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My Little Pony: Friendship is also a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty
My Little Pony: Friendship is Semi-Automatic

Yr Wonkette is not one to complain, but we were slightly disappointed that, following the worst single-perpetrator mass shooting in American history (for now), we didn’t have a lot of gunhumpers showing up here to explain that a few mass killings are simply the price a society must pay for the freedom to defend against tyranny. Have they all just migrated from comment sections to Twitter these days? We did at least get one brave Gunsplanation Man, who dropped by our piece on the House’s decision to hold off — for the moment — on a bill that would make it much easier for everyday folks to purchase silencers. “KenTFM” dropped by to play that always-popular game, “You Used A Gunhumper Worship Word Wrong, So You Aren’t Allowed To Talk About Guns Ever.”

“KenTFM” wasn’t here to nitpick the article’s use of silencer instead of the industry-approved suppressor; instead, he was aghast that a bunch of dumb liberals used the common (but VERY INACCURATE) term “assault rifle” to refer to firearms that are nothing more than semi-automatic rifles, and so obviously it’s impossible to have a useful discussion of policy, since stupid liberals do not even know the right terminology, stupid. After a Wonketteer wrote, “America. Where we make it easier to get your hands on an assault rifle to kill people than get a ballot in your hands to vote,” our man “KenTFM” was there in a jiffy (and a snit, and also no doubt in a camo outfit) to call foul:

Have you ever read the National Firearms Act? Do you have any clue at all what an assault rifle really is?

No, I doubt you do on either score.

You see, the fiction here is that since, strictly speaking, an “assault rifle” is a military weapon that can be switched between semiautomatic (one round per pull of the trigger) to full-automatic fire (bullets come out as long as the trigger is held and there are rounds in the magazine), then NO YOU IDIOT, it it NOT easy to get an assault weapon, haven’t you even read the National Firearms Act, which requires an extensive licensing process for civilians to own automatic weapons? WELL HAVE YOU, PUNK?

Oh, but the Gunsplaining really started flowing when another commenter said — even acknowledging the term’s squishiness — “I don’t see a place for weapons commonly called assault rifles–that is, war weapons toned down for civilian use.” WELL! You are clearly a dumb juvenile lagomorph if you say that, you silly liberal!

Part of your issue is not understanding what you are talking about. A weapon modeled on a military weapon but still in it’s original configuration is a semi-automatic firearm. That is, as originally designed it requires ONE trigger pull per bullet fired. That would be things like the Colt .45ACP, Browning Hi-Power, Ruger 10/22 or AR-15.

An automatic weapon is a machine gun. It is illegal for anyone in America to own a machine gun that was made after 1986. For the ones made before 1986 the rules and regulation of the National Firearm Act severely control ownership.

Having an AR-15, an AK-47 or any other semi-automatic “military styled” weapon does not result in superior firepower. I really wish folks would stop pushing this idiotic myth.

You can almost feel the steam coming out of the poor lad’s ears as he thinks of all the morons out there talking about assault rifles when they clearly mean semiautomatic rifles (the ones that look badass). Obviously, if only everyone would adopt Approved Firearms Enthusiast Terminology, then they would also stop thinking there’s a problem with people having easy access to the goddamned things, and everyone would agree with Gunsplanation Man that firearm ownership is a God-given right. (Shut up, atheists — if you used the right gun terminology, you’d believe in God, too.)

Also, if “having an AR-15, an AK-47 or any other semi-automatic ‘military styled’ weapon does not result in superior firepower,” we sure hope “KenTFM” will have a word with his fellow gunhumpers, who fetishize those very firearms so much. They need to be educated that no matter how wicked-looking such rifles might be, there’s really no point in paying big bucks for firearms that have that neato paramilitary mystique.

We’re not sure which article got him so upset, but we heard again this week from “Jacob,” the unhappy reader who emailed Wonkette back in July to tell us nobody reads our garbage piece of shit website except our friends and family. That made us happy to know we have so many friends. He’s the guy who came up with our superhero names, “Dr. Fat and Rebecca Skankopf.”

The subject line of “Jacob’s” email this time out was “Dr Fat still tearing it up with illiterate “criticism”?” That’s pretty non-specific, sadly, so we’re not sure which particular piece he was unhappy with — possibly our review of the Ken Burns “Vietnam War” documentary, which would qualify as “criticism” in a formal sense, at least. We suspect “Jacob” just doesn’t like us criticizing his hero, Donald Trump. In any case, his new email was every bit as charming as the earlier ones:

You guys sure are lucky that the ruling party subsidizes you. (It’s amazing that Google links to your crap because they’re such soviets who don’t care about the quality of journalism as long as it agrees with their baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology. Some friends in a graduate classics program were actually laughing at what a joke you are…they said you reminded them of the patients at a methadone clinic telling them how to fix the world or a McDonald’s addict telling them how to get skinny in the case of Dr. Fat. :)

Dr. Fat and all the aspartame-addicted femi-beasts at Wonkette really are quite the menagerie! :)

So much wonderfulness there! Jacob seems not to have noticed that the party currently in power is in fact the Republicans, who are definitely not paying us a dime. That, or “ruling party” means the Deep State, or possibly The Jews, who really run everything anyway. Google is a bunch of soviets, and only links to sites pushing a “baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology,” which was news to us. What’s really weird about Google is its seeming selective blindness to Wonkette — for instance, if you search “Idaho republican liberal nut-tard,” it’ll pull up lots of stories that aren’t Wonkette’s (happily, the top result, at RawStory, links to us), even though we’re fairly sure we hit that Idaho story before most other national outlets Thursday. Weird. Google, why aren’t you holding up your end of the conspiracy?

There wasn't really any question about the image, was there?Oh, but the most cutting line of all: “Jacob’s” friends in a graduate classics program think we’re not good journamalists! Call us godless skeptics, but we have a feeling these friends go to grad school with “Jacob’s” Canadian Girlfriend. That, or he googled “rhetoric” and saw the ancient Greeks were big on rhetoric, so obviously a reference to a classics program would really cheese us off. Joke’s on him! Classics departments may be sending America many fine people, but we’ve always preferred hanging out with postmodernists, though medievalists are fun, too. Truly, we are so hurt that we may just fall off the methadone wagon and go to McDonalds for one of those fine Anus burgers. But “Jacob,” have you even read Aristotle’s Rhetoric?

We wrote back to “Jacob” to ask whether he’d been set off by any particular article, or just the general awfulness of Wonkette as an enterprise, but he didn’t favor us with a reply. We’ll just have to hope he sees this and will keep in mind that if he doesn’t offer more specific critiques of what he considers flaws in our writing, we just won’t be able to improve, now will we? Also, why is he only griping about Rebecca and me? Not a word of abuse for Evan? Relegating him to just another of the “aspartame-addicted femi-beasts at Wonkette” is pretty mean, almost as bad as reducing The Professor and Mary Ann to “And the rest.” Not cool, man.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please CLICK HERE to supplement our payouts from the ruling party, which has not been holding up its end.

Remember, Wonkers in Idaho, Eastern Oregon, and Northern Nevada/Utah, we have a Wonkette Drinky Thing coming up in Boise on Tuesday October 17. Know a reasonably-priced bar in Boise that will be good for conversation (no karaoke!) and OK with a babby? Let us know in the comments we don’t allow, or email us at doktorzoom at wonkette dot com

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Have you ever read the National Firearms Act? Do you have any clue at all what an assault rifle really is?

    No, I doubt you do on either score.

    And that act is relevant to the issue that the GOP believes in making it easier to get a gun than a ballot because…?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I got nothing to say, but it’s OK….good morning-ah. NRA is a terrorist organization. .(oops, I said something.)

  • TJ Barke

    Oh boy, the gunsplanation guy. One of the internet’s more tedious denizens.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Fuck gun guy. He’s the one that shows up at your party with a six-pack of Rolling Rock then cracks open your bottle of Duvel.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      NOBODY fucks with my bottle of Duvel.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      We used to bring a couple of six-packs of Iron City Light to parties because we knew no one would touch them.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Just in case someone wanted to drown some slugs.

      • Old Milwaukee Pounders or GTFO!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I worked on the maintenance crew of the branch campus of a state university back in the 70’s. One day, we moved the assistant campus director from his old house to the new one. He promised us lunch. We got sandwiches and Iron City. Our opinion of him did not go up.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Having an AR-15, an AK-47 or any other semi-automatic “military styled” weapon does not result in superior firepower. I really wish folks would stop pushing this idiotic myth.

    Well, KenTFM, you might take that up with the advertisers of these items.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s firing high powered rifle rounds at a relatively high rate of fire. THAT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE SUPERIOR FIREPOWER

      • Aw cut him some slack. What he means is those morans can’t aim worth shit, and what do you want them to do, actually practice so they can hit shit?

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    I hate aspartame. It is disgusting, ugh.

    • PubOption

      Agreed, gives me a fast heart rate and ringing in the ears. I hope I don’t get banned from the Wonket for making that admission.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        What do you expect? It was specifically engineered for femi-beasts.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It gives me an instant headache — which is entirely psychosomatic because I’ve been told it’s never been shown to do that in a lab test, though it happens even when I don’t know it’s an ingredient. Which can only mean one thing — psychosomatic symptoms travel faster than light.

  • exinkwretch

    I’m still confused. Do I need a gun cabinet full of AR-15s to protect against the hordes of evil, baby-murdering godless perverts OR the mobs of dusky-skinned people that may talk funny? Or should I just admit that the sound of gunfire and the smell of gunpowder gives me an erection?

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Google is in cahoots with the soviets . . . but “Russia is our friend” . . . so Wonket loves Trump???
    Christ this is a confusing time.

  • Lol, Co worker man is a gun humper, and former military, and guess what? He uses the term “Assault Rifle” When I asked him about this once, he said “That is what the makers called it when they tried to sell it to the army”
    So….Rotate, Ken TFM. Army says you are a dumb!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      A guy walked into an office building in my town during the noon hour when the place was filled with people going to lunch. He pulled out a knife and stabbed the nearest person, non-fatally. He then stabbed a second person non-fatally, followed by a third, also non-fatally. By that time, everyone figured out what was going on, scattered, and called 911. Since he couldn’t reach anyone else to stab, he left, just as a police cruiser pulled up. As soon as the cop got out, he charged her with the knife raised. She shot him. End of story.

      What would the damage have been if he’d walked into that lobby with a gun instead of a knife?

      EDIT: This was, of course, supposed to go under Mr. Blobfish’s non-comment, but I are a idiot.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Regarding the argument that should we ban knives, cars and chicken bones because they could all kill you: I’ll take my chances with someone throwing a knife, car or chicken bone out of the 33rd floor of a hotel.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Google, “AR-15 convert” or, “AK-47 convert”
    These gun nuts know exactly how to do this. This is why they want them. They are just clouding the issue with the Semi and Full bullshit.

  • Those ammosexuals are funny, getting all ‘wee-weed up’ if you use the term ‘clip’ (which everybody does) instead of ‘magazine’, while they can bloviate about evolution or hormonal contraception without knowing the basic concepts underlying them. Guns are magic that way!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dr. Fat

    Jacob dearie? If you ever listen to Rush Limbaugh, or take anything Donald has to say seriously for that matter, you are in no position to fat-shame anyone. Just sayin’…

    /FFS

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    We could spend all day speculating what the TFM in KenTFM stands for.
    Turd Fellating Mansplainer?

    • TJ Barke

      Total Fucking Manchild.

    • Wonky Magoo

      turgid fart muncher

    • Wonky Magoo

      trump-fellating moron

    • Then fun murders?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The full monty?

    • Tedious Firearm Mansplainer

    • Carol DeFeciani

      Trans fucking mother

    • OrG

      Turgid Freak Muscle

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The Fatuous Mansplainer

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Totally Frightened Manchild.

    • therblig

      the furious masturbator

    • The Wanderer

      Tyrion Falls Manfully
      Ken’s actually trying to feed us Game of Thrones spoilers on the sly!

    • Querolous

      This Fucking Moran.

    • SeeTrain65

      Testosterone-Filled Merkin

    • SeeTrain65

      #ThisFuckingMadman

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Doc,

    It’s time ta man up and put away yer ponies and fess up to you’re no good at journalizing and don’t even quote no dithyramb for impressin us proper.

  • Doug Langley
    • Candy Matson

      That IS nicetime stuff. But I swear you were just recently bragging about posting depressing stuffs. :)

      • Doug Langley

        I’m not bragging. It’s just my life IS awfully depressing at the moment.

        • Candy Matson

          Well in that case, double up on the nicetimes. No, triple up. Laughter and smiles are the best medicine. And all of our lives got about 80% more depressing since last November, so you’re in good company.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I bet KenTFM is a real hoot at parties.

    • He can burp out Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” while lighting his farts on fire.

      • Ill-Advised

        At tempo, though? Nothing would be worse than being off-beat, for a performance artiste’s audience.

      • msanthropesmr

        That would be kinda cool, aktually.

      • I’m not convinced he can do one thing at a time, let alone those two thing.

    • Rachel Book Harlot
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Nothing says “party trick” more than “I fucking shot myself!”

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I feel safer knowing these guys are going to save us from tyranny.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            What no one says is that when these guys talk about using their guns to defend against tyranny, they’re actually talking about killing cops and soldiers.

            Because who else would the government send to disarm an armed populace?

      • If that were a bad guy with a gun, and not a poser, the bad guy would be laughing

      • SeeTrain65

        Barney Fife had more dignity and professionalism.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Probably stands for too fucking much. (of an idiot.)

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ding ding ding. I think we have a winner!

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          thank yew, thank yew.

  • You guys sure are lucky that the ruling party subsidizes you. (It’s amazing that Google links to your crap because they’re such soviets who don’t care about the quality of journalism as long as it agrees with their baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology. Some friends in a graduate classics program were actually laughing at what a joke you are…they said you reminded them of the patients at a methadone clinic telling them how to fix the world or a McDonald’s addict telling them how to get skinny in the case of Dr. Fat. :)

    We need to find out where Jacob goes to grad school and show them his writing sample, before they make a horrible, horrible mistake. English, motherfucker, do you write it?

    • TJ Barke

      “baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology”
      Beats being a fascist, oppressive, cruel, exploitative corporate tool.

      • I sorta miss the days when we were refugee hugging queer gay homosexual commies.

        • I prefer being a communist nazi Jewish muslim socialist.

          • Can we combine them? Jewish communist gay homosexual queer refugee hugging nazi muslim socialists?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            So long as I still get my weekends free.

          • Yes. Yes we most certainly can.

    • natoslug

      I’m sure his professor mom will be just peachy with it. He is a fine home scholar.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    aspartame-addicted femi-beasts at Wonkette

    Jacob is showing his age: the correct term is stevia-addicted femi-beasts at Wonkette TYVM.

    • msanthropesmr

      What happened to the classic Feminazi?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        “Nazi” is no longer a bad thing for the right.

        • msanthropesmr

          I see.

        • Daniel

          It both is and isn’t.

          The right: Democrats are Nazis!
          Also the right: Nazis weren’t that bad.

          • natoslug

            Hence D’niece Doucheapalooza’s latest twittersplaining about how the Nazis loved gays.

