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You’ll be glad to know that the Loon-o-Sphere has been cranking out conspiracy theories about the Las Vegas mass shooting as fast as cranks can think of them, and while Alex Jones has certainly showcased a few, he’s really just the tip of the moronberg when it comes to people who have non-monogamous relationships with reality. Media Matters has helpfully catalogued some of the wackier ones out there and attempted to trace how some have migrated from the crazier corners of paranoialand to semi-respectable rightwing media. The old-timey gurus of the Internet were right: Information wants to be free. The gurus just didn’t realize how much of that information also wanted to rip its clothes off in public and run around screaming about chemtrails while smearing itself with canned clams.

For instance, we bet you had no idea that Stephen Paddock, the man the media says was responsible for the shooting, was actually an undercover FBI agent who was setting up a gun-running sting against ISIS (just like Obama’s Fast and Furious!), but they sussed him out, murdered him, then committed the mass shooting themselves and slipped away before police arrived. Apparently it didn’t occur to the people who dreamed this one up that ISIS has no shortage of full-auto combat weapons captured from Iraqi and Syrian forces, or maybe this was supposed to be one of the several hundred active ISIS cells Obama allowed to set up shop in the USA, but which somehow couldn’t get full-auto guns from the parent organization. Also, they vanished without a trace, just like that. Or maybe Paddock was a Deep State US agent running guns to the Philippines (his girlfriend is Filipina!) because the Deep State can’t stand the idea that Rodrigo Duterte is finally cleaning up the drug business in his country by killing everyone.

Then there’s Twitter goofball and former James O’Keefe confederate Laura Loomer, who yelled at some Shakespeare actors to save Donald Trump from being murdered. She’s busy promoting any wackypants idea that she hears about from her “sources,” like the obvious fact that Las Vegas union workers did the killing, because isn’t it obvious? “Every office door in the MGM union has a picture of a Muslim woman” taped to it, and the MGM hotels had a union-demanded 10-week vacation to volunteer for the Hillary campaign (yeah, we’re pretty sure that happened), so do we have to draw you a picture? So it only makes sense the hotel chain has deleted all the records from “Stephen Paddock’s” stay at the Mandalay Bay, according to her inside source (a used copy of the Norton Anthology of English Verse that talks to her at night).

Also, too, there’s all the compelling evidence that Stephen Paddock was a man who hated Donald Trump, and shot up a country music concert because country music fans universally love Donald Trump. Heck, Conservative Thought Leaderer and Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza thinks that makes a lot of sense:

Pam Geller stepped a bit outside her Muslim-hatin’ comfort zone to explain that some guy wearing a pussy hat and a pink NASA tee shirt in a blurry photo of an August rally in Reno just had to be Paddock, because just look: It is an old guy with a beard and… AN UNDETACHED EARLOBE!

ALSO! Stephen Paddock worked for Lockheed Martin, and Lockheed Martin did contracts for NASA, and that’s the only possible explanation for why the guy at the Reno protest has a NASA t-shirt. That there is an airtight case if ever we saw one.

This proves conclusively that all blurry photos of old white guys in Nevada are of the same person.

We are just about conspiracied out, so we will only briefly mention the possibilities that the shooting was part of a plot to make all public and private buildings in America buy metal detectors and other security devices, the obvious conclusion that police allowed the mass shooting to happen then shot Paddock to keep him from spilling the beans, that there were multiple shooters, and, obviously, that the mass shooting was really just a small part of a larger plot to nuke Las Vegas that was spoiled by the heroic and timely intervention of Blackwater, which hasn’t existed for a decade.

But we certainly are delighted to learn that Idaho congressional candidate (and End Times prophet/prepper) Michael Snyder has been pushing several Las Vegas Conspiracy theories on his website, and even joined Alex Jones to rant about the old guy who wore a pussy hat in Reno just to make Freedom (i.e., the Second Amendment) die:

We really have to find Snyder campaign headquarters and volunteer. Now where’s our James O’Keefe pimp suit?
Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us meet payroll and buy a fake mustache kit.

[MediaMatters / Idaho Statesman / RightWingWatch]

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  • memzilla Ω
    • The Wanderer

      That’s a crackpot conspiracy theory!
      /s

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Just a bunch of Spudboys!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Get the Lindbergh baby into the mix or GTFO!!!!!!!

    • laughingnome

      Okay, my source says the shooter was the Lindbergh baby all growed up.

      • MenageriePass

        But time traveling from the 1980s or 1990s?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I love all of those “there were multiple shooters” theories. Despite the fact that there was only one way in and one way out of the perch the shooter set up. And that if there were additional suspects, they would have been filmed or photographed by one of the eighty gazillion cameras in the casino or hotel’s public areas. So how’d they get out – teleporter?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      /Snarkoff: I’ve been to a shooting range so I know that gunshots, especially in a metal-and-glass-surrounded ‘canyon’ can sound like they’re coming from multiple directions, but a lot of people have no idea, or that it’s possible to mistake the echo of a shot for the sound of the shot itself. I suspect that’s where the initial “more than one shooter” stuff came from – but wouldn’t be at all surprised if the NRA didn’t push this theory since it would deflect attention from the arsenal he actually did have, which would have caught anyone’s attention if there’d been such a thing as a national gun registry.
      /snark on

      • therblig

        not surprised. one of the criticisms of emergency vehicle sirens is that there’s often no way to determine what direction they’re coming from, which is way people often don’t stop at intersections when we hear them. but there’s probably about as much chance of equipping cars with an emergency vehicle approaching from left/right/front/back system as there is convincing the NRA to accept a national gun registry. it’s the price of freedom!!!

        • Querolous

          Autonomous cars will need to have radio contact with emergency vehicles. Eventually sirens will not be necessary. Driving a car will not be allowed on public roads. Of course that assumes we survive for another couple decades.

    • jesterpunk
  • wait! what?

    Quintumnia isn’t real?!?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Beat me to ’em, Dok. I saw a youTube vid yesterday detailing the “FBI/CIA Accountant” angle, along with “he was on Diazepam” and not to forget “Monarch Mind Controlled Patsy Assassin”.

    • The Wanderer

      Waitaminnit. Are they saying that The Monarch behind this? Or was it Baron Underbite?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        MK-Ultra, actually. Same-same why Katy Perry shows cleavage, according to these brain-dead assholes.

        • The Wanderer

          MKULTRA. Wow.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            *nods*

          • Three Finger Salute

            That actually does a disservice to the victims of MK Ultra, which was a real thing and was done by our government, just like the Tuskegee Experiment was yet another example of unethical medical experimentation on the vulnerable and something that the Nazis studied to meticulous extent (and we copied from them with MK Ultra, which supposedly was part of Operation Paperclip).

            So it could easily be argued that these Infowarriors are themselves patsies for the government because they’re spreading disinfo about MK Ultra. I’d like to see someone do a reverse psy-op on Jones and the like and really make the wingnut heads explode. Falseflagception!

        • Three Finger Salute

          If you want more NWO crackpot WTF material for the lulz, have a glance at “Vigilant Citizen” (all about that Katy Perry stuff), some Spanish (?) site called Biblioteca Pleyades (“Pleiades Library”?), and this Canuck lunatic named Henry Makow, who is proof that they’ll give just about anyone a PhD these days and is convinced that Justin Trudeau is a crypto-Jew and also too the Antichrist. Irony: he invented a board game called “Scruples” even though he clearly has none. If you thought Obama conspiracies and Hillary’s “spirit cooking” fiasco were insane, just wait until you see the treasure trove of “Satanic Trudeau” fanfic. Something something, Fidel Castro. But even he’s just the tip of the Yukon iceberg.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I’m familiar with “Vigilant Citizen” and Pleiades Library, I think Rational Wiki has a take-down about Makow.

      • mailman27

        What? The butterflies? Been seeing more and more of them lately.

    • Catstro

      The MSM is running with the Diazepam angle. They are desperate to make excuses for this white man.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Funny, I was on Lorazepam for Anxiety for years. I was dazed and sleepy, and I have never committed any violence.

        • Catstro

          Apparently Diazepam can make you aggressive if you take a ton of it over time. The other Benzos don’t do this alleged thing, apparently. I’m on Lorazepam as a sleep aid (my shrink says it works really well as a sleep aid for Bipolars, and god knows I would rather take a Benzo than ride with Ambien Walrus again), and it makes me feel refreshed in the AM. If anyone tried to take it away from me I would lose my everloving shit, it’s the first restful sleep I’ve had in ages, and I haven’t developed a tolerance (it’s been like, a year). I occasionally take Alprazolam for breakthrough panic (like a few a year). I can’t take Klonopin at all. They’re not interchangeable. They’re also not the cause of a mass murder. Fuck, it’s not like they’re going to have to defend him in court, I think they can chill on the Twinkie defense.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~ Lorazepam gave me hangovers. I haven’t needed it since I Came Out. I still have anxiety but it’s been much more manageable.

