Here is a video of a Fox News douchepecker worrying that if we help poor people get healthcare, then “what’s the motivation for them to live a healthy lifestyle?” Because as we all know, there are few things people love more than getting sick and going to the hospital just because they can afford it.

Let’s establish a few premises here shall we? Let’s assume that poor people aren’t brainless automatons that can be turned on and off at the whim of their overseers. Let’s also assume that poor people don’t exist merely to spite the GOP (though I do have to tell you I enjoyed that part of poverty.) Let us further assume that nobody at Fox has ever actually figured out what “incentives” are or how they work, because they would have had to read a goddamned econ book and we all know that’s unlikely.

THE WHOLE ENTIRE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WHY WOULD POOR PEOPLE MAKE HEALTHY LIFE CHOICES WITHOUT GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES ARE YOU HIGH? Dude, the reason I ate shitty food when I was poor is because the good stuff is fucking expensive. You know why I didn’t see a doctor for over a decade? I worked at minimum-ish wage, where “doctors” are mythical beasts we hear about from people lucky enough to have seen them in the wild.

You know what I wanted when I was poor? Fucking sleep. That was IT. I wanted to sleep for days. You want me to be healthy, GIVE ME A DAY OFF, MOTHERFUCKER. You know, at fast-food joints management has to certify three times a day that nobody on crew is showing signs of visible illness. And every day they lie because if you catch a cold you’re going to work through it. I mean “throw up in the trash then wash your hands and get back to work” kind of work through. I mean “double up on the DayQuil until you’re shaking so you don’t sneeze on the food” kind of work through. I mean “pass out in the kitchen, split your head open on the corner of the grill, then go sit in the freezer for five minutes until you can cook more” kind of work through. Hell, I saw a dude fry his hand and then clean the fryer before he went to urgent care.

Fuck you, talking about health in the underclasses. You want me healthy? Start by giving me fucking oven mitts at work. Sick leave. A job that pays enough that I don’t have to work 16 hour days nonstop for months. I don’t need your smarmy fact-free babble in my day, Suit Guy who’s got a half-million dollar contract and an expense account. Hell, I was an overnight line cook and I could tell you what behavioral economics is. This isn’t even lazy, this is someone reading the Cliffs Notes version of the Cliffs Notes of Adam Smith and crowning himself a genius.

In conclusion, fuck Fox News as ever and this guy in particular. May they all be served food forevermore by people carrying virulent new strains of intestinal disorders who were too tired to remember to wash their hands.

Keep your writers from horrible working conditions and pay us here!

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  • yyyaz

    Anything I could say here would only subtract from its perfection. Brava!

    • AJ Milne


  • Antonin Dvorak

    It is like they think the poor are a different species and are incapable of normal human behavior.

    • DrBigHead

      I believe that they do. They certainly do not see them as human.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s why they taste so scrumptious, silly.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Why don’t poor people just get better jobs?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Considering that US Amercians are near the bottom in many health indicators in relation to developed nations that don’t try to kill their citizens by providing decent Healthcare and not endlessly fight to take it away…. Faux should shut the fuck up, but they won’t.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    ‘brainless automatons that can be turned on and off at the whim of their overseers’ But that’s enough about Fox News presenters……

    • beingreleased

      This fits in with Trump’s argument that NFL team owners also own the players and can make them obey their every whim.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Just think of all the concussions we’d be missing out on if owners started terminating the contracts of anyone who took a knee during the anthem.

        People would have to find something else to do on Sunday afternoon.

  • beingreleased

    I’m curious what this guy’s motivation for remaining healthy is? Is his argument that poor people have nothing to live for and only try to stay healthy because getting sick is too expensive?

    • Alan

      I was thinking that too. Since he has healthcare is he not motivated to be healthy? Idiots. Every last one.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I assume he’s thinking of the Orange Fuckstick as an example. He has great healthcare, and….

    • Ill-Advised

      Doubtful. More like he won’t get his bonus if quotas aren’t met. STAY HEALTHY, POORZ, WE CAN’T MISS GOAL!

  • Antonin Dvorak

    I mean if we give everyone seatbelts, what is their motivation for driving safely?

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      If we have an anti-ballistic missile treaty, what’s the incentive for world leaders to get along?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Or the converse: “He was wearing his bike helmet and he still died when the the car ran him over? I can’t believe it!”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If poor people can afford health insurance, they’ll get addicted to appendectomies.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Surgery Queens!1!

      • Creepoman

        And staphing young bucks!

        • Old town Urbandale

          And they’ll have amputations just so they get the best parking places and drive those motorized carts through the stores! (Oh, wait, we’re trashing the ADA since it’s so hard on business. Never mind.)

      • AJ Milne

        Living under single payer, I’ve had like six… I’ve _tried_ to stop, just can’t stop myself…

        Truth is, though, it’s the getting a new one put in to take out again is the real rush…

        (I steals ’em from right wing media personalities. True story.)

  • Zonath

    Agreed. Just like if you give poor people free public schools, what’s the motivation for them to get educated?

    • Creepoman

      But don’t forget – rich people need ridiculous compensation to stay motivated.

      • AJ Milne


        … also: CEOs need golden parachutes, cause damn it, this CEOing is _dangerous_. People could get hurt.

        • FlownΩver

          ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished voted.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        They’re snowflakes like that.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If you don’t offer rich people ridiculous compensation, you might not get the best rich people. And nobody wants that.

        • Creepoman

          I see a shining example of the not-best rich (supposedly) person on the cover of every magazine these days. I can also confirm I do not want that. In fact, I would pay more money not to have that. I guess you right.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      And if you give people tax cuts, what’s the motivation for them to work? Wait. I might have forgotten to carry the one . . .

  • Iron Monkey

    If we put radar on all the airliners, what is the incentive for pilots to look out the windows?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    May they all be served food forevermore by people carrying virulent new strains of intestinal disorders who were too tired to remember to wash their hands.

