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“AND HE IS A MORON.”

Good morning, time for PALACE INTRIGUE about the White House, and also OFFICE BUILDING INTRIGUE, about the State Department! The scoop comes from NBC News, and it is that Secretary Of State Rex Tillerson, the man from Exxon, may not have been awake for much of his tenure in the Trump administration, but he’s been awake long enough to notice that President Donald Trump is a YOOOOOGE FUCKING MORON. Indeed, he almost quit his job in fury over Trump being such a moron, and it was Vice President Mike Pence who had to sit him down, sing him a lullaby and tell him to stop saying things that are just obviously true.

Haha just kidding, Pence is one of the few people in Washington stupid enough that he actually thinks Trump is smart. Anyway, this all went down just after Trump visited the Boy Scouts and told them a nice wholesome story about his rich friend who throws elegant fuck orgies on big yachts:

Just days earlier, Tillerson had openly disparaged the president, referring to him as a “moron,” after a July 20 meeting at the Pentagon with members of Trump’s national security team and Cabinet officials, according to three officials familiar with the incident.

And then after Trump did the Boy Scouts thing, Eagle Scout and former Boy Scouts president Tillerson, who was on vacation in Texas at the time, reportedly threatened to “SEACREST OUT!” of his State Department job in a hissy. Fortunately (???) Pence talked him off the ledge and told him not to say factually correct yet problematic cusses about the president in public. Defense Secretary James Mattis and General John Kelly, who was in the process of moving his colored pencils and Trapper Keepers OUT of his office at Homeland and INTO the West Wing at the time, reportedly also helped.

The White House and Tillerson’s spokesperson say all of this is fake news, but MSNBC’s Stephanie Ruhle reported Wednesday morning that “I KNOW IT’S TRUE!” and added that SHE heard Tillerson called Trump an “EFFING MORON,” by which she means “FUCKING MORON,” but you can’t say that on TV.

There were many rumors this summer that Tillerson was going to get in his bed, stick his big secretary of State butt in the air and refuse to ever go back to Washington DC because YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM. Around that time, State Department spokesperson and former Fox News idiot Heather Nauert had this hilarious and memorable reaction when a mean reporter wouldn’t stop asking where Tillerson was:

Reporter: Can you say why we’re not being told where he is?

Nauert: Well, he does have the … he does have the ability to go away for a few days on his own. Just takin’ a little time off. He’s had a lot of work, he just came back from that, uh, mega-trip overseas. As you all well know, many of you were there for the G20. And his other travel as well. So he’s entitled to take a few days himself.

AND NOW THE TRUTH COMES OUT.

Has it gotten any better since then? HAHAHAHAHA no. Trump and Tillerson were fighting this summer when Trump was treating his Afghanistan war policy like a restaurant renovation. NBC reports they were on the outs in August because Tillerson was unwilling to defend Trump’s “I LOVE THE NAZIS!” response to Charlottesville. And of course, Trump and Tillerson had a very public fight last week about North Korea policy, because Tillerson, the secretary of State, is apparently very naive for wanting to try diplomacy with North Korea, whereas Trump is fully aware that “being nice to Rocket Man hasn’t worked in 25 years,” apparently all the way back to when Kim Jong-Un was ten years old.

Also too, Jared Kushner apparently hates Tillerson, and how is Jared going to use his commercial real estate skills to bring peace to the Middle East if he can’t get along with State?

Anyway, this is all hilarious. Let’s think about ALL the people who have been quit-fired from the Trump administration since summer (July alone was the month of Priebus, Spicer, Scaramucci AND OTHERS), and then remember that Trump ALSO fought with Attorney General Jeff Sessions all summer, and then add this as the cherry on top of the sundae of all Trump’s failures, that things are so bad between Tillerson and Trump that Tillerson is staying up past his bedtime (2:00 PM allegedly) to SAY CUSSES about what a dildo-wit Trump is.

Is America great again yet? Are we winning so much that we’re officially sick of winning? LOLOLOL no, we are so fucked.

We’ll let you know when Tillerson resigns!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • FlemmishSpy

    Maybe Rexxon likes to hike the Appalachian trail.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’m starting to notice a certain consistency in the way anybody who has had any real responsibility for anything, ever, thinks and talks about our Dear Leader.

  • Michael Smith

    If it weren’t for the continued work of Russian propagandists and right wing tabloids right here at home, American conservatives might be starting to think that their honeymoon with Trump is over.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump was mad at Rexxon because he wouldn’t allow him to order any Boy Scout Cookies at that rally.

  • CutterTeam

    Man. You’re President and you tell just ONE Pussy Yacht story to children and they never let you forget it.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Kids live stories about the grifty and debauched.

    • Michael Smith

      “Reagan always had stories to tell to simplify complex issues! I tell one story and I’m the bad guy?”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I’ve heard similar complaints from this goat fucker I know.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I, too, think Trump is a fucking moron. I guess I’m eligible to be the Secretary of State!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      In this administration? You’re overqualified.

      • Oblios_Cap

        True dat. If called, I would refuse to serve that buffoon.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, it’s been fun to see how government would work if it were run by cranky toddlers. Can we try something else now?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Like go back to the adult who held the office before 20 January? Or perhaps his first Secretary of State? Heck, I’d settle for his second Secretary of State.

  • SweetDeeKat

    I am slightly cheered up by this revelation. Good to hear f-bombs from the Secretary of State.

  • Well, maybe Tillerson should resign if he feels that way. I mean, he’s already fucked over any humanity he still had after working for Exxon by going to work for Trump, but he might save a small bit of his balls if he refuses to let his moron boss continue to undermine his work.

    • Bobathonic

      Ah, but there’s always 3. Profit!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      WHAT work?

    • jesterpunk

      But his wife made him take the job, she doesnt want him in the house all day napping.

  • OddMan
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If I recall, it had something to do with his opponent being a pigfucker.

    • blaid droog

      Is that like “are you still beating your wife”?

      • ViveLaResistance!

        No, Senator. I did not beat my wife today. My Trump punching bag? Oh, yeah!

  • ArgieBargie

    Rexie, you are an even bigger moron for having accepted the job.

    Also too: “Pro-Lifer” GOP Rep Tim Murph caught asking his mistress to have an abortion:
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/10/03/gop-rep-repeatedly-promoted-pro-life-stance-a-week-after-reportedly-telling-mistress-to-get-abortion/?utm_term=.259f58042e64

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That wuz in the Wonkagenda. No GOP hypocrisy goes unnoticed!

