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Once again, our Porcelain President has had his feelings hurt by mean comedians, and is tweeting about it. Only this time, he is demanding “Equal Time” on Late Night shows.

Who ever would have thought that being the president would result in Late Night shows making jokes about you?

It’s so strange that Trump is so very upset about people making jokes about him. What? Is he some kind of snowflake? Are we supposed to worry that he is OFFENDED?

*Applies only to women and minorities.

Probably he doesn’t even like LENNY BRUCE and GEORGE CARLIN! Isn’t it supposed to be hilarious when people are offended? Isn’t that the most funniest thing on earth? I thought that now, with Trump in office, no one’s feelings mattered anymore? Wasn’t that the whole point of electing him? So that people could say offensive things with zero social repercussions?

Equal Time, of course, does not mean that if Stephen Colbert wants to make a joke about you, he then has to follow that up by complimenting your hair and telling you you’re pretty. It actually means that candidates who are running for office must be allowed the option of having the same amount of appearances on a television or radio station. So like, if a television station were to give one candidate an hour of prime time to make their case, they also have to allow their opposing candidate the option of also having an hour of prime time on their station. It does not apply to sitting politicians.

Ironically, what Trump is actually basically referring to is the Fairness Doctrine — famously disposed of by one Ronald Reagan. The end of Fairness Doctrine is really what brought on the rise of right-wing talk radio and people like Rush Limbaugh, which — in turn — led to the rise of one Donald Trump. Were the Fairness Doctrine to be implemented again, it would likely affect right-wing media far more than the “mainstream media” Trump is always lashing out against.

Not that this would apply to jokes, however, unless he wanted to institute a law that he was free to swing by Jimmy Kimmel to say “Sock it to me!” any time he liked.

[Trump Twitter]

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  • Anna Elizabeth

    Upfist for Drew Carry/WLIIA ref.

    And, damn right! *Please* don’t bring back the Fairness Doctrine, Mr. Trump! That would break my Fucking Heart!

    • ariel_gee_398

      As they enter the dwindling stages of their careers, this competition between Coulter and Carlson to see who can more desperately cling to relevance is almost sad.

    • yyyaz

      Would you like some ketchup with your plate of steaming feces, Mr. Carlson?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Did he have a reason? What could it possibly have been? I’m at a loss here, as my Wingnut-to-reality translator got a hole kicked in the side the other day somehow.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        hot takes get attention

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Somebody on Reddit said, and I quote: Everything can be a UFO if you’re stupid enough.

      • Querolous

        I saw a UFO yesterday. It was too far away to tell if it was goose or a duck.

        • gedjcj

          Heck, I just encountered one in my kitchen, it buzzed my ear and zipped out the window. Spooky, huh?

  • TJ Barke

    They’re always anti Trump because you fucking suck. You’re a shitty president, and an awful person, and quite possibly an outright traitor.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Poor at choosing clothing as well.

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        And can’t tie a damned tie to save his life.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          LOL!

          • Jack Wants Gun Control

            You know how much that one bothers me, Anna. I was eight years old when my dad taught me how to tie a double Windsor knot. The man needs to know how to do it like a big boy.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Agreed! Men don’t get a lot of fashion choices, unfortunately. A nice tie, well-tied is a great statement men get to make.

            And Trump fucks it up, Big League.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            He COULD tie it properly, he just thinks that if his tie is super long it makes him look taller and not so fat. He is, of course, wrong about this in much the same way that he is wrong that his hair looks good that way.

          • Ulricii

            You nailed it. As a long-time fattie, I told myself that a longer tie took attention away from the roll of fat around my waist. Deep down I knew it wasn’t true. But it was easier to toss off that lie than to do the hard work of dieting and exercise.

          • Bad Scooter

            combover libelz!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            no shit- I could tie a respectable tie as a child

          • marxalot

            Like many people who went to parochial school, I learned to tie a tie even though I was assigned the uniform with the skirt– because the boys my age were always slightly disheveled, the rest of us learned to fix them. Learning to tie one that was on me was only a little bit of a stretch.

          • Jack Wants Gun Control

            That’s another thing. You mean to tell me this guy doesn’t have someone in his periphery that can tie it for him? It speaks to his lack of character and very thin skin that no one will tell him to his face to fix his damned tie.

            It’s a small thing that paints a much larger picture. The devil’s in the details, after all.

          • marxalot

            No one wants to touch him. He holds his tie together with scotch tape.

          • Seek

            Maybe Don Jr can pay him back for the slap he got in front of his college friends when he wanted to wear a jersey to a baseball game but got gently told to put on a suit.

            I’m not advocating violence or elder abuse but it’s got to be on his mind. If not, let’s put it there.

          • Bmaccnm

            I’m late to this party, but that’s absolutely true. The guy has no one to tell him his suits don’t fit and his tie is wrong. The devil is absolutely in the details. People who have real power- even women like Hillary Clinton and Christine LaGarde- have someone they trust and who cares about them enough to tell them these things. You can bet your bippy that Michelle tells Barack when his tie is crooked, and throws in a kiss while she fixes it.

        • marxalot

          Stands like he was hung from a hook at his cervical vertebra. Accordion arms on all his suits.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Republicans and Trump in particular HATE HATE HATE free speech. For example, as usual, the NRA is blaming free speech for Las Vegas shooting because the guns saw too many violent movies and was left with no capability to know right from wrong.

    • Nockular cavity

      “What will we tell the guns?!?”

  • TundraGrifter

    No surprise to me that the guy elected by Faux News (which other candidate got to literally phone it is?), MSNBC and CNN is now whining about “Equal Time.”

    Bonus: President Trump is a college graduate and he can’t compose a literate Tweet? Good God!

  • Pisto75666

    Equal Time, of course, does not mean that if Stephen Colbert wants to make a joke about you, he then has to follow that up by complimenting your hair and telling you you’re pretty.

    You want that, you go see Jimmy Fallon .

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      Jimmy’ll tussle your hair for a nickle, so I’ve been told.

      • Pisto75666

        See, I’ve heard he does it for free. (Trump wouldn’t have paid the nickle anyway)

        • Jack Wants Gun Control

          Oh, he’ll do anything for free at least once.

          • Pisto75666

            But if it affects his ratings, then the story changes (maybe he’s secretly a Republican after all?)

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’ll do it for the promise of a nickel.

  • Shrieking Harpy Geezerhead

    Now, if Pat Paulsen were president . . .

    • Anna Elizabeth
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “I’ve upped my standards, now up yours”

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Nice! xD

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Paulsen was a treasure

          • Anna Elizabeth

            He was indeed. :) I’m glad I got to see the revived “Smothers Brothers” in the 80s, it helped hone a budding Liberalism that has stayed with me.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I actually did a symphony show with the Smothers Brothers about eight years ago- they’re still pretty damn funny and Tommy could still work the yo-yo

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Holy shit that’s AWE-sum! :D

            Mom bought me a Yo-Yo because I liked Tommy so much. :)

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    Stop being the shittiest man in the world and maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop making jokes about how shitty you are. Fucking nimrod sack of shit!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    To Trump there is nothing worse than being laughed at. For decades he has complained that other countries are laughing at us. “Japan is laughing at us.” “China is laughing at us.” “The Principality of Luxembourg is laughing at us.”

    So when Obama got people laughing at Trump, Trump decided to run for President, indebt himself to Russia for their help, take a flamethrower to American democracy and institutions; and then change U.S. policy to “do the opposite of Obama”. A plan of sheer elegance in its simplicity.

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      BINGO! The WHCD is exactly what led us to where we are. They made fun of him and that bruised his precious little ego. I hope their laughter haunts him to the end of his days.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        It was wonderful watching Obama flay him alive and leave him bleeding. You could see right through Dump’s fake, tight-lipped smile: he was furious.

      • puredog

        I know it’s going to haunt me to the end of MY days.

    • A pedant notes: you mean the GRAND DUCHY of Luxembourg.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I tip my “Literally Anybody Else 2020” cap to you.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Trumplethinskin- world’s biggest fucking snowflake

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Is he going to complain that the baseball playoffs aren’t enough him?

  • Daniel

    Only the second amendment should be free from government interference.

    • therblig

      that IS the only one written by jesus himself.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Blessed are the arms manufacturers.

        • therblig

          from the Sermon on the Mounted Scope

      • Bad Scooter

        i thought Jesus wrote the “no slut pills” amendment, also, too

  • Ωbjectifier

    PJ O’Rourke, Dennis Miller and those redneck guys. What more do you want?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Glad I put my tea down. xD

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m so old I can remember when Dennis Miller was edgy. Now he’s just awful.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Back when he was reading Al Franken’s jokes off the teleprompter?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Yup.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          pretty much

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        I remember when he was funny…

    • BMW

      Even O’Rourke hates Trump.

      • yyyaz

        Only because El Dotardo is too stupid to keep the thievery, lies and fuckery on the down low.

      • marxalot

        Tom Bodette, also, too.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Sounds like somebody needs a safe space and a binky.

  • clairence

    why is “Equal Time” capitalized? Is he trying to get out a secret message that he’s been abducted by aliens? Alex Jones will know for sure….

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    Is “the storm” he’s been teasing just going to be his war against comedy? It’ll make a nice bookend for his already existing war on general fun.

