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President Bing Bong Shits had a brain fart/aneurysm in public twice on Thursday, that we know of. (FAKE NEWS!) It’s weird how the White House thinks it can tell us obvious lies like “the president is a normal person” and “the president’s brain works OK,” and blames made-up sources (and Bob Corker) for saying Trump is literally off his rocker, when the man seems determined to demonstrate each and every day that he’s not fit for this job, that his mind MAY LITERALLY be going, and at the very least that he’s a fucking dolt.

While Trump addressed the press with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, a mean reporter asked him a trick question, which was “Did you have a nice lunch with Rex Tillerson?” It was timely, since this week was the first time the two men had shared a meal since news broke that Tillerson thinks his boss Trump is a goddamned fucking moron.

Trump wasn’t going to be fooled by that dumb reporter with his gotcha questions:

Very good. You mean last week? John, you’re so far behind the times. Do you mean today or last week? Because today I didn’t have lunch with him.

No, I had a lunch last week, and we had a very good lunch. We have a very good relationship. The press really doesn’t understand that, but that’s OK. We actually have a very good relationship.

YOU’RE SO FAR BEHIND THE TIMES, JOHN.

Trump had lunch with Tillerson on Tuesday. As in the very day before mean reporter JOHN asked him how his lunch had been. Wonkette is fully aware of this because we wrote a really gross headline that day asking if “President Diaper-Shits” is about to “have a blow-out,” and it included the thing about Trump challenging his secretary of State to an IQ contest. We noted in that piece that they were having lunch together AS WE PUBLISHED.

Donald Trump does not know when he had lunch with Rex Tillerson. And while we’re on the subject, who is Rex Tillerson?

If you’re keeping score in this game of “When Did Donald Trump Have Lunch,” it is Wonkette: 1, Donald Trump: 0.

Trump also issued an executive order weakening Obamacare on Thursday, because he is a weak, thin-skinned pussy who wakes up in the morning crying about how Barack Obama hurt his feelings a whole bunch of times. That’s literally the only reason for any of his “policy positions,” to use the phrase loosely.

Anyway, the point is he did the song-and-dance, shook pussies and grabbed hands in the Oval Office with the cameras present, and when the ceremonial moment came, when it was time to actually SIGN THE FUCKING EXECUTIVE ORDER, Trump pooped his pants (maybe allegedly) and forgot about it completely until the vice president redirected him toward the signing table. Watch him say BYE BYE EVERYBODY, MISTER KELLY SAID I GET CAPRI SUN NOW, because it’s funny to watch Trump fail at life:

As we were typing this, Trump was speaking at the Values Voter Summit, and this happened:

His Friday is off to a good start.

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  • tehbaddr

    Can Trump even count to potato?

    • Ricky Gay

      Well he definitely has a big chip on his shoulder!

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      Counting on those fat little fingerlings? He ALWAYS counts to potato.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He gave that job to Dan Quayle.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Who can say about his counting but he sure is losing a peel.

      • tehbaddr

        Oooof!

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s Firing Friday! Who’ll get the ax today?

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Drumpf? A guy can dream, right?

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Well, that could have gone better.

    • ariel_gee_398

      The epitaph of America.

      • Oblios_Cap

        We apologize for the inconvenience.

        • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

          A moose once bit my sister.

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            Needz moar umlauts

      • Daniel

        The wall on which the profits rode
        Is cracking as it seems
        Along the un-president of debt
        the suntan brightly gleams
        Where every law is torn apart
        By nightmares and with tweets
        Will no one say “thou art impeached!”
        When silence drowns the screams?

        “Covfefe” will be my epitaph,
        as I squall, my hacks unbroken laugh,
        Say “he’s naked” and oh, we can at last
        Not fear tomorrow- I’ll be crying

  • bubbuhh

    Trump and Tillerson had lunch together? I wonder which intern they ate.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      With fava beans and a nice chianti?

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        They both seem too selfish to do the good kind to an intern.

  • Vincent Ricola

    25th Amendment to the United States Constitution – Section 4.

    • 25 45!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “What’s that?”

      –Donald J. Trump. I wish I was making this up.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m surprised Trump hasn’t gone to visit the Virgin Islands to do a little pussygrabbing.

    • Ricky Gay

      LOL

  • Bureaucrap

    CoS Kelly: “Mr President, we want you to try on this new white golfing jacket. The long straps on the sleeves are just to help keep you warm.”

  • You’d forget what day it is too if you had just eaten the most beautiful chocolate cake in the world.

    Mmmmmmm… Cake… Uuuhhhhhh…

  • MynameisBlarney

    Every fucking day he proves he’s unfit for office MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES.

    FUCK!

    • Vincent Ricola

      I keep waiting for the story that proves him fit for the office and it’s yet to happen.

      • Michael Smith

        Fox News has them.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        He’s old, male, white(ish) and nominally christian what more is required?

    • Your comment needs more ‘fucks’, old chum!

      • Oblios_Cap

        He must be running out of fucks to give.

  • Unless that clip is a re-run, this is the second time Pence has had to corral this ass back to his pen.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      does that include when wandered away from bibi? Or when he wandered off the plane and away from the presidential limo parked at the fucking FOOT of the damn stairs.

      This guy.

  • Ricky Gay

    Tator Tot

    • Traitor tot!

    • tehbaddr

      Thrice Baked!

      • Ricky Gay

        Hand-stuffed!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        And twice eaten.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Dick Tator Tot.

  • exinkwretch

    We’re fucking doomed. The spineless Republicans who allowed this sack of shit to be nominated to run at head of the ticket are not going to grow backbones and force him out now. Even if they manage to ram through the tax cut the oligarchs bought them to pass.

    • Ricky Gay

      Once they discovered size XXXXL Huggies, they all took a hands off approach.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      They’re hoping for two things. That he lasts long enough for them to bill their booty-bag, and that he flames out in such a way that they can claim it was some new, unforeseen affliction. Not their fault, nunh-uhhh…..

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trudeau must visit with trump when he needs a good laugh.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    We wear hats indoors now? In the White House?

    • The hats are padded, Kelly makes him wear them.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Pointy, white ones with face coverings

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      always a classic:
      https://youtu.be/uWXgeWX9saM

    • Timothy Watson

      White trash, just like how Kid Rock and Ted Nugent did the same thing.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        They are trying to hide their baldness. And what you said, of course.

    • PubOption

      When I lived in Texas, I was told that the prohibition did not apply to baseball caps and stetsons.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Just Stetsons because real ones are expensive .

  • Phoenixdoglover

    When the Dotard said that Hillary Clinton was too old to be President and that she did not have stamina, it was:

    a word that begins with “p”
    and ends with “rojection”.

    But his schedule is grueling. Several activities a day! And don’t forget the weekends, what with the travel and all.

    Grandpa needs an intervention. Too bad he raised a bunch of amoral shitheads.

    • Bobathonic

      Hah! “…he raised…”.

  • Michael Smith

    Trump thought he met the president of the Virgin Islands, but really it was just the moderator of the incel subreddit.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What day is his planned summit with the King of Fredonia?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I believe that’s scheduled just before he has a royal visit in the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.

    • chazmanr

      Right after the one with the PM of Elbonia.

    • Moldy Weißwurst

      He’ll need to meet up with the Crown Prince of Nambia first.

  • Scooby

    Time beats differently for Trump. His massive ego bends space-time.

  • Michael Smith

    Trump has a bone to pick with the so-called “President” of the Virgin Islands because that tinpot third world dictator isn’t lifting a finger to help one of its member islands, Puerto Rico, and is making Trump do it! Sad.