    • MrTusks

      All of these corporate guys saw it as a do-nothing job that would let them rig the system so they could come back to even more free money in four years.

      Yes, I highly doubt any of them saw this going the full eight.

  • Proud Liberal

    We Are So Fucked!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Just a word of caution.

    Rex IS NOT one of us.

    He didn’t’ call Donald “a moran.”

  • ltmcdies

    good to see someone else coming to the same conclusion 65 million Clinton voters arrived at with no problem at all back in November.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Rarely is the question asked, is our morons learning?

  • Proud Liberal

    This is not normal. None of this is normal.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      By this point, the new normal is neither.

      • Proud Liberal

        It’s gotten to the point where we don’t remember what normal is.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          It’s a setting on the dryer. If it has another meaning it’s not coming to mind.

    • Randy Riddle

      I blame that big scientific collider thingie for messing up our alternate timelines or something. And the chem trails.

  • Proud Liberal

    But her emails!!!!

  • Joe Beese

    The Mooch angrily insisting he was employed for 11 days, not 10, thank you very much.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Take THAT, libtards!

    • Stulexington

      What we’re counting half days now?

    • jesterpunk

      The Mooch technically was employed for negative days, he was fired before his official start date.

  • hudson

    “Anyway, this is all hilarious.”

    hahahahahaha. sobsobsobsobsob.

    “Is America great again yet? Are we winning so much that we’re officially sick of winning? LOLOLOL no, we are so fucked.”

    so beyond fucked we are, we wish we were only fucked.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Cubically fucked. Or Fucked^3, in MS Excel.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Personally, seeing these craven, spineless, bumbling motherfuckers being debased and humiliated every single day by Trump is priceless. It’s also just a taste of what the fuck he’s doing to the rest of the country.

    • Joe Beese

      TIllerson must think “The shit I put up with for the chance to loot Russia’s oil wealth”.

      • Bananas Foster

        Which I was already doing…

        So, wait, what?!

    • Stulexington

      And who called it? That’s right Wonkette. must credit wonkette!

    • ariel_gee_398

      There’s one song lyric that pops into my head almost every time I read about the Cabinet.
      “Let me ask you one question/ Is your money that good? / Will it buy you forgiveness? / Do you think that it could?”

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Whenever I hear about Trump Tower, I think of

        “This old earthquake’s
        gonna leave
        me in the poor house,
        It seems like
        this whole town’s
        insane.
        On the thirty-first floor
        A gold-plated door
        Won’t keep out
        The Lord’s burnin’ rain.”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The immortal Gram Parsons. Thanks. Apropos for Vegas, also too.

    • OddMan

      I do fear the horrible replacement that may take Tillerson’s place. Tillerson is a greedy SOB but he had a modicum of sense and did try to calm down Trump’s wild ass statements.
      What new hell will a new Sec State bring?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        There is that. Trump most certainly hasn’t reached the bottom of the barrel yet.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Terrorists love to inflict terror. It gives their lives meaning.

      The NRA is this nation’s foremost terrorist organization.

    • Proud Liberal
    • Bananas Foster

      The NRA pays generously.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Bill, here’s another one to whom you need to send that pic you posted yesterday. And encircle it with a frame that reads “Here’s what we think about your fucking ‘let’s not talk about this’ bullshit.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        Which pic?

        • elviouslyqueer

          The three girls in Las Vegas that Bill D. posted.

    • Bill D. Burger

      When there is a mass shooting, the Rightie NRA-owned machine starts working overtime: “Comin’ fer’ yer’ guns! Buy more NOW!”
      And the $$$$$$$$$$$$ comes rollin’ in! Happy Time!

      http://9503-presscdn-0-2.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/giphy.gif

  • Bill D. Burger

    Rex Tillerson is a fucking greed-obsessed troglodyte with a skewed sense of ethics, and and he rests comfortably in Putin’s lap.

    However____Turns out that he’s a good judge of character in this case. I’ll give him that.

  • Scooby

    Footage of Trumps response to Tillerson.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9LBasxQ9Nyc

  • Spurning Beer

    “… and then my good friend who owned the yacht said, and let me tell you, it is quite a yacht, believe me, anyway, he says, ‘And that’s why there’s always seamen on the poop deck.’ Huh? Huh? Get a merit badge in that, kids.”

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Santorum joke?

      • Spurning Beer

        Yes, he is.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      “I didn’t get a ‘harumpf’ outta that guy!’

      • MrTusks

        You watch your ass!

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Give the governor harrumph!

  • Mavenmaven

    Not all morons are toilet paper throwers, but all toilet paper throwers are morons.

    • jesterpunk

      Hey wait a second, throwing toilet paper is easier when you have 6 big packs to take upstairs so you can put it away.

    • Covfefe

      “Toilet paper throwers”is just one more example of the fake news that dogs this president. It was paper towel thrower. Do your research,

  • dslindc

    And he’s about to make an unscheduled statement, apparently:

    https://twitter.com/ReutersLive/status/915582569894285313

    • Oblios_Cap

      “I Quit!”

      • Blackest Noobs

        “..and the President is a fucking moron.”

        • Parakeetist

          Yaaaaay

    • Stulexington

      How do they know it’s coming up if it’s unscheduled?

      • dslindc

        A wizard.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        The unscheduled ones are usually at 11am on Wednesday.

    • jesterpunk

      Preview of Rexxcon’s statement?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcuYZCv3cKM

      • Joe Beese

        What movie izzat?

      • Suttree

        Haha! Fucking Chappelle

      • Parakeetist

        Denis Leary, on what would happen if he became President: “My domestic policy? Fuck you. My foreign policy? Fuck you.”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Instaflash fantasy: “I regret to have to tell you that I consider our President a dangerous moron, and I cannot in good conscience continue serving as your Secretary of State.”

      • MynameisBlarney

        I hope that’s just the warm up.

        • Suttree

          And he acts like a bratty 7 year old. He also has little tiny baby hands. He’s a coke addict too. Did i mention that he is A Idiot?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Goddamnit, he needs to hold in there until Friday so I can win the pool.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Unless he specifically says “Fuck all y’all, including especially that orange haired baboon. I’m out,” I’m totes not interested.

      • Suttree

        And then cracks a beer and kicks the lectern over.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Yanks the mike off the lectern and beats Suckabee Sanders over the head with it, while laughing maniacally, also too.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        My favorite? “Fuck you you fucking fuck.” But “Fuck all y’all” is also good, too.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Blackest Noobs

    “Great? like when…when was America Great?”
    ask every person of color, especially women of color.

