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Lover of Moron.

Rex Tillerson awakened Wednesday morning to FAKE NEWS exclusively reported by NBC, what said he threatened to quit being Donald Trump’s Secretary of State, and more importantly, that he called Trump a “moron.” So goddangit, he had to do a press conference and let everybody know the truth! He loves the president like a common Anthony Scaramucci, and they are very happy together! Tillerson DID NOT deny calling Donald Trump a “moron,” though, or even an “effing moron,” which is what MSNBC’s Stephanie Ruhle said SHE HEARD was the full quote.

Now, did the Trump White House leak this FAKE NEWS to NBC themselves, maybe because Trump looks like A Idiot right now after his weak and sad performance in Puerto Rico, and now that Trump is getting off AIR-PANE! in Las Vegas to tell grieving mass shooting victims about his Electoral College victory and throw paper towels at their heads? Who can say!

Regardless, Tillerson went out and kissed Trump RIGHT ON HIS ASS, saying how smart and good-looking the president is, and also insisting he NEVER “considered” quitting. He didn’t deny ever threatening it, though, and again, he did not deny calling Trump a “moron” or a “fucking moron” or “President Fuck-Bonkers” or “TinyHands McPussGrab.” (Wonkette may have added those last two naughty names.)

CNN reports:

“He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He’s smart,” Tillerson said in a hastily arranged statement from the State Department. “He demands results wherever he goes and he holds those around him accountable.” […]

“The vice president has never had to persuade me to remain as secretary of state because I have never considered leaving this post,” he said.

Uh huh, and did you do name-calling to the president?

“The places I come from, we don’t deal with that kind of petty nonsense.” Tillerson said. “I’m just not going to be part of this effort to divide this administration.”

Rex Tillerson comes from Exxon and Texas and the Boy Scouts, where you never confirm or deny whether you called the out-of-his-league leader of America a “moron” or a “dipshit” or a “ginormous pervy waste of space who can’t even read, allegedly.” It’s just not polite!

When it was announced that Tillerson would be making impromptu remarks, there was speculation that maybe he would resign. But then Trump kind of threw a bucket of Russian pee on that speculation with this tweet, which suggested he wasn’t about to “YOU’RE FIRED!” Tillerson:

Whatever, champ.

After Tillerson’s presser, Trump again squatted on his gold-plated toilet and pinched off a tweet:

Except for the part about how Trump is a fucking M-O-R-O-N and Rex Tillerson knows it.

NBC stands by its reporting, and an MSNBC reporter said the network “would not be issuing an apology to America” for telling everybody this very good and true gossip the Secretary of State pointedly did not deny. So, the choice is yours, America: Who you gonna believe? The pathological liar moron president or literally everyone else?

OH GOLLY THIS IS A HARD ONE.

Anyway, Tillerson’s still out by the end of the year. Bet your ass on it.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • My money is on the Friday dump.

    • therblig

      is that when he’ll issue the friday tweet?

  • jesterpunk

    Rex will be gone by Friday.

    • Joe Beese

      It would be Trump style to make Tillerson eat shit on TV to keep his job and then fire him anyway.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      ON Friday, probably after 6:30pm so Dok and the rest of the game have to work late/drunk.

      • jesterpunk

        They have no respect for the people who have to cover this stuff on the weekends.

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          Seems like the last three words aren’t necessary

          • Paul

            Last nine?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        That’s really what Rexy deserves, full on drunk schadenfreude.

  • foiled again
  • Joe Beese

    Trump learned about making people kiss his ass from his friend Vince McMahon.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi6CWp1HwXE

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Okay, that’s kinda ill.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Sure is a LOT of man on man face/butt action in WWE.

      Just sayin.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Us gay folks don’t watch rasslin’ for the athleticism

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Bob Mould used to write scripts for wrestling, so at least one gay person has been in the writers’ room there.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Makeup tips?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Remember when SNL did the “Jew or not a Jew” game show? I think they should do a modern version, “Mixed Martial Arts or Gay Porn?”

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          …or both

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • JustPretendImNotHere

    So this is where we are. People have to call a fucking press conference just to say that they’re not leaving the Trump administration.

    We could have had a competent, intelligent, compassionate President and cabinet but then Hillary went a sent some emails and the news media, the GOP and the “pure, pretty, progressive princesses” on the left lost their damn minds…

    • BreakingDeadMen

      And the pricks…er, princes, too

  • jesterpunk
  • therblig

    secretary of state nugent is waiting in the wings. gonna lay down some cat scratch fever on little rocket man!!

