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POOR, UNAPPRECIATED DONALD TRUMP! After all he’s done for them, and those ungrateful brown islanders just whine and complain. It’s dark!, they say, and we have no water!

Luckily Donald Trump’s crack media team made this handy video so Puerto Ricans will know where to send their gracias notes.

Check out our manly president personally flying a chopper to lift chunks of jersey wall! What a brilliant stroke of genius to send the USNS Comfort Hospital vessel six days after Hurricane Maria hit (and two days after Crooked Hillary tweeted about it). And the Red Cross is there with phone chargers, so let’s all give Donald Trump a round of applause for that one.

Truly, Donald Trump is a blessing to the Puerto Rican people! Or as Trump himself likes to call them when he’s sharing a taco bowl with his amigos for Hispanic Heritage Month, the Poo-air-toe Rrrrrrreeee-cans.

Surely, we as the nation must offer up our abundant gratitude! Let this little communist Mommyblog lead the way in saying ¡Gracias, Papi! For the manifold blessings bestowed on our island neighbor, which many people are learning may even be a part of the United States! Although, of course, it can never hope to be a part of Real America. ¡Triste!

Thank you President Trump!

For giving us all some much-needed perspective. Sure 85% of Puerto Ricans are still without power and 40% have no water 19 days after the storm. But Hello, Only 34 people died! No offense, PR, but this ain’t no Katrina. Plus, you’re throwing the federal budget all “out of whack!”

Which is why Donald Trump’s FEMA had to pull that distracting data about power and water restoration in Puerto Rico off its website. People were just taking it the wrong way! Avoid the fake news and follow the president’s Twitter feed for updates on PR. He’ll tell you everything you need to know!

Thank you President Trump!

For giving us the enemy we need. If you hadn’t picked a fight with Carmen Yulín Cruz, the mayor of San Juan, how would we know who to blame for this not-a-real-catastrophe?

Sure, heartland America would have probably worked out that the uppity brown lady was the villain here. But thanks for saving us all time.

The nerve of this woman!

Good thing your FEMA Administrator Brock Long got the memo and muted Ms. Cruz, too. If the 400,000 residents of PR’s capital wanted to have a voice, they should have elected a white guy! Via Politico,

We filtered out the mayor a long time ago. We don’t have time for the political noise…The bottom line is, is that we are making progress every day in conjunction with the governor.

Totally appropriate! Like telling people who have no power to fill out aid requests online.

Thank you President Trump!

For dedicating this fine golf trophy to the victims of hurricanes in Florida, Texas and Puerto Rico. It takes real leadership to make a bunch of feckless douchebags at a country club in New Jersey take a moment to pretend to care about the poors. Hole in one, Sir!

Thank you President Trump!

For your tireless efforts on behalf of the Puerto Rican people. Despite your busy schedule, you managed to cross the Big Water, Ocean Water to bless the people of Puerto Rico with your holy presence. What would they ever do without the dozen rolls of “beautiful, soft towels” you tossed into the crowd?

And you didn’t even demand that the ladies flash their boobs! Because you are classy, and the bodega was out of Tic Tacs.

Surely this will be the new model for disaster relief distributions. Generations to come will venerate your name, Sir!

Thank you President Trump!

For showing the world that we must not be consumed by grief and fear. Even while you labored to save the indebted losers disaster victims in Puerto Rico, you found time to hit the links seven times since Hurricane Maria. Even in the midst of crisis, our brave president soldiers on.

¡Gracias, Papi! ¡Gracias por todo!

[Politico]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Dayum. Should he be golfing that close to the due date?

  • bubbuhh

    Trump flapped the jet’s wingz hisself both cummin and cummin, fuelled only by Melanomaz adorin lipz https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a824c91552669c1ee5f6ea023eb147e0146c57d1b917b6cd2ba62d1b9960c04d.jpg
    Wuz so mush wurk!!!

    • therblig

      was her anti-bullying campaign successful? i don’t recall hearing much about it lately.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Dump is still prezznit and still has a Twatter account, so, I’m going to go with “nope.”

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Donnie shouted at her and insulted her about it so she stopped.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Jesus, she looks like a Gray.

      • SeeTrain65

        Yep. Dorian Gray.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Last photo on the right, bottom row –

    does Dampnut have a Braunsweiger sammich in his pants, perhaps with Cottage Cheese as a chaser? Ick.

    • jesterpunk

      Depends.

    • bubbuhh

      he’s modelin teh Chris Christie Bridge-a-doin collection

  • Oblios_Cap

    gilipollas

  • Three Finger Salute
  • Gayer Than Thou

    Personally, I’d be grateful if I were in Puerto Rico and he threw me paper towels, as long as they were Brawny paper towels because the Brawny guy is hawt and what am I supposed to do for fap material if I don’t have any power to run my internet?

    • crisptickle

      O, so those were cum wipes the dipstick was throwing about?

  • Joe Beese

    Not just beautiful and soft but more absorbent than any Obama towels. But the Fake News media won’t tell you this!

  • “You have water. You’re surrounded by water because you’re on an island. Much water. The largest amount of water possible. Fake News says you can’t drink it, but they lie. Sad. Mucho aqua, mi hombres. And food. If you’re hungry, call your personal chef and have him send up a delicious taco bowl, like I do. Ungrateful Puerto Ricans. Do I have to think of everything for you?”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Goawd! I fuckin HATE that stupid fucker so goddamn much.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That’s what we all say to each other now, instead of “Good morning!”