    • Wonky Magoo

      1491.

    • Covfefe

      No, not women of color. Men of color always had it harder because they were perceived as threatening. The Man actively sought to discredit men of color, elevating women of color by default.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ha ha tell that to a woman of color, I FUCKING DARE YOU.

        • Maggielle

          OMG I’ll need a 10 second warning so I can duck and cover.

  • theblackdog

    I’m thinking Tillerson is gone by late Friday afternoon.

    • Bananas Foster

      I think he’s gone today. That’s why the news is breaking.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      “You can’t quit! You’re fired! But not until 4 pm Friday.”

  • Timothy Watson

    Tillerson is supposed to be delivering a statement according to the Washington Post. They have a video of the podium streaming right now.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I quit. Podium out.”
      — The podium

    • Suttree

      Thanks for the heads up.

    • puredog

      I listened long enough to hear him say, of his position, that “My job now is to. . .” and thought nope, Rex is staying around, at least for now. No interest in the rest of the shitbag’s argle-bargle.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Nazis. Rocket Man. Dirty yacht stories. It was supposed to be about plundering the mineral wealth of other countries, man.”
    — Rex Tillerson

  • elviouslyqueer

    Let’s see: greedy rapacious environmentally-rapey old fart cusser vs. greedy rapacious environmentally-rapey batshit insane vulgar motherfucker.

    Tough call on who to despise more.

  • Joe Beese
    • Mpeg

      I like the cut of this pundit’s jib~

      • YoBunnyBunny

        He seems kinda rude though…

    • BearGHAZI

      And all this time, I thought he was pigfucking scum. My bad!

  • Joe Beese
  • Baconzgood

    High turnover is an indication of piss poor management.

    • Joe Beese

      Only the best people, believe me.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Right there. The Donald tell.

    • jesterpunk

      But think of all the jobs you create when you hire all new staff every 2 months.

      • Joe Beese

        If he gets to count the same one repeatedly, maybe he did win the popular vote.

        • jesterpunk

          Trump math works a lot like Bernie math, only votes for him count and each vote counts triple.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      People don’t quit jobs. They quit managers.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I dunno, my supervisor at the portapotty swabbing facility was pretty cool.

      • WeaselPoo

        Often true. And many are fired not because of incompetence but because of incompetent managers.

    • bubbuhh

      Hi turnover meanz they doin somersaultz for Trump cuz he teh best.

    • WeaselPoo

      Really? Because when my 8 person IT department was effectively disappeared in favor of a new national support center which WE had to set up and then support because we weren’t allowed to contaminate the newbies with our “nollidg’ and ‘eeesperience’ because according to the Chicago office IT director promoted and relocated to Executive Office IT manager NJ/NY to oversee the new National Helpdesk, we sucked on account of not dedicating enough of our resources to supporting HER office (which wasn’t OUR job but we got stuck with because Chicago IT mostly quit in disgust with their shit management, .we were given pamphlets titled “Change is Good!”to help us embrace our new role as un_persons.
      (The new support center was a total fuck up in reality but officially a success).

    • Shalimar

      You know an even bigger indication of piss-poor management: when half your staff is staying out the year so they don’t give the appearance they are part of the high turnover and thus hurt their future job prospects.

  • Joe Beese
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    How do you spell president Trump?
    шантажировать !

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Joe Beese

      “I heff no son-in-law!”

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Mussolini knew how to handle a troublesome son-in-law.

    • dshwa

      I got a shiny new nickle that says the Son-in-Law thinks Mueller already knows about this and is doing a CYA/glad to help you out for reduced liability dance for him.

    • jesterpunk

      His own daughter said the money is blood money, he sounds really nice. Bless his little heart.

      • Joe Beese

        Eh. Blood money spends the same as every other kind.

        • arglebargle

          How else you gonna buy blood diamonds?

          • Kneeling Bozilingus

            Is this an Ivanka quote?

          • Daniel

            You think she buys them?

          • Kneeling Bozilingus

            Well, she doesn’t pay for them, anyways.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          As good as blood diamonds. Just ask Pat Robertson!

  • Daniel

    I am watching BBC News which is preparing to show Tillerson’s press conference. The presenter has said there are rumours he’s going to resign.

  • James Baskin

    Rexxon the warpath. Can’t wait to hear his speeeeeeeeeeecccchhhhh.

    • James Baskin

      But who will the new guy be? Jack Welch maybe?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Al “Chainsaw” Dunlap?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Going to resign? Or will he deny with epic ‘poutrage’ and plant a wet willy on Donny’s sphincter?
      (*Oh…sorry for that image. ~shudder~)

      https://pandagif.com/gifs/78K806OHPM.gif

  • Joe Beese

    You know, if Trump suddenly finds himself in need of a new Secretary of State, I know someone with a lot of experience. And she’s available…

    • puredog

      You’d wish that on her? Meanie.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I know someone who can see Russia from her house.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      And then he said: “Would you like to be my new Secretary of State?”
      https://media.giphy.com/media/ebArIR9bXq4b6/giphy.gif

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Who the fuck names their kid Rex? Will his replacement be named Butch?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Fido.

      • therblig

        bingo!

        And, Bingo

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Bobby Ray and Patty Sue do.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Oedipus’ father?

    • Maggielle

      I just wiki’d him in case Rex is short for something (like Reince was short for Reinhold), but it isn’t, his name is Rex Wayne Tillerson. He is a month younger than I am. Holy crap. It’s true I haven’t accomplished anything much with my life, but at least I haven’t accomplished what he has.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I would gain modicum of respect for Tillerson if he would step to the podium, announce “Of COURSE I called Trump a moron! He IS a moron! Haven’t any of you assholes been paying attention for the last thirty years!??” then knock the podium over and storm off, muttering: “Fucking stupid bastards. Newsflash! Water is wet too!”

    • Hemp Dogbane

      I recommend borrowing Spicey’s motorized podium for this.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Hey, who’s got a link to Tillerson’s presser?

    Edit: Never mind, found it. Here, if you need it:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dx3_wDS8Ls

  • HooverVilles

    I’ve said it before as many others have, but, to me, this describes the Trump administration purrrrfectly.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/071f7ea61df4df625a911069a315112f93d4a6aaf8bc6ce5baf276329fcd7441.jpg

    • James Baskin

      Please. I’m trying to get some plausible form of denial going. I don’t want to even imagine this nightmare.

