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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today. (Today is Sept. 21, not Sept. 22. Headline FIXED!)

Last night’s SCOOP O’CLOCK: Was Paul Manafort acting like a crappy spy for Russia just to get paid? Was Russia trying to get a golden shower from Trump? Sexciting!

Robert Mueller may not need to pull Trump’s tax records as there’s already a treasure trove of chatter between Trumpkins about Comey and Mike Flynn that seems damning.

Chuck Grassley has pussed out on bringing in Paul Manafort to talk about Trump-Russia; instead he’s sending out subpoenas to the FBI for Comey crap.

Looks like Robert Mueller is eye-fucking Sean Spicer and his naughty notebooks for the Trump-Russia investigation? MMM, just deserts!

As a reward for all their loyal service, Trump has given a bunch of campaign staffers gigs at the USDA, and they’re just as clueless about farm policy as you’d expect.

The only thing in the EPA Scott Pruitt has expanded is his 24/7 protection detail, pulling investigators who would normally be looking for enviro-crime.

Trump says he’s made up his mind about the Iran Deal, and sources are telling NBC that he’s going to bail out. Of course, all that’s news to Rexxon.

As the Democratic party does some serious soul searching, people are wondering what’s in store if hard-liners won’t come to the table.

SURPRISE! Former employees of Trump’s DC trash palace are alleging racial discrimination from staff and guests after wanting to get paid the same as the white guys.

While it’s all fun under the sun in Hawaii, locals are preparing for nuclear holocaust. Remember, kids, duck and cover!

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch is demanding that charges be dropped against journalists arrested during its kettling tactic this past weekend, highlighting the seriously fucked up maneuvers being used to silence and screw with people.

Here’s some thinkery for you to get uneasy about: Russia seems to be helping North Korea skirt US fuel sanctions. LOL, remember yesterday when Trump tweeted about the lines at DPRK gas pumps?

Paul Manafort might be under investigation for all his Not American blood money, but that hasn’t stopped him from branching out to the Middle East where he’s helping to push for an independent Iraqi Kurdistan. What could go wrong?

Foreign policy nerds think Trump should shut his burger hole unless he’s actually trying to help dictators.

Trump’s digital ad wizards are buying up ads on Facebook to tell your batshit relatives the wall is coming. Eventually.

HUH. Russian Facebook fuckery in Florida during the 2016 election geared towards gullible Trumpkins happened over a dozen times. I think that’s just the beginning.

Twitter is now in the sights of Trump-Russia investigators who believe that it might have been used for Russian chit-chat during the 2016 election.

A federal court told victims of the OPM hack that they’re not getting any money from Uncle Sam, even though large swaths of personal information on government employees is floating around the web. .

The SEC says a filing system was hacked last month and that the thieves/hackers may have run off with personal info.

Trump and his White House have a secret hard-on for CNN’s Jim Acosta. It must be the hair.

That video of Lawrence O’Donnell having a bitch-fit on camera seems to have Andy Lack shenanigans written all over it.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert found the worst campaign ad of 2018 (so far); Jimmy Kimmel thinks Brian Kilmeade is a star-fucking ass-kisser with a nose covered in shit; Seth Meyers checked in with Dana Rohrabacher; The Daily Show and Lewis Black ‘splainer the real problem with healthcare; James Corden found the address for Trump’s legal defense fund; Samantha Bee sent Allana Harkin and Michael Rubens out to find hope at Netroots.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby Kangaroos!

We’re supported ONLY by readers like you, no ads, no nothin’, so give us some money! Please, k, thx, bye!

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  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Glorious.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      This made me so happy.

    • dslindc

      I’ll take 200, please

    • bbayliss

      When I lived in Costa Rica we made our coffee with a coffee sock.
      https://erinoleary.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/dsc0785casa.jpg

      • kareemachan

        WANT that teapot… er, coffeepot.

        • From Russia with Love

          Not after you see what else they use it for.

      • Meccalopolis

        When I was in a barber shop quartet in muskokee…

      • folderol

        We just came back from Italy. Now we own a Bialetti.

        Isn’t it just a fancy (and small) percolator? I thought those were BAD.

        So confused.

        • HellhathnofuryDemme

          Percolated coffee is high in acid if it sits and percolates over and over again (American-style), but you should be fine.
          Just drink it right away, (Italian-style).
          (Used to work in a coffee store.)

        • bbayliss

          Does it make coffee?
          If no, reason for confusion.
          If yes, no reason for confusion.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Coffee for leprechauns.

      • tomamitai

        Not unless it’s got a drop of Irish in it!

    • tomamitai

      Jesus, has the “gig economy” gotten that desperate already? And was that a free-range cruelty free free trade gluten free organic emery board?

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Juan de Fuca

      Use it in a sentence – “Trump’s head is shofar up his ass that every time he blinks it tickles his fancy.”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “Jared Kushner sure knows how to blow the shofar.”

    • The Wanderer

      Shofar, sho good.

