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‘The Trump Doctrine: We respect other countries’ sovereignty and political systems except when we don’t.’– Jon Ralston

Donald Trump read a speech off a teleprompter at the United Nations today, letting all the nations of the world know that he is a serious man who can read the text of a serious foreign policy speech that he may or may not actually understand. Trump declared that the USA will always put its interests first, as should all nations, except for the ones he thinks should have different interests. Here’s the whole thing, but because we love you (and because CNN helpfully posted snippets to Twitter), we’ll focus on some of the Big Takeaways.

On North Korea, Trump did what he could to calm tensions, generously offering to bring a permanent peace to the Korean peninsula by sharing American nuclear weapons all over the North:

If North Korea forces the USA to “defend itself or its allies,” then it’s time to kill some 20 million North Koreans, and Crom knows how many South Koreans and Japanese (and even Americans!) who’d die in whatever retaliation the North manages, because that’s just how you get the job done:

We will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket Man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime. Hopefully this will not be necessary. That’s what the United Nations is all about.

That should certainly get Trump’s message of highly enriched peace across to the North Koreans once they watch the speech on TiVo; the country’s entire UN delegation walked out shortly before the speech, leaving behind only a single “unidentified man who appeared to be taking notes” in the empty row of seats where the North Koreans had been. ABC News speculates he “may be a lower-ranking member of the North Korean delegation” — sucks to be the North Korean dude forced to hear Trump speak. Diplomacy should go just great now that the president of the USA has just insisted he’s looking for a nuclear war.

Also, too:

Trump also returned to a favorite phrase of his, because he’s no longer talking to anyone but his mouth-breathing base:

With America’s Middle Eastern allies (if we still have any) looking on, Trump again went after “Islamic extremism” and “loser terrorists,” and said

We will stop radical Islamic terrorism because we cannot allow it to tear up our nation and indeed to tear up the entire world […] we must drive them out of our nations.

Seldom has a president been so presidential, with the stirring Churchillian cadence of “we cannot allow it to tear up our nation and indeed to tear up the entire world.” Trump’s mellifluous, high-flown speech got high praise from CNN dorkhead Chris Cillizza, who tweeted,

We were especially impressed by the poetic part where Trump delivered a limerick about Kim Jong-un’s wiener.

When critics pointed out that the whole “Rocket Man” and sea of nuclear fire things seemed less than poetic — or maybe more like Rod McKuen on bath salts — Cillizza had a ready answer: He was only talking about the first couple paragraphs, man, don’t take me out of context:

Please, Chris Cillizza, never, ever change.

Also, we really liked the part of the speech where Donald Trump praised the Marshall Plan, the post WWII U.S. effort to rebuild European allies as a bulwark against the USSR. Now some may say that if Donald Trump had been an adult who had Twitter in 1948, he’d have been wondering why the hell we’d be pouring billions and billions of dollars ($13 billion, or about $130 billion in 2016 dollars) into rebuilding Western Europe and why we weren’t forcing them to pay their own way. But that’s not really the point. The point is that two days from now, some enterprising reporter has to describe the Marshall Plan, without naming it, to Trump and ask him whether he thinks it was a good idea. That oughta be fun.

Oh, yeah, and while Trump said national sovereignty is a really important value, he forgot to mention that one time when some nation violated U.S. America’s national sovereignty by trying to interfere in our elections. Wonder why he left that out?

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us bigly, or terrorism may tear up America.

[WaPo / CNN / ABC News LAT speech transcript ]

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  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    Earth ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.

    • dslindc

      In fact, it’s derp as hell.

  • Joe Beese
    • Nockular cavity

      Which, of course, would lead to the total destruction of our South Korean allies, but hey, YOLO!

      • Three Finger Salute

        “No homo.” -Putin

    • Asterix

      Has anyone explained to him that #NoKo and #SoHo are not the same thing and he can’t build his crappy buildings there?

  • dslindc

    We need, “STFU, Chris Cillizza!” on a mug.

    • Joe Beese

      “Chris, you ignorant slut…”

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Whatever happened to Luke? I still use that mug every day.

      • dslindc

        Who?

      • Little Lulu Ω

        He and Jake Sherman are having a baby.

  • Joe Beese

    Has Elton John weighed in on this?

    I don’t expect he’s a Trump fan.

    • Mpeg

      Better get William Shatner on it, STAT https://youtu.be/lul-Y8vSr0I

      • doktorzoom

        I am one of a very small number of people who watched that thing — during a one-time syndicated Science Fiction Awards show — when it aired. I was just 16, and even then thought it was the tackiest, most embarrassing thing on TV, ever.

        Little did I know…

        • doktorzoom

          …that in December of the same year the “Star Wars Holiday Specia”l would air.

          Oh, yeah, and then almost 40 years later, any Trump speech.

          • I’ve been campainging to make Life Day a national holiday since….never

          • Three Finger Salute

            Probably the only Star Wars even Justin can’t stand to watch. Nobody is that big of a fan.

          • doktorzoom

            Carrie Fischer demanded Lucas give her a copy of the “Holiday Special” as her price for participating in the commentary tracks for the original trilogy DVDs. She would turn it on at parties to make people go home.

  • beatbort

    How much longer, O Wise and Great Mueller, how much longer?

  • therblig

    did trumpy steal from tommy wiseau?

    “You’re tearing the world apart, ISIS and Rocket Man!!”

    presidential.

    • Joe Beese

      “It’s not true. I never grabbed her pussy. It’s all bullshit.”

    • TJ Barke

      Oh hai, NK, how’s your sex life?

  • Gemz

    Trump’s UN speech had Stephen Miller’s Nazi Nationalist finger prints all over it.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Dear Mother of All Things Great and Small, why? WHY?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • Ricky Gay

    Chris Cillizza needs to delete his account. And also shorten his name.

    • Scooby

      ChCi

      • Three Finger Salute

        Volatile element?

  • laughingnome

    Chilzilla always looks like he’s got scrotum under tongue.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Gonna need… to 25 45
    For man to still be alive….

  • Scooby

    Finally, he’s presidential. Using the terrifying image of Elton John to threaten war crimes.

  • Covfefe

    Not only is Donnie Ding Dong trying to repeal the New Deal, he’s trying to undo the damage done to Russia by the Marshall Plan — dividing Europe and leaving the European welchers to themselves.