    • Maggielle

      Cornfields all the way down.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • jesterpunk

      But Lumpy said last night that if he was there he would have found the shooter and taken him out all by himself and saved everyone.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        This is why it’s important to teach science and math in schools. These morons who say things would have been different if victims were armed forget the math and physics required in shooting at a small target 32 floors high with a handgun which is highly inaccurate.

        • jesterpunk

          They also forget places like Dallas where there was a shit ton of armed good guys with guns around who all ran away and slowed down police response when they had to check if everyone with a gun was the shooter.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Just imagine if everyone in the crowd had started shooting with handguns at a hotel across the street from them.

          • Werewolf

            Or better yet, at each other because no-one is sure who the shooter is.

          • Maggielle

            Yet again another reminder of the guy at the Gabby Giffords event who reported later that he was armed and came close to drawing on a guy with a gun until he realized that the guy had just disarmed the shooter. It shook him up.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Lumpy would have shit himself at the first sound of firing then shot himself in the foot trying to draw his gun.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          First time he would actually get behind the FLOTITS.

          • Maggielle

            A similar scenario was presented in Stephen King’s The Dead Zone, only carnage was averted and the whole world realized what a psycho candidate Greg Stillson was, and his political career collapsed and his timeline got cut, and in the end we didn’t all die in a nuclear war. I’m pretty sure that Trump is impervious to a Stillson moment. He said it himself with the “I could shoot someone…” comment. I want Stephen King to write us a new timeline.

          • Geesquared

            TMC aired ‘A Face in the Crowd’ on 1/20. A great movie in which Andy Griffith made his career playing a very Trumpian character, except that in the movie, a hot mike that caught him deriding his followers derails his political career. I guess Mencken had a more accurate appreciation of the intelligence of the U.S. electorate than did Kazan or King.

    • Pisto75666

      I don’t think she’s that far off. https://twitter.com/Kymber1956/status/915422472236756992

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I heard a rumor (and frankly, I’m not sure it’s true at all, but…) that the first indication of his location was that there was so much smoke from his automatic pew-pew stick that it set off the fire alarm in his room. Take that with a 50-pound lump of Himalayan salt, though.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Actually, I’m surprised that his breaking out the window did not automatically set off alarms, especially if being a high-rise carries the risk of falls and suicide attempts.

        Not a fan of more security theater, but hotel security is rather scary… and I’m going to be staying at hotel in Florida at the end of the month…

        Even at major hotels, security teams are often lightly staffed and poorly paid, with no more than a few dozen employees for more than 1,000 rooms,Mr. Stover said.

        As a result, said Jan D. Freitag, a senior vice president with STR, which
        tracks hotel data worldwide, hotels are “a soft target — always have
        been and always will be.”

        https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/02/business/hotel-security-las-vegas.html

        • Maggielle

          Yeah. I keep reminding myself about situational awareness. Mostly I think in terms of accidental fire. I don’t travel much any more, but I’m sure I’d be inclined to put even more effort into checking exits and escape routes in advance. For example, I know that for many of the people in the WTC, exiting was confusing because there were mezzanines that you had to cross to get to the next stairwell, etc.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    To be fair, if the Russia sanctions aren’t going to be lifted, and Exxon is not going to get their big concession back on track, there is little reason for the life-long Rexxon to hang around in a job he despises, being associated with the Dotard in Chief.

    The question about resigning is, “Why not?”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Joe Beese

      “Trump promised to bring back the mousing jobs.”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “I have called this press conference to publicly beg Congress to invoke article 25 of the Constitution. Seriously. The President is insane and a clear and present danger to the health and safety of the entire United States. He cannot be trusted in any position of power. And he’s a moron. No questions. Thank you all very much.”

    • ariel_gee_398

      Psst – The Cabinet invokes the 25th Amendment. Congress can impeach.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Edited! thanks.

        • ariel_gee_398

          NP – I think we could all use a Wonksplainer on how to get rid of a President and what happens if you do.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            They did one. I just don’t have the memory I once did. Time and alcohol.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        “Ok, let’s see if we’ve got a quorum here. Sound off when I call your name. Goodhair…?”

    • bubbuhh

      Like Pence would be an improvement.

      • dshwa

        Not a sociopath. I disagree with him, but he’s doesn’t have a personality disorder.

        • Daniel

          Or a personality.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          The source of his damage is external: fundamentalism. It’s just as capable of fucking up the human mind as a tumor or a chemical imbalance.

        • bubbuhh

          I know lots of Hoosiers who would disagree with you.

          • dshwa

            It’s possible he has one, although being in the public eye makes it pretty hard to hide. Look at trump. Of course, believing in fairy tales like trickle down doesn’t require a disorder, just willing stupidity. That’s a normal facet of human behavior.

      • MynameisBlarney

        He wouldn’t taunt NK with childish insults.
        Other than that he’d be the simple minded dominionist fucktard we all know and loathe.

      • Mildred Broxon

        At least in that he isn’t Trump.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I would watch that video.

    • MynameisBlarney

      HA!

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “I can no longer, with a clear conscience, serve this goony motherfucker. Thank you. Also: move the hell off Guam and maybe Hawaii.”

  • Daniel

    Yep. This press conference is his public affirmation of his love for Trump.

    • dshwa

      He’s out on Friday.

  • Beautiful Soup

    Good doggy! But he will still get smacked with a newspaper.

  • marxalot

    This administration is like a discount-table vibrator with a bad switch, just rattling and lurching all over the damn place. Hilarious, but also awful.

    • RMKH

      Plus, very difficult to get off on

      • marxalot

        But you know it’s gonna try to get inside someone.

    • therblig
      • Phoenixdoglover

        Yes! My youth wasted.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        That makes the game look more exciting then it really was.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      That is the best analogy for the Dolt regime I have read today. Thanks! Made me laugh.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I shall take your word for it.

    • puredog

      That’s one fine image, is what that is.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Which takes us back to the sex doll conversation.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    oh fuck this boosterist, self-congratulatory boilerplate happy talk.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Ha ha…Rexxon is on CNN saying his commitment to the president is strong, also probably too “I did NOT have sexual relations with that man call him a moron.”

  • Suttree

    Ugh. Is Rexxon out there just to kiss Turnip’s ass. He has to do this because he called him a moran.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Now that’s diplomacy.

  • Joe Beese

    Hate to say I told you so.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I don’t believe you. Just sayin’

    • Bill D. Burger

      I predicted a sphincter kiss and poutrage!