    • therblig
      • Elvis Causticfellow

        ISWYDT.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Happy New Year!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      (Racist joke about two black gentlemen discussing their Jewish neighbors “blowing the shofar.”)

    • SterWonk

      <voice type=”Colbert”>1-800-OOPS-JEW</voice>

  • tomamitai

    Somebody don’t calendar so well.

  • Rick Hill

    The SEC hack? Yeah, they’ll make some type of law requiring seizures, forfeitures of assets, public executions followed by life imprisonments of the corpses….for anyone hurting corporate sensitive data. Meanwhile, companies who lose consumer information a la Equifax will get bailouts, subsidies and protections from lawsuits.

  • Nounverb911
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lol, just posted the axios link on the last thread

    • tomamitai

      Sounds like somebody thinks he’s being “wiretapped” and wants to cover his ass no matter who’s doing it.

  • OT: Did trump meet with Manifort’s Russian handler this weekend before his UN trip?

    http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/flight-trump-manafort-russia/5033/

    • tomamitai

      If they don’t stop fapping to every left-wingnut conspiracy theory about Trump they’re going to become the hairypalmerreport.

      • bbayliss

        With all the credibility of the daily caller or breitbart.
        Because “both sides” are stupid.

  • Nounverb911
    • folderol

      You’d think people who are taped would know better than to piss off the crew.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • PubOption

      I assume that is Natalia Veselnitskya hiding behind the tree.

      • tomamitai

        It sure ain’t moose and squirrel!

  • canes_pugnaces
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • YoBunnyBunny

      “I know the most about the country of Africa. More than that Kenyan Obama!”

      ~DJT

    • From Russia with Love

      “Namiblia is right there close to Swastikaland.”

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        I hear the nightlife in Deejaybuti is great!

        • From Russia with Love

          Djibouti, Djibouti. So much booty they named it twice.

          • tomamitai

            I hear their discos are shakin’!

          • willi0000000

            Frank Zappa had that covered.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Many, many people are talking about Bechuanaland. It’s finally getting some recognition”.

    • dslindc

      Their chief export is Covfefe. #truestory

    • Lance Thrustwell

      “There is no one I trust more than the honorable citizens of NAMBLA!”

    • folderol

      Sounds awful close to NAMBLA. Is this another Pizzagate? We need some armed wingnuts to check this out.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    A comment on the WaPo scoop:

    What crime specifically is Manafort being charged with? I don’t see a case here unless Mueller can prove that he used money from Russia to finance DJT’s campaign.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6a7fe24d048ac0060e3c06affa6eed8d747137ceae5d14bf26c34e0f3aeb9b3a.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I like the ever-receding standard of guilt, don’t you? “Okay, so Manafort funneled money from the Russians directly to the Trump campaign coffers immediately following discussions between Trump and Putin. But what evidence do we have that they weren’t just exchanging borscht recipes?”

      • YoBunnyBunny

        This dude is basically going, “So what Manafort got millions of money from shady Russian dudes while he was managing Trump’s campaign. You can’t prove he spent in on the campaign, so nothing to see.”

        This is the guy who would stand in smoke-clogged room while everyone else is choking and wheezing for breath and ask “What fire?”

        • tomamitai

          And he probably doesn’t want the government paying for mammograms or pap smears at Planned Parenthood because “money is fungible”.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Money earned from mushroom-picking is extra fungible.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I agree, what crime was Al Capone charged with? Why would any sane man think he did anything else wrong.

      • willi0000000

        nobody would think that . . . if they didn’t want to meet a Louisville Slugger . . . at speed.

      • I have a feeling we’re not going to need tax evasion to bring this crew in.

        • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

          Where’s the fun in that?

  • rosenbomb

    Wow, I didn’t know until now the meaning behind “just deserts.” I seriously thought it had to do something with a sugary dessert, so Dominic’s spelling threw me off.

    I’m always learning. Unlike the GOP.

    http://grammarist.com/spelling/just-deserts-just-desserts/

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Probbly why I’s pronounces it “dee-certs” rather than “diz-zert”.

      • kareemachan

        I once tried to help a Japanese student hear the difference between desert and dessert. Evidently, it’s more subtle than I ever thought. Of course, some of my mispronunciations of Japanese words were evidently hilarious.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          I find it funny that in my regional dialect we pronounce a hard “w” in “sword” and pronounce “karaoke” “croak-ee” and nobody ever corrects us.

          • From Russia with Love

            Stop doing that.

          • Oblios_Cap

            I always hear it pronounced care-e-oak-ee

          • Querolous

            I hear care-e-oh-key

        • Oblios_Cap

          desert as in run away or desert as in the Gobi?

      • rosenbomb

        I haven’t heard anyone say the phrase in ages, but when I first read it today I pronounced it “deh-zerts.” Language is awesome.

        • Darlene Underdahl

          I think it’s where you put the accent that makes the difference.

          • rosenbomb

            Needz more umlauts

        • PubOption

          Derived from deserve, I believe.

