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Only weirdos wear just ONE button-down shirt.

Steve Bannon launched his speech to the “Values Voter Summit” — which as Lionel Hutz would point out is every bit as much a violation of truth in labeling laws as The Neverending Story — with some lines from Ecclesiastes 3, or at least the Byrds’ version of it in “Turn! Turn! Turn!” (Because do you seriously think Steve Freaking Bannon sits around reading the Bible?) By golly, Bannon knows what time it is, and which season: “Right now it’s a season of war against the GOP establishment.” But it’s not just Steve Bannon’s war against the Republican establishment — it’s a right-wing Christian war, because if the Bible is about anything, it’s about the proper direction for a political party on a continent the ancient Hebrews didn’t know existed. That’s just obvious, after all.

But don’t worry, it’s a Just War, for all you fans of Saint Augustine, Saint Thomas Aquinas, and other Florida cities who theorized about what makes wars OK, because Bannon didn’t start the fire, the ESTABLISHMENT did, by not following along with Donald Trump’s “agenda,” even if he never actually had one beyond “build the wall that will give everybody great healthcare and lock her up.”

This is not my war. This is our war. And y’all didn’t start it. The establishment started it […] But I will tell you one thing — you all are going to finish it.

And to appeal to the folks who angrily protested a production of Julius Caesar that depicted Donald Trump as Caesar, Bannon attacked Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell by invoking, yes, Julius Caesar:

Up on Capitol Hill, it’s like the Ides of March. They’re just looking to find out who is going to be Brutus to your Julius Caesar. We’ve cut your oxygen off, Mitch.

Only apparently this time it was Julius Caesar in an airlock. In space, no one can hear your soliloquy.

Bannon got really big cheers for the prospect of millions of Americans losing their health insurance, because if there was anything Jesus hated, it was healing the sick, at least if taxes were somehow involved, as recorded in the Gospel of Norquist:

Then you had Obamacare. Not gonna make the CSR payments. Gonna blow that thing up. Gonna blow those exchanges up, right?

Cheers and whistles for that stuff! Never mind that Trump’s cover story — which no one believed anyway, but he did at least say it — was that Attorney General Jeff Sessions (barf) determined the cost sharing reductions to reduce low-income enrollees’ out-of-pocket costs were unconstitutional. Or maybe that they were just a payoffs for insurance companies. We doubt anyone on Team Trump minded too much that Bannon stripped away those fictions and made clear Trump’s real motive is simply sabotage, but Bannon’s former boss may not be happy anyway.

The Washington Post‘s Aaron Blake thinks this might be politically inconvenient for Trump, as if that would matter to him:

… [I]f the Affordable Care Act does implode, and especially if Congress doesn’t pass something to help stabilize it, Bannon’s comments would seem to complicate things for Trump. Here we have one of the president’s top allies promoting the idea that Trump just acted deliberately to undermine the insurance policies that many poor Americans have come to rely upon.

And we thought members of the dishonest media were supposed to be cynical.

The only thing Bannon’s speech might have done that would bother Trump is that he was the first to say it out loud. As we learned from the firing of James Comey, Trump considers it his job to throw away his cover rationale and tell the world he’s just acting out of spite, so Bannon may have spoiled Trump’s fun. Trump hates that.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us undermine TrumpDon’tCare.

[CNN / CBS News/ WaPo]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    They’re stupid.
    Stupid. As. Fuck.

    • Christopher Story

      Thank God! I mean, what if this much nefariousness were carried out by competent capable individuals?

      • MynameisBlarney

        We’d all have been detained and processed for “re-education” minutes after the inauguration?

        • Ricky Gay

          I think you mean de-education

    • WotsAllThisThen

      This ain’t Julius Ceaser, it’s A Midsummer Night’s Derp. With Trump playing the part of King Leer.

      • richardgrabman

        King Leer? ISWYDT.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They’re insane. These “values voters” are caught up in a fever of religious psychosis. They can’t wait for godless communist healthcare from that evil voodoo black man to get ripped up and thrown in the trash. They can’t wait for Trump to push the button and kill that fat Asian self-deified communist, while at the same time killing all those evil Muslims so that Hitler Jesus can come home from college and kill Bibi and the settlers for squatting at dad’s place.

      It’s terrifying. The fate of the nation — if not the world — is being determined by 63 million members of a religious cult powered by racism, hatred of women, and a pathological phobia of consensual sexual pleasure. You compare this to the forcibly enthralled crowds cheering on Kim himself in North Korea, or Hitler in Germany — and, yes, not only can it happen here… it already has.

      I weep for my country and what I thought it was, what I thought it could have been. It makes me even sicker to know that there is nothing that either I, let alone anyone else, can do about it.