  • freakishlypersistent

    It’s those clapping cheering knob gobblers I want to punch, (with or without votes). The enablers are worse than the mentally ill toddler.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Knob Gobbler Libel! (Some of us enjoy it, TYVM)

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Remember, Donald, when you were guided back to the lectern to sign the executive order, they weren’t laughing with you, they were laughing at you.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Why aren’t these things shown on live TV?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Anything with Trump in it should have a broadcast delay. Five or six thousand years should be enough.

  • Bad Scooter
    • Bmaccnm

      But it won’t. America will always and forever be the country that could elect Donald Trump. We’ll never get past that stain.

      • grindstone

        Jesus I never thought I would type this sentence: Take heart, look at Germany and Angela Merkel.

        • CB

          LOL!

          Right!

          Look on the bright side: He’s not literally Hitler… yet.

  • dslindc

    Donald has ~dEmEnTiA~

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Stage 4 dUmbEntIA.

      And acute dotardic poopie head syndrome, also too.

      Donnie can eat my farts and die. In fact, he really should.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      He was also an asshole and a dumbass to begin with.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Wonkette should just get a macro that publishes the latest photo of trump with a caption that says “That could have could better”.

    ; p

  • Jgb979

    When your response to “did you have a nice lunch” is FUCK YOU DIEEEE FAKE NEWS.

    Perhaps it’s time for a nap.

    Sometimes the only pleasure I get out of this nightmare is knowing how much he hates it.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You always have to leave a few props around so President Senescent knows where he is. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/645ba0c3588b70e51b71ed7d16d177f26fa35d94ce5ac153fb8947a4250c4e44.jpg

    • freakishlypersistent

      “Again?” He never won the first time, asswipe.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      “It’s great to be here, believe me, in the great State of Winagain.”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      We have a President who never leaves the White House, his own property, or airports. That is fucking amazing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He doesn’t believe in exercising his body or his mind.

    • armed_bears
      • Bobathonic

        Monstrously improved.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        all the upfists on the internets for you!

  • armed_bears
  • dslindc
    • bubbuhh

      Stoopit should definitely be a litmus test. How can we convince all teh stoopits who vote to go along?

      • Timothy Watson

        We trick them.

        We just need to find a way to do it better than the GOP.

    • Paul Dietzel

      Of course, Quayle is probably remembered more for the Lloyd Bentsen exchange in the debate but unfortunately whenever it gets shown on the TV the clip normally stops after the “you’re no Jack Kennedy” part. To me the best follows when the little shit chews on his lower lip and says “That was really uncalled for, Senator.”

  • TJ Barke
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Alzheimers’s well that ends well.

  • I posted this down yonder..from 6 months ago when Presidotard forgot to sign another EO.
    https://youtu.be/SKJv_LNIE1A

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    TGIF?

    Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump dove into America’s culture wars on Friday, touting his administration for “returning moral clarity to our view of the world” and ending “attacks on Judeo-Christian values.”

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      trump admin and “moral clarity” – PUH-FUCKING-LEASE!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      “We are stopping cold the attacks on Judeo-Christian values,” Trump said to applause, before slamming people who don’t say “Merry Christmas.”

      “They don’t use the word Christmas because it is not politically correct,” Trump said, complaining that department stores will use red and Christmas decorations but say “Happy New Year.” “We’re saying Merry Christmas again.”

      The comment drew thunderous applause.

      • freakishlypersistent

        I don’t want to share a country with these assholes.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          even my fundamentalist neighbors of 30 years aren’t this bad. They seem to know we’re goddamn heathens and rarely get in our faces about it.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Since we’re still making payments on Afghanistan, you’re really sharing two countries with these assholes.

      • TJ Barke

        GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU GODDAMNED SIMPLETONS! EVERYONE IS NOT CHRISTIAN! IT’S CALLED BEING CONSIDERATE!

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          I hear ya – but we need to pace ourselves.

          WHO’S GOT THE CUTE CRITTER PHOTOS?
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fbb9eef9d3fb0220023546fd32335b04ce64d481acceb421c51a7912ca2cbc2b.jpg

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            It’s a pity that poor girl is about to lose her left eye

          • Ellie

            Awww, thanks.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i have a whole collection, bu t I need to go to the not-yet-a-job soon.

            Somebody take over! Post the squee every 20 minutes or 100 comments.

            Can’t have y’all having mass heart attacks while I’m gone.

          • Ellie

            Need squee with having to face fresh hell every single day.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            That expression translates from cat to English as “Hold my beer.”

        • Bobathonic

          Well they should be. Also too, they should be white. And male. Choices, people.

        • Canned Covfefe

          What is this CONSIDERATE thing you speak of?

      • rumsey

        Trump, in case you haven’t noticed, there aren’t that many jobs at “department stores” anymore, and the computers at amazon don’t say anything at all.
        Anyway, I don’t know many people on the “judeo” side of things who say “Merry Christmas.” They’re happy with “Happy Holidays,” or just “Enjoy!”or “Good Afternoon.”

        • Paul Dietzel

          ” . . . and the computers at amazon don’t say anything at all.” I live in one of those many towns where WalMart is just about the only retailer left so they’re hard to avoid. When I do shop there I almost always use the automated checkout machine if only because the machine does say “Thank you for shopping at WalMart” which is a hell of a lot more than you ever get from one their live checkout people.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            If I were forced to work at Walmart, I wouldn’t be chipper either.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Fuck Christmas…

        He’s right. I feel better saying Christmas.

        • Bobathonic

          Hmm, let me try.

          “Christmas can suck my left nut.”

          You’re right! Amazeballs!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          “I Hate Fucking Christmas” by the Rugburns is one of my favorite Christmas songs.

      • Ellie

        I still remember (ex retail worker here) the woman who came in the store, and when I said, “Hope you have a wonderful holiday,(we had a lot of Jewish and Muslim customers in addition to everyone else that might or might not be Christian)” ranted about me not being able to say “Merry Christmas.” I calmly explained that this wasn’t the case, and I’d be happy to wish her a Blessed Advent, but Christmas was still two weeks away. However, I would be happy to say it then, if she preferred. I said it 12 times. Fortunately, I had an understanding boss. I still rarely say “Merry Christmas” before Christmas, but then, I’m Episcopalian, and you know how they are.

      • Mpeg
        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          tweet it, tweet it from now until january.

        • armed_bears

          In-fucking-credible. And thank you. I go forward armed into the holiday season.

      • jodyleek

        Guess they kind of forgot about the Judeo part of Judeo-Xtians not celebrating Xmas. Ya know, like his daughter. Jesus fucking Christ.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Well, so much for saying Merry Christmas this year.

    • Get off your cross and let Melanoma have some wood.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      By Judeo-Christian he means Christian. But no papists.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Or any of those homo-loving, LIEbural denominations

        • Phoenixdoglover

          The Unitarians are right out!

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        Unless it’s for the census, of course. But only then!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Oh, just say “aryan” and be done with it.

    • Stulexington

      Any time someone says “Merry Christmas” to me in a retail setting, I’m gonna say “hail Satan” back because fuck PC culture.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I’ll just say, “Happy Hannukah” and see how they like it.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          you good wish them a happy ramadan, but you might end up in federal custody.

        • Stulexington

          See that’s how it should be with ordinary folks, I say my greeting, you say yours and we say thank you and move on. But uniformed employees should be different. There’s a corporate representation going on that religion should not be a part of unless it’s a religious paraphernalia store.

        • grindstone

          I had a cashier very nicely but *very* pointedly wish me a “Mer.ry Christ.mas!” I replied, “Thank you, and a hap.py han.nu.kah to you!” Her face was priceless.

          So every December, I convert to Judaism, and then convert back to totally fucking agnostic around January 1st.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • mailman27

      The reason retail businesses don’t get involved all that bullshit is because they are, in fact, retail “businesses.” They want to make money selling stuff. And they want to sell stuff to Jews and Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus and, you get the picture. It’s really that simple.

