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He gets cranky if there's no pudding
baby has a upset

So many things are making Donald Trump just a WILD AND CRAZY GUY the past couple of weeks! Consider:

So you know what this means, right? It means literally every news publication, from Southern Living to Tiger Beat, has its own gossipy article about how Donald Trump may be about to have a nuclear explosion from his diaper hole!

We’ll start with Trump’s Forbes interview, because it has the thing everybody’s LOLing about, where the moron president seems to be challenging his Sec State to an IQ TEST DUEL:

He counterpunches, in this case firing a shot at Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, who reportedly called his boss a moron: “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”

PLZ GIRL, Rex Tillerson was the CEO of one of the biggest corporations in the world, whereas all the president has ever done in his life is grabbed a few pusses and driven a bunch of companies into the ground. So unless the follow-up to “I can tell you who is going to win” is “Rex Tillerson,” then Trump is yet again full of shit.

Maybe they are doing the IQ test during lunch today at the White House, where the two BFFs are dining (as we speak!) with Trump babysitter Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis. Or maybe Trump will pound his tiny fist on the tray of his high chair, hurl one of his ice cream scoops at Tillerson’s face, and fire him. It’s Trump’s America, we’re just living in it!

Now let’s look at a couple fun articles in Politico and the Washington Post, which use interviews with White House staffers and other people near Trump to confirm literally everything Bob Corker said about him, especially the parts about how they have to constantly burp the baby and distract the baby and change the baby and distract the baby again, just to keep the place running. The Politico thing is more of a backgrounder on what a petulant loser Trump has been since forever, while WaPo focuses on how Trump is about to ‘splode RIGHT NOW. Shall we simply throw quotes at your face? WE SHALL!

Politico!

As White House chief of staff, Reince Priebus mused to associates that telling President Donald Trump no was usually not an effective strategy. Telling him “next week” was often the better idea.

WaPo!

One Trump confidant likened the president to a whistling teapot, saying that when he does not blow off steam, he can turn into a pressure cooker and explode. “I think we are in pressure cooker territory,” said this person, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to talk candidly.

Politico!

“You either had to just convince him something better was his idea or ignore what he said to do and hoped he forgot about it the next day,” said Barbara Res, a former executive in the Trump Organization.

WaPo!

“His presidency could be doomed,” said this person, who spoke on the condition of anonymity so as not to alienate the president or his staff.

Politico!

Trump has, on several occasions, walked down to the Oval Office in the morning and told aides he knew they didn’t like the tweets he’d sent earlier.

“They’re not presidential, I know,” he said, with a mocking tone on the word “presidential,” according to one person familiar with his comments.

Oh god, that fucking child.

We wish we had some magic advice to give all these people who are forced to share breathing space with the president every day. We just don’t know what to suggest, though. Throw the tennis ball? Squeak the squeaky? Hide the nuclear football at Barack Obama’s house? Invoke Article 25? WHO CAN EVEN SAY.

We’re sure Trump’s handlers have everything under control. You bet. Just don’t let anybody call in sick for their shift at the adult daycare again, OK?

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[Forbes / Washington Post / Politico]

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  • Bill D. Burger
    • wide_stance_hubby

      As I have said all along, party loyalty is unwaivering…until their socks get wet.

      • chazmanr

        Oh?! Corker was planning on retiring anyhow and only spoke up now. The deck chairs are floating, the band is still playing “Hail to the Chief” and the GOP is still wondering why they are up to their knees in ice water.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Denial is more than knee high for these. It’s all they know.

          • chazmanr

            What has happened is that the GOP voters have been kicking out moderates in lieu of more conservative candidates each election for the past 30+ years. With each election, the new candidate who is trying to unseat from the right has to say something more caustic and bombastic to get elected. It is why in 2010, idiotic comments about rape would cost you an election. Now idiotic comments about rape are required to get elected in a red state. One party alone is responsible for our division as a people and our completely dysfunctional Congress and it isn’t the Democrats.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I don’t know which US Amercians a coworker of mine talked to and told him they are happy with him but they are fucking morons. He also told me that Hilsbot is the worst.

    Stories like this make me question my coworker ‘s judgement.

    • MrTusks

      There are people who fully believe the President of the United States’ only job is to cut taxes and scare his enemies.

    • chazmanr

      Your coworker seems to make poor choices as to which Americans to talk to since his approval rating is between 36 and 40% depending on his latest tweet.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Sure, he’s incompetent, evil and stupid. But, whatever, waiting for Congress to do something about the dumpster fire at the head of the country is just too needy, right?

    • ManchuCandidate

      People who are really needy people are worst people in the world.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Streisand said: “No. I won’t do it.”….

    • jesterpunk

      “He is still learning”

      Paul Ryan

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Well, now he has to do something really stupid to prove that no one can control him.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s up to the task!

  • Joe Beese

    Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Others Say Weinstein Harassed Them

    His alleged behavior became something of a Hollywood open secret: When the comedian Seth MacFarlane announced Oscar nominees in 2013, he joked, “Congratulations, you five ladies no longer have to pretend to be attracted to Harvey Weinstein.” The audience laughed.

    Perhaps Meryl Streep, seen here at the 2013 Oscars presenting the Best Actor award, was backstage in makeup and didn’t hear the joke.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jeff Ackerman

    I guess this is how empires come to an end, not pretty.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Not with a bang, but with a Tweet.

      • Daniel

        Not with a bang, but on Twitter.

      • Could still be some bangs, though.

      • Three Finger Salute

        A covfefe

    • laughingnome

      Someone has to make their horse a senator first. That’s the rule.

    • JMP

      At least the Romans have the excuse that Caligula, Nero and Commodus all got to be Emperor through inheriting the position; we actually elected (well, sort of) the giant crazed baby.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I would have liked to see a horse appointed to high office, first.

    • Creepoman

      From a purely historical viewpoint, this is a pretty cool time to be around – witnessing the self-inflicted collapse of one of the greatest military, technological, and economic powers to ever exist (art, not so much) only happens every millennium or so. But the actual living-through-it part sucks ass.

      • Three Finger Salute

        There’s a quote attributed (possibly misattributed) to the Marquis de Lafayette saying that modern democracies only last about 250 years.

        He was a decade off.

      • Claire

        It would be a lot cooler to watch it from a distance.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    IQ tests for everyone!

    You know, I think Dotard would be much better off challenging people to tests on malevolent narcissistic qualities if “winning” is what he’s interested in. His numbers would be higher than most any other takers.

  • theblackdog

    Oh hell no!

    https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/10/nfl-owners-to-consider-rule-change-that-would-require-players-to-stand-for-national-anthem-report.html

    I just became a season ticket holder for the Ravens and while they completely fucked up and should have actually given Kaepernick a larger tryout or a signing, our owner has stated he is in favor of allowing players to protest. However, if this rule passes or if Bisciotti goes back on his word and votes yes, I’m done. I’ll sell off the rest of my tickets for this year, donate the proceeds to charity, and I will not renew.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The owners have decided that the bullshit “unity” stuff they did a couple weeks ago should have been enough.
      Plus, apparently the NRA has decided to take the NFL on with an asinine “We Stand” campaign that will be rolling out soon on TV.

      • theblackdog

        I’m sure there’s gonna be plenty of white fans who show up wearing US flag paraphernalia again like I saw at the last home game :-/

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Maybe it’s time the NFL comes out with an “NRA Abets Murderers” campaign.

