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L’Shanah Tovah, Michael Cohen! Can I call you Michael? Mickey? Moishe? Or should we just go with Boychik?

Okay, Boychik! You got to play the macher yesterday, you made your big speech, it was in all the papers. So, Mazel Tov! But now, instead of a kibbitz with Chuck Grassley and that nice Mrs. Feinstein, you have to schlep back to DC next month to testify in open hearing.

Your lawyers hondled for you to voluntarily come in and speak to the senators privately, and not under oath. So if you should accidentally tell them a bissel ligen, you won’t go to jail for perjury. All you had to do was keep your mouth shut in public! Zol zein shah! But you, like a schmendrick, ignored your lawyers! What are you even paying them for, Boychik? They should go bang their heads against the wall for all the good it does talking to you!

You seem a little farblondgit! The deal was you’d keep quiet about the case, and they’d spare you the shandah of being interrogated on television the day before yuntif! Get it? Fershtey?

Instead, you’re banging on haken a tsheinik that you’ve “never engaged with, been paid by, paid for, or conversed with any member of the Russian Federation or anyone else to hack anyone or any organization.” Bubeleh, no one thinks you’re such a genius to hatch a plot with the Cossacks yourself. We all know you’re a big talker, a pisk-malocheh, not some untervelt mastermind.

From yiddishwit.com

So you’re up there kvelling about your daughter’s Ivy League school and your son’s baseball skills,

I was in Los Angeles with my son who dreams of playing division 1 baseball next year at a prestigious university like USC. We were visiting the campus, meeting with various coaches, and discussing his future.

Congratulations! You should only have nachas from your children! But is now really the time to be such an oyshteler? You’re facing down that shtarker Bob Mueller, and you’re up there bragging about dos kinder?

From yiddishwit.com

And the kvetching!

My daughter, who is at an Ivy League school, and my wife, who is of Ukrainian descent, have especially been subjected to harassment, insults and threats … some so severe I cannot share them in mixed company.

You might say that the experiences I am living through are the cost of being in the public eye, but they shouldn’t be as I am not a government official. Many Trump supporting Americans are also paying this cost, like the twelve year old child in Missouri who was beaten up for wearing a Make America Great Again hat.

Boychik, you live in Manhattan and you have millions of dollars in the bank. You just got finished bragging about your children, may they go from success to success! But now you want us to feel sorry for you?

If you were worried about your good name, you shouldn’t have tried to build that meshugennah hotel in Moscow for that gonif Trump! During the election yet! And that Felix Sater? Such a fershtinkiner! Gevalt! Az man schlaft mit hint, you wake up with fleas!

From yiddishwit.com

You’ll forgive me being such a yentah, but we are landsmen and tonight is the Jewish New Year. If your own mishpocha won’t tell it to you straight, the Finf Dolar Feminist will. Boychik, these people are not your friends! That momzer Trump will throw you under the bus tomorrow. You want to go to jail, godforbid chas v’shalom? Tell that nice Mr. Mueller that you’ll give him whatever he wants if he’ll just give you immunity from prosecution.

It’s a new year! Tonight you’ll eat your apples and honey. And Monday, you’ll make a fresh start. If a bear can dance, you can become an honest man, Michael Cohen!

From yiddishwit.com

[If you want a nice Italian lawyer to break down Michael Cohen’s speech, rather than a Jewish mother, check out Just Security]

Happy New Year to all the Wonkers who bat for the J-Team! Don’t forget to support your favorite yiddish politics and snark mommyblog! Also it’s your OPEN THREAD!

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  • Rags

    Vunderlekh!

  • Joe Beese

    To you, Michael Cohen, I say, in the words of my poeple, may you catch the cholera and drop dead.

    • Joe Beese

      In my family, the fundamental question about pretty much anything in the news was “Is this bad for the Jews?”

      Michael Cohen is bad for the Jews.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        In my family, the fundamental question is “Who brought the beer?”

        Beer is good for the Scots-Irish.

        • BosGrl

          Mine is, “Are you hungry?”

          • TundraGrifter

            Mine is “Any good news from the parole board?”

          • SDGeoff3

            I have some nice pastrami in the fridge. I could make you a sandwich?
            Yup. She’s 90, we just put her in assisted living, and she still has lots of “nice” around to offer when we visit. (Many times a week.)

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Would you like a cild ‘co-cola”? I miss my nana.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Michael Cohen is bad for everybody.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Michael Cohen is Ira-Einhorn-bad for the Jews and for everybody.

    • jowgajen

      I feel there should be a The Rules exception for traditional curses. Perhaps if you phrase it in the original Yiddish?

      • SDGeoff3

        There are lots a of good ones.

      • Werewolf

        He should grow headfirst in the ground like an onion.

        He should be like a lamp-he should hang by day and burn by night.

        All his teeth should fall out but one-and that one should ache.

  • Scooby

    Weird but he looks like a nerd Fonzie.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dipshit On The Roof!
    If I was a wise man yad yad yad yad yaaaaa

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • fawkedifiknow

    Oy vey.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Mr. Blobfish

      I just saw those last week. Fishes Eddy?

      • memzilla Ω

        Indeed!

        • Arolpin

          I still have the lovely Fishes Eddy pasta bowls my old roommate gifted me 20+ years ago. I’m on my 3rd set of dishware since then, but those bowls are unbreakable. I did let him keep the Fishes Eddy coffee mugs when I bought a place with my (now) wife.

    • TJ Barke

      Are the sure that’s nawt Bawstin Tawk?

      • SDGeoff3

        Yup.

  • ariel_gee_398

    And now, when he testifies, Al Franken gets to question him? Maybe not everything is terrible.

  • Juan de Fuca

    O/T Boxing great Jake LaMotta passed away today at the age of 95. One can only speculate if his final words were “You never knocked me down, Ray.”
    RIP, champ.

  • Maclare ☕

    “And the Trump is recognized by his long ties”

    Finished that saying for you!

  • BadKitty904

    Feh, such a shmendrik. May he lie in the ground and bake bagels.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    For Mrs Itt and our extended family. Shalom.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_M5-qthA8w

    • SDGeoff3

      I love it!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “Honey, we have a saying back in Tennessee: ‘Be a mensch, not a schmendrick.'”

  • Lyly Sirivong

    It’s pants week on Atlas Obscura !
    Loads of articles about pants here :
    http://www.atlasobscura.com/categories/pants-week

    • biologydave

      Nothing shows off my good taste than what I wear below my waist.

    • Rasilom

      You know this is a strictly “No Pants” zone. Please put those offencive garments away!

    • HogeyeGrex

      What are these “pants” of which you speak?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Pants are just a fad.

  • guppy06

    “never engaged with, been paid by, paid for, or conversed with any member of the Russian Federation or anyone else to hack anyone or any organization.”

    No oblast! No oblast! You’re the okrug!

    • Three Finger Salute

      “I did not have financial relations with that dictator, Mr Putin”

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I had an oblast in college. The Ukraine girls really knocked me out.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        What about the Moscow girls?

  • CO
    • BadKitty904

      Paulie, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!

      • willi0000000

        paulie, and as bunch of other t’Rumpsters, got a lot of suffering to do!

        • BadKitty904

          Clemenza: “Oh, Paulie… won’t see him no more.

  • Scooby

    Remember when Jewish mothers were proud of thier son became a lawyer?

  • snigsy

    “Schmendrick” is one of my favorite words. I don’t know why, but it is. (And it’s handy, too!)

    • wait! what?

      He was a magician voiced by Alan Arkin in the movie-toon “The Last Unicorn.”

      • snigsy

        And I’ve also had a many decades long crush on Alan Arkin.

      • Thiazin Red

        Such a good movie. Its one of the childhood movies that really holds up, and in some parts is even better as an adult. As a kid you can’t really get Molly, Fortuna or Haggard’s motivations like you can as an adult.

        • wait! what?

          I still can’t believe that Mommy Fortuna was voiced by Angela Landsbury. I’m guessing this was a nod to her playing Miss Price in Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

      • Me not sure

        I had to take my two girls to see that movie during a summer “kiddie matinee”. I hate that movie!

        • wait! what?

          But you love your girls, so you broke even.

          • Me not sure

            It was hundreds of dropped off kids running amok, I think.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Oy Gevalt. And I’m not even Jewish.

    • Three Finger Salute

      500-years removed from the Spanish (Portuguese) Inquisition, but drop-of-blood rule in Murrica means once a Jew always a Jew. So have another oy, and some Madeira Manischewitz on me.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Some people can’t see the big picture. My client is a carnie from Las Vegas, NV. He has a wife and two kids there. He entered a guilty plea to a single charge of burglary. He was sentenced to 3-5 years, with the judge retaining jurisdiction (in Idaho, the judge can retain jurisdiction of a person, place them in a 180-day program-oriented prison, and evaluate their suitability for probation depending on how they do). My client came back from his rider a week ago. He did well. The judge congratulated him and placed him on probation. My guy completed all the paperwork to transfer his probation to Nevada. He can go home! He can see the son that he’s never met! He can be Nevada’s problem!

    Idaho Probation & Parole denied his transfer. They want to keep him in Idaho for at least 18 months. Those fucking idiots.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Rehabilitation” will continue until morale improves.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I think congratulations are due Idaho Probation and Parole for even being in the running for “stupidest thing I’ve heard all day” in the Trump era.

  • BadKitty904
  • altleftjohn

    May his name be erased.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Michael Cohen! Can I call you Michael? Mickey? Moishe? Or should we just go with Boychik?

    I’d go with “motherfucking idiot” myself. What it lacks in subtlety it makes up for in accuracy FFS.

    • wait! what?

      …oh, Mickey you’re not so fine…

  • SDGeoff3

    L’shanah tova, one and all.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’ll just leave this right here for your listening pleasure…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ajl28OdWqtc

    • Love me some John Zorn. Thanks!

      • Anna Rompage

        This one is pretty awesome, and the title is quite fitting…

        Gevurah is understood as God’s mode of punishing the wicked and judging
        humanity in general. It is the foundation of stringency, absolute
        adherence to the letter of the law, and strict meting out of justice.

        • Outstanding.

          Is that Marc Ribot on guitar?

          • Anna Rompage

            I believe it is, one of my other favorites….

      • Arolpin

        Not bad for a left-handed quarterback.

  • BadKitty904

    Such a putz, this one.

    • BadKitty904

      And it’s not like they haven’t already destroyed all the good stuff.

    • Anna Rompage

      Don;t be surprised if the White House, Trump Tower, and Trump’s lawyers building all go up in flames due to mysterious fires over the next week…

      • willi0000000

        if they do, you look for where they moved the most important records . . . they have to save something or all their schemes fall down and nobody gets paid.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I was in Los Angeles

    I thought our air quality was particularly poor the other day–now I know why!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He doesn’t seem very bright.

    • BadKitty904

      As long as he’s good to his mother…

      • altleftjohn

        Oedipus Schmedipus.

  • BadKitty904

    Slightly OT: Are we getting to the point where Paulie Manafort might want to be very careful about what he eats and drinks?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5eb54443855afae4d0f841a22ab7c969021c044b42ff537e20b94504e6967086.png

    • wait! what?

      Why is it a single serving tin?

    • CripesAmighty

      Might wanna skip the tea with the blue glow.

    • Three Finger Salute

      What I wouldn’t give for a “shot” of that.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Wonderful! I may have to endure the Hell-On Earth of changing my paypal donation to wonkette for this.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Is one still a shanda fur die goyim if he’s surrounded by goyim who are equally shanda-ish?

    • Werewolf

      It’s shandas all the way down.

  • Panika MCD

    TX Attorney Felon Ken Paxton and Gov. Wheels are careful to include all houses of worship in their request for FEMA aid to religious institutions which functioned in similar manners to secular non-profits during Hurricane Harvey relief efforts.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/09/20/abbott-paxton-request-fema-funding-after-harvey-churches/

    • Three Finger Salute

      Including mosques and synagogues? Man, that’s gotta burn them in the tuchus.

      • Panika MCD

        AOT, K. even witch covens.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Where’s that Rosetta Stone commercial when you need it?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So are we going to have a pleasant, sane night? Because last night was bonkers.

    • BadKitty904

      Why should tonight be different from all other nights?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        As long as I don’t get impersonated, I’ll call it a win.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        ISWYDT (even if it’s not the right holiday).

        • BadKitty904

          Oy…

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      As the birthday girl, I decree it must be so! Hugs to you and Thor! We accept no substitutes for WITP!

    • Jennifer R

      I am having a quiet few days on social media. This is the closest to direct contact that I am planning today beyond a scheduled D&D game tonight I would dump if I could.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Nothing wrong with taking a break.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Anna Rompage

      I’m kind of bummed out I missed that, or maybe not…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It was wierd. That troll used not only my posting name, but my avatar as well.

        • Night before it was doing that too, and this morning also

          • WomanInThePersistence

            What a strange person.

          • heh. I heard that in John Cleese’s voice and everything was suddenly all right again ^.^

          • WomanInThePersistence

            John Cleese makes many things better.

    • Panika MCD

      there’s a thing in TX called the Ben Barnes Rule where you can sit the bar after serving for 8 years in the lege. I think a few more CPRIT hearings and I should be allowed to practice oncology.

  • CripesAmighty

    Putz.

    Ed: ( kitty beat me to it. )

    • altleftjohn

      Schmuck.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Pastafazoola.

  • PixieThis

    If Mueller drops one more bombshell on the Russia scandal today….I’m throwing a party!

    • natoslug

      I’ll throw 27 parties. I’d throw more, but that’s all the vacation I have left for the year.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Yes, I do feel a sudden need to watch “Fiddler on the Roof”. Why do you ask?

    • BadKitty904

      Sounds crazy, no?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Tradition!

        • Ill-Advised

          No one should apologise for needing a dose of Zero Mostel.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I was thinking I might need to watch the naked swimming scene from Yentl again. You know, to appreciate Jewish culture.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Naked swimming? And I was told that movie wasn’t any good.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Young naked Mandy Patinkin. Daddy likes!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      It may not mean a thing. But then again, it might!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Oh my God. Not only does 5DF write great posts, she’s proficient in Yiddish! Just when I thought she couldn’t get any cooler…

  • BadKitty904

    I’m sorry, but it has to be done…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7L5FKh3EMM

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Every. Scene. Wins.

      • BadKitty904

        Aunt Tessie just tickles me no end…

  • Viktor

    Oh Michael, has he been drinking his Ukrainian ethanol again? Is it true Michael flipped out on a producer of “Sharknado 3” over a role Trump wanted but was awarded to Mark Cuban?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Crystalclear12

    Southern mother version:
    You aren’t rich enough to be this stupid.

    • BadKitty904

      Now, there’s a line I haven’t heard in a while.

      • AshleeSCuster

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !si292d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsPureWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sg402l..,…..

    • grindstone

      Honey, if you have to tell me your daughter is in an Ivy League school, you’re too tacky for words. If you were anybody, my mother’s hairdresser Lurlene would have already told me.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    OT, but just read through a part in Hillary Clinton’s book. In a story about how her life right now is basically having to grin and bear it while having every tooth extracted with pliers, she talked about how a lady walked up to her with her daughter and announced that her daughter hadn’t voted at all and how sorry they were.

    It should stand forever as a testament of her incredible self-control that Hillary then felt obligated to comfort both of them. Had that been me, I would have smacked that lady’s daughter’s face off of her face.

    • jesterpunk
    • I think what is worse is the endless parade of concern trolls who want to never mention her name again because it makes conservatives upset!!!!
      wait. What?

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        I’m amazed that they can take time out from telling us to stop talking about “identity politics,” (because talking about “identity politics” upsets white, Christian, Southern, angry, anti-Semitic, anti-black, anti-Muslim, gay-hating men between 18 and 85) long enough to tell us to stop talking about Hillary.

    • Sophie McMillan

      During the women’s march here in Seattle, there were two young women( early twenties i guessed) talking in front of myself and my daughters. One of them proclaimed rather loudly that she felt a bit bad about not having voted but that she hadn’t been able to vote for “that woman” and that was why she was at the march. As I tried to formulate a response that would not get me arrested for assault my 17 yr old calmly leaned forward and said that she should be fu$cking ashamed of herself and that wasting her vote because she couldn’t see further than her own selfish issues should be a crime. It was an amazing proud mama moment.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Well, if she was registered to vote here in the State of Warshington, it didn’t matter much anyway, as the Hillary voters vastly outnumbered the idiots. Including us Bernie Bros who came over to Hils the minute Bernie was out of it. (including my women’s marching daughter and me.)

        • Sophie McMillan

          We were also Bernie folks who recognised the need to vote for Hils , it was more her petulant whiny voice as she tried to justify not voting that was the problem..

      • i seriously don’t know anyone who didn’t vote. even my baby actor colleagues all got out and voted.

        oh, well, my cats. my cats didn’t vote.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ea23340f0289940ec597296fd5028cb865dc4faa8c3992e868a8bf3cd5a73f0.jpg

        • Rags

          Well, that’s the problem right there.