    • jodyleek

      Moral fucking clarity? As seen through a shit-smeared window, I guess?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      That’s it next he’s going to whip his dick out, I just know it.

  • Every day, beneath the surface, I seethe… it never really goes away. Even when this assclown is gone, I think I will still seethe at the people who did this to America, the country I love.

    • TJ Barke

      Ramen.

    • freakishlypersistent

      I know it’s not healthy, and it’s starting to be less and less “beneath the surface” Try driving while flipping both birds at some fucking Trump bumper sticker. I actually glared at an old lady getting out of her car and then intentionally shut the door of the building in her face. I am NEVER like that.

      • greyXstar

        They’re always the biggest assholes on the road so that helps

    • MynameisBlarney

      Payback gon’ be a motherfucker.

    • puredog

      I am wistfully heartened to think that if we can ever come out of the other side of this, the surge of renewed actual non-jingoistic patriotism and love of actual American values — the good ones — may be beautiful. Unless there are gun battles raging on every street, of course.

  • TJ Barke

    Everyone that voted for this man will burn in hell forever.

    • Paperless Tiger

      And they’ll blame Obama for it.

      • ltmcdies

        and Hillary….don’t forget that

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        “Blaming with feint thanks”

    • Stulexington

      Now now none of that. Hell has actually always been frozen over and they’ll all be forced to shovel snow for all eternity while freezing their body parts off. Which will regrow every night so they can be frozen off again the next day.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Alright which one of you wonkers are up to calling the President posing as the President of North America?

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/trumpvvs.png

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I thought Chuck Norris met with the Virgin Islands, and that they are now just called “The Islands”.

      • MynameisBlarney

        No.
        Seriously.
        Chuck Norris is a rightwing fucktard.
        And Bruce Lee would stomp a mud-hole in his ass if he were alive.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Bruce Lee did already, in The Way of the Dragon.

          If he were alive today, Bruce Lee would explain why Chuck needs to stop supporting systemic racism.

      • Stulexington

        And there’s like 5 more baby islands.

    • Phoenixdoglover
  • Panika MCD

    we are so monumentally fucked right now.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    FUCK! When does the shitstain leave to go play golf? It’s the only time I can breath.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      It’s 12 on a Friday, so his flight should be leaving any minute now…

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Doddering Dotard Derides Dinner Date Disposition

  • Bad Scooter

    so much winning. we’re tired of winning.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT: I really need to renovate my laboratory. (p.s. Is that a giant slide rule in his desk or is he happy to see us?) From PSSC Physics, 1965.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cf839c023d2b29dec29009ee5926b13078df34bd23e10d17c38ee666dd944596.jpg

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      And that’s all one computer…

    • LucindathePook

      I took PSSC physics!! In 64-65! Got an A!

      • puredog

        Geez, now *there’s* an acronym that hasn’t crossed my mind for a half-century.

        • LucindathePook

          Physical Sciences Study Committee. I took Chemstudy, too, and that was where we heard the news about JFK’s assassination.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      A few days ago, I was watching an interview with a researcher from one of the LIGO observatories. Their science-tunnel looked a lot less like the bridge of the Enterprise and a lot more like my garage than I expected.

      • Bobathonic

        They should have made it from LEGOs.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I toured at Lawrence Livermore Labs a few times. What I saw would put a million Thomas Dolby concerts to utter ignominious shame. Seeing all that stuff, racks and racks of it hooked together and actually working was utterly magnificent!

        I had a four-hour erection that lasted for weeks after that.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Why the fuck is the forced cordiality between me and some college kid manning a cash register a matter of national fucking importance? “Values Voters” are a bunch of goddamned spoiled children.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ‘we don’t say merry christmas” is apparently way more important than healthcare (or taking care of the fucking sick!), natural disasters, POC being shot by cops, and racial strife we haven’t seen since, the 70’s?

      • gene108

        Racial strife not seen, since the LA riots of 1992, post-Rodney King. There was a big race riot in Cincinnati in the early 00’s that didn’t get a bunch of national attention, but the 1980’s had its share of racial unrest that largely died down in the 1990’s as living conditions in cities began to improve.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah, good point.
          Hence my question mark at the end.

          (There’s a GREAT documentary called I think The Night James Brown saved Baltimore. Basically major racial unrest, Brown’s show was going to help calm things. No idea where you can find it anymore).

    • Ideological wars are the hardest fought. And evolutionary laws to not apply. The stupidest idea can come out on top.

  • cheetojeebus

    And Now poof, no Iran nuke agreement.
    Friday the 13th lives up to its reputation.

    • gene108

      Nuke agreement is still in place. We have not imposed new sanctions or anything. We are just showing the world we are not a good negotiating partner, because whatever one President negotiates, his successor can just shit all over.

      • Bobathonic

        Yeah, that’s new.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Friendless President
    Has never been seen laughing
    Nobody likes him

  • DainBramage

    Someone needs to rig up a big red button, get Trump to accidentally push it, then tell him that he just launched all the nukes. Rush him and his spawn into a bunker and never let them out. Pipe in a Fake News feed so he thinks he’s still in charge.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Rush Trump and his spawn into a bunker and {{{redacted}}} the air out.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That could probably work if we could grab their phones. lol

    • ManchuCandidate

      Pretty much the plot of Seven Days In May if it had worked.

      • Meccalopolis

        That twilight zone too where the guy wanted his enemies to beg to get into his bunker

    • sg77

      Works for me as long as the bunker is very deep, really locked up tight and in Siberia.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      “Well, there goes civilization. Time to forget about incest laws and repopulate the earth.”
      “But Daddy, I have a husband. I don’t need to–”
      “Oops, too bad, didn’t make it. Hey, where ya going?”
      “Suddenly, radiation sickness looks like the better option.”

      • Invidosa

        Ewww ew ew ew!! What has been seen in the minds eye cannot be unseen!! I need soooooo much more wine!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • JoeChristmas

      Really? Sanders on there?

      • Colonel.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I didn’t make it, but yeah.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yeah it should read “Bernie Bros”

        Also Susan Sarandon

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          Jill Stein also, too

        • JoeChristmas

          Exactly, I always felt the Bernie Bros should have been Bernie Bots.

  • chazmanr

    What I want to know is, was it a formal meeting or did the voices in his head just have a chat?

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    everybody, I know we’re all pissed the fuck off. Take a dose of this now and as needed.

    https://youtu.be/opcbOZqnjV8

    • Mr. Blobfish

      They’re good sports. They are also plotting the murder of their owner.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        I thought only cats did that

        • MynameisBlarney

          No, but cats are much better at it.

        • P’jama Pahnts

          They may be plotting to hire a cat to do it

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That’s cute! Thanks for sharing something that won’t raise our blood pressure!!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        as a person whos having a bitch of a time getting his blood pressure meds, I say thank you and do it with pride and joy.

    • cmd resistor

      That’s a hoot.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Actually.. online is fine… It’s at home that my politics are too much … so thank y’all for bearing with me…

      • Phoenixdoglover

        My wife started complaining about me swearing, starting over a year ago. Wonkette is a good outlet, and helps promote domestic tranquility.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Exactly… I don’t get new bottles of whiskey at home, so why should I need to state my (unedited) political thoughts there? Home is for domestic tranquility…

        • Paul Dietzel

          Paul Newman once said that after the wrap for “Slap Shot” and went back home he once asked his daughter to “pass the fuckin’ ketchup.” Joanne had to remind him that he wasn’t in Johnstown anymore.

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            “Slapshot” remains, perhaps, the greatest example of cinematic art of my lifetime. Well, that and “Animal House”, but that goes without saying: ” … They took THE WHOLE FUCKING BAR!”

