Not one bit.

Here’s a spicy rumor started by Donald J. Trump that may or may not be true, since Donald J. Trump lies a lot! According to previously unreleased conversations between Trump and Howard Stern in December of 2005, the president’s first- and second-born children, NeedsABag McOverHisHead Junior and Bitsy, are just the kind of entitled fucks you’d imagine they are, and MAYBE they conspired to have Trump’s fourth child, Tiffany, bumped out of her inheritance like a common crime family murder victim reality TV contestant who just got voted off the island.

Newsweek got the scoop:

Donald Trump told Howard Stern that Ivanka and Donald Jr. weren’t happy when they discovered they’d have another sibling, and agreed when Stern asked whether the two were working together to “bump off a child.” […]

“I have a friend who is also like a very rich guy,” Trump said to Stern, according to the tapes. “And he said how his children hate the new children coming along and everything else; I said, ‘Yeah, because every time you have a child, it’s 20 percent less to the people [Inaudible].’”

The conversation quickly switched paths to the subject of “making love to Melania during the pregnancy,” but not before serving one last, swift blow to Tiffany Trump.

Stern asked Trump if Donald Jr. and Ivanka were trying to “bump off a child.”

Trump immediately responded with, “Tiffany?”

“Is there any truth to that? [Inaudible] Tiffany?” Stern asked. Trump said he had great children and evaded the question until Stern asked again: “Tell me the truth, though.”

“Yes,” Trump said.

WHOA. IF. TRUE. And completely unsurprising! From everything we can tell, Trump Junior and First Lady Ivanka Trump are DICKS, and the only reason they have anything in life is because of their idiot father. Can you imagine what they’d be doing if they weren’t Trump kids? Ivanka would probably be that TJ Maxx employee who steals merch after her shift and Junior would probably be … just masturbating a lot and not really having a “job” per se.

According to the transcripts, Daddy Trumpbucks said none of his kids, even “To A Lesser Extent Tiffany,” should worry about their inheritance, because at the very least, they will get “Trump Online University” and “Trump Ice.” Trump’s scammy “university,” of course, is #LOLdead, and Trump Ice is apparently bottled water with Trump’s face on it, and we imagine it’s downright undrinkable. The website says when you taste it, “the difference is clear,” so you’ll pardon us for wondering if the secret ingredient is Russian hooker pee. Just saying.

Two (2) questions for your consideration:

  • How in tarnation does Eric Trump factor into this? He’s literally not mentioned in the conversation. Wouldn’t he, as the third child of the “original” Trump family, be in cahoots with his big sisters to steal the inheritance from that new girl from dad’s second marriage? Or were the older ones trying to “bump” him too? Or is he considered so stupid by the entire Trump family that, instead of being given an inheritance of his own, when Old Man Trump buys the farm, one of the two older children will get Eric in the will, and it will be their I’m A Big Kid Now responsibility to make sure their dumbfuck little brother is fed and washed and taken out twice a day to poop? Just wondering!
  • Is this why Donald Trump Jr. got rid of his Secret Service Protection for five minutes, then got it right back? Did he have to take some personal time, away from their prying eyes, to go murder Tiffany with a gold-plated sconce from Trump Tower, so she doesn’t get all that “Trump money,” which definitely exists? We are just asking! And we are just suggesting somebody should go check on Tiffany!

Oh well, the only thing we know for certain in this post is that Donald Trump will one day die, and that Junior and Ivanka are fuckheads. The rest of the details are up to God.

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  • William
    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Barron is definitely the cutest Trump, and the only one who deserves anything good. Daddy-in-prison is the best-case scenario for him, as well as for America (and the rest of the world).

      • Stulexington

        It still breaks my heart seeing pics of him coming to the white house after months of school. He kept his mother between him and his father as a sort of barrier. I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure that’s a really bad sign.

        • therblig

          the real question is how much of barrier melon can provide before he inevitably turns out like the rest of them. i agree, getting him out of the picture is the only hope he has for a semi-normal life.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          yes, if my daughters had been away from my late husband for months when they were Barron’s age, they would have been jumping all over him when reunited (when they were little, they would bowl him over every single night when he got home from work– I can’t in my wildest imaginings see Barron doing that, even as a tyke).

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I can’t see Dump allowing it.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            It might wrinkle both their suits.

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

            And he would get kid germs all over him.

          • wavicles

            “They tell me… they had to cuz I wasn’t there, that he came out her vagina, all covered in icky stuff. Icky! Gross! I’ll tell you that, believe me.”

    • C4TWOMAN

      What money?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Melania’s tell-all book money.

        • C4TWOMAN

          That will make her a millionaire.

