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Hey, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Massive wildfires have engulfed portions of California, destroying Santa Rosa in the north and parts of Anaheim Hills in the south, killing at least 10 and destroying over 1,500 buildings, with more than 100 people reported missing. Santa Rosa wonkers, can you check in in the comments pls?

Earlier this morning, Trump tweeted some stupid crap about using a pen to sink fragile Obamacare provisions in states that are barely hanging on to what insurance markets they have left.

People inside the Republican party are deathly terrified that Trump’s tirade against Bob Corker will kill the Trump Tax Cuts, so now they’re leaning on Rand Paul like he’s some sort of Libertarian Jesus for the super rich, and sending out Princess Ivanka to woo wingnut Republicans and conservative lobbying groups.

Yesterday we told you how Scott Pruitt’s EPA is going to give you a big bowl of coal flakes, by stopping a bunch of wind tax credits that kill birds, and today we now know that they’re going balls out by claiming oil and coal emissions aren’t that bad for you.

Trump is losing his shit and could explode at any moment now that John Kelly has kicked all the people “soothing his foul moods” to the curb. Poor baby. Meanwhile, officials inside Trump’s White House are quietly setting up “distractions” and “guardrails” to keep Trump from imploding and/or exploding. Oh, also?? A new story in Forbes shows just how butthurt Trump is over that story about REXXON calling him a “FUCKING MORON” where Trump actually says, “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.

Some GOP members are quietly grumbling in smoky cloak rooms and dimly lit bars that Trump is permanently fucking their party’s potential to woo Latino voters in swing states like Florida.

Lindsey Graham went golfing with Trump and now they’re bestest friends, getting tattoos of one another, and even shopping for apartments together. The most charitable interpretation is that it was Lindsey’s shift at the day care because John Kelly needed a BREAK GODDAMMIT JUST FOR FIVE MINUTES A BREAK.

Some dumb bastard at The Daily Caller is trying to blame Obama officials for travel on fancy planes, like Trump’s, except nobody bothered to use a fucking calculator and a calendar.

People on Trump’s team are using the Mike Pence sportsball stunt as a fundraising ploy. God DAMN, you fuckers are bad at this.

Corporate-owned stooge, Tennessee Republican Rep. Marsha Blackburn has been told by Twitter to remove a video announcing her run for Senate because it references that bullshit James O’Keefe crap about Planned Parenthood selling baby body parts. At this time, the Tweet’s still up, but we’ve archived the video.

The DCCC is going balls out with its organizing efforts in suburban swing districts in order to tip the House in their favor.

Senate Democrats are keeping their eye on the prize for 2018, hopeful that they can take the Senate, even if the road is long and hard.

The infamous “Tent City” gulag run by former Sheriff Joe Arpaio quietly closed this weekend, and you can thank the new Sheriff in town, Paul Penzone. It’ll be torn down and sold for scrap, saving millions in taxpayer resources.

Trump’s White House wants to investigate a professor at the University of Nevada Las Vegas for telling her class that “some of us won’t be affected by this presidency, but others are going to die,” because Trump’s “rhetorical powers…encourage violence.” I wonder what they’ll find?

The chief medical officer of Michigan, Dr. Eden Wells, will be charged with involuntary manslaughter for her complacency during the Flint water crisis that was linked to an outbreak of Legionnaires’ Disease that poisoned thousands and killed 12.

A magistrate in Charlottesville, Virginia, has issued a warrant for Deandre Harris, the black man who was brutally beaten by white supremacists and Nazis.

Neo-Nazi dicknoseRichard Spencer will talk to The University of Florida, and the university is not happy about having to spend $500,000 to secure the campus from the crazy asshole(s) it never invited.

How do people in Chicago get all of their guns? It’s easy, we just go to Indiana, or Wisconsin, or one of the other states that protect gun fetishists.

Some Jesus freaks went to DC to bitch about how “feminists lied” to them about being women, and how only G-O-D gives them purpose as mothers and wives. Bless your hearts, dears.

Turkish Prime Minister Binali Yildirim says that his country doesn’t need the cooperation of US officials to prosecute its citizens working in US diplomatic outposts because that’s how dictatorships work.

After declaring its independence later today, Spain will try to arrest Catalan President Carles Puigdemont.

Diplomats from Not America aren’t really sure how to handle Trump, and they’re still adjusting about how to handle him. Great.

The hacker conference, DEFCON, will release its findings from the teardown and break-in of different voting machines this past summer, and we can’t wait.

Russian social media fuckery during the 2016 election was specifically engineered to sow racial and cultural dissent among particular communities, but we’re sure Facebook will just deny that. Again.

Former President Bannon went on Hannity to throw a tantrum and have a pity party about his war against the GOP and then talked some shit about Sen. Bob Corker. You didn’t miss much beyond Hannity’s jelly neck jiggles.

ESPN has suspended Jemele Hill from teevee for calling for a boycott of the Dallas Cowboys pointing out that boycotts exist, should someone choose not to buy Dallas Cowboy swag. Crom forbid someone should call out the most valuable sports franchise in the world for its two-faced racist bullshit.

Marvel and Northrop Grumman were going to launch a comic book that was going to encourage little nerds to get into STEM fields until the older, unwashed basement dwellers started screeching about the military industrial complex at New York Comic Con. This is why we can’t have nice things.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart try to give Trump “equal time”; James Corden sounded off about Bob Corker popping off; Jimmy Kimmel explained why he grabbed Trump Jr. by the pussy (on Twitter); Seth Meyers ladysplained why Harvey Weinstein’s “apology” is worthless bullshit; The Daily Show wants to change the symbolism behind guns and race with Neil Brennan.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! It’s a…pokeyboi nomming a corncob? OK!

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  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Road kill libel!

    • A Groucho Marxist

      That is a mashup I could have done without, and that tweeter’s preemptive apology is not helping.

  • Nounverb911
  • Parakeetist

    O hai, is it time to take a nap yet? Because I need one.

    • hudson

      it’s always time to take a nap.

      • Parakeetist

        Kthx.

  • Nounverb911
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I kinda like how the public dynamic between the two of them has changed, now that Stephen isn’t playing Stephen.

  • Nounverb911
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    To be fair, Northrup Gruman is a shady fuck of a defense contractor.

    • Agreed, but we also need more people in STEM. Badly, I might add.

      • TJ Barke

        But do we want the ones motivating them to do so to be weapons developers/manufacturers?

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Growth market?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Tony Stark is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            “Hey Iron Man! Howe do you pee in that armor?”

            “Like *this*, good citizen. Mmmm, that’s warm.”

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            “Robotic Codpiece” is the name of my new medieval cosplay/Kraftwerk tribute band.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOL!

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Based on Elon Musk, I hear.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          That was the choice we engineering nerds were often faced with back in the 60s and 70s. There was a ton of scholarship money around, but it almost always came from defense contractors.

        • It really is a appalling conundrum; we shouldn’t ever be forced to have to ask that question in a civil society, but here we are.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I am Iron Man!
    -Northrop Grumman.

    • I was always a Batman and Green Lantern guy. Marvel was just a bunch of babies and teens having an existential crisis while DC had a crisis in Infinite Earth’s.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Oh no you D’int!

        xD I’ll take the X-Men over DCs whitehead stiffs any day of the week, Baby.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Avengers fan here.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Me too, my Good Unicorn.

            “Once an Avenger, always an Avenger.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        Aw, HELL NAW!