      • Eileen Besse

        THIS.

  • marxalot

    Is he on lithium?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Better question, SHOULD he be on lithium and NOT taking it?

      • marxalot

        Is he sporadically on lithium, and how do we get whoever’s dosing him better access?

      • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Jack Takes A Knee

      We’d all be better off if he were.

  • Michael Smith

    Que lastima

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Uh, thank you for insulting the people of Puerto Rico?

  • Joe Beese
    • Oblios_Cap

      They (don’t) seem nice.

      • therblig

        i like how they choose their names, designed to “trigger”. that last one’s mother must be so proud.

    • Three Finger Salute

      No lie, this is why the Breitbart cult is rooting for Kim to nuke California. 55 electoral votes that Trump doesn’t have to worry about — and a lot of dead Mexicans and dead “Hollywood liberals” too.

      These people are traitors and they should be locked up.

    • bbayliss

      Fuck ’em.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      THIS is why the aliens won’t talk to us.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Deplorables” is only the beginning.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well, bless their hearts.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Now where’s my tax refund check at?”

  • Oblios_Cap

    I sure like that mayor. She’s not an asskissing toady like the governor.

  • Me not sure

    I can’t stop seeing that picture that’s below the headline. Thanks Wonkette!

    • LesBontemps

      Drink harder.

      • MynameisBlarney

        And faster!

    • lowenufc

      It looks like he is smuggling a ham under that shirt. Or a thirty pound bag of semi-liquid pork fat.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Almost as if someone tried to stuff 50 lbs. of shit into a 10 lb. bag.

      • Me not sure

        And what’s with the visible orange clown-face line?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I think his Turkey is almost done.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    CNN keeps mentioning that Trump is WAY more popular than establishment Republicans. Gee, it’s almost like the monster they created is now terrorizing them.

    • Oblios_Cap

      When you’re both hovering in the low digits, that’s really not saying much.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Trump is still at 36% approval rating, with 80% of Republicans thinking he’s just wonderful. That shows you how stupid the GOP’s base is. They were terrified that Obama had no experience and would be a tyrant, so they elect someone with ZERO experience, who is an actual tyrant.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Because Dotard has a fake spray tan, while Obama has a real and permanent one. Orange isn’t the new black; it’s the same old white.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Those identifying as Republican are slowly eroding, so what’s happening is Donald is retaining favor of 80% of a shrinking raw number.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I hope you’re right, but the “new” Republicans are the Bannon Republicans, and they’re even worse than the old morons. I occasionally wade into the right wing nuttosphere, and many of them now identify as “Trump Republicans.” They seem to be devolving.

          • Three Finger Salute
          • sw19footrub

            The number of ‘spoilers’ I come across (in fiscally conservative circles) who just wanted Trump to fuck “them” up (i.e. the ‘drain the swamp’ mob) and laugh at liberals getting their panties in a bunch, is enlightening.
            But it’s also been good to see a lot of previously quiet conservatives not hiding their distaste any longer. I guess it was only funny for a few months, for most people.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I think things went south when they figured out that the moron they helped elect actually could start a nuclear war.

          • sw19footrub

            Not getting the ACA repealed, nor pretty much anything on their laundry list, certainly chipped away at their patience.
            They’re either still confident about their chances in 2018, or they haven’t realised yet.

        • Michael Smith

          They were terrified that Obama would “cater to the blacks,” and “make them feel even more entitled than they already feel,” so they elected the person most calculated to make minorities feel like American doesn’t value them at all.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Mission accomplished!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I suppose I’m extra touchy today due to fight with conservative so over Trump. There was yelling. Lots of yelling. Rick Wilson said he turns everything he touches to shit. That’s starting to include a 17 year relationship.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m having trouble staying friends with Republicans, because I want to scream in their faces “when you’re shitting your pants about a socialist dictator tyrant ruining the country, the stock market triples and house prices double, and people have jobs again. When you idiots “elect” a president, we get an unfit moron who will probably cause a massive recession, and/or start a nuclear war, just like the last idiot you “elected”.”

        • Three Finger Salute

          Deplorable cousin of Inigo Montoya is one of our local fake news people. He says be nice to Republicans, or continue losing elections until morale improves:

          http://www.providencejournal.com/news/20171007/mark-patinkin-left-so-arrogant-it-plays-perfectly-to-right

          • MynameisBlarney

            Republicans can eat the corn right outta my shit.

          • TheoLib

            It doesn’t work. Bear with me … Every sensible person rightfully lambastes “trickle-down economics”, but a lot of people mistakenly date the concept to Reagan’s presidency. It’s probably been around for millennia. My late father got his economics degrees before and after WWII; he used to tell me how one of his professors described it: “You feed the horse oats and the sparrows get to pick the bits out of the horse droppings”.

            That must have been a common analogy from that era. A few years ago, I read a book that quoted John Kenneth Galbraith using that analogy in a speech in the 1990s.

