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Another day, another tantrum from the illiterate Toddler in Chief. HOORAY! Time for us to blow up the Iran Nuclear Deal because it is BAD! TERRIBLE! An abomination worse than pineapple pizza!

Trump never spelled out his actual objections to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action — we’d frankly be surprised if he even knows what JCPOA stands for. But The Black Guy signed it, so of course Donald Trump spent the entire campaign shouting to the rubes that it was a “disaster,” “catastrophe,” and “I’ve never seen something so incompetently negotiated.”

Besides this. Or maybe this. Or these? No, those cannot be bad, we are sure.

Congressional Republicans mostly opposed the Iran deal because Hello, OBAMA! But they managed to furrow their brows and make words about the deal not forcing Iran to dial back its support for terrorist militants in Iraq, Lebanon, Syria and Yemen. Which is true, as far as it goes, but fails to acknowledge that tamping down the violence in the Middle East is a lot easier before Iran gets The Bomb than after. (See also: North Korea.)

As a final Fuck You to Barack Obama, Republican senators added a provision requiring the president to certify Iranian compliance with the bill every 90 days. Liddle’ Bob Corker championed the 90-day recertification requirement as a poison pill, but now President Makin’Shit’Up calls him the Iran deal’s Real Daddy. Because of course he does.

Ironically, it’s this 90-day recertification provision that’s causing Trump to bang his tiny fists on the table and shout, “NO, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” Per WaPo,

“He threw a fit,” said one person familiar with the meeting. “… He was furious. Really furious. It’s clear he felt jammed.”

It is NO FAIR that the Iranians tricked us and lived up to their side of the agreement! How dare they dismantle those centrifuges like they promised! You don’t see us lifting those financial sanctions like we promised, do you?

Donald Trump told the pitchfork mob that he was canceling that stupid deal, and those jerks McMaster and low-IQ Tillerson keep coming back and making him sign it again. Now he looks like a sucker, and Steve Bannon makes sad sighs on the phone and says, I’m not mad, I just guess you’re not the man I thought you were.

Plus Nikki Haley and Rex Tillerson get to go out there and say Iran is violating “the spirit” of the deal, while they make poor Donald give it a big, wet kiss every 90 days. They’re all just out to get him!

So the White House Babysitters Club met up at Rex’s house for a slumber party. Mrs. T ordered pizzas, and they all braided each other’s hair and brainstormed how to let Donnie feel like a big man without causing a total breakdown of the global diplomatic order.

So White House national security adviser H.R. McMaster and other senior advisers came up with a plan — one aimed at accommodating Trump’s loathing of the Iran deal as “an embarrassment” without killing it outright.

To get Trump, in other words, to compromise.

“McMaster realized we just cannot come back here next time with a binary option — certify or decertify,” an exercise Congress requires every 90 days, said a person familiar with the July discussion. “He put his team to work on a range of other options, including a decertification option that would involve Congress” and would not immediately break the deal.

Trump can “decertify” the deal by saying that it’s no longer in the national interest. Maybe even schedule a rally where he shouts, Look at me! I stood up to the Ayatollahs! Check out these enormous hands! That will give Congress the right to impose new sanctions on Iran.

BUT THEN THE WHITE HOUSE WILL TELL CONGRESS NOT TO IMPOSE ANY SANCTIONS!

Via WaPo,

But Trump would hold off on recommending that Congress reimpose sanctions, which would constitute a clearer break from the pact, according to four people familiar with aspects of the president’s thinking.

Of course, this rests on the Senate being smart enough not to reimpose sanctions, which they could do with a simple majority. But if that happens, Mitch McConnell will get the blame. So who even cares, right?

There’s also the risk that the agreement might fall apart anyway if Iran and the other signatories feel that the US is acting in bad faith. WHICH WE ARE. And our diplomatic credibility will be totally destroyed. But at least our president will get to shout, “YOU SUCK, IRAN!” without immediately plunging us into war. And in 2017, that’s what counts as a foreign policy win!

[WaPo / WaPo, again / Vox]


Please contribute to the Wonkette Fund for Xanax and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups! Also, salaries. This shit is unending!

