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Good morning Wonketariat! We hope you’re well-rested because there are many newses today! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about!

Republican Sen. Bob Corker says he isn’t going to wipe Trump’s ass in a new interview with the Times that expands on his “adult day care center” tweet by stating, “I know for a fact that every single day at the White House, it’s a situation of trying to contain him.”

People are so mad that Mike Pence pulled a lame PR stunt at a sportsball game after they started calculating the bill he and Mother are sending to taxpayers.

FEMA Director Brock Long was on teevee talking shit about Puerto Rico this weekend, stating, “We filtered out the mayor [of San Juan Carmen Yulín Cruz] a long time ago,” because she keeps begging for things like food, water, and electricity.

Rep. Steve Scalise went on teeve to to defend the poor, innocent bump stocks that allow people to turn assault rifles into fully automatic weapons. This fucking guy…

Rather than actually getting their hands and voting records dirty, Paul Ryan is telling Republicans to kick bump stock regulation over to the ATF.

Paul Ryan is trying to rebrand the Trump Tax Cuts with his own face, promising that all the evil corporations will let their profits trickle down on the poors if we sacrifice ourselves so that they can make more money.

Inside the smoke-filled rooms on Capitol Hill, Republicans are admitting they can’t kill Obamacare, but dammit, they’re going to try! It’s not like they have better things to do…

Yesterday, Trump sent a letter over to the Hill saying that DACA kids can have their dreams, but Trump wants his wall and E-Verify to make sure ILLEGALS aren’t working illegally.

Betsy DeVos isn’t limiting herself to for-profit universities and killing public schools; she also has been pushing shady virtual charter schools that have terrible graduation records.

Trump’s minions might be racking up historically expensive travel bills on all those fancy jets, but John Kelly is apparently penny pinching and making the non-NSC Trumpkins fly commercial.

The documents in Kris Kobach’s voter commission folder have finally been unsealed, and it’s about as bad as you’d think (once you get past all the big, black redaction lines). He wants to change federal voting laws to exclude more poors and minorities by forcing a proof-of-citizenship law.

Despite all the memos from Newt Gingrich, Trump’s assault on federal workers has caused them to unionize in greater numbers than ever before.

Plans have been given a green light for the the Dwight D. Eisenhower Memorial on the National Mall. Too bad it seems pay more homage to D-Day than to Ike’s warning about the military industrial complex.

Those awful for-profit schools that Betsy DeVos loves to jerk off have been paying students to leave good reviews on social media and like them on Facebook in order to artificially inflate their status and success.

Democrats are winning tiny state house races all over the country, and that’s good news for prospective 2018 Democratic contenders.

Arizona Republican Rep. Paul Gosar thinks the Richard Spencer rally in Charlottesville was funded by George Soros.NOTE: ‘Yr Wonkette STILL hasn’t received a single Amero from Soros, so help us out and give us money!

Blackwater founder, goon for hire, and Betsy DeVos’s brother, Erik Prince, is thinking about running for Congress in Wyoming with a fat wad of Mercer money and Bannon blow jobs.

A high school student in Houston is suing her school for expelling her not for standing during the Pledge of Allegiance. In her defense, she says that she doesn’t think, “the flag is what it says it’s for, for liberty and justice and all that.

A damning new report by the Guardian details a secret CIA torture camp in Afghanistan that is described as “nasty, but safe.”

Trump’s trash palaces in Scotland are hemorrhaging money because nobody is showing up; however, the Trump Organization literally blames their financial shortcomings on the price of oil.

Russians celebrated Putin’s birthday by marching in massive protests in 25 cities that saw 132 people arrested. For his part, Putin decided to gift himself a nice American media blackout in Russia.

According to anonymous sources, Google has uncovered Russian fuckery with its ad network, and the problems with Facebook are even greater than we realize. WHOA if true!

Trump’s resident pubic beard aficionado and digital director, Brad Parscale, says that not only did Facebook allow Trump to win, but he handpicked Trumpkin neckbeards to “embed” with the campaign. Facebook is calling bullshit. Like it has on every revelation so far.

More evidence is surfacing about the people Russia paid to spread bullshit racist propaganda on Youtube in order to support Trump.

Russia fuckery targeted veterans and US soldiers on Twitter and Facebook according to a new Oxford University study that found a slew of conspiracy theories and stupid crap.

Trump gave an interview to Mike Huckabee and it’s your typical hot mess of face palming. He claimed to invent the work “fake,” talked about how much “fun” he had throwing “beautiful, soft towels…Very good towels,” at the people of Puerto Rico, and then threatened thermonuclear war in North Korea and Iran. We’d give you the full interview but it’s been pulled down from Huckabee’s Youtube page.

Sen. Tom Cotton has his nose buried so far up Trump’s ass he’s now telling other Republicans to quit if they can’t get on board the Trump train.

(Not so) long ago, in his younger and more formidable years, Stephen Miller spewed some words that had been churning over in his head for quite some time, “Am I the only one who is sick and tired of being told to pick up my trash when we have plenty of janitors who are paid to do it for us?”

A super-rich Hollywood jerk, Harvey Weinstein, has been “You’re Fired” for being too pervy for all the other super-rich perverts who perpetuate and/or ignore a culture of puss-grab games in Hollywood, and the media at large.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert knows what Robert Mueller wants; Jimmy Kimmel called out Trump’s accusations of fake news with charts and graphs; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at REXXON and Puerto Rico; Bill Maher is butthurt about bad regulation; Chelsea Handler has good thoughts on gun control and a fucking long list of gun fetishists in Congress; John Oliver brilliantly ‘splainered the Confederacy and offered some replacement statues; SNL wrapped up the week with the Notorious RBG.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Ringtailed lemur cat babies!