      Still ___ He’s gone by the weekend.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was wondering how long it will be before Trump starts tweeting about him to get him to quit. Maybe Rexxon will take a page out of Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, and just lick Trump’s taint until the temper tantrum ends.

  • Suttree

    How can you admire Pence’s leadership?!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Let’s ask Mother.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Now, now, let’s be fair to Pence. Most Vice-Presidents have little to no power but Mike is the second-highest Russian spy in the Administration.

        Well, third, after Jared. Well actually fourth after Don Jr. Well….

        • Mr. Blobfish

          It’s Ruskies all the way down.

  • dshwa

    OOOH, erroneously reported! He can use multiple syllables for FAKE NEWS! What a big boy!

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Here’s the problem with hiring all these “former” CEOs to be in your White House: They LOVE(d) being CEO. They LOVE(d) being the one who got the final say. And now….they HATE the fact that they’re not calling all the shots, and they actually have to do what other, smarter (ostensibly) people tell them to do.

    Egos are fragile at that pay grade.

  • Suttree

    Turnip is smart! hahahahahahha

  • Daniel

    Tillerson is just flat out lying.

    Unsurprisingly.

  • jesterpunk

    So Rex called a press conference out of no where to publicly jerk off Trump?

    • dshwa

      So it appears

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s sounding like it.

    • Joe Beese

      Public pledges of fealty to The Leader are important.

      • jesterpunk

        Say you know what ever leaders had people publicly declare fealty to them?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Marion in Savannah

      Trae Crowder should have his very own TV show. Daily.

      • puredog

        Maybe broadcast in the streets like something out of 1984.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      That was the least I have ever laughed at a LR video. Well said, Trae.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Rexxon is following the fundy way, and starting his day on his knees.

  • Stulexington

    To the citizens of the United States of America,

    Following your failure to elect either a half decent candidate or man-monkey as President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch’s duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with1 the following acts:

    1. Look up “revoke” in a dictionary
    2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of “God save the Queen”
    3. Start referring to “soccer” as football
    4. Declare war on Quebec

    Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

    Thank you for your cooperation and…have a nice day!

    • folderol

      Is this called “Brentry”?

    • Timothy Watson

      “No NHS for you until the back taxes are paid!”

      • Stulexington

        On the plus side you’ll be able to put “royal” in front of everything again.

    • Meccalopolis

      Help us queen Bess, you’re our only hope

  • Claire

    Watch him go out there and do all this public groveling to keep his job, and then Trump fires him anyway.

    • dshwa

      That’s what my money is on.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I still LOVE that Trump invited Romney to come kiss his ass, and then didn’t give him a job.

    • Major_Major_Major

      “Dance, monkey, dance!”- Pendejo Naranjo

      Looks up from swabbing the shriveled orange nutsack, “mmmph mmph”-Rexxon

  • Daniel

    You know what I haven’t read for a while?

    Darkness at Noon

    • marxalot

      You never look at Arthur Koestler quite the same way again after you find out he was a serial rapist.
      …Sorry.
      Good book.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Wait, what?

        • Daniel

          Yeah.
          Koestler raped a lot of women.

        • marxalot

          Also probably responsible for his wife’s committing suicide alongside him, as well as being misogynisitcally violent throughout his life, and denouncing his Soviet girlfriend to the Cheka. And he got weird toward the end of his life, too.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Why does no one tell me these things?

          • marxalot

            Because we know too much to be happy, and would hate to see it happen to you?

  • theblackdog

    JFC, is it more painfully obvious that he’s licking the orange grundle so that he can get the oil money he was promised?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    “I never called that moron a moron.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “I did NOT have sexual relations with that moron.”

      • Rags

        “I mean, I don’t swallow. Usually.”

  • Lance Thrustwell

    That’s it??!!

  • Joe Beese
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Firing Friday is just around the corner.

  • BosGrl

    Somebody is promising him something he wants or somebody’s got something on him. Otherwise, he doesn’t need to do this. It would actually be more prestigious for him to leave now. He’s got it all. Why stay?

    • dshwa

      Oil money from Russia and the Middle East. Same reason he took the job.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He might actually be worried about the safety of the country under Trump. My money is actually on “wants moar power.” After you have more money than you can spend, all that’s left is either to try to help other people (Republicans never choose this option), or to grab some power.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Still wondering about where that huge pile of Russian oil money went . . . Putin probably promised it to Rexxon if he could get Twitler through his first term. It’s a metric fucktonne of money – $19 billion, right?

  • Daniel

    Rex had won the victory over himself.

    He loved Big Bloviator.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Rex will crawl through 6 feet of shit to get that Russia oil money.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He’s going to have to eat a cornucopia of shit sandwiches, more than Christie, to keep his job. Donny will require a LOT of ass kissing from Till’ to soothe his burned ego.

      • Meccalopolis

        A wise man once said, the more bread you got, the less shit you gotta eat

  • Bill D. Burger
  • marxalot

    No man with those eyebrows is to be trusted, believed, or forgiven.

  • folderol

    We are so winning, that my fireplace mantle has no more room. I am going to have to box up my high school bowling trophies to make more space for all the winning MAGA ones. Sad!

    • Werewolf

      Give the older ones to Puerto Rico.

  • Suttree

    That has to be embarrassing as fuck to go out there and praise Turnip with much reverence.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Slurpers gonna slurp.

  • Bill D. Burger

    rotflmao___ The Tillerman’ never moves faster than when he’s fleeing reporters and cameras.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He’s like a cat. A few minutes of furious sprinting, then a day-long nap.

      • theCryptofishist

        When does he manage to fit in licking his own asshole?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Trump has to be the antichrist or in league with Satan. How else could you explain such previously powerful people willing to go in front of cameras and grovel?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Unpossible. Satan is a man of wealth AND taste.

    • Blackest Noobs

      ha ha ha no. it’s actually something much much more simple.
      we’re fucking morons. they’re morons. we’re morons. we are a country of morons.

      exhibit A: this morning and the past few mornings the local news has been educating the public about round-about ( new traffic pattern). If we weren’t such morons we wouldn’t need to be told how to drive through a round-about. we would be able to figure it out in matter of seconds.

      exhibit B: public libraries. go to your public library, sit near the circulation desk or reference desk, and you will hear conversations from the dumbest fucking people ever…and they’re in a library…..checking out books. and they’re still fucking stupid.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        exhibit C: the comments section of any web— oh wait. Dangit!