    • i heard her talk about walking in the woods after the election and she would ‘run into’ women also walking in the woods.

      then she realized they weren’t a coincidence.

      i’m tearing up just typing this.

  • writersbloc

    Well that went over my head :)

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • jesterpunk
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out on this note–have a good one, Wonkers!

    https://twitter.com/DaShanneStokes/status/910565733687578624

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “… and I for one am very #Concerned about it.”

      • Crystalclear12

        Oh, oh
        Can I be #troubled?

        • grindstone

          I’m a bit vexed myself.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        “I am having such #thoughtsandprayers about it!”

    • BadKitty904

      OK, Walnutz – IMPEACH!!!!!

    • John, shut up. We know you cream your shorts at the idea of bombing people into perpetuity so your Boeing Stocks go up. But shut up.
      Espionage, yes. War, no. That constitution thing you keep pretending you know dick about, John? It is knocking and it wants its articles back.

      • clubseal

        Not to mention it’s a classic case of “it’s ok if you’re American”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Take a fuck, John. On the very next opportunity to vote on some bill dealing with Russia, you will be as complicit as shit. We know it. You know it. So, just STFU and GTFO. Your same old schtick stinks.

    • Arolpin

      Why is someone tweeting this out today, when the story they are highlighting was published December 30th of last year? I think we have enough things to get pissed off about without dredging up another McCain concern-nugget from 9 months ago.

  • OK, I’m in my Biannual Smartphone search mode, where I do research on the “best” new smartphone, make a choice and a month later find out that another new phone just came out that’s better.

    OK, it’s between iPhone 7/8 Plus and Pixel 1/2 XL…

    But then I discovered a $150 Smartphone that’s not too shabby (?)

    The Doogee BL5000.
    https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1E4LXSpXXXXbXXVXXq6xXFXXXK/DOOGEE-BL5000-Dual-13-0MP-Camera-Android-7-0-5050mAh-12V2A-Quick-Charge-5-5-FHD.jpg

    Anyone ever heard of it?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Doogee? Who would name a fucking phone “Doogee?”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Someone who thinks “Oldmobilee” isn’t quite neat enough?

        • Three Finger Salute

          It’s not your father’s Oldmobilee?

      • BosGrl

        Not wearing my glasses – thought it was called “dodgee” LOL

      • Nevermind that.

        How can they even make a profit off a semi-flagship $150 Smartphone?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Dunno. Maybe it’s basically a clone of an Android phone from about 4 years ago or something? A design they were able to license on the cheap?

          • No, in order to do a “flagship” phone, it has to be relatively state of the art.

            I would guess licensing a design from someone else would cost more.

            For example, Samsung does not give the Apple X their best screens.

            They keep those for their own flagship models.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I would think “flagship” means it’s just the best they’ve got. Doesn’t mean it’s any good. (cf. Hyundai Excell ca. 1987 or so)

    • mancityRed6

      some of those Chinese phones come with spyware pre installed.
      I’m still waiting for Nokia to send over their Android phones.

      • Some?

        I couldn’t get google.com when I was in China early this year. 404 not found.

        yahoo.com did work however.

        Google refused to give the Chinese Government a “back door”.

        Apparently Yahoo did not.

        Hmmm…

    • Three Finger Salute

      This would be my preferred model if I had anyone to talk to.

      http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r166/Funnyoldlife/tin-can-telephone.jpg

      • BosGrl

        Talk? Who uses cell phones to talk?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Me, apparently. But that would be it. No app crap or games or anything pointless like that. Phone dials in, signal calls out. You can’t explain that.

          • 3FingerPete

            Flip phone users represent!

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            It’s the last thing I ever want to do on my phone.

    • bubbuhh

      Mebbe, they meant Doobee cuz trends and focus group results but Doobee wuzn’t in their spellcheck.

  • Cock Blockula

    I didn’t know I would be getting a Yiddish lesson in addition to the analysis of an asshole (ANALysis, get it?)

    My vocabulary in many languages is ever-expanding when I read Teh Wonket. Grazie! Gracias! Danke! Merci!

    • mancityRed6

      наздраве (Bulgarian, pronounced loosely naz drave)

    • Werewolf

      תודה-pronounced todah

  • Jennifer R
    • jesterpunk

      So their solution to people owing them money is to make sure they cant drive so they can get money to pay off the loan?

      • BosGrl

        WTF is the point of that?? It’s not like S Dakota is Manhattan and you can just take the subway to work.

        • jesterpunk

          DIdnt Kobach say something about voter fraud because of people not having current drivers licenses?

          • BosGrl

            Bingo.

        • Sophie McMillan

          many people use their DL as their form of ID for voting. If many of these people are students ( which it appears they are) this means they have no ID for upcoming elections. I am not saying this is the reason but I put nothing past these f$$kers

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Most states do it with child support, too. People with child support in arrears can usually still get a hunting license, though.

        • BosGrl

          Arrears, though. They are buying the debt of people who aren’t in arrears.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Or, more simply, so recent college grads, who are more liberal, can’t get their drivers licenses, which is the primary form of ID used to vote.

        • jesterpunk

          Do they want to kick all educated people out of their state? Because thats how you get every educated person to move out of a state.

    • BosGrl

      I never believed in true evil until they started coming out from under their rocks this year and showing themselves.

      • OutOfOrbit

        you were so young then, before this year

        • BosGrl

          Well – before December, anyway. That’s when I became a genuine old.

          • OutOfOrbit

            dick cheney?

          • BosGrl

            I am not now, and have never been Dick Cheney.

          • OutOfOrbit

            he seemed like true evil to me

          • BosGrl

            …and then we met Bannon et al…

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            “I believe in monsters and things that go bump in the night, Jack. May they rot in Hell, along with their attorneys.” – Jamie Ross, Law and Order 7.1 “Causa Mortis”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Winning!….

    • TJ Barke

      So… Most people then?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Wow. That’s is just so fucked up.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      As one person Twatted, “imagine the state being in such a condition that it essentially tried to cash out its college graduates”. Brilliant move there SD, pissing off all of your college grads. It’s not like there was a whole lot holding them there to begin with.

      • Feature not a bug.
        Remember: They want an uneducated slave caste.

        • Raan

          Well, I hope that slave caste enjoys being forced to drive to North Dakota or another neighboring state to see a doctor or get prescriptions filled, because med school is fuckin’ expensive.

    • BosGrl
      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Ahhhh, that’s the reason.

        • Denying services? What kind of services?

          • Lord Jim

            Suspending drivers license…

    • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

      It doesn’t seem entirely legal that a state could buy her debt and suspend her license over it. Honestly, at this point I feel like republican in every lowly or exalted position of power and authority over others just caught grifter fever. Combine that with smartphone induced stupidity, narcissism and obsessive hentai searches, multiply by a factor of 10 and this is what you get.

    • bubbuhh

      As if smart people needed another reason to flee South Dakota

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hold the fuck up. They have colleges in South Dakota?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Not for long.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I very much enjoyed this story, even though I only understood about 59% of it.

    • OutOfOrbit

      she do know sum obscure werdses

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That’s way more than I got, but I’m awfully goyish.

    • grindstone

      I read it out loud to the spouse, because it was so good I had to share.

  • Beowoof14

    Sorry no wishes of L’Shanah Tovah, for that schmuck.

  • georgiaburning

    5$F, mazeltov to you. I can’t marry you but I’d like to adopt you

  • tehbaddr

    So did Kim Jun Uni or whatever rattle his saber in response today?

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Yeah, l’shana tova you gonif

  • Walter Wellstone

    Oy vey!

  • Anna Rompage

    Just a heads up….

    ‘Equifax has been sending customers straight into a hacker’s trap for weeks’

    he credit management company Equifax has been sending customers to a
    fake “phishing” website for weeks, potentially causing them to hand over
    their personal data and full financial information to hackers.

    The Verge reported Wednesday
    that Equifax representatives sent customers looking for help with the
    massive data breach — which potentially compromised 143 million people’s
    private information — to a copycat site thanks to a typographical
    error.

    After the data breach was revealed earlier this month, Equifax established the domain http://www.equifaxsecurity2017.com to handle incoming customer questions and complaints. This website is not connected to Equifax’s main website.

    “If users end up on the wrong site, they could end up leaking the
    data they’re already concerned was stolen,” the Verge reported.

    • TJ Barke

      Jesus Christ!

      • Walter Wellstone

        Class-action suit, anyone?

        • Anna Rompage

          Oh, you didn’t hear?

          The GOP proposed a bill limiting, or outright banning the ability to bring up a lawsuit over this little hiccup…

          • Three Finger Salute

            Also Equifax is trying something shady where if you take their bullshit offer for a year of “identity monitoring,” you’d waive your right to file suit. Don’t click the link. Never click the shady link.

          • Walter Wellstone

            So, we’re basically screwed. That’s it. We, the little people are supposed to just take it and play by the rules while they laugh their asses off all the way to the bank. That’s unacceptable.

        • clubseal

          Unfortunately, they tend to write into their “reconciliation” efforts the little part where you agree not to sue them, even if they FUBAR your identity and life.

    • Cock Blockula

      For once I am glad I procrastinated on something…

      • Canis Greyhame

        Yeah, I’m just going to go get my credit monitoring from someone else who didn’t fuck up in the first place. And no Equifax, you don’t get another $10 from me so you can freeze my credit reports.

        • They probably keep the freezers on a list somewhere that is easily stolen.
          So when they unfreeze they all rush to it. Would not put it past them.
          Wonder if we can just freeze Equifax? Less data, less money they get.

      • Erala Contratista

        Me, too…..sigh.

    • Rasilom

      But we have to protect.the poor credit company from the people they screwed! Wont somebody think about the poor corperations!?!?!

    • If I wasn’t pretty sure that the company was about to go under, I’d be sending them my resume for the position of “only guy who has ever heard of I.T. security in the whole company, apparently”.

    • I sorta figured that they were all “Plug in all your data see if you were affected!” While just a name and residence should do fine.
      So I did not do it.
      Dear lord, and the Republicans want to grant them LESS regulation?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Equifax is obviously determined to ensure they win this year’s “Arthur Andersen Memorial Award” for corporate self-immolation.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Oh JFC, Thank god I didn’t get rolled by their fuck up tweet like this poor victim on Twitter.
      https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/20/16339612/equifax-tweet-wrong-website-phishing-identity-monitoring

      • jesterpunk

        Luckily the guy that bought the domain seems pretty decent and notified them multiple times. It could have been a whole lot worse.

        Luckily, the alternate URL Equifax sent the victim to isn’t malicious. Full-stack developer Nick Sweeting set up the misspelled phishing site in order to expose vulnerabilities that existed in Equifax’s response page. “I made the site because Equifax made a huge mistake by using a domain that doesn’t have any trust attached to it [as opposed to hosting it on equifax.com],” Sweeting tells The Verge. “It makes it ridiculously easy for scammers to come in and build clones — they can buy up dozens of domains, and typo-squat to get people to type in their info.” Sweeting says no data will leave his page and that he “removed any risk of leaking data via network requests by redirecting them back to the user’s own computer,” so hopefully data entered on his site is relatively safe. Still, Equifax’s team linked out to his page. That isn’t reassuring.

        • Canis Greyhame

          If we just submit our full names and partial social security numbers to enough domains, eventually we’ll end up on the actual Equifax site so they can tell us maybe our information was compromised, or maybe not. The only way to know for sure is to sign up for more Equifax services!

    • natoslug

      Holy fuck, they’re incompetent. I take it Bergholt Stuttley Johnson was in charge of their security system design.

      • Three Finger Salute
      • Dazza

        I would kiss you square on the mouth for that “Bloody Stupid Johnson” reference – but I am too far away. Blessings be upon you for recalling Sir Pterry to mind.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Jennifer R

    Today is a day when many people seem like they need appointments with the attitude adjuster.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      May I help? *hugs*

    • Rasilom

      Also known as Mjolnir.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I broke the last two – dang things nowadays only let you get one or two good solid thwacks in before they splinter. Gotta go back to using ash rather than that brittle maple.

      • Bozilingus

        Switch to aluminium, it makes a delightful ‘Ping’ with contact to a cranium.

      • Jennifer R

        I got one made by “Cobalt” now.

    • BosGrl

      Big squeezy squeezes!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • mackafritz

      That is essentially what he did.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Doing this would have saved a lot of time, and left the world in exactly in the same place.

    • Panika MCD

      whoever made that used all the Satan words and I won’t sleep tonight.

    • AJ Milne

      … and it _still_ would be widely declared ‘presidential’ by his supporters.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Poetic also too.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “He’s a straight talker!”

        “He says what he means.”

      • And Chris Cillizza would be telling us it marks a pivot point for Trump.

    • jesterpunk

      You owe me a new keyboard for that.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      And his tiny hands would make his tiny cock look HOOOGE!

    • arglebargle

      A better story than Twilight?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    The short segment in the Ken Burns documentary about the Ho Chi Minh trail reminded me of this ad I saw at Vientiane airport in 2015, while I was waiting at the immigration desk :
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ff9048549d0a61bdcca1f20c0c7f30d828ba1f4c8a1fa5727c756325f1c7790.jpg
    An ad for a landmine and UXO clearance company.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I need to get out more – the guy in the “fool with a long tongue” graphic is kind of hot.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    If you think Michael Cohen can turn into a nice Jewish boychick, I’d like to say: Sez who?…

  • CO
    • RobKanC

      Of course. That worked very well in the election.

    • jesterpunk

      Even if he waited would his bill actually include minor details on how to pay for things and how to actually implement it?

    • ltmcdies

      I read this earlier and notice that the rose brigade gets damn testy if anyone…you know…asks a damn question.

      https://twitter.com/WaywardWinifred/status/910587241226997760

      • CO

        You can’t question Saint Bernard on anything. They’re as bad as Trumpers when it comes to that.
        https://twitter.com/WaywardWinifred/status/908445748907446278

      • pstokk

        When did gaslight become a synonym for criticize? Have I missed a few months? I mean this has been a pretty weird year, not much would surprise me at this point.

  • bubbuhh

    Oklahoma Determined To Take Away Teh Easiest Place To Be Shot By A Cop Title From ‘Most Any Place In Dixie

    Witnesses yell ‘he can’t hear you’ as cop shoots deaf man
    https://www.mail.com/news/politics/5528208-witnesses-yell-he-hear-you-cop-shoots-deaf-man.html#.23140-stage-hero1-3

    • jesterpunk

      “In those situations, very volatile situations, you have a weapon out, you can get what they call tunnel vision, or you can really lock in to just the person that has the weapon that’d be the threat against you,” Mathews said. “I don’t know exactly what the officers were thinking at that point.”

      Its amazing that the military manages to not shoot random people even when someone has a so called weapon out but police manage to shoot people for no reason at all.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        One word: training

        • jesterpunk

          Maybe the police shouldn’t be allowed to have guns until they can prove they are responsible enough to not shoot people for no reason.

      • pstokk

        I’m also not getting why they had to shoot to kill. 5 or 6 shots according to a neighbor. 2 cops, 1 guy with a metal pipe.

    • Panika MCD

      when you already have the title of “only state with oil wells on its capitol grounds”, there’s no where to go but up, baby!

  • Too little, too late.

    But kudos to Rexxon for doing something
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/95daec1f9cc74e308527c601ab5e43a6a23bab6ed618c5a886ff6941abaec708.png

    And FUCK THE MYANMAR MILITARY for their 1982 law stripping these people of their rights

    • Three Finger Salute

      $32M is chump change. We can and should do much better. But no, because “hurr durr Muslim therefore terrists”.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Doing nothing to stop it, of course.

  • wait! what?

    Melania Trump condemns bullying — and raises some eyebrows — in her first UN speech.

    But not her own, because: botox.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So, this is OT, but it could save your life. Maybe. If psychic vampires were an actual thing.
    https://twitter.com/DrJenGunter/status/909988510215450625

    • Blackest Noobs

      my wife says my sweat smells like rose water, so perhaps i should bottle it.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Get Goop to sell it for ya, and you could be set for life!

        • Blackest Noobs

          but then hating myself because I really fucking HATE Platrow

          • hendenburg2

            I think we have a cure for that. I’ll write you an RX for “getting rich”

          • Blackest Noobs

            money isn’t everything. i mean shit, look at Trump.
            sure he is rich but i am nowhere near as fucking insecure as he is.
            money can buy you things but things will never change your own self worth.

            also it is the root of all evil.

            i rather be the one rooting that shit out with my roto-rooter.

          • hendenburg2

            What I meant was “you won’t hate Gwynneth if she makes you a millionaire”

          • Blackest Noobs

            no, i would still hate her even then…i got principles, man!

          • Three Finger Salute

            There is a YouTube video that surfaced during the Canadian election, where a very young (mid-20s?) Sophie Trudeau (then Grégoire, and AFAIK hadn’t even met Justin yet) is in a comedy skit on a Québec TV show that’s similar to SNL. The skit involves an “infomercial” where she’s selling some goofy formula called “Tastovul” to make menstrual blood taste like Kool-Aid. The cons, and by extension Rebel Media, tried to use it against Justin to smear Sophie as eccentric and vulgar. Nobody cared except a few people who bothered tuning in to the meme and actually found the clip funny. October surprise happens, and of course the rest is history.