  • Daniel

    He whines and I hear “conservatives aren’t good at comedy”.

    • bubbuhh

      Conservatives think the Three Stooges are witty. They also think Elmer Fudd is the star of Bugs Bunny cartoons.

    • AJ Milne

      Trump translation filed.

      Cf. ‘More and more people are thinking’ = ‘I want people to think this’.

      • Eileen Besse

        “cf” kudos….

    • Bad Scooter

      Yeah, if only Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Fox & Friends, etc. had a sense of humor!

      Wait … didn’t they give Jesse Watters his own show because he’s “funny”?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        That middle school girl who told him to fuck off and flipped off his camera man is way hella funnier than he is.

    • Eileen Besse

      THIS.

  • BloviateMe
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Anti-Trump joke:
    Q: How many Trumps does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: We have lawyers for that.

    Equal time pro-Trump joke:
    Q: How many Trumps does it take to change a light bulb.
    A: We have the greatest lawyers for that.

    • folderol

      And they’re the brightest ever! No light bulbs have been as bright as ours!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • memzilla Ω

    “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” — Mark Twain

    • PubOption

      I’m trying. – Jeff Sessions.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    “More and more people are saying” –
    NO. JUST NO. They fucking well are not. YOU are saying this. Only you. Because only you don’t understand the “fairness doctrine,” “equal time,” or the fact that republican humor is never funny because y’all punch down. Punching down isn’t funny, it’s mean. So take the voices in your head and the one that comes out of your vagina-mouth and STFU forever.

    • marxalot

      Every time he says that, read “the voices in my head are getting louder.” It’s a badly executed salesman’s dodge, trying to give the impression that there’s popular demand for something no one has ever heard of.

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      “More and more people” are watching late night comedians lately. The ratings have been epic. That’s what’s really bugging him, Colbert, Meyers, Oliver, Noah and the like are trouncing him in the ratings.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        And Rachel won two Emmys. Who could possibly have thought that a sane, well-reasoned, intelligent voice could drown out the likes of the roaring trash fire at Faux? (Not me, actually – I’m just thrilled and surprised.)

    • Mormos

      dont insult vaginas like that

      • marxalot

        As a longtime vagitarian, I agree with this sentiment.

        • puredog

          “Vag more, wank less.”

    • ahughes798

      I rather thought his mouth looks like an anus.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        … Disqus not letting me upload images today. :(

  • marxalot

    Oh, sorry, did the fragile little precious not understand what it means to be the center of attention? Everyone’s talking about you, Donnie. Don’t you like it anymore? What’s the matter? Isn’t this what you wanted, Donnie? Everyone’s looking at you. Everyone. All the time. Isn’t that just what you always wanted?

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    I guess he doesn’t realize that all we’ve ever done is laugh at his expense. He’s always been the butt of the joke, a caricature of himself. He’s like clown shoes with spats and gold leafing. The man fucking wrestled for fuck’s sake. The fake kind, not the Greco Roman kind. Everything about him, from his cartoonish clothing to his over-the-top hand gestures is a parody of itself. The man is and always will be a joke.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Nail. Head. Direct hit.

    • anon_the_great

      He knows he is a total moron. He knows he is the butt of all jokes. Like all despots it’s all about revenge. Triumph of the Swill.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I love “Triumph of the Swill” but I disagree that he KNOWS he’s a moron. He absolutely doesn’t anymore than the other morons who mansplain things to people smarter than themselves (see Gorsuck v. Notorious RBG) or the spouters of conspiracy theories. He thinks he’s smart. He really does think he has the “best brain.”

        • Eileen Besse

          THIS.

        • Bad Scooter

          exactly. not knowing he’s a moron is part of what makes him a moron.

    • Nockular cavity

      Al Franken did real wrestling.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I read his “Art of the Deal” – library copy, thank Celestia – back in whatever year that book-shaped object was shat upon us all. I was like 13, but I could tell he was an Empty Suit, a Poor Little Rich Boy, and I dismissed him as a loser.

    • TundraGrifter

      Spats libulz!

    • marxalot

      Berke Breathed put his brain into the body of a dead cat and ran strips where that was just the ongoing normality for a couple of years. He is a literal cartoon character.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        He’s the caricature of what the rest of the country thinks a New Yorker is like.

    • bupkus231

      I have noted that most of Rump’s supporter’s seem to have been ( and continue to be ) ignorant of his classless, buffoonish, racist history for the last 30+ years.

      Your words made me realize that, of course, so is Rump himself….

  • anon_the_great

    Wait wait wait. There is a nugget of hope here. Offer Twilter a late night show in exchange for the Presidency. I think he’d go for it. The hiccup of course is NBC will have to broadcast from Sing Sing.

    • marxalot

      Pretty sure that was always the plan. Run, lose, establish self as new center of media outlet, spend 4-8 years leading studio audiences in chants of “LOCK HER UP.”
      And it would have worked, too, if not for those meddling Russians.

      • anon_the_great

        Ayup. Classic Dog Catches Car scenario

        • marxalot

          Just btw, love your avi. We all need more slack these days.

  • Sigurd

    How about no.

    YFW you’re a delusional sack of shit. (“unfunny”.)

    Either going to prison or being mocked for the rest of your decrepit piss-stained days.

  • Radardude

    Am I terribly wrong in thinking “popinjay” is descriptive of, ugh, cough, puke, President Trump? Years ago in the Amazon jungle we had a Peruvian major who wore riding breeches and boots in a starched uniform and strutted like the cock of the walk, carrying a riding crop. I thought he would be Webster’s illustration for “popinjay.” but I think he has been succeeded.

    • Ling Ling

      That is an interesting anecdote, which begs two questions: why would you be in the Peruvian jungle and what might “radardude” actually mean? Asking for a friend.

      • Radardude

        I was in the military. I was a participant in a futile and miisguided effort to stem the flow of materials for narcotics from the Amazonia region of South America. I am part of the military generation whose mission was to make the world better, not just kick the enemy’s ass.

        • ahughes798

          My ex’s dad was the head of the History Dept. at a certain Chicago area university, and his area of expertise was the coca plant, and how the local native peoples used it to combat altitude sickness. He was allowed to bring home a few leaves. He would not let us chew or lick them, though.

        • puredog

          Is “stem” a euphemism for “re-focus”?

  • bubbuhh

    Can’t someone teach the moron some English??

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      no

    • onedollarjuana

      The American Medical Association used to Define moron as a person with the mental ability of a kid 8 to 12 years old. Sounds perfect to me!

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Well, I’m not afraid to say it. Trump is a tiny handed, orange, moronic asshole.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I wish you’d open up more, and tell us what you really think. :)

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I am renowned for my subtle language.

        • BlissfulScribbler

          ‘I have the subtlest language. It’s amazing and really tremendous how subtle…’

    • puredog

      Well aren’t you the brave outlier!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Oh fuck! Now he’s going to demand Equal Time on Wonkette.

  • Daniel

    Fox has weighed in to this issue, claiming that late night comedy is not the place for politics.
    A cynic might say they only object to “politics” when it’s critical of them, and that by “late night” they actually mean “no”.

    A man less committed to being even handed and balanced than Fox news hosts and I am might suggest that if there were any (intentionally) funny conservative comedians TV channels might give them their own late night shows.

    A man equally uncommitted to fair balance might remind Fox of how they treat literally any and all Democratic politicians, including the previous president, and that they- unlike most people- considered Jesse Watters mocking elderly Asian people for talking funny ” satire”.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      late night comedy is not the place for politics.

      and Fox is not the place for news

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      Faux should know, every political piece they ever run is a joke.

    • SDGeoff3

      Fox has already lost in the comedy department (Red Eye) because they think comedy should be mean and fantasy-based.

    • Stulexington

      I think all the comedians who became famous through their political satire should just stick to what they know.

    • CripesAmighty

      And morning ‘talk news’ is not the place for comedy–unintentional or not.

    • folderol

      Yah, that “free speech” is so annoying if you’re not the one speaking.

  • ManchuCandidate

    To a thin skinned bully like Trump, pleas for fairness only counts when it’s against him.

  • Ezio

    Right winger: I love Donald Trump because he is blunt and tells it like it is. He is tough and he deals with so much attacks but he takes it in stride! Facts don’t care about your feelings, leftists. If you don’t like it then get out of America!

    Trump: WAAAAAH! Stephen Colbert made a joke about me! This is the single greatest witch hunt of a President in history!

  • Nockular cavity

    It would also terrible, terrrrrrible, if we were to pass some laws to break up the Big Liberal Media Monopolies. Gosh, I hope Trump never decides to push that!

    • Ulricii

      Br’er Rabbit? Is that you?

  • AngstAMillion

    Another day, another trumper tantrum. Maintaining the appropriate levels of outrage & disgust is getting exhausting.

    • marxalot

      We should all just stop giving him any attention. Late night shows should go back to talking about sports and celebs. News outlets should report on PR and healthcare and the Mueller investigation, without any pics of, quotes from, or mentions of the Wig. I think that might actually kill him.

  • Jamoche
    • Mildred Broxon

      Suggested edit: Delete “that could be reconciled with available facts…” Leaves basic meaning unchanged and veracity unaltered.

