Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

A massive earthquake in Mexico City has claimed the lives of at least 217 people, a death toll that continues to grow. Despite the dangers, people have taken to the streets to help rescuers pick apart the rubble in a desperate search for survivors.

Robert Mueller is putting on gloves and digging deep into Paul Manafort’s assets. We’re talking Roto-Rooter — he’s really probing those dark money holes.

Bob Mueller has already brought in Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein for a little chat with his League of Extraordinary Investigators. [Archive]

Mueller has also brought in Stephen Kelly, a very special kind of “asshole,” to keep congressional investigators updated on his own Trump-Russia affairs.

Since Michael Cohen thought it was cute to mouth off about the Senate’s Trump-Russia panel, they’re dragging his ass in for a full public hearing, instead of an interview, and we can’t wait for that shitshow!

The RNC has ALREADY spent about a cool quarter-million Ameros on Trump-Russia legal bills for the president himself, and we’ll find out where the rest of that money is going later today. WOO, spreadsheets!

Poor-fucking Republicans are whining that Rand Paul isn’t falling in line with the Cassidy-Graham bill, leading to all sorts of hilariously butthurt quotes. However, health advocates and governors are also dragging the bill down into the toilet with a sternly worded letter calling for a bipartisan fix. The GOP leadership responded last night by politely telling them to go and fuck themselves.

Senate Republicans have caved on a budget that adds to the deficit just so that they can get their $1.5 trillion tax cut for the super rich. TL;DR, their plan is to get a loan to pay for their own tax cuts.

The super hush-hush Republican plan to give responsibility for air traffic controllers to a non-profit isn’t landing well with other committees who like having control and the ability to hold controllers accountable.

HHS Secretary Tom Price doesn’t feel like he needs to explain why he keeps racking up bills for flights on private jets. You expected him to fly commercial like some common prole?

Trump is thinking about “You’re Fired”-ing Fed Chair Janet Yellen and replacing her with the swampy son-in-law of his billionaire cosmetics company buddy.

American gun makers are undoubtedly salivating over a Trump administration plan to let Not America buy guns from US arms manufacturers that can’t wait to facilitate small wars. After all, it’s the American way.

Former President Bannon is coming out with guns blazing, and they’re aimed at Luther Strange; he’s telling Breitbart staff, “As of now, everyone is working on the Alabama race.

The Republican Governors Association is taking its message directly to the stupid people with a new media venture called “The Free Telegraph” whose entire purpose seems to be to wipe the santorum off Scott Walker.

The shadowy figure buying up vacant property in cities across America gives zero fucks about your neighborhood — he gets paid to let those houses rot and ruin your neighborhoods.

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is honoring sportsmen, hunters, and mother frackers by installing a “Big Buck Hunter” arcade game in the employee cafeteria at the Interior Department. That’s right, your tax dollars are turning America into one giant roadside dive bar. You would think we would be for that!

The US Coast Guard has set a new high score for drug seizures at sea; clearly we’re going to need a bigger wall.

Historically black college and university presidents decided to skip the annual HBCU meeting for the first time in decades in protest of Trump’s white power both sides speech at Charlottesville.

A San Diego suburb voted to privatize its public library despite a large vocal protest, and it’s a growing trend in small towns across the country.

A South Dakota state rep. thinks it’s cute to share memes depicting protesters being killed by vehicles. There’s no joke here.

USA Today has unveiled a massive journalism project that explores Trump’s Tortilla Curtain in great detail. CHECK IT OUT!

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan says that Trump told him that “he was sorry” his security thugs are being indicted for getting their knuckles all bloody on American soil this summer, though the White House is denying the apology.

Not America is joining together in an attempt to convince Trump than the Iranian nuclear deal is actually a good thing, and not “an embarrassment to the U.S.”

Major telecom companies are covering their asses with lobbyists who are paying bullshit minority groups to try and kill net neutrality with nonsense arguments.

