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Wonkers, check out this amazing live footage from the Seekrit Chat Cave!

Yes, that’s your Wonkette attempting to field the daily deluge of Trump scandals and inanity. Scandanity??? Inscandity???

COVFEFE!!!!!

So, forgive us for backtracking, but we were so busy chasing after the Morongate tennis ball, and then the Fucking Morongate ball, that we completely missed the one that said President Trump Super Pissed That American Companies Can’t Pay Bribes In Not America. Which seems like a ball worth chasing!

In the same New Yorker article that detailed Sad Rex’s fall from King of Exxon to The White House Apprentice most likely to be You’re Fired next week, Dexter Filkins included this anecdote.

In February, a few weeks after Tillerson was confirmed by the Senate, he visited the Oval Office to introduce the President to a potential deputy, but Trump had something else on his mind. He began fulminating about federal laws that prohibit American businesses from bribing officials overseas; the businesses, he said, were being unfairly penalized.

O RLY???

Sure, it’s not exactly news that Donald Trump cries sad tears for the poor American businessmen who get their allowances docked for greasing foreign palms. He’s been complaining about the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA) since 2012, at least.

Trump: Dimon’s Woes & Zuckerberg’s Prenuptial from Via CNBC.

What are we prosecuting people to keep China honest? Now every other country goes into these places and they do what they have to do. It’s a horrible law, and it should be changed. I mean, we’re like the policemen for the world, and it’s ridiculous. […]

You’ll do business nowhere! Every other country is doing it, and we’re not allowed to. So, it puts us at a yuuuge disadvantage.

How can American companies do business overseas without paying bribes? UNPOSSIBLE! But what might have gotten Donald Trump worked up about the FCPA in 2012? Well, the good people at the New Yorker have the answer to that one, too!

In March, Adam Davidson published a killer article on Donald Trump’s efforts to build the Trump Tower Baku in Azerbaijan between 2008 and 2015. Seems that Trump went to a notoriously corrupt country, found a guy who was “notoriously corrupt even for Azerbaijan,” and then sent his notoriously corrupt daughter down to manage the project. As one does.

The Trump team swears that they all squeezed their eyes shut and hummed The Star Spangled Banner when the shady shit went down. So no harm, no foul, right?

Alan Garten, the Trump Organization lawyer, did not deny that there was corruption involved in the project. “I’m not going to sit here and defend the Mammadovs,” he said. But, from a legal standpoint, he argued, the Trump Organization was blameless. In his opinion, the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act doesn’t apply to the Baku deal, even if corruption occurred. “We didn’t own it,” he said of the hotel.

Survey says: NOPE.

“No, that’s just wrong,” Jessica Tillipman, an assistant dean at George Washington University Law School, who specializes in the F.C.P.A., said. “You can’t go into business deals in Azerbaijan assuming that you are immune from the F.C.P.A.” She added, “Nor can you escape liability by looking the other way. The entire Baku deal is a giant red flag—the direct involvement of foreign government officials and their relatives in Azerbaijan with ties to the Iranian Revolutionary Guard. Corruption warning signs are rarely more obvious.”

But, hey Vanky! I’m sure Daddy appreciates you running point on this one.

Davidson followed up in August with another New Yorker piece on Trump’s attempt to blight the Black Sea Coast with The Trump Tower Batumi in the Republic of Georgia. The article is fuckbonkers amazing, and you should go read it! You will be FOR SHOCKED to discover that Trump family was up to its orange eyeballs in corruption, having entered into a financing deal with The Silk Road Group, a bunch of gangsters who were flush with cash after looting $10 billion from the government of Kazakhstan. Oooopsie!

As usual, The Trump Organization had their best people on the Batumi project.

In 2010, when a Trump Organization executive, Michael Cohen, began negotiating with the Silk Road Group about licensing Trump’s name for the Batumi tower, Ablyazov was facing eleven lawsuits in the U.K. The Kazakh government, which had indeed seized control of B.T.A. Bank, had sued him to reclaim ten billion dollars that he had allegedly siphoned out of the country. […]

It would have taken only a Google search for the Trump Organization to discover that the Silk Road Group had received much of its funding from B.T.A. Bank, which, at the time of the Batumi deal, was mired in one of the largest fraud cases in recent history. The Silk Road Group had even been business partners with the central figure in the scandal: Ablyazov and the Silk Road Group were two of the owners of a bank in Georgia. I asked Cohen, who visited Georgia with Trump, if he had been concerned about the Silk Road Group’s connection to B.T.A. Bank. “I didn’t even know that B.T.A. was involved in this entire scenario up until the moment you told me,” he said.

Yes, that Michael Cohen. Because if you need a lawyer too stupid and arrogant to worry about violating the FCPA and winding up in the FBI’s crosshairs, Michael Cohen is your man!

