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Banned like a common Milo, except not.

Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn is having a bad day, because Twitter has turned her into a literal second-class citizen. If you were unaware, Blackburn has thrown her tin foil hat into the ring to replace Senator Bob Corker (R-Sassypants) when he retires next year, because for God’s sake, it’s time for Tennessee to be represented by a senator who is LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY for once. But how can she do that if she’s not allowed to give Twitter money to promote her new sexxxy campaign video, which is about how she stormed all the Planned Parenthoods BY HERSELF and forced them to stop selling millions of baby parts on the free market, in kiosks they set up in the Big Lots parking lot? Unfair!

Now, if you missed the most recent Republican primary, you might have forgotten how Carly Fiorina and others (but Carly Fiorina in particular) spent the entire damn thing railing against Planned Parenthood for selling baby parts in the flea market and out of the back of a van and also on Etsy, because the entire GOP had a rage hard-on after they saw highly edited and COMPLETELY FAKE LYING videos from fake “journalists” that lobbed that salacious claim. A good time was had by all.

It doesn’t matter that Planned Parenthood was never doing that, because Marsha Blackburn is bugfuck nuts, and also, again, she is under the impression she single-handedly stopped Planned Parenthood from doing the thing it was not doing, by leading a House select committee to look into the made-up baby parts scandal. And that’s all explained in her fun campaign video!

Let’s watch it on Twitter:

“I fought Planned Parenthood and we stopped the sale of baby body parts. Thank God.”

Bullshit, asshole.

Anyway, as you can see, contra Blackburn’s earnest bellyaching, the video has not actually been banned from Twitter. The company simply rejected all the dollars she wanted to pay for advertising, which is well within Twitter’s rights:

“It appears that the line in this video specific to ‘stopped the sale of baby body parts’ has been deemed an inflammatory statement that is likely to evoke a strong negative reaction,” a Twitter employee wrote to two employees of Targeted Victory, a digital GOP consulting firm working for Blackburn’s campaign. “If this is omitted from the video it will be permitted to serve.”

See? Marsha Blackburn is allowed to lie all she wants (and she is doing that) but she’s not allowed to be inflammatory. Got it.

BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN SHE’S NOT BEING OPPRESSED. Politico reports that Blackburn sent out a fundraising email about how she is a fake victim who is being fake silenced from telling the fake story of her fake investigation into actual fake news about Planned Parenthood:

“This is urgent. I’m being censored for telling the truth,” Blackburn wrote. “Twitter has shut down my announcement video advertising. Silicon Valley elites are trying to impose their values on us. When I talked about our legislative accomplishments to stop the sale of baby body parts, they responded by calling our ad ‘inflammatory’ and ‘negative.’”

Well that is just upsetting.

Twitter will likely continue to ban Marsha Blackburn’s bullshit ads, just to dickstomp her Constitutional rights, which is sad because the woman has a hell of a lot to say. For instance, she knows women haaaaate equal pay, and she asks hard-hitting questions like “Did The Boston Bombers Use Obamaphones To Commit Their Bombing?”

Also, according to the fake news Doktor Zoom made up in the Wonket Seekrit Chat Cave (which is EVERY BIT AS VALID as Blackburn’s video about stopping the sale of baby parts), the congressMAN (don’t call her a congressWOMAN, because she doesn’t like it) also prevented Obama from declaring martial law during Operation Jade Helm 15, and stopped gang initiations that killed people for flashing their high beams. And you should see the great job she did at preventing Rainbow Parties.

But America will never find out. :(

Oh, idea! She could put them on Facebook! All you gots to do is throw some rubles at those fuckers and they’ll run ANYTHING.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Politico]

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  • Joe Beese
  • bbayliss

    But, BABY PARTS!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Little baby body parts
      Little baby body parts
      Little baby body parts
      Bet you can’t say it three times real fast.

    • Jim QuinnX

      I believe we have an early winner.

    • SterWonk

      That’s too ridiculous to be fake.

  • Jim QuinnX

    WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?

    • Three Finger Salute

      I really fail to see what is wrong with this at all. It’s organ donation, not “selling baby parts.” Organ donation saves lives. I thought they were pro-life?

  • Three Finger Salute

    Congress-man indeed. Or Congress-borg is more like it. I’m convinced these Republican women aren’t even real, they’re just coin-operated sex dolls built in a Russian laboratory and bought by Republicans during some post-Cold War surplus inventory liquidation. Someone should look into whether Peter Thiel has any holdings in “Stepford AI LLC.”

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I need a macro for “I hate these Cunts so fucking much”.

    • jesterpunk

      https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/clippings/

      Then right click and go to clippings and select that one.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD Thanx!

        • jesterpunk

          I use that at work and it really saves time typing the same thing over and over again.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I believe it, it’s pretty cool. :)

  • Scooby

    Once we become a theocracy what are we going to blame hurricanes on?

    • dslindc

      Teh Ghey, obviously!

    • BearGHAZI

      Emmanuel Goldstein Hillary Clinton, in the Benghazi Cave, with the babby parts

      • Three Finger Salute

        Nah, we’ll still blame Emmanuel Goldstein. He sounds like a (((cosmopolitan elite))) after all.

        • Oblios_Cap

          The Two Minutes Hate will be awesome!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Two minutes is TL;DR for today’s attention span.