    Best. Curse. Ever.

    • Bobathonic

      Typhoid Mary was a professional cook. So, tradition!

      • Creepoman

        If there is a FSM, please let her rotate into the White House chef position and sneeze on herr gropenfuhrer’s ketchup.

    • Meccalopolis

      may they consume a lot of poor spit

      • Ill-Advised

        In the bars of Manhattan, DC, and Palm Springs, etc.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It’s rumored that Donald J. Trump has never tasted food that didn’t have saliva in it.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I know that I went and fucked up my L3 vertebra specifically so that I could get the State of New York to allow me to legally buy THC…..eleven years later, once it was legalized and once “chronic pain” was finally added to the list of qualifying conditions.

    • Alan

      Ha! You scammer.

    • DrBigHead

      Now THAT’S what I call planning!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Bootstraps, mkay?”

    • cmd resistor

      What a twerp.

    • Parakeetist

      Paul Ryan eats people.

  • tehbaddr

    Ramen sister!

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      If you ate ramen every day instead of gas station hot dogs and invested the savings into Coca-Cola in 1890, you’d save $500,000 over the course of four lifetimes. God you poors are all such losers!

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        And the tax cuts will ensure you have access to all the ramen you want.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          only if you don’t want ramen.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Right wing logic tells us that we all know poor, uninsured people never get expensive- treatbly sick because they don’t get health care they need. Ipso facto.

  • Bureaucrap

    Because “leading a healthy lifestyle” will definitely keep you and your kids from breaking bones, getting into bike or car accidents, getting cancer, pneumonia or influenza, or developing hereditary/genetic diseases. BLAME THAT VICTIM!!!

  • Baconzgood

    Maybe people make healthy choices because…they want to be healthy.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      …and they can afford to make those choices.

  • TJ Barke

    We can haz class war nao?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      We already have it. Do you mean Can we fight back yet?

      • Creepoman

        And we’re getting our asses kicked.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          It turned out Trump was a double agent, and was working for the other side the whole time! Which apparently was a surprise for 60+ million people! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! That was a good one.

  • calliecallie

    Thank God that Killermartinis still has the furious anger of a righteous man. Please, don’t ever lose that!

    • weejee

      Brett’s Depends™ moment.

  • dslindc

    Next on Fox News: If poor people wear shoes, will they hate bread bags?

  • Shanzgood

    OT: There’s a wood chipper in my street being used by tree trimmers and my imagination is running wild with banhammer-worthy thoughts.

    • Bobathonic

      I read that as “tree rimmers”. Whoa, what a neighborhood.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Sometimes the tree-huggin’ gets a little out of hand.

        • Shanzgood

          My county always votes blue.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Well, it is hump day.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            That’s hump, not stump.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Feelin’ pretty chipper today? Downright perky!

      • Shanzgood

        They are cutting down a LOT of that tree!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Sometimes a severe pruning is just what they need. I’ve never managed to kill one by pruning.

          • Shanzgood

            This is an old neighborhood and the trees are really big. my front yard is on the north side and between that and the trees blocking all the sun, I can’t grow any grass.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            That’s not legal, anyway. Not yet. Get a medical card and visit your local dispensary.

          • Shanzgood


    • MynameisBlarney


  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Because giving the less fortunate lead free drinking water would raise their awareness of what miserable fucks their overlords really are. Those incentives they don’t need!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The poor: they knew what they were signing up for.

    • Ill-Advised

      All the racism they can eat.

  • reelreeler

    Healthy lifestyle choices aren’t on the dollar menu, but cheap eats are. If you want to eat a healthy food lunch at Panera it will set you back about $13. Fuck you Fox News

  • armed_bears

    the reason I ate shitty food when I was poor is because the good stuff is fucking expensive.

    This is core. If you are poor, where are you gonna spend $5? Whole Foods? McDonalds? Calories-per-dollar are inversely proportional to nutritional-benefits-per-dollar. (Ask me, someone who grows vegetables for a semi-living.)

    Poverty sucks. Nobody wants it. (Much like turnips, I have learned.)

    • Meccalopolis

      and you’re more likely to live in a food desert without a grocery store in sight

  • TJ Barke

    The poor need to be tired, sick and desperate so they’re willing to work shittier and shittier jobs until robots replace them and then they can die.

    • TJ Barke

      That’s only like 1/4 joke.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        We can’t afford a whole joke, can’t even afford half.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        It’s ok. Comments with 75% joke by-product are allowed by law (where comments are allowed, which is not here).

      • Creepoman

        The punch line is something, something, living long enough so organs can be harvested for the rich. Or something like that. It was funnier when Mnuchin told it.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I thought it was news from the future.

  • MynameisBlarney

    If we give people easy access to automatic weapons, what’s the incentive for them to mass murder a shitload of people?


    • armed_bears

      Ding Ding Ding!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      “Security! We need logic ejected from the building, STAT!”

      • Ill-Advised

        And take those frickin fallacies out with it!

    • Msgr_MΩment


      • weejee


  • Scooby

    Americans are way fatter than any country that has universal healthcare.

  • “what’s the motivation for them to live a healthy lifestyle?”

    A desire to see your kids grow up, succeed, have families of their own, and bring the grandkids over to play without you having to be attached to an oxygen tank 24/7?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Seriously, these people are fucking pigs.

    My medical care would be astronomical without insurance, and even the genetic test I could use to get more covered would cost me five grand out of pocket.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When I got my first employer-provided insurance, I stopped looking before crossing the street, drank straight out of puddles, and started eating at Arby’s.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Arby’s? What the fuck is wrong with you?


      • Shanzgood

        Right? My ex was a fan of Arby’s. To me, their “beef” tasted the way dog food smells.