    • Oblios_Cap

      They’re afraid they might lose their tax bennies. Don’t they know that Congress can’t pass any kind of bill right now?

      • theblackdog

        Apparently not. Even if the NFL lost its tax bennies, all the owners would have their tax rates slashed if by a miracle Congress passed the orange one’s tax plan.

    • Rags

      Since it wouldn’t affect you financially, I hope that if it comes to that, there will be no market for the tix.

      • theblackdog

        It does affect me financially because I already pre-paid for the tickets before any of this happened. However, I won’t gain from it either since I’ll donate the funds to charity.

  • jesterpunk

    “People who boast about their I.Q. are losers.”

    Stephen Hawking.

    • JMP

      The mark of true intelligence is constantly bragging about how smart you allegedly are.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcGQpjCztgA

    • TippingHeadon

      Any mention of one’s IQ is basically a confession of extreme self loathing and feelings of inadequacy.

      Completely (if imperfectly) masked by virulent narcissism.

      • MrTusks

        Even bothering to find your IQ is also a sign.

        • TippingHeadon

          You can end up being tested for a variety of legitimate reasons, especially as a child.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      We knew this, already, from all the times he said he was “rich”

      • james crubb

        Plus all the times he said he is a nice guy, though I’m guessing in the way Mussolini was a nice guy.

    • Manhattan123

      “People who boast about the size of their hands have microscopic dicks.”
      – Every woman who has been soiled by Trump. (Including the Russian piss prostitutes).

  • Daniel

    “We’re going to have to do something about Obamacare because it’s failing. Henry Kissinger does not want to pay a one hundred and sixteen percent increase in his premiums, and it’s getting worse. It is getting worse by the minute, so we’re going to have to do something about Obamacare.”

    This was Trump today.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Sounds legit!

    • laughingnome

      Henry Kissinger? Wow

      • Daniel

        He’s the doctor of my dreams.

        • The Wanderer

          With his crinkly hair?

          • Daniel

            And his glassy stare.

          • The Wanderer

            And his Machiavellian schemes.

      • Creepoman

        Only the good die young.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “It’s a Miracle!”….

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I can totally believe this is a real quote, but wot?

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Does anyone really care if Henry Kissinger has health care? I mean, I’m sure the Hague would take care of him.

      • Daniel

        The Netherlands has excellent healthcare.

    • Arolpin

      Does he realize that Henry Kissinger is fucking old, and on Medicare, and therefore NOT USING OBAMACARE you fucking rotten, discarded foreskin?!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Henry Kissinger deserves a one hundred and sixteen percent increase in his health care premiums.

      He also deserves to be in hell, getting millions of little paper-cuts, which they then treat with iodine, which they keep charging him for because his deductible is INFINITE DOLLARS!

    • Claire

      Who among his mouth-breathing base even knows who Henry Kissinger is?

      • Daniel

        The ones who know the apex of Western Civilisation is a meme of a cartoon frog, though they spell his name with parentheses.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “We wish we had some magic advice to give all these people who are forced to share breathing space with the president every day.”

    I have some advice. Quit.

  • JMP

    We really are going to need a joint subcommittee on the President’s mood swings, and soon.

  • laughingnome

    Will they extend maternity leave so Vanky can take care of the baby? He gives new meaning to the term baby daddy.

  • beingreleased

    Hillary released a statement:
    https://twitter.com/NickMerrill/status/917803750869426176
    However, since she didn’t call for his immediate public execution, so expect to hear how this is actually a defense of Weinstein.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • beingreleased

        I haven’t seen anyone mention that Roger Ailes was fired given his $40 million severance package, Trump brought him on as a campaign advisor.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Funny that, ain’t it?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Fake news. His package wasn’t severed, and there’s no way that phallic petri dish is worth $40 million.

      • Daniel

        Weinstein produced things people are proud of!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      It won’t be enough for some people. And it will be too much for others.

      And sheesh, she could smile a little more when she released it.

      • beingreleased

        “And sheesh, she could smile a little more when she released it.”

        But not too much.

        • laughingnome

          I’m not sure this statement will play well with working class whites.

          • Paperless Tiger

            Too detailed.

          • Creepoman

            Pro tip: to save keystrokes on “working class whites” you can go with “racists.”

          • cmd resistor

            She should have said it in Wisconsin.

      • jesterpunk

        The same people complaining she didnt comment will now complain she wont shut up and go away.

        • beingreleased

          But let’s hear what Mitt Romney has to say about it.

          • Donna Mueller

            yes, because..dressage and all.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Finally. Now the country can have closure.

    • cmd resistor

      Yeah, the CNN story/update (Cillizza?) noted that she had not said whether she’d give back campaign donations. Don’t these idiots have better shit to obsess about?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    My curiosity has never been so morbid….

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      If it wasn’t for all the death and destruction I could watch Drumpf twist in the wind for 3 more years.

  • BearLeft

    From the stink, I’d say he needs to be changed. Too bad the GOP doesn’t have any clean diapers!

    • redarmyzombie

      Maybe the they should ask David Vitter-oh wait, nevermind…

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’m all in favor of sending in the guys in the white coats to strap his ass into a straitjacket and drag him out kicking and screaming.

    • MynameisBlarney

      SECOND!

      • elviouslyqueer

        SO MOVED!

        • marxalot

          Motion carries.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      They’ll have to get Marlin Perkins from Wild Animal Kingdom to dart him with a tranquilizer first.

      • MynameisBlarney

        With the 0 gauge needle!

      • Arolpin

        Actually, Marlin just stands back and lets Jim dart him and then wrestle him down.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Not this time.
          Marlin wants this shot.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Would watch again. And again. . .

  • TJ Barke

    WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?

    • JMP

      There’s something happening here; what it is ain’t exactly clear.

      • Daniel

        There’s a man with a gun over there, telling me to kneel if I dare.

        • I think it’s time we stop, children, what’s that sound. Everybody look what’s going down

          • wide_stance_hubby

            I am unsure how to spell the musical sounds that follow that.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      A narcissist is President.

      • MynameisBlarney

        A narcissist with acute Male Histrionic Personality Disorder.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          It’s just never a good idea to tell a narcissist no or tell them they are misbehaving because they don’t do shame at all. Not one little bit. And they don’t think about the consequences of their actions much of the time and are only interested in trying to make themselves look grander.

        • laughingnome

          Cool movie idea, terrifying reality show.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The country got destabilized by a hostile foreign power with the aid of a bunch of gullible nitwits.

    • OutOfOrbit

      nuttin is happening. mueller is obsessing over loose threads and congress is glad to have everybody looking in another direction so they can crime some crimes

      • MynameisBlarney

        I wouldn’t call what Mueller is doing, “obsessing over loose threads” just yet.
        This is a situation where the are multiple players that committed/are committing multiple felonies over multiple decades, etc…
        I’d rather he not rush things along.

        • TJ Barke

          Don’t want to leave these fuckers any bolt holes…

        • OutOfOrbit

          if mueller is unwilling to act before every thread [to every suspected/alledged crime] is traced to its final end, he will never act cuz these peeps are criming faster than he can investigate and these crimes have so many players … pfft

          is it too early to discuss these mass shootings (trumpco crimes) while they’re still going on? you seem to be saying just that

          • MynameisBlarney

            Oh for fucks sake dude. Seriously?
            That is not what I’m saying at all.
            What I actually said in the post in question is that I’d rather him take the time and get a water-tight case rather than rush through the investigation and leave avenues of escape for those fascist bastards to use to get away with this shit.