          • major_asshole

            Wait. What.

            I’m off to Twitter. God help me.

          • major_asshole

            Oh dear gods it’s like he’s trying to be the idiot’s idea of a smart person and failing even at that.

            His Twitter feed is a mess.

    • Edith Prickly

      Stevia is disgusting.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Oh no–you can have my stevia when you pry it from my cold dead hands. Sugar sinks to the bottom, Sweet & Low is vile, and aspertame has an aftertaste. The yellow stuff is OK but stevia definitely raised the bar!

        • Sugar may sink to the bottom, but that I am told is where we pervert ideology babby killers belong….
          so…sludge milk for me!

        • Edith Prickly

          All I get from it is a gross boozy aftertaste. It’s all yours!

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            What’s so gross about a boozy aftertaste? Boozy is good!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gunsplanator didn’t go off on someone calling a magazine a clip, or a cartridge, or a boodle or whatever? They’re definitely not sending their best anymore, are they?

    Oh, and Jacob — John and Lou have something to say about your homeschooled graduate program:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrA7iEtZLBA

    • Eileen Besse

      I know a 64-year-old who still tries to act as though he’s vaguely in academia. He has an M.A.–I know, ’cause I offered to edit it for him and ended up rewriting 90% of it. He approached Himself years alter about me doing the same for his Ed.D. and Himself laid down the law on THAT subject…. Pffftt.

    • SeeTrain65

      He could have claimed to go to the University of Phoenix or Kaplan University and it would have carried more weight.

      About 1/4 ounce more, but still, more.

  • Daniel

    Do the gun pedants not realise by getting hung up on gun pedantry they actually make the arguments for anti-gun people for them?

    “A Ha! It wasn’t an assault rifle that that guy used to kill all those kids! It was just a NORMAL gun!”
    “So… We should maybe regulate them better?”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also, why is he only griping about Rebecca and me? Not a word of abuse for Evan?

    If he ever sees Robyn’s posts on the MRA nutcases, he’ll really lose his shit. Quickly now, someone reply to him and link to her byline!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Just a guess, but she may be the head femi-beast in his little fantasy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Jacob mad cuz Jacob can’t get no hot liberal nookie.

    • It really comes down to that.
      Shame, if the were not such dick heads, they’d likely have so fewer problems.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Never forget, liberals of all genders go down.

      We’re good like that.

  • msanthropesmr

    How does one make a radio out of a coconut, anyway?

    • SayItWithWookies

      First, find some magnetized iron ore at the old mine, and smelt and pull some copper filament…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Break open the coconut, drain the milky fluid … not that milky fluid! … buy a radio small enough to fit in the empty shell. If it works, hit yourself in the head with the coconut for listening to radio which is 100% crap. Switch to porn. Drain the milky fluid.

  • TJ Barke

    I love when the amoral mental subnormals try to act morally and intellectually superior by talking about how their “Friends in graduate classics” think we suck.

    • But TJ, what about our pervert ideology?
      You know. Cause noun noun is something graduate level students do.

      • The Wanderer

        My personal ‘pervert ideology’ is actually Eisenhower-era conservatism. I think that makes me a Trotskyite to people like TFM.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Nope. Still not a better deleted commenter than Opitome of a Dumb Ass guy.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I will give our mansplainer this, though: he spells better than Lord Dampnut, and he can write a full sentence.

    • Painter of Goats

      Rather a low bar all the same.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Dolt 45 has the bar permanently set at the bottom of the Marianas Trench these days.

        • bupkus231

          He’s gonna break through the crust into the asthenosphere any day now

          • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

            That’s a awful big word there! You must be one a them interlekchul eeleetists.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I love Republicans who live up to our most outlandish stereotypes.

    • Ill-Advised

      It’s as if outlandish stereotypes were a standard they’re compelled to exceed.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Oh yeah? Well, watch me top THAT!”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Bill Maher pointed out that Roy Moore is a walking, talking cliche of what everyone in the country thinks people from Alabama are like.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    clips, silencers and assault rifles…

    Words mean what people think they mean. That’s why KenTFM would probably not take it as a compliment if someone (somehow) say him smiled and said “You’re so gay.”

    Anyway, when I hear “suppressor”, I think of Kris KKKobach.

  • As a “tree hugging liberal” I feel left out by the new fascist terms used to criticize people like me.

    I felt the same way as an altar boy who was never molested.

    • natoslug

      Put the lime in the coconut and shake it all about.

      • Daniel

        Let me get this straight- you put the lime in the coconut and drank em bot up?

    • exinkwretch

      Better to be a “tree hugger” than a “gun humper.” Not to mention far less overtly fetishistic.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I was an altar boy in the mid-60’s, and no priest ever laid a finger on me.

      And I was damned cute.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I am related (by marriage) to a gun nut of the highest order: a former marine (no such thing I know) highly schooled in terminal ballistics, a weapons-designer for the US military, a veteran deployed in both Gulf Wars who can field-strip anything in his sleep. He was also on the ground in combat zones with Special Ops. I would venture to say that there is no one on the planet who knows more about firearms than this guy.

    He has a huge personal arsenal – an entire room of vintage and contemporary lethal weapons. He once told me that, while guns are obviously necessarily in times of war or other conflict, for many non-military, weekend gunhumpers they are nothing but “glorified toys.”

    That’s the image I get from many of these whiners: big, scared, insecure children clutching a favorite blankie.

    Jesus assholes: grow up already.

    • TJ Barke

      He’s pretty astute.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        When it comes to arms and combat, absolutely.

        Politics, not so much.

        • I used this one on co worker guy: Which side of the political divide glorifies war for profit and then thanks them for their service once they get killed or maimed, all while voting to remove their benefits for getting killed and maimed?
          Then I showed him some vote rolls.

          Workin on it.

          • Ill-Advised

            You’re doing good work!

          • He’s a perm retired vet. As in, disabled for life. So bad he became an epileptic which is not a thing you can normally turn into as a normal every day thing if you dig.
            If I can’t at least make a libertarian out of him, I will turn in my commie card. Aiming for full blown leftist (will settle for moderate fence humper).

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Penis.

    • msanthropesmr

      Ha Penis is a warm gun.

      • Ill-Advised

        Except when there’s beans for dinner, in which case it’s the other orifice.

        • msanthropesmr

          That’s a warm bun.

    • natoslug

      The Gun is good. The penis is evil!

    • Candy Matson
    • The Wanderer

      Bottom.

  • natoslug

    Damn, I was hoping the Wall Street Journal would rate a DSFB entry for their article on Ken Burns’ “Vietnam War.” There argument that it was unfair to the cause was definitely proof of shit-for-brains.

    • Really? They made the argument that the documentary was unfair to the cause?

      • natoslug

        Really:
        https://www.wsj.com/articles/ken-burnss-vietnam-is-fair-to-the-troops-but-not-the-cause-1507324058

        Of course, that was just one writer. The entire editorial board jumped on the “Weinstein’s Progressive Absolution” story to try to sell the bullshit that we, as liberals (which means we follow whatever Hollywood tells us to) are going to absolve Weinstein of his fuckery if he follows through on giving out some scholarships to female directors at USC, doing something to piss off the NRA, and making a movie about Trump. Or some such nonsense. Apparently they all got drunk and simultaneously hit their heads and are now permanently brain damaged. Or have they always been fucking hacks?

        • Fair to the troops but…not to the cause.
          Uhm.
          WSJ, fuck the fuck off and when you get there, fuck off some more. You have proven yourself forever irredeemable.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Murdock owned need I say more?

    • doktorzoom

      We have strict criteria: It as to be stuff sent to us, either in comments or emails or on social media. WSJ may be a shit fer brains, but, to be Dear, they have to talk to Wonkette.

  • andyshelt

    “their baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology”

    Finally, a political manifesto I can fully support.

  • Daniel

    Question: is it really all that important what kind of gun gets used to shoot crowds of people?

    Is it possible, maybe, that how mass shootings get reported on is not actually all about you, gun humpers?

    • therblig

      yes, they need to know so when they’re fapping to their fantasy of being “the good guy”, they can picture what they’re up against.

  • altleftjohn

    I didn’t realize Trump University had a classics program.

    • msanthropesmr

      Teh fart of the deal.

    • Jamoche

      You know, the Pigeon Drop, the Spanish Prisoner, the Wire…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAF9OAO4TtA

      • The Wanderer

        I don’t think Trump has the attention span or intelligence to do either of those cons.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          He’s always been one card short in Three Card Monty.

  • OrG

    Yeah? Well my wife, Morgan Fairchild, does not care what your friends in the graduate classics program think.
    So there.

    • Paul

      Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also, while this is technically OT I can’t help but sign off on this semi-relevant note:

    https://twitter.com/SenBobCorker/status/917045348820049920

    • msanthropesmr

      I saw this. GOP FIGHT – GOP FIGHT

    • HOOOO Bob has no fucks left to give
      Shame he couldn’t have found his fucking spine BEFORE HIS PARTY DESTROYED OUR COUNTRY

      • SayItWithWookies

        It’s so brave of people like Senator Corker to risk absolutely nothing to stand up for what he now acknowledges was right all along. I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. We should award him a Purple Heart — a teeny, tiny, craven little purple heart.

    • The Wanderer

      BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • H0mer0

    Dr Fat? Now that’s just mean. I’m sure he learned in his graduate classics programs how one really pwns his opponent by substituting ad hominem attacks for well thought out arguments which involve respecting your adversary.

    • Atheist

      I would also say that well thought out arguments are about intellectual integrity than respecting your adversary.

  • TJ Barke

    So… Who is Dr Fat?

    • msanthropesmr

      Worst – Supervillian – Ever.

    • altleftjohn

      I am Dr. Fat.

      • msanthropesmr

        I am Dr. Fat

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          I am Kilroy.

          • msanthropesmr

            Man or machine? Parts made in Japan? Does anyone make parts in Japan anymore? Mostly Chinese, I think.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I saw that tour. I thought Mr Roboto was fun. It got Styx booed off the stage in Texas though.

          • Candy Matson

            I am the walrus

          • msanthropesmr

            No, that was Paul.

      • shastakoala

        I am Dr. Spartacus Fat.

        • Daniel

          Character excised from their first draft of Harry Potter.

          • msanthropesmr

            Magister of teh culinary arts

    • Edith Prickly
    • Daniel

      Fat D.Phil’s more respected sister.

  • msanthropesmr

    Dr. Fat may be the laziest insult ever thrown.

    • Daniel

      Though it’s myth to assume fat doctors are necessarily lazy.

      • Right. I had had a very effective epidural in my lower back yesterday by a doctor who was not lean. He was not lazy, in fact he had me in and out in mere minutes…..frightening, considering the size of the needle used to penetrate the dura. His girth had nothing to do with his proper preparation and the skill to pull it of perfectly.

        I go back to see Dr. Fat in a month, gladly, for another round.

      • doktorzoom

        I am, however, both fat and lazy. It’s a fair cop, guvnah.

  • lucidamente

    Shorter gun-humper: the only thing that will stop a bad guy with imprecise firearm terminology is a good guy with precise firearm terminology.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Once we get the terminology correct the killings will end.

      • OrG

        Gotta use the magic words.

        • Ill-Advised

          And here I thought only fundamentalist thinkers knew that words were magic.

          Might explain the “thoughts and prayers” incantation.

          Although, those magic words don’t seem to do anything but virtue-signal, without the virtue. Or the magic.

      • exinkwretch

        “Islamic terrorist! Say it!”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The distinction about civilian owned “assault rifles” not being such because they are not “selective fire” weapons is silly for several reasons. One is that it is not uncommon for MILITARY issued weapons to have their selector switch disabled, because firing fully automatic can be extremely wasteful of ammunition and damaging to the weapon. Another is that the features that make the weapon attractive to the military as a combat weapon – short, handy; light weight; straight line stock configuration that make it easily controllable in rapid fire; a high velocity, low recoil round that also aids accuracy in rapid fire, as well as allowing the shooter to carry more ammunition (lots of ammo can be HEAVY); high capacity magazines – are all still present in civilian models. And of course, as we all know, the weapons can be turned into de facto “machine guns” simply by fitting them with bump stocks.

    One of the most amusing things about this line of argument is this: if military style “assault rifles” are no goddamn good for their design purpose of laying down heavy fire and inflicting mass casualties in combat, why do militaries all over the planet buy and issue them by the tens of millions?

    • msanthropesmr

      Coincidence.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Hmmm. Yes – I hadn’t considered that possibility.

        • msanthropesmr

          Too cynical.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            No doubt.

    • Jamoche

      Really good defense contractor marketing.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WDMHKgBfpE

    • shivaskeeper

      They don’t get disabled so much as they are not manufactured with the option at all. Safe, semi, and three round, or safe, semi and auto are pretty much the options. Safe and semi only are the non military versions.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    You should see his rants on semi-automatic transmissions.

    • msanthropesmr

      Ah. The Honda Matic. HORRIFYING.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Many military Assault Rifles are also too not capable of Full Automatic fire. The M16 series, forex has been limited to Semi-Auto and 3-Round burst since the introduction of the M-16A2.

    In World War Two, the US was equipped with the Semi-Automatic, 8-rounds-per clip M1 Garand, while most other powers issued Bolt Action rifles. A fire team of GI’s with Garands could lay down devastating sustained volleys on the move.

    Semi-Automatic weapons are designed to kill, and can be used for such purpose efficiently. I don’t think it’s at all wrong for people to be leery of them.

    • TJ Barke

      Take your rational analysis back to commie town, pinko!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD Da, Tsovarich..

    • Nasty Woman Persisted

      Hell, the sole point of any gun is to kill.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        True. I should specify, Assault-type weapons are designed to kill human beings. They aren’t even efficient for hunting.

    • Christopher Story

      I read somewhere that the point of reducing it three round bursts was because it was more accurate than full auto fire. So yeah, even the military disagrees with him.

      • WeaselPoo

        Yep because the barrel rises as the bullet is expelled and with contiuous rapid fire you can’t correct quickly enough to stay om target. A 3 round burst provides a rs9onably tight spread–at least one bullet should hit the enemy, 3 improves the odds and should be more daming and reliably deadly. After that there is a shitty return on shots fired without a pause.
        Even with that I remember reading some Army stats from Afghanistan where tens of thousands of bullets were expended for each kill. (A typical load out for a M4 equipped soldier is 300 bullets in 10 magazines).

        • shivaskeeper

          Stats that go into rounds per enemy killed are misleading at best. They tend to use all the rounds fired in an engagement, including full auto weapons. They don’t take into account targets in cover, they don;t take into account suppressing fire, or anything else really.

          It the ration was 10’s of thousands of rounds for targets in the open, that would be bad. For actual combat, not so bad.

          • WeaselPoo

            Yes of course. I mentioned it really with regard to economy and effectiveness relating to rate of fire. Full auto is ‘great’ for mass murder of gathered defenseless people which os usually not what soldiers do (exceptipns are known of course). This also highlights why there is no damn excuse for bump stocks.

          • shivaskeeper

            All true. Even in warfare if we can get the enemy to surrender we stop shooting as well. A live, captured enemy may have useful intelligence.