We are supported by readers like you because we never get any checks from George Soros.

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • MynameisBlarney

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    • The Wanderer

      (drools)

    • Eileen Besse

      Where’s the line start?

      • Ill-Advised

        (Sighs, presses nose against glass.) Mmmmmm…..

    • SeeTrain65

      I’ll just have a dozen raised glazed, please.

  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Paul Ryan is trying to rebrand the Trump Tax Cuts with his own face, promising that all the evil corporations will let their profits trickle down on the poors if we sacrifice ourselves so that they can make more money.

    Paul Ryan is the most dangerous pee hooker of them all.

    • Bebecca

      and Ryan concluded “they really will this time, they promise”.

  • bubbuhh

    Heard a rumor that Pence really iz a mean Mother

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Paul Ryan obeying NRA marching orders to let ATF handle bump stocks. This couldn’t possibly be because ATF has previously decided, from a technical standpoint, they can’t ban them, right? Ryan is truly a courageous leader.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • SeeTrain65

      Someone call Jessica Alba and ask her if The Honest Co. makes hers in sizes this large. She could clothe the entire cabinet.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Its Canadian Thanksgiving Day! Let’s give them Wyoming as a token of our appreciation.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Wouldn’t they be happier with Alabama. And possibly Oklahoma?

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Christmas is coming.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      What? I already ordered enough wrapping paper and ribbon for MIssissippi.

    • ViveLaResistance!

      “Please, please Canada, take us in! I come from a disfunctional home and need some sane governance, some health care, and Justin Treadeau.”

      Maine

      PS – The Confederacy bullies think I’m in Canada anyway.

  • Ezio
  • Bill D. Burger

    Damn….He’s awfully quiet this morning, and after Corker bitch slapped him again last night.
    Hmmm….. He must be chasing Gen. Kelly around the WH demanding to know where his phone is.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLsOd-_XUAE94Xv.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    New logo on the Oval Office door.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLsQSSYX4AE3H-6.jpg

  • Nounverb911

    Congreesscrittersheriff dave reichert? Really?

    https://twitter.com/AynRandPaulRyan/status/917378268608843776

    • puredog

      Reichert is somewhat short of being a “moderate Republican” but he is not totally insane.

      • Mildred Broxon

        He also investigated Washington State’s Green River Killer. Just sayin’.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Is this clear enough for people to understand? https://twitter.com/deray/status/917381192386793473

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m thinking that a campaign should be started to mail Depends to the white house. They should probably be unused because I’m pretty sure there are some federal regulations against sending such items to the president.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5eb7cca17d7d57f8da8b561f176203d2c981795777ad360a0a2acad925c9d511.png

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Everything’s too big in that pic except his big, orange head.

    • bupkus231

      Those Depends should cover his mouth

    • SeeTrain65

      Not fat enough. Hands too big. Too big a package.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I still don’t know what the people of Puerto Rico were supposed to do with those paper towels. Mop up the flooding? Eat them? Build houses out of them?

  • The conservative dream for ‘public’ education consists of vouchers to non-union Jesus schools and non-union online charters where a teacher earns $10/hr to ‘teach’ a class of 500 virtual students.

    They don’t care about the kids as much as busting teacher’s unions and funneling taxpayer money to corporations with minimal or no oversight.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Bob Mueller hasn’t been distracted by the Moron n’ Thief: He’s coming for you Dotard Don.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLsp1oJUEAAVgoS.jpg

    • bupkus231

      Even funnier than the small size of those cuffs are the “CHINA” stamped on them.

    • SeeTrain65

      And those are just the ankle cuffs.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      For once, he was telling the truth.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Now, now, let’s be fair! One out of four things that come out of his mouth is true. That means he’s only lying 75% of the time.

        • BadKitty904

          Rule of thumb: If Trump’s thin, withered lips are moving, he’s lying.

  • Nounverb911
  • Joe Beese

    If only Harvey had directed those prestige pictures instead of just producing them. He’d have defenders lined up around the block.

    • Baconzgood

      WOODY ALLEN LIBEL!

      • PubOption

        Also Roman Polanski libelz.

        • Baconzgood

          I was going to go with him…but I don’t like low hanging snark fruit and KNEW some one would respond to that.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Y’know, I’m glad Corker has seen the light and all, but how stupid are these Republicans? I am NOT a professional politician, and Trump’s utter ridiculousness could *not* have been more blatantly, screamingly obvious during the campaign. Yet Corker was an early and enthusiastic supporter.

    Talk about your “fucking morons”!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I actually thought Trump was pretending to be a moron to win the GOP primary. I thought he’d pull a Reagan – get elected by pandering to the idiots, then after he was in office he’d wink and nod at the crazy evangelical Christians while totally ignoring their wish list, and then get down to cutting taxes on the super wealthy. Instead he completely embraced the crazies (Mike Flynn, Steve Bannon, the Huckabee clan of dolts, Rick Perry, his own idiot kids, Ben Carson, etc…), appoints Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, attacks abortion, gay rights, etc… I think he’s far more of a nightmare than anyone imagined he’d be, including Senator Corker.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I guess. But he was just way more ignorant, random, and crazy-sounding than Reagan or any other major candidate ever managed to be. Ah well, better late than never, I guess. I hope Corker and Flake (and McCain, I guess) get some more company soon.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Keep in mind that the Republican base has grown way more ignorant, crazy sounding, and loudly racist, over the past 40 years, too. They’ve been emboldened by Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, BlightFart, etc…

          I think Miss Lindsey hates his guts, too, as does Ben Sasse. Unfortunately, most of them, including Corker, will continue to vote with Trump. They all have the same horrible ideas.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Erik Prince, and “Judge” Roy Moore in Congress? Sure, this seems totally sane!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • bupkus231

      THIS! I can think of another coupla dozen that should be locked up, too – but there’s no room in the meme….

