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There sure is a lot of news lately! There’s chaos in the White House, a bunch of infighting toddlers in Congress, and a great big Hollywood sexual harassment/rape scandal that Hillary Clinton is apparently personally responsible for. So maybe finding good sources for commentary on The Current Scene is really, really, hard — so hard that, to really understand what’s going on in the world, Newsweek had to seek out the opinion of former House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who was released from federal prison in July, after serving 13 months on a bank fraud charge. Hastert had fiddled with bank withdrawals in an attempt to cover up his hush-money payments to a former high school student he’d also fiddled with, in a sort of meta coverup.

So why the hell is Newsweek asking Dennis Hastert’s opinion on anything other than what circle of Dante’s Hell he belongs in? (Trick question: it is the lowest circle, for betrayal.) Turns out Newsweek’s Alexander Nazaryan was writing a big essay on the new book by E.J. Dionne, Norman Ornstein, and Thomas Mann, One Nation After Trump, which looks at how our politics got so dysfunctional and suggests that maybe we could someday return to some kind of old-time bipartisanship, eventually, after the infection is treated and the swelling goes down.

Dionne et al. argue, admitting it’s not exactly a novel idea, that the current mess in Congress really got rolling with Newt Gingrich’s implacable opposition to everything Bill Clinton ever did, and that as Gingrich’s successor, Hastert continued the slow asphyxiation of bipartisanship with his “Hastert rule,” the not-quite-a-rule that House Republicans would never advance a bill without a majority of their own party voting for it, though Democrats might be allowed to vote for Republican bills, too, just as long as Democrats aren’t the majority of a bill’s supporters. And since Newt Gingrich wouldn’t give Newsweek the time of day, Nazaryan gave Hastert a call to see if he cared to reply to being called the second-biggest murderer of bipartisanship in recent history. (We haven’t yet read the book yet, but we assume the authors place appropriate blame on Mitch McConnell for the killing blow.) Needless to say, Hastert said he didn’t think he’d actually killed bipartisanship so much as kicked it hard in the balls, and it’s not his fault if bipartisanship wasn’t wearing a cup. So while most of the essay isn’t really about Hastert, the fact that he went on the record at all gave Newsweek this newsy hed and tweetbait:

Yes, Nazaryan does mention Hastert’s conviction and the sex abuse case before moving on to the politics stuff, but it really is just one tiny paragraph, a bit of due diligence to be gotten out of the way before seeking the thoughts of the elder (pedophile) statesman. It’s jarring as all hell, only a few notches less bizarre than “Charles Manson shares his thoughts on Benedict Canyon Real Estate, Then And Now.”

Pollster Matt McDermott is one of several folks who found the whole thing more than a little odd, especially given the current Republican freakouts over how Hillary Clinton shook hands with Harvey Weinstein.

Double standard? Maybe a little. Still, we can count our blessings. Even though he’s still around, Newsweek didn’t seek out William Calley to share his thoughts on Ken Burns’s Vietnam War documentary.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click here to give us money, and we promise to never seek the opinion of Dennis Hastert, James O’Keefe, Charles Manson, or Tommy Wiseau.

[Newsweek (has annoying autoplay video, don’t bother) / Matt McDermott on Twitter]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Take it easy on ol’ Denny. He’s wrestling with really bad urges.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    In Dennis’ case, it would have been a slow gentle lingering not really a kick to the balls… of .. bipartisanship.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    It’s not like he ever use his private email for public service, right?

    • Seek

      Hastert doesn’t strike me as anyone who knows how email works. He’s probably like a former boss who had his admin print out all of his emails with the entire string, every time. So maybe the admin used a private server to arrange the payoffs.

      Nope. I bet he wasn’t even that smart.

  • GoutMachine

    It’s the perfect mix of the female double-standard AND Clinton Derangement Syndrome!

  • Next up, we talk to 10 former Catholic priests convicted of pedophilia about their thoughts on the Church’s new direction under Pope Francis.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Gays? No way J.C. would be all right with that!”

      • “All this feminism and gay lib CAUSES kid-diddling! There was none of this in the olden days!”

        ^^^ actual argument made by traditionalist Catholics

  • Msgr_MΩment

    SOT: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/oliver-stone-harvey-weinstein-not-easy-what-hes-going-1048425
    Oliver Stone on Harvey Weinstein: “It’s Not Easy What He’s Going Through”

    • GoutMachine

      Courtesy of The A.V. Club: All the worst Harvey Weinstein takes in one handy location

      https://www.avclub.com/all-the-worst-harvey-weinstein-takes-in-one-list-that-w-1819365529

      • Vincent Ricola

        ““Of course, I knew Harvey Weinstein was a sexual gangster.”

        What. The. FUCK?!

        • Shanzgood

          I…no. No.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Those words should never go together. Those words should not be within a parsec of each other.

      • AJ Milne

        (LAWLS at the Trump admin types…)

        There’s a golden script in this…

        I figure you lead in with ‘see, if there’s this serial sexual abuser who’s been mistreating women for years, and used his wealth and power to intimidate and then skate away, should he step down?’

        ‘Oh, you agree? Well, lovely. Sign here to approve his dimissal…’

        … at which you present the articles of impeachment.