    • Donna Mueller

      yup-if they’re sitting there listening to that nazi gasbags bullshit they’re idiots. and yesterday when me and the big guy were blasting around the clouds on our jet-skis while “FLASH” by queen was belted out by an angelic chorus, he told me that those people scared him because they are ” over the top batshit-crazy.”

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Nice ‘values,’ you dumbfucks.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    We all remember how things worked out for Brutus. Who wants to be Brutus? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

    • Three Finger Salute

      He never got to have Olive Oyl?

  • I’m sure Rabbi Yeshua Bar Yosef would have been thrilled to know that in the future his disciples would be cheering along with a goddamned Nazi.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Hmmm. I wonder what evidence those lawsuits filed by state AGs will rely on to show Trump’s motivation in killing the CSR payments… It does help that even the Smart Ones on Team Trump are Stupid Fucks…

  • memzilla Ω
    • Christopher Story

      I can still remember when you were more afraid of the dysentery…

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Might be time to worry about it again, with all the ‘eradicated’ diseases making a comeback.

        • clubseal

          If I have to risk reintroducing polio and smallpox because of an imaginary link between autism and vaccines, then I’m willing to take that risk.
          – Jenny McCarthey, probably

      • Historicat

        What do you think this – Puerto Rico?

    • That’s what you think. I have been eaten by a grue!

    • Christopher Story

      What would like on your tombstone?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Ham and pineapples, because I wish I was in Canadia.

  • Nounverb911

    I see bannon hasn’t fixed trump’s fear of stairs yet.

    https://twitter.com/mattryanx/status/919998890430021632

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Hand in hand…

      • Paperless Tiger

        Note the assist with no skin contact. Mitch knows his man, eh?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I’d missed that…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Why is karma so slow?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Because she’s a bitch.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        She keeps all of her records on 3×5 cards. I have been strongly suggesting upgrading her system to something more modern. She is too busy at the moment.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Hypercard?

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Well, it would be an improvement.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • jesterpunk
    • Christopher Story

      Adult daycare indeed! Donald just shat in both hands and is now holding it up for us to see because he’s so proud of it

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I haven’t heard this many cheers for ‘whoopee we’re all gonna die’ since Woodstock.

    • clubseal

      “We asked your wives where’s the strangest place you ever made whoopee … and Sharon said, ‘At my funeral.'”

    • Nounverb911

      And there’s even a daily reminder for that:
      https://twitter.com/death_reminder/status/919778471248781312

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And then murders began,

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Or the last time the Hale-Bopp comet came around

      • Three Finger Salute

        So is that what those boys who looked like the Olsen Twins were singing about way back in the day?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE

        NB: Still more coherent than anything Trump has ever said.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Raan
  • Creepoman

    Wow, this whole racism thing must be one powerful drug. I mean, full-on, mash the big red “self-destruct” button because we once had a nice president who was black.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Nihilists, dude.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Bannon seems to talk about war this and war that all of the time.

    It’s somewhat sad coming from somebody who so obviously would not be able to pick up a loaded rifle and carry it fifty yards without keeling over and gumming up the rifle’s firing mechanism with smegma and pus.

  • Three Finger Salute

    A Shakespearean version of “Richard III” about Trump should be called “Dick the Turd.”

  • elviouslyqueer

    I cannot with this venal, spiteful, infected pustule masquerading as an actual human being.

  • Scooby

    Cry Havoc and let slip the insurance for children!

  • Nounverb911
  • Ellie

    I think that lump of sludge Bannon must be the absolute IDEAL for The Liar Tony Perkins’ group. The only real difference between them is that TLTP cleans up better.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Another notch for the nomenclature game… that preacher-man is named Tony Perkins, and boy, is he ever a Psycho.

  • Three Finger Salute

    They don’t even care that they’re going to die. In a way, they want to, because it’ll bring them closer to their imaginary god-friend and they’ll get “Raptured” while the rest of us godless liberals who made government our deity get to wallow and suffer on Earth.

    These people are irrational. The United States is being run into the ground by 63 million members of a politically-sanctioned Heaven’s Gate cult.

  • Crystalclear12

    Things that die on your watch are your problem, dumbass.

    • Daniel

      Bannon: [raises eyebrow, and brandy snifter. Smirks slightly as he takes a gulp, and eyes the chess board of debate spread out before him with a feline grace and vulpine calculation. The next move is his, and he is the master of this game. He lowers the glass, admires the refraction of the firelight from its crystal rim. He pins you to the chair with his twinkling eyes, and his wetted lips let loose a rhetorical flourish for the ages] Nu’uh.

      [You are pinned and hopeless like a cucked butterfly on a board. This is how he plays- beautiful but brutal, sage yet savage, like a panther. A panther with cirrhosis.]

  • Ricky Gay

    They talking about Jesus-gasms in that song “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” right?!

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Jesus Christ is Risen Today,” also too.

      • Ricky Gay

        The Lord is come!

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          “Have Thine own way, Lord, Have Thine own way;

          Thou art the Potter; I am the clay.