            The thing is, even if Diazepam can trigger aggression, access to Military-style weapons bears *some* part of this horrific mass murder.

          • jowgajen

            Plus, too, underlying sociopathy (3% of men!) that he had previously directed to more socially beneficial/acceptable means but then didn’t. It does suggest some sort of event that reduced his inhibitions.

          • Lord Jim

            I think it’s just easier for these folks to believe that mental illness is to blame (but sure makes it hard on those struggling with disorders, as 3FS said above) than human evil. In any case, doesn’t change the fact that semi-auto guns that hold many rounds make it real easy to kill a lot of people in a very short time. OOOH LOOK SQUIRREL!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            *nods* Be a lot harder to mass-murder with a sword or axe, no matter what the trigger for violence was.

          • Lord Jim

            Yep. We have laws mandating seatbelt use, drivers must be licensed and insured, and cars weren’t even designed to kill people.

      • Three Finger Salute

        They did the same with the Sandy Hook kid and Ritalin. But when an unarmed black man with mental illness — or a black child, with or without any diagnosed psychiatric disorders — gets shot by a circular firing squad, it’s because he was a “thug” and an “animal” or “didn’t follow directions.”

        While I am willing to give credence to the problem of over- and mis-prescribing mental health medications and the obvious side effects listed on the label and in the commercials, this discrepancy and double standard is racism, pure and simple. Lanza was just “hopped up” while Tamar Rice was a criminal in the waiting?

        No, sorry, you don’t get to play that game. They showed pictures of Lanza as an otherwise adorable kid. They even showed Dzhokhar Tsarnaev as an otherwise adorable kid even though America hates Muslims. (Literally, Caucasian. Chechnya is situated amid the Caucasus mountains.) But not Tamar and not Trayvon. Wrong, wrong, wrong. So fucking wrong. Not only to stigmatize the mentally ill but to paint white “kids” as just “kids” and black kids as deceptively innocuous miniature brutes.

        • Lord Jim

          Racism again, huh? Quelle surprise. It seems to be what white people do best.

      • richardgrabman

        What difference does it make, anyway. Crimes require means, motive, and opportunity. Drugs (or lack of drugs) might be a motive, and shitloads of expensive and intrusive measures might limit opportunity, but it’d be a lot simpler just to limit the means to the (fatal) ends.

  • Catstro

    Today in excuses the media is making up to explain why this lone wolf went rogue, apparently he was written a Rx of 50 Valium back in June or July. Apparently large doses of Valium can make you so aggressive that you stockpile shit-tons of weapons and extensively plan a mass shooting. Frankly, I think it was just economic insecurity.

    Also too would rather hear wingnut conspiracies than MSM make me feel shittier about treating my mental illness with drugs than I feel about having the illness itself.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Some lawyer somewhere is cooking up a lawsuit against Roche right now.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So ISIS did it, and then very carefully eliminated or covered up every last trace of evidence that they did it, and then they made a claim for responsibility that nobody in the world believes because there’s not a trace of evidence?

    Sounds legit to me.

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      12 dimensional chess, duh.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Gotta be, because it makes no fucking sense whatsoever in the 3 that I live in.

  • memzilla Ω

    … her inside source (a used copy of the Norton Anthology of English Verse that talks to her at night).

    Bulfinch’s Mythology LIBELZ!!1!!
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/58b2d1a35c32d45c3f9a8362073e994297a9c52445bee79958575890442ba93a.jpg

    • therblig

      Edith Hamilton libelz!!!!

      • Querolous

        Publius Ovidius Naso libelz!!!!

  • Three Finger Salute

    I suffer from legitimate, biologically-originated and most likely genetically inherited mental illness. I’ve become something of a eugenicist from personal experience. I’ve also become a recluse in self-imposed exile due to the fact that I’m basically part of a category that’s associated with bloody mass murders like this in the public mindset, and will always be no matter how much I or anyone else states the case that #notallbipolars (in fact most bipolars) aren’t anything like this.

    But I can honestly say that the wingnut media makes me feel on a personal level that I’m unexpectedly sane by comparison. Insanity has been normalized all the way to the White House, which is now a satellite campus of Bellevue Hospital just like its franchise partners at Fox News, Infowars, and digital outlets streaming live from Silicon Valley and whatever trailer park Bannon runs Breitbart from.

    Despite all this, America still sees me, and others with my condition and others like it, as diseased lepers and ticking time bombs waiting to go off. I’m probably such a nervous wreck due to a high level of emotional intelligence and empathy that causes me to break down from becoming overwhelmed by the pain of others on top of my own. I know this, and am very susceptible to and adversely affected by that mainstream social disapproval. Suffice it to say, however, that deep down, I know in my heart that even though I am sick, Republicans and their rambling mouthpieces are something far worse.

    They’re crazy.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I’m BiPolar as well, it’s considered Disabling even without the PTSD.

      And, agreed. We *know* we have illness, and we do our best to manage it. GOPers, Et al. are Bugfuck cray-cray and without empathy.

      • Lord Jim

        You and 3FS have good souls and a determination not to utterly succumb to darkness.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          ~hugs~

      • Catstro

        Yep. Bipolar here. It’s very manageable for me, but I feel like that’s largely due to my economic stability. Anyway, my sister is nuts, but because I’m the one who acknowledges my mental illness and treats it, I get the official label. Which is fine, apart from the anxiety I have with people finding out. I’m afraid I would face a LOT more scrutiny as a mom, and that other parents wouldn’t want my kid playing with theirs. So I try to keep it quiet.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I hear that, all of it. I downplay the BiPolar part, I’m more vocal about my PTSD.

        • Lord Jim

          Progress is such a slow crawl. Hell, society isn’t anywhere close to being out of it’s racism phase, and mental illness hasn’t even begun to undergo a change in social awareness. There are some in the church who are trying to get people to understand that an institution built on seeing the world through a lens of morality and moral responsibility is utterly unequipped to minister to those struggling with mental illness.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They’re also evil.
      And please remember that you don’t have to define yourself by their terms. {{{Hugs}}}

    • goonemeritus

      You are most welcome to play in our sandbox. We are lucky to have you.

    • Big Puppy Resists

      I’ve got to say that if your posts are any indication, I wouldn’t have said you have a mental illness.

      I know a family with inherited bipolar disorder and beyond the heartache caused by untreated bipolar disorder, there’s no sense of ticking time bombs. Yes, there’s defiance of authority and lying for no discernible reason and other difficulties, but there isn’t the violence you fear others ascribe to you.

      There’s no need to be a recluse here and I’m so glad of it.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I think some of them are crazy. But the ones that started this, the beginning of the end of US hegemony, are just pure evil. They are only wingnutting for the money and power, and the abuse they can get away with using them.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    That man in Nevada is G. W. Bush with a beard.
    Because totally reasons.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So… competent Shrub, from a parallel universe?

  • Indiepalin

    Penn & Teller and the Osmonds are livid over rumors linking them to a related series of cattle mutilations in the southwest.

  • Bureaucrap

    How about “Alex Jones hired Paddock to improve ratings for Alex Jones”?

    • Khavrinen

      Myth: Plausible.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    You want stupid? Here’s stupid:

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/10/tucker-carlson-says-bump-stock-saved-lives

    As if someone shooting into a crowd of 22,000 people from a block away and 32 stories up is picking out individual targets. Boy, all those guys in the military who are trained on machine guns – like the WWI German Maxim gunners who mowed down tens of thousands of British infantry at the battle of the Somme – will sure be sorry when they hear that Tucker fucking Carlson thinks what they are doing is a waste of time.

    • Oh FFS.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Not accurate? That’s right, he missed every one of his targets, didn’t hit a single thing he was aiming for.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Silverado – Sheriff John Langston, almost

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          He was aiming for the oil cans, like the sniper in The Jerk.

          HE HATES THESE CANS!

          If Paddock only hadn’t used a bump stock, people would be alive today!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Fucker Carlson, here’s the thing: HE HIT AND KILLED 59 PEOPLE. He did it from a coward’s hideout where nobody could shoot back and nobody could sneak up on him. He didn’t need any particular shooting ability to mow down people in an enclosed space that was well within the range of the weapons he was using. If you’re positing that he somehow failed to achieve some goal you made up for him inside your head, please fuck the entire fuck off, and do it now.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      You smell that? YOU SMELL THAT? Desperation, son. Nothing in the world smells like that.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Shoot into a crowd like that and every fucking bullet is going to hit somebody.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This is why worrying about his motive is an asinine exercise.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    This past Tuesday night I had a conversation with a goofball who turned out to be a conspiracy nut. (He came through my checkout lane at work.) The convo started out with tame, sane subjects like trips to the Grand Canyon but quickly devolved to his belief that Sandy Hook and 9/11 were inside jobs. He wanted me to explain how “everything was closed for Christmas” but somehow the “government” was able to make millions of dollars of real estate transactions that night. This was “proof” that Sandy Hook was faked. I couldn’t then, and can’t now, make any kind of coherent sense of any of this – the shooting was on 12/14, not Christmas day, for just ONE thing. . . anyway, friends, this is how we got Dolt 45.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was stuck in a conversation with a conspiracy theorist, too. I wanted to say to him “hey, stupid dolt, do you not realize that THOUSANDS of people would have to be involved in the conspiracy of Sandy Hook? Christ, I can’t even tell any of my friends a secret that they don’t blab it to someone else. How would you get thousands of people, who could make millions of dollars telling the truth, from keeping quiet?”