Okay, so we know why the FCPA was on Trump’s mind in 2012 when he went on Squawk Box — he knew that he was up shit’s creek if the feds ever started poking around in Donald Trump’s Excellent Eastern European Adventures. But what about in February of 2017?

That’s a headscratcher! But if we had to guess, it might be because he’d recently had those awkward conversations in January with James Comey about the Steele Dossier. You know, the one that’s totally bullshit except that we keep finding out that everything in it is true? Christopher Steele was dead on about Russian hacking, campaign coordination with Russian government sources, and Trump dropping the Republican opposition to Russia’s land grab in Ukraine. Anything relevant to the FCPA?

Bribes and kickbacks in emerging market countries? Like former Soviet Republics run by gangsters? Yeah, no wonder Poppy was shitting his pants over the FCPA this February! James Comey had just stuck the Steele Dossier under the old man’s nose and said, IF ANY OF THIS IS TRUE, YOU’RE FUCKED. Of course he panicked and You’re Fired the guy!

And in case you needed further proof that we’re on the right track, enter one of Trump’s unending parade of dimwitted lawyers to shout, There’s definitely no body in the trunk, Officer! So you can search to the passenger compartment, but if I see you walking back there, I’m going for my gun! From the New Yorker piece on Georgia,

President Donald Trump’s attorney Jay Sekulow recently told me that the investigation being led by Robert Mueller, the special counsel appointed by the Justice Department, should focus on one question: whether there was “coördination between the Russian government and people on the Trump campaign.” Sekulow went on, “I want to be really specific. A real-estate deal would be outside the scope of legitimate inquiry.” If he senses “drift” in Mueller’s investigation, he said, he will warn the special counsel’s office that it is exceeding its mandate. The issue will first be raised “informally,” he noted. But if Mueller and his team persist, Sekulow said, he might lodge a formal objection with the Deputy Attorney General, Rod Rosenstein, who has the power to dismiss Mueller and end the inquiry. President Trump has been more blunt, hinting to the Times that he might fire Mueller if the investigation looks too closely at his business dealings. […]

Sekulow said that “the Georgia real-estate deal is something we would consider out of scope,” adding, “Georgia is not Russia.”

NOTHING TO SEE HERE!

So, the moral of the story is simple. Forget about the tennis ball that smells like pee. Follow the one that smells like money! Because that’s what Bob Mueller is doing. And from the way That Lunatic is carrying on this morning, it seems like the Special Counsel is on the right track.

[The New Yorker, Rex Tillerson / Trump: Dimon’s Woes & Zuckerberg’s Prenuptial from CNBC / The New Yorker, Azerbaijan / The New Yorker, Republic of Georgia / Steele Dossier, via Buzzfeed]

Shit’s gettin’ weird, y’all! Please throw money at us so we can play more Connect the Dots!

$
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  • Joe Beese
    • One of the highest single digits!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ll show him my highest single digit on each hand.

      • OutOfOrbit

        good one!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Dear Donnie. I don’t feel stupid or insecure. How about you?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        This

    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn. That is quite telling.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’m thinking that a smart dog has a higher IQ than that shitgibbon

      • Villago Delenda Est

        I’m thinking that a very dull dog has a higher IQ than that shitgibbon.

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • cmd resistor

      I can honestly say I have no idea what my IQ is.

    • aureolaborealis

      “100 is perfect, right? I’m almost there. Probably as high as you can get without being perfect … Super smart and brainy and shit.”

    • willi0000000

      “it’s like percents . . . anybody claiming more than 100 must be lying . . . fake news!”
      – t’Rump

      [ he learned that from all the flak he got for that “1000% behind you” remark he made ]

  • Scooby

    In other words Trump has been doing this all along.

  • CutterTeam

    Meanwhile, on Earth 2, President Hillary Clinton sends emergency aid to Puerto Rico and reads a briefing book.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      How does one get there? I want to go to there.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You need to use the transporter during an ion storm.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Alternate Idiocracy Storyline:

        You get Frito Pendejo to help you track down the “wormhole,” only to find he thought you meant Trump’s butthole.

      • Relativicus

        If this was the 616 reality, Earth 2 would be on the other side of the sun directly opposite from us. We’d all also have a chance to have superpowers. This reality sucks.

  • If Trump wants to bribe someone, he just wiggles his ears and says…
    https://68.media.tumblr.com/ccc235783700c593fa57a3c80e5b9a47/tumblr_nkgixiloHo1t55xupo1_400.gif

    Baku Baku Baku

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Just twice, I think

      • Villago Delenda Est

        We don’t want to summon Baku to where we are now, after all.

  • GoutMachine

    In 2010, when a Trump Organization executive, Michael Cohen, began negotiating with the Silk Road Group about licensing Trump’s name for the Batumi tower, Ablyazov was facing eleven lawsuits in the U.K. The Kazakh government, which had indeed seized control of B.T.A. Bank, had sued him to reclaim ten billion dollars that he had allegedly siphoned out of the country.