        Actually…I never got into comics as a kid.
        It wasn’t until I was an adult that I really started devouring them.
        Starting with Heavy Metal, then Lobo, then Spawn and most of what Image produced.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          I subscribed to Heavy Metal for years. Valentina the Pirate was my favorite, and Tex Arkana and the woman in white, and Den of course.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Honestly though, I always enjoyed Green Lantern. Hal Jordan was a test pilot with a Hot Girlfriend that owned the company building the jets.

        “The Ring must be used fearlessly. And you, Hal Jordan, are a man entirely without fear. Bear it well, Green Lantern.”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I started out with DC, then saw these new comics on the rack from somebody called Marvel. Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Thor, X-Men. Started buying those religiously with issue #1 of each.

        Mom threw them away while I was away at college.

        • Same here. I lift a sad toast to the first Iron Man, the first Hulk, the first Silver Surfer, Thor, Ant Man, and a hundred or so others from those first couple of years, gone.

          I could have bought a Tesla with those comics! A Model 3 anyway, but still.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Spiny Norman reminds me I need a manicure!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I hate my country right now, no snark.

    • grindstone

      I do too, and I have to continually remind myself that citizenship means you commit to making it better. Some days, the hill seems too damn high.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        It is high indeed. *sigh*

    • From Russia with Love

      I hate their country right now, no snark.

  • ManchuCandidate

    So in the Game of Dolts… John Kelly is Tywin Lannister telling Donald Joffrey Trump to go to fucking bed like the sniveling shit he is.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Suggesting links between Joffrey and Donald could lead to a ban-hammer, so I’ll refrain.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Lindsey Graham went golfing with Trump and now they’re bestest friends, getting tattoos of one another, and even shopping for apartments together.

    Did he take him furniture shopping? Did he move on him like a bitch?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Should Melania be worried if Dolt comes home reeking of mothballs and Pep-O-Mints?

    • Randy Riddle

      I’ve always imagined that Lindsey and Trump in the same room would be like Joan and Bette together on a movie set.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Did Trump bring Tic-Tacs?

  • folderol

    (to the tune Without You)

    No, I can’t believe you’re leaving
    Just because some players are kneeling
    But I guess your boss had told you you must go
    You always smile, but in your eyes
    The vacuum shows
    Yes, it shows

    No, you missed dear Payton Manning
    Get a statue most enchanting
    We had you there, but then we saw you go
    You caught a pricey flight back home to make a show,
    But we all know:

    You can’t stand
    Working for the orange man
    You can’t stand
    You can’t stand it no more

    You can’t stand
    Being second-in-command
    You can’t stand
    To take his shit anymore!

  • Nounverb911

    Seattle area anti-Devos protest Friday.!

    https://twitter.com/Kelli_Rose/status/917551074025730048

    • little miss high and mighty

      Call up Mothersbaugh- get DEVO as an opening act.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Until LeBron came along, he was Akron, Ohio’s favorite son.

        • little miss high and mighty

          AHHH….The Brownies!

          Browns libelz

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Just take a knee. That seems to get rid of bad garbage.

  • Andy R

    “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”

    I’m starting a petition for the president to release his long form IQ test.

    • cmd resistor

      I’m willing to let my cats enter this competition.

      • ariel_gee_398

        You’ll have to grade on a curve to make it competitive. For Donnie.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’m willing to let the carrots in my crisper drawer enter this competition.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Long form? You mean the two-digit one?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “I can tell you who is going to win.”

      Yeah. So can I.

    • grindstone

      What would work for me is if they were tested now, today, but what this dolt means is that somewhere he has a certificate saying he has the “highestest IQ ever recordeded in all time, woot!” Jesus, this guy.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’d rather see a Myers-Briggs test, or something measuring mental acuity.

  • rosenbomb

    Some GOP members are quietly grumbling in smoky cloak rooms and dimly lit bars that Trump is permanently fucking their party’s potential to woo Latino voters in swing states like Florida.

    And they weren’t worried about this TWO fucking years ago? It’s not like Trump has been subtle of his hatred for Latinos…

    • BigCSouthside

      ummmm hes permanently fucking their ability to get a lot of voters, even the sacred “base”. Bannon may go ahead and try to fracture the party

      • rosenbomb

        Good. Unfortunately the GOP’s long game has always involved voter suppression, so they’ll use that to mitigate any losses

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          Alienating three of the four largest voting blocs (women, AA and Hispanic) doesn’t seem like a great strategy. But what do I know.

          • Courser_Resistance

            It won’t matter when they strip our voting rights so that only Rich White Males are allowed to vote.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We need to campaign among Hispanic, black, Asian, and gay Americans and demonstrate we care about them, too. We must recruit more candidates who come from minority communities. But it is not just tone that counts. Policy always matters.

      RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, March 18, 2013

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I’ve been putting a Teapoon of Peanut Butter in with the 2-minute Oats as the water comes to boil. It’s yummy, and I grabbed Chunky Peanut Butter this time, it’s a nice texture in the Oatmeal. :)

    • cmd resistor

      I like to put walnuts in the oatmeal for that reason (texture).

      • Anna Elizabeth

        OOh, I’ll put them on the list, thank you. :)

    • grindstone

      Hmmmm, yummy. Husband makes oatmeal all the damn time, I’ll suggest this to him.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        :) It’s a Teasppon to a cup of oats.

    • Marion in Savannah

      MMMM… That sounds delicious. The next time I have oatmeal I’ma try that.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        :)

        I use a little Light Maple Syrup as well, and a splash of 2% milk.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I usually treat mine more like a vegetable/grain, with salt and butter. (Learned that on a canoe trip on Georgian Bay in Canada.)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            OOh, I’ll try that next time. :) Thank you for the idea, variety is important.

  • cmd resistor

    Wait, these are the news stories today? I turned on the TV for 5 minutes this morning and assumed the most important story was that Hillary Clinton has NOT YET condemned Harvey Weinstein in public. Several people were saying it.

    • That’s because she’s privately planning on Vince Fostering him, but don’t tell anyone. It’s still a secret.

    • folderol

      Who is she, again? Is she related to Hilary Duff?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Trump could nuke North Korea and Iran and the news media would run with HRC if they she so much as remotely was related to some news story.

    • chortlingdingo

      I thought they wanted Hillary to shut up and go away?

  • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃

    “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”

    I can tell you who’d win too fuckface.

    109/86 Tillerson. How fucking low have we sunk? We once had a Rhodes Scholar President FFS.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Editor of the Harvard Law Review also, too.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I think you were being extra generous to both contestants. I’d put it at 99/45 REXXON.

      • I’ll bet that the president’s IQ (to the extent it means anything) would be close to average, but I could see him losing interest and not finishing, for a score of 45. You know, how he does everything.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Some GOP members are quietly grumbling in smoky cloak rooms and dimly lit bars that Trump is permanently fucking their party’s potential to woo Latino voters in swing states like Florida.

    No, you lost that battle before it grew into Trump.

    (From 2012 to 2015 I used to do a regular blog feature: “Republicans Reaching Out To Minorities” highlighting all the stupid things GOP members said about minorities. By mid 2015 it was obvious that they were all racist twats and I just ended my reports.)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yeah, they were such beacons of racial progress and harmony before Trump fucked it all up.

      • From Russia with Love

        Big tent, homey!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Big tent for all those goober beer-bellies.

