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Hey, Wonketariat! We’ve got some newses for you today, so grab some coffee, or some booze, or pour some booze in your coffee, and take a peek at some of the things we may be talking about today.

Firestorms in California continue to grow as towns are evacuated, leaving 23 people dead and 285 missing, with “fires burning faster than firefighters can run.” Seriously, guys, keep checking in (WE CARE A LOT!), but remember to GTFO if you’re anywhere near the the flames.

Trump is threatening to pull FEMA out of Puerto Rico. That’s not a joke. This is a federal government that has, through its own incompetence and inaction, allowed American citizens to die on American soil. Here’s your Morning Maddow.

Mark Zuckerberg went to Puerto Rico to “tour” what was left and thought it would be a good idea to live stream the whole thing. As a cartoon. Ari Melber noticed too, and put him in his place.

Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg met with Congressional investigators and House members; apparently we’ll see some of the Russian fuckery that was aimed are our dumb, drunk uncles, or mad Jill Stein voting bros.

Frustrated that Congress can’t kill anyone, Trump is about to sign an executive order that will allow insurance markets to cannibalize themselves, spiking costs for the sick and elderly, and giving healthy people cheap, half-assed choices.

Trump wants to drag some Democrats down with his Trump Tax Cuts (For Rich People Only), so he’s hurling insults and promising to shower them in gold.

Senators John McCain and Ben Cardin are PISSED that Trump skipped the deadline for implementing sanctions on Russia, and they’re waiting by the phone for him to call.

Mitch McConnell wants to make it easier to ram through judicial nominees by bailing on the blue-slip rule, but the Senate Judiciary Committee is standing in his way. For now.

Trump’s new best friend is Sean Hannity, now that he can’t stop engaging in “shouting matches” with John Kelly, and running to “his people” on Twitter when nobody is watching him rub his naked ass all over the White House furniture.

Just 24 hours after sucking Steve Bannon’s cock, Hannity sucked Trump’s cock (AGAIN) during an “interview” that touched on such hard-hitting issues as Hannity’s ratings, and how the Islamo-Democratic cities are ruining America with all their Messicans and black people.

Trump thinks that all the black people “want” and “need” more cops to keep them from ruining sportsball with the whole #TakeAKnee thing, and that the black communities aren’t letting cops do their jobs. Aww, hell no, mother fucker!

BUT WAIT, it gets worse! Trump thinks we should subsidize states like New York, New Jersey, California, Iowa and Indiana, and deduct the taxes from those states so that politicians pay for it? Don’t worry, we’re confused too.

All those “gays for Trump” are full of sads now that they realize their big papa Trump has grabbed them by the pussy and moved on them like a bitch.

The 2018 vulnerable Republicans are caught between a rock and a hard place trying to woo potential Latino voters with support for dreamers, and still maintain the “Fuck Mexico” message their base loves.

Nobody in DC wants ex-con and congress critter Michael Grimm to run for office (AGAIN), and they’re already throwing his crooked ass to the wolves.

The CEO of AccuWeather has been appointed to run NOAA by Trump. I wonder if the National Weather Service will start running MAGA ads?

Trump lawyers turned over some of the visitor logs from Mar-a-Lago in compliance with a FOIA request, but the federal judge is wondering how in the hell the list is ONLY two pages long.

Trump is absolutely FULL of butthurt that the LIBERAL media keeps being so mean to him that he wants to “You’re Fired” their “license.” Good thing broadcasting doesn’t actually work like that, according to Democratic FCC commissioner Jessica Rosenworcel.

The reforming of the Iran deal is only happening after Trump “threw a fit,” forcing HR McMaster to calm Trump’s tits.

HEY EVERYONE! Come and see Rep. Greg Gianforte’s mugshot! This is the face of a man who assaulted a reporter for asking him a question on public policy positions. And then got elected to Congress the next day. (THANKS MONTANA.)

Nobody bothered to tell homeowners around Houston’s reservoirs that they bought houses in emergency flood zones, and science bozos are warning that those dams and reservoirs are at serious risk of future failure.

ISIL’s crazy British lady known as the “White Widow” was apparently killed in a drone strike.

The United Kingdom is rolling up the red carpet and rolling out its middle fingers for Trump ahead of his “scaled back” visit to the UK, a signal that the Queen will be busy grouting her tiles.

East African countries are trying to build up their own textiles industry, but they’re being smothered by the “clothes of dead white people.”

Cambridge Analytica, the “psychographic data” company run by Steve Bannon and Trump’s money honey, Robert Mercer, is being investigated by the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence as some believe they’re hiding the smoking gun of Russian fuckery.

Advocacy groups are calling for the FCC to reinstate price caps on broadband providers; apparently they think that price-fucking small businesses is a BAD idea.

Believe it or not, the US government’s cybersecurity procedures are worse than squished dog shit, and hackers are beginning to speak out about how bad it is.

An Afghan war vet with a prosthetic leg is fucking pissed that trolls are photoshopping anti-#TakeAKnee slogans on his chest and shitposting all over social media.

Rose McGowan was suspended from Twitter for calling out the board of the Weinstein Company, Ben Affleck, and everyone in Hollywood who thinks it’s OK to play grab ass games. #ROSEARMY.

Watch Jake Tapper hold up a copy of his pocket Constitution and say mean words about questioning the First Amendment. OOHH, Jake Tapper, you so fancy hardbound edition! The rest of us proles have pocket constitution from the ACLU.

Don Lemon snitched on Ben Ferguson when he gave a “bullshit answer” about #TakeAKnee. Look at you, Lemon, gettin’ all salty!

Here’s a special penis PSA from Samantha Bee about…dicks.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert looked into why we the people can say whatever the fuck we want; James Corden talked about everyone going nuclear on Trump; Jimmy Kimmel tweaked Trump tweets and had a great drunk Trump; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s attacks on the First Amendment; Samantha Bee took a long look at the Republicans’ new war on all women, some of the Russian fuckery in Finland, and delivered a BRUTAL takedown and PROMISE to come after sexual predators like Harvey Weinstein.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! PEACOCK AND CHICKEN!


Help us out with your money! We’re ad-free (the way it was meant to be!) but only so long as you keep donating your Ameros to pay our bills!

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I got to meet him when I was a kid in the 1960s. He seemed really cool. Of course I was about 7.

    • From Russia with Love

      Meh, I used to do that all the time.

    • Pilotshark

      “There was a demon that lived in the air. They said whoever challenged him would die. Their controls would freeze up, their planes would buffet wildly, and they would disintegrate. The demon lived at Mach 1 on the meter, seven hundred and fifty miles an hour, where the air could no longer move out of the way. He lived behind a barrier through which they said no man could ever pass. They called it the sound barrier.”

      man truly had the right stuff. imho

    • Bright Bart

      wonderful picture!

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • Linda1961

    trump is an asshole.

    • Parakeetist

      Amen, preach!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I would love to see an interview where, in response to some criticism, Trump goes into one of his long, disjointed explanations on why he did the absolutely right thing and nobody could have done it better and have the interviewer say, “Obama would have done it better.”

      People would think they were watching a trailer for a Scanners reboot.

  • Bright Bart

    gays for Trump?! Is that a thing? They must be the loneliest three gays ever.

    • Gayer Than Thou
      • coozledad

        It’s largely the “I don’t want to pay taxes on my Mama’s divorce settlement with the president of “military-industrial corporation X” crowd. Not a big crowd.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        ‘Lettuce, Guac, Bacon and Tomato.’

        • Parakeetist

          Mmmm

      • richardgrabman

        The white guys who want houseboys.

    • Parakeetist

      They should just be a bowling team.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Oh, I think they have lots of company amongst the Log Cabin Republicans.

    • Christopher Story

      They have Daddy issues

    • grindstone

      They have theirs, and fuck you. No different from your semi-wealthy uncle who can’t believe they have to pay taxes to subsidize the poors, and then screams that the police don’t do enough. Same old same old.