          • rosenbomb

            Yep. We used to use the word “desert” more often, but it’s fallen to the wayside

    • NastyBossetti

      I think “just desserts” is still ok, but just use it in the opposite way. When someone is getting a reward, that’s just desserts. When someone is getting a comeuppance, that’s just deserts.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s a confusing expression, idnit? “Just” can mean either “earned” or “merely”, and “deserts” can be spelled like either the sandy hot place or the sweet thing – but it means neither of those things!

      • PubOption

        That which is deserved.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Well sure, if you’re into clarity.

    • PubOption

      “The desserts at Mar A Lago are just the best, just the best, especially the chocolate cake.”

    • From Russia with Love

      In German, the words “birds” and “fucking” are indistinguishable to me. So are “humid” and “homosexual.” So I have learned to say “A bird and all of his buddies…”

      • Lance Thrustwell

        “Vogel” sounds like “ficken” to you?

        • From Russia with Love

          It’s the slang for fucking. Birds plural is vögel. The slang for fucking is something like vögeln, but I’m not sure about the spelling.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Huh! I did not know that.

          • From Russia with Love

            I found out the embarrassing way.

  • JMP

    Give Iran the go-ahead to develop nuclear weapons, just like W. did for North Korea, that sounds like a great idea! It’s important to accomplish the great goal of “undo everything the black guy did”, no matter how horrible the outcomes may be.

  • Bill D. Burger

    I just got an email from Nambia. Apparently my cousin, a prince, died and left me millions of dollars.
    Duh…winning!
    (*I think this is the third time he’s croaked….once in Nigeria. I’m going to name him Prince ‘Bernie’!)

    • TundraGrifter

      Back in the day those were almost novelettes with intricate plots, many characters, twists and turns in the story. I haven’t gotten one in a while (thank you Google!) but I did notice a serious decline in quality. Toward the end they were just going through the motions.

      Like the scam callers pretending to be from the IRS who barely speak English.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Um, today is the 21st. Date nazi here cause tomorrow is de equinox.

    • ViveLaResistance!

      Fake news!!! Summer will never end!

    • SweetDeeKat

      A client, with whom I am endlessly patient, has told me the world ends on the 22nd. I will be an adult and not call her on Monday, giggling.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Missed it by one day. The Rapture is 9/23. The peace and quiet will be awesome.

        • SweetDeeKat

          Hot damn. I’ll stroll by the church and collect left-behind wallets.

  • kareemachan

    ‘Robert Mueller may not need to pull Trump’s tax records as there’s already a treasure trove of chatter between Trumpkins about Comey and Mike Flynn that seems damning.’

    PULL THEM ANYWAY!

  • dslindc

    LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP!

  • YoBunnyBunny

    One White House official told me: “People are going to wish they’d been nicer to Sean. … He was in a lot of meetings.”

    I guess Bannon may not have been the only one doing fat jokes about Spicer.

  • coozledad

    North Korea is Russia’s proxy state in a bid to destabilize international perceptions of US foreign policy competence. Trump is an active Russian asset, implementing Russia’s plan, whether through his stupidity or his sizable debt to Russian creditors.

    Donald Junior pulled his Secret Service detail because the Secret Service still has a financial crimes and cyber intrusions investigative function. They were watching his ass, and he’s too guilty to be able to hide it going forward.

    • From Russia with Love

      ♪ ♫ These are a few of the things that I love… ♪ ♫

  • Law Man

    I don’t know why you are all making such a fuss about Trump saying Nambia when he obviously meant Narnia!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Narnia! …. Miss Lindsey has seen that magical land from deep in the back of her closet.

      • Bill, I’m pretty sure Law Man is Wolf Tracker.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Doesn’t matter that was a good one.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Trump tweeted about the lines at DPRK gas pumps?

    Why do I get the feeling that the only vehicles that might be queuing for gas in the DPRK are military vehicles?

    • Meccalopolis

      You’re saying he blabbed top secret Intel? Unpossible!

  • anon_the_great

    Everyone who has done live theater can empathize with Lawrence. It sounds like a tech rehearsal in its fifth hour and things are still not working. These things happen. As adults, we apologise for being a dick, fix what’s broken, and move on, not run to Mommy and rat out the potty mouthed Stage Manager.

    • weighmaster

      My sister experimented with thespianism when she was in college.

      • Oblios_Cap

        *GASP!*

        • weighmaster

          IKR? She also masticates in public.

          • From Russia with Love

            Does she publicly matriculate?

          • weighmaster

            Not anymore.

      • anon_the_great

        We all do, most of it off stage… Then again, the Itchy Kitty is a performance artspace

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yep. People make mistakes and as other people we emphasize with them. This is why televangelists unrepentantly repent on stage and people continue to give them money.

      • tomamitai

        Did you make that mistake on purpose?

    • Maclare 🌋

      I can empathize a bit. I once threw a hammer out of a backstage door during a tech. Hit a tree and not the director, fortunately.

      • I broke my foot during tech.

        But that was my fault mostly.

        (And in comedy of errors, not maccers)

        • Maclare 🌋

          Ow!
          Also, how?

          • Running offstage. 2 small steps but you know, adrenaline.