          • MrTusks

            So Melania has her own Cayman Islands bug-out fund, right? She has to.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I hope. Cuz you know she’s getting bugger all from Donnie.

          • AnnJMartin

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleCardsFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytasks ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sx308l..,..

      • YoBunnyBunny
    • Stulexington

      It’s risky, since it involves betting on the law (and it’s had a terrible track record lately) but then again nothing too bad happens if it fails.

  • schmannity

    Donald Trump started working on his estate planning, and then the murders began.

  • specialcircumstances

    I hear Baron is already writing the sequel to The Most Dangerous Game. I’m guessing it might (allegedly) hit a bit close to home.

  • Michael Smith

    Getting back to Real American Values every day.

  • schmannity

    Maybe Junior and Ivanka were not looking for election tampering from Russia but just a Polonium risotto recipe instead.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Debts are also passed on to children after death. Just sayin’.

    • Bananas Foster

      No, they’re not.

      The estate has to pay off debts, but if all assets are exhausted and there are still debts, children don’t inherit that debt unless they were in some way already liable for it.

      • therblig

        verunka always has jared’s money to fall back on, but usay and qusay will go down with the ship. cannot wait.

        and eventually, jared’s money will (666) run out.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Ah, my bad. That’s one difference between the US and France. Here, children inherit the debt, unless they refuse the inheritance.

  • jesterpunk

    Not surprising, Trump and his sister did that to his brother then cut off his nephews child care when he brother sued them.

  • Scooby

    somehow I think Rico will get the bulk of Trumps money.

    • wavicles

      Vlad’s got it, good luck.

  • Nounverb911

    All the more reason for Tiff to study hard in Law School…

  • jesuswasablack

    Will the Trump Childrens also inherit Donny’s life’s work?

    • Creepoman

      Oddly enough, that picture is a bit more hopeful looking that I imagine.

    • MrTusks

      I can’t play Fallout 3 anymore because it’s too real now.

  • stumpknocker

    a little of topic but this really needs posting.

  • therblig

    trumpy must have been positively orgasmic when his brother croaked.

    • wavicles

      Hmm… drank himself to death, you say?

      (I joke cuz I been there)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Daddy wanted him in the real estate biz, which Fred, Jr. hated. He became a commercial pilot like a common Sully.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but Equifax really punished their CEO for the massive data breach.They are only giving him $18 million to leave.

    • Stulexington

      Poor guy, he’ll barely be able to scrape together a living with that.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Think of his yachts. His poor, poor yachts!!!

        • Pisto75666

          He’ll barely be able to buy one mansion with that. Have these people no heart?!

    • Timothy Watson

      Probably arranged a no-work consulting gig at some other company too.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        If they were smart, they’d FORCE him to work for their competitors. Better for their own bottom line.

  • Baconzgood


    • therblig


    • Ricky Gay

      Who run Bartertown?

      • therblig

        Daddy Vladdie

      • FlownΩver

        MasterBater run Bartertown!

    • Creepoman

      Two Trumps, one cup.

  • Ricky Gay

    So, Breakfast is Tiffany’s?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    From the party of family values…

  • canes_pugnaces

    I’m not so sure inheriting $2B in Russian mob debt is a favor.

    • Creepoman

      Or how it will show up on the collections letter: ₽118 миллиард

    • wavicles

      He doesn’t do favors, no matter what he says.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Melania will go off the marry a Greek shipping tycoon, so Barron will do ok. I hope the others inherit a big bag of nothing but debt, which could happen, because he is so fucking leveraged that I don’t believe he has much at all.

    • Stulexington

      Can’t the executors just have the estate declare bankruptcy? I admit I don’t know the first thing about either inheritance or bankruptcy but I just can’t see someone having to inherit someone else’s debt.

      • Bananas Foster

        You don’t inherit debt.

        If all assets are wiped out in settling debt, you get nothing, but you don’t inherit any further unpaid debt if you were in no way liable for it.

        • Stulexington

          That’s what I thought. Course I wouldn’t put it past the bastard to put some of his ventures in his kids’ names when his own credit started turning to shit.

          • Bananas Foster

            Yeah, with how tied together they all are and the fact that it’s all private rather than public companies, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have some liability.

            Because they are dumb enough to forget to protect their assets.

          • Stulexington

            Or he did it while they were still minors so they couldn’t.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Back when I was a boy,they used to put it in the wife’s name. It worked until the wife contacted a divorce lawyer.

      • CountryClubJihadi

        The kids won’t inherit his debt as his children, but I assume if they are partners in his business they inherit the nothing burger of what he has created and then they can all fuck off.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Debt doesn’t pass on to children in our system of inheritance, but the Russian mob doesn’t give two shits about that.