          Mould me and make me After Thy will,

          While I am waiting, Yielded and still.

          Have Thine own way, Lord, Have Thine own way;

          Hold o’er my being Absolute sway.

          Fill with Thy Spirit Till all shall see

          Christ only, always, Living in me.”

          • Ricky Gay

            Amen!
            I’ll be in my bunk.

      • NotReallyHere

        Fuck! Now I’ve got that damn song stuck in my head. ARRRRRRG! Make it stop!!!!

  • Daniel

    Eleven billion dimensional chess sure is difficult to follow.

    • Raan

      Yeah, from the outside it looks remarkably similar to no one knowing what the fuck they’re doing.

  • clubseal

    Reading Dok’s prose on this story was just what I needed today. I know you don’t need head pats from random Wonketteers, but this shit doesn’t write itself.

  • “WAR, HUH! What is it good for? Absolutely tearing apart the GOP. Say it again!”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Bannon, the racist fuck, always looks like he just crawled out of Satan’s asshole.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Or Satan deliberately shat him out.

    • janecita

      Satan is way too classy to have that hairy wart, anywhere near his asshole.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    I really do wonder how much of this has to do with the teavangelicals’ hard-on for The End Of The World.
    Guess what, dumbasses, the rest of the world is managing reasonably well without your 19th century death cult, and has no intention of ending any time soon.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Hold my beer.” -Nuclear-capable Republicans

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The Family Research Council has released their findings on the families that follow them.

    ‘They’re idiots.’

  • TJ Barke

    Sounded better in the original German.

  • elviouslyqueer

    They’re just looking to find out who is going to be Brutus to your Julius Caesar.

    More like Coriol to your Anus, fuckface.

    /Shakespeare pedant

  • Daniel Hooper

    “Because do you seriously think Steve Freaking Bannon sits around reading the Bible?”

    I doubt he can even look at one with getting burned.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Beautiful Soup

      Good one Neewtt.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        He’s one more glass of wine away from trashing the church of St Stephen.

    • mancityRed6

      amazing how he can type out a tweet while he has a stroke, or an orgasm.
      and yeah, now it’s in your head, too.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Can you see the tweet I posted? I can’t see it for some reason. I can only see the text of my post.

        • mancityRed6

          I can see it, and I really wish I hadn’t.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            I wonder what’s up with that? I refreshed, and even closed and reopened my browser. I’m in chrome. On the other hand, I can see it in firefox.

      • Raan

        Every time he has an orgasm, he has a stroke.

        • Daniel

          I think it’s the other way round.

          • Raan

            Eh, six of one…

    • Nounverb911

      Did he get released from the “Real Housewives of the Vatican” already?

    • Daniel

      “Very deep and growing”

      His understanding is very similar to gangrene.

      Or dementia.

      • Beautiful Soup

        I think he meant to say growling.

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        Word of the day: recrudescent.

    • SDGeoff3

      Grabbing them by the issues, eh? Is that what he calls it now?

    • Ling Ling

      Shut up, Newt

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You try to type while your pretty young intern/assistant/next_wife is giving you an under-the-desk beej.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        See if you can pre-schedule your annulment hearing, Calista!

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        That’s ugly, man.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Remember, you can’t spell “St Groin’s g-string” without “Stgroing.”

    • TJ Barke

      bqhatever.

    • doktorzoom

      He was just outside Bbarstow, on the edGge of the desert, when the druggss toooooook holddddddddd.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And then the murders began.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      What kind of things must you be typing on a regular basis that your auto changes strong to groin, hmm?

    • Werewolf

      Bqhatevwr.

    • Oneofthebobs

      Newt seems to have a loose grasp on his “device”, if you know what I mean.

  • joe baduba

    How in the hell did I miss the value voters summit AGAIN!!?

    • doktorzoom

      Just lucky, I guess.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      They need to stop scheduling it so close to Murder All The Indians Day.

      • Mormos

        We need to keep Thanksgiving, but change the iconography around it. Every country needs a holiday that is just for eating.

    • janecita

      You had better things to do? Like watch paint dry.

    • joe baduba

      Is there a date set for the “jesus hated salmon” summit.
      Too fishy.
      My preacher says you didn’t EVEN want to get him started on Tuna.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Blanche de Shambles

    41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

    42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:

    43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.

    44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee?

    45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

    46 And they said to him: Um…sorry, Lord- which were the sheep and which were the goats again?

    47 And he said unto them: Verily I say this unto you, did I fucking stutter?

    • doktorzoom

      And they will say, It Doesn’t Count If Taxes Heal The Sick, Because Libertarian Jesus agrees with me, like He always does.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If there was ever an illustration of the second temptation of Jesus (Satan took Jesus to a mountain top and told him that dominion of all the cities on earth would be his, if he bowed down and worshiped him) it’s the way the fundevangelicals have climbed in bed with Donald Trump. The Values Voters Summit was always a sham, but I don’t know how anyone can look at the lineup this year and not recognize that they’ve happily sold what’s left of their souls to a liar and a con artist.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        And he will sell them out and leave them holding the bag, just the way he’s done with any other business he’s been involved with.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        That sale happened a long time ago. They have no memory of what a soul feels like.