  • Oblios_Cap

    CBS subjected me to having to listen to accomplished liar Mike Pence this AM. When people in this “Administration” move their lips, you know they’re lying.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      So I was watching the PBS Vietnam War doc last night. And one of the interviewees who fought happily went to enlist because he truly believed everything that the government was saying about Vietnam and the Communist. And he made the point that he was in the last generation of Americans who actually believed the American government would never lie to its own citizens.

      My… how far we’ve come…

      I’m not the overly cynical type to believe that everything is a lie or a conspiracy, but I take what politicians say with a grain of salt. But we are so for beyond having a healthy “skepticism” with this bunch. It’s not that they just obfuscate, but that they try muddy the waters on blatant ratfuckery.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Thanks, Nixon.

    • Roadstergal

      Trump and Pence are complementary brothers in pathological lying. Trump just tramples over the truth like he doesn’t even notice it, Pence sighs and appears frustrated with you for caring about it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just yet another chilling and disturbing Republican and Con-inspired trend: Suing people who request public information. True!

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/910846256683081728

    • OutOfOrbit

      tRumpster’s SC(R)OTUS:

      “We’ll allow it.”

  • Law Man

    OT but very interesting:

    Donald Trump may have been in New Jersey this weekend with Paul Manafort’s Russian benefactor

    http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/flight-trump-manafort-russia/5033/

    Looks like Trump may have had a secret meeting with Derepaska that was Manafort’s Russian connection right before his speech at the UN.

    • Rick Hill

      Russia and the trump people always seem to be on topic.

    • Claire

      It’s like there’s some weird Trump gene carried on the X chromosome that makes them completely inable not to choose the single stupidest action out of a set of options.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yeah, but Palmer Report. Don’t even open it. LWNM

  • freakishlypersistent

    I saw on TPM he’s polling at 43% favorability. Who in the name of fucking fuckikty fuck ARE these fucking people?

    • anon_the_great

      Glue sniffers with landlines is my guess

      • YoBunnyBunny

        The pollsters call cell phones nowadays, too. Even more reason for me to not answer calls from strange area codes. Learned this hard way during the 2016 election.

        • bupkus231

          Over the summer, I got numerous calls on my little-used cell from the Univ. of Michigan’s Consumer Sentiment Index ( I only learned this by Googling the phone number – which, of course, could have been spoofed, for all I know ).

          I never answered the phone, let alone agree to be part of their survey – yet they must have called a dozen times over the course of the summer.

    • Randy Riddle

      That’s only one poll. Basically, his poll numbers haven’t changed in a month or so.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I would love to see the correlation of Drumpf diehards who attended charter, religious, or home schools.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Old people with landlines who are willing to admit they voted for Trump.

  • Ah, fun times. So we’ll have a nuclear Iran too. Or another clusterfuck of a war in the Middle East where troops will die for a goal we can’t accomplish and shouldn’t have had in the first place.

    And in the future, every third world country out there that doesn’t want to be freedom bombed will know that the only way to be secure is to have your own nuclear weapons because you can’t trust the United States to honor its commitments and obligations.

    This may be the worst thing that Trump does, assuming he does it.

    • freakishlypersistent

      OBAMA was POTUS when the treaty was signed. It’s not gone,, we’re just no longer going to participate. Our involvement in it is toast. Like the Paris Agreement.

      • tomamitai

        It’s not a treaty, it’s an agreement. Remember how those republicant senators sent that letter to the Iranians not to undercut the President but merely to explain how our Constitution works?

      • I’m hoping peestain doesn’t certify but congress can’t get its act together to pass sanctions.

        It will still embolden Iranian hardliners and further trash our reputation as a trusted world leader, but will be less awful than if we reimposed sanctions when iran is basically conforming to the terms of the agreement.

        God i hate this guy.

  • anon_the_great

    Impeach the Motherfucker Already.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Screwy Lewy’ is outraged, y’all. Posturing fucknut need to be careful what he wishes for.

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/910839790186135552

    • Law Man

      I think he is helping Mueller and the FBI and does not want ti get caught in the net with them. Slimy but smart at this point.

      • Major_Major_Major

        He is a ginormous wad of wombat smegma, but if I remember correctly he was pushed out by Komrad Manafort.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Wombat smegma libels!

    • From Russia with Love

      We’ll save ya a room, Corey.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Elaborate performance piece to cover his own ass for either
      1) Knowing and encouraging the ratfuckery in the campaign
      or
      2) Singing his ass off to the Feds because PAYBACK BITCHES!!!!

    • I do not think putin is going to consent.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    The 9-month-old Joey is so cute. The earlier, Eraserhead-baby version, less so.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Eraserhead: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!11!!!!!!!!!

  • armed_bears

    Here’s how this administration works. If you don’t check the answers, everything looks great!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ccd570c847ecb59a6fcbac072c6724c6ad95bd7d0f186730c8695b21d01024ab.jpg

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The fellow on the right’s facial hair makes Ty Cobb look like a boy scout.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Secret Service is still calling these locations logistical and expensive nightmares. Trump: “So?”