  • Parakeetist

    This motherfucker should be removed from office just for his negligence with Puerto Rico. People are dying, you cheap trash.

    I hate that this motherfucker is from Queens, because I am too.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I never judge people by their neighbors. You didn’t pick him.

      • Parakeetist

        Thank you.

    • Bright Bart

      Queens is not sending their best people to the White House (allegedly)

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    The Trump presidency starts right now!
    https://twitter.com/JOR_ID/status/918345989236445185

  • Gayer Than Thou

    When I can’t sleep, I fantasize about sabotaging Hannity’s show and taking him off the air. I think he might actually be the true villain in all of this, but I’m not sure.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’s a villain, sure, but not THE villain.
      He ain’t smart enough.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    the Queen will be busy grouting her tiles.
    If there is anyone who can do it right, it’s the Queen!

    • FlemmishSpy

      That’s a wicked euphemism.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I picture her tiles being excrutiatingly grotty.

  • BigCSouthside

    Honestly, the secret service could fly trump to London, Ohio, have him met at the airport by an old lady wearing a Burger King crown and he’d probably think it’s a state visit.

    • weighmaster

      They should totally do this.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Now THAT would be our tax dollars well fucking spent!

      • BigCSouthside

        Everyone knows he’s a moron. What if the government just spent the next few years pranking him for the lulz. State visit to London Ohio, writing “nuclear football” on an actual football, have Mexico send him bad checks for the wall every week, have the secret service convince him his life is in danger and they are moving him to a secure location which is a coat closet in the East Wing and see how long he’ll stay there etc

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’d volunteer, even going to Ohio, but my hair isn’t quite white enough yet.

      • NastyBossetti

        Give Trump a few more hours. You’ll get there.

    • From Russia with Love

      “Roger that center, we need to hold over Ohio for about 5 hours so it seems like we flew to England.”

      • BigCSouthside

        Yeah, just fly a holding pattern over Lake Erie for a few hours

        • From Russia with Love

          Moar better!

      • MrTusks

        Nah just tell him Air Force One is the Best Plane, going faster than any other plane, and then thank him for that.

    • armed_bears

      Not Moscow, Idaho?

  • Joe Beese

    Trump pulling us out of UNESCO because it’s “anti-Israel”.

    Dumbass.

    • therblig

      UNICEF next, because “most of those girls aren’t even a 4”

    • janecita

      Great, he and Netanyahu can both go fuck themselves.

    • bupkus231

      This isn’t the first time a “conservative” president has pulled us out of UNESCO:

      Link: http://foreignpolicy.com/2017/10/11/u-s-to-pull-out-of-unesco-again/

      The Ronald Reagan administration decided to withdraw from the organization in 1984, at the height of the Cold War, citing corruption and what it considered an ideological tilt toward the Soviet Union against the West. President George W. Bush rejoined the organization in 2002, claiming it had gotten its books an order and expunged some of its most virulent anti-Western and anti-Israel biases.

      “America will participate fully in its mission to advance human rights, tolerance, and learning,” he said at the time.

      But six years ago, the United States cut off more than $80 million a year, about 22 percent of its entire budget for UNESCO, in reprisal for the organization’s acceptance of Palestine as a member. The Obama administration said it had to cut funds because a 1990s-era law prohibits U.S. funding for any U.N. agencies recognizing Palestine as a state.

      Despite the funding cut, the United States remains a member of UNESCO and even has a vote on the executive board, which selects the new director-general. But the United States has and it continues to be charged tens of millions in dues each year, and it has lost its voting rights in UNESCO’s principal decision-making body, which is known as the General Conference. That body approves UNESCO’s budget and establishes a range of programs dealing with education, science, and culture around the globe.

      As a result of U.S. funding cuts, U.S. arrears have been swelling each year, surpassing $500 million that’s owed to UNESCO.

      This move has nothing to do with an “anti-Israel bias”. It’s all about Rump skipping out on another debt.

      • PubOption

        But we don’t need education, science is flawed, and Trumpkins can find all the culture they need in a sports bar.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Gay people voted for Trump? WTF? What’s next, Jews For Hitler?

    • Walter Wellstone

      Blacks for Trump.

    • From Russia with Love

      Jews For Hitler was a thing, but sadly there are none left.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “How could we have known…”

    • janecita

      People are ridiculously stupid. My neighbors are a gay, married couple. They are involved in all sorts of environmental causes, and they voted for Trump. They did it because, “Hillary had too much baggage.” Seriously, I want to run them over every time I see them.

      • From Russia with Love

        I belong to Democrats for Squished Republicans as well.

        • janecita

          To be honest, it’s the best party.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Where do I sign up?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        They’re gay AND environmental activists and they voted for Trump? Mother of God. Trump is like Attila the Hun when it comes to the environment. Thank God your neighbors aren’t breeding.

        • janecita

          The only thing they are breeding is chickens. I was kind of glad when a fox ate a bunch of them, then I felt bad for the poor eaten chickens.

        • bupkus231

          They’re gay AND environmental activists – and abso-fuckin’-litely clueless.

      • bupkus231

        I hope you drive a Prius when you run them over….

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Silent but deadly.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Chickens for Col. Sanders.

  • folderol

    (to the tune of The Summer Wind)

    The dunderhead came blowin’ in from NYC
    He took the oath, the orange-haired oaf, like he took a pee
    And six months on, it’s still going wrong; says “It’s Fake News, not me!”
    It’s sad to see, you dunderhead.

    Like hurricanes, those golf weekends went flyin’ by
    The world is screwed, his mind is skewed, kiss it goodbye
    Let’s hope we can survive until Amendment 25
    Else we are doomed, by dunderhead

    Oh dunderhead
    You dunderhead
    Dumb dunderhead

  • mirele

    Hahaha, thanks ever so much for the Samantha Bee dick advice and the chicken and peacock video. I’m on a jury for a trial through next week. (Protip: Don’t go to law school thinking you’ll get an automatic exemption from being on juries. This is my second jury trial.) I will remember these videos and hopefully break out in a goofy smile just as counsel for one of the parties is making an inane remark. (Seriously, it’s weird having the entire court looking at you to see what your reaction is to certain testimony.)

    • Bobathonic

      I showed up for jury duty one time, and some woman in then pool stated she didn’t believe she could be fair.

      The judge and both attorneys assured her otherwise.

      • mirele

        Yes, the judge here went through that drill with several people on the prospective panel. In my case, she specifically asked me if I could follow all of her rulings. “Yes, ma’am,” I said.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Donald just took us out of UNESCO. Dipshit loves the poorly educated.

  • From Russia with Love

    Peacock trying to impress a chick(en) is priceless.

    AKA any straight bar at happy hour.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I don’t know about you but I would nickame the peacock Weinstein since he is clearly harrassing the chicken.

    • therblig

      Chad ThunderPcock strikes out. incels everywhere rejoice

      • From Russia with Love

        She shot me down, and her feathers weren’t even that hot.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh Puerto Rico……You’re safe now!
    A+ help has arrived:

    https://twitter.com/Politics_PR/status/918433837742460928

    • beingreleased

      For first responders, PR has “the most difficult circumstances.” For Puerto Ricans, however, it’s apparently fine.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Celtic_Gnome

      Samantha Bee referred to him as a racist Steph Curry.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    If Puuuuerrrrto Rico wanted to get bailed out, they should have given Trump all of their Electoral Votes.
    Wait. What?

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I totally get the peacock. That’s what happens when you miscast your pearls.

    • grindstone

      But…that was a chicken, not a pig….?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Wasted pearls are wasted pearls.

  • beingreleased

    Does anyone know about the US Special Forces soldiers killed in Niger? Too bad Hillary isn’t president – then the Republicans would have wasted no time in investigating the shit out of it.

    • mirele

      I know about it. I know Trump hasn’t said a thing about it. RIP four Special Forces soldiers killed in Niger.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Not one word or tweet. …NOT ONE!