    • laughingnome

      It’s like Stalin is his guiding star.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        STALIN IS GUIDING STAR TO ALL FREEDOM LOVING PEOP…oh, sorry- I just started channeling the 18th Congress of the Russian Communist Party. How long was I out?

        • laughingnome

          Go back to sleep. It’s no better.

    • proudgrampa

      This will end well…

  • Michael Smith

    “And to those leaders out there, who think America can be pushed around, I have this to say – there once was a man from Nantucket, who – ”

    COMMENTATOR: “Sorry folks, it appears the microphone failed during what seemed like it was going to be his most poetic speech ever.”

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      “And in closing, I’m more of an ass guy than a tits man”.
      Trump poetry.

      • Thorn Spike

        Pussy-grabbing notwithstanding.

  • msanthropesmr

    Chris Cilliza amateur asshat.

    • The Librarian

      But he’s a real time asshat, doncha know.

  • Anna Rompage

    I see even after months of classified intel briefings, that our very beloved Dear Leader still doesn’t understand that sunni terrorist organizations, such as Al Quada & ISIL, are funded by our very own middle eastern allies and not Iran…

    • TJ Barke

      He don’t Shia the problem…

      • msanthropesmr

        It’s where the Sunni don’t shine

        • msanthropesmr

          Wahabbi a big problem.

          • TJ Barke

            Riyadh-a get outta here…

          • msanthropesmr

            Sufi, so good

          • TJ Barke

            You Bedouin believe it.

          • msanthropesmr

            Mecca me an offer.

          • TJ Barke

            How much you looking Dubai?

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            You Hajj me at Hello.

          • TJ Barke

            Halal you doin’?

          • Covfefe

            Got my Air Jordon’s laced up and ready.

          • TJ Barke

            That pun makes me falafel.

          • Anna Rompage

            Yemen, I’d prefer to be smoking the kali ganja…. Pastafari!

          • mailman27

            Between Iraq and a hard place.

        • Covfefe

          Syriaously?

        • Anna Rompage

          Iran,
          Iran so far away…
          I just ran
          Iran all night and day…

    • arglebargle

      As long as we get to sell more munitions, it’s all good.

  • msanthropesmr

    Have I mentioned how much I hate Chris Cilliza?

    • laughingnome

      Not enough. I say it every morning when I wake up and at least three or four times later in the day.

    • dslindc

      I think it’s worth repeating.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He and Trump have a lot in common, if you think about it. They’re both in jobs they are completely unqualified to hold, kept there no matter how much they fuck up because their bosses find it profitable.

    • Thorn Spike

      Is his last name by any chance pronounced Sleaze-ah?

      • msanthropesmr

        It’s pronounced Fuckface.

  • Scooby

    BTW, China said that if US strikes first they will defend NK. Welcome to the Jungle.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’m going to need a helluva lot of snow leopard kittens crawling all over me and eating me alive in order to get through this.

  • Ωbjectifier

    “We will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea.”

    Pure poetry.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    I refuse to let Trump’s derogatory use of Rocket Man ruin the song for me; it’s always been my favorite from Elton John.

    • proudgrampa

      Me, too!

    • msanthropesmr

      Dont go breaking my 💓

    • Gemz
    • Proud Liberal

      I read a tweet the other day. Funnier than hell.

      “Tiny dancer threatens rocket man.”

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Tiny Handser!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Now, see, this is among the things that make me annoyed with Twitler using “Rocket Man”: it is not among my favorite Elton John tunes. And it is stuck in my head.

  • Michael Smith
    • Raan

      Would still be a better president than Trump.

    • TheoLib

      That hilariously funny movie is what first came to my mind when I heard Trump’s use of “Rocket Man”, but apparently everybody but you and me thought of Elton John! I’ve got to see that movie again …

  • tihond

    Twitter needs a bought that just retweets anything Trump says with “And that was the moment he became presidential.”

    • Ωbjectifier

      And then the murders began.

    • NationalGalleryofClipArt

      +1 from the Nambian ambassador

  • TJ Barke

    That was the most embarrassing speech a president has ever given.

    • dslindc

      . . . . this week.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        … this morning.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          …in New York.

  • WeaselPoo

    Re: North Korea

    Japan to Trump:
    Are you fucking kidding me, round-eye?!!!

    Trump: HEY!! Don’t forget who bailed you out when you were losing to the Germans in duby-dubya too.

  • Joe Beese

    (snicker)

    Trump read his address off a teleprompter and did not noticeably deviate from the script. Asked who had helped draft the speech, a senior administration official told reporters in a background briefing Monday that “it is the President’s vision, and that’s the only way you should think about it.”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trumpian-rhetoric-united-nations-general-assembly

    • The Librarian

      Translation: someone else wrote that pile of garbage.

      I blame Elton John /s.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        I blame that soulless creep Miller.

  • BigCSouthside

    Nothing like the ignorant President threatening global nuclear war and denouncing multilateralism in front of an organization that has avoided global nuclear war through multilateralism to wake ya up in the morning.

  • So Aging Orange thinks “Rocket Man” is an insult?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Chris Cillizza should be sent to North Korea to report on their missile program. An in depth report. From the inside of the missile. Then fire it into the fucking ocean.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      IN REAL TIME!

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Say what you will about the belligerence, you have to admit the optics of bringing your desk to the launch is sure to motivate the working class.

  • Anna Rompage
  • Joe Beese

    Remember the right-wingers bitching every time Obama used a teleprompter?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7dadbf86ddd754efe2fe1aa69032e198d7e2eede48c069e0bfdf8dad7013c97a.png

    • Is that Cillizza jizz dripping down his forehead?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      They sure don’t.

      (And when Obama did not use a teleprompter, he was able to give coherent, knowledgable answers. It’s TRUE! You can look it up in the history books.)

    • jesterpunk
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I always pointed out that they sounded like idiots saying “he wrote his book on a computer instead of with a quill pen. If Lincoln could have had a TelePrompTer for the Gettysburg Address he would have used it”. Got banned for a while for calling them idiots.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Question: is the teleprompter crawl peppered with Trump’s own name so that he’ll continue to read from it?

      • Mary Theresa

        They put his electoral win map on it to try and keep him focused.