  • So, is he asking that late-night shows spend equal time making fun of that second president we so famously have? Or does he want Colbert to give a second monologue to well-known comedy person Kelly Anne Conway every night?

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I’d like to see him hand over his show to KAC and see how long before they figure out everyone turns the channel. Am I right Megyn?

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    Lemme help you out here, Donnie. You want the highest ratings ever? I can personally guarantee you that, all you have to do is start with these ten little words, “I will resign the office of the presidency effective immediately”.

  • janecita

    I just saw a taco pizza on TV. I want it!!!

  • Ezio

    “Look at the way I’ve been treated. No politician in history, and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse or more unfairly”. -Donald Trump https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae0ee7db9e2cf318485c767fd3ce8764d5fbc3cde9ebbdf222827e0d2f2945e5.jpg

    • janecita

      I viscerally dislike Jimmy Fallon. I never knew why, and then I saw this clip.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        He’s Leno 2.0.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          I never cared for Leno, too smug by half and mean humor.

      • ahughes798

        Have you seen him imitating Jim Morrison singing Reading Rainbow songs? Uncanny. I reserve the right to like him, if only for that.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBRYsAfchkY

    • marxalot

      How about James Garfield? Talk about a raw deal.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Just think how much more highly esteemed Buchanan would be today, if they had invented spin back then.

        • marxalot

          There was a campaign song about Van Buren claiming that he literally followed the commands of Satan. Things used to be way more hardcore in the 19th century.

          • Mormos

            to be fair that one was true…

          • The Wanderer

            The first attack ads showed up during the Adams-Jefferson fracas.

          • BlissfulScribbler

            Used to be? This barely scratches the surface of all the anti-Christ/Satan shit that I saw about Obama.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            He WASN’T?! Were you there?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Who knows. Maybe he’s scheduled for an exsanguination with dirty instruments in Jersey. I feel as if Christie wd chip in to organize it.

      • Ezio

        Nelson Mandela, also too.

    • janecita
      • marxalot

        Vote for Prisoner 9653!

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      Fuck that! I’d have to have that hand run through an autoclave after that.

      Good thing neither man has an actual soul.

    • The Wanderer

      Nicolae Ceaucescu.

  • Daniel

    Once he had a job where no one was allowed to tell him they’d noticed how bad he was at it.

    He could get better at his job, but why should he have to? People should just stop noticing.

    He’s the head of the party of personal responsibility after all.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    All the Trump fans are all laughed out after Hannity. Maybe Trump can bring his standup act to Fox and Friends? He can bring his “A” material, like where’s Obama’s transcripts and Pelosi got a facelift har har har.

    • Bad Scooter

      they could parade beauty pageant contestants in front of him and he could rate them … “ok, on a scale of 1 to 10, i’d move on this one like a bitch.”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Ari Melber hosted Lawrence’s show last night, and I noticed one thing immediately: there were no clips of Drumpf talk-shitting and waving his hands around. (There may have been one short one early on, but there weren’t those moments when the show would come back from commercial and start with Dolt 45 clips.) I want more of that. Rachel never shows him live unless she just can’t avoid it, and it saves a lot of wear and tear on my “Mute” button finger. I literally can’t stand to listen to his voice for four years. The blasted withered wreck that will be left of this country is one thing, but I can’t think of a crime I committed that’s bad enough for a sentence like “listening to Twitler for four years.”

    • Lord Jim

      I too loathe the sound of Hair Fuhrer’s grunting. For what consolation you may think it worth, I do not believe he can last four years before slobbering in his Froot Loops.

    • Teecha

      His voice is really high and reedy.

      I avoid it whenever possible, and on the rare occasions when I do have the misfortune of hearing it, I always think that not only does he say stupid, wanky things, he does so in a stupid, wanky voice.

    • Bad Scooter

      The way he inhales through closed teeth when he pauses to let his next brain fart form = nails on a chalkboard to me.

      I’ve heard many people say breathing like that is a classic tell of a cocaine user …

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    All this bullshit has made me turn to my old Reagan Youth albums. I haven’t dusted these off in decades.

    • marxalot

      Back to the Dead Kennedys for me.

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        Dok sent me running back to Dead Milkmen with those Stuart references.

        • Indiepalin

          Bitchin’ Camaro bitchin’ Camaro, I ran over my neighbor.

          • Jack Wants Gun Control

            “Love me two time, cuz I’ve got–” Not finishing that one.

          • Indiepalin

            Picture Charles Nelson Reilly nailed to a cross.

    • OrG

      The rise of fascism does seem to rile up the punk rockers.

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        Tell me about it!

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        All these damn kids!! Dive off my stage!!

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          OT: nicest reaction I’ve ever gotten was when I drove past a downtown dive music venue and donated a single ticket to get the third of three young teen punks into a Dropkick Murphys show. They were expecting to pay scalper prices, and got a free ticket – mostly for being obviously serious about the music.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    So….. a kind of “Fairness” “Doctrine”. And we could pass a law to prevent people from promulgating “fake news”, also, too. Naaaah, you’d never get that liberal stuff through Congress.

    • armed_bears

      Yes. This. This fucking thing right here. Please and thank you.

    • Augustus

      your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I think Lil’ Donnie’s main problem is that he expected the presidency to be like being the head of his own crime family, only bigger and with tons more ass-kissing, including from people he didn’t like, who would now have to pucker up because he was Generale Presidente. What he’s found out is that it’s got a lot of ass-kissing, but he’s expected to do his fair share of it, and the criticism is wide, vast, and deep, spread not only throughout the country but also throughout all of not-America. What he really wants is to pass a bunch of laws that make him the Kim Jung Il of America – no criticism, people praising everything he does, himself raping the country for every resource, and all enemies and naysayers taken out and shot in public. The thing that scares me is that there are plenty of people in his own party who would be okay with all of that as long as they could have whatever resources he didn’t care about.

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    I remember how well that whole Fairness Doctrine thing worked out when Hillz had almost every campaign speech she ever gave preempted by a nearly full screen shot of his empty podium.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Per.zackly.

    • RobespierreHoo

      Yes, and CNN and MSNBC were prime offenders. Anything to flog another Nielson point and up the ad rates for Ram trucks and Budweiser. Let’s not forget that.

    • Bad Scooter

      sorry i should have scrolled down through previous comments before I rage-posted about the same thing after reading the article. i couldn’t help myself

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        No need to be sorry. This bears all the repeating in the world.

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    Well, when you insist on dominating the news cycle by making literally everything that happens about you and you alone, what do you expect the late night comics to talk about? You ARE every news story now. You just can’t help yourself.

  • BeachBum

    Someone should tell him threatening WW III is really not that funny. Or losing healthcare. Hurricane disasters. Racism. Isolationism. Protectionism. Nationalism. Misogyny.
    However I would listen to a good joke about …….hmm…..wait….Russians ?

    • OrG

      His name ends in PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    At least he didn’t try the “these gloves are too small” gag like he did on his last two disaster field trips.

    • MizzMazz

      Y’know, I wondered if he was trying to hit back about his tiny hands, or referencing OJ. Two jokes in one that were creepy as fuck.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        It’s always about him.

  • ltmcdies

    here’s your problem Fucking Moron Donnie…..right wingers aren’t funny.

    There’s a reason various attempts at a right wing answer to Jon Stewart never worked, for example.

    Comedy requires a healthy dose of self reflection and ability to laugh at one’s self.

    I have yet to see the right winger who was able to laugh at themselves.

    Also comedy works best when the comedian punches “up”; who’s more “up” than any president.

    At best right wingers can punch “sideways” but most often they “punch down”

    it ain’t funny.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      This. Could not say it better myself.

    • Jack Wants Gun Control

      To be fair, though, it’s impossible to be morally bankrupt psychopaths and still manage to be funny. You have to have something resembling a soul to be funny. Comedy doesn’t grow in a vacuum.

      • Daniel

        Experiments at Cambridge University in collaboration with the European Space Agency confirmed this.

        • Jack Wants Gun Control

          Science backs me up for once! Time to celebrate!

          • Daniel

            Traces of very primitive comedy have been found on asteroid fragments, but they lack definite punchlines and the set ups were frequently very forced. It does offer hope that there are as yet undiscovered jokes somewhere in the solar system, and possibly fully developed farces on some of the moons of Saturn.

          • Rags

            Tammy’s Star is, it is believed, surrounded by clouds of puns…

          • Daniel

            And they’re rife on Mars.

      • BeachBum

        See, now, this is why I come here. I learn me something every day !

      • TJ Barke

        Then how does the universe exist?

        • BeachBum

          I dunno how the universe exists but I do know it sure as hell isn’t very gawddammed funny.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s funny if you’re a cruel and callous god…

        • Rags

          42, duh.

      • folderol

        Wait….You mean I’m NOT funny?

    • Ling Ling

      So… no future in 30 minutes of Dennis Miller barking “libtard snowflakes, am I right?” between viagra and beer commercials?

      • TJ Barke

        “Isn’t it funny how those SJWs hate exploitation and oppression?! Don’t they know they should be glad we aren’t just sending to death camps?”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Dennis Miller actually barking “libtard snowflakes, am I right?” would actually be an improvement. The actual Dennis Miller joke consists of five minutes of esoteric references designed to impress the audience with how smart and well-read Dennis is.