      • Invidosa

        That’s why I’m dating a liberal feminist man. . . And I’m estranged from my extended shit stain voting racist maternal family. My sister and I are the black sheep

  • MynameisBlarney

    “My presidency is ahead of schedule”

    No.
    No it really is not.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10141888833

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Your resignation day, however…

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        You beat me to it.

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, how many “day 1” promises has he failed to meet?

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        AOT, K

      • MynameisBlarney

        AOT,K?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        AOT,K!!!!!11111”””

        Yeah, redundant. Sue me.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    As I fell asleep (ok fine, passed out drunk) crying on election night I vowed that I would never ever ever refer to shit-fer-brains-in-chief as president, and I have stayed true. That said, I can’t stop laughing at the title President Bing Bong Shits. And I know I can speak for a lot of us when I say I need all the lulz I can get, so thanks Evan!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m partial to “president” fuck-bonkers myself. But I always make the air quotes when I say the first part out loud. I’m with you – will NEVER refer to the cheeto imposter by a title of respect.

      • Bobathonic

        Closest I get is to call him prednisent. He has a lot to do, to earn my respect.

  • gene108

    I am trying to be snarky, but at am a point of fatigue that I got nothing. We are being governed by a mentally unfit evil man.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Who was elected by, and has supporting legislators, who are mentally unfit evil people

    • proudgrampa

      Fatigue is the word.

      I find that I just have to stop reading and listening to this stuff for awhile. I’m exhausted!

  • Mpeg

    Well the good news,of course, is that the president’s hair loss has been kept under controllable substance.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    I thought I was president of the Virgin Islands!?

    • ManchuCandidate

      Incel?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      No but you can have the Islets of Langerhans.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        I see your Langerhans and raise you a Lilliput

      • blarg

        Well, I’m sure Trump will be needing a pancreas soon. Better hold on to it.

    • JoeChristmas

      Forward slash?

      • P’jama Pahnts

        I thought I’d be super clever and italicize the letter I. Probably not a good idea.

      • Daniel

        I believe that’s Trump’s command when he gets a little spicy in the Russian hotel bedrooms and pretends to be a general.

  • Moldy Weißwurst

    Holy fuckin’ hell. Three years, two and a half months if Shitgibbon isn’t impeached, removed through the 25th amendment or simply rage quits. This is not the country I was born in. How many decades do you figure it’ll take to undo the carnage this asshole is wreaking on the U.S. and the world?!?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      AOT,K if he does everything he wants to…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      How does one translate “a metric shit-ton” into temporal terms?

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Eleventy months

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Eleventy hundred…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      It won’t be undone. There is probably no way the US can get back its stature in the world. After all, one man alone is the Idiot-what’s-in-charge, but the rest of the world knows there were millions who thought he’d be a good choice.

    • Randy Riddle

      I keep debating on when to take my retirement account completely out of stocks. You know the shit’s hitting the fan and nobody can clean up the mess.

    • Mormos

      global warming will kill us long before it gets fixed

    • BigCSouthside

      I’ll say this. We are done being the world leader. I doubt that will ever be a thing again

      • miss_grundy

        I don’t think the rest of the world will accept the U.S. as “the” leader of the world again. The U.S. will just be in with the rest of the group. And, thanks to this idiot, it will take a while before we catch up to the rest of the pack. The next president, if he is a Democrat, will have to undo all of the executive orders and garbage legislation that these GOPers will pass. If it took Bamz almost eight years to get over Dubya, it will take at least sixteen years of a Democrats to undo what Dotard and his pals have done.

  • jesterpunk

    Fucking Moron.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    So what would you guys rather have? Him resigning today or have him and his team impeached and convicted and see actual jail time but then the madness will have to continue for another 6 months?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Impeachment and prison for the lot of them, as it will royally fuck the conservative reactionary movement for a decade at least.

    • The latter. Definitely the latter.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I want them all gone, down through Ryan and McTraitor, so I’m willing to settle for the six months IF impeachment and conviction will get them all.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Why not a bit of both?
      Seriously, will his resignation make him immune from charges of treason?

      • jesterpunk

        Nope.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I can’t think it would.

      • miss_grundy

        I’m not a lawyer nor do I play one on tv, but if the fun and games he has been playing with Russia leads to treason charges then I hope he winds up going to prison for life. Of course, I would rather than he would have a public appointment with Old Sparky but I doubt that would be the sentence they would pass on him. And if his name could turn into dirt so his family will never be able to make money off of it, that would be fine as well. It is about time that his adult children got real jobs. Oh, and all of his real estate sold and perhaps that building of his in NYC could be demolished and a nice new building could go up in its place.

        • Mormos

          affordable housing…

          • miss_grundy

            Well, that building of his is on Fifth Avenue. And I think the neighbors have a different idea of “affordable” housing than the rest of us.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Sooner. Nixon was competent while being investigated. The Dotard is incompetent and worsening.

    • TJ Barke

      I want them all to burn.

    • jesterpunk

      Resigning would be good, then Eric Schneiderman can lock his ass up in NY state prison and he cant be pardoned.

      • puredog

        ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

    • Moldy Weißwurst

      Easy call. 6 months and we get to see them all do the perp walk (hell, I’d gladly pay to watch if it gets broadcast as a pay-per-view event!)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Personally, I would prefer to see gravity reverse and send him, Pence, and all of the other sucking-up assholes (looking at you SHS) shooting out into the empty oxygen-less void of space. With votes, of course.

    • Daniel

      I’m not USian, but I badly want to see him, Pence, Kushner, Flynn, Sessions, Manafort, and sundry others convicted of any and all crimes they’ve committed and sent to gaol for the longest time possible.

      I realise this will never happen.

      • Mormos

        put them in gibbets and hang them from the capitol building until they die of exposure.

        • Daniel

          I wouldn’t do that, not just because I’m a soft hearted lefty, but because they’d love to think of themselves as martyrs. Put them in prison, let the world outside forget them. Let them become what they dread- entirely irrelevant and completely ignored.

          But in prison.

    • Courser_Resistance

      The madness would continue WAAAYYY beyond another 6 months even if he resigned today. Plus, we would be left with Pence, which is not much of an improvement other than he’s NOT actually insane. Dude has serious fucking issues, tho.

      So, option B please.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Although I’d love to see him in jail, I would have to practical do what Jesus would do and say resign today please.

    • Randy Riddle

      AOT,K.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I wonder if he also thinks the president of the Virgin Islands is a total assclown of a fuckup?

    • Paperless Tiger

      People are saying low ratings.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Both he and the Pres of PR are morons

      • Major_Major_Major

        It’s incredible that both the Virgin Islands AND Puerto Rico could have such failtastic, racist, pants-shitting presidents at the SAME TIME?

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      “If I was president, they wouldn’t be virgin any more. Ha Ha Ha “

    • alpacapunchbowl

      If he does, that might be the one and only time I agree with him on something.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Where’s everybody planning to meet up for the impeachment party? I’d like to go ahead and book my reservation.

    • jesterpunk

      The national mall in DC or right outside of the White House?

      • MynameisBlarney

        How about a trump tower that’s in foreclosure?

        • jesterpunk

          We can do that for the people who cant make it to DC, he has enough buildings around the country.

    • New and Improved Say Wha

      No matter where it is held, it will be the greatest impeachment party ever, huge crowds, the biggest, not like that loser Nixon. Weak. Sad..

    • Meccalopolis

      Literally anywhere. Dancing , hugging. Much festivities amongst the elves

    • teele

      How about every damn street in every damn town and village?

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • MynameisBlarney

      Jesus…
      He even has his own coin.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Dude is getting off on this WAAAY too much. JFC

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Something to watch out for if he ever tips you.