      • Covfefe

        Debt does not pass in bankruptcy, or in probate, when someone dies, no matter what the credit card collections department may tell you. The heirs get what’s left after the creditors are paid off. If there is net enough to pay all the creditors, the creditors eat it, not the heirs. Nor do you actually have to file and estate in probate to benefit from this rule. Only exception is if you co-signed in on the debt.

      • I didn’t know the Russian mafia complied with US inheritance laws.

        • Stulexington

          Silly me I was only thinking of the official debt. I must be more tired than I realize.

        • Covfefe

          Russian debt is probated in Russia. Is different. Dasvadiniya.

          • ViveLaResistance!

            In Putin’s Russia, debt probes er.. probates you.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Melon is no Jackie Kennedy.

  • Indiepalin

    The brains behind the whole operation is obviously sweet lil Barron,

  • rocktonsam

    in this family “bumped” doesn’t mean what it means, I mean.

    • Covfefe

      “Off”. And not with votes. There. I said it. Does that make me bad? Do I get banhammered, eve though I’m ratting on Vanks and junior and never would have thought of doing such a deed to Tiffany my own self?

  • Joe Beese

    This is way more thinking about the Trump spawn than I’m in the market for today. See y’all in a future thread.

  • TJ Barke

    Fucking jackals…

  • nightmoth

    I’d bet the farm that Marla Maples had to sign a non-disclosure agreement in order to keep getting that sweet divorce cash but Gawd!! I wish she would SPILL! She lives not too far from me. If I moved in those aging Southern beauty queen circles that enabled me to be her BF I’d buy her many margaritas with a tape recorder running.

    • therblig

      i’d bet that any women whose abortions trumpy paid for had to sign NDAs under penalty of having their reputations destroyed. but you know, there could be 20 of them and even if they all came out and told their stories, the evangelical fucks would still think trumpy was sent by god. how do you deal with shit like that?

      • nightmoth

        Damned if I know. As a Southerner, I’ve been trying to figure out how to deal with shit like that my whole life.

        • FlownΩver

          Maybe there’s a new Jefferson Davis willing to lead a movement to take all that evil asshattery and GTFO. Guarantee asylum here for the (ever fewer) decent folk and be done with the rest.

          The Trumpster can go titilate and enrage from Mar-a-Loco for as long as they’l have him. We’ll lose a lot of coastline, but think of the FEMA savings.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    They know Trump’s fortune is just not that big…of course they’re worried about splitting it.

  • writersbloc

    Probably just locker-room talk, you know, guys just shootin’ the shit.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba


    US Homeland Security Will Start Collecting Social Media Info on All Immigrants October 18th— Nada Bakos (@nadabakos) September 26, 2017

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      This guy from Botswana sure has a lot of foreign sounding names on his Linked-In account. Send him to GITMO.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Whoa if true

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    They’re not trying to steal her inheritance. I mean, what is there to inherit?? More like they are setting her up to take responsibility for the debt. HELLO RUSSIAN THUGS.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I think even the vory v zakone would see that Tiffany is the only vaguely sympathetic one in the lot. They would probably just use her as a way to lure the older trumps out to someplace with a bunch of Chechens and piano wire.

  • Shanzgood

    So THIS is why Melania didn’t want to bring Barron to the White House.

    That and her (alleged) side peen.

    • Upright Ape

      Those Secret Service men are soooooo handy.

      • Creepoman

        And handsy.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          They don’t even have to go to South American brothels for a good time!!!

    • Vendetta
    • Three Finger Salute

      That poor kid. Barry or Justin should adopt him. He needs normalcy or he’s going to end up in some Rosemary Kennedy asylum someplace.

  • wavicles

    I think that the White House has loads of basement space. Someone should check the basement.

  • QHarp, Mujer malévola

    And hopefully God will see fit to introduce this child to America’s foremost investigative biographer, Kitty Kelley. In Tabloid Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

    • nightmoth

      and the wonker congregation responds “AMEN!”

  • SayItWithWookies

    I think Don Jr. and Ivanka have a letter from their daddy’s gastroenterologist — that dude who looks like he was drawn by R. Crumb — that declares Ewic is in a persistent vegetative state, so he’s not getting anything. So if they push Tiffany out of the nest, the two of them will battle it out for the remainder of the Trump fortune — which will amount to Daddy’s unredeemed KFC coupons.

    • FlownΩver

      Mr. Natural LIBELZ!!!11!!1!11

  • Daniel

    Eric definitely has a carrier for when he needs to be moved from one place to another. He’s kept away from mirrors too. It’s not that he gets aggressive- quite the opposite, in fact- when he sees his reflection, it’s just that they end up running up yuge bills replacing them. He’s vigorous.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fake news. Eric has no reflection.