        It doesn’t help that the set-up is then followed by a punchline that is never, ever funny.

        • Little Lulu Ω

          Actually, Dennis Miller always laughs at his own jokes. It’s in his contract. His delivery on Weekend Update was no better than it’s been anywhere else since; and the most annoying thing about his appearances on WU was the way he’d laugh at his jokes.

      • ltmcdies

        Dennis who?????

    • bbayliss

      Comedy demands truth.

      • Bad Scooter

        excellent point.

    • I must once again offer a counterproposal. Mike Nelson of MST3K/Rifftrax is a conservative Republican. He just doesn’t bring his crap politics into his humour (because he knows his audience).

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    The only thing keeping most of us sane is the ability to laugh to keep from screaming. He should realize how much push back this would cause. He needs to remember that he’s in a minority of one here.

    • Jamoche

      He’s completely unaware of any of that.

  • Scooby

    If you don’t want to be the brunt of so many jokes stop giving them so much material.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hey, Donnie. That’s what “Duck Dynasty’s” for.

  • CripesAmighty

    All for it. Let Joy Reid, Charlie Pierce, Richard Painter, et al, join the Fox and Friends brain trust for a little joust.

    Cleanup on aisle 9!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    President Gameshow has a 67% disapproval rating.

    • Ling Ling

      Don’t cry for me, Puerto Rico…

    • Rasilom

      Only among Rethuglicans.

  • Daniel

    “Hey, what’s with the way Puerto Ricans pronounce the name of their own island? You know who hilariously noticed that first? Awesome President Donald Trump!”

    “So question for black people- how’s walking down the street and getting shot going? That’s another brilliant joke by funny ha-ha president Donald Wit-tastic Trump.”

    “You ever notice how when you’re a teenage girl competing in a beauty contest virile and handsome older men with convincing spray tans distract you by watching you?”

    • Augustus

      spot on

  • The Wanderer
  • CATMAN

    Now, all Donny has to do is launch a massive talent search to find a conservative comedian who actually is funny–good luck with that

  • MizzMazz

    OT: Is this guy a fucking cartoon? No, he’s serious.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/trump-loving-gop-candidate-expects-women-to-be-traditional-homemakers-and-family-wives/?comments=disqus

    What these sort don’t seem to get is that plenty of women go to work AND cook the meals and do the domestic chores, but it doesn’t make us feeble and unable to see through the bullshit.

    That video is over the top.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Jesus Fucking A Raptor, the man is like a breathing Saturday Night Live skit.

    • Jamoche

      Another thing that sounded better in the original German: Kinder, Küche, Kirche

      • MizzMazz

        What they don’t bother to notice is that many of my generation (50-something) did all of that and worked, and still managed to be active i politics. You’re either Suzy Homemaker or Lesbian Ball Breaker to them. More cartoons.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Actually, Ima totally willing to be a Housewife to a rich man. I’ll invite 20-something college boys over for afternoon delight and spend the old fucker’s money on Amazon.

      Fuck these R Assholes in their fucking necks with fucking votes.

      • MizzMazz

        I liked being a housewife, gardener, light construction worker and Mum back in the day. Now I’m too broken to do much, and it got me jack shit other than my own satisfaction at the time.

        • VirginiaMorningBlend

          Always keep a separate bank account and squirrel away every nickle you can find. And pass this wisdom on to your daughters!

          • MizzMazz

            Too right about the money thing. Never let anyone else control your money, man or woman.

          • Alan

            Or not get married in the first place if you think you need to do that.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          ~hugs~ I’m all for any woman choosing for herself, and Be Damned to every man that wants to impose *anything* on me.

          • MizzMazz

            I’m for any person choosing for themselves. I work with a man whose partner keeps financial and social tabs on him. When you have to sneak off to hang with your friends, or be afraid of getting caught, something is wrong.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Very wrong, that is abusive.

    • Jamoche
    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Hope he likes hot pockets, because she ain’t coming home at three to cook until six.

      • Wonky Magoo

        I want to meet the employer who has no problem letting you go home early every day to cook your family dinner.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Another walking, talking commercial for the quality of a Harvard education.

    • SeeTrain65

      Dear Cortland:

      Enjoy your Mac & Cheese and Ramen, Nazi.

      GFY.

      ST

  • Ilgattomorte

    Satire is the result of an people observing the events around them and using those events to create a humorous theme. In other words, people making light of the crap that confronts them everyday.

    If Trump wants equal time, then he needs to devote equal time between his normal daily routine and not being a bat-shit crazy, baby-handed, shit-stirring, bloated, orange moron. In other words, we all need some equal time too.

    • Shanzgood

      But then Republicans would have to try to learn how to do satire as well.

      *shudder*

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That requires intellegence and wit. Not gonna happen.

      • Candy Matson

        Every time they try to launch a comedy show it’s just so incredibly sad. And they’re so earnest about it! Humorless little twats.

      • Smibo

        Republicans have already mastered the art of satire, without even realizing it; instead of “satire” though, they call it things like “platform planks”, “policy positions” and sometimes “legislation”.

        Of course, none of it is funny.

        • Shanzgood

          We’ll then it’s not satire.

          • Smibo

            No wonder they’re so farcical.

  • Jgb979

    If he accidentally reinstitutes the fairness doctrine I’ll buy a MAGA hat in support

    • Wonky Magoo

      It would easily be the best thing to come out of this shitpile.

      • bupkus231

        Only if the re-instatement comes with appropriate and rigorously enforced penalties for violation – you know like bankrupting the billionaires behind the rightwing media…..

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    But don’t we have Ben Garrison for the comic genius?

    https://grrrgraphics.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/4387843_orig.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Teh fuck is this?

      • CO

        Orgy island

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          That and the “gender fluids” snippets are on my work computer. :(

      • bbayliss

        A fever dream?

      • TJ Barke

        Ben Garrison’s psychotic break.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          OK, but why is Riot from Jem and the Holograms fighting the strawdragon?

          ( I know, but there is flattery and then there is not coming within a million miles of correctly depicting your subject)

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            That’s totally outrageous!

          • Wonky Magoo

            Truly, truly, truly.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD Truly, outrageous, my Love, Truly, truly, truly outrageous.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            The late 80s are a blur for me. I blame Smurfs.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~ As do I. Fuck the Smurfs.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            Rule 34.

          • Daniel

            Smurf those smurfing smurf smurfy smurf-heads.

          • The Wanderer

            Marklar the Smurfs?

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

        • Jamoche

          Here comes your 19th psychotic breakdown…

          (Where *are* the protest and snark songs for this era?)

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Which psychotic break?

          • TJ Barke

            It’s ongoing.

          • bupkus231

            AOT,K – Garrison so fucked in the head, he has “reality breaks”…

          • SeeTrain65

            His latest one.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Milo isn’t truth, he is just another white man asshole.

      • TJ Barke

        Milo is exactly what he disparages other people for: professional victim and fame whore.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          THIS^^^.

    • spangled

      how do i join the gaytriarchy?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Keep riding that rainbow!

    • Jamoche

      Do I want to know who the “fabulous” (oh honey, don’t you know where that word’s been?) sword-wielder is, or does that way lie madness?

      • Daniel

        Is it not Milo?

        • Jamoche

          Ah, yes, @spangled gave me the secret decoder clue.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Actually, that one confused me, because I thought it was Obama with a fabulous blond wig.

      • spangled

        i didn’t get who it was either, thankfully ben garrison knows he is bad at drawing and labels all his caricatures (check the belt)

      • Daniel

        It’s Top Man’s Jim Davidson, Milo Rastapopalous.

        • Jamoche

          I’d never seen him smiling or without his dark roots showing.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Single Jewish Women?
        Somnambulist Jagoff Wankers?

      • Doug Langley

        Good question. Bears a slight resemblance to Michael York in his heyday.

      • BlissfulScribbler

        Less madness, more douche chills.

    • Ling Ling

      Some people should not try the acid.

    • Lizzietish81

      Gaytriarchy is the name of my new Ramones cover band

      • Ling Ling

        Easy pivot to Queen if the punkers reject you.

        • Lizzietish81

          I thought that was too easy.

    • spangled

      damn, is this recent? even after milo made pro-pedophilia comments? even after he’s been outed as a secret buddy of richard spencer/white nationalists/those weird neo-feudalist people?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        This is old. I was digging to see if I could find a late night host one. The sheer craziness just spoke to me. Of course I am running a high fever.

    • Daniel

      Why does the alt-right so hate dyed hair?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Because punk rock girls won’t sleep with them.

    • CripesAmighty

      Subtle.

    • PersianOregano

      I call bullshit, I’ve never seen anyone wear pearls with rainbow hair

    • SeeTrain65

      (Insert my usual comment of how Ben belongs in an urgent mental health facility)

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Fake news, the pearl clutchers are the xtians, and WTF is up with the guy with the sword? I thought pedophiles were the worst? Sadly this out of touch with reality propaganda artist is what passes for humor in RWNJ world.

  • CO
    • bbayliss

      As I said below; comedy demands truth.

  • jesterpunk
    • stumpknocker

      yep, he is really gonna squeal when Mueller puts him on the hot seat.