      • Covfefe

        I believe the Wonkette style is “moran,” But it’s been so long I can’t remember which is Wonkette and which is a English perfesser’s spelling.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Yes, morons everywhere.

        Howeva, in all fairness, many Muricans have never, ever used a roundabout. They are coming into vogue (and hurray for that) but I can say that where I’ve lived my life long where were zero until recently. There was one intersection in my youth that my dad called a “jug-handle,” but still not a roundabout.

        A driving vacation in NZ a few years backs was oh, so, exciting. Roundabouts everywhere, and backwards!

        So I, for one, would not diss the local news for doing some actual educmacation.

        But back to your main point. Fucking morons. Everywhere.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Here and about Phoenix we have some roundabouts. At the beginning, maybe twelve or fifteen years ago, it was a form of entertainment watching the local driving ditzes’ brains reboot when they happen upon a roundabout for the first time.

          And the second time, and the third time…etc…I’t AZ, after all.

        • Rags

          my first experience of roundabouts was in London. On a bicycle. Erk.

        • Blackest Noobs

          i have to agree to disagree about round abouts. it doesn’t take rocket science to figure it out. it’s almost like local govt is using it as a litmus test to see which citizen is a moron, and apparently, Katie, it’s all of them.

        • Unhappy Fingers

          Coming back into fashion? Here in Noo Joisey the ones on high-traffic roads are being removed. Also too, they’re called “Traffic Circles” here. And jughandles are everywhere on roads with Jersey barriers in the middle.

          I can still remember being told, “I can’t really tell you how to get around the traffic circle” when getting directions for the job interview that brought me to the east coast from the midwest decades ago.

    • Claire

      An endless money supply on one hand and polonium tea on the other, probably.

      • Meccalopolis

        There’s a lot of oil in the arctic

  • Crystalclear12

    You know, when Putin offered Rex this job he thought:
    How hard could it be?
    Just goes to show how one bad coworker can fuck up an otherwise great job.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Shorter Tillerson
    “Orange cock is the best cock!”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Still, he an Putin’s Pawn luv’ them some RED cock.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      First time Tillerson saw “Little Donnie,” he thought to himself: “Weird. They don’t spraytan his hands.”

    • Daniel

      When you go orange, you go down to the sporange.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This is good news for gun makers and defense contractors. On the menu tonight: deconstructed State Dept.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    He can’t quit. It would disappoint Vlad. Nobody disappoints Vlad.

    • Stulexington

      You’re not done until Putin says you’re done.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        There’s no dis-Putin that! In Soviet Russian, job retires you!

        • theCryptofishist

          Okay, I don’t think that I ever thought Yakoff Smirnov was funny, and that “In Soviet Russia…” stuff was pretty damn unfunny yet the revival of that phrase in Trumparica? Pretty damn hilarious.

      • WIDTAP

        Even when the hookers run out of pee?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Translation of Tillerson’s speech…

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029671913

    • puredog

      ‘Tis pithy ’tis true, and true it is ’tis pithy.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Say what you will about Rex, but he licks a mean boot.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump: “Get out there and read this, you fat bastard.”

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/915593585197764613

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Covfefe

    As Jean Chretien once said, out of the corner of his mouth, in his grumbly voice, as per usual, about W: “I never said that imbecile is a Moran.”

    • exinkwretch

      Chretien was the victim of one of the slickest burns ever: “He can speak neither of his country’s two native tongues.”

  • The Trump administration is loaded with a bunch of loathsome people who hate each other. I’d call it a soap opera, except soap operas normally include one or two likable characters.

    • dshwa

      And people you’d like to watch making out with each other and pretending to have sex. This administration is very lacking in that department.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      And they generally lack access to nuclear weapons.

      • Dallas came close, though.

        • theCryptofishist

          Here’s to you, JR Ewing, the nation turns its lonely eyes to you…

  • Bill D. Burger

    NBC really, really….really hit a nerve, huh? Orange Foolius’ is tweeting on his way to Vegas.
    He’ll be so preoccupied and stewing in anger. Can’t wait for his show of ‘warmest condolences’ to the people there. rotfl

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/915589297096536065

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They’re in cahoots with the Mayor of San Juan.

    • dshwa

      So he knows it’s true that Rex called him a moron.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        In fairness, it’s safe to assume that’s true about Rex or anyone else.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      If someone offered this asshole a choice between getting good ratings and brokering a lasting peace in the Middle East, I think we all know what choice he’d make.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You’ll find out what choice he’d make… right after the commercial break!

    • MrTusks

      The guy who lost the popular vote sure likes burning others for being unpopular.

    • mailman27

      Especially MSNBC. Maddow and O’Donnell’s ratings are really cratering. Sad!

    • Buzz1313

      You’d think with all that’s going on with hurricanes, the Korean Peninsula and over 500 of our citizens being used for target practice the President’s mind would be on other things. This dude IS petty.

      That said, as fun as it is to find this stuff out, I’m getting tired of the mainstream media. Every two days they’re like “Ooh! He said this!” Stop giving his individual tantrums attention and look at the big picture. They won’t come out and call him what he is and what he’s doing to this country. Assholes learned nothing from their election coverage last cycle.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • WIDTAP

      The problem with this sign is that implies only probability to what is a certainty.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Morons don’t behave like other particles. Their wavefunction is perpetually collapsed. This is because they are too stupid to follow normal QM rules. Therefore, there is a probability of 1 that they exist right where they are. This is certain.

        QEfuckin’D.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Their stupidity has a perpetual state of certainty.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Their stupidity is too stupid to have a wavefunction!

            And/or their Hamiltonian has a stupid singularity in it…Had to shoehorn my nym into this somehow. Union rules.

        • theCryptofishist

          On the other hand, does anyone really know where Trump is going in any particular speech or rage tweet?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I’m looking forward to the upcoming historical best seller, “Team of Rivals Who Fucking Suck and Hate Each Other Because They’re Fucking Morons”

    • exinkwretch

      Professional editor here: “Team of Fucking Morons” is shorter and snappier.

      • WIDTAP

        So we should leave “Rival who fucking suck and hate each other” for the subtitle?

    • Wookie Monster

      To be fair, they don’t all hate each so much as all of them hate Trump, but thought he would be an easily manipulated moron that they could use to get their pet agendas done.

    • Rags

      and then the murders began.

      • Zyxomma

        You took the words right out of my keyboard.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      By Bill O’Reilly.

    • Vel Venturi

      I can’t wait for the award-winning musical that will someday be written about this administration.