      They are soooo stupid. They will believe that every scientist in the world is willing to lie about climate change, but not that the fossil fuel industry, who funds the GOP could possibly have ANY reason (other than hundreds of billions of dollars) to lie about the effects of fossil fuels.

      • therblig

        if you can’t see how easy it would be to pull off, you’re obviously one of the sheeple who…

        wait, you might be in on it…

        you know, i totally see your point (backs out of room slowly, runs to safety of gun room)

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          He was also telling me about the “Muslim no go zone” in…wait for it…GEORGIA! LOL, I could barely keep a straight face at that point. Then he was telling me how the blacks from BLM were pulling truck drivers out of their cabs and beating them up. I said “really, I haven’t heard about that, let me Google it.” Guess who did the reporting on that gem? If you guessed “AngryPatriot.org” you win the internet for the day. Sounds like a totally legit news source!

          • therblig

            I said Georgia
            Ooh Georgia, no peace will infidels find
            Just an old sweet song
            Keeps jihad on my mind (jihad on my mind)

    • Beanz&Berryz

      One man. One vote.

      Even if it’s not in the Constitution.

  • Asterix

    We come from different realities, these wack-jobs and the rest of us. It is beyond my ability to understand these people. They might as well be aliens.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It wouldn’t be so bad if they voted in their world instead of in ours.
      Maybe Kobach can chase after conspiraloons registered in multiple universes?

  • therblig

    what must it be like to be trapped in such a delusional world? i mean besides living during trumpy’s presidency. what in these idiots’ childhoods led them to this? abuse? neglect? dropped on the head too many times?

    • Asterix

      I think it must be terrifying. These people believe all of these horrifying, terrifying things – the nightmares must be intense. When they don’t piss me off, I genuinely feel sorry for these people. Their lives are hell, filled with fear and hatred.

      • therblig

        yup. especially the ones who really commit to it. i’m sure for some it’s a grift, but the ones who see things through that single lens and dedicate their lives to it, they really are almost pitiable. but, then there’s the hatred and the fear that inevitably leads to pain for others.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I was raised by a Christian Conspiracy Theorist. Dad especially hit hard on the Kennedy Assassination.

      Growing up with it all, and surrounded by people with similar views – or worse – it’s been a struggle to get it out of my head. I try to Reality-check things, be skeptical, and use more than one reference for anything that might be weird or hinky.

      • georgiaburning

        Conspiracy theorists always believe that the conspirators are so much smarter than anyone else and nothing goes wrong for them. If so, then how did you discover the conspiracy and why are you still breathing?

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Indeed. Two things that helped me – I was big into UFOs but I know too much about aviation to be fooled by easily-explained sightings, and my skepticism there eventually helped me to become more skeptical in other areas.

          The other was Coming Out. Conspiracy types are usually Homophobes, so hearing about “”Gay Conspiracies” that are so obviously untrue – seriously, try to get more than 3 Queers to agree on where to go for lunch, you’ll see how well a Gay Conspiracy would work – it was my final push out.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      They will never become self aware enough to find out how delusional they are, too much thinking involved.

  • Khavrinen

    “Which Of These Las Vegas Shooting Conspiracy Theories Is Most Stupidest?”

    “Stupidest” implies a linear scale, but stupidity is actually spherical: No matter where you look, it’s all around you.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Conspiracy kitteh! I wonder if Dok’s who I stoled him from in the first place.
    (Sure, kitteh might be a she, but most of these conspiracy theory dweebs seem to be dudes.)

  • TJ Barke

    The mental gymnastics these people go through are mind blowing…

    • laughingnome

      If they would only use this power for good.

      • TJ Barke

        Apart from really convoluted fiction, it’s not good for anything.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They’re all getting suspiciously high scores from the Russian judges, even when they flub the dismount.

    • Shibusa

      My RWNJ Uncle Dave remains steadfast in his certainty that Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        WERE EWE THEIR?

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    Wow. I gotta say the desperation coming from the Right Wing is certainly palpable. Why else would they make up such wackadoodle conspiracy theories? BECAUSE THE SHOOTER WAS ONE OF THEIR OWN. And they CANNOT live with the fact that when you take an angry white man, allow him to buy up as many guns and as much ammo as humanly possible, pump his brain full of hatred, fear and loathing for anybody not a White Christian Male ™, then you have a ticking time bomb on your hands.

    And guess what? There are MILLIONS of them out there. All locked and loaded and ready to commit the next mass shooting whenever someone’s dog takes a shit on their lawn or their favorite Tindr crush rejected them. Because it certainly doesn’t take much to push them into a murderous rage, as we saw so clearly the other day.

    • jesterpunk

      He was a rich angry high quality white man. Maybe if they pass moar tax cuts that will fix it.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        His economic anxiety certainly made him act out in this manner.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    First, we can rule out anyone who didn’t read Catcher in the Rye. The next thing to ask is, where was the grassy knoll at the time? What did the grassy knoll and when did he knoll it?

    Finally, we can assume Hillary did it. She killed all her political enemies and now she’s going after every Trump voter in the country, one country music festival at a time.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That makes total sense.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump is apparently furious (snicker) that Rexxon won’t deny calling him a “moron.” From Jonathan Chait:
    “Presumably almost everybody who works for Trump considers him a moron. Even the most committed of Trump’s underlings see him as a kind of tool they can manipulate for their own ends. Bannon, the Trumpiest person who has worked in the administration — and the most likely source of the leak snitching on Tillerson — once referred to Trump as a “blunt instrument” for his movement. Typically, when you liken a person to a blunt instrument, you are not describing a genius. (“Dumb as a rock,” “not the sharpest tool in the shed,” “dumber than a box of hammers,” etc.)

    But the trick of working for a powerful moron is not to say that they’re a moron in front of them or anybody who has an incentive to convey your comments to them. And if you are caught, you probably need to make a convincing denial, so that the president is not left in the awkward position of having a secretary of State who is publicly known to have called him a moron. This is just the kind of basic principle of diplomacy that ought to be familiar to, say, the United States government’s head diplomat.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Everyone in Trump’s cabinet who has to testify in the Senate should be asked first, under oath, do you think Trump is a moron? See how many take the 5th.

      • Covfefe

        I easily could pass the “do you think he’s a moran test.” I think he’s an imbecile.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A “blunt instrument” or a “blunt object?”

  • wait! what?

    My fake conspiracy theory got way too much traction at the office. I just casually mentioned that the shooter thought the world was going to end when an asteroid hit the Earth. The brother confirmed this by saying “It’s like an asteroid just fell on top of our family.”

    “ihaveregrets

  • jesterpunk

    Well its good to see our national reserve of stupid thoughts isnt running out any time soon.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Just the other day we were worried it was being depleted too fast. I feel relieved.

    • SeeTrain65

      Noticing there is no “strategic” before “national reserve.”

      Because … WHY WOULD THERE BE? ; )

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Sarah Huckabee Sanders just said “Trump is keeping the world from chaos.” Has she ever met Trump?

    • ariel_gee_398

      From, in. Prepositions are hard.

    • Asterix

      She was raised in a alternate reality. To her, it’s probably the truth, even though the rest of us only see chaos and destruction.

    • jesterpunk

      “Trump didnt kill a dog or fuck a goat yet today so its an improvement.”

      • weighmaster

        An ominous “yet”, that.

        • jesterpunk

          Its still early in the day and Huckabee doesnt want to have to come back out.

      • Covfefe

        Bah. Bah. Bah

      • aureolaborealis

        Today is the day he became president.

        • Bright Bart

          …of his own asshole.

    • Has she ever met the world?

    • Daniel

      She just doesn’t care any more.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Keeping the world from chaos? Sure. Like a guy throwing buckets of chum into shark-infested waters is preventing feeding frenzies.

    • therblig
      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “Sarah! Diss iss Kaos! Ve don’t oink here!”

      • Nockular cavity

        K.A.O.S. libel!

  • jesterpunk
    • Khavrinen

      AOT, K Barry, same as always.

  • I hear Jones has begun publishing his own conspiracy-theory magazine called Grassyknoll.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Sara Huckabee Sanders just said “I’m smirking because you just said Trump’s statements were causing a lot of people in DC to hold their breath. I think a lot of Americans would like that.” Sure, Huckabee Sanders can joke about killing politicians, but when I do it, Dok bans me. UNFAIR!!!!!

    • Slack-jawed twat.

      • bbayliss

        She just said EYE ran.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          And EYE ran
          EYE ran so far away

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            It’s not running away, it’s just pointing in a different direction.

