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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Last night, during a photo-op with military brass, Trump remarked that, “Maybe it’s the calm before the storm,” then proceeded to dodge follow up questions as the wives shot steely-eyed daggers and gritted their teeth. [Video]

Now that Trump says there’s nothing to worry about in Puerto Rico, FEMA has scrubbed info from its website that details how many people have water and power. So that’s helpful.

The Senate Judiciary Committee (ALLEGEDLY) isn’t doing a fucking thing to investigate Trump-Russia. Just not a thing.

Trump is personally grabbing the ACA by the pussy and ripping apart health care, just like he did in Iowa.

Republicans are stumbling and stammering every time you ask them how the Trump Tax Cuts (for the rich only) will help the poors. 

Stephen Miller is spearheading Trump’s DACA maneuvers, and the word on the Hill is that Trump’s White House will slash immigration in order to fix DACA. Thanks, dick.

Trump wants to SAY he’s bailing out on the Iranian nuclear agreement, but he also doesn’t want to actually do anything about it, like reimpose sanctions.

Mike Pence is about to get his own Handmaid’s Tale and force all you filthy working class sinners to have babby in a new rule that will allow any company to claim moral/religious exemption from contraceptive coverage..

Is Trump about to “You’re Fired” REXXON and replace him with CIA Director Mike Pompeo? Maybe, it’s Axios, so who knows whose salad was tossed for this story.

In an effort to keep the adults in charge, REXXON, Steve Mnuchin, and James Mattis have ALLEGEDLY formed a “suicide pact,” that way Trump can’t just “You’re Fired” someone every time he gets a bug up his ass.

Steve Mnuchin’s fabulously wealthy life is full of jet-setting too! Mnuchin is now on the hook for $800,000 in flights aboard MILITARY aircraft. #BetterThanYou

Jeff Sessions’s DOJ is investigating Harvard over claims that it is being racist by following affirmative action policies that exclude the other rich kids.

John Kelly couldn’t figure out why his phone was all fucked up, so he took it to some nerds who told him that his personal phone had been hacked for months.

The Family Research council is pulling out the big gay bashing, brown hating, wall building guns for its Value Voter Summit this year. They’re trucking in Former President Bannon, Michele Bachmann, Kellyanne Conway, Sebastian Gorka, Mike Pence, Trump and Pence, and even Steve Scalise, who would be dead if a black lesbian cop hadn’t saved his gay-hatin’ ass.

People in Rep. Tim Murphy’s office were living in fear of Murphy and his mistress, feeling powerless as they watched them act like that disgustingly cute couple at parties, and treat everyone around them like dog shit.

Strap yourself in and secure your coffee in a sippy-cup before you read about how JPMorgan Chase paid off its share of fines from the 2008 debt crisis with imaginary mortgages it didn’t have in an effort to con taxpayers.

All of those for-profit charter schools Betsy DeVos loves to put on a pedestal have been jiggering their student enrollment numbers, allowing them to reap profits while students are essentially dropping out.

Big telecoms’ favorite Congress critter, Rep. Marsha Blackburn is running for Senate in Tennessee to replace Sen. Bob Corker, and we can’t wait to remind people how much evil corporate cash is spilling out of her pockets.

A batshit congressional candidate in Idaho is already trying to spread Las Vegas conspiracy theories. Fuck this guy.

Trump tweeted out some bullshit endorsement of VA gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie by calling his Democratic opponent, Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam, “fighting for the violent MS-13 killer gangs & sanctuary cities.” Seriously, wtf.

Russia is super pissed that Canada is about to pass its own Magnitsky act to combat Russian fuckery and corruption, and Russia is threatening to ban Canadians from entering Russia. Honestly, I don’t think Canadians will be apologizing for this one.

The NSA has been caught with its dick in its zipper after MORE super secret cyber weapons were caught on a personal laptop that happened to be running Russian-based security software, and you’ll never believe how they hacked in!

Congress is being all wishy-washy on whether or not to make political ads on Facebook and Twitter transparent. Crom forbid we actually treat political speech equal, regardless of platform!

According to some L E A K E D emails, it’s not that Milo Yiano-whatever loves Nazis, he’s just a cog in a big Breitbart machine that really hates jews, black people, and all the other non-Aryans, that is trying to build the alt-right with the aid of shadowy megabucks from Silicon Valley (and, as always, the Mercers).

Breitbart is so sick and tired of being called racist and Nazi, despite being superduper racist and Nazi, they’re getting ready to sue a big media company calling them racists.

HEY EVERYONE! Join us in doing all the things that that put you on Former President Bannon’s “Shitlist.”