      • JMP

        RIP AV Club comments :(

  • Vincent Ricola

    “And now let’s hear thoughts from the guy who probably actually did use a rando pizza shop as a front for his serial child diddling.” – 2017

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/501544685403b9759f102b1e43d4d166488f6415e3dac9c8dcb08dc6b2bc0013.gif

  • William
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      The list is bigger than that.

  • DesertedPictures

    How dare Clinton not know that one of her donors was a creep, before anyone else did!

    • proudgrampa

      ^THIS^

  • reelreeler

    Did America suddenly go on a diet of magic-mushrooms? I mean…WTF??
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7a3d856e4b2c1d35dff2b22df7084457402f624b77a0fccb4a5aef68f7ddc251.jpg

    • shastakoala

      I think we’re dead or having a psychotic episode.

      • doktorzoom

        If we turn out to be Bruce Willis I’m going to be deeply disappointed.

        • shastakoala

          I have a sixth sense about these things.

          • Shanzgood

            Go to your room!

          • doktorzoom

            I’ll take care of this, OK?

            Shastakoala, you’ve been very bad. Go to my room!

          • Shanzgood

            Greedy!

          • therblig

            ISWDPDT

        • TJ Barke

          Yeah, I don’t think he’ll have another real hit again…

      • JMP

        I think the initial plan was that we were all dead and the island was purgatory, but too many people guessed that to be the case just a few episodes in, so instead the writers created the sideways universe to do the stupid “this is purgatory” revelation but then never come up with a coherent explanation for just what the island really was and just made things up as they went along so it never ended up making much sense.

        • bobbert

          First couple of seasons were pretty good, though.

        • Say what you will about Lost, but it was more coherent than the current season. “Electing” a sexually predatory “reality” TV host as president* with the assistance of Russia really strains credulity. I wish the showrunners would try a more plausible storyline. Maybe they can bring Daenerys Targaryen in with her dragons.

          • Amy!

            That could work. Trump could invite the Republican caucus of the House and the Senate to the White House, and Daenerys could show up and claim that she’s British, a Time Lord, and got the date wrong, that she was trying for 1812. At that point, we could try to get the Federation to intervene, and having crossed the streams to the point that Washington is covered in exploded marshmallow (effectively draining the swamp in the process), we could all adjourn to gather chocolate bars and graham crackers and decide to restore the save from early 2015.

            Whew!

          • They should definitely hire you to work on the next season.

    • Roadstergal

      Speaking of pedophiles…

    • aureolaborealis

      Things would be less crazy if everyone was shrooming.
      (Sounds like snark, but I believe it.)

    • Daniel

      Don’t insult shrooms.

  • Scooby

    Remember when this guy was second in line to the presidency? Good times that.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      You just grab them by the…

      A GOP theme…

    • GoutMachine

      More innocent times. Now we have an even more horrible person in the presidency.

    • DesertedPictures

      That remark doesn’t have the same impact it would have had a year ago.

  • BigCSouthside

    I met this fucker once. Nominated me to West Point (I didn’t get in). Creepy to think that at that time he was literally bribing an underage victim of his sexual assault, and was still able to function in society. I feel like you have to be really fucked up to be able to do that. How are you not crippled with guilt?

    • GoutMachine

      Need a conscience for guilt.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        or a soul

  • Red Bird

    Can’t wait for open thread but very OT…..the gas is gone. Made in through the day without any episodes. No running to the empty hallway to release. Whew. Thanks the advice.

  • laughingnome

    gave Newsweek this newsy head and tweenbait:

    FIFY

  • Msgr_MΩment

    4:20!!!

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      I started at 9

    • Creepoman

      Still got a couple hours in Mountain Time Zone.
      (And to all you mofo’s who claim we don’t exist, that we’re merely an hour gap, shared with obscure parts of Central Canada, that we needlessly delay happy hour in California – all I can offer as proof that I, along with this miserable excuse for a wedge of the planet, are real and truly exist are the famous words of Rene Descartes: I drink, therefore I am).

      • bobbert

        Bibo ergo sum

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Particularly missed. PBUH.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • BearGHAZI

      When will the Rock speak out against his association with a sex criminal?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Here’s some irony for ya: Several GOP groups demanded that The Rock not be given any prime time coverage during the 2000 Republican convention. They thought he was too vulgar for the party (He was there to help Hastert call delegates to their seats).

        • BearGHAZI

          That is so pathetically hypocritical I can’t even believe it believe it without reservation

  • TJ Barke

    No low that won’t be sunk to at this point…

  • GoutMachine

    You guys, these Republicans might not be very nice people, I’m thinking!

    • laughingnome

      I just never believed so many people embraced the dark side. But here we are.

  • Swampay

    Is it just me or does GWB look like he peed himself in this photo? I know it’s (probably) just shadows, but haw haw.

    • laughingnome

      Could it be Russian hookers?

  • doktorzoom

    Be of good cheer, Wonkers. There will indeed be a different post for your Open Thread. We wouldn’t send you into the weekend with this.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s okay, I’ve got some more weed.

      • GoutMachine

        Did you bring enough for the class, young man?

        • TJ Barke

          Fuck no, I’m not made of money.

          • DrBigHead

            “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” Ron Swanson

          • TJ Barke

            Has anyone ever put whiskey in a bong?

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            Vodka is popular, I don’t see why not…

          • Roadstergal

            Do you mean today?