    • BreakingDeadMen

      DON’TGIVEHIMANYIDEASDON’TGIVEHIMANYIDEASDON’T!

      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, why the hell not? After all, if they’re gonna blow it all up, might as well do it right.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Yeah, that’s the thing…that guy doesn’t get anything right.

    • epazote

      His replacement will be either Nicky Haley or John Bolton

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I would like to think we could get a couple defections on Bolton.

        • epazote

          Wish I could share your optimism

      • therblig

        Ellie Mae Nimroda or the Bellicose Walrus. goodbye, world.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    MSNBC should only apologize to America once 63 million Americans apologize to America

    • jesterpunk

      Also Susan Sarandon too.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Tim Curry should have let her drown in the rainstorm

  • BreakingDeadMen

    He’s out on Friday.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He might not make till then if Trump doesn’t get enough ass-kissing in Vegas today.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Friday is the traditional day. Plus, Trump will want him to squirm an extra 24.

      • OutOfOrbit

        let us not assume tRumpster has heard about thing … if it ain’t on FN it either didn’t happen or ain’t so

  • Michael R
    • BreakingDeadMen

      I saw a rerun of that the other day. A lot dirtier than my young mind realized the first time through.

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        When Mom was alive, we’d watch the re-runs with our morning coffee. I think she crushed on Gene Rayburn back-in-the-day. :)

        • therblig

          whenever i visit my mom, she’s got the game show channel on and her commentary usually consists of “dead, dead, dead, still alive, dead, dead…”

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            xD Mom mostly just watched Match Game, she’d get the giggles every time.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Well the answer was usually fucking, but they used all the proper euphemisms like “making whoopie”.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            xD Yiss!

  • FDRliberal
    • OneWhiteWhisker

      You should issue an apology to America for your stupid face.

    • GoutMachine

      Except that it hasn’t been totally refuted, you hoofwanking bunglecunt.

    • Baconzgood

      Dear America,

      I’m sorry you elected a petulant, small handed, thin skinned, septuagenarian man baby who sanity is suspect.

      Sincerely,

      NBC

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        … “with our unfailing help because both sides do it and her emails.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Remember all the cabinet officials who had to call hastily arranged press conferences to deny that they called Obama a “fucking moron” and wanted to quit?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Or the Cabinet meeting where they all had to kiss his ass?

      • Baconzgood

        We love Leader.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          We love Lamp.

  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

    Trump is not only a Fucking Moron, he is a Fucking Fascist. Things get worse every day.

  • Daniel

    “He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He’s smart,” Tillerson said in a hastily arranged statement from the State Department. “He demands results wherever he goes and he holds those around him accountable.” […]

    Yep, always those around him. Never himself.

    He demands results, but never makes it clear what those results should actually be.
    He’s… smart. I mean, they’re terrible but he does always seem to wear a suit.

    • jesterpunk
    • chazmanr

      He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He’s smart,”
      Tillerson said in a hastily arranged statement from the State
      Department. “He demands results wherever he goes and he holds those
      around him accountable.”

      Said Tillerson reading from the forward of Trump’s latest ghost-written bio.

  • Sophia

    Thoughts & prayers to Rexxon

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I did not call that imbecile a “moron.”

    • jesterpunk

      He called him a “fucking moron” not a moron, so he is technically correct.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “I did not call that fuckingmoron a ‘moron’.”

      FIFY

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, Rexxon lies like Donald. Surprise!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “A boy scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and never calls even the stupidest dipshit a moron.”
    — Rex Tillerson

    • therblig

      “Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life. ” – Rex Tillerson

  • Red Richmond

    Anyone know when rexxon’s next overseas trip will be? Because my money is on that being when he gets You’re Fired. No way trump has the guts to fire him when there’s any chance of it being a face to face encounter, the fucking coward.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yeah, then he’ll recall the company plane and leave him stranded in…Lagos?

      • Joshua Norton

        Joke’s on you. President Moron probably thinks “Lagos” are those kids plastic building blocks.

        • Daniel

          He’s done lots of great building in Lagos, terrific, believe me. Also some spaceships, great terrific space ships.

