hmmm, which one could it be?

  • arensb

    Man’s morality changes all the time. That’s why we need God, to give us a solid, unchanging basis for morality. For instance, when Leviticus 20:10 says,

    If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife–with the wife of his neighbor–both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

    that’s as true today as it was the day it was written. And if Tony Perkins won’t personally hurl a rock at Ted Haggard or Newt Gingrich or Jim Bakker, that means he’s celebrating adultery.

    • Cat Cafe

      Man’s morality does NOT change all the time. We are a species that thrives in community, and our own inner morality tells us to do right by that community. Always. And we do–until the God-botherers try to force us to do otherwise (demonize some of us, try to oppress and punish others of us). Decent people–and even indecent people–know exactly what is right and wrong. Even badly behaved people know that they are badly behaved. The only ones who refuse to acknowledge it are the fake “Christians.”

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      you bring up an excellent point. His “argument” is that we are no longer enforcing a rule.
      Well, Christians don’t seem to enforce a lot of their “rules” either (especially that one about not lying).

    • Or Trump. Twice.

  • whitroth

    Doesn’t the Southern Poverty Law Center, or the ACLU, consider them a hate group?

  • Viktor

    Does Tony Perkins blame the gays for Josh Duggar molesting his own sisters?

    • HooverVilles

      Nope. He probably uses that was dsylexic doG’s will and dsylexic doG works in mysterious ways and other such apologies.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    His argument makes sense!
    I mean, those Generals think it’s okay to eat shellfish, and to round the corners of their beards, wear blended fabrics and and probably even use credit cards!

    What they need is some really solid moral guidance. Literally, like maybe the rules could be clearly and unambiguously set in stone!

    Maybe a simple set, of ten really good ones. We can start with “Thou Shalt Not Kill.”

    Oh. Uh. Hmm.

  • brucej

    I always like to lay down some “West Wing” for bullshit arguments like this:

    “The West Wing: Let Bartlet Be Bartlet (#1.19)” (2000)

    Major Tate: Sir, we’re not prejudiced toward homosexuals.

    Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: You just don’t want to see them serving in the Armed Forces?

    Major Tate: No sir, I don’t.

    Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: ‘Cause they impose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion.

    Major Tate: Yes, sir.

    Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: That’s what I think, too. I also think the military wasn’t designed to be an instrument of social change.

    Major Tate: Yes, sir.

    Admiral Percy Fitzwallace: The problem with that is that’s what they were saying about me 50 years ago – blacks shouldn’t serve with whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I’m an admiral in the U.S. Navy and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff… Beat that with a stick.”

    My favorite second favorite third favorite scene ever from the west wing, after the President Bartlett’s smackdown of the jeebus fondlers and Danny Concannon”I’m sure that’s an answer to some question but it wasn’t the answer to mine…”

  • vajufa

    Yes, sounds like he might be projecting all right…he seems to think everyone is only a hair’s breadth away at all times from behaving inappropriately, while being developmentally delayed at 5 years old with the “if they can do that I can do this” rationale.

    • HooverVilles

      Something something … projection …something … protesting too much … something something.

  • General gets fired for sexually harassing a subordinates’s spouse?
    No one can explain that!

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    The bible says NOTHING about cutting off the noses of old men to cook soup with. NOT A WORD.
    How am I supposed to know if it’s right or wrong?

  • KenTFM

    Perkins is so far off base. This General just really, really believes “rank has it’s privileges” What’s the problem?

  • sillyclucker

    Why do teh gayz make me drive my car too fast ??? Why ???

  • pixeloid

    “people are punished for not celebrating homosexuality”

    On which planet has that ever occurred? He seems to think limiting discrimination, harassment, assault, and murder of gay people is “celebrating homosexuality”.

  • HooverVilles

    Me thinks Tony Perkins doth protest tooooo much!

  • motmelere

    My deepest apologies to all who read my earlier noncomment named Tony, Anthony, Antoinette, or is a small theatrics award or our original psycho; I was searching for a shorter name than ‘God Botherer Heretical POS Dolt That Only A Mother Would Fuck’; one guy deserves that and his picture is featured at the head of this article.

    • lurch394

      It is ironic that he shares a name with a deceased, married to a woman, deep-closeted actor who died of AIDS and who no one, I mean no one, suspected of being gay…

  • Do I have to re-enlist to get these ‘sergeant’s much younger wives’ Its been a while but hey. I have free time between angst and cooking.

  • Hazel Blumberg

    A guy who was canned for sexting another guy’s wife says he did it because of gays? That is just plain ol’ bizarre.

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