Donald Trump’s week of LOL PRE-TEEN DRAMA continues! And unfortunately, it’s getting worse. Gabriel Sherman reports in Vanity Fair that Donald Trump hates everything, and specifically he hates the whole entire White House and he hates John Kelly and he hates Bob Corker and he hates Rex Tillerson and he hates EVERYBODY ELSE and wishes they were dead and also he would like a soda and two scoops of ice cream and maybe he might feel better if he sat on the potty for a few weeks.
Here are the best things we learn from Sherman’s piece about our Dear Leader Trump, who is right now probably sitting on his bed blaring Elliott Smith and refusing to let his mom (John Kelly) come in:
According to two sources familiar with the conversation, Trump vented to his longtime security chief, Keith Schiller, “I hate everyone in the White House! There are a few exceptions, but I hate them!”
Maybe he should quit being president so he doesn’t have to see their big dumb stupidhead faces anymore. God doesn’t help those who refuse to help themselves, you know.
According to “White House people,” who obviously hate his ass right back, Bob Corker’s meanness has “brought into the open” what everybody else already knows:
… that Trump is “unstable,” “losing a step,” and “unraveling.”
Great, that’s just great. Leader of the free fucking world right here.
Apparently Trump has also taken it real hard that Alabama GOP voters, who theoretically should have been stupid enough to listen to him, instead listened to their REAL president, Steve Bannon, who told them to vote for raving bigot Roy Moore instead:
“Alabama was a huge blow to his psyche,” a person close to Trump said. “He saw the cult of personality was broken.”
Indeed, if people don’t blindly love Trump because they’re morons, what else could they possibly love him for? The answer, of course, is “he is not worthy of love,” but don’t tell Donald because he is UPSET-SIES RIGHT NOW.
Sherman says Steve Bannon told Trump a while back he probably wouldn’t be impeached, but that the real danger to his presidency would be that his Cabinet would Article 25 his ass. Trump’s response?
BRB WONKETTE HAS TO GO DIE OF ROFLMAO RIGHT NOW.
The rest of Sherman’s article is the usual White House sources speculating about whether James Mattis and John Kelly have ever had “the talk” about what they would do if President Babyshits fell out of his high chair and went a-reachin’ for the nuclear codes. Totally normal presidential stuff.
Also, maybe John Kelly is going to quit-fire himself because FUCK THIS SHIT, which could be why he just instructed Trump to (BREAKING! ACHTUNG!) name his deputy Kirstjen Nielsen as the new Homeland Security chief. The only analysis of that we can offer is OH MY GOD, PLEASE NO, JOHN KELLY, YOU CANNOT QUIT, IF YOU DO WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.
Anyway, it’s your open thread, so Wonkette out. We’ll be in our bunk(er) if you need us.
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