  • ManchuCandidate

    After all the ‘I love but not in love with Trump’ nonsense. REXXON will be forced to change his Trump relationship status to ‘It’s complicated’.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      “Abused” needs to be an option

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It was like a Trump Cabinet Meeting held by one person.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Everyone else calls him a moron, so why not the Secretary of State?

    • chazmanr

      Besides, it is the only truthful thing that I ever recall a member of the Trump administration saying.

  • Joshua Norton

    Trump tweeted a cartoon saying “we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a [fucking] moron” in 2014. 2014!
    ..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/573b0d4a502e56efaeca0a6b06a3a0f540cfe31fc3b7bb0501d38d2383bb935e.jpg

    • YoBunnyBunny

      The Unintentional Oracle of Dumbassery

    • BreakingDeadMen

      One for every occasion.

    • Alan

      He was a already planning to run.

  • Asterix

    I think Tilly will be gone by Friday.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The denials are always loudest before the boot.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Well, it was asserted that Price still had the confidence of El Trumpo… and for Mike Flynn…

    • jenny_whyme

      If 45 refers to him as Mr. Tillerson.. he’s done.

      • wait! what?

        …or uses his middle name.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “I don’t really know this Mr. Tillerson. Rex, is it? Personally, not much. He was an individual who joined the administration fairly recently, they tell me. Not here long at all. Not at all.”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I did not call the President a moron, even after he asked me whether Puerto Rico was in NATO, and if so, how much did they owe on their membership dues.”
    — Rex Tillerson

  • jesterpunk
    • BreakingDeadMen

      And the fake news is that their ratings are up except when they have a Fox retread on. Which should be a lesson to journalists everywhere that Fox is the Hotel California for your career. No one outside the bubble will every take you seriously.

    • wait! what?

      I seriously doubt Donald does any tweets.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        There must be a constant game of palace intrigue to determine who holds the Iron Phone.

        • wait! what?

          I’m guessing it’s whomever can hold the meth hits the longest.

      • jesterpunk

        He does, the ones that make sense are done by someone else though.

        • wait! what?

          So he’s done, like, 3?

          • jesterpunk

            More then that, look for the really angry nonsense tweets.

          • Meccalopolis

            Pretty sure he wrote the covfefe one

    • Mr. Blobfish

      lol. Can’t even whine without stealing something.

      • jesterpunk

        That is his digital media manager.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      What makes you say that?

  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl
    • BreakingDeadMen

      Or smell like roses

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        …but he tastes like hairspray and burnt meat

    • Daniel

      He tastes like kiviaq. Kiviaq soaked in shit.

    • hudson

      look ma no towels.

    • Bright Bart

      that dude soooo needs a nap!

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        I was thinking the same thing. Hibernation, even. xD

  • CripesAmighty

    Please note there is a qualitative difference between ‘name-calling’ and empirical observation.

  • Baconzgood

    I love how Trump always refers to TV ratings. Funny thing is his show wasn’t Seinfeld or Chips big.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I know that I never watched it or that fucking propaganda show “Undercover Boss”.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Yes, there IS always a Trump tweet. Always. From Oct. 2014:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/524960640117780480

    Caption at bottom reads: “I keep thinking we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a fucking moron.

    • jesterpunk

      A modern day Nostradumbass.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Just because I could buy Donald Trump 10 times over at least, doesn’t mean I’m above kissing his ass to save my worthless job.”
    — Rex Tillerson

  • CO
    • Joe Beese

      He’s got a thing about germs, OK?

      • MynameisBlarney

        And poors.

      • wait! what?

        So, that’s why he hates Merkel so much…

      • eggs ackly-wright

        He is a fucking germ.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Then why is he always snatching at the ladyfolks vajayjays and kissing them in the mouth???

    • GoutMachine

      It’s better this way. Would you want that vomitous mass groping all over you?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Clap, you fucking seals. I said clap!!!!