    • shivaskeeper

      M4 carbines can be semi auto with either 3 round burst or full auto depending on the model. I have carried both but burst is far more prevalent. I also never put the selector lever in anything more than semi because full auto fire is what my machine gunner is for.

      M16/M4 and all the civilian variants are specifically designed to kill people. They are military weapons. That is what they are specifically engineered to do.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Agreed. I had a friend that bought a “police” model Semi-Auto AR-15, and tarted it up with Tacticool features. SRSLY, he spent on Xenon spotlamps and Piccatinny Rails like I spend on shoes. He’s fired *maybe* 60-70 rounds total thru it.

        I think it’s the M4A1 that is Full-Auto select, but I’m prepared to be corrected on that. My understanding is that riflemen should be placing aimed fire, and MG gunners suppressing on full automatic.

        • shivaskeeper

          M4A1 is the full auto variant. You are correct. The A2 was burst fire with a fixed carry handle and the A3 was burst fire with a rail system across the top of the upper and a detachable carry handle. The A3 was the most common one I saw. They are better for attaching optics and using part of the top rail for a small set of back up iron sights.

          Doctrine for riflemen now is to require the target with every trigger squeeze. No more double tap, no more blind firing. That helps cut down non combatant casualties. That is down to training though. Off course that does not apply when laying down suppressing fire or covering fire.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ah, thank you. :) My model kits are good for something. And I’m totally behind our soldiers having whatever accessories they need for combat, I just kind of roll my eyes when 30-something guys over here spend more on Rails and such than they did on their cars.

            And I like the idea, aimed, carefully placed shots. I’m familiar with suppressing fire from my WW2 wargames: Find ’em, Fix ‘Em, Flank ‘Em, Finish ‘Em!

          • shivaskeeper

            FFS, I rolled my eyes at some of the accessories Soldiers put on the weapons.

            Geardo’s who never leave the wire 20lbs of extra shit bolted on to their rifle. Some of it would be military issue, some civilian purchase, but none of it was ever used.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Oh wow. For myself, I could see using a good Optic, and of course a Grenade launcher for whichever squad member. The rest seems unnecessary to me.

          • shivaskeeper

            Optic, forward pistol grip if you are comfortable with that, possibly a folding bipod or one in the forward grip, and a good taclight with an IR filter.

            The Grenadier cannot mount a bipod or forward grip because the M203 or M302 launcher mounts under slung to the barrel.

            To me the rest is extra weight for no real benefit. The civilian accessories also did not really stand up to the environment and tended to break. If you were not issued a magnifying scope, you could buy your own. Leupold makes a decent hunting scope, but it is not meant to be banged around a combat theater.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            My buddy had a Leupold *and* a holographic-collimator thingy.

            I forgot the forward pistol grips, I do think they seem useful.

          • shivaskeeper

            Pistol grips are useful in close combat. They help you keep a smaller profile and keep your elbow in and control the muzzle. They are also easier on your wrist.

            The red dot and holo sights were OK. The M68 red dot and Eotech holo were the most common I saw. I used a 4×32 ACOG.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Cool, I thought the grips looked useful for that.

            I’m pretty sure my buddy had the Eotech. I’m mostly familiar with optics from my model kits and “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2”. :)

          • shivaskeeper

            The Eotech is a red dot COB optic. No magnification at all but a wide aperture to look through. Put the red dot on target at closer than 50m and you will hit it.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Sounds useful. That probably is not what my friend had, then.

          • shivaskeeper

            They are useful. The wide aperture and very limited paralax means the eye does not have to be centered for a good sight picture.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            So you can snap-shot then?

          • shivaskeeper

            Sort of. Snap shot is not a military term but I understand it. Target acquisition is quicker and its more accurate if you use the optic correctly and keep both eyes open. You don’t get the distortion of a magnifying optic used up close and the sights are far bigger than the standard iron sights.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I see, that makes sense.

          • shivaskeeper

            It’s the difference in trying to hit a target by shooting over the top of the rifle with a best guess, trying to use the peephole and front sight post, or using a red dot with an aperture that is something around an inch an a half wide.

            The red dot sights are useful out to between 50-100m depending on how good you are with them. Past that they are ineffective as there is no way to compensate for the ballistic drop since they use a single aim point (the red dot only) as opposed to the double aim point of the peephole and front post or using an optic with a drop compensator built in (like the ACOG).

          • Anna Elizabeth

            OK. I’m used to iron sights or a small scope on our .22 Magnum.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            The best accessory is the SAW gunner :).

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD I had a friend that was in 5th Group SF, he loved the SAW.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            I’m just an 11b trying my best to POG :). But, after being on a range with that and my 240… I just cannot fathom a reason for civilian to need a weapon that can lay suppressive fire.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Right? I’ve only fired civilian firearms, small-bore shotguns and varmint-caliber rifles.

            I’m fascinated by military hardware and history, but I have zero desire to own or use them. At gun shows I’ve been privileged to hold a real M1A1 Thompson that was used in ww2, and a Soviet-built AK-47.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            I’m a military history nerd too :)

            I was more agnostic on guns before I joined. After seeing the amount of safety fuck ups on ranges involving trained soldiers, untrained folks running around with even semi-automatic weapons scares the hell out of me.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I can’t even imagine. I’ve read accounts of M-79 grenadiers putting a grenade through the roof of a Huey while climbing aboard, things like that.

            We can use more military history types around here. :)

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Full disclosure, was active infantry 3 years, now guard. Never deployed. Am trying to JAG commission. As far from Rambo as possible. I’m a criminal lawyer, and I would put odds on a pissed client shanking me over dying in combat.

            That said, love military history. My dumb ass partially joined because ‘citizen soldiers’ convinced me part of America’s strength was having a trained reserve of civilians who could mobilize and fight effectively. Also love WWI poetry and history.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice. :) My health kept me out, I wanted to be a Naval officer, back in the early 90s.

            And yes. I’m starting with the Seven Years War at this time, wanting to learn more about how this all began. I’m more of a beginner on the great war, and pretty good on the Napoloeonic & Victorian Eras.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      You must not have been here the day Mr. Gunsplainer was. I’d have like to seen his reaction to your slap down.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yeah, I was outie. It would have been fun, huh? xD

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    It’s amazing that Google links to your crap…

    He has a point. I can’t find wonkette through Bing. Or AltaVista.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Are these regional soda brands?

      • msanthropesmr

        MMMmmm… Moxie.

    • msanthropesmr

      I recall when I was small. No – that’s AltaMira.

  • The Wanderer

    I has me 2 shooty-bang-bangs n 1 boomstick!!!!1!!!1111!!!!
    .
    /totalhickgunlicker

  • msgypsy

    That, or “ruling party” means the Deep State, or possibly The Jews, who really run everything anyway.
    Waiting for the ot of context quoting to begin. “Wonkette says Jews reely run evrything! Bet the lib’rals din’t no she was a anti-semit!”
    Why grad school? Trying to establish bona fides? What kind of bona fides? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bcf992ca43229dbf63539538db9d61b4b026e3592eb1226e25d45af8445ff29d.gif

    • These morans think saying “I R Grad skewl” makes them sound smart or something. Of course, it would hold more water if the screed in which he declared it had graduate level composition…..

      • shivaskeeper

        Appeal to Authority fallacy. Nothing more than that.

  • anon_the_great

    A fine grasp of the irrelevant there Kenny. Next, tell us again how a tomato is actually a fruit.

    Fck KenTFM and the rest of his gunslpaning Rain Man cohort.

    • msanthropesmr

      Call any vegetable. Call it by name.

    • Mondoshawan

      I wonder if TFM stands for totally fucking mad. Then again, self-reflection is not a strong suit with conservatives.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    This is the motherfucker who stands in the kitchen while you are twisted into a pretzel under the sink cabinet with water dripping on your head, trying to attach the supply line with a basin wrench, pontificating about how you’re doing it wrong.

    • msanthropesmr

      WHy the fuck are you using a basin wrench for that job?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Uncle Dotard once again demonstrates how tenuously connected to reality he is:
    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/917017368521592833

    • TJ Barke
      • Rachel Book Harlot

        You know, I invented that phrase. Perhaps people used it before over the years, but I never noticed it.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          You know how you could peel back a portion of a coffee cup lid and hook it in place so you can drink your coffee? That was my idea.

      • The Wanderer

        You know you’re in trouble when you lose Pinkie Pie.

    • Candy Matson

      And I suppose Melania thinks she invented “faking it?”

      • oooooo burn

      • exinkwretch

        And suppressing the gag reflex, also, too.

        • Rags

          Never a problem with 4-5’s massive endowment.

        • Candy Matson

          No, that was Ivanka.

          (Too much?)

    • msanthropesmr

      You know, you never heard the term “shitgibbon” before he came into office.

    • Daniel

      He didn’t even come up with the term “fake news”.

    • DainBramage

      Huh? I’ve always thought of Trump as a fake human.

      • Daniel

        Look, speaking as a fake human please don’t associate us with him.

        • DainBramage

          Sorry.

        • tomamitai

          From now on, when anyone asks me my religion, I’m going to reply “I’m a philosophical zombie“.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Fake, phony, faux, bogus, counterfeit, illegitimate, pseudo, inauthentic, mock, ersatz…

        • tehbaddr

          sham Libulz!1!!111!!1111!!!!

        • Trumpery…
          noun: nonsensical talk or writing
          noun: ornamental objects of no great value

    • You heard it from his own mouth, folks! Donald Trump thinks his greatest accomplishment is “Fake”!

    • Sophia

      He didn’t invent it he epitomizes it.

    • msanthropesmr

      Origin

      late 18th century (as an adjective; originally slang): origin uncertain; perhaps ultimately related to German fegen ‘sweep, thrash.’ Compare with fig

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Does that mean I owe him a royalty every time I’ve used that term on a big boob porn site?

      • SeeTrain65

        Maybe. Trump is the biggest boob we have right now.

  • DainBramage

    I don’t care enough about learning gun-humper approved terminology as I have no desire to own/see/fondle/lick tools whose only real purpose is to kill people.

    • Semantics don’t kill people. People with guns kill people.

    • exinkwretch

      “Guns don’t kill people — people kill people. It’s just easier with a semiauto and a shitload of ammunition.”

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Why do you hate America??

      • DainBramage

        Oh, America’s OK. It’s humans I don’t trust. We’re all just emotional meatbags with bad impulse control.

        • CafeenMan

          And terrorists are just so damn hugable!

  • puredog

    “You guys sure are lucky that ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶u̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶y̶ George Soros subsidizes you.”
    Jacob was just being sloppy.

    • The idea that libtards are the ruling party still persists even though, and get this, conservatives control all three branches of government.
      It is fun especially when they spout we won, get over it! So then you go immediately “So, you are the ruling party then?” and then they all go hummanahummana

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        They also control the 4th branch: Corporate Media

      • tomamitai

        But the deep state’s all Democrats, don’tcha know, ’cause the civil service and the intelligence community are well known liberal bastions; the militry also, too!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I would also like to point out that my brother, in addition to being a military veteran and a retired intelligence officer, was a sniper-level marksman.

    He is also a gay, Jewish, uber-liberal academic.

    God, how I hate so-called conservatives, and how little they know about absolutely everything.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      All soldiers think and vote alike. We are all thrilled to be used as political props!

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Having an AR-15, an AK-47 or any other semi-automatic “military styled” weapon does not result in superior firepower.

    This is such a bullshit argument. The fact is that you can achieve incredibly rapid fire with such semi-automatic weapons. The difference between semi- and fully-automatic fire is tiny when compared to weapons that require some sort of manual reloading action, such as bolt action, between every shot. When using fully-automatic fire, you normally fire off short bursts of 3-4 bullets, and it only takes a couple of seconds to fire that many rounds with a semi-automatic, so in practice, they’re not all that different.

  • Johnatx

    Ahhh. I love it when the gun nuts start playing the “wrong terminology” game. Would like to hear what word/phrase they would prefer in these cases?
    Slaughtered or Massacred? Dead or Deceased? Wounded or Injured?

    • msanthropesmr

      “Inconvenienced”

    • SayItWithWookies

      Prematurely raptured.

    • wavicles

      Freedomed in all cases.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Don’t get me started on the difference between a thingamajig and a whatchamacallit.

    • msanthropesmr

      The doohickey board would like to have words.

    • altleftjohn

      You libtards don’t know a framis from a whatsit!

      • msanthropesmr

        Or a hawk from a handsaw for that matter.

        • The Wanderer

          I’m mad but north-northwest, and I know the difference.

          • msanthropesmr

            Do you have a masters in classics?

          • The Wanderer

            I do not, but I once had a classic master. He taught me quite a bit.

      • At the same time, most RWNJs don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

    • Daniel

      I’m something of a specialist, having whosits and whatsits galore. You want thingumybobs? I could probably spare one.

    • Seek

      And the best word of all is from them thar trashy Messicans – Chingadera (sp) basically translates when spelled correctly to “That little fucking thing”

  • ExPFCWintergreen

    I’m so fucking sick of this right-wing bullshit about “assault rifle.” That is a perfectly legitimate — AND ACCURATE — term. The gun industry itself created the terms assault rifle and assault weapon and USED the terms assault rifle and assault weapon throughout the 1970s and 1980s to describe semi-automatic long guns — right up to the moment there was an assault weapon ban. Then — and only then — did they decide it would be politically expedient to pretend that they’d never heard of such a term — oh, no, not they! — and that it was obviously a make-believe scare-word invented by liberals who don’t know nothin’ about no gunstuff to take penises weapons out of the hands of gawd-fearin’ he-men Americans. For evidence, please see Guns & Ammo (July 1981), Guns & Ammo Assault Rifles Special Edition (March 1982), Guns Magazine (June 1970), many others.

    • Maybe

      The radical right wouldn’t ‘win’ any arguments at all if they didn’t just change what words mean.

      • CafeenMan

        I’ve never known them to actually win an argument no matter what they did.

        • They always get back to the agree to disagree, or the other fall back, you have to respect my opinion! Free Speeching!

        • Maybe

          That’s why I put ‘win’ in quote marks.

          Unfortunately, winning elections is a form of winning arguments. And they do way too much of that. They’re horrible at governing, but quite clever at messaging to angry people.

    • http://weaponsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Assault-Weapons-1986.jpg
      1986
      And dang it I shoulda scrolled down, again XD

    • tomamitai

      JUne & JU-lie ISSUES? You know jewz behind THOSE LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!

    • georgiaburning

      I thought the term dates back to the German ” Sturmgewehr” (storm rifle) of 1944 and the synonyms of “storm” and “assault”. But they are intended for military rather than sporting use.

      • ExPFCWintergreen

        Etymologically, yeah, but the Army and Air Force (who co-sponsored development of the M-16) never used the term “assault rifle.” The original specifications were for a lightweight “infantry rifle.” Neither the Army’s training films (see here for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKKQcJnMEOo) nor the 1961-1965 test-and-evaluation reports from the Infantry School and Test & Evaluation Command ever referred to the AR-15 as anything other than “rifle.” Basically, the term “assault rifle” provided gun manufacturers with a sexed-up name that hearkened back to the old StG-44 but, more importantly, that implied battle-worthiness (which is how they were marketed, especially after the survivalist movement took off c. 1979-80).