          • DrBigHead

            There is a whisky distilled in Tucson that is made with mesquite charcoal. Has a distinctive smoky flavor. Rather pleasant. So I suppose it would work.

          • mancityRed6

            just be careful with the lighter.

        • Shanzgood

          I did that when I got nabbed with bubble gum in the 4th grade. “Did you bring enough for the whole class?!” So I brought a huge bag of Hubba Bubba the next day. Teacher was PISSED.

          • AJ Milne

            That. Is. So. Awesome.

          • mancityRed6

            yep, sounds like you.

          • Shanzgood

            I should have been a lawyer.

          • Paul

            You’ve got what it takes. Never too late. I graduated law school at 40.

            You’d be a damned good addition to the bar.

          • cmd resistor

            The older you are, the less chance the professors can pull that intimidation thing that might work on younger people. Plus you have had more real life. I was around 35 when I graduated. Would have hated it in my 20’s.

          • Paul

            I was drunk and stoned all through my 20’s.

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks, but it seems I’m congenitally both gullible and terrible at lying, even by obfuscation. Not good lawyer material. Maybe research where I wouldn’t have to deal with actual people very much.

            And no offense meant about the lying or obfuscation. It’s just part of the job, sometimes.

          • puredog

            If yer lyin’, yer doin’ it rong. Now, spin and selectivity and parsing, on the other hand. . . .

          • Paul

            No offense taken. Not every aspect of law requires dealing with people a lot.

          • Daniel

            I used to reverse that to make my students like me. I am pathetic and desperate for approval.

          • Shanzgood

            But I always did better in classes where I liked the teacher, for whatever reason, because I wanted to impress them. So maybe you did some good.

          • Parakeetist

            Haaaaaa

          • Paul

            The Sisters of St. Joseph would’ve knocked you out.

            Bless their dear, repressed, sadistic hearts.

          • Shanzgood

            LONG before 4th grade, I’m sure.

          • Bobathonic

            Me and my friend did that, too. It’s like she didn’t even expect it.

        • Paul

          If he didn’t, I will. Massachusetts allows us 12 plants per household and it’s harvest time. Yay.

      • JMP

        I’ve got some vodka!

        • TJ Barke

          Dan Akroyd’s Crystal Skull Vodka or GTFO!

          • Courser_Resistance

            Is that really a thing? I must get some even though I don’t really drink booze anymore. Oh! Maybe to take to my Halloween Mystery party!

          • TJ Barke

            It is a real thing. Red Letter Media recommends it.

          • Courser_Resistance

            It’s a little spendy, but I can get it locally. Hmm.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I have to drive Lyft, so no weed for me (sob).

    • AJ Milne

      Was just thinking it was a step down even from the garbage ‘incel’ dudes…

      (Happy fun times, those, too.)

    • mancityRed6

      Kelly calls it quits/is fired in 3, 2…

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yaaaaayyyyy I hate to talk about pedophiles when drunk.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Thank you, good sir!

    • shastakoala

      You’re not going to sing are you?

      • doktorzoom

        I said already we wouldn’t be that cruel.

        • puredog

          Don’t be cruel, indeed.

          • 451 Byrnes

            To a heart that’s true.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh thank you Doc! I was afraid this was it and it’s icky. Hastert is icky and so was Gingrich.

  • John Iwaniszek

    GOP = Gray Old Perverts

    • TJ Barke

      Gross Old Perverts.

  • JMP

    Look, Republicans can be forgiven for whatever monstrous crimes they commit and still be treated as respected statesmen, Henry Kissinger proved that long ago, so of course Newsweek will turn to a man who raped children as an expert on Congress. It’s always OK if you’re a Republican.

    • TJ Barke

      It really makes me wanna break things…

      • DesertedPictures

        With votes, right?

        • TJ Barke

          Do we have to say votes if it’s just things?

          • DesertedPictures

            That depends: are the things inside living tissue?

          • TJ Barke

            In this case, no.

          • DesertedPictures

            Then break away!

            (They are your own things, right?)

        • GoutMachine

          There aren’t enough votes in the world for me to break things enough nowadays. Not even Chicago levels of “early and often” will suffice.

    • Sunhead

      He was never charged or convicted of those crimes. That statute of limitations had passed. He was only convicted of financial fraud for trying to hide his hush money payments to the victims.
      To the Party of Personal Responsibility he is only a white collar criminal, like, say, Al Capone.

  • Nockular cavity

    That question from McDermott: “Is there literally anything old white Republican men can do that’d get them admonished and outcast from society?”

    THAT THAT THAT MOTHERFUCKING THAT!

    • jesterpunk

      Say that maybe they should help the poor?

    • ariel_gee_398

      I suspect maybe if it had been girls of a sufficiently young age, he’d be shunned? Like, five years old. When the victims are boys, I suspect all that good work confusing being gay with being a pedophile pays off for Republicans.

      • jesterpunk

        They defended the Dugger guy for that.

        • ariel_gee_398

          True. But he was not an adult at the time. I had some vague hope that was the reason why – trying to put it in the youthful indiscretion bucket.

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        No. If it were girls they’d be all “at least it proves he’s not gay!”. They have a very simple set of morals: Republicans are good, libtards and all minorities are bad.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Pssst, left out rich, but dead on.

  • javadavis

    Does anybody else ever wonder about that weird mouth-pursing expression that Danny often has? And also maybe wonder why Donnie often has that same dam expression?