The cop who tackled tennis pro James Blake in the middle of Manhattan back in 2015 is suing him for defamation after Blake called him an “out of control and corrupt officer” in his book. Apparently, the poor baby had his feefees hurt AND got stuck driving a desk.

Break out the bongs and beers, those hippy do-gooders at the the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN) have won the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to slut shame countries who love the bomb.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby squirrel monkeys!

We need your money! Every Amero you give us helps to keep writing ‘splainers and newses! Do your part!

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  • Nounverb911
    • Dutchman

      What a horror show that thing is!!

      • therblig

        horror show? it’s the dream of all mankind

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZtiJN6yiik

        • Dutchman

          Just tryin’ to figger out how to get the black covfefe in my face without wearin’ that other!!!

          • kareemachan

            Straw?

      • From Russia with Love

        Now, now, now, that “thing” has a name. Nounverb911.

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney

    Remember the Rage Against the Machine album, Evil Empire?

    This is it.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s why Paul Ryan is so happy.

  • Nounverb911
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Trumpy isn’t Obama.
      Ergo, no Nobel.

  • dslindc
  • Nounverb911
    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      there are only two lemurs in that gif. Damn. It only took me about 5 minutes to figure that out. :p

  • From Russia with Love

    “Last night, during a photo-op with military brass, Trump remarked that, “Maybe it’s the calm before the storm…”

    Glad he doesn’t give away the element of surprise like that dumbass Obama did.

  • renegade500

    I read about the military brass dinner and the “calm before the storm” nonsense and I had to come here and scroll all the way down *first* to see the babbies, because I needed that more.

    Dammit.

  • MynameisBlarney

    https://i.redd.it/7m11f067o0qz.jpg

    Hehe….cosmic fart jokes.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    John Kelly couldn’t figure out why his phone was all fucked up, so he took it to some nerds who told him that his personal phone had been hacked for months.

    But her emails…

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Trump Mindlessly Threatens WWIII (AGAIN). Wonkagenda For Fri., Oct. 6, 2017

    Armageddon tired of this.

    • Apocalypse? Now?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Un poco calypso, please.

      • PubOption

        The horror?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “Now I’m not sayin’ we wouldn’t get our hair mussed a bit, but…”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well…I tried to work “Ragnarok” into a pun, but couldn’t because I can’t brain today.

    • From Russia with Love

      Nuclear winter might just even things out!

  • Sorry for the lack of Late Night stuff today, I drank an $8 bottle of Aldi prosecco last night and slept in a little bit.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I’d liked Mike Pence to do something for my sincere religious belief that misogynist men should get a daily kick in the balls.

    • From Russia with Love

      I think companies with reasonable CEOs could make the right to birth control a part of their bennies package, and talk it up.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Onsite abortionplex or GTFO.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Drive-thru.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            YOU, sir or ma’am, could be next in line for a Nobel Prize for that.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Wouldn’t want to piss off too many customers, though it seems like providing gay employees with benefits and talking it up worked out fine for many companies…

        • From Russia with Love

          Just add a disclaimer*

          *Hey, we know you rednecks are fucking like bunnies anyway, we just like our employees to be able to do so without all the syphilis and babies.

      • PubOption

        I know a woman who made sure that birth control was covered in her health insurance when she was hired by a (nominally) Catholic healthcare company.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That sounds like an entirely legitimate spiritual tradition to me.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      We need some kind of sincerity meter to gauge the levels of sinceriosity.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Perhaps a form…
        Question 1. Is your name Tim Murphy?

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Question 2: Do you own an Interrossiter?

    • grindstone

      I have to applaud the Satanic Temple for stating that their religious beliefs include bodily autonomy for women. Sauce for the goose, etc.

  • Bill D. Burger

    To the Moron n’ Chief, Dotard Don:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLZQR3JWsAAkqM9.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Well I immediately have something to say about that! I…. oh.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Will famously said, ‘I never met a man I didn’t like.’ Two Scoops would have sorely tested that.

  • SCK

    It just is never going to get better. Worst fucking president ever. I keep hoping when I wake up to read that he’s had a stroke and died.

    • Joe Beese

      We’ll only learn years later that it was on the toilet.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I fear he’s just this far away from restarting the Civil War, only this time with 100% less civility.