    • mailman27

      All that bitching was opposite world talk about the contrast between the incomprehensible babble that W produced compared to the considered, precise language that Bamz employed when he was off script.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    In the alternate facts Tiny Prancer lives in, we (the USA) got nothing from the one-sided, “embarrassing” Iran nuclear deal. But Iran dismantled its nuclear program. And we get to sell them airplanes. I’m not sure what else Trump thinks we should have gotten. Oh yeah … the money. We should have gotten the money. And kept the oil.

    And, not for nothin’, when Dubya knocked off Iraq for no real reason, North Korea noticed and restarted building nukes to discourage us from doing the same to them. Iran (and a boatload of other nations) can’t help but notice Trump is threatening complete destruction of North Korea. The accidentally aptly named Juvenal warned us: quis custodiet ipsos custodes, who watches the watchman.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Hold me close, you tiny handser….

  • Asterix

    “The point is that two days from now, some enterprising reporter has to describe the Marshall Plan, without naming it, to Trump and ask him whether he thinks it was a good idea. That oughta be fun.”

    Slight correction: the GENERAL Marshall Plan. Of course, Trumpnuts will declare it the best ever plan ever because we have the best Generals IN ALL OF HISTORY!!!!1!1 and then he’ll order General Marshall to invade North Korea. WITH FOOD!!!

    I need booze.

    • Crystalclear12

      *rattles empty glass expectantly*

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The Garry Marshall Plan, as explained in “Pretty Woman”, was terrible but undoubtedly aligns with Trump’s world view.

    • PubOption

      Planning to start a Marshall.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAIVQAwES9Y

      • mailman27

        Well, if yer going for volume and you got humbuckers, you can’t beat Marshall.

  • exinkwretch
    • Bitter Scribe

      But he’s the drunk asshole at a bar that you’d like to have a beer with!

      • willi0000000

        fuck no!

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        No.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is the root canal of presidencies.

    • proudgrampa

      My teeth hurt…

    • He’s the conscious colonoscopy of presidents.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Root canals at least make things better in the long run.

    • Covfefe

      There is a cancer on the presidency.

      • Crystalclear12

        This presidency is a cancer.
        It has consumed all the healthy tissue.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      More like the colonoscopy prep of presidencies.

  • Proud Liberal
  • aureolaborealis

    “Yeah, that Marshall Plan was OK, I guess. But it could have been way more terrific. Like the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere, or Lebensraum! Also: it’s time for these goddamn freeloading Eurofags to pay us back for the Marshall Plan. Bigly. I mean, it’s not like it did US any good. Losers.”

    • TundraGrifter

      Japan was forcibly opened by the Western powers -notably the United States. Japan just wanted to be left alone – but we wouldn’t do it.

      The government looked around, saw a bunch of colonial empires and said “OK – We can do that.” And then they did.

      • laughingnome

        They felt they had to – they felt surrounded by the A-B-C powers – America, Britain and China. Not excusing their brutality with China and Korea, etc. And they had the example of the colonial powers as you said.

  • Indiepalin

    Mars ain’t the place to raise your kids. In fact it’s cold as hell

  • Rick Hill

    We will stop radical Islamic terrorism because we cannot allow it to tear up our nation and indeed to tear up the entire world ”

    because, apparently, that’s one job trump wants to do all by hisself

  • Scooby

    Trumps painted himself into a corner. If he doesn’t follow through he looks like a paper tiger, if he does tens of millions die.

    • msanthropesmr

      He’ll settle. Always does

      • Notreelyhelping

        Whatever’s good for his biz. Oh, they could blow up my hotels? Never mind.

        • msanthropesmr

          Presactly.

        • Covfefe

          What do you suppose Kim would pay to put Trump’s brand on that half-finished hotel in Pyongyang?

          • msanthropesmr

            Maybe we’ll be best friends?

      • Scooby

        I suspect this speech was for domestic consumption.

        • Oblios_Cap

          It wasn’t very popular with the majority of the population. Sort of like him.

          • Scooby

            His base loved it.

  • Proud Liberal

    Tiny Dancer Mocks Rocket Man https://t.co/Wbszz8e9RM— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) September 17, 2017

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      What a Honky Cat.

      • LucindathePook

        Saturday night’s alright for fighting….

    • SayItWithWookies

      I think of him the way Elton and a lot people from other nations might — the madman across the water.

      • Covfefe

        Tiny hands across the wayer

    • Three Finger Salute

      Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

  • Roadstergal

    “The point is that two days from now, some enterprising reporter has to describe the Marshall Plan, without naming it, to Trump and ask him whether he thinks it was a good idea. That oughta be fun.”

    Same with the ACA.

  • jesterpunk

    I guess its time to press the red button.

    https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7686/17067082607_0a9127b47b.jpg

  • Daniel

    He bravely presented his isolationist policy of international intervention, of nation state steering their own course at risk of obliteration by the US should it disapprove of them just as Miller and Bannon wanted.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I thought Cillizard was being sarcastic with that “Poetic” thing. Once again, he tricked me into overestimating him. Somehow.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Just in case you’ve forgotten the title of Cillizza’s corner of the CNN website…
    http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–qvttRWlV–/oxh6jv5xdp9li4gew3hc.gif

  • Reddishrabbit

    I personally rate movies just after the opening credits. That’s why Godfather is terrible and Transformers III is the best movie ever made.
    I call it the Ciliza Review System

    • Daniel

      I find a great number of speeches boringly samish. “Ladies and gentlemen” I mean! What even is the point? Say something new!

      • Reddishrabbit

        I know, right?

  • Ωbjectifier
  • ariel_gee_398

    I’m glad Ivanka and Jared were around to moderate Donnie’s views. In the original version of the speech, he probably promised to nuke all of Asia instead of just the 25 million or so people in North Korea.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Never get into a nuclear war in Asia…

  • msanthropesmr

    I thought Randy Newman was satire!

  • Me not sure

    “…Rod McKuen on bath salts.” Pure poetry Dok.

  • Crystalclear12

    Yeah but remember what a warmonger Clinton was!?

  • Iron Monkey

    He actually said “Valley of disrepair”? What a numbskull. As is the right wing nut job who drafted it.

    • therealpuredog

      My thought is that he misread it.

      • Iron Monkey

        I saw it in the Post, where they covered it from the printed hand out.

    • Nockular cavity

      Wtf, is that an auto junkyard?

      • BrianW

        BRB, am off to copyright that name and idea….