            Fifteen nanoseconds of fame.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Hillary, Obama, and Trudeau. Who else do we blame everything on? Also too, Abe Lincoln for freeing Obama. He was a RINO, many many people aren’t aware of that.

    • jesterpunk

      Risotto and pizza?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Theocracies have no trouble sniffing out evil from amongst the faithful

    • FlownΩver

      Anyone who weighs the same as a duck.

    • redarmyzombie

      Jews, probably.

    • onedollarjuana

      Well, since they mostly happen in the South, I’d blame Evangelicals.

  • dslindc

    I’m sorry, Marsha. It’s too soon to politicize social media platforms.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Marsha Marsha Marsha! It’s always Marsha!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “deemed an inflammatory statement that is likely to evoke a strong negative reaction,”

    Considering everything Donnie Two Scoops posts without challenge or censoring is “an inflammatory statement that is likely to evoke a strong negative reaction”, they have no high ground here.

  • FlownΩver

    “they responded by calling our ad ‘inflammatory’ and ‘negative.’”

    Would you prefer “a total fucking lie from a total fucking liar”?

    • GoutMachine

      Well, I would.

    • MrTusks

      Bitch, if they were actually doing that, and you actually stopped them, someone besides the residents of Futtbuck, TN would have heard of you by now.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “I want my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S42pu26WlBQ

  • calliecallie

    It’s too bad they stopped selling baby body parts. My old baby body parts are wearing out and I need to get some new ones.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Canada. You can get the good stuff in Canada, and also it’s government-subsidized!

      • Three Finger Salute

        So I don’t have to pay a co-pay for the Trudeau sex doll interpersonal social support assistive technology device? Sweet, eh!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I need some for my casserole.

    • Erala Contratista

      Yeah….*sigh*….know what you mean.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Shouldn’t she be boycotting an NFL game for their selling baby body parts kneeling before the game?

    • Three Finger Salute

      They didn’t sell babby knees, so she donut care.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Well, she just needs moar rubles….

    • Three Finger Salute

      Bitchcoins.

  • dslindc

    Nobody liked one of my tweets the other day. Am I being oppressed, also too?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yes.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I don’t like Twitter, I guess that means I’m oppressing Twitter.

    • GoutMachine

      Depends. Are you a straight, white Christian?

      • dslindc

        No, yes, and no.

        • GoutMachine

          Hm. Gonna need a ruling from the booth on this one.

    • FlownΩver

      If you need to be I’m sure we can help. It’s what we do.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I don’t know if you can buy baby parts on Etsy, but you can buy this:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9823beb71502cf165f8c8cf318de0378cb945307dbc8374f9476aa28a0269f1d.jpg
    Why won’t Rep. Blackburn join forces with god and fight this?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      IDK, that looks mighty politically incorrect to me. She might just go for it.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “No, I said I wanted a pendant of Rimmer from ‘RedDwarf’.”

      • FlownΩver

        I heard “A human sent a pdf.” Sorry.

    • bubbuhh

      funny lookin cows

  • Oblios_Cap

    Feel the oppression inherent in the system

  • Joe Beese
  • BadKitty904

    I’d think being crazy must be tiring.

  • dslindc

    But will the AbortionPlex™️ still have Two-for-One Tuesdays?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So when he’s not letting Ivanka and Don Jr skate on fraud charges, it seems like Cy Vance keeps not-busy with other stuff

    https://twitter.com/HuffPostPol/status/917788645733666816

    • BadKitty904

      Sounds like a DA in Manhattan needs his finances audited, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

    • Joe Beese

      Why should Jersey have all the corruption?

  • “I fought Planned Parenthood and we stopped the sale of baby body parts. Thank God.”

    Well, fuck. I was hoping to get some baby back ribs for lunch. Thanks, asshole.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Did you know Marsha used to be married to Donald Trump. I read it on the Internets, how they were keeping it quiet. He put her in an apartment and they went furniture shopping a lot….

  • GoutMachine

    Don’t forget about the time she stopped all those drug gangs from knocking people out, stealing their kidneys and having them wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a telephone and a “call 911 if you want to live” note!

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Yeah, she stopped the sale of baby parts. Planned Parenthood gives them away for free now.

    • Paul

      WTF??!!!1!! They make me pay in my hard earned Soros bucks.

  • BadKitty904
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’ve got insider info on the DEFCON electronic voting machine hack analysis, which, as Dom said, is released soon.

      Guess what? They’re swiss cheese.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The GOP is going to destroy Trump if he fucks this up for them.

      • It would only take a handful of votes in specific districts to swing the vote. 10-15 here, 30 there. Stuff that would mostly be overlooked by any casual observer. But you get those anomalies in enough areas, and you end up with the 300-400 vote margin needed to put him over the top.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Just ask Olivia Pope.

      • jesterpunk

        They have been for a while, wired had an article years ago on how you could hack them with $30 worth of parts from radio shack.

        • GoutMachine

          Wait, so the only thing that held us back for so long was the fact that Radio Shack would ask for your name, rank and serial number for buying batteries?

          • jesterpunk

            Yes, pretty clever isnt it?

      • TJ Barke

        I’m shocked, shocked!

      • MynameisBlarney

        They’re made of fermented milk, salt and enzymes?
        NO DAMN WONDER!?!

