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It was very mean of us to use a picture of Mark Zuckerberg for this post, probably. Again.

Oh Facebook, we wish we knew how to quit you. And oh Facebook, we wish you knew how to quit being a Trump-Russia tool during the 2016 election. The latest on Facebook’s slow, unsteady march to admitting the Trump campaign and Russia SORTA KINDA MAYBE might have brilliantly manipulated it to spread propaganda bullshit to unwitting idiots is that just after the election, President Barack Obama actually pulled Mark Zuckerberg aside to tell him, “Oh hey, in case you haven’t heard, tons of your accounts are fake and half the shit you allow to go viral on your platform is literal Russian shit.” As the Washington Post reports, this happened precisely NINE DAYS after Zuckerberg had told the world it was “crazy” to think his dorm room nerd boner science project might have affected (effected? COULD BE EITHER) the outcome of the election.

But back then Mark Zuckerberg was like “EMOJI LOL OBAMA, U ARE OLD,” or whatever Mark Zuckerberg says when he opens his millennial flap-yapper to respond to the last (and possibly LAST?) great American president:

Zuckerberg acknowledged the problem posed by fake news. But he told Obama that those messages weren’t widespread on Facebook and that there was no easy remedy …

As WaPo reports, Facebook started seeing Russian malarkey way back in June of 2016 — goddammit, it’s ALWAYS June of 2016, isn’t it? — because its own cyber-security geeks were tracking Fancy Bear, the hacking arm of the GRU (Russian military intelligence). They even alerted the FBI to what they were finding, including fake accounts related to Guccifer 2.0 and DCLeaks, which started puking up hacked emails from the DNC that very summer. But, according to WaPo, they “did not find clear evidence of Russian disinformation or ad purchases by Russian-linked accounts,” so we guess they went back to checking ChristianMingle or Grindr, #whatevs.

The sophistication of the Russian tactics caught Facebook off-guard. Its highly regarded security team had erected formidable defenses against traditional cyber attacks but failed to anticipate that Facebook users — deploying easily available automated tools such as ad micro-targeting — pumped skillfully crafted propaganda through the social network without setting off any alarm bells.

And they just didn’t notice a shitload of their ads were being purchased WITH RUBLES, FUCKING RUBLES, OH MY GOD.

It’s not that they did nothing, mind you. WaPo explains how Facebook developed top secret software to watch for weird patterns and fake accounts and anything else that might be a warning sign that ACHTUNG! THERE IS A RUSSIAN FAKE NEWS CAMPAIGN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! Indeed, this is why Facebook was able to find and delete 30,000 fake accounts during the French election in May.

Now you might be recalling in your brain how Facebook said in May it had “no evidence” that Russia had dumpster-fucked the American election, and you might be cross-referencing that with the recent news that Facebook did ultimately find $100,000 in Russian ad spending (RUBLES. FUCKING RUBLES. RU-FUCKING-BLES) and “470” fake accounts. You might be wondering why Facebook was able to do so much in real time with the French election, while still keeping its head up its ass about the American election.

The answer is that Facebook simply hadn’t used its new Fancy Dan searchin’ doohickeys to look at the American election, and when it finally did, it worked backward:

Instead of searching through impossibly large batches of data, Facebook decided to focus on a subset of political ads.

Technicians then searched for “indicators” that would link those ads to Russia. To narrow down the search further, Facebook zeroed in on a Russian entity known as the Internet Research Agency, which had been publicly identified as a troll farm.

“They worked backwards,” a U.S. official said of the process at Facebook. […]

By early August, Facebook had identified more than 3,000 ads addressing social and political issues that ran in the United States between 2015 and 2017 and that appear to have come from accounts associated with the Internet Research Agency.

We said a couple weeks ago that what we’ve learned about Facebook’s role in the stealing of the 2016 election is likely the tiniest drop in a giant bucket (of Russian pee). According to WaPo, Congressional investigators agree. We’ve also recently learned that Russia invited Idaho racists and Texas secessionists to racist secessionist sexxx orgies for likely Donald Trump fans, all while Trump was running a campaign built on white supremacy. Funny how that all worked out!

Meanwhile, investigators are looking at the data operation Jared Kushner was “overseeing” for the Trump campaign that involved Facebook micro-targeting, and also at that weird data analytics company Cambridge Analytica (owned by the Mercers, who are gi-normous backers of Trump), which did (????? UNCLEAR) for the campaign, and oh yeah, the Mercers are also big backers of Steve Bannon’s Breitbart, which investigators are also looking at for its role in disseminating Russian disinformation, and, and, and, AND, AND, AND.

Golly, we just wonder where all of these things intersect! Maybe this guy knows:

Guilty shitwad say what?

Let’s see, is there anything else we should tell you? Oh! Here’s a weird thing in Buzzfeed about how Steve Bannon and his goons tried to hatch a plan in the summer of 2016 to “infiltrate the Facebook hiring process” by sending trolls to apply for the hottest Facebook jobs, so they could find out how Facebook was #oppressing them by occasionally not allowing Russian Breitbart Fake News to go completely viral.

It doesn’t seem their operation worked, as Facebook didn’t hire Chris Gacek, the dude who hatched the brilliant plan to stick it to the liberals by luring Facebook onto his dildo lube boat and forcing it to go down on interview him. He now works for the Family Research Council hate group, and Facebook gave the job he wanted to a lady who used to work for Obama.

Moral of story: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

The end.