    • JustPretendImNotHere

      Even fucking W could hug folks and make it look sincere.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You can fool most of the morons most of the time, and the rest of the morons even more of the time. But when you work for one of the country’s biggest fucking morons and you’re kissing his ass in public, maybe it’s time to take a good long look at your own moronic fucking life choices, Rex.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Ten little “cabinet heads” standin’ in a line
    One toddled home and then there were nine
    Nine little “cabinet heads” all filled with hate
    One tumbled off and then there were eight
    (Chorus)

    One little, two little, three little, four little, five little “Republican” boys
    Six little, seven little, eight little, nine little, ten little “Republican” boys

    Eight little “cabinet heads” travelling in Devon
    One said he’d stay there and then there were seven
    Seven little “cabinet heads” cuttin’ up their tricks
    One broke his neck and then there were six
    (Chorus)

    Six little “cabinet heads” runnin’ to survive
    One kicked the bucket and then there were five
    Five little “cabinet heads” on a cellar door
    One tumbled in and then there were four
    (Chorus)

    Four little “cabinet heads” out upon a spree
    One dead drunk and then there were three
    Three little cabinet heads” out on a canoe
    One tumbled overboard and then there were two
    (Chorus)

    Two little “cabinet heads” foolin’ with a gun
    One shot t’other and then there was one
    One little “president” livin’ all alone
    He got impeached and then there were none
    (Chorus)

  • P’jama Pahnts

    They should issue an apology to AMERICA

    Does Barron write his tweets?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Probably not. I doubt Barron is that incoherent.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Unless he’s started day drinking. And I wouldn’t blame him one bit.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      Awws

    • janecita

      Squee!!!

      • MynameisBlarney

        See?
        Tolja!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  • Timothy Watson

    “I’m just not going to be part of this effort to divide this administration.”

    That’s what someone says when they have one foot out the door.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Also too… “divide the administration…” Quell the fuck is that?

      • Timothy Watson

        That’s those dirty Deep Staters.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      It’s division all the way down.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      YES! Because it leaves you a conveniently magnanimous open door.

      When this scandal gets to be louder and more distracting, you can say “I’m leaving for the purpose of ending all this noise and distraction to the Trump Administration.”

  • So I decided to do a trial of HBO on the better-half’s Prime. I finally watched The Jinx. I had always assumed the Texas jury that let Bob Durst off was bribed, but it turns out they were just stupid. These are the people who voted for Trump. It doesn’t matter what names Rex calls him, or whose head he throws paper towels at. Those people are THAT gullible. (Also because I just called them out, I am a northern elite and part of the problem.)

  • Alan

    Moron. Ayup. Fucking moron. Ayup.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Uh-huh. Say it like dat.

  • Khavrinen

    “He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He’s smart”

    See also, “I’ll be here all week”, “Try the veal”, and “Tip your waitress”.

    Rexxon, Secretary of State Stand Up Comedian.

    • Meccalopolis

      He can do things

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    2017: POTUS tweets that his SOS does NOT think that he’s a fucking moron, like they’re saying on the news!!1!!1

    Dignity of the office, GOP style.

  • jaspersdad

    Tillerson, join the club. Pretty much everyone has called Trump that, and they were right.

  • GoutMachine

    Rexxon: “He loves this country. He puts Americans and America First. He’s smart”

    Drumpf:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/217c8fe8805e192fade4446f09096173ea4f2fc8ee54b8e04ac7182c2108a817.jpg

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Don’t try telling ME he isn’t a fucking moron:

    https://twitter.com/AnnieLowrey/status/915606409605255168

    • GoutMachine

      “Not a lot of people know that you can purify water!”

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Somebody should tell the stupid son of a bitch that fish shit in the water. He’ll be dead of dehydration in a week.

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          We should be so lucky

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Yeah, I know – wishful thinking.

        • jesterpunk

          Can we just tell him Obama was for drinking water?

          • Geesquared

            Member when Michelle said it’s good to drink water and wing nuts had a kerfuffle?

        • Rags

          That’s why WC Fields said he never put it in his scotch. Edit; he actually said it was because fish fuck in it….

    • Oblios_Cap

      Trump probably only drinks water that comes out of the finest gold-plated toilets.

    • therblig

      the idea that people could get water for free disgusts him.

    • janecita

      Whenever I think that I can’t hate Trump’s voters more, he opens his mouth and this kind of diarrhea comes out.

    • Crank Tango

      @melaniaantoinette Let them drink drink bottled water.
      #stupid
      #sad

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      Trump was born on Third Base, scored the Run when the Ump spiked the Catcher, and thinks he’s the Greatest Baseball Player ever.