      • BadKitty904

        My understanding is that its always been known that Diebold’s machines, at least, are laughably hackable. Nothing was done about it, however, because “Republican”.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/02fe4fb752cc4027f40933110af367b7e746b304b69f38a74c918c4ea99d4740.jpg

    • Three Finger Salute

      But the well-hung Chads! Won’t someone PLEASE think of the well-hung Chads?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        FTR, Florida, or at least my county, has bubble-in forms now.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “The answer is always D” -Republicans who flunked out of 8th grade

        • Eileen Besse

          Here in Lake County, also too.

      • MynameisBlarney
      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Easy. You mark between two little lines with a black pen. People will still screw that up but not many.

      • BadKitty904

        I have buds who think of little else.

        • Suttree

          I thought this was one of them incels biggest complaints.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    Is that why Etsy shut down “Fukui’s Cottage Of Dismembered Fetus Eggcup Warmers”?

    Thanks, Marsha.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      xD LOL

    • elviouslyqueer

      I would like a baker’s dozen of those, please and thank you.

      *throws my credit card at you*

  • Wonky Magoo

    Wasn’t she also a first responder at the Bowling Green massacre?

  • Atheist

    Marsha Marsha Marsha. Go fuck yourself and your characterizations of “hard working Americans” as only white people.

    There are seven and a half billion people on this Earth and religious wingnuts like you want MOAR people to be born into a world without compassion, food stamps, dignity, or equal opportunity.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3d68a07f0cfc9b84ea09c1ce8e3441edede9559c4e2cde5257a932c243d1dcf8.jpg

  • Atheist
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I like how they never consider talking to the woman, because in their view she is just a baby vehicle. They got this dead on.

  • New and Improved Say Wha
  • ariel_gee_398

    I could have saved you quite a few words on this article. “Marsha Blackburn Planned Parenthood Lies Twitter Poutrage” would have pretty much covered all the salient points.

    • GoutMachine

      Jesus Christ, they are children. (Apologies, children, for the libelz.)

    • Oblios_Cap

      Black added that such “conversations can take place behind closed doors” if they must take place.

      The people don’t need to know what their elected officials are doing, ever!

  • TJ Barke

    I am so sick of these mendacious fucking lunatics.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      With her in the news, it probably means Bill Mahr will have her on his show soon. “Give a hand to my good friend Marsha Blackburns everyone! Isn’t she brave?”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Mendacious Moldbugs?

      • TJ Barke

        Them too.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      And the craven media, including Twitter and Facebook, which come up with these bulllshit reasons. Why not “you can’t post that in a political ad because it’s a lie” in so many words.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Becuz muh frozen peechez

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Yes, how about this was proven in a court of law to be false.

  • Mavenmaven

    Are you insinuating that statements from Project ‘Veritas’ are not literally ‘true’?!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Say” rubber baby body parts” 10 times fast.

    • Atheist

      Not only can I say it ten times fast, it would make more sense than the video she wants to share with the world.

  • Where’s Byron “Low Tax” Looper when you need him?

    FOR THE CRAZY-AS-A-SHITHOUSE-RAT TENNESSEE POLITICIAN IMPAIRED:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byron_Looper

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Sort of OT, but pretty much evergreen in most threads …

    Julia Ioffe, early in the AM, July, 2016 …

    Good night. Tomorrow will be worse.— Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) July 8, 2016

    • marxalot

      I’ve loved Julia since I took a run at that Eastern European Political History degree,
      She’s not wrong.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Long ago, I was going to study Russia and USSR (yeah, that long), but began moving west into Central Europe … (the Poles I know are picky about being in “Central Europe”). Anyone familiar with Schindler’s Galicia?

        • marxalot

          Remember, to the Poles, Krakow is the furthest outpost of Western Civilization, and to the Russians, it’s the far frontier of Orthodoxy (whichever kind they’re currently pursuing).

    • GoutMachine

      Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

      • Oblios_Cap

        As you wish.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It was me who got rid of Ken Laine, you know as long as we’re taking credit here.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Layne, I believe. Is he now slain, and lain in the dust? O the pain.

  • marxalot

    If I walked into a rainbow party and saw Marsha Blackburn, I would turn right around and leave.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • jesterpunk

      He has more important things to worry about like people hurting his feelings and someone kneeling.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He is also concerned that everyone know he’s smarter than Rexxon.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        Say, remember what it was like when we had a President and not a “president” …

        • jesterpunk

          Sigh

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        I’m sure he’s rage-sharting himself that this stupid fire is distracting everyone from his taxpayer funded political stunt.

    • BadKitty904

      “Golf”.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ Baby parts, I’ve saved the cutest little baby parts ♪

  • Lance Thrustwell

    What’s a Rainbow Party?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT -I Ima go to Target, look at Bras again. In case Anypony was wondering what it means when I type “xD”:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4505a0707c61372c4e844549d00663d581967e6dff43f9ec39fbb74ef2c10191.jpg

    ^this is “xD”. Laters, Wonkegators.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I hope you buy enough bras for the whole class, missy.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD

    • PubOption

      Does it mean that you are wearing a glengarry cap?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That I love hats. :) I get compliments on it every time I wear it, it was a gift from my Best Friend. :)

    • redarmyzombie

      Happy hunting!