  • Nounverb911

    That’s one way to get McConnell to stick aroud…

    https://twitter.com/TrumpsTies/status/920035935865262082

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Or give Mitchie a Trump-length tie made of lettuce?

  • janecita

    If I were an evil person, I would be happy that a lot of people that voted for Trump will probably lose their health insurance. My health insurance won’t be affected, why should I care then? I care, because I believe that good health care is a human right (I blame Fidel for that belief). Those fake Christians are the antithesis of what Jesus represents, Hell, I’m an atheist and I’m a better Christian than those assholes! Fuck them all!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Yeah, even Fidel was a better non-Christian Christian than any of these hypocrites (and healthcare is a human right in Canada as it is in most if not all civilized countries, which is why that Castrogate thing was bigly stupid even beyond the uncreative birtherism of the whole thing). Cuba, I read, really wants to help Puerto Rico, but they are doubly blocked from doing so because it’s a territory and there’s still an official embargo on the country. Guaranteed they’re not going to throw paper towels or Pop-Tarts. Heck, they sent troops to Angola to fight the Portuguese colonialists. They also have one of the highest percentages of women in their legislature anywhere in the world!

      Where’s Carnival Cruz and Marco Roboto calling on Dump to permanently waive the Jones act and stop isolating Cuba? Where are they standing up for their fellow Latinos? Probably a lot of whom are named Jesús? Oh, right, they’re probably trying to get Bugs Bunny on the line so they can beg him to saw off Florida before those pesky Puerto Ricans show up en masse as refugees (within their own country) and turn the state blue.

      No wonder Gandhi said “I like your Christ but I don’t like your ‘Christians’.”

      • janecita
        • Three Finger Salute

          Well, I guess Cuba and Canada have a long history of “common ground.” Diefenbaker came out and condemned the South African apartheid regime way back in 1960, while the U.S. was still fighting against the recognition of African-Americans’ basic humanity. And he was a conservative! Many, many people don’t know that. (The Progressive Conservatives, of course, bore no resemblance to the wacko GOP North of today.)

      • Courser_Resistance

        Cuba also has an incredible healthcare system and they would be MORE than delighted to provide care to Puerto Rico.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Speaking of cults, America has their own version of the Hasbara Youth — and it’s scary

    I went undercover at a boot camp for young conservatives. Here’s what I found

    Ever see the documentary Jesus Camp? That shit is what the NSGOP probably has planned to replace public schools with. Not only force women to give birth, but force the kids to attend mandatory Bible study where they learn to reject false idols (like universal healthcare) and worship the flag and St. Raygun instead. These people are frightening.

    To give you a better picture of their funding, Leadership Institute is an “associate” of State Policy Network, the right-wing, $83 million conglomerate of tax-exempt organizations with 153 members in 49 states, Puerto Rico, Washington D.C., Canada and the United Kingdom and close ties to the Koch brothers, among others.

    Holy shit, the Kochs have their tentacles in Britain and my beloved Canadia?!? That must be where Local Milk Boy is getting his douchebro candidates from!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Not really any surprise, given how much US money has found its way into the oil patch over the years.

    • marxalot

      They’re radicalizing the children, and lobotomizing the adults, and they have been for forty years.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Maybe even longer than that. Rockefeller once wanted to assemble an army of fascists to overthrow FDR’s government and replace it with a dictatorship that (of course) had him at the helm. I believe Smedley Butler was asked to be in charge of this “task force” and he told Rockefeller to fuck off.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I remember going paintballing in the western Maryland woods, and seeing guys bringing troops of little boys to it (the average age of the people I was with was more like 25-30). I don’t know what it was, but seeing little kids in oversize helmets, camo, and carrying guns just smacked of Hitlerjugend to me.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Plus, the fact that they were with “mountain men” in the woods probably involved other bad things too. To teach them “values” of course.

    • TJ Barke

      Jesus Camp made me fucking furious.

  • Daniel

    Trump says the quiet part loud again.

    McConnell is not happy.

  • sincarne

    “Only apparently this time it was Julius Caesar in an airlock. In space, no one can hear your soliloquy.”

    All my daily allotment of internet points to the person who composites “Et tu, Brute?” over Ripley in the power loader at the end of Aliens.

  • Michael R
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Why hasn’t that fungus that lives on his face eaten the rest of him yet?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        How do you know it hasn’t?

      • Raan

        It’s that cordyceps variant from The Last of Us. One of these days, it’s going to make him climb to the observation deck of the Empire State Building so its spore pods can burst.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Because he is that fungus. It’s mutated into a quasi-sentient creature.