      I’m certain he has zero idea of anything anyone has ever had to do to survive anything more pressing than the cook not cutting crusts off of his sandwich.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Shows how out of touch he is. Here is what I like to carry with me into the backwoods as a purification back-up. https://www.backcountry.com/katadyn-micropur-purification-tablets-30-pack

      • therblig

        i’ve got the katadyn pump, but think i’ll pick some of those up and check my whole disaster kit this weekend.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Remember when George H. W. Bush went to a supermarket and discovered there are barcode scanners?
      http://www.nytimes.com/1992/02/05/us/bush-encounters-the-supermarket-amazed.html

    • cmd resistor

      That wapo story where that exchange comes from is very interesting — lots of stuff about places outside the relatively unscathed parts of PR that Trump saw. That exchange did stand out as the stupid, though.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Really those backpacking filtration straws should be in everyone’s home. Even without a natural disaster, a power grid failure that lasted long enough could make water undrinkable.

      • therblig

        before hurricane sandy i got a backpacking purification pump and UV purifier. our electricity was out for about a day or so, but no boil water alerts. still, good to have when you live in ancient infrastructure.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It may be because I live in hurricane country, but those tablets are literally in every pharmacy and grocery store in town.

    • CeeQ

      That look on his face was totally “OMFG WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU??!”

      Hurricane victim – “yeah asshole. We have no drinking water and this self purification system is THE ONLY SOLUTION we have right now. Too bad we have no President that isn’t a moron to help us.”

  • Scooby

    Look how long it took Rex to figure it out.

  • memzilla Ω

    O/T, but… BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    . https://twitter.com/SteveKopack/status/915585035809562625

    • GoutMachine

      OMG yes.

    • CO

      You don’t have a monocle, mustache and top hat? Peasant

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Troll Level: Master

    • Nounverb911

      Do collect $200.
      Do pass go.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m surprised security let him in with that get up… Security must have a sense of humor.

      • GoutMachine

        They’re trained to let rich people in and boot out the poor and infirm, so they were probably, “Right this way, good sir!”

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He didn’t laugh, so….

        • Naytch

          Nor was he in a wheelchair.

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        He might have only put shit on after he was in. A fold-up tophat, trick mustache, and monocle would be easy to sneak in.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Today, we are all Uncle Pennybags.

    • Bright Bart

      why I’d bet my pewter thimble that is the amazing spiderman, tobey mcguire. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c361e03f283cd5b5d1c26afdaa21ec76d12cd365ee9f45c845d02e5da767959.jpg

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Are we 100% sure that’s not Trump’s lawyer Ty Cobb, in his Sunday Best?

  • OutOfOrbit

    rex is just sore cuz he thought he would be pulling puppet’s strings and the world would be his very own oyster, but then he found pootin’s hand inside the puppet and no strings attached

  • Daniel

    “The places I come from, we don’t deal with that kind of petty nonsense.”

    “The place I’ve ended up, of course, involves launching personal attacks against disaster victims, calling world leaders by belittling nicknames, insulting journalists for reporting what we say, and the phrase ‘no puppet! No puppet! You’re the puppet!’ so…”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Above the fray, he is…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      By now I’m sure he’s wishing he had stayed where he came from. Don’t worry, Rex, you’ll get to go back soon, probably this Friday in fact.

  • “I did not call the president a fucking moron. That would be deeply insulting, libelous, and derogatory towards fucking morons…”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I did not call the President a fucking moron…I told Melania she was fucking a moron…and she said, ‘Trust me, not for years'”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Take it from me, Rex, just keep quiet and try not to be noticed. The only time I had any problem with the President was when he asked the Secret Service to check my pulse that one time.”
    — Ben Carson

  • Nounverb911

    So Tillie the Toiler isn’t resigning, I guess Putin hasn’t paid him for for getting the sanctions lifted yet.

    • therblig

      Tillie the Oiler

  • jaspersdad

    The biggest thing they have in common is complete contempt for the State Department and any government functions. Tillerson’s job is to oversee the downsizing and kneecapping of the State Department as per Donalds wishes and those of the Republican Party.

    He’s well along in that mission, and I predict he will stick through at least until the most senior diplomats have retired or resigned in disgust so that there are no wiser heads left to dissuade the government from rash ideological decisions.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      …as per Donald, the Reupblican Party AND PUTIN.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’m just not so sure Trump has that specific an understanding of what State actually does to know about what kneecapping to do. Like everything with him, I think it’s just burn down the whole fucking thing… no-one is doing anything…

  • Proud Liberal
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I don’t think Trump fires him. He showed disloyalty and questioned Trump’s genius; he needs to be publicly ridiculed, humiliated, and stripped of his dignity before he slinks out the door. If he is fired Friday, he can walk away with his head held high. If he quits after groveling, he’s just an ingrate and a loser who couldn’t hack it.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    But if CNN or NBC called up and said they wanted an interview, he would be running for the makeup chair. Moron.