  • Forget IQ tests, I’d be surprised if the moron could pass my son’s 2nd grade grammar, math, and reading comprehension tests.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Anna Elizabeth

      It’s because he is a Blustering, craven Bully, as anyone with 2 brain cells fucking knew since the pustulent Anus appeared on the stage back in the Eighties, you shit-stooped R voters. GFY, Rs.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Unfortunately, the Republicans in the Senate are so deeply indebted to the same people who Dampnut is indebted to that even if they openly hate the guy, they’ll still be voting for what the NRA, and big banks, and EXXON/Mobil, and all the other big $$$ donor want them to vote for. It just doesn’t matter.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Which is exactly why we’ve got to keep this thing going through the midterms
      Make those Repubs run on Trump/McC/ Ryan/Graham record.
      Not the conciliatory(er) Pence and Mother.
      We need the ugly- and for a little while still.
      We hope Müller stretches this thing out a bit for us.

  • Nounverb911
    • Celtic_Gnome

      Well, that certainly doesn’t apply to Trump.

    • Querolous

      Doesn’t he play shortstop for the Yankees?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A little tidbit from the Forbes article: The White House redecoration leans heavily to gold. I’m fucking shocked.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe we can invite some British soldiers for a little ceremonial “reenactment” of the War of 1812 when this is all said and done.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        No doubt the Trumps have already pocketed the good silverware.

      • Belasaurius

        I’ll help

    • ManchuCandidate

      He love gooooooooold!

      • LucindathePook

        His heart is cold.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Oblios_Cap

    Kellyanne Conway, the president’s counselor, went on television to say the comments only furthered an unfair narrative that Trump wasn’t a fairly elected president and skilled in the office, and that Trump is spoken about “in ways no president should be spoken about.”

    Unlike, say, Barak Obama?

  • Bill D. Burger

    An insane man is in the Oval Office and we are all in danger until he is removed.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLx2oD3XUAAqF7w.jpg

  • From Russia with Love

    “and sending out Princess Ivanka to woo wingnut Republicans and conservative lobbying groups.”

    Woo? Is that what they are calling it these days?

    • Christopher Story

      When it’s a dignified lady like Ivanka, it’s “wooing,” when it’s a dirty liberal elite like Rosario Dawson or Scarlet Johansson, then it’s prostitution. See the difference? Neither do I.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      In my neck of the woods we call that a lap dance with all the fixin’s.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    So, EPA now means ‘Environmental Prevarication Agency.’ Hmm.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      “Environmental Polluters’ Aides” (or “Egregious Polluters’ Aides”)

    • ariel_gee_398

      Environmental Pillaging Apparatus.

    • MynameisBlarney

      On the way home from work yesterday I was screaming obscenities at my radio when they played a clip of his speech to the coal miners.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Mr. Blobfish

      1). Use ‘Trump’ and ‘good policy’ in the same sentence.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It would be good policy for Congress to Amendment 25 Trump.

  • Bill D. Burger

    I try not to look if I happen to walk behind any one of our horses….because there HE is.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLx1owRWsAA3cvv.jpg

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Mare libelz.

  • ariel_gee_398
    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m trying to figure out why I should care if the NFL doesn’t get tax breaks. Obviously Donald Trump sucks, but NFL tax breaks kinda do too.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        State tax breaks?

      • ariel_gee_398

        Most of the tax breaks are at the local/state level, so it’s not something he could do anyway. But I truly don’t, this would be a happy accident if somehow he helped this idea gain popularity.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Agreed. It’s just that the ultimate losers in this vendetta will be black athletes and their rights to voice their opinions.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Maybe it’s time for a “Negro League” for football. Black owners, black businesses sponsoring, etc, etc.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            NFL owners briefly behaved like human beings two weeks ago. By this past Sunday, they were back to their plantation owner selves. Trump knows these dickheads well…they’re birds of a feather, and that with a little encouragement, they’ll turn on their own players. Unlike baseball and basketball, NFL players do not have guaranteed contracts; to speak out is to risk your career.

          • ariel_gee_398

            That’s why it’s going to take some kind of economic hit to the owners to get any movement, I think. Ironically, the tax breaks would be one way of doing that. Can’t imagine they’re too pleased Donnie is still pushing this, especially as they are complying with his orders.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It will be interesting. My guess is that the owners will cast their lots with Trump and the goobers in blaming the players and cracking down on them like Bull Connor, then hope they survive the shitstorm. And frankly, in this fucking racist country, they could ban all black players from the league, play at a junior college level, and still make a go of it. They’d lose all their tv revenue though, which would be the death blow…unless the Mercers decide to finance some independent league/tv channel.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Last I heard, the NFL was a nonprofit.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thank God Kelly has Trump under control.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now if only some Evangelicals would start to criticize the bunglecunt.

      • therblig

        they’ll only do that if it will increase the grift.

  • From Russia with Love

    “…if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests.”

    Make Donald take one. That would be fucking hilarious. “I didn’t bring a #2 pencil because I’m the president and I’m not sticking a pencil up my ass for anybody.”

    • PubOption

      “I couldn’t find a number 1 pencil. I won’t be number 2 to anybody, never have been, never have been.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The pink end of the pencil will be gone long before the pointy end.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Celtic_Gnome

      I’s a tough call between a Trump supporter and people who don’t know the difference between then and than.

  • therblig

    “We believe God put Donald Trump in,” Shebesta said.

    aside from the name that brings to mind a Conan/Thundarr/He-Man villainess, it boggles the mind that anyone could be SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I’m waiting for when God puts Lord Dampnut in…jail.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I heard a thing somewhere that any christian that supports Trump cannot talk smack about Hefner.

    • grindstone

      But God didn’t put Obama in…..logical consistency is in short supply with Evangelicals.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Antonin Dvorak
    • Oblios_Cap

      That’s cool. As a veteran, I’ve never had much use for the Pledge; it’s too much like being forced to take a loyalty oath to me.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Thank you so much for saying that. The pledge has alway creeped me out.

        • Paul Dietzel

          I was at a funeral yesterday and of course the Lord’s prayer was recited (and I’m not arguing about it’s use there, given it was a Christian service) but my thoughts cycled way back to my years in elementary school and I was just flabbergasted remembering that it was a part of every day’s opening exercise. To think that it was in any way appropriate to recite as part of public school!! The mind reels. And I’m so old that I recall when Ike inserted “under God” into the pledge and how even at eight or nine years of age I was thinking “WTF” or whatever us cool kids thought back then.

          • P’jama Pahnts

            Reciting just about anything in a group can be creepy.

          • Querolous

            “Gee Willikers, you we are old!

        • Gayer Than Thou

          “I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.”

      • PubOption

        The only use I have for it is as furniture polish.

      • cmd resistor

        Our local bar association used to meet on the second floor of a restaurant near a marina. So the first time I went to a meeting, I was kind of taken aback when they started with the pledge. There was no flag in the actual room so they had us turn around and face the marina, where there was a flag flying outside. I can’t remember if on a pole, but think it was actually flying from a boat. Kind of creepy. They eventually bought a flag.

        • MrTusks

          Where was this? That’s kinda strange.

          • cmd resistor

            Ft. Pierce, FL. I don’t recall doing the pledge otherwise since high school, except maybe at kid’s school events.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        George Takei talks about being required to recite the pledge at the beginning of each school day in the internment camp.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Surra’ Huckster will give everyone the true perspective on all these events later at the WH briefing:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b14ac2a55e24de9507bbbc4f4f901289ee5c92407a951171a60d2d95209ad380.jpg

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Mom is in Grass Valley surrounded by pine trees. Worried.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      ~hugs~ All my hopes.

    • Painter of Goats

      Hoping for her safety.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Oh, she says she’s away from it all but it’s my right to freak a little. Thanks.

        • grindstone

          No doubt! Freak away!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Is your mom mobile/able to drive? These things move at terrifying speed.

    • Tell her to be safe, and not take chances!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Turkish Prime Minister Binali Yildirim says that his country doesn’t need the cooperation of US officials to prosecute its citizens working in US diplomatic outposts because that’s how dictatorships work.