        • Three Finger Salute

          I’d apply it to Silicon Valley because I’m sick of the modern tech industry (Google, Facebook and such), but that’s just me.

  • Rick Hill

    So, if we want any indication of how things will now play out, this one statement covers it; “trump is playing solely to his base”
    The crowd who wants to tear it all down without regard for consequences, start a trade war because fck those guys and kill anyone because “we’re better than them and shouldn’t put up with their shit.”.

    • Meccalopolis

      He’s going full nazi because he hopes they’ll take to the streets to save his ass

  • msanthropesmr
  • Latverian Diplomat

    “The USA should put USA interests first. As all nations should…put USA interests first. Same rule for everyone, so that’s fair.”
    — Donald Trump

    • mailman27

      Not only fair, but pure poetry.

  • Raan

    Never change, Chris Cillizza oh wait no please change.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Fuck Chris Cillizza. Given Donnie’s track record, anyone with the brains to pour piss out of a boot would have been smart enough to reserve judgement until the speech was OVER, instead of praising a couple of phrases early on that happened to not be completely incoherent bullshit. How many fucking times do these stupid fucking assholes have to relearn the same goddamn lesson!??!??

      • Vincent Ricola

        It’s like you are in my brain today.

  • Tom65

    Wondering when Elton John is going to hit him up for royalties.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “I’ll settle for your resignation, mate. Or better yet, a do-over of the illegitimate 2016 election!”

      – Elton John

  • NotALiar

    I just can’t get over this. Union together understand the consequences of a nuclear war. I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around his unbelievable stupidity. This isn’t a joke anymore. If he isn’t physically removed right now we may not survive his nuclear war. I don’t understand why we are letting this happen.

    • Anna Rompage

      Don’t worry, some aide to Mattis replaced the launch codes with 867-5309…

      • laughingnome

        Yeah but who wants Jenny vaporized?

        • Three Finger Salute

          I have a cunty aunty named Jenny who is an absolute psychopathic bitch, so… me.

  • Asterix

    I want a time machine. I want to go back in time to the place where, when a President of the United States said something, the rest of the world didn’t respond with WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?

    • Joe Beese

      I don’t envy the translators who had to work on “loser” used as an adjective.

      • Meccalopolis

        They were high

    • ariel_gee_398

      I want to go back to a time where 30% or so of the American people didn’t think we ought to be represented by an absolute moron who threatened nuclear war and displayed his ignorance like a fucking merit badge.

      • Vincent Ricola

        I want to go back and look at the dinosaurs.

        • therealpuredog

          You may get your chance.

        • Uncle Mark

          You can just turn on the TV and watch the Republican reptiles in session…and the big-mouthed, tiny-hand T-Rex in the White House

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Bring a battery pack, because there won’t be any outlets or gas to charge or fuel your time machine in dinosaur times.

          • Vincent Ricola

            Solid pragmatic advice.

      • Three Finger Salute

        You want to go back to 1976?

  • Scooby

    Trump figures if he invades NK he can get 50% of on an Iran invasion.

  • Anna Rompage

    Was it just me, or did he seem like his uppers started wearing off about half why through the speech?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Alex Jones will pay for this!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They really need to look into an IV for these longer speeches.

    • Reddishrabbit

      You’d think he’d get the good stuff too.

    • Daniel

      He was on pills trying to distract from Russia probes.

      Benny and the nyets.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    That Right Wing Slogan about “putting USA interests first” conveniently ignores the fact that things like the Rule of International Law, Worldwide Peace and Prosperity, and accepting refugees might actually be in our interest.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      And also seems to ignore a number of ways Twitler’s “foreign policy” seems to do anything but put America’s interests first.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Actually no. USA First means USA ONLY. No other countries are even allowed to exist.

  • Reddishrabbit

    I’m a little surprised he didn’t say he was the only who could fix the world. Slipping.

    • cmd resistor

      That’s because he thinks he has already pretty much fixed it, or at least more progress towards complete fixing than anybody ever.

  • proudgrampa

    Fuck this guy. He’s not even qualified to be dog catcher.

    Fuck.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      The crazy old dude who sits at the end of the bar got elected President, and instead of impeaching him as unfit for office, people like Cilizza try to pretend he’s normal, or might be normal, or is going to be normal someday…or something.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. If Trump were dogcatcher, you’d be scouring your neighborhood for stray dogs before he came through because you wouldn’t want them to end up in his (tiny) hands.

      • Meccalopolis

        BTK was a dog catcher

  • WotsAllThisThen

    That speech sounded better with the original shoe pounding.

  • tehbaddr

    And I think it’s going to be a long long time,
    till reality brings me round again sometime…

  • Scooby

    We will be greeted as liberators!

  • jesterpunk
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    A few people on CNN’s Twitter feed were basically okay with wiping 25 million or so people off the map…as long as none of those people were Americans.
    Yeah…this is who he’s talking to.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “YEAH! HAIL LORD TRUMP! He’s finally gonna kill ALL the fuckin’ Japs once and for all! FUCKIN’ MAGA FOR LIFE!”

      “Um, you do realize that’s where anime comes from, right?”

      “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER DOWN!!!!”

      (seen live at Mar-a-Lago):

      https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/9038815/6.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Should the US Attack North Korea? Text 9847 for yes!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You will be asked to donate to the Trump Family Legal Defense Fund.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Win a free* iPhone X answering a few easy questions about nuclear war!

      *Offer not valid on planets that no longer exist.

  • Iron Monkey

    Amazing that he was sober. Sounded like the drunk at the end of the bar.

    • mancityRed6

      hey! you’re the one who keepsh buying me drinksh

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    JFC, Did Chris Cillizza get beaned on the noggin by one of Trump’s drives?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Trump on Cillizza: “One of the dumber and least respected of the political pundits.”

      STILL the only thing the son of a bitch has ever been right about.

      • Lefty Wright

        Well, he did say a few nasty things about Ted Cruz and Little Marco.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Also that the Internet should be cut off. He just didn’t want his Internet should be cut off.

  • Vincent Ricola

    For the love of sky god, why does Chris Cillizza still have a job? I could do a better being a “CNN editor at large” and I can’t spell or use commas. Fucking fuck.

  • Joe Beese

    “It was as Trumpian as expected, and we are getting used to it,” one European diplomat said.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/09/19/trump-warns-against-authoritarian-regimes-in-un-speech-242876

    • Reddishrabbit

      Once I’d never thought I’d heard that said about an American President in my lifetime, but the fall is a lot faster than I ever thought it would be.