    • bupkus231

      I extend that wish to his Cabinet and every Fuckin’ elected GOPper out there…

      It’s the only way we’ll be free ( of the shitwads )!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I like squirrel monkeys. More than most of the higher simians, frankly.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Opened in January…..playing nonstop ever since:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLbM7sYVwAENyMb.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    The final ruling is in on you, Moron Don:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLcqKLfVAAAl_uT.jpg

  • therblig

    “You first” – Steve Mnuchin on “suicide pact”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    The thing that keeps me going:

    One day, one day, Fuckface, his grifty shady spawn, and the entire shitshow of treasonous enablers will be exposed as the Russian pawns they are. They will be punished. I would say “shamed” too, but naw, they are incapable.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I read this before morning coffefe…….I think I am going back to bed……

    • kaydenpat

      You mean “covfefe”? Don’t drink too much of that or you’ll turn orange and arrogant.

      • From Russia with Love

        Stupid too?

        • kaydenpat

          That too.

        • kareemachan

          And petty.

          Damn, typing this made me remember Tom is gone. RIP.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • kaydenpat

      Nope!!

    • Finnibar87

      Yeah, fuck that guy with a Creepy Girl from some minor European territory.

      • PubOption

        I think she does her best to avoid fucking him.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Break out the bongs and beers, those hippy do-gooders at the the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN) have won the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to slut shame countries who love the bomb.”

    Next year, the giant cockroach that has a change of heart and puts down the boulder instead of killing the three remaining humans will be a shoe-in for the Nobel Peace Prize.

    • From Russia with Love

      It will be the last mistake that bug ever makes…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
  • Me not sure

    That photo looks like it was taken at a very large hand tugging and pussy grabbing event. The President must have been exhausted.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Rex Tillerson Says He Remains Fully Committed to Moron’s Agenda

    “I am standing here today to tell you that I am on the same page as this idiot,” the Secretary of State said.
    By Andy BorowitzOctober 4, 2017

    • From Russia with Love

      “The fact that the man is truly shit for brains notwithstanding…”

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Boy, the things I could do if I had a prehensile tail!

    • From Russia with Love

      Or an opposable bum.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Bums up kneelin’
        Wheelin’ and dealin’

        • From Russia with Love

          Stiffened my opposable thumb
          And applied rotation on her sugar plum!

      • grindstone

        Belligerent Bob is our local opposable bum.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Now that’s an accessory a gay man can get behind!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Travel through the trees with ease
      And be a bridge, iffin’ you wanted to be.

      https://bunkstrutts.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/monkey-bridge.gif

      • Phoenixdoglover

        I tell ya, I don’t get respect!

      • Pilotshark

        see even in nature the kids seem to walk all over the parents.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Khavrinen

      Well, the GOP certainly seems to be trying to drive it away…

  • dshwa

    Even if we restarted sanctions on Iran, the rest of the P 5+1 are going to keep the deal, so it’s not going to do anything but make us look bad worse.

    • grindstone

      Yep. I heard John Kerry explain that once we back out of this deal, we will be alienating more than just Iran, and our partners will continue on without us.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Ah yes….good ol’ knee-jerk, spiteful politicking.

        Never backfires.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      So it will basically accomplish the same damn thing backing out of the Paris Accord did–make the Trump and the U.S. look like a bunch impotent blowhards and nothing more? Awesome.

      • dshwa

        That’s the theme of this presidency. Grand gestures that accomplish nothing but make us look like buffoons.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Is there anything Trump has said or done that could be described as ‘calm’?

    • stumpknocker

      his reaction to Charlottesville.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Today’s Wonkagenda is the calm before the storm!

    Or the balm before the sperm. Or something.

    • Beautiful Soup

      in Boston, is it the cahm before the stahm?

      • ViveLaResistance!

        It’s the cahm before that wicked pissah stahm shows up and leaves us only with lobstahs and candlepin bowling. I can live with that.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      The palm before the berm?

    • Thanks?

    • From Russia with Love

      The clam before the sturm.

      • LesBontemps

        Not canned clams, I hope.

        • Cock Blockula

          Obligatory: “You monster!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Post it everywhere, every feed possible. It obviously makes Moron Don…..”furious!”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLcSUmXUEAE_5HV.jpg

    • DrBigHead

      So I wonder how much the rent is for freeway billboards? Sounds like a worthy GoFundMe project

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Better would be to rent a room across from Trump Tower in New York or the Feculent Trump Hotel in DC and project it on the building like the Saudi’s did to stroke his ego.

        Though I would prefer the caption be “POTUS — Pendejo Of The United States”

    • From Russia with Love

      Giving actual morons a bad name…

    • ViveLaResistance!

      Did his mother have to say that Dad was “on vacation” to get him into school?