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/910832388984291328

    • tomamitai

      And his 244th as a Putin property.

    • folderol

      Let’s not forget all the golfing Obama did. I’m not racial dogwhistling about idleness or nothing, just keeping things in perspective.

      True, Trump has spent practically every weekend on the course, but that just means he’s working so hard he needs more recreation to compensate. Get it now?

      No? Let me spell it out for you, then: W-H-I-T-E.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Did y’all hear Trump bragging to African leaders about how all his buddies are going there to get “very rich”. Typically, he thought he was complimenting them. Thank God Africa has no history of looting and exploitation by white colonial masters.

    • DrBigHead

      In a long line of stupid things Trump has said to world leaders, this has to be in the top 5.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I can’t even keep track anymore. He is normalized by the volume of his lies and stupidity. No one has enough outrage in them to keep up with him. What a strategy.

      • Yeah this was particularly cringe worthy. Between that and the ACA coverage i had to just turn off the radio and make ACA calls.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      How about those belgians, amirite? Not everyone knows they invented french fries.

      • Yellerduck

        And waffles!

    • Red Bird

      He’s just reflecting the way many white Americans think.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • anon_the_great

    Hillary was right about the Russians, about the conflict of interest, about the Deplorables. She was right about it all.

    Fuck you Bernie

    • tomamitai

      I don’t remember Bernie saying she was wrong about Russia.

      • Chyron HR

        You’re right, he just said to stop talking about it. Over and over.

        • tomamitai

          Really? I thought he said to stop talking about her “damned emails”?

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            He told everyone else to stop talking about the emails. He told her to stop talking about Russia.

          • Shibusa

            I remember quite a bit of mockery being aimed at Rachel Maddow because of all the time she was spending on Russia, post election. She was/is right to do it, too.

          • ltmcdies

            but his supporters nattered on and on about them…..

    • Law Man
    • Marceline

      And now he’s off to have another campaign…oops…I mean…”Medicare for All” rally because grifters gotta grift.

      • tomamitai

        Yes, because he’s gotten so rich trying to get healthcare for all Americans, raising the minimum wage, promoting free college for all, and being arrested for protesting segregation. Too bad he didn’t do something more “progressive”, like writing a book for millions of dollars, advocating a crime bill that increased mass incarceration, or campaigning for Barry Goldwater.

        • Chyron HR

          It’s cute how “Clinton advocated for a bill that Bernie proudly voted for” is a thing.

          P.S. He’s a millionaire. Are you a millionaire, too? Is that why you don’t think he’s “so rich”? Or are you just a sucker?

        • anon_the_great

          All I demand is he join the Party he claims to lead a faction of.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Going back to Goldwater, when she was a fucking child and merely reflecting her father’s ideals before she had a chance to grow up and discover her own? Enough.

        • StarBangledSpammer

          Good lord – she supported Goldwater in 9th grade. By that standard, I am secretly the anti-abortion crusader my parents raised me to be, never mind my decades of support for Planned Parenthood & NARAL since being liberated from their conservative Catholic, Republican training ground. Nope.

          • Jamoche

            My second grade class overwhelmingly voted for Nixon in ’72. Well, I do still approve of him starting the EPA.

        • StarBangledSpammer
          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I went to his book tour, because for $35 you also got a copy of the book and I did want to hear an update of his message.
            I will not be going to Hillary’s because it is $150, no book. $175 if you are handicapped. I just bought the book.
            I have seen them both, in person, during the 2016 campaign, as a member of Georgia for Sanders.

          • StarBangledSpammer

            Yes, the Taylor Swift prices grate, but she absorbed $13 million in campaign loans the last time around – as the nominee, I expect she will end up more in the red this time.

            Did you miss the fact that Sanders pocketed an $800K advance on the first of two books in two years, which are poised to literally make millions?

            Reeeach with Goldwater dig, dodge the book boomerang. I expect you know the context of the 94 criminal reforms Bill signed, too. Defend Sanders if you want, but your Clinton complaints just didn’t land.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Sorry, not sorry. I wasn’t making complaints but stating facts.
            And no, it doesn’t bother me that she’s charging that much. It’s her right and some people will pay it. Yes, if the prices were more economical, I would make the effort.
            I just won’t be making a contribution this way. As I said, I have seen them both before.

          • StarBangledSpammer

            It is a fact that Bernie wrote two books to make millions of dollars, when he was 52 he voted against background checks & waiting periods AND he voted for the Violent Crime Act of ’94. BOTH SIDEZ!!!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Excuse me, but both sides are leveled at the Dems by GOP supporters.
            You don’t know me , son. And I suggest that you stop and stop now.
            I supported Bernie in the primary and I voted for Hillary in the general.
            This isn’t a good look for you.

          • StarBangledSpammer

            Didn’t think I needed sarcasm tags in my noncomment, but I thought your refusal to see the point deserved a little poke.
            Signed,
            A woman in her 40s who also supported Burnie in the primary and Hillary in the general.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            We’ve had so many troll that /s wouldn’t hurt right now.