            But then a year later, the MAGA idiots found this video and tried to claim that she was part of the “spirit cooking” nonsense with Hillary, and that Hillary had conspired to “spirit cook” something or other with Sophie (and, therefore, Satan) to have Justin be the PM. And that furthermore, a vote for Hillary was a vote for “spirit cooking” to take over the entirety of North America. Unfortunately, the smear attacks did work here, because Murricans are morons and Canadians, on average, are not.

            The truth, of course, is that it wasn’t any of those things. It was actually making fun of the dumbest excesses of the “natural health movement” and people like Gwyneth Paltrow who make a mint off selling snake oil to gullible rubes and promoting the weirdest shit, like vampire facials and eating placenta. Considering the fact that this video is about 20 years old and Paltrow hadn’t yet gotten involved in her stupid Goop venture, this actually seems pretty darn clever and prescient if you ask me.

          • ltmcdies

            gurl….where do you find these things…

    • AJ Milne

      ‘Sonically tuned gem elixirs’

      … superior craftsmanship, trooly.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pfft. It’s a ripoff of PBF. Not PBR. Precious Bodily Fluids™.

    • RobKanC

      So these psychic vampires, they don’t target men? They are terribly sexist.

    • HorseChestnut

      I wish shit like this didn’t sell so well. It’s hard to make an honest buck when the market incentivizes stupidity – people don’t want to buy good, helpful, boring things, they want to buy *~MAGIC~*. I don’t think there’s a way out of this, at least not under capitalism.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        They’ve been selling snake oil since the first snake sold that apple

        • Three Finger Salute

          Steve Jobs? I dunno if he was that much of an asshole…

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          I’m pretty sure that snake gave it away…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and it was still overpriced…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It’s how Il Douche got elected.

        • HorseChestnut

          Prezactly. This is the problem that keeps me up at night.

    • clubseal

      I hate to be a stickler here, but I thought all vampires were psychic to some degree in the lore.

    • ltmcdies

      first off…spray on Gwyneth…..

    • Lyly Sirivong

      $30. Geeze.

    • Lord Jim

      The derp on that label is eyewatering.

  • Panika MCD
    • tehbaddr

      Oh my! You are lucky!

    • OutOfOrbit

      that tree must be a sugar maple

      • Panika MCD

        it is now!

        • OutOfOrbit

          ( :

    • OutOfOrbit

      and i lust for your OED. mine is in 2 (thick, heavy) volumes, came provided with a magnifying glass, as that print is truly, litterally microscopic

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Prince of Nambia sends Trump email explaining how he needs help getting millions of dollars trapped in a secret bank account out of the country. Trump responds: “Sounds good! Tell me more!”

    • jesterpunk

      How long until he tells the treasury department to send them all the money?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Tremendous business potentials!!11!
      https://twitter.com/JonLemire/status/910557748613586944

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If you count Rockwell, Raytheon, General Dynamics, Boeing and Lockheed as “friends”.

    • RobKanC

      Yeah right.. Like Trump would even deal with those *cough*blah*cough* people..

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Hey, all money is green, am I right?

      • Three Finger Salute

        He would if the “prince” changed his name to Boris and said he was a descendant of the Romanovs.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If it includes a million bucks to put his name on a fugly tower in Nambia CIty, you’re in like … umm… yeah… well, you’re in, at any rate.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • weejee

      Sweet. Nine days to go.

  • Rasilom

    OT: So I have an idea. We fit all congress critters with shock collars that give them a jolt when more than 50% of the population thinks their proposed policy is full of shit. It would be tied to the bills under consideration and all critters supporting the legislation would get zapped every 15 minutes till they decide to listen to us and not their special interest overloards. What do ya think?

    • AJ Milne

      Isn’t the power grid under enough stress already?

      • Three Finger Salute
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Attach generators to all the Founding Fathers of the United States.

        I’m sure they are spinning sufficiently well to power the shock collars and probably most of the country also too.

    • Panika MCD

      that seems like it could be abused too easily…and violates the non-commenting rulz.

    • therealpuredog

      As long as you zap ’em with 50,000 ohms or so

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It’s the current that kills. Keep it below ten milliamps or so. A 50K resistor does not save your life if the voltage is high enough to cause lethal current (100 milliamps or more.)

    • Ellie

      I think I’m enjoying the thought of zapping my congresscon, entirely too much. However, I’m going to continue for a while…

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    I have aligned the electromagnetic receivers for for the Jimmy Kimmel program tonight on the Motorola video box. Take the fuckers down, Jimmy. Take them down into media hell. http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/opinions/kimmel-more-effective-than-dems-obeidallah-opinion/index.html

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/57eafbeb1a89d91e2a096f00c6bffc0bb1df362322bab4c5432b37591dfb5c40.jpg

    • Panika MCD

      now that there’s a picture what is full of Satan words.

    • weejee

      Our teevee still has those.

    • Canis Greyhame

      And yet, the strange, metallic device allowed Fiver to commune directly with the spirit of El-ahrairah.

    • ltmcdies

      that’s how my dad used to line us up to get good reception for hockey on Saturday night back in the day

  • Moebym of the Returners

    A dose of baby hippo to get you through the day.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpSuqfLRz_4

    • Sophie McMillan

      Thank you. I needed this today. Son’s fibromyalgia is bad today and this made him smile

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Oh darnit. *hugs*

        • Sophie McMillan

          thx. He is 22 but has type 1 diabetes, fibromyalgia and an immune deficiency. Today’s news in healthcare has me a touched stressed out

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I can only imagine. That must be incredibly stressful. You are taking care of yourself, I hope?

          • Sophie McMillan

            I am here reading all my fav commenters. I dont talk much but i love to read and learn from you all.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            We are lucky to have you. Good people are always a gift.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Lucky, lucky, baby!!
      All that love and care!!

  • Alan

    Three words. Cooley Law School.

    • Panika MCD

      I see your suggestion and raise you one Ben Barnes Rule.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Hey, Cooley is typically ranked near the top of Cooley’s annual ranking of law schools.

      • Alan

        Thanks. Made me laugh out loud.

  • redarmyzombie
  • jesterpunk
    • hendenburg2

      Having trouble with insomnia, are we?

      • jesterpunk

        Its a devils book, I am thinking about applying for a job as a judge. Sure I dont know anything about the law but that doesnt stop the people Trump nominates.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Satan words!!!

    • TJ Barke

      For dirty computer anarchists.

    • tehbaddr

      For when subduing the manufacturer’s OS isn’t enough!

  • Duke Woolworth

    As I learned at the J, you’re never to be called boychik. Or putz, either, Mikey.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Yes, I know it’s Wednesday. But this always moves me.

    https://youtu.be/618IKgQ2wys

    • BadKitty904

      That’s a lovely song.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It really is.

    • i played golde when i was like 10. i’m the waspy-est of wasps. plus, 10…

      ahhhhh drama camp.

  • Werewolf

    To my fellow MOT Wonkers-Shanah Tovah!

    To the GOP-Geh Koch aufn yam!

  • HellhathnofuryDemme

    Yiddish has all the best words!
    (And all the best sayings!)

    • DrBigHead

      Had a colleague many years ago who loved to use Yiddish. When asked what the words meant, he usually gave a real-old situational example. My favorite was his definition of the word “kfell” , which he explained as the feeling your grandmother has when she sits down next to someone on the bus who sincerely wants to look at every picture she has of her grandchildren.

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        Real-world examples are the best way to explain the best words!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • bbayliss

      Any humans in the vicinity?

    • Moebym of the Returners

      These people must have negative IQs, they are so fucking dimwitted.

    • jesterpunk

      “American Thinker”

      https://imgur.com/33TewVp

    • clubseal

      That smug sense of satisfaction he has makes it so much worse. I can just see him in front of Congress, snowball in hand …

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, please pick up the white courtesy telephone, Dr. Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and yet every snow storm proves that climate change isn’t real

      SMH

    • TJ Barke

      So wrong that it’s approaching not even wrong territory…

    • Red Richmond
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Reality-wise that doctor seems rather detached.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        A detached retina..l surgeon.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Something I know far more about than I would have really wanted before I suffered from one. I have a piece of plastic laser-welded into the inside of my right eye.

          • Lord Jim

            “We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was before. Better…stronger…faster.”

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            LOL! That’s so funny because I tell my friends that my right eye is my bionic eye. I have excellent vision from that eye. Except for it having an extra blind spot.

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Three Finger Salute

      Matt Sludge, another Jewish enabler of Vladimir Goebbels.

  • weejee

    So many Yiddish expressions rhyme with tRump – putz, schmuck, schmendrick, schlemiel, and momzer.

    Well done $5 פעמיניסט.

  • my feet are normal
    • my feet are normal

      (picture is supposed to go BELOW tweet, but Disqus)

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Disqus is a cruel mistress.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Cruel mistresses can be…sort of fun, actually.

    • BadKitty904

      That may be the first Shammity has ever told the truth, publicly.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Tell us something we don’t know Lumpy.

    • my feet are normal

      you guys are all missing the part where Hannity has just implied he is a part of this.

      (also you can’t sue for being caught on someone else’s legitimately wiretapped communications)

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m so surprised.

      • TundraGrifter

        Oh somebody can sue alright. Somebody can sue for just about anything in this great nation of ours. “Winning” is another story.

        • my feet are normal

          Fair point.

        • jesterpunk

          Hasnt Lumpy complained about frivolous lawsuits?

        • therealpuredog

          Typewriter, paper, filing fee. Suit. So easy.

    • TundraGrifter

      Huh? You talk on the phone with a criminal you’re pretty much on your own. Exactly what “journalist [sic] protections” is he raving about? A Federal shield law where he can protect his sources? Iffy, at best, on several counts.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Stupid, stupid, stooopid fuck!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s hilarious. It genuinely is.

      I know he knows that his coworker, the former prosecutor known as “Judge Jeanine,” is no longer a prosecutor because she was caught suborning a felony from Bernie Kerik while he was under surveillance. She whines about it enough.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If Lumpy is a law abiding citizen and has nothing to hide, what is he worried about?

  • Jenny

    I had apples and honey earlier today. Does that count for something?

  • jesterpunk

    This is how you multitask while playing guitar.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BZM-BPBFnq0/

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    oy vey

  • Picabo

    I have nothing to add to this tweet.
    https://twitter.com/megtirrell/status/910589077979893760

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      In all fairness, compared to a brain eating amoeba she does look really hot

    • Spoiler alert requested as I just started “Unbelievable”!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I think it’s kind of hilarious that Glenn Thrush, epic journalist tough guy, had to quit twitter after a scant few months of white knighting Maggie Haberman.

    • clubseal

      “I’m such a ladies’ man that I’ll use a relatively anonymous online forum with a 140-character limit to turn a gross, sad story into a pick-up line.”

  • Rick Hill
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I don’t get it. I can’t think of anything that rhymes with “asshole.”

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I couldn’t a get line for “dumbfuck”

      • Rick Hill

        Traitor in the…..?

    • Canned Covfefe

      Off to see the Pinterest pins for this. Can’t wait to see what over the top shit folks come up with.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Dump down the toilet works for me more better.

  • Mavenmaven

    May we all have a gut gebencht yur with continued health care for everyone.

    • Werewolf

      Oomayn.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This may not be such a bad day, after all. The guy I ranted about downstream may get to go back to Nevada after all. The prosecutor has agreed that he will not object to a motion to revoke my guy’s probation and commute his sentence to one year, with credit for time served. He’s done 292, so that means with good time, he’d do 43 more days in county.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      What a good person you are.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        My client stole a laptop from a hospital, so . . .

        But thanks anyway.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          You giving good representation to a client means that you are a good person. Please don’t judge yourself like RWNJs would. Because without zealous defense, there is no possible justice.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            You’re sweet.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            That’s how we know it’s really WITP. She’s wonderful, and knows about cheese.

  • Fartknocker

    After reading this I’m craving a bagel with lox and salmon while searching Amazon for a yarmulke.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “Yarmulke”. May help your search. :P

      • Fartknocker

        Thanks for the correction.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Kippah works too.

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            gesundheit

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        not if you’re looking for a Chinese knockoff of a Japanese motorcycle

        • You may be thinking of Kawabunga.

          • Well, if you’re going to be shredding…

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Lox is salmon. Smoked salmon.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Actually, Jewish lox is NOT smoked it is merely salt brined. Norwegians and those funny folks smoke it……I wonder if they get high.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          You are correct. I had to look it up myself. Oy gevalt! I’m such a putz!

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Well, maybe you don’t have 50+ years of buying it (sometimes at $30/lb.) at Jewish delis…….

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I stand corrected, also too.

            You learn shit around these parts, I tell ya!

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Lox and cream cheese…..on a real bagel, not those dough rings the stores sell. Has to boiled before baked and in malt syrup. Or if you a real traditional, lye.

  • Gary Charound

    So many words I do not understand. This must be what the president feels like at his daily briefing.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • my feet are normal

      stopped clocks & etc

  • memzilla Ω

    Uh oh. That’s gonna leave a mark.
    . https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/910614523861655553

    • my feet are normal

      Manafort is so fucked.

      • therblig

        “I’ve never met this Paolo Man’O’War. Is he Portuguese?” – DJT

    • Thiazin Red

      He should probably be in custody. Both because he seems like a flight risk, and because there is a pretty good chance he might “accidentally” fall out a window or be “found dead” without protection.

  • Picabo
    • ltmcdies

      I like Chelsea….didn’t say much at the first reports then lands the haymaker when most useful

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Chelsea Clinton is a remarkable young woman. The contrast with Trump’s offspring is stark.

        • ltmcdies

          yes …I remember Ivanka’s tome…the Art of Wearing Shoes…or How to hide Slave Labor in Factories…or something

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            “How to Steal Designs and Exploit Workers”

  • Picabo
    • HorseChestnut

      Only the good die young :(

      All together, now: FUCK CANCER

      • Red Richmond

        Right near the start of Saints Row 4, as president you get to choose between signing a bill to end world hunger forever or curing cancer. I went with the “Fuck Cancer” bill because, well;

        Fuck cancer.

  • DainBramage
    • ltmcdies

      that is neat…..

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      This also looks like it could be a program for a horse race at Santa Anita. Now I want a race horse called Princesses Wear Pants, and have her beat all the colts.

      • DainBramage

        “Dragons Love Tacos roaring up the outside, roasting its competitors!”

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          And She Persisted thunders down the home stretch….

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Neck and neck with Vagenda of Manocide! It gonna be a photo finish, folks!

  • ltmcdies

    there is always one twitter post that makes my day

    https://twitter.com/RexHuppke/status/910633175063388166

    • TJ Barke

      Probably…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Always helpful when someone comes right out and EXPLAINS exactly how fucking stupid and clueless they are:

    https://twitter.com/EricBoehlert/status/910621594426515456
    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/910605376722259969

    • DainBramage

      His ignorance is appalling.

      • ltmcdies

        that damn Obama just made presidenting look so easy any numskull figured he too could be president.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        If there is something about him that is NOT appalling he is keeping it very well hidden…

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fucking dumb fuck piece of shit ignorant white trash loser shitstain anus-mouthed scumbag jacktard!

      That smells like turds.

  • Picabo

    Is this still our open thread?

    • Jamoche

      Aw, fuck, something happened that needed a new post?

      But yeah, once a thread is dubbed the OT, later ones don’t take its place.

  • goingohm

    Two, four, six, eight–
    I get it. Dudes don’t want to be celibate.
    But even if you learn to sublimate,
    You still might Break Your Crank

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0DrXyzlHM8

  • Meccalopolis

    Is it Mueller time yet?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Happy New Year to my Gentile friends.

  • CO
    • Vacant eyes, check. Fake blond hair, check.
      Ya know…I keep hearing how we should not judge books by covers and demonize and whosawhats it….but can we please judge the ones who openly wear a uniform while calling for the death of others a little bit, please?

  • Bill D. Burger

    One of the great mysteries of our time. Saw a lot of this stuff in the fridge and I thought I’d try one. Not feelin’ it. Wife and her friend loves it and say it’s better than sugary sodas and now she wants me to drink it too. Hard to argue with that. Look at the label. There’s nothing in it!

    But the Lime is pretty damned good with a good dose of Stoli Elite poured in it. Then again, the vodka is pretty good by itself. There ya’ go. Forget that La Croix shit.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1adf8f6c4ee9e4620b5773cb8a48fa8c2d1b4f4fc28cbe6219662cd24cb3dd26.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/19b01d86b7e3c458a974c93ff00da673d70cff3f165e680599a1c25ab8a92283.jpg

    • DainBramage

      Yeah, I’ll stick with my filtered tap water.

    • ltmcdies

      think I’d get a lemon, turn on the tap…fill glass, cool in fridge…drink….

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Lime. Mount Gay. Ice…..ahhhhh….