      • jesterpunk

        Isnt that typically for the Military heads like the Secretary of the Navy and Secretary of Defense? Never heard of the Interior Secretary having a coin and flag before.

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Others have, but not with their names on them…

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Mothafucking FBI agent gave me a challenge coin. Evidently, they have more money than they need and have started spending it on baubles.

  • proudgrampa

    Have I mentioned that we are freakin’ doomed?

    Jesus H. Christ, he has the LAUNCH CODES!

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      There’s a good chance he does not know that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I hope there’s an even BETTER chance that they gave him the wrong ones.

        • Randy Riddle

          Babysitters gave him the LUNCH CODES.

        • RMKH

          That’s what I think. The football they haul around with him has some corn chips and an apple.

          • MynameisBlarney

            HA!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They gave them to him nine months ago. I’m sure he has no idea where he put them now.

  • miss_grundy

    What’s the weather like in Bedminster, NJ? Has he left D.C. for his golf weekend yet? Of course we know that he can’t keep any facts in his head including who he had lunch with the day before. In the meantime, if you see Robert Mueller in your travels, tell him to step it up a notch, will you? Dotard needs to leave the Oval ASAP.

    • cmd resistor

      I was wondering about the weekend. I believe I read last weekend that Melania and Barron were going to spend the Columbus Day weekend at Mar-A-Lago. I don’t know when the official “season” starts down there. I have noticed more snowbirds on the road in the north of Palm Beach parts of Florida.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Technically we say it is Thanksgiving to Easter. But I swear every year they come sooner and leave later.

    • WeaselPoo

      It is chilly and cloudy in NJ..not good golfing weather so Trump will probably have another twit shit fit.

    • Toledo Window Box

      ASAP isn’t fast enough.

  • JoeChristmas

    We can all say “pussy grabbing” and “bleeding from her whatever” again…with moral clarity.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Doddering dotard
    Forgets what he had for lunch
    I can’t take much more

    • mailman27

      A cryku for help.

  • New and Improved Say Wha

    Say, didn’t this country used to have another elderly, white male, bumbling, forgetful, media buffoon as President? I think his name was Ronald something. Pagan maybe?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He wasn’t so worried about Christmas as the current one, so he would probably count as a pagan to some of Trump’s voters.

      • Moldy Weißwurst

        If he were alive today and running for office, In the current atmosphere he’d be labeled a RINO by the far right.

        • MynameisBlarney

          A RINO?
          Hell, they’d call him a flaming liberal.

    • marxalot

      He could deliver his lines. Up until the end, anyway.

  • SullivanSt

    Evan, it’s spelled “potatoe”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wrong!

      “tater”!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Wrong!

        “taders”

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Wrong!

          “Dok Zoom”

          • OutOfOrbit

            ohfuck i cannut do anyting right

    • jesterpunk

      Potatoe, potata.

      • Randy Riddle

        Let’s call the whole thing off.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        p’tata… oh wait.. those are different

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          A P cup seems excessive. And bad for the back

          • Beanz&Berryz

            But if you’re Trump, a p cup doesn’t have to hold much for long…

    • DainBramage
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        A natural spudnik.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          My own planet Idaho.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            ^^^^^for The B-52s ref.

  • Mormos

    who knew friday the 13th could scare me as an adult?

    • marxalot

      Triskaidekaphobia killed Schoenberg.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m wearing my cheap-ass but very cute Halloween leggings today. I’m trying to cheer myself up cuz Halloween is my favorite holiday.

  • jesterpunk

    How did Eminem get the moral high ground on Preznit Fucking Moron? Oh well Trump can fuck off.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LunHybOKIjU

    • Courser_Resistance

      I know. I’ve ignored him for years and I’m more of a classic rock girl anyway, but damn, he hits it hard! I’ve watched this vid at least 5 times!

    • AJ Milne

      I honestly… erm… don’t know enough about the man to know if I should be real surprised. Confessing to a bit of relative pop culture illiteracy here. My excuse: I was starting a career and a family around the time he first blew up… Had a vague conception of youngish grittyish white boy rapper with issues with a few things including women and race, later noise he was trying to grow out of it a bit, a lot of stuff in the back catalogue making people uncomfortable in retrospect, that’s about all…

      Predictably, searching on him now, Trumpistan is all over the violence in his lyrics… and, well, some of that, erm… it’s not really from that far back, rape and murder, demeaning and physically threatening noise prominent themes, apparently… Nice, if you particularly _want_ to listen to whichever scary, angry, abusive motherfucker you’ve got in your past, but now, hey, he’s also got flow…

      So what’s above, hey, now it’s angry white man angry about some of what I’d call the right stuff for a change, I guess. So it’s somethin’. I mean, honestly, I feel like that’s a bit of me of late (no, I have penned no lyrics on rape nor murder; different subject), should watch out for the glass before throwing any stones too hard, I guess…

      … just trying to find the most postive angle, here I can: I guess, if nothing else, hey, it’s amazing how Trump has brought the world _together_. Quite the rainbow, now, united against the same idiot menace. And I guess that’s something, too, if kinda a costly/risky way to get there.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    What a fucking demented buffoon.

  • American stupidity is attempting to cross the northern border. Answers in Genesis, eh?
    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/10/07/answers-in-genesis-is-expanding-into-canada/

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That should be considered an act of war.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It’s a fucking hostile invasion!!!!

    • Sophia

      I thought that was supposed to be opening near Moose Jaw, Sasketchewan. One of the finer selling points of the deal was the cemetery next door, which of course the guy owns, would have people dying to get in there.

      L’Hoir, who owns the cemetery next door to the proposed location believes the attraction could entice people to choose the cemetery as their final resting place.

      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/danthropology/2016/09/sorry-canada-but-it-looks-like-youre-getting-your-own-ark-encounter/

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Hasn’t Trump also met with the Presidents of Canada, the UK, and Japan?

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Every day, I see stooopit to a degree I could never imagine possible. And every morning we cross yet another event horizon of stoopit into a new day of even more stooopit.

    Please, doG, put an end to this shit! I can’t stand it anymore.

    May Trump gobble all of my farts.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      May the fleas of a thousand camels fly up his nose. (ancient curse, I think)

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        You must really hate fleas.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          They don’t have many redeeming qualities.

          • OutOfOrbit

            they can jump purdy high

          • RMKH

            They’re great in the circus

  • marxalot

    Seriously, what do you call it when someone is “sundowning” all day? Is it just dementia? Is this the point where we admit that the occupant of the Oval Office is not only a racist, ignorant, sexist megalomanic, but a senile one?

    • ziggywiggy

      He has dementia. Wondering what he has to do to get that 25th Amendment moving along…. pull his pants down and poop on the stage at one of his rallies, because I’m thinking that might actually happen.

      • canes_pugnaces

        The GOP isn’t going to do anything. Just like with Reagan. I read a good piece in the Economist some time ago. Their analysis that until Trump hits the 25% approval marker the jellyfish in congress, etc., aren’t doing anything. There is a reliable 35% of population who are complete morons. The spread keeps Trump going. And maybe even re-elected. Of course by then, America looks like The Walking Dead.

        • Truthiness2U

          Especially as that 35% have been Gerrymandered into a much greater voting/political force. They need the ijit assholes in their districts to vote for them, and know they need ONLY enough of them, to stay in power.

          It’s part of the daily fuckery that is Gerrymandering. Not making elected officials have to represent other than a small slice of racist, xenophobic, misogynist morons.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        His fans would think it was the height of comedy.

    • canes_pugnaces

      With Trump it’s three problems simultaneously: Alzheimer’s, being an asshole, and being a total sociopath. That’s no longer sundowning, that’s a fucking asteroid direct hit.