    • Querolous
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • bubbuhh

    Status of things in Puerto Rico from a web site not under the Trump Administration’s control. It’s updated approximately twice a day.
    http://www.status.pr/

    Yeah, it’s in Spanish, but only people who voted for Trump would have any difficulty understanding it. Apparently, FEMA thinks putting up stats which contradict the lies Trump tells is not on. Here’s a snapshot of some of the current info.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ec9c6ac441ff60d0d8cc2461f83c7324b0c2f718aca7a0662233e30e16b6a9ac.png

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Either this is the calm before the storm–in which case he’s a blabbermouth who can’t be trusted with confidential info–or it isn’t–in which case he’s a bullshitting drama queen.
    Either way he’s an incompetent asshole.

    • Hollandaise

      I believe this is an appropriate moment for an “AOTK”.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Me not sure

    The tip-off was that Kelly kept hearing this music in the background whenever he ordered in Dominoe’s Pizza.
    https://youtu.be/7DLPKW7pNao

    • OK, in all fairness, I have to hand it to those dancers and their tailors.

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      Wait, where’s the cop, the indian, the cowboy and the construction guy?

      • Me not sure

        At the YMCA?

        • Ωbjectifier

          In the Navy?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          That would be xcmл

          • Me not sure

            That’s harder to sign when singing.

    • LesBontemps

      I thought they didn’t allow teh gheys in Russia?

      • Me not sure

        The Spetznaz is known for its terpsichorean abilities.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Well, you can’t have that many big, muscular men together that long without something happening. All shirtless and hairy and gee wouldn’t you know it I suddenly have to take a call BRB!!!!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Am I gay now?

      • Me not sure

        Only if you want to be. Check your agenda.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Is that what they’re calling it now?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Seriously I can’t stop watching this.

      • Me not sure

        They get medals for that.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Portobello Road!!!

    • Johnatx

      Wow. That is impressive

    • NotReallyHere

      Why does this remind me of Springtime for Hitler?

  • Major_Major_Major

    The most important thing. I will say all day, I want a prehensile tail.

    • Johnatx

      Me too. You could type with both hands, mouse with the tail

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    It just feels like we put on The Ring, and we can all see Sauron from here….

  • Blanche Beecham

    We had a spider monkey in my 3rd grade class room. That was a long time ago, when classrooms could have pets and such. He would throw poop when he didn’t get enough attention so those students closest to the monkey cage had pink eye all the time.

    Just my contribution to ease our minds while these rat f**kers ruin the country.

    • thewalkindude

      Was his name “Donald”?

      • Rags

        Every primate libelz.

    • LOL, wtf?

      • Blanche Beecham

        Hey, it was the seventies. He had a nice cage and our teacher would let him out to run the class room before holidays. We fed him monkey biscuits. Yeah, this was public school.

        • Johnatx

          Dear God!! They make biscuits out of monkeys?

          • Old town Urbandale

            “Soylent Green is people monkeys!”

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Not if the distribution center in Wichita has anything to say about it!

      • Blanche Beecham

        Sorry, I said Spider and meant Squirrel Monkey. Spider Monkeys are a different thing all together.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      That’s horrific AND funny!

  • geoffalnutt

    Mueller’s getting real close. Gotta star WWIII. Russia will get thing rolling with NK -then turn it over to Trump. Mankind will be gone in about a week. Good riddance!

  • Mavenmaven

    He hasn’t gotten any in months so he’s going to wipe out half the planet.

  • LesBontemps

    There’s been a calm?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So what am I supposed to do if healthcare.gov is so fucked up that I can’t enroll? I just have to pay the penalty? Do I smell a class action suit in the making?

    • OutOfOrbit

      that would be nice

    • LesBontemps

      Class action? Not if the Supreme Court has anything to say about it.

    • renegade500

      I’m wondering truthfully if there is potentially going to be some kind of lawsuit over that.

    • Cock Blockula

      Document EVERYTHING. Screen shots with time stamps, build a timeline of attempts. If you fail, you have evidence. If you succeed in getting enrolled, well then, good.

    • I sincerely hope it won’t be. That will make my open enrollment very unproductive.

      The plans are going to suck though.

  • Pilotshark

    dam if you don`t get the feeling Melania is given don the cold shoulder again, where or what is she looking at, being an ex-model she should know where the cameras are.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Why would Canadians want to go to Russia when we have Manitoba?

    • Shrieking Harpy Geezerhead

      Hey!

    • ltmcdies

      Awfully early to earn Tweet of the Day but there it is

    • Hollandaise

      This is a very fair point.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Well, which are they? Squirrels or monkeys, for gawd’s sake?! This is too confusing for my addled brain at the end of this abominable, exhausting, cursed week.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Stephen Miller, renowned immigration policy expert.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He’s moving closer to the top of my nightly Arya Stark list.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        You have one of those too? I’ll share #1 if you will.