    • Daniel

      Just a reminder, Sarah, your father- a former politician- expended great effort excusing the sexual assault of children by a personal friend who was related to some of the victims.

    • Covfefe

      Wonkette is not the White House. Standards.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s what scares me! We’ve got higher standards on a recipe hub/mommy blog/ dick joke aggregator than the White House does.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Now we know what it takes to move the NRA an inch off their absolutist position. You can murder college students, you can slaughter second-graders, but by gawd you do not shoot country music fans!
    Why, they’re so upset, they’re even backing regulations that would have cut the death toll by 30%. Wow!

    • The NRA hasn’t given an inch. They know how easy it is to get your hands on an AK-47 in this country.

      • jowgajen

        Probably not that easy, actually. But irrelevant because the AR-15 has shown to be quite good enough for the task and is available for a few hundred dollars and half an hour in a gun shop.

        • I don’t own guns, I hate guns, and I could have an AK-47 in my hands by next week. You just have to know the right people……Paranoid nationalists are more than happy to help out.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Plus now you can blame Obama…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        But you’ll only be able to fire 80 round in a minute, instead of 120. Some people might get away!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Some asshole (I’m assuming from the esteemed periodical World Net Daily News) just asked Huckabee Sanders why the head of the IRS still has his job.

    I’ll take “because he’s doing his fucking job, you moron” for $200 please, Alex.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yes. Some in the media ask questions with a sense of earnest inquiry. He asked with a smarmy arrogance that matched the assholery of Sarah Fuckabee. They deserve each other.

  • Reximus
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      That duck is suffering from shrinkage!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The water is cold…

        • Catstro

          Like a frightened turtle

      • therblig

        duck peen is horrifying IRL

    • Looks like Sarah Huckabee with a Brazilian.

      • Ωbjectifier

        So much for lunch. I wasn’t hungry anyway.

    • NotReallyHere

      That is so cool. I’m stealing it.

      • The Wanderer

        NOONE WILL EVER KNOW!

  • jesterpunk
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT but I am in AWE of my fellow Wonkers who apparently are able to listen to the daily Lie-fest from the WH’s favorite dressmaker’s dummy, Sarah Huckleberry Sandlot. Y’all are my heroes.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara has always been my hero

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Lulz…my new tagline should be something like “I eat shit sandwiches, so the rest of you don’t have to.”

        Full disclosure: I RARELY venture onto Fox News, but those posters who do? They are the REAL heros.

  • ManchuCandidate

    These ‘conspiracies’ can have their idiot hairs shaved by Occam’s razor.

    All of these are too stupidly complicated to work… because if the Idiots who thought these out could ‘work’ them out then any fucking moron could.

    Easier to blame 5 of the following:
    The Jews
    The antifa
    The reverse vampires
    The mole people
    HOLLYWOOD
    Bilderburgs
    Obama
    Killery
    Captain James T Kirk
    The Organians
    Feminists
    The Blacks
    The Drug Cartels
    UFOS
    Mel Brooks
    THE illuminati
    SPECTRE
    TOUCAN SAM
    Ronald McDonald
    HOSTESS
    Satan
    CIA
    Rand Corp
    Girl Scouts

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Needz moar George Soros!

    • MenageriePass

      Bilderburgers make good Cheeseburgers.

    • Nockular cavity

      Hostess? What, the Ding-Dongs, or the Ho-Hos?

      • Because those bastards bought out Drake’s!!! Now getting a package of Funny Bones is pure chance. I switched to Tastykakes.

        • Nockular cavity

          Funny Bones were the best thing they had! Not that I really know what’s available now. I’ve grown older and graduated to, you know, actual food.

        • The Wanderer

          Butterscotch Krimpets, or Chocolate Bells?

          • Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes. Or, their chocolate cupcakes with chocolate filling, left in the freezer for an hour.

      • Ωbjectifier
        • therblig

          i would always peel the marshmallow off like picking a big scab.

    • Cock Blockula

      You forgot the Lemurians and the Libtards/Lieburals!

      Also Chemtrails and EMFs!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Damned Organians, they had no right to interfere!

    • therblig

      (((Toucan Sam))) follows his nose

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        !!! He’s an associate of noted undead zombie Frankenberry!!
        AL FRANKEN IS ALSO A JEW!! CONNECT THE DOTS!!!1

        • therblig

          i always thought he was a nice socialist pink

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Always go with the Jews. That way you get Mel Brooks and Capt. Kirk as well, and still have four choices left.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Don’t forget the Rothschilds (though I think Teh Jewz covers this), the Jesuits, shit there’s like 3 more biggies but I’m blanking.

    • SeeTrain65

      Forgot Nancy Pelosi, Bill Clinton … hell, Democrats and Liberals in general.

      Just pick one. Some moran will make a meal of it.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Gun nuts on Facebook are complaining about a potential ban on bump stocks because these are “just tools”. The only fucking purpose of bump stocks is to make semi-automatic weapons even more efficient at killing living things. And I saw this under a post by Senator Cortez-Masto urging people to donate blood for the victims of a shooter who used these tools of death…

    It’s amazing, this country’s fixation on guns. Yesterday, in the movie theater, I saw a preview for a reboot of Death Wish that’s about a guy who decides to take law enforcement into his own hands, guns in tow, to protect the public and avenge his wife’s murder. And Blade Runner had its fair share of gun violence as well, not to mention the Kingsman movie a few doors away. If this is the kind of thing we’re seeing on the big and small screens each and every day, is it any wonder we have a problem?

    • Ling Ling

      This. Gunplay without consequence.

    • Guns are a symbol of the primal desire to combat helplessness. They are not going away without a fundamental change in human nature.

    • therblig

      most gun nuts are just tools.

    • SeeTrain65

      Known to increase its speed and rate of fire, but not its accuracy.

      It is definitely efficient, in the sense that it’s killing innocent living things without discrimination. Men, women, children, animals, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians alike. Doesn’t matter, as long as there’s plenty of carnage and as long as the bullets fly without giving a damn about which direction they go.

  • CO
  • alpacapunchbowl

    I really, really wish I hadn’t clicked on that Laura Looney (my phone auto-corrected her name, and damn right I’m leaving it!) twatter link.
    There was someone by the name of Rebecca that sounded like not-a-moran though, she seemed cool.

  • bbayliss

    If I hear trump say “you’ll find out” one more fucking time…
    ARGGGH.

    • “I know something you don’t know…”

      • bbayliss

        Which is pretty amazing when he’s demonstrated time after time that he knows nothing, about anything, ever.

      • The Wanderer
      • bbayliss

        higher

        • SeeTrain65

          There’s nothing there we would hurt.

    • stumpknocker

      don’t let it get under your skin, what ever he says is gonna be a lie.

      • bbayliss

        Thanks, I pretty good at ignoring morons, but morons with power tend to light my fuse.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    You wouldn’t know this from watching the MSM, but Antifa is made up almost entirely of old retired white guys. Just like ISIS.

    • bbayliss

      And black lives matter.

    • MenageriePass

      They seem to keep in shape though.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Most of them just do it hoping to me a nice young woman they can force to be their bride. Innocent stuff, really.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      No wonder the alt-right finds antifa so a-skeery!

  • BrendaKay

    OT: Clicked the AP headline site and see a story called “AG directive protects religious objectors to LGBT rights” and in my head I re-titled it: AG protects assholes at expense of the vulnerable. Then I realized, I just summed up the entire GOP and current administration with that pithy phrase … “Protecting assholes from the vulnerable.”

    It’s been a depressing week here in Vegas.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Religious objectors, bigots. Potayto, potahtoe.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      As much as it hurts, I’ve been heartened by the posts on Facebook from my friends down there who are helping, donating time and supplies and effort to help the affected and comfort the grieving.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I do wonder however how a retired millionaire with no criminal records or mental issues goes to buying 33 guns and shooting up a crowd while his girlfriend and family had no idea something was wrong.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Just like every serial killer in history. They don’t exactly broadcast their plans.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        But in hindsight there were indicators. This one not so much or at least we haven’t found them out.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Stockpiling of an arsenal is a big fat red flag, but the gun humpers refuse to admit that fact.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            That’s why we have to find out his political affiliations — because otherwise, the only thing left to blame might be the guns.

          • Sadly I know of LOTS of people with weapons caches (10 or more guns). It really is not an indicator of a sick person, more of a sick society.

          • Nockular cavity

            Stockpiling weapons? Eh, maybe they’re a collector. But stockpiling ammo? Then it’s good odds they’re up to something twisted.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Good point.

          • I don’t know what constitutes “stockpiling” in terms of ammo, but I would consider what I’ve seen stockpiling. I do know local ammo sales skyrocket after terrorist events. I live in hillbilly territory. They consider it a duty to be heavily armed.
            At the feedstore yesterday I saw a couple of Greenacres (wealthy folks playing farmer) get into their big boy truck which had a decal that read, “If you don’t support our troops you’re welcome to stand in front of them.” Local hillbillies usually just put these decals on their rear windows. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c3c3b065fa3f88e7451b43f97f6758a75cfd48fe030df69a454075b5f2f6118a.jpg

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I am sorry to disagree, but anyone who thinks they need a cache of semi-automatic weapons is sick.