    And then the murders began.

    (Seriously, how long until we find that that’s actually the case?)

    • bbayliss

      Shortly after Flynn started receiving intelligence briefings our moles in Russia started having “heart attacks” that involved blunt force injuries to the skull.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It makes one wonder if the Clinton Body Count is just more projection.

  • Joe Beese

    Sad!

    … in the end TRUMP had had to settle for the use of extensive sexual services there from local prostitutes rather than business success.

    • Door prizes?

      • bbayliss

        Participation pussy.

      • laughingnome

        Whore prizes

    • Mr. Blobfish

      For a moment I almost felt sorry for Melon, having to have that bloated sack slither up next to you in bed and all. But then I remembered she knew exactly what she was getting into. $

      • nightmoth

        We met a young man from her home country of Slovenia a couple of months ago. He said there was an interview with M. in which she said Donnie married her for her beauty and she married him for his money. Well, duh. At least she was honest about something.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “When you’re a big star, they let you do it! When you’re not a business success, they only take cash.”

  • memzilla Ω

    So Dolt 45 decided that his corruption and collusion with Russia would be an excellent way to hide his EVEN MOAR WORSE corruption and collusion with China?
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/79ceaed3155745e22cb463011a01244c0238402f18657fb58450a35a744b7ecf.jpg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Paladin

      • Marion in Savannah

        LOVED that show! Especially the one where he had to transport a plate glass window from San Francisco to some mining town.

        http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0597519/

        • Eo Raptor

          Paladin, Paladin where do you roam?
          Paladin, Paladin far far from home

          That’s all I can bring to mind right now.

    • cmd resistor

      A very big brain.

  • TJ Barke

    How long til only corporations are considered people?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      That ship done sailed, yo.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I don’t think every other country allows their home corporations to bribe foreign officials.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      He thinks this because they’re all bribing him would be my guess.

  • nightmoth

    COVFEFE!!!!!
    I thought you guys would enjoy knowing that there was a food booth with that name at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year. They sold the usual fish and chips but the name attracted a lot of laughs with ensuing business.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    God Damn! Why does Ivanka’s head always look like it’s trying to flee from her neck?

    • Joe Beese

      Disgust?

    • nightmoth

      All the bubbles in it?

    • Oblios_Cap

      That hard hat is perched too high on her head to do any good.

      • Stulexington

        Her hair, galvanized by product is all the protection she needs, the hard hat is just for show.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      She got a neck that makes Kayan women jealous!

    • Bill D. Burger
      • jesuswasablack

        Cocaine nose-job!

      • cmd resistor

        There is a lot of eyeliner in that family.

    • Ill-Advised

      Past life memory?

  • Beanz&Berryz

    That’s how you make a lab’s head assplode. I’m sure I read it in a dog owner’s book once.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Every other country is doing it, and we’re not allowed to. So, it puts us at a yuuuge disadvantage”
    Well this is actually republicant tea-tard doctrine, why should anyone follow laws when others (blacks, browns, Oriental’s, etc) are not, that is the whole basis for their argument against gun control, clean air laws, federal taxes, etc.

    • Stulexington

      When you only exercise your morals when it’s convenient, you don’t have any.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is only one law that should ever be enforced:

      Never, ever steal from the wealthy.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sekulow said that “the Georgia real-estate deal is something we would consider out of scope,” adding, “Georgia is not Russia.”

    So… if I’m the target of a drug investigation, they can’t charge me when they find the bodies in the basement? Good to know.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I mean, we’re like the policemen for the world, and it’s ridiculous.

    Sucks having morals, don’t it?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Haven’t we always thought of ourselves that way? At least since WWII?

      • Didn’t someone once say something about speaking softly and carrying a big dick?

        • laughingnome

          Rod Jeremy?

          • Weird Fishes

            Ron. Ron Jeremy.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Richard Nixon?

        • PubOption

          W?

    • bbayliss

      Central America would beg to differ.

      • Oblios_Cap

        We didn’t say we were good ones.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    I know this is nitpicky and takes away from the fantastic article $5F wrote, but that block quote from the New Yorker spelled “coordination” with an umlaut; and I can’t unsee it.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      What do you expect? It’s the New Yorker.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The ultimate elitist airs…

      • PubOption

        They will claim that it’s a diaeresis not an umlaut.

        • FlownΩver

          Say what you will about Teh Wonket… we don’t lack for pedantry.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          TRÜMP Tacö Böwls give you plenty of diaeresis.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Hey AD … how about a spoiler alert next time?!

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Sorry.

    • laughingnome

      They’re a bit dotty.

    • marxalot

      That’s in their style guide. No, no one knows why.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Probably as a pronunciation aid, as in the difference between a coop where chickens live and a coop apartment where humans live.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, it is important to make the distinction between coördination and Coordination, which is coördinated drinking of Coors.