    • cheetojeebus

      and hourly onanist.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Underachiever.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Drumpf will say and do anything that keeps him at the top of the news cycle. Vegas knocked him off as the top story, so he has to do something that will make it all about him again.

    • grindstone

      Succinct, to the point, and dead on balls accurate.

  • cheetojeebus

    So the ol’ antivirus software is up for renewal and who the fuck says, hey I’ll try that Russian company. Hey, I’ll get to that right after we hire those Brazilian customs agent guys to handle our logistics.

  • pace

    Week in Review:

    Amurica wakes up to something that just couldn’t “stay in Vegas” on Monday morning, Concert turns into a target range for gun nut with checkered creds; no one knows, folks, no one nose. Just carnage, that was supposed to stop on January 20th, carnage, wonderful stuff, and a great photo op for the Orange Julius and his clothes hanger of a wife.

    Specking of wives, first clothes hanger, tells all, the orange tumor calls her regularly, she encourages his tweets, my my my, the jet setting, wrinkled legged, clown faced blank Czech that Trump married was offered Ambassadorship, BUT she loves her live too much, Saint Tropez, NYC,,, who wouldn’t love such a vacous vapid existence? Dear Ivana, Ambassadors don’t wear mini skirts, cover those knees girlie, last time I saw legs like that they were fried.

    Senate Inane Committee heads, Burr in the butt and Worn out Warner, give presser with stats, 250 people interviewed, 1000 docs read, many, many hours,,, and what we got? Nuthin, not yet, stay tuned folks, we need those businesses to get their tax breaks first and THEN we’ll flush the angry orange. But Mueller? he’s ahead of them, and he isn’t giving pressers.

    Puerto Rico you lovely island,,,, island of tropical breezes, always the hurricanes flowing, always the population growing,,,, FEMA makes a feeble attempt to cover up water quality, number of people without shelter, and electrical access on the island, who you going to believe Mafungo? your lying eyes or the white kids from the coast? coasting along, with their heavy equipment, walkie talkies and other bullshit. On a somber note, riding US1 yesterday in the Keys, I saw LOTS of FEMA vermin out, lounging around and waiting for Godot! I yelled out of the window of the car, “GET YOUR SORRY ASSES TO PUERTO RICO! WE’RE NOT PAYING YOU TO VISIT THE KEYS!”

    Grateful? FuCK NO!!! THEY ARE GETTING PAID AND WHOLE LOTTA CHEDDAR TO DO WHAT THEY DO!!!! STOP THE BULLSHIT FOLKS!

    Trump does his Evita Peron rainbow tour, from a flooded island, to a bloody resort. so consoling, so quick with the bounty, the quicker Fucker upper.

    We won’t talk about that now,,, Uh excuse me? You’ll talk about ANYTHING I FUCKING WANT YOU TO TALK ABOUT, JUST LIKE THE FEMA VERMIN LOUNGING AND SUNNING THEMSELVES ON THE SIDE OF US1!

    Bump stock ban, thanks for the banquet of crumbs from your table Congress, No, get rid of those IRON GODS that pot bellied old men and brain damaged Vets like to suck on,,, wrapping their fetid breath around the barrel of freedumb…….

    So high roller gets pass to kill, Good to know Vegas, what were you saying about “what happens in Vegas”? well this time you couldn’t get ahead of the nooooooswws,,, could you?

    Straight talk I don’t care what you did, where you are from, and who you served, if you have a mental disability, you don’t get to fire a gun; Savvy mate?????

    Thoughts and swears for those who disagree.

    Bone spur cowboy surrounds himself with military regalia, mannequins on display, and issues ominous, foreboding, foreplay to press’s clitoris; the calm before the storm…….fuck yourself,,, better yet, try and get the clothes hanger to fuck you…. there’s a challenge!

    T Rex, the Silent CEO, calls moron a moron,,,, And??? what? what else? we didn’t know this?

    Rebuilding Afganistan is like rebuilding the 21 club in NYC, a little glitz, a little kitze, and viola! instant high priced steak with a classic Bogie manhattan,,, no Bogie didn’t like the 21 Club folks, he liked Sardis…..

    Dumb bastard is becoming typical sound heard when a thinking person exhales these days.

    And of course, there’s the Peruvian cowboy, Zimmerman, now homeless and broke, suffering from PTSD,,, will go on Latin television to wring his fat hands and whine…….well? you shot him, what do you expect? Thoughts and prayers? no we save that for real massacre.