      • MrTusks

        No, he does. They keep a mirror in his room so he has some company until they put a blanket over his head and he goes to sleep.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          parakeet libelz!

  • BreakingDeadMen

    This is less surprising than that time I found a kernel of corn in my shit.

  • OrG

    The estate will be debt to Russian mobsters anyway.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Right? Maybe they were actually watching out for Tiffany.

  • Anna Rompage

    We should put all of the elder children on an remote & uninhabited island, with a big pile of medieval weapons, and millions of TV cameras, and see what happens next…

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Ivanka doing some Cersei Lannister cosplay?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      The Filthy Rich Games?

    • Stulexington
    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Ivanka would start an online business selling designer weapons. Eric would hurt himself. And the other one would try use the weapons as collateral for a loan from Russian mobsters.

    • Covfefe

      But without the remote. Let them listen to shortwave radio.

  • Treg Brown

    The best part of this post is talking about Trump after he’s dead.

    With votes if need be.

    We all die. (yeah. This is who I am now, why I don’t comment much anymore. He’s a fucking sociopath.)

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • wide_stance_hubby

      That should have been performed at his inauguration. I heard it in my head for weeks last winter.

  • TJ Barke

    Looks like bear fucker is back again. Because of course.

    • jesterpunk

      Just report him and block him. If he keeps getting a response he will keep coming back.

      • TJ Barke

        Already done.

  • Joshua Norton

    Trump Jr. and Eric….

    And the winner for “Most Punchable Face of 2017” is… WE HAVE A TIE!

    • Clyde Barrow

      Pharma bro Martin Shkreli is like, “I can win this contest…”

  • Daniel

    OT: Pity poor Rush– black people are being shot, other black people are kneeling, and it makes him sad. But he wants you to know, he’s not making it about him. It’s about his sadness.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Eric got the world’s largest winery (whinery) in Charlottesville as compensation. So he figured he would be less antagonistic towards his little half sister bastard child.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Didn’t Dotard mention the winery in Charlottesville as why he was concerned about the Klanbaked race riots happening there that resulted with Heather Heyer’s death? He hoped that nothing would happen to it? I fucking hate this family….

      • Pisto75666

        Tiffany should raze it to the fucking ground.

        After her tell-all book comes out, of course.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Does the US have a “Bleed them dry” policy like we have in the Netherlands that allows blocking of someone’s assets if he is convicted of a crime that would involve his finances and taken away if criminal conduct is proven to have led to accumulating the riches?

    Because that would be really funny.

    • jesterpunk

      Depends on the crime. But generally rich people get off easy.

      • CafeenMan

        Or never even tried criminally or civilly.

        • jesterpunk

          They suffer from affluenza.

          • CafeenMan

            I was wondering this morning whatever happened to that affluenza kid and his mom. I saw some show where a dude was wearing a really bad fake mustache that reminded me of him because I haven’t thought about them forever.

          • jesterpunk
          • CafeenMan

            Thanks. Still way less than he deserves.

          • jesterpunk

            He didnt get punished for killing people, just for running which makes it worse.

          • CafeenMan

            After violating his probation and running to Mexico he got 180 days for each person he killed according to linked article. Or maybe they’re just saying he got two years for running and that’s what it basically amounts to.

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah thats what it amounts to. For killing the people he got probation and counseling.


            Couch was indicted on four counts of intoxication manslaughter for recklessly driving under the influence. In December 2013, Judge Jean Hudson Boyd sentenced Couch to ten years of probation and subsequently ordered him to therapy at a long-term in-patient facility,[5] after his attorneys argued that the teen had affluenza and needed rehabilitation instead of prison.[6] Couch’s sentence, believed by many to be incredibly lenient, set off what The New York Times called “an emotional, angry debate that has stretched far beyond the North Texas suburbs”.[7]

            If he didnt flee to Mexico that would have been all he had to do. But he ran so they gave him 2 years in prison.

          • Mormos

            you mean being a massive shithead?

    • TJ Barke

      No, probably not, the legislature would have to care about justice.

    • CafeenMan

      I’ve been saying for a long time that Trump should die in prison and his assets should be used to repay the many people he’s fucked over through the years.

      Several of his kids should spend years in prison too and all of his family should have to get real jobs because the fortune will be gone.

    • Three Finger Salute

      No. We only have civil asset forfeiture for uppity browns and blahs who can’t afford to make bail. This is of course because they went out and bought Cadillacs, lobster dinners and big-screen TVs with “your taxpayer money.” Here, the real welfare cheats have an entire fleet of bought-and-paid for servants. They’re called lawyers and congressmen.