The creator of the Pepe the Frog meme is suing “alt-right” douche nozzles Mike Cernovich and Baked Alaska, as well as Amazon, Reddit, Twitter, Google, and Youtube, for copyright infringement in an effort to kill his own shitpost. In a letter, Cernovich’s “lawyer(s)” have responded by saying the creator won’t see a dime from Mr. Cernovich, “and if Furie files a suit against Cernovich, [they], “will be delighted to embarrass the fuck out of [Furie]—and set up a malpractice claim…”

Anonymous teevee network sources are squawking that nobody wants to give Sean Spicer a job because of his “lack of credibility.” HHAAAAAA.

Melon Trump doesn’t like her face on all the highways of Not America, so she made a language school rip down billboards advertising English classes.

Tucker Carlson literally spent a five minute segment talking about witches on his show in an attempt to show that scruples and journalistic ethics are for pussies.

Before reading this rage-inducing profile with Tucker Carlson, make sure to hide all sharp and/or spillable objects. Seriously.

Milo Yiano-whatever doesn’t think he needs to pay back the advance from his former book publisher that yanked his book deal.

STOP THE PRESSES! Hillary Clinton supported the super delicious pizza at the center of PizzaGate! #CONSPIRACY!

Jimmy Kimmel EVISCERATED the Cassidy-Graham bill, pointing out that it’s worse than Zombie TrumpCare, and he’s livid that Sen. Bill Cassidy had the balls to lie to his face. YOU, THIS, WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert had talky time with Hillary Clinton and how SHE would have addressed the UN; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at Trump’s Rocketman crap; The Daily Show noticed Trump’s ego might trigger a nuclear holocaust; James Corden says that picture of him kissing Sean Spicer is bullshit. PERIOD.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! BABY GOATS in PJs!

We pay our bills the money from nice people like you! Help us out and we’ll LURV you bunches!

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  • Gayer Than Thou

    Sorry – Manafort/Mueller slash fic is a hard pass for me. Get back to me when you have some Macron/Trudeau stuff. You can even add some Mueller to that – I’d be OK with that.

  • Rick Hill


  • Bill D. Burger
    • Mpeg

      Duca. She is so spot-on~

  • beingreleased

    It has been pointed out that it would have been faster for Price to take the train to Philadelphia instead of a private jet. However:

    • GuidedAccordingly

      He could have done that while Biden his time.

  • dslindc

    I’m glad nobody wants to give Spicey a job. That is as is should be for him and every other member of the administration. Enabling Trump should be career-ending.

    • Crystalclear12

      I want him to find job suited to his skill set.
      “It’s simple. You shovel the bullshit from the stall and put in the waiting vessel.”

      • bupkus231

        Spicey would still fuck it up….

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Look: “My honor, dignity, career…..all shot to hell….for THIS.”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      On the plus side, he got to sit in the fancy people seats at the U.N. Not everyone can say that!

      • Bill D. Burger

        “Welcome to our world, General. Enjoy!” ___ Earth

    • Fun Fact: There’s a reddit thread that pointed out these were the moments Trump went off script.

      • BigCSouthside

        Part of me understands his staying around. I think he thinks he can best uphold his oath on the inside, but a big part of me wants him and Jim Mattis to walk the fuck out on these people

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Or wear a wire and turn witness for the special prosecution???

          • AshleeSCuster

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
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        • ziggywiggy

          I agree, let the shit show implode now, let’s rip the damn band-aid off already and let trump be trump. I think that’s the fastest way to get rid of him.

          • From Russia with Love

            Yeah, maybe Kushner would like a crack at SECDEF while he’s still a free man.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I’d love to see a video of Kelly with Trump speaking in the background just to see what he’s doing and when he’s doing it. With that being said, I’m not ready to hate on General Kelly. Maybe he really is staying because he’s trying to hold this country together.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “Why didn’t I bring any blow darts??”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or a taser?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    So who am I supposed to be rooting for in Alabama? I’m a little confused…

    • PubOption

      There is a Democrat running for the seat, but he’s rarely mentioned because of all the muck and money flying in the Repub primary.

    • coozledad

      Grape juice borne illnesses.

    • LesBontemps

      Cthulu — the only option that makes sense anymore.