        • Creepoman

          Alpo libelz!!11!

        • Bobathonic

          I just can’t stand that sheen. It’s never on anything I make at home.

          • Meccalopolis

            ikr, what the hell is that, an oil slick?

      • SweetDeeKat

        Curly fries!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Those curly fries are damn good.

    • Oblios_Cap

      What? Hardees wasn’t artery-hardening enough for you?

    • SeeTrain65

      “… just to mainline Horsey Sauce.”

  • jesterpunk

    When I was younger I worked at KFC and dropped 3 cases of popcorn chicken on my hand and pushed it into the metal shelf. I went to urgent care the next day that the company had listed as the medical facility to see for work related injuries. They put a brace on my hand and told me to avoid heavy lifting and even gave me a note to give to work saying that. When I took that into the store they told me they don’t do light duty and if I couldn’t do my job then I could find another job. Since I couldn’t afford to not have a job I worked with an injured hand and made the recovery take even longer. That was the only time I went to the doctors when I worked there.

    The right also likes to point out you should eat healthy food but when it takes an hour each way to get to work on public transportation then work 8 hours by the time you get home you just want to sleep so you eat fast food because its cheap and quick and you get a discount from work.

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      That’s what tired moms and dads do to keep the kids fed. And so continues the cycle of unhealthy by reason of poverty.

    • armed_bears


      • jesterpunk

        Make America Groan Again?

        • Bobathonic

          Make America Gouty Again

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Gout used to be a rich man’s disease. Not any more.

          • Naytch

            Trickle down works! /s

        • SeeTrain65

          Make Americans Gristle Again.

  • coozledad

    These fuckers have coked themselves out of empathy. And beyond the range of it, too.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    This is the same theory they use for morality – if we didn’t believe that bad people went to hell, what’s the motivation to be good?
    They have to believe that people must be incentivized to make the moral, healthy choices (or alternatively, be punished for making the wrong ones) rather than believing that people can inherently make moral, healthy choices for themselves.

    • jesterpunk

      Projection, they are only somewhat good because they are afraid of going to hell and assume everyone else is too.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Exactly! This is the essence of authoritarianism. You can’t let people make their own choices, because they will make the wrong ones. Everyone needs a Jiminy Cricket whispering in their ear if they have any chance of being a good person. Some men believe women are men’s “conscience”. Absolving them of any responsibility for their actions if a woman didn’t stop them.

      The recent innovation is establishing yourself as that Jiminy Cricket. Once you have soothed them into submission with enough smarmy talk about “kindness” “faith” “devotion” and so on, it’s time to MONETIZE. There are people who will pay top dollar for you to whisper their sweet nothings into those ears.

  • bubbuhh

    Fox and Friends economics: Suck Roger Ailes dead dick, Get money I wonder which action is considered an incentive.

  • beatbort

    From 1984, relevant all over again in 2017:

    “But the proles, if only they could somehow become conscious of
    their own strength, would have no need to conspire. They needed only to
    rise up and shake themselves like a horse shaking off flies. If they
    chose they could blow the Party to pieces tomorrow morning. Surely
    sooner or later it must occur to them to do it? And yet-!”

    • TJ Barke

      Goddamned false consciousness! Seize the means of production!

    • jesterpunk

      But unions are bad and hurt the jerb creators.

  • BadKitty904
  • Msgr_MΩment

    I know the news has been shared, but I wanted to share the Hip’s statement on Gord’s passing as well.
    No onion ninja, no onion ninja. YOU’RE the onion ninja!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    You said it, killermartinis. On top of that, men in suits are always talking about how “the poors” have too many children, but then they deny Medicaid coverage at family planning clinics. It’s fucking stupid.

    There is a certain amount of jealousy among middle-class white people when they see poor (i.e. black or hispanic) people getting medical services for free that they don’t qualify for. Last week I heard a woman at the supermarket complaining about “all the disabled black people I see riding scooters they got free through Medicaid.” She was on Medicare, and Medicare won’t pay for scooters. She was focusing on the fact that poor people might get something for free, instead of focusing on the real issue, which is that Medicare ought to pay for scooters for disabled people. I told her to organize a letter-writing campaign to get this fixed, but she looked at me as if I had just told her to commit suicide.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Standing in line, marking time
      Waiting for the welfare dime
      ‘Cause they can’t buy a job
      The man in the silk suit hurries by
      As he catches the poor old ladies’ eyes
      Just for fun he says, “get a job”

      That’s just the way it is
      Some things will never change
      That’s just the way it is
      Ah, but don’t you believe them

      Said, hey little boy you can’t go where the others go
      ‘Cause you don’t look like they do
      Said, hey old man how can you stand
      To think that way
      Did you really think about it
      Before you made the rules?

      He said, “son
      That’s just the way it is
      Some things will never change
      That’s just the way it is
      Ah, but don’t you believe them”

      Oh yeah

      Well, they passed a law in ’64
      To give those who ain’t got a little more
      But it only goes so far
      Because the law don’t change another’s mind
      When all it sees at the hiring time
      Is the line on the color bar, no, no

      That’s just the way it is
      And some things will never change
      That’s just the way it is
      That’s just the way it is, it is, it is, it is

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My “Christian” friends like to quote Matthew 26:11 “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me” and ignore the fact that he was talking to his followers in 33 BC, not today. I’ve always enjoyed the 1921 song “Ain’t We Got Fun”, especially the line “The rich get rich and the poor get children…”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      It must be nice to be so damned privileged that you’d look at a poor person and only notice they got something “free”.

      As someone who has been a poor (and still probably not securely out of poverty yet) and knows math stuff–this shit pisses me off to the highest. I just want to shake them and say: “DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE THEY HAVE TO HAVE TO QUALIFY FOR GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE????”

      They’re comparing the wrong costs. They’re comparing what they themselves would have had to pay for that scooter and what they think that person didn’t pay. Instead they should compare what they already have to what that poor person does not have.