        • georgiaburning

          Thanks for the expansion and clarification. Many liberals know a lot about weapons, which is always a surprise to those brainwashed by scripted RWNJ media.

  • TJ Barke

    “You got nomenclature wrong, therefore your entire point is without merit!”

  • bubbuhh
    • Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?
      What?
      Nothing! hahahahahahahahahaha

      • Daniel

        Stephen?
        Oh, yeah.

        • bubbuhh

          Even Baldwins need an asshole.

  • chiefkurtz

    Recently, I was reading a magazine at a great clip, then found an article in the magazine that I wanted to keep, so I decided I would clip the article from the magazine. It was about a drum; the article, not the magazine. There were times I would clip many articles about drums from magazines. I hope I used the correct terms.

    • DRUM???? You must be a commie pinko to use that instead of percussion instrument.

      • CafeenMan

        Your point is hollow.

      • shastakoala

        More cowbell.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Did you save the clip in a box?

    • wavicles

      What grouping was the article targeting?

  • chascates

    The industry preferred term is ‘modern sporting rifle’ when referring to AR15s and the like. As opposed to relatively ‘primitive’ rifles such as bolt-actions and lever actions, both types of which still put venison in the freezer but don’t have that military look and neither of which hold more than 4-6 rounds of ammunition.

    • I think we should go back to the old industry terms before they started playing semantic games.
      https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b1/7b/17/b17b17ca686897e3eef1e8e4a74b0eae–machine-guns-vintage.jpg
      http://weaponsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Assault-Weapons-1986.jpg

      Coincidence, probably, that the book is from 1986….hmmm…what happened in 1986…..

      • chascates

        Adolf Hitler is credited with originating the term assault rifle so that may have added onus.

        • It was better in the original german.
          FWIW, the manufacturing industry themselves used said term throughout the 70’s and 80’s until people started mass shooting other people with them and we got the ban in 86.
          It was then they started this word game

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Those damn liberals and their manocide vagenda. Get a haircut, hippies!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Because when the army sent an RFP to all the gun makers for their new standard infantry rifle, they specifically said, “Must be sporting.”

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Well yes, that’s the rub. The gun humpers want high firing rate, high ammo capacity, and rapid reloads. That’s basically what makes it an “assault rifle”. I think I argued with this nut and proposed limiting rifles to lever action or bolt action, and no gun whatsoever can hold more than 10 rounds unless you are a cop or something (even there, I’d probably cut them off at 16. Trigger happy cops are way too common). He just ignored me of course.

      • chascates

        I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard of a cop completely emptying a high-capacity magazine, usually into an unarmed black male.

        • Darrell Imaginarian

          Think Bruce Springsteen did a song about that.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If they had to move the bolt after every shot, and reload after 10, they would be so sad, the firing range would be muddy with their tears.

        I call on Congress to enact legislation to make guns as boring as possible, and not fun at all. Any firearm that makes rednecks shout “yee-haw!” has no business in civilized society.

        • chascates

          If the Right really believes the Constitution is a ‘dead’ document, to be interpreted according to the times of the Founders they would allow only black powder flintlock rifles to be sold. A good marksman could probably get off 3 shots a minute and their range is about 50 yards.

      • doktorzoom

        He may well have ignored you. But he also had some help when it came to not replying to you.

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/626f47bd441cfdbd943c86a8060d8b3d6497a922189ecc6c01e09ed8d579f49c.gif

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Hunting for food is survival; not sport. If one wants to consider hunting a sport, then one should play by the traditional rules established 20,000 years ago. Each human is allowed 1 spear. Each bear is allowed 20 claws and 42 teeth. Let the games begin!

      • C4TWOMAN

        This is why traps and snares were invented.

      • Gigglesnort

        Forget bears. Our neolithic ancestors were killing and eating fucking Woolly Mammoths with that technology. We have been on top of the food chain for a long time.

      • Charles Insandiego

        Don’t forget to use use an atlatl, the bump-stock of the paleolithic.

  • Seamus Romney

    “Bernie argued passionately that people like me who talked about suing gun makers were really talking about ‘ending gun manufacturing in America.’…No other industry in our country has the kind of protection he supported for gun manufacturers. And in every other situation, he was the loudest voice in the room calling for corporations to be held accountable for their actions. Why was this one issue so different?”…”
    — “What Happened” by Hillary Clinton

    Fuck Sanders.

    • Why this one issue?
      Hm…what industry is in Vermont?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I understand stanning for the NRA from the left brings in a fair amount, but there’s been a hitch in releasing the paperwork.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Actually I heard Bernie was a factory farm apologist too.

    • tomamitai

      Yeah, because Hillary and Bill were the purest ponies who never compromised progressive values for a donor or an industry important to their constituents.

      • I think the point is that they would, indeed, compromise with other libtards and blue dawgs in order to enact legislation, instead of stone walling things.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Maybe if they’d quit assaulting people with it, we’d get the name right.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Or maybe we could just call ’em “massacre rifles” instead.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I like this actually.

  • Maybe

    The alt-right prefers alt-facts.

    Not really surprising.

  • tehbaddr

    “Having an AR-15, an AK-47 or any other semi-automatic “military styled” weapon does not result in superior firepower.” IDK, but that seems like superior fire power to me when all I’m walking around with might be a level head and a vape pen.

  • eastcoastlib

    Today, we are all overweight physicians

  • tehbaddr

    So I loaded up the clip and put it in the magazine, and then was all pew, pew, pew, pew with lazors even! Then Mall Security showed up!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I don’t know and I don’t honestly care what the wingnut-approved terminology is for a gun that shoots a whole lot of billets at a whole lot of people really is. Suffice to say, it’s not necessary for civilians to own such things.

    • Agreed. Forget what they call the damn things…how about anything that can fire off 20-30 shots without reloading be banned?

      • natoslug

        I’m sticking with “Flintlock or forgetaboutit” as the standard for what we can own as civilians.

    • C4TWOMAN

      And besides when do we billet civilians?
      (couldn’t resist)

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Curse you fat fingers and overzealous spell check!

        • C4TWOMAN

          I see these tweens typing with both thumbs and looks like it should work, but when l try
          It comes out like this.
          Okay.. guess I should hy tried more
          Still doesn’t feel natural…

    • bbayliss

      And the deer are indifferent.

  • Jennaratrix

    I… but… and the thing…

    Gah.

    • SisterArtemis

      pretty much….

  • WotsAllThisThen

    If they don’t like us calling them assault rifles (dictionary definition: a lightweight, rapid-fire rifle designed for infantry use), or assault weapon (legal definition based on features), or assault-style, or military-style or weapons-of-war, how about we just be very specific: a rifle that only exists because the army realized the M-1 Garand wasn’t good enough on the battlefield anymore.

    Pedantic enough?

    I think I know the term they want everyone to use: the modern sporting rifle that’s friendly and fun to be with.

    • ManchuCandidate

      So no one told you life was gonna be this way
      Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
      It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
      When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but

      I’ll be there for you
      (When the rage starts to rise)
      I’ll be there for you
      (Like I’ve been there before)
      I’ll be there for you
      (‘Cause you’re there for me too)

      *it’s quite sad because one doesn’t need to change much of the lyrics to fit how ammosexuals view their guns.

  • Panika MCD

    if we’re supposed to apply specific lexicons to policy debates, then how will the GOP ever repeal the estate tax or the ACA? I sure would love them to learn more about abortion and LGBT issues before trying to regulate them.

    but let’s take this a step further: why are gun humpers allowed to possess firearms without first passing a GUNZ rhetoric test? that would be an awesome way to reduce the amount of assault style weapons being purchased by “mentally unstable” white men with “economic anxiety”.

  • ManchuCandidate

    For some reason I don’t see militaries going back to slower firing bolt action rifles instead of the assault rifle.

    Bullshit argument by bullshit people.

    • Military does that 3 round burst thingy thingy. Because accuracy and also cost.

      • bubbuhh

        Becuz also too most troops will end up firing at the sky if they manage to fire at all under combat conditions.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    “We have a right to protect our property with assault rifles from the ever growing lagomorph menace!”

    Mr. McGregor, home gardener

    • The Wanderer

      Until Peter Cottontail and Judy Hopps decide to develop opposable thumbs.

      • SisterArtemis

        That’s quite the pairing. I’m now imagining them on a nice date, perhaps in Mr. McGregor’s shed.

        • The Wanderer

          There is probably a lot of Rule 34 fanart with those two.

          • SisterArtemis

            But Peter’s so young…. and Judy is a woman/doe of the world…. so, sadly, yes, Rule 34 applies…

      • tomamitai

        That’s when you get out the holy hand grenade. https://youtu.be/QM9Bynjh2Lk

  • Thank Dobbs for patriots like these.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1QZ3CfI6-0

    Oh, and “Dr. Fat” my ass.

    • bubbuhh

      They are all amazingly retarded and I mean that in the most personal way.

    • ManchuCandidate

      http://media.giphy.com/media/lF5bH6enH9F1m/giphy.gif
      What they imagine they look like when shooting.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s the saddest thing I’ve seen all morning.

    • eyelashviper

      Hey, they gotta get their woodies somehow… that blue pill didn’t do it, and doc sez to get exercise.

    • Swampgas_Man

      It’s not about actually hitting anything, it’s about putting as much lead in the air and making as much noise as possible.
      Now if you’ll excuse me, I just dropped sour cream all over my clean new keyboard.

  • tehbaddr

    “evil, godless, pervert ideology,” fine I’ll wear that badge, but keep the “baby-murdering” label for the gun humpers and Military Enthusiasts!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I will readily admit to being a bit of a femmy beast (power-bottom unicorn that I am), but I really don’t like artificial sweeteners.

    Also: my semiautomatic rifle has a full wooden stock and an integrated tube magazine, which make it just fine for plinking, but unsuitable for quickly murdering large numbers of people. Maybe legislation can be aimed (haha!) at banning guns that can be easily modified/upgraded?

  • rosenbomb

    It’s amazing that Google links to your crap because they’re such soviets who don’t care about the quality of journalism as long as it agrees with their baby-murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology.

    Weird, because every time I click on “News” when I Google something I have to sift through Fox News and Daily Caller headlines. Oh, wait…baby murderers…evil…perverts…nevermind, they fit the bill.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    I wuz sad about the lagomorph libelz in this article…………..

    • SisterArtemis

      You should write a scathing snail-mail letter to the femi-beasts!

      • A Bashful Nobody

        Yes! I shall do this forthwith!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Hey Sister! You gonna be in Yachats today?

        • SisterArtemis

          Sadly, no, I am in Eugene. I take it that you’ll be traveling through that stretch of the coast today? Let me know if you need pointers to places to eat or visit.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Yeah, where’s a good place to have lunch?

          • SisterArtemis

            SO:
            — Good fish at Luna Sea Fish House, right on the highway.
            Drift Inn is a nice sort-of-upscale-but-not-snooty restaurant with an interesting menu, hippie feel, and has lots of dietary options
            Green Salmon Coffee House, very organic-ey, good coffee roasted right there, interesting but weird menu
            — straight up old-fashioned regular restaurant food at The Blue Whale
            — the Underground Pub one block off HiWay 101 on Ocean Drive has river-view dining and a decent menu
            — Also, great view and kind-of meh food (other than some good stuff on the bar menu) at the Adobe Resort.
            — I’ve not eaten there yet, but people say The Farm Store (east side of the highway) is good, though service can be slow.

            If you get hungry in Waldport (8 miles north of Yachats), The Hilltop Bistro at the south end of town (actually at, strangely, the top of the hill when you head south from Waldport) has wonderful food and outdoor seating with an ocean-peek view.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Thank you! Kisses!

          • SisterArtemis

            You’re welcome! Wave at the ocean for me!
            And soooo close! I’m driving out there tomorrow after work (meaning, late late late at night). Sorry to miss you, but hopefully you’re coming to Eugene on the 19th?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Yeah, I’ll be there!

          • puredog

            Geez, now I want to go to Waldport. If you find yourself south and east of there, in Talent (think: Ashland suburb), DO NOT MISS New Sammy’s Cowboy Bistro. Not only is it almost certainly the best resto between SF and Portland, the owners are looking to sell, and it will be the end of a motherfucking era.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Yachats! I stayed at the Edgewater cabins years ago. Wonderful place.

          • SisterArtemis

            They are still there – I’ve never stayed at that place, but I’m told it looks a bit sketchy from the outside, but once you’re through the door, quite wonderful.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Nothing like having the ocean sing you to sleep.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Is that anything like the Edgewater Inn?

    • Ginnie Sack
  • eyelashviper
  • SayItWithWookies

    Terminology is everything — anyone who looks at everything that’s going on today knows that. Why, if we weren’t accurate about or terminology, we’d end up not being able to tell the difference between terrorists and lone wolves; or climate change and global warming; or freedom of religion and your employer telling you what to do with your uterus; or equality and white genocide; or equality and reverse racism; or equality and special rights for gays. Hey, why does it only seem like one side is constantly coming up with the euphemisms?

    But I digress. To reiterate, accuracy in terms is everything. Now I’m off to make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Without correct terminology, how would know the difference between fake news and alternative facts?

    • BeachBum

      I’m not a Wookie but can I come ? I’m pretty handy with a blaster !

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Why does Jacob use Google if its so horrible. He seems much more a Yahoo! type.

  • Christopher Story

    You know why I love my cute little single shot .22 pistol so much? Because unlike these freaks who need to squeeze off a bunch of rounds to feel like a man, I’m man enough to only need to fire one round at a time.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      “A 30-round magazine? God, you must have shitty aim!”

  • SayItWithWookies
  • folderol

    I have a semiotic weapon. It fires pictographs. I’m not even registered to have it.

    • SisterArtemis

      REBEL!!!!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Did they even HAVE Canons when the Constitution was written?

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Rebel, you’ve torn your dress.

        • SisterArtemis

          hey, your face is a mess too.

          *hands off nice hanky in a grandmotherly manner*

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Are you Saussure about that?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Trump is trying real hard to get those weapons regulated so they can’t be used against him.

  • SisterArtemis

    Does this mean I can just go back to calling said weapons “boom-sticks” and be done with it?

    I’m all for accuracy in description, and have a few pet peeves of my own. But I can’t think of time I dismissed someones argument because they were using the wrong terms. Admittedly, I might have snootily included a correction to their terminology in my reply, but that reply generally focuses on facts and analysis, not petty bitch-n-moans about terminology that have nothing to do with the issue at hand

    • Teecha

      You and your crazy logical talk.

    • puredog

      Right, but the thing is, when someone uses THE WRONG TERMINOLOGY that justifies leaping to the inference that THEY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT and are therefore JUST TOTALLY RONG, without having to actually grapple with their argument. Like math, logic is HARD.

  • 1PeterG1

    The Gunhumpers are very sad that their new love toy might be taken away. You see it did all the humping for them. It was the unbalanced washing machine against which they could rub their naughty bits while it did the work. All they had to do was hold on tight and moan oh baby, yes baby, more baby! They could just close their eyes and enjoy.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Assault rifle! Good god, man, that’s not an assault rifle! That’s an assault style rifle!

    Oh, ‘an assault style rifle’. Oh, I say, we are grand, aren’t we? ‘Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. I’m off to play the grand piano’. ‘Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane.’