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  • Joe Beese

    Maybe it’s the calm before the storm.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action — we’d frankly be surprised if he even knows what JCPOA stands for

    “What, it doesn’t mean ‘just create profit outta anything?”

    – Donald

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Please come to the front desk to claim your prize.

  • Scooby

    What’s the consensus, war with China or war with Iran first?

    • armed_bears

      Yes.

    • CafeenMan

      Why doesn’t North Korea rate a mention?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Jinx!

      • Scooby

        China will do the bulk of fighting for NK

        • Oblios_Cap

          again.

          • Scooby

            China has already repositioned its military to go to war with the US. In fact they have publicly announced that the citizens should prepare for this looming possibility.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Gee. A trade war would be bad enough.

          • Scooby

            China has said that if US strikes first they will defend NK.

        • CafeenMan

          China told NK to calm down a few weeks ago. If anyone keeps us out of war with them it will be China.

          • Scooby

            I agree, China totally does not want war. It’s that the US will preemptively attack that worries me.

          • Three Finger Salute

            It’s pronounced SHINAH! Like when you punch an anteefah, you give him a SHINAH!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Hey, you forgot North Korea. And the obligatory AOT,K.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Sadly, AOTK.

    • BigCSouthside

      Both at the same time “biggest war. Yooogest. “

    • Three Finger Salute

      Neither. The US is annexing Canada because Trump knows they can’t fight back. And because Justin is his Newfoundland friend and he’ll be fine with this.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        We’ll do what we always do when things happen we dislike: we’ll pretend they’re not and stubbornly going about our business as usual, and patiently wait till the troops flee back to the US because they can’t take the cold.

    • jesterpunk

      North Korea, Iran and China at the same time so he can be presidential.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        For the fifteen minutes it takes for the ICBMs to reach Washington.

        • jesterpunk

          Dont worry, Donny will be out golfing so it wont affect him.

  • laughingnome

    Some village in Manhattan is missing its dotard.

    • anon_the_great

      Consider that line stolen. By Moi

    • CafeenMan

      I doubt they miss him much.

      • laughingnome

        You’re right. Some village in Manhattan is happy to be missing its dotard.

        • CafeenMan

          “I don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s not OUR dotard. You must have us confused with someone else. Try Oakland…. I think he’s from there.”

    • Daniel

      Some village in Manhattan is relieved the dotard that shows up there all the time trying to get in and be liked has fucked off to Washington.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that’s why I always refer to him as the boy king.

    • BigCSouthside

      Joffrey was way smarter

      • CafeenMan

        And probably more grounded in reality.

    • armed_bears

      Peter Dinklage slapping* Trump would be a thing to see.

      * with votes.

      • CafeenMan

        I’d pay to see it. I’d pay twice to see it once.

        • Ill-Advised

          While David Tennant reads Scottish insults to him at tempo.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BTW, I’m too lazy to hunt the link down now but yesterday’s NYT had a thing that shows that Donald’s claim that Liddle Corker was in favor of the Iran deal is a bunch of crap…

    http://crooksandliars.com/files/primary_image/17/02/liar-donald-trump_0.png

    • laughingnome

      Everything that issues from his maw is false.

    • cmd resistor

      I think I saw that. Maybe it was Corker who put in that 90 day certification thing? Or something that gave Congress some sort of control of sorts.

  • Oblios_Cap

    a “disaster,” “catastrophe,”

    The GOP has been describing things that way for years. And no reporters ever ask them “why” or “how”?

  • CafeenMan

    There isn’t much that’s worse than pineapple pizza.

    • Joe Beese

      Humanity is capable of such great things, but also capable of pineapple pizza.

      • laughingnome

        If humans are capable of pineapple pizza they are capable of grape jelly on meatloaf.

        • CafeenMan

          A friend of mine makes meatballs using grape jelly and until she told us I never knew. They’re pretty good.

          • Oblios_Cap

            they’re particularly good in the slow cooker.