            In short, your eating corn won’t help the Republicans — so please continue! :)

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Rueful laugh. I just tried it. Believe me it doesn’t do any good. It just puts them on the defensive.
          “You’re a smart man so why did you vote for an idiot” did not go over too well. I can’t understand why. I thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to say s/

        • MynameisBlarney

          Well, they just couldn’t trust “Crooked Hillary”.
          Because their teevee’s told them she was the most corrupt person to ever walk the earth.

      • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃

        That’s unfortunate. I’m sorry.

      • lunar62

        My partner of 36 years is much more conservative than I am, so we rarely discuss politics in order to keep the peace. For whatever reason we both hate Trump equally – don’t know what would happen if he actually liked the guy. Not sure we could survive that!

    • Randy Riddle

      That’s like saying that gonorrhea is more popular than genital herpes.

      • LesBontemps

        Well, it is.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Please Clap.

        • Rags

          A pox upon your pun

          • sw19footrub

            Come now, let’s not be too rash.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Gotta love these bad puns, warts and all.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            It’s infectious wit!

          • MynameisBlarney

            It’s practically dripping hilarity!

          • Rags

            Canned chlamydia or GTFO…

          • sw19footrub

            You monster?

      • STD
        Syphilitic Trump Dotard

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Can he only afford to spray-tan half of his face?

    • RachelK

      I legit think he can’t keep track of it or manage the basic task or not turning his head sideways in the tanning bed or whatever.
      He’s always been thick and incurious but if you look at interviews from even ten years ago, he could form sentences properly and knew more words.
      I do not buy that he has dumbed down on purpose to appeal to the base. He’s lost a great deal of cognitive ability in the last ten years.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Cripes he’s grotesque. Physically, morally, “mentally”.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      The Repugnant Tri-Fecta!

      • calliecallie

        A hat trick of hate.

        • MynameisBlarney

          A triple threat of Derp!

  • bubbuhh

    Guess What???
    Trump announced teh Ungrateful GOPee haz fucked him so much that he is pregnant with enough babbies to take over teh hole Congerz. Huuuuge!

    F U dont believe it, check out teh pics in teh article.

  • bbayliss
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      do puerto ricans actually say pendejo? I mean, it’s missing the point and all, and I know they say it here on the border (and that picture has a Messican flag in the background), I’m just linguistically curious.

      • bbayliss

        Poster similar to this have been showing up on the island.

      • miss_grundy

        I would say they use the word “sangano” which means stupid or a fool. I prefer “comemierda” but that is Cuban slang and means the individual eats shit.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          heh, glad to know my first whack at the translation was right.
          people here use tonto – which is like an idiot or fool.

          Pendejo, AFAICT, is kinda like a dick head.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    is it possible the crowd was screaming for paper towels and other items, not because they love Trump, but because THEY FUCKING LOST EVERYTHING.

    ahem. Sorry for the shouting.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Maybe they wee screaming “go back to New York, asshole.”

    • BosGrl

      Or maybe they feel they have to smile and laugh with the monster. Go along to get along… :( Something like that…

    • jesterpunk

      Its also really possibly that didnt actually happen and Trump made it all up.

  • Botlrokit
  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Three Finger Salute

      lol. Mike Oldfield libelz.

    • aureolaborealis

      Should probably point out that this is a picture of John Daly’s body. I suspect that 2Scoops doesn’t have the mobility or skill for a backswing like that.

      edit: have researched, and 2Scoops’ backswing with a driver ends just past vertical, so 150+ degrees less rotation than this.

      • Yeah, I wish people wouldn’t use that photo. Trump’s dumpy enough, no need to drag someone else’s corpulence into it.

        • aureolaborealis

          Yep. And Trump’s dumpiness is not like the dumpiness of a professional athlete with a drinking problem … it’s more the dumpiness of general inactivity and shitty diet.

  • Randy Riddle

    Thanks you President Trump!

    For reminding me why I’ll never, ever, ever vote Republican again in a zillion years. Ever.

  • exinkwretch

    Them Purto Ricans don’t even talk American, how the hell can they be Americans? Also, can I go there and shoot some looters? Asking for a friend.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Dolt…he can’t win when he insults the NFL and can’t win when he insults Puerto Ricans…I mean, who CAN a Presnitwit insult nowadays and still be thought of as Presnitial?

    • ManchuCandidate

      Anyone according to the NYT.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        HAHAHAHHAH!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      It is the thorniest question of the age. I wonder what David Brooks thinks?

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Very good question! Second only to “I wonder if David Brooks thinks?”

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          “How can I make this about both sides?” is the extent of his “thinking.”

    • Nazis?

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Hah! As if he would ever insult a Nazi.

        • miss_grundy

          He is scared of Nazis. He wouldn’t dare insult them.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Never has so little done by so few.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Nobody could have done what I’ve done for #PuertoRico with so little appreciation

    Considering that only a psychotic would do as little as you have done for Puerto Rico and then expected an ounce of gratitude, that much is true enough, asshole…
    /FFS

    • 3FingerPete

      Did you not hear the stirring music at the end of the video? What’s your problem?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Three Finger Salute

      SCIENCE!

      …is fake news and a Chinese hoax. Sad.

    • sw19footrub

      An integrated power grid is a no-brainer, surely?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        With a couple of glitches, it’s been working in a huge swath of Canada and the US – the Niagara Power Grid has been running (and growing) for over a century now. But there’s less money in it for individual investors, so you get the PR situation, where ONE plant supplies everything, and age or natural disaster can take it out with ease.