          • Unfortunately, the DSM-IV disagrees.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            They don’t wish to be tarred with that same brush.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          My lover took his own life. There were signs that he was planning it but, crucially, they were all walled off so only a few people knew about each one. If anyone had known them all – closing his business, selling off his championship-winning racing motorcycle, buying a shotgun, taking down all the wall art and repairing the holes then repainting his house – we would have been alerted, and would have acted. (And before you ask, he broke up with me 4 months before he did it, and it was during those 4 months that all of the above took place.) I assume the shooter’s sending of his girlfriend to the Philippines was a way of heading off her becoming aware of what he was up to.

          • He “rescued” her from an abusive relationship. Stockholm syndrome is blinding on all levels.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A quirky hobby… Constitutionally protected… unlike macrame…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I suspect it’s going to come out that he was heavily indebted because of the casinos. My brother likes to gamble and lives in Vegas, but he sets limits for himself. He taught me on my first trip to Vegas that there is one key rule in gambling, and it is “the house always wins.” It’s just a matter of time before you lose your ass if you keep at it.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        That would be my first assumption as well. That he might be rich but there are some serious debts as well not known yet.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          It’s easy to lose a lot of money when you’re gambling high dollar amounts. I had a friend who worked for a very wealthy Hollywood guy, who had a hit TV show that you probably watched. One of her jobs was to go to the bank and withdraw $9999 (under the amount that has to be reported to the IRS) from the bank before they went to Vegas. He was a high roller, and he got a lot of perks, but he didn’t come back with that $10,000.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I saw o Raw Story IIRC that the man had “major transactions” with casinos recently. ie they called his Markers.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Also explains why no one questioned him much, or why Housekeeping picked up on it. Big money means “turn a blind eye, don’t ask questions, or else he may walk down the street and spend his money there”.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yup. Dad worked selling cars in Denver for a super-rich family that would fly to Vegas or Tahoe for Gambling weekends. They didn’t pay or want for *anything* besides the money they were gambling.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Also explains why the hotel is doing a very good clam impression – while bets over $10,000 must be reported (to ensure there isn’t any illicit activity going on), they don’t want the attention. The local paper interviewed several former casino managers and VIP concierges, and they all said someone wouldn’t be able to even get a room like he had without having some serious juice. Would not shock me if the room was comped.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah.

            Isn’t it funny that journalists and even us Common-sense Folks can find all this, while the Conspiracy Folks are all “Libral Agenda! Mind Control!”

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            SEE THEY ALREADY GOT UU! WAKE UP SHEEPOLES!!!1

          • SeeTrain65

            Sheldon Adelson must be appeased.

          • puredog

            My understanding is that he had a permanent “Do Not Disturb” sign hanging from his doorknob, so housekeeping never even went into the room.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m expecting any day to hear “he was $2 million dollars in debt.”

          I had a neighbor who had inherited $6 million dollars. He decided to invest his windfall in crack cocaine, hookers, and gambling. He told me he lost far more money gambling than he did on the crack.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Geez Louise.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        “The house always wins.”

        Really?
        – DJT

        • “A lot of people don’t know this, but the house always wins.”

          – DJT

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Wouldn’t shock me. High rollers (the kind that thrown down $20-$30 grand a night or more) get a lot of preferential treatment from the casinos. That includes lines of credit. It also means even if something had happened to trigger security asking questions, the casino management would have told them to drop it – a guy with a big bankroll isn’t going to get scrutinized as long as he’s throwing the money around.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Unless it’s a Trump hotel.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, Trump was never “The House.” He was always “The Tumble-Down Shack Held Together with Spit and Electrical Tape. And Gold Leaf.”

      • BeachBum

        In debt to the casinos was my first thought. I used to work halfway between LA and Vegas, and every Sunday I saw a lot of really depressed losers going home. Big losers. I don’t know how they managed. Maybe he wanted revenge for letting him ruin his life. I dunno.

    • BeachBum

      They prolly knew he was a little eccentric and did weird things and had strange ideas, but nothing illegal or that harmed them. So they just avoided him.

    • james crubb

      Families are very good at ignoring and denying serious issues of mental instability in a family member, I know from personal experience.

  • Scooby

    The fact we are not hearing about any of this proves it’s true!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Nockular cavity

      How the fuck does this even make any sense?

      • Daniel

        People who don’t understand what tax is nor how it works think it’s meaningful.

      • SeeTrain65

        IDHTMSIYAR.

        (It doesn’t have to make sense if you’re a Republican.)

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Exactly.

  • goonemeritus

    It is said about Border Collies that you have to find them honest work or they will make something up and you won’t like it. Similarly knuckleheads will not tolerate a lack of a explanation, they will just make one up. In fact the only difference is Border Collies are smart and occasionally useful.

    • bbayliss

      The best, smartest, dog I ever had.

      • goonemeritus

        I am on my third, this one is killing me with his need to be in the woods twice a day for 2 to 3 mile walks.

        • bbayliss

          I’ll bet it’s worth it.

        • Paul

          What’s he doing? Herding squirrels?

          • goonemeritus

            I shit you not, he has tried to herd a chipmunk with some success.

          • Paul

            Oh, I believe you. They are amazing critters.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        My first pup was a female Border Collie. She was an amazing animal, sweet and smart as a whip.:)

    • rosenbomb

      My good friend’s border collie lost her leg earlier this year after being hit by a car.

      My friend likes to say the experience hasn’t humbled her dog one bit. :)

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Border collie for president!

    • Border crosses are even more useful.

    • My boyfriend and I rescued an old Border codger off the railroad tracks. Had no one claimed him, we would have had him neutered and put up for adoption. Turns out he was a champion dog, and had been in dog treat commercials! His owner was a veterinarian and he’d escaped through the cat door when some asshole starting shooting fireworks off next door. I knew the moment I looked in that dog’s eyes he was waiting for a command. Turns out he also had a titanium hip.

      • Phried Ω

        There is a movie waiting to be made. Titanium hip? No kidding.

      • goonemeritus

        I have a neighbor across the street who is an ATF agent. It turns out that ATF agents have access to all the best fireworks. My dog spends most of July hiding under the bed.

        • That totally sucks. 😕People who are dead inside need really loud noises in order to feel alive, that’s my theory.

          • goonemeritus

            I really loved firecrackers when I was 8, but you know, you grow up.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Shorter Dinesh:
    ‘PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!’

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      “Buy my book-shaped objects!”

      • Bad Tom

        No need to read them!

      • SeeTrain65

        “Nothing of value is contained therein.”

  • cheetojeebus

    Sentient cockroach swarm Laura Loomer makes a scuttling scratching sound as she moves, That’s how you know. Cool trivia detail, The rubber skin suit was acquired at a Halloween closeout shop in Plainfield NJ. Fucking cockroaches, man, fuck they’re evil.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Steve Bannon awoke from uneasy dreams to find himself transformed into an enormous man-child.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        That’s what happened when you are an artist who makes a living by starving himself.

        Oh, you said Bannon. Sorry. Carry on.

  • shart of turin

    It’s nice that they’re not exploiting the massacre, like they accused us of doing with our totally out of line demands for sensible gun control.

  • Mary Theresa

    What? No extraterrestrial aliens or gay frogs involved? I’m disappointed.

    • stumpknocker

      gay frogs are cool.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      It’s only Friday.

    • Khavrinen

      Alien gay frogs on trucker speed?

      • Crank Tango

        His name is Alex Jones.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’ve got a wild theory that I’ve been working on for a while now and since Wonkette is a safe space, I’ll share it with the group:
    Dude was a batshit crazy gun nut.

    • Raan

      2/10 Too much basis in reality.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Fortunately for them, involuntary musccles make sure bliss gets pumped and breath gets drawn. Unfortunately for us, since the part of the brain that controls thought has nothing to do with those muscles.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    When it comes to conspiracies, I like to keep it simple, and stick to the classics.

    https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d4/d3/07/d4d307162dbdbf58980cf18f0fc72787–meme-aliens-ancient-aliens-meme.jpg

    • John Robinson

      That’s why you’re merely an amateur, and not even a very promising one. “Aliens”? How trite. Today’s Republican views aliens (the ET kind) as boring and everyday. Not worth bothering with.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It was probably a conspiracy by the NRA to pick up slumping gun sales.

    • jesterpunk

      Uhh that isn’t a conspiracy.

      • Khavrinen

        Conspiracy, “business as usual”, to-may-to, to-mah-to.

    • Zombishroom

      An advertisement for bump stocks?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I still blame the reverse vampires, who are also obviously liberals conspiring against all law-abiding, multiple-gun-owning Muricans, targeting them via microwave oven correspondence connected through Hillary’s private server in a pizza oven. If you think about it, it’s obvious.