          • cmd resistor

            I ate those for years at various pot luck functions without realizing grape jelly was a major ingredient.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I used to get sausage biscuits from arby’s when they still sold them and they’d offer grape jelly every time.
          And they’d look at me like I was crazy when I asked for mustard.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Ranch Dressing.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Donald Trump

      • CafeenMan

        Donald Trump is to pineapple pizza what pineapple pizza is to pepperoni pizza.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          I have come to not like pepperoni on my pizza. I do like olives, mushrooms, sometimes sausage (italian, hot) jalapenos maybe a red or yellow bell pepper cut up.

          • CafeenMan

            I actually don’t like pizza very much. I know everyone here is going to hate on me for this but I love Pizza Hut crust. I wish they used real cheese though.

            Whatever that “mozzarella” is that they use is the opposite of “low moisture”. I think it’s all-moisture.

            But I love the crust so I deal with it.

            Another place nearby knows what extra cheese means. You ask for extra and it’s flowing over the sides of the pie and into the corners of the box. And it’s real mozzarella.

            Get it well done.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I like mine with all sorts of stuff on it, but apart from the anchovies it’s all vegetable stuff. I find pepperoni overwhelms the other flavours.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Actually, pepperoni AND pineapple pizza is pretty good.
          Gotta be well done with extra sauce though.

          • CafeenMan

            Sounds good except without pineapple.

          • MynameisBlarney

            LOL
            All these years of Hawaiian Pizza existing and one meme brings it into question.

          • CafeenMan

            I didn’t realize there was a question. All these years I just assumed that only hopelessly broken and defective people actually ate it on purpose.

          • MynameisBlarney
          • Maxine Headroom

            I get pepperoni, pineapple, and bacon. So good. <3

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    The more that happens the more depressed I am getting. The fuckface who claims to be Preznit is fucking up everything and it will take years to fix. Meanwhile the Republicans who have no balls let him do it without a peep. We have left UNESCO. We are backing out of international agreements. We have a fuckface for a Preznit (I might have said that). Is there no leader to emerge to get us out of this?

    • ariel_gee_398

      I know things seem bleak, but look on the bright side. At least we don’t have a competent black man in charge.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

      • CafeenMan

        Or a competent white woman.

        • Bobathonic

          Or a competent animal of any sort.

        • Ill-Advised

          Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh!

    • Perkniticky

      Reagan also left UNESCO. I’m not too concerned about it. If Trump just sticks to culture wars we might survive this.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      You might have put your finger on a serious issue. IS there any emerging ‘star’ on the D side who could pull the country out of this black hole? Unless I’ve missed something, there’s been nowt but deafening silence from the left.

    • Me too. It’s a real struggle to keep fighting.

      I’m sitting in an ACA training for open enrollment right now. It’s surreal with everything that’s happening.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “He put his team to work on a range of other options, including a decertification option that would involve Congress” = “Find a way to make others do the dirty work for me!”

    • armed_bears

      The operating premise of this administration.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Congress? Have you seen some of those guys? They’re why Velcro was invented.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • ariel_gee_398

      They’re gonna have to start putting a snack, or maybe a picture of Ivanka, in with these things to remind him to sign.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        ‘Sign this or you don’t get to eat the cookie!’

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Sign this or you don’t get to eat the cookie Ivanka!’

          FIFY

    • Oblios_Cap

      At first I thought that Tweet came from the President of Rhodesia!

    • armed_bears

      What is it called if you are sundowning all the time?

      • armed_bears

        Covfefe?

      • ariel_gee_398

        January in Iceland?

        • Daniel

          Supertramp’s less successful follow up album.

    • anon_the_great

      Again? For someone who loves signing things…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      If Obama had done this…

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I have an enormous amount of difficulty imagining him doing ANYTHING the way Two Scoops does. Pretty sure there’s no possible universe in which this can happen.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      President Grandpa was too busy basking in the applause to remember he is, in fact, the President.

      • ariel_gee_398

        If only we could forget as easily as he does.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          If only he would COMPLETELY forget and go back to squatting in his gold-painted NYC toilet.

    • GoutMachine

      Jesus effing Christ on a pogo stick. There is literally not one thing he cannot fuck up.

    • BigCSouthside

      Again?