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I really like my old-timey seltzer spigot bottle thingie. Also too you can make sparkling wine out of it if you need it for punch and can’t face the ignominy of buying sparkling wine.

      • Thiazin Red

        I buy cava, I do not care if the liqueur store guy judges me.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I just don’t like most white wine, so finding still white and rosé I like and fizzing it is easier and less spendy for me.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I do the Soda stream,

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I seriously considered that, but I was sort of seduced by having the kind of siphon they used to make egg creams when I was a kid.

      • Arolpin

        Don’t try to make fizzy iced tea with it. Something in there reacts oddly to the carbonation, and it’s messy and frustrating. And fizzy iced tea doesn’t taste as good as I thought it would.

    • Thiazin Red

      If I’m going to drink a soft drink, I’m damn well getting one with proper sugar. None of that foul artificial stuff, none of this nothing in it bull shit.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        My spawn buy this stuff by the case. I don’t understand the appeal either.

        • Thiazin Red

          Its like ice cream. I would rather have a small amount of good stuff occasionally, than that sick joke d-lite stuff all the time.

          • h4rr4r

            This has no fake sugar in it. I like it more than coke.

    • Shanzgood

      That “natural flavor” could be anything, though.

    • Jamoche

      I’ll never see it without thinking of this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFqHlliWmVY

    • Doug Langley

      “Natural flavor.” Translation: “Stuff we have to get rid of cuz EPA won’t let us just dump it into rivers.”

      • h4rr4r

        Delicious stuff.

        Mostly just fruit oils.

    • h4rr4r

      The grapefruit flavor is one of the best things on earth.

      • Sophie McMillan

        the coconut one is my favourite

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Half juice, half La Croix isn’t bad.

    • clubseal

      My ex loves that shit, and I think it tastes like an aftertaste of what it’s supposed to be. If that makes sense.

    • Doug Langley

      “New, refreshing Vaccuum! When you crave the very best nothing!”

    • Serai 1

      Some years ago I discovered through trail and error that what I had liked about soda wasn’t the sugar or the taste, but the carbonation. So now I drink seltzer and I’m fine.

  • BadKitty904

    Here’s hoping Boychik’s client doesn’t cop a walk…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6nHtEYdy2I

  • bluicebank

    Spotted on FB from a pal in India (who know humor when they see it):

    “Donald calls his enemy Kim, Rocket Man. Rocket Man calls him Honky Cat. Honky Cat’s office strikes back, saying ‘any further provocation involving an Elton John lyric, especially “Tiny Dancer,” will be seen as an act of war.’ Not one to be intimidated, Rocket Man retorts, ‘Goodbye, Yellow-Wigged Toad.’

    “These are the best of times.”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Tiny Handsies….

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      You know if this was only real and we all could fall down laughing and make friends around the world……I would even to listen to Elton John…..voluntarily.

    • therblig

      Madmen Across the Water

    • Serai 1

      Toad says, “Bring it, any time. How about Saturday? I hear that’s a good night for this sort of thing.”

  • ltmcdies

    this guy is about to say more in a couple of minutes than Trump manages in 40

    Obama comments on repeal

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzYzI5haErk

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    So Michael Cohen bought a Ukrainian (Russian) wife?….

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      As long she keeps kosher….and makes stuffed cabbage and borscht.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        (and keeps her damn mouth shut?}…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I dare you to parenthesize a Ukrainian woman to her face.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I only meant to emphasize the way that Russia keeps claiming the Ukraine as Russian…not a gender parenthesis…

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Oh, I don’t think gender would matter. Calling a Ukrainian woman a Russian, though . . . I made that mistake once. Once.

          • Did it hurt a lot, or a lot?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I narrowly evaded violence, but ignited my own little cold war.

          • Arolpin

            I always though my Paternal line came from Poland via Russia, until I started working with a bunch of recent (in some cases, 1 day) Russian immigrants in the mid-90s. They ALL said that even though I looked like Lenin (red goatee and shaved head at the time) my family was obviously from Kiev. Further genealogical research indicates that they are almost certainly correct.
            The Ukrainian ones also mentioned that I should be offended if anyone called me Russian.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      It’s all the rage!!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Sunset on the right coast … L’Shana Tova to all.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Back at cha…..5778…..

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        This Italian Catholic thanks you.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          Hey, the pope wears a yarmulke….

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            And he is decidedly not like the prior Pope … maybe he’s a liberal?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    L’Shana Tova!

  • Bill D. Burger

    We stopped by a little ‘general store’ owned by a friend in Estes Park and there it was. Wife looked at me and said, “If you make one smart remark….”
    I know that look and I wuz’ well behaved.

    But c’mon now. It’s September!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa55d9bed8b36cc177ce00531e6d46e57016905fab1bb6bfc1d7b154de6c5c87.jpg

    • Thiazin Red

      If I were the unquestioned ruler of the world, there would be some changes.

      #1 The Christmas limitation act: Christmas will officially be confined to the two weeks preceding it. All decorations, music, advertisements, tv programming involving Christmas will be limited to this period. All Christmas related music and programming will immediately cease at 12am December 26th.

      • Bill D. Burger

        I’m on board.

        • Thiazin Red

          One follower, now on to the rest of the world.

      • thewalkindude

        Count me in!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I say wait until Thanksgiving. My kid and I would put up the tree after Thanksgiving dinner.
        But only if you have kids. I haven’t put up a tree since the first year I got my doge. Bella kept going under the table it was on and risked tipping it. Now I limit myself to a wreath on the door and some Santa figurines I had collected.

        • Arolpin

          You Scrooge! Bah Humbug! Thou shalt put up a tree each and every year, unless thy not celebrate Christmas. This is the law and shall be followed!
          (The only fake tree I’ve ever had was the fake tree I brought with me on the ship when I was in the Navy. If I had to spend Christmas anchored off of Hurghada, Egypt, then by Dog I was going to open presents under a tree!)

      • goingohm

        In. Though I would humbly beseech you to consider transposing Dec. 25 and Apr. 15 on the calendar. We would all benefit financially and it would help the credibility of the more recent testament.

        • Thiazin Red

          No deal, brings christmas too close to my birthday. I will not suffer combination gifts.

    • Red Bird

      War on Christmas!

      • Bill D. Burger

        With BillO’ disgraced and booted from FUX News, perhaps this year we will only smack it around a bit. He really brought out the Warrior Grinch in me.

        • CripesAmighty

          Who knows, maybe ‘War on Chrismas’ won’t start til October.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Was it still there from last year, perhaps?

      • Bill D. Burger

        The lady who owns the place is elderly and …. ‘eccentric’ and that would not be out of character.
        Plus___ That would have been a good snarky question for me to ask, but I was fearful. Got the side stink eye.
        But I was tempted.
        (Also she’s looking for someone to stock late at night, and I was afraid my wife would say, “Until you find someone, Bill will come down and do it.”) Another reason to behave myself.

  • Doug Langley

    In today’s episode:

    So I’m putting files on shelves. Go to next room for more files. Come back. Boss is right where I was working. She’s throwing files onto the shelves. “It’s gotta get done!!!” she says. After a few minutes, she walks away. I find that the shelf she stuffed is completely out of whack with the shelves I was working on. So I spend maybe 20 minutes moving files around to get everything back into order. Footnote: she spends the rest of the day very quiet.

    Phone call to staffing office. It looks like end of next week is my last day there. Hallelujah!! I’ll only have enough money to last a few weeks, but it’s like getting out of prison.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      You can go to Glassdoor and write a company review.
      https://www.glassdoor.com/Reviews/index.htm

      • Doug Langley

        Maybe once I leave.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Exactly.

        • Arolpin

          Start writing it now, so it’s all fresh in your mind. When I left my last job (which had been the best job in my life, and the best job most of my coworkers ever had until we were bought and it turned into a huge pile of shit), I immediately wrote my Glassdoor review and just saved a copy.
          Every time I had to deal with the old company (we are competitors, but we sell services to each other, we have many clients in common which forces us to work together on occasion, I was still getting equity payments based on some insanely complex waterfall calculations, etc) I would take out my review and tighten it up a bit more.
          I finally posted it over a year after I left, and I was very detailed (to the point that I had the latest copy of their sales comp plan to ensure that I wasn’t using outdated info). It is one of the longest reviews on Glassdoor, and it was brutally honest. It was the most popular review for that company for many months, and quite a few subsequent reviews refer to or quote it.
          I know that it’s not going to change anything, but I also know that it pissed off the CEO because within a couple days there were a bunch of 5-star reviews from ‘Sales Manager’ talking about how great the company was, and if you don’t like the comp plan you don’t have to work there (my complaints largely were about how the blatantly violated the plan, changed it at random, and just flat-out didn’t pay what people earned by the plan).
          Start writing it now, be specific, and don’t be afraid to call the terrible people out by name. Oh, and it’s best if you post it from a public access point. I wrote it in Word, then cut-n-pasted the text only to Notepad, then cut-n-pasted that to website, hopefully removing anything that would tie it to my install of Word or whatever.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            *golf clap*

  • Serai 1
    • therblig

      istanbull, not cownstantinople

      • Doug Langley

        And definitely not Oxford.

        • Serai 1

          *sigh* And I wanted to steer clear of the puns.

          • Red Richmond

            Bulloney. You’re going to milk these puns for all they’re worth.

          • Serai 1

            Someone hasn’t had his decalf!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Looks a lot like the Brown Swiss my grandpa used to have. They were really pleasant cows. Not like those fucking Holsteins.

    • Red Richmond

      D’awww, he’s like a big puppy. “hooman, u make heckin good pillow for the snoozes, pls to hav u scritch my itches too?”

  • Holly

    I made my honey an apple honey crumb cake to celebrate The Jewish New Year and tonight we’ll feast on love. L’Chaim everyone!

  • h4rr4r

    I like Yiddish it has great insults and is close enough to German that I can read at least some of it.

  • Nounverb911
    • h4rr4r

      It’s Wednesday, you moron.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Maybe he believes Alabama is in a different time zone – did you ever think of that? Thought not!….

    • Bill D. Burger

      Being named “Strange” and living in Alabammy’ seems almost like piling on…..or redundant, at the least.

    • “tough on trade” is not actually something anyone with a clear mind wants, you moran

  • Red Bird

    I have Jewish friends and I couldn’t follow this. :(
    But happy new year anyway. Is it appropriate to hope for peace in the new year?

  • mancityRed6

    so, I’m still banking on this being the OT thread.
    have I shared this?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4f191094da670c5cd0d9f1e82266253e7a44c51eacba1067e17b956818641acb.jpg
    when I went to NY in late July of ’02, about the only thing I had time for was the Empire State building. it was supposed to be a panorama disposable camera, but the film processing place in Wales couldn’t handle it.
    I made do. put a magnet on the back and now it’s been with me for 15 years, on at least 7 fridges.

    • Lord Jim

      I like it.

  • Nounverb911
    • mancityRed6

      Hillbilly elegy? sheeeeit. I could have written that.

      • TJ Barke

        Joe Bageant did it first and did it better.

      • h4rr4r

        I don’t get the big deal about the book. It is full of conservative tropes.

        • mancityRed6

          I’m not gonna read it.
          I just know that a friend of mine from my hometown came back once and it was “meth house, meth house, meth house, normal, meth house, meth house…” ad infinitum.
          this is a town that in one year had more cases of dog bites than people living in it.

    • bluicebank

      Waiting for Neil’s “Astrophysics For People With A Lot Of Time On Their Hands”

    • Sophie McMillan

      Katy Tur’s book is indeed awesome and also cringeworthy at times

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Reminds me – I need to put a hold on Katy Tur’s book.

  • bluicebank

    It’s Mueller time!
    [Note to self: change brand of beer.]

    “Mueller Seeks White House Documents Related to Trump’s Actions as President” — NYT

    [snip]
    “The document requests provide the most details to date about the breadth
    of Mr. Mueller’s investigation, and show that several aspects of his
    inquiry are focused squarely on Mr. Trump’s behavior in the White House.”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/20/us/politics/mueller-trump-russia.html

    Thanks, Obama!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/25e250a5c647518a5ca71b9201db2ba550dee587d52b878bb2e0672974620339.jpg

    • h4rr4r

      I think you meant bottled water brands.

    • OutOfOrbit

      ha ha that is funny

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, I am going full on brave and wearing a dress tomorrow to work. Hehe.

    • Have fun! Dresses are super comfy. Do you have one that has pockets?

    • Thiazin Red

      Make it one with pockets. The general lack of pockets is one of the downsides to dresses.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        No pockets, but the lightweight cardigan I have does. :-)

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I just recently learned that those big poofy dresses women wore in the olden days had pockets that they tied around their waists. I then had to explain to my wife why I’d spent a half hour watching video of a woman getting dressed over and over.

        (Completely SFW.)

        • Thiazin Red

          I saw one of those videos, and I had no idea that the top layer was all separate pieces.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            They’re fascinating.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’m a leg man, so dresses WTF. Always.

      • h4rr4r

        I like the 1950s looking ones. No idea why.

        • They are flattering and cute on many a figure.
          Uncomfy lots of times, however. But darn cute

          • h4rr4r

            I would not use the term cute. Add in some pantyhose with a seam held up by garters and… I will be in my bunk.

          • snork.
            Ok, well, I will call them cute XD

          • Thiazin Red

            They were designed for adult women and not very skinny teens, so they looked better on a wider range of bodies.

          • I did one as a costume for Bye Bye Birdie once and was all…the fuck? I look awesome in this skirt.

          • h4rr4r

            I will admit to a preference for the former.

      • therealpuredog

        You mean FTW?

    • OutOfOrbit

      you go gurl!

  • Thiazin Red

    I swear my mother’s husband has some kind of psychic animal mind control power, or just smells good to all animals. All dogs love him to an absurd degree, and now one of Grandpa’s new sheep is letting him pet her. The new sheep came from an place that rescues abused or neglected farm animals, and they’re scared of everyone.

    • Some people just….calm animals.
      My husband is much like that, even though he does not like large dogs himself. They like him fine however.

      • Thiazin Red

        His dog and our dog used to compete for his love and get crazy jealous of each other.

    • shastakoala

      I have a sister like that. Not only with house pets and her horse but she had a huge goldfish that swam into her hand to be petted. It was like it wanted her to pick it up. Was amazing.

      • Thiazin Red

        Maybe they secrete some kind of universal pheromone that animals can detect.

        • shastakoala

          Anything’s possible.

          • Thiazin Red

            The true test would be my female cat. She hates everyone except us and the vet.

          • TJ Barke

            That’s weird, usually they hate the vet…

          • Thiazin Red

            Could be a spite thing. Her brother had some bad experiences at the vet and she could just enjoy his pain. I wouldn’t put it past her.

          • mancityRed6

            Brady always managed to poop in the pocket of their scrubs. the top, I mean.

          • TJ Barke

            Now that’s talent.

          • mancityRed6

            the cat’s only vet in Lawrence, she loved them. relaxed and calm as could be.

          • Take it when you can get it, TJ!
            FWIW psycho kitteh must be so terrified of the vet she does not even growl at them. Anyone else tho….

          • mancityRed6

            my boy Tulip (long may he reign) hated everyone but me. literally.
            a friend came over once and I heard a whap! whap! whap! from the kitchen, he was hitting him without claws.
            he left a scar underneath a girls boob.
            but I could pick him up and hold him like a baby.

          • Had a cat like that. He was an indoor outdoor (dad’s idea!) and got messy and I could bathe him with no problems.
            My sister tried it once and lost about 3 inches of skin

          • mancityRed6

            Tulip farted when he was nervous. a trip to the vet usually involved them opening a door.

    • bluicebank

      I have that: small animals and children.

      My only theory is they somehow know I haven’t grown up. Either that, or I watched too much “Kung Fu” and started carrying myself like a Shaolin Monk. Who knows such mysteries?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I have that. At the drum circle on Sunday a non-verbal autistic 7-year-old boy came to me and lay down on my blanket and stayed there a long time and an old chocolate lab came and lay down on my other side and everyone was looking at me kinda like they were wondering what was going on there. Idk, man.

  • bluicebank

    More Mueller time. I’m getting drunk.

    “Manafort offered to give Russian billionaire ‘private briefings’ on 2016 campaign” — WaPo

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/manafort-offered-to-give-russian-billionaire-private-briefings-on-2016-campaign/2017/09/20/399bba1a-9d48-11e7-8ea1-ed975285475e_story.html

    • h4rr4r

      Our fearless leader just posted that on the main page.

  • Donna Schoenkopf

    Totally great! I am a Jewish mother. (By insemination, according to the rabbi.)

    • h4rr4r

      I was not aware that was a service rabbis performed.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just the tip

        • Arolpin

          That’s the mohel, with a rabbi you get the whole salami (especially if he’s an italian rabii)

          • therblig

            so all that stuff about rabbits multiplying was a typo?

        • Alternative Dog

          Silly rabbi, tips are from kids.

    • But if the rabbi know so much about insemination, why did he disappoint his mother by not becoming a doctor?