  • susan_g

    How long until some pundit says or writes, “today, he became president”?

  • Joe Beese

    Geoffrey will be sold off to an animal testing lab.

    Toys R Us Files for Bankruptcy as Latest Victim of Retail Crisis

    • Vincent Ricola

      Or released to be hunted by one of the Trump boys.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Bain Capital!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Nuke Amazon from above. They killed off a local Rhode Island landmark called Benny’s and, yes, even as a millennial I blame millennials.

      • sincarne

        Millenials did it? But how does avocado toast even relate to Toys ‘R’ Us?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Lol. Not Avocados. The iDildo generation.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Yeah it’s rough for Geoffrey, https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d4ab3b0acbf1a29f95d40f6badf08d15a7de920b0f6779e4d7faf001aced80e4.jpg but this long forgotten kangaroo had a family.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Chris honey?

    If you don’t want to have your tweets criticized on the basis that they were delivered in real time, maybe stop and think before you tweet. Just an idea…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/33b2a512674280d7a56134cdb21db229f39136d2f4a505cbbc4047af27f1eb7f.jpg

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You should know by now to wait until he gets to the end of his speechifying.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        I don’t think I’d have to wait two minutes before knowing that this speech was, in every conceivable way, Not Poetic.

  • SayItWithWookies

    One of the steady repeating points of the harangue was that everything is the UN’s responsibility now. Maybe the UN can solve the North Korean crisis. The UN should do something about Iran’s nuke program. And then, not enough other countries are paying their fair share, and the US is carrying the burden. Because if the world wants US foreign policy to do stuff, they’re gonna have to pony up. I imagine this comes from his speech when he hosts a dinner party.

  • Indiepalin

    Maybe the UN can help straighten out my cable bill.

    • Anna Rompage

      Maybe the UN can help us straighten out our health, income inequality & poverty crisis…

  • TootsStansbury

    This is the U.N.. can’t they do something? Impose sanctions? Take away his phone and send him to his room with no ice cream? Drag him before the world court?

    • Asterix

      For years – back to the GHWB administration – the RWNJ conspiracy people screamed in panic of the UN invading the US and taking over.

      If only they could.

    • Crystalclear12

      They spoke with his nanny about putting him to bed early but Nanny Kelly said it’s best just to let him get out it of his system and to just ignore him.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Oblios_Cap

      Huh?

      • Daniel

        The external team is Gorka’s self aggrandising term for people who have been fired and are now having to glorify their trolling comment boards all day.

      • Elendira

        you got to optimize the synergy of our core competencies

      • TJ Barke

        External team = nazis directing Trump’s policies.

    • Nockular cavity

      External team = the voices in Trump’s head?

    • mailman27

      Yeah, Seb, I guess it’s a living you pompous tool. “External team” my ass.

  • Crystalclear12

    Ryan and McConnell: he makes an awful puppet.
    Putin: tell me about it.

    • Parakeetist

      Thx squee

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I am going to touch all of their bellies and noses.

    • Meccalopolis

      Johnny on the pony! Zzzzz

  • Gemz
  • OneYieldRegular

    Trump’s Marshall Plan (#MMPGA – hat sold separately) will be to help Russia build a bulwark against Europe.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    What say ye, ThinkProgress?

    Nowhere in the speech did Trump appear to see the irony in threatening other countries at an institution meant to uphold peacekeeping.

    Nor did Trump explain why other countries would want to negotiate with an administration that’s so eager to undermine America’s international agreements, such as the Iran nuclear deal.

    Still looking for logic from POTUS? Well, after eight years of Obama that’s an established habit that will take some time to break, I guess.

    • Meccalopolis

      Listening NPR trying to analyze the speech like he was a normal fucking person: I can’t even

  • Reddishrabbit

    It is amazing to me how so many in the media want to make Trump a normal politician instead of the racist uncle who keeps going to the bathroom and yelling at the Mexicans for taking jobs and blacks for being criminals. Just give up, it has been 70 years, he isn’t going to change now

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      A lot of them are fucking cowards, alternating between trying to fit him into some sort of semi-rational “presidential” blueprint so they won’t seem as horrible for being complicit in helping to get him elected, and sticking their heads in the sand to avoid thinking of how dreadful the consequences of their complicity might end up being.

    • SisterArtemis

      Geez, if only it was restricted to the bathroom. He keeps yelling from the front porch, sometimes in the town square. We need some sharp-tongued Auntie to knock him down a peg or three.

      • Shanzgood

        Maxine has been doing well.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I think it’s a form of denial. If they face reality, they’ll melt down into OMG OMG OMG WE’RE DOOMED.
      Which while isn’t literally true(yet), would at least be acknowledging brutal reality. Meaning we can then move on discussing how to fix it.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • Joe Beese

      In fairness, they were probably jet lagged as hell.

      • SisterArtemis

        Especially grueling, then.

    • spangled

      trump is one of the few world leaders that makes mugabe seem almost normal

    • OneYieldRegular

      They’re all like, “We know Robert Mugabe. Robert Mugabe is a friend of ours. And you, sir, are no Robert Mugabe.”

      • LesBontemps

        But he’d sure like to be.

        • Three Finger Salute

          No he wouldn’t. He doesn’t want orange to literally be black.

    • SnowBomber

      I think it was one or more of the guys from Zimbabwe they caught laughing.

    • Meccalopolis

      This cracka

  • Oblios_Cap

    “it is the President’s vision, and that’s the only way you should think about it.”

    That fucker has poor eyesight, methinks.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    ♫Vernichtungskrieg, vernichtungskrieg, it’s only tuesday but I doubt we will see the end of the week. ♪

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      You add ONE german word and no likes for a funny post.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    Thanks a fucking lot, “reasonable” Trump voters.

  • ariel_gee_398

    We dodged a bullet not electing Romney. He clearly has no fucking clue what the UN charter says if he thinks isolationism and threatening to kill 25 million represents living up to it.
    https://twitter.com/NBCNightlyNews/status/910164805033644040

    • Fartknocker

      Just shut the fuck up Mitt and go outside and brush Rafalca, your fucking pony. Also, Paris called, they don’t want your help at the 2024 Olympics.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Poor Rafalca. Nopony deserves Mittens and Mormon Barbie.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      And with that, R-Money destroys the tiny bit of respect I had for him after that video of him criticizing Twitler.