    • SeeTrain65

      “What? The speech wasn’t enough?”

  • bubbuhh

    In our home we enjoy a fine pineapple pizza. One of us insists on eating spam and pineapple pizza. That may be one toke too many over the lime, pleasqueezus.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Do you live in Hawaii? Cause that’s gourmet food there.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The sometimes angry internal debate also provides another illustration of the way in which Trump’s gut impulses and desire for dramatic action have often collided with the subtlety of international diplomacy.

    This is Polite Reporter language for “Donald’s temper tantrum will be the death of us all FFS.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f17bb5621dbf184506bb891091b3fc14b01cd36a91e67db32dac6497016321fc.jpg

  • Sophia
  • Proud Liberal
    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      this is how I feel right now

    • PubOption

      Kitty’s got a bump stock.

      • Ill-Advised

        And nothing to lose.

  • BigCSouthside

    So let’s say all the russia shit is true, and we delete trump and his whole regime.

    Do we just send out an email too the world saying “we apologize for the inconvenience. American democracy suffered a massive glitch, however we have implemented a break fix. Please accept our apologies and we look forward to doing business with you in the future”

    • Proud Liberal

      Yeah, I don’t think that’s the way it works. The world now knows how fucking stupid the American people are.

      • ariel_gee_398

        I don’t think they had much doubt about that. What’s new is that they know how fragile our institutions are.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I think we just carve that first clause into a cliff face somewhere. Or maybe God does. I’m not sure.

    • anon_the_great

      Penance. This nation needs to learn how penance really works and then do some.

      • FlownΩver

        Penance becomes New Predisent “In Case of the Removal of the Dotard from Office, or of his Death, Resignation, or Inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the said Office.”

      • Chyron HR

        No, we’ll impeach VP Penance, too.

    • GoutMachine

      Prolly should at least offer them some coupons or something.

  • Baconzgood

    Because treaties are only enforced President to President. In fact the next administration will be allies with North Korea.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Do you really think President Baio will become friends with North Korea?

      • Three Finger Salute

        No, but President Rodman might.

      • Raan

        No. I refuse to consider this timeline.

  • Jenny

    By Baby Sitter Club standards, this would still be a fail. Kristy Thomas would not approve!

    • Vincent Ricola

      Needs more notebook!

    • Three Finger Salute

      I had Baby Sitter Li’l Sister as a kid. Karen Brewer wouldn’t approve either.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Pineapple pizza libelz, because Canada.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • laughingnome

      Watch out for the carpet bombs.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Heh…

    • Daniel

      Trump gets very upset at any talk of rugs.

      • GoutMachine

        I really did tie the room together.

  • ez

    ‘Nobody knew health care, errrrrr the Iran deal, could be so complicated’

  • Viktor

    Trump is still upset the Iranian Revolutionary Guard refused to take his bribes for his crappy tower in Baku.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Y’know, that sounds like exactly the reason he’d be so down on them. The SOLE reason.

  • beingreleased

    I read somewhere that the people who know what they’re talking about tried to explain to Trump that Iran was complying with the deal and that it was in the U.S.’s interests, but that Trump disagrees. It did not say what evidence Trump has that makes him sure they are not complying. Obviously we all know the “evidence” is the voices in his head, but I really wish Trump would do more than just say “They aren’t complying.” Even the neocons presented (fake, invented) evidence for the Iraq invasion instead of just saying that Iraq had WMD.

    My point is that (a) Trump is incapable of making rational arguments, and, probably worse, (b) no one seems to even expect him to try,

    • ariel_gee_398

      Don’t forget (c) there’s no check on presidential authority that requires him to act based on rational, informed decision-making.

    • Shibusa

      Bibi told him Iran is not complying, no doubt. Israel (like Saudi Arabia) does not want economic empowerment for Iran.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Fuck Bibi and fuck Israel. If Anne Frank could see what they’re doing to the Palestinians in her name she would weep.

    • jesterpunk

      Nikki Haley made the argument that since Iran didnt follow the deal before they signed it and said mean things about Trump they should pull out of the deal.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        Like Tillerson & Kelly, the Haley Phenomenon (not being fucking nuts) means she has one of the better reputations among Trump’s top people.