    • SweetDeeKat

      Ideally, matching bra and panty set. Makes you feel great.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I do love that! I found 1 bra in my size in the style I wanted, I’ll have to find Purple panties some other trip. :)

  • Daniel

    So- if the Boston Bombers used Obamaphones to help with the bombing, I assume the action Blackburn would call for in response would be to ban Obamaphones and end the programme.

    Now, recently there was a mass shooting in which the gunman used guns to gun people down.

    I’m just juxtaposing those two things for some reason.

    • GoutMachine

      I almost had an aneurysm this morning when NPR had a story called “Why Motive Matters” – all about why the focus on the motive of the Vegas shooter. Now, I understand that victims’ families might get some modicum of peace from knowing there was a reason. For the rest of us, it’s missing the goddamn point! The point is that, regardless of motives, they were all able to get multiple fucking guns! AAAAHHHHH RAGE

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        there was a cnn story yesterday or sunday talking about all the new info…had to know it would have been wordered differently had been a muslim terrorist or any other person of color.

        My favorite one (roughly from memory):
        “Authorities don’t know what shooter was going to do with 50 pounds of explosives found in his car.”
        Suuuuuureeee.

        They would have speculated WILDLY if had not been a white guy.
        *Evidence indicates he planned to blow up every monument and statue to america in the country.”

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          Clearly, he was an explosion enthusiast.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        Well, yeah…who are we going to deport if we don’t know which other he hailed from, hennggh?

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      But that was different, the gunman was a bad guy with a gun that forced those guns to fire. Stop blaming the guns, if they would have let guns into the concert a good guy with a gun could have shot the shooter by standing on the rotor of a flying helicopter that suddenly appeared in his fantasy world…

      I digress.

      • nightmoth

        I actually saw some idiot comments right after it happened to the effect of “Where were the closed-carry men at the concert? Why didn’t they take him out?” Yeah, I’d like a magic handgun, too.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Now now, don’t you start getting shirty just because some innocent guns were found at the scene of a horrific massacre.

      • Daniel

        I hope the guns have been given all the therapy they need. They’ve suffered enough already.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • elviouslyqueer

    Marsha: Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie complete utter bullshit lie lie lie lie lie bellyache lie lie lie lie halp oppression lie lie lie lie lie lie lie.

    Me: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/069dbde97272532b9bd721a6a6cd677a085e942f7781e88a0da9aeab7cd22be5.jpg

  • wide_stance_hubby

    After Palin, this one’s voice makes me murdery like no other. Never ever listen to it.

  • Juan de Fuca

    If Marsha was serious about stopping the sale of dead babies, she’d be better off closing down those Spirit Halloween stores. I walked into one this past weekend and there were far more realistic dead babies for sale than what you’d find at a PP clinic.

    *creepy*

  • jesuswasablack

    “I fought Planned Parenthood and we stopped the sale of baby body parts”
    Well next time I knock-up some broad and make her do bortion I’m going to ask if we can keep the baby parts, if we can’t sell might as well just hold onto them?
    http://dailysignal.com/wp-content/uploads/160419_abortion-parts_FEATURE_v4-1250×650.png

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      See, now that seems incredibly wasteful, just letting them sit in the dumpster like that.

  • Me not sure

    Damn you, Marsha Blackburn! I was gonna go down to the Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Depot and buy a cute little pair of pudgy feet to hang off of my car mirror. Now I’ll have to keep using that necklace of puppynoses. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ee912cf7f0416dc5714bb648551b4a6a98feb335739b1f2b7c9fd3b62d3426b.jpg

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This woman needs to be escorted by the men in the white coats away from Congress and all of decent society. Which of course leaves her district in Tennessee still in play.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Lucy Jordan libel!

      • PubOption

        She could clean the house for hours, or rearrange the flowers, or run naked through the shady streets screaming all the way.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You can’t pay Twitter to spread your lies? I think Mike Pence is going to find that disrespectful to our soldiers and our Flag.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Why does she hate the Free Market?

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Meh, most of the people dumb enough to believe her bullshit are hanging out on Facebook anyway.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Gosh, it’s 1 pm. I wonder how Tillerson’s lunch is going with Trump . . .
    [fade to White House dining room]
    Trump: Dig in, Rex. I got us Taco bowls flown in from my Trump Tower kitchen in Manhattan. They don’t get any better than this. Uh–I would give you some of this cheese to sprinkle on top, but I can’t do that.
    Tillerson: How’s that, Mr. President?
    Trump: I would give you some of this cheese, but I can’t.
    Tillerson: Why not, Mr. President?
    Trump: I can’t because . . . it’s NACHO cheese.
    Tillerson: I don’t think I understand, Mr. President.
    Trump: Holy Christ, Tillerson, it’s a fucking joke that Baron told me that you don’t understand, but yet YOU’RE THE ONE calling ME a fucking moron? It’s NOT YOUR CHEESE, or I fucking mean NACHO CHEESE, it’s a fucking pun you stupid dick!
    Tillerson: Mr. President, if I could just explain—
    Trump: Hold on, Rex—stay, Rex. Good Boy. Hey Hope!
    Hope Hix: Yes, Mr. President?
    Trump: Bring in those IQ tests I told you to print out! Fucking NOW.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Joe Beese

      Butchering babies isn’t what lovable moptops do!