    • SisterArtemis

      Be sure to extend your pinky while firing.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Oh, I suppose mater told you that while you were out riding. Well, if people can’t fly what am I doing up here?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          You’re on a wire!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Sit on the settee.

      • Teecha

        I’m sitting on my settee right now. What else would you call it, if you weren’t pretending to be all la-di-dah?

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          I call mine the cat-hair couch.

        • Ginnie Sack

          We sit on the davenport when we want to be la di dah.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance
    • jesterpunk

      But that is different because reasons.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      The GOP bill refers to silencers through the entire document.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I can prove your jpeg file contains secret codes. I’m off to Hawaii to secure the evidence!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You’ll need an investigative assistant. I’ll get my snorkel.

      • puredog

        It’s already unbelievable what you are finding out there!

    • TundraGrifter

      I believe it has to do with the speed of the bullet. A bullet traveling faster than the speed of sound (everything bigger than a .22) can’t be “silenced” – it can only be “suppressed.”

      What does this have to do with the price of eggs? Not much, actually.

      On the other hand, since words matter so much we can all pretty much ignore our President’s Tweets as that Twit can’t compose three or four sentences in a row that make sense.

  • TundraGrifter

    Odd that a gun-humper (I believe I was first to use that term here on Wonkette but I’m not going to argue about it) would bring up the National Firearms Act – a successful bit of common sense firearms regulation. You know – the unicorn the 3% (that owns 50% of the guns in America) says doesn’t exist.

    • redblack

      no snark here; i’m interested in that last stat. do you have a link handy?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Behold, foolish mortal, as I demolish your non-comment by pointing out that the precise term is not “gun-humper” but “weapon-fornicator.”

      Also, the correct term is Equus ferus unicornus.

      There, I’ve run rings around you logically.

      • TundraGrifter

        More rings than an old growth redwood.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    A while back someone on my faceplace posted a common meme saying that the media shouldn’t call them “high powered rifles” because look at the tiny .223 cartridge next to a .30-06, obviously the smaller one isn’t more powerful.

    I responded by pointing out the physics definition of power is the application of energy over time, which is why the unit of power, the watt, is one joule per second, and asked which rifle can transfer more kinetic energy into a crowd of people per minute.

    No reply. And I stopped seeing those sort of posts as old high school classmates unfriended me.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Math and science are hard.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      This. I shoot .22LR: about the same caliber as the .223, but a much less powerful cartridge.

    • BeachBum

      Old English hunting rifles were .50 with relatively low powder to bring down game but not travel to the neighboring farms/houses/villages. One reason for shotguns as well. The gunhumpers think we cannot understand physics.

      • Sunhead

        The gunhumpers think we cannot understand physics.

        FTFY
        Physics is science.
        They don’t do science, it leads to facts.

  • shivaskeeper

    What the gunhumpers want thing to be called is immaterial. What the law and the legal definitions are is very much material.

  • dshwa

    This will be interesting. Hockey has barely any black players at the top levels, and the fan base is almost entirely white. Of course, most of the players are Canadians so how they’ll react is a very good question as well.

    https://twitter.com/ShaunKing/status/916860443267883018

    • Good for him.

    • SeeTrain65

      His father, Ted, (yes I see what I did there) played seven years with the Minnesota Vikings and was a 1,000-yard rusher in 1981.

      And I didn’t remember him until I looked him up. Dad should still be very proud.

  • bbayliss

    I’m old enough to remember when gun control focused on handguns.
    We have a long way to go just to get back to that problem.

  • chascates

    Quick! Turn on CNN; Tom Friedman is on talking about Las Vegas!

    • bbayliss

      No, the sun is out and I’m going to go sit and soak some up.

    • Suttree

      Has he cornered a cabbie yet?

      • chascates

        No and he’s been pretty quiet. Maybe jet lag in search of his next great thought. There’s 2 more guests including David Frum.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Oh, Christ, it’s Friedman! Turn the wrong way down that one-way street!”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I missed it. In the next six months what is going to either happen or not happen?

      • chascates

        I fell asleep.

  • jesterpunk

    Assault rifles are a real term too.

    There are books about them like this.

    https://www.amazon.com/Worlds-Assault-Rifles-Gary-Johnston/dp/0935554009

    The silencer thing they even admit manufacturers call them that but they dont want to use the term because reasons?

    http://archive.is/URyOD

    The NRA Firearms Sourcebook makes the distinction clear, defining a suppressor as “a device attached to the muzzle of a firearm to reduce the noise of discharge. Sometimes incorrectly called a ‘silencer.’”

    I believe that’s the most accurate definition. However, here’s where things get muddy: The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms uses the term “silencer” in its official paperwork.

    So, I suppose, either term is accurate. Still, I advise sticking with “suppressor” and avoiding use of the word “silencer.”

    So basically they can use terms wrong but if anyone proposing any gun control doesnt use the exact technical term correctly they claim the entire argument is invalid.

    • TundraGrifter

      Could it be because “silencers” are either illegal or highly regulated and taxed, but many suppressors (for flash as well as sound) are not?

      • jesterpunk

        From reading that article and dealing with gun nuts they want to just find minor issues to ignore an argument. Both terms are correct for silencers and suppressors for the same thing though.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Someone should tell all the firearms manufacturers who market their semiautomatic rifles as “assault rifles” that they are doing it wrong

  • bbayliss

    I’m pretty sure that there are experts on fishing equipment who could illuminate us all about proper terminology.
    That would be boring.
    Can we get back to gun talk being just as boring?

    • Raan

      For catfish, don’t use a bobber because they feed on the bottom.

      Also, they love hot dogs that have been in the sun just long enough to be disgusting to humans.

      • The Wanderer

        Yeah, with catfish, the smellier the better.

        • Raan

          When Irma came through, we had some stew-sized cubes of beef in the freezer.

          We ended up being without power for something like three days.

          I’m planning on going fishing with that beef.

      • tehbaddr

        Nonsense! Just noodle for ’em!

        • efoveks

          With your hands or your feet?

          • tehbaddr

            Well you got grab it when it bites you, so yes!

      • Candy Matson

        I was taught to use chicken livers for catching catfish

        • doktorzoom

          Still more wisdom from the redoubtable Julia Child.

          • Candy Matson

            That old broad knew how to fish!

      • bbayliss

        Stink bait! fermented chicken livers.

        • Candy Matson

          Yup! If you’re not dry heaving getting it on the hook, it’s not gross enough!

    • RMKH

      What? Fishing talk boring? I resemble that remark. Ask my sisters how I was as a fish-obsessed youngster.

      • bbayliss

        OK I’m with you, but I’ve found that others eyes glaze over when I describe my collection of vintage lures.

        • theCryptofishist

          I’m not a fisher (just a fish), but man, some of those vintage lures are lovely.

          • Querolous

            One of the few things that have come out good from the gun culture is hand carved and painted duck decoys.

          • theCryptofishist

            My mother has a few of those. And for a while it was really a matter of eating. And a lot of wetlands conservation. But I’m not going to stretch it to include Gogol short stories–I’ve always been on the Nose side, anyway.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The ironic part is- the closest thing Donnie resembles in the Christian worldview is the antichrist. He is the liar and deceiver who promises that which fundamentalists desire most in exchange for them abandoning the beliefs and values. And those fuckers all fell for it…

      • Khavrinen

        Not sure if it counts as “falling” for it when they’re jumping right in with such enthusiasm.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Donnie used the right bait for the fundies- besides the appeal of authoritarianism, he promised to punish the gheys and the sluts- and those hypocrites abandoned their supposed faith without blinking an eye

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            It wasn’t like they were using that faith for anything, now was it?

      • Ricky Gay

        Exactly

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • Relativicus

      In the zombie apocalypse, if I’m stuck between a group sporting a cross and a group of zombies, I’ll test my luck with the zombies.

    • kareemachan

      So in other words, they are gullible and stupid.

  • chascates

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eya_k4P-iEo

    The idea that the Second Amendment guarantees the right of an individual to own a gun is a “fraud” according to the late Supreme Court Justice Warren Burger.

    • efoveks

      He must be one of those “elitists” I’ve been hearing about lately. !

      • chascates

        And he was a Republican at that.

        • RMKH

          Wouldn’t be now

    • RMKH

      What, these yahoos don’t look like a well-regulated militia to you? Damn narrow minded of you.

      • BeachBum

        Ha !

    • proudgrampa

      Biggest fraud ever perpetrated on the American public. After the moon landing…

  • efoveks

    I’m surprised no one has said, “Thanks, Diane Feinstein!”

    After watching today’s Sunday shows, I must now believe that all things gun control are her fault. ;)

    • SisterArtemis

      Even now when she’s on my screen, I will never stop seeing the young Feinstein after the Moscone-Milk assassinations. I know it shaped who she is, both in relation to her position in government, and her position on gun regulation.
      http://img.youtube.com/vi/5NikqzmwbgU/0.jpg

      • Maggielle

        Yeah, that moment is with me forever.

        • SisterArtemis

          I still get a sinking feeling in my gut. There are number of experiences like that for me, though strangely, not every horrid killing, not every tragic disaster. Only a few generate that feeling in me.

          The election last November is one of them. The whole experience briefly passed through my mind this morning, and suddenly I was in tears. And what I think is common between the two is the feeling of having lost ground, of the right-wing reaction to progress being so severe, so harsh, so cruel; not just two steps back but five or ten, so much that I fear we won’t regain what we lost in my lifetime. And there is something akin there: a man like Milk and the open-mindedness he represented, a qualified woman like Clinton and an election that would have carried gains under Obama forward.

          Oh, here comes that sinking feeling…

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Amen.

      • efoveks

        I lived in San Jose at the time. It was a shocking, horrible event.

        • HooverVilles

          Same here.
          Sigh!

        • proudgrampa

          Wow. Small world…

        • TundraGrifter

          I’d just been introduced to George Moscone by my boss when that happened. Back-to-back with the Jonestown Massacre. Another punch to the gut. Those were tough days.

  • tehbaddr

    I’ll say! Mary Ann was no plain “other! She was smoking hot and could burn that glamorous Ginger to a cinder!

    • Candy Matson

      On behalf of all the girl-next-door types, thank you! :)

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Some friends in a graduate classics program were actually laughing at what a joke you are”

    You know Dr. Fat, I really wondered if Jacob was really Mr. Trump given the nickname, at least, until I read this line. Graduate classics program is not a phrase Trump will ever utter.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Unless he was talking about Richard Spencer.

  • BeachBum

    I have always thought that when a person is only arguing the letter of the law, they have already lost on the spirit of the law. Few, if any, laws are well written enough to cover every possible situation the law attempts to address. You don’t have to be Oliver Wendell Holmes to see why the law was written, and the problems the lawmakers tried to solve.

    • shivaskeeper

      That is where this debate falls apart. Pistol grips were one of the indicators of an assault rifle under the original ban. Manufacturers had to either stop selling the rifles with pistol grip or retool the process and sell without the grip. Then they can sell a Picatinny rail system to replace the hand grip. Then they can also sell a detachable pistol grip to put on the rail.

      “Goodness me, this isn’t an assault rifle. An assault rifle has a pistol grip as part of it. This is just an aftermarket accessory that is in no way part of this rifle.”

      It’s the same with the bump stocks that are in the spotlight now. Goodness me, this isn’t part of the weapon. This is just an accessory.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        P E D A N T I C. Or is it T E D I O U S?

        • shivaskeeper

          Some of both. But technicalities are the heart of the law. It may not be the way it should be bit it us the way it is.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I wouldn’t call it technicalities. I’d call it precision.
            It’s like when you are writing business requirements for software. You never say “… may do this”. It’s not precise. You say “…will do” or “…must do”. Then when you are testing, and the software doesn’t perform the task, you can force the fix as a defect.
            That’s why we are in trouble with the ACA. At too many places, it says “The Secretary may” or “The Department may”. Those provisions are being gutted., which is why there are only 6 weeks for enrollment and none on Sundays. There’s gonna be a lot of people who get fucked.

          • shivaskeeper

            That was a feature not a bug for the GOPers. Any legislation that big was going to need to be tried in the real world to find the faults. Those faults would need to be fixed by tweaking the law. The GOPers were counting on not fixing anything.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Actually, they were counting on it failing completely. Like the issues with Heathcare.gov from the beginning. You put the contract for the website in the hand of incompetents and you hope that people get frustrated and give up. But who needed ACA more than anyone? The self-employed. That’s why I went to it. If you are successfully self-employed, you are competent. And who fixed heathcare.gov? A bunch of young consultants.
            The GOP is outgunned and outmanned.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdhQWkTl1PQ

          • shivaskeeper

            Again. Feature, not a bug.

  • Bigby

    God, these fuckers are tedious. Pedantic terminology-humping in place of a real argument, because they know their actual arguments suck arse. You can tell they’re all infantile authoritarian worshiping chickenshits with that “you used the wrong words, so your entire argument is invalid forever” bullshit. Like the “radical islamic terrorist” nonsense. It’s like going to a mechanic and having them refuse to repair your car because you don’t know that what’s typically referred to as a ‘hub cap’ is really a ‘wheel cover’. Duh, we fuckin’ knew what you meant, dipshit.

    I DO like throwing that childish game back in their faces in *every other realm ever*, then telling them to shove their ‘semi-automatic, military-style, suppressed-not-silenced, magazine-not-clip-fed’ boomstick up through their anus, into their Linea dentata, past the Ampulla, to as far up into their Rectum and Sigmoid Colon as they can manage.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      This is the human cost of the death of Compuserve and all its myriad tech support positions. These people used to be able to channel their compensatory mechanisms into a paycheck.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        There are still lots of customer service center jobs.

        It’s just to get past Tier 1, you have to have a brain. If you can get to Tier 3, you’ve achieved the technical nirvana of that milieu. When Nextel closed the care center in Atlanta, because salaries were too high here, most of the Tier 3 reps got snatched up by IT or Engineering as analysts. Everyone else lost their jobs, though they could interview with the outsource vendors. Those centers were located in exciting places like Paducah, KY.

    • TundraGrifter

      That’s Dr. Sigmoid Colon to you, Sir!

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Thanks for the terms I can use at my upcoming procedure. I thought my dentata were located closely nearby, not right there. The things one learns here!

    • Querolous

      Hey! My dad had a ’57 Chevy with Hub Caps. Wheel Cover were for those elitists with their Olds.

  • The Librarian

    Jacob has friends? Well, I guess even losers have other losers to hang with. I find his own writing skills seem rather sophomoric, since he has stooped to such low brow musings like name calling. No, Jacob is a punk in a basement pretending to be something he isn’t – SMRT!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He’s not sophomoric! He’s in a graduate classics program!

      By “graduate” he means “local jamba juice”, and by “classics” he means “reading Free Republic on a 2008 Dell Latitude”. Still, it’s the thought that counts.

      Oh wait, there wasn’t any thought.

    • theCryptofishist

      But, but how does a sophomore hang out with grad students?

      • The Librarian

        Exactly!

  • susan_g

    I don’t see how assholes who constantly refute facts and cognitive thought can suddently pull a reverse and demand attention to details regarding their shooting toys. GUN CONTROL–fuck your feelings.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Later, wonks! I’m off!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Dr Fat and the femi beasts

    worst hip hop band ever!