      • Querolous

        Planet Nibiru will take care of all our problems this Saturday!

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, most of them are going to be voting for the face eating leopard party.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the meteor

      • From Russia with Love

        Or that hepatitis outbreak coming to visit from San Diego.

    • TakingAmes


  • I thought it was a prerequisite for the GOP to offer sacrifice at the altar of reagan the terrible. Didn’t he make the push for non-private ATC to ensure flow of traffic?

    • From Russia with Love

      He made the push for non-ATC (PATCO) ATC. Thereafter followed the most dangerous year or two of flying the USA has ever known.

    • Reagan sent a letter of support to the ATC union before their strike. Before he went senile, he was a lying asshole. He only seemed nicer than Trump.

  • The real President once sat down with the real Rocket Man.

    Was that decades ago, already?

  • coozledad

    Don’t let Republicans on your goddamn show. Don’t let them on your blog, your lawn or in your fucking house. It’s not the time.

    They are preparing to strangle the city states that are the sole tax base for funneling money to their shithead voters. And it’s black shirted cop trash who are going to be doing the shakedown.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    The US Coast Guard has set a new high score for drug seizures at sea

    ☺️ Good to see them rehabilitating their brand like that

    😭 Too bad about those funding cuts 🍊🤡 wants

    • Weird Fishes

      Save the bales!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, in a move that’s NEVER happened before by any president, Trump grifts off his campaign contributions to pay lawyers Doubt’ and Sucksatlaw’!
    Surprise. Guess he couldn’t afford it himself.

    • LesBontemps

      Would love to see the billable hours for Jay Sekulow’s grift.

      • cmd resistor

        Wonder what his hourly rate for talking bullshit on tee vee is.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • ariel_gee_398

    A tale of two police shootings in Oklahoma. First up we have the white guy who tried to kidnap a woman. Armed with a gun, he then shot two police officers trying to serve a search warrant on him. Though he was shot, he only suffered minor injuries and has been released from the hospital and booked.

    Second, we have a man suspected of being responsible for a hit and run accident. He was holding a stick. He was, according to neighbors, deaf. He was shot and killed by police while holding the stick. I’d be willing to put money on him being not-white, too.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Bill Cassidy lied to his face … color me unsurprised. The fucker is a Republican, and the lies are automatic.

    • Crystalclear12

      Like breathing or screwing the poor.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I’m reading that the Koch bros are threatening to withold tens of millions from the GOP’s coffers if the ACA isn’t repealed. (The ACA taxes them, and they just can’t abide having their countless billions reduced by any tiny fraction.) Might be true, or maybe it’s just what GOP congresscretins fairly assume.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I’m glad the historically black presidents of colleges and universities are boycotting the meeting with Twitler. I hope the currently black presidents of colleges and universities do the same.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Might want to proof read before you post there, historically gay poster.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Michael R

      Do Trump and Meth have the same effect on people ?

      Discuss amongst yourselves

      • therblig

        as soon as i finish my breakfast bowl of scotch

      • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

        Which came first, the meth or the orange shitgibbon?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      The way the right imagines Trump as some muscle god is still hilarious.

      • coozledad

        Compared to the ambulatory sacks of guts in the North Carolina/VA hinterlands, he’s an iron god. These people must piss streams of that fake raspberry jelly they put in jam donuts.

    • coozledad

      Endemic poverty keeps the sisterwives at home.

  • Crystalclear12

    It’s always the money.

  • Shanzgood

    Is it just me or did this Wonkagenda start off with some great sexxynews and then deteriorate into a bunch more reasons to day drink?

    • Mpeg

      It would be nice if adorable snow leopard cubs populated my dreams more frequently than reality-show-Administration deplorables and dumbster-fire legislative impasses haunt my nightmares~

      • Shanzgood

        Yes. Even flinching in sympathy with the snow leopard mom as the cub landed on her head in slo-mo is better.

        • HellhathnofuryDemme

          And those big, fluffy, paws!
          (Why do wild cats seem to have such squeezable, huge paws?)

          • All cats who live where there’s snow in the winter have ’em. They’re combination snowshoes and mittens.