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[Washington Post]

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh Facebook, we wish we knew how to quit you. And oh Facebook, we wish you knew how to quit being a Trump-Russia tool during the 2016 election.

    The “God has a sick sense of humor” part of it is, I rely on FB to keep track of my activist groups. Fuck.

  • puredog

    “might have affected (effected? COULD BE EITHER)”
    I love these little contextual throwaway grammar lessons.

    • OutOfOrbit

      to affect is to cause; effect is the result

      • Infrequentcontributor

        Affect can mean to influence, effect to bring about a specific (planned) result

        • OutOfOrbit

          KISS

          • Infrequentcontributor

            Agree–it’s a great rule of thumb. :thumb:

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • ahughes798

      Seriously, I’ve rage-lost 15 lbs. since last June. The Numpty diet.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    That he still says “Crooked Hillary” (And that his worshippers still buy it) after all the crooked, indefensible shit he’s done JUST over the last few months makes me…

  • TJ Barke

    Fucking Watch_Dogs 2 was right…

  • DerrickWildcat
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Best trick ever!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Kid’s got some game!

      • OutOfOrbit

        that’s not “game”, that Tood!

  • Skeptical_thinker

    You will likely be eaten by a GRU.

  • wait! what?
    • Skeptical_thinker

      That should be Astrid Artdottir and Gyda Smartdottir.

      • whitroth

        I agree.

    • Panika MCD

      why do all the ladies have spiral boobs?

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Circular stitch bras?

        • Courser_Resistance

          Bwahahaha! My mom had one of those when we were kids and my and my brother & I found it and spent hours goofing with it in the garage. Which… wasn’t as weird as it sounds now. It was in the winter and it was out there with some donated clothes. We were bored.

        • ahughes798

          Are those the ones that give you the real pointy bazooms? Because my mom had a couple of the pointy bazoom ones. They were hilarious!

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Yeppers. As seen on stage and screen.

      • arglebargle

        You should see the peens.

      • wait! what?

        Political orientation. It says right leaning on their resumes; I hope that doesn’t refer to an inner-ear problem.

      • GoutMachine

        To hypnotize you with bewbage.

        • Panika MCD

          I have the best boobage.

          • george lastrapes

            The female CEO lifted herself by her own boobstraps.

          • Panika MCD

            I will cut her with my underwires undervotes.

          • ahughes798

            You could cut her with your underwires. Damn, those things are sharp. I makes total sense to have sharp wires in the bra that can saw through the fabric of the bra. Right. I hate underwire bras. It’s hard to find any that aren’t.

          • Panika MCD

            I have a hard time finding any bras in my size for under $50. and, yes, I need the underwires. if you don’t, I’m sorry so many come with them in your size. what monsters.

          • ahughes798

            I’m not exactly petite in that particular area of my body, and yes, I need the support, too. Bras are ridiculously expensive in the larger sizes, that is for sure. But jeez…why don’t they make the underwires out of plastic or something that doesn’t try to stab you?

          • Panika MCD

            IK, R?! I am petite, but need a larger cup size. Calvin Klein is one of the few brands I can get off the rack.

          • H0mer0

            “Off the rack”
            good one!

        • Boobs don’t need to be spiral to be hypnotic.

      • H0mer0

        Public service: one of the patterns to use with breast self examination (now no longer recommended by USPTF)

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      That is one horny bunch of geeks.

  • armed_bears

    Guilty shitwad say what?

    A Wonkette bumper sticker, if ever there was one.

  • Mavenmaven

    none of this would have happened if MySpace hadn’t failed.

    • Panika MCD

      livejournal LIBELZ!

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Yahoo 360! Anyone, anyone? Boy, I’m old.

        • Panika MCD

          ANGELFIRE FTW!

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Geocities libelz!!!1!1!

          • Arolpin

            Compuserve or GTFO!

          • BarbaraPBradbury

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !sz261d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleInternetGraphicsComunityWorkFromHome/make/more ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sz261l..,…

        • shastakoala

          Yahoo Chat. Good times!

          • data_ninja

            ICQ!!!1!

          • It was good times. Met my wife on Yahoo Personals

          • shastakoala

            I met Dok in Books and Lit.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Usenet.

          • whitroth

            Yes. And “Fair Use”.

            Bannon & co probably used to waste time with the goons of alt.syntax.tactical, until they realized they could make money doing that.

          • Arolpin

            And IRC. That was probably 75% of my home internet use on the early net.

        • BBS

        • armed_bears

          Hah! Prodigy user representin’ here. Sears and IBM? It’s a sure winner!

          • godsaidHA

            Back in ’86 I was dating a guy whose new job involved Sears and IBM and it was all very hush-hush. Prodigy. I wonder what happened to him…

        • ahughes798

          Black and orange on your monitor, and bulletin boards…then AOL v1 came out.

      • georgiaburning

        The WELL….

    • jesterpunk

      But Tom is still looking for friends.

      • Panika MCD

        get in line behind Chad Thundercock and Normie McFrench, Tom Cat.

        • mancityRed6

          dog damn Chad!

        • jesterpunk

          Didnt Turnip ban Chad?

          • Panika MCD

            he’s trying to. but we will not be denied our thundercock.

  • Panika MCD

    June 2016 is the nightmare from which I am trying to awake.

    wouldn’t it be great if we all were stuck in one massive Dallas and woke up to find that we could have sex in the shower and then elect HRC?