    • SisterArtemis

      Yeah but it was a great B-grade super-hero cartoon!

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        I liked the episode where Dr Fat and Skankopf unmasked the evil G. Humper and revealed him to be none other than Todd Starnes, still wet from the pee he’d been drinking.

        • Ricky Gay

          And he would have gotten away with it too if…

        • SisterArtemis

          I liked the episode where Dr Fat distracted Steve Bannon while Skankopf knocked Bannon accidentally-on-purpose into the vat of bubbling lava-goo. You couldn’t even tell the difference between his face and the goo!!!

        • proudgrampa

          Isn’t that the episode when the murders began?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Naw, you’re thinking of Dr Fat and the Fermi beasts. The good doctor and his team of crimefighting radioactive mutants…

    • SeeTrain65

      I loved their big hit single, “Cover of the Wonkette Newsletter.”

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    I hope this doesn’t count as doxing, but I may have found a picture with “KenTFM” in it…
    https://newbeautifulera.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/gary-larsen.png?w=500

  • Jo Mathie

    “Some friends in a graduate classics program”. Yeah convincing. “baby murdering, evil, godless, pervert ideology.” They were really keen on all those things in the classics if you’ve read anything about the Romans, to the Greeks, to Shakespeare way back to the Spartans. What “classics” were these imaginary people reading? “The Giving Tree?”. Classical literature is pretty keen on Gods (plural) though.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He did read half of a Dan Brown “novel” once.

      • mancityRed6

        the front cover does not count as half

        • Teecha

          I read the lonely planet guide to France. In a fuck awful Dan brown book.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Zing!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Why? Was he stranded at the airport?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I just assumed he meant classic rock, but NOT prog-rock.

    • RMKH

      The Giving Tree is way over that guys head. There’s like empathy and shit in it.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        DemenTED would guess Green Eggs and Ham, I’d bet.

      • doktorzoom

        Really, that was one seriously codependent tree. Book shoulda been called The Taking Boy

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      My girlfriend, Morgan Fairchild, and I, once had a good laugh over all the godless, baby murdering, evil, pervert ideology.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Were you out partying with Mick Jagger?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Of course.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Graduate classics, eh? Like…Rod McKuen?

      • Ricky Gay

        Mudkids libelz

      • proudgrampa

        Or Thomas Kinkade…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Carpe Vagenda

      I suspect that people who don’t know anything about classical education think it’s the stunted thing Harold Bloom says it is.

  • Relativicus

    I think methadone is transported in carts, not wagons. And I know that sign. It was supposed to show the Chinese symbols for “peace” and “prosperity” but the sign tattooist screwed it up.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara
      • eggs ackly-wright

        Nohow. Authentic frontier gibberish.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Rassah!

        • TundraGrifter

          Between the red eye whiskey and the rattlesnake bites, there was probably a goodish bit of that. It lives on today – listen to Ranger Doug and Sidemeat.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        So I give up.

      • SisterArtemis

        fuck. I would sooooo try to talk someone out of that, and if they didn’t budge, probably turn that one down.

      • Shibusa
      • SeeTrain65

        The one thing tattoo studios need most: Proofreaders.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          No Ragrets!

          • SeeTrain65

            Lemme guess … you were eating a Milky Way. ; )

    • TundraGrifter

      How many people are walking around with tattoos of the Chinese characters for appetizers? Like Japanese tourists wearing t-shirts with English phrases that really don’t make much sense.

  • Notreelyhelping

    You know the problem with the Canon EOS 1Ds Mark II is that, unlike the Canon EOS 1Ds Mark III, it doesn’t incorporate the ultrasonic dust removal technology, hence it requires more frequent manual sensor cleaning. That and it has a lower pixel count than the Mark III, but EVERYBODY knows that. Both models, however, look just bitchin’.

    Wait. What?

    • Ricky Gay

      TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT LIBNARD!11!!!

      • Notreelyhelping

        Nikonite!

  • Ricky Gay

    But he used smileys!!!

  • clubseal

    “Femi-beasts,” while lacking any sort of effort in making a spoof word resembling the original term, is actually kind of an awesome term. Unless he pronounces feminist as “femineast,” I suppose. At any rate, it could be the new “Brazilian fart porn” or “A Idiot.”

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      So them making up words is alright, but say silencer and OMFG? Ok got it.

      • clubseal

        I’m not sure I have ever said anything about silencers on Wonkette or elsewhere, but hey, get mad!

  • Finnibar87

    Aspertame is clearly what done it.

  • Iam Reading

    the gun humping snowflakes don’t like imprecise use of their terms huh? Tough shit. I’ll call they’re little Idols whatever I want. Guns are murder weapons.

    • kareemachan

      My cousin’s husband has used this “argument” to point out my abject ignorance.

  • SisterArtemis

    OT, but might I note that I am STILL MAD about the lack of (a) taco trucks on every corner, and (b) Bill Clinton as First Gentleman?
    Still. Fucking. Mad.
    Still.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Me also too. *looks wistfully out the window for tacos*

    • Jack Takes A Knee

      I’m still highly pissed about #1 myself. I have no less that nine corners within a very short walking distance of my door and not one, single taco truck to speak of.

      • puredog

        IKR? I have to walk SIX FUCKING BLOCKS to get to a good taco truck.

        • Candy Matson

          I think I’d probably have to drive AT LEAST an hour to find a good taco truck, and even so I’m not positive on that.

        • VirginiaMorningBlend

          There are no taco trucks in PossumzNutz Virginia. I was sooo hoping….

    • cleos_mom

      The day when we “move on” from that, we’re doomed. And deserve it.

    • Cat Cafe

      I’m reading Hillary’s book and have to fight back tears of fury on every page.

      • SisterArtemis

        I know what you mean. I just hit the beginning of the “election day” chapter last night, and decided to put it down… not something I wanted to go to sleep on.

  • Atheist

    I just want to say for the record that I don’t think Dok is fat, and even if he were, calling him fat still isn’t a legitimate argument about anything.

    I’ve met five year olds with better manners than that.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Speaking as a fat person myself, I’d have to say that even if it was a mark of ignorance or lack of virtue, it’s more or less off the table for a social movement which elected the first morbidly obese POTUS since Taft.

      • Candy Matson

        I used to work with a very, very large woman who would bring up “Michelle Obama’s fat ass” in just about every conversation. So yeah, I don’t get it. Sometimes the heaviest are the most likely to be heavy haters.

        • amrak63

          To quote Tweety, “Oooooh, what a hypocwite!”

          Which, of course, is SOP for the wingnuts.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          And the weird part is that the only person even peripherally involved with this conversation who it’s arguably relevant to discuss is Trump, who has a long history of shaming women who weigh less than his current left leg.

      • amrak63

        I have a noticeable spare tire, but I’m not fat elsewhere.

        Yeah, I could still afford to lose weight, and I need to cut back or give up soda pops, and yadda yadda yadda, but I’m single and childless and always will be, and I’m going to a better world after I die, so as long as I live long enough to see Mom off to that better world first, SFW?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Well, since the important thing seems to be that as a fat chick, some rando on a board won’t want to fuck my braindead body, and I’m OK with that, no harm no foul.

          • amrak63

            IK,R? Being unattractive to those creeps is a bonus.

        • puredog

          I’ll see your soda pops and raise you some beer and vodka.

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, I’m definitely fat. I’m reasonably sure it doesn’t affect my ability to construct a cogent argument. Can’t blame it for my typos, even, as my fingers are no bulkier than they were years ago.

      • Candy Matson

        I, on the other hand, blame ALL my typos on my lil chubby fingers.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I blame mine on my nails.

          • Candy Matson

            Do you have fancy long nails? I like them on other people but I keep mine short.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Medium-to-blunt, but painted. I love long nails but with my hobbies they don’t last.

          • amrak63

            I blame mine on evil spirits.

            As in, I drink too much evil spirits beefour I tiipe.

            DISCLAIMER: Actually, I touch not the booze, but the joke was too good to pass up.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Well Played, Sir. :D

        • theCryptofishist

          The fingers you are dialing with are too fat. To order a special dialing wand, mash the key pad with your hand.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          I blame mine on trying to type on this wee Apple keyboard with hooves.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Hail to thee, fat person! You kept us out of war!” – Alan Sherman

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5eSba-dLh8

    • Candy Matson

      This is America, we’re ALL fat except on teevee.

      • shastakoala

        I blame my fat on baby weight. Ok my kid’s 15 but it took me 9 months to gain it.

        • Candy Matson

          Well then I blame all my fat on sympathy-for-your-pregnancy. Win-win!

        • Cat Cafe

          When my kid was a baby, I *humorously* bemoaned to the pharmacist that I needed to lose weight and he said “now, now, you’ll lose the baby weight quickly.” My son is adopted.

          • shastakoala

            You are wonderful!

    • theCryptofishist

      Perhaps he thinks that Dok is one of those people who advocates for more good fats in the american diet.

  • Jack Takes A Knee

    “We don’t believe that bans have ever worked on anything,” Chris Cox said on “Fox News Sunday.”–

    So, Chris is trying to say that he supports abortion up to, and including, the hour before birth, contraception for all, drug legalization, etc.? Yeah, I thought not. Asshole!

    • TundraGrifter

      I think that depends on what one means by “worked.” Eliminated? Nope. “Reduced?” Yep.

      • Jack Takes A Knee

        Basically, it boils down to “regulations don’t work because they hurt our sales.”

        • TundraGrifter

          Why is this “argument” only used for common sense firearms legislation? Why do we have laws against anything?

          Somalia must be paradise for these mouth-breathing Regressives. No pesky strong central government, religion is the backbone of what precious little government there is, and everybody gets to own an AK.

          • amrak63

            Nah, Somalia is too full of Those N-People. Also, they follow the “wrong” religion.

            But I’m guessing TG knew those things already.

          • Jack Takes A Knee

            I have no clue! It’s always the ‘law and order’ types who want stiffer penalties for everything else on the face of Crom’s green Earth that make this stupid argument. It makes no sense. Of course, what does any more?

    • ContextIsKey

      Would that include Muslim bans and Messican bans?

  • Mavenmaven

    Here, let’s make it easier. A semi-automatic fitted out with a bump stock, particularly the spring recoil type, is essentially an Uzi (take apart an Uzi and you’ll see).So the terminology doesn’t matter, these are killing machines meant for the battlefield.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      You are right, they are, in function, assault weapons.

  • doktorzoom

    Looks like I have a head start on next week’s ShitFerBrains:

    Message I got after banhammering a gentleman who was spouting racist shit on a year-old thread:

    Subject: Nigger Lover

    James D Miller [Probably not one of the Jim Millers YOU know — Dok]
    10:10 AM (2 hours ago)
    to me

    Fuck You, Nigger Lover. Hope your family is ass-raped by twelve of them

    • Daniel

      He seems nice.

    • Shibusa

      Good lord. I feel ick on me just from reading that. James D Miller needs to be on meds, and kept far away from all firearms.

      • Cat Cafe

        In any sane universe, he would be instantly banned from using the internet. And shamed and exposed.

    • Candy Matson

      Jesus. What the fuck?

    • amrak63

      Go away, Mr. Miller, unless you wish to face the Osakalek.

      https://i.imgur.com/H7EmuAO.jpg

    • Atheist

      What an evil bastard :(

    • Odd Jørgensen

      He. Seems. Nice…?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Roger Stone’s marital role play has had a truly unfortunate effect on the wingnut psyche.

    • Jesse

      That’s a mighty specific number… if one is ‘ass-raped by twelve of them’ is there some sort of special prize given out?

    • SeeTrain65

      Another hopeless romantic.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Obviously, if only everyone would adopt Approved Firearms Enthusiast Terminology, then they would also stop thinking there’s a problem with people having easy access to the goddamned things, and everyone would agree with Gunsplanation Man that firearm ownership is a God-given right.”

    Dammit, now I have no comment to make. Which is good as I have TONS of stuff to do today.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I guess I do:
      “They need to be educated that no matter how wicked-looking such rifles might be, there’s really no point in paying big bucks for firearms that have that neato paramilitary mystique.”

      So all these gun nuts are paying big bucks to haul around what are essentially toy replicas, that can still cause lotso death?

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Mmm, pretty much. Though I will note that ACTUAL toy guns are made of a better grade of plastic.

    • puredog

      “ownership and random murderous use.”

  • major_asshole

    It used to be I’d be a bit nitpicky with the use of “silencer” versus “suppressor,” but fuck it–“silencer” is now the commonly-accepted term, so use it.

    But it’s ironic that KenNTFM (I’m assuming “TFM” stood for “the fucking man” and edited it to be more truthful) is so condescending and angry about the use of terminology…and he gets it wrong himself.

    A machine gun is an M2, a SAW (squad automatic weapon), or the MG42. Or even a Maxim, if you’re a classicist! What is NOT a machine gun is an M16A2, an AK-47, a Steyr AUG, or a shotgun. Those are, excepting the shotgun, assault rifles. And an AR-15 IS an assault rifle, particularly if it is modified to shoot in fully automatic.

    • cleos_mom

      I heard a caller on Sirius’ “Progressive” radio station almost have a toddler-tantrum meltdown over the term “silencer”.

      Half a hundred gunned down at a concert — meh. What was vitally important was the it’s called a SUPPRESSOR, DAMMIT.

      I’m sure the fact that Hillary Clinton had used the word “silencer” in a recent tweet had nothing to do with. Nopers, nothin to see here.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        To further gunsplain to the “suppressor” vs. “silencer” gun humpers: yes, a “suppressor” does indeed suppress the sound of a gunshot significantly, and had Paddock used them the sound of his shots, from 32 stories up, would likely have not been audible at ground level, meaning it would have taken police far longer to locate his position, and given him the opportunity to up the body count to far more monstrous numbers. So please go fuck yourselves. With a cactus.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          This one.

  • Shibusa

    Whenever the Ammosexuals start spouting their nonsense talking points, I think of the former Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger, saying that the Second Amendment “has been the subject of one of the greatest pieces of fraud, I repeat the word ‘fraud,’ on the American public by special interest groups that I have ever seen in my lifetime.”

    • amrak63

      Burger, who was appointed by Nixon, was considered quite a conservative judge in his day.

      Nowadays, the GOP base would call him a flaming liberal cuck faggot N-lover.

      • puredog

        Word. And the repositioning of Renchvick will be next.

    • Cat Cafe

      And he was referring very specifically to Scalia’s 2008 ridiculous ruling, where he literally mis-defined the meaning of the 2nd Amendment and essentially enabled all the endless murders and deaths we’ve had since then. NIXON’s appointee thought this. It’s utterly appalling.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Still want to piss on his grave, maybe we could have a Wonkette outing and take turns?

  • DesertedPictures

    So all those murders in schools and nightclubs and Vegas where committed with ‘not-assault-weapens’? Because the perps couldn’t get their hands on the real stuff? You might actually conclude that strong rules for actual assault weapens work…

    Time to expand them!

  • Electriq

    Jacob’s friends at the graduate classics program seem like mean girls. They also seem to be imaginary allies.