          • Jamoche

            Maine Coons and other domestic snow cats do too.

    • AJ Milne

      Well, there _was_ the Hillz buying Comet Ping Pong pizzas for the literacy program.

      I like that. I like also that prolly while they were doing it, the internal monologue ran something like: ‘nice for the business, nice thing to do… _aaaand_ a certain beautiful backhanded snark in it… so win win win!’

      Also, there’s something very wrong with me. I read ‘Woo, spreadsheets’, and actually thought ‘Woo!’

      … time for a vacation, I think.

    • From Russia with Love

      Who needs a reason anymore?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Left Coast Tom

    The shadowy figure buying up vacant property in cities across America gives zero fucks about your neighborhood — he gets paid to let those houses rot and ruin your neighborhoods.

    San Francisco is debating a vacancy tax.

    • From Russia with Love


  • Bill D. Burger

    My rocket is yoooge’…..”There’s no problem there. You can believe that. Believe me.”

    • Shanzgood

      Aww no, man!

      • OutOfOrbit

        that donut make your ovaries quiver?

        • Shanzgood

          It curdles my wame.

          • Oblios_Cap

            And now that’s my vocabulary word for the day. Thanks for sharing.

          • OutOfOrbit

            btw, WTF is “wame”?

          • Shanzgood

            It’s a belly.

          • OutOfOrbit

            me gonna let that sink in for a while

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I totally can’t bring myself to upfist this… even though I agree with its premise.

    • coozledad

      Verisimilitude too much.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Note: Objects enlarged to show detail.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      It’s a good think I can type without looking, because I’m now blind. Thank you very much.

    • Daniel

      “I don’t know what any of these squiggles mean.”
      “No, not them either.”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • coozledad

      I’ve always wondered why that “mouth full of mashed potatoes” look gets broad swathes of white boys off.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Having never wanted to stick my dick in a mouthful of mashed potatoes (or mashed potatoes in general) I have no clue.

        • From Russia with Love

          You are correct. Save that for the turkey.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • ariel_gee_398

    See how many of these lies from Senators about Graham-Cassidy you can read before you’re overcome by nausea (not covered by Graham-Cassidy, btw):

    I did not make it very far…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Jesus Fucking Christ- they are literally babbling

      • ariel_gee_398

        Johnny Isakson: “Policy explanation? I’m not into policy, so I don’t really know. I’m into facts.”

        Well, I guess that statement is half true.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Luther Strange: I like the idea of sending money back to the states and letting each state experiment with what’s best for their citizens.

      Yes indeed, let’s ‘experiment’ with our citizen’s healthcare.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Honestly, the question shouldn’t have been, “What will this do?” It should have been, “Why do you feel it is okay to lie about what this bill is going to do?”

  • James Baskin

    I sincerely hope that Kelly has a folded document tucked into his underwear that gives him the authority to relieve Trump of his office in case the dip-shit tries to do something with the nukes.

    • MrTusks

      They all have 25th Amendment statements ready to launch when it looks like the apocalypse is coming.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Major_Major_Major

      One-time-use Mercedes fer erryone!

    • Shanzgood

      Rent a fleet of Trump’s golf carts.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Look at the deficit figures for GOP and Democratic administrations. Guess which party runs the biggest deficits.

    • TakingAmes

      Not to mention the “small government” guys. I work for a state agency in a state with a Republican governor, and we have added probably 15 political positions since I started, less than a year ago. These guys all come straight from the Governor’s office, and half of them are 27 and positioned as Directors. Must be nice when your daddy can get you a job in state government.

      • Only a tiny number of true-believer Libertarians actually want “small government”. 99% of the people who say that want BIG government – in the sense of big cops, big military, big pork for their allies. What they want is “no welfare for poors/culluds”.

  • Blackest Noobs

    i dunno privatized libraries might not be so bad.
    couldn’t be any worse than they are…and trust me, libraries are horribly managed.