        • Walter Wellstone

          You just wait. They will add an extra g and an s when they complain about Niger.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            He’ll stumble over the name the same way he always stumbles over LGBT because his tiny brain is telling him not to say BLT.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      20 or 30 congressional investigations into Trump and Tillerson’s misconduct on this will begin any day now.

    • BigCSouthside

      I seriously think his handlers are worried he won’t pronounce Niger correctly

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “N-Word Country”?

        • BigCSouthside

          “I looked into it, nobody knew this, but the blacks have a whole country named after them. Who knew? Really incredible.”
          -Donald J Trump

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Yeah, well MGTOW’s have their own, too. It’s called Chad.

      • beingreleased

        I’ve made that joke several times here. I still think its funny.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      He doesn’t like loser soldiers who die in combat. Only winners.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Pretty sure it’s Obama’s fault

      • Marion in Savannah

        Didn’t Hillary email about them?

  • Bill D. Burger

    But to the AMERICAN CITIZENS of Puerto Rico……”Die! You just want free stuff, you ingrates”:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8Gy_XWAAAGxN_.jpg

  • armed_bears

    Captain Angry Poops and the Ship of Fools.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So it turns out that who Sheryl Sandberg was leaning into was Putin?

  • TippingHeadon

    You know, the evolutionary biology of the peacock must be pretty damn fascinating.

    That’s a lot of bling.

  • BigCSouthside

    Just curious, how many threats did he send to Texas and Florida?

    Also aren’t both those states more in dept than PR?

    • TippingHeadon

      They are in gross dollars, but not when you consider it on a per capita basis.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Silly goose! Both those states are run by the GOP.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • bupkus231

    And the hits keep on comin’:

    Link: http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/10/trump-gave-500-000-fugitives-the-right-to-buy-guns.html

    …the Brady Handgun Prevention Act stipulates that when a gun dealer runs a background check, and finds that a would-be customer is a “fugitive from justice,” they can’t sell that person a gun. But there’s been a decade-long dispute between the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives about who, precisely, counts as a fugitive.

    The FBI has argued that anyone with an outstanding warrant is a fugitive, at least for the purposes of the Brady law. The ATF has insisted that only people with outstanding warrants who have crossed state lines to avoid prosecution are fugitives. Earlier this year, the Trump Justice Department took the ATF’s side — and drastically narrowed the category of suspected criminals who are legally barred from purchasing firearms….

    So?

    Although the revision has only been in effect for six months, there has already been a noticeable dip in the number of gun sales denied because the potential buyer was a “fugitive from justice.” According to NICS data, there was an 80 percent decline, compared to the same period in 2016.

    …The FBI records show that 518,670 names have been removed from the nationwide background check database, meaning those individuals would not automatically be banned from obtaining a gun.
    Nationwide, there were 1,581 gun sales or carry permits sought by fugitives that were declined between March and August in 2016; 18 percent of all denials. This year, there were 321 denials based on entries in the “fugitive from justice” category in NICS, or 4 percent of all denials nationwide.

    Law & Order? Fuck no – not if it gets in the way of guns!

    FUCK the GOP!

    • bupkus231

      Came back around to my earlier post, and the numbers caught my eye. In that period of March through August 2016, with a little bit of arithmetic ( no math! ), there were some 8700 denials of gun sales or carry permits.

      The horrifying bit is that ( from the FBI’s own NICS database ), in that period, there were 12.7M inquiries to the NICS database ( i.e. background checks for gun purchases or carry permits ). Soooo – only about 0.06% of requests to the NICS result in denial.

      So, what the fuck are ammonsexuals crying about – the background check system is almost completely ineffective in slowing their mad rush for MOAR GUNZ!

  • Bill D. Burger

    There’s a fucking hypocritical tweet from the moronic dotard for all occasions.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8RUK3VoAEr7y7.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • folderol

      Treason is the reason for the season.

  • Christopher Story

    Happy Birthday, me! Well, it’s my birthday, anyway.

    • Yay happy birthday!

      • Christopher Story

        Awww, thank you.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Merry birthday!

      • Christopher Story

        Thank you, kindly. I’ll be accepting gifts of cash and/or booze. Lol!

    • grindstone

      Many happy returns of the day!

    • NastyBossetti

      Happy birthday! I will drink some whiskey in your honor this evening.

      • Christopher Story

        Cheers! I’m having bourbon, personally. Evan Williams White Label. I’d prefer Wild Turkey 101, but the Evan is pleasant.

        • NastyBossetti

          I keep trying bourbon, but I have never found one that I like.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Sounds like me and scotch.

          • Old Nick

            Black Bush by Bushmills, really lovely, smooth even

          • Marion in Savannah

            OHHH, gawd… Irish is even worse. To me it tastes like sump water. Of course, YMMV.

          • Christopher Story

            I’m that way with Brandi. Love the name and the concept, just not kind of flavor.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Happy Birthday!

    • Creepoman
      • Christopher Story

        You’re only a drunk when you run out of good excuses

        • eka

          can’t happen with this administration.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Hippo birdy two ewes.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’mma getcha the same thing I gotcha last year, but a differnt color this time.

    • janecita

      Happy Birthday!!!

    • Otanjoubi Omedetou!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Bon anniversaire!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Habby Bidet!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Dotard Don, Moron n’ Thief, unveils his offcial White House portrait:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8PRpbU8AE5Qp-.jpg

    • From Russia with Love

      About time!

    • Creepoman

      Those are some dainty handcuffs.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        They don’t really need to be any stronger.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Required: Hands are too big.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The peacock would have been seducing a more appropriate fowl, but Trump had stolen all the pee-hens.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    That link about Drumpf and the Truckers from The Hill calls Trump’s win over Clinton “decisive.” wut.

  • coozledad

    Trump just pulled out of UNESCO.

    Is he actively trying to create an army of people willing to do anything to get rid of his skank ass?

    • kaydenpat

      Trump won’t be out until and unless Democrats take over Congress.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Who are kids going to carry cans to collect donations for at Halloween?

      • coozledad

        They can just do what the Trump kids did. Show up at the neighbor’s door with a bucket and a goon.

    • NastyBossetti

      What even is the point of that?

  • Mavenmaven

    Trump told the truckers: “For every American across this land, we will bring back our great American dreams,” in other words “By shafting every American across this land, my family and our Rich friends will achieve our great dreams of more money”.

    • cmd resistor

      BTW, where are the Trump in the Trucks photos?

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    Word is that Rose McGowan is writing a book about her life and she is just about out of fucks to give regarding Hollywood. Some folks are worried about what she’ll say them and theirs. (and this was before the shit hit the fan with HW).

    And Ben Affleck and Matt “Let me explain diversity to a black woman” Damon can take several seats. The skeletons in your closet have picked the lock…

  • Bill D. Burger

    What the Moron n’ Chief is saying is, the United States’ citizens of Puerto Rico don’t deserve aid from FEMA, 1st Responders or the Military.
    Who does then? Why have these emergency systems if not all U.S. citizens are entitled to their assistance?!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8UJ42U8AAzlg6.jpg

    • Walter Wellstone

      Without even knowing it, which is typical of him, he’s pushing the people of PR to move to the mainland, where their votes count. They will most likely cluster in Florida, where they will sure as shit won’t vote Republican next year and will certainly vote against Donald in 2020. This is a unique situation where an entire island has become uninhabitable in many aspects, where its inhabitants have an escape route and a way to inflict vengeance on him with votes. How can he not see that? Well, unless he knows voting doesn’t matter anymore because, like he said, elections are rigged–in his party’s favor.

      • Bebecca

        I think you’re giving him too much credit. He doesn’t have a plan, he plain just doesn’t want to spend the money on those people.

      • Creepoman

        I’m sure Florida legislators and Gov. Batboy will come up with some creative ways to make sure these US citizens will be classified as illegal aliens.

        • bupkus231

          There’s already a lot of talk about how the schools are gonna handle the expected influx of Puerto Rican chilluns. Expect the retirees to bitch about spending munnies on them.