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Of course every wingnut on the planet runs for national office in Wyoming. The entire population consists of about 20 goatfuckers and a lot of nervous sheep. Hand out a few free cans of chewing tobacco and Mountain Dew and you’ve got their votes.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • SeeTrain65

      I would have gone with “mendacious,” but you do you, Occupy Democrats.

  • MrTusks

    The Huckabee intervire got pulled? Has a bullshit tolerance been detected?

  • The most WTF thing I’ve heard is Mr. Pubic Beard attempting to define himself as some uber social media manager. Mother fucker can’t even hold a camera phone. Watch the White House videos – he sucks at his job way too hard to have any clue about what happened during the election.

    • ariel_gee_398

      You mean to tell me some white person in the Trump administration is completely unqualified and lousy at their job but gets to keep it because “loyalty”? Why, that’s almost difficult to believe.

      • I see what you did there….

      • MynameisBlarney

        *faints*

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “Liberals invented all these things, but it took a Republican to figure out how to use social media.”

      Sure, and a black guy with the middle name “Hussein” won purely on his charisma.

      Also, I suspect that guy Parscale’s beard is some kind of Nazi look, because he sure as hell isn’t a hipster.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • A Groucho Marxist

    “…Trump…talked about how much “fun” he had throwing “beautiful, soft towels…Very good towels,” at the people of Puerto Rico”

    He’s already reached late period Elvis levels of self-parody, and we’re not even 10 months in for fuck’s sake.

  • proudgrampa

    So I don’t get Scalise’s defense of bump stocks. He IS the one who got shot, right? Maybe it addled his brain…

    • ariel_gee_398

      The price of freedom seems a lot less high to someone with a personal security detail and high-quality government provided health care.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Guess he loves that NRA cash more than anything else.

    • Swampgas_Man

      He’s also speaking at an anti-LGBT rally after getting his life saved by a lesbian.

    • Me not sure

      Steve “I’m David Duke without all of the baggage” Scalise was addled long before the bullets flew.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Like a great majority of Americans….

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLsxEW6UEAAY-AW.jpg

    • Creepoman

      Build the dang wall!

  • Nounverb911
    • Didn’t have enough time to read this one, but I DID want to include it. I decided to make a rant against the bullshit tears coming out of Hollywood

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Paul Ryan is trying to rebrand the Trump Tax Cuts…

    I tried to calculate the impact on me: Either pay $40 more or save $40 (per month). Or something in between. Whatever the answer, I’m buying a new car with it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump Grifter Con Game

    Where does RNC money go? Back to Trump for Russia Lawyers – $1 million

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLqIEsGXUAA82-D.jpg

  • Daniel

    His name. Is. Child. Sexual. Assault. Defender. Mike. Huckabee.

    The man pontificates and whines ceaselessly about the morals of non-Republican USians and wrings his hands over the imagined faults of LGBTQ people the world over, let’s not cut the albatross of literally excusing the incestuous sexual assault of little girls because their assaulter is his friend from round his neck just yet.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Proud and unapologetic father of a dog-killer, also too.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Dont forgot the less serious but no less brutal fashion crimes of his daughter.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Where are the Fashion Police when you need them?

        • SeeTrain65

          Her crimes against the spread of truth are even worse.

          • Alexander Stallwitz

            Touche

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Baconzgood
    • Are you OK?

      • Baconzgood

        Yeah I was more calm and nonchalant about the robbery than the culprit.

        Frankly I don’t think stealing > $300 was worth it. Who robs a BP at midnight on a sunday. Now if I was a thief I’d rob something like a bowling alley first thing in the morning on a Saturday. No one would expect that and you could have the manager lock the door and open the safe for you.

        Obviously this guy isn’t stealing to pay off his CMU student loans.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Good job with the smokes!

          • Baconzgood

            I still think that was one of the coolest things I ever did. And I rode in a helicopter once.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            It was brilliant.

        • puredog

          That’s funny, because the only person I know personally to have been a victim of an armed robbery was working the till at a bowling alley at the time.

          • Baconzgood

            See. I’m not the only smart person out there.

    • BadKitty904

      What???

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Baconz fought the guy off with a toothpick and applesauce.

        • Baconzgood

          I gave him my infamous kung-fu-pork-chop.

        • BadKitty904

          I must’ve missed something…

    • puredog

      It’s okay, he’s donating his ill-gotten gains to Wonkette.

      • Baconzgood

        He didn’t seem very snarky.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      “Police released a description of the suspect: a white man, about 5-foot-6 and weighing 150 pounds.”

      Chubby little fucker.

      • Bobathonic

        I’m about that height and would love to be back down to 150.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Hangs head in shame. Oh, right, menz weights are different than wimmenz, you muscly beasts.