  • proudgrampa

    Oy vey…

  • So this happened.
    My youngest came home from school today and told me some of his little friends are now saying that Jews are going to hell. Because Jews.
    We’ve already done the Muslims, Gays, and ‘bortion ladies, previously.

    The teacher had to remind them that “Father Abraham had many sons” not the least of which is the Jewish guy named Jesus. Which is nice of her, but at the same time fucking public school- someone saying shit like “Jews goin to hell” should get a fucking trip to the principal’s office

    • mancityRed6

      JFC

    • Bill D. Burger

      Reminded me of a scene from the old ‘All in the Family’ show.

      Mike: “Stop complaining about the Jews, Archie. Jesus was a Jew.”

      Archie: “Only on his Mother’s side.”

      Mike: ~facepalm~

      (It never ends!)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I SO miss that show. Now would be a good time to revive it.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Perhaps in some form, but could you imagine those characters today, those situations and the language?

          • mancityRed6

            first tv show to have an audibly flushed toilet.

          • Bill D. Burger

            A moment on film like the ceilings being shown in “Citizen Kane”! :)

        • CripesAmighty

          Too late. We’re living in it.

          • mancityRed6

            no, Archie always learned his lesson.

          • CripesAmighty

            Dunno. He usually got smacked, but it didn’t seem to sink in.

          • mancityRed6

            ok, “learned his lesson” was a bit strong.
            got his comeuppance?
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMlpKbIS1I4

          • He eventually lost his family due to his rotten attitude, Non? so…eventually learned I guess?

          • mancityRed6

            spoilers, jeez

          • CripesAmighty

            Yeah.

    • OutOfOrbit

      suspensions are in order

      • therblig

        by the thumbs?

        • OutOfOrbit

          sure why not?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          for eternity?…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Pretty sure Jews invented our concept of hell as a hot place – look it up on Wiki, if you don’t believe me. Some sulfery hot spot in the Israeli landscape…

      • TJ Barke

        Thought it was a place where they burned garbage outside Jerusalem.

        • mancityRed6

          yes

        • Dinz6315

          Gehenna, yes.

          • bluicebank

            Where if I lived then, you’d find me and my buds getting our drink on and bitching about the goddamn Romans. ;-)

      • CripesAmighty

        It’s the table by the kitchen at the Chinese joint.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Honestly, those children are surrounded by dreadful adults.

      • mancityRed6

        someone had to teach them that, unless they’re really into religious studies.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I have a fucking BA in religious studies and philosophy. These children are being raised by idiots.

          • mancityRed6

            daaaaamn.
            remind me not to get into a bible fight with you.

          • Bible fight! I call dibs on Ruth!

          • mancityRed6

            dammit!

      • OutOfOrbit

        they have been here all along, tRumpster (with the help of MSM) have made’em proud

    • h4rr4r

      Why would the teacher be discussing this at all?

      • Because the kids were and I think she was trying to head it off.

        • h4rr4r

          I just disagree with the approach. Why bring up another religion at all?

          • I have no idea.
            I would have been all “Isaiah! (yes, that is one of the shit’s names, surprised?) You can have any opinion you want to have, but no one here has to listen to them. Keep it up and you’re off to see the principal”

            This is the same kid who told my kid he was going to hell for being Agnostic.
            My son, quick as a whip went, since I do not believe in hell I really don’t mind.

          • h4rr4r

            That’s the approach I would expect.

          • I think she was trying to reach, but I am going to bet there will be complaints for saying Jesus was a (((that kind of person))) and probably get her fired or at least moved off to another position

          • h4rr4r

            Where do you live? Just trying to understand why you would say that.

          • Rural as fuck VA.
            And I would say that because it has happened before. We had a science teacher “rehomed” because she told a kid in class that no, this is science class, we’re not discussing creationism.

          • h4rr4r

            For real?

            I would expect that from a science teacher. This is science, you want philosophy down the hall.

          • For real.
            Next one we got said, out loud with her mouth parts, that the earth was 4.5 Billion, but if you were a christian you believe it is only 6000 years old and that is perfectly acceptable.
            She is gone now. To teach even younger kids. Music.

          • Second reply: Just googled age of earth and #3 and 4 are fucking creationist sites. Well, the same site, two articles.
            Hey google, your false algorithms are showing

          • h4rr4r

            I thought that was a fringe thing? I know mostly about Catholicism, which as I understand it is not considered Christian in the American south.

            Also not perfectly acceptable, it makes you a dumbass.

          • Not hardly a fringe thing. One of the states- New Mexico? Arizona? One of them changed their curriculum recently to provide creation “science” in science class.
            And a buncha states already have that.
            PUBLIC school mind you

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            you’re son’s answer is a great one and one I used when people used to ask me that.

            Good on him!

          • He had enough by that point. The day before that encounter said kid was trying to get the “bros” to not be friends with him because “going to hell”
            He told me all about it and I guess I could have stepped in but mom stepping in is lame. So instead I asked him “Does it bother you he says that?”
            That is what he came up with.

          • grindstone

            Alternate responses from another southern agnostic when told you’re going to hell:
            “Well save me a seat.”
            “Don’t act like you don’t know me when you pass me on the street.”

            Was told I was going to hell because I divorced my first husband. Was told this by one of my oldest friends who is now on her third husband and is the teeeensiest bit less judgmental these days.

          • mancityRed6

            their biggest fear is that this is all there is and after they die there will be nothing, and they will be nothing, and they won’t exist or think or be at all.
            that’s why heaven was created

          • I think they fear having to share their idea of heaven with anyone else the most.
            Luckily for them…..

          • Sophie McMillan

            awesome son you have. My daughter also used to say the same when told that

          • mancityRed6

            a better answer is “yep. I’ll see you there”

    • bluicebank

      To quote the esteemed John Lee Hooker, there ain’t no burning hell.

      Also, from a pure physics point of view, way too much energy is required to fuel the fucking thing. “God in his infinite wisdom” isn’t going to fund a massive project that has zero returns.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1PgXNJREic

    • Angela Ruzzo

      The Catholic school my older siblings went to in the 50’s and early 60’s told them our father was going to hell, because he wasn’t Catholic.

      • I went to Catholic School in the …other decades and they were still with that.
        BUT. They did finally drop the Jew only thing, so that was nice.

      • Jamoche

        Friend in Texas, on learning I was becoming Catholic: “The Southern Baptists will think you’re going to Hell.”
        Me: “That’s a feature, not a bug.”

  • Nounverb911
  • therblig

    so, does james patterson actually write all those books? and are any of them any good?

    • Thiazin Red

      I remember the Kiss the Girls movie being pretty good, so maybe?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The first few Alex Cross books weren’t too bad, but his stuff got old quick, IMO. Now he’s a brand rather than an author. Makes a hell of a lot of money though…

      • My general rule is that if an author puts out more than one book per year, the quality is always going to be questionable, at best. Exception to this rule: Sir Pterry

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      I read somewhere that he dictates and uses ghost writers. I agree that the Alex Cross books were pretty okay at the beginning, but after soooo many they get really meh. Incredibly quick reads though. He’s one with the two-page chapters.

  • Nounverb911
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    gah, posted in the wrong thread;

    hola amigos! Home from the non-job.

    Cool news! Late this p.m, noss was out of office, needed some info on an intermediate appeal. We got to talking about how the decision was b.s. and I had some thoughts and she wanted to hear those at some point.

    I said the only path I saw was appeal to Supreme Court. She emailed me back, “Interested?”

    Yay!

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Way cool.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I thought so.
        : D

    • Fun times!

    • mancityRed6

      we are _all_ proud of you

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks buddy, I’m pretty damned excited.

        • :huggles: You’re gonna do so well!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks!

        • mancityRed6

          sorry, emphasis changed to the better.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, I knew what you meant.
            ; )

    • bluicebank

      You go, steely-eyed rocket man.

      • See? So not an insult

        • bluicebank

          My bad. Had that Elton John song in my mind plus Apollo 13 flick, because weird that way.

          • No you are fine.
            When I heard that is what Trump came up with I was all….so he is rewarding lil Kim? Whut?
            It really is not an insult XD

          • grindstone

            Was it Apollo 13 or the Right Stuff? I may be getting my space dramas mixed up.

          • bluicebank

            Apollo 13. An accolade for the guy who figured out how to fit a square peg into a round hole.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cYzkyXp0jg

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well dayum!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        actually, for the sake of brevity, i left out a key point. After we talked about how BAD this precedent would be (and it’s fucking bad you guys, this is a child sexual assault case), she said she was thinking we might be within the time frame to ask the court to reconsider, but I looked up the rules and said, “by my reading, we can’t.” That’s when I mentioned the only path I saw.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I should mention, this is State Supreme Court, not SCOTUS.
      (that would be too much pressure for tweak).

      Damn, that kills the news a bit.

      • mancityRed6

        not at all

      • mancityRed6

        the first ex was a solicitor, people would come to her with complaints and she would try to get it settled out of court. if they couldn’t, it went on to a barrister. with the wigs and everything.
        true story, those wigs are expensive. her law firm had some you could borrow if you had to go, and she did, a few times.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, I’m fucked if I ever decide to go to canada – the system they inherited from Britain is bizarro. (I know our system descends from it too, but we deviated more than Canada or Australia did)

          • mancityRed6

            you make less, but you don’t have to wear any wigs.

      • grindstone

        Feh, bubele, we know there’s a progression and hierarchy. It’s still an accomplishment!

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          thx!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      For a little encouragement: one of my best friends from law school got a DUI and got shitcanned from his internship. He hired a high-powered firm to represent him, and offered to do all the research on a suppression issue. They got smacked around on the suppression issue, and he ate the DUI, but they offered him a job (and paid for his bus pass.) He’s now a partner.

      • mancityRed6

        since you’re reading this, don’t get a DUI

        • wait! what?

          And even if you’re not, don’t.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Nice!
        and I agree with mancity – those C&F questions can be a bastard these days.

    • Doug Langley

      Awesome!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Angela Ruzzo

    To all my Jewish friends – G’mar Hatima Tova! I forgot it was the Jewish New Year until I read this excellent article, because I had to go to the Ortho Clinic and let them stick a 2″ needle in my knee this afternoon, and I was a bit preoccupied thinking about that since I really hate needles. But all is well, and maybe I can walk tomorrow, God willing, knock wood.

    Yom Kippur did me a big favor back in 1985…I went to NYC to stay with relatives, and we wanted tickets to Cats, but it was sold out except for Yom Kippur, and we got 4 tickets in the 10th row in the Winter Garden theatre that day.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      That’s okay, we get to take over all the Chinese restaurants on your “Christmas,” and used to be a fantastic day to travel

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You got that right! When I was traveling in England back in the 80’s, the only restaurants that were open on Sunday evening were the Chinese and Indian ones, and this was great, because they were the best ones, and they weren’t busy. I’m an Atheist now, for me Christmas is just a day off work. I particularly enjoyed holidays in Louisiana, because we got off the Monday before Mardi Gras, and Mardi Gras, and Good Friday, and All Saint’s Day, which were just more paid vacation days to me.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Oh, lord, life in New Orleans sounds like good livin’! Yes, this Christmas we forgot to make a reservation at our favorite Chinese restaurant, and it was packed, so we drove around and happened upon an Indian restaurant we really liked and now I think we have a new tradition! ps there is NOTHING better than the truly authentic, fragrant Indian food you can get in England!!!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, life in coastal Louisiana has many pros, but also a few cons. I miss the fried oysters, and the crawfish pie, the pleasant winters, the friendly people, the scent of Jasmine and the flowering Crepe Myrtle trees. I do not miss the hurricanes, the mosquitoes, the absolute need for AC from April to November, the Fire Ants, the chronic littering, and a few other things.

            I was in Leicester in March 2015, and it is supposed to be the most Asian city in England, but I could not find any Indian restaurants within walking distance of the High Street, which was very disappointing. I was forced to eat Fish and Chips instead, LOL, which was not exactly a hardship, but there is less variety.

  • jesterpunk
    • mancityRed6

      the former, that was one of the first songs they played in the us, I think.
      I’ve seen the latter played live, it was good.

    • wait! what?

      We know whar Jared sings every night.

      https://youtu.be/4jp7uvyAeZM

  • Jamoche

    http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2017/sep/20/blog-posting/house-democrats-did-not-introduce-bill-remove-citi/

    A website with a patriotic moniker falsely claimed Democratic lawmakers have introduced a bill to remove the U.S. citizenship requirement to become president of the United States.

    “Democrat Congressmen Pelosi and Keith Olbermann introduced H.B. 2169-B, which would remove the requirement that the President be born here,” said a Sept. 18 post on Americannews88.com.

    Olbermann for Congress! Which apparently he already is in their timeline.

    • h4rr4r

      Patriotic with a heil Hitler in the url?

      • Jamoche

        Patriotism is the last refuge of the fascist.

        • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

          Nazism is the last refuge of rull murrcans.

    • jesterpunk

      The whois info for the site says.

      Registrant State/Province: Macedonia

      • h4rr4r

        This kind of bullshit is a major industry for them.

    • Lol the only people who ever suggested that were Republicans.
      Because they wanted Arnold to Run

      • clubseal

        Like in “Running Man”!
        Inception sound.

      • mancityRed6

        the guy I worked with in Wales who left to work for the Labour party gave me so much shit that Arnie won the governorship.
        then I reminded him that Blair won.
        he stopped.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      is it just me, or does it not even say you have to be born here. It says you have to be a natural born citizen. McCain would have met the requirement (although, according to my immigration law prof, Ted Cruz’s eligibility was an open question).

      • It does say natural born citizen, yes, and they made sure to clear the way for Jonny boy

    • spangled

      Why does America have the stupidest, most gullible people in the entire world?

      • yyyaz

        Merkin Septshunalism.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Over and over and over and over again. These dumb hicks fall for this shit every fucking time!

    • Meccalopolis

      88 is nazi fir heil hitler

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      But they wanted to do it for Schwarzenegger, for about 30 seconds.

      • Jamoche

        A Republican who’s against gerrymandering and Nazis? Heaven forbid!

  • Jamoche

    https://twitter.com/leahmcelrath/status/910585745571684352
    Just awful. It would be so irresponsible to retweet.

    • Moebym of the Returners
    • jesterpunk
    • See, conservatives? You really CAN sell a book without bulk buying to inflate your sales!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        No, OTHERS can sell a book without bulk buying to inflate your sales.

        Conservatives? Not so much…

        • lol local library had all of Ann Coulter’s and Billo’s latest on the shelves.
          Only one of em was even ever cracked. The Librarian asked me if I “wanted any of those”
          I said no, but I would be happy to take this dog eared, split spined Obama book off their hands?
          No deal, they needed that one

      • RMKH

        Speaking of which, we can expect another bulk buy of Agent Orange books in a “vain” attempt to retake the lead.

    • stubbornirishlass

      But… but… but… doesn’t she realize no one wants to hear what she has to say anymore?

    • AJ Milne

      Donnie who?

  • Nounverb911
    • Left Coast Tom

      Let’s see…Africa has a “Namibia”, a “Zambia”, and a “Gambia”.

      I doubt he knows any of these exist.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Has he complained yet that he can’t tell them apart because they all look alike?

    • *facepalm*

    • h4rr4r

      What did Lindsey Graham tell him about Mr.Tumnus ?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      it’s just everyday with this fucking dumbass.

    • msanthropesmr

      He meant Narnia.

    • TJ Barke

      Reading is hard.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Stupidity of this magnitude is sapping my will to live. As many replies point out, Bill Clinton won a plurality of the popular vote in 1992 AND 1996…
    https://twitter.com/charliekirk11/status/910613114814689282

    • mancityRed6

      indeed. he got more votes than the other two fellows.
      *sips scotch*

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      history and facts are a bastard Kirk.

      • wait! what?

        Please, call him “Chuckie.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      i have discnnected my give-a-shitter till something good happens

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        that’s best, saves on unneeded wear and tear, avoids burnout.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i hope it dosn’t get stuck this way

  • ltmcdies

    really guys…this thread after the OPEN THREAD thing is hurting my brain…

    kind of looking forward to not thinking about Trump for an hour tonight
    https://twitter.com/MyahPhillips1/status/910586685724909568

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    now…on to studying for tomorrow’s test.

    Eeek!

    • You’re fine! It’s not tomorrow yet!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol. But I gotta work (for free) tomorrow! I’ll have about 1 1/2 hour between when I get to campus and the test.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You probably just oughta go to law school. Only a couple exams a year, always at the end of the semester.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I’ve heard that, but when you’re entire grade rests on one test, too much pressure man!

        • My last major class for Arch had one test. And on that test was one question.
          Took me 8 hours to complete.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            I think you’ve told me about that.

            Did they give you 8 whole hours?

            I know that technically, we have an entire class period. Some of classes our 1.5 hours and I’ve definitely gone up to the deadline. Others are 2.5 and I don’t think I’ve ever had to stay till the end.

          • They gave us as long as we needed. Think they thought it was funny.
            One guy took 15 so I consider myself lucky.
            They did let us take an hour for diner (but no kabitzing!) but I do not count that in the time

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            good lord!