      • theCryptofishist

        With Jeff Sessions as a trouser role, of course.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Reviews From The Future:
        ‘Don’t miss “45,” this summer’s smash hit musical! Funnier and more surreal than “Spamalot!” You’ll laugh until you covfefe!’

  • Covfefe

    “I’m not going to deal with petty points like (whether I called “him” a moron.)” Tillerson, quoted this morning by WaPo this morning.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Because really, whether or not the President of the U.S. is a moron is a minor quibbling detail. It doesn’t affect anything in the real world, so why even ask?

      • dshwa

        Let’s not quibble over who killed who….

    • theblackdog

      That was such BS, including when he claims that where he came from they don’t deal with petty points like that. He’s a CEO, and we’ve seen that CEOs tend to be petty as fuck.

      • Courser_Resistance

        But NO ONE is as petty as Fuckstick. No one.

        • theblackdog

          Peter Thiel?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • ltmcdies

      awwwh…does Donald need a safe space.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I got one under the garage. No-one would ever find him there. To bother him, I mean. Yeah.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Totally refuted”…you know, except for the parts that he wouldn’t refute. Or talk about.

      • cmd resistor

        How about we go with “denied.” Refuted implies actually disproved.

        • Covfefe

          Can’t go with “denied.” Tillerson didn’t actually deny it. Just said he would talk about “such petty points.”

          • cmd resistor

            Didn’t he deny parts of it, like how he didn’t try to resign?

          • Covfefe

            The Secretary of State appeared to deny that he threatened to resign. But his denial was expressed so “diplomatically” that I have to question its sincerity.

          • cmd resistor

            Of course in Trump’s book, if he says something didn’t happen, he has refuted the claim. Like all those women who came forward during the campaign. Didn’t happen, ok, no problem.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Ahahaha oh Donny it’s too late, now everybody knows that your repub butt buddies think you’re off-the-rails STOOOOOPID!!

  • Vincent Ricola

    EFFING MORON libel.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Two State Department officials in conversation after Tillerson’s remarks:

    “Man, that must have been humiliating. I’m surprised he actually did it.”

    “Yeah…*sighs*, for that matter, I’m surprised he woke up long enough to notice Trump is a moron.”

    • Wookie Monster

      Are there still two officials left in the State Department?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Two Corinthian State Department officials.

  • Wookie Monster

    “Trump is just brilliant and he’s great to work with,” said no one who has ever met him personally.

  • Shalimar

    If it were any other administration, I would assume this diplomatic “strategy” was a good cop/bad cop routine gone amuck. Thanks to the copious way Trump central leaks everything, we now know Tillerson isn’t aware that he is supposed to be the good cop. Fun times.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      It’s turned into ‘Bad cop / stupid cop.’

  • pstokk

    Why does Jared hate Tillerson? Is a falling out of thieves over the Rosneft roubles?

    • Wookie Monster

      Maybe Rexxon isn’t helping Prince Jared solve the Middle East problem.

      • miss_grundy

        Or Prince Jared believes he knows more about the Middle East than Rexxon because he is a member of the Chosen People.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Dear God: CHOOSE SOMEBODY ELSE.

    • Jared seems to hate everyone

  • Courser_Resistance

    I give it ’til the end of the week. They’ll try to bury it on Friday evening. Again.

    I can’t believe Tillerson has put up with this shit for so long. Yeah, he’s a repuke, but he is at least trying to cool down the NK rhetoric. They must have his balls in a vice of some kind because I can’t believer REXXON hasn’t just told them all to fuck off.

    • Rags

      I think he’ll do it in LV

      • Notreelyhelping

        That WOULD be classy. “…and you all have my thoughts and prayers. Speaking of, you know who doesn’t have my thoughts and prayers is….”

    • Buzz1313

      Tillerson took that position to help Exxon and Russia with an oil deal that was killed by the Obama administration. However, since Congress has so far not rolled over and played nice for Trump and Putin and lifted those sanctions, Rex is left with trying to contain World War III. Can you imagine? Kim Jong Un on one end and Donald Trump on the other. Rex must be on a diet of Xanax and Tanqueray dealing with this shit.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Rex must be on a diet of Xanax and Tanqueray dealing with this shit.
        Oh, we are all so fucked. I rode the Xanax & Tangueray pony for about 3 years during the oil boom in the early 2000s. No bueno, it a fucking rough ride. Drunken hilarity and bug-eyed paranoia, all in one package.

  • BearLeft

    I don’t understand. Was it supposed to be a secret?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Between Tilly’ and Donny’ it was their safe word that symbolized “…the love that dare not speak its name.”

  • SpudRaider

    Grudgingly I most admit Tillerson is smart… if this shit is leaking out now it means the dude is getting ready to quit. He’s just laying the foundation of why. I also think it means something behind the scenes has happened again, and I can’t wait to find out what it is.

    • Perkniticky

      What if Tillerson is throwing in the towel because he thinks Trump is about to nuke NK? I would rather wait a bit longer if that is the case.

      • SpudRaider

        No I don’t think it is that extreme. However it could be Tillerson did work out some arrangement w/ N. Korea, and Trump rebuffed him. Remember the “don’t waste your breath” statement from Trump?

  • CripesAmighty

    Genuinely surprised. One would think, that at the very least, Tillerson would spare himself the humiliation of this rancid display of sniveling obsequiousness before falling down the chute.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    God to Tillerson: “Stop that bloody grovelling! I’m sick of it!”

    Donnie: *raises one finger* “I’ll take two scoops over here…”

  • Bright Bart

    he can go work for Putin directly now.

  • Jgb979

    Never would have expected Exxon tycoon, Putin’s buddy, sleepy to be one of the most competent working members of team Trump……

    In honor of “avoiding thermonuclear war” please don’t leave Rex! You can come here and dish if you want to! We KNOW he’s a fucking moron too!!!

    • ltmcdies

      there is not much money to be made in a nuclear wasteland…

  • Cock Blockula

    You just know Tillerson wants out because Mueller is closing in…

  • Notreelyhelping

    Well, if he quits, you know who’s available? The Mooch! “I got your foreign policy right here, North Korea!”

  • Joshua Norton

    Dear Donnie,

    1. He didn’t “refute” what he said.

    2. We’re sorry you’re a moron.

    JN

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/915596990674849792

    • Finnibar87

      The idiot Trump’s feelings are hurt, so we all owe AMERICA an apology.