  • mancityRed6

    I don’t even want to look at it now, but the archived link shared this morning had a few comments on it. except for the lone moron arguing about a liberal bias in the media, every single one was saying how newsweek was full of shit for even talking to this asshole.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Bab dentures?

      • mancityRed6

        if you were here, you’d see a huge question mark above my head.

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          See comment below – I started getting high at 9am (and fixed)

          • Wonky Magoo

            Upfist for it being that kind of day.

          • mancityRed6

            in that case, all is forgiven. I once had a theory that Earth was the third try of civilization by some unknown deity, and that Mars would be next in line. I was baked at the time.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Who knows?

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Wake and Bake!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Russian bot then?

      • mancityRed6

        English was better than normal, I’ll say no. but still an asshat for not saying how Hastert was the scum under the scum under the scum, ad infinitum.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Ah, the designated moron, then.

          • mancityRed6

            *sighs* do you kiss your mom with that mouth? words hurt, you know

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            That would be tough what with her being dead and all.
            Not you, the dissenter. You are cool, with me.

          • mancityRed6

            oh, then I withdraw my statement.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Sorry, I did not phrase that clearly. I picture it as the rwnj’s jumping in to defend the indefensible, as the designated moran. I will correct my original thought to reflect this.

          • mancityRed6

            don’t. for some reason, I’m just…not, tonight.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            No, it’s Ok, I think in shorthand and need very few words to communicate to my hubby so I forget not every one speaks our language. And are you telling me not tonight you’ve got a headache? ; )

          • mancityRed6

            it’s just I’m not reading things right tonight, at all. and it’s embarrassing.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I did that last night and pissed-off someone. And I have great respect for her and I think trying to explain just made it worse.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’m a reader not a writer, I know what I mean, but it doesn’t always translate well.

          • mancityRed6

            I think I did that tonight. and then it’s time for bed and whatever in the morning.
            you’re cool, to me at least. and just be you.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            A total perv then, cool.

          • mancityRed6

            you say it like it’s a bad thing.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Evil chuckle.

          • mancityRed6

            self deprecation is hard to see nowadays.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Funny all my friends practice it but I’ve never been comfortable playing along, just in case they think I really mean it.

          • mancityRed6

            if they know you, they’ll know.
            like now, you’re among friends here.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            But they don’t know me that well here yet and I don’t want to come off as a dick, well dickish anyway.

          • mancityRed6

            well, it doesn’t stop me, most of the time anyway.
            I’ve been here over a year now, so… let it out.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Jeezus H christ, Newsweek, you were doing pretty good there for a while. Everybody makes mistakes, but this is beyond a bigg’un.

  • TJ Barke

    Are there any republicans that aren’t repressed perverted hypocrites?

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Rhetorical?

      • TJ Barke

        6 of one…

      • DesertedPictures

        Some of them actually believe in what they say: those are the truly scary ones.

        • HogeyeGrex

          You can believe in what you say, and still be a repressed perverted hypocrite. It just requires that much more self delusion.

    • mancityRed6

      I’m thinking, I’m thinking…

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I think that crazy gun toting Nevada woman is just dealing years of horrible abuse.

      • TJ Barke

        I bet she screeches about sodomy, but takes it in the backdoor regularly.

        • Major_Major_Major

          She seems more of the Cleveland Steamer type to me. Not sure why…

          • TJ Barke

            Either way, I bet she’s into weird stuff.

    • Randy Riddle

      How about … ?

      Oh, never mind.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Newt’s always been pretty brazen about his hypocrisy.

    • William

      Plenty. Larry Craig isn’t repressed at all. Airport bathrooms, no problem.

  • Scooby

    We don’t say pedophile anymore. Please use the politically correct term “Values Voter”.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So remember – no matter what odious, gross and horrible crimes a Republican does, they will always be welcomed back into the fold with open arms.

    • therblig

      all they need to do is ask for forgiveness. they never actually wait for god’s answer.

      • HogeyeGrex

        They already know His answer, and don’t like it. To be forgiven requires remorse, and the understanding of wrongdoing.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      lather, rinse, repeat.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Joe Scarborough was one of Newt’s enforcers, and Frank Luntz, who wrote all their dialogue, won’t shut the fuck up to this day. Why not ask them?

    • Me not sure

      BTW: Joe Scarborough just quit the Republican Party.

      • therblig

        hitler eventually left the nazi party.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          I love the story of the Admiral that officially succeeded Hitler, whatshisname? Anyway, he was all thinking he was in charge of something and the Allies just ignored him.

          • doktorzoom

            Mmmm, Doenitz.

          • Daniel

            Also famously Eine Berliner.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Sounds like donuts

          • Daniel

            Hence my joke below.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            NOW I get it!

          • doktorzoom
          • Me not sure

            Ja!

          • H0mer0

            Herz donit?

        • Me not sure

          “Will the last one out of the bunker please turn out the lights.”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        There is an unkind streak of me which wants to point out that he tends to quit when the women in his life get some attention.

        • Me not sure

          Ouch!

      • Daniel

        Didn’t he do that a couple of weeks ago too?

        • Me not sure

          Breakin’ up is hard to do.

          • Daniel

            Don- loony boob Don Don, conman conman, Don loony boob Don Don, conman conman…

          • Me not sure

            Neil?