      I am nothing less than horrified when I look at the qualifying income levels for people who need public assistance. For a single individual, medicaid eligibility is $16K. HOLY FUCK!!! – I cannot imagine living off of $16K. I make at least three times as much and I still fee like I’m “struggling”. So I am not going to complain about any “free” swag they get, because at the end of the day I would not want to be in the position of making only $16K. I’d have to give up a lot of comforts.

      But if our aggrieved middle class friends are willing to trade places so they can get a free scooter they can knock themselves out.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’m with you 100%. You would be AMAZED how often I hear this shit from middle-class white people, most of whom consider themselves to be Christians. In my state it is the same – the Medicaid cut-off is $1335/mo or $16,020/year – and a friend of mine who lost a leg in a motorcycle accident a year ago is getting $1478/mo in SSDI and doesn’t qualify, PLUS he has to wait 2-1/2 years to qualify for Medicare. They clearly hope he will die before then. He got a $30,000 prosthetic leg while his group health insurance was still covering him, but they cut him off in July, and now he needs a new socket because his stump has shrunk, but they cost $17,000 and he has no insurance. This means he can’t walk until he gets Medicare in 18 months. He worked hard for 44 years and supported a family, and yet he is now a throw-away citizen.

        A friend sent me this image yesterday, which expresses my sentiments exactly.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        My wife and I both live on $16,448 a year. That’s her disability “annuity” from the federal government, which is about 32% of what she made when she became too sick to work in 1990. That does include her COLAs she’s gotten, but also subtract $169/mo for health insurance for only her (it goes up to $186 next year). When we met 14 years ago, her insurance premium was ~$35. She needs full time care now, so I quit work because it would have cost more than I was making to hire someone.

        If I hadn’t inherited enough money to buy a house for cash when my dad died, we’d be SOL.

  • Anna Rompage

    What is the motivation to live a healthy lifestyle with you poor, broke, and barely scraping by?

    I mean seriously, I have a pretty decent job with a great family owned business, get paid a middle class wage, and the daily bullshit I deal with from crazy clients, and the world at large, is enough for me to not make the best food choices & drives me to drink more than my fair share ….

    • Meccalopolis

      because without booze and cigs you can be even more miserable!!

  • YoBunnyBunny


    Weren’t these the same motherfuckers who were just PISSED OFF, MISSY!!! that First Lady Michelle Obama would be tyrannical enough to suggest kids eat broccoli and not sit on their asses all day and schools provide the kids with healthy food options instead of junk and soda???

    • jesterpunk

      Yes they are.

    • Ricky Gay

      When you work for Fox News, where’s the incentive to be consistent, non-hypocritical, and empathic towards your fellow man?

      • Ill-Advised

        That’s ground for getting fired at Fox, to be sure!

        • Wilma

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, but that was government making things easier. Being poor should be excruciatingly difficult so that you will either a) stop being poor or 2) realize that you are inferior to your betters.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        On the whole they prefer option 2, since option 1 means slightly less for THEM.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yabbut…she’s a blah woman remember?

      According to the gop, that is a double whammy and means she is doubly not allowed to have any opinions on anything.

    • Bright Bart

      yes here is one of them, the completely unbiased, not funded by asshole billionaire douchbag, heritage foundation to mansplain you why Michelle Obama is a know it all bossy pants who is interfering with poor childrens opportunity to learn hard knocks by starving at school. enjoy!

      • C4TWOMAN

        I’ll pass and take your word for it.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Working at Fox News gives no incentives to tell the truth.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Rather the opposite.

  • Joe Beese

    Why should you care? Have you got something to hide, maybe?

    The Los Angeles Police Department, one of the nation’s largest municipal police forces, approved a one-year pilot program for drones—making it the largest city in the nation to undertake such an evaluation.

    According to the Los Angeles Times, the LA Police Commission approved a set of policies that limits “their use to a handful of tactical situations, searches or natural disasters.” Each drone flight must also be signed off by a “high-ranking officer on a case-by-case basis.” The drones are also not to be weaponized. The decision, which was announced Tuesday, was made despite vociferous protest.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Fire department’s going to love that, since every time some idiot flies a drone to get pictures of wildfires they have to ground the air attack.

    • Michael R
      • Joe Beese

        Detroit going bankrupt… what a ludicrous premise.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Slap a Stingray on those fuckers, and we’re in business.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I’m curious as what Mayor Garcetti’s position on this is.

    • SterWonk

      I’m torn on this one — if used responsibly, UAVs can in fact be quite useful for search-and-rescue, to survey fire zones, greatly speed up inspection of power lines, etc. In a “tactical situation” (such as a hostage standoff), it could allow the police to gather information without putting additional people at risk.

      On the other hand, police in general — and the LAPD in particular — does not have the best track record of using their tools responsibly.

  • Wonky Magoo

    ALL foodborne illness is preventable. I just like to bring that up in discussions about the health of farm and restaurant workers. Every single outbreak is caused by someone not doing the right thing, usually because “doing the right thing” is a great way to lose your job.

    Also, the sushi counter at your grocery store is run by Moonies.

    • SDGeoff3

      I gave up sushi for lent a long time ago and never looked back.

    • randoracer

      Really? I didn’t know that. I always buy the sushi because the Asian girl making it is really cute! Never thought to inquire about her cult leanings. Shoot.

      • Wonky Magoo

        I don’t know about the employees, but all of the ingredients and equipment come from True World Foods. They’re like Sysco, but for sushi restaurants, and they’re fully owned by the Unification Church.

  • TJ Barke

    Why didn’t these poor people, deprived of the means of self subsistence and genuine autonomy thus doomed to a life wage slavery, or at best maybe joining the ranks of their exploiters, have the sense to be born rich?