        • campaigning for Barry Goldwater

          As a child (underage teenager).

          As an “adult” 18+ age individual, she campaigned for the [1968] anti-war campaign of Eugene McCarthy.

          Did your Facebook Russian Bernie Propaganda forget to mention that? 😂

          • tomamitai

            Was she a teenager when she supported “welfare reform”? Was she underage when she called Black juvenile offenders “super predators”? How old was she when she compared making the minimum wage a living wage, healthcare for all, and free college for all to “ponies”? You can find the answers without going near Facebook, or visiting any Russian propaganda sites, but, hey, just keep on trashing the left, look how well that worked in the last election!

          • So, I was right and that was just a bullshit GOP-Bernie talking point?

            GTK ✓

        • Serai 1

          “Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard!” — Mel Brooks

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        He should be out there riling up his bots to get on the fucking phone and help kill Graham Cassidy. But, no, it’s shiny objects all the way down.

      • Serai 1

        And he’ll fuck the left up the ass with it just as he’s done all along. More and more, I’m questioning the idea that Bernie is a progressive at all. Every move he makes just benefits the GOP, so how exactly is he a fucking progressive?

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      It’s simple.
      Bernie weakened Hillary.
      Now Trump is “president.”
      Thanks, Berners.

      • Little Lulu Ω

        In a nutshell.

    • Serai 1

      Of course she was. Anyone with a brain has known that all along.

  • James Baskin

    “As a reward for all their loyal service, Trump has given a bunch of campaign staffers gigs at the USDA, and they’re just as clueless about farm policy as you’d expect.”

    Sounds like it may be a good day to go vegetarian.

    • tomamitai

      They can fuck up veggies too, also.

      • From Russia with Love

        Trump can fuck up marbles.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        How’d you like a side of E. Coli to go with that spinach?

      • James Baskin

        I don’t think the USDA inspects veggies too much.

      • Catstro

        It’s the FDA what fucks up your fruits, veggies,and eggs, and I’m sure their new leadership is doing a fine job of it.

      • Coal is the new vegetable 🥒

        I thought he was clear on this point.

        How else will he bring back the coal mine jobs.

        Black lung or GTFO!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Why E. Coli Is Good For You; Trump Administration Guidelines For Food Safety”

      • From Russia with Love

        My favorite poet. e e coli.

        • He had the mind to say what was in his guts.

          • Yellerduck

            He contributed greatly to the culture.

          • capitalization is the theft of all time
            punctuation also to

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Who needs food safety when everything is prepared well done.”

    • Edith Prickly

      Lesbian farmers are our only hope!

    • Juan de Fuca

      *Reads the package of sirloin steak, marinating in Keystone Light*

      “100% Kobe Beef. USDA Certified.”

      • James Baskin

        Keystone light? Going with the good stuff eh?

        • Me not sure

          Don’t waste the good stuff on the steak.

          • HellhathnofuryDemme

            I don’t know about beer, but you should never cook with wine you wouldn’t drink.
            Is beer different?

      • Serai 1

        If you paid less than $50 a pound for that meat, you’ve been ripped off. There is no such thing as Kobe beef that’s grown outside Japan.

  • Randy Riddle

    Our relations with North Korea significantly deteriorated after “Magnum PI” went off the air and stopped filming in Hawaii.

    Coincidence? I think not.

    • wait! what?

      Which explains why there’s been so many problems finding the Higgins-boson. These coincidences are almost too perfect.

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        “Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action …”

    • folderol

      They say it’s “North” Korea, but how far north is it? Not very. The whole thing is suspicious.

    • Shibusa
  • SterWonk

    I’m torn on the Kurdistan thing. On the one hand, yes, an independent Kurdistan breaking away from Iraq would make an already unstable Middle East even less stable. On the other hand, arguably Kurdistan should never have been part of Iraq in the first place. (Thanks for a century of instability and bloodshed, Messrs. Sykes and Picot!)

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I want to like the Kurds, I really do. They stand up to the Turks and to the Iraqis, and they like Americans. But they are such assholes to the Yazidis!

      • tomamitai

        Apparently everybody’s got to oppress somebody if they want to be anybody.

      • SterWonk

        I hadn’t heard anything one way or the other about Kurdish-Yazidi relations. :-/

    • tomamitai

      I fear it will lead to ethnic cleansing/genocide and the breakup of NATO.

      • SterWonk

        Yeah, Kurdish-Turkish relations make it even more complicated.

    • Paperless Tiger

      The master plan is to fracture the existing nations into mini-states along the natural ethnic fault-lines, aka, balkanization. Really it’s all about mineral rights and pipelines. Politically, it is a regression from nationalism to ethnocracy through ethnic cleansing. It’s been going on for a while now, hence the refugee crisis.

      • Really it’s all about mineral rights and pipelines.

        And water is wet.

        Every country in the world keetows to what Rich people want to exploit.