      • Baconzgood

        He had on a black hoodie, no sun glasses and a off white bandanna on his face when he got us. Seriously a bandanna tied across your face? What is this a train robbery in the old west?

      • Persistent Demme

        We just had an emergency broadcast alert, and one of the suspects was described as male, 5″8″ and 450 lbs.
        Not exactly a “blend-into-the-crowd” type.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    He claimed to invent the work “fake,”

    If any Trump invented “fake”, it was Ivana Marla Ivanka Melania.

    • Finnibar87

      Creepy Girl.

    • The Wanderer

      Platinum Mare (7,5)?

      or

      Alien Ma (7)?

    • miss_grundy

      Is there any real flesh left to her? I think she has Botoxed and had a lot of “work” done.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “….and somebody adopt me. Look what the people who call themselves my ‘parents’ did to my hair!”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLp6KVoV4AAhW5F.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    he’s now telling other Republicans to quit if they can’t get on board the Trump train.

    Your move…
    Susan Collins
    Bob Corker
    John McCain
    Jesus

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I hear that train is a well-oiled machine…

    • bupkus231

      Tom Cotton better stop playing with trains – he’s liable to get run over or lose a leg or something.

      If Rump “successfully” kicks the can of the Iran deal to Congress, Cotton is expected to lead the charge ( remember this is the treasonous asshole who publically “advised” the Iranian government not to trust the deal, since once the GOP regained power ( an idea which was once ludicrous, but… ), they would refudiate it.

      That’s when he gets too damned close to the tracks….

  • Bill D. Burger

    Enjoy the ‘calm’ you Dotard, because the ‘storm’ IS coming:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLp8oivXUAAxkBI.jpg

    • miss_grundy

      The Storm is Robert Mueller and his team. Take that asshat Comey out of the picture.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • MrTusks

      Toddler libelz!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • SeeTrain65

      And hopefully, not UNIMPEACHABLE.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I’ve been waiting for an elected Republican to come forward righteously defending bump stocks so I could call him Natty Bumpstock.*

    *Yeah, I’m such an old that I actually read James Fenimore Cooper in my college American Literature survey.

    • LucindathePook

      Did you get to the Mark Twain critique of him???

      • Marion in Savannah

        One of the funniest things I’ve ever read. (That and his piece on how to cure a cold.)

        • Serai 1

          Have you read Punch, Brothers, Punch? It’s my go-to thing to recommend to people I’m irritated with. That rhyme really IS evil. It’ll get in their heads and torture them for DAYS.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Yeah, Hi-larious.

      • Serai 1

        Twain is a brilliant bitcher. His essay on “The Awful German Language” is hysterical.

  • Note: There’s a Beavis and Butthead joke hidden in the Agenda this morning.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      What happens when the other border needs the salt?

      • BigCSouthside

        Well you use the drug catapults Donny bitched about, just make sure it doesn’t land on someone’s head

      • SeeTrain65

        They toss a 60-pound bag of it over the wall.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Needs more Blingee.

      • Donna Mueller

        where are the unicorns???

    • Stulexington

      Needs the Easter bunny costume.

      • Pilotshark

        didn`t that bunny just get fired?

        • Stulexington

          Yeah, after they made him pay for the costume, they kept it. They can get someone else to wear it. In fact they can make it a tradition, the next person to get fired has to wear it their last week.

          • Pilotshark

            I can see that, HR> well it has come down to this, not saying you are being terminated, however try this on.

            So you want to turn in your two week notices, OK you have to wear this for your last weeks.

    • miss_grundy

      Not enough gold lamé.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • davej1s

    How does Jesus Pence reckon that his “presence” “dignifies” anything?

    • miss_grundy

      He thinks that white hair of his signifies dignity. It doesn’t.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Mother said so. You don’t contradict Mother.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      Fox is on target as usual. He knows Trump is ….

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLrr1Q5XUAc17bn.jpg

      • miss_grundy

        More like “Presidente Comemierda”.

    • miss_grundy

      Not quite, Mr. Fox. It is about being a tone-deaf asshat to the POC who are hunted and killed by the police in this country who refuse to get rid of the bad apples in their midst. Bad police do more to hurt police forces nationwide by creating distrust–not only in POC communities– but in all communities across the country.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      All I could add is “…eh.”

    • Mildred Broxon

      One of which is having Trudeau instead of Trump. You go, Canada!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I would like to go on record stating, that regardless of where or when it’s celebrated, I still hate cranberries.

      • SeeTrain65

        Fair enough. I’ll have your cocktail. ; )

  • puredog

    I have determined that every single member of this Administration loves canned clams.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump especially likes Ivanka’s.

    • Bobathonic

      Worse, they want to force feed those clams to us all.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump blames his failing golf course in Scotland on the price of oil….which has been in a low-price glut for 5 years now. That’s some real Republican Personal Responsibility right there.

    • miss_grundy

      I can only hope that the Trump brand keeps tanking worldwide. And he can watch his grifter empire crumble and blow away from prison.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s been tanking and failing for decades. It’s notable that his only real success was a phony reality show, shot in a phony boardroom, based on a phony “company”. It’s all other people’s money anyway, and if push comes to shove, he’ll just declare bankruptcy. Again.

  • Michael Smith

    Ike’s WW2 command is about the only thing today’s conservatives can bring themselves to respect about him.