    • jesterpunk

      The can just borrow a million from their parents.

      • MynameisBlarney

        It’s just a small loan.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Like Ivanka Trump!

      • Ellie

        And then, they could architect their lives!

  • weejee
  • jesterpunk
  • Weird Fishes

    Clean coal will solve everything. I read that somewhere.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Black lung is the new Cross Fit!

    • TJ Barke

      No no no, that’s tax cuts.

      • Weird Fishes

        There’s so much winning I can no longer keep any of it straight.

      • Historicat

        There’s nothing that can’t be solved through tax cuts and/or more guns!

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Oh, you’ve been driving the Pennsylvania Turnpike too, eh?

      • Weird Fishes

        Only spiritually.

  • Flashman

    Same argument applies to burial insurance.

  • Michael R
    • TJ Barke

      In heaven, everything is fine.

    • Daniel

      Pictured: Trumpcare.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Shanzgood


        • Bill D. Burger

          Eraserhead Rand!

        • Bill D. Burger

          Here’s the ‘real’ character from David Lynch’s cult classic ‘Eraserhead.’

          • Shanzgood

            I never watched that. On purpose.

          • SeeTrain65


          • The Wanderer

            Ah, yes. Eraserhead. A tale of one man’s search for love and acceptance in a bleak, post-industrial landscape.

        • An Outhouse for the résistance

          Rand Paul?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      So, that’s what Dolt 45 looks like before he does his hair and starts tweeting in the morning. Better than I imagined.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Why don’t these poors just go to Walmart Hospitals instead of fancy name-brand hospitals?

    They could get the cares they like.

    • Oblios_Cap


  • Oblios_Cap

    I worked at minimum-ish wage, where “doctors” are mythical beasts we hear about from people lucky enough to have seen them in the wild.

    I’ve heard that they have a horn growing out of their foreheads and have silver blood.

  • Anna Rompage

    Jeeze, perhaps if Faux Noose turned their sights to why there is such a large was wage gap in this country, and that with the wealth of this nation, we really shouldn’t have people living in poverty, maybe they wouldn’t ave to worry about all the bad decisions poor people apparently make…

    • Bill D. Burger

      The World According to Trump

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Why would they care?

    • theblackdog

      That means they would have to admit that the ones who regularly appear on their shows are hoarding money and making the gap worse.

  • TJ Barke
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ I got rabies,
    I got measles,
    I got malaria
    Who could ask for anything more? ♪

  • Crystalclear12

    We at worked the same restaurant?! Must’ve been too tired to remember you.

  • notanncoulter

    oh for fuck’s sake.
    just fuck.

    can i please just magically make myself go to a place where i am not just angry at this shit more and more every fucking day.
    and i am a [very lazy] buddhist so i should know better.
    i am just running out of patience with this shit.
    “x percentage of the poors have refrigerators and teevees.”
    yeah – cuz maybe one day, many years ago, they were not eating dirt.
    what the actual fuck is wrong with these people?!?!?!?!?

    • going4baroque

      “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” – Buddha quotes from

    • SeeTrain65

      Fox News is anger.

      Their shoddy “reporting” pisses off the left.
      Their lies about Democrats pisses off the right.

      It’s a eternal sewer of hate.

  • ariel_gee_398

    If Fox keeps subsidizing stupidity, what incentive will pundits have to stop being morons?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Stupidity trickles down from the slobbery decaying jowls of dead Roger Ailes.

  • HZ81

    I must admit, I got hungry over the fried hand bit, but yes—fuck Fox News, and I want to keep punching that Joe Isuzu-looking middle Fox fuck until he shits out his bones.

    • therblig

      was your stomach making the rumblies that only hands could satisfy?

      • TundraGrifter

        Finger food.

      • HZ81

        It was! IT WAS!!!

  • Guinnessmonkey

    And, of course, there’s the assumption that people only get sick because of something they did.

    That nobody ever got sick because of no fault of their own. Nobody ever got ill because of a genetic condition, because of air or water pollution, or just because of random dumb luck.

    Both of my kidneys failed last year. It sucked a lot, but it had nothing to do with my lifestyle, but was genetic. There was no superfood I could have eaten to make my kidneys not become riddled with cysts that eventually destroyed kidney function. If that superfood had existed I’d have eaten wheelbarrows full of it every day. I couldn’t jog my way into having healthy kidneys. Instead I had to go through multiple forms of dialysis, have both my giant kidneys removed (I lost 45 pounds in one day), and then get a transplant a few months later. Throughout this process I was in pain pretty much constantly. Again, through no fault of my own.

    When these people’s parents or grandparents died, did these assholes stand over them telling them they wouldn’t have gotten Alzheimer’s or whatever if they’d eaten more broccoli?

    Someone needs to light these motherfuckers on fire. With votes.

    • marxalot

      These people cannot admit that there is such a thing as “bad luck.”
      I didn’t get Crohn’s Disease when I was 21. This distinguishes me from both Running Dad and my Idiot Brother.
      “Don’t eat that, it’ll give you Crohn’s Diseas” is a family joke. There is literally no way to prevent a peri-genetic disorder from kicking in, you just have to hope it never does.

  • notanncoulter

    thank you for pointing out that shit food is cheap and real food is not.
    i have had to explain this to people:
    you have 4 dollars, hard earned dollars, and you are hungry.
    do you go and buy a head of organic broccoli and some yogurt and not be hungry for 6 hours?
    no – you are going to buy as much cheap shit as you can to keep yourself full for as long as you can, cuz you can buy a whole lotta shit for 4 bucks.
    [‘whole lottta shit’ is my second fave zep track]

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Ohh, you are all gonna kinda hate me now, and just when we were getting to be friends. But.