    • Panika MCD

      I can’t decide whether he is a yellow snowflake or an orange one. doesn’t some UTI medication turn pee orange?

      • jesterpunk

        I think so, either way you shouldn’t eat the snow.

      • Covfefe

        Due to the fact that men’s bodies were intelligently designed, men don’t have all those UTIs.

        • Shanzgood

          Although infant male UTI-reduction was used for a long time as a “medical” reason to continue circumcision.

        • Panika MCD

          you don’t have urinary tracts or they don’t become infected?

          • Covfefe

            They’re better designed and hardly ever get infected. Mainly, I believe, because men’s unitary tracts are longer and offer more protection from infections.

          • Panika MCD

            Mayo Clinic bears you out that the longer tract does mean you have fewer UTIs, but guys still make up 20% of the population diagnosed with them. so you’re less likely to have them, not bullet proof–especially if you have diabetes.

        • Candy Matson

          I dunno, weren’t us ladies created when a surgically removed rib sprouted arms, legs, and a scary vagina. Sounds kinda intelligent to me.

  • Panika MCD

    if the right wing needs more shows to watch, why are they not watching Megyn Kelly’s new show? I say that if they want more shows, they’re going to have to start watching the ones they already have to prove to the execs that doing so would be profitable. what happened to that invisible hand of they free market they’re always insisting can fix everything? did it fly on an invisible plane off to Nevernever Land?

    • BlissfulScribbler

      Republicans want the pasty, pink, and pockmarked (tiny) hand of the market instead.

      • Panika MCD

        spray tan libel.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Just because this makes me smile.

    https://youtu.be/7zvNu3qgjno

    • stumpknocker

      trump is a cocksplat, man i wish i had thought of that.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        The Scots are brilliant at invective.

  • Bad Scooter

    Trump got more than his share of the spotlight during the election. Can someone remind him about that time the networks cut away from Hillary’s campaign speech to show an EMPTY PODIUM bearing a Trump banner for thirty minutes until Dotty Don took the stage?

    He should STFU. Douche.

  • Christopher Story

    I wag my tongue.

    • The Wanderer

      I waggled my wig. Ever so slightly.

      • SeeTrain65

        “That was the only thing I waggled.”

  • Blackest Noobs

    funny how all those lecherous attempts of his to grab pussies has made President Trump a big fat pussy.

    even Peggy Noonan calls him a pussy (well my paraphrasing cuz Dame Noonan does not use such language, but all the same, yeah, even that lady calls him out as a pussy)

    • Christopher Story

      Peggy Noonan would fuck Zombie Regan’s ice cold hard on if science could only get it up. She’s a sychophantic Regan fangirl who probably has volumes of Regan fanfic porn stacked around her attic. I can only wish my girl would worship my penis the way Noonan worship’s Regan.

      • Blackest Noobs

        true….but when you’re the conservative President and Peggy no likey, it speaks tons.

  • jesterpunk
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Every time I see this I think it says lard jesus.

      • jesterpunk

        I think that’s what he sign says.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          It would make sense.

  • atheist

    Where was all this sensitivity and political correctness during Obama’s time in office? I don’t remember it.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hey, Donnie. Have you stopped to consider that their “unfunny” (BTW why the quotes?) material would be a lot less repetitive if you’d only stop doing the same stupid shit over and over?

    • SisterArtemis

      Dear Mr. Cheeto, consider the source…

  • Wuulf
    • Ling Ling

      At first I thought that was Sam Kinison.

      • SeeTrain65

        Rush is only dead inside.

  • rocktonsam

    I think Jan Murray was a repub. Boy, did he give LBJ fits.. Good times.

  • cheetojeebus
    • cheetojeebus
      • cheetojeebus
        • TJ Barke

          The Old Ones cannot be contained…

        • Zyxomma

          “I, for one, welcome our new cephalopod overlords.”

          • Christopher Story

            The sex will only be weird in the beginning.

          • The Wanderer

            You get used to it.

          • Christopher Story

            I’m thinking “Galaxy Quest” was just propaganda to normalize our overlords.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            It’s not like they actually implant the eggs or anything like that.

          • The Wanderer

            They’re like Ben-wa balls. Heightens the experience.

          • Ling Ling

            There will be sex? Does Jesus know about this?

          • redarmyzombie

            See, this is why I should always *read* the comments first…

        • VirginiaMorningBlend

          That is one scary jarred mollusk. Do you think he’ll tell the clams?

          • The Wanderer

            “Clams got knobby knees!”

          • willi0000000

            “Clams got call-forwarding!”

          • Doug Langley

            He’ll tell them how to escape their cans?

        • redarmyzombie

          I for one welcome our new Cephalopod overlords.

        • Doug Langley

          Houdini lives.

        • SeeTrain65

          “You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice-daily swill, but you cannot break the spirit of a Winchester an Octopus. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer.” – David Ogden Stiers

  • Flashman

    What a fucking snowflake, honestly.

  • folderol

    Obama got equal time on Hannity, Limbaugh, Ingraham, O’Reilly… ALL THOSE SHOWS! They were scrupulously fair! They never, never, never ever made fun of him in a mean way, or made up stuff that was untrue! Never!

    So, play fair, media! Don’t give in to partisan politics! Understand that in order to not be “fake” you have to consider all viewpoints equally, regardless of so-called “facts”.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go attend my weekly Flat Earthers meeting.

  • Teecha

    Forgive me if I misunderstand- I am just a teecha in a desert- but hasn’t this fule got a shit load of real problems to deal with? Like victims of national disasters/ mass shootings/ actual politics?
    How does he even have time to watch the fucking telly? Or…is he not actually doing his job?

    • Covfefe

      CIC (Sink) Donald has redefined the role of president.

    • jesterpunk

      He is taking time from his golf trips to twit. He hasn’t done any real work in his life why would he start now?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      None of that stuff is as important to him as how people talk about him on television.

      • Teecha

        It’s so desperately tragic for America.

        I can’t imagine how I’m going to teach this era in future. Teaching about Ronnie RayGun was hard enough!

        • Sharla Fouquet

          Assuming there is a future by the time this clown gets done with us

          • Teecha

            Well, yes.

        • theCryptofishist

          “… in short order it was found that leaving the tv on kept the president from interfering in the running of the country, which meant that the country actually ran. Well, his party weren’t much help, but he would have run constantly off the rails.”

        • Dudleydidwrong

          You have my sympathies; I had the same problems when Reagan came up in the courses. My dodge was that “historians need time to research and ponder and we’re not ready to make solid judgments” etc. But I would always mutter sub rosa “But he’s a fucking asshole” in order to maintain my own semi-sanity.

          • Teecha

            I let my biases fly, I just tell the kids that I am really biased, here’s what other people think, you are free to make up your own mind.

    • Iam Reading

      Trust fund babies don’t exactly have a strong work ethic.

  • Shanzgood

    OT: I sure hope we get a Garbage Men post this weekend. I need a place to reduce my chances of rage-stroking out over the BC mandate thing. The FaceBorg is making it so much worse.

    • SisterArtemis

      On the faceborg thing: I sometimes pare the feed down to “close friends” (you do have to go through and identify who’s in that category) which helps a lot during these trying times as it’s more specifically what true friends post, and less from the organizations and “suggested posts” crap.

      As I’ve noted before, I also have two profiles (well, three, if you count the rarely-used Sister Artemis one), one of which is a select bunch of reasonable family and friends, the other wide open to clients, random associates, etc. I use the family-friends one for the most part. I don’t post stuff on the wide-open one unless work-related, and have told facebook to not show me crap from “alt”-right, far-right, sappy Christian, and Seahawks fan sites which soooo many of the folks in my industry think are the cats pajamas. It takes some time to cull the feeds down, but it’s helped my sanity immeasurably.

      Still, I avoid the more open one, focus on the family-friends profile, and that’s a definite repercussion from the campaign season insanity.

      • kareemachan

        SEAHAWKS!!!11!!1121!!!!!! WTF?

        • SisterArtemis

          In my defense, I’m not much of a football person, and have a family of rapid seahawks fans. It’s kind of like having a roommate who only plays Indigo Girls. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with the music, but after a while….

        • theCryptofishist

          Oh, I’d like to be able to remove all sportsball from that flow.

      • Shanzgood

        I’ve done a lot of tweaking as well so I usually only end up with articles my friends have commented on or other feeds I’ve followed on purpose, like Mother Jones and PPH or P4P. The majority of the comments on those articles are usually reasonable but they do attract the occasional hystrionic troll (usually a man) screaming obscenities about baby-killing and “pay for your own sex!” I usually stay out of it but today I’m feeling particularly stroppy about it because I am SO SICK of this shit.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I love how you use British terms like “stroppy” occasionally. I find myself saying a few Brit-phrases here-and-there myself.

          • Shanzgood

            Ha! Sometimes, they’re just perfect for what you want to convey!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Indeed! :)

            It’s an older nation, the parent of our culture in the US, it stands to reason they’d have a broader range of expression.

          • BeachBum

            ‘Boutapint heysaya !

          • bbayliss

            Bell end.

          • Shanzgood

            Um, yes, I guess that’s just what a person needs as well.