      • laughingnome

        They were always edgier than the Stones.

    • Reminds me of one of my favorite movies, “Fetaljuice.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      some journalist needs to ask trump if he know what IQ stands for.

      his answer will be, “smart-making!”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Ok, Doltneck–your move…

    • GoutMachine

      OH please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please

    • Wait….MENSA thinks W could probably qualify as a member? I demand a recount on those tests

      • Three Finger Salute

        It’s a typo. W qualifies for DENSA.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Nice to see that they’re good for something!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        they’re good for taking money from stupid people who think they’re smart

        • MynameisBlarney

          Shhhhh!

          Don’t give it away before Lard Dampnut takes them up on it!

        • Arolpin

          Do they actually charge membership fees? I considered joining when I moved and didn’t know a lot of people, but I was worried it would be a bunch of self-important assholes. And I also subscribe to Groucho Marx’s thoughts about not joining any club that would have me.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Not sure, but I’ve heard it’s a money making racket so they’ve figured out some way to monetize it.

          • Noxious Resistance

            For many members its just one more thing to put on their resumé/CV. But for some, yes, an excuse to be a pretentious asshole.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      No way he’s going to fit all the answers on those hands.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    While I won’t say that M. Blackgaurd is actually evil, I will say that she’s definitely on the slippery slope.

  • toughsister

    Let’s not put Marsha Blackburn and Sarah Palin side by side. Compared to Blackburn, Sarah Palin is a emblem of statesmanship. On the insanity scale, Blackburn is in the same league as Christine O’Donnell and Pat Robertson.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    OT: Oh look Chris Cillizza is bitching about two retired politicians not speaking out about Harvey Weinstein! Whodafuck cares?

    Cnn.com

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Fuck that hack- hey Chris, where’s the photo of Weinstein with Trump? Oh yeah, that ruins your shitty narrative. Why the hell should either Clinton or Obama be talking about this, anyways? Considering hacks like you have been browbeating Hillary every time she says anything, maybe she didn’t want to hear your shit again. And Obama hasn’t been commenting on much of anything because he’s doing the traditional decent thing as an ex POTUS and staying out of the way. Jesus Cillizza, you really do suck….

      • Ricky Gay

        ‘locker room talk’ -rinse, repeat
        :(

    • Catstro

      Clitzilla: Hillary should leave the public eye and STFU forever
      Also Clitzilla: Why isn’t Hillary publicly condemning this?!?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        no matter what she does or doesn’t do- they will blame her and give her shit for it

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      ER’RYBUDDY ER’RYWHERE MUST HAVE PUBLIC OPINION ON LIBERAL PERVERT!! BUT PLS TO IGNORE PERVERT IN OFFICE–NOT-NICE THINGS SAID ABOUT ORANGE PUSSYGRABBER MUST BE SAID IN PRIVATE ONLY!!!!11!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Now, now, calm down. We have to wait for the all-important press conference to hear what Ken Bone thinks.

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • cmd resistor

      I swear I only had the TV on for 5 minutes this morning and most of that time was pundits wondering WHY Hillary hasn’t spoken OUT. Only 15 seconds was FOX as we passed by. So the guy appears to be an asshole. HOnestly I don’t think I had really heard of him before this, so have avoided reading any more than headlines because I don’t need to know everything about every shitty asshole. I also don’t need to hear every famous person ever talk about what a shitty asshole he is. Or every lame media person ASK when THis or THAT famous person is going to SPEAK OUT. I hope he goes to the oblivion for shitty asshole sexual harrassers with Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes and so many others, not to be heard from much if ever again. And yes, F you Cilizza. (BTW the story was updated to include a written statement by Hillary that just happened, but included a snide aside that she didn’t mention anything about giving back any of his donations.”)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Where are the Demon Sheep of yesteryear?

    • MynameisBlarney

      New Zealand?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Sweater hell?

  • FlownΩver
  • Lance Thrustwell

    This woman has caused a severe shortage of ingredients for my prizewinning abortion salad recipe.

    • Ricky Gay

      #Take a knee
      (fetus knee, obvs!)

  • DainBramage

    You know that saying, “The stupid. It burns.”? If so, Marsha is a contributing factor to global warming.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Well! She seems nice like a soulless, evil, crazy bitch.

    After reading that, I think we could all use some cuteness. You’re welcome.

    https://twitter.com/kenvogel/status/917777570652934144

    • Lance Thrustwell

      His own Sopwith Camel.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    This is excellent news for my humanely-sourced mega-progressive liberal-lovin’-poetry-writing-wifi-abusin’ cafe/bookstore. All of my lattes are made with 100% real vegan baby buttholes.

    Oh, and John McCain. This is excellent news for John McCain also too.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Today in “New Old Words That Perfectly Describe This Administration.”

    Kakistocracy.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/10/american-kakistocracy/542391/

    Related Horror.

    “John Bolton reported being seen entering WH on CNN just now.”

    https://twitter.com/stevebruskCNN/status/917794745186963456

    • GoutMachine

      Oh, jeebus. I didn’t think it could get worse than Drumpf, but mix the Dumbfuck Twitler regime to the much-more-competent evil of Dubya and we’re all fucked.

      • Three Finger Salute

        All you need is some Ollie North to create a perfect recipe for disaster.