          • FlownΩver

            Which should never be permitted, much less encouraged.

          • Querolous

            Don’t forget co-ordination, which allows you to fleece two separate flocks at the same time.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        They’re trying to attract the heavy metal fans.

        • FlownΩver

          I can Venn that in two circles!

          ⃝ ⃝

      • whyieverdidit

        So c’mon kids – line up, sign up, and reënlist today. Because we need more schooling, for more students, for Morescience High!

    • Fartknocker

      Smoked umlauts, sautéed mushroom and couscous is especially tasty when I get around to reading the New Yorker. Most of the time I’m busy reading Wonkette (since they don’t allow comments) and my meal of choice is a pepperoni hot pockets with artichoke hearts, since it’s heart healthy.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’ll grudgingly accept smoked umlauts but anybody who serves canned umlauts is A MONSTER!!!1111,1,1!,1!!1,1!!<1

    • Nockular cavity

      What, are you naïve?

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Seekret chatcave live footage is awesome.

  • Proud Liberal
  • Villago Delenda Est

    /raises hand in a violent rocking motion ala Hermione Granger

    “Because bribing is the only way to get a golf course built in outer Dumbfuckistan!”

  • P’jama Pahnts

    So, I suffer from a condition known as “low IQ”, but even I can see that if there are shady real estate dealings in Russia it would be relevant as fuck to a corroboration investigation.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Nonsense. You are a wonker, therefore, in the intelligentsia.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Elitist snob!

  • Proud Liberal
  • Daniel

    For a moment there I’d forgotten how bafflingly dim all the people employs turn out to be. Thanks, Jay Skeletor, for reminding me.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    In the picture of Ivanka, is she rolling up her sleeves, before getting down to work building the tower?

    • jesterpunk

      Or scratching her arm from the drugs?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Nope, she’s rolling up her sleeves cuz bags of money are heavy

    • PubOption

      You mean like this?
      http://i.imgur.com/BbTsNeB.jpg

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Which look is dumber: a hard hat with a suit or a cowboy hat with a suit?

    • Marion in Savannah

      BOT,K

    • Nockular cavity

      Running shoes with a suit.

  • marxalot

    “Georgia is not part of Russia.”
    Shit, man, tell that to the Russians. Also, whose side is Sekulow on? I mean, if you wanted to tell the cops exactly where to dig, you couldn’t do a better job that Jethro here, who is basically holding a shovel and yelling that there’s nothing under the “x”.

    • jesterpunk
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Um, hate to tell you this, Sekulow, but Georgia has only been independent since 1990. For centuries it was under Russian/Soviet rule.

      • laughingnome

        It’s where Stalin came from. Just to emphasize your point.

      • marxalot

        And boy, are both sides of that divorce still pissed. Russia is the ex who spends ten years accosting your dates at bars and calling your mom to talk about how much they miss you.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Apparently, we will be also, too.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      By the time Trump’s done, the Russkies will OWN Atlanta.

      • Proud Liberal

        If they don’t already.

      • marxalot

        I didn’t think that was the kind of Coke oligarchs were into…

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Msgr_MΩment

    That doggie pic has triggered me. So here’s a picture of a Golden Retriever Shower.
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/WNPxZn9fAA4/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Parakeetist

      Werf

  • proudgrampa
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Ok, I can’t find it at the moment, but somebody posted a NYT headline from a yr ago about Dumbass’ pussy-grab tape being a “bridge too far for some Republicans.” In truth, though, it wasn’t, was it? Most still voted for him and most continue to defend him. So, now we learn about more corruption, and at this point, I expect shoulder-shrugging. There is no bridge too far for these assholes.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Liddle’ Babby Donnie wants to be able to pay bribes directly. But when countries subsidize manufacturing (such as with Bombardier aircraft), which has the same effect by lowering the price, they cry foul and add tariffs.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Asking… Canadia really subsidizes Bombardier Aircraft? Directly or with trickeryisms?

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        There are a bunch of stories. It’s all over the map, literally. There’s Canada, Britain, Ireland, U.S.A.

        google “bombardier trump”

      • Johnatx

        Short answer is yes. The Canadian, Quebec provincial, and the UK (Northern Ireland) governments have provided something like 3.5 – 4.0 billion dollars to Bombardier. The C-series aircraft that Delta wants to buy were each priced about 10 million dollars below book price (which isn’t unusual for aircraft). Where it is going to get interesting is that both the UK and Canadian governments have basically told Boeing to go Fuck Themselves. If the sanctions go through, they won’t allow UK or Canadian airlines to buy Boeing products. Aircraft manufacturing is this weird mixture of capitalism and national security, sovereignty.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          3.5-4B dollars seems like small potatoes in the world of commercial and military aircraft orders and whatever extra dollars might be floating around there. It sounds like Boeing is trying to strangle the bigger Bombardier commercial aircraft business in the crib – maybe thinking that Airbus is enough competition… Or maybe there actually are naughty subsidies… Who can tell?