          • OutOfOrbit

            “water-tight case”? what exactly is that? when do you know you’re there? they told us the Titanic was unsinkable so full speed ahead into a field iceburgs. ok, that analogy sux. but we have an infantile moron with his liddle’ biddy fingers fondling the launch codes and you want to wait for a “wate-tight case”. the potential cost of requiring an [absolute certainty of conviction] which does not exist is M.A.D.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ok, at this point, I’m just gonna step back and move on to another thread.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Shitty things, TJ.
      Really fucking shitty things.

      • TJ Barke

        HOW DO WE GET OUT OF THIS ONION NEWS NIGHTMARE UNIVERSE!?

        • laughingnome

          No Exit. – Sartre

          • TJ Barke

            Suicide. -Camus

          • Daniel

            Just grin and bear it- Sisyphus

          • TJ Barke

            *sob*

        • MynameisBlarney

          By making sure turmp is out of office ASAP and his cronies too.

          • TJ Barke

            But the altards will still be there, Bannon will still peddling neofascism… the dark enlightenment freaks will still be buying influence to destroy democracy…

          • Paperless Tiger

            Banish them back to the fringe.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Well, boys, we got three engines out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader’s mule, the radio is gone and we’re leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we’d need sleigh bells on this thing…”

      • The Wanderer

        (cues up When Johnny Comes Marching Home)

      • Nockular cavity

        All right, let’s rephrase that: “What in th’ Wide World of Sports is goin’ on?!?”

        • The Wanderer

          “Sorry, Mr. Taggart, we kinda got caught up!”

  • CutterTeam
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Or was it strawberry ice cream? Am I making things up and mis-remembering?

      • Maggielle

        No, strawberries. And ball bearings. And then the mutiny, which we will not get.

        • Cat Cafe

          And “Old Yellowstain,” which is also appropriate.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I think ice cream went missing before the strawberries.

        • Maggielle

          Could be. I’m not miserable enough, so I think a double feature of The Caine Mutiny and Fail-Safe is on the docket for tonight.

          • Oblios_Cap

            I went and looked. The strawberries were served with ice cream and Queeg thought one quart was missing the next day.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            The mess boys kneeling NFL players ate them!

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Nope. Queeg loved eating ice cream, but no missing ice cream plays any part in the plot.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    He doesn’t realize he’s POTUS.

    • laughingnome

      He’s still learning. – Paul Ryan

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    This is fine.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I would literally rather have Donna Rose running the country, even though she’s in her “terrible twos” phase. I still think she’d be kinder, smarter, and more even keeled.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Plus, mandated nap times would be a welcome change.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I don’t think she’d be spending a great deal of time golfing, either.

    • marxalot

      My four-year-old nephew is currently unemployed. He knows how to use doors and say “please.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hadrien Trudeau can do governance-by-iPhone a million times better than Donnie.

        https://shawetcanada.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/96039709_18358923_10155514520060649_6737292327177528948_o.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&strip=all

        But Justin wouldn’t put his son in the unenviable position of being principal to a free-range daycare of 330 million reform-school rejects.

      • Catstro

        After going to the county fair, my three year old can give you the basics of how a modern milking parlour works, so she’s qualified to run the USDA at the very least.

        Also, she hasn’t pooped on the floor in weeks, and that was an accident. Not spite-shitting on the floor? Presidential.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My one year old nephew is kind of talking, and apparently he like to dance, plus he smiles a lot, and everyone thinks he’s cute, so maybe he could be Secretary of State, or something.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    About to have a blowout? Where you been?

  • gallbladder
  • CutterTeam

    I watch this madness unfold each day. Jesus Fucking Christ on a pogo stick, you can be fired at Dairy Queen for forgetting a spoon.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I watched Trump this morning, and thought to myself “so anyone can literally be president of this country.”

      • Atheist

        Yup. As long as he’s white, male, and believes in the power of grabbing pussies, they’re a shoe in!

        • LeftyProud

          That is why his base loves him. He is just like them.

    • Atheist

      A black man was recently fired from his job for sitting during the national anthem.

      But Trump is still president no matter how hideously he behaves.

      Go figure.

  • Nockular cavity

    We’re going to be vaporized because he wants to sneer about being “Presidential,” aren’t we?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Starting a nuclear war isn’t Presidential, I know”

    • gallbladder

      (applies 10,000,000,000 SPF sunscreen)

    • The Wanderer

      Just strap in and hang on.

      • laughingnome

        I read that as just a strap on

        • The Wanderer

          LOL
          Either way, we’re fucked.

          • redarmyzombie

            Hey, at least one of these things is better than the other!

          • The Wanderer

            Indeed, yes! A nice pegging can work wonders.

        • redarmyzombie

          Same.

        • Dutchman

          So, it wasn’t just me then.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Just some of us…

    • JAKvirginia

      When I left FL in 2012 to return to DC friends asked why. “I’m going home to die” I said sarcastically. Little did I know….

    • MrTusks

      I guarantee the red button has been rerouted to the TV. It’ll turn on Fox, and he’ll forget what he wanted to do after a few minutes.

  • The Wanderer

    OT, but North Texas Cattle Molesters owner Jerry Jones said last week that he’d bench anyone who took a knee during the anthem. Of course, I think the skeevy old bastard’s missing a point – what if the entire team takes a knee?

    And if the league votes to change the rules and require a player to stand, what might the NFLPA say about it?

    • marxalot

      Every Cowboys fan I know (along with the driving population of DFW) hates Jerry Jones.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m hoping the whole team takes a knee too, and LET him try to make them ALL sit the game out. I’m also wishing I watched sportsball, so I could stop watching the sportsball.

      • The Wanderer

        Truly, I would relish watching the Cattle Molesters, or the Maryland Indigenous Persons, or the Northwest Blue Man Group be forced to forfeit.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          If it costs Jerry Jones any money, he’ll suddenly gain a conscience, and say “well, I guess they have a right to free speech after all.”

          • The Wanderer

            Precisely. All of the anal cysts I heard on the radio this morning said that he was doing it for purely bottom-line reasons.

      • Covfefe

        Don’t y’all go “I’m Colin Kaepernick” on me.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Today, we are ALL Colin Kaepernick.

    • Asterix

      I, too, also, hope none of the players show up for their next scheduled game.

      After all, Massa told them if they take a knew they won’t play, so….

      • The Wanderer

        And, for bonus Irony Points, a baseball player was seen celebrating (his team won their playoff series) by stripping down to American Flag Tight Y-front Underwear and dancing under a champagne shower.

        With not a murmur from anyone about disrespecting the flag.

        • JAKvirginia

          Pics or it didn’t…. please?

          • Erala Contratista

            Saw part of the tape……..ugh

    • Covfefe

      Good point. If it’s a “condition of employment,” it’s a “mandatory subject of collective bargaining.”

  • Beanz&Berryz

    I did my diapering of a couple kidses. Blow-outs are the worst. A literal shit-storm. “How does it get that far?” And that was just a literal babby/toddler…

    • Daniel

      I worry now about how much is being retained by that bloated body of his, and how much that skin will drape once it’s all out.

      • gallbladder

        Vivid, but poignant.