    Ataturk would be appalled.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • grindstone

    Otto West: Don’t call me stupid.
    Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?
    Otto West: Apes don’t read philosophy.
    Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not “Every man for himself.” And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

    Great movie, lousy presidency.

    • Ωbjectifier

      “And the London Underground is not a political movement.”

      That still makes me laff.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Jon Stewart: “Donald Trump is not a cannibal.”

    Me, to Jon Stewart: “Are you sure?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Scooby

    Which is higher Trumps IQ or his golf score?

    • Oblios_Cap

      His golf score, I’d imagine.

      • Scooby

        His IQ is ten under par.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        It’s a trick question. The answer is the amount of money he owes the Russians.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      His real golf score, or the score Miss Lindsay reported?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Leads to the next question: Does he realize that, unlike in golf, the lower score doesn’t win?

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        He cheats at both.

      • SeeTrain65

        You stole my stolen joke! ; )

  • proudgrampa

    Happy Birthday, Fridtjof Nansen!

    This guy was a true Renaissance Man…

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fridtjof_Nansen

  • Randy Riddle

    “The most charitable interpretation is that it was Lindsey’s shift at the day care because John Kelly needed a BREAK GODDAMMIT JUST FOR FIVE MINUTES A BREAK.”

    Or, another interpretation is that the household wanted a second opinion before seeing if Blanche DuBois is ready to depend on the kindness of strangers.

  • BadKitty904
  • Oblios_Cap

    The infamous “Tent City” gulag run by former Sheriff Joe Arpaio quietly closed this weekend,

    One down. Gitmo should be next.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They both never should have existed in the 1st place.

  • Viktor

    Wildfires, a shooting, doing a your job as President etc.. No mention on Twitter, just FOOTBALL CORKER RARRRR

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He has to prioritize. You can’t expect him to be up to speed with everything.

      • From Russia with Love

        Only so much anger to spread around.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Oh, I think his supply of anger is bottomless.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Hey c’mon he’s new at this! Jeezuz you people are so impatient.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Everything would be an unreasonable expectation. Something, ANYTHING is not.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And 4 dead special forces soldiers in Niger have been COMPLETELY ignored by the Moron n’ Thief___Fucking Dotard Don.

      https://sofrep.com/91421/op-ed-trump-admin-stages-nfl-protest-ignoring-4-dead-special-forces-soldiers-niger/

      • TJ Barke

        HE RESPECTS THE TROOPS AND FLAGS SO MUCH!

      • Viktor

        Exactly. How soon he forgets the military he constantly praises

      • Marion in Savannah

        He probably just thinks that Niger is a misspelling.

      • Finnibar87

        No Beghazi, no Benghazi, YOU’RE the Benghazi!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Portland and Oregon wary of Trump EPA ratfucking in cleanup of Willamette River. We fucking need our city and state to protect us from the Fucking Trump Administration!?

    http://www.oregonlive.com/environment/index.ssf/2017/10/105_billion_willamette_river_s.html

    • TJ Barke

      Oregon didn’t vote Trump, so we’re basically fucked.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Though, I think in this case, it’s a nationwide Pruitt EPA ratfucking of environmental protections. Apparently, regional career EPA folks have been the main partners up to this point. This new thing has the stink of Pruitt and Trump. I think the difference between us and pro-Trump shitholes in this case is we don’t want 50-100 year old toxic sludge sitting in the middle of town forever. They apparently do because, umm, living in toxicity is Freedom.

  • Fartknocker

    Sounds like the White House needs a bunch of therapy dogs to help the staff since Cheeto Mussolini is nothing more than a child with nuclear launch codes. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/88c969367a782d94dfcaedd39fe439211934365fee62593cde4a8155f15476e2.jpg

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Mr. Peanutbutter’s agent must be slipping.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      In related news, Trump doesn’t like dogs. The feeling is mutual, I’m sure.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Proving he’s not right in the head. I’ll doubt he likes the kittehs, either.

        • Stulexington

          Babies definitely don’t.

      • cmd resistor

        I think most dogs can spot an asshole.

        • grindstone

          To be fair, they practice a lot.

    • Pilotshark

      I am a nuclear launch prevention therapy dog, here to help, when he goes for the codes and buttons, i peacefully bite his hands.

  • BrendaKay

    Thanks for link about UNLV prof. I hadn’t heard about it… I totally agree with what she said and wish more had the courage to say it!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Round 1: IQ test
    Round 2: Dick measuring
    Round 3: ???

    • From Russia with Love

      Profit?

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Firing?

    • Viktor

      He can’t brag about his golf game. Most shots I’ve seen are him in sandtraps

      • little miss high and mighty

        Yeah, why no Trumpf/Handicap updaate? like evers?
        Inquiring duffers needs to know.

      • FauxAntocles

        He’s a specialist with the hand wedge.

        • From Russia with Love

          Good with a wedge issue as well.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          “Is that an eagle? Oh, look — I just drove 400 yards. Did you see that? It was terrific!”….

        • Querolous

          I have been known to use known of people using the leather wedge. That way you won’t be seen need to bend over.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        donald lies about his golf scores…( I keep saying this because I think it is the news he most would like to withhold)…

    • Painter of Goats

      Nuclear war?

    • Finnibar87

      Who can crap the most.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Blowing a bunch of shit up?

    • Joe T.

      Tools needed for each round:
      1. Two digit counter
      2. Micrometer
      3. Straightjacket

    • SeeTrain65

      Round 4: Slap fight

      If Ivana and Melanoma can do it …

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Marion in Savannah

      Oh, gawd…

  • Major_Major_Major

    Went camping over the weekend and was disconnected from the news. It is scary AF for those few moments waiting for the browser to load under this admin. Thankfully, he was just his usual petulant WATB self and didn’t start a war.

  • Johnatx

    Reminder for other Texas Wonketters. Today is last day to register for November, 2017 general election.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I’m guessing most remaining Trump supporters won’t be at all upset by the IQ test challenge. They’re the kind of people who think it’s a good idea to just shoot their tv when they want to change the channel but can’t find the remote, and I have grossly underestimated their numbers.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What is this “remote” of which you speak? *grabs pistol*

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This is why they need bump stocks.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I would like to think that Trump is permanently fucking the GOP’s potential to woo any voters in any states. But I know that as a nation, we have not done well on that particular IQ test.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      We rilly rilly need to run a strong candidate in 2020 who can pull dems together. Or hope the Republicans primary him, which could totally happen.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sorry – they’ve still got 36% of the country (that’s 70% of Republicans) who think he’s okay…

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Of those, I wonder how many are hanging on to that belief because they don’t want to admit they were wrong.

  • Finnibar87

    Competitve IQ tests are always a sign of a secure and confident leader.

    • cmd resistor

      Remember when Obama challenged Hillary to an IQ duel when she was SOS?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I’m always impressed by candidates that brag about their dick size during debates.

      • Finnibar87

        I’m really smart, okay?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Nuh-uh… I’m smerterer.

          • Finnibar87

            Time for the Live TV IQ Quest, me thinks!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      First one to break 100 gets a dollar from Toomush!….

    • Pilotshark

      wonder if he understands that IQ stands for intelligence quotient, not Idiots quiz.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I will, cautiously, accept a Trump IQ test in lieu of tax returns.

  • janecita
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Are you suggesting that you don’t accept your God-given role as obedient wife, self-sacrificing mother, and dutiful servant of the Lord?

      • Finnibar87

        Just cuz some are born without a dick, but can make new humans with relative ease and without much dick atall, the dicks among us feel a desperate need control that shit.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Doan be a dick.