    • OutOfOrbit

      wut do you smell down there? is it a mole?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Mole got your tongue?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Merry fucking Christmas. Now can we impeach this maniac?

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
    • Antonin Dvorak

      72? The hell does that mean?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Probably some Nazi number.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        That Garrison doesn’t know much about football?

      • Daniel

        Also doesn’t the NFL generally agree with Trump?

        • miss_grundy

          Perhaps Roger Goodell and the idiot owners but not the black players. I hope the players find a way to screw the owners up this Sunday and every Sunday this season.

      • Meccalopolis

        Endzone virgins?

      • Toledo Window Box

        His IQ

        • OutOfOrbit

          and that’s being generous

          • Bobathonic

            Must be in metric.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Trump’s age when he gets impeached?

      • mancityRed6

        you’re reading way too much into this. you’d have better luck finding the meaning of life in a piece of dog shit on the ground.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        His credit score.

      • SeeTrain65

        Number of brain cells they have between them.

    • Daniel

      Had enough of what?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Pee hookers?

        • Meccalopolis

          Winning?

      • marxalot

        Those eyebrows?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “Have you had enough misspelled tweets from morons and Russian bots? You want me to unleash Pence and Mother to photo-op at you again?!”

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Ben Garrison’s disconnect from reality.

    • BigCSouthside

      Garrison and trump just need to fuck and get it over with already

      • mancityRed6

        we don’t know that they haven’t.

      • SeeTrain65

        Ben can’t stop humping his leg at the moment.

    • TJ Barke
    • Ghenghis McCann
      • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

        Rosie O’Donnell, perhaps

      • Rags

        Michelle

    • Daniel

      Is Goodell supposed to be literally melting there?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i find it weird garrisson INSISTS on drawing donnie fit and muscular – every damn time.
      It’s fucking weird.
      But then he always draws Trump’s hair semi-accurately. Does ben think it’s a glowing mane?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        oh yeah, and trump is taller than the stadium.

        That’s either shit perspective or a real window into Ben’s psyche.

    • Randy Riddle

      My god … Trump looks like a Russian synchronized swimmer on way too many steroids in that picture.

      • mancityRed6

        German Olympic women’s swim team libelz

      • Daniel

        He has three other heads under each shoulder pad.

        Garrison can’t even do buff cartoonish hulks properly.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Zaphod Beeblebrox libelz!!1!

          • RMKH

            You mean “Phil”?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Had enough? Yeah, I’ve enjoyed about as much as I can stand of that fart stain.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      That’s all it is with conservatives, isn’t it. Me bigger than you, me stronger than you. Nuance ain’t exactly their strong suit.

      • Finnibar87

        Crush.kill.destroy.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Not all conservatives, but bullying is the sole arrow in Lil’Donnie’s quiver of negotiating tactics.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      YES TRUMP IS YOUNG WITH BIG HANDS AND MUSCLES

      Dude has to draw his own porn. Kinda gross seeing his spank-bank material

    • SeeTrain65

      And once again, I call to all nations to please come, find Ben Garrison and get him the serious, sustained psychological help he so desperately needs.

  • Gorillionaire

    I like how when Pence redirects Two Scoops back to the signing table, he shrugs and the whole room laughs at the man who forgot to sign the document that stabs poor people in the back.

    • Daniel

      Don’t be mean.

      It stabs them everywhere.

      This is compassionate conservatism.

  • Sophia

    hey, he’s just trying to catch up to Rick Perry’s country of Puerto Rico. If you going to win at something it might just as well be the prize for being the dumbest

  • The Wanderer

    At least he didn’t refer to the Prime Minister of Idaho.

  • canes_pugnaces

    You fucking people. Don’t you know that Trump plays 10th dimensional chess. THat’s how he does it: so in reality he hasn’t had lunch yet, at the same time he’s had it. See…

  • Anna Rompage

    I met with the precedent of the Virgin Islands… I asked if he could, great man, great man indeed, bigly successful. I mean to have a numerous islands… I hear there’s virgins everywhere… Beautiful, smooth virgins, yes it’s true.

    Anyways, I ask if he, great man, could loan me one or two.. Virgin, not islands, I mean the islands are nice, but vigins. Do you know how long it’s been since, I’ve been with a virgin.. Sine my time back in my own personal Vietnam.

    Virgin islands, great man successful precedent, but lots of water. Did you know you cannot drive to pick up the virgins on the islands? I bet you didn’t, nope, you cannot, you have t take a ship or a plane. I won ships and planes, so getting some of those virgins should be easy…

    • RMKH

      That’s too good. I’m worried about you.

    • Daniel

      I met with the president of that islands, you know? You know what they call them? I won’t say it here, the lying you know the media will be so nasty, I won’t tell you what they’re called but they’re virgins. That much I will tell you, believe me. I went to the islands as well, believe me, you wouldn’t believe it know from the, so there’s that the lying media you know they won’t even tell you but I was there was you know- so they. This are the at when. Time, time. How you know Hillary never she never said the half mean the mean things about Harvey. Weinstein. Weinstein. Wein. Stein that she said about Donald Trump, but I have to you know you should ask- why was? Because unlike him, very unlike him, I unlike him more than, absolutely absolutely more than anyone I unlike. But he just you know says “give me” and the thing, he does terrible- but I and here you’ll never hear you know CNN or the NBC or the NBA ever they won’t tell you this, they won’t say it because they’re fake news. You go to the islands like you do for all of them, for the virgin people, that’s why no one says that I was there why they keep not telling the truth fakely. How much, let me tell you, how much clearer can the? Can it, there’s look be? VIR GIN. You have to go in so they can’t see you! So they don’t know you’re there! I was in the islands, that I will tell you, believe me, I was hiding behind a door to watch these beautiful, you know really unbelievable islands, and they’d been stripped- STRIPPED- by the hurricane so I was kind of I was there you know “do you need anything?” and I sort of get away with things like that the fake media will never tell you.

      Harvey Weinstein would only only cum in a plant pot.

      • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

        TheBidenator would be proud.

  • NastyBossetti

    Wait, he forgot to sign ANOTHER executive order? Didn’t that happen months ago?

    • Finnibar87

      It happens a lot to morons.

    • OutOfOrbit

      he’s just…that…stupid

    • Stulexington

      Wait, so Trump has a that time of the month when he bleeds out of his whatevers? And by whatevers I mean ears.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Shit, it’s not Groundhog Day is it?!

      • NastyBossetti

        Just want you to know that I received the email notification for this comment twice. So maybe it IS groundhog day?!???!

    • Sort of like when Letterman would be in the middle of his monologue and then say “well, goodnight everybody! “

  • miss_grundy

    According to the NY Daily News, it looks like Hillz may wind up being a university professor at Columbia University. That would not be too bad of a commute from Westchester county for her.

    Here’s the link: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/manhattan/hillary-clinton-talks-columbia-professor-role-article-1.3559329

    • canes_pugnaces

      Right down the street. Good for her.

    • Donna Mueller

      reading her book-“What Happened”-it’s soooooooooo nice to have a peek into the mind of an intelligent, lucid, tough, hard working woman. then i look at the blithering maggot that “won” the election and imagine him flinging his feces at the walls in the peoples house. DAMN, AMERICA, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • PabloDali

    Dotard Donald = Brainless Maggot

  • mardam422

    Trump: I’m the President of the Virgin Islands? Really? So who did I just meet with? And if I’m the President of the Virgin Islands, why are they still virgins? Where is my sippy cup? Damn that Tillerson.

  • Red Bird

    It’s weird how the white supremacist organizations are rebranding as “values voters”.

    • SDGeoff3

      And the Christians are taking them and their money in like never before.

  • Wookie Monster

    If Trump wasn’t such an awful human being, I’d start to feel sorry for him.