    It makes me wonder if in his daydream he interrupted a lecture on classics at Shmart and Kewl University to complain about Wonkette’s existence, or did he bring up the subject at one of their supercool & supersmart sleepover-bitchfest combos.

    If it’s the former, he should have tossed in a snickering professor. If the latter, I’m betting he got superlayed afterwards.

  • Notreelyhelping

    I knew a guy who owned a fully automatic weapon. It was a WWII-vintage M3 submachine gun handed down from his father. The guy hung it up over the fireplace in his den. It always felt a little weird, sitting on the couch and trying not to be distracted by this lethal (though inaccurate) piece of machinery, while weirdly attracted to it at them same time, having seen it in movies and documentaries.

    But, shit, he was a dope dealer. I figure he needed it for his work.

    • puredog

      For a fully automatic wielded by a dope dealer, the ammo is fully deductible as a business expense, seems ta me. But IANAL. (Actually, I AM an L, but you know.)

    • David Hollenshead

      Actually the smart criminals use pump shotguns for home turf defense..

  • JDM

    If the guy doesn’t understand that a semiauto with a large (and quickly and easily changed) magazine gives you superior firepower he is not as well informed as he thinks he is.

    • willi0000000

      both Dunning and Kruger want to speak to that guy.

  • theCryptofishist

    *sigh* I’m not up to reading 582 non-existent comments (why so many?) to see if there are any Mary Beard jokes…

  • shart of turin

    I suppose ‘boom-stick’ would really piss him off then. Boom-sticks that fire many missiles into innocent people are bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a C-3PO boom-stick or an Eleventy-6-delta boom-stick with an automatic transmission and fender skirts, they’re all bad.

  • m3bosha

    It’s almost like the very same people who have a hissy when a their gun terminology is “misused” can’t discern the difference between weather and climate. Also see the same dudes who can’t wrap their heads around why allowing women access to birth control *might* (results may vary) give them more access to gettin’ some.

  • andyshelt

    NRA executive director: “We don’t believe that bans have ever worked on anything,” Chris Cox said on “Fox News Sunday.”

    On that basis, I look forward to the new NRA campaign to scrap all existing drug laws.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nras-chris-cox-we-dont-believe-bans-ever-worked-on-anything_us_59da38a3e4b072637c44a995?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Cat Cafe

      And anti-abortion laws

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Drug laws are probably a bad example. What about DDT?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Stop signs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Tell Australia this, NRA.

  • JD Mulvey
  • Molon Labe

    “Also, why is he only griping about Rebecca and me? Not a word of abuse for Evan? ”

    Because, Jacob IS EVAN!

    Duh…..

    Next time “Jacob” emails you he will probably dedicate a few lines to gush about how hansom Evan is.

  • ContextIsKey

    In a blink-and-you-missed-it moment, a few nazis led by the fearless Richard Spencer, snuck into Charlottesville last night for about 10 minutes, took a few pictures of themselves with their tiki torches, tossed up a few sieg heils, and disappeared again into the sewers. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/08/us/richard-spencer-charlottesville.html

    Spencer is scheduled to speak at the Univ of Florida in Gainesville in Oct. 19. If he thinks he’s going to get a warm welcome there, he’s deluded. Or maybe he deliberately chose a place that will respond like Berkeley or Durham. It will be a shitshow. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2017/10/05/richard-spencer-gets-ok-to-speak-at-the-university-of-florida-his-first-campus-event-since-u-va/?utm_term=.3e6ad4f1a09d

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Actually, I hope that they ignore him. No protests, no nothing. Just full on rejection. It’s not like he has any real power. He can’t make laws, like a legislator or a mayor. He can’t direct legal troops, like a sheriff or a police chief. He has the power we give him.

      • ContextIsKey

        It’s not the actual speech that will cause a problem. It’s the idea of his followers wearing their nazi armbands and putting on a torch rally on the campus. Nope, ain’t gonna happen in Gainesville.

      • I do not think you can just ignore nazis.
        See also: Germany, 1930

        • TundraGrifter

          Just don’t give them a major role in the government.

    • William
    • I keep sayin, when these assclowns show up, show up to protest but turn your backs on them and sing or chant or whatever instead. No violence erupting, no media.

      • willi0000000

        works out fine . . . unless the cops dress for a riot.

      • JAKvirginia

        How about showing up in full Hawaiian drag: grass skirts, leis, etc. Have people make that music sound by playing their noses. Well, they started it with those damn tiki torches!

    • Jesse

      Someone in Gainesville want to put up some flyers?

      ONE NIGHT ONLY:

      RICHARD SPENCER AND THE CITRONELLA SNOWFLAKES

      Catch them before they melt away!

    • SeeTrain65

      “Oh! By the way, I forgot to mention, when you were out there, there was this enormous ghostly creature coming here saying, ‘Beware! for, tonight, you shall receive a strange and terrible visitation!’ I just thought I’d mention it. It come through the wall, it said its piece, and then it sodded off.” – Tony Robinson, Blackadder’s Christmas Carol

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    I would like to take this opportunity to gunsplain to Ken TFM. Hey Ken, since a bumpstock, like the ones used by Paddock, can produce an automatic rate of fire from a semiautomatic rifle, and can be set to semi or full automatic, it does indeed transform that weapon into an assault rifle for all practical purposes, and fuck you very much.

    • Lefty Wright

      Even without a bump stock, you can easily fire 60 or more rounds a minute from a semi automatic weapon. The main limitation being reloading a new clip (a trigger word for gun humpers) and finger fatigue.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        So true, but the magic — if that is the word — of the bump stock is that trigger finger fatigue is eliminated.

  • Carole

    Who’s Jacob’s Canadian girlfriend? Might it be Andrea “Judgy Bitch” Hardie? .

  • theCryptofishist

    Obviously, based on slow rate of posting on this thread, Corker thread is (for all practical purposes, I’m unsure of whether it is official) Open Thread

  • CATMAN

    OK, guys, let’s use “suppressor’ in its proper meaning–to wit: a suppressor of voting rights, a suppressor of dissent, a suppressor of minority rights, a suppressor of abortion and contraception,…. Sounds like the Republican Party

    • willi0000000

      i was feeling suppressed . . . until i remembered i am white and male.

    • RNegron

      Look, Look… I’m being repressed!

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that many people who complain about political correctness are the same folks who get apoplectic when you use improper etiquette to describe guns.

    • RMKH

      Ya think?

    • Carole

      Confirmed, based on availability heuristic (family members).

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Yeah. I’m pretty sure that Venn diagram is a single circle.

    • puredog

      “Emily Post liked to pack heat. Not many people know that.”

    • phoenix00

      Don’t wish them Happy Holidays now.

  • William
    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      OHHHH! So that’s what that “well regulated militia” part is all about!

      • William

        Cuz in case we needs to overthrow the guv-mint.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oh, they don’t want to be a part of that.

      THAT would mean waking up early and doing physical fitness stuff and having to follow a bunch of safety rules and regulations that they don’t want to follow. They prefer to just spend their weekends dressing up and waving their butch weapons around while playing armies in the woods with their friends because even gun-humpers know that the military practices some pretty strict gun control rules.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Or as my niece told her father when the US Naval Academy offered her a basketball scholarship, “You know, Dad, I COULD do all that stuff they’d make me do. I just don’t want to. Ever.”

    • JAKvirginia

      Tres fabulous!!!!

  • HazooToo

    I just came up with a great idea, a way to never have to talk about gun terminology again! Get rid of ALL of the guns! Just ALL of them. No more nitpicking over assault rifles or semi-automatic rifles, they’re BOTH fucking gone. See? So much better.

  • orestes

    Does that anus burger come with tossed salad?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Just how do you think you GET and anus burger? Although, I’m still trying to figure out what the difference is between a “tossed salad” and a “rim job”.

      • orestes

        A hole between two buns, cake buns?

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Sunrise Hospital ESTIMATES (they lost count there were so many!) they treated at least 120 gunshot wounds. You can call it a floor wax or a dessert topping. It’s still a weapon of mass murder.

    • Jukesgrrl

      And Sunrise isn’t the trauma center!

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    KenTFM will be dining out for weeks amongst his mall ninja buddies on this story.

  • Viktor

    A gun is a gun, regardless of how many bullets it can shoot per sec. Bullets are deadly projectiles. Innocent people are killed more often than criminals. Hence guns are good and liberals bad?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    If you guys want to publish a comic called “Dr. Fat and Rebecca Skankopf”, I’d buy it.

    Especially if it featured aspartame-addicted femi-beasts.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Dammit, the word isn’t “femi-beasts.” It is “gyno-fauna.”

      • Candy Matson

        There’s a cream for that

        • The-Timbuktutu

          Ha!

    • puredog

      It would have to be graphically explicit, a la Zap or the little checkered demon.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Today we are all aspartame-addicted femi-beasts.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Unless you study nuclear physics in which case you are an aspartame-addicted fermi-beast :)

  • I’ve said this before, but back in my military days, we an AR-15 for sale at a gun shop. Over drinks, a bunch of us tried to figure out what the hell anyone would want it for – and it was easily twice the price of any other one in the shop – and all the uses we came up with amounted to “using a screwdriver as a chisel.” Yes, it can be done, but it isn’t the best tool for the job. Aside from the cost of the rifle, the cost of the ammunition is fairly high. So that 20 round magazine’s worth is going to cost you quite a bit.

    Over the years since then, just about every gun nut I’ve heard trying to explain why they should have them, if they don’t already, amounts to telling me that a screwdriver really is a chisel.

    • David Hollenshead

      Agreed, as a bolt action rifle is better for hunting, and a good hunter only needs to carry a few bullets. However in places when the wildlife hunts you, a pump shotgun, or a semi-auto rifle with a dozen bullets is a better choice.
      Which raises the question about most people who own AR-15s, as they don’t hunt, and they don’t travel in the back country.

      • And to be honest, in those areas you don’t want the caliber (and full metal jacket) of those weapons. You want something that’s going to put them down fast, which means a larger caliber and a soft point.

        That’s leaving aside the little problem that a great many states don’t allow you to use them to hunt game in the first place.

  • David Hollenshead

    The term “Assault Rifle” can be used for any rifle designed for a Tactical Assault.
    The issue of semi-automatic v. automatic is bogus, as anyone who was trained as infantry could tell you, as they are trained to use their M-16 in single fire mode, unless suppressing fire is needed or a vehicle is the target. Otherwise using full auto, or three round bursts are a waste of ammo.
    An assault rifle needs the hand grips so that if can be fired as a rifle or like a pistol, so that it is effective while the user is stationary or running. You can’t run and fire a rifle without a hand grip forward of the trigger.
    So the difference between an AR-15 and M-16 is negligible, except that you can use the stock on a M-16 to smash a door open, which would ruin an AR-15. However eliminating large magazines and bump fire kits will make the AR-15 less attractive to spree shooters.

    • (((Aron)))

      I’ve tried fire and maneuver with an English-stocked rifle: it ain’t fun.

  • NotALiar

    Dr. Fat!!!!! Lolololol I don’t know why that’s so funny. But it’s also RUDE

  • Poly_Ester

    When will an original intenter realize that to the Founding Fathers, a firearm was a flintlock rifle, not a semi-automatic military style weapon?

    • Johnnymoreno

      The Swiss have a “well regulated militia.” The U.S. has a gun fetish.

    • mary5920

      Don’t youse know how to describe gunz properly? IT’s not a military style weapon; it’s a FREEDUMB stick for DEFE#NDING Your home against the blahs.

    • JoeChristmas

      What part of “600 shot in less than 9 minutes” don’t you understand?

    • (((Aron)))

      As someone who owns more fully-automatic firearms then one might consider useful (inherited them from my grandfather, and just didn’t feel like selling them, despite the fact that I could probably make close to a million dollars), I can assure you that getting a voter registration is much easier than passing a Title II background check. (The guns were held up in probate-hell until my transfer went through. Took years. Now they live in a really expensive vault. But I do play with them from time to time: I compete in submachine-gun competitions. And they are lots of fun.)

      A lot harder than buying a semi-auto rifle, though. And that troubles me like you wouldn’t believe. I would much rather be able to vote than to own a gun. Or many guns.

      Signed, just another liberal who doesn’t own guns.

    • JAKvirginia

      When they realize the New Testament doesn’t justify the Old. Don’t hold your breath….

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Founders did indeed have “military style” weapons in mind. But, like the onions on their belts, it was the style of the times.

      • Poly_Ester

        Calling out the “Well Regulated” Militia when needed was also a cheap way to provide for the common defense.

  • Querolous

    I thought Dr. FAT was replaced by Dr. NTFS.

    • (((Aron)))

      Dr. HFS-Plus!

      Or Dr. APFS, though I haven’t switched over yet.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Went on a diet and became Dr. ExFAT?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I think he was dramatically portrayed on ext4 by Paul ReiserFS.

  • JoeChristmas

    Back in the early tens, we had a commenter who was a gun nut, but a regular here. I’m blanking his name and he was always in the sights of Ken’s banhammer. Get it? (blanking, sights). I kind of miss him. Anybody recall?

    • (((Aron)))

      There’s a whole troupe of retiree guntards whose hobby consists of finding every pro-gun-control article they can and spamming the hell out of the comment board.

      Deovindice, Cargosquid, Leatherhead (I think is his name), and a few others.

      • JoeChristmas

        No, he wasn’t a spammer or completely brainwashed. You could interact with him, and he even had a Wonkette sense of humor. Even though he was always toeing the line.

        • (((Aron)))

          Spam wasn’t perhaps the right word. They just brigade like crazy. And threaten and bully you into submission.

          They were amongst the very first people I blocked on Disqus after the functionality went live. Made commenting a living hell for me.

    • doktorzoom

      That would be Neilist (it’s a pun, get it?). He went completely off the rails after the Tucson shootings that injured Gabby Giffords, mocking all the people who got so upset just because a nine-year-old girl was killed along with 5 others, as if her life mattered or something. It was a pretty spectacular flameout.

      • (((Aron)))

        Gott im Himmel.

      • Jukesgrrl

        I remember Neilist. I think I was one of the people he was mocking. I live smack in between where the shooter lived with his parents and the parking lot where the shooting occurred and I was pretty damned upset that week.

      • JoeChristmas

        yeah, thanks Dok, the name *shot into my head* a few hours later. If he was the one who was trying to bridge the gap in this ongoing national nightmare we call the 2nd Amendment, we have got a long way to go. And further, his premonition of the Nice attack was a little scary.

  • JoeChristmas

    My sarcastic joke all week has been: If only those 22,000 concert goers were armed.

    My point has been: The terrorists at the NRA are largely responsible for the bloody tragedy in Vegas.

    • (((Aron)))

      The usual response for a sniper in a nest is lots of high explosive.

      They would have had to be pretty heavily armed.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        That would likely have resulted in the kind of hotel room damage that Joe Walsh and Keith Moon could only dream of doing.

        • (((Aron)))

          I know Moon always wanted to flush an 82mm mortar shell down a hotel toilet…

          • Jukesgrrl

            You mean he didn’t?

          • (((Aron)))

            I think the biggest he ever flushed was 45mm.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Have the accountants pay for it all.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        Fire for effect.

        • (((Aron)))

          Bingo.