      • O4FSake

        Because he can multi task as parasite and host?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Dear Black Santa –

    I will stop looking at pictures of college wrestlers for, like, a long time (a week even!) if you will give me just one thing: a long, expensive, highly damaging civil war within the GOP that ends by breaking the Tea Party once and for all.

    Yours most sincerely,
    GTT

    • jesterpunk

      Trump and this civil war might do more then that, it could break the entire GOP party and maybe even the country.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        If the regressives can be removed from positions of power, the country can be healed. If they stay… well, Canada does have a history of taking in refugees from failed states.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Give it time. Justin still has his hands full trying to snake-charm Dotard out of bombing his country over weed, Muslims, and Ivanka wanting his bigly hockey stick more than daddy’s brittle twig.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Kansas?

          • SigDeFlyinMonky

            Where is John Brown when we need him most?

    • Ling Ling

      I hoped Bush Jr would cause the Republicans to go w/the Whigs. No luck yet. But I didn’t incent the deal like you, so perhaps…

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Much as I like the image of these people stepping on rakes forever, if history has proven anything, it’s always the crazier, sleazier rightwingers who win these kinds of power struggles. And their idiot masses will vote for them regardless.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Well I’m certainly not giving up college wrestlers just to be stuck with right-wing lunatics.

        • Oneofthebobs

          Better stick to your guns, no compromise will be accepted.

    • stumpknocker

      they be in a civil war, but come election day they go to the poles and vote anybody but a democrat, we need to be getting new voters excited now.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Maybe. I’m a little leery- I’m remembering the passage from the Lord of the Rings (the book) where one character thought a war between Saruman and Sauron would be a good thing, and Gandalfs response was that the victor would come out more confident and stronger than ever.

  • Walter Wellstone
    • TJ Barke

      Can we jail the rich and nationalize all the corporations now?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I’ve got a few pairs of handcuffs. I might even have keys for them. Well, some of them.

        • TJ Barke

          If you don’t, it’s no big deal…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    And then all the values voters skipped joyfully home to cook meth in their own rental property jacuzzi tubs!

    • OutOfOrbit

      i saw your other eye on a different web sight and it not purdy like this one so i guess a bear did git you

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Would I lie to you, baby?!

        • OutOfOrbit

          mayyyy-B

    • Christopher Story

      While bitching about liberals and minorities smoking weed

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Values Voter Summit: A Flock of Smeagles

  • Msgr_MΩment

    because if there was anything Jesus hated, it was healing the sick,…

    I think we all feel that way about our jobs, right?

  • Gorillionaire

    Ye Olde “Keep Old White Dudes On Top” Voters Summit pays their speakers, or no?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I can’t see Bannon turning up anywhere without a bag of cash ready. Or at least a case of sterno.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I saw him more as a fifth of cheap gin type of guy. Definitely gin blossoms on his face.
        Or he could be the alien roach from the Men in Black movie with the human skin suit.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Excellent write up Doc, as always. “In space no one can hear your soliloquy.” Pure poetry, Doc.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Reminds me of a chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

      • Bill Diaz

        Too much breast beating, you all are cocking up the chicken jokes!

        Have a great day!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    When your whole philosophy is “blow shit up,” you care not for collateral damage. Sadism.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I find it ironic that the “values voters” don’t value anyone’s vote but their own.

    • stumpknocker

      you have to understand they worship a special Jesus, he has blond hair and blue eyes and hates everyone who does not behave the way they want them to.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I knew a girl in college who had a picture of Jesus on the wall of her dorm room that looked EXACTLY like Barry Gibb.
        She was one of the most selfish twunts I’ve ever met. I’m sure you’re all shocked to hear that.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Few people know this, but Christ emerged from the tomb on the third day shimmying and singing, “Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive….”

          • alpacapunchbowl

            The real reason he cast the money changers out of the temple was all their jive talkin’.

          • Three Finger Salute

            What his followers have done to his legacy ever since is a

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSVTOMkJdqs

          • Three Finger Salute

            Sabbath-Day Night Fever.

      • LucindathePook

        The first Mr. P was a special-ed teacher whose weekdays classroom was a rental in a church Sunday School room. They had a pic of the Virgin Mary in there that made her look like she was selling margarine, red cheeks, blindingly white teeth, all but pigtails, I swear. I could barely stand to look at it.

    • They like to use names that make things sound opposite of what they are.
      Patriot act. Freedom Caucus. Any bill a republican ever put forth. So on, so forth.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Fucking “right to work”, also too.

        • CripesAmighty

          Frank Luntz.

          • Bill Diaz

            I would love to wake up some day and find that someone has reduced him to a pile of rice grain size pieces with votes-and a pair of nail clippers.