    • From Russia with Love

      Well, when all that private money comes from good Christian-minded individuals, even National Geographic won’t be allowed in there.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Yeah, when they replace the science and evolution books with “Fun Facts About Republican Jesus” and Billy Graham’s monthly newsletter, that’s gonna be great. But one can still surf porn on the libarry ‘puter, probably, just the Ted Cruz approved stuff.

        • From Russia with Love

          So, mostly hometown three ways? I think that’s Cruz’s bag.

      • Blackest Noobs

        perhaps. but the thing is there is this trend in govt-owned public libraries to emulate businesses like barnes and nazis.

        and a library is much more than books. we’re not a fucking bookstore, stop making us into a fucking bookstore.

        also…look up the company…they’re not Barnes&Nazis’ing their libraries…apparently their management ACTUALLY listens to their staff.

        this is not the case for most public libraries who are managed by pretty much the worst people in your county, city or whatever. like seriously…my director is the most hated person in the whole fucking county. NO ONE in County Govt likes him. it took them over 8 years to move to their new HQ ( which they shared with another county entity, who was in there 7 years earlier than the Library).

  • Vincent Ricola

    Jimmy Kimmel 2020. Not really joking.

  • stumpknocker

    the only thing republicans want to do is erase Obama’s legacy, they could give a damn about governing.

    • OutOfOrbit

      a successful black prez between two white preznuts, both total fuck-ups (R)s, hurts the conservative brand

      • From Russia with Love

        Not nearly enough.

      • TundraGrifter

        The “Reverse Oreo?”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I guess Bill Cassidy is sad he was called out. How to fix that? More lies.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They are just straight up lying

  • Ghenghis McCann

    North Korea changes national anthem to Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Before my first cup…..hmmm…well, I might as well be a dog.”

    • Nounverb911

      Next time I’m in Shibuya, I have to look for that cat.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Meanwhile at Fox…. Does Tucker always have constant “Who farted” face?

  • Mpeg

    health advocates and governors are also dragging the bill down …The GOP leadership responded last night by politely telling them to go and fuck themselves.

    So: this ad from U.S. Chamber of Commerce popped-up while I was reading the article. It wants to fright-check viewers regarding a “health insurance tax” looming around the corner thanks to Obamacare. Hikes as drastic as $158 premium increases for individuals (“average”, it claims) and links to a study from some outfit I hadn’t heard of. Urging us to contact our congresscritters etc. Did I miss something?

    • Axios is the administrations unofficial press office.

  • Nounverb911

    Didn’t you just say that about Harvey and Irma?

    • Oblios_Cap

      What a dizzying intellect!

  • Walter Wellstone

    I propose a drinking game: we all watch Michael Cohen’s hearing and take a shot with every “Sez hoo!”

  • Proud Liberal
    • Walter Wellstone

      His ugliness resides deep within his soul.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He has what is referred to in the South as a “Shit eatin’ grin”.

      Also, too; he looks like he’s a total fucking asshole.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s a face and smile that just screams: “Trust me with your healthcare.”

      • Daniel

        Just because I’m the sort of person that does this-

        the man in this gif was a refugee from the Nazis. He went to the US to escape persecution by that regime, and starred as a Nazi in Casablanca. It just seems relevant given he’s being used in retort to a fucking Republican.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Strasser: Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?

          Rick: It’s not particularly my beloved Paris.

          Heinz: Can you imagine us in London?

          Rick: When you get there, ask me!

          Renault: Hmmh! Diplomatist!

          Strasser: How about New York?

          Rick: Well there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn’t advise you to try to invade.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Is that Conrad Veidt? I can’t tell through the makeup. I think he was a spy for the allies during WWII as well, no?

          • Daniel

            It is, but I don’t know about him being a spy.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I couldn’t find anything saying he was, I must be thinking of someone else. I know Marlene Dietrich wasn’t the only one.

    • Shanzgood
      • OutOfOrbit

        you are full of piss in vinegar today!

        • Shanzgood

          That’s not new!

      • Maclare ☕

        Why did I click on this?

        • Shanzgood

          I’m sorry!

    • From Russia with Love

      All in all, I preferred this one:

    • Oblios_Cap

      A face only his mother could loathe.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      His face screams “fundamentalist foster dad who performs pap smears in the basement.”