    • This makes too much sense.

    • Raan

      But when do they launch their master plan to eliminate the meal of dinner?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Still requires coordination with Rand Corp executives. And Soros.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Who, the fuck, cannot SEE this?!!??

    • theCryptofishist

      Now that I think of it, that old guy in the blurry photograph could be Abe Simpson.

    • SeeTrain65

      In a pinch, a convection oven will do.

      Oh, what a giveaway! ; )

  • jesterpunk

    You know how the right always complains about lazy people who have too much time on their hands? They should start with these wing nuts.

  • Michael R
    • james crubb

      kitty tired of crazy.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but faceplace has removed all references of Russia from its fake news report.

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/10/report-facebook-cut-russia-references-from-report-on-disinformation/

    Back in April, Facebook published a report called “Information Operations and Facebook” that detailed the company’s efforts to combat fake news and other misinformation campaigns on the site. The report was released in the midst of an uproar over potential Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential campaign. But the report doesn’t mention Russia by name, saying only that Facebook’s data “does not contradict” a January report by the Obama administration detailing Russian meddling in the election.

    On Friday, The Wall Street Journal reported that the decision not to mention Russia was hotly debated inside Facebook. An earlier draft of the report discussed what Facebook knew at that time about Russian meddling, but that material was ultimately removed from the report before publication.

    “Some at Facebook pushed to not include a mention of Russia in the report because the company’s understanding of Russian activity was too speculative, according to one of the people,” according to the Journal.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe Facebook can buy up Snopes and add a ‘Well, actually’ button that will respond automatically to debunk whatever idiotic meme your uncle just posted. At this point, short of that, what can they do to rebuild a reputation for having some ethical standards and credibility?

      • They could not take money from people to push fake news “ads” at other people?
        That could help

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Great! Now everytime I see someone with a undetached earlobe, I’m gonna turn into a Nervous Nelly and be reduced to a bowl of Jell-O.

    Thanks, Dok.

  • susan_g

    Look for the GOP to put out a bill to ban or restrict the bump stocks, tagging either a tax cut for the 1% or an Obamacare repeal to it. They are just that evil.

    • John Robinson

      I’ll take that bet. No way would the GOP ever do anything that could possibly be interpreted as an admission of guilt about anything when it comes to guns. Well, maybe, if they became convinced that they might lose power if they didn’t, but looking at how they’ve already managed to make it highly likely that they’ll never again lose any branch of our government, I find that possibility unlikely.

    • Khavrinen

      either/or and

    • Begin Anew Day

      Your conspiracy theory suffers with TMT. (Too Much Truth)

      You might consider adding some GGER! (GoodGodEveroneRun!)

  • Panika MCD

    a) moranberg libels.

    b) where does the McYodeltown come into this information freedumb?

    c) wasn’t Operation Fast and Furious started during the Shrub Administration? (not to point fingers because these nutbars also believe that all presidents who are not Donald Trump have been cultivated as DEEP STATE/ILLUMINATI ASSET! since before conception. so aren’t they all Obama really?)

    d) no way does Nutty McScreams-Attactors have anything published by Norton. she gets her literature from the bottle of Alex Jones Trucker Speed on her dresser, not your communist Reading Rainbows.

    e) in conclusion collusion: all of these theories are plausible because FOXNews has informed me that the shooter does not fit the profile of a mass shooter (because aren’t we all white, male and building our own arsenals at heart?) so there has to be some other explanation.

    • Juan de Fuca

      RWNJ’s:

      Muslim or any person of color commits mass murder: “Of course they did, because that’s what those people do!”

      White person commits mass murder: “Nah man, there’s gotta be more to this than what they’re telling us.”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Never mind that a “profile” is not at all scientific and merely a series of educated guesses, and that as often as they are right they can also be very wrong.
      (Sorry, remembering an old Law and Order episode with James Earl Jones, as well as some of my Crim Procedure and Evidence classes).

      • Swampgas_Man

        WHAT? You’re telling me Criminal Minds and all those other shows AREN’T ACCURATE?

        • Bad Tom

          It’s a big problem in actual courts.

    • Jesse
  • James Baskin

    I can has tin foil helmets and antennas?

    • SeeTrain65

      The Reynolds Wrap lobby is hot for this right now.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Uh…killing a bunch of strangers was the last thing on his bucket list?

    • Mavenmaven

      Rich old white guy who wants the thrill of killing lots of people? Why does that sound familiar?

      • H-Bob

        A rich, old white guy firing [at] people — Re-runs of “The Apprentice ?”

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Khavrinen

      Of course!
      After seeing that chart, how could you possibly doubt any of these theories?!?

      • Begin Anew Day

        ^^^^^^TOOOO TRUE^^^^^^

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I feel like I’ve let too many of my club/secret society memberships lapse. Like, I’m not getting newsletters from about half of these guys.

      • Gigglesnort

        Communist Party of the Soviet Union is a hard membership to score these days.

        • theCryptofishist

          You’d think that we’d be suspicious of people who used to be in it.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          You can’t claim that Trump isn’t trying.

      • Begin Anew Day

        You may be spending too much time at Wonkette?

    • Raan

      Why no representation for the Society of the Blind Eye?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Why bother? They’d never see it anyways

        • Bebecca

          Blind Eye not eyes….we have two for a reason

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            tell that to the cyclops down the street…

    • kareemachan

      Why was HAARP not added?

    • Begin Anew Day

      Wasn’t the House of Rothschild dropped from the diagram last year? Something to do with not keeping their membership current or something got them in Big Trouble with the Illuminati Phalanx.

      But otherwise your chart looks to be 100000% accurate.

      Well done!

    • SeeTrain65

      And Panera Bread. Free WiFi? Who does that? ; )

  • Mavenmaven

    But they all agree that Soros and the Rothschilds were part of this somehow.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Paul Gosar- R crAZy also blames Soros for Charlottesville. Something about a Joo hiring Nazis…

  • puredog

    “Laura Loomer” is really deliciously close to “Laura Looner.”

    • SeeTrain65

      She changed it to sound more legitimate. Didn’t take.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • mancityRed6

    “rip its clothes off in public and run around screaming about chemtrails while smearing itself with canned clams.”
    no, it was grape flavored jelly. and, like I told the police officer, the judge, and my parole officer: it was performance art.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Fie upon thee!
      When you say grape flavored jelly you blaspheme! Only “real” jelly made from grapes organically grown in the tiny nation of San Marino can be smeared upon one’s physical temple when one is going absolutely batshit crazy.

    • Phried Ω

      No actual grapes were harmed in any way.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    the MGM Grand was dark for ten weeks last year?

    HAHAHHAHAHAHA!! That place doesn’t go dark for ten minutes a year

  • Begin Anew Day

    “This proves conclusively that all blurry photos of old white guys in Nevada are of the same person.”

    Please Dok! Why do you limit your conclusion this way? The fact proven is on a vastly larger scale than merely old white guys in Nevada. All of these blurry photos are OBVIOUSLY of every single person on MEDICARE! All of that free government healthcare (for which they pay not a cent) they have been receiving has allowed them to amass gigantic stockpiles of weapons, ammo and bulletproof Depends underarmor diapers for their imminent coup to replace that youngster Donnie Trump with a man more sympathetic to the ELDER AGENDA. And that can only be one person…Bernie Sanders!

    Connecting dots is FUN!

    :>)))

    • Blackest Noobs

      aren’t all old white guys the same guy? hello, dad, is that you?

      • Begin Anew Day

        Of course we are all the same guy! Now clean your damn room!

        • Blackest Noobs

          Dad!!!!!!!!!

          • Begin Anew Day

            What? Speak up! I can’t hear you!

          • Blackest Noobs

            DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • phoenix00

            YOUR!!!GLASSES!!!ARE!!!!ON!!!!YOUR!!!!FACE!!!STOP!!!ASKING!!!ME!!!WHERE!!!THEY!!!!ARE!!!!!!!!

          • Begin Anew Day

            Waddaya standing around yelling? That room don’t get clean by yelling at me!

          • Blackest Noobs

            yes it does DAD…this is the 21st century…rooms clean themselves,DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMBA bitches!

          • Blackest Noobs

            I’m Doug and I’m oooooooouuuuuuuttthhhhaaaa here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Erala Contratista

          AND get off the damn lawn!!!!!!

          Grrrrrrrr

          • Begin Anew Day

            DITTO!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Suprisingly, I found an amazing dearth of connectable dots in all that crap.

      • Begin Anew Day

        You ELDER AGENDA puppets are so predictable.

        Now excuse me while I change my catheter.

  • theCryptofishist

    Eyebrows and nose are not the same. But yeah, blurry pictures, hell, that could be bigfoot in the pussy hat.
    And the shooter died in 2013 (or someone with the same first and last, but different middle, names did) and for the multiple shooters, there footage of muzzle flashes coming from a 4th floor window–although there’s footage of those from before the attack started. The problem with naming your debunking site “Snopes” is that the anti-Darwinists are never going to consult it.