        • redarmyzombie

          A perfect trifecta of treason!

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh god Donald, save yourself at least a *little* dignity…

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Too late.

      • MynameisBlarney

        You’re assuming he ever had any in the 1st place.

      • “Dignity? I don’t know the meaning of the word!”- Twitler

    • laughingnome

      He was wearing a sign that said Mustache Rides 50 Cents

      • elviouslyqueer

        Tiffany’s finally going to get a little action.

        What?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Man, those weevils are going to owe him a fortune.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Moar like Caca-stockracy. An administration stocked with caca.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Ladies and Gentlemen! Give it up for your new Secretary of State!

    • Bebecca

      an interview for Tillerson’s job?

      • cmd resistor

        I was wondering if that’s why Henry Kissinger was there this morning.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      The Fuckhead Secretary of State is dead!

      Long live the Fuckhead Secretary of State!

    • Jamalama

      Looks like Trump’s connection to the Elder Gods is back. Handlebar mustaches and eldritch horrors! Secret UN installations with macabre portals to other maddening dimensions!! Bombing Iran with shoggoth!!!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Also, according to the fake news Doktor Zoom made up in the Wonket Seekrit Chat Cave (which is EVERY BIT AS VALID as Blackburn’s video about stopping the sale of baby parts), the congressMAN (don’t call her a congressWOMAN, because she doesn’t like it) also prevented Obama from declaring martial law during Operation Jade Helm 15, and stopped gang initiations that killed people for flashing their high beams. And you should see the great job she did at preventing Rainbow Parties.

    https://youtu.be/7qKcJF4fOPs

    • MynameisBlarney

      HA!

  • Joe Beese
    • Its nice to see so many old Onion staff getting mainstream work

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yup. It’s all over the fake media.

      Our country is being led by a fucking 2nd grader.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Only if Trump and Tillerson take the IQ tests live on TV.

      Trump would not be able to do it.

      • Arolpin

        Put it on fucking PPV. I would pay $25 for to watch that live. And I would pay another $25 just for a snapshot on Shitgibbon’s face when they reveal the results.

        I think we need to work on the rules before hand. Something like 5 standard IQ tests, each competitor can eliminate 1 of the tests, chips representing the remaining 3 test put into a hat, challenger draws a chip to pick the test.
        Each contested is in a room with the front wall made of a one-way mirror/frosted glass. Once the test begins competitors cannot leave the room for any reason. Once tests are completed, they will be scored and both contestants will be together for the reveal.
        The loser has to have ‘I’m stupider than ” tattooed on their forehead in letters at least 1″ tall, and is not allowed to ever have hair cover the tattoo.
        (I wanted to say the loser has to drink liquid bleach, but even ‘with votes’ it probably pushing it.)

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          That’s all good, provided that both contestants could actually complete the testing. I don’t think Donnie has the ability to focus for longer than a few minutes. He’ll just quit, claiming the tests are “rigged”, and blaming Hillary, Obama, fake-news, etc. & etc. and walk off in a huff. Followed by one of his usual clustertwitterfucks.

          • Arolpin

            That’s why you do it live on PPV. He agrees to the rules, then ragequits like a toddler. At which point EVERY SINGLE TWEET he sends is answered with 10,000 people tweeting video of him ragequitting. I want his blood pressure at 250/150 for the rest of his (hopefully short) life.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I think I know who could moderate it, but since Dotard would get everything wrong and the moderator is known for being kind of a condescending jerk at times, I really don’t want Dotard to press his podium button and nuke Canada…

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d4ba91aefede62b571443ab31d6753d9b4f0caf73369d0da22573adead9afa7a.jpg

    • wide_stance_hubby

      “Please, proceed…”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Worst political duel ever. Good viewing? Burr vs Hamilton and Trudeau vs Brazeau… Tillerson vs Dotard in the “Brain Games” is going to be like a WWE match of Big Show vs Hornswaggle.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        As much as I dislike Rexxon, he’s not stupid.

        It’d be like “Watch Floyd Mayweather Punch a Kitten For Thirty Minutes”

        • Arolpin

          Except that Floyd would spent the entire time dancing around and hit the kitten just enough to win on points. I think it would be like 1988 Mike Tyson punching a kitten.

    • There’s Liddle’ doubt who would lose.

    • themidniteskulker

      MENSA has offered to set and officiate this competition. Bring it on!!!

      • SDGeoff3

        Really? How cool would that be?

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        Trump would show his ignorance and claim Mensa had blood coming from their whatevers.

    • Bebecca

      You know that if that test did happen, he would force the tester to provide him with the questions and answers in advance. Although I doubt he could remember many of them so his score would only be marginally higher than if he took the test cold turkey.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        My money’s on the cold turkey.

    • BadKitty904

      Sounds like someone needs a time-out.

    • TJ Barke

      Better be a fucking current test…

    • Three Finger Salute

      I can’t believe this is happening. He literally wants to have the quiz show from Billy Madison. Well, at least someone can be the moderator and tell him this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

      Then when Eric the would-be hotel heir tries to go all Second Amendment Solution on the crowd, Steve Buscemi can come in and save the day.

      I still can’t fucking believe we’re living in an Adam Sandler movie.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      If he goes thru with it, we might not even need those tax returns any more.

    • Noxious Resistance

      Something only a fucking moron would say.