            The Nazi equivalent of Frank Luntz, Julius Streicher, was a star defendant at the Nuremberg trials. He was one well hung white guy.

            Have a great day!

      • JohnW

        Moral Majority (I’m an old, I remember this one back in St Ronnie’s days)

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Was neither. That was my bumpersticker.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Orwell is spinning in his grave at the level of Newspeak these fascists have perfected.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Now that’s dark. Accurate but dark.

  • CripesAmighty

    So, what happened to that whole ‘clean-cut chrisschun’ thing? If they saw this guy on the street without those bags of sweet Mercer cash, they’d be muttering about ‘bums’ and ‘get a job’ and…

  • data_ninja

    Why is this fucking bomb thrower getting more attention right now in the media? Nobody paid attention to him when he was lurking in the shadows while at the Whitehouse.

    Fuck this amoral, maggot infested, walking sack of shit.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Seriously, Steve — Caesar and Brutus? If anyone else talked that way about a sitting member of Congress, he’d be hauled off to Gitmo in a heartbeat for making terroristic threats. The fact Bannon isn’t makes me wonder what dark eminence is propping up this whole crowd of supposed “insurgents”.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Mercer and Koch. Mostly Mercer, since they’re the backers of Breitbart and have that new techy-nerdy-Moneyball company Cambridge Analytics. Koch is so 1980.

  • bluicebank

    Interesting read from the LAT columnist Michael Hiltzik on the unintended consequences of TrumpCo trying to blow up the ACA:

    http://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-hiltzik-trump-obamacare-20171016-story.html

    “Trump doesn’t know it, but his attempt to blow up Obamacare could help California — and other states”
    [excerpt]:

    ” …. Trump’s lack of understanding of America’s healthcare system appears to be almost infinite, so it’s hardly surprising that he doesn’t grasp the complexities of the cost-sharing reduction payments. But the misunderstandings extend to congressional Republicans, and even Democrats.

    “The truth is that Trump’s action could lead to more Americans receiving subsidized health coverage. It could also produce a windfall for states including California. To understand how that could happen, one has to understand how these subsidies work.”

    • Boscoe

      LOL Freaking BRILLIANT. 3-dimensional chess at its finest…

  • BigCSouthside

    The all black outfits, his word choices. This guy is literally a fucking cos-playing clown who in past years would be laughed back to his basement if it weren’t for the bank account of a batshit billionaire and his ridiculous daughter.

    He’s a fucking joke. But now we have to deal with him because 62 million people are brain dead racist chimps

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    So there are still people wearing suits with shoulder pads?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Usually they’re called fool’s ball players, but the “Dynasty NFL Collection” is still a thing among the Xchan population in Dumbfuckistan.

    • Mavenmaven

      They’re still living in the 80s, though in Bannon’s case it is the 1480s (bet you weren’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition)

      • ahughes798

        Nobody does.

  • geoffalnutt

    It’s pretty much just another Jonestown massacre…only in America. I don’t see much difference.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Only that they want to take us with them.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Except instead of Flavor-Aid (misstated as “Kool-Aid” in the popular lexicon) they’re getting drunk off Orangeade…

      …and forcing it on the rest of us.

    • Cat Cafe

      If you add in Puerto Rico and California, he’s getting close to Auschwitz territory soon. But at least, no one shrill is president.

    • Rags

      Far worse than all the terrorist attacks ever perpetrated on Americans at home or abroad.

    • SayItWithWookies

      In America you don’t have to force them to drink the Kool-Ade.

  • Canis Greyhame

    “Then you had Obamacare. Not gonna make the CSR payments. Gonna blow that thing up. Gonna blow those exchanges up, right?”

    That’s the only political ad you have to run for 2018 right there. Just play the video clip of Bannon in that moment, on a continuous loop. Maybe people sitting there staring at double digit premium increases, or no insurance at all while we’re all dying of treatable diseases might finally start to figure out who’s been fucking us over the whole time.

  • Nockular cavity

    I come not to bury Caesar, but to space him.

  • Canis Greyhame

    You know, Trump might actually have withdrawn from the race after the pussy-grabbing Hollywood Access bus tape went public. But Bannon was the last guy he talked to, going around the room while everyone with at least a shred of decency was telling him to give it up, but this slovenly Nazi fuckhead was the one who said “LOCKER-ROOM TALK!” instead.

    So yeah, values voters. We see just what kind of values you hold dear.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    He has a really squeeky voice for someone his size.

    • Wonky Magoo

      He can team up with Mike Tyson, Mike Cernovich, and Victoria Jackson to form the very best barbershop quartet in hell!

      • SeeTrain65

        Even Satan couldn’t stand to hear Vicky’s fucking uke.

    • IceKing87

      It betrays is trollism.

  • Mavenmaven

    Baron Harkonnen raving about ruling the galaxy again?