    • willi0000000

      if there aren’t any operable windows on the fourth floor then that shooter must have been using the new shoots-through-glass-without-breaking-it rounds.

      [ . . . or . . . we’re looking for a psychotic glazier!!!!! ]

      • theCryptofishist

        I think the Deep State fixed it that night…

  • Carpe Vagenda

    The gurus just didn’t realize how much of that information also wanted to rip its clothes off in public and run around screaming about chemtrails while smearing itself with canned clams.

    Information is a monster.

    • Christopher Story

      Ha! Good thing I read the comments first.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Aren’t these the guys that used a blurry pic in the National Entrailer of Oswald and some dude to prove that little Rafael Cruz’s papacito was a Kennedy assassin?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Call me an moron but….the minute I wrote the above I got a mental chill. It was my own epiphany that the Russians started gaming the election through the internet way back when the Rethug primaries were ongoing. If Mueller is only looking at the general election, he will miss the actions that preceded when the Trumputins road tested and proved out what they could do.

      • willi0000000

        that’s OK . . . i wonder how much they had to do with the selection of our most recent SCROTUS seat-warmer.

  • Nephilim

    Apparently this guy rented a room at the Ogden, which is a high rise in downtown Las Vegas where the Life is Beautiful music event was just last week in Vegas. This music concert is geared more toward pop and rock music. So a whole different demographic than country music fans. He was looking to kill people and what type of music they liked wasn’t the motivation. Mass number of victims is all he was looking for.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Also apparently rented a room across from Lollapalooza in Chicago. It was the best killing field that he was researching.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Or, he had one more big poker game before he went out in a blaze of glory. Cause he didn’t show up at the Blackstone in August. But I’m sure the Alex Joneses of the world are gonna say it’s fake news or false flag or some such shite.

        • Darrell Imaginarian

          I just think the logistics of trying to move all those guns into the Gladstone would be a lot harder. That’s smack in the middle of downtown Chicago… It’s a thousand miles from his home. Guns like that aren’t legal in the city.

          • The Flaming Carrot

            He would have had to drive for the better part of 2 days. But I think we can dismiss any concerns he might have had about legality. Nobody would have checked his trunk. And, based on the insouciance of the staff and guests of the Mandalay, he could have gotten the guns up the elevator at the Blackstone without anyone batting an eye.

          • Darrell Imaginarian

            It has nothing to do with insouscaince. Some old guy going back and forth with a couple rolling suitcase in remotely suspicious in a hotel. Nobody except an idiot savant would ever notice they were different suitcases. Hotel dicks are busy dealing with drunks, quarreling couples, and thieves. They are not dealing with an old man quietly going up and down the elevator with a couple suitcases. It’s just searching for a scapegoat.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    These boys are just not right in the head.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    No conspiracy theory No conspiracy theory, YOU’RE the conspiracy theory. (I mean this literally)

  • He was a high functioning psychopath who fantasized about killing for decades. When the thrill of high stakes gambling began to dull he moved on to fulfilling his bucket list.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      I called him a lifelong misanthrope who finally decided to fuck everybody, but I think we’re on the same wavelength.

    • james crubb

      plus his Dad being classified as a Psycho which ups the odds. Children of psychos inherit a increased probability of dysfunctions and such families go out of their way to deny and normalise such behaviour, of course not the extreme behaviour but the small scale, foundation behaviour.
      I know from personal experience as my father is bi-polar and I have a brother and sister who are budding psycho’s in the lack of empathy they display and the extent to which they will go to ignore and deny our fathers periodic psychotic breaks.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        We with bipolar disorder are not “psycho”. Either your dad has more than bipolar, or you’re describing his manic episodes, not “psychotic breaks”. Please don’t add to the stigma of mental illness by throwing around the term “psycho” when referring to someone with a mental illness. Also, maybe try and get him some help. /soapbox

        • james crubb

          Does that soap box have anything about assumptions printed on it?dad has been on the finest Lithium money can buy for twenty years, so I get a bit flippant about nomenclature.

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

            Then he needs to be on something else. Lithium is old and not used much anymore, for good reason./pharmacist

          • james crubb

            I agree but as my sister and brother are cold blooded reptilian yuppies who see love, compassion, care and empathy as socialist and Mum with Stockholm syndrome, I’m screwed five ways from Sunday, not to mention dad.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I am not a skilled forensic earlobeologist but anybody with even moderately good eyesight can see that the guys in those two pictures do not look alike. The earlobes, lips, noses and eyebrows (just to mention a few obvious facial traits) are all dissimilar.

    So the only reasonable explanation is that they are both pictures of a shape-shifting Rafael Cruz.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Not everyone is good with faces. There’s a condition where some people have trouble with recognition or take longer to remember faces. IIRC Jane Goodall has it. Combine that with suggestibility and repetition…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Oddly enough, I just learned of someone who had that exact condition, the neurologist and writer Dr. Oliver Sacks.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I’m not as bad, but I think I have a mild form…it takes me a couple three times of meeting someone for a persons face to go into my ROM. A bit ironic as otherwise my visual and spatial memory is excellent, almost photographic. Just not with faces.

          • Odd Jørgensen

            I have it with both faces and names, when in school it would take weeks for me to remember the name of classmates. Phone numbers stuck after dialing a number 2-3 times though. Weird how that works. After the cell phone made its way into my life that went out the window though, can barely recall my own nr now.

    • Moar Wordz

      Yeah, earlobe is different, but I’m no earlobeologist either. My instincts say Paddock would’ve chosen to gun down people with pussy hats, and not be caught dead in one. He seemed like a Trump person by all accounts.
      The shock of a mass killing leaves people, especially ones w/delusional thinking, grasping at straws for answers. It’s so horrible that surreal scenarios suddenly are plausible.
      My heart goes to Family and Friends left behind. Not enough. I mean our sympathies are barely touching their horror and pain.
      They need much more than our condolences now, they need action such as mass protests of slack gun control.

  • 3FingerPete

    Every story that includes Laura Loomer should make mention of her rotting car tires. It’s just good journalism.

    https://www.boredpanda.com/fake-slashed-tire-tweet-laura-loomer/

  • Erala Contratista

    Hmmmmmm.read “full fat automatic gun”….
    Goin’ out to dinner with El.
    Coincidence?
    I think not!

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e135b7dc0bd692d872fbe3925eaec261642a9e05ec893d844aaa736d748322a0.jpg

    Aww, man… I knew something was up this morning when they interrupted my regular broadcasting with this.

  • Duke

    My theory is that he did it to be famous and because he hated people.

    He didn’t have the fame or money to become president

    • CatDog

      My theory is that this is probably true of many more ‘acts of terror’ committed by ‘lone wolves’ who suddenly reveal their allegiance to Allah. It is a kind of meme. The very worst kind.

  • Ilgattomorte

    All of these theories are obvious bull-pucky! I’ve never heard such ridiculous shit in my entire life. People always want to avoid the obvious answer. The obvious answer is a lone shooter went mad and planned an elaborate scheme to cause as much carnage as possible – or at least that’s what they want you to think.

    The truth is there was no shooting. The whole thing was a hologram paid for by George Soros, who also paid to have the entire rest of the world gassed with a mind altering drug, so we wouldn’t know the truth. While the world was asleep Soros had Antifa injure 500 or so innocent bystanders, kill the shooter and collect and place 58 corpses that had already been fatally wounded in horrible gun range accidents. By the time the world came to its senses, the police had been called, the hologram had been recorded on video, Piers Morgan had been informed and the rest is history. Soros did all of this, so that in the next election Democrats can get an even higher percentage of the vote when they lose 60% of their seats to Republicans, forcing the Supreme Court to change the law so that Republicans will only win 58% of the seats, with only 45% of the vote. It’s genius.

    God! It’s so simple.

    • CatDog

      Please look up. Your personalized death drone is ready, straight from Soros Control Central :)

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      He didn’t have to be nuts. This is the great fallacy promoted by the GOP and much of the media.

      • phoenix00

        Dolt45 too.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      He’s spending all this damn money & can’t send me a promised check for protesting? Fuck that guy.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    NASA? Didn’t they fake that moon landing thing too? Coincidence?

  • CatDog

    some neuroscientist dude has a theory about how you could replace all your neurons with little demons that act just like neurons, then replace all of them with a single demon running around at infinite speed. This photo proves that America is like a brain, but instead of a demon it is a single old demonic white dude with an automatic weapon.

  • andyshelt

    I’m not sure if this is equally pathetic on my part but after reading this Guardian article a few days ago I did waste about 15 minutes of my life clicking on a number of these ridiculous YouTube conspiracy videos to rant at some of the fuckwits posting them and the morons agreeing with their idiotic bullshit.

    It’s scary that these gullible and deluded idiots are out there in such numbers and able to vote but it does go some way to explaining how Trump was elected.