          • Johnatx

            Bombardier C-series planes are more of a competitor with Embraer planes. Boeing really hasn’t had a competitive airliner with that capacity since the 717 (renamed MD-95) . The whole commercial aircraft industry is a bizzarro world of over and under the table subsidies, buybacks, incentives, you name it.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And pride…

        • Meccalopolis

          Yup

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any aspect of Trump’s life that isn’t corrupt.

    • Barron

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        He’s probably named after John Barron, his “real father.” Melangia didn’t see through the fake-moustache glasses disguise.

    • jodyleek

      There might be, but he’s working really hard on corrupting those, too.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • jesuswasablack

    It’s really too bad that Hurricane season is coming to an end, those hurricane responses were Trumps best chance at acting sort of Presidential ( two out of three aint bad), gosh what will he do now to show he’s in charge?
    http://www.agoracosmopolitan.com/news-img/maximum/18188.jpg

    • Marion in Savannah

      Fear not — tropical storm Ophelia is busy in the mid Atlantic.

      http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/cyclones/

      • I’m waiting for hurricane Whitney to form, and Trump mistakenly call it Hurricane Whitey.

        • PubOption

          Would Dame Peggington have to down more gin to commemorate Eli?

      • cmd resistor

        I always thought Ophelia was too watery of a name for a storm.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          “Too flowery, also, too,” said Tome ruefully.

          • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

            Weeeelllllll, now we’re gettin’ all literararary, ain’t we?

        • Querolous

          “And I can take or leave it if I please
          A brave man once requested me
          To answer questions that are key
          Is it to be or not to be.”

    • jesterpunk

      He still has the California and Oregon wildfires, wait who am I kidding they didnt vote for him so he doesnt care.

  • ariel_gee_398

    This dumbass would be stupid enough to repeal the FCPA, not realize the UK has an even stronger version these days, and still end up in legal shit because of his failing Scottish golf course. Please proceed, asshole.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’m so looking forward to the day when Bob Mueller finishes connecting the dots and ex-president Trump is reduced to a guy on Twitter challenging Mueller to an IQ test.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s going to be hard to do that from a cell with no wi-fi.

      • Juan de Fuca

        We can only pray for it.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Thoughts and prayers is THEIR thing.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Let him learn bird calls and tweet that way.

      • Bad Scooter

        maybe they’d get him a Fisher-Price phone and tell him it’s a Tweeter machine that sends but can’t receive. keep him busy for a long time. “Mueller the loser thinks he won, but you should hear the tremendous applause I get from the inmates. People are saying I’m the most popular one in here!”

  • proudgrampa

    What amazes me is the parallel to Watergate. All those lawyers, supposedly educated and reasonably intelligent, and it’s like these assholes didn’t have a clue.

    • jesterpunk

      This is stupid watergate that keeps getting stupider.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVFdsl29s_Q

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The thing is, the Watergate guys were not exactly the most finely honed tools in the shed, either.

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah but this is making the watergate guys look like geniuses.

          • Rags

            And it makes Watergate look like one of 4-5’s Scandal Of The Day.

      • calliecallie

        LOL, and this clip is from months ago. It’s only gotten worse!!!!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Not to defend my own profession, but Cohen is a graduate of almost literally the worst law school in America.

      • jesterpunk

        Trump University?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Pretty sure their law school application was returned by the ABA. Covered in crayon “HAHAHAHA”‘s.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Anal Roberts U?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Would also be a good name for a rock band.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            Sounds like a Yakov Smirnov joke.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        As I posted above, Cohen is Thomas M. Cooley School of Law’s most distinguished graduate. (Yes, I repeated my own comment. In my own defense, I will simply say that I absolutely LOVE typing: “Thomas M. Cooley School of Law.)

        • calliecallie

          OMG. I saw the earlier comment about the worst law school and chuckled to myself “he didn’t go to Cooley, did he?” I guess he did. The more you know.

      • Mavenmaven

        Wassamatta U?

        • Meccalopolis

          Psychotic State

      • Bebecca

        Worse than Liberty U School of law (where the law they teach is biblical law)?

      • proudgrampa

        That, and he probably missed the “Ethics” workshops.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        According to Cooley’s ABA required disclosures, only 27.4% of graduates from the class of 2015 obtained full-time, long term, bar passage required employment 9 months after graduation.[6] 23.8% of graduates were unemployed 9 months after graduation.[7] Only 51.86% of graduates managed to pass a state bar exam in 2015, a requirement to practice law.[8]

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Michigan_University_Cooley_Law_School

        Oh, and, their acceptance rate is the highest in the nation:

        https://www.ilrg.com/rankings/law/1/desc/Accept

        So, you can strike that “almost” since they are actually literally the worst.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      They figure “What the hell? We’ve always gotten away with shit like this before.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “James Comey had just stuck the Steele Dossier under the old man’s nose and said, IF ANY OF THIS IS TRUE, YOU’RE FUCKED.”