          Doubt even Gov. Bat Boy can change citizenship status ( even if he sics AG Pam Blondie on the problem ) – but they’ll find a way to get immigrant/refugees to go elsewhere….

    • kaydenpat

      He doesn’t consider the people of Puerto Rico to be Americans.

      • Christopher Story

        Given where and when he grew up, I’d be surprised if he considers Puerto Ricans human.

  • Crystalclear12

    *looks at wonkagenda, looks at alcohol supply, looks at wonkagenda*
    Yep, supply run is needed.

    • bupkus231

      Me, too. I think I’ll need one of these: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2d/TILX290344.JPG

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Get one of these. It’s specifically designed to carry ethanol, though there’s no mention if it can also carry mixers and ice: http://s3.amazonaws.com/rrpa_photos/63457/CBTX%20740768%20-1A%20NB%20on%20BNSF%20ethanol%20train%20at%20Ashland%20NE%208-11-12%20%201024PS.jpg

        • bupkus231

          But does it explode and set whole towns on fire?

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Yup. Several times. And there’s one that passes just north of my town several times a week.

          • bupkus231

            Last year, when it seemed that was happening weekly, there was a lot of agita in the local press around DC, about the CSX line that ran only a few blocks from the Capitol. There was “concern” that some of those Bakken oil trains would be routed through DC….

            Are we just evening out the statistical odds this year – or did the rail companies finally figure out a solution or invest enough money in unexplodey tank cars that we haven’t heard so much about them lately?

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            IIRC, it’s the latter. The railroads and car leasing companies have invested quite a lot in improving safety because they don’t want to lose that business.

        • Candy Matson

          Bonus for being extra phallic!

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Fucking bastard president.

    • Bill D. Burger

      …and a moronic dotard son of a bitch also/too!

  • Viktor

    The laziest man in the world is Donald Trump. He’s never driven a car as far as I know, requires a staff of 100’s to pamper him at his Tower and country clubs etc… What has he done lately besides sign papers and Twitter?

  • Left Coast Tom

    Nobody bothered to tell homeowners around Houston’s reservoirs that they bought houses in emergency flood zones, and science bozos are warning that those dams and reservoirs are at serious risk of future failure.

    Damn science bozos, ruining life for poor defenseless real estate developers.

  • Mavenmaven

    I’m guessing soon Trump will start questioning why that Spanish speaking “pordorico” full of “pordoricans” is somehow considered part of “America” at all, much like Sessions’ comments about Hawaii.

  • Bill D. Burger

    These AMERICAN CITIZENS of Puerto Rico are dying as the fucking Dotard n’ Moron plays golf and tweets about shutting down the free press and free speech and the NFL.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8FYgMW0AACQRs.jpg

    • NastyBossetti

      Jesus.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Which one?

  • Mpeg

    “The PEOPLE”
    *clap*
    “UNITED”
    *clap*
    “Will NEV-er BE de-TWEETED”

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Here’s someone else who got banned

    Facebook bans rapper Lil B for ‘hate speech’ posts

    Facebook said some of his posts violated its policies on hate speech. The posts, according to publications with which he later shared the messages, related to white people and gun violence.

    Political news website The Hill republished two of the banned posts.

    They read: “White people are the only ones who really love they guns U can tell they are violent people! I don’t live in fear I don’t need a gun – Lil B.”

    “White people so scared they the reason why guns are a problem if white people put down the gunze we all be safe but nope! They vilent – Lil B.”

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-41594844

    • janecita

      Hate speech against the English language?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        And punctuation.

    • NastyBossetti

      How is that hate speech?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        It’s critical of whites. You can see how FB would be concerned.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      That’s not hate speech, that’s simply descriptive.

    • shivaskeeper

      Facebook’s automatic algorithm for blocking posts is easy to manipulate. Nazi’s, actual real Nazi’s, and trolls figured out how to exploit the system years ago.

      Get enough of your friends to report a post for violating community standards and a the deletion/block is automatic. No human being will ever even look at it. The best part is that if FB blocks you for violating community standards, you get blocked from contacting FB via any FB portal, like messenger, and have to jump through hoops to contact them to get your posting privileges restored or to get the post restored.

      No matter how many people complain about it, FB won’t change how it gets done, so it’s still a major exploit to be abused.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    All those “gays for Trump” are full of sads now that they realize their big papa Trump has grabbed them by the pussy and moved on them like a bitch.

    Worse. No furniture shopping.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      None of the gays I know would trust his decorating judgement. Louis XIV is SO tacky.

    • Viktor

      The odd thing is if you peruse Breitbart comments, and see an anti gay one, the bigots on Breitbart will horde the comment to denounce you as anti gay and bigoted.

  • dshwa

    The Queen’s going to be busy playing with her Corgis. She prefers orange furred animals that are affectionate and can be trained not to shit on the antique furniture.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So poor Donnie will have to stay in the Embassy instead of in the Queen’s gilded palace? Sad!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Yup. No Trump properties in London.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        So he won’t be able to charge the Secret Service for accommodation? He’ll be reduced to begging in the street at this rate.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Ah, I see you’ve found my secret wish list.

      • miss_grundy

        He’ll probably demand to commute from Scotland where he has a golf course.

    • miss_grundy

      At least he won’t be able to pee on a bed in the palace.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Volunteer Nurses in Puerto Rico sounded the alarm on preventable waterborne Leptospirosis outbreak days ago and still there is NO response from FEMA or the White House.
    Surprise!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL8IGTDX4AIRRab.jpg

  • kaydenpat

    I’m impressed by how that chick was so unimpressed.

  • TootsStansbury

    So when’s the revolution?

    • therblig

      nov 4, according to the wingnuts. that’s when antifa will storm the streets and the only line of defense will be 2nd amendment fapping gunhumpers. they’re absolutely drooling at the prospect.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • janecita
    • Me not sure

      “Well Pete, it looks like he’s pulled off the rarely seen “triple chin”. The crowd has gone wild…. AND THE RUSSIAN JUDGE AWARDS A TEN!”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He’s REALLY sensitive about the triple chin thing. Tries to arrange photo ops to minimize it.

        • Candy Matson

          Being sensitive about a triple chin is the most relatable thing about that dilhole.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Donnie should get his goiter checked, STAT!

    • The Wanderer

      (Jacques Cousteau voice): “And so, the Obnoxious Loudmouth has inflated his throat sac, and we will soon hear his haunting hunting cry.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Well, I accomplished something yesterday, tweeted this to Gorka the asshole and he blocked me:
    https://twitter.com/woody_tobias/status/918184323160961026

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      A man can be judged by the enemies he makes. Well done!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Thank you! He’s my second notable Twitter block. Matthew Dowd was first (that guy is incredibly thin-skinned). Next target is Hannity. Of course the one I’d most like to bag is Uncle Dotard himself.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Wouldn’t we all?

    • bupkus231

      Funny – the reporter he’s praising, Sara Carter, writes for Circa News, a web-based “news site” run by Sinclair Broadcasting ( which, as a “conservative” operation is slightly less credible than Fix News for “objective reporting” ).

      The incestuous relations that Sinclair has with the Trumpanistas is well known – yet, Gorka seems to think he can just obfuscate that….

    • BigCSouthside

      Damn

      I’ve only ever been blocked by Bill Mitchell.

      Gotta up my game

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Mitchell? Hadn’t even considered him. *strokes chin thoughtfully* BRB!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ve been blocked by him for ending every tweet responded to with NAZIS RAUS!

      • The Wanderer

        Should have tried “Bassza meg a nyilasokat!” (Fuck the Arrow Cross*)
        * Hungary’s own Nazi Party from back then.

  • folderol

    I can excuse Trump for saying out loud what most Republicans think. He knows what plays to his base.

  • grindstone

    I’m beginning to think Trump might not be good at this job.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I’m beginning to think Trump might not be good at this any job.
      FIFY

      • bupkus231

        I’m beginning to think Trump might not be good EEVULL at any job

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I’m beginning to think Trump might be a fucking MORAN.