    But since he is the King of the Deplorables, I’ll just pop some more popcorn.

  • jesterpunk

    https://www.villagevoice.com/2017/07/25/trent-reznor-nine-inch-nails-add-violence/

    In more adult company, however, Reznor doesn’t mince words. “It’s tough, because the president of the United States is a complete fucking moron,” he seethes. “That’s what gets me the most — that he’s this vulgar, grotesque dope, everything I hate in people.”

    • Duke

      It’s also why so many people can relate to him.

    • Nockular cavity

      Nine Inch Nimrods

  • Mavenmaven

    He thinks Puerto Rico is a foreign country as well. He has a malignant form of idiocy.

  • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

    I thought the President’s name was Fuckbonkers. When did he change it to Bing Bong?

    • Daniel
    • Anna Rompage

      Precedent Fuckbonkers strikes again!

      Good lord, I hope that when they finally lock this guy up, the put him in a cell with Martin Shkreli… Those two dearly deserve to be f*cked over by one another on a constant basis…

      • Raan

        No, put him in general population with all the kids Sessions is gonna send up for life for having half an ounce of weed.

  • anon_the_great

    ITMFA

  • NellCote71

    And Princess Humpalump alluded to the lunch during the fake-news press people briefing. On Tuesday. The day of the lunch. With Tillerson.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Evan, I am in awe. Lost it immediately at “President Bing Bong Shits.” You get better and better.

  • Marion in Savannah

    We. Are. So. Fucked.

  • Vel Venturi

    This just in: Trump loves lamp.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      The silence of the lamps.

  • Relativicus

    “If you’re keeping score in this game of ‘When Did Donald Trump Have Lunch,’ it is Wonkette: 1, Donald Trump: 0.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9a8e7a126e37aeefd66d047f58bb88717d73bd1a18f1e75ef9d81381da236c49.jpg

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    OT breaking news…must this belligerent piece-o-shit trump go around the world kicking every sleeping dog?…he’s given up starting ww3 thru NK, now he’s trying to stir up Iran….this has got to stop, wtf

  • robertrobinson
  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    It is obvious (at least to non-members of The Cult) the guy is slipping into senility and kinda fast. I used to think the Congressional GOP was simply obsessed with the tax cuts, but now think there is an addition: they are terrified of the “Trump voters” (ie the Bannon mob), and have no real idea what they are doing. Unless they have a good reason, they will never stand up to him or his nitwit followers.

    • Maybe

      It’s not obvious to me that Trump is slipping into senility because it seems he’s been the way he is from birth. In him senility would be an improvement.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Apparently, in the past, he was capable of non-childlike speech.

        • Maybe

          Human speech?

    • Billy Wigglestaff

      I believe many rethugs in Congress are guilty of collusion as well. Of course they want to squelch the investigation!

  • Joshua Norton

    Um, Donnie. You know you can go blind meeting with yourself, right?

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Trump visits Trump. The only person in Washington he truly respects.

    • Maybe

      On the surface. I’m not a psychologist, but anyone who needs such constant adulation, praise and reassurance just might have low self esteem.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Or too high.

        • Maybe

          Possibly, though based on what I’ve read about Trump’s daddy I don’t think it’s likely.

          Besides, in Trump’s case zero would be too high.

      • James Cole

        Ya Think?

        Trump in a nutshell is:
        -Egomaniacal
        -Inferiority complexed
        -Narcissistic
        -Pathological Liar
        -Thin skinned (Due to said inferiority)
        -Sociopathic
        Oh, and has a stunted development emotionally and intellectually

        • 451 Byrnes

          EINPTSO. We need to figure out how to work this I to our lexicon.

          • MilwaukeeKent

            PENIS TOT?

        • Sheesko

          That list is accurate but seems it should be longer. I mean, you know, what with the so many times we clutch our heads and groan.

          • Maybe

            A list of Trump’s negative characteristics should be longer, but there’s only so much room on the Internet.

        • phoenix00

          – Bad businessman
          – Horrific analyzer
          – Heeds advice from the wrong people

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Y’know, it’s not just that he’s evil and destroying our lives. He’s stupid and evil and destroying our lives. It’s an insult.

  • My head hurts. I can only take so much rampant, utter stupidity per day before I have to go look at pictures of kittens.

    • Maybe

      If you use Chrome, then you’re in luck:
      https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/make-america-kittens-agai/klchnmggepghlcolikgaekpibclpmgcm?hl=en

      (If, for some insane reason, you wanted to see pictures of Trump instead of pictures of kittens, just hover in the text near the picture, right-click, and select “Make Kittens Trump Again.”)

      • Ragnar Miller

        I have been using this app since it came out, and am pretty sure it has saved my sanity.

        • Maybe

          I think my sanity would have been okay without it, but my eyes would have burned out months ago.

  • Maybe

    The headline contains an error. It should say “Trump is a potato.”

    • kareemachan

      An employee brought in a BIG honkin’ potato last week. We still didn’t know if it was a real potato or not…..

      • Maybe

        Did it have orange hair?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      As an Irish-American, I object. I would never drink that bastard.

      • Maybe

        Agreed. But we can’t pour him down the drain. That would be polluting.

        Maybe if we left him in the sun he’d evaporate. He is mostly orange goo in an empty suit.

        • ahughes798

          Put him up on one of those burial platforms the Plains Indians used for their dead, with votes.

    • stubbornirishlass

      Potato libelz!!

      (Potatoes are delicious and healthful, smarter than president squatter, and much more useful in a disaster.)

      • SqueakyRat

        Even a potato in a dark cellar has a low cunning of its own.

  • azeyote

    anything besides pushing the red button is the new normal –

  • James Cole

    Hey they propped up Reagen for years after he was mentally not home anymore, don’t think they cant manage Trumps senility

    • SpudRaider

      Well don’t disagree their, but a worse example is Wilson. Sad it happened good man, but should have been removed from office after stoke.

      • Phried Ω

        Good man if you weren’t blah or of German heritage, or a socialist etc. Is Mellon up to Edith Wilson standards?

        • Sheesko

          Or a darkie.

        • SpudRaider

          For HIS time he was a moderate/progressive, way from perfect. I’m more concerned with the precedent it set as far as Article 25, and the difficulty in using it to get Dumb ASS out of office.

    • Sheesko

      But that cabinet was marginally sentient. This one is all for everything he does, because Ayn Rand.

  • chicken thief

    BUT OBAMA SAID “57 STATES”!11!!!!!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Jesus, if Trump loses any more brains… Next stop is to put him in a pot for Harvey Weinstein to masturbate on.

  • SpudRaider

    now if he could just remember what Russian Potato dish he had at lunch.

    • starfanglednut

      Aotk.

    • Sheesko

      Too bad he “doesn’t drink.” Seeing Trump sauced on Stolichnaya would be laffs a-plenty.

      • SeeTrain65

        Stoli? This putz deserves Popov.

        • Pirate Jenny

          Hood River vodka is too good* for him (it’s not Russian but uhhhhhhh, we have a lot of Russians in Oregon?).

          *it’s really awful

          • SeeTrain65

            What I remember about Popov:

            1. The stuff we used to get was only 42 proof.
            2. It doesn’t get you drunk, it proceeds straight to hangover.

          • ahughes798

            I heard that if you took a low quality liquor, like Popov , and put it through a Brita pitcher 5 or 6 times, you end up with a high quality vodka. Has anyone tried this? Does it work? Asking for a friend.

          • SeeTrain65

            Mythbusters tried it.

            It doesn’t work.

  • Professor Fate

    Seriously how soon before he starts regaling reporters with the conversation he just had with his dog?
    And isn’t he going to Korea soon? I’m sure the Koreans are just thrilled if that’s the case.