    In his day, he was unpopular with the far right wing of his party because they believed he was too soft on communism, too willing to engage in diplomacy rather than using America’s strength to dictate terms with anyone including the USSR, and too willing to engage with liberals domestically. Those far right guys were John Birchers and other loons who would eventually get Goldwater nominated in 1964.

    Those far right guys are the Republican mainstream now. Today’s far-right Republicans are nazis and klansmen.

    • Donna Mueller

      the koch agenda

    • Stulexington

      So even back then they didn’t understand that everyone still knows you have an iron fist under the velvet glove. Seriously you don’t need to be saber rattling to intimidate people, the person across the negotiation table knows you can wipe them off the face of the planet. Better to negotiate from a position of strength than to spend your resources on pointless displays of power (and a lot of the time it went very badly for America when they tried to flex their muscles.)

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        It’s generally well-known that the more you rattle that saber, the LESS likely there’s an iron fist backing it up. I think this is why people around the world are having so much trouble figuring out Donnie’s moptivations – he acts like he’s weak, but they also know that there’s military might available. It is, literally, senseless.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I am a great admirer of Eisenhower. He was never perfect but he did superbly well at a tough job of command, and I think he acquitted himself well as POTUS. If the R party still welcomed people like him, our nation wouldn’t be in free-fall collapse right now.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      When you have to send thousands of young men to die on the battlefield it can really change your perceptions.

      “War is mankind’s most tragic and stupid folly; to seek or advise its deliberate provocation is a black crime against all men.” – From Ike’s Commencement Address at West Point, 1947

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Black crime against all men.’
        See? He IS one of us!
        – today’s GOP

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Rockefeller was expected to get the ’64 nomination, but then he divorced his wife, and that was it for him. Everyone flocked to Goldwater.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Anna Elizabeth
  • folderol

    Bannon blow jobs…

    Now there’s a mental image I can’t unpicture. Gee, thanks.

  • folderol
  • Anna Elizabeth

    Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

    In your honor, I shall continue to work on my Canadian tank model kit, and perhaps watch William Shatner and Christopher Plummer.

    • Daniel

      Is Christopher Plummer Canadian?

      God, they get everywhere, don’t they?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yes, and indeed.

        Shatner was Plummer’s understudy at the Royal Canadian Shakespeare Theatre. When Plummer was too ill to go on as “Henry V”, Shatner’s well-known “acting” style was born.

        “We….FEW..we..BandofBrothers”

        • Daniel

          I have never read Canadian Shakespeare. I feel like we’ve done them a disservice by only sticking to our own. I mean, we let them be Prime Minister here so maybe it’s not all one-way, but still.

          I imagine the Canadian Hamlet ends with everyone coming to a mutually satisfactory compromise.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

            “To Be, or Not to be, Eh?”

          • Daniel

            “To be or not to be, that’s the question eh? Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of ootrageous fortune, or take arms collectively as a nation and realise that it’s oor duty as citizens of a modern country to help each other oot through a reliable and effective system of nationalised healthcare and other social provision, and by opposing end them, buddy.”

          • Anna Elizabeth

            *golf clap*

            Well Played,Hoser. :D

          • SeeTrain65

            “Alas, poor Gord. I knew him, Hudson.”

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            3 hours of “Oh, sorry. Sorry! I’m so sorry.”

          • Hollandaise

            I prefer it in the original Klingon.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Cool! :D

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Enjoy some pancakes with delicious maple syrup.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Oooh, good thinking! xD

    • Bobathonic

      How about some Second City TV?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Shatner and Plummer? Is that the best you can do? I may be a cis-hetero-male, but even I know you should set your sights more on the Ryan Reynoldses and Ryan Goslingses and Justin Trudeauses!

      • Daniel

        …are they all Canadian? I feel like I’m either being lied to or Canada has been up to something. There’s no reason there should be this many Canadians. No reason at all.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          We are politely taking over the world. If you don’t mind.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I just watched “Deadpool” again the other day. Ima in the mood for Star Trek 6 again, what can I say? xD

        “I see you Kirk. Do you see me?”

    • Marion in Savannah

      No Nathan Fillion?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Ohh…I forgot. :)

    • I have a particular fondness for paul gross and now i have to go watch slings and arrows again.

    • SeeTrain65

      Kids In The Hall marathon!

  • miss_grundy

    My sympathies to the lesbian police officer who put her life on the line to “serve and protect” a scumbag like Steve Scalise. You would think that after living through a shooting that he would act more like a human being. Unfortunately, he is a GOPer and those people lack any human sentiment or gratitude.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • SeeTrain65

      That is one enormous onesie. Must have taken Zazzle a good six months to get all that material.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Following the lead of Hair Furor, schools are expelling students for not reciting the pledge of allegiance. It’s worth noting that the Supreme Court in 1943 — in middle of war with Nazis — said schools could not do this. Free speech includes the right to not speak. Is our school administrators learning?

    google news search “pledge of allegiance”

    • The Wanderer

      Really want to make school admins’ heads explode, kids? Do the Bellamy Salute while reciting the Pledge.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        That is deliciously evil.

    • Serai 1

      Lots of eager lawyers making bank these days, then.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Goddamn it, my irony meter just blew up so hard it took the roof off the doghouse.

    • Daniel

      Again: it’s not that people can’t accept the election result- it’s that the election result is literally the only thing Trump can claim to have achieved. He’s not being criticised because people are sore losers- he’s being criticised for the things he’s saying and doing.

      • Serai 1

        Oh, plenty of us can’t accept the election results, dude.