          • It was our fault, really. They offered to teach us some grad levels just to see what would happen to our brains. Pretty sure it was a scientific experiment. The first few were hard, but not that bad. Then came this one.
            I got an A *struts around*

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            but of course you did.

            ; p

            Kidding, that’s awesome.

          • Point being, hard classes are the best and you can DO EEET XD
            went off on a memory tangent there

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks buddy.
            ; )

    • Bitter Scribe

      What’s the test on/for?

      Whatever it is, you’ll be fine.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        contracts. I have another on saturday on immigration law.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Nice time…from four years ago, fall color in the Eastern Sierra, Silver Lake:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/788a101ec9da0f5783c987a750b7fbc5e6194fa2aca0283167e00294f39a7dfa.jpg

    • snigsy

      Four years ago . . does it still exist?

      • Left Coast Tom

        The fall color? Not yet but in October – although the clouds expected the next couple days might mean the aspens only go to yellow and not orange/red. Silver Lake? It’s on the “June Lake Loop” from US-395.

  • spangled

    Distinguished Senators, I’m Michael Cohen, and here’s my DEFINITIVE proof that I’ve never even BEEN to Russia: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/46812468d5f09969b59acd6d26ca9d3097cdc493a9422f3fe517dd6309c6bd9a.jpg

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Da, comrade.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I made a turkey meatball sub for the first time for dinner tonight. I scanned a few recipes but didn’t follow any one strictly–just threw in what I had on hand that sounded good (minced onion, breadcrumbs, egg, parsley, salt, pepper, dash of cumin, dash of Worcestershire). Browned four of them in olive oil (they crumbled badly–I reeeealy need to stop being cheap and buy a nice nonstick frying pan). Simmered in Emeril vodka pasta sauce generously cut with red wine. Put into a mini-sub roll, topped with a slice of Swiss cheese (didn’t have mozzarella, and I prefer Swiss anyway), and under the broiler. Eaten with corn on the cob and salad with the last of the summer tomatoes. HOLEEE SHIT, was it good.

    The remaining twelve balls are sitting in my freezer right now. Next time I’ll try baking them (too damn hot to turn on the oven today).

    Just got a message from a former colleague, offering a freelance gig (at least) a month. This will go on top of the third and fourth months of another gig. It’ll be almost like having a full-time job, except for, you know, the financial security.

    But I’m not complaining. In fact, I haven’t felt this good for a while.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      eh?

      • Conservative is saying that 25 mil will not die so there.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Referring to Trump’s threat against North Korea.

        • wow even worse, I thought it was health care.
          So add nuclear war as another thing conservatives do not get?

    • yyyaz

      Russian bot no capiche la englais.

    • Raan

      Obviously this person is a Bizarro, from a world where words like “keen” mean the opposite of what they do here.

    • The Wanderer

      “Keen?” About as keen as a pair of child’s safety scissors.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        About as keen as a bowl of soggy Cheerios.

        • Raan

          About as keen as a koosh ball.

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        YAS KEEN!

    • TJ Barke

      The lack of self awareness in that statement is fucking stunning.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wow. Facebook got paid in fucking RUBLES. Nope, nothing to see here, folks.

    • But how were they to know they were taking money from foreigners for political electioneering?

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        Those . . . what are they called . . . things, yes, things, they are all just so hard. All of them.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution
    • msanthropesmr

      Rabinnical law says no.

      • Raan

        But if you put a tiny, adorable one on a crow, would that crow be allowed to preform circumcisions?

        • msanthropesmr

          Again, Rabinical law says no.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Checked out this Charlie Kirk moron’s Twitter feed, found this gem:

    https://twitter.com/charliekirk11/status/910259494097244161

    • The Wanderer

      Holy happy monkey fuck, Batman.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I think it’s time to get drunk. Again.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I knew this crap was coming – I said it yesterday.
      I’m guessing fox and friends said the same this morning? Trump tweeted a thank you to them.

    • Raan

      Fun Fact: Charlie Kirk was grown on a bastard farm, and was only harvested two months ago.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Who is “Charlie Kirk”?

      • Shanzgood

        That’s what I was wondering.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, Charlie, you’re a dumbass.

      • His name has 1s.
        It would be irresponsible not to speculate if he meant to make them !

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Your talent for understatement is quite impressive, TJ.

    • HorseChestnut

      (This is the only speech by a sitting president he’s listened to.)

  • The Librarian

    When brains were handed out to professional schmuck Michael Cohen, God played a little joke and stuffed his with gefilte fish. Oy, vey!!

    Happy Rosh Hashanah!!!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    speaker of kosher – doing some research today I tripped over something about Texas laws regarding deceptive sales of kosher and halal foods.

    I didn’t read, but I’m genuinely impressed with us on this score.

  • Nounverb911
  • Picabo

    I’ve been watching Ken Burn”s series on the Vietnam War. Bill Ehrhart was introduced to us in episode two or three. I thought he would be the pric* ***hole that would explain everything to us. Well . . .
    Three days into his service in Vietnam, he got quite a surprise. Now I respect him.
    Go to the link and start viewing at 1:28 to 1:31:40.
    Wow! Just WOW!
    http://www.pbs.org/video/resolve-january-1966-june-1967-o1ogta/

    • WIDTAP

      Today Ken Burns teaches us why Big Data sucks: “If you can’t measure what is important, make what you can measure important.”

      • WIDTAP

        Plus Westmoreland, certain that a couple hundred thousand more US troops would be the ticket. The downside was that up to that point only the poor Americans couldn’t get deferments (and most of them were browns anyway). With the bigger draft, they start going into colleges and dropping deferments of the lower ranked student, bringing middle class white kids into the war. Suddenly Dr. Spock (the one with normal ears) was screaming to stop the war.

  • Raan

    Guys?

    I think I may be done with the Buccaneers. I mean, they’re the local team, and I’ve lived here for fully 5/6ths of my life, but I think I don’t care if they win anymore.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    I’m sure you guys covered this during the day, but I’m sure Bibi would be interested in this:
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/910551350408241152

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Donnie can’t keep the simplest of lies straight. Compare yesterday and today, in re: Luther Strange.

    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/910480918816739328
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/910635327672512512

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        “It’s today! Today is a day of the week.”

        I didn’t even catch that – I was derp overloaded by that point in the tweet.

    • OutOfOrbit

      the same set of words never tumble out in the same way twice

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        you mean spew out, don’t you?

        ; )

        • OutOfOrbit

          spew & then tumble

    • ….Big?
      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    • Raan

      Well is he smart or is he loyal to you?

      These are diametrically opposed statements.

    • Doug Langley

      So how was interning today?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, scroll down just a little bit.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        okay, was more than a bit:
        http://disq.us/p/1mc0gue

        How was work?Word from recruiter?

        • Doug Langley

          Recruiter wants even MORE info on resume. Jesus.

          I already posted earlier on work, but good enough to repeat. So: I was putting files on shelves. Went to get more files. Came back. Boss was where I was. She was flinging files onto shelves and saying “It’s gotta be done!!” When she finally went away, I saw that the files she placed were out of order with the ones I had already done. So spent almost half an hour moving stuff around to get them back in order.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ye gods bro – I’m wishing hard for you that you get this gig!

  • L’Shana Tovah!

    (and just when I finally got used to writing “5777” on my checks!)

  • armed_bears

    Hey! I used Yiddish in the later (non-open) thread… I didn’t see this one! Antshuldigt!

  • Sheepshagger

    OK no one told me that Gayer than thou was slumming it down in kiwi land and harassing the filth.https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155909973223296&id=93710098295

    • Shanzgood

      What did the cop say?

      • Sheepshagger

        ” I think they’re from Auckland”

        Roughly equivalent to ” Must be from San Francisco”

        • Shanzgood

          I honestly couldn’t understand most of what he said! I read the comments and got SOME of it, though. And I’m guessing a gobby is what I think it is, too.

          • Sheepshagger

            Police 10-7 is a national treasure- a COPS style show, but largely centered around NZ police having humorous interactions with people they arrest or otherwise interact with rather than shooting them to death. This young fellow was suggesting that while he didn’t have any drugs immediately to hand the police could still arrest him if he got a bag of sugar and that, yes oral sex was on the cards if he got on TV. Also that the copper had nice eyes.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Hmm…I received positive receptions in New Zealand while calling myself a “Californian” in February (rather than an “American”, for obvious electoral college reasons). Of course, I didn’t have any police encounters, and the automated passport thingy at Auckland Airport meant no human contact with immigration (biosecurity was a different story).

          • Sheepshagger

            Eh we largely understand you’re under a form of occupation. I did see a fat fuck with a trump hat on at the supermarket the other day- he may as well have worn a skinned dachshund and a swastika for the reaction it got.

          • Tania

            I am always amused how actual immigration in Australia and New Zealand are strict, but do not mess with biosecurity. Just declare everything and let them sort it out rather than end up being searched more than a contraband smuggler.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Yeah, I declared (“tramping” gear and backpacking food). They wanted to see it, and were OK (I had cleaned my boots and poles then bleached the soles/tips). Then, upon running the bag through x-ray I had to describe the backpacking food which I had just shown 20 feet from that spot.

  • OutOfOrbit

    just turned on S1:E1of TWD very 1st viewing

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oooh, I’ll nerd out with you on it.
      I resisted and eventually watched. I love it.

      It can be hard to nerd out on a show that’s 8 years old.
      ; )

      • OutOfOrbit

        only trying it because of the twitter

        • Shanzgood

          It gets very splattery.

          • OutOfOrbit

            that not what i like

          • Shanzgood

            Stop watching!!!

          • OutOfOrbit

            oh i know what: new episodes of Black List

          • Shanzgood

            I need to watch something but I can’t figure out what now that I’m done with S7 of TWD.

          • OutOfOrbit

            The Blacklist, !Zombi, Kimmy Schmitt, Black Books, Longmire, and awaiting S2 of Stranger Things. i donut have time ti watch but like 1 ea a week good night and good luck

          • Shanzgood

            I might see if there’s any new iZombies out there.

          • Red Richmond

            How about Preacher? The first season was pretty decent by my reckoning, although I missed the second.

            If you want something science fiction-y, The Expanse is a good choice too.

          • Shanzgood

            I have S1 of Expanse on DVD. Good candidate for a binge.

          • Red Richmond

            Aye, I caught it on Amazon prime for free and did just that. Looking forward to season 2 coming to their free streaming so I can catch it too.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, then that show is DEFINITELY not for you.

          • OutOfOrbit

            switched to The Defenders

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      I watched some of it, it was sort of the same old same old.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Z Nation was kinda cheesy for the first couple of episodes, but about halfway through season 1 its get batshit fucking insane.

        Definitely best reimagining of the zombie universe I’ve ever seen.

        Season 2 or 3 is bathshit nuts.

  • And now, a little muzak:

    Mueller’s trying, Hucksterbee’s lyin
    Alex Jones is only fryin his own poo
    Rocket man’s firing, coal mine’s ain’t hirin
    They’re killin’ my job and health care, but how are you?

    I’m Trumptastic, thanks for asking
    I really love it when I see liberals cry in pain!
    Don’t call me racist, you fucking *beep*
    Everything is Trumpy when you’re-
    don’t you think I look cute in this hat?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That would go great with a banjo and tuba accompaniment.

      blinglblingbling…
      FUMPFUMPFUMPFUMP…

      • The Tuba is a noble instrument, and the banjo is real slick when done right.
        Therefore, they can have crappy electric guitars only. Not good ones, just crappy ones.

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        Jō Kondō (近藤譲; surname Kondō; born 28 October 1947 in Tokyo, Japan) is a Japanese composer of contemporary classical music.

        His interests include hocket, the music of Ancient Greece, and strong differences in instrumental timbre, all of which are reflected in his compositions. The chamber version of his 1975 composition Sight Rhythmics reflects the latter in its unusual instrumentation of violin, banjo, steel drum, electric piano, and tuba, for example.
        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jo_Kondo

        Can’t find it on Youtube, but I did see it performed live, followed by his piece for 25 cowbells.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Sung to the tune of? I’m a bit muzak illiterate.

      • Raan

        I assume “I’m Super, Thanks For Asking” from South Park.

      • What Raan said XD
        It’s such a peppy song

    • The Wanderer

      Hurrah for Big Gay Al!

  • TJ Barke

    Is everybody here, or in the Manafort thread?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      All the cool kids are over here. Don’t tell the others!

      • TJ Barke

        Well then fuck this shit, let’s go get wasted!

        • I am double scanning. Cause you people crack me up and I am slacking

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I have both up. This one is more lively.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Open thread… YAY!

    I found out some things today.

    a) I am not a landscaper.
    b) if I ever start thinking I am a landscaper, please refer me to a).
    c) watch out for that stack of retainer wall blocks behind me.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Man, fuck that noise. Landscaping is hard work.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        With retainer walls, it’s all in the first row. If you get that level, you’re good to go. It took me about six hours to do what someone who knows what they are doing in about two. That’s why I’ll still be doing it tomorrow.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Nope. I worked as a hodgie for about a month when I was a kid. I’m allergic to blocks.

    • You are totally a landscaper.
      But you gotta start small first. That is everyone’s rookie mistake

    • Doug Langley

      Why are you giving me flashbacks to “I Love Lucy” where she tries to build a barbecue?

      • Doug Langley

        If you’re curious how my day went, scroll down to about 2 hours ago. I’m going to bed now.

    • data_ninja

      I am not a car mechanic (not even as a hobby, the name is not carparts_ninja), but that didn’t stop me from replacing a small but terribly overpriced valve (“it says we only have the expensive one in stock, sorry” -clerk at store) on the back side of a still pretty warm engine (ow OW OW!) following the instructions of a grainy youtube video (*muffled noises, ambiguous captions*).

      So you scape that land, landscaper, until you can till no more!.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        And now Rachel Maddow is talking about paver stones.

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        Then chop down this tree, with …an haddock!

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          Hell, I’m gonna tie that haddock to the tree and take a nap.

        • Rags

          Oooo! ‘An haddock!’ Thank you, your bleeding Highness!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m going to attempt to gently extract myself from under this pair of floofies and get myself to bed. Wish me luck. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/40867a203c7e102a00f2a159dead429fa72e23b85d46a5f013008ac3f885bc29.jpg

    • msanthropesmr

      Is that some sort of seal on the right?

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        walrus

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        He is a chunkster, no doubt about it. Still runs around silly and active, though.

    • mailman27

      Give up on the gentle approach. Those are clearly bad kitties.

    • Red Richmond

      Good luck with that. My experience is that getting out from under sleeping cats outs like moving a sleeping baby- all the delicacy and care of a bomb squad technician required, except that if you wake the baby they just cry and fuss, you bother the cat and it may try to murder you.

  • When I was younger we used, “When god was passing out the brains, your thought he said trains, so you asked for a long, slow one.”

    • We went “And you said no thanks, would rather walk”

      • Lord Jim

        “When God was passing out the brains, you thought he said ‘rain’ and put up your umbrela.”

  • hudson

    OT. but in the US, your zip-code is more important to health outcomes than your genetic code.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      True and sad.

      • hudson

        sad part is you cannot get the attention of any health care providers with that. they are like so what? patient care is the least of their concerns, how can i improve my revenue, how are you going to incentivize me, these are the questions you get back. only high end stuff they are interested in. regular day-t-day maladies of ordinary people, you’ll hardly find any interest in.

        • jesterpunk

          It really doesnt help that doctors start their career later in life with an average of half a million in student loans. Is there any wonder they are more concerned about money?

          • hudson

            but they also make it up in really short time. that beyond that they still persist on that feeling is unsettling, atleast for me.I’m talking to really old, settled and way past their student loan days types. and all they talk about is money and how they are not compensated enough. it’s nauseating.

  • Raan

    I think this is actually helping me in my Madden 08 career as Giants halfback and Undertale pun Loox Eyewalker.

    https://youtu.be/ZcoqR9Bwx1Y

  • ariel_gee_398

    If Manafort were selling drugs instead of working for foreign governments, he’d have been labeled a habitual offender and subject to some three strikes bullshit YEARS ago. https://twitter.com/kenvogel/status/910658669850894337

    • jesterpunk

      Stupid watergate just keeps getting stupider.

    • Raan

      Or he’d be out on bail and out of jail, and that’s the way it goes.

      • 52camellias

        Rock!

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Geezus, doesn’t this idiot Manafort know when to quit? I guess traitors gonna traitor.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Assuming this is still our OT thread (as opposed to the new post on Manafort), got a “can’t imagine why” moment for us, NYT link?

    International Tourism to the U.S. Declined in Early 2017

    New figures released by the U.S. Department of Commerce show a drop in
    international visitors to the United States by close to 700,000 in the first quarter of 2017 compared to the previous year. European countries were down 10.1 percent, and Mexico was off 7.1 percent in the quarter. The largest drops were from the Middle East and Africa, though they represent a much smaller percentage of overall travel to the United States.