    • Daniel

      Well, not running. He’d get a golf buggy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Isn’t it time that Obama Trump release his college records and applications? Boy would that create a mess! He is not who you think.

    • jesterpunk

      What about his tax returns? He released nude photos of Melon but still hasn’t released his tax returns.

      • wavicles

        He released *on* nude photos of Melon…

        sorry, not sorry

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      We’d have to differentiate between HIS marks and the ones the people he paid to do the actual course work got.

  • Panika MCD

    a) at least Tillerson didn’t throw a “bless his heart” at Tsarina Von Clownstick…or did he?

    b) is there a compilation somewhere of thinks that Tsarina Tic Tacs has called “FAKE NEWS!” when first reported and turned out to be “COMPLETELY TRUE”?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      it’s too long to recite…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It’s AOT,K

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Is “bless his heart” a Texas thing as much as a thing in other southern parts?

      • Rotisserie Teal

        Oh yes. If you’ve ever heard the Sainted Ms Molly Ivins (BPUH) deliver the line, you saw it used as well as it gets.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          When you want to go nuclear, it’s “ Well bless his little heart”.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Or precious heart, at least in my family.

          • E K Wallace

            The more adjectives, the worse, here in my corner of TN. For a weapons-grade dumbass, bless their precious little baby heart.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Oh, get me the aloe!!!!!

          • Erala Contratista

            “Aloe, aloe on the raaaange”

            Think the fever might be getting worse

          • Eileen Besse

            Again–THIS!

        • Eileen Besse

          Also–THIS!!!!!

      • Panika MCD

        you don’t remember Ann Richards using it?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I’s oldz and forgetz… but do non-wimminz of Texas say it also too?

          • Panika MCD

            during the 2015 session, my state senator figured out that a bunch of the people that he would not send Xmas cards to had forgotten what it meant and he was handing them out left and right. they had been reminded by 2017.

        • Eileen Besse

          THIS!!!!!!!

  • susan_g

    Rexy is just another b-level incompetent who would not have been given a sniff of a cabinet level job by anyone but cheeto. He fits right in with this clown show.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “I’m not going to dignify whether or not I called POTUS a fucking moron, and I think it’s extremely petty of you to keep saying that I just dignify whether or not I called that fucking moron POTUS a fucking moron.”

    — Rex Tillerson, translated

  • Proud Liberal

    He will be gone by the end of the year.

    • elviouslyqueer

      He will be gone by the end of the year week.

      There. FIFY.

      • wait! what?

        I bet he’s singing in the hallways…

        https://youtu.be/JoGweOFqapU

        • H0mer0

          [I have mixed feelings about the Eagles becuz of the lesser Lebowski, even if the dude is make-believe]

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Jared can take over the State Dept, no problem. He’s got mad real estate skillz, and isn’t that what other countries are, real estate?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I did not have sex with that moron.

    • Rotisserie Teal

      Melania, is that you?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Has the DNA test come back on Barron yet?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Baron “Tiffany Guy” Trump?

    • Rags

      “Or at least I didn’t swallow.”

  • Just out of curiosity: since Trump is always banging on about “low ratings”, does anyone know if this is actually true for CNN and/or NBC? Or does Dolt 45 just think LOW RATINGS is some kind of catch-all MASSIVE BUUUUURN, since popularity is literally the only thing he cares about, as evidenced by his compulsive lying about how much everyone loves him (except haters and losers, who don’t count)?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Haters and losers”, that is, 62% of the country.

    • Jamoche

      http://www.adweek.com/tvnewser/august-2017-ratings-cnn-is-the-go-to-cable-news-network-on-weekends/339766
      August 2017 Ratings: CNN Is No. 1 in Cable News on Weekends; No. 2 in Prime Time Among Adults 25-54

      CNN was the No. 2 cable news network among adults 25-54 across total day for August 2017, and posted double-digit audience growth from August 2016.

      • yyyaz

        And fucking Faux Nooz was No. 1 in prime time for 25-54 year olds. So much for the next generation.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          That would worry me, except I have some doubts that the next generation spends too much energy on prime time viewing. I’d bet the majority of that age group falls in the upper brackets.