          • The Wanderer

            An IMBESSEEL?
            A IDJIT!

  • janecita

    I’m starting to think, that being an American colony, really, really sucks! Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands are doomed.

    • BosGrl

      If they can’t even count on us in times of crisis, what the hell good do we do them?

      • jesterpunk

        They cant become a state without congressional approval, can they leave the US and tell the debt holders to suck an egg or would that need congressional approval too?

        • BosGrl

          I don’t know. They’d be losing the ability to go back and forth to the mainland, too.

          • jesterpunk

            With the way they are being treated now that might not be too bad of a problem.

          • BosGrl

            True, but it would be hard for families, I think, that live between the island and the states.

    • Naw. It’s all part of his master plan towards the vinyl solution. He’s going to let the banksters repossess the islands (since they won’t be able to get their $70bn in bonds) and turn them into vinyl barbie playgrounds for the rich, like turtle island, but with a more diverse underage prostitutes or something.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Don’t forget that Uncle Dotard is doing his best to goad “little Rocket Man” into a nuclear strike that could target Guam.

      • cmd resistor

        So I have read a couple of places that Jimmy Carter is willing to go talk to Rocket Man, which sounds like a decent idea to me, which probably means they won’t let it happen.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          History’s two greatest monsters!

    • Parakeetist

      Sweet Jesus. If I were President, I’d have sent half the Marine Corps, and all the food, water and doctors they could carry.

  • Duke

    Thanks, Ms. Bee. But… It’s not ugly. Not! Not! Not!

    sigh…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Stick it in the eye of the beholder?…

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      There’s a reason the term ‘bumping uglies’ exists. To be fair, that term applies no matter what plumbing you sport (imo ymmv etc)

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Facts make Donnie mad. Who knew?

    • bupkus231

      This is the difficulty with “tax reform” ( Who knew it could be so hard? ). It sounds great that you’ll close loopholes – but when push comes to shove, there’s either a very good reason for the loophole, or there’s an army of lobbyists and billionaire’s money arguing against closing ’em.

      Anyone who believes we will ever achieve “true” tax reform that is fair ( including the “fair ( flat ) tax” idjits ) us as delusional as Rump himself….

  • BrendaKay

    OT: I learned a new word today!
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kakistocracy
    A kakistocracy is a system of government which is run by the worst, least qualified, or most unscrupulous citizens.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s the word of our times.

    • Johnatx

      It’s all the rage.

    • Finnibar87

      Everyone is doing it!

  • shart of turin

    Twitter policy: “…may suspend an account if it has been reported to us as violating our Rules surrounding abuse. When an account engages in abusive behavior, like sending threats to others or impersonating other accounts, we may suspend it temporarily or, in some cases, permanently.”

    How the fuck does Rose McGowan get her account suspended while President Fucking Moron keeps his? Hypocrisy much, Twitter?

    • Blackest Noobs

      misogyny much….It’s American…more so than racism. sooo soooo much so.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      $Profit$

    • jesterpunk

      Twitter said they wont suspend Trump’s account because he is “starting a conversation” and “speaking directly to people” basically TL;DR $$$$$.

  • arglebargle

    The peacock and chicken is a metaphor for Trump and his base?

  • Bebecca

    I don’t think trump understands his job. He thinks he can just cancel a project if he chooses because it’s not going well and he’s doing that with Puerto Rico.

    • BigCSouthside

      And ACA
      And NAFTA
      and TPP
      and Iran Deal
      And The UN
      And…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He doesn’t understand how ANYTHING AT ALL works.

    • Finnibar87

      For Trump truly is a fucking moron.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    “He will be the most gay-friendly Republican nominee for president ever,” Gregory T. Angelo, the president of the Log Cabin Republicans, insisted to The New York Times in April 2016.

    Sadly, Mr. Angelo was actually right; Dampnut IS the most gay-friendly Republican[…] president. But the fact that these people are actually SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU! that this administration turned out to be not so gay-friendly is just so adorable.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      You neglected to include that Gregory made that statement from the Kapo barracks at Fag Relocation Camp #13.

  • Candy Matson

    So about the dead white people clothes: so people donate their old clothes, which are then SOLD? I don’t really understand that. If they’re donated, shouldn’t they then be donated (to people who want them)?

    I mean, I get it, you can buy a janky old dresser at goodwill for a dollar and then slap a coat of paint on it and sell it for $30, I understand that. But goodwill doesn’t drop off free dressers at your house for you to sell at your garage sale, does it?

    How are companies receiving donated goods and then selling them at a profit? That goes into your pocket instead of to the charitable organizations that received the goods? Am I missing something? My brain is struggling with this one.

    (And do American companies doing this get a kind of tax break for handling charitable donations that they then sell?)

    • Ghenghis McCann

      What happens, in the UK at least, is that you get a plastic bag through your letterbox with the name of a charity in big print on it. You’re invited to fill it with old clothes and leave it to be collected. It’s only when you read the small print that you find that the people you’re giving the clothes to are going to sell the clothes, and make a donation to the charity. I keep the bags to use when I take stuff to a real charity.

      • bupkus231

        You see that with a lot of the “charity drop-boxes” in shopping centers around the country – clothes, shoes, winter clothing, books. 90% of them go to a third-party company that resells, then ( supposedly ) donates the proceeds to the charity.

        Face it, that’s the way “charity” works in America. Some third-party solicitors are better than others, but they all dip their beaks….

    • Finnibar87

      It’s the rag trade.

      Clothes from Goodwill and Salvation Army quite often end up in places in Africa.

      They sell the ones there they can’t sell here.

    • Manders

      Read up on Goodwill. They’re not so good.

  • Randy Riddle

    I look at what’s happening and wonder when Eliot Ness is going to kick some ass and break up the gang. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05860d9c7499abaebb800ac4c39c8fc1229c8203a5eee58ec32ce78655ad06f8.jpg

  • Blackest Noobs

    but i betcha those stupid fuck Latinos that did vote him will do it again.
    we have a stupid problem and it goes beyond race.
    pretty much everyone.

    • miss_grundy

      Like the dumb lady in Puerto Rico who voted for him and can’t understand why help from the federal government has been lacking in his administration. Someone should have told her that he hates Puerto Ricans.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They are, as far as he is concerned, Mezikens, just like those from Spain or Argentina.

      • Blackest Noobs

        someone should have told them He hates everyone who isn’t white and wealthy…he could give a fuck-all to the rest of us, white or colored, doesn’t matter if we are less wealthy than that asshole.

        also…IT WAS FUCKING OBVIOUS about it…i mean fucking CHRIST…so GODDAMN OBVIOUS!!!!!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This FEMA leaves Puerto Rico thing would be yet another item on the charge sheet for the Impeachment trial, but given that Congress is dominated by unspeakable fucksticks, Puerto Rico is fucked.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, In Tejas…

    Dumb racist gets mad at being called a dumb racist, makes dumb racist comment.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/texas-teen-angry-over-being-called-racist-threatens-classmate-we-should-have-hung-all-u-nggas/

    • Finnibar87

      Theory: the bigger the racist, the larger the fury when called out for being a fucking racist.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I support your theory.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        That’s not a theory, that’s an axiom.

    • Wow, that’s something else alright.

  • Viktor

    I’m surprised Trump praises FEMA, when people he likes, like Alex Jones, used to claim FEMA is constructing concentration camps.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I wonder why Alex Jones doesn’t know everything about Area 51 now that his buddy Uncle Dotard is POTUS? Where’s the big expose? Come on Alex – your fans aren’t going to remain patient in their tin foil hats forever!

      • C4TWOMAN

        And the truth behind JFK and 9/11 !!!1!!12!

    • C4TWOMAN

      The only consistent thing about right wing conspiracy propaganda is their inconsistency.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘Vlad, as long as I have you on the phone, do you think…’
      Nyet, Donald, you cannot afford “Russia Today.”‘

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Shhhhhh!….