      • miss_grundy

        He’s being criticized because he is making a shambles of the office of the presidency and this country. He took an oath to defend this country from all enemies foreign and domestic. Except that he is the domestic enemy taking his marching orders from a foreign enemy.

        • Eileen Besse

          THIS.

    • The Wanderer

      Says the harridan lickspittle who daily laves Trump’s tiny balls with her tongue after giving him a blumpkin as he Tweets.

    • miss_grundy

      Irony or stupidity?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        The one can occasionally lead to the other.

      • SeeTrain65

        Stupirony?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Serai 1

      Probably because the photo was taken at a tilted angle. Nice trick, but rather dishonest.

      • MynameisBlarney

    • Cock Blockula

      “Stink Eye Like an Egyptian”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump will return later this month to help the Puerto Ricans some more.

    https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/917342682204209152

  • chimpevil

    LOL the FEMA director is named Brock Long. Guess Dirk Bigly was unavailable for the post.

    • Bobathonic

      Heckuva job, Brockie.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “Sir, Chunk McWristhuge already took a position with the Cato Institute.”

    • Daniel

      Does he ever have to check things out on the ground personally?

      Could he be accurately called a Brock Inspector? If so I don’t think he has a ghost of a chance.

    • SeeTrain65

      He changed his name legally from “Tiny McInverted-Penis.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Serai 1

      How does anyone know he was even at the game, considering there’s no photo evidence that he was?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Well, beloveds, I’m off to spend the next three days with my baby grandson, who is much smarter, much more truthful, much more literate, much more fun, and much less likely to soil himself in public than Dolt 45. Oh, and he’s also adorable. Later, gators! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f834fc9bbe5c57e4ce269e92c65e1b31ace04a85a798470cf7a4de13f20d0b03.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Awws! Be safe and have fun!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Have fun. He looks like an absolute darling!

    • Zyxomma

      Have a wonderful time!

      • Ill-Advised

        O, excellent!

    • SeeTrain65

      BABBY TIME! Have fun with this little scamp.

  • kLo

    On the voter “fraud” panel recommending proof of citizenship: I know one way that will disenfranchise the most voters – require a US passport as a proof of citizenship because we ~all~ know that birth certificates can be faked. Of course, I am being sarcastic. As much as I know a passport requirement this would tip the scales in favor of Democrats, I do not favor this.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/passports-by-state-2014-3

    • puredog

      I disagree. The only people with a US Passport are those contemplating international travel. That constituency does not skew towards poors/Democrats.

      • kLo

        If you look at the link, the states with the most passport users tend to be blue states.

        • DrBigHead

          And I suspect that if this requirement was enacted, many of these states would turn red.

          • kLo

            I don’t know – I think of people like my dad and the rest of my family who do not have passports (and no desire to obtain one) even though they are solidly middle class. They all voted for Trump, too. I have a lot of poor white and Hispanic relatives (also Trump voters) who would probably not vote if proof of citizenship was required, too.

          • DrBigHead

            For a lot of folk it would come down to cost. New passports are $165.00 plus a $25.00 processing fee, plus whatever it costs for photos. In AZ, a State-issued ID is $12.00, and there are a lot of people who have trouble getting their hands on that much. Requiring either amounts to a poll tax, IMO

          • kLo

            I cannot tell you how many times I have heard my “conservative” friends complain about people (like you and me) who call voter ID laws for what they are – a poll tax. They say, “Just get an ID. It’s only $50 or whatever.” They don’t care about the people who have to obtain copies of their birth certificate which usually costs money. If I tell my “conservative” friends to just get a passport, I can bet you they will start to see why the “left” is fighting these voter ID laws so hard.

          • ziggywiggy

            You can get a Passport card for $55(renewal $30), there’s only a processing fee if you go to a passport center instead of doing by mail(or want it expedited). But it’s still too expensive for most and it would be a poll tax. hey maybe they could make it free- nah who am I kidding that won’t happen.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Their way around that would be to demand a travel document that would allow you to travel across the Atlantic or Pacific.

          • bupkus231

            A visa to leave the country? Sounds Soviet….

          • Maggielle

            I haven’t had a passport in years. I don’t expect to be able to afford foreign travel anywhere soon, so I haven’t renewed it. But if it were required in order to vote, I could scrape up the money to do it.

            Meanwhile, OT: it’s my part of the country’s turn to marinate in wildfire smoke, in Santa Rosa, Rohnert Park, Napa – probably about 25 miles north of me. Sun is blood red. I’ll probably be getting a chance to offer material help as well as $$ donations.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Passport requirements would probably disenfranchise about 80% of Trump voters- again based on an informal unscientific tally of my right wing relatives. There’s nothing outside Murica they think is worth seeing.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      People who can’t afford to eat can’t afford a freaking passport. Those damn things aren’t cheap. Even the photo at the post office is ten bucks.

      • kLo

        I know this, and I had to spend half a day getting my passport. I don’t think it is right to require a passport as a proof of citizenship in order to register to vote. But if Kobach is trying to eliminate voter fraud, this is the most reliable way to do it.

    • Serai 1

      Do you have to pay for the passport? Then it’s a poll tax and is specifically forbidden.

    • natoslug

      I’d think the GOP would push more for disqualifying US passport holders. We don’t want those furrin-lovers voting now, do we? (Is there still time to hide my passport and passport card . . .)

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    A high school student in Houston is suing her school for expelling her not for standing during the Pledge of Allegiance.