  • calliecallie

    This man so disgusts me. I can’t even make fun any more.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Here’s something to cheer you up: he’s the most unpopular president in modern history.

      Somewhere in his grave Nixon is thinking “finally! I’m not the worst piece of shit this country could produce.”

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So FEMA is literally not listening to the mayor of Puerto Rico’s largest city and territorial capital because of politics?
    That’s just great. Maybe they should put their precious fee-fees in a box for the moment and keep people from dying. Just a thought.

    • marxalot

      Why start now?

    • LesBontemps

      Someone should just tell Trump that literally no one in Puerto Rico voted for Hillary last November.

  • calliecallie

    Carmen Yulin Cruz for Congress. Puerto Rico needs representation. Also DC, Guam, USVI, anyone else?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Iraq and Afghanistan? They’re affected by our policies as much as anyone.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Can we finally ditch Israel as the 51st state?

        • WotsAllThisThen

          No, they get extra senators.

          • Three Finger Salute

            And 0 Palestinians as usual. Fuck.

          • deadjello

            Yeah, why would Israel want to be a state and have two senators when they already have 100?

    • LesBontemps

      American Samoa (where the delicious Girl Scout cookies come from).

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Donald J. Trump. The Human Shit-Stain.

  • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃
  • Lance Thrustwell

    The incompetence of the man… I mean, he can’t even defend himself smoothly! He could say “I know it seems like we delayed in sending aid, but there were certain obstacles to overcome…” yada yada. So fucking easy!

    I don’t know why the style offends me as much as the substance here – Puerto Rico needs help, not excuses – but for some reason it just does. I could cover my ass better than this guy.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Trump’s lazy, and he knows his base is dumb.

    • LesBontemps

      Your ass is not nearly as big, in all probability.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Glad to say, that is true.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Hell, my ass isn’t that big.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Well, you don’t fit in a golf cart, so you have to walk everywhere.

    • gallbladder

      I’m kind’a surprised he didn’t pull out the perennial schoolyard favourite, “I know you are, but what am I?”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It’s the petulant and smarmy tone he always takes. “It’s not my fault! Everybody’s always so unfair to MEEEEE!”

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        He truly is every single thing the right accused Obama of being for the previous 8 years.

  • Does John Daly get royalties from that top photo?

  • 3FingerPete

    Trump hired Scientology’s AV team to do his promotional videos?

  • Rags

    FWIW, the first pic of 4-5 golfing is apparently photoshopped

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Yeah, it’s Uncle Dotard’s head on John Daley’s body. Still funny though.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    He’s just like Jesus…turning water into whine.

  • Iron Monkey

    Just when you think he can’t get any worse…this slimeball wants to be appreciated. You are the president of the united states, asshole–you actually admit you want a pat on the back as well?

    • Daniel

      Remember that thing a couple of weeks ago when it was revealed that Ivanka and Jared have to console him “about what his life has come to”?

    • miss_grundy

      Remember that guy who was his predecessor? I don’t recall his constant pleas for appreciation.

  • Leftside Annie

    Pay attention, Americans – this is how your president will treat you if you refuse to kiss his hairy flabby ass.

    I have run out of profanity obscene enough to describe these people. #SAD

    • jesterpunk

      He has ignored California and Oregon and refused to help either state with the wildfires. He only cares about the states he won.

      • MynameisBlarney

        What a fucking petty ass bitch.
        He needs to be fucking impeached, indicted, tried, convicted and thrown the fuck UNDER Ft. Leavenworth.

      • sw19footrub

        He’s been a vindictive little petty shit his whole life. Hardly a surprise, but definitely devastating.

    • LeftyProud

      I know. I am so full of hate for him, I can’t see straight.

      • grindstone

        Then a lot of folks who voted for him can sleep happily tonight. Pissing us off is the end goal, not a happy by-product.

  • natoslug

    If they have no food or water, let them eat cake.

    • Ricky Gay

      Or some of those fine Jesus Crackers!

    • Covfefe

      Moar paper towels.

      • nightmoth

        good for fiber in a salt water stew

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’s gonna have to be uncooked cake mix. Boxes of Betty Crocker dropped from the sky.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Chairwoman of the RNC says the base of the GOP wants to see taxes cut, and Obamacare repealed. RIIIIGHT, that’s why the GOP has been so successful at getting rid of a program that benefits their base, and why 90% of the public does NOT want tax cuts. The problem with the leadership of the GOP is that they think the idiots who vote for them have a clue what they’re voting for.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Wolf Blitzer, aka Steele Hammerhands, reminds her that the GOP controls every branch of the American government, and they still can’t get shit done.

      GOP chairwoman keeps bringing up how Democrats just won’t work with the GOP. Were they supposed to break into their closed basement rooms, that they wouldn’t even let other Republicans in to, during the healthcare “debate”?

      • miss_grundy

        Really? When the Rethuglians have refused to work with the Democrats since the days of Newt Gingrinch as speaker. Do these asshats think that Democrats are going to work with people who not only want to screw their base but the Dem base as well?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          “Hey, we have horrible ideas, come help us pass them” is not really a great enticement.

    • Rags

      Their base is the Koch’s and their ilk and no one else.