    Yeah, either I have James Comey completely figured wrong (I don’t) or this isn’t how that went down at all. James Comey isn’t some crusader for the truth: he’s a moral scold in the true FBI tradition with an inflated sense of his own purity in a den of sin. If it came up at all, Trump probably alluded to the dossier and whether Comey would sit on it, and Comey mumbled a negative.

    Comes to the same thing, really, since Trump fired him for it, but let’s not go all Evan on Comey. He still sucks.

  • Weird Fishes

    Follow the money. Nothing else matters to him (“Locker room!”) but that.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))
  • cmd resistor

    Speaking of Tillerson, lunch today should be fun. (Today’s Trump Schedule, according to FB)(Yes, pretty strenuous follow up to a holiday playing golf):
    schedule for Tuesday, October 10th:
    · Meeting with Dr. Henry Kissinger
    · Lunch with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Secretary of Defense James Mattis
    · Welcome the Stanley Cup Champions: The Pittsburgh Penguins

    • Fartknocker

      And it’s Taco Bowl Tuesday at the White House!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Fuck the Pittsburgh Penguins. As a Canadian, I’m ashamed of Sidney Crosby.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and postulate that Trump is a lot more pissed that he can’t receive bribes from foreign companies or governments than he is about giving them.

    • Bad Scooter

      excellent point.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Michael D. Cohen. Thomas M. Cooley School of Law’s most distinguished graduate.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Not-Indicted-Yet honoris causa.

    • Jgb979

      NO SHIT an actual Cooley graduate????

      The only place that looks up at such illustrious institutions as “liberty university” and “regent u”.

    • Catstro

      You mean he’s wasn’t a legacy admission to the Costco School of Law?

    • Barnaby_Rudge

      Thomas M. Cooley Law School:
      – Among the easiest schools to get in (85.8% acceptance rate)
      – One of the lowest median LSAT scores (141)
      – Bottom tier entering class median UGPA (2.9)
      – Very low percent of graduates employed (66.3%)
      – Very low percent of graduates passing bar (51.9%)
      – Much worse pass rate vs. same state peers from all law schools (-19.7%)
      http://law-schools.startclass.com/l/79/Western-Michigan-University

    • Cat Cafe

      Also, a Shanda fur die Goyim

  • OrG

    No longer shocked, but still outraged.
    Yay?

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    Ummm- does Sekulow not realize that Ken Starr did *not* start his investigation with bjs & cigars in mind??

    Mueller can sniff around any goddamn where he pleases.

    • SeeTrain65

      Sekulow is a lawyer like I’m the feature hunk of a hunky fireman calendar.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Hoooooo DAWGIES!!!

    This is gonna cause a shit storm of epic proportions. Because she’s right.

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/hillary-clinton-trump-is-the-most-dangerous-us-president-in-history

    • James Baskin

      ” describing him as the most dangerous man ever to run for president.”
      Among other things. Many other things.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Good. Keep needling him, Hillz. You too, Bob. All y’all motherfuckers in public life need to be driving. him. insane. Force him to make more mistakes, start a snowball effect.

  • James Baskin

    Geeeeee whillikers! Those guys are crooked? I did not know that!

  • Mavenmaven

    Make America Grift Again!

  • Jgb979

    It’s times like this I find it useful to remember that Nixon was almost impeached because of what was essentially petty larceny…. (more the lying about that)

  • Paperless Tiger

    Anytime Trump says, ‘do what they have to do’, it gives me the willies.

  • Flashman

    Hmmm, yes, very interesting about violations of the FCPA. Uh, could we go back to the part about “extensive use of sexual services from the local prostitutes”? Asking for a friend.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Sir we have a wee problem –”

      “Who’s we?”

      “Us. You, me, all of us. Your entire cabinet? ”

      “No I meant who’s wee is it? Is she hot?”

  • Nockular cavity
  • Considering that it’s pretty much legal here to hand a Congressman a check and tell him how you’d really, really like it if he voted your way and it would be a shame if you had to give that check to someone else in two years, I’m guessing you’ve got to do something really, really fucking corrupt to go afoul of a foreign corruption law.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Well, it says Foreign right in the title. It says nothing about Domestic bribery.

  • Serai 1

    I love how Twitler’s lawyers think the “scope of the investigation” should only contain what THEY think it should contain. I wonder if that would work for someone who’s being investigated for, say, murder? “Hey, you have NO BUSINESS looking in my basement! That should NOT be an area for investigation? Are basements built for murder? NO? Then you CAN’T GO DOWN THERE looking for a body!!!” Yeah, that’ll definitely get the detectives to back off.