        • Likr 5 dudes watch prime time news. That is the only time slot you do not care about

        • Kooolest G

          it’s cause 25-54 yr old democrats get their news from cnn, msnbc, the inter web, the Facebook, podcasts, the daily show, etc. so they split the ratings between all of those. 25-54 yr old republicans only watch fox news. just remember, there’s at least 3 million more of us than there are of them.

          oh and because 25-54 yr old white people sitting at home with no jobs (which is clearly the fault of messicans) watch fox news all day

      • paxpax

        I’m 56 yrs old – wonder what the oldz watch

        • Jamoche

          Same thing, only in the late-night reruns when the Cologard and catheter ads run.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I guess you don’t have to be too smart to be CEO of the biggest corporation in the world.

    • MrTusks

      When the company gets that big the CEO is just a highly-paid goat who gets sacrificed when the shareholders start to get nervous.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      From what I’ve learned on some of the cases I’ve worked on, most of them can barely wipe their own asses.

  • Jamoche

    There are times when the fauxpology is appropriate: “Dear Mr President. We’re sorry you’re a moron. Sincerely, NBC.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Sorry not sorry. My favorite one when dealing with the public when they were idiots was “I understand why you might feel upset about that”. Empathy without assigning blame.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      “Dear Mr President. We’re sorry you’re SUCH a moron, EVEN YOUR OWN PEOPLE CAN’T STOP THEMSELVES FROM SAYING IT. Sincerely, NBC.”

      They’re journalists. They quote the source.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Appropriate, and sincere.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Tillerson, you ignorant slut. The guy you work for just told you that you are wasting your time when you are doing your job. And, you kiss his fat ass.

    I’m beginning to wonder just who the “fucking moron” is, in this scenario.

    • Randy Riddle

      AOT, K.

      • LeftyProud

        I was worried about the Tillerson appointment especially, and by damn if Tillerson is at least trying to do a decent job. Or the job of a Sec of State at least. But yes, he is just as guilty as Trump. Of being a moron and everything else.

        • puredog

          If you include “eviscerating this country’s diplomatic corps” as part of “trying to do a decent job,” then I guess so.

          • LeftyProud

            Well, yes, there is THAT.

  • anon_the_great

    Powerful people can tell Twilter to eat shit with impunity because he isn’t POTUS in any meaningful way. He’s that fat lazy coward at the end of the bar baiting people. After a bit it’s ‘Shut the fuck up Donnie you don’t know what the fuck yer talking about. Here, have another beer and stop bothering the patrons.’ Usually works.

  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

    “I didn’t call the President a “Fucking Moron”, I said “I’d like More Fucking from the President…wait, that’s not helping, is it?”

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    If I tried to say Donald Trump is smart, I would probably choke to death on my own tongue as my body rejected a lie of that size.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Trump the Stupid: ”In case you didn’t read that story where my Secretary of State called me a Moran, it’s totally false, even though he didn’t say that” .

  • Thiazin Red

    The complete lack of a denial makes me wonder if there is audio.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Lordy I hope there’s tapes. Of everything.

      • Edith Prickly

        You beat me to it!

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    I wonder if the copy for REXXON’s briefing was approved by Jill Newslady and Jim Anchorton?

    https://www.mediaite.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/imageedit_157_8171165455.jpg

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I love you Jill Newslady! I want to have your bigly white baby!

    • H0mer0

      Tiger Woods got a new hairdo!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Donald likes people who don’t have to insist that they love him. I’ll be surprised if Rexxon survives past Christmas. You heard it here first.

    • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

      You misspelled “Halloween”

  • Mavenmaven

    Then he said “and remember, every word a Trump official says at a press conference is a lie “.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I heard from Trump voters that other countries will respect us again.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      The entire nation of Moronsylvania would totally express how proud they are of us now, except they stuck their tongues into an outlet earlier to see what electricity tastes like.

  • Scooby

    No no, I said Donald Trump is fucking a moron.
    Rex

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      No. Putin smart.

    • Geesquared

      Hope Hicks?

  • Edith Prickly

    Tillerson out by the end of the year? I’d put money on him being this week’s Friday Sacrifice.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Also too, what say ye, WaPo link?

    Secretary of State Rex Tillerson just delivered an unscheduled statement to reporters about “some news reports this morning that I want to address.”