    • I had one of those colon washes at one of those new age health places, and let me tell you I was on the pot for almost an hour afterwards. That was the biggest blowout I ever had…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Containment vessels… good for colon washes and nuclear meltdowns.

  • Ricky Gay

    Aw, those poor Trump babysitters.
    Who needs a huggie?

    • JohnBull

      One big enough to wrap around both sides.

  • BigCSouthside

    the presidential staff is nodding and smiling in hopes grandpa will forget what he said

    EVERYONE knows he’s fucked up, why is nothing done?

    and, if you voted for, and supported trump, your right to vote should be suspended, like when you get a DUI

  • We wish we had some magic advice to give all these people who are forced to share breathing space with the president every day.

    Repent. Quit. Put on sackcloth and ashes. Go down to your local homeless shelter, food bank, ACLU office, NAACP chapter, refugee resettlement society, and volunteer to do anything, even clean their toilets to make up for agreeing to work for President Baby Hands Shithead in the first place.

  • marxalot

    REPENT

    • Marion in Savannah

      How can I repent? I never pented in the first place.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Prepenting saves huge amounts of time.

      • Daniel

        How do you feel about the human form where you were born?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Are you the Tick-Tock Man?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Can the secret service change his code-name from “Mogul” to Cluster-B?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Diddums”

  • we’ll have to compare IQ tests

    Trump’s is no doubt buried under his tax filing documents.

  • Paperless Tiger

    You want a test? You’re soaking in it!

  • Michael Smith

    In the early 1960’s, the leaders of the Chinese Communist Party were starting to become very worried about Chairman Mao’s competence.

    He had pursued a gargantuan agricultural reform program in the late 1950’s, over the advice of counselors who told him it would be a humanitarian catastrophe. It was. Millions were starving by the early 60s with no end in sight. But Mao wouldn’t change course because he was obsessed with showing that fake communist Kruschev that he (Mao) was the better socialist.

    Eventually, his coterie began ignoring him, and putting a stop to the deadly agricultural reforms without his permission. They were also making plans to oust him in one way or the other. When Mao woke up to the fact that he had no friends left in Beijing, he disappeared. He re-emerged having “gone down to the country,” meeting with the regular Chinese folks, uneducated and blissfully ignorant of his culpability for their plight. He told them that the Party, which had just saved all of their lives by stopping his genocidal reforms, was betraying communism and was becoming taken in by those fake communists like the Russians, who were slipping back into capitalist imperialism.

    He used pamphlets and mass broadcast techniques to mobilize the people against all forms of authority – national, state and local government, schools, other institutional leaders. They called it the Cultural Revolution, and it was basically a decade-long reign of terror (with a particularly intense 3 year period at the beginning).

    I don’t think Trump has the cult of personality at this point that Mao had after being the country’s widely beloved hero of unification and independence since 1949 – but I’ve noticed that Trump deploys a similar strategy of “going down to the country,” whenever justice seems to start catching up with his madness.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That explains the almost constant rallies and tweets to his “base.”

      • Paperless Tiger

        God help them if they take to the streets around here though.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Cluster B personality disorders

    Cluster B personality disorders are characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior. They include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder

    Narcissistic personality disorder

    Belief that you’re special and more important than others

    Fantasies about power, success and attractiveness

    Failure to recognize others’ needs and feelings

    Exaggeration of achievements or talents

    Expectation of constant praise and admiration

    Arrogance

    Unreasonable expectations of favors and advantages, often taking advantage of others

    Envy of others or belief that others envy you

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Is Trump’s picture in the DSM as a textbook example? Christ, that sums him up perfectly.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Trump’s biography is the D.S.M.

      • Atheist

        There’s not enough room in the textbook for all the pictures of Trump supporters to go right along with him.

  • beingreleased

    Trump should challenge Rex to Jeopardy. This is how it works, right? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5cce6dd48ecd253a79bba1260c8f278383e18fc996bd9e1feee09a1e011e5dad.jpg

  • CutterTeam

    Remember the final episode of CBS’s “Newhart” where Bob wakes up in bed and it turns out the entire series was a dream?

    I want to go there.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Take me with?

    • laughingnome

      In bed with Bob Newhart? Yeah, okay if it gets me out of here.

    • theblackdog

      Except this feels like it’s going to turn into Dallas after the Bobby Ewing shower scene.

    • mailman27

      With Suzanne Plechette as your wife? I’ll bet you do!

  • Asterix

    And the Republicans, in charge of EVERYTHING, do NOTHING.

    USA!USA!USA!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      We should all be thanking some deity for that. If they were actually able to enact any of their horrible ideas, we’d be severely screwed.

  • To be fair, Trump is confident that he’ll win an IQ test against Tillerson because he thinks that “I.Q.” stands for “intelligence questioned”.

  • BigCSouthside

    Trump claims a 156 IQ. 156 is substantially higher than your average PhD. this guy knows like 30 words

    • jesterpunk

      He invented the word “fake” and the phrase “prime the pump” though.

      • BigCSouthside

        #Geenyus

    • Spurning Beer

      The original calculation of IQ scores was mental age divided by chronological age. That would indicate he has the mental powers of a 110-year old man, which is about right, I’d say.

    • TJ Barke

      Even if by some miracle he had one that high in the past, ain’t no way he has it still.

    • tza

      I’m 152 and no fucking way that dickweed is smarter than me. He can’t even read more than one page, I read on a college level by third grade. Case closed.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Don’t even go there… donald actually has an IQ of over 700. Ask him….

        • mailman27

          Wait, wasn’t 700 his total SAT score?

    • Roadstergal

      He also claimed to be taller and slimmer than he actually is, didn’t he?

      Oh, and qualified to be President. He’s definitely not an accurate source.

    • elviouslyqueer

      He can’t enough count to 51, for crying out loud.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yes, you are the smartest president. Now let the nice general do his work.

    • therblig

      probably something his mother told him when other kids called him stupid.

      • cmd resistor

        Or else there are imaginary numbers involved in that score.

    • cmd resistor

      I would venture to say no way that was based on a legit test.

    • SweetDeeKat

      My IQ is a tad lower than that, but I understand how the three branches of government work.

    • The Wanderer

      I know a guy who has an IQ of 158. He’s on Death Row.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I thought Kaczynski was a lifer.

    • Daniel

      But those thirty are the best words.

    • gallbladder

      More like 140 characters.

    • Spurning Beer

      Trump claims a lot of things. He’s full of shit.

      I used to administer and interpret IQ tests for a living.

      1. IQ does not mean what he thinks it means.
      2. If he ever scored above 115, it was on a bogus click-bait internet IQ test.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Your IQ? Let me just say two things, alright? One, fifty-six. And two, these things don’t matter, really. It’s what kind of person you are inside.”

      “MY IQ IS 156! I HAVE TEH BEST BRAIN!!!”

  • Covfefe

    Marci Wheeler says that DiFi says that the public hasn’t seen the full Steele Dossier. DiFi says there more to come. https://www.emptywheel.net/2017/10/09/difi-confirms-the-public-steele-dossier-is-not-the-whole-thing/

    • TJ Barke

      And yet it appears to accurately assess Donnie Dotard.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • grindstone

    “It’s Trump’s America, we’re just living in it!”

    You call this living?

  • Covfefe

    moron mo·ron (môr’ŏn’) n. A person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of from 7 to 12 years and generally having communication and social skills enabling some degree of academic or vocational education. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.

  • jesterpunk
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Let’s play a game:
    If Trump weren’t a narcissist, what would he do differently?