    Kelly Anne Conjob, with a lower jaw made crooked by her lies, sez “You act like this is the first massacre”….., how about this? how about you go home and hope to hell you don’t get caught in Mueller’s net, you stinking fish.

    Man of Steele, while Senate whines about hitting a wall, because well, no brakes, Mueller already got the juice, the question is, who paid for that dossier? Oppo research? who?

    And Mr. Money, Mnuchin, the demented foreclosure munchkin, whined about using military transport because “runway was wet”, well, neither is your wife,,,, K? y?

    And we lost one of the greats,,,, and he’s not coming round here no more….Thru the looking glass Tom,,,, watch your step…

  • As a Canadian, fuck Russia, I’ve no interest in going there.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Jeff Sessions’s DOJ is investigating Harvard over claims that it is being racist by following affirmative action policies that exclude the other rich kids.

    So, “rich” is now considered a race. Whodathunkit.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Well, if you are rich then technically you are a minority :)

  • Has anyone asked Mitt Romney what he knows about Russia to have predicted some ‘Russia is our greatest threat’ shit 5 years ago?

  • cheetojeebus

    I found this oddly uncalming. Shared by some nervous soul last night, sorry can’t remember who.
    http://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/

    • Maggielle

      Very uncalming indeed. Then you add in the uncertainty of pinpoint targeting due to human error and EMP and maybe ground zero isn’t San Francisco but quiet and peaceful oceanside Pt. Reyes. Not saying one is less worse than the other, just saying that it’ll be nothing but horrible.

      • cheetojeebus

        Sadly were Trump to see this he would be like ‘oh that’s not so bad?’ *pushes button*

  • ltmcdies

    So are those 33000 jobs Donnie misplaced in September the shitstorm

    https://twitter.com/JohnJHarwood/status/916279732098011138

    • renegade500

      This is just the beginning I fear. Jobs growth/loss are a lagging indicator. I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. :-/

    • phoenix00

      But just wait ’till we Build The Wall and Drain The Swamp and bring back Clean Coal and America will be great again!

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Its a shame that none of the spouses, who are not in the military and thus can say whatever they want to whomever they want, had the guts to respond to the reporter saying that it means nothing since Lil’Donnie Two-Scoops talks big but never actually closes the deal.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Let’s please stop calling them alt-right. It is too dignified and something they came up with themselves. I vote for alt-blight, but I also like alt-white, alt-wrong, alt-reich and fucking nazis.

    • cheetojeebus

      Fucking Nazis has a certain purity to it.

      • Khavrinen

        And you know they’re all about purity…

    • lroom

      I call them nutzis.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Just don’t call me late for dinner.

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Khavrinen

      Why, if you read that comic it almost seems like the NRAs position on guns is completely ridiculous.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I know! next you’ll tell me that the NRA cares more about selling guns than responisble gun ownership.

      • Canis Greyhame

        If Remington manufactured nukes, this comic would be real life.

    • Werewolf

      “We’ll try to stay serene and calm
      When Alabama gets The Bomb.
      Who’s next, who’s next, who’s next?”

      • BeatnikBob

        Tom Lehrer STILL rules.

    • Canis Greyhame

      The price we pay for freedom. Yep.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Why doesn’t Wayne La Pierre ever pick up the check?

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    This is why Milo Fuckowitz and Bunnion look like they do. This is what their family trees look like….

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ce4c362009ca4642f89cb30bdf8ae556e14815d5e04e30b4de92449f222788af.jpg

    • phoenix00

      That tree looks far too healthy

  • Me not sure

    Nate is now expected to make landfall Sunday along the Northern Gulf Coast as at least a catagory 1 hurricane after killing at least 22 people in Central America.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Wow! Brings back memories. Those little monkeys remind me of my brothers and sisters. which, I might add, I have two handfuls of. And I haven’t been to the Brookfield Zoo since I was like seven years old. At least I think I was seven years old once.

  • The Librarian

    Shame on Steve Scalise, nuff said.
    Shame on Betsy DeVos, nuff said.
    Shame on Congress, nuff said.
    Shame on bad cop, nuff said.
    Breitbart, ugh, nuff said.*
    But a rousing hip, hip HOORAY for ICAN and Canada.

    *The rest of the gang of idiots get a dishonorable mention.

  • Blackest Noobs

    what fucking calm is he talking about? this administration has been a shit storm DAY FUCKING ONE!!!!

  • armed_bears

    Can someone please analyze the audio of trump’s calm before the storm comments? Tell me he does not sound drunk, stoned or enfeebled.