    • an independent Kurdistan breaking away from Iraq would make an already unstable Middle East even less stable

      The British had an unrelated but similar concern back in the 1770’s

    • C4TWOMAN

      There was a TV movie about Lawrence after Arabia, heavily implying Lawrence almost got himself investigated for treason after warning the Arabs about Sykes /Picot. I remember the upperclass douchcanoe sanctimoniously “explaining” that Sykes-Picot wasn’t a treaty–good heavens no! It’s just an agreement between allies” plus some waffle about “trade opportunities”(exploitation). I was thinking “sounds like a treaty to me…”.
      I suppose Sykes-Picot is to treaties what the Vietnam conflict is to wars….

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    It appears someone has gone into full Fraidy Kat mode.

    Sean Spicer Panics After Being Caught With The Ticking Time Bomb That Could Destroy Trump

    Former White House Press Secretary went into full panic mode after it was uncovered that he has detailed journals that would be of great interest to the Russia investigation about what was said in meetings at the Trump White House.

    When Mike Allen of Axios asked Spicer about his notebooks, he responded with a threat:

    When we texted Spicer for comment on his note-taking practices, he replied: “Mike, please stop texting/emailing me unsolicited anymore.”

    When I replied with a “?” (I have known Spicer and his wife for more than a dozen years), he answered: “Not sure what that means. From a legal standpoint, I want to be clear: Do not email or text me again. Should you do again, I will report to the appropriate authorities.”

    Allen has known Spicer for more than 12 years, as lots of journalists including this one have interacted with Spicer during his time at the RNC. To say that this response was bizarre is an understatement.

    More at the above link.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      News Flash: Spicer is an asshole.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        It just goes to show there is no such thing as a true friend in the republican party.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Meh. It’s politicus, which is LWNM.

      • SeeTrain65

        There’s a good reason CPP called him Mike “Payola” Allen.

    • Me not sure

      I broke up with a woman once that pretty much said the same thing, except she had a temporary protective order. Breaking up is so hard.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Translation: my lawyer told me to stop talking to anyone in the press so i dont incriminate myself

    • ltmcdies

      all the Emmy Award show rehab in world isn’t gonna help you now, Spicey

    • “Should you do again, I will report to the appropriate authorities.”

      The Nigerian Prince Defense League?

    • Serai 1

      Really? What authorities would those be, Spicey? You’re a public figure embroiled in a legal quagmire. Journalists have every right to try to contact you. Sorry, Fred, but you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If I were Paul Manafort, I would be vacationing in a country without an extradition treaty.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      REVOKE THEIR PASSPORTS NOW!

    • Me not sure

      The future Kurdistan might not.

  • wait! what?

    The Russians are helping NK further their missile program? C’mon New York Post, get with it; this one writes itself:

    Rocket Man Rocket Can!

  • Those Heartland Trump voters will be kicking up a fuss when candlestick maker and cabana boy don’t send out their farm subsidy checks.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Ummmmmmmm, exactly what part of a grisly fetal kangaroo climbing its way up its mom by the tips of its mucusy paws did you think was the “cute” part?

    • tomamitai

      “grisly fetal kangaroo” = my band name, if I ever start one, which I probably won’t since I have no musical talent and don’t work well with others.

      • Me not sure

        There’s a place for you somewhere in death metal.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Is there such a thing as deaf metal?
          I might have a shot at that.

          • Me not sure

            Yes. If you need proof, ride in the car with my son.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Sounds like you have a career in experimental noise. Where that band name would work perfectly.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        MUST CREDIT RUGZ

    • Beautiful Soup

      I was scarred by a similar film as a child. But this one does at least end up with a cute joey emerging from the pouch after 9 months.

      • RugzYaBurnt

        I mean I love the natal horror genre, but this! Yech!

  • Skaarphy

    That Lawrence O’Donnell thing is half as bad as I feared it would be. I almost didn’t want to watch it because I really like him, and I didn’t want to realize that he’s utterly two-faced.
    But it isn’t, it’s just someone letting off steam with lots of “fucks”, but without insulting or otherwise attacking anyone in particular.
    I also think his Twitter apology is just how it should be. No excuses, no bullshitting, just taking the blame and saying sorry.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Getting the wrong audio feed in your earpiece would be maddening.

      And as you said, he apologized. Points for that.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Article in Politico:

    “The Strange Authenticity of Hillary Clinton

    Read her book, and you realize she might have been the most authentic candidate out there—and maybe that was the problem.”

    Dear Politico: IF YOU THINK I’M GONNA READ SOME HORSESHIT WITH THAT PREMISE YOU CAN SUCK MY BIG, SHINY LADY DICK.

    • Me not sure

      MIGHT have been the most authentic? …Really? And how could that be a problem to anyone but a fool?

      • Roadstergal

        Or a misogynist.

      • miss_grundy

        Because the rubes believe that reality shows are authentic. Whether it is “The Apprentice” or “Fixer Upper” or “Big Brother”. None of those shows are real. But there are people who would rather live in that reality than in the real world.

    • bubbuhh

      The problem isn’t reading Clinton’s book. The problem is reading anything more than headlines on Politico. Even headlines may be too much.