  • JohnBull

    There probably would be a conservative version of Twitter if not for the fact they have to turn off talk radio in the afternoon and actually be creative.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      There is! Gab. Its logo is a frog for some reason (wink wink)

      On August 17, 2017, Google removed Gab’s app from the Google Play Store for violating its policy against hate speech.[12]
      Google stated that the app did not “demonstrate a sufficient level of
      moderation, including for content that encourages violence and advocates
      hate against groups of people.”[18]

      They seem nice.

      • SeeTrain65

        Still, calling them “Nazi Twitter” is almost ironic.

  • ♪”Oh, you must have been a beautiful babypart…”♪

  • Marceline

    I am so fucking sick of these right wingers playing the victim every time they bump up against reality.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Reality just won’t give them a break.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Reality is a libtard.

    • ariel_gee_398

      The entire Republican agenda is just “helping you avoid consequences for your most assholish behavior”.

    • JohnBull

      Wait until the War on Christmas season begins in a few short weeks!

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Reality has a well-known liberal bias.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Thanks to her, now only criminals have babby pearts!

  • Joe Beese
    • laughingnome

      I know he is but what is he?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Jesus, somebody get him some Ritalin, stat.

      • laughingnome

        Nap room!

    • ariel_gee_398

      Is this the real life?

    • jesterpunk

      Good thing we elected someone with a 2nd grade mentality as POTUS and gave them control of the nuclear weapons.

      • cmd resistor

        Give the real second grader time and he will mature out of it.

      • Donna Mueller

        thank-you DUMBFUKISTAN!!!!!!!!!!!

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I’ll admit for a while there was some entertainment in watching this guy step on his dick day after day but now it’s just like holy shit, there are real things happening and real problems that need solving and I can always tell when I’m pissed off ’cause I write in run-ons.

      • SDGeoff3

        You know how I love it when you write in run-ons….

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • LeftyProud

        That is some amazing gif game right there.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Why is Kellyanne fighting with the daughter from Bob’s Burgers?

        • La Cieca

          If you know Louise at all, you know that she has no tolerance whatsoever for bullshit.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Trudeau’s supposed to meet with Dotard this week because NAFTA went off the rails. I think he’s going to turn around and run home now that Dotard is back in full Freudian mode:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPkWZdluoUg

      “NO! NO! PLEASE! DON’T NUKE MY COUNTRY! I SWEAR IT’S NOT BIGGER! IT’S MEASURED IN THE METRIC SYSTEM!”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
  • jesterpunk

    But muh frozen peaches means you have to let me scream where everyone can hear me with no criticism.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Treason has the same letters as Senator, so being a Republican qualifies her for the job.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    Say what you will, she fought bravely at the Bowling Green Massacre, single-handedly leading all the fetuses to safety.

    • Don’t ever call her defetused!

    • laughingnome

      King Might Have Been knighted her on April Fool’s Day

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Blam blam thank you ma’am.

    • Nockular cavity

      But not those Newtown kids. Fuck them, because a) fake, and b) already born.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Why won’t Twitter post my ad showing Rep. Blackburn bathing in the blood of babies?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Maybe you could get Donnie to post it for you.

  • Courser_Resistance
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Marsha needs a kick in the ol’ baby launcher.

  • Bebecca

    You all remember Marsha Blackburn. She bought all her kids a box of old timey light bulbs because we were requiring that only energy efficient bulbs could be sold. That was my introduction to her.

    • laughingnome

      She likes the dim bulbs and they like her.

      • Three Finger Salute

        She likes dim bulbs, but she can lie.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        I prefer tulip bulbs 😉

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I thought that was ol’ One-L?

  • Jenny

    So the other day I was rummaging through direct tv and found One America News. I wasn’t really paying attention to it as I cleaned until a fucking commercial for Project Veritas.

    Holy shit this place is even more bonkers than Fox News.

    So I took some sage to the tv, and we all got better.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Don’t pour holy water on it.

      • Jenny

        The next channel was free speech tv. Umm. I don’t really care for watching Tom Hartmann read a book for several hours.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Now can you sage the whole country?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Oh girl, writing self insert fanfic is fine but when you start believing your bollocks is real, it’s time to stop.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Democrats urr worse! I can haz Senator?

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    We can’t flagrantly and maliciously lie on the Internet anymore? How will our society even function?

    • No no the lying is ok. But no ads thank you if the lies are inflamatory. Word them nice ok?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Well, theirs would not.

    • We can’t? I guess soneone forgot to pass on the memo to the rest of the internet.

  • yyyaz

    “Bullshit, asshole”: the all-occasions greeting card for the Repugnant of your choice.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    If only one of those babby parts had been a brain – because this goddamned idiot could certainly use one.

  • Blackburn rejects evolution.
    And also the theory of evolution.

  • BadKitty904

    My, she’s white.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I believe the phrase is “Whiter than white.”

      • BadKitty904

        “WASP White”

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Yes, indeed.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Fish belly.

      • LucindathePook

        Tree toad white, fish belly white.
        – Pap Finn

  • Wow. This changes everything. Who wouldn’t vote for a woman whose husband is the founder of the International Bow Tie Society (IBTS)?

  • kaydenpat

    If PP was selling “baby parts”, shouldn’t some be in jail for that? Isn’t that illegal and deserving of criminal sanction?