  • thewendyb

    WHY are the baby goats in pajamas?
    Pray for General Kelly’s strong fingers, may they grip tightly the nuclear football, and save us all from fiery Chinese atomic death.

    • TundraGrifter

      “I shot a bear in my pajamas. How he got into them I’ll never know”
      ~ Groucho Marx

      • Gary Charound


        • TundraGrifter

          Maybe I was thinking of Davy Crockett.

    • From Russia with Love

      Gen Kelley’s not in the football’s chain of command. Gen Mattis is.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I hope Michael Cohen isn’t paying for that advice.

    • Bobathonic

      I hope he paid a boatload for it.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • therealpuredog

      Greyhound is too good for Tom Price.

      • Jamoche

        His voters might get a good look at him, and then where would he be?

    • bupkus231

      But, but, but… Price was railing against Congressmen taking private jets, not Executive Branch officers, who are clearly more deserving ( now that he are one )…..

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Re: RNC paying Trumps legals fees

    It remains unknown if Trump, who has said he is worth billions, is personally paying any of his legal expenses.

    Hahahah… Trump paying his own bill… Now THAT’S funny…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You could interpret recent rumblings from the Koch brothers as a $400M bribe to get rid of Trump if necessary…

    • Rick Hill

      *Note to YoBunnyBunny: Upvotes are for your comments, not the cute little bunny butt.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        What’s wrong with my cute little bunny butt, huh? It’s actually made of chocolate cake, pink frosting and coconut flakes!!!

        • Rick Hill

          It is quite a nice little bunny butt but your comments are better. (Sounds like it’s also a tasty bunny butt, too)

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I want to nibble on your bum!

        • leemoder

          Whoa, whoa! Buy me a drink first!

      • phoenix00

        “OH. MY. GOD. BECKY. LOOK. AT. HER. BUTT.”

    • Rags

      Did he ever cough up the personal million bucks for, (I think) Harvey?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Baby Goats in Pajamas is going to be the name of my new band!

  • The Wanderer

    I just want to watch baby goats all day.

    • Oblios_Cap

      One of my neighbors has a pet goat in her backyard. The bleating is kinda cool.

      • foiled again

        They are all over my town, and it is difficult indeed not to feel terribly affectionate toward and protective of them.
        But every year the humanbastage of this town get together along with some out-of-town ‘foodies’, and hold the Cabrito Fest, and….it’s hard to be around when and especially before it happens, because it’s the babies that get slaughtered. And it’s yet another opportunity to feel disgrace at sharing oxygen with humanity.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Poor Melon. The minute those billboards went up she started getting those calls again.

  • rosenbomb
    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Da fuq????

    • Roadstergal

      Ya, well, Fox News attacked the red cups they came in last Christmas…

      • rosenbomb

        Which reminds me…I have to get my armor on for the impending War on Christmas.

    • phoenix00

      I love how the expressions of both hosts are “duuuuuuh”

  • Randy Riddle

    “The Republican Governors Association is taking its message directly to the stupid people with a new media venture called “The Free Telegraph”…”

    Well, that sounds like most Republican plans. Giving you something from the 19th century that’s useless now for “free”.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Oh, Spicey will land on his feet. Probably with a 35 million gig from one of the same outlets now harrumphing about his “lack of credibility.” We’re in a post-truth culture now and almost nobody really thinks lying is a big anymore.

    • From Russia with Love

      Alternate truth telling.

    • phoenix00

      Feature, not bug. He’ll get another 15 mins just based on the fact he had the balls to lie for Trump repeatedly.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Cock Blockula

    I’m so tired from reading this morning’s Wonkgenda that I am going back to bed.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Hey, when you shell out big bucks, you damn well expect to get what you’ve paid for, right?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • SweetDeeKat

      He was holding a cat. Automatic win.

    • coozledad

      Guitars: Chunk chunka chunka chunka
      Vocals: Gonna kill everybody with healthcare
      Going to pave your godfucked streets
      gonna stuff your toddlers’ bellies
      with Satanic meatball meats.
      Guitars: Woodlywoodlywoodlywoodlywoodlywoodly.