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      It is breakfast time here in the antipodes. The mention of Gingrich and Luntz means that I will just be having coffee.

      • mancityRed6

        the wonkette diet strikes again!

  • Me not sure

    I found this wrestling coach’s photo strangely disturbing since Hastert’s conviction.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17f957b5d4eb0e1a1204469f90abb78162f5e71271a3f8526cb1de91f7b3cd9d.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Someone get me Cilizza’s number. I don’t remember Hillary denouncing Denny Hastert!

    • Me not sure

      …or Larry Craig, or Mark Foley,

      • jesterpunk

        Or Harvey Weinstein.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    CNN: How Trump can become one of America’s greatest presidents”

    Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha, not even at the heat death of the Universe.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/13/opinions/trump-vs-kim-nuclear-weapons-opinion-lederer/index.html

    • Major_Major_Major

      I saw that headline, thought “fuck that noise” and came here

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I read the article. It basically requires Mr. “We Have Nukes, Why Can’t We Use Them” to totally do a 180 and lobby for a nuclear ban.
        They’ll be holding the Winter Olympics in Death Valley before that happens.

        • mancityRed6

          well, you know, nuclear winter and all. it could happen.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Trump has established himself as a proponent of nuclear weapons.
      However, anyone can change, and he could become the unconventional
      leader he promised during the presidential campaign. As unlikely as it
      seems today, Trump could reinvent himself by reversing decades of
      American policy. By providing leadership in the campaign for a nuclear
      ban treaty, Trump would catapult himself into the record books as one of
      the greatest presidents in US history.

      Yeah, and if he cured all cancer, that’d be pretty spiffy as well.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        He could also learn to fly, bring me a beer, and ban the designated hitter, but none of those things are going to happen either.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          If he banned designated hitter, I might spare one single solitary positive thought for him.

          Never happen though.

          • Querolous

            If he could define exactly what a balk is I could almost do the same.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Lederer writes some version of “We have to get rid of nukes” periodically. He’s an anti-nuke activist (nothing wrong with that) who sees everything through the lens of pro-ban/anti-ban.

      • Vincent Ricola

        The article wasn’t bad. The clickybait headline is pure trash.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Way to give credibility to the orange dicktator’s complaints about the lying ass stupid news media, clickbaity CNN.

    • jesterpunk
    • cmd resistor

      I will just assume that article is full of shit and save myself the time of reading it.

      • Stulexington

        ‘he could be a great president, America’s greatest, all he has to do is perform a complete 180 on literally everything I care about politically.’

        • cmd resistor

          He could be a great president if he were Obama, or Hillary. I wonder if someone would pay me to write that story.

    • Creepoman

      Hell, I’d help put his face on Rushmore if he would:

      1. Pass Universal health care
      2. Do everything Obama was doing except the droning stuff
      3. Resign and admit self to federal penitentiary

  • Courser_Resistance

    Please tell me this isn’t the Open Thread

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Dok said it’s not.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Dok has another in the works, thank FSM

    • doktorzoom

      Open Thread will post in five minutes. Be patient, you.

    • puredog

      It’s more of an Open Threat.

  • Jgb979

    Really hope they check in with OJ Simpson’s thoughts on Weinstein

  • William
  • JMP

    Can you just imagine how, if a Democratic former Speaker of the House turned out to be a pedophile, the media would never, ever let up on blaming the entire Democratic Party for their actions, even long after that person was dead? Yet Hastert gets his opinion sought out as if he were a respectful expert on politics.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Kissinger is a mass-murdering war criminal, and he is a Nobel Peace Prize recipient and feted elder statesman. Satan giggles.

      • Daniel

        I read that as “foetid elder statesman”.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          That works!

        • Ricky Gay

          Fetid

          • Daniel

            In England we speak Latin, thank you very much.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Dip yer thongs.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          We should all paean him.

          • Daniel

            Quite enough people have dealt with his paean already.

      • JMP

        Hey I already mentioned Kissinger earlier!

  • Ricky Gay

    It’s too bad Jeffrey Dahmer is not around to weigh in on the merits of sous vide steak!

  • OrG

    Hmm…. maybe there IS something to this white male privilege thing.

  • HogeyeGrex

    I’m sorry, but weren’t you shamed off of the public stage, Denny?

    Oh. Right. You have no fucking shame.

    The man should still be in prison. Period.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      One of his victims committed suicide. So, yup.

  • armed_bears

    Really… this story is way less about Denny and more about the putrid, exploded corpse of Newsweek.

    • doktorzoom

      We have a winner!

      • armed_bears

        thankyouverymuch

        Nana banana sandwiches for everyone.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Let’s eat grandma!

          • leemoder

            Grandad used to say that all the time.

          • SeeTrain65

            “That reminds me of something my grandfather used to say. He’d say, ‘I’m goin’ upstairs and fuck your grandmother.'” – St. George

          • Gosala

            🎶I’m going too eat a grandma
            I’m going to to eat a grandma🎶

          • armed_bears

            I still love that show.

    • Anna Rompage

      No kidding, I’d expect something like this from Fox, but certainly not from Newsweek…

  • William

    Perfect…Just fucking perfect. Trump Just Spoke At An Event Where Guests Were Warned Of “The Hazards Of Homosexuality” https://www.buzzfeed.com/davidmack/trump-values-voter-lgbt-flyer?utm_term=.qrGD7l0W5&ref=mobile_share#.ljeNwa9KD

  • proudgrampa

    So was this some first step at rehabilitating this horrible excuse for a human being?