    • mancityRed6

      can I be Patrick Duffy this time?

      • Panika MCD

        who wears the huntin’ bikini in this family?!

        • mancityRed6

          uhh, sometimes me.

          • Panika MCD

            you’ve been wearing my huntin’ bikini again?! no wonder it smells of manx.

          • mancityRed6

            you were out, mistakes were made.

          • Panika MCD

            glad I took the heritage bikini out for a drive. there’s no telling what would have happened to it.

          • mancityRed6
          • Arolpin

            Wait, wait, wait! Are you saying mancityRed6 is from the Isle of Man rather than Manchester? I thought the Manx all cheered for Leeds or Liverpool.

          • Panika MCD

            manx smells of manx. I don’t care who they cheer for.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      As long as we’re not stuck in that damn snowglobe, I’m good.

      • Panika MCD

        only Sen. Nichols of East Texas should ever get stuck in a snow globe. because: Santa Claus. also too: should not be shooting jaguars.

        • ahughes798

          Aren’t they considered an endangered species in the US? Or does he go somewhere else to kill them?

          • Panika MCD

            he went somewhere else. totally ruins the whole “Santa Claus” thing. I do not like going to his office.

      • Christopher Story

        I thought the snow globe was St Elsewhere

        • TJ Barke

          Yeah, but a ton of other realities are essentially in Tommy Westfall’s imagination.

          • Christopher Story

            Hehe, I only know about St Elsewhere because I’m a huge Mark Harmin fan. I wanna be like Gibbs when I grow up.

          • Gibbs could get with Happy Goth Abby just by saying hello. She’d totally go naughty schoolgirl for him.

          • Christopher Story

            For me, he wouldn’t even have to say “hello.” Just stare at me with those smoldering, knowing eyes. I’d go gay for that

          • Serai 1

            For me it’s Bruce Greenwood. He was so yummy back then, even though his character was a massive dick.

            P.S. I fell out when Mark Harmon popped up on Moonlighting. It was such a brilliant cameo, just perfect.

          • Canonically X-Files is in there.

      • Serai 1
      • SeeTrain65

        “Hillary enters the residence after a hard day of actual Presidenting. Bill is sitting in a chair reading the Washington Post while a silent, diapered, orange-faced, centipede-haired 71-year old sits on the floor with a snow globe in his hand.

        HILLARY: “I wonder what he sees in there.”

        Cut to the snow globe. Inside he sees the U.S. on September 25, 2017 under Donald Trump.”

        I could live with this as reality right now.

        (Yes. I know this is fantasy. The diapered, orange-faced centipede-haired 71-year-old has shown no ability to remain silent.)

  • Joe Beese
    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Not just outdated, but the CBO score will be incomplete. I’m still worried though…why go through with the charade if they don’t have the votes?

    • Joe Beese
      • Joe Beese
        • Daniel

          Depends who’s watching. Paul Ryan loves seeing that.

          • Christopher Story

            Paul Ryan watches rape porn and then complains how it wasn’t violent and degrading enough

          • Daniel

            “I wanted to see her degraded and abused! She wasn’t taxed even one cent!”

          • Roadstergal

            “I’m really upset about that disclaimer saying that they test the actors for STDs. It sounds too much like health care.”

          • Blackest Noobs

            Senator Cassidy allegedly was yawning. Cassidy deserves an ASS KICKING. with votes or not…i don’t give a shit…he deserves a fucking ass beat-down.

          • Blackest Noobs

            same goes for Zuckerberg…beat the crap outha that kid cuz back in November after the election he was like oooh no no Facebook had no influence over the election…couple months later he is like oppsy my bad….fuck that guy too.

          • ahughes798

            Curb stomp him? w/a few votes.

          • Creepoman

            He’s in his bunk.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Oh, I’m pretty sure the Repukes get off on a bunch of ‘cripples’ getting arrested and hauled off by the cops. Must Maintain Order!

          • Christopher Story

            I wonder how many of these people have histories of pets “going missing” in their neighborhoods.

        • SeeTrain65

          “Moose Factory: And blood stains the snow in this isolated, sub-arctic community as Royal Canadian Mounties battle Eskimos after being sent to repossess and iron lung. Softened by lush living off the profits of their soap carvings, Moose Factory’s Eskimo tribe had gone on an iron lung shopping spree. This tubercular 98-year-old Eskimo woman is dragged from her iron lung and out into the cold where she belongs as Husky dogs bark and the finance company representative adds up interest charges. Royal Canadian Mounties, doing their duty as always in the blood-stained Northern tundra.” – National Lampoon Radio Hour, “The Canadian Show”

          (Full clip: 14:30-19:05)
          (This section: 15:11-15:57)
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r520y2IpFY

      • HorseChestnut

        Motherfuckin heroes.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    FB: Mark of the devil.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Zuckerberg’s political career ends before it begins.

    • Joe Beese

      Embraced religion for nothing!

    • TJ Barke

      Trump became president. I’m not willing to say that anyone couldn’t be president anymore…

    • HorseChestnut

      Gawd I hope so.

  • TJ Barke

    This is why I don’t book the face. Apart from encouraging the surveillance state and informant culture, now it’s being used for social management.

    • armed_bears

      Weird admission? It’s targeted advertising features work. I know: I am sinful. But dammit, Janet, it works.

      EDIT — Oh, and it is cheap. $100K would cause a ton of mischief… I spend $50 a pop and think I am big-timing.