    • Oblios_Cap

      But think of all of the BYU grads that would have supplemented W’s Liberty and regency grads in our government!

  • Daniel

    Chris Cillizza doesn’t appear to know what “partisan” means.

    • wait! what?

      CC would probably say:

      “…it’s a certain time in a young man’s life…”

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Not being a fucking self-satisfied idiot is apparently a partisan thing now.

    • therealpuredog

      He thinks it’s the honorific for a Japanese guy throwing a party.

  • jesterpunk

    Where are Susan Sarandon and HAHA Goodone to tell us again how Hillary would have been much worse then Trump and how we should burn the whole system down?

    https://media.giphy.com/media/k9kKWKaUEDBM4/giphy.gif

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Cillizza has obviously never opened a poetry book in his life.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Only Vogon, I’m afraid.

      • LesBontemps

        And only Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning.

        • pstokk

          I remember we had to memorize that in 6th grade.
          Good times.

  • proudgrampa

    We are freakin’ doomed…

  • Iron Monkey


    We were especially impressed by the poetic part where Trump delivered a limerick about Kim Jong-un’s wiener.

    There was a young man from Pyongyang
    Said to have a gigantic wang
    But his hands were tiny
    Though his medals shiny
    And he finished too fast with a bang

    • Reddishrabbit

      This is the moment he became the President.

    • pstokk

      OK challenge accepted.

      There once was a fellow named Un
      Whose pecker was shaped like a spoon
      When viewing his rockets
      He played pool in his pockets
      And whistled a militant tune.

      • mailman27

        There was a dictator named Kim
        Who ruled with both vigor and vim
        As he polished Kim’s knob
        Trump reportedly sobbed
        “Oh I wish I could be more like him!”

  • Bitter Scribe

    When Chris Cillizza tweets “in real time,” he is immune from criticism. Those are the rules.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Chris Cillizza can kiss my fucking ass. Worthless, incompetent piece of shit.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      It’s impossible to overreact when you’re doing shit extemporaneously. FACT.

    • Iron Monkey

      He should stick with unreal time.

    • capnkrunch

      I wish that I could find a time stamped video or transcript. What do you think the chance is that Tweet was really made before “rocket man”, etc?

    • Major_Major_Major

      Gotta love ole Clitzilla’s steaming hot takes.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Doing X in real time will replace the whole “pulled it straight out of my ass” thing.

  • Scooby

    Any estimates on how much a war with China will cost?
    http://www.newsweek.com/china-north-korea-preemptive-strike-649802

    • Parakeetist

      Elebenty kadillion dolers.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Four Brazilian.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Nothing, because these idiots think when we stop trading with China, we’ll magically start making all the shit here that we used to buy from them, thus leading to incredible GDP growth and wealth.

      • Scooby

        Well, we do produce more fortune cookies than they do.

        • ariel_gee_398

          I’m sure we lead in cookie production and consumption.

      • Joe Beese

        iPhone X… Made in the USA!

        Base model: $8,299

      • georgiaburning

        Where will we get the parts? The tech supply chain was offshored thirty years ago

        • ariel_gee_398

          One of the many flaws in their plan…

    • Covfefe

      Don’t worry about the cost. Trump will lower taxes and borrow from China, just like W did in Iraq.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Everything.
      It would cost, everything.

    • C4TWOMAN

      AOT’K

    • Ricardo Santos

      The problem is, no matter the amount, that it will be hard to borrow from China this time. It was a trillion for the Iraq war when Obama put it on the books, and he was later accused by Republicans of being the big spender.

      • Scooby

        I was concerned we wouldn’t get the tax cuts in ahead of going to war.

      • Ms.Moon

        The United States cannot afford another war and if China is smart to prevent it they will call in the debts owed to them by the United States that will throw a spanner in the works about the next round of war drums.

  • Parakeetist

    This fucking motherfucker. Man, fuck.

    (BOOM)

    I just asploded. Will somebody scrape me up with a tiny shovel? Thanks.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Do you mind being shopvac-ed?

      • Parakeetist

        Okay, thanks.

  • SisterArtemis

    Gee, same “style” in closing a response, as various posters who have not lasted around here. It’s apparently a thang.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b3178acd022f32caa09d87a9a46614081824f87e4d6938d507328dbeb185d278.jpg

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Yeah, I remember one in particular. It got really annoying really fast.

      • mailman27

        Almost immediately.

    • cmd resistor

      Wingnut bro likes that closing as well, especially if he has no response whatsoever otherwise.

  • Daniel

    Has everyone forgotten he’s threatened this twice before and his bluff got called both times, and his own Secretary of State admitted it was bullshit?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Dutch minister of state dept just said on TV that it is like raising your bluff to full maximum knowing you have shit cards.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Donnie would be the world’s worst poker player. He probably loses at “Go Fish” with his grandchildren. Actually, they likely let him win sometimes, because they are far more intelligent and mature than he is, and they know it makes grandpa happy.

    • Daniel

      Well Kim has called his bluff twice already. Somehow his base hasn’t noticed.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        That’s why he said “raising” . ;)

        • Oblios_Cap

          I just saw that in Casino Royale.

    • janecita

      I like your minister. Do you wanna trade?

    • therealpuredog

      “Hey, you Dutchies oughta lighten up. I got lotsa bombs.”

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        We have some of yours as well. ^_^

  • Relativicus

    No left out. No left out. You’re left out.

  • Pisto75666
  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    A much more poetic speech than Trump usually gives.

    And then the murders began.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      This made me lol for real. And then I started sobbing. It got … awkward … here in the office for a little while.

    • armed_bears

      Again, the best Wonkette-ism of 2017.

  • tehbaddr
  • laughingnome

    And covfefe was Earth’s last word…

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • ltmcdies
    • wait! what?
    • tehbaddr

      “There are always two”.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Palpatine was competent.

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      The prequels rule. There, I said it.

      • Joe Beese

        I saw Attack of the Clones and damned if I can remember anything about it other than Padme’s midriff. (Stripped down for action!)

        Maybe people were fighting with lightsabers at some point? And a space dogfight?

        • tehbaddr

          And then there was Jar Jar, there’s always Jar Jar!

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I remember her teller sulky Darth Jr. She didn’t want a physical relationship while wearing the skimpy costume

      • TJ Barke

        The fuck you say?