    • jesterpunk

      Everything?

    • He wouldn’t have run for president in the first place.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Naw. There’s a world of difference between a little healthy narcissism–which you are going to need to run for President–and NPD.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, he’d still be an entitled racist d-bag, but he probably wouldn’t keep bragging about how bangable his daughter is.

    • Covfefe

      If not a narcissist, Donald wold diversify his inherited wealth, clip bonds and play golf. Also too, he would keep his hands off his dotter.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Be happy and more wealthy than he could ever dream of.

    • Spurning Beer

      Die of shame.

    • laughingnome

      He would actually give money to charity and quietly. Play with his grand kids and learn another language and culture. Travel.

    • jesterpunk

      He might actually be rich, if he had just invested in index funds he would have had more money then he does now.

    • Sacrifice his babyparts while still in the womb.

    • JAKvirginia

      Comb his hair to the left?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Everything, Katie

  • Dutchman

    For reasons that I can’t seem to divine, I have Gene Gene The Dancing Machine as a visualization. Uncertain whether that says more about The Gropenfuhrer or me.

  • CutterTeam

    I’m not quite ready to start kneeling during the national anthem, but I’m fully prepared to start sniffing glue.

  • Cat Cafe

    It’s so weird to be hoping for a military coup.

    • Creepoman

      I hear they’re quite common in banana republics such as ours.

      • laughingnome

        Bananas Republic

        • Daniel

          Wrong! “Banana” is a plural. The singular is “bananum”.

          • Marion in Savannah

            That’s a fascinating datum.

          • Daniel

            Data are a different fruit, which come from a palm.

  • Roadstergal

    Do we have an official safe source of tea for Steele? I don’t want this guy coming down with a bad case of Putin Poisoning.

  • cmd resistor

    Those Politico strategies remind me of stuff that sometimes worked with my 5 year old way back when.

  • proudgrampa

    “His presidency could be doomed,” said this person, who spoke on the condition of anonymity so as not to alienate the president or his staff.

    Better his presidency than US.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s the yooogest open secret of the past 100 years.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      because what is the presidency compared to your need for anonymity…?

  • Bright Bart
    • BreakingDeadMen

      Yes, but the Czechs are free from Russia

      • Three Finger Salute

        I thought all his checks came from Russia.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          That’s why he’s unballanced

          • Three Finger Salute

            Unfair and unbalanced. Fox Noise: We Distort, He Genocides. You can’t explain that!

        • therblig

          his money from russia and his czechs for free

    • Bright Bart
    • Ah, the good old days, when a President was required to have a brain and heart.
      And we had the Festrunk brothers instead of the Festeringtrump brothers.

      • Bright Bart

        ya! Eric and Donnie were never this cool on a saturday night.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Breaking News: Tillerson has accepted Trump’s IQ test challenge with the warning that he knows the other 24 letters of the alphabet as well.

    • beingreleased

      Does he know the bonus letters like ç, è, and ñ?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Soçiališt letters.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Товарисч

      • Three Finger Salute

        I knew I should have written to Post Cereal and asked if I could make those foreign-language Alpha-Bits.

        I doubt he knows the Canadian schwa, pronounced “əh.”

      • MrTusks

        Find them all and unlock the upside-down messican exclamation point.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      No I’m not big fan of Rex, but I would be willing to wager a modest amount of money that he understands how to read at least three more alphabets than Donnie Dipshit.

  • SweetDeeKat

    I’m calling babby libelz here. Babbies and toddlers do learn from their acts. And they’re cuddly.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Holy. Fucking. Shit.

  • TootsStansbury

    Donnie had a golf cart, Donnie had a bell, and if he don’t get kick backs he’ll send you off to hello operator give me number nine and if you disrespect me I’ll show my fat behind the resolute desk I’ll sign your rights away and if you do protest me I’ll plug my ears and say I’m a big fat baby as stupid as a cow and I’m so presidential and want my two scoops now!

    Whew

    • redarmyzombie

      *claps*

    • laughingnome

      James Joyce libelz!!

      • therblig

        Sleazy plump Fuck Trumpaggin came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of ice cream on which a cellphone and a spoon lay crossed.

    • JAKvirginia

      Needs moar… no, no it doesn’t. Sweet!

  • Anyone else get the feeling some underling totes lied when the iq results came in?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Graded on a curve, obviously. Multiplied by dog years and recalibrated in base 12.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So Harvey Weinstein is now accused of raping three women, so why hasn’t Hillary been arrested yet?

    • Vincent Ricola

      According to CNN, she should be locked up with her cellmate Michelle Obama right now.

      • Michelle…ran for office ever?

        • Vincent Ricola

          Everyone knows when a man sexually harasses, it’s the fault of every powerful women that exists for not magically stopping it from happening. Everyone knows.

          • cmd resistor

            Well, as Wingnut Bro says, Hillary “enabled” Bill, so therefore unqualified to be President.

          • Vincent Ricola

            Wingnut Bro and apparently the fine minds at CNN.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • CutterTeam

    Want to know how messed up this all is? “He wants to fuck his own daughter” is now only about the 11th-most-disturbing thing about him.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      you left out the word “again.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT – Can someone please point me in the direction of all the CNN segments where Chris fuckbag Cillizza and Dana Bash and Wolf Blitzer railed against all the members of the GOP who didn’t return campaign contributions from Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes? There must be a million of clips of these disgusted conversations among the CNN braintrust considering how fucking condescending and awful they are being on my teevee right now.

    • jesterpunk
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The female head of the GOP was on CNN yesterday boo hooing about Harvey Weinstein. When the head of your party, and POTUS, has been accused of assaulting 25 women, and is on tape bragging about it, you really should just shut up.

    • cmd resistor

      They had idiots doing the same thing this morning before I left for work. Wonder if they have done anything else all day?

      • Vincent Ricola

        Oh they’ve amped it way up since this morning. CNN had to switch from the “where’s the statement why won’t Hillary and Michelle make statements” to “Hillary made a statement but it wasn’t good enough and why doesn’t she return the donations this is so unfair to Trump.”

        Fuuuuuuuck them.

        Edited: And bless Ben Affleck for making his statement.

        • cmd resistor

          The last news thing I give a shit about this week is who has/has not “condemned” this guy of whom I’d never even heard before this scandal.

        • Three Finger Salute

          So… is Ben gonna be on the oots with Mmmmaaatt Daaaamon?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Adult day care? This can mean only one thing: Good-bye, Moon.

  • Roadstergal

    “Starting a nuclear war with North Korea over hurt feefees isn’t _presidential_, I know.”

    “Enlisting the aid of a foreign power to cheat a my way to the necessary electoral college votes isn’t _presidential_, I know.”

    “Banging my daughter isn’t _presidential_, I know.”

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Banging my daughter isn’t _presidential_, I know…but a little head is okay, right?”

    • Manders

      And that just tells you how few fucks he actually gives about being presidential, despite promising his swarm of morons that he could totally be presidential any time he chose. He can’t. He’s a fucking thug and he’s not a good enough actor to pretend otherwise.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Norwegian TV news just reported, in the usual sober tone of newsreaders, on Trump’s challenge to Tillerson. And then the anchors giggled a little, because it’s impossible to report on the current US president with a completely straight face.

    • Marion in Savannah

      That does it. Time for me to start drinking. Heavily.