    • ltmcdies

      boy everything was “the problem” except the media and their fucking hate on for Hillary Clinton.
      you know if I could figure out a away to move all 65 million or so Clinton supporters somewhere lovely….I’d think….’Murica…go fuck yourselves…you DESERVE TRUMP AND THE GOP”

      • Courser_Resistance

        No shit. Just in the last week or so I’ve had horrifying experiences with White Men. It’s insane! Twice I’ve been told I’m ‘out of control’ when I won’t just shut up and accept their bullshit.

        Fuck it. I’ve been a bit absent lately ‘cuz I’m driving Lyft and can’t (and not sure I want to invest the time to) catch up on all the ugliness of the world. So I guess I’m just going to drive people around in my little econo-box car and wait for a bomb to vaporize me.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Placing unqualified campaign shills in government agencies is currency in Third-World countries. It is, by far, the only reason people get involved in politics: you work for the man’s campaign and if he wins you get a government paycheck for doing nothing at some random agency. It’s fitting with Donald’s transactional view of life; very Third-worldly indeed.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Are the Democrats is disarray again? TIME must have had some empty space to fill.

    • miss_grundy

      They are Democrats. When aren’t they in disarray?

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Woweeeee, that was some vivid Kanga and Roo business right there!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    As the Democratic party does some serious soul searching, people are wondering what’s in store if hard-liners won’t come to the table.

    There won’t be as many fewer people at the table as you might think, is my guess.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2de3859415d1467b64208f1f6f6fdc2c7907c1a1be5c618ed218702570bb6798.png

    • Chyron HR

      A (clapping emoji) bird (clapping emoji) landed (clapping emoji) on (clapping emoji) his (clapping emoji) podium.

      • SisterArtemis

        That bird landed on the railing in front of my daughter at that rally (she took pics) before it hit the podium, so I’m advising her to take over the Democratic Party with her agenda of fine arts and heavy binge-watching on Netflix.

    • Roadstergal

      Whoa, I didn’t realize this was a thing!

      @hillaryclinton – 10 million real, 7 million fake. (I have a hunch she has some Russian bot followers for an entirely different reason.)

    • Did 1.4M Bernie bots “unfollow” Bernie in the past 2 weeks or were they kicked off by Twitter?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No idea. The whole tossing russian bot accounts thing could be a total coincidence.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    A Happy New Year my Wonkette friends. Soon it is the Day of Atonement.

    • Finnibar87

      For living it up on New Years, a price must be paid.

    • L’shanah Tovah!

  • Roadstergal

    Whoa, Spicey is squirming!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Watched Kimmel (again). Forgot about that tough side to Jimmy. I saw it a few times on the Man Show and Win Ben Stein’s Money. Sometimes he just does not give a shit. Fuck Kilmeade!

    • miss_grundy

      Especially on any subject that might touch on him or his family. That Republican asshole who lied to his face called him a liar and so did Miss Lindsey, who deserves to be given a good yank out of the closet.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        Jimmy is saying what media talking heads all should be saying any time those lying bastards start lying — “That’s a lie.”

  • calliecallie

    I could easily have lived my whole life without seeing that video of the kangaroo worm/fetus. Yuck.

    • TimResistit

      I knew about the gross baby kangaroo thing before, so I didn’t watch. Thank you Mustual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yeah, I’ve seen it before and decided it wasn’t something I need to witness again. Especially in extreme close-up.

  • TimResistit

    I take copious handwritten notes too, but I’m not under investigation. Also, no one could ever read my handwriting. (for those of you under the age of 30 that means I utilized the muscles in my right hand, to grasp a writing tool we used to call a “pen” or “pencil” and slid the sharpened end over some dried and flattened tree pulp, to create the same letters you use today in your electronic messaging. It was quite the art form in it’s day, some civilizations got quite far in using it , too.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    Re: the caption on today’s photo…

    If Trump is being cast as Frank Abagnale, can we please skip ahead to the French prison section of the story? Pretty please?

  • bookish

    Amazing video. As always, thanks Dom, for the happy nice times.

  • SeeTrain65

    Today is Sept. 21, not Sept. 22. Headline FIXED!

    You couldn’t make it the 26th, could you? I have an appointment with my rheumatologist.

    Or make it October 4th, so I can stock up on my asthma inhalers again.

    • SisterArtemis

      Dominic is an intern, I believe he’s only allowed to change time once a week or so.

      • Moar Wordz

        IDK, he’s my fave, intern or not.
        Oh, & ” WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE ON
        THE 23RD ! ”

        Meteor, end of times, portents in the sky…

      • Amalga

        If you look at his signature bio he hasn’t been an intern for awhile.

  • SisterArtemis

    OT, sort of, but I LIKE IT!!! A non-governmental investigative committee!
    https://youtu.be/Uz9PNoecNxU

  • Panika MCD

    Ashton was on Sam Bee!

  • Moar Wordz

    That’s a baby Kangaroo ?!? It looks like a 🍅 w/eyes.

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