    Why do Conservatives lie about things that can be easily fact checked?

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Because they know their dim-witted supporters are suspicious of anything labelled ‘facts’ – and too dumb to know how to check them anyway.

    • Donna Mueller

      blackburn-bachmann-both mt vessels filled with bullshit. who listens to these idiots?? who VOTES for these idiots?????????

      • Meccalopolis

        Salt of the earth, you know: morons

        • Donna Mueller

          thanks for the laugh-one of the BEST movies ever!!!!!!!!!!

    • Bren

      Because fucking idiots who vote for them don’t know how to fucking read, and the only checks they care about are the welfare checks they get to supplement their meth business.

  • delia jones

    oh yeah she’s the one who stopped people with hook hands from investigating parked cars full of teens making out, right? was that before or after the babysitter called from inside the house?

    • Nockular cavity

      She stopped the sale of possessed little-boy dolls with knives.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Have YOU been attacked by a tiger, recently? YOU’RE WELCOME.

      –Marsha B.

  • La Cieca

    I must say that I adore the fact the Botox took more over the one eye than the other, which makes her look as unbalanced as she sounds.

    • Sophie McMillan

      Ohh – maybe she was going for the Kelly-Anne look

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        The I’m so abhorent, even my face is trying to slink away from my lying mouth look?

  • The Wanderer

    She doesn’t want to be called a Congresswoman.
    How about Congress-Slitch?
    Or Congresstwunt?

    • Pilotshark

      EX-Representative would be nice title.

    • SeeTrain65

      Disgraced former Congresswoman sounds perfect to me.

      So does Disgraced failed Senate candidate.

  • AlanInSF

    I totally sympathize with her. Twitter wouldn’t take my ad about how I stopped Marsha Blackburn from selling baby parts either.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Marsha is tuly a selfless public servant.

    • just_jim

      You misspelled ‘soulless’

      You’re welcome.

  • Bren

    She doesn’t just reject evolution, she could also be a reason for Darwin having second thoughts on it.

    • But if you were religious, you’d have to doubt a just and benevolent creator…

  • whitroth

    I *dearly* wish someone with “standing”, like Planned Parenthood, would sue her for everything she owns plus $20M for slander and libel.

  • susan_g

    Marsha Marsha Marsha!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Please nobody tell her that MD Anderson is selling bone marrow to cancer patients.

  • HazooToo

    I’m so fucking sick and tired of being called a monster. If they didn’t assign Democrats the worst possible motives in the world for every action they take, and insist that we we’re doing things that no one in their fucking right mind would even IMAGINE, then there might be more moderate Republicans and we might actually win more often, and that just can’t happen. Nope! Got to froth the base up enough so that they hate us with every fiber of their being. Because that’s politics.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Frothing the GOP base brings to mind santorum.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    What kind of woman seeks to strip other women of bodily autonomy? If you don’t believe in abortion, no one is forcing you to have one. You don’t get to control other women’s choices, while trumpeting your mendacious hypocrisy, you vile hag.

  • JackLinks

    The photo of Blackburn at the beginning of this blog is about 15-20 years old, here’s what she looks like today! It’s all that cheap gin she guzzles daily that’s shriveled her face up, real cheap gin!

    https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.schwartzreport.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2015%2F09%2Ffox_an_blackburn_shoes_131031e-800×430.jpg&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsammlungfotos.online%2Fbrandsmdwn-marsha-blackburn.htm&docid=1lhQD-h5wgOtLM&tbnid=LjZeckuWHK4mfM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwjzl9K0k-bWAhVH2yYKHXUHBGQQMwgnKAAwAA..i&w=800&h=430&itg=1&bih=412&biw=962&q=jennifer%20vickery%20smith&ved=0ahUKEwjzl9K0k-bWAhVH2yYKHXUHBGQQMwgnKAAwAA&iact=mrc&uact=8

    • SKruetheratbassedarDs

      You don’t mean . . . she nooners with Nooners?????

  • But how can she do that if she’s not allowed to give Twitter money to promote her new sexxxy campaign video, which is about how she stormed all the Planned Parenthoods BY HERSELF and forced them to stop selling millions of baby parts on the free market, in kiosks they set up in the Big Lots parking lot?

    The same winning strategy that rocketed Carly “Carly-fornia” Fiorina to unparalleled succes!

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Sorry, Marcie, If you go to the counter at Pep Boys or Kragen and ask the right questions, they got any parts ya need!!!!

  • J.Bo

    Is it just me or does Marsha’s hair get blonder as her soul gets blacker?

  • Zyxomma

    I don’t usually comment on anyone’s looks, but her eyes are totally different sizes, and very red. I guess Twitter made her cry.

  • SeeTrain65

    As if we needed a backgrounder on this harridan (because Evan takes very good care of us in that respect), but here’s one anyway…

    https://republicinsanity.tumblr.com/post/99423573738/marsha-blackburn

  • Toledo Window Box

    Marsha has been a despicable lying worm for decades. One of the worst in Congress, a disgrace to this nation.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      She’s been sucking ALEC’s dick for years.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    She’s a shoe-in for the Ministry of Truth. You go, girl.

  • Mike Steele

    Right, Marsha…just prattle on about folks who ‘impose their values’ on America…bitch.

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