      • Covfefe

        Actually, if he’s convicted in a federal court, the judge can order restitution as part of the sentence, but that would only apply to the offense in which he is convicted, or on offenses washed away in a plea bargain.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Ok, so if a drugdealer is busted and has 5 million in assets and he can’t prove how he obtained the money he could still keep it?

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Well, if he didn’t file taxes, the IRS would nail him and get the money in a tax evasion prosecution.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Yup. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

            Where there’s no political will, crooks get away.

        • Augustus

          No, civil asset forfeiture is pretty much allowed wherever, whenever, without restrictions. No conviction required, even. You can be proven innocent! And still they take your shit.

        • Mormos

          if they can find the 5 million

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Clyde Barrow

      I like how his trailer isn’t even jacked up, in case he needs to make a fast getaway after stealing a case of Hamm’s from Wal-Mart.

    • Needs moar beer belly.

      It is interesting to speculate, though. Maybe he’d be playing second oboe in the Detroit Symphony Orchestra.

      • Augustus

        It’d be irresponsible not to speculate!

        I’d say he’s more of a triangle kinda guy, myself…

    • jesuswasablack

      White working class!

      • Mormos

        there are only three classes in America

    • pstokk

      Dunno looks kinda cozy.

  • Clyde Barrow

    The Trump Crime Family has their own version of Clemenza, who would have thought?

  • Mavenmaven

    makes sense now, this whole Trump family is like Battle Royale, but all of the USA is also in the forbidden zone,

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Eh. One thing I’ve learned, painfully by now, is that it doesn’t matter what Trump says. Connections between his words and reality are governed by convenience.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • TJ Barke

      Your approval rating is in the 30s, fucknuts.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I bet his “marks” don’t know that… or care! He can haz all their moneyz now!!!!

        • TJ Barke

          Conmander in Chief.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Knothead of state

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            KKKleptocrat in Chief.

      • Covfefe

        If your approval rating was in the 30’s T J, you’d need the money too.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          And he still hasn’t gotten the US to lift those pesky sanctions off Russia! He so needs some cash, like, RIGHT NOW. When Pooty says “Bitch better have my money”, he means it.

        • CafeenMan

          If your approval rating is in the 30’s then you’re probably ebola virus, angry hornets, a root canal, a shark and they’re polling the person you’re currently chomping on or Donald Trump.

    • Rick Hill

      “I’m doing it all for you! The little people I never met before I needed to know and I will surely invite all of you to a big shin dig at one of my resorts. Thanks and don’t forget to punch the tip jar on the way out.”

    • Rick Hill

      Contribute $1*

      *microscopic print. Hitting contribute button incurs several fees and charges. Contribution to MAGA is $1, total charges are $44.95.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        **This is a recurring monthly payment. To cancel payment email editrix@Wonkette.

        • Rick Hill

          Well, to be fair, they didn’t include “Bwahahahahaha” at the end. On how unpossible it is to actually cancel the recurring payments or get a refund

  • So how much is 20% of a massive debt to Russian gangsters?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      A severe beating, and a warning to pay up or it’ll be much worse next time?

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      In Mother Russia, inheritance receives you!

  • I’m guessing Ivanka, Junior, and Eric are enraged/baffled as to why they aren’t considered ‘off limits’ like Barron to the Librul media raspberries and rotten tomatoes.

    • Daniel

      Ivanka seems honestly surprised that her official, but unaccountable, position in the White House somehow means that people expect her to do things, and that people want reports about those things that they expect her to do.

      • Three Finger Salute

        She does nothing except hock her wares and make goo-goo eyes at the happily married deputy leader of the free world. Oh, and ghostwrite garbage self-help books about “working mothers.” Vapid, useless twunt.

        • Manhattan123

          She also provides comfort to daddy during their nightly cuddle sessions.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I believe she wants her cake and eat it too. She wants the prestige and respect of being in the White House and influencing Trump. But doesnt want to do any real work or be liable for her Dads choices.

      • Ms.Moon

        It also has had the wonderful side effect of making her persona non grata at New York Society parties. I’ve heard she’s not been invited to the nice parties amongst the fancy of New York society because of her role in her father’s administration. This shunning couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.

    • eggs ackly-wright


  • bubbuhh

    Family uv scumbags be scumbags together….cept Tiffany.

  • Oblios_Cap

    It might start with Tiffany, but in the end there can only be one…

  • jesuswasablack

    I wonder how will the Trumpkin kids divide the unhinged anger, self loathing, low self esteem, grandiosity, impulsivity, hypersensitivity to slights or criticism, inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      The good news is that they all seem to already be possessed of this part of the inheritance, so….no change.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      He really is the most absolutely loathsome, repulsive motherfucker on the planet.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      So far it looks like they all got a share…

    • mailman27

      And who’s gonna get that chin?? Wowsa!