    • Joe Beese

      I know! Because it’s a shitty version of something that was so much better the last time!

  • Nockular cavity

    Chris Cilliza on the first four minutes of WWIII: “It’s going great so far!”

  • PixieThis

    Oh chris, you ignorant xxxx. So defensive, so stupid, so….useless – except for making fun of – this idiot doesn’t have the brain capacity to be presidential, so stop being the kind of *cough* journalist who pretends that he is just because he didn’t throw his mashed carrots against the wall.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    All Takes Matter!

    #InRealTime

  • bookish

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/first-images-london-bomb-suspect-091057468.html

    The first images of one of the suspects being held by U.K. police after the bomb blast on a London subway train on Friday have appeared in British media.

    • wait! what?

      After all this time, I’m starting to think that there are a few militant Syrians who seem vexed with western intervention in their part of the world…

      • Three Finger Salute

        But won’t someone please think of the Golan Heights settlement project?!?

        (Seriously, won’t anyone?)

  • Three Finger Salute

    ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

    Wicked and few are the only words he can say…
    Tired of winning, we are most everyday…
    And if the Donald blows up our home,
    (Blows it all away!)
    It just wouldn’t be fair,
    ‘Cause wicked and few are his true fans who just don’t care!

    ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

    • RMKH

      Ah, a bad 70s pop band riff. Two demerits for you for putting that tripe in my head – it was my sophomore year girlfriend’s fave. Climax, wasn’t it?

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Yes, yes it was. Now I need a smoke.

  • mailman27

    “Radical Islamic terrorism…we must drive it out of our nations” Churchillian? I’m thinking more like Keats or John Donne. Words soaring on the wings of a friggin dove!

    • laughingnome

      Reptillian

    • tehbaddr

      Radical White Religous Terrorism, we must drive it out of our nations!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Joe Beese

      It’s an easier gig than that of the woman sitting to his left.

    • laughingnome

      She’s got that smoldering “kill me now” look.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “Oh no…if he’s happy, he’ll want sex. I think he’s happy…”

    • Joe Beese

      I guess the representative from Zambia had to use the john.

    • Melons looks like she’s combined prescriptions again. She’s got that Botoxycotin glaze.

      • janecita

        She can’t even open her eyes. No lie, she is the stuff of my nightmares, she fucking scares me!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Why can’t they supply enough for the rest of the country? We all need it right now.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Big pharma is working on that, never you fret…

        • Three Finger Salute

          I was hoping for a rush on cyanide, personally.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            On the Beach

    • bookish

      General Kelly, living the dream.

    • AJ Milne

      Kelly cartoon thought bubbles:

      ‘I could grow a beard, move to… I dunno… somewhere in the Himalayas? Somewhere they have no televisions, and don’t speak English? I’m pretty okay with goats.’

      ‘… selling used cars, maybe? Would that be so bad? Cars are fun.’

      ‘Shoulda listened to Mom. Learn to play piano, Johnnie, she always said. Mom, you coulda pushed me harder, there.’

    • Mary Theresa

      He’s wondering why the shock collar he put on Trump isn’t working.

    • Nightflyer

      He’s clearly missing the good old days as a Marine drill sergeant, when he could scream in Recruit Trump’s face to “motivate the situation.”

      • Meccalopolis

        What is your major malfunction! !!!111!!

        • Nightflyer

          Who could ever forget R. Lee Ermey in “Full Metal Jacket?”
          By the way, he was brought in just to be a technical adviser to the movie. So Kubrick asked him to come in to a staff meeting and do a bit where he’d yell like a DI, purely improvisational, so that they could properly cast the movie. Kubrick wanted to show his folks what a DI was like.
          Ermey did so, and did it so well, they wound up casting him instead of using him as a technical adviser. He was great.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “That’s too bad.”

  • ariel_gee_398

    Not to be a pedant, but isn’t Kim launching missiles, not rockets?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    French telly just did a report on Trump’s speech. The journalist said that Trump doesn’t really want to go to war, but he’s a prisoner of his own words (“fire and fury”).

    • ariel_gee_398

      Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure. He loves playing war games.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Would you like to play a game? Angry Birds, Words With Friends, Pokemon Go? How about Thermonuclear War?”

    • Joe Beese

      I suppose you could view people as being “imprisoned” by their stupidity, but I don’t.

    • OrG

      The French chris cillizza?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Not really, he’s not a pundit. He’s just the correspondent of the channel in the USA. I do think that french journalists tend to underestimate Trump’s madness because as non US citizens, they feel kind of detached from what’s happening in America.

    • jaspersdad

      When you start with ‘fire and fury’, there’s no place to go. Negotiating 101.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Except “a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing”.

        • therealpuredog

          And then the murders began.

  • laughingnome

    Radical American Terrorism

  • janecita

    Dear Chris, concentrate on what you do best, talking shit about Hillary Clinton. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/97dd50b21be114c49781b4c68212e0f24fd68bcb1043be8ebc274ee80c224c57.jpg

    • Vincent Ricola

      SHE’S TEARING US APART!!11!!!1

      • janecita

        She is so shrill!

        • pstokk

          Have you heard her laugh?

          • OrG

            EMAILS!!!!

          • janecita

            BENGHAZI!

          • janecita

            Her evil “warmonger” laughter?

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          She has cankles

    • bookish

      HEADBANDS!!

    • shivaskeeper

      She voted to go into Iraq relying on cooked, faulty intelligence that was not known to be cooked at the time. Obviously a warmonger

  • Elendira

    So Trump and his Administration thinks that they can just nuke another country and possible destroy 2 othesr in the crossfire and then world will just sit on their asses and cheer us on?

    Even if its North Korea, the world nations will be at our throats, not to mention China and Russia will do to us. Fuck this guy

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Threatening 101: Never threaten anything that you are not 100% sure you can and will do. If you even have to consider whether something is a good idea, threatening to do it is a waste of time. All you are doing is giving the other party something to exploit when you don’t follow through.

    • jowgajen

      I really think that bit about China stepping in to defend NK is a sticking point ….

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        It’s not like we didn’t get to learn that from our last Korean adventure

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “If Dad killed everyone he talked about killing, would any of us be here?”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      The Trump Doctrine: Speak loudly and carry a very small stick

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Give him a break! His tiny hands can’t carry a big stick.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You would think a “great dealmaker” would be aware of these simple facts…

      • shivaskeeper

        A great deal maker would be aware of this. Two Scoops in no great deal maker though.