          • Finnibar87

            It is a constant struggle in these tempestuous times, sure.

      • janecita

        Fuck obedience, sacrifice and duty!

    • Stulexington

      You know, both of them.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    I’m a little pee pot short and stout
    Here is a crack where some pee leaks out
    When I get all filled up I sure smell
    Kick me over and run like hell!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Stulexington

      Because he’s a Republican, can you honestly not see me winking? Here let me be more obvious.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Because it is! SHUT UP, WOLF! YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER!”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds rather like the “exploding cigar” that the CIA was going to use on Castro.

      • TundraGrifter

        Gen. (and President) US Grant liked to hand out exploding cigars.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Were the plans stored on Jared’s private e-mail server? (I heard it on the Interwebs.)

    • Stulexington

      I was about to say “jokes on him, Trump has no plans” but then I remember the military does, and updates them frequently. Just like it has plans for how to invade pretty much everyone. You know, just in case.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It went to the BBC and that’s the lead story.

    • FlownΩver

      I, for one, welcome our new bad haircut overlord.

      No, the second one.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    This just in from the white house:

    Coal is not only going to save the USA it also tastes good and is good for you! Shipments of tasty coal on the way to Puerto Rico as we speak!

    Coal powered submarines have been ordered from General Dynamics!

    The Presidential Medal of Freedom is awarded to the Clean Coal Singers!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8Gy-kgL8yA

    COAL!!!!!!1!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Stulexington

      Paid government rabble rouser more like it.

      • FlownΩver

        Overpaid, at that.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Ummm… protesting is a means when people don’t have actual access to power to affect the change they are looking for.

      Why the fuck would the vice president need to protest? You are the VICE PRESIDENT–you already have the power, shithead!!!!

  • Yellerduck

    First issue of Marvel’s “Engineer Man” series:

    We need you to design an invisible engine for a top secret invisible jet.
    I’m done.
    What!!? That’s amazing! Where are the drawings?
    Right there.
    Where? I don’t see anything.
    Pay me.

    • Stulexington

      So when you’ve gotten Metallurgy Woman to cook up an invisible material with the tensile properties of titanium, we can get started.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • wide_stance_hubby

    In my bleakest moments, otherwise known as most every day now, I wonder if Dolt is not nature’s Check and Balance for the aberrant and dangerous species we are. We have gone too far, and nature has had enough. He will bring about our culling from a planet we no longer deserve to live in.

    Maybe it’s time to stop commenting for a while. . .

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I think he is a symptom of how willfully stupid Humanity truly is. I think we have answered the Fermi Paradox, and I think Extinction is nigh.

    • Finnibar87

      That IS bleak!

    • grindstone

      The earth will eventually shake us off like a wet dog.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Take a couple of days off from all media. It’ll still be there when you get back. Take the time to practice your Grrrr….it’ll be okay….

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Nah, you’re good. This is a place to say stuff like that.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      I have the same thoughts: nature always steps in to “correct” (in Shining speak) a rogue species. We’re so clever though – we’ve beat plagues, genocide and famines.

      This time nature’s chemo is gonna get us though (if we don’t kill the host first).

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Not to get too heavy yet (it is still early), but nearly all of our accomplishments are to benefit our species, whereas a successful species actually co-exists and benefits another. We have invented true waste that does nothing for anything and will choke and smother life itself.

        Gee, that’s not too heavy, is it?

        • FlownΩver

          He ain’t heavy, he’s my…

          Yeah, pretty heavy, I guess. When’s Hale-Bopp due back? I need to stock up on tennies.

  • TJ Barke

    Trump’s White House wants to investigate a professor at the University of Nevada Las Vegas for telling her class that “some of us won’t be affected by this presidency, but others are going to die,” because Trump’s “rhetorical powers…encourage violence.” I wonder what they’ll find?

    Heather Hayer already has.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • James Baskin

      Dumpster fire!? It’s a fucking oil slick fire.

    • FlownΩver

      There’s hurricanes in Florida
      And Texas needs has rain

    • rightleft

      Methane is very volatile.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I wrote to all my elected representatives this morning asking, basically, how fucking long are you going to let this shitshow continue? I’m sure they’re drafting their responses as we speak.

    • Marion in Savannah

      No doubt you’ll get Form Letter #87, along with a plea for contributions.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Already got one from Martha McSally. She’s always quick on the grift.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Finnibar87

      Creepy Girl is the REAL First Lady!

      Up next: Caged death match, and a fight to the finish.

      Careful, Ivana plays for keeps.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Claiming to be the ‘First Lady’ because you were Trump’s first wife = Stupid.
      Showing how annoyed you are about it = Stupider.
      Marrying Trump in the first place = Stupidest.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Why does this not have moar upvotes

    • No offense, but I seriously don’t give a fuck about the First Ex-Wives Fight Club.

      • TakingAmes

        I can’t figure out why Melania’s office responded AT ALL. The fact that they felt the need to respond just tells me all I need to know. I don’t even know what they said. All I know is that they dignified it with a response.

        • SeeTrain65

          Once a Trump …

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I’m not exactly thrilled that sports journalists and university professors are being held to a higher standard of decorum and maturity than the feckin’ President of the United States.

  • FlownΩver

    How about the University of Florida not spending half a mil to protect Spencer? There’s this very sound old legal doctrine called assumption of risk.

    • Bobathonic

      That’s a pretty expensive Safe Space.

    • Oblios_Cap

      If they just have their football team show up in those hideous new uniforms, it’ll scare everybody away.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Daily Show has it right – the terror that white police forces evinced when the nicest black guys I knew started waving guns around was on the order of donald’s fear of Muslims….

  • Browncoat Krieger IRL

    Santa Rosa Wonker checking in. We’re in a safe zone, but packed to evac should it happen. My folks’ ranch was overrun by the Tubbs fire, but they lucked out and only lost the wood sheds and a pole barn.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Good Luck. :)

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Somehow ashamed to say I’ve only got thoughts and prayers….please be safe…

      • Courser_Resistance

        I know, we’ve been mocking it so much, it feels weird to say it when you really mean it. But there’s times when that’s truly all you have. This is one of them.

      • Browncoat Krieger IRL

        i feel that there’s a distinction, when “thoughts and prayers” are given instead of action, it’s really shallow, but when it’s literally all you can do in a situation, it’s a heartfelt gesture. That’s my two cents on the matter.

        Nonetheless, thank you. Being able to connect with people on it helps, no matter what.

      • TundraGrifter

        There’s nothing wrong with thoughts and prayers. Often they can be a good thing. The problem is when, like love, that’s the end rather than the beginning when, as pointed out below, there is the capacity for more.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Thanks for checking in. Be safe.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Thanks for checking in. Please take care and I pray that’s the extent of losses for you and yours. {{Hugs}}

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Jes’ another member of the thowts&prairs brigade here. Glad you’re safe! And hope your folks’ place is in the clear now.

    • Stay safe!

      • Browncoat Krieger IRL

        Thanks Dom!

  • Trump tweeted some stupid crap about using a pen to sink fragile Obamacare provisions in states that are barely hanging on to what insurance markets they have left.

    Some thieves prefer to use a gun to steal, some prefer a pen.
    http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4134/4813371566_bd2785bab1.jpg

    • WotsAllThisThen

      You can’t steal those pens from the bank anymore. Even if you defeat the little chain, the ink pack explodes in your hand.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      How about a gun that shoots pens?

      • Courser_Resistance

        A step up from shooting a pen refill thing through a drinking straw like a blow gun?