    • Daniel

      “Mr. President, how is Iran not complying?”
      “They’re not! They’re not, there’s so little, they aren’t complying at all. Believe me.”
      “Yes, but what do you mean by that?”
      “You’ll see.”
      “I’ll see what?”
      “In the next period of time, let me tell you.”

      • GoutMachine

        Help me out here: Did you write that, or did he actually say it? I really can’t tell anymore.

        • Daniel

          That was me. You can tell because it was punctuated properly.

          • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

            And the sentences had nouns and verbs.

          • Ill-Advised

            Still, a nice display of nonconsequential speaking with perseverent looping gave you plausible deniability.

  • GoutMachine

    I’m so sick of all this winning!

  • mardam422

    Was sMattis forcing his “Iran deal” down his throat?

    • jesterpunk

      Bamz did by making him hold up a deal the US made with another country.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        He’s history’s greatest monster!

        • GoutMachine

          Sorry, Jimmy Carter is history’s greatest monster!

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Malaise Forever!

  • laughingnome

    Trump’s chief baby sitter is doing the press briefing today.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    It took Obama eight years to repair America’s reputation, and all he had to make up for was Shrub. How long with THIS take – assuming it’s reparable at all?

    • jesterpunk

      Decades if we are just talking about the damage he has done so far.

    • GoutMachine

      I’m going with generations.

    • Nockular cavity

      Don’t be so pessimistic. I’m sure Cockroach America will get along with Cockroach Gyna just fine as soon as we’re gone.

      • therblig

        some of those anglo-gyna roach babies are pretty cure

  • Anna Rompage

    Diplomatic credibility?

    Um, we have yet to appoint top diplomats in some of the most sensitive areas of the world, including South Korea, half the middle east, and half of Europe

    • marxalot

      We haven’t got people in half the jobs in Foggy Bottom right now, much less a staffed foreign service.

  • beingreleased
    • jesterpunk

      Until they do something about it its all bullshit talk.

    • GoutMachine

      Coupla observations:

      1. “The personal stuff got them to notice all the other things. The wild stuff, like those threats to North Korea.” It took “personal stuff” to get you to notice the batshit insane unhinged bullshit being spewed on Twitter?

      2. “I mean, Trump could be the end of the whole goddam Republican party.” I can only hope so! Please, Jeebus, let it be!

      3. “They really want to get this tax bill through.” Fuck them. Fuck, fuck, fuck them all. If your stupid misguided “trickle-down” tax bullshit is more important than, like, NOT STARTING NUCLEAR WAR, then fuck you six ways sideways with vote-covered broomstick, and see #2.

      4. YOU BUILT THIS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

      • beingreleased

        ” It took “personal stuff” to get you to notice the batshit insane unhinged bullshit being spewed on Twitter”

        We’re talking about your typical Republican congressperson here. We’re lucky they can tie their shoes.

      • beingreleased

        All Paul Ryan wants out of life is to cut benefits for poor people. He doesn’t care about the rest of it.

        • Daniel

          He’d stab them if he could. All of them. Right in the face. But then he’d be creating work for doctors and he can’t encourage dependency.

      • MrTusks

        “Do we balance the tax bill against nuclear war? No, no.”

        KINDA LOOKS LIKE YOU FUCKING DO

      • Button

        OBAMA SAID WE DIDN’T BUILD THAT!

    • MrTusks

      Luckily I still suffer under the delusion that Trump trying to launch the nukes will be met with at least a couple of layers of “go fuck yourself” from the White House and the military.

      • Nephilim

        There have to be some adults in the room. I thought maybe Kelly, but he just got done with a press conference saying Mexico and U.S. are getting along well and Trump’s biggest frustration is “you guys” referring to journalists.

        • GoutMachine

          I still have to think he’d be one of those guys tackling Trump. He may be a shill, but I’m sure most military types know what a danger that would be. I hope.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          To say that Mexico and US are getting along “well” is laughable, but I don’t think he’s wrong on the second part. Journos are Derp 45’s biggest frustration. Wherein lies a big part of the problems we’re facing.