  • Werewolf
    • TundraGrifter

      One thing about the Orc Army – they have a really shitty dental plan.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        And their dermatologists leave much to be desired.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        But weren’t orcs originally elves …

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Terrible slander. That dude has way better skin than Bannon.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else refused to make payments?

    • ahughes798

      Me. To the DNC.

    • JohnBull

      Me to Capital One for half a year?

    • phoenix00

      Donald Trump. To his contractors.

  • Jgb979

    At the end of his talk his head cocked 90 degrees sideways and a faint purple mist begin to eminate from his mouth. His eyes darkened and he began chanting backwards in Aramaic. Onlookers began to spasm and rhythmically chant in unison before simultaneously exploding and bursting into flames.

    The one the ancients called BAH-NON consumed the remaining mixture, having satisfied his craving for human flesh for the evening.

    • TootsStansbury

      Say, that’s better than ‘Snow Crash’.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    So your “values” are xenophobia, racism, spousal abuse, and power for power’s sake. Duly noted.

    I wonder when was the last time this asshole set foot in church?

    • Gosala

      Somewhere towards the end of The American President the President (Michael Douglas) observes thay it is easy to sow discontent and to manipulate it for political ends: you tell people about a bygone time when things were good, and easy, and predictable. And then you tell them who’s to blame for their present difficulties. (Only he says it better because… Aaron Sorkin)

      This is what Bannon is doing and its all a distraction of course so no one notices while he and the oligarchs rob us all blind.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Oh no, he’s entirely dumb enough to get high off his own supply

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Been a lot of questions about just what kind of “values” these guys actually have. I’m not thinking they are “values” most folks would want to own up to. But, heck, they have Bannon there, so …

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Translation from the wingnut “we are too lazy and stupid to hide it anymore”

    • redblack

      if that asshole set foot in a church, he would burst into flames.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Or breathed at a lit match probably

  • Gosala

    Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I believer in God.

    Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I don’t.

    Sundays I rest.

    Today is Monday. Bannon is going to hell and the Christianists also too.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Bannon makes me want to get a hair cut and have my suits pressed.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He makes me want to diet and exercise. Think I’ll go for a run now.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He makes me want to give up guzzling vodka, and snorting blow off of a hooker’s ass.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Let’s not go crazy, now.

        • I was going to say. #lifegoals

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      YOU’RE not supposed to get the haircut! #Dickens

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I look at him in that picture, and think, “Steve, I love the look! What’s that slime you’ve rubbed on your hair? Did you excrete it yourself?”

    • Bannon makes me want to pinch myself to see if I’m still alive.

  • emberglance

    “Here we have one of the president’s top allies promoting the idea that Trump just acted deliberately to undermine the insurance policies that many poor Americans have come to rely upon.”

    The idea. THE IDEA!!!

  • Treehopper1104

    I know a lot of people are optimistic about the 2018 midterms, but stuff like this is why I’m not. I think the establishment republicans are going to get primaried from the right and then we’re going to end up with even more far right, anti-government wack-a-loons that will continue our slow slide towards the “Christian” dictatorship that they’ve been clamoring for for so long.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m nervous, too, but Trump is wildly unpopular, and that’s a positive.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      I do see that; my hope is that there are still enough Kasich-style repugs out there that it winds up splitting the GOP vote. And, of course, that Dems can heal their *own* split enough to field some decent candidates against them.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Just what is the value of these voters?

    • phoenix00

      Unfortunately the same as the value of an actual American values voter.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Cannon fodder and votes.

    • redblack

      probably less than $10K individual net worth.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Brannon and Trump must get together and absolutely DIE laughing at how stupid these rubes are.

    • amrak63

      Putin must wake up some mornings and feel like Sheriff Bart.

      “Oh baby, you are so good–and they are SO DUMB!

  • Delu

    The most important point about politics is no longer about governing, but letting your voters hear what they want to hear.

    Even if what you tell them is completely false.

    The Trumpians have embraced this notion completely.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    Politico had an interesting article about the evangelical/ nationalist alliance behind POTUS and Bannon. It, of course, made no mention of black evangelicals, but they don’t count.

    I’m a cynical asshole, but I try to see good where possible (it’s being a criminal defense lawyer at sentencing). But, I can’t see much overlap between evangelical faith and national populism other then being white and fearing people darker then you. Jesus was sort of big on not casting stones. I don’t see much of that here.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    So I am drunk. Heading home on the train… Listening to Tom Waits Downtown Train ‘caus.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Geeze — I’m a minute and a half into Bannon’s speech, and he’s portraying the Christian right as the outsiders, portraying Roy Moore as a plucky little underdog and spouting pretty much random nonsense. And the rubes in the audience are lapping up every bullshit word of it. If Bannon doesn’t think this is the stupidest bunch of people ever gathered in a room, I’m a monkey’s uncle.