    • miss_grundy

      He thought he was going to lose the election and that he and his bigoted, racist pals would start the Trump News Network and feed even more propaganda to the asshats who voted for him.

  • Finnibar87

    That is no chicken!

  • Johnatx

    Regarding the CEO of AccuWeather being nominated to be head of NOAA: GOP senators, past and present have pushed for privatization of the National Weather Service – and making AccuWeather the primary provider of weather information for the U.S.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      AccuWeather gets its information from NOAA.

      • Johnatx

        Check out this link.
        New Legislation Aims to Privatize the NWS: …
        http://www.nwseo.org/Four Winds 2016/16_06_06_LegistlationtoPrivatizeNWS.pdf

        • Villago Delenda Est

          This is bullshit. Privatizing the NWS is unspeakably stupid.

          • Johnatx

            When did being stupid ever stop a Republican?

      • Johnatx

        At the present, yes. See below

      • TundraGrifter

        You beat me to it! The Federal government does the heavy lifting – AccuWeather skims off the cream. It’s like a married person having an affair.

  • The Wanderer

    Time for the sweet sting of caffeine!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/6HmMUapXmdwDS/giphy.gif

    • Candy Matson

      Third cup over here…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Try to keep up….

  • folderol

    (to the tune of Summer Wind)

    The dunderhead came blowin’ in from NYC
    He took the oath, the orange-haired oaf, like he took a pee
    And six months on, it’s still going wrong; says “It’s Fake News, not me!”
    It’s sad to see, you dunderhead.

    Like hurricanes, those golf weekends went flyin’ by
    The world is screwed, his mind is skewed, kiss it goodbye
    Let’s hope we can survive until Amendment 25
    Else we are doomed, by dunderhead

    Oh dunderhead
    You dunderhead
    Dumb dunderhead

  • cmd resistor

    Another busy day for Trump, as listed on his FB page:
    Schedule for Thursday, October 12th:
    · Sign Executive Order to promote healthcare choice and competition
    · Announcement of the Secretary of Homeland Security nominee

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’ll be so tired out with all this Presidenting that he’ll need to take a couple of weeks off and play golf.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        We can only hope. The less Presidenting he tries to do the better.

      • cmd resistor

        Of course these 2 things will allow him to make word statements in public, always a risky scenario.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      – Yell at clouds
      – Tweet best of cloud yells

    • DrBigHead
      • miss_grundy

        If he isn’t willing to help Puerto Ricans, who are American citizens–do you expect him to help minorities from around the world??????

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Does this mean women are going to finally stand up and demand to be treated like humans? They won’t like how men treat other men, either…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • UnsaltedSinner

    We all realise that Mark Zuckerberg is planning to run for president, right?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1423a109df231049d35857ad96742d308991db8a38e2b634d00875aa7a39c498.gif

    • Mormos

      peep show is seriously one of my favorite things ever. oh mark, you horrible pos

    • miss_grundy

      We have to make sure that he looks like the rich boy asshole he is between now and 2020. I don’t want to see another “celebrity” in the Oval Office ever again during my lifetime and beyond. I have had enough of Richy Riches and their ilk.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Here is the Executive Order to undermine the ACA.Long on propoganda. Short on details. Plenty of sabotage. 2/ pic.twitter.com/n64pcEoXfF— Andy Slavitt (@ASlavitt) October 12, 2017

    • Impatient

      I used to work for this guy, until I retired in May. I hate to admit that he seemed like just another stuffed white shirt, way above my head. Who knew that he would turn into the knight in shining armor … or the boy who put his finger in the dike?

      My apologies to the universe, and to Mr. Slavitt.

      BTW, I used to contribute to crap like that memo. But never anywhere near that crappy, I hope. And I sincerely hope that nobody I know or care about, in that great, beautiful bureaucracy, had to soil themselves by contributing to it.

  • Impatient

    I have a bone to pick with Yr Wonkette. I’ve already seen that tRump has threatened U.S. citizens in Puerto Rico, because he’s losing his “winning” buzz. And I’ve written my Congressman, asking him to start impeachment proceedings TODAY. (And repeated the suggestion in a NY Times comment, that they’ll load online sometime this evening?) But I have to confess that I can’t actually read all the way through any articles or opinion columns. And I has the best Readz!

    I tried to read, or even skim this column. Lots of useful info! I ran into the Maddow video, and watched it … mostly. I think Maddow is great. Wish I could Thinkz and Wordz as well as she does. Can we just have a planet populated by Maddowzez, and Yr Wonkettezez, and Frankenzez? … Please, pretty please?

    Soooo … I know, too many wordz, and boring … I went back to this article, and tried to actually read it, word for word. I stopped myself occasionally, and said, “Read it.” I got almost three quarters of the way through. And I finally did get a helluva laugh out of “the Queen will be busy grouting her tiles.” But I didn’t make it … And I concluded that Yr Wonkette lacks something: A Readingz Assistanty Thingy.

    MY HUMBLE SUGGESTION: Please facilitate reading of your valuable articles … by placing a standardized, colorful and fun icon, on occasion throughout the article. (Kinda like a water station in a marathon.) Clicking on said icon would pop up kittenz, or puppiez, or babby hippoz, for carefully timed and structured periods, ending in gradual appearance of rainbows and the gentle suggestion that it’s time to go back to reading, and caring, and Grrring.

    Please, pretty please?
    Your faithful sorta reader.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      General Kelly?….

      • Impatient

        I’m sorry. Is that response to my comment. If so, it leaves me confused.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I thought perhaps you were General Kelly, looking for reading matter for donald. It helps him to have pictures to look at. Otherwise, apparently, he loses focus….

          • Impatient

            I see that possibility. I had in mind more of a calming device. My counselor asked me, recently, whether I really WANTED to stop being angry. I can’t even concentrate on THAT question long enough to answer it.

            I actually had the weird thought, shortly after the election, that imposing this argle bargle mess on all of us unsuspecting sittizens was really unfair. Seriously, like a teenager, I thought, “Unfair.”

            But the mind-numbing impact of Trumpistan really is unfair to us, I think, in a very general sense. Not all of us humanz are cut out for this. Almost makes me want to cry. (We all react differently, don’t we.)

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Try Grrrr…. (it’s got staying power)….

          • Persistent Demme

            I know.
            It’s injuring a lot of us.
            I don’t know what to do except skim articles and comments a lot, and watch lots of animal videos.
            I can’t quit Wonkette, cause it’s a real community that I care about.
            I keep hoping that Mueller’s investigation will help, but I don’t know that the damage will be repairable.

          • Impatient

            Thanks. Well said. But where the hell does a golden-haired chicken get such clarity?

            And I, also too, can’t quit Wonkette. Thinking about the damage is getting to be unbearable. Maybe Pollyanna would say that it could help bring USA! back down to reality, and to a more reasonable position in the world? Okay, I’ll keep working on that; so far, I got nothin.

          • Persistent Demme

            *sigh*
            I guess we just have to keep hangin’ in there.

          • Pisto75666

            I haven’t quit Wonkette (and I probably seem dumb for saying this) but it helps me a little to take a small break from the news. Like a half of a day. I know it’s not easy because everything going on affects us all so we have to pay attention but even still, we have to look out for ourselves too

          • Persistent Demme

            It’s hard/impossible to strike a balance between being informed and being outraged.
            I’m exhausted.

    • therblig
      • H0mer0

        I had a dream about her last night. It was as if my real world and wonkette world were merging…then my cat woke me up.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Did the US just drop out of UNESCO?….

  • therblig

    “One of the most powerful features of VR is empathy.” – Zuck

    And here I thought that one of most powerful features of actual reality is empathy.

    shithead.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    The hen was impressed. She was too chicken to let him know.