    • little miss high and mighty

      props for the Guthrie paraphrase.
      note: Woody wrote 2 songs about Trump Sr and the housing project he himself lived in (Handelsblatt and Financial Times we thinx)

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ve had those pens do that to me — and it’s ALWAYS when I’m somewhere away from home with no good way to get clean. It’s like they plot…

      • TundraGrifter

        On an airplanes is the worst!

      • I used to love fountain pens. Now the wide tip gel pens have to do. Ruined too many shirt pockets. 😉

    • SeeTrain65

      Pilot V-5? My god, do I know these pens.

      Smooth, fine line and last a while, but they do give you these unwanted horrible temporary tattoos shown above.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Bill D. Burger

      “I’ve heard great things about him. He’s doing great things.”

      • little miss high and mighty

        yeah , but i he getting recognized more and more lately?

    • laughingnome

      Wait til he finds out he’s black.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    I successfully led a campaign to prevent Marsha Blackburn from killing and eating puppies.

    • ryp

      Are you sure?

    • FlownΩver

      I see on the Internet that she has relapsed. I guess it must be true.

  • FlownΩver

    Spain declared independence? From…?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Catalan declared independence from Spain.

      • little miss high and mighty

        First they came for our bullfights.
        Then they came for our paella
        then they came for Figaro
        The the PC stopped the blackface Zusuellas nd thew Dutch need to get St, Nick and Pete to depart from Portugal
        Now they want the only profit-making, jos-securing state
        When will these humanizers stop?

        Viva catala`n

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I think Catalan declared independence from Spain.

      • FlownΩver

        Maybe I should just surrender on the concept of the indefinite antecedent (“After declaring its independence later today, Spain will try to arrest…”).

        Next week I’m going to learn to say “nucular” and start placing apostrophes randomly.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          No, I can see that it is confusing. :)

    • Courser_Resistance

      Catalan, a region in Spain, declared independence from Spain. My Spanish professor was from Catalan. They’ve been agitating for independence for years and it’s finally come to a head. I’m withholding any opinion since I only know enough to know that it’s extremely complicated.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I think this will end badly for them. The Spanish Constitution forbids their secession.

        • RandomNameAllocated

          yes, but the Spanish government look like they played their hand really badly. Catalan independence was at something like 15% a few years back – they could have had a referendum and put it to bed then, but by playing hardball, its crept up and up. Having the King praising the police (seen hitting people etc) has also not gone down well with the undecideds.

    • little miss high and mighty

      pleaase, please please start reading taz.de (with the hillarious translator click)

      • James Baskin

        What is the translator click? Couldn’t find anything like that.

        • little miss high and mighty

          thanks for the quetion
          google taz.de and in blue text (right) is translate this page.
          At least that is so on the hereabouts- both .com and .de
          World’s ONLY leftist daily major daily.
          The newest format just came out but it has been daiy since 1979 and translatable online since 2002.
          We wish you fun reading .
          taz.de (then :translate this page)
          :)

          • James Baskin

            Oh. Google’s ‘Translate this page.’ I was looking for something on ‘taz.de’ itself. Got it now.

          • little miss high and mighty

            wonderful site- do not forget to check the funny page at the end (“Die Wahrheit”- The Truth) like a one-page onion only even more absurd- especially with the machine translate- almost dada.
            Welcome to taz.de

    • SeeTrain65

      Sanity, apparently.

  • Iron Monkey

    Rand Paul is a bum. At least he is a bum who likes to fuck up Trump.

  • thewalkindude

    “I don’t see it so therefore it’s not happening!”

    Former Bears star and coach Mike Ditka, an adamant critic of National Football League players kneeling during the national anthem to protest racial discrimination, said Monday in a national radio interview that this country has been free of oppression for at least a century.

    “All of a sudden, it’s become a big deal now, about oppression,” Ditka told Jim Gray on Westwood One’s pregame show ahead of the Bears’ “Monday Night Football” loss to the Vikings. “There has been no oppression in the last 100 years that I know of. Now maybe I’m not watching it as carefully as other people.”

    • TJ Barke
    • laughingnome

      Levitra is a helluva drug

    • Finnibar87

      when you’re treated like an earth bound god of Chicago,
      things like opression tends to escape your godly gaze.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Ben Carson agrees with Mike and helps educate him on even earlier lies about ‘oppression’ : “Slavery had benefits for us. We were really immigrants….”

      http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/files/2017/03/CarsonSlaves1.png

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I bet he was a big hit with black players back in the day.

      • Finnibar87

        Perry, Perry refrigerator Perry.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Isn’t being white great!?

    • Christopher Story

      Fuck you, Ditka. That is all.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Ditka was a tight end. Now it’s more clenched.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      DaFuq!?! He’s 16 years older than me. He played for Dallas in 69-72. He didn’t notice? I grew up in Colorado — not the front lines of the civil rights movement — and I know there’s systemic oppression still going on.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Have a another knockwurst and STFU old man.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      No oppression! No oppression! Etc., etc.

    • Nockular cavity

      Da moron.

    • SweetDeeKat

      Concussion syndrome?

    • TakingAmes

      Rich straight white man says what?

    • SeeTrain65

      You can’t watch something with your eyes closed, Dick-a.

      And it doesn’t help that your ears and mind are closed, either.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Sure, I’m probably just one more nauseated liberal grasping at straws . . . but I’m starting to get the idea that maybe we are turning a corner. I hear a lot more about fitness for office–from Republicans–than I ever heard before. Yes, they’re lame ducks, but it’s a start.

    • Stulexington

      As a bitter, jaded moderate I’m gonna keep saying “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Because I like to make myself miserable, I wonder if Trump leaving office early would be a good thing. Pence might actually be able to deliver on some of this horrible shit that Trump keeps sabotaging himself on. My hope is that Trump gets primaried.

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        I hear you. But I would take some theocratic bullshit that could eventually get overturned over some dumbass wiping out a couple of million people with a nuclear war.

      • laughingnome

        I detected a major tell from Bannon when he was saying something like all the Senators should watch out for a primary challenge except for Ted Cruz. The Mercers aren’t letting the Cruz dream die – Bannon does what the Mercers tell him.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Mmm, Kochs funding one way, Mercers another? Could we be so lucky?

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        The good news is that Trump’s leaving will leave the Admin in such complete disarray, as if it isn’t already, that they won’t recover. And Pence will be weak as shit, what with the Trump stink all over him. And the Republican Congress will just continue to eat itself alive.

    • FlemmishSpy

      At this rate the 2018 midterms will be steeped in the DOTUS shit show. Only when R’s who have supported him see their political futures at risk will they stand up for themselves and denounce the worst preznit evah. Maybe then we can impeach and convict the SOB.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      That’s what I have been declaring to he huz this weekend, that Corker marks the beginning of a turning point.

      And I am actually pretty good at reading the political/media winds. Not infallible of course, but pretty good.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’m hoping so but I’m not holding my breath.

      • teele

        I have said from the beginning: impeachment starts next April, over by June. “Father” Pence in the WH by the time the PAC ads showing Nancy and Chuck palling around with Devil Donnie hit the air in August. Clean sweep for the GOP next fall.
        And, just to be sure, maybe more of the incumbent thugs will follow the example of my congressman: after nearly 30 years in the house “representing” one or another gerrymandered district, he is having one of his top fundraisers run in the Democratic primary. Cute, huh? They don’t call us Michissippi for nuttin’.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Satire was officially declared dead at approximately 8:50 Eastern time this morning.