  • Moldy Weißwurst

    I said this on RawStory the other day and I’ll say it here: Cheeto wants to be the first President since Truman to use our nukes; he’s looking for some pretext to level N. Korea or Iran. In his tiny little mind he thinks it’ll give him cred as a “bad motherfucker” before whom other world leaders will tremble and kowtow. Until now, the “grown-ups” in his admin. have so far thwarted him, but how long will that last before they’re either fired or resign in disgust?

    • Bebecca

      Remember during the campaign when he said “why have nukes if you can’t use them?” Item no. 1, 579,230 on the list of why Donald Trump should have never been elected.

  • Maggielle

    That bit in the agenda about Tim Murphy’s staff “living in fear of him and his mistress” is a little misleading. The article says that Murphy’s partner in intimidation was actually his chief of staff, Susan Mosychuk, the one who wrote the June 2017 memo telling Murphy how awful he was, when in fact it was Mosychuk who terrorized everybody, then wrote the CYA memo. This is even creepier than it first looked.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Didn’t click thru, but at least one article I saw about it mentioned the ‘close, personal relationship’ the two had – even feeding each other at official functions, ew. Since slimebags like him are sadly too predictable, whatta ya think the chances are he had more than one mistress – ??

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    These PsOS would have been hilarious had they been in office during the Cuban missile crisis. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd84864d9be7189218ecef741d342a029081f8a8991c089b35581ad4d3319fbd.png

  • BearDeLaOursistance
  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    trying to build the alt-right with the aid of shadowy megabucks from Silicon Valley (and, as always, the Mercers).

    I haz a confuse. Are the Mercers supposed to be our answer to Soros, or is that the Koch brothers?

  • Canis Greyhame

    “The calm before the storm …” is probably what Trump mutters to himself in the morning as he shuffling his pudgy ass off to have a 5am poop-tweet on his golden throne.

    • Monty Market

      Maybe he’s bracing for the next hurricane, Nate… Nah.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Bongs and beers broken. Its Friday! Thanks, hippies.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Great American Beer Fest is in Denver this weekend. I plan on make a bunch of Lyft bucks ‘cuz I couldn’t leave the house until Weds (Cuz LV)

    • TakingAmes

      I had a multi-pitcher lunch with colleagues. Friday!

  • Courser_Resistance

    Dawwww! As a young child, the babby Spider Monkeys at the Brookfield Zoo were my favorite! Thanks for the happy trip down memory lane, Dom!

  • SpudRaider

    The opening photo of Trump and his guests are a statement in themselves. All white and the women are all wearing conservative dresses out of the 70’s and sporting 70’s hairstyles. Only one not Melania who appears to be looking down with disdain at the lady standing next to her. Trump has the look of a satisfied narcissist surrounded by flunkies he knows will carry out his every whim. They all look so out of touch with the realities of today. No charge for my highly qualified five-cent analysis.

    • Molon Labe

      They are career military with their spouses. Its pretty much the same folks Obama rubbed elbows with…..

      • SpudRaider

        I don’t know how that changes the imagery that struck me. They are all white. The only women present wearing a different hairstyle and dress than the rest is Melania. I still think Melania has a look of disdain, and I still think Trump has a smug look of someone who feels empowered. I’m sure their are officers and wives present who disagree entirely with what Trump and Melania represent, and are true patriots…. Remember No charge for my highly qualified five-cent analysis.

      • BeatnikBob

        Really? Obama the Fascist Dictator? Who worshiped the military and gave them everything they wanted? Your attention to detail is somewhat…skewed to the right.

        I don’t mind Obama hanging out with generals. I mind Trump kissing their asses and knowing they would follow orders religiously. Obama has a mind of his own. Trump has no mind–and everyone around him knows it.

        • Molon Labe

          You didn’t mind Obama hanging out with generals? Good because that was part of his job….

          In 8 years of Obama’s continuous military actions did the military ever not follow his orders? Obama drop a bomb every twenty minutes for 8 years….and while he was doing it the military brass’s wives were a bunch of “all white” fashion criminals. Which is the point you seemed to have missed.

    • H0mer0

      is the not Melania looking down with disdain the tall one in the purple blue dress?
      But yeah, one could get snow blindness with the lack of melanin in that photo.

  • Wonky Magoo

    OT, because I can’t wait for the open thread:

    I can’t handle the cruelty I’m seeing today. Every day, I’m reminded that people- not fellow trailer park randos, but powerful, successful people- actually do want me dead. Not me, specifically, mind you; it’s nothing personal. It would just be more convenient if people like me went away.