  • C4TWOMAN

    With the British, it’s more like the middle AND index fingers.
    FYI

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Trouble is Trump might think it’s the ‘V for Victory’ sign and tweet about how much the British love him. Better to stick to a gesture he won’t get wrong.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I have known people to assume it’s a peace sign…*shakes head*

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Why, it seems like just yesterday Mitch McConnell was asking the Democrats to come out and play with Republicans.

    • Impatient

      Republicans always ask to “play nice,” shortly after they’ve hate-fucked you. (Just another statement of the obvious. It’s all I’ve got.)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Never trust a rich man when he offers you a truce.

        Black 47

  • Somersault

    Yeah . . . So, there’s a reason that peacock isn’t able to impress that “chicken.”

  • I really really miss the daily round up being obama’s Dijon mustard habit.

    • TundraGrifter

      Arugula libulz!

      • TundraGrifter

        And don’t forget the horror of wearing a tan suit! And putting his feet up on the desk. And not wearing a flag pin. And a highly edited video purporting to show he didn’t love Michelle any more. And the First Lady trying to do something about America’s fat kids…it’s overwhelming…

    • miss_grundy

      Or that he worked in his shirtsleeves in the Oval, or he wore a tan suit or still likes arugula in his salad.

  • Anna Rompage

    Come on folks, how long did you actually expect Doand to hang in there with his support of a country filled with Messicuns?

    • miss_grundy

      Well, he didn’t respond right away, did he? And when he responded, it was already late and other organizations had already come to assist Puerto Rico. And when he finally made his appearance before his vetted audience, he decided to throw free throws of paper towels at their faces as if they could use these to wipe up the mess of washed out roads and bad water. But, hey, if you had listened during the election cycle, you would have realized that he doesn’t know shit about shinola but that didn’t stop his fellow bigots and idiots from voting for him.

  • MrTusks

    Remember when we didn’t think about the president literally every day?

    • ltmcdies

      feels like fucking forever and I’m a Canuck…..

    • Alan

      I remember when I didn’t have to check Wonkette every morning to assure myself that the world didn’t end while I slept.

      • Impatient

        Type “has the world ended” into google, and it’ll tell you something like ‘it hasn’t ended, because google/the internet is still responding.’

        Personally, I prefer seeing that Orion is still up there in the early morning sky. Though I guess that only tells me that the stars are still there, and doesn’t preclude me just imagining that I’m here, and the planet is here. Have to work on that.

    • Candy Matson

      Remember when we didn’t worry about the fucking launch codes every damn day?

    • miss_grundy

      Well, we didn’t have to because we had a smart adult who read all of the white papers and reports that were sent to him, even though it meant that he didn’t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. He didn’t get that grey hair from watching television.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Can you have imagined this headline a year ago? Thrashing around in a rage, Trump unleashes a new volley of threats https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2017/10/12/thrashing-around-in-a-rage-trump-unleashes-a-new-volley-of-threats/?utm_term=.7f2dbfdacc0f

  • Jeffocaster in the West
    • Courser_Resistance

      I love Nature on PBS!

  • Weird Fishes

    Jesus, my brain. All of the Ugly and Spite and Dumb on display can only be cured by one thing. https://www.instagram.com/p/BaIdbxSlx6W/
    You’re welcome. 😊

    • Candy Matson

      I want a kitten!!!

    • Pisto75666

      I can’t thank you enough for this <3

      • Weird Fishes

        You are very welcome. :)

    • TakingAmes

      Omigod. Thank you!

  • Poly_Ester

    Next donnie will propose shutting down Puerto Rico and deporting all the residents to Hispania where they belong.

  • Persistent Demme

    Silly peacock!!

  • renegade500

    Hey I’m not a chicken, but I have to admit, that’s a fancy peacock, even for how fancy peacocks normally are.

    Also, today is all the rage inducing if you’re a woman. Most days these days are, but this morning the interwebs is really pissing me off, between, silencing Rose McGowan, lots of men saying that Anita Hill was a lying liar who lied, and now the “Women’s Convention” being put on my organizers of the Women’s March choosing an old white man (one Bernie Sanders who isn’t nearly the White Knight ally he’d like us to believe he is) to be the opening keynote. Because I guess it was so fucking hard to find an actual, accomplished woman to open the Woman’s Convention?

    I’m ready to start flipping some tables.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Wuh?? Fucking Bernie??? WTF has he EVER done for women??

      JFK, if we can’t even get THIS right?

      • Zyxomma

        I think you were so angry that you misspelled JFC.

        • Courser_Resistance

          lolololol

          Yes, I was! I stand corrected.

      • renegade500

        Yep. That just made the news oh so delightful before the lunch hour today. FWIW on the FB event, the organizers are taking some serious heat about this, even from a number of self-identifying Sanders supporters.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Snidely insulted and ruined the chances of the most qualified woman candidate ever.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Agreed. I loath the bastard

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Me too. Especially since hearing he’s paid for by the NRA.

          • Courser_Resistance

            I didn’t know about that, but yeah.

            However, I do want to sound a note of caution. A LOT of politicians have taken NRA money over the years, usually in relatively small amounts. We need to be careful not to cut off our noses to spite our faces. But yes, we need to really examine the corporate donors of our candidates and reps.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            That is true, If you are a hunter or come from a hunting background they may be an acceptable donor.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Hell, I was a member back in the 70’s before they elected the ghoul-in-chief. Obv, now I wouldn’t cross the street to spit on them if they were on fire.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I might have a certificate for marksmanship type of thing from them. I did like target shooting but I never wanted to hurt anything so… I do wish karma would find wayne La Pierre soon, with a vengence (vote).

          • Courser_Resistance

            In 1981 (yr I graduated college) the NRA Convention was in Denver and I won some bullseye contest. Everyone was surprised/excited that a young woman had one it (and I didn’t even know it was a contest when I fired. Just did the best I could).

            The prize was something like $30. Which I used to buy a nice lavender dress at the nice dept store in town. I kept it for years and every time I wore it, I’d say, “The NRA bought me this dress” with a little smile.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            That is cool.
            I remember those small town stores, and the lunch counter with the soda fountain at Liggetts.

    • TakingAmes

      Yeah, I’m inclined to bitch about Bernie Sanders opening the women’s convention too. Like, seriously? They couldn’t find a woman in politics to open it?

  • bubbuhh

    Trump is new to the plebeian ways of the USA. Free speech for the serfs and justice for all are mere rumors where he comes from.

    https://twitter.com/maddow/status/918181745912111104

  • Persistent Demme

    Woke up my groggy self in the middle of the night, here in San Francisco, and smelled wood-smoke.
    Thought, “it’s the middle of the night, why is someone using their fireplace?”
    Oh, wait…
    DAMMIT!!

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      We can smell it and see it all the way down in San Jose. :(

    • Hardly Ideal
      • Persistent Demme

        So true!

      • Zyxomma

        So sad.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Stay safe.

      • Persistent Demme

        Thanks!
        We are far enough away from the fires, but the air cleaner in the bedroom is working overtime tonight!

  • greyXstar

    I got a haircut the other day and seriously couldn’t believe how much more grey there was compared to just a few months ago. This is the first presidency to age us more than the person in the job.

    • Courser_Resistance

      No kidding. My entire body has freaked out and yes, my gray has accelerated a lot. On the bright side, my gray is coming in as silver and as streaks so it kind of looks like I did it on purpose.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Both hair and beard came in silver. Ms. Gnome took a picture of me outside on a bright, sunny day, and t looks like I’ve got a halo.

    • phoenix00

      Consider that character, my friend!

  • Pisto75666

    We can’t keep FEMA in Puerto Rico forever but we still have troops in Iraq?

    Someone should put a permanent “That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works” in front of Drumpf’s face,

    • Villago Delenda Est

      With a clue by four.

    • phoenix00

      Not to mention Afghanistan, Japan, Yemen, Ethiopia, Germany, Qatar, Saudi Arabia……

  • OneYieldRegular

    I have zero sympathy for any gay person who voted for Trump. Then again, as a democrat with a lower case “d,” I also have zero sympathy for any one else who voted for Trump.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I have a friend of the family, like a really weird and messed-up adopted brother. Lousy background, but grew up alright and came out as gay some years back.