  • nightmoth

    “told by the Democrats”
    Unlike practically everybody in the GOP, the mayor is NOT a meat puppet with ANYBODY’S hand up her butt.

    • natoslug

      *Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .

  • Paperless Tiger

    Tell him he needs to go to the Bermuda Triangle.

  • rosenbomb

    He *actually* thought that winning the presidency would make him unequivocally adored.

    I hope he’s fucking lonely and miserable. And I hope he stays that way the rest of his days.

    • elviouslyqueer

      And may his days be few.

      WITHOUT FUCKING VOTES.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i would like to see him broken and utterly, publicly humiliated first

        • rosenbomb

          That would be a plus.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          …Driven from town to town by the barking of dogs and the jeers of stone-throwing children, sleeping in culverts and under bridges, the object of mixed horror, pity, and disgust…

          • Daniel

            Remove the “Pity”.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            No no, he’d really hate the pity.

          • Daniel

            He loves pity! He loves it so much he gives it to himself! Pity is great for him because it confirms that he’s not to blame for his faults- it’s all other people, it’s everyone being mean to him.

            Contempt he couldn’t handle, but pity he relishes.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Well sure, he loves self-pity, but I kinda think his pride wouldn’t let him accept pity coming from other people.

          • The Wanderer

            You’re turning me on with all that posh chat.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Is that what it takes to get you aroused? I’ll work on it.

          • The Wanderer

            LOL

    • natoslug

      I’m willing to kindly hope that he doesn’t stay lonely and miserable for much longer.

    • jesterpunk

      He also thought that after 8 years of him questioning if Obama was born here that the second he was sworn in no one would question anything he did ever.

      • rosenbomb

        I know! The mind reels. I guess I’m baffled because I know how it is to be in touch with reality.

    • miss_grundy

      In prison.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Donald Trump no se preocupa por los puertorriqueños.”

    • That’s a given.

    • miss_grundy

      “Le importa dos pepinos lo que le pase a los puertorriqueños.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    How sweet. The Jones Act waiver expired today and DHS didn’t extend it. Sucks to be on the island!

    • jesterpunk

      Its ok, FEMA will just ignore anyone who complains.

      • miss_grundy

        At this point, a crowd of very angry people should surround the hotel where the FEMA staff is staying and physically pull them out of their haven and made to drink the water. I don’t recall that under the Obama administration they were this lazy about getting people the help they needed. Perhaps FEMA only acts like asshats under Republican administrations.

        • jesterpunk

          It comes from leadership or lack of it.

    • natoslug

      And we managed to get how many shipments of supplies to PR while the act was waived? I’m guessing with the current level of federal incompetence, not many. Trump and his party consider dead people a plus.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    GOP chairwoman crying crocodile tears about how Harvey Weinstein disrespects women. Wolf Blitzer points out that preznit Pussgrab GolfsALot may have a bit of blood on his hands too. No mention of Bill “Loofah” O’Reilly, or Roger “I’ll make you a star, baby, now on your knees, and blow me” Ailes.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Douchebag with a cigar because, hey, it’s golf.

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!
        GMTA

    • MynameisBlarney

      The cigar smoking douchebro looking down his nose at someone is a nice touch.

    • lunar62

      Male white people. With good health insurance.

      • At this point in time, any bitch who looks at Trump and smiles should be forced to drink bleach (metaphorically speaking…cough cough) instead of painting her hair with it.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Maybe brain bleach would work.

  • Antonin Dvorak
    • Michael Smith

      Cue conservative response “If a Kardashian criticizes you, you must be doing something right.”

    • Daniel

      Kelly‏ @vnyvsh

      Sep 30
      Replying to @KimKardashian

      Well I wish you could do the same instead of tweeting

      #DREAMER 🕶‏ @mikepenceisgay

      Sep 30
      Home girl isn’t the president of the United States. It’s not up to her even though she’s probably donated more money than you.

      Kelly‏ @vnyvsh

      Sep 30

      Lol always that typical one dude defending these so called “celebrities” as if they’d pay their bills. Want some cookies ?

      It really is a game to Trump supporters. The fact that it’s actually Trump’s job to help Puerto Rico and he’s not doing it, and that it’s not Kim Kardashian’s (until the next election) is immaterial- somehow her being a celebrity means her calling out Trump for not doing that job is by definition wrong.

    • miss_grundy

      Wow, when you’ve lost Kim Kardashian……

  • Michael Smith

    I think even conservatives are somewhat disappointed in his performance in Puerto Rico, but this mayor’s gender is of course a major stroke of good like for Trump. Everything she says about him can be written off as “She’s probably a huge feminist and so just hates Trump because he’s going to force women to close their legs.”

    • marxalot

      And/or open them.

    • Daniel

      Urgh- I bet she’s just angry because she’s on her period.

    • sw19footrub

      Republicans don’t need to worry about Puerto Rico’s electoral votes anyway.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “We don’t have time for that political noise.”

    People. are. DYING. you. asshole.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Too bad a little blonde girl didn’t disappear during the hurricane. A “white girl in trouble” alert would have been issued by Nancy Grace, and Puerto Rico would be on the front page every day.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yeah, but they’re people who don’t vote in presidential elections.

    • sw19footrub

      “The personal is political.”