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Plenty for everybody of that.

  • DainBramage

    Here’s hoping their only inheritance will be the unsettling attention of a crowd of Russian mobsters who want their money back.

  • I wonder if the trumpettes think the presidency can be inherited too….

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Probably, in keeping with their newfound love of a authoritarian dictators.

    • CafeenMan

      They may be stupid but I with the exception of Don Jr., I don’t think any of them are as stupid as Trump.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Well, if they have any say in the matter, it will be. After all, that pardon power can come in MIGHTY handy sometimes.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You mean to tell me that if you grow up as friendless, cloistered royals with an amoral, narcissist father that cheated on your mom perhaps hundreds of times you tend to be a bit of a scumbag? Shocking!

  • gene108

    Tiffany is just the reminder that Tiffany’s mom, Marla, destroyed Ivanka’s, Don, Jr’s, and Eric’s family life by banging their dad, while he was still married to their mom, Ivana.

    It’s amazing how none of the three older kids have a beef with their dad, as it takes two to tango.

    Or maybe he just bought their loyalty, as nepotism hires as leaders in the Trump Crime Organization.

    • Three Finger Salute

      He probably did covfefe Ivanka if not worse, perhaps use her as a “bargaining chip” with the thugs he did business with. Ryan O’Neal once offered up Tatum to pay off a drug dealer he was in debt to. Nothing would surprise me about this sick son of a bitch at this point. That’s bound to create some really disturbing attachments.

    • NastyBossetti

      I think their family life was destroyed much earlier, like as soon as they were born with Donald Trump as a father.

  • Jennaratrix

    Speaking of Tiffany, she has been conspicuously absent since her pro forma appearance at the inauguration. Which just confirms my suspicion that she’s the only smart Trump. (Jury’s out on Barron; he’s a little kid and I don’t make fun of little kids. Except mine.)

    • Rick Hill

      If I was in her place I would have had plastic surgery and gone underground

      • Jennaratrix

        If I were her, I’d change my name; I assume the only reason she hasn’t is to make sure she gets her share of the grift, except that we all know that asshole has nothing but debt.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      She’s supposedly getting a law degree at Georgetown(?).

  • CB

    None of these useless garbage people should be allowed to hoard our commonwealth.

    Inheritance tax.


    • TJ Barke

      What, you don’t like permanent aristocracy?

      • Three Finger Salute


    • Mormos

      if you wouldn’t punish someone for their parent’s mistakes, why would you reward them for their parent’s successes?

  • John Iwaniszek

    Well. Has anyone gotten in touch with her yet?

  • Three Finger Salute

    So, I don’t think this is a rules violation, but eventually he is going to die, as we all are. He is already 71 years old, after all, and in poor health by his own doing. He’ll get a state funeral, with all the pomp and circumstance, and he’ll probably be interred at Mar-a-Lago or the Trump Presidential Library in New York, converted to such out of his signature hotel (which will be mostly empty except for fake magazine covers on the walls, a computer kiosk displaying his tweets, and the 50,000 pages of the Mueller Report).

    Who’s likely to show up at his funeral? The surviving former presidents — which would mean Obama, the mutual bane of both men’s existence? Bill and Hillary? Jimmy Carter’s head in a jar (being carried by Shrub, while Jeb carries Pappy’s)? Other world leaders who he’s insulted and burned bridges with (which is basically everyone), or just his thug buddies Bibi, Rodrigo, and Vlad?

    Would Trudeau show up out of stomach-churning forced politeness for about 10 minutes before he sneaks off behind the hotel to throw up? Please don’t let Donnie watch that Pierre eulogy on YouTube and put in his will that his eloquent and poetic “new found friend” has to be the one to send him off…

    • SweetDeeKat

      For some reason I am thinking about the celebrations outside the prison when Ted Bundy got the chair.

    • ltmcdies

      I remember watching that. Kind a broke one’s heart a little.

    • guest1331now

      OMG, something else I hadn’t yet contemplated — the Trump presidential library! hawhaw!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I’ve thought about it. It will be a few dog-eared copies of his books, Anne Coulter’s “In Trump We Trust”, right from her personal collection, with the original tearstains and all of his photos obliterated with pink Sharpie scribbles, a copy of Ivanka’s book with the pages stuck together, and a King James bible with “Two Corinthians” highlighted. All stuffed into a plastic tote bin in a closet at a federal medium security prison.

      • New and Improved Say Wha

        The remainder bin at any Walmart would suffice.

    • MrTusks

      He’ll be dumped in the sea at an undisclosed location, like bin Laden.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh god, I hope Jimmy Carter outlives Trump. That would be rich.