    I’m guessing the School District’s lawyers, after they got done having kittens over this, told the school they had 2 choices given the long, long history of precedent against them. They could either let her back in and hope they could settle this for a very small sum, or they could double-down. In which case, might as well open the checkbook right now and start filling it out.

    • Serai 1

      That girl’s lawyer must have started giggling like mad the moment his client left the office. Talk about easy money!

      • jesterpunk

        Pretty sure they went online and looked up prices for a new boat with all the extras after that lawsuit was filed.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          ‘Where am I going to park the new Mercedes?’
          ‘Build a bigger garage, duh.’

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        It won’t be easy money- that girl and her family will have to deal with harassment, hate mail, social media attacks, and death threats from fine upstanding Christians and patriots.

        • Serai 1

          It’ll be easy money FOR THE LAWYER. Try to keep up.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Somebody has a case of the Mondays

          • Serai 1

            Yes, I was just thinking that when I read your comment. Nice try at projection, though.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e952c08a548d2ec2c49f020481de076f3a904248cf7ac7ca2834d664743d00aa.gif

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            You are a regular commenter and so am I. I’m not going to go there. I’m sorry you feel the need to behave this way. I’ve stood up for myself which is what I needed to do.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            This is what’s wrong with the Left – we beat each other up for mostly agreeing with each other. Splitters!….

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          um…”Christians” and “patriots” (you forgot the airquotes)….

    • miss_grundy

      I hope she gets a full ride to college from this.

    • ziggywiggy

      Yep there was a pretty specific Supreme Court decision about requiring students to participate in patriotic displays. That school already lost.

      • MarinaJCapone

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dw272d:
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  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    That Corker interview with the NYT is delicious reading. Importantly, he says that with just a couple exceptions the entire GOP caucus in the Senate feels as he does. So he has outted them. You can count on reporters asking, asking, asking about it.

    • Marion in Savannah

      “You can count on reporters asking, asking, asking about it.”

      You have much more faith in reporters than I do. Also, too, if the entire GOP caucus in the Senate agrees with Corker why do they keep voting for shit that Trump wants?

      • DrBigHead

        Because they want it as well.

      • Daniel

        Because those aren’t the reasons they think he’s nuts.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Not enough of them are voting for his shit to get anything passed, tee hee.

        I know I’m being optimistic here but I get a little bubble of glee going and I’m keeping it going for a day or two if I can.

      • PubOption

        Aside: corker is a good thing in Australia.
        http://www.slang-dictionary.org/australian-slang/Corker

        • Marion in Savannah

          I’ve also used that here. I have no idea where it originated, but I’m pretty sure it’s used in Great Britain as well.

    • renegade500

      Oooh, I’m going to save that for later this afternoon after my dentist appointment, while getting my pedicure! The one tweet alone was pure gold yesterday.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Perfect pedicure reading!

        • renegade500

          I’m heading there as soon as I finish my post dental visit tacos. I just read Evan’s story so I’m sure the interview will be good reading.

    • SeeTrain65

      McConnell: “I don’t reply to baseless, unsubstantiated rumors.”

      Reporter: “This was a direct quote from Senator Corker.”

      McConnell: “I don’t reply to direct quotes from Senator Corker.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    No tweets this morning! ___ Someone’sh hidden his phone and/or cocaine?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLDrUIDXcAAJRaD.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    1st things first: Mother and Preacher Pence want to remind the nation to respect the flag today. Rah-men!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLAln3xUIAAfB_U.jpg

    • Daniel

      It’s a poncho! I thought you people wanted Republicans to reach out to the Latin community?!

    • Serai 1

      Not to mention all the GOPper floozies running around in US FLAG UNDERWEAR. If THAT isn’t disrespecting the flag, then it isn’t possible to do it.

      • puredog

        Skid marks on the flag? What’s your point?

        • bupkus231

          Every time a Republican speaks, a new skid mark on the flag appears.

    • The Wanderer

      I have never heard my flag complain once about the way it’s been treated. Probably because it’s an inanimate object, and probably because I don’t drop acid.

    • Khavrinen

      I’m sure the difference has nothing at all to do with either skin color or political affiliation.
      Nothing at all…

  • PubOption

    Kaepernick doesn’t think that everything revolves around him, unlike Trump.

  • bbayliss

    Respect?
    trump on McCain:
    “He’s not a war hero,” said Trump. “He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

    The families of 11 service members who died fighting for the U.S. demanded an apology from Donald Trump on Monday, accusing him of “cheapening the sacrifice made by those we lost.”
    They said the Republican presidential nominee’s suggestion that the Muslim mother of a U.S. soldier who died in Iraq had not “been allowed” to speak at the Democratic National Convention was akin to “attacking us.”
    A letter signed by the Gold Star families — the term for those who have lost loved ones during military service — also called Trump’s comments “repugnant, and personally offensive.”

  • Celtic_Gnome

    New evidence suggests the pic of Pence and Mother standing for the anthem at a football game is from 2014.

    Republicans used to be better at jingoistic propaganda.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Things my brother and I were required to do for not reciting the “god” part of the pledge, or participate in the Lord’s Prayer (yes they used to make you recite that in public schools, too). These are the ones I remember:
    • Stand on a desk
    • Be publicly shamed by the teacher about our parents’ political and religious views
    • Be sent into the hallway with the “colored” child (A Muslim girl. Exact quote- “Sandy has to stand in the hall with the colored girl because their parents don’t believe in God”)
    • Jog around the room while the other children (including, as far as I know, any Jewish or Jehovah’s Witness children) recited
    • Have our parents publicly called in to the school to defend themselves to the principal
    • Have my mother dismissed as a volunteer Brownie leader

    And you thought all this bullshit was new.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Not so much new as we thought it was dead and buried. Apparently it’s a zombie.