  • Stulexington

    “Bannon got really big cheers for the prospect of millions of Americans losing their health insurance, because if there was anything Jesus hated, it was healing the sick …” IKR, I don’t know what Jesus hated worse, healing the sick or feeding the poors. And don’t get me started on how excited he was to whip the regulations out of the free market.

  • I have a realy really boring job, and the only website that I can get to, day in and day out, is Wikipedia.

    Inevitably, I always wind up on one of two topics – missing persons and World War II.

    Today it was Jewish ghettos in Poland.

    What I discovered was that the Nazis eventually sent even the most cooperative collaborators to the ovens.

    Look at who these “Values Voters” are cheering.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Worst standup ever.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      I noticed right off he was stalking the stage and using timing like a comedian, or for that matter a charismatic televangelist, but done badly.

  • Maybe

    So Bannon claims to have middle class values and claims to be a populist.

    I don’t believe that anyone who made millions as a Goldman Sachs banker can lay a fair claim to either. It’s a con.

  • mailman27

    OOOOHH WAPO is really speaking truth to power, man. It’s been a long slow deliberate investigation. Fuckers.

  • Lotta “blowing up.”

  • Wookie Monster

    Does Bannon know how things ended for Brutus?

    • everstar

      Oh, I hope not. I want it to be a surprise.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Caesar said the best death is that which is least expected.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Yeah – Olive Oyl went with Popeye, every time.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    It’s like the trifecta – Bannon is emotionally, physically, and intellectually repulsive.

  • phoenix00

    Wait, wasn’t the GOP “establishment” pantsing themselves to get Trump/Bannon into the WH? Now Bannon wants to kick them out the front door and throw the sports memorabilia onto the lawn?

    Talk about biting the hand that feeds…..

    • Toledo Window Box

      The establishment fought him as long as it made sense, and then “party first” kicked in as it always does with them.

      • phoenix00

        You mean ‘kabuki theatre’?

  • Toledo Window Box

    They’ll gladly give up their cancer treatments if it means Democrats lose the next election.

  • Zyxomma

    Wealthy asshole who wants to blow up the government says what?

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Watched that whole thing and WTF. 3/4ths of the speech was venting of personal attacks on his perceived enemies — by name — and the rest was a lame pep talk, “it’s not us! The Bannons and the Ingrams and the Trumps and the Rushes, it’s you!”.
    He peppered the speech liberally (heh) with Y’alls and You Alls, told them who they should go after and why, and said Trump, also Trump, and then he mentioned Trump. He played up Roy Moore so much it seems like, to him, the entire audience was from Alabama. Can’t say enough about old Roy, he’s one of us.
    But you all knew that already.
    He barely danced around the edges of his shit-head nihilist/nationalist philosophy because you gotta ease the rubes into it, but you just watch in 2018 when every candidate he backs will lose in the general. Then you remember Trump is president…
    Fuck fuck fuck fuck….

  • Love how you used the word soliloquy in that article dok.

    Far as I’m concerned, any article without that word is not worth reading.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Aaaaand assmouth has a very public bff affirmation meeting with a squirming Mitch one day later. (Squirm, Mitch, squirm.)

  • themidniteskulker

    Insiders are reporting that, in keeping with the dignity & decorum of the event, Bannon actually allowed himself to be persuaded to wear both socks and underwear for his appearance before the jewel-bedecked crowd..

    • Yellerduck

      I had no idea you could wear both at the same time. Which do you put on first?

  • Rickyphoo

    A pile of shit said what?

    • (((Aron)))

      ‘Stink lines’

  • Randy Riddle

    I don’t know why I was reminded of Jonestown while watching this.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bannon is a waste of breath.

  • BMW

    So I guess in 2017, “WWJD?” stands for “Who Would Jesus Deport?”

    Edit: I thought I was being clever but turns out that’s already a thing.

    • Yellerduck

      I tend to invent things six months after they start selling on Amazon. “Wait…this is a million dollar idea! (Google) Damn.”

  • laughingnome

    He’s as folksy as a former Goldman Sachs banker can be with the “Y’all” and other folskyisms. I’m sure the fake Christians can appreciate him.

  • Bebecca

    Are any of the values he promotes in any way xtian? wonder who thought it was a good idea to have him as a speaker-and why?

  • nightmoth

    “Gospel of Norquist”
    >snort!< Good one, Dok.

  • SeeTrain65

    I guess they’re called “Value Voters” because they’re a dime a dozen.

  • Mike Steele

    Always catch the lowlights of this annual clusterfuck on C-SPAN. Sure, like anyone in that audience (collective IQ barely higher than Trump’s) had a clue what anarchist, uber-Catholic, pseudo-intellectual, perpetually besotted, self-aggrandizing POS had to say. Reminded me of the Gary Larson cartoon about what dogs actually hear: blah-blah-blah-WAR-blah-blah-Y’ALL-blah-blah-blah-ESTABLISHMENT, etc.

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