      • Invidosa

        Oh man. . . .you’re waaaaay behind the rest of us!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Here in Holland we have reached the point that calling him a dick, jerk, douche or asshole is considered normal and accepted on late night talk shows and no not all of the have a comical angle.

      • Eileen Besse

        Here in the part of ‘Murica with a functioning brain, it’s reaching that point….

      • Three Finger Salute

        I think Canada really wants to, but… it’s not polite. Also too, nuclear fallout. In Soviet America, a MOAB once bit yer møøse… No realli!

    • Teecha

      In the uk, comedians despair because there are no jokes to write. The joke exists, only it’s not really very fucking funny.

      • Werewolf

        Samantha Bee back in November:

        “And don’t say the jokes will write themselves! Jokes don’t write themselves! Jews write jokes, and they’re scared shitless!”

    • TJ Barke

      Now the world’s laughing at us…

      • jaspersdad

        Now?

        • TJ Barke

          It was one of his campaign things “the world is laughing at us, vote for me!” They’re definitely laughing at us now…

          • Strepsi

            I actually saw a commenter on another site say “Thank god Hillary is not president, we’d be an international laughingstock!” Obviously someone who has NEVER travelled outside the U.S.

          • Invidosa

            Or has, you know, had two functional brain cells at the same time?

        • We laughed at you in the 80s when you let that cowboy actor run things

      • Strepsi
      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        I can’t let myself think about how much the world LOVED Obama, and how cool they thought we were for electing him.
        it was nice being the Good Smart Guys for 8 years.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Donald Trump may be about to have a nuclear explosion from his diaper hole!”
    https://68.media.tumblr.com/42b2ef929a64c6b7bd187667bf983a18/tumblr_ofdkk9gWc61s0isj7o1_250.gif

  • Mehmeisterjr

    As White House chief of staff, Reince Priebus mused to associates that telling President Donald Trump no was usually not an effective strategy. Telling him “next week” was often the better idea.

    As Chairman of the RNC, Reince Priebus failed to tell Trump that, because it wouldn’t agree to the conditions for appearing on the Republican primary ballot without weaselly qualifications he was off the ballot. He should muse about that.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Trump has, on several occasions, walked down to the Oval Office in the morning and told aides he knew they didn’t like the tweets he’d sent earlier.

    “They’re not presidential, I know,” he said, with a mocking tone on the word “presidential,” according to one person familiar with his comments.

    Thereby pissing on the very idea that the president of the Fucking United States should speak and act with some degree of probity and restraint.

    That’s what his fans love, though. And he loves having fans.

    • laughingnome

      This president is a travesty. He’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        …With just a dash of ersatz.

        • laughingnome

          Is that like adobo?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Yes, but more Germanic.

        • BeachBum

          I use that on chicken sometimes.

      • BeachBum

        That’s a lot of mockeries. Or a really big sham.

      • The Wanderer

        Bananas trial scene ref!

        • therblig

          “I got bit by a snake!!”

    • Three Finger Salute

      I think I know what I’d like to happen to his “fans.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NjTE2vpMA8

    • Paperless Tiger

      Do you have any idea what your other personality just did?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        No, we’re not really on speaking terms.

    • BeachBum

      That’s what it is. He’s not even trying to govern. Just running a fan club. Ratings. Upvotes. Likes. Rallies.

      • Roadstergal

        That, for him, is Winning. And yes, I’m tired of it.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        It’s all he ever wanted.

    • and that’s why he’s not president.

      what an asshole.

  • Bill D. Burger

    IN-PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACH’! (*Sorry for shouting…but it’s past time.)

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLtzckuUIAABuep.jpg

  • SCK

    As always, I keep hoping to hear that the president of the United States suffered a debilitating stroke in the middle of the night. I wake up every morning hoping for that, but it hasn’t happened yet. Not death, just severely debilitating.

    • jesterpunk

      How would anyone know?

      • SCK

        His twitter feed might be a little less frequent?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I just hope he remains competent enough to stand trial.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Maybe he’ll take the fifth a knee.

      • Covfefe

        Dude won’t let his lawyers plead incompetence or insanity, even if they tell him it’s the only way to keep out of prison,

    • wavicles

      He IS severely debilitating.

  • dslindc
  • WotsAllThisThen

    Trump’s IQ test was administered by his own personal doctor, who said his score was “Smartest Person Ever.”

    • laughingnome

      His urologist said he had the biggest wee wee he’s ever seen and his glove maker marveled at the size of his hands.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      He took it the most accurate way, too!

      With a rectal thermometer.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Meantime, California is burning. And Uncle Dotard has said nothing about it. I wonder why? Could it possibly be this?

    2016 California Presidential election results: H. Clinton (D) 7,362,490
    D. Trump (R) 3,916,209

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/10/10/several_killed_and_thousands_of_homes_destroyed_in_powerful_napa_and_sonoma.html

    • Three Finger Salute

      Blightfarters are rooting for Kim to nuke Cali because it would take out all the Mexicans and Hollywood and 55 “illegal Democrat” electoral votes.

      Bannon is facilitating mass treason.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        Imagine being so far gone that you actually wish for a bonafide mad-man to nuke YOUR OWN COUNTRY just so you can get rid of the people you don’t like.

        That’s a level of fucked-upedness that is difficult to comprehend. America is starting to resemble Rwanda more and more every day.

  • Teecha

    I would LOVE it if someone at twitter just deleted his account.

    I would actually watch the video of his reaction if wonkette posted it.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Lordy I hope there’s tapes.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Let’s all send our thoughts and prayers to the Trump administration, with the knowledge that thoughts and prayers will be just as effective as they’ve always been.

    • The Wanderer

      I agree with this, and I love both your screen name and your avatar.

    • therblig

      Psalm 109:8

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Donna Mueller

    hoping the blowout is inside of his skull, necessitating YEARS of being pushed around in a wheelchair with tubes everywhere and a bowl of MAYPO-breakfast, lunch and dinner. i’m sure his ol’ lady will be there for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mormos

    my suggestion? His staff should ignore him. Completely shut him out of governance, and get about executive duties without him.

    • Three Finger Salute

      One problem. As long as he’s in office, he still has the authority to do this.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4df2c9d5dad4dd034d2d7a7d7b8f9b8013fa508bf4eaf514e7fb64519872394a.jpg

    • theblackdog

      An E-mail I got from WaPo suggested that they may be trying to get Mattis some powers so that he can basically do an end-run like that, but it sets up a dangerous precedent and constitutional crisis for future administrations.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Jesus on a cracker, can we POSSIBLY give those powers to someone who isn’t fucking military or in on the whole shitshow? In some ways it’d be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

      • Mormos

        yeah, providing generals with executive powers scares the shit out of me.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I suspect they are already doing that, at least to some degree.

    • BeachBum

      I think that’s an excellent idea ! Make him a ceremonial president with tons of figure head duties, like opening coal mines and Russian orphanages.
      Let Nancy and Chuck do the governing.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Canada and Mexico are already ignoring him re: NAFTA. They just discuss and negotiate with the people who are actually working on the details.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Courser_Resistance

    Every day, a new level of terrifying. We should make a color scale or something.
    What color scheme should we use? I really hated the old burnt-orange terrorism scale. That one sucked. We need something that can extend into maybe the ultraviolet range.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Seems somehow appropriate to use the scale of ionizing radiation.

      “What’s the level today?”