    But while Tillerson went on to dispute one major contention in those “reports” — that he considered resigning — he directly and pregnantly declined to dispute another one — that he called his boss, President Trump, a “moron.”

    The juxtaposition of those two things was striking, and it leads to basically one logical conclusion: He can’t deny it . . . because he said it.

    Hee hee hee…

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Can’t deny it because he actually did say it? I thought he was a Republican.

      • puredog

        Word. Especially since it’s apparently not on tape.

  • TheStrayGoose

    Trump probably actually believes Tellytubby didn’t call him a moron.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This requires a Congressional investigation. Who else knows President is a moron and when did they know it? The American people need answers!

    • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

      The American people need effing answers.
      FTFY.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    TMZ says Tillerump heading for a break up!

    Something about calling a moran a moron.

  • Dutchman

    From the Tweeterverse “Most Memorable Hostage Video Since Patty Hearst”

  • whitroth

    I’m no quitter, you’ll have to fire me, and you’ve got no one to replace me with.

    Oh… and I’m fourth in line to be President….

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Now THAT sounds like the real reason he’s not leaving. He’s been hiding in his office, doing the math.

      • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

        If he thinks he wants the job after his three predecessors get removed, he should have his head examined. Consider what that says about the political climate, Rexxy.

  • sosuume
    • Brian Fowler

      Not even Wheatley was as dumb as the Fanta Fuhrer.

  • Oneofthebobs

    The place that you came to always deals in petty, divisive nonsense. Go back to the places you came from, Dick.

    • Cat Cafe

      I know, I thought the exact same thing! Exxon? The corporate world? Oil companies and Russia? THERE IS NOTHING but petty, divisive nonsense there!

  • Paperless Tiger

    These Apprentice reruns suck.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Jeez, Rexie, you might as well quit now and get it over with. The sanctions aren’t coming down and Rosneft isn’t happening. Stop torturing yourself.

  • Cat Cafe

    RUSSIA leaked this! Of course! Putin LOVES this stuff! AND he has tapes.

  • I got next tuesday for rexxy

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Look, where I come from, we don’t come out and admit that we called the boss a fucking moron. Come on now, what do you take me for? I’m not one of his dipshit idiot fans that you can bamboozle with simplistic 5-word bumpersticker slogans.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      My favorite word for the boss was “asshole”, and I’m sure it was also used to describe me many times.

  • Poly_Ester

    “He’s SMRT” Well, yes, posing the smartest guy in the room is a standard grifter MO.

  • cmd resistor

    Ok, it is depressing that this Hill headline is a thing that is normal these days.
    “State Dept: Tillerson did not call Trump ‘moron’ “

  • bluicebank

    Calling Trump a “moron” is becoming what’s known in the trade as a “dog bites man” story — not worth a paragraph buried in the metro section.

    “Man bites dog,” though, will always be front page news. In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

  • Johnnymoreno

    Calling Trump a “moron” is like pointing out that Puerto Rico is an island, surrounded by water.

  • Finnibar87

    Fun fact!

    Top government officials ignore bullshit reports, unless they are true and some guy from Exxon has to cover ass.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Stupid Rex Tillerson, who I don’t know, called me “a moran”. I’m not a moran, believe me!” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Chris Gentle

    Soon on NBC

    Tapper: For MORE ON Trump we cross to Katy Tur

    Tur: We have seen a FAR KING DOTE HARD with Trump…’s meeting with Thai leaders

    • Delu

      Come on now, the Thai King isn’t a far King….

      • Chris Gentle

        Trump does like people who dote hard, though.

  • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

    You misspelled “month,” Evan.

  • ExecutorElassus

    Fun (?) Fact: apparently Rexxon, Mnuchin, and Mattis have a “suicide pact” that any one of them getting fired makes the other two quit:
    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/tillerson-mattis-mnuchin-forge-suicide-pact-in-the-event-trump-wants-one-of-them-gone-report/article/2636550
    So maybe that’s why he didn’t get fired this summer?

  • Rickyphoo

    Is it really news, when REXXON just said what almost everybody else already knows?

  • Keith Taylor

    I have to wonder if any member of the Trump administration, such as it is, has NOT called him an effing moron, and also if they would not all deny it under oath.

  • Mike Steele

    Wouldn’t mind waving ‘bye to Rexxon, except…Bolton:(

  • NotConvinced
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