    • Bad Tom

      Some of people at the concert actually WERE armed. Some of them were on duty, armed, policemen.

      Didn’t matter. Machine gun fire from a sniper’s nest. Pinned ’em down.

      What helped was their radio reports of an active shooter. That activated the SWAT teams that eventually got the bastard.

  • JoeChristmas

    One more thing. I have a co-worker who grew up in Siberia. I have always been fascinated by her 5th grade class where they were taught to take apart and re-assemble an AK-47 — the true weapon of mass destruction. They can easily be manufactured for less than $100. And any 5th grader can pull the trigger. Just like our Constitution intended or something.

    • (((Aron)))

      The AK is many, many things, but thankfully it isn’t a WMD. Not QUITE that destructive.

    • TundraGrifter

      The AK can take months under water and function just fine. Just be sure there’s no mud in the barrel.

  • Mark Dobrowolski

    Okay, let’s go strict constitutionalist on the gun debate. No auto and semi auto weapons, no bolt and lever actions, no revolvers. Only flintlocks, long guns and pistols, single shot only. This is your 2nd amendment.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Also no smokeless powder. Make your own damn cartridges, and be damned!

    • Bad Tom

      Muzzleloading is a fine art!
      Also fairly lengthy.

      • SeeTrain65

        Can’t remember which comedian did it, but someone did a bit that theorized if we only had flintlocks, powder, shot and wadding, so many of these killings would never ever happen. We’d either calm down in the time it takes to load the thing or be too tired to kill anyone.

        • (((Aron)))

          Just beat them to death with the buttstock!

        • Bad Tom

          Or the police would get ’em.

    • MCLepus

      Muzzle Tov?

  • David Pseudonym

    A dictionary is always helpful with semantics; a definitive authority, one might say.

    Merriam-Webster says that an Assault Rifle is, “any of various intermediate-range, magazine-fed military rifles (such as the AK-47) that can be set for automatic or semiautomatic fire;

    also

    :a rifle that resembles a military assault rifle but is designed to allow only semiautomatic fire.”

    The Free Dictionary concurs, stating that an Assault Rifle is….

    1. A rifle that has a detachable magazine and is capable of both automatic and semiautomatic fire, designed for individual use in combat.
    2. An assault weapon having a rifled bore and a shoulder stock.

    Heh. That particular right-wing talking point is all the fashion, currently, so thought I’d share the best Irritating Rebuttal I’ve found.

    • SeeTrain65

      “DICTIONARIES HAVE THEIR OWN GUN CONTROL AGENDA!” ; )

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Merriam-Webster has a known liberal bias.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Well, they have been trolling the fuck out of His Orangeness.

          • (((Aron)))

            Masterfully, I might add!

      • David Pseudonym

        ::SNERK:: Heheheheheheh

  • Have you ever read the National Firearms Act? Do you have any clue at all what an assault rifle really is?

    No, why? Was there something in the news recently?
    https://i.imgflip.com/1×9647.jpg

    idiot surplus

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I blame the Enclosure Acts.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I’m pretty sure that if most of us tried to describe how a nuclear bomb works, we’d get a lot of the facts and a lot of the terminology wrong. Yet we have a pretty clear idea about what a nuclear bomb can do, and some pretty strong opinions about who should have them, and even whether or not they should exist.
    I don’t care if “clip” or “magazine” is the correct term. I don’t care if “military-style” or “assault” or “semi-automatic” is the correct adjective. Certain weapons that can spray crowds of human beings with hundreds of rounds per minute should be off limits.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And the NRA would be trying to mandate nuke ownership. Self-defense, friends, if your neighbor owns one.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Occasionally, a tactical nuke would have been helpful in dealing with my HOA. With votes, of course.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The Constitution says “arms”, not “guns”. Strict constructionists have to agree it means we’re entitled to personal battle tanks, fighter jets and Hellfire missiles… the only alternative is to admit that the right to bear arms is contingent on the type of “arms” one seeks to carry.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The Constitution says “arms”, not “guns”. Strict constructionists have to agree it means we’re entitled to personal battle tanks, fighter jets and Hellfire missiles.
          The only alternative is to admit that the right to bear arms is contingent on the type of “arms” one wishes to bear… and that’s a very slippery ♦︎♦︎ slope that the NRAssholes don’t want to venture onto. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ae2823e739b45c42de6ff3515a13febbe14049322a2c0850a0df2c3499500e5.jpg .

          • Maybe

            It also refers to a “well regulated Militia.”

            Does that sound like any gun addict group or individual you’re ever heard spout off?

          • (((Aron)))

            The agony of defeat!

          • Jukesgrrl

            I thought of that right before I saw your post. The original use on Wide World of Sports was showing a skier when that line was intoned. Unforgettable.

        • (((Aron)))

          Even nuking the HOA from orbit isn’t enough to be sure.

          • Teto85

            You are right. You gotta kill those things (HOAs) with fire.

          • (((Aron)))

            Fire won’t do it. Maybe kudzu.

          • Teto85

            No. No kudzu. My state is free of it and I don’t want any. It’s bad enough with the ornamental cannabis.

          • (((Aron)))

            I figure since both of them are utterly invincible, they would cancel each other out!

      • (((Aron)))

        I have met far too many Second Amendment absolutists who actually advocate that.

        I own weapons regulated by the National Firearms Act of 1934. I have the wherewithal to acquire more.

        I do not wish to have access to every weapon at the military’s disposal.

        • Teto85

          I’ll just take an A-10.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If Lil’ Kim nukes an American city, I hope nobody politicizes the tragedy, or talks too soon about trying to limit access to atomic bombs.

    • Teto85

      They kill you dead. Nuclear bombs kill you dead.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    Ex military here. The AR15 is an assault rifle. Period, end of story. I don’t care about what mumbo jumbo the blah blah blah has to say about yadda yadda. An assault rifle has one purpose and one purpose only. To put 5.56mm holes in the human body at 3400 odd feet per second. It’s not used for hunting, period. You’d be a fucking MORON to take one of those hunting. Thus, it is an ASSAULT RIFLE. Designed to ASSAULT people. With your ASSAULTY fingers and your ASSAULTY eyes and your ASSAULTY brain.

    And don’t give that crap about it being used for “personal defense”. An AR15 is a SHITTY way to defend yourself. If you’re so fucking scared that you need a fucking AR15 as a personal defense weapon, either you need to move far, far away from other humans or you need your brain looked at by professional brain looker at-ers.

    I was a (Canadian) Army person for 10 years. Seven of those years I shot a near perfect score on the range and was qualified to wear my Marksman Level 1 badge on my DEU’s. Only a few of us in my unit had a Level 1 badge and I consistently earned one. We used the modified Canadian C7 rifle, indistinguishable from the M16A2 platform but for the fact that we had full auto rather than 3 round burst. And do you know what we were trained to do on the range? NEVER to use full-auto. We ALWAYS used semi-auto. Because we were trained to fight in a WAR. Against OTHER silly buggers shooting at US. Using single, aimed shots with our ASSAULT RIFLE. Made for ASSAULTING PEOPLE.

    So fuck ANYONE who says an AR15 is not an assault rifle. They’re merely splitting hairs in order to further muddy the already muddy issue because they KNOW what an AR15 was designed for. It’s designed for ASSAULTING people. And for assaulting fixed positions, which is why it has a bayonet lug. Now why would a civilian semi-auto rifle have a bayonet lug? Because it’s an ASSAULT RIFLE. Made for ASSAULT.

    Thus endeth the rant.

    • (((Aron)))

      Unless you’re hunting varmints, I totally agree with you.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        I’d rather use a shotgun in that case.

        • (((Aron)))

          Most varminting is done at long range with small, fast projectiles. .223 is perfect for that task.

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            Hmm. I suppose it would be in that case.

          • (((Aron)))

            Yeah, the hunters aren’t looking to preserve meat or hide, so all they care about is flat trajectory and terminal dynamics.

            Also, there are usually a whole bunch of them. (Think gophers). So a large capacity and low recoil is handy.

            But beyond that, a terrible hunting rifle.

          • Beezelbubbles

            I used to bull’s-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home.

          • (((Aron)))

            They’re not much bigger than two meters!

          • Bill Diaz

            Bullshit, only a moron would use a .223 for varmints. Anything over a .410 or a .22 for varmints is a danger to yourself and anyone within ~250 m.

            Have a great day!

          • (((Aron)))

            Going to have to respectfully disagree, as there are many, many different sizes of varmints out there.

            Also, why the hostility, Bill? We’ve been friendly for years.

        • Teto85

          We just let the cats out. No squirrels or Yorkies in our backyard.

    • phoenix00

      Fellow Canuck speaking: Thanks for serving.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        No worries! Admittedly it was an awesome experience. Thankfully it was before 9/11 so I never had to see combat. We were all about keeping the peace in those days.

        • laineypc

          I had me a Canadian boyfriend in the reserves. Canadians love the peace and all that, but this guy was in the reserves because he loved to make love to the guns.

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            Well at least he wore the uniform, I’ll give him that. That’s more that than can be said by 99% of the ammosexuals in America.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Thank you. 22 years combined in the American Army and USAF and retired from active duty which of course means 22 years of qualifying and getting to know what an assault rifle is.

      Those civilian AR-15 styled weapons are assault rifles and in fact, even we referred to them as weapons.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        Exactly. This whole “only a full auto can be called an assault rifle” is utter BULLSHIT. Even an old bolt-action Lee Enfield or M1 is still an assault rifle. If it’s designed for combat, it’s an assault rifle. Period.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Yup. I still remember some gun nuts here in ‘Murica making fun of Joe Biden a few back for daring to say something that’s been basic common sense for decades now – if you really want a gun for self defense, buy a shotgun.

          Because if you live in a wooden house and miss, you’re at least not running the risk of taking out your daughter three rooms down the hall.

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            Because what idiot is going to stick around when they hear that unmistakable sound of a shotgun racking? I bet you 99.9% of the time you don’t even need to chamber a shell.

          • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

            The legendary Jimmy Dean of ground up pork colon fame once was confronted with some meth-head banging on his door, demanding to use his phone because he had a “flat”(Yah, sure you do, buddy). He racked his shotgun, chambered, opened the door and said. “Keep moving”. Jimmy Dean went on to live to a great age and died of natural causes, surrounded by family and friends.

          • Teto85

            And pork products!!! Huzzah for Jimmy Dean!!

    • harryeagar

      Also too, the Browning M2 .50 caliber machine gun can be fired single-shot as a sniper rifle, which is how I was trained to use it. But it is mos’ def an assault weapon.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        And yup, they also sell .50 cal sniper rifles to civilians. Because nothing says “home defense” like a .50 cal sniper rifle.

        Oh, and I just learned yesterday that a civilian single-shot version of the M249 Light Machine Gun is now available. Because OF COURSE it is.

        This country is fucking insane.

      • Bill Diaz

        No it isnt and doesnt. I am not sure wtf you are talking about, but the M-2 has NEVER been used as a ‘sniper weapon’, even though now there are long rifles chambered for the .50 round.

        We learned to fire single shot and short burst because of ammo shortages during training, not as a ‘sniper’ weapon. We have schools for that purpose and specific weapons. The M-21 was what I carried, which is an M-14 with a 4x scope and a cheek-piece, married with ‘match’ rounds for predictable ballistics. I would laugh my ass off watching some idiot trying to get within the minute of an angle over the open sights of an M-2, lol

        2/505 PIR, H-Minus
        Have a great day!

        • harryeagar

          The M2 was used as a sniper rifle in Korea.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Thank you. Excellent insight.

    • Scrofula

      Thank you. Please also share the impracticality of using one in your house “for defense”, with your children potentially on the other side of the walls in your narrow hallways. When you get a chance.

    • 3400-odd fps? Bloody hell, I’d always heard 1200 fps.

    • Bill Diaz

      If you have a rifle capable of accepting 20-30 round detachable magazines and a 600 rpm rate of fire, that is an assault rifle. I was a professional killer for the US and it is pretty easy to tell a battle rifle from one designed for hunting or target practice.

      The people who buy that crap are looking for a penis prosthesis, not a firearm.

      Have a great day!

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      I love a man in a uniform..

  • Last Hussar

    All machine guns are automatic weapons. Not all automatic weapons are machine guns.
    A machine gun is commonly used to refer to a gun designed in a sustained fire role. A military use AK47 isn’t a machine gun, despite being fully auto.

    You’d think the gun humpers would get their corrections correct.

    • Scrofula

      Yes, I always had the impression a machine gun was the sort of thing too heavy to really sling over your shoulder, if it wasn’t mounted to something already. But I’m a stupid libtard and haven’t read that thing.

  • Yellerduck

    Tell you what, KenTFM, you and I can go out to a range. I’ll take an AR with a thirty round magazine, you can have a bolt action of your choice. We each set up 20 milk jugs full of water. The first one through the milk jugs gets to kick the other guy in the balls. Deal?

    • Bill Diaz

      The AR-15/M-16 is the worst piece of crap I ever had to handle during my time in the infantry and using one for ‘marksmanship’ purposes say you dont know a damn thing about firearms.

      Even the old AK-47s are more reliable, more accurate and has more penetration power than the worthless Colt weapon that was a well known disaster upon its introduction and has grown no better in the following 50 years.

      The AR-15 is for men with small penises who want to play ‘soldier’, not for anyone who is seruious about firearms.

      Have a great day!

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “KenTFM” was there in a jiffy (and a snit, and also no doubt in a camo outfit) to call foul.

    Wait. I thought Ken was an extremely hirsute, fish-belly white guy in a black Speedo, posing with a come-hither look on his bed, with his electric guitar and guns.

    • laineypc

      Thank you thank you for sparing our eyes.

    • KenTFM

      Whatever happens in your fevered brain, and ignoring your homo-erotic fantasies, I am a 5″6″ African American, quite trim and happily married to ONE woman for 26 years. While I do own four guns, the guitar thing is a non starter. I play trombone…huge fan of Jack Teagarden.

      Now go the fuck away, you ignorant bitch.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    KenTFM — Ken The Fucking Moron.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    Dr. Fat and all the aspartame-addicted femi-beasts at Wonkette really are quite the menagerie! :)

    Republicans hate the fact that no woman will fuck them.

  • KenTFM

    What an amazingly petty, ill informed jackass you are. Seriously, a whole post to puff up your ego…and ignorance? And someone presumably pays you for this shit. Wow!

  • KenTFM

    Here is what separates me from you. I am willing to have this conversation with people who do not share my view. And I will do that respectfully.

    You on the other hand is so married to your dogmatic view and whatever that stupid ass POS you have on your head that you will use your platform, a platform I have donated to for 2 years to try to shame someone with your abject idiocy.

    You failed. I am not ashamed of my post. NOT. ONE. BIT. All you have done is shown everyone what an incredibly dense jerkoff you are.

    We could have had this conversation. Maybe I would have come to your side, maybe you’d have come to mine. Maybe we would have met in the middle and agreed to disagree. That didn’t happen because you decided to do this stupid shit.

    You decided to be a small, insignificant POS. Congratulations!

  • ez

    I believe in this case TFM is an acronym for ‘The Fucking Moron’

  • yeah, I never got that “and the rest thing.” I always hated it.

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