    No matter how long it’s been, this stuff should NEVER be normalized.

    • eastcoastlib

      Republicans are always forgiven by our liberal media. No sin is too much to forgive. It’s only a matter of time before CNN hires Hastert.

      • proudgrampa

        Unfortunately, I’m afraid that you’re right.

      • Raan

        And look for Hastert next summer in an Off-Broadway production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He’ll be playing the Child Catcher Toucher.

  • Raan

    (Trick question: it is the lowest circle, for betrayal.)

    Frozen waist deep in ice, so he can never get it up, no matter how many showering teenagers he thinks of.

  • shart of turin

    Hop on over to Newsweek sports for a revealing discussion with Jerry Sandusky about Penn State’s new defense!

    • chimpevil

      LOL! Wait, is that true??

      • H0mer0

        EWWW!

  • leemoder

    Elder statesman?

    Or, diddler statesman.

  • WOW huge slam on Tommy Wiseau out of nowhere!!!

    you’re tearing him apaaaaart

    • leemoder

      Oh, hai, Doloras.

  • Persistent Demme

    Dear Wonkette,

    Thanks for using that pic reminding me that Dubya was/is a phony-baloney, inflated, and pompous ass.

    Love,
    Demme

  • Persistent Demme

    Does this mean Newsweek is gonna interview Howard Weinstein at Oscar time?

    • Harvey

      • Persistent Demme

        Oops!
        Thanks!

        • SDGeoff3

          Howard you like it if someone got your name wrong? Hmmm?

          • Rags

            Harvey a nice day, weisenheimer.

          • SDGeoff3

            I got me a hankerin’ for some good weisenheimer on a bun with brown mustard.

          • kareemachan

            I wouldn’t give a rodent’s derriere. But you be you….

  • eastcoastlib

    American journalists. Every time I think they’ve hit bottom, they break out the shovels and keep digging.

    • kareemachan

      Great of you to throw everybody under the bus. It’s not like that, fartface.

      • eastcoastlib

        Defending the indefensible media are we? Well bless your heart

  • Red Richmond

    Jiminy Cricket has a good idea what to do about Newsweek. Or Hastert. Take your pick.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9aba51f452dbef000441ab5d96604bdd20a44923b30835201f19ddf809ac4dff.jpg.

  • Gosala

    So I clicked on the link for One Nation After Trump. The reader reviews were interesting, as they often are. In particular one by someone valuing themself Zomgpwn:

    … It is laid out in two parts, the first being an overview of “Trumpism” and all of the factors that led to the result of the 2016 presidential election. The second part is titled “The Way Forward” …

    The main thrust of this second section … is that to really move forward and enact a hopeful vision of America, all of America’s citizens must exercise a healthy dose of empathy for those they disagree with. Those who voted for the current president and those who didn’t, must snap out of the vitriolic spell they are under and try to comprehend why people they can’t understand are acting in ways they can’t currently fathom… [emphasis added]

    This is, of course, the traditional democratic attitude: we don’t agree, but we agree to converse in good faith, to assume good faith and to reach pragmatic solutions.

    But what if one side doesn’t agree to disagree, refuses to admit other points of view can be reasonable, assumes bad faith and in turn acts in bad faith, is uninterested in pragmatic solutions (or even solutions at all ) but in total victory… well, what then?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I has a problem. As you say, the traditional democratic attitude is to have empathy for the other side.

      Now that the other side has screwed America in the ass, bigly, and for the first time EVER some of us are saying fuck them, WE’RE being called on to turn the other cheek?!

      Well, DOTUS broke my health insurance today — in addition to millions of others less fortunate than I — and I am not in the fucking mood.

      • Rags

        “Fuck your feelings” says it all

      • Gosala

        Well, there’s the answer isn’t? When one side declares total war, what choice does the other have? None.

        PS: I’m sorry to hear the news. Thoughts and prayers and *hugs* don’t do much, but if you want them, I have them in plenty (oh, yeah and phone calls, letters, emails, and all that stuff, that too. )

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The other side have demonstrated, repeatedly, that they reject empirical fact in favor of their own ideological take (whether it be public policy, economics, military affairs, or religion) over actual fucking real world fact.

      No more patience with these assholes, none.

    • HogeyeGrex

      It’s also a big ol’ dose of “bothsiderism.”
      https://hipiseverything.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/qq_thumb.jpg

      • HogeyeGrex

        To be fair, he’s not wrong. But to leave out the fact that one side is already there, and the work involves getting people who range from indifferent to the idea to being homicidally opposed to it to come and play nice is disingenuous to say the least.

      • Gosala

        Can I burn down your house?

        You can burn down your own house.

        Just the second floor?

        You can burn down any part of your house you want to.

        Garage?

        You can burn down your garage.

        Let’s talk about what I can burn down.

        We have been doing exactly thst.

        YOU AREN’T COMPROMISING!

        No need. I’ve admitted you can burn your house down if you want to.

    • Raan

      If there’s one thing we learned from Neville Chamberlain, it’s that negotiating with Nazis is doomed to failure.

      They’ve already proven that they can’t win a fair national election; now it’s time to start going city by city, county by county, state by state, and fucking their majorities up.