      “Beta particles with a chance of bremsstrahlung”

    • Donna Mueller

      yeah-it took that freakin’ genius tom ridge and the entire dept. of homeland idiocy 4 (FOUR) months to come up with that one.

    • Mike, Agent of S.O.R.O.S.

      We could sounds instead of colors.

      Chuckles at the low end, sobbing in the middle, and a sustained scream at the top.

      Different celebrities can provide voice talent, like that Snoop Dogg GPS from a few years back.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “…I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests.”
    “Damn you Trump. Foiled again by your giant brain! You really are the smartest man in any room…and your hands are YOOOGE.” –The fantasy playing out in Dolt 45’s head right now.

  • chazmanr

    Trump took one of those internet IQ tests that were all over the web a number of years ago. He took it, cheated by using web searches and now wants to compare that result. I took one of those things without cheating and scored 168 which I know is inaccurate. I may be smarter than the average bear or Trump, but I ain’t no genius.

    I would love for both men to take a proctored IQ test on national TV for all to see regardless of the fact that IQ tests are biased based on culture, race and life experiences.

    • BeachBum

      168. Hmmm. Outa’ how many ?

      • chazmanr

        There is no upper level for IQ tests. It is a relationship to others formula. Not an actual scale. I have acknowledged that I believe that the test did not accurately measure my intelligence They are largely disregarded by mental health professionals.

        • Alan

          I think it was snark.

          • BeachBum

            It’s an old Casey Stengel joke. I was fishing for baseball fans.

  • Swampay

    He really thinks he’s king, doesn’t he?

  • BeachBum

    I think most of the Day Care staff are hanging around writing their books to publish when this is all over. A ringside seat for truly historical, histerical, hysterical, hist-something times that hopefully we will never see again. Ya know, like Bigfoot.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      He’s going to have the Trump Library that he’s always wanted, except every single book will be about what a raging buffoon he is.

      • BeachBum

        Seeing as how they are mostly at an educational facility, maybe Betsy Devos will make it virtual only. For pay of course.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      If we survive.

    • Impatient

      Most intriguing … assuming we survive this … Is what the hell they’re going to put in public school textbooks. Imagine, The Crazy Pussy Grabber Years.

  • Mavenmaven

    His whole regime has been one long shart.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The Shart of the Steal

      • Canned Covfefe

        You win!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      And the unexpected twist, instead of being “Oh God! What a horrible mess! Gotta clean this up ASAP before someone finds out!” they’re saying “I’m pretty sure I can convince everyone that perhaps the smell is inside their own noses, have they even checked?” And “this isn’t a wet stain, it’s actually part of the design of these pants, very chic, very exclusive.”

  • nightmoth

    IMO this is not the “best scene” in Blazing Saddles, but it sure makes me think of Rump.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Bp8SqYrnE

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • therblig

      they’re aliens? deport them!!!!!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “Fine, I’ll go build my own Congress. With hookers and blackjack. In fact forget the Congress and blackjack! Aw, screw the whole thing.”

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • canes_pugnaces

    I demand Trump follow through on the IQ test. I really want to know.

    • Invidosa

      I have a dear liberal friend who insists that the walking shit stain is actually really smart cause business and money and shit like that.

      I love my friend dearly, but I wish he would stop saying shit that makes me spit out my favorite wine in a fit of hysterical laughter

      • Fuck.

        That is all.

      • canes_pugnaces

        IQ is measured differently as you age. Whereas kids are given basic evaluations of aptitude, language and spacial aptitude, adults have to know something. In facts, lots of things.

      • Canis Greyhame

        Oh sure, he was smart enough to be born into a massive inheritance, which he almost managed to squander. But you know, the possession of wealth is somehow considered to be a virtue in and of itself in our culture.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        I’m sure Atlantic City would like to have words with your friend.

        • Donna Mueller

          yeah-new jersey could sure use about 23 million that the FAT BASTARD forgave drumpf in tax revenue

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I could see that as an optimistic coping mechanism. Accepting that he really is that fucking moranically stupid is disheartening. It might SEEM fucking moranically stupid, but he’s actually smart and will pullout of the full-power nosedive before he drives the whole shebang deep, deep deep into the ground.

        Ahhh. I feel better already.

        • Invidosa

          Yeah, I think he can’t quite accept that a huge man baby with the iq of a carrot got elected

          • Beanz&Berryz

            It helps to curse and rant and rage a bit. It’s hard to cope with just polite language.

      • Alan

        Gets expensive.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He is smart at conning people and grabbing headlines. Intellectual smarts not so much. He doesn’t have the focus to sit through an IQ test.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        That numbnuts is so stupid that he drove his own casinos out of business because they were competing with each other.

    • JohnBull

      He’ll bomb it, which means Mensa is a liberal conspiracy and fake news.

      • “What is this? Dominoes?”
        http://www.pleacher.com/mp/mgifs/gifs13/ment5q2.jpg

        Be more obvious

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Pedant says but if we’re applying Conway’s Game of Life rules, then Generation 2 is a violation, and Generation 3 would be the same as two, forever …

          (Fun easter egg: Googling “Conway’s game of life” includes an actual version of it running in the results page)

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          (b) dammit

      • Bad Scooter

        and rigged.

    • BeachBum

      I think the betting line would blow up the casinos in Vegas. Can you imagine the “point spread” ? The “over-under” ? OMD, now we’ve GOT to have it !

  • Niblet58

    How can Trump do an IQ test, he can’t read…

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      He’ll just pay someone else to take the test, like he always does.

      • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

        Nah, he’ll just pay the testers to say he got an awesome score, and threaten to use the power of his office to destroy them if they don’t want to cooperate. Why pay more people than you have to when they’re not even laundering money for you?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        His bone spur will act up that morning so he will have to get a deferment.

    • Alan
      • BeachBum

        3 balls. Ouch.

  • Red Bird

    It’s my duty to point out that white privilege is the reason our country is in this mess.

    • BeachBum

      Yes. There is no stopping minorities in the majority in the next 10 to 20 years.

      • Red Bird

        Sure. But my birdie sense is telling me that all that will really happen is that fewer people will choose to call themselves white or black. The census takers will interpret it as a decline in specific demographic populations despite it being a cultural shift.

  • Canned Covfefe

    Damn, I finally cancelled my subscription to Tiger Beat last year. They haven’t had any good articles on Bobby Sherman in years.

    • Edith Prickly

      Monkees or GTFO!

      • Kateaux

        Sheesh, you old people! Donny Osmond or nothing! Well, maybe some pics of Randolph Mantooth as well…

        • Edith Prickly

          Leif Garrett libelzz!

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        And when you go, take the last train to Clarksville!

    • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

      Shaun Cassidy LLLLIIIIBBBBEEEELLLLZZZZ!!!!!!

    • ImGoingBacon

      Bay City Rollers libels!!!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Maybe this will end those clickbait ads for “Trump’s IQ — THE RESULTS WILL SHOCK YOU”

  • whitroth

    Dear Mr. Trump,

    I have a higher IQ than you, I know more than you do, I’m *competent* at what I do, and, oh, yes, my dick is bigger than yours (so’s my cat’s). So, shall I stand in front of the White House, so you can tell them to aim a nuke at *me*?

  • whitroth

    Oh, and on a related note, there’s a column in The Hill urging Congress to pass a bill using its War Powers, to say no first strike on NK.

    I need to call my Congressman about that.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “And then, we’ll have the swimsuit competition. If it’s thongs, I think we all know who’s coming out on top in that one!”