    • Yeah, I figured out long ago that the users are the product and never signed up.

      Plus, it started out as Zuck&Co’s creepy college bro ‘r8 these chix’ page.

      • Serai 1

        Thus the name of the site.

      • Arolpin

        Look, I agree that Facebook is a cancer, but all the Ivy and Ivy-wannabes were already publishing physical books with all the pictures of the incoming freshman class, along with a short bio and their dorm. I know that the frats used to come trolling through the dorms on move-in day looking to invite the attractive frosh girls to parties. Zuck just put that online originally (and I remember reading an article about it when it was a few dozen users and thinking it was an obvious thing to do, and probably would be of limited use, I’m not a great prophet).

        A good friend was at Harvard with Zuck, and made a lot of money playing poker with Zuck and his buddies. From his telling it wasn’t as much a ‘check out these hot chicks’ program as ‘hey, there’s a more efficient way to check out these hot chicks’ program. Not sure that’s much of a difference, but he’s pretty sure that the creeper functions of Facebook weren’t the goal, it just turned out that way.

        • H0mer0

          I was disappointed to find out that Zuckerberg didn’t really look like Jesse Eisenberg.

    • georgiaburning

      The DDR Stasi would’ve loved it. And saved a pile of money on paid informers.

    • chazmanr

      No, shit. I avoid all social media since the State of Montana started requiring that all job applicants provide their usernames and passwords to their accounts. I AM NOT KIDDING. They have reversed their policy, but seriously why would I want to make myself unemployable?

      • TJ Barke

        For government jobs or all jobs?

      • GoutMachine

        There’s no way that’s remotely legal or constitutional.

      • anon_the_great

        Well, give em ones that don’t work

      • Serai 1

        What I would do if I wanted to be part of that whole schtuss is have one account under my real name with a lot of boring crap about my tomato plants and such, and another with all the shit I really want to say. But since I have no fucking intention of ever having an FB account…

        • Roadstergal

          My husband is on there with a name that is just a few letters off of his real name, and turns his name into a fairly common phrase. Search his name, and no book of face comes up.

          • Serai 1

            That’s a good strategy. Most of my non-business presence on the web is under this name, which has nothing at all to do with my real one. And if you google my real name, you only get two hits from about 15 years ago.

  • memzilla Ω
  • stumpknocker

    zuck could go a long way rehabilitating his reputation with me if he would do an information Blitz on the plight of Puerto Rico.

    • Christopher Story

      “He’s more machine now, than man, twisted and evil.”

      • stumpknocker

        i’m a “where do we go from here” person, i never thought i would cheer for John McCain.

    • chazmanr

      Zuck has been beyond redemption since his Harvard days.

  • Scooby

    My grandmother told me Facebook was going to ruin the world one day.

    • TJ Barke

      Sharp lady.

    • chazmanr

      My grandmother has no idea what Facebook is. Heck, at this point, the dementia is so bad, she doesn’t know who are daughters are. She has the awareness of a Trump voter.

      • Scooby

        To be fair she also claimed answering machines would ruin the world too.

        • stumpknocker

          they did, they were the gateway to smartphones.

          • GoutMachine

            I have a distinct memory of my mother saying something about how debit cards were a sign of the coming Antichrist or something back in the ’80s. Not really sure why they would be … maybe your PIN could be 666?

          • bbayliss

            The end of cash.

          • Arolpin

            I had that issue. I think I had every issue between ’77 and ’81, then I moved to a town that literally didn’t have anyplace selling Mad Magazine. Probably could have picked on up about 45 miles away, but I never went through that town unless I was on my way to Montana, so I generally had to wait until we were visiting relatives to buy Mad Magazine. I’m not sure why I didn’t just get a subscription like I did to The Beano.

          • I lugged around my huge collection of old MAD for years until Hurricane Andrew ate them. I gathered as many as I could and gave ’em to the Red Cross. If you ever see an archival photo of a Andrew survivor clutching the Dec 1974 issue of MAD it was probably mine.

        • Arolpin

          My grandmother was famous for leaving messages saying, “I don’t talk to machines” and hanging up. Oddly enough, everyone always knew who left the message.

      • (((Aron)))

        I’m so sorry :(

        I lost my grandfather to dementia in February.

      • Ellie

        I’m so sorry. Dementia is a horrible thieving evil disease that robs us of ourselves.

      • ahughes798

        I’m sorry. It’s horrible to watch it do what it does to someone you love. That’s what happened to my mom.

        • Rags

          Me 2

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      My mother thought that about computers in general. Computer billing was just getting started then. She predicted that one day, computers would decide just about every aspect of our lives- and this was 50 years ago. She was right
      She made a point of folding, spindling or mutilating every computer generated bill she got.

      • Ellie

        I confess to doing that once upon a time, when the bills came in with a warning not to. Why? Because if they were “mutilated,” they needed a person to process them. I don’t know about now, but way back then, in the Dark Ages, it was a way to do away with some personnel and increase the bottom line by having a machine take care of all of it. I can’t help it. i’m older than dirt.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          She thought the same thing- if you had a billing dispute, which she often did because mom lived large, you could get a real person to look at it by folding, spindling or mutilating.

          • H0mer0

            [your gramma is so clever!]

    • Serai 1

      How could anyone think that connecting everyone in the world directly to everyone else could EVER be a good idea? Who the fuck is that naive??