      Fuck your feelings, Mr. President.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “I put it to you, NBC – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I for one am not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!”

      –Otter J. Trump

  • Michael R
  • Tio_Doidinho
    • Rofl

    • SeeTrain65

      Like what I said to an employer who asked if I called her special little project “bullshit.”

      I said no. Then under my breath, I said, “I called it HORSE SHIT.”

  • Panika MCD

    I would fully endorse Tillerson going full Walter on Donny. it might improve my opinion of him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6oxvm9Q68Q

  • theCryptofishist

    So, who in the cabinet sleeps the most? Are there any other contenders beyond Tillerson and Carson?

  • Joshua Norton

    Trump tweeted a cartoon saying “we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a [fucking] moron” in 2014. 2014!
    .

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/573b0d4a502e56efaeca0a6b06a3a0f540cfe31fc3b7bb0501d38d2383bb935e.jpg

  • Kooolest G

    trump won’t let rexxon resign, he has to you’re fired him. and he has to come up with some reason to fire him other than “he hurt my feelings by calling me a moron” so tune in to hannity tonight to hear how rexxon screwed up the north korea thing or that he sleeps too much. then later this week, your new secretary of state……… jared

    • theCryptofishist

      Or expensive plane flights.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        SOS the one person in the administration whose job is to fly all around the world so expensive flights are not out of line for him.

    • David Chaillou

      My bets are on Kelly. SecState and SecWH simultaneously. It’s the quiet ones you have to watch for.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Sleeps to much..
      No stamina…
      Low energy…
      Not a dozer not a dozer, you’re a dozer!

  • David Chaillou

    “The president speaks for himself” is actually a serious misdirection. Donnie speaks for whoever managed to reach his addled brains last. Hence the infighting that has been going on in the White House since his inauguration, as his words and decisions can be worth millions and even billions.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Its Fox and Friends or maybe Romper Room.

    • Toledo Window Box

      The President USED TO speak for the nation. Not any more.

      • David Chaillou

        I’m pretty sure when Rex made that statement he was thinking of a President in particular, not of Presidents in general.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I honestly don’t know what to think about Tillerson. ExxonMobil is one of the most evil corporations in history–professional polluters born from Standard Oil, spawned by the hateful John D. Rockefeller.

    OTOH, you don’t get to be CEO of a corporation like ExxonMobil, evil or not, without having quite a bit on the ball. How could someone like that answer to a dimwitted two-bit fraud whose one and only talent is self-promotion? I always thought that if a major department head was going to go, it would be Tillerson.

    • Mavenmaven

      And compared to his current boss, he’s the good guy…

      • StlSaxist

        ||: :||

    • He thought it would be all sunshine and oil wells. Turns out it is a firemans job puttin out them blazes the orange man baby keeps setting. Rexxy should quit but….money

      • Bitter Scribe

        His salary as SecState is probably chump change compared to what he was pulling down at EM. Guys like that take government jobs because they think, rightly or wrongly, that their country needs them. Once Tillerson fully realizes that the country, or at least the executive branch, is beyond help as long as President Dipshit is in office, he’ll have no motivation to stay on.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          I kind of wonder if he got into the job thinking it would be all rainbows, and unicorns and grift and then realized he was unprepared for the reality and that Lil’Donnie Two-Scoops could really fuck thing up. So he is trying to do a good job since all his griftfin’ money won’t do him or his kids or his grandkids any good after a nuclear war.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Because they all think they’re going to be the “adult in the room.” Having turned over their toddlers to nannies back in the day, they have no idea what it’s like dealing with a spoiled toddler that no one has ever said no to.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Because they did not actually understand that a President has power. They all thought Donnie was just going to be this funny figurehead who twiddled his tweets and Ivanka, and that they would get to fuck America in the ass run things themselves.

    • Cat Cafe

      Well there is all that funny business with Russia. Trillion dollar oil deals. Him and Putin. Either Putin’s assuring Tillerson he’ll deal with Trump, just stick it out and we’ll be trillionaires, or Putin’s sadistically enjoying torturing both Tillerson and Trump, or Putin’s threatening him the same way he’s threatening Trump and the GOP in his pocket.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Hmmm yes. Interesting. I’d forgotten about his Russian connections. I wonder if he’s going to go back to EM after he leaves State?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Putin enjoys torturing people. Of that I have no doubt.

    • hillarysleftone

      plus, the only CEOs I’ve ever met were of companies that weren’t even a decimal point to EXXON, but the level of self-regard these cats tend to display…let’s just say the first thing that must go through his mind when he wakes up, and the last when he falls asleep, has gotta be why am I, Rex Fucking Tillerson His Own Self, putting up with this dimwit’s shit?

    • Keith Taylor

      Bitter Scribe, you’re not quite fair on this occasion. Donald Trump does have one or two other talents. He’s possibly the best at screwing up business deals and projects, then squirming out and leaving other people stuck for the costs and liabilities, while he walks away richer. He’s also quite skilled at bullying people into dropping lawsuits by threatening them with endless litigation they can’t afford …

  • toughsister

    I said it before, but it’s worth repeating: if Tillerson had the pride and self-respect of a two-dollar whore, he would have walked in the Oval office, slammed his letter of resignation on the desk, and walked out.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      And then declared to the world that his boss is a fucking moron. With details.

  • Geesquared

    ‘Moron’ seems about right. W was a cretin,and he’s not up to W’s level, yet he’s probably not an idiot or imbecile. I mean, I assume if he regularly needed assistance to shit for example his helper would take his phone, right?

  • OneYieldRegular

    So in other words, for Trump this really is just another episode of “The Apprentice.”

  • StlSaxist

    Tillerson is backpeddling like mad.

    Point of order – as noted above the term is not just “moron” but “fucking moron”.

    You know, you can have the best job in the world with an exorbitant salary delivered personally by the god or goddess of your choice, free beer and ice cream, the corner office, never any conflicts – and if you say you haven’t thought of quitting, either you’re lying or you’re a bigger fucking moron than Trump.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I’m sorry. You can’t make me like or respect Tillerson no matter what shit he talks about Trump.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      The moron who calls the moron who is my enemy a moron is my … um … imbecile.

  • Toledo Window Box

    One dozen witnesses heard Tillerson call Donald Trump a fucking moron.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Tillerson calls Trump a fucking moron. In other news, a blind pig found some truffles and my stopped clock was correct twice today.

  • David Chaillou

    Friday. WH dramas are always on Friday afternoons, so that’s when Tillerson will resign/be you’re fired.

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