      • Khavrinen

        There’s a lot of that going around lately.
        *cough*TrumpCare*cough*

    • I remember our third grade teacher making my Jehovah’s Witness pal Phillip go stand in the storage closet with the door shut when we recited the pledge.

    • Hollandaise

      I was always a “good trouble” kind of kid so I learned early to always threaten them with the ACLU/national press. It got a little ugly a couple times but I knew my rights and they knew my mom was a fierce bitch so someone more responsible usually shut it down pretty quickly.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        My parents relentlessly shut that shit down. And, my school was the one that got school prayer tossed (although I was not there by that time).

  • Serai 1

    Another trick those shady schools pull: they contract with insurance companies to offer their “schooling” in place of settlement money. And then the school pays the students to fuck off so they don’t have to teach them. THIS WAS OFFERED TO ME AS PART OF A WORKERS COMP SETTLEMENT. I told them fuck no, of course.

  • Zyxomma

    I have errands to run early today, then I’m being taken to see the new Blade Runner. I’m excited! I haven’t been excited to see a new movie in way too long.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I liked it. Mrs. Toomush liked it. Toomush elder son liked it…

  • Randy Riddle

    “We’d give you the full interview but it’s been pulled down from Huckabee’s Youtube page.”

    Wait – it’s too stupid even for Huckabee’s YouTube page?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Maybe it had to be contained.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Ooh, love the ringtail cats! We have some in my area; they are elusive and fascinating.

  • andyshelt

    ‘The war on coal is over’: EPA boss to roll back Obama’s clean power rule.

    This announcement to be followed closely by:
    “GOP rules out any action on gun control: the war on deranged mass shooters is over” proclaims Trump.

    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/oct/09/epa-scott-pruitt-abandon-clean-power-plan-obama

  • REAL1TY_W1NNER

    Thank goodness I have the Chrome app that turns all Trump photos into kittens, or I wouldn’t be able to go to any Wonkette page.

  • BMW

    Paul Ryan is trying to rebrand the Trump Tax Cuts with his own face, promising that all the evil corporations will let their profits trickle down on the poors if we sacrifice ourselves so that they can make more money.

    I would hope that it had occured to people by now that were Supply-Side Economics valid, income inequality would be self-correcting. This seems like it would be obvious, but people also tend to believe whatever furthers their desired outcome whether it makes sense or not.

  • Panika MCD

    Dom, those are ringtail cats which are native to the Southwest US. ringtail lemurs are very different and all lemur species are native to Madagascar.

  • Khavrinen

    He claimed to invent the work “fake,”

    “Invent”, or “embody”?

  • BeachBum

    OT ” Men’s and women’s brains react differently when helping others, study says.” I don’t how much this means in the real world, but I do find it interesting.http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/09/health/gender-differences-giving-receiving-study/index.html

  • SisterArtemis

    Oh lordy, I hope there are tapes…
    Trump was angry that bribing foreign officials is illegal

    Putting the pieces of the puzzle together, what we have is the president complaining to his Secretary of State about the FCPA less than a month after the release of the Steele dossier, which claims that the Trump campaign was relieved about the focus on Russia because it distracted attention away from the candidate’s payment of bribes in China and other emerging markets.

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    I hate hitting the WaPo and NYT paywalls.

    Much sad face. :(

    • I’d apologize for that, but they are doing good work that warrants the money. Just the same way that we can’t exist unless you give us money, they can’t exist we don’t give them money. It’s a fragile ecosystem. :/

      With that being said, you CAN use archive.is to work around it, but I really can’t stress enough how necessary it is for people to pay for good journalism, news and information. I just ate a sammich that you guys technically paid for in my apartment that was, again, paid for via donations from you lovely people. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I have this gig – I get to wake up and do THIS for freaking WONKETTE! People like us enough to give us money! I get paid for this! It’s a dream come true, but it’s only possible because people donate and subscribe.

  • We’d give you the full interview but it’s been pulled down from Huckabee’s Youtube page.

    Why did Mike do this? Does he not know the internet is forever?
    Surely someone somewhere grabbed that vid

  • HazooToo

    Corker basically just said “Yes, we know exactly what you’re talking about when you call us, and we knew from the start. All of us. And we’re defending it anyway. And we’re keeping it from being worse than it already is. But I just can’t say if he’s fit to be President, this enraged toddler who doesn’t understand that he’s hurting America and that his stupid ill-considered tweets are breaking our diplomatic strength. I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you if the man who has three separate minders just to keep him from doing something utterly insane and/or starting WW3 is incapable of being our President!”

    What the fuck?

  • SeeTrain65

    “We filtered out the mayor a long time ago. We don’t have time for the political noise,” Long said. “The bottom line is, is that we are making progress every day in conjunction with the governor.”

    “Heckuva job, Brockie.”

  • Ginnie Sack

    No, they weren’t nice soft towels. They were cheap bargain basement discount store towels.What the actual f*& are they going to do with a roll of paper towels anyway?

  • phoenix00

    Wait, so is Soros funding the liberals or the neo-Nazis?? Or is he funding BOTH SIDES?

    I also endorse a statue of actual Stephen Colbert in NC.

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