  • JoeChristmas

    One important thing about the Mercers: There are several Billion dollars wrapped up in an IRS dispute about their nano trading platform. Funny how the right wing attack on the IRS has been pretty quiet for the last nine months of this shitshow.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They are on my Arya Stark night list of people who should be slowly killed with votes. Especially Rebekah. We have her to thank for Bannon and Sessions.

  • JoeChristmas

    I’m on FuckFaceBook. My handle is “I burn confederate flags!”

    • Marceline

      I would love to do a “Burn the Confederate flag” weekend and have people upload pics and videos of themselves burning the treason flag in entertaining ways. I’ve always been against flag burning as a tactic. I recognize it as free speech but it’s not an activity I’ve ever wanted any part of. Now I do. I’d love to see the right wing freakout.

      • Arolpin

        Yeah, but you couldn’t buy a flag to burn it (don’t want to support the traitor-flag industry). You have to acquire a free-range traitor flag. Make it more interesting.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    One of the reasons I find “Veep” simultaneously incredible and also too-cringey-close-to-home is how much all this reminds of the time Selina goes to Silicon Valley. Kind of like the little dialogue between Obama and Zuckerberg, Selina discovers that not only are Silicon Valley techies extremely weird, they genuinely do not understand how their stuff affects people: to them, they’re just playing around with their newest toys. They and politicians, who by necessity have to know people and understand emotion, don’t so much not see eye-to-eye as speak completely different languages.

    This is why I think Zuckerberg doesn’t really seem to take all this seriously: to him, Facebook is still a toy, the gadget he threw together in his dorm room. As much as he hobknobs with royalty and presidents these days, he literally cannot fathom that his creation shapes human emotions, feelings, knowledge, because he designed it to be just for fun. It doesn’t compute.

    • (((Aron)))

      One word: AUTISM.

      And I should know, for reasons I typically discuss in public.

      • ahughes798

        I always wondered about that myself, with Zuckerberg. Bill Gates, too.

        • H0mer0

          more like ‘Aspies’ although I’m admittedly not a developmental psychologist (I do practice a lot of psychiatry as an internist, however.)

          • ahughes798

            Yes, probably two guys with Aspbergers. The only close up experience I have with someone who is autistic is babbysitting and hanging out with my neighbor’s kid, who is brilliant, but is a man of few words. Kid gets straight A’s at school, in regular and advanced classes. He’s going to be a graphic artist.

            Whereas I always thought Steve Jobs was neuro-normal, brilliant, and a douche.

    • Serai 1

      In other words (specifically, Wil Wheaton’s), he doesn’t know How To Human.

      I’m truly alarmed at how our world is being taken over by entitled, rich white guys who have no idea how human minds and hearts work, who think the entire world is just one big playground, and who feel no sense of empathy or solidarity with the vast majority of the world’s people. Men who think the world is a toy have no reason to take care not to break it, or to give a fuck when they do. It horrifies me that we’ve basically handed our world over to men like that just because we’ve grown impatient with the post office, we don’t want to pay for entertainment, and we don’t want to go to the fucking grocery store. How the fuck did we ever get so fucking lazy and childish that we let this happen?

      • guppy06

        I’m truly alarmed at how our world is being taken over by a handful of
        entitled, rich white guys who have no idea how human minds and hearts
        work, who think the entire world is just one big playground, and who
        feel no sense of empathy or solidarity with the vast majority of the
        world’s people.

        Scramble for Africa? The Great Game?

    • hendenburg2

      Q: How can you tell Al Gore from his Secret Service detail?

      A: He’s the uptight one

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Q. What is Al Gore’s Secret Service code name?

        A. Al Gore

        • (((Aron)))

          That’s pretty great :)

          • Serai 1

            Gore thought so, too.

        • Roadstergal

          I remember him telling that joke on Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me.

          His daughter Kristin writes for Futurama, which is why he’s such a frequent guest.

          He’s a mensch.

          • guppy06

            Was Tipper aware of all the innuendo in that show?

          • (((Aron)))

            Kristin Gore is THAT Gore?

            AWESOME!!!

      • Spurning Beer

        Q: Why were Al Gore’s grades so low during his freshman year at Harvard?

        A: That was the year he invented the bong.

        (That was actually a joke written for him that he decided not to use.)

  • SO a click on 10 REAL-LIFE SETS OF TWINS CREEPIER THAN ANY HORROR MOVIE or TOP 20 WEIRD FOODS YOUR GRANDMA ATE is a click for TRUMP?

  • JMP

    Um, Donald, the totally biased and dishonest Media [sic] coverage was all entirely in the favor of you and against the much slandered Honest Hillary.

    • GoutMachine

      Straight out of the GOP playbook: Work the refs. Bitching about media “bias” is right up Republicans’ alley. They’ve been perfecting it for 30 years.

      • tomamitai

        Longer than that, I think. The way I remember it is this: There was some guy who wrote a book, I think it was in the late 60’s, about surveys of print, TV, and radio professionals that showed that the people working in the media were more likely to be registered as Democrats than republicans. I don’t remember the exact numbers, but I think they were close to those of the voting public at large. Based solely on this, with no critical analysis of the tone of what actually got published, right-wingers started jumping up and down and pointing and screaming “left wing bias!” And that’s why we can’t have nice things.

      • Bitter Scribe

        More than 40, really. Remember that worthless POS Spiro Agnew going on about “nattering nabobs of negativism” and “an effete corps of impudent snobs”?