    • The Wanderer

      You can’t escape politics in America. It’s thick on the ground everywhere, and is one of the minor problems of living in a federal republic with a democratic franchise.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Dying for political reasons? Namely, dumbass voters put a moron in the White House.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Who knew that problems don’t get solved just by saying they’re getting solved? I mean, the hurricane comes, you send FEMA, you come for a visit, and boom — all wrapped up. Texas and Florida all both good as new already, and here’s Puerto Rico still for some reason not knowing its turn in the news cycle is done, and can it please get out of the way so Donnie can focus on the NFL? So rude.

    • jesterpunk

      The nerve of Puerto Rico interfering with Trump golfing.

      • Canned Covfefe

        The nerve of predisenting interfering with Trump golfing.

        • jesterpunk

          Who knew Preznitting was so complicated?

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    I certainly can’t be bothered to watch video of this assclown pretending to be a president, but am I right that the ‘crowd’ who so deafened the poor old man seems to have consisted of *maybe* a hundred people, max??

  • Freeperson

    Wadda WE Want?!!! PAPER TOWELS!!! When Do WE Want ’em? NOW!!!

  • The Wanderer

    A solid majority of Trump’s mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging followers know full well that H Maria wasn’t Mayor Cruz’s fault.

    It was THE CHEMTRAILS.

    • Ωbjectifier

      HAARP libelz!

      • MynameisBlarney

        FLOURIDE IN THE TAPWATER LIBULZ!

        • Antonin Dvorak

          AGENDA 21!!

          • MynameisBlarney

            BASKIN-ROBBINS 31 FLAVORS!!!

          • The Wanderer

            CRYSTAL PEPSI!

          • MynameisBlarney

            NEW COKE!

          • The Wanderer

            BURMA!

          • elviouslyqueer

            GET A ROOM, YOU TWO.

          • Canned Covfefe

            SHAVE!

          • SeeTrain65

            I PANICKED!

  • Ωbjectifier

    John Daly has really let himself go.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Let’s put that in writing:
      “Yes, [Trump’s] narcissism is real and gets a lot of ink. He’s probably Bipolar II also, but what his real problem is can be found in the link’s below. He’s a rather pure male histrionic; an attention whore carrying the nuclear football, a preening desperate aging impotent prick of a human being, who gets desperate and mean whenever he isn’t the center of attention. Who the fuck wears hair like that at age 70?”

      • miss_grundy

        An asshat trying to duplicate his mom’s up-do.

        • SeeTrain65

          That’s his hairstyle! I could never think of the name of it!

          “The Pompous-adour.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Congresscritters just got back from Porda Riccan fact-finding mission. Anyone hear about what they found yet?

    • Trump has them on media blackout since he ordered them not to go in the first place.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Also, funny costumes.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Sorry. I’m in Moscow, Idaho, today, where the city recently renamed it Indigenous Peoples Day.

      • Yay!

      • Arolpin

        It really is the People’s Republic of Moscow! (That was the term the whack-jobs gave Moscow in the 70s.)

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Same here in Edmonds, WA

        • I’m an hour out from Edmonds where the people unfortunately cannot pronounce words over 3 syllables.

          • IdiotsforPalin

            North or South?

          • East. I’m a Gold Barbarian.😕

          • IdiotsforPalin

            Ohhhh you are in Dump country

          • Deep in it. My close friend and neighbor has 2 adopted black children. I think they may be the only African-American residents in town. She has amazing resiliency to live here.

          • IdiotsforPalin

            That’s amazing. I fished up around there a few times. Not the friendliest of folks

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Spokane, too.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If Trump is going to steal Colbert’s “Who’s Not Honoring Me Now” shtick, couldn’t he at least balance it out by resurrecting the “Monkey on the Lam” segment, too?

    • The Wanderer

      Because Eric won’t cooperate?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Over the weekend, matriarch of the rodent-faced Trump spawn, Ivana, said Daddy’s Little Gurl Ivanka would make a fine president.. They’re all freakin’ nuts, stem to stern.

    • The Wanderer

      Ivana see the whole family in jail.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      She’s even more vacuous than her father, although I would love to see the puzzled looks on the faces of the rubes when she starts telling them how they can “architect” their own lives.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That demonstrates pretty clearly that none of them understand actual work or what the government does. They don’t think of it as a job; they think of it as a pageant.

      • miss_grundy

        They think of it as another grift.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Just mop up that hurricane with a paper towel. It’s the quicker picker upper.

  • eastcoastlib

    So this is really about him then?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Everything is.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    The waiver of the Jones Act expired yesterday…..DHS said they wouldn’t renew it….Thanks orange Anus.

    • Grokenstein

      Meanwhile the “temporary, until we figure this stuff out” travel ban goes on…

  • TJ Barke

    What a disgrace…

  • I’m surprised he didn’t starting flinging the cans.

    • The Wanderer

      Doesn’t have the strength to throw them far enough.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It was reported that he started to pick up a few cans and the crowd told him no.

    • TJ Barke

      He was allegedly told that that would be a bad idea.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Never before has one man done so little for so many.

  • quantum mechanic

    It is just a matter of time before Trump has long finger nails, greasy unwashed hair, begins wearing kleenex boxes on his feet, starts storing his urine in containers and endlessly watching Ice Station Zebra in a room where the curtains haven’t been opened in years.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      How do we know he’s not already doing those things?