      • Bill Diaz

        That wasnt the lesson of Neville Chamberlain, you have completely and entirely missed the point. The lesson of the Munich agreement is that if you abandon your principles for immediate expediency, it will bite you in the ass. We never learned that lesson though, hence Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq (and the millions of deaths that occurred because the US are lying hypocrites).

        Have a great day!

    • That is always the thing they yell at us.
      If a Dem is in power, they are the worst and evil and demons and satans and horrible forever and ever!
      Republican gets in and it is suddenly “you have to respect people and work with them and be kind and respect the position!”
      Fuck that shit.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don’t forget that they live in an alternative universe with their own special facts. They’re basically all conspiracy theorists now – and just as impossible to reason with.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Your move, Anthony Weiner.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    William Caley is still alive? I guess it’s true, only the good die young…

    • SeeTrain65
    • Bill Diaz

      People forget that William Calley was ‘punished’ by ~3 years of house arrest for his mass murders. A friend of mine actually knew Ernest Medina from something crazy he had done 10 years earlier and almost had his career screwed because of it.

      War crimes by the US are still common, but we have gotten better at covering them up (especially the ignorant, racist Marine Corps).

      As a former paratrooper, I was proud when the 82nd found out about a platoon of soldiers who were committing crimes during the Yugoslav conflict and the Army court martialed and imprisoned them rather than making excuses for criminal behavior like the Marines tend to.

      Have a great day!

  • dshwa

    The only thing that surprised me is that Cillizza didn’t think of this first.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Yes, NewsWEAK. I got a subscription to them (and Time) back in HS. I ended both in the 90’s, during the incessant Clinton “scandals” that were nothingburgers. Fuck them.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I was under the impression that Newsweek folded a few years ago; I guess it was just the fishwrap version.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Aye. No longer in print, only online. Still WEAK though.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          TIME is even weaker – and they’re still on paper. Pick up any copy and I guarantee your brain will glaze over at least as fast as your eyes will.

          • Bill Diaz

            Since we live in a nation of idiots, media has to be targeted for morons to have broad success. The stupider something is, the wider an audience it is likely to have.

            We have met the enemy and he is us -Walt Kelly

            Have a great day!

    • BouncyFlyer

      I always called ’em “NewSpeak”.

  • Mavenmaven

    As long as the American public has goldfish memory, rich white people can do whatever they want and count on it being forgotten.

    • unless that rich white person is Hillary
      Why, I heard she made the Nationals lose last night!

      • ahughes798

        I’m hoping she’ll make the Cubs lose, instead.

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        That woman and her damn time machine! When will someone stop Hillary’s villainy? Next thing you know, she’ll be giving millions of poor children and their mothers access to healthcare through some government-funded program. It never ends with her!

    • amrak63

      Yeah, all of our problems seem to go back, at least in part, to the fact that so many of my fellow citizens are so stucking fupid.

      • kareemachan

        I miss this guy, And Molly.

  • Keith Taylor

    Let us not forget the accusation from a Jane Doe that she was raped by Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump at the same time, while she was under age. True, she dropped the charges, but I’d guess that was because she thought, “Oh my God, he is going to be President, I haven’t got a chance, and some crazy supporter of his might even kill me!” The right wing keeps making a big thing of Bill Clinton having taken flights on Epstein’s Lolita Express. They never mention Trump’s having associated with Epstein, and being on record as saying he was a terrific guy and a lot of fun, because like Trump he likes young ladies.
    Yes. Very young ladies.

    • Serolf Divad

      Trump has a habit of filling million dollar retaliatory lawsuits against women who accuse him of crimes, which is certainly enough to dissuade a lot of potential litigants. After all, he’s got the best mob lawyers in the business.

      • ahughes798

        But they spring leaks fairly regularly, when they’re not being out-right dumb.

        • Keith Taylor

          And he appears now to be reaping what he sowed where lawyers are concerned. The really capable and high-powered law firms he’s tried to retain over the Trump-Russia business don’t want to know. One partner, off the record, put it succinctly.
          “He doesn’t listen, and he doesn’t pay.”

        • Petunia Cat

          His lawyers are so weird, it makes you think these are just the stunt lawyers and he has the real ones somewhere else.

    • jesterpunk

      She also got death threats from Trump supporters, that is why she dropped the charges.

      http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a50256/trump-child-rape-accuser-cancels-press-conference/

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      “He likes them even younger than I do” that’s one hell of an admission right there.

  • Serolf Divad

    At the gym the other day I looked up from my exercise bike to notice that the chiron scrolling by on the monitor showing Fox News read: “Nancy Pelosi: compromise means voting with Democrats.” So yeah, fuck Dennis Hastert, but his evil bullshit would have been impossible without Fox News and that whole right-wing media gang pushing the same uncompromising reactionary agenda.

  • The Kids Aren’t AltRight

    I can’t believe Hillary refuses to apologize for this!

    • H-Bob

      How can she go away forever when she has to apologize in less than 5 days ! She keeps trying to go away but Cizilla keeps pulling her back in!

    • Weird Fishes

      She’s too busy setting fire to California, didn’t you know that?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Incidentally, the usually mild-mannered Wonkiest Wonk in Wonkdom Norm Ornstein (™ Al Franken) really went after Trump in The Atlantic the other day:

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/10/american-kakistocracy/542391/

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Atlantic has been on a tear lately. I just may spend some Ameros on their quaint ink-and-paper thingie.