    • Phried Ω

      They couldn’t find a dog who would take the part.

      • Sheesko

        He might make the dog our Ambassador.

        • ahughes798

          Well, the Romans had a Senator that was a horse, and we’ve got a Senate full of horse’s asses, so why not?

  • Gosala

    Evan, I am keeping score and just FYI its Trump: 0; Wonkette: Eleventy Billion

  • MOG253

    Like Corker said, someone missed their shift. He wasn’t supposed to be let out.

  • whitroth

    Yeah, I saw in the Hill how he was at the Christian(ist) values summit, and I had to post a comment to fix their broken headline, which should have read “President Addresses Christian Satanist Summit.

    See? Isn’t that right?

    • It seems “values” means “making money”
      Cause there are no followers of Jesus applauding the removal of healthcare from millions. Surely.

    • Sheesko

      The term you’re hinting at is the Christian Reich.

  • HazooToo

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. We’re so fucked.

  • Jesse

    “I met with the president of the Virgin Islands (Note: He’s the president of the Virgin Islands)”

    He was yelling at himself in the mirror again, wasn’t he?

  • This is the beginning of the excuse for his illegal acts. Bank on it. The hounds are circling and he is going to claim mental incompetence and get away with all of it.

    • Bebecca

      I wonder if he can do that even if it would save the his life, he has no weaknesses-in his own mind.

  • pgjack

    And somehow his fanboys and fangirls think this ignoramus is doing a good job. Make nice with Trump voters? No sir! No way. You are all assholes that stuck us with a toad that can’t even catch flies. You suck.

    • stubbornirishlass

      But give him a chance. Also, her emails.

    • Justin Zimmerman

      Many members of my family, the best people say Trump is a strong leader. FML.

      • Toledo Window Box

        He projects the appearance of strength but accomplishes little, because he is always unprepared, doesn’t work well with others, and is generally just a selfish egotist.

        • Bebecca

          I think he projects the image of a bully which is different than strength.

  • pgjack

    And remember, it’s Trumpcare from now on.

    • NotConvinced

      Get with the times pgjack. Moroncare.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    You know, someone should have told the Dotard on election night that Hillary won. He would have believed them.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Let me try this: “Why did I decertify the Iran deal today? I’m pretty sure you mean last August, Hailey. You are so far behind the times. Try and remember when I rip things to shreds. Wait–is someone playing the bugle for me? That’s very nice, I like that. Maybe I’ll have the marines play that when I meet the Viceroy of Puerto Rico next week. Yes–POO-AIRRR-TO RICO. Lovely country in the middle of the ocean, you know, but it has nothing on the good old USA. God bless America, everybody, and especially that beautiful sacred flag we should all stand for and salute. Am I right?”

    Yeah–pretty sure I could be President.

  • sg77

    He’s insane and dangerous and I am finding it more and more difficult to maintain my sense of humor.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Yes. We’ve endured this substitute teacher long enough, and he’s hitting on the girls in class. We want a real teacher again.

  • Zyxomma

    I want the motherfucker impeached, but may have to settle for Article 25. Cabinet members must do their job and get the madman out of the office for which he’s unsuited totally. I know, I know, that means Pence, who can do even more damage to civil rights, reproductive rights, religious rights, all the rights.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Trump’s cabinet is half smart rich aholes who are terrified of him, and half dumb rich aholes who are terrified of him. They’ll never 25th him.

  • ziggywiggy

    This interesting, wonder if anyone who could do something will do anything. For mental health workers to make such a public statement speaks to how dangerous this situation has gotten. “Psychiatrists and counselors host a dozen town halls citing ‘a duty to warn’ of Trump’s mental fitness as president” https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/psychiatrists-and-counselors-host-a-dozen-town-halls-citing-a-duty-to-warn-of-trumps-mental-fitness-as-president/

    • Toledo Window Box

      I think Trump is going to have to do something catastrophic, in order to trigger action by the Repubs in charge, if it were to happen before Mueller eviscerates him.

  • Invidosa

    See this just solidifies my opinion that president shit eater doesnt understand the whole “American territory” thingy. . . Because he is a fucking moron who I literally cannot listen to the voice of because it stresses me out so much that blood comes out of my nose if I’m not already drunk.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      I have the same reaction to his voice, and the Waffle House Press Secretary. Ugh.

    • Lisa Churinskas-Hulit

      And I thought I was the only one!!

      • atlantaloves

        You are not alone my friend….I have constant bile flowing since the election. (I am serious about this, it’s nasty and it hurts) There is not enough liquor in the world these days. Burp.

  • fawkedifiknow

    The White House is not an “ adult day care” facility, as Senator Corker alleged. It’s an unlicensed Altziemers Unit of a nursing home.

  • JCfromNC

    Trump also issued an executive order weakening Obamacare on Thursday, because he is a weak, thin-skinned pussy who wakes up in the morning crying about how Barack Obama hurt his feelings a whole bunch of times. That’s literally the only reason for any of his “policy positions,” to use the phrase loosely.

    I’m sitting here watching the rebroadcast of MSNBC’s evening shows, and Ali Velshi is in for Lawrence O’Donnell holding a roundtable discussion about this very thing, as if it’s some incredible new insight. I was starting to wonder if I’d fallen into a time warp that had thrown me back 6 or 8 months in time, but I guess it was just them being dense.

  • phoenix00

    Even lies about his lunch dates.

  • Last Hussar

    So, sitting at work here in the Mother Country, and my colleague said “Have you heard the latest from the Whitehouse?” AND I WASN’T SURE WHICH PART OF THE DIARRHOEA TSUNAMI HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

    That isn’t healthy politics.

    • Perkniticky

      So which part was he talking about? Has Trump signed an executive order shutting down the free press? Or just started another twitter spat? Just want to make sure I didn’t miss anything important.

      • Last Hussar

        Whatever was the one just before Ivana v Melanie

        Someone e needs to create a tracking site so we can see what happening on what fuckup.

        • ahughes798

          I saw one the other day that does, but damned if I can remember the name or url of it.

  • Lisa Churinskas-Hulit

    Oh Evan! Please save us!! You’re our last hope!! Kisses… 😚

  • Trollhunter

    Halfway through episode 10 of Season One of “Presidential Apprentice”. I don’t expect it to be renewed…viewership is dropping, believe me. Sad.

    • Maybe

      I didn’t expect it to be picked up in the first place.

      Scary.

  • Patrick

    Is it true that Trump has jerked off the president of the Virgin islands?

  • wavicles

    Cowboy hats in the White House, ayup

  • blaid droog

    If I have to tolerate much more of that brain dead sonofabitch, I’ll be as brain dead as he is. He’s already got me losing my car keys daily.

  • susan_g

    One would assume that a guy who had been a big wheel oil company executive would not likely eat the huge shovelfuls of shit that Rex is putting away but then when you think about it, his previous job duties consisted of bribing foreign leaders for drilling rights. That sort of gig requires a lot of fanny kissing besides the bags of cash.

  • Ducksworthy

    To be fair, if you’re suffering from dementia, Tuesday probably always seems like it was last week.

  • Jay Silversmith

    Who’s running the show?
    bannon looks like an alcoholic
    don the con sniffs incessantly like a coke head
    malaria has a clenched jaw like a speed freak
    krazyanne conjob looks like a crack head
    little jeffy sessions is sexually repressed like a serial killer
    dick perry can’t remember shit like a downer freak
    who’d I miss?

    • vermonter9

      Mnuchin looks like he has a hoard of child porn in his basement. Mattis looks like he has not slept in three years. Huckabee Sanders has a droopy post stroke eye.

  • John

    I still maintain that Trump has untreated syphilis. Severe brain damage is one of the later stages.

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