    • TJ Barke

      We should be so lucky…

    • Daniel

      “You like that term that word, ‘goose’? I invented that. Maybe other people did use it before, but I never listened. But ‘goose’, I like it. It’s a terrific- ask Ivanka. She loves it too.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    What really sticks in my craw is the crack about the Dems telling her to be nasty to Trump. It reveals the Trumpian way of thought.

    • bbayliss

      Thought?

    • The Wanderer

      Authoritarianism 101: If someone says something against the established order, some dark force *must* have taught them to say that.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Can you imagine a Democrat – any Democrat – calling her and saying: “Shame about your city, but can you turn up the heat on President Trump for us?”

    • BadKitty904

      Because that’s exactly what Republicans would do, were the situation reversed. The GOP is ALL about projection.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b4f147a8629e49a36352c91dc43631d8ddce92633ef3a27cff6e172805176fdf.jpg

  • BadKitty904
    • Pilotshark

      needs to go on a bill board by the white house.

      • BadKitty904

        I’d contribute to that cause.

    • Shibusa

      On Fox News, they’d translate that as “Hero”.

  • Viktor

    Trumps even got the FEMA guy saying he ignores her. FEMA should leave, they are worthless, just like in Louisiana.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Pilotshark

      think Bob just proved that the senators are complicit in the selling out of the country.
      they are now just as guilty of Democracy failure as don.

  • Baconzgood

    Look at these pictures.

    BECAUSE i was ABUSIVELY taught this game I’m going to break these images down. Keep in mind I haven’t been “scratch” since my Sr year but my Jr and Sr year…my handicap was scratch or 5 at worst.

    So let’s go image:
    1) see how far back his swing is? He’s forcing a shot out of anger. I bet you $1k he’s going to miss the fairway to left as equally as he will miss it to the right. This is a…more….this is a nightmare swing. Pulling a club in your back swing…that isn’t a practice swing…..that is a mulligan.

    Picture 3) he looks a little off ballence. But it could be he was looking at his shot after his follow through.

    Picture 2) he’s NOT HITTING OUT OF “HEAVY ROUGH”. That’s OB. In fact he’s hitting WAY out of bounds. I don’t see any water even near that shot to give it a respectable excuse for not taking a drop.

    Picture 4) is the only on I can truly respect as a golfer. It’s a fat lazy rich 70 year old getting ready to scratch his balls. Because that is what golf truly is at its essential philosophy.

    In the final analysis…Trump is no Dwight Eisenhower or Jack Kennedy when it comes to golf.

    • Erala Contratista

      You have many talents Baconz, but you can even read his golf postures too! Also!!!! IMpressed

      • Baconzgood

        It’s not hard to recognize a “lazy/frustrated/inpatient” stroke.

  • Thorn Spike

    So much work! So much lying!

  • MarsNeedsWomen

    Lady Mayor Bitch? As a Puerto Rican, I’m not to keen on the title, even though I get what the article is going for.

  • smitallica

    The douche behind him in that trophy-dedication pic who is Wolf of Wall Streeting on his unlit cigar is just [touches fingertips to lips].

  • Ulricii

    You’d think with all of the time he spends on the golf links, President Bowl-Full-Of-Jelly would have lost some of that gut. But it just keeps jiggling away.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Mr. Two Scoops and a coke isn’t losing weight until after his heart attack.

      • lowenufc

        What heart?

        • Shibusa

          Well he has that purple one.

      • Stulexington

        Ha! Yes he’s totally going to take a doctor’s advice about his diet to heart.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      How? In golf, you basically stand still or sit in a cart 90% of the time.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        My dad likes to walk it. He once had me caddy for him and I decided that I hated the sport more than I previously did.

      • guppy06

        Don’t forget the time spent standing around, drinking and bullshitting.

    • shivaskeeper

      Faulty assumption. You are assuming he walks between holes. He doesn’t even walk to wherever the ball landed. This fuckstick even has the cart drive him onto the green which is apparently a big no-no.

      • harryr

        The greenskeepers must love him.

        • shivaskeeper

          That doesn’t matter if he owns the course or his name is on the sign outside. I’m sure he could give less than a fuck about them haing to do more work because of him.

  • Shibusa

    Trump is the absent-tee President.

  • NotALiar

    Maybe trump should go 19 days without power and water.

    • NotALiar

      Could you imagine how fucking peaceful that would be? People could actually sleep at night. No waking up in the middle of the night to check and make sure he hasn’t started a nuclear war for no fucking reason. Sigh..

  • I totally have a crush on Mayor Cruz- it’s that combination of Moxie and those cute nerd glasses. My dream ticket for 2020 is Gillibrand/Cruz.

    • Down, ya Bastard. Fix now, flirt later.

    • KBadger

      Let’s face it – if she were “beauty pageant beautiful,” Trump would be down there personally “assisting” her as often as possible.

  • Baconzgood

    PR should be a state. DC should be a “CITY STATE”

    • Pretty sure DC has more residents than both Dakotas. We could merge them, make DC a state, then Merge Wyoming with one of those other big empties up there and usher in Puerto Rico.
      Still 50 and no one needs to buy a new flag!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Of course the real reasons are nonwhite and nonRepublican for why they aren’t states.

      • Zyxomma

        My friend’s even more radical. She believes both Dakotas, Wyoming, Nebraska, and Montana should all be one state (possibly including Idaho, too).