    • Roadstergal

      He doesn’t _look_ black…

  • Pisto75666

    “The creator of the Pepe the Frog meme is suing “alt-right” douche nozzles Mike Cernovich and Baked Alaska, as well as Amazon, Reddit, Twitter, Google, and Youtube, for copyright infringement in an effort to kill his own shitpost.”

    Who knew popcorn futures would be such a big thing?!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Hey I just read that Ta-Nehisi Coates article about Obama. I don’t agree with everything TNC writes, and I don’t even always like his style. But that is a beautiful, strong article and I encourage everyone to read it.

    Here’s the linky again fr yr convenience:

    • Mpeg

      It is loooooong – – more like a novela than an article – – – I can’t have my browser at work linger on atlanticmoola’s webworks that long without eating bandwidth so I copypasta’d into a word doc to print & read at lunch break.
      16,800 words, 17 pages, OK it’s not novella length but still. I’ve scanned through it and I like his prose. TOTally unfamiliar with the author and looking forward to his full perspective~

    • phoenix00

      I think he’s one of the best. His follow-up article “The First White President” is even more biting.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Jeffocaster in the West

    So with my morning coffee, I read our Bozo (bozo libelz) Preznit has said stupid things at the UN. Perhaps he will seize the property and put TRUMP all over it and sell big buck condos. This is like a bad, real bad, movie. Oy veh iz mir.

  • calliecallie

    Jimmy Kimmel and pajama goat babies! My morning is complete!

  • TundraGrifter

    “Mueller has also brought in Stephen Kelly, a very special kind of ‘asshole,’ to keep congressional investigators updated on his own Trump-Russia affairs.”

    Often we see a team headed for the playoffs add a key experienced player late in the season. Management and the coach just want to be sure all the resources for success are in place, even if it means spending more money.

    • phoenix00

      “Midseason trade”
      “Bullpen callup”
      “Bench substitution”

      am I missing anything?

      • TundraGrifter

        On September 1st the roster expands to 40 players.

        • phoenix00

          Just remembered: “TRADE DEADLINE MADNESSSSS!!!!1”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Ooooh, I missed that Gorka and Palin have bailed on Trump.


  • Zyxomma

    The Jimmy Kimmel segment kinda pissed me off, but the baby goats calmed and delighted me.

  • MOG253

    The RNC must have a form “go fuck yourselves” letter they use, so many opportunities.

  • Jon Sussex

    Congress better be careful about what it does to controllers. Can’t have donors flying their G550s into each other.

  • Panika MCD

    Trump’s nominee for Judge of the US District Court of Eastern Texas is mad at gay marriage for forcing him to learn new words and thinks trans kids are part of Satan’s plan.

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    “FBI agents entered with guns drawn and insisted on searching Kathleen Manafort for weapons, a standard part of FBI searches but a jarring event for the Manaforts, the sources said.”

    Woah, that sounds…actually really invasive. Remind me not to commit any federal crimes…I don’t think I want to experience a no-knock warrant.

    It’s so tempting to make a Wonkette style wink-wink joke here, but I’m having trouble getting past the creepy feeling crawling down my spine this time.

    • Roadstergal

      I think jokes about sexual assault by the FBI should fall into the same box as prison rape jokes.

      I hope they were professional about it and it was as un-creepy as possible.

    • Ms.Moon

      This happens to people of color with no probable cause all the time just walking down the street. I have searched these pockets. Empty, no fucks to give.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Babbie goats never get old.

  • Khavrinen

    “Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is honoring sportsmen, hunters, and mother frackers by installing a “Big Buck Hunter” arcade game in the employee cafeteria at the Interior Department. That’s right, your tax dollars are turning America into one giant roadside dive bar”

    Will there be Alex Jones brand trucker speed in the vending machines?

  • Love USA Today! For a blandly middle-of-the-road newspaper, they are sure doing some great journalism! Remember last summer, when they reported on the 3,500 civil lawsuits that Trump & Co were involved in (people had to sue him to get him to pay his bills)?

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