    The cause of death was listed as the fact that the individual who on
    Twitter referred to a sitting US Senator as “Liddle Bob Corker” was not
    actually a poorly disciplined eight year old boy on the playground
    somewhere, but rather someone who had purportedly been sworn in as
    President of the United States this past January.

    Satire had been on life support since earlier in the morning, where
    the fact that the President of the United States had challenged his own
    Secretary of State to an IQ test was not something that was reported by
    The Onion or the New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz, but rather as something
    that actually and honest to God really had taken place.

    *credit to Tommy Carcetti on DU for this gem!

    • TundraGrifter

      IQ Score Claim! The last refuge of the hapless stupid.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I want to see them go through with it, just to hear Trump claiming ‘Fake IQs’ when he loses.

        • TundraGrifter

          I was in high school when my Mother told me she was called into my grade school and informed I’d scored high on the IQ test. My Mother said “OK.” The teacher said “Well, what are we going to do about it?” And she answered “We’re certainly not going to tell him.”

      • bbayliss

        college transcripts?

        • TundraGrifter

          Where did Mr. Trump attend college or university?

      • puredog

        Claiming membership in MENSA might be the last, or at least the penultimate, refuge.

      • Courser_Resistance

        It’s like proclaiming, “I AM smart!”

        • TundraGrifter

          The stock-in-trade for right wing radio gasbags like Boss “I wasn’t wrong; I was misinformed” BlunderRush, Off-the-Mark Levin and The Silly Savage. They have to tell the rubes and gulls again and again how smart they are – because you certainly can’t tell listening to them.

        • rightleft

          Followed by “And doggone it, people LIKE me!”

    • jesterpunk

      “People who brag about their IQ are morons”

      Stephen Hawking

      • SeeTrain65

        I said it before … IQ is a worthless measurement.

        On my last IQ test I scored 142.

        I’m as dumb as a rock. With less hair.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Nope. I refuse to stop laughing. Laughing isn’t screaming. Laughing isn’t silently rocking back and forth in a room by yourself. Laughing isn’t ugly crying. Laughing isn’t burning things down…

      • MynameisBlarney

        That’s the spirit!

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          I’m trying to line up some material for when we see that first huge flash on the horizon.

          Gonna be a whopper!

        • Oblios_Cap

          I hears ya, Gomez!

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’ve noticed that I’ve developed a habit of constantly rocking back and forth, more or less unconsciously, particularly if music is playing. This worries me. I know it’s a sign of self-soothing but it’s something I did a lot as a kid.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          I’m only half-joking about self-soothing behavior.

          I often wake up gasping in the pre-dawn hours these days from smothering, apocalyptic dreams.

          We’re all being deliberately driven mad, and they’re enjoying every minute of it. I’ve never (even during Reagan) experienced anything like the crushing, institutional hatred of this moment in history.

          Be well, look away when you have to, and enjoy all the good things in life that you can.

          • Courser_Resistance

            The universe is conspiring to drive me completely bugshit. Since yesterday was a holiday, I won’t get my unemployment til tomorrow. Didn’t make squat with Lyft last wk cuz LV (couldn’t/didn’t drive) but covered my expenses, so no $$ there. PLUS since someone hit my Lyft car yesterday, I’m ‘deactivated’ until their safety dept gets back with me. I emailed this morning telling them that if it was going to be more than 24 hours, I need to return the car because I’m not going to pay for it if I can’t generate income with it. I have my truck and could put it back in its parking space.

            Also too, my gym is closed today because of a scheduled water disruption.

            Basically the universe is telling me to stay home today. And be bored I guess ( and Sweet Jeebus on a stick, I HOPE it remains boring. Hear that universe? Stay boring, K?)

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The NFL quietly changed their Game Operations Manual (which is not a public document) and has been leaking to the press that players who fail to stand for the national anthem may face disciplinary action and teams who do not compel their players to do so may be fined or lose draft picks.

    https://twitter.com/SeifertESPN/status/917533531110297601

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yet another reason to boycott the nfl.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Well, that’s the deal. donald has pitted the neckbreathers against the rest of us. Either way, the NFL is screwed…

    • TundraGrifter

      Good luck with that! The players have a Union and they have individual contracts. The NFL is going to lose on this one.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Unfortunately, NFL contracts-unlike baseball and basketball-are not guaranteed. Players risk their careers if they speak out. Ask Colin Kaepernick.

        • TundraGrifter

          Agreed. Mr. K’s timing was tough because he didn’t already have a job. If he had, and if he was playing well, they’d accommodate him. Attila T. Hun could play in the NFL if he could start.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            If you are good enough, virtually any crime will be overlooked…except being black “uppity”, and openly defying the NFL or the owners (which are one and the same, btw). I mean, Aaron Hernandez was a career criminal with known gang ties. Didn’t mean shit to Trump buddy Robert Kraft until he was arrested for murder.

            I have very mixed feelings about Kaepernick, for a number of reasons, but there is absolutely no doubt he is getting blackballed for his political stance. I’m sure every black player in the NFL has to wonder if they’re going to be next.

    • Finnibar87

      Lighten up, NFL.

      It’s not as if they are sitting it out.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Or doing overly exuberant touchdown celebrations in the endzone…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Right. Owners are going to risk losing games and money over this? Unlikely.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Snopes, take a knee.

    • puredog

      Um — no. They “must” be on the field. Failure to be on the field “may result in discipline.” Once there, they “should” do several other things. The rule says nothing about disciplining them for not doing the things that they “should” do. It was written by a lawyer, trust me.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      The owner of Cowboys has publicly bragged he will disclipline any players who disrespect the flag.
      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/dispatches/2017/10/09/jerry-jones-shows-true-colors/

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Fuck the NFL.

    • TakingAmes

      Now that we have both sides (!) protesting the NFL, will they just quietly go away?

    • SeeTrain65

      Now everyone knows the true reason why they’re called the “No Fun League.”

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • P’jama Pahnts

      Is it possible to hate sports but love baseball? “Cause that’s me.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        The fact that we have a fucking moron in the white house is proof that anything can and will happen.

      • Arolpin

        Entirely possible. Baseball is more a religion than a sport.

      • Querolous

        Baseball, especially the senior circuit, is a thinking man’s game.

    • TundraGrifter
    • SeeTrain65

      Meanwhile, the last couple days have been a good example of why a great many Cleveland fans are defeatist.

  • FlownΩver

    Well, let’s surely not boycott both the Cowboys and ESPN.

    Nope. Wouldn’t want to do that, now would we? No, not at all.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Lindsey Graham went golfing with Trump and now they’re bestest friends, getting tattoos of one another, and even shopping for apartments together.

    Just don’t let Donnie take you furniture shopping, Linds. He might move on you like a bitch.

    • Shibusa

      https://twitter.com/LindseyGrahamSC/status/917497481314947072
      Favorite comment: Trump shot a 73 the same way Kim Jong Il once hit fives holes in one in a single round. @realaxelfoley

      • TundraGrifter

        FYI – I believe that was 18 holes-in-one.

      • Erala Contratista

        Windy and wet?? Don’t stand behind the fool!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • SeeTrain65

      Now THAT’S deep cover.

      • MynameisBlarney

        DEEEEEEEEP.

  • quantum mechanic

    Also too this just in: You black ladies can wash that blackness right out of your skin with Dove!

  • Jgb979

    “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”
    WOAHOHOOO FANCY BOY!

    I’m sure you’ll blow Rex away with all the birdies and eagles you get on your IQ tests!

    If you told me even last year this would be a headline in 2017 there’s absolutely no way I would ever believe you.

    • Courser_Resistance

      None of us would have.