          • SeeTrain65

            Related: Trump is a miserable plum sack. That is all. ; )

          • Daniel

            From my neck of the woods (up north) you might also like “mardy”- which describes Trump’s sulky, petulant, childish whining.

            “Donald Trump, President and reality TV gameshow host, is a mardy get.”

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I do like it. Yorkshire?

            My father’s side of the fam is from Yorkshire ways back.

          • Daniel

            Nope, t’other side. Manchester.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Cool! :)

          • Daniel

            Fuckin’ buzzin’.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            They totally rock at the passive aggressive, overly polite you to death thing. I am in awe, of their wit.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :D

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            My grandfather was like that, a bastion of dry wit, I would leave the room before it hit me. And I would think hey, wait a minute…

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

            I so admire that kind of wit.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I miss grandfather, he was an elegant, intelligent man. You could ask him anything and he knew something about it, and if he didn’t, would research it and get back to you. It was no coincidence that his wife was a teacher.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            He sounds like an amazing man. I have so much respect for people that will “look it up”. I’ve known too many Bullshitters in my life. It’s no sin to admit ignorance, and it’s a virtue to remedy ignorance.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            He would never do that, he was my go-to as a child. I was full of curiosity about why things were the way they are.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Thanks, I needed that! Big hug back.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Always. :)

        • BeachBum

          I say be all the stroppy you wanna be. I’m old enough to remember when the term “single mom” did not exist. And child support was a pittance or nothing. A time when women were 2nd class citizens. It now looks like MAGA is an attempt to return to some of that.

          • Covfefe

            And the draft. Don’t forget the draft,

    • Courser_Resistance

      I only look at FaceBorg when a friend posts something and only one posts progressive stuff, which I have no problem with. I never look at ‘my’ page.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Force Colbert to say tRump compliments after his tRump jokes. Oh how well that would go.

    • Christopher Story

      I’m so proud of my president consistently getting the lowest poll returns of any president. He really has beaten Obama in that regard.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Just watch Colbert take up the challenge. The double-edged compliments will drive Trump batshit craz(ier.)

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Nah, Donnie’s too dumb to know it’s satire.

  • moeman

    dennis miller, sad clown nazi nation calls out to thee

    • weighmaster

      It’s really sad about Dennis. I keep hoping he’ll snap out of it and come back, but I’m afraid he’s well and truly broken.

      • Smibo

        I’m pretty sure that for Dennis, “back” and “well and truly broken” are exactly the same place.

  • BeachBum

    For the 3 people that haven’t heard this one.
    “A crook, a racist, and a Nazi walk into a bar. Bartender asks ‘what’ll ya have Mr. President?”

  • Iam Reading

    Did President snowflake get his fee fees hurt?

  • folderol

    (to the tune of Beat It)

    They told him you don’t ever get a fair share
    Don’t want to see your face, don’t like your orange hair
    There’s mocking in their eyes and they just won’t treat you fair
    So eat it! Just eat it!

    You can’t run, so you fire all you can
    If you cannot stand the heat, then you shouldn’t be The Man
    You’d better toughen up, or the shit will hit the fan
    So eat it, just eat it! (Whoo!)

    Eat it! Eat it!
    Watch the late shows and tweet it
    Show them how frail, show them how trite
    Even your Party has turned out the lights

    Just eat it, eat it
    eat it, eat it, eat it….

  • PupperNutter

    It’s all so awful that at this point I’m left with:”And we ALSO have to suffer the constant reminders that the president doesn’t know how capitalization works in our language?”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a0771f03473c3943b7a073c2c8752886a5b65e40dbaa6305147a10af19a1236.gif

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      And the question marks?

  • Spurning Beer

    This should not be a difficult problem.

    Stephen Colbert, Sam Bee, John Oliver, Jimmy Kimmel, and Seth Meyers just need to praise Donald with with a straight face.

    Use variations on: “President Trump is a very, very intelligent person with a good brain. He is honest and kind, and has the best interests of America and the world at heart. His neckties are appropriate in length, and his fingers are normal in length.”

    It’s win-win. The message is pro-Trump, and the audience will howl with laughter.

    • jesterpunk
      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        I should apologize to Colbert. I thought taking over Dave’s show would dull his edge, but he has managed to keep it.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Yes, but forcing yourself to keep a straight face while saying that could lead to serious facial muscle injury.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Stephen was always the champion at that, to the point where people STILL think he was far-right.

  • jesterpunk

    Ok Trump we will give conservative comedians time as soon as you can name one who is actually funny.

    • Spurning Beer

      Louis Gohmert?

      • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

        He’s more of a performance artist.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          The comedy duo of “Cruz and Gohmert” would be hilarious:

          Who’s on First?
          Don’t disparage my asparagus!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Yeah…Louie does some pretty edgy stuff.

      • jesterpunk

        I dont think he means to be funny, he is just stupid.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Doesn’t mean we hippie socialists won’t laugh at him …

        • Spurning Beer

          That’s what they said about Jerry Lewis, too. No, wait. He meant to be funny, but he was just stupid.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I can sympathize, pooch. That’s how I feel when Trump speaks:

    https://twitter.com/dog_feelings/status/916732462922960896

  • The Librarian

    All I can think of when Trump opens his piehole about some fairness equivalency is Artie Johnson’s “verrrry interesting, but stupid”. Sock it to Trump, indeed.

  • Wookie Monster
  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT – I might need a new cannon for the Leopard C1 kit. Leopard Workshop make the correct version. The funny thing, shipped from Canada it’ll be about 20 dollars after conversion, but If I order it from their USA distributor, it’ll be almost $30!

    • Happy our exchange works out for one of us.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Oh, I know. I used to collect GI Joe figures, and I’d do trades with a couple of collectors in Canada. They’d make offers that were near-shamefully in my favor, because I was far better than the exchange they’d pay in cash monies.

    • Johnatx

      Do you take pictures of your builds at various points during construction? It’d be interesting to see

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I could, I usually just do finish “Beauty shots”. I’m still in research phase on this one.

    • Daniel

      I don’t know what you’re talking about, but the word “leopard” becomes funny through repetition.

    • mailman27

      Does it shoot rolls of paper towels?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Naw. Just looks mean.

  • Sharla Fouquet

    Please, yes. Bring back the Fairness Doctrine.

    • TJ Barke

      Something tells me it will no longer work as it was once intended…

      • theCryptofishist

        Yeah, but wouldn’t it be nice to be able to force Fox to some sort of actual balance?

        • Alternative Dog

          I’d like to see someone (looking at you FCC) put a leash on Sinclair Broadcasting…

          https://youtu.be/GvtNyOzGogc

          • theCryptofishist

            I thought they were our dinosaur gas…

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            They are dinosaurs, all right.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      The Fairness Doctrine was unfair the to UK in 1980. During that election, I travelled to the UK and since no Reagan movies could be shown on TV in the US without giving Cater equal time, there was a Ronald Reagan movie festival on TV there.

      I apologized to everyone I met for that and assured them that it would soon be over and Reagan would return to Santa Barbara and never be heard from again except maybe a campy cameo role in some bad movie because the American people were not dumb enough to elect him… famous last words.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Was there a lesson to be learned?

      • mailman27

        I made my second trip to the ould sod in October 2004. In the London pubs yucking it up about how there’s NO WAY that W would be winning again. It was a nice chummy feeling, and nobody thought that it could possibly happen.

  • Run2Live

    ..

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    How will he take into account the fact that he is, himself, a sick joke.

  • Jennifer R
    • The Wanderer

      Whiny-ass titty babies.

    • No, i will not ask about their feelings. Instead, i will play until i am really good and then post videos od my female ass killing videogame Nazis like a functioning human being

      • Jennifer R

        A woman after my own heart.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I like it. When you do, be sure to remind them that they also lost the actual war.

      • mailman27

        Take one out for me! Pleez?

      • Smibo

        Needs moar Aldo Raine.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Don’t Let’s Be Beastly to the Nazis.

    • Seamus Romney

      Fuck Nazis. Fuck Trump. Fuck Betsy DeVos and her attempts at teachers union busting.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f3e2100ca989957a0e48c5cd997a31ed850c2695649d0cfd59d71a9184875be3.gif

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Umm, Wolfstein has always been about killing evil Nazi’s. (You know this i was yelling at the dummies.)

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Amid Trump tantrum, John Kelly ditched Las Vegas trip while Pence stewed and Rex ‘scrambled’

    Pence was incensed upon learning from the NBC report that Tillerson’s top spokesman had said he once privately questioned the value of Nikki Haley, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations. Officials said the spokesman, R.C. Hammond, fabricated an anecdote that Pence had asked Tillerson in a meeting whether Haley, who is seen as a possible successor if Tillerson, is helpful or harmful to the administration.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      A possible successor if Tillerson what?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Two unemployed Corinthians are crossing their fingers.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The books that will be released after the Trump shit show is finally over, with all the stories of what a dysfunctional, inept, back-stabbing mess it was, are going to make for some fascinating reading.

      • Alternative Dog

        It will take multiple volumes to chronicle all the atrocities.

        • theCryptofishist

          And then the poor historians will have to re-read, and weigh the damn things, to try and figure out who’s lieing where. They’ll have to go to a bar and re-read Mooch’s pamphlet in order yes.