    • Weird Fishes

      Well! That was comforting.

    • Weird Fishes

      “Trump could be the end of the Republican Party.”

      No, no, and hell no.

      Trump could be the end of the world.

      Frankly, I’d miss you guys.

    • Cat Cafe

      Quite honestly, once he spent months and months vilifying and spreading vile calumny about Hillary, I lost interest in whatever he had to say. He is part of the reason Trump is President.

    • Rags

      I would possibly a surprised face jpg if I had one

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    All the GOP assholes got their talking points about Iran “violating the spirit” of the agreement. They can all go fuck themselves in the ear.

  • There’s just this entire faction of people in Washington that have a real hard-on for removing the last Shia state with the power to keep Saudi Arabia’s Sunnis in check and I have to wonder if they’re just stupid or they’re on the payroll of a Saudi prince or two?

    Because frankly, if we absolutely have to have a ‘friendly’ theocratic state in that region, I’d rather it be Iran than Saudi Arabia. Iran, at least, isn’t currently causing a genocidal famine at the moment.

  • Bright Bart

    Nothing is worse than pineapple pizza, unless it has canned clams too
    OR… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff135b9265c1521edcc9434b7b166eac4ca95c90d248cca0665b6946d37be5c1.jpg

    • GoutMachine

      At least it’s Manhattan style. You do not want to know what’s in New England style fish assholes.

      • Daniel

        Something eldritch and cyclopean I guess. I mean, definitely one eyed.

      • SDGeoff3

        I can name a few assholes I would love to can.

      • Anna Rompage

        That’s not hair gel….

    • Cat Cafe

      So, let me ask you this. Have you ever enjoyed baked ham? Was there not a delicious grilled pineapple atop it? Was it not tasty indeed? Perhaps you had a warm, toasty dinner roll with it? THAT IS HAM AND PINEAPPLE PIZZA and please try a GOOD version of it out here in California before you judge

      • Mavenmaven

        It is even better in Hawaii, but LA is close.

        • Cat Cafe

          Oh I’m sure! We visited Costa Rica and I was “Damn, THIS is what pineapple really tastes like???”

      • Courser_Resistance

        Sorry, I don’t like pineapple or anything else sweet, on my ham. I also don’t eat ham on pizza.

        • Cat Cafe

          (Jack Nicholson voice): Ya eat sausage, don’tya?

          • Courser_Resistance

            Oh yes, love sausage (but oh, for the love of babby Jeebus, do NOT put maple syrup anywhere NEAR the sausage)

          • Bright Bart

            Lips and assholes

      • starfanglednut

        I love a good ham and pineapple pizza. What I don’t like is chicken on pizza. That’s just wrong.

        • Cat Cafe

          Oh, I’m with you on that. Chicken, BBQ or otherwise, on pizza is a blasphemy.

        • SeeTrain65

          Oh, that’s it. Now we’re fighting. ; )

      • Bright Bart

        Pizza in general is the worst kind of food combination you can have. You’ve got bread, tomato ( an acid fruit) and cheese, all of which are digested using different stomach enzymes. Now you add sugar which goes badly with bread and you’ve got an even bigger mess. You want to know the real root of American problems? Its diet ( and possibly vegan baby buttholes) also canned clams.

        • Cat Cafe

          I think the real killer thing about pizza is when it’s dripping with cheese and cheap olive oil and everything on it is fried too. Its basic ingredients, a thin crust, fresh tomatoes, a reasonable amount of cheese seem perfectly fine (and we eat some version of that frequently, whether it’s a grilled cheese sandwich, a cheeseburger, a burrito, a taco, or a tomato and parmesan salad with croutons. All those usually have some kind of sugar added, either in the sauce of the bread.

          Pineapple is a fruit–nothing wrong with having a dish of fruit on the side, or as part of the meal, the same way you might stuff a turkey with Granny Smith apples and bread stuffing.
          We tend not to eat fruit with meat here in America and we really are missing out–chicken stewed with prunes and olives is divine, for example. Most Moroccan food involves mixtures of meat, fruit, honey, etc. To be totally technical, tomato is a fruit too.