      See? I don’t even have to put “with votes!”

      • Eric Mory

        I think Carter is a good example of how to live a long life. He’s had something to do he is passionate about that also keeps him physically active.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And pretty much as saintly as a living man can be.

    • Mormos

      can i hope for a burial at sea?

      • Querolous

        What do you have against the poor fish?

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Which one is the homely one? I can’t tell. They’re both pretty unfortunate.

  • SweetDeeKat

    To stir the pot, why assume what Trump said was true? I can see him thinking that he sired greedy little fucks that think the same way he does, but the kids actually said nothing of the sort. I have some (fortunately) deceased in-laws that made up the same kind of shit about their kids just for their own yucks. I can see Trump playing along for his own entertainment.

  • ken_kukec

    When they cast the Trump siblings in King Lear, it’ll be Tiffany who plays Cordelia.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      It’s funny you bring up King Lear. Trump is eeriely like king Lear and his children are lot like his daughters.

      • The great achoo

        You are implying one of them truly loves him? That doesn’t compute.

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          Maybe one of them does, I dont truly know. I hope someone more talented writes a tragedy based on Trump. I think it would be a epic

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      And everyone else will be playing Bottom.

  • Holly

    A circular fire squad would be just the ticket for this bunch of fuckhead weasels.

  • Randy Riddle

    I blame the lead paint in Trump Tower.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    One more generation & it’ll be old money.

    • Erala Contratista

      It’ll never be Old Money.
      Too tainted.
      Tacky also, too

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Non-existent also, also, too.

        • Weird Fishes

          Yeah, that part sucks the most.

    • Edith Prickly

      Assuming the Russians haven’t called in all their debts before then.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      It will NEVER be old money to the people Trump cares about, (NYC society).
      They will continue to shun him.

      • Ms.Moon

        I love it. It just burns him that the Upper East/West Side, Museum Row folks do not even turn their heads in his general direction because he’s a dolt and very, very tacky and they will not associate with that sort.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Jamie and Cersei except *spoiler alert * Jaime finally had the sense to leave.

  • ken_kukec

    ‘Yeah, because every time you have a child, it’s 20 percent less … ‘

    Well, we can add decimals and fractions to the list of things Trump sucks at.

    • ryp

      What do you expect from a guy that measures his worth in pennies.

      • Daniel

        And his wurst.

    • Nockular cavity

      Poor, poor heirs! Or, you know, they could get a damn job or something.

  • Manhattan123

    Trump was the guy who cut off health insurance for his grievously sick infant nephew due to a family inheritance feud with his brother. I mean, really, does anything about these scumfucks surprise anyone anymore?

  • DesertedPictures

    What’s the deal with Tiffany anyway. Why isn’t she part of the White house nepotism machine?

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      She has too much sense to get dragged into it

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Maybe Marla’s a tad smarter than her counterparts and knew to keep Tiffany far away from that shitshow.

    • Manhattan123

      Wasn’t as willing to go along with daddy’s midnight visits as Ivanka.

    • osceola

      Because her mother saw the way the elder three grew up and made damn sure her daughter grew up on the other side of the continent.

      • Weird Fishes

        Plus, she’s in law school. At Georgetown.

    • shelwood

      She’s going to Georgetown law right now. I think they are counting on her passing the bar in time for their appeals.

      • Mormos

        I think she is hoping to pass the bar in time to avoid being dragged off to prison with them.

  • ken_kukec

    “How in tarnation does Eric Trump factor into this?”

    Eric is like the last copy of Michael Keaton in Multiplicity. All he’s looking for from the old man’s will is “pizza.”

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      “She touched my pepe Steve.” The last clone in Multiplicity.

  • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

    All this talk of Trump inheritance needs a reminder of the mathematical law that you cannot divide zero

  • wait! what?
  • Treehopper1104

    Do they purposefully look that smug or does the lack of chins not give them a choice?

    • Weird Fishes

      YES. They are Queens Royalty. It is a mark of their superior breeding.

  • Viktor

    I’ve noticed when they are all together she seems to get along with Barron better than the rest of the siblings, Makes sense, the 2 smartest kids get along.

    • CaliCheeseSucks

      I don’t know if I’d assume either of them are smart, but they certainly are the outcasts from the Golden Circle.

  • Spurning Beer

    It’s a matter of precedent. If Tiffany gets into the will, then Destiny, Crystal, Candi, Jasmine, Desiree, and and Fantasia will want in, too.

    • Panika MCD

      pee hooker libels.

    • SayItWithOtters

      Rick Wilson refers to Twitler’s longtime counsel as perfecting “the abortion and NDA special.”