        • Paperless Tiger

          Yeah, same thing now, except they seem to have given up on vocabulary.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Well, it’s actually straight out of Goebbels’ playbook, and they have forgotten how that story ended.

    • TootsStansbury

      Why Americans aren’t in the streets is beyond me. We Americans are so goddamn apathetic. “Oh, it’s no use; I’ll go to the movies or to that
      chain restaurant that has really big servings of some vaguely sophisticated sounding crap. Protesting and voting do nothing. What’s on teevee?”

      It does, assholes, youre flushing the whole goddamn thing down the toilet.

      If there were Women’s march sized crowds in the streets all the fucking time, there will be a difference. No silver platters assholes, no one is going to grant you shit. You have to demand it. Take it by whatever means necessary.

  • mardam422

    You’re mixing metaphors…or something, Evan. It should be Опасность for russian danger, not achtung.

    • (((Aron)))

      East German!

      • guppy06
        • (((Aron)))

          Been doing a lot of cursory research into the DDR lately. Thinking it is appropriate.

          • guppy06

            Deng’s takeaway was that you had to actually be able to shoot them. Seems closely related to what Iran and DPRK learned from Iraq and Libya.

          • (((Aron)))

            Deng Xiaoping?

          • guppy06

            Yep. The DDR had mass protests and The Troopz refused to shoot them. That was seen as cause-and-effect when the PRC was pondering what to do in Tianenmen.

          • (((Aron)))

            Gotcha. In ’89, Erich Mielke ordered the arrest of nearly 80k people at the final stage of the collapse. The local Stasi refused to arrest them for fear of being lynched.

            Was the NVA ordered to fire on the protestors in ’61 as well?

          • “Lives of Others” and “Goodbye Lenin”. You can thank me later…

          • (((Aron)))

            Both on my must-see list!

          • (((Aron)))

            And thank you, now! :)

    • SeeTrain65

      “And Bender and Fry are STILL FROM FUTURAMA!”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    i rly hat these guys

    • Serai 1

      From day one I’ve never even considered stepping into the morass that is FB. I’ve said it a thousand times – how the FUCK Zuckerberg ever convinced people to ignore the PRIME DIRECTIVE of life on the internet (“never ever EVER give out your personal information”), I have no idea. It’s like everyone just went collectively insane all at once. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t.

  • Roadstergal

    “Moral of story: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!”

    The bigger moral of the entire story is “Mother fuck, the Russians fucked up our election and our country because they were scared of Hillary Clinton, and the Republicans helped out for the same damn reason.”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      And they were “scared” of her because SHE HAS THEIR FUCKING NUMBER and they KNOW IT

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • guppy06

      Why, it’s almost as if Trump doesn’t listen to his own people, except when they’re marveling at the size of his hands.

      • theCryptofishist

        We know what those cabinet meetings are like.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Rouhani kinda reminds me of Mr. C from Happy Days.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Uh-oh. Trump attacks the NFL without realizing that Fox has a heavy investment in NFL broadcasts.

      All of a sudden, he gets called out by the creepy one (not to be confused with the other creepy one) on Fox and Friends.

  • Marceline

    Is there anyone in this god damn country who when approached by the Russians actually said “no?” Anyone at all?

    • Serai 1

      Bizarre, isn’t it?

    • Roadstergal

      Gary Johnson, maybe. If only because he couldn’t figure out which way to hold the phone.

      I’m reserving judgment on Bernie until I hear more. He might not have been directly contacted, but he sure didn’t turn down the help from the bots.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Or from Karl Rove, or way back when from the NRA.

    • Roadstergal

      I can’t find that clip from Strange Days where Tom Sizemore says, “The question isn’t whether you’re paranoid – it’s whether you’re paranoid enough.”

      • Serai 1

        Thanks for reminding me of that movie! Gotta get that one out. So much awesome giffing material in it. And any time is the right time for Queen Angela.

      • george lastrapes

        It’s in the trailer. I just checked.

    • Alan

      Nyet.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Moose and Squirrel had more honor. And they were able to resist the charms of Natasha Fatal, something that certain fake billionaires were unable to manage, believe me.

  • Serai 1

    A bunch of dumbass techbois who have no idea how to human got taken by espionage experts. Gee, who’da thunk it?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      And now, mostly, are throwing up their hands “ooh, it’s broken, I guess we CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT” (see: Twitter)

  • roberteye

    Searching for clues they came from Russia… beyond the fucking rubles part?

    • subatomic

      This crack team from FaceBoink clearly aren’t as smart as they think they are. What do you expect from Zuckerberg, another mediocre intellect that had a good idea at the right time and is convinced that makes him a genius.

      • Bongstar420

        So what if he was a genius? There are several million other geniuses on the planet right now.

      • Serai 1

        He had a marketable idea. I think we’re starting to learn it wasn’t necessarily a good one.

        • subatomic

          Good point.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And it wasn’t even his idea, though he did manage to monetize it for himself.

      • Red Bird

        I hear they’re very good at blocking anti-racist posts.

  • amrak63

    I don’t have to quit Fartbook BECAUSE I NEVER STARTED IT, or any other of the Social Disease Media.

    Advantage, moi.

    • george lastrapes

      Something creeped me out about Facebook. Like using the toilet in the bus depot.

      • Bongstar420

        We must herd and be mined. It is our duty

      • amrak63

        Eeeeuww, yeah. I feel sorry for women and girls, who always have to sit down.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        But however will I be able to share with the world the pic of the wonderful grilled cheese sandwich I had for lunch?