          I agree that usually the pizza you get out in the world is a total fucking fat and calorie bomb, so I should have added that for myself, I need to tone it way down before I can eat it at all–so I’ll use TJ’s pizza dough and make it myself with tomato paste, fresh oregano, a dusting of mozzarella, mushrooms and maybe add some pineapple (or not), or if I order in, I’ll order local and get a thin crust, 1/2 cheese, no olive oil, and even sop up whatever oil there is with paper towels, but that’s me–I can’t eat heavy fatty meals at ALL without getting sick.

          Perhaps I like pineapple partly because it’s so fresh and light–I’ll get mushrooms and pineapple, for example. It’s a totally different pizza from what you usually get. I totally agree with the horrendous diet (and portions) that I see most people eating, oh my God, it’s horrifying.

  • bubbuhh
  • New and Improved Say Wha
  • marxalot

    Yes, if only we had people who could do their jobs.

  • Weird Fishes

    Wow, and America wins again.

    • SDGeoff3

      So much winning!

      • Weird Fishes

        Good thing Trump saved us from her emails.

  • CATMAN

    We have a President who is shallow as a puddle and wobbly as a drunk making decisions on the international stage

    • SDGeoff3

      Good one.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    It’s my understanding from Persian-American friends who have been to Iran that for all of Iran’s many…issues, shall we say, their educational system is quite good.
    So I’m guessing this whole situation means that however one says “what in the actual fuck” in Farsi, they mutter that phrase about “us” all the fucking time.

    • Cat Cafe

      Didn’t their Prime Minister contemptuously correct Trump about the American governance system and how it works? I’m too lazy to try to find it, but it was early on.

      • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

        Foreign Minister and Tom Cotton, I think.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I don’t recall that, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

      • javadavis

        I thought it was a diplomat that corrected Tom Cotton, who was writing stupid letters in an effort to undercut Obama’s ability to negotiate, well, anything.

    • Courser_Resistance

      When I was in college in the late 70’s, Persian men were unfailingly polite and excellent study partners. Of course that was around the time that the Shah was overthrown.

    • phoenix00

      I don’t have first-hand experiences but to my knowledge the Iranian people are INCREDIBLY tolerant, welcoming, and understanding.

      It’s the upper-crust government plutocrats that are the hardcore asshat fundamentalists.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Every one of them that I’ve encountered has been a seriously awesome person, incredibly insightful and smart, and even better yet, funny as hell.
        And they despise their government. Honestly, we could probably learn a lot about sustaining resistance under a theocratic regime from the Iranians.

        • javadavis

          Better start now, before our internet access deteriorates any more.

  • Bitter Scribe

    It’s clear he felt jammed.

    McMaster realized we just cannot come back here next time with a binary option — certify or decertify…

    Hello, making tough, binary decisions is Trump’s fucking job. It’s what CEOs, much less the President of the United States, have to do every day.

    I swear, the most idiotic, inbred king who ever ruled a monarchy wasn’t as bad as this guy. And at least citizens of monarchies had the excuse of not having voted for the doofus who ruled them.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I didn’t vote for this doofus.

      • javadavis

        By some accounts, neither did 70% of the US voting population. But, you know, you have to trust the democratic voting system for some reason. No one really explains why you have to trust it. Like no one really explains why ‘America, love it or leave it’ makes any dam sense.

    • Zyxomma

      So do we. We didn’t vote for him, and the out-of-date, out-of-touch Electoral College did not do their ONE FUCKING JOB.

    • Cat Cafe

      We didn’t vote for him. He was jammed into the job by Russian malfeasance, hacking, corruption, and lies. We voted for the person who was trying to explain that to everyone. But she was, you know, shrill or something.

  • Zyxomma

    That does it. I have to go out for a walk to clear my head.

  • Mavenmaven

    Trump WANTS war, to cash in on “war time president popularity”. He doesn’t care who dies, as long as he can get his poll numbers up.