      Organic broccoli & yogurt? Ok, no to that. But how about a 2lb bag of rice, a pound or two of lentils, and a couple onions? Depending on where you shop (and what kind of bean) you can do that for about four bucks, eat for a week, and not have to resort to ramen. Add another buck, get a couple cans of diced tomatoes.

      Now the kicker is, cooking it takes time (and a wee bit of skill if you want it to not taste like wallpaper paste. But only a very wee bit), which is also a luxury many poors can’t afford. Especially if you have more than one shit job and have to take public transportation – BTDT, raised two kids on welfare etc. But it isn’t ~*entirely*~ true that All Healthy Food is Expensive. It’s just that many ‘murikins tastes have been warped by too much sugar, salt, fat, meat, & flavour chemicals so that perfectly serviceable ‘peasant food’ never even gets considered.

      • notanncoulter

        no hate.
        i was just going elitist extreme.
        i hear ya.
        but if you are really hungry and need something to fill you up, you are going to by a lot of shit cheap food.


        You’re both right! You’re both pretty! Don’t fight!

        As you mentioned, there’s that OTHER high cost that the working poor also can’t afford, besides the price of the food: the time required to prepare healthy alternatives.

        FOX News Punditry gets paid well to act like neither issue exists.

      • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

        I hear what you’re saying but I gotta disagree. Just beans and onions is not enough variety to keep you going for a week. People need greens, carbs, fruits…

        Even non-organic fruit and veg is expensive when compared to I just got a job at a market and I have all the free (slightly damaged) produce I can carry. My grocery bills have PLUMMETED.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Oh I agree – and I also recommend that if you’re seriously poor, you get familiar with the day-old bakery rack and the ‘scratch & dent’ produce aisle, assuming your grocery has them.

          Of course, this is a very simple answer to a complex issue – it doesn’t at all take into account food deserts, where your grocery items are limited to whatever Family Dollar carries, etc. I just wanted to point out that if your food budget is next to nil, you CAN make healthier choices than just ramen and bologna – I know from having spent several years with a weekly grocery budget of $15.

    • SeeTrain65

      And your favorite? “Heartbreaker (Due To A Clogged Aorta).”

  • proudgrampa

    “In conclusion, fuck Fox News as ever and this guy in particular.”

    “Fuck you and anybody who looks like you.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • proudgrampa

      This was an awesome piece…

  • Jack Takes A Knee

    You want to ‘incentivize’ people like me? How about loosening those student loan collections so my wife can actually draw some of her social security in fifteen years without it just getting taken by the government? How about letting us actually retire at all as opposed to working just above minimum wage until we die? How about giving us something for our time, something kooky like a living goddamn wage? How about you don’t cut literally every fucking program designed to help folks even poorer than we are have such luxuries as a place to take a shower, more than one set of clothes, a pair of shoes for their kids and, I don’t know, food that doesn’t come out of a dumpster? Look, I was homeless myself about twenty years ago. No, not ‘crashing at s friend’s place’ homeless, but ‘sleeping in my car in the dead of November, selling plasma three days a week, selling blood the other three days kind of homeless. The kind of homeless where you wait outside the back of McDonald’s for them to put the huge bag of wrapped food they couldn’t sell but were by law forbidden from giving directly to us, to get put in the dumpster so we could have a meal for a change.

    Yeah, fuck these guys. If they ever once had to deal with life even just above the minimum wage, the only ‘incentive’ they’d have is the one that tells them to put a bullet in that empty void that passes for their brains.

    • Suttree

      I was in that place a little over 20 years ago. I still scope out the stores as I walk through them. I was a really good shoplifter!

    • SeeTrain65

      It’s well beyond time every nation had a Universal Basic Income.

      (BTW: The one single day I worked at a McDonald’s, they told me not only was I not allowed to give the food away, I wasn’t even allowed to take it out of the building. It wasn’t law as I remember it. I was a McDonald’s directive. They truly didn’t give a shit.)

  • Mavenmaven

    Yeah, because genetic diseases, including many cancers, are preventable by not listening to rap music, using Obamaphones, and all the other accompanying racist falsehoods (they obviously don’t mean poor white people, I mean, opioids and meth are clearly part of their constituency’s healthy lifestyle).

  • Courser_Resistance

    I have been working poor most of my adult life. Single adults rarely qualify for SNAP. I was able to get it while I was in grad school and that’s about it.

    Fuck anyone who thinks poor folks don’t take care of themselves. Most of us walk a fuck of a lot, either because we don’t have cars or we don’t have money for gas or to fix those cars. That makes us more fit than most well-off folks. What exactly do you want us to do to ‘take responsibility’ for our health? Oh, and it has to be something YOU do religiously, okay?

    Yeah, that’s what I thought.

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      I blast through the 10,000 step goal on my Fitbit halfway through the day when I’m at work… except on days when I do higher-level manager duties.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Where’s the incentive for them not to seize the means of production?

  • Ellie


  • FlownΩver

    FockSnooze: sadistic assholes, the whole lot of them. As is their Viewer-in Chief.

  • FlownΩver

    Matthew 25:36 (Revised Fox Version):
    ” …I was sick and you said ‘fuck that guy,”

  • Opalescent Riddles

    The fuckers say, “If the poors don’t pay for at least some of their healthcare, they won’t have any ‘skin in the game’, so they won’t be motivated to make healthy choices.” What the everloving fuck? Even if my healthcare is free, MY SKIN IS LITERALLY IN THE GAME. If I am cut, do I not bleed, etc.?

  • Ed Farmingtoner

    Fox News deserves the Nobel Peace Price for Literature … damn’ those liberals!


      What is wrong with you? Did you get too much healthcare and it rotted your brain?

  • clubseal

    Having been there myself, totally agree, except on the food part … when I was poor it was more a matter of the cheap stuff took less time to make, as opposed to cooking a healthy meal. It wasn’t exactly in the cards in between shifts at my two jobs and going to class to prepare something that was good for me.