  • Angela Ruzzo

    After Hurricane Katrina, FEMA asked us to apply for assistance online. This was difficult to do if you were living out of your car or in temporary housing with no internet access. When I pointed this out I was told to use the public access computers in the nearest public library, so I tried that, but the lines to use the computers snaked out the front doors and about 3 blocks down the street. I was told there was a 4-hour wait to get to a computer, and I would be given only 30 minutes access, which I couldn’t deal with on a hot day in Louisiana in late August while highly stressed. And then FEMA workers were handing out flyers listing all the places where I could get assistance, but instead of listing phone numbers and addresses, they listed websites. It’s kinda hard to find the Red Cross site from a website address when you don’t have access to a computer.

    In other words, being totally fucked up and administratively useless is something FEMA has had a lot of practice with. I remember seeing a PBS documentary 20 years ago about Hurricane Andrew in which a FEMA representative said “We learned a lot from this experience, we’ll do better next time.” Wow, “better” must be a really relative term.

  • William
  • miss_grundy

    I just wish the people in the audience had swatted the paper towels rolls back at him. What a freaking racist bigot.

  • lroom

    I realized this week the reason he thinks we’re so unfair to him is because President Obama was loved and respected by most of the world. He thinks Obama couldn’t possibly have been respected for doing his job and being a good president. In his pathetic little mind he thought “Well if some black guy got all this respect it was only because of being president so as soon as I’m elected then the world will love and respect me too”. He can’t understand why everyone hates him because he’s a white guy so they should love him even more.

    • phoenix00

      Gotta one-up the blah. In every single way.

  • HazooToo

    Every single thing he did “for Puerto Rico”, the most exhausted and lazy of us could have done. With less bitching and more progress, earlier. I’m so done with this big fat baby.

    • blaid droog

      You may be done with him but he is by no means done with you. Or us, as the case may be.

  • Bad Scooter
  • guppy06

    Nobody could have done what I’ve done for #PuertoRico with so little appreciation.

    He could have done more if only he’d been given more appreciation?

    • TundraGrifter

      BINGO !!!!!

  • tehbaddr

    Winning gut! What a sack of shit!

    • TundraGrifter

      He’ got quite the boiler going, doesn’t he?

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Can we hope for a widow maker ( sigh, with votes) soon????

        • TundraGrifter

          A severe case of Dunlap’s Disease – his stomach dun laps over his belt.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            And down to his knees. We, as kids, used to say that all the time. Dunlap’s Disease- done lapped over his belt and down to his knees. That’s a blast from the past, like 40 years ago! lol!

    • redblack

      dude/ette/other, i thought the first inline picture was snoopy.

      honest to $god.

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m very, very happy to be able to say I’ve never seen an adult – let alone a person in his or her 70’s – so desperate for attention and “appreciation” and who spends so much time whining about things being unfair.

    Most people get over all that by the age of 10 or 12. I am not a licensed medical professional, but it looks to me like Mr. Trump didn’t get much adult attention when he was growing up and he’s never lost his all-consuming craving for it. This would explain why he’s a bully and why he picks fight – at a certain point in a person’s development, any attention – no matter how negative – beats no attention at all.

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS: Sadly, we have. My biological father (VERY long story-I’ll spare you) sat at my mother’s deathbed, in the presence of friends who loved her beyond measure, having treated her abysmally in their lifetime, whining aloud about who was going to take care of HIM after she had the nerve to die. He was, at that point, 82. Toxic narcissists span all demographics, and demand comprehensive treatment…for those they leave in their wake. In this case, of course, it will require
      a brain bleach for the entire population!

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      He never got affirmation from his father, and mother’s love was conditional, when occasionally given.

      The birth of a narcissist (that personality disorder is a GIVEN).
      And I may go so far as to suggest there is some similarity in Borderline Personality Disorder and Preznit Butthurt Bigly. Value (pedestal)/devalue cycles are prominent.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Puerto Rico sure is grateful for the paper towels, aren’t they ?

    • RMKH

      A few more rolls and they’ll have the whole place spruced right up!

    • phoenix00

      They should be GRATEFUL to see Dump’s better-than-Steph’s b-ball skillz!

  • Delu

    Trump is right, nobody could have done what he did to Puerto Rico.

    Nobody.

  • Zyxomma

    I’m glad you’re mentioning having to fill out FEMA forms online. I found it out through a clerk at my local library, when he helped a woman print out forms to bring to her family in PR.

  • ken_kukec

    That move of Trump’s with the paper towels is what Caligula would’ve done, had the Romans been as good at producing paper products as it was at producing arches and aqueducts.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    Okay. I want to know when in the actual sweet fuck Corker et al are gonna 25A this chump’s ass. Seriously.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    Heckuvajob, Brockie!!

  • I’m surprised that, given his recent proclivities, Trump isn’t simply blaming this woman.

    https://youtu.be/ruEfQ-AA1Uo

  • whitroth

    Lady Mayor Cruz for VP, 2020!

  • Teto85

    Presidente pendejo naranjo.

  • kareemachan

    Is drumpster still holding people’s passports hostage to get them to pay for being saved?

  • HooverVilles

    Looking at those pictures of Trump on the golf course one can easily see that his “life battery” is running low.

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