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/oct/04/las-vegas-shooting-youtube-hoax-conspiracy-theories https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4b9ed5aca8b6beecb4909acb2a1689ca96415f1bb24a872199e9189b012cce49.jpg

    • No. It isn’t the same “Girl”
      Aurora lady is about 35-40ish. Middle girl is like a teen, Bostom girl has different everything from body type to skin tone to nose to fingers for cryin out loud.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My pithy comment last night was “Dafuq. Now all white girls look the same?”. Someone actually took me to task with a “Too Soon”. To me, a POC.

        • SDGeoff3

          I get it, and I upfist many times.

      • SDGeoff3

        They’ve been told what to look for as they are watching it.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Las Vegas “shooting”… Did It Actually Happen?

      Of course not, what we saw was obviously some 20 thousand crisis actors, as well as every news corp creating a hoax, for reasons. What reason? No one knows, just reasons.

  • …those are two different lobes though. The one has a blob at the end, the other goes in with no blob.
    Is…Pam blind as well as stupid?

    • AOT,K

    • javadavis

      Also, eyes and eyebrows are different. Also nose… also, well, too blurry for me to see more.
      And I don’t consider myself good with faces.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Was this the next phase of Jade Helm? And maybe Alex Jones is IN ON IT? You notice neither he nor any of the others even mentioned Jade Helm? Or the tunnels connecting unused Walmarts? Ask yourself why are they oh so carefully avoiding any such mention, when it is the ominous presence in the room? IT’S BECAUSE THEY WERE BOUGHT OFF!!!
    WAKE UP SHEEPLE
    https://xkcd.com/1013/

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      How come nobody mentions that there used to be a Walmart where Mandalay Bay now sits? Maybe someone doesn’t want you to know?

    • javadavis

      the curse of repeating something three times.

  • Keith Taylor

    I don’t know if Coach Dave Daubenmire’s ideas about this count as a conspiracy theory, since he gives the credit for the massacre to God, but if they do so count, I call them top of the list for irrational cruel fuckheadedness. He says God killed those people in Las Vegas. He assures us that if we go back to the Old Testament we will find instance after instance of God killing large numbers of people, and ordering people to kill people.
    Thanks, Coach Dave. We didn’t know.
    That is the very reason a lot of us with some brain cells still functioning regard the Old Testament as a repository of savage, barbaric myths that originated in the Bronze Age and that should not serve as a basis for anybody’s behaviour now.
    Oh. Coach Dave also assures Christians that they should not think they are exempt from being slaughtered by divine will, because, “You think there weren’t any Christians in that Las Vegas crowd?”
    A truly devout man. I hope that after he dies he finds Bel-Marduk of ancient Babylon on the throne of the universe, and Marduk says to him, “You lose.”

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Marduk says “You lose. Bend over.”

    • Me not sure

      When the coach calls for the shotgun formation he sends in a real shotgun. God’s will.

    • SeeTrain65

      Coach Dave hasn’t had a reasoned thought since 1974.

    • cleos_mom

      Imagine Coach D suffering some reverses of fortune that cost him his health, all his money and most of his family. He understandably demands an explanation from his god, who immediately creates a distraction by verbally strutting and boasting about all the galaxies he invented. What Coach D doesn’t know is that none of this has anything to do with any cosmic Evening With Penn&Teller; no, it’s just an ego-inspired bet the god made with an otherworldly version of a dickish D.A.

      Of course, afterward the whole story would be held up as a shining example of a devout and principled response to adversity. So there’s that.

      • Keith Taylor

        Yes, there is that. Sort of reminds me of some book in the Bible that never really convinced me, even when I was fourteen and a devout church goer. Then I read sweet Puckish ingenuous old Mark Twain, who when asked why there was so much anguish and pain and unjust suffering, answered that it was because the universe is run by God, and God is a malign thug.
        Maybe he was too negative.
        And maybe not.

  • SigDeFlyinMonky

    And Eddie Levin of World Truth TV has some real doozies!

  • Johnnymoreno

    Stocks in gun manufacturers skyrocketed after the massacre. Qui bono?–The NRA and the gun industry. They did this.
    This makes more sense than anything else I’ve heard.

  • andyk304

    Gnomes of Zurich FTW!

  • Incoming Ham

    An anagram for Info Wars is “Wars If No.” Your negative attitude is going to get us all into WWIII, or as we call it, “Thermogeddan.”

    Allegedly.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Foni Wars!

  • Ill-Advised

    I come to Wonkette for the dick jokes, but I come back because whenever I think I’m believing more than six impossible things before breakfast, voilá: I’m not even an amateur at impossible things. I leave humbled, and wiser, and a better person.

    Until I start hurling insults at the radio in the car.

    • SDGeoff3

      We know.

  • phoenix00

    I’m not clicking on that Infowars video. My YT history is still recovering from….. last time.

  • ogoldendecoy

    Found this in a 325+ posts thread at Facebook… “It had been reported that the NASA Mars Rover Curiosity had picked up signals that there had been 20 drones launched from Area 51 and were tracked proceeding into Las Vegas and circling the concert area for 18 minutes at the time of the shooting. That is all.” http://preview.tinyurl.com/LV-Area51-Concerthttps://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05fe8cc6a5b5ee5d0e331829b33e41ebaa53f6e7a74c86834dd7f04d65c56e4e.png

    • SDGeoff3

      Oh those cute little eyes. Moommmommoommoomm.

  • javadavis

    I came across a You-tube comment taking Trevor Noah to task for, let’s see, not mentioning the violence in Vegas. The video was posted on Sept 26. (Going back to look I learned that moron’s post is gone but someone else has replied to me that it doesn’t matter what the date posted is…
    Gawd, fools are so fatiguing!

  • cleos_mom

    WHAT??? “Hillary” wasn’t involved?

    Well, slap my ass and call me Fanny.

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    Dinesh never lets the facts get in the way of a good story, does he? It’s already been revealed that the shooter was just looking at open air venues with lots of attendees, including venues that cater mostly to those of the left-leaning persuasion. These assholes are tying themselves in knots trying to explain this as some kind of politically motivated thing. The world is not politics, folks. Not every terrible thing a person does is motivated by politics.

    I’ll go out on a limb here and say that we’ll never know why he did what he did. We’ll have countless theories, a few books on the subject, a ton of think pieces of all stripes, but we will never know the answer to the question ‘why’. We will never know that answer because it’s too uncomfortable to fathom. Here goes.

    He just woke up one day with the idea in his head. That’s why. He woke up one day with this idea and spent the better part of a year working on it. No conspiracy, no grand scheme, no real point of motive. All there is is that he got this idea in his head that just wouldn’t let up. It likely started as a whisper, a fleeting thought that grew into a carnal scream. That’s how it works.

    In the end, it won’t be politics or religion. It’s highly unlikely that it’s mental illness. It’s just one of those things we will never understand. One of our fellow humans just took a hard turn into the blackness and never looked back. That’s the way the news goes.

    • SDGeoff3

      Great post. Thanks.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I love pointing out that actual evidence shows Paddock was going to do this in Chicago and Lollapalooza but he didn’t show up. Wingnuts, your desperate stupid and persecution complexes are showing. Also, notice how these conspiracies no longer go to the top?

  • SisterArtemis

    Fuck those theories, I’m blaming the Element of Discord, working alongside Nightmare Moon to Make Equestria Great Again – MEGA!!!!
    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-L-TsWjA1pDw/TopOE9TgIGI/AAAAAAAANNA/JFsChcmiyG4/s1600/nmmdiscord.png

    • Lily412

      Fun fact: the voice actor for Discord is the dude that played Q on Star Trek.

      • SisterArtemis

        Yep, and long before either of those, he was an alien – you know, the outer space kind – on a day-time soap opera, “Days of our Lives.”

        • Lily412

          OMG. I remember the “Marlena is possessed by the devil” story arc, but I didn’t know about the alien. Huh-larious.

  • O_Hellllllllp

    The last two sentences of the first paragraph are genius. Thank you.

    • SDGeoff3

      I must have read it several times, laughing myself silly before I could continue.

      • O_Hellllllllp

        Exactly.

  • Mildred Broxon

    So, since I have a NASA t-shirt, I work for NASA too? Cool! Always wanted to!

  • The Librarian

    Dok gets an upfist for the talking Norton Anthology. Mine used to talk to me too (“you have a test coming up, you have a paper due, muwah hahaha!”), until I burned it in the fireplace and waved sage around the house. :D

  • SDGeoff3

    This is a riot; thanks!

  • tehbaddr

    Dok, please refrain from disparaging canned clams in such a manner.

  • SCK

    Without giving any credit that moron Geller (who is pretty close to the stupidest Trump supporter wacko out there), the photo of the two men do kinda maybe look similar. Importantly, that doesn’t mean shit, even if they are the same man, but there’s a passing resemblance.

  • Lily412

    “non-monogamous relationships with reality”

    Made my day. A+

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