  • The Wanderer

    Disgusting, toxic little family. It’s not genetic; his breeding was completely random, and the kids all display that card-shuffling you get at meiosis. It’s all upbringing.

    • kareemachan

      In fact, the nature vs. nurture argument….

      • Internet Hitler

        nature vs. furniture shopping

        • Weird Fishes

          Schumacher vs Sears

          • phoenix00

            Coke vs Pepsi

          • Weird Fishes

            Oh sure. Just go there.

    • Lambsendbeds

      In Ivanka’s case, it’s also plastic surgery.

  • CaliCheeseSucks

    Eric spends too much time hiding under the stairs to know what the rest of the family is up to.

  • Nockular cavity

    Junior would probably be … just masturbating a lot and not really having a “job” per se.

    Hey, don’t mock my lifestyle!

  • What’s the easiest and quickest way to screw over as many Middle Class Americans as possible and maybe kick off a recession?

    Republican Math

  • Panika MCD

    maybe they already managed to evict Eric from the will and Eric doesn’t know it yet? nah. he’s in the will as a responsibility for someone.

  • Internet Hitler

    Eric is in the will. He gets the Wall.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Wasn’t she really young, like a preschooler, when her mother and Donald divorced? I’m surprised he hasn’t written her out of his will already, like the spiteful bastard he is.

  • Kooolest G

    he must be so proud…….. his kids are just like him
    “Then came the unveiling of Fred Sr.’s will, which Donald had helped draft. It divided the bulk of the inheritance, at least $20 million, among his children and their descendants, “other than my son Fred C. Trump Jr.” Freddy’s children sued, claiming that an earlier version of the will had entitled them to their father’s share of the estate, but that Donald and his siblings had used “undue influence” over their grandfather, who had dementia, to cut them out. A week later, Mr. Trump retaliated by withdrawing the medical benefits critical to his nephew’s infant child.

    “I was angry because they sued,” he explained during last week’s interview.”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I don’t much want to defend Don Jr and Ivanka against anything, but Trump is notorious for projection, and after his own daddy’s mind was gone he had his lawyer rewrite the will to exclude the family of the son mommy and daddy actually loved.

    I don’t doubt that they hate his guts and that they’re most likely playing games with the will, but at the time when Trump said this, he had just gone to court unsuccessfully to try and get out of paying basic child support. People he fails to fuck over seem to become evil immediately afterwards.


    Nothing new here–Charles and David Koch conspired to screw their two brothers out of the bulk of their inheritance. The greed of the greedy seems to have no limits

    • covfefesumgame0005

      so did the dotard

  • Jo Mathie

    Why isn’t Virginia Adams still alive to write a creepy incestuous, morally bankrupt blockbuster about this?

  • susan_g

    “…if they weren’t Trump kids? Ivanka would probably be that TJ Maxx employee who steals merch after her shift

    She’d also be that asshole who rifles through her co-workers’ purses on payday.

  • Jado

    How soon before the whole Trump house of cards blows over Bernie Madoff style and we see the kids (except Tiffany, who already knows) look at the old man with that betrayal in their eyes?

    I loved the De Niro Madoff movie because they did a great job with the reaction of the kids.

    • Iam Reading

      I’m guessing trump would be met with withering hatred from his offspring if they knew his whole operation was leveraged.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Withering hatred and damning testimony?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        They know. They are helping.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      If they haven’t figured it out yet they’re too dumb to make it through a shower without drowning.

  • Mormos

    Here is hoping they each inherit a massive pile of debt

  • Octavia Bratenpfeffer

    Everyone forgets Eric.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Well, we’re trying.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud


  • Lambsendbeds

    Donald Trump’s continued existence proves there is no God.

  • HazooToo

    Damn. I read “got it right back” as something not very different, but more rule-breaking, and was disappointed when I realized I was wrong.

  • Zyxomma

    No, the rest of the details are in the hands of the lawyers.

    • Debmcd

      Well then they should be made public the next time the lawyers have lunch.

  • dshwa

    Being that Tiffany is the only remotely likable Trump I hope daddy goes senile and leaves everything to her before anyone realizes he lacks capacity.

    • Toledo Window Box

      GOES senile??

  • Toledo Window Box

    It’s the Stern show. Guests joke around. It’s a joke.

    But in the back of their minds, you KNOW those kids want every last penny for themselves.

  • Tom65

    You know it’s going to be an absolute shit show once the old man dies off. I wouldn’t rule out gun play.

  • javadavis

    I did not read all the comments, so apologies if this is already mentioned, but – dId anyone else notice that Trump, math self-proclaimed genius (heh) thought that each additional child takes another 20% out of the estate for the other offspring?

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