    Overall,697,791 fewer foreigners visited the United States in the first three
    months of the year, down 4.2 percent to 15.8 million. According to Tourism Economics,a branch of Oxford Economics based in Wayne, Pa., that analyzes travel
    data, the drop represents a loss of nearly $2.7 billion in spending.

    As points of comparison, the first quarter of 2013, after the reelection of Barack Obama, international tourism was up 6.4 percent, and the first quarter of 2009, after President Obama’s first election (and during global recession that began at the end of 2008), it was down 14.3 percent.

    tl;dr: ROW to US–GTFO

    • jesterpunk

      That isnt a bug for his base, thats a feature.

    • The only trip south i have made was to go to the Wonkette drinky thing, and you could practically see Canada still.

    • Panika MCD

      how’s that “America First” plan explain that?

  • Jamoche

    http://www.sfgate.com/nation/article/ICE-agents-mistakenly-try-to-grab-Latino-county-12215821.php

    Andrade-Tafolla, who is Latino and a U.S. citizen, said it didn’t occur to him at first when a man and woman emerged from the van and repeatedly asked for his name and ID that he was caught in the crosshairs of ICE.

    “They never identified themselves even when my wife and I kept asking who they were and why they wanted my information,” said Andrade-Tafolla, 46.

    “I gave them my name. They said they had a picture of me, that I wasn’t here legally and when they showed my wife and I the picture, there was no resemblance except we were both Hispanic.” The woman in the van had the photo on her cellphone.

    • jesterpunk

      Sheriff Joe is running ICE now?

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’s been their spiritual leader for a long time now…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Did you hear that he’s now palling around with Holocaust deniers to advance his cause?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            He can still find new depths to sink to. What a guy.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            He’ll be sporting a swastika before long. Count on it.

          • Seek

            Hopefully he takes a cue from Mr Manson and does that swastika properly

          • ariel_gee_398

            It’s just shocking that they weren’t in each other’s orbit before. Water seeking its own level and all.

  • Jamoche

    There will come a time when Maddow’s list of Mueller requests will be in a font too small to read. She’s pushing it already.

  • The Wanderer

    Watching the latest episode of the Vietnam documentary. Heart-rending.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      so it just on every night? Or once a weeK?

      • The Wanderer

        I think that the last episode for this week will air Thursday.

      • bbayliss

        10 episodes

    • Rick Hill

      You should watch the trump perspective, instead. much cheerier. More tennis and rich guy getting laid, not so much dead people and betrayal of allies in that version

    • Morrigan in Oregon

      You watch it for me, my heart was rended the first time.

  • Serai 1
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i love this one – it cracks me up so much, I’m gonna watch it again. (while drilling on my stuff for test tomorrow).

      • WIDTAP

        “Save it for the close-up. They never use the wide shot.”

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          “there’s no way they’re going to use *any* of that.”

          Lol.

    • Maclare ☕

      What year is that from?

  • hudson

    healthcare in the US is way too expensive, given the quality of outcomes. for no obvious reason. there, i finally mustered enough balls to say it.

  • Moar Wordz

    Bwaaaahaha

  • Picabo

    Posting from Savannah. We went through Hurricane Matthew last October and Irma a few weeks ago. I can’t imagine what they are enduring in Puerto Rico. Power is out for the entire island. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff7befbc67b7c590c162153063a4b0e54dd8d04d6145b79ddbbe917b6e690429.png

    • The Wanderer

      Keep a weather eye out, and be prepared.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • The Wanderer

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Got an email from a friend on a flight to Minnesota today. She said two douchebags behind her spent the whole flight complaining about women and “the blacks”. She also overheard them bragging about being MGOW morans, which my friend-and me until recently-had no fucking clue what that even was. Fuck me…as if airplane travel isn’t already stressful enough…

    • Catstro

      And people act like a crying babby is the worst thing on a plane. Give me a toddler kicking the back of my seat for 3 hours over some loudmouth neckbeard any day.

    • Panika MCD

      how did they respond when she asked how still being virgins was going?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I think they blamed The Blacks.

        • Panika MCD

          hey, I know the Black brothers. they are from Cut n’ Shoot, TX which has no lines in their parking lots!

          • Red Bird

            You mean the country music Black brothers Clint and Keith?

          • Panika MCD

            those are not my “the Blacks”.

          • Red Bird

            Well they’re my The Blacks from the north Houston area.

          • Panika MCD

            these guys are from Cut n’ Shoot which is in Montgomery Co…so they could be related.

          • Left Coast Tom

            No lines across their parking lots? Is that like when I drove through Tijuana and encountered six lanes of traffic with no lane markers?

          • Panika MCD

            kinda. except it’s Cut n’ Shoot.

      • TJ Barke

        Not great.

    • Delu

      Only Muslims get banned from flights.

      Douchebags aren’t.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        I stopped wearing my lucky flying shirt after being detained by TSA, albeit briefly. It says “aeroflot” in cyrillic.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I drove across the US-Canadian border, at Sault Sainte Marie, in mid-September, 2001. I presented a passport which I, later, realized had an Arabic entry/exit stamp (from Morocco). On the Canadian side…they sure spent an absurdly long time staring at my passport!

          On the US side I was directed into secondary inspection. I had been backpacking in Canada, and so had a bear resistant food container. The dude looked at the thing, spent a minute or so trying to figure it out…then asked me what it was. I said “bear resistant food container”. He stared at it for a while, then asked “what’s inside”. I yelled “food!”. At that point his supervisor, who had obviously been monitoring this, came out and told him he was done.

      • Jennifer R

        Trans people sure get felt up a ton by extra feely TSA though.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      this is why when I take ANY public transport, I wear my headphones.

      on a chicago train once, I had to listen to two ladies loudly discuss their rashes. That is not a joke.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I was waiting for some Thai takeout once when the owner of the place and her friend were VERY loudly discussing, in great anatomical detail, a rather personal gynecological procedure one of them had. When I politely suggested the that maybe this wasn’t the most appropriate conversation to have publicly in the waiting area of a restaurant, the owner told me to leave. Guess who hasn’t been back to THAT joint since?

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    Are the owners at BLT Prime complicit? 1st, the BLT location in NYC is the site of the latest scandal with TRMP lawyers. Next, the BLT location in DC, located in the TRMP hotel is sued for discrimination.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/this-is-white-america-time-restaurant-in-trump-international-hotel-accused-of-racial-discrimination/

  • Rick Hill

    Don’t forget your weekly xtian bashing! No Soros bucks if you don’t do a little hating on the lawd and savour.
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aEBABwn_700b.jpg

    • Lefty Wright

      Good try, but they will look you in the eye and say it was divinely inspired, or worse, the hand of God wrote it through them.

  • Nounverb911

    SO what is trump going to do when Roy Moore wins?
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/910665452048838661

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Probably shit on trans folks s’more.

      • Jennifer R

        No thanks, did that once, it wasn’t any fun.

      • Panika MCD

        he hasn’t spun the Wheel of Bigotry yet so there’s no way to know!

    • BadKitty904

      *I’m* a gun-owner. And fuck Strange AND Moore as traitorous Russo-GOP lackeys!

    • Rick Hill

      “Don’t worry! Don’t think! We’ll do the hard lifting for you! Just listen to us and do as we say and all will be well. Besides, you don’t want to be like those sheeple on the left, do you?”

    • Catstro

      He literally speaks like a child giving a book report

      • Rick Hill

        The lazy, entitled child with wealthy parents and a Nanny who’s sick of his shit that didn’t read teh book and knows it won’t matter that he didn’t.

      • jesterpunk
        • Catstro

          Fair point, and I do expect (and notice) better behavior out of my three year old and her cohorts, but this literally reads like an essay about why Luther Strange should win, written by a 5th grader who didn’t start on the assignment until 5 minutes before it was due.

    • Bill D. Burger

      He could freak out ol’ Roy by showing up dressed as Moses and holding the 10 Commandments. $24.99 at Funworld Novelties.

      https://cdnimages.opentip.com/thumbs/MOS/MOS-FW-130664_M_280_280.jpg

      • Raan

        Idea: Buy a second tablet prop, cut it in half, and go as Mel Brooks Moses from History of the World Part I.

    • jesterpunk

      Dead Breitbart is supporting Roy Moore and posting stories about how Trump will have tiny crowds if he holds a rally to support Strange.

      • Panika MCD

        I love the theatre!

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah me too, I want them to keep attacking each other.

          • Panika MCD

            and then HRC can come and send them to bed without their cake!

    • Panika MCD

      declare victory…?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        “Small Luther. Sad. Weak. Loser.”

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Declare the election rigged? Claim millions of illegals voted for Moore?

    • jesterpunk

      Will he give you up or run around and desert you?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APmoU74ZsG4

    • Old town Urbandale

      Hmm, not “all Alabama gun owners” but “all gun owners” with no mention of state of residence? Is soliciting voter fraud a crime?

  • Bill D. Burger

    “My rod and staff shall comfort you.”
    New little church near Colorado Springs. Wanted to go in and ask if they might want to rethink their new mural. I’m sure they put a lot of sincere thought into it.

    But…it made me laugh.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/395ff15b02a605b36d4dbd037dac3754d9cc8c2865716afffdd5758bd30aca12.jpg

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Choke on the word. Feel my love all over your face.

    • Rick Hill

      “Drink of the water of life and yours shall be the kingdom of gaw-aw-aw-aw-oh, yes!”

      • Bill D. Burger

        “This is my body you eat….”

        Too far?
        lmao

        • Rick Hill

          *opens jar of mayo*

          Hold on, Boss. Imma stop you right there.

    • Meccalopolis

      Yeah you like my peace don’t you bitch

    • Seek

      Should you ever venture to the Mission at San Juan Capistrano you will find an enormous statue of Fr Juniperro Serra in much this pose with a young Indian boy. The first time I saw it I remarked in an unintentionally loud voice – “Well, now we know why he was banished to California.” The locals were Not Amused

    • Lord Jim

      I get that there are far too many “Christians” who bring shame to the faith, and I’ll be happy to point and laugh at them with the next guy, but this ain’t cool.

  • Nounverb911

    How long will it take for Rob Reiner to make tucker cry?

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/910670137015066624

    • Oh, that will be hilarious

    • BadKitty904

      $5 on 20 minutes.

    • Panika MCD

      he’ll just made that “i smelled my own farts again?” face the whole interview. his mom did tell him if he kept making that face that it would get stuck that way!

  • Rick Hill

    Erver night when I think about going home early to get some rest…
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a1K0EoD_700b.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      I hate when that happens.

    • Meccalopolis

      I didn’t do everything

      • BadKitty904

        It was drunk and I was dark!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’ve had those nights.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Johnatx

    Gaaaaahhhhh. Fucking Austin politics. Someone is out to get Jimmy Flannigan.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Yeah, fuck that Austin Politics guy.

      • Johnatx

        No, actually. Decent council member. Serves District 6 – which is known as the semi-permeable membrane that separates Austin from the crazy that is the rest of Texas.

        • Panika MCD

          *the crazy that is the rest of WillCo.

          • Johnatx

            God. You can say that again.

          • Panika MCD

            according to Gov. Wheels, it’s the smell of freedom.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Oh. I must have misread the capitalization.

    • Panika MCD

      who is doing what to Jimmy?

    • Panika MCD

      I’m really not seeing anything…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BadKitty904

    Jebus H…

    The US and Syria Are Now the Only Countries to Reject the Paris Climate Accord
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nicaragua-paris-agreement_us_59c2ec85e4b06f93538c4f0c?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      “Like”?

    • Bill D. Burger

      I swear. If you wanted a face to represent pure EVIL…..Cassidy has it.

      That’s gruesome.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Kimmel tore him a new one.

      • Lord Jim

        “Straight up lied to my face.” I think that about covers it.

    • Lord Jim

      As a Christian, I’d like to believe that such people are somehow redeemable. But I understand by the same token that some will choose put themselves beyond redemption.

      • Everyone is redeemable.
        But you have to want to be redeemed, and do something to make up for your sins.
        Soooo…..pretty much yea

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh fer’ fuck’s sake Dear. Do we have to keep reminding you that your husband is Donald Trump? Jeeeez’!
    [*btw: That fuschia parachute (totally stole that from my wife) is something else huh?]

    https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/910546876172259329

    An ‘Orange Man’ being told to live by ‘The Golden Rule’ is funny.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i’m not a fashionista, but what is she wearing? Is she a backup singer for Gabriel Byrne?

    • arglebargle

      I said it before and I’ll say it again… Pepto Spice

    • Lord Jim

      #ironyhowdoesitwork

    • Hey, honey, might wanna mention that to your husband and his spawn

    • Covfefe

      I wasn’t going to say anything because what do I know about women’s fashions. But it did seem to me to be out of the ordinary, even for an international affair.

      • Maybe she was sick of people calling her a fashion icon so thought to forever put that one to bed?
        Maybe she is just trolling blightfart for their new fashion section like she is trolling her husband by saying stuff like that?

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Bill D. Burger

    “So, what was your first meeting like?”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKMfb_-UQAAUpoE.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Is like rotted baby corn!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    4 First Ladies with class….and the newest one’s just a piece of ass.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKM5IaCXkAAQzgO.jpg

    Man….Just looking at that, I have to say I want to feel sorry for Mel….but I don’t. I feel so mean.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • Morgan and some others are basically no, you dumb fucks, this IS a big deal and also NOT A GOOD THING.
      Hence he was declaring war. see.

  • Bill D. Burger

    This should be put up in all the Trump properties. It’s the cover he deserves and to which he is entitled.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKMtmFzXoAEXxmO.jpg

    • yyyaz

      I picture this with an asteroid taking his head off. Perfect.

  • Panika MCD

    and then the copy pasta began…

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Bbbbbuuuttt…..those tiny hands. ~shiver~ Those stubby, tiny hands.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKMoeDtXkAUSuU0.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      And the smell of old tea-bags…

    • RMKH

      I would bet money that she won’t let him get anywhere near her anymore. Which is why he thinks he needs to be out grabbing pussy and hiring Russian pee hookers.

      My phone knows us all too well. When I type in Russian, the next word suggestion is “pee”.

  • BadKitty904
  • amrak63

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    https://i.imgur.com/vtfHYZ8.jpg

  • Toledo Window Box

    Michael Cohen is an incompetent putz.

    In the early days of Trump’s campaign, the Ivana rape issue came up (she wrote about it in her book). Cohen went on TV to proclaim there’s no marital rape law in NY state.

    There is.

    • These are the same people who just said tonight that there is a provision for pre-existing in the new Trumpdon’tcare
      There isn’t.

      • Toledo Window Box

        They’re trying to pull a fast one on the nation – again. It won’t work.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I bloody hope so

        • I wish I had your optimism. I do not feel good about this one.
          Why?
          Because their precious money train has been threatened.
          Before that they were content to continue to not really govern. But they are more than happy to shoot us with their own hands if it keeps their money train rolling

          • Toledo Window Box

            If they pull the plug on PPACA, they will get destroyed next November.

          • Will they?
            Or will it be too late?
            Keep in mind, they are setting this up so their base will absolutely not be affected until 20 or further along.
            Well after the next census too.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Like that even excuses it. For fuck”s sake.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Right? Also – what kind of an idiot lawyer proclaims the law on TV when he has no idea what he’s talking about? I’ve honestly NEVER seen an attorney on television grossly misstate the law like that.

    • BadKitty904

      Um. “Good?”

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    It turns out that the number of jalapeno poppers I can eat between jack-in-the-box and home — when I’m really hungry — is seven. I’m not proud of this, only cognizant.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s a dirty job, but you get to do it.

    • Red Richmond

      Curious, was it 7 because A. Full, B. Got home, or C. Disgust?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        7 is — for whatever reason — the number in the order. You can either get 3 or 7.

        • Red Richmond

          Huh, I only knew about being able to get 3 at a time from the 3-for-3 menu. 7 though, that’s a weird number. Kudos for troopering through those for…um…science?

    • Toledo Window Box

      If it’s hot going in…

      • Panika MCD

        only total pansies say things like that.

    • Panika MCD

      one two three four
      I challenge you to a jalepeno popper eating war!

      except we will not be eating ones from jack in the crack.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Bring it. My garden contains no less than 8 pepper varieties, and I make my own sambal and my own Louisiana-style pepper sauce.

        • I will stand by with milk in spray containers

        • Panika MCD

          IT IS ON!

          Team Taco will win!

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            “I can eat that taco with 4 squirts of hot sauce.”
            “Eat that taco.”

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      Are they better than Del Taco’s? Del Taco’s are kind of . . . overly cheesy or sludgy or something. On the other hand, everything else at Jack in the box, er, no.

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        Oh, well, there’s the curly fries, and the chicken sticky things, and don’t they have fried cheese sticks? Maybe I should do a reassessment.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Oh, dear god, I have no idea. I haven’t been to Del Taco since they still had 39 cent tacos.

        • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

          They are actually relatively good these days. They got better while Taco Bell got worse.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            If I want fast food tacos, I have Taco Johns and Taco Time. I used to crave Del Taco’s chili cheese fries . . . until Taco John’s unleashed the Super Potato Ole.