      After the election, he and his boyfriend made a stink on our Facebook. It sure sounded like he was in favor of Trump over Clinton, citing her involvement in the Defense of Marriage Act, which I guess made her evil beyond redemption. Then the transgender military ban came down, and they were shocked beyond words.

      A line from Patton Oswalt complaining about the “Gay Best Friend” trope comes to mind: “Okay, so, I have gay friends, and a lot of them are idiots… (fails to keep a straight face) just like my straight friends (rueful chuckling).”

      • SeeTrain65

        “But in every movie, all gay characters are these magical, intelligent quip machines … which, if you’re gay, has got to feel really dehumanizing after a while.”

        “I want to be the first dumb gay best friend in the history of cinema.”

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sFyyGV9egM

  • covfefesumgame0005

    Ok, a small question that has been bugging me a bit lately. the US Army has a commercial out there now claiming they are “protecting” ou cyber security and is ALWAYS LOOKING and stopping crap…so what the fuck happened to Equifax dipshts?

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      The military commercials that bug me are on Univision (Spanish language TV) encouraging people to sign up while ICE is deporting everyone they can, the Dreamers are getting shit on and the PEOTUS is threatening to pull aid out of Puerto Rico.

    • phoenix00

      Equifax is a private corporation, and would not fall under the purview of the military unless the government deemed it so.

      At least to my knowledge….

      • covfefesumgame0005

        have you seen the one I was talking about? the commercial does not make that distinction, and in fact implies it is protecting out personal data

        • phoenix00

          Likely not. Got a link?

          • covfefesumgame0005

            here ya go, it is a pretty slick production and looks good

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LZnOorfS_Q

          • phoenix00

            The 1st half is a bit too Hollywood fear-monger-y for my liking, but the 2nd half is good recruitment plug.

            Hell, just cut the first half, leave the 2nd, and it’s an even better ad.

  • Pisto75666

    Call me a masochist, I couldn’t help reading the comments on that Zuckerberg Mediaite article.

    “•Reply•Share ›
    Avatar
    Jim Tcol • 8 hours ago
    Don’t get me wrong I voted for Trump and think he is doing a great job against all of the resistance Washington is throwing up against him. The man is under pressure like none of the political elite could handle. They would have all resigned long before now. I think Trump has a more powerful mind than most of the idiots in that town.”

    WHERE TO START?!

    • Hardly Ideal

      I think the best way to start here is DON’T.

      • Pisto75666

        I’ll give this administration one credit….it’s really helping me combat my compulsion to argue with stupid people online. I’ve always had this thing where I feel like I HAVE to give my opinion and try to show the other person how they might be wrong. Now I’m realizing my life is short, and there aren’t enough days with nice weather.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Reminds me of the old adage…and it annoys the pig.

    • SeeTrain65

      Doesn’t matter where you start. They’ll never stop.

      They’re ignorant and violent. They can’t be reasoned with.

      • Pisto75666

        Took me a really long time to figure that out.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Fun fact about African fashion and textiles: A lot of what we think of as “African” style (loud colors, large-pattern prints, etc.) was actually originated by some Dutch company back in the colonial days. IOW, the West imposed even their fashion sense.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Here’s some EXTRA Nice Time video!

    Babby Meercats set to a lovely morning song. This will put a smile on your face and a nice start to arm yourself for the day.

    ETA: Dom just put this the other day, but I missed it. Enjoy again!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB3Z6gm3beQ

    • I used that one a few days ago :)

      • Courser_Resistance

        Prolly why it came up when yours was finished. I missed it for some reason. I’ll edit and credit you :-)

  • Zyxomma

    Rachel and Samantha Bee were terrific; thanks for posting, Dominic. Enjoyed the peacock/rooster vid, too. These days, we have to get our little pleasures wherever possible.

  • Pisto75666

    Looks like President Pence had to corral Baby Donald back in to do his job, again:

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/watch-pence-stops-trump-from-leaving-executive-order-signing-ceremony-without-signing-the-order-again/

    For the second time this year, President Donald Trump tried to leave an executive order signing ceremony before he actually signed the order.

    On Thursday, the president finished his remarks about an executive order he was about to sign that would weaken key insurance regulations of the Affordable Care Act. He then started shaking hands with people in the room and started walking definitively toward the exit.

    At that point, Vice President Mike Pence had to walk over to him, tap him on the arm, and remind him that he still needed to sign the executive order.

    • John Thorstensen

      He really is showing signs of dementia. This may be the cover that the Republicans need.

      • Pisto75666

        Let’s hope!

    • SeeTrain65

      It would be more funny if the shit he was signing wasn’t so appallingly awful.

    • phoenix00

      He should’ve just left.

      Mike Pence is the garbage human being, but we all knew that coming in.

  • Shibusa

    We can keep the military in Afghanistan for decades but we can’t keep them in a US territory long enough to restore power and drinking water. [@DavidKlion]

  • eyelashviper

    Male peacocks are glorious creatures, but they do lack higher brain function. We have a bevy of peafowl, and the males are fairly indiscriminate about who or what they present their fine feathers and dance moves to. One tried a wild turkey, and was very dejected, even hen pecked. They also try with grazing horses, deer, sleeping dogs, lawn furniture and assorted inanimate objects. Spring is wild, and they don’t give up until they lose their gorgeous tail feathers. They also assault their images, seeing another suitor in their midst, so windows, car bumbers and any shiny surface is in danger of their attacks, and they do have very sharp beaks, claws and spurs. Whatever their behavior, they are well worth the pleasure of seeing them everyday.

    • Zyxomma

      They make good watchbirds, too; they can make a racket if disturbed.

  • Shibusa
    • SeeTrain65

      “It’s not like they’re Americans, after all.”

  • FelineMama

    Hey, donnie. You are one pathetic, asshole, Loser in Chief. Just my opinion, of course. Two words why he is neglecting Puerto Rico: Female Mayor. He hates the skirts that are smarter than him & more compassionate. And he sure as hell hates to be rebuked by the ladies. Like the old poem says, Everybody hates me…… Go eat some worms, jerk!
    FM, over & out (for now)

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    That is one confused peaboi. Not to be confused with the orange peeboy

  • Khavrinen

    “a signal that the Queen will be busy grouting her tiles.”

    Hmmm, take the Corgis for a walk, or meet with Donald Trump? Not really a tough call, there.

  • TakingAmes

    Peacock and chicken are amazing! Peacock’s all, “Look at MEEEEEEEE!!!” Chicken’s all, “Whatever dude. There are grubs to eat.”

    • bookish

      Chicken is a stuck-up elitist ball busting lezzie, obviously.

      • sillyclucker

        You take that back !!!!

  • Shibusa

    From the Twitter machine: @ryanstruyk

    FEMA is STILL involved in funding recovery efforts in:

    – Katrina (2005)
    – Gustav (2008)
    – Iowa floods (2008)
    – Ike (2008)
    – Tennessee floods (2010)
    – North Dakota floods (2011)
    – Irene (2011)
    – Sandy (2012)
    – Colorado floods (2013)
    – Matthew (2016)

  • xzargo

    Trump considers Puerto Ricans to be ‘Sea Mexicans and not really American citizens’ –
    quote from Republican strategist Rick Wilson.

  • SeeTrain65
    • FelineMama

      YES PLEASE!!! I’m 69 Y.O. Can’t wait much longer!!!!

  • sillyclucker

    He’s called a PEAcock. That’s why he’s not impressive.

  • Daru Titor

    “Trump wants to drag some democrats down with his Trump Tax Cuts (For Rich People Only) so he’s hurling insults and promising to shower them in gold.”

    So, a second PeePee tape featuring Trump?

  • javadavis

    Trump thinks black people “want” and “need” more cops [that white people]?
    Yeah… This is what happens when you call the cops.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNh2xVDhny8

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