  • guppy06

    Let us not forget the disproportionate number of coworker funerals poor people find themselves attending.

    • Paul Dietzel

      If they can get the (unpaid) time off.

  • Nockular cavity

    Suit Guy who’s got a half-million dollar contract and an expense account.

    “Hey, I EARNED those things, by being a clueless asshole able to spread propaganda about stuff I know jack shit about, without flinching.”

    • Suttree

      Or feeling any guilt.

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      “I had to make a LOT OF PHONE CALLS to my DADDY’S FRIENDS to get where I am today!”

  • The Kids Aren’t AltRight

    Health insurance makes you unhealthy, which is why rich people don’t live as long as poor people.


      If they keep up their teevee-fueled class warring, we could always make sure the data fits this theory, tumbrel-stylee.

  • Funny how money affects poor people’s behavior except when you suggest paying them more.

  • azeyote

    let them eat commodity foods – i recommend the turkey that comes in a squeeze tube for getting the full experience –

    • Lily412

      Government cheese

      • SnowBomber

        I remember that stuff. Big, orangey yellow blocks of “cheese” that we were happy to get, along with ring bologne if I remember right.

        They stored the stuff in a big warehouse next to a highway in Madison and one summer it burned down. There was smelly, oily liquid cheese everywhere. You couldn’t drive past that area for months without smelling it.

        • Lily412

          That’s disgustingly hilarious.

      • Old Nick

        I was a welfare caseworker in NYC back in the late 1960s and our clients got surplus food. Rice, dried beans, canned veg and meat and yes the cheese. I believe it was real cheese and certainly smelled and tasted ok, especially for free. At least recipients got some pretty real food. Nothing wrong with rice and beans if you are hungry. I was sorry when I heard the program ended. (Didn’t it?)

        • Lily412

          Honestly, I don’t know much about it. I just remember that my mom had some: it came in a non-descript foil wrapper, looked vaguely like American cheese and had a strangely plasticized texture. She lived in Bumfuck, SC (think dirt roads for miles) and I’m pretty sure the budget for DSS was zilch. Thankfully we only went there on weekends and in the summer.

        • Zyxomma

          You forgot the peanut butter, which came in big cans (like Crisco cans), and the corn grits. Ahh, the corn grits. I have yet to find any available anywhere that equal their corny, gritty goodness.

          • Old Nick

            Thanks for the memories. I do remember the pb and grits now that you remind me. Also some kind processed meat. It was 50 years ago.

          • Zyxomma

            47 years for me. I traded the meat and cheese for more grits; I really loved them.

  • Marc Berrenson

    Fox hires struggling actors to “act” like television journalists. Many struggling actors will do almost anything for a good paying extended role on a reality sitcom such as Fox News. They’re weak. Maybe recently off the poverty rolls themselves. The evil genius behind this whole Fox News bullshit is Rupert Murdoch and his progeny, dumb and dumber. Think Don Jr. and Eric.

  • writersbloc

    *Standing Ovation!

    F that f-ing fuck.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Someone should tie that motherfucker to a chair and force him to listen to an audiobook of Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed.”

    • Suttree

      That was a harsh read. Well done though Barbara! If you could only get some of these jackasses to understand.

    • Zyxomma

      Ehrenreich wrote the introduction for killermartinis’s book, Hand to Mouth, which is superb. I’m just over halfway through it.

  • Boojum

    Why would the rich have healthy lifestyles, since they can afford all that healthcare?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bigliest the best health: Donald Trump. Believe me.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Funny thing, everyone on that panel looked healthy- how come they didn’t let their health go to hell the second they could afford to?

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Dear Killermartinis, Thank you. Eloquent, angry and concise is my favourite type of writing. You do it beautifully.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Word. It had me once again thinking “This is only happening in the greatest nation in history.”

  • Pisto75666

    It sounds so much like concern trolling. “She’d be so much healthier if she wasn’t fat. Oh I’m not being mean. i just care about her health!” These assholes don’t give a damn about the poor. To them, the faster they die, the faster they decrease the surplus population.

    • TakingAmes

      Culture of life (TM), dude!

    • Zyxomma

      Almost. Kill off the poor, and there’s no one to cook, clean, and launder for them, look after their kids, wash the dishes and mop the floor in their favorite restaurants, stock the shelves in their favorite stores (and refold and rehang anything they tried on so they can get it cheaper online somewhere), pick the crops that grace their bone china and fill their wineglasses, etc. Of course, many of the people doing those jobs have to hide or split when ICE comes calling, and many of them don’t quite make minimum wage, inadequate as it is.

      This quote is from Amanda Cohen, chef/owner at Dirt Candy, who pays her employees fairly:


      “I’ve gone deep on the math and the reasons elsewhere, but the short answer is that I want to pay all my employees a better wage, and the only way to do that is to eliminate tipping and raise my prices by 20%. Originally I had a 20% administrative fee, but I’ve now rolled that 20% into the menu prices. Your meal still costs the same amount of money, only now instead of hiding 20% of the cost of your meal as a “tip” or “admin fee” it’s right there in plain sight. This allows me to raise the salaries of all my staff, from my dishwashers to my cooks to my servers.” has more, and so does the blog, accessible from the same website.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    what’s the motivation for them to live a healthy lifestyle?

    Being able to keep up with their kids, feeling great, not spending their spare time at the doctor’s office…need I go on?

  • marxalot

    What’s the motivation for rich people to maintain a healthy lifestyle?
    What did I miss, that the working poor have any fucking opportunity to lead a healthy lifestyle under current conditions? I mean, shit, if “not being able to afford a doctor” caused people to be healthier, our permanent underclass would all be health gurus. As opposed to, you know, what’s up now.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    This makes me doubt Trump is as rich as he says. If he was he’d be much healthier.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Call me nerdy, but a bard song from Kill Six Billion Demons comes to mind:

      Our lady’s quite a portly one, But rarely does she eat. She cracks apart the bones of God, And sucks off all the meat.