    • bbayliss

      Today’s headlines:
      “In Texas you can legally own more guns than sex toys”
      “Trump’s 2020 campaign is now fundraising off Mike Pence’s $250,000 NFL ‘PR stunt'”
      “‘Partisan’ gerrymandering is still all about race”
      “Wall Street Journal backs Bob Corker: Trump treats US allies ‘as if they are Rosie O’Donnell’”
      “Steve Bannon declares war on Republicans”
      “Russia pushes Texas secession and ‘white power’ rallies on social media — and it’s still happening”
      “Hospital covering bills for some Vegas shooting victims”
      Have a nice day.

    • TakingAmes

      Between this and the Trump wives fighting each other in the press, we’ve got to have reached critical schlock.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Mr. Trump has a bigger MQ than Rexxon. Bigly. Not everyone knows this, but people are starting to talk about it. Believe me.

    • Arolpin

      MQ=Moron Quotient?

  • Suse

    My brother-in-law lost his home in Santa Rosa. The entire neighborhood (Fountaingrove) was destroyed. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/adc89183f6b4375c9cfbd4892164c0e03f5d31648e35514bdabf116500568e7a.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      That certainly sucks. He and your sister are okay, though, right?

      • Suse

        Yes – they got out with the clothes they were wearing and some cash. That’s it.

        • Shibusa

          Wow. That’s awful. Scary. Glad they are okay.

          • Suse

            They’re in complete shock, of course. It’ll be hard to start over at their age. This was their dream house in a beautiful setting.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            We’re so, so sorry… for them, you, and all their neighbors. That’s their house?

          • Suse

            Yes, that’s their house.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            How awful….

          • Shibusa

            Santa Rosa is gorgeous. The Shibusas lived in San Diego for several years. One time we got a robo-call from the Fire Dept saying, “The wind has shifted. Wildfires are coming your way. You have 10 minutes to evacuate.” I rushed around gathering up photos, mementos, dog stuff, clothing. Kid Shibusa grabbed toys. Husband grabbed 4 bottles of wine and his golf clubs. The fire burned out a huge canyon not even a mile from our house. Very sobering.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Funeral Homes In Puerto Rico Say They Have a Lot More Dead People Than The Government Has Counted https://www.buzzfeed.com/nidhiprakash/puerto-rico-funeral-directors?utm_term=.panza8wZY6#.nwW9pLXYar

    • SeeTrain65

      “HERE’S WHAT THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT PUERTO RICO.”

  • Shibusa
  • The Librarian

    1. Dr. Wells deserves the charge, but she’s not the only one who was complacent. What about all the government officials who did the same?

    2. Spencer should have to cough up at least half the money for his “security” blanket. The college wouldn’t have to spend that kind of Ameros on anybody who wasn’t an asshat.

  • Shibusa

    Apropos of nothing (and everything):

    The real question which faces the Republic is just how long, how violent, and how expensive the funeral is going to be. —James Baldwin, 1961

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      “Fake News”: Alec Baldwin impersonating Donald Trump. In anotherwards James Baldwin was right.

  • ryp

    I’m shocked that a media company whose very foundations were built on characters kicking ass and killing people, often with little regard for the law, and for which science was largely just a source of buzzwords to explain the scientifically impossible would lower itself to team-up with a defense contractor to promote education in the STEM fields.

  • Panika MCD

    YAY! TEDDY BEAR!

  • Zyxomma

    I would never have seen that Defense News story about Marvel/Northrop/ComicCon if you hadn’t linked it. As the article said, it must have been small potatoes for Marvel to drop it like such a hot potato.

    • It made rounds over the weekend in small STEM circles, and among the rest of the comic reading folk (like myself). On the one hand, yay, STEM encouragement! But lying to kids about the nature of the defense industry? WTF?

  • Wonky Magoo

    I love the end of the porcupine video: “Do we not have other news to go to? What’s going on?”

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Porcupines. Rodent diversity in action.

  • andyshelt

    “Trump challenges Tillerson to ‘compare IQ tests’ after reported ‘moron’ dig”

    What’s the correct term for a dick swinging contest for whose brain is the biggest?

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/oct/10/donald-trump-forbes-rex-tillerson-moron

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Trump can’t swing a dick that doesn’t exist.

      • kareemachan

        ..

      • SeeTrain65

        “That’s what she said.”

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    I hate Santa Ana winds- they are one of the worst things about living here. And every 15 years or so we get hellish epic fires that burn down entire towns and kill people who have no warning or time to get out of the way. These fires move faster than a car and can change direction in a heartbeat. They’re always fueled by Santa Ana winds.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Just before Tom Price got shitcanned over his jet-setting, I wondered aloud on Facebook if the same people who got mad at Obama just for using Air Force One were pissed over this administration’s travel fuckery. At least one person blubbered “Pelosi started it.”

    Amazing how there’s so much stupid to unpack in just three words.

  • Invidosa

    You guys find the best nice time!

  • Poly_Ester

    donnie has always acted like he is the smartest guy in the room. The smartest guy in the room never learns anything because he is the smartest gou in the room.

    Did you know donnie invented Mensa?

  • quantum mechanic

    Something no woman anywhere ever said about Harvey Weinstein: “What a hunk of man meat. I want him inside me right now”.

  • Ms.Moon

    Feminism has not hurt anybody. A real man can appreciate a woman who can meet him where he is socially, mentally and economically. This is becoming the norm across cultures. I have a friend they’re Indian from India and she has two sons. In their culture it’s traditional for the parents to arrange a marriage for the children. Her kids are American, they were born here, grew up here but they still maintain this tradition. Her sons are feminists, they know their mom worked hard and did so much to support them through their lives and through their careers. They want wives like their mom. They want women who will be great mothers, but women who also have careers and can engage with them in the society that they move through as well. They are not married yet, but their mom loves that they appreciate her, and they don’t mind that she had to work and they want their wives to work because it’s important for them as well.

  • Khavrinen

    Diplomats from Not America aren’t really sure how to handle Trump

    HazMat suits and lots of hand sanitizer?

  • HazooToo

    Why does every fucking asshole claim that there’s some kind of healing process going on? Does ANYBODY feel like breathing the same air as a Trump supporter? Is anyone finding it more peaceful lately, with the roving gangs of tiki-torch Nazis on the march? Is anyone feeling more safe when they leave the house, with people running over protestors, snitching their neighbors, ex-wives and employees out to ICE, and that delightful frantic calling Congress to beg them not to kill us every time they get an itch up their butt about creating a new horrible plan to kill us?

    • Mike Steele

      Thinking globally, while acting locally, Lady MS ditched her highly-skilled and reasonably-priced hairdresser of umpteen years. It was only an hour, only $30 (including generous tip) and only every six weeks, but what was supposed to be a relaxing hour of self-indulgence inevitably turned into a heated debate with a clueless local who gleans all of her ‘news’ from Faux and FB. Would rather look like an unshorn sheep than give her another dime or listen to another Fox-fueled rant. Likewise (looking at you, Tucson coffee shop), businesses should realize that money is green and it’s in their best interests to keep commerce apart from politics. Sadly, current regime encourages such co-mingling with regard to religion. That has GOT to stop, and we must withhold our Ameros to make it so.

      • HazooToo

        It doesn’t sound like you and your wife are being very sensitive to the HEALING PROCESS, Mike! How are we supposed to HEAL AS A NATION if you won’t submit to having your wounds picked for an hour every six weeks?! /s

        I totally agree.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    I would love to see Chump and Rexxon sit down at opposite sides of a room, sweating over a IQ test. I doubt we would be privy to the results though, they would be deemed a national security risk, can`t have our allies or enemies know there is a dotard in the WH.

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