          • dshwa

            Historians, sociologists, and psychologists will be earning PhDs for decades from this time period.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          It’s going to be like a set of encyclopedias.

          • mailman27

            Dense, like Pence.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I’m hoping the mini-series lasts longer than his malAdministraiton.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        It will like “I, Claudius” only it will be titled “I, Pendejo”.

        • Doug Langley

          Except that “I, Claudius” had good acting.

          • MAZS

            and loads of sex [Mike P–please avert your eyes]

          • Doug Langley

            Boatloads of sex, if I recall correctly.

          • H0mer0

            you are thinking of “Caligula”?
            “I Claudius” had tits

          • mailman27

            “Mother, NO!!!!!!”

      • Cat Cafe

        Fascinating, but also horrifying. You know there are abyssal depths of ugliness, cruelty, and grotesque malfeasance and bad behavior we can’t even conceive of. They’re a crime family, with the soul and conscience of Goebbels.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Funny thing is, they’re all such complete tools.
          It’s Game of Drones.

          • mailman27

            The banality of evil. Or venality. Or atonality.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        As an old atheist who will be long gone when those books appear, I hope you young folks will see to it that some of the better books are printed on asbestos paper so that I will be able to read ’em. I understand that there’s a hell of a library about 4000 miles down. Wi-fi is lousy, however.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    If Drumpf stopped whining about what victim he is, he’d be fuck-near SILENT.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      And this is a bad thing how?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Not bad but rarer than a 24-cent Inverted Airmail.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          And would be more precious were it become reality.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donald needs to be [redacted] with a [redacted] and allowed to [redacted].

    You can guess the rest.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      bored, eastern-European professional wife, divorce her for a new model of female Trabant.

      How close did I get?

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        In his eyeball

    • Raan

      Until the handle breaks off and he has to get a doctor to pull it back out?

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    Big Baby in Chief doesn’t know how late night TV works.

    • SeeTrain65

      Big Baby in Chief doesn’t know how magnets work either.
      Or Pop Tarts.
      Or DVDs.
      Or Jack in The Boxes.
      But he’s happy to play with all of them until they break. Just like the country.

      • H0mer0

        big baby libelz

  • Rags

    The fairness doctrine did not apply to sitting officeholders, but only to candidates. But 4-5 is a declared candidate for 2020 so he would be subject to it now?

    • dshwa

      Applied to any broadcast opinion pieces on issues as well, didn’t it? Although not to comedians making jokes.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Each of us should declare ourselves as candidates for 2020 and demand equal time as any coverage of Lil’Donnie Two-Scoops or as the Corporate media will call him “Who? Never heard of him” in order to protect their valuable laundry detergent selling time.

  • HogeyeGrex

    “Equal Time”

    Say, great idea. How about if the media had given Hillz the same amount of air as they gave you running up to the election? Then we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place.

    • mailman27

      Needz moar empty podium.

  • puredog

    “TRUMP CALLS FOR RETURN TO FAIRNESS DOCTRINE.” My irony meter is now seriously and totally busted.

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    Can we get equal time on Fox News? Cause we’re at 0% right now, while there’s plenty of right-wing assholes on CNN and MSNBC. On talk radio? What was the rate of liberal talk radio airtime, like 1%? How about equal time on Breitbart and all the nazi sites?
    And comedians mock the President, that’s pretty much an unwritten rule. Who else are they supposed to spend as much time on? Or maybe we can split the presidency 50/50, and we get 1 out of every 2 days to repair the damage your pack of evil circus clowns is doing to the country?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Did the fairness doctrine apply to cable or just over the air? Faux might be able to get away with it by not broadcasting.

      • CripesAmighty

        Broadcast. Radio included. It’s repeal gave rise to Rush and yell radio as a business model. There was really no cable news–CNN in its infancy. Of course this is an entirely academic exercise, because even a dolt like Dumpy knows his little clubhouse of Fox Noise and rage radio would be subject to invasion, and he’d lose legitimate news as a foil.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Has anyone told him that it’s not because he’s Republican, but because nobody likes him?

  • CeeQ

    Ok so many things. But first. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU DICKHEAD EVERYONE HATES YOU!!!

    Back to my comment.

    Trump, honey. You get equal time. In fact you get ALL the time. Why? Because you will not shut the fuck up. You refuse to take your position and office seriously. And this is still America. So guess what sweetheart, everyone will continue to make fun of you and point out how much of a fuck up you are. You wanted to be POTUS – you got it, cupcake.

    Don’t like it? Sick of all the criticism? Tired of all of the responsibilities? Fucking quit then, fuckwit.

    • dshwa

      Only if he takes Pence with him.

      • kareemachan

        And Ryan.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          President Palosi!

    • Toledo Window Box

      And don’t forget, after a lifetime of criminal activity, money laundering, fraud, treason, he is now under the biggest microscope on planet Earth, and about to be humiliated like he can’t even imagine.

      • CeeQ

        Never underestimate Trump’s ability to out humiliate himself even over the lowest moment of his own life.

      • SDGeoff3

        Like we cannot imagine either. I’m hoping. It appears inevitable and very big. I wonder if we are really prepared for it.

        • Toledo Window Box

          It’s going to take some people some time to accept the degree and amount of criminality that is Trump, especially the part about him colluding with our enemy to steal the election.

          • SDGeoff3

            That really sums it up. You have to wonder what is going through the alleged minds of people who are denying the entire mess.

      • mailman27

        Any minute now? Hour? Day? Come on, week? Republicans aren’t ever gonna let it happen, are they? And our fearless press will sort of wander off… Outlook bleak, IMHO.

      • H0mer0

        “Isn’t it pretty to think so?”

    • this is a thing of beauty.

      cheers!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • SDGeoff3

      So unfairly, believe me. I can tell you.

  • roberteye

    Harry Belafonte (Google!) was guest host of the Tonight Show for a week in early 1968. He had on such guests as Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy, and others who opposed the Vietnam War, LBJ, and supported civil rights. On the last night, Belafonte said he’d been getting mail (in those days, actual paper mail) and phone calls asking “Why aren’t you giving equal time to the other side?” Belafonte eloquently responded something like: “The ‘other side’ is well represented in the battlefields of Vietnam and the oppression in our streets”. https://www.thenation.com/article/49-years-ago-harry-belafonte-hosted-the-tonight-show-and-it-was-amazing/

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Gosh, can you imagine the world we’d live in if the Predisent was as concerned with the plight of Puerto Rico as he is about what Stephen Colbert is saying about him?

    • CripesAmighty

      It was until January. Seems like it might as well have been the Battle of Hastings.

  • bluicebank

    Pretty sure Alec Baldwin as stand-in would pass muster as Equal Time before the high school of grand pooh-bahs.

  • Manhattan123

    The GOP got rid of the Fairness Doctrine (what Trump moronically calls Equal Time) to help Rush to the cabin boy Limbaugh. Deal with it now, sparky.

  • With apologies to Yusuf but… snowflake has broken?

  • Ray in VT

    Awww. Poor Trumpy. People are being all mean to him again for being a horrendous person and leader. Sad!

  • Ellie

    But, Colbert has the Real News. He should watch that. He’d like it.

  • Toledo Window Box

    TRUMP is complaining he doesn’t get enough TV coverage? Is this really happening?

    • Zyxomma

      No, he’s complaining that it’s “not fair,” IOW they’re not heaping praise on him.

      • kareemachan

        And he threw himself on the ground and had a hissy while tweeting it.

    • Bebecca

      No he’s complaining he doesn’t get enough POSITIVE coverage. As Bill Maher would day “then stop doing awful things”.

      • Toledo Window Box

        The fat orange fuck actually seems to think we can’t tell what a fat orange fuck he is.

        • SDGeoff3

          Hahahaha!!!!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      His empty podium got more coverage than Hillary’s speeches.

      • Toledo Window Box

        And now we have an empty suit governing us, instead of a qualified stateswoman.

        • puredog

          “Empty” would be an upgrade.

  • Zyxomma

    I heard something horrific today from the librarian at my local NYPL branch. Yesterday, shortly before closing, one of our Puerto Rican neighbors (there are still many in the east village, though not nearly as many as in 1970 when I first moved here) came into the library to print out FEMA forms to send to her relatives in PR.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      She’s hoping that the local USPS is up and running?

      • Zyxomma

        Either that, or she knows someone at an agency with a working fax. Or maybe she plans on flying to PR and handing them to her relatives. I wasn’t there.

    • Emilie Roper Smart

      Welcome to real-life post-hurricane! After Katrina, not only was the form available ONLY online, the form timed out after 30 minutes. But there was no message that it was fixing to time out, no countdown clock or save option. It would just freeze and you’d have to start over. We thought it was the site was overloaded until somebody from FEMA just mentioned that it timed out after 30 minutes. This was 4 or 5 weeks after the hurricane…

      • that’s like a lot of the ACA crap we have to do thru CMS (mostly our training). it’s really fussy and always crashes (and times out). i wonder if it’s something to do with federal platforms?*

        * i have no idea about what i am talking about whatsoever, but it’s my theory and i’m sticking to it.