  • PubOption

    Is the dog in the clip the Wonkdog? If so, is he named Rex and what is his IQ?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • mailman27

      Love that tie.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And pence’s flag panties in a bunch.

  • goonemeritus

    I’m told slavery was kind of awesome form a business perspective, by this rational can I look forward to help weeding my asparagus patch?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I am following my dad’s advice and hoping for the best while expecting the worst. But if Mueller actually comes up with a coherent picture of corruption so compelling that even Republicans have to impeach… I will temporarily enter denial about the reality of Presidents Pence and/or Ryan, and enter a state of happily whooping ecstasy for a while. We deserve that much, comrades.

    • Meccalopolis

      I think it will be compelling evidence of numerous prosecutable crimes bordering on treason. I am less sanguine about gooper fortitude.we must take the house, at least

  • Ray in VT

    Gee. Why would a real stand up guy like Trump be critical of things like bribery. The world may never know.

  • Relativicus

    Trump didn’t pay bribes in Azerbaijan because that’s the cost of doing business in Azerbaijan, he did business in Azerbaijan because it’s a crooked country that accepts bribery as business.

  • calliecallie

    Please just put this man in jail already, will ya?

  • Bad Scooter

    her hard hat is very ill-fitting. but i doubt there was much chance she’d get hurt during a photo-op on site. they probably stopped all construction work and cleared paths for her while they guided her around the project so she could admire the views. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e48e15618976b6c542ffde01242770566b9772de5b3bf6173d47a5867b1f7c8b.png

    • JCfromNC

      I seem to remember that when Dr. Maddow was talking about this deal on her show (seems like years ago!) in either the run up to the election, or just afterwards, she pointed out that some of the photos associated with TrumpCo’s publicity releases couldn’t have actually been taken from the project. I don’t think this one was one of them, but it might have been.

  • themidniteskulker

    He’d like to be known to history as the bribery president. As if you didn’t know.

    • Me not sure

      …and if he’s not, he’ll pay off some hack historians to make up an award with that on it.

  • TundraGrifter

    I don’t think it is possible for Mr. Trump, his family and his minions to act more guilty.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Oh, I dunno, I do have hopes.

      • TundraGrifter

        Remember in the excellent Tom Wolfe novel “Bonfire of the Vanities” where the cops are walking away from interviewing The Master of the Universe chuckling “Well, we just nailed the mother-fucker who did it.”

  • TundraGrifter

    Look at Mr. Trump’s pattern of large, one-time “campaign contributions” to attorneys general considering taking legal action against him or his companies. Including the illegal $25,000 the Trump “Foundation” sent to Pam Bondi’s entity – and from what I’ve read, that remains illegal because they haven’t worked to get the money back.

    I would think President Trump should be more concerned about the Domestic Corrupt Practices Acts.

  • Brownian

    For any trumpfans reading this who have never set foot outside Sisterfuck, Flyover County, “bribing foreign officials” refers to the act of paying elites in other countries.

    Trump wanted to give money to the Azerbaijani version of Hillary “took money from Goldman Sachs for a speech” Clinton, not the Azerbaijani version of Ma and Pa Unemployed West Virginian Coal Miner.

    In case you still think he’s on your side.

    • Cat Cafe

      Those words are too long for them.

    • Bad Scooter

      remember when he made deals with his foreign counterparts that all the unemployed US America workers would build his foreign buildings at union wages so at least a kernel of good came from his greed and their blood money? me too neither.

  • Jenny

    Lets play mad libs!

    Hello,

    I am a wealthy, legit (prince/ heir/businessman) who has acquired money from (il gotten gains/ ill gotten inheritance/ a huge briefcase conveniently left outside my door).

    I would like to purchase shitty built, over priced ugly buildings to hide my money all over the world. Your fees, I will pay them all if you help hide my money. Deal?

    Trump Org: (Yes/Hell Yes/ bigly best deals are always welcome.)

  • Michael Smith

    See, having all these laws and regulations is no fair to people that are already wealthy!! They just protect the Poors!! And who cares about them? How are rich Americans supposed to compete with rich people around the world when the EVIL GOVERNMENT keeps making them follows these bleeding heart rules??

    • Ill-Advised

      A guy at U Michigan Ann Arbor wrote a paper on that very topic around 1996. Somewhat more nuanced conclusions, we were all more innocent back then.
      Got awarded his degree, I heard.

  • JoeChristmas

    But Harvey Weinstein! And standing for the flag!!1!

    • Yellerduck

      And EMAILS! Not our emails, HER emails!!

    • Bad Scooter

      and Antifa thugs!1!!!1!!!1!!!!!!

  • Zyxomma

    Lock. Them. Up. AOT,K, before we all go mad.