        • Parakeetist

          Mmmm

        • george lastrapes

          The world will be much the poorer without that pic- but you could have a painting done of it, donate it to a museum, and that sandwich will live forever.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Me too, also not.

      Perhaps because I am not an outgoing person but I never wanted any parts of Social Media.

  • Bongstar420

    Looks like facebook lets people advertise anomalously. Wonderful

  • Spurning Beer

    Advertising revenue was up, and market valuation was through the roof. But when Mark started looking backward at the micro-targeting data, he couldn’t believe what he saw! [click to continue]

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    >>But, according to WaPo, they “did not find clear evidence of Russian disinformation or ad purchases by Russian-linked accounts,” so we guess they went back to checking ChristianMingle or Grindr, #whatevs.<<

    no, actually, they were way too busy with more important stuff–like making sure that no human female nipples were to be seen

  • BJW

    Evan, never change.

  • Paperless Tiger

    What did the President know, and when did he know it? Remember that one? The evidence seems to show that a lot of these guys knew a lot all along. Even Paul Ryan and them knew Trump was on the take, and they swore not to tell, and they got caught! Mueller has got to be up to his neck in evidence by now. Watergate was way more mysterious. This is all up in our Facebook. Heh.

    • guppy06

      What did the President know, and when did he know it?

      (null set)

  • SnarkON

    But her emails

  • JD Mulvey

    Wapo:
    “[T]he disinformation pushed by the Russians included messages designed to reinforce the idea that Sanders had been mistreated by the Democratic Party and that his supporters shouldn’t bother to vote during the general election in November.”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/technology/russian-operatives-used-facebook-ads-to-exploit-divisions-over-black-political-activism-and-muslims/2017/09/25/4a011242-a21b-11e7-ade1-76d061d56efa_story.html

    • Red Bird

      You don’t say.

      • JD Mulvey

        I’m waiting for the press to report that there were Russian ads that were targeted toward Jill Stein followers in Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania.

        That’s purely speculation if course.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Well, speculation is what passes for factual news, these days.

        • BouncyFlyer

          It would be irresponsible -not- to speculate!

    • HazooToo

      They lowered the price on their paywall to $1. I wonder if that means people are finally getting sick of their waffling?

    • Lefty Wright

      Some Sanders staff members were suspicious of foreign hacks on Sanders’ social media sites to smear Clinton at least as of July 2016, but Bernie did nothing to inform his supporters to be careful what they listened to. By not being directly involved, but still doing nothing about it, he seems to have successfully avoided blame and washed his hands of responsibility. Just as Trump did when his fans assaulted people. Hey, not my fault, I just got enthusiastic fans.

      • BrianW

        Just like that old song, “How You Gonna Keep Them Off the Troll Farm, After They’ve Seen Bernie?”

  • guppy06

    we guess they went back to checking ChristianMingle or Grindr

    Let us speculate what the Venn diagram of their “two” user bases look like!

    • Internet Hitler

      AOTK

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Serendipity is fun. I just happened to be listening to the soundtrack from the documentary “Red Army” while reading this, and it set just the right mood.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyylnppW-dc

  • kareemachan

    Fuck Zuck.

    That is all.

    • guppy06

      Facebook exists because at least one person said “no.”

      • bewareofme

        Bwahahahaha….that’s the truth. I’m guessing many more than one.

  • Huh. One would think when they paid in actual Russian currency, it was not that sophisticated?

    • Kooolest G

      On the contrary I think this was part of the plan the whole time. Leave a trail of breadcrumbs so after the election either Hillary wins and then all these revelations come out and trumpers call it fake news and it sows distrust of her, or trump wins and they get to watch our democracy slowly unravel as the republicans bend over backwards to pretend it didn’t happen

  • justjoseph

    Personally, I would like to se Facebook go the way of MySpace. Zuckerberg was an accessory to Russian meddling in US elections, he should be in prison for that ( although Im sure he’d get a pardon).

  • Headpants

    It really comes down to this: Trump will destroy this world before he allows anyone to see the “pee tape”… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b3bb0960e85114403f0531eab5fbb443c69f8cd5fd3c1858b6d92c8b5b335cd.gif

    • SeeTrain65

      The vision I imagine whenever Trump thinks about dissing Russia.

      POOTY: “You really vanna go zere, Dude?”

    • Since Adam, you just knew it would be the dicks that destroyed the world, amirite?

    • Wee Mousie

      We only know there ARE pee tapes because somebody saw them.

      So, quick, everyone.. Bend over and kiss your ass good-by!

    • amrak63

      I will be surprised if it is merely Russian hookers peeing on a bed.

      More likely it’s an audiovisual recording of Cheetolini raping an underage Russian Ivanka lookalike.

    • bewareofme

      I wonder….what $45 was doing while Putin’s teenage hookers were pissing on the bed in that Moscow hotel room? Then again, I should probably not wonder about that. Yucky little hands on yucky little appendage. 🤢🤢

  • bookish

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-09-25/facebook-welcome-to-corporate-adulthood-it-s-awful

    The backlash is a deserved consequence of size and influence. It happened to Exxon Mobil during the mid-2000s peak of oil prices and growing concerns about climate change. It happened to Goldman Sachs and other big banks after the carnage of the 2008 financial crisis. And now it’s Facebook Inc.’s turn for a lashing. There could be a support group for companies that are grappling with the fallout of their supersized power. Google would bring the doughnuts.