        • It is not a bad theory. Most federal systems that I may or may not know intimately and to my continued slip on sanity tend to have timers for…some reason or another

    • Ms.Moon

      This is disgusting. Trump has nobody in his administration to tell him what needs to be done to help people in the case of a natural disaster (or he is not listening). I don’t expect him to know what to do, in fact I don’t expect him to know what day of the week it is. I am so sorry that people have to loose their lives when a competent president would have had boots on the ground from day one.

  • kareemachan
  • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)
  • rumsey

    Let’s ask Barack Obama how he felt for all the years that Trump alleged he wasn’t an American citizen. He must have been really hurt by those innuendoes! He should get equal time on Fox News to discuss his thoughts.

    • SDGeoff3

      Let’s see another chat with Bret Baier. That should turn out well.

    • True fact: Barry went on the Fox LOTS of times and pwned their dumb asses over and over.
      Trump is too afraid to go on anyone but a friendly

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    It’s like you can stipulate projection at this point. Like, he says shit about PR’s budget _because_ he himself is all of the bankrupt. He says shit about late-night comedians _because_ nobody will laugh at his dumbass jokes. Etc ad All Of The Nauseam.

    • Querolous

      ” Nauseam” I like it!The Donald J. Drumph Prezidenshul Nauseam.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        When the Trump Nauseam is built it will have engraved on the walls all of his great statements. “Grab ’em by the pussy” will be prominently displayed, as will “Covfefe,” for future generations to see and gain inspiration and direction. It’ll be a bigly building.

    • Strepsi

      His jokes are hilarious though! I mean “Puerrrrrto Rrrrrrico.” Get it?

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Great. Reinstitute the Fairness Doctrine, and “poof” . no more Limbaugh/Faux Newts. I can change the channel when Twitler’s wetdream segments come on . . .

    • Strepsi

      they all involve Ivanka

  • 3FingerPete

    I thought the Fox News conservative ball pit IS the equal time conservatives deserve. That’s what Fox News has repeatedly told us.

  • mailman27

    Yeah, but they’d have to find conservative “comedians.” These guys just aren’t “funny.” The putative conservative funnymen would have to come up with “jokes” about crushing the least among us while siphoning our nation’s wealth up to those who need it least. It’s just not all that funny. But toying with the end of days with an equally childish adversary? What a hoot!!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Sounds like an unfilled niche in show biz. Could rake in the medium bucks on the dotard lecture circuit.

      • mailman27

        It’s a “cash in quick” situation. What with the glowing sands, etc.

    • ken_kukec

      Sounds like a quick ticket to Branson, MO.

    • phoenix00

      Just check out Mike Huckabee’s Twitter feed. He tries to be funny, but it all ends up need-a-shower-afterwards levels of cringeworthy.

    • Sakonyachen

      I always find it funnier than the standup they do when certain comedians think they are conservative because they aren’t in favor of socialized medicine or IBI. They really don’t understand that Nixon and Reagan wouldn’t make it through the first primary debates in today’s GOP.

  • chascates

    Trump shows far more outward signs of instability than the Las Vegas shooter did. When he comes to the end of his rope it could do some real damage.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      He’s mentally ill.

    • ken_kukec

      Pretty sure 75 million (as-yet alive) Koreans would agree.

  • 3FingerPete

    Someone probably forget to block The President Show on Trump’s tv.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/da5c72f515e541c8338beb3eb35b19434645d6824189c467c79a5c5bd0027806.jpg

    • Querolous

      Hand is to – Aw Fuckit!

  • Rags

    4-5’s approval rating is only 3 points higher than Nixon’s on the day he resigned.

    • Really? Nixon was so much better tho….I mean he brought our troops home and such what

    • phoenix00

      And he got there in unpresidented time!

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Send Butt Hurt Cream to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington D.C. care of “The Moron”

    • Begin Anew Day

      “℅ The FUCKING Moron”

      FIFY

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      I forward all the mail I get addressed to RESIDENT, there.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Please show some respect. That should be “care of President Fucking Moron”

  • Relativicus

    I’m with Trump! Restore the Fairness Doctrine. What say you, Congress?

    • motmelere

      Doesn’t need Congress, he can just tell the FCC to make it so. That’s assuming a policy very similar to the one upheld by the SCOTUS and not the “All Hail the Chief” POS Trump demands.

      • Relativicus

        It’s best if it’s law.

      • phoenix00

        And make Ajit Pai /useful/? Nooooooo……

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I’d like to suggest that Trump read some history, especially about the Sedition Acts that were enacted during the John Adams administration. But asking Trump to read anything substantive is like speaking to a cement block.

  • Relativicus

    “Republicans (and me)”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    President Pussgrab GolfsALot sure is a sensitive soul, some might even say he’s a delicate flower or snowflake.

  • pixeloid

    Fright-wingers already have a 24/7 propaganda network called Fox “News” and almost all of talk radio. They’ve got a LOT more than “equal time”.

  • motmelere

    Video of Alex Jones being forced to have someone describe reality on Infowars would be hilarious.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    I remember that Obama went on Jimmy Kimmel twice – TWICE!! – to read mean tweets, including one that said, “Barack Obama is the Nickelback of presidents.” BO also poked a fair amount of fun at his own damn self. But sure: Equal Time. So, Donald Trump, show us your tax returns (Obama & Biden released 12 years’ worth!!) & long form birth certificate; throw in your passport, and college transcripts and someone will give spare change to a homeless person, which is more than you’ve donated to charity in almost EVER.

    • Serai 1
      • Tosca

        Man, I’m not even American, and I miss Obama SO MUCH.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Now there’s a guy who knew how to laugh at himself. A mark of maturity that Dear Leader sadly lacks.

  • Serai 1

    Gods, he’s SUCH a child.

    • phoenix00

      Not to mention whiny snowflake.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I know what you mean by “child” and I feel the same way. But it is almost an insult to real children because they are expected to behave like that and we excuse it because they (well, most of ’em) will grow up, mature, and develop traits that represent something akin to adulthood. Trump will not grow up, not mature, not enter adulthood. There’s got to be another category, something sub- or pseudo-human, for him.

      • Serai 1

        It fits and I’ll continue to use it. If and when you hear of something we can call Twitler without insulting the actual things itself, get back to me. And good luck withthat.

      • Nena

        While we know that actual children will behave like that on occasion, we don’t excuse that behavior. We let them know it is unacceptable, maybe impose some consequences, tell them how we expect them to behave. That’s how kids develop traits that represent something akin to adulthood.
        Excusing that kind of behavior in children is how we end up with adults like Trump.

  • Maybe

    Only Trump could believe that he doesn’t get enough media coverage.

    • HooverVilles

      Depends on the kind of coverage. What 45 wants is MOAR praise and adulation. His narcissism craves attention. Obviously without he thinks he is a loser.

      • Strepsi

        Look at his reaction to the Puerto Rican governor (who praised him), and the mayor (who refused to). He is a grotesque narcissist and mentally ill.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Sadly, neither way got much help.

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            What, those rolls of paper towels weren’t enough? Sheesh, what a bunch of ingrates.

          • Maybe

            Do you suppose he gave them the towels to mop up all that Water?

            Big Water.

            Ocean Water.

        • Maybe

          And apparently that’s just what millions of voters want. At this point the U.S. is pretty grotesque. And mentally ill.

      • Maybe

        If Trump thinks he is a loser that is just about the only fact he’s gotten right during his Presidency. It seems cruel to take that away from him.

    • pyrophilia

      seriously. The mainstream media would air empty rooms with donald trump at the podium while ignoring stadiums filled with people for Bernie Sanders. They gave more coverage to Trump during the primaries than to Sanders or Clinton Combined. It’s all there on media matters.

      • Maybe

        True, although they did cover Clinton’s email servers a lot. I guess real issues weren’t obsessive enough.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    The ONLY thing that will make Dear Leader happy would be if everybody on TV, all the news media, all the comedians, everyone was forced to only give glowing praise to Dear Leader. Kind of like how they do it in North Korea.

    But guess what? This ain’t North Korea. Yet.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      When that happens, I look forward to the new Fox and Friends
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7J2Nnl7Ano

      • Jay Silversmith

        I could’ve sworn she said something about a “hung dong” about four times?

  • JDM

    Why aren’t the headlines “Trump attacks Reagan!”?

  • freakishlypersistent

    Has this fuckwit seen the “Sunday shews?”

  • TootsStansbury

    Well, at least the horrifying Saturday morning burnt steak and ketchup dump tweets provided some laughs.

  • I thought his handlers only let him watch Fox.

    • Sakonyachen

      At this point they may be cracking jokes about him off air.

  • JohnBull

    Want equal time? Go on Kimmel’s show yourself and tell a fucking joke. You make the best ones in the world, from what I hear.

  • Mystery_Poster

    Now he’s twitting off at the latest to (not) call him a moron: Bob Corker. If his skin were any thinner he’d be translucent.

  • TundraGrifter
  • E.A. Blair

    Wouldn’t that mean reinstating the Fairness Doctrine? Fux News would go out of business.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Talk about projection! I ask whos the easily triggered snowflakes and who isnt? Trump and his supporters are the most easily triggered snowflakes on the planet. I wonder if Trump has his own safe space in the White House.

    • mysonsam

      I think he thought the WH is a safe space…

  • Sean Jungian

    99% of Drumpf’s problems would be solved if he just turned off the TV.

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