  • Belasaurius
    • kaydenpat

      YAAASSSS!!! Hurry it up, Mueller. Be thorough but hurry it up!!

      • Teto85

        It is going to be a long ride uphill and then a precipitous dash to the bottom. t* won’t know what hit him.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Where’s the little crazy faced guy with the upright hair who pops in from the side of the screen?????

    • Querolous
  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Playing poker with this guy must be a blast until you start feeling embarrassed and sad for him to the point where it’s just awkward and uncomfortable.

  • The Wanderer

    Ivanka in that picture from Baku . . . damn, I hope she has the suicide hotline on speed-dial. She looks like she’s about to hurl herself out the window.

    • TakingAmes

      To be fair, the luxury spa services in Azerbaijan are likely not up to her standards.

    • Bad Scooter

      i thought it might be her “thoughtful” pose from modeling school days.

  • kaydenpat

    So this is how low we’ve gone that the “President” wants to bribe foreign companies and we go on as if nothing happened? Where are the Democrats shouting bloody murder about the corrupt nature of this regime? This is not normal.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Not just foreign companies. Foreign companies aligned with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.

    • HazooToo

      We are literally everywhere. Screaming. Crying. Calling every day to pester our Congress people like never before. Dunno about the DNC people, they have been in La-La Land for a year or so.

      • Ill-Advised

        DNC is stroking and stoking the butt-hurt BernieBro contingency. So distracting. Told them in the last survey I’ll ever answer: No more money, no more survey, until they grow a pair and dump people who aren’t Democrats, take Russian money, and despise women and POC.

        • HazooToo

          Bernie said people can’t trust them, and they lined up to prove him right, by kissing his ass and chasing his minions. I deeply regret voting for him in the primary.

  • Khavrinen

    Is Trump losing his shit because Bob Mueller is closing in?

    Or is it just because, yanno, he’s Donald Trump?

    • Bad Scooter

      yes and yes.

  • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)
  • Teto85

    The law would cut off a major portion (more than 1/2) of trump’s income, so of course he would be against it.

  • Lurkylu

    mr. president, “urine” trouble.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    GEORGIA IS NOT RUSSIA. And Monica’s blue dress ain’t Whitewater, either, do these people NOT recall how far afield THAT whole thing went?

    • andyk304

      Sure. But the organized crime syndicates operate across the borders of the old SSRs. And at the top of the organized crime pyramid, the guy who gets a cut of EVERYTHING is Vladimir Putin.

      But don’t let that bother you.

      • Deborah Ujevich

        Oh, there’s no doubt. My husband worked in the steel industry, & I in titanium. They sent people here from Khazakstan & Russia, respectively. They made no bones about for whom they worked.

        • andyk304

          Then you see how this isn’t the same as Starr’s prosecution of WJC over a blowjob?

          • Deborah Ujevich

            I was being facetious. My point is that they’re acting like Mueller is just running wild & exceeding his mandate – which is quite broad, actually – and yet Starr actually DID go off the reservation. Also, in EVERY argument against a special prosecutor, someone invariably brings up just how invasive Whitewater became. That just makes it all the more ridiculous, which was what I was trying to say about goddamn Sekulow’s stupid comment. ALL those former Soviet countries are Russia. And check out my last name: it’s Croatian. The former Yugoslav republics are not off Vlad’s options menu.

  • Kate Holmes

    The Donald; “I’m unable to release my IQ score – it is under audit”.

  • akryan

    didn’t Bill Clinton’s impeachment start with a land deal in Arkansas and ended up a few years later with a blue dress in washington? how were those related exactly? Benghazi started with Obama(not even Hillz) being responsible for the greatest tragedy in history, and ended with Hillz having a totally legal email server. How are those related exactly? So. fuck these hypocritical bastards.

  • NotALiar

    Trump is going to fucking walk from this. Muller has to release his findings to the A.G. to see if they want to make it public. Even if it became public the Republican Congress won’t do a fucking thing. If they aren’t willing to do anything while he Twitter taunts us into ww3 they certainly won’t do anything with this. Trump will skate again. And again and again. Because God hates us and justice is dead.

  • Viktor

    This goes back to Trump ruminates and stews in instances when he felt he was wronged, embarrassed, etc… For years and even decades in his obsessed mind, they overwhelm him until he has to exact his petty revenge, via Twitter, or in his anger over the Iran deal. Trump has always hated the NFL, now he’s getting his revenge. Iran screwed him over in the Baku deal? Kill the nuke deal.

  • Mike Steele

    As we read all the pieces you cited contemporaneously, $5F, wondered aloud why – in light of the fact that ‘Whitewater conspiracy’ somehow morphed into Paula Jones and impeachment proceedings – this intl event, with Ivanka pimping bogus project that ultimately benefitted Iranian Revolutionary Guard, for Chrissakes, hadn’t drawn more attention.

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