    • starfanglednut

      I’m just amazed he hasn’t started one yet.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        His advisers have persuaded him to hold off until the domestic political situation is even more ruinously fragile and polarized than it is right now, and the democracy will be more easily toppled: i.e., at a guess, right before the mid-term elections next November.

        Of course, it’s hard to wrestle those nuclear codes out of those stubby little hands, so who knows?

        But I suspect that all other things being equal, the plan is for sometime next fall—say, sometime between mid-September and Election Tuesday.

      • Mavenmaven

        it is the “calm before the storm” he says.

      • phoenix00

        Operative word: YET

    • I thought he was planning on destroying the world to cover up his corruption?

      I’m pretty sure that’s his MO.

  • calliecallie

    I don’t even understand what’s happening here. How is Trump supposed to understand it?

    • Lefty Wright

      Simple. The US, Germany, France, the UK, Russia and China hammered out an agreement that if Iran shipped out their enriched uranium, destroyed most of the centrifuges to enrich more, promised to do no more work on anything resembling a nuclear bomb, and allowed international inspections for at least ten years, the other countries would release Iranian funds frozen since the 1970s and start allowing expanded trade. Trump wants to cancel the sgreement. Meaning that Iran has the frozen funds now, the US will have to get the other counties to restart sanctions, and Iran can immediately restart development that could lead to a nuclear bomb.

      In other words, Iran promised to be good until at least 2025, and if everybody was happy and Iran felt secure, they might agree to extend it. Trump wants to go back on the US promises and is threatening Iran, so the day the US backs out, Iran can back out too, hook up with North Korea, who then will have even less reason to believe the US, and build a nuclear bomb as soon as they can get the materials, maybe by 2019.

      • Cat Cafe

        Exactly. And Iran was HAPPY to make the agreement–they got their frozen funds back. Remember how all the assholes were jibber-jabbering “Obama gave Iran billions of dollars!” The utter disinforming of America will absolutely be our downfall.

      • You know, I felt much better when I didn’t understand what this was about.

        Cheers.

  • Gigglesnort

    Obama got that nuclear deal from a theocratic state with which we still don’t have diplomatic relations. It wasn’t easy. We are still not BFFs with the Iranians and they don’t trust us (gee, I wonder why), but they aren’t building nukes any more. So now Mr. Big Negotiator thinks it was a bad deal and he can do better. Of course, he doesn’t have any patience with diplomacy. Threatening people worked ok for him in the Trump Organization, so maybe he’ll try that? Meanwhile the few remaining sane people are trying to explain to him in small words that the Iranians can still start up the production cycle for nukes again, and like Korea, there is very little that can practically be done to stop that, and most of the things that could be done we tried already. That agreement he hates was the one thing that worked.

    • Cat Cafe

      Well, the best part, is it DIDN’T work for him in the Trump Organization. He ran through all his Papa’s money, then through billions of dollars lent him by American and European banks till they wouldn’t lend him any more, then through billions lent him by Russian mafia, then he tried to default on THAT, and in order to stave off their disinterested murder of him, and reveal of his criminality, he sold out a country and will possibly destroy the world. What I don’t understand is how ANYone can sit by and allow him to spend even one more day diarrhea-ing all over the White House.

  • Randy Riddle

    Well, this is good news for Vladimir Putin.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Sir, do you want one or two scoops of ice cream today? *cough*Onescoopfordecertify*cough*twoforcertify *cough* Mr. President? ”

    “Do you have a cold, Kelly? TWO OF COURSE, duh! Mister John bellysmelly-Kelly. DUH.”

  • TundraGrifter

    You can bet your bottom dollar President Trump doesn’t understand it. He’s the guy who told Sheer InSannity $10 Trillion in Federal debt didn’t really matter because the stock market has increased $5 Trillion in value since he took office. Then he went off on some tangled nonsense about California state tax and red states and God knows what.

    • phoenix00

      From a guy who went to his first nuclear weapons briefing and asked “why can’t we just use this shit?”

      And nuclear triad? Wha?

  • sillyclucker

    I know what JCPOA really stands for –
    Jesus Christ ! President Orange (is an) Asshat !

  • Freida Peeple

    Nikki Haley did this to her into the good graces of AIPAC

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