    I feel under threat all the time, lately. I recognize that it’s mostly just PTSD, and I’m doing the recovery shit I’m supposed to do, but it’s getting hard to be OK. I feel like I have no future here, besides “keep your head down and a roof over your head.” Which I ought to be grateful for, but goddammit, I was supposed to do more. I’m running out the clock, like a prey animal, spending my life just trying not to get eaten. /rant

    • You should ice that burn

      Pick up a guitar, Youtube some “Play song x” videos and come back to us when you have callouses on your fingers. Hang in there,this shit is weird for nearly everybody.

    • SisterArtemis

      Hey, Magoo, hang in there. Your outrage is justified, your pain and your sense of the cruelty and threat are not to be dismissed, but dammit, DON’T LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN. Hang tight with us wonkers, though we be spread far and wide, and maybe even find some wonkette-like folks somewhere near you. If I could, I’d give you a big hug and a look straight into your eyes, and tell you that you matter, to us and to the world. *big squeeze*

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      You know, I’ve just been DLing my old LiveJournal, because History, man. And looking at the earliest entries, when I was *very much* in a similar headspace (and we still only had the Shrub as Worst Pres Ever, can you imagine?!).

      Now here I am nearly a decade and a half later. Yes, the national situation is almost unimaginably bad – I do consider that we are lancing a particularly toxic boil, and once this swampy sludge gets drained, maybe we can start to heal – but my point is, I can look back at the times when my own PTSD was being earned, compare to where I am now, and see that I never could have predicted I’d be as happy, holy(?!) & healthy as I am now.

      Finding signs of hope can definitely be challenging, but when you can spare the brainmeats, they’re worth searching out. Pet kittens, watch stand-up comedy specials, eat some good food, wear silly socks, lose yourself in a good book.. whatever works for you. And, you know, keep comin back. We’re in your corner ;-)

      • Wonky Magoo

        I hear you. It’s good advice: we have to find the joy in our situations, especially when it’s hard. I’ve just been doing that for so long now, it feels ridiculous. It’s been years of getting through the day, years of feeling like I’m just barely holding on.

        I’m just having a rough day, thanks for listening.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Well and to be fair, being in an actual, for-real decent headspace (which, hey presto, has a lot to do with being in a decent *economic* space; go figure!) is still relatively recent. I don’t look quite as reflexively over my shoulder waiting for it all to Go Away as I used to – still sometimes, but I’m down to it being NBD when i do. However, when things were at their worst, I couldn’t even imagine the turns life would take to get me here now. Hopefully you’ve got a few unexpected upturns ahead of you as well.

      • BeatnikBob

        Keep coming back. I like that. Sounds very familiar.

        Also, too: I suggest that the entire world suffers from PTSD induced by Bush’s Excellent Adventure in Iraq. It’s not only the kids that get spanked that are abused…those that are forced to or can’t help witnessing it are just as traumatized.

        Same thing goes for assholes who start wars for no conceivable reason. If that doesn’t stress anyone out, they must be catatonic.

  • You should ice that burn

    I was reading the comments at WAPO following the “Calm before the storm” insanity this morning and sure enough, according to some wingnut if the nukes start flying it will be Obama and the liberal democrats fault for reasons. As predictable as an egg timer, nothing is EVER the fault of the GOP asshats giving the orders.

    • Maybe

      Sigh. I’m just left wondering whether Trump will nuke North Korea or the NFL first.

  • BigCSouthside

    So trump cracks a joke, it falls flat, and instead of unwinding it like a normal person, he insinuates we are going to war, WHICH IS WAY FUCKING WORSE.

    In any situation this guy always does the worst thing

  • Johnnymoreno

    So I go to sleep last night, wondering whether or not POTUS is making weird, thinly veiled threats that menace my family, and the rest of the world–or is he just “trolling”– and conversely, could his playful attempts at thermonuclear humor, initiate a first strike against us.

  • SisterArtemis

    OT: Remember when the whole west was burning, and about a third of it was happening in Oregon? I spotted an amazing photo, taken from out on the ocean, of Brookings, Oregon, and my Senator Merkley showed up with it on the Senate floor. I’m guessing the drama of it caught his eye as well.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/798c86811d79352f705f72a6336c509f23258acccdd72474dc0c72c348a0febd.png

  • Jack

    We have a class 6 shit storm in the White House and a Swirling cesspool in Congress… I’m going to go drink Gin! OMFG!

  • Russia is super pissed that Canada is about to pass its own Magnitsky act to combat Russian fuckery and corruption, and Russia is threatening to ban Canadians from entering Russia. Honestly, I don’t think Canadians will be apologizing for this one.

    So…basically…Canadians will have to have snow fun in canada this year?

    • phoenix00

      We might have to, since the usual snowbird destinations are either flooded or earthquake’d.

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