  • bubbuhh

    Hastert wuntna been silent fer two years if teh newsies wudda just visited him in the jail, mebbe, wif a youngish boy.

  • A L Vee
    • jesterpunk
      • Michael Rappaport

        Gosh, you sure are generous to Coach Denny. “Abused” is a word that covers so much. He didn’t spank kids or yell at them, he anally raped teenage boys. Seems like instead of “abused,” maybe we should say he turned their lives into never-ending nightmares.

    • toughsister

      There is an ocean-wide gap between “reentering society” and being asked for his opinions.

    • kareemachan

      Wow, THEY want to do down that route?

  • THIS OLD CHET’S NUTS
    My wrestling coach they called Hastert
    Showed me all the pro moves he had mastert
    He took out his penis
    And said come here to Dennis
    And buggered my ass, that old bastert.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Penis/ Dennis”- that is one uncomfortable rhyme….

      • Zyxomma

        Well, Venus wouldn’t work; that’s a girl’s name.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Just the first of no doubt many attempts to normalize Hastert the Unspeakable.

    • Weird Fishes

      Hastert 2020!

  • Mahousu

    “Hastert Breaks His Silence to Say ‘It’s Not My Fault!'”
    – least surprising headline in news history.

  • The Librarian

    There is nothing Hastert could say that I would give two shits to hear. A true bogeyman.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Tell me Newsweek didn’t ask Hastert his thoughts about Trump’s pussy grabbing, please!

    • Clell Harmon

      I believe his response was ‘Ew, girls’

  • SayItWithWookies

    It was nice of Newsweek to pose Hastert next to the man who had ruined more American teenagers’ lives than he had.

  • ez

    Mr Bush, shadows or has he peed his self in that picture?

    • freakishlypersistent

      They’re so awkward when they try and look human.

    • Thorn Spike

      Yes.

  • Jo Mathie

    Hillary Clinton was on “The One Show” last night and that is a not “fake news” story that I am still surprised that I am typing. It was glorious. https://www.joe.co.uk/entertainment/watch-hillary-clinton-on-the-one-show-answering-the-question-we-already-knew-the-answer-to-145243

  • fynn

    Sorry I jumped the gun Doc :-) It’s been a rough week and I’m really… existentially unhappy.

  • JackLinks

    Anyone ever wonder what the percentage is of gay men/women in Congress is? It’s got to be in double figures, especially on the republican side of congress!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, but self-hating gay is a different type. Nobody wants to be with a Log Cabin boy, unless they are getting paid, of course.

  • jaden

    I’ve got some vodka!

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    By giving that perv a voice they condone his actions. Do not give a person like that a platform to speak from. His opinion is worthless, and you look desperate and slimey asking him for it. Why would you think anyone cares what he thinks?

    • RastaBob

      Yet Harvey Weinstein is that worst human on the planet – (according to Ted Nugent – known pedophile and pants shitter)

    • toughsister

      Exactly. What kind of sewer has Newsweek sunk in?

  • So why the hell is Newsweek asking Dennis Hastert’s opinion on anything other than what circle of Dante’s Hell he belongs in? (Trick question: it is the lowest circle, for betrayal.)

    That is the place where Hell freezes over

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      No, they are digging another subbasement for T-Rump and his ilk. Dennis Hastert isn’t creepy enough to live down there.

    • blaid droog

      This is why that shit magazine has no relevance in 2017.

  • Viktor

    Republicans believe that once they ask God for forgiveness, all past indiscretions are forgiven and in the past. Just like the people who were the biggest mouths during Bill Clinton’s impeachment, House Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry Hyde , Government Reform and Oversight Committee Chairman Dan Burton, Rep. Helen Chenoweth, and Newt the Horndawg Gingrich, all were found to be cheating cheater cheaters to their spouses, yet God forgave them.

    • toughsister

      Do we have a direct affidavit from God on that, or do we just take these scumbags’ say-so?

      • BouncyFlyer

        Without an actual god, their say-so will just have to be trusted!

      • kareemachan

        But, but, but…. they SAID jeebus forgave them, so…

  • Bitter Scribe

    Gee, a guy who thought it was a good idea to sit in a chair and watch teenage boys in the shower, and another good idea to fuck some of them in the ass, also thought that it was a good idea to shut half the country’s population out of the political process. Who could ever have thought that those two things might be related? After all, character has nothing to do with politics except when some Republican says so.

  • Relativicus

    Investigated, charged, convicted, and imprisoned != “two-year silence”

  • Xylem

    “But I don’t WANT a back massage, Coach!”

  • Jany

    This needs updating …
    “Long List of Republican Sex Offenders”:
    https://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389×1709387

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    It should be noted that Newsweek then went the extra-douchey yard and interviewed Nazi fuckstain Richard “I’m So Punchable” Spencer regarding his feelings about women voting.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Once again the right wing embraces a sexual predator, Fat Bastard Hasert

  • Donna Mueller

    DENNY should have been at the values voters summit-he could have explained how he applied his values to live a fine upstanding life. THE RIGHT HAS PRETTY MUCH LOST IT’S MIND IN AMERICA TODAY.

  • Xylem

    Even pedophiles consider Denny a scumbag, and Newsweek is too starved for readers to care. If they really want to sell a Hastert story, get him to write about prison hookups.

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