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

            Alas, I have not encountered these things in the benighted wasteland of southern California.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            More’s the pity. There used to be a Taco John’s not far from my sister’s place in Marina del Rey. I think it’s a Chik-fil-A now.

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

            How horrid. I do have a King Taco near me, which is actual real tacos, they are good.

          • brucej

            Taco Bell is vertically organizing:

            https://www.avclub.com/taco-bell-to-open-350-locations-without-a-drive-thru-so-1818591522

            selling booze AND drunk food. Once step closer to Demolition Man Better bone up on the Three Shells!

  • SineDie

    I would have said, Zol zan shtill.

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
  • Picabo

    “Homocon Trashes Obamacare, Posts Money Beg For “Thousands” In Hospital Bills After Car Accident”
    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/09/20/homocon-twitter-user-trashes-obamacare-posts-desperate-gofundme-hospital-bills-car-accident/

    The comments are epic!

    • Community doesn’t represent me. I preach about God & Love. They preach about Drugs & Sex. That’s not a family, that’s a toxic culture.

      Ten bucks this dude is not the ghey. Certainly is not very sassy. Total con however.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      I’m so desperate right now to keep the positive energy up & pray to God for saving me. There are no more coincidences anymore. Everything happens for a reason, & God puts us through exactly what we can handle.

      Make up your mind, fuckhead. Either he did it to you or he saved you from it, which is it?

      Dipshits…

      • God made him wreck his car so he could beg money from his internet fans

      • Delu

        Probably both, knowing the God he worships.

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
      • Panika MCD

        hence my theory that WT was Cillizza all along!

        • ooooo good theory. Explains a lot really

          • Panika MCD

            everything is proof!

          • It must be true, I read it on the internet.

          • OrG

            He hasn’t denied it.

          • Panika MCD

            he won’t even comment on it–proof that he’s hiding something!

          • Y R U STALKING ME??? Imma sue

          • Panika MCD

            but if he sued…wouldn’t he have to reveal his secret identity?

          • ooooooo

          • Red Richmond

            I’m just saying- look, people are saying this, lots of people- but no one has seen Chris Cillizza and Wolf Tracker in the same place together, at the same time. Never. And it’s just- now I’m not saying this personally, but more and more people are saying- why is that? What are they hiding?

          • Lord Jim

            Multiple sources have confirmed it.

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

            One does find it to be so, does one not?

          • Panika MCD

            don’t question my ART!

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

            I was doing nothing of the kind ahem ahem.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s like you don’t even KNOW me!!!

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

            oh shit is this WT?

          • Panika MCD

            NO and you’re not my REAL MOM!

          • No but I am. Do the dishes already and get a fucking job

          • Panika MCD

            I did the CPRIT report and the weird school health webinar today. DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

          • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
        • Red Richmond
          • Panika MCD

            once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

          • Red Richmond

            Almost makes me want to go back and re-read his old posts in light of what we know now, except I’m pretty sure my brain cells would Vince Foster me if I did, even if I could. It does make me want to watch The Usual Suspects again though tonight.

          • Panika MCD

            couldn’t if you tried. he destroyed the evidence.

      • BadKitty904
        • Stealing

          • BadKitty904

            Spread it around, spread it around…

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Tweeted it to the dumb bastard. I hope he reads it and falls asleep crying and sucking his thumb.

      • Red Richmond

        To be fair I don’t think he reasoned himself into that chair in the first place either, it was just conveniently there when he needed to assume the position to defecate out some words.

    • spangled

      Clitzilla will only accept a woman running for president if it’s Ivanka and he can follow her around, sniffing her hair

    • OrG

      I’m starting to think this cillizza guy is a dumbass.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        There are some subtle indications that that might be the case.

        • Lord Jim

          Mueller really needs to look into this.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Can we have Luke Russert back, and just dispose of Cilizza?

  • CO

    When did the Young Turks and its affiliates turn so nutty?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I14IgrlKGHc

    • Delu

      They always have been.

    • Like Jules and his winkidinks, I do not think they were ever really on our side.

      • CO

        They took Buddy Roemer’s money but I wasn’t sure how much they changed since then. They even have an alt-Righter as one of their reporters.

        • I think we are all adult enough to admit we have been had.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          They took Karl Rove’s money, and no doubt some of Putie’s money as well.

    • jesterpunk

      They have always been Bernie bros who have never heard a Hillary conspiracy they didn’t spread everywhere.

      • Ahem. They were some of the loudest of the howlers when Bernie endorsed Hillz at the convention.
        They were not Bros so much as ratfuckers bent on dividing the liberals. As they still are.

    • Lord Jim

      Congratulations! You guys have descended to the level of the ratfuckers and the Trumpanzees. And you want us to call you Justice Democrats? Drink a dick, assholes.

      • These are the same assholes who claimed both sides do it for politicians hitting reporters when Maxine, an elderly A Lady, brushed by one of these bozos attempting, clumsily, to pounce gotchas at her.

        • Lord Jim

          I remember that. What pathetic little pansies.

          • CO

            That guy was fired by Vice for doxxing Lena Dunham.

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      TYT have always been pure shit. Cenk Uygur wanted Obama to resign. Nomiki Konst is Bernie’s saboteur on the Unity Committee, who appears to be a high school mean girl meth addict with an IQ of 4. David Sirota is TYT.

      • Lord Jim

        I read one of Sirota’s books, and it was pretty good. But I bailed on him somewhere into the Iraq invasion.

  • BadKitty904
    • I would say all that argues that he is an absolute fair characterization of America, right now.
      But I am in a cynical mood.

      • Delu

        I would say yes because the country elected him.

        • RMKH

          Sort of

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          Only we didn’t

          • Delu

            ENOUGH Americans did, if you’d like to be precise.

    • Meccalopolis

      A republican!

    • Delu

      Come on now, is this really the time to be polite about what he is?

    • RMKH

      Joker libelz!!

      • Delu

        Heath Ledger’s legacy deserves better than this!

      • BadKitty904

        Why so SERIOUS…?

      • Delu

        I’ll be honest though. The Joker and Trump have very disparate interests.

        The Joker just wants to watch the world Burn.

        Trump wants what’s best for Trump.

    • everstar

      Worse, he’s not even very funny!

  • calliecallie

    Speaking to the original point of this thread, FDF you are a fucking genius and I aspire to your quality of Jewish Motherishness.

  • OrG

    So, this is the open thread, correct?

  • TJ Barke

    How’s everyone feeling tonight?

    • BadKitty904

      The Big Cat poured us pineapple rum instead of our usual dessert wine. Oy…

    • OrG

      A Juggalo going to the Twiztid show bummed a cigarette off me. He said he loved me.
      You tell me.

      • TJ Barke

        I don’t know what that means, either…

        • BadKitty904

          (I think he/she is hitting on you.)

          • TJ Barke

            Pretty sure OrG is a guy and married.

          • BadKitty904

            Yes? And?

          • TJ Barke

            And I’m not gay and I wouldn’t be remotely comfortable being a side piece either way…

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, it’s all part of Life’s Rich Pattern, knowutimean?

    • Jennifer R

      crossfaded

      • TJ Barke

        Right on.

        • Jennifer R

          Playin D&D and thinking about making some chili and tater tots. Maybe another bowl and a third beer for it too.

    • Panika MCD

      snark tank-esque.

    • RMKH

      Had a glass of Permafrost. So, not bad. You?

      • TJ Barke

        Just sort of meh, I guess…

        • RMKH

          Count your blessings. You could be Melancholia

          • TJ Barke

            I usually am.

          • RMKH

            I meant the one that’s married to the Psychopath in Chief

          • TJ Barke

            Oh, yeah, that would suck. Bigly.

        • Panika MCD

          I read that as “just some meth” the first time.

          • TJ Barke

            Hell no. I only smoke weed, and not on weeknights.

          • Panika MCD

            so you snort or inject?

          • TJ Barke
          • Jennifer R

            Good for you.

          • TJ Barke

            I’m on call…

          • Jennifer R

            Oh yeah you have a job with responsibilities.

          • TJ Barke

            And it fucking suuuuuuuucks.

          • Jennifer R

            I haven’t worked in over 8 years…

          • TJ Barke

            Do you find that good or bad?

          • Jennifer R

            It’s depressing topped on an otherwise depressing situation.

          • TJ Barke

            I’m sorry.

          • Jennifer R

            It’s ok, not your fault I am disabled and unable to hold a job.

          • LosFelizGuy

            Well sometimes weeknights, but never at dusk…amiright?

      • Jennifer R

        Mix that with some Goldschlager and Jagermeister.

        • RMKH

          Next time…

    • brucej

      Listening to Steely Dan.

      again. Fuck time and death.

      “You’ll go back jack, and do it again….”

      I’d forgotten how much their music was a soundtrack to life for me for many years…

  • aktlib101
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Jesus. He looks like he uses his for a toothbrush.

      • aktlib101

        is there such a thing as Dildo Trump? Or Trump Dildo? Maybe IKEA decides to put one on sale one day?

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        After rooting around in the bowl for lunch.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Cover photo on the next edition of “The Big Book of British Smiles.”

      • Red Richmond

        Picture definition for “shit-eating grin.”

  • Jennifer R

    Here is the big furry nazi leak finally. Photos and videos of chats.
    https://twitter.com/That_Edward/status/910700068654772225

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    the big question with this prof is – what is the essay going to be about. It’s 25 points on the test.

    In his real property final, I fucking got lucky and knew the issue in and out.

    (In his immigration class at least he TOLD US the general area the essay would be on – again community college)

    • jesterpunk

      I don’t see the problem telling you ahead of time what the test will be on. Surprise tests are kind of stupid because that not how anything works in the real world especially when you cant use any reference material. Good luck with your essay, you got this.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks buddy.

        This is the 3rd and 4th class I’m taking with him. He gives a speech before any test. If you don’t even ADDRESS the essay, boom, no points.
        If you write down something, ANYTHING, related to the class, he’ll give you something. Won’t be the whole 25, but it’s something.

        Again, community college.

        • jesterpunk

          My favorite teacher in high school taught US and European history, I took every class he taught because he was so great. He was Ben Franklin at independence hall too. But the day before every test he would give you the answers and tests where all open notes. If you actually failed his class you did something really wrong. But he was more concerned that you actually knew the material and could ask and answer questions during the class instead of just memorizing it long enough for the test then forget everything.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            my torts and wills prof let us do open notes.

            For his essays, as long as you made a cogent argument – you were good. Most of my essays are like that – there’s enough there to come down on either side; no obvious answer. The point is to make a compelling argument.

            I like that.

        • RMKH

          I knew a prof once whose students tricked him by putting an extremely non-native Eastern horseshoe crab shell on a beach in NW Washington state. He freaked out at the time, had everybody take pictures and record the weather, tides, other species, etc. His payback was a final with one and only one question:. Describe the life cycle and ecology of the Eastern horseshoe crab.

          Of course no one knew jack because there was no reason to study it, it hadn’t been mentioned in the class except on the field trip. Cue the panicked test classroom.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            this is why I’m (partially) thankful I couldn’t get into an elite Ivy league law school – cause holy shit that kind of thing is cruel.

        • ariel_gee_398

          My contracts prof gave points for every concept you got right and didn’t take any off for things you got wrong. That’s how the woman who had a photographic memory but thought there were only 300 days in a year got the highest grade in the class.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oy vey.

            And that’s terrible for law. I memorize stuff as close to the original as possible, but the whole point is to demonstrate you LEARNED something.

            Like this definition for valid contract. The def we were given just says, has all the correct parts a contract needs.

            But one can deduce, based on void, voidable, and uneforceable that a valid contract is enforceable.

            Anyway – that’s still not a bad prof you had. I had a torts prof who took off cause decided to explore EVERY possibility related to our hypothetical tire blow out. I asked him about it and he said, “come on…”

            I wanted to ask, “Have you MET a plaintiff’s attorney?”

    • BadKitty904
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, yeah, but my family law final that semester with a different (terrible) prof, who-fucking boy did i guess wrong on what THAT essay would be about.

        I may have gotten a B on that. You never get those tests back, so you don’t know, but goddamn was I BS’ing with everything I had.

    • Panika MCD

      how SB4 applies to higher education institutions?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        don’t start with me egghead.

        ; p

        • Panika MCD

          I’ve got a great head.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            *whistling*

            Not even gonna swing at that one.

            *whistling*
            Oh look, I have to iron my slacks for tomorrow. BRB.

          • Panika MCD

            you’d better not try to play tee ball with anyone’s head while you’re down there!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            gurl, I spent like 90% of my day perusing TLO and various statutes.

            I’m beginning to hate our Lege – not cause of the politics, just cause of the absolutely shitty way our laws are a) organized or b) written.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s not that bad. certainly not as bad as the state constitution.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            Have you *read* the local government code. Or the goddamn water code!?!

          • Panika MCD

            the whole things?)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            no, just pick any random section.

          • Panika MCD

            I read them as necessary.

  • Picabo

    Posting from Savannah. I am standing down from evacuation or shelter-in-place plans. Puerto Rico is fuc***. We do not have a decent president in the White House, and the rubes don’t give a sh**. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8802f147a2b0a1549662707070147f5274bcede28b6d5362d155bef054a0ecb.png

    • BadKitty904
    • SayItWithWookies

      Shit. Puerto Rico is us. This is why we are all good to each other. I guess I’ll be calling my senators and congresshuman tomorrow.

    • Blackest Noobs

      it’s cool ese..we can cuss here…it’s encouraged.
      fuckin A it is.

      • LosFelizGuy

        Fuckin’ came here for this!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Shouldn’t it be going left? Like a great big ol’ bowling ball?

      • Picabo

        Coriolis force makes it go east.

        • Raan

          I heard it was because it’s trapped between two high pressure systems.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Not generally an issue when one is trying to pick up a spare…

          • Raan

            Dude, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been minding my own business bowling when two guys just started aiming industrial-strength fans at the lane.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            You’re kind of both right. Coriolis “force” helps to create the counterclockwise spin and the highs steer the cyclonic path along with the aid of the trade winds and westerlies. It’s all very fascinatingly multivariate.

      • Lord Jim
      • FukuiSanYesOta

        You seem like a seeker of lupine lifeforms. He knew bowling and hurricanes.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          I have a silver bullet, cast from the purest rhetoric, to deal with the beast if he reappears.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          He is an asshole. I really hope he doesn’t show up tonight.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      How many of them know PR is a territory and not a furrin land?

      • Picabo

        None of them Katie.

      • Covfefe

        Easier to find someone who speaks English in Puerto Rico than in Los Angeles.

        • CripesAmighty

          Or Alabama.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        If’n it ain’t got Walmart, Cabela’s and open carry, it’s furrin, dagnabbit!

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      Welp, at least Puerto Rico doesn’t need to worry too much about its governmental debt crisis any more.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/129472ad55f44c2a7a6a39e705813e04a83232f0578a23c3e1be9aab2823e75a.jpg

  • Blackest Noobs

    seriously?

    what the fuck Melania? what the fuck was that?

    what the fuck was that speech?

    am i suppose to take you SERIOUSLY?

    • TJ Barke

      No, only idiots are.

    • BadKitty904
      • jesterpunk

        Only in the Trump administration will you see the First Lady naked and not see the presidents tax returns.

      • Blackest Noobs

        here’s the thing.

        i want to give her the benefit of the doubt. and yes…full disclaimer…i was one of the asshole who was really annoyed that she not only plagiarized Michelle’s homework but she fucking LIED about college.

        like seriously who gives a fuck….but don’t lie about it.

        but this bully shit…ok…i’m with you.
        but you can’t say what you said without realizing that you husband just did what you say we need to stop. i mean come the fuck on?!?

        • BadKitty904

          As far as I can see, she is fully complicit. The only point I’ll give her is that she seems genuinely fond of her son, Damien.

      • Maybe

        I take her more seriously than I take the Trumpster. At least she knows to keep quiet.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Finally, Wonkette gets back to its base of sideboob and sideass pics.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, she’s married to a boob and an ass, so I s’pose some might consider her as such…

      • 3FingerPete

        Is that the Lincoln Bedroom?

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          The Hefner Bedroom.

        • BadKitty904

          In the Trump White House, yes.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Why would you? No one else does, including Donnie.

    • FlownΩver

      Colbert’s line: “Have you met your husband?”

  • TJ Barke
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ah such a classic, I was 15 when that album came out. Totally addicted to it. That and Pinkerton (my junior year of college) were the best.

      I fucking HATE newer Weezer (of the stuff I’ve heard).

  • jesterpunk

    Oh boy, a lot of people are going to complain about the Daily Show tonight, they had Ellen Pao on.

    • TJ Barke

      Who?

      • jesterpunk

        She was the former CEO of reddit who banned some offensive subs. So many people hated her because she was a women in charge.

        • TJ Barke

          Oh, I can smell the troll salt from here…

          • HorseChestnut

            She was blamed for “cracking down” on illegal subreddits and thus censoring precious freeze peach. In reality, she had literally nothing to do with any of that.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Ah yes, that too.

      • FukuiSanYesOta