  • Lily412

    “what’s the motivation for them to live a healthy lifestyle?”
    Because rich people are always fit and eat their vegetables. What kind of logic is that?

    • Hardly Ideal

      Yeah, just look at Donald “Two Scoops With Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce and No Cherry Because I Don’t Do Fruit” Trump.

  • BrendaKay

    I watched the latest “Modern Family” last night…wherein Haley loses her phone… What would happen if we could take away Fox News and all other sites like that for just a couple days? Would people come out of their bubbles and smell the roses? Welp, back to reality.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      You seen the docu “the brainwashing of my father”? About how a poor olds changed job, and started to listen to Rushbo on his commute to work every day, and pretty soon he was a full blown foxite, full of hate and bile. They managed to de-program him by removing the guilty programs from the TV settings and throw out the radio after he retired.

  • whitroth

    What I want to know is with the money that neofascist Rupert Murdoch pays the Faux News assholes, what would provide them motivation to live a healthy lifestyle?

    And KM, if you weren’t now rich, I’d offer to buy you dinner…. (I can tell your rich: you’re a Famous Journalist!)

  • Viktor

    Roger Ailes was the perfect example of a healthy person. Poor people should be more like Roger.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Steve Bannon and Newt Gingrich are the embodiments of youthful vitality.


    Everyone knows when you give a wealthy bastard a tax cut, he gets soft and bloated.

    Look at Donald Trump, a dude who probably hasn’t paid taxes in years. That guy’s sitting around watching teevee and posting on Twatter and is unhealthy AF.

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      I just finished The Time Machine. I take some small pleasure in the idea that millions of years from now we will literally eat the rich.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Why do we have to wait so long?

        • Odd Jørgensen

          I`ll fire up the grill.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Holy FUCK! Thats just gross.

  • Zyxomma

    Linda, I’m over halfway through your book, and could not agree more. None of these assholes has any concept of what work is like for the less-than-upper-middle-classes.

    Btw, I made pesto today with what may be the last bunch of Greenmarket purple basil, garlic and parsley from the CSA, and close to the bottom of the bag of pine nuts. Yum.

    My healthy habits could fill a book, and I’m certifiably poor. However, I did intellectual temp work, not the mind-numbing physical labor you and your spouse endured. Love, health, and peace.

    • SeeTrain65

      We can now change the line from Patton for the better.

      “You magnificent bastard person, I read your book!”

  • Invidosa

    Yup, to alllll that up there. I manage shifts a grocery (and work from home on off days to ensure we have good health insurance cause I have a plethora of mental illnesses and can’t go without) and my guy manages shifts in a kitchen. Yup. All kinds of yep. Two months ago he worked right through the flu cause there was literally no other option. Fuck those rich privileged motherfuckers. I hope they all get pnuemonia.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Let’s assume that poor people aren’t brainless automatons that can be turned on and off at the whim of their overseers.

    So, poor people aren’t Fox “news” broadcasters?

  • Smibo


  • Atheist

    I recently found out that being a poor person also means having a higher risk of dying from asthma.

    You know that illness you thought you wouldn’t get because you weren’t a kid anymore? Then one day you wake up out of a dead sleep not being able to breathe?

    That illness – yes, you can still get it as an adult. It can accompany GERD which from what I’ve been reading makes it more severe than primary asthma. The link between GERD and asthma was established in the early 1900s. Also, if you have asthma, you probably also have GERD. It’s like the chicken or the egg. They seem to make each other worse.

    If you are African American, take this shit seriously because you are THREE TIMES more likely to die from asthma that everyone else.

    How Many People Die from Asthma?

    Each day, ten Americans die from asthma, and in 2015, 3,615 people died from asthma. Many of these deaths are avoidable with proper treatment and care.5

    Adults are four times more likely to die from asthma than children.5

    Women are more likely to die from asthma than men and boys are more likely than girls.5

    African-Americans are three times more likely to die from asthma.1

    80 to 85 percent who die from asthma develop progressive symptoms anywhere from 12 hours to several weeks before death. Only 15 to 20 percent die in less than 6 hours after developing symptoms. Thus, the vast majority of patients dying from asthma developed symptoms in a time frame that would have allowed them to seek appropriate medical care.


  • Goposaur

    Fuck these assholes fuck these assholes fuck these assholes.

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    That was beautiful.

  • I’ll have what she’s having.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I worked at a Wendy’s when my unemployment ran out. They brought in a new guy, a kid. He’d had a serious breakdown, and his doctors were trying to reintegrate him back into society by getting him some kind of work he could handle, and they decided that fast food was the sort of non-stressful job he could handle. They put him on fries. He lasted three shifts. Not long into his third day on the job, he suddenly froze during the lunch rush, then starting screaming nonstop incoherently.

    Fucking doctors had no idea what a shift at a fast food restaurant is like.

  • Wow. I am living this super poor “lifestyle” complete with multiple disabilities just to stick it the GOP! Enlightenment achieved.

  • Joe Monte

    The problem with this country is that there is too much healthcare ergo: all the sick people!

  • Toledo Window Box

    The more we give these miserable poor people, the more they’ll ask for. You know how they are.

    Not like our beloved wealthy, who are just completely satisfied with exactly what they’ve got.

    • SeeTrain65

      Not like our beloved wealthy, who are just completely satisfies with exactly what they’ve got.

      And never ask for more. (Because they don’t ask. THEY TAKE.)

  • SeeTrain65

    “What’s the motivation for them to live a healthy lifestyle?”

    I know what mine is … NOW.

    Living long enough to see Fox News and every other Murdoch property bankrupted, so he, his family and everyone he’s ever hired find out just what it’s like to FUCKING BE POOR.

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