    What makes a company a grown-up is the quality of its response to that harsh treatment. Last week, Facebook belatedly took public responsibility for how powerful it is and accepted the world’s scrutiny. Zuckerberg acknowledged the obvious: Facebook can be a tool for good, and a destructive force. Welcome to adulthood. It only gets worse from here.

  • Wee Mousie

    The easiest way to quit Facebook is to never start one up.

    And now that such an action is beginning to appear patriotic, REAL President Obama is going to have a lot of people asking to borrow his time machine, to go back to 2004 and break their fingers, so they can’t sign on to any new rime-wasting social application on the web.

    • Mike Steele

      Likewise, Twitter…and ‘un’social media in general. We owe them nothing, and can ‘keep in touch’ via old world methods such as telephone, USPS, email, etc. Want to acquire ‘news’? Howzabout Reuters, Bloomberg, Financial Times, NY Daily News, Daily Beast, Vox, Politico, Lawfare, Raw Story…and the list goes on. News comes from reporters. Gossip comes from Facebook. Each has its own value, but both should be differentiated.

    • JD Mulvey

      Social media could have been designed with a decentralized, open source model in which each person hosts their own page and owns their own data.

      Except there’s no money to be made.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        “Except there’s no money to be made.” You my friend have just summed up this world in one sentence.

  • kfreed

    How to quit Facebook: delete account.

  • kfreed

    Oh hey… in case anyone’s wondering what led our tech overlords astray (money but also, too):

    Pando (Tech Mag): “Homophobia, racism and the Kochs: The tech-libertarian “Reboot” conference is a cesspool” (2014)

    “The word “liberty” is the giveaway, of course. With “Reboot,” libertarianism is making its Big Pitch to Silicon Valley. The event features the movement’s superstar scion, Rand Paul, as keynote speaker; alongside Nick Gillespie, the leather-jacketed editor of Reason.com, theonline edition of Reason magazine, the longest-running and most
    successful libertarian media outlet, backed by the infamous Koch Brothers. In fact, the entire event is sponsored by the Kochs.

    Lately, Rand Paul, the superstar of the libertarian world, has been hard-selling himself to Silicon Valley billionaires. In May, Sen. Paul did a billionaires’ crawl in the Bay Area, gloating about “unlimited potential for us in Silicon Valley.” And last weekend, Rand Paul wormed his way into the annual Sun Valley oligarchs’ retreat for some quality one-on-one face time with Facebook billionaires Mark Zuckerberg, Sean Parker, and Peter Thiel (who bankrolled Rand’s daddy Ron Paul’s 2012 run for president).”

    https://pando.com/2014/07/18/homophobia-racism-and-the-kochs-san-franciscos-tech-libertarian-reboot-conference-is-a-cesspool/

    Also, too: “Electronic Frontier Foundation Praises the Tea Party, FreedomWorks and Birther Larry Klayman” (2014):

    Yesterday, tax day, the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) posted an article
    titled “Tea Party, Taxes and Why the Original Patriots Would’ve Revolted Against the Surveillance State,” and it wouldn’t surprise me if the authors were wearing tri-corner hats with hand-written “Rand Paul 4 Prez” placards stacked up on their desks while they hammered out the post.
    https://thedailybanter.com/2014/04/electronic-frontier-foundation-praises-the-tea-party-freedomworks-and-birther-larry-klayman/

    Aaaannnnnd: “Libertarian Bum Fights” (2013)

    The squabbling Edward Snowden suitors share more than their mutual
    adoration for the Paul dynasty. Last year, Glenn Greenwald and Bruce
    Fein did two major college campus tours together, one in winter 2012, and another in autumn 2012.
    The Greenwald-Fein tours were by sponsored by two pro-Ron Paul
    libertarian outfits: Young Americans for Liberty (YAL), a Ron PaulJugend
    outfit; and the Future of Freedom Foundation (FFF), a libertarian
    outfit specializing in publishing far-right “historical revisionism”
    about who’s really to blame for the Civil War and World War II, along with the usual libertarian drivel attacking public schools, civil rights laws, social welfare programs, and regulations on the tobacco industry.

    The president and co-founder of the Future of Freedom Foundation,
    Jacob Hornberger, joined Greenwald and Fein for their college tour as
    the third celebrity libertarian on what was billed as the “Civil Liberties College Tour.”
    Hornberger has some pretty extreme libertarian views of his own that
    one assumes Greenwald must’ve not been aware of when he agreed to tour
    with him: Hornberger opposes civil rights laws banning racial discrimination, opposes minimum wage, opposes democracy, and argues that America’s freest days were the pre-Civil War years, back in the halcyon days of plantation slavery…”

    https://www.nsfwcorp.com/dispatch/libertarian-bum-fights/

    Fascinating read… I suggest reading it in full. Meanwhile, here’s video of that there Koch-funded college “liberty” tour:

    “The Convergence of Glenn Greenwald and Rand Paul’s “Southern Avenger”
    http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/42436_The_Convergence_of_Glenn_Greenwald_and_Rand_Pauls_Southern_Avenger

    Been sayin’… ya’ll need to escape your bubbles and get around a bit more.

  • Suthrnboy

    Is ogling the bikini-clad vacation photos of all the women who wouldn’t have you in high school really worth the downfall of American democracy?

    My social media obsessed male friends say “Yes, you’re missing out!” Fuck them and Mark Zuckerberg!

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