  • laineypc

    Is there some kind of mandatory reporting requirement, if the prez is in fact demonstrating daily that his unable to discharge duties, and is rather only able to discharge doodies into his diapies, I mean shouldn’t the people who observe this be legally liable if they fail to prevent the presnit from blowing up the country?

    • HazooToo

      THERE REALLY FUCKING SHOULD BE!

    • Bad Scooter

      you say duties, i say tweetshits … duties / doodies … tomato/tweetshits …
      LET’S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF!

      • Grumpy Twat

        Shitter twitter?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    If he’s a pressure cooker and needs to let off steam or he’ll explode, then I guess he will always need someone to blow steam at. The NFL players are the real heroes preventing WWIII.

  • Poly_Ester

    Documentation of t’s iq will be as hard to come by as his tax returns. We’ll just have to take his word for it that it’s eleventy billion.

    • Weird Fishes

      Since Bronzo is a man of transparent rectitude and good faith, there’s no reason to doubt him. He is the President, after all.

    • Bad Scooter

      he’ll have his urologist release a statement: “Donnie has the most tremendous IQ of anyone”

  • John

    I hear dangling keys works for some children? Or perhaps, dangle a Russian hooker or two?

    • Bad Scooter

      make sure they’re 10’s though, lest he become enraged and pushes the button because someone thought he only deserved 9’s. and by 10’s i mean they better look like Ivanka.

  • I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests

    Build the Dang Food Pyramid!!!1!1!
    https://i.imgur.com/cFP60_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

    Knob at Night

  • calliecallie

    “every news publication, from Southern Living to Tiger Beat…”
    That right there is when I knew it was Evan writing this post.

    • BMW

      I can usually spot a Dok article by the sci-fi show reference.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Trump took an IQ test once and thought it worked like a golf score. Lowest wins!

    • Plotinus

      He probably cheated on that score too.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Dunning-Kruger is asking if they can sponsor NASCAR-style logos on Donnie’s IQ-test-taking jumpsuit.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    My only… er… solace? …consolation? is knowing these fuckers are more miserable for more hours of the day than I am, simply by stint of employment to the Over-pressured Shit-catheter in Chief.

  • Plotinus

    Let’s hope he doesn’t start a war to divert our attention from him.

    • Lefty Wright

      Maybe someone can talk him into invading Puerto Rico. They can use all the help they can get. Unfortunately, they have blown their cover as a foreign nation. Even Trump is not that stupid. Maybe.

      • Plotinus

        Maybe we can attack Granada again. It worked for Reagan. I think we won that one.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          We did get a Clint Eastwood movie out of it.

          • Odd Jørgensen

            we could drum up Clint and Chuck Norris then simply convince Drumpf they need him to lead them on a charge against the beach.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Clint is busy still losing that argument with the empty chair.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            ‘It worked for Teddy Roosevelt!’

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            And some US-Med-School-Wash-Out crappy doctors

          • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

            As my late brother, the psychiatrist, would tell me: Just remember that the doctor treating you might have graduated at the bottom of his medical school class.

      • eyelashviper

        Barbuda, no people left, just stuff.

    • sarafina

      He’ll save the war until he gets word from Lyin’ Ryan impeachment is inevitable; or that that Senate is going Part 25.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You know who’s attention would not be diverted? Robert Mueller.

  • PigDootsMolloy

    Is the “Tiger Beat” reference a nod to Charles Pierce?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      With the current state of corporate media where Teen Vogue and Mad have become the leading hard hitting political magazines, Tiger Beat is probably running a close third.

  • greyXstar

    It’s World Mental Health Day we don’t need this

  • Bad Scooter

    methinks the Donald overestimates his smarts.

  • Holly

    According to Snopes the morans IQ bullshit is exactly bullshit.

    • Carole

      Yeah, it came from beforeitsnews.com, panderers extraordinaire to right-wing nut jobs.

  • pgjack

    Trump has no respect for the office he occupies and neither do his supporters. They all think it’s a reality TV role with no real responsibility. Responsibility goes to his predecessor or some stooge down the organizational line just as it always has a in a Trump business. The donald and his family are all in this for the cash and when his supporters realize he’ll take their cash as well as liberal cash they’ll blame Obama or Clinton ‘cuz responsibility doesn’t stick to greedy shit like Trump.

  • sosuume
    • SayItWithWookies

      They should play a round of Jeopardy. Of course there would be a third spot — maybe Rachel Maddow could play too, and whup both of ’em.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Not Jeopardy, but Let’s make a deal and with Lil’Donnie’s demonstrated deal making skills you know he will end up with a goat.

    • mailman27

      More distractions from the game show president. Fuck this nonsense.

    • SeeTrain65

      I can wait for this.

      “Not fair! Not fair! Cheating! He cheated! Sad!”

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    i dunno…maybe it’s his slow, southern drawl but uhhh…rex tillerson doesnt exactly strike me as an alfred weinstein-level fucking genius, either

    • Carole

      All he has to do is beat him by one point. For example, 98 is higher than 97.

  • bopeep

    Trump is now President Diaper-Shits to me, every day, forevermore. It’s perfect. I’ve tried various nicknames for him–Snarkypants, Grump, Whattanasshole–but Pres. Diaper-Shits captures all the right nuances–his babyness, his shittiness, his uselessness, his disgustingness, his complete self-centeredness, his cruelty (ever seen a baby playing with a kitten?), his complete inability ever to grow, develop, mature or in any way move out of his narcissism or care about anyone but his own needs. Watch, he will fuck his own kids over, sooner or later, if he hasn’t already. Yes, President-Diaper Shits, you are named.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Selfish too. Here, clean up my shit, I’m so lazy I did it in a diaper.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      I am still enjoying Pendejo Of The United States although it is kind of long. President Diaper-Shits seems just too respectful. Maybe if we combine them.. Pendejo Diaper-Shits does have a nice ring to it.

    • Carole

      President Giant Man Baby is my preferred slur.

    • Invidosa

      I just go with walking orange shit stain myself

  • Retired59guy

    Trump; “Can’t release my IQ cause it’s under review by the IRS – too HUGE!!, Believe me!”

  • Sharon Cooper

    We’re epically fucked, aren’t we?

  • Grumpy Twat

    “We wish we had some magic advice to give all these people who are forced to share breathing space with the president every day. We just don’t know what to suggest, though.”
    Pneumonic plague?

  • Relativicus

    “It’s MODERN Pressimential!”

    -@RealDonaldTrump

  • Rocket Pony Ron
  • Mike Steele

    Evan: Really hope SL does get in on this. Rick Bragg, who (like you and probably Dave Barry, we’re guessing) inherited his post from the late, legendary Lewis Grizzard, could have a field day with this, were he not tethered to a traditionalist lifestyle mag. Snark is at it’s finest when good ol’ boys go rogue.

  • Gussie Jives

    It’s just astounding to me as a Canadian watching the entire American bureaucratic apparatus have to cater to this infant’s every whim. When the history books are written, make sure the name of every person who aided and abetted this clown is recorded right along with him.

  • Sean Jungian

    The answer is so simple – jangle your keys over him. I can’t believe I have to tell you this!

    Also, a nice long car ride will help him nap. Hopefully he’ll throw his phone on the floor, too. “Just wait until I find a place to stop,” Gen. Kelly can say from the front seat.

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