  • Elendira

    North Korea: United States is unstable and a danger to all Koreans and we must develop weapons, especially nuclear weapons, to defend ourselves from these reckless imperalists.

    Turmp: Hey Motherfuckers, you want a nuke. I will give you a fucking Nuke. look how presidential I am. yeah!!!!!!!

    North Korea: (mic drop)

    • jowgajen

      How the fuck did he manage to make Kim Jong Un look comparatively rational?

      • TJ Barke

        With relative ease, apparently.

      • RMKH

        Kim:. I will make maximum war on the world because I am the craziest MF on the planet!

        tTump:. Hold my beer

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    THE BEST reply in Cillizza’s Twitter feed:

    https://twitter.com/leyawn/status/910159679380246528

  • Crystalclear12

    OK, so can we apologize to the UN as whole or do we have to apologize to each nation separately?

    • jowgajen

      Separately, in their native language, with perfect pronunciation, in the prone position while pushing a lavish gift towards their feet with both hands.

      • Crystalclear12

        Well, that’s going to take a while.
        Every time he fucks up or can we just do it once a month?

      • therealpuredog

        Sounds legit.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        That could get expensive. Maybe just blowjobs?

    • Joe Beese

      Guterres tells Trump he has to go stand in a corner of the planet and think about what he did.

      • therealpuredog

        And watch him try! It’s a round planet!

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Faca-se, idiota.” -Guterres

        Technically it’s foda-se, but faca-se is a colloquial Portuguese expression also meaning fuck you, asshole The word faca means (a) knife, but is a cognate with the English fuck. As a verb, facar, “to knife (or stab) someone,” the violent gesture refers both to the literal violent act of stabbing and a mutually understood reference to being “shanked” in prison. Literally the worst form of a “fuck you” you could ever give.

        “OK,” which Donnie does a lot and did all through his speech, is also like the middle finger in Lusophonic cultures, but a “feminine” form rather than the phallic gesture from the Anglo-Saxon. The hole made by pressing the index finger and thumb together refers to a woman’s “hole,” or vagina. The rest of the fingers extended are like her pubic hair. The subtext of this being “fuck your mother,” so also especially heinous. Guterres cannot be happy with Donnie’s “sign language,” because for his whole — er, “hole” — speech he’s been saying “fuck your mom in the pussy”.

        Now see, if he employed some local “cultural dialogue people,” he might have been told not to do that. And yet, he’d probably do it anyway and then nuke Portugal if he could even find it on a map.

    • ltmcdies

      When does Merkel get to talk

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Dumkopfvefe!”

  • bookish

    https://www.upi.com/Top_News/World-News/2017/09/19/Report-40-million-live-in-slavery-125-million-in-child-labor/2931505835454/

    Sept. 19 (UPI) — Forty million people worldwide are enslaved and another 125 million kids work child labor jobs, new research compiled by three organizations indicates.

    The non-governmental activist group Walk Free Foundation, the intergovernmental agency International Labor Organization and the United Nations’ International Office for Migration presented the statistics during the U.N. General Assembly in New York. The combined efforts and databases are the first unified effort to present the full scope of world slavery.

    http://www.ilo.org/global/about-the-ilo/newsroom/news/WCMS_574717/lang–en/index.htm

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Any word on how many of those kids are employed by Ivanka Trump?

      • TJ Barke

        Couple dozen at least.

      • Joe Beese

        To empower women, you’ve got to disempower kids.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Those kids just don’t know how to “architect” their own lives.

      • laughingnome

        AOT/K

    • Joe Beese

      99.5% of people not enslaved…

      Doesn’t sound so bad when you put it that way.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Replace them with robots! It’s the humane thing to do! But… please don’t tax us so that there’s any money left over for them to afford food and shelter. That’s so analog. Worse than Windows 95.” -Techbros

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Forgive me, Dok, I know this is off topic, but FUCK Lindsey Graham, fuck Bill Cassidy, fuck John Cornyn, John Thune, Mitch McConnell, and every other asshole who is saying “Obamacare doesn’t work, let’s pass our policy, which is TOTALLY going to fuck over the morons who voted for us, but we’re hoping they’ll be too stupid to notice, and blame Obama.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Lindsey Graham “this is a uniquely Republican idea.” Right, asshole, because it’s going to fuck over poor and middle class people, so that the rich can get a tax cut. I hope your party owns this shit, totally.

      • jowgajen

        You know what was a uniquely Republican idea? Obamacare in the first fucking place. Now you got nothing but spite and greed, you cunty pantywaists.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Not OT. The article is about psychopaths.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Here, have some more psycopathy, from Jonathan Chait. He seems to think they’re going to make Berniecare MORE likely:
        “Perhaps the oddest thing about the last-ditch Republican plan to repeal Obamacare is that it is being sold not as a repeal of Obamacare — which is popular — but instead as a rebuke to a law that does not yet exist. “If you want a single-payer health-care system, this is your worst nightmare,” Lindsey Graham has boasted of his plan. “Hell no to Berniecare.” Graham’s weird promise that his plan “ends single-payer health care” has somehow taken hold, to the point where Republicans appear to believe it would foreclose even public debate on left-wing alternatives. The bill “stops us from having conversation in the future about Medicare for all,” claims Senator Tim Scott.

        It is bizarre to believe that directing power from the federal to the state level is irreversible. For an example of a major health-care law that federalized the role of health-care funding and regulation, we merely have to look at … the last one. To be sure, if state-based health-care regulation creates a paradise of universal coverage and low rates, then nobody will have much incentive to change it. But Republicans have zero examples of any such experiment working, and no reason to believe that lower funding levels will do anything other than reduce the amount of care.

        Enacting a massive legislation change with unmeasured but far-reaching effects in order to preempt future legislation is an act of incredible irresponsibility. But what’s most perverse is that it fails the test of internal logic. To the extent that the passage of Graham’s bill will affect the chances of Medicare for All passing soon, it will be to make it more rather than less likely.”

        • Joe Beese

          The way Chait has been writing about Berniecare, you’d think it had kicked his dog.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I know! That’s why I was surprised when he said this latest Republican shitstorm might make Berniecare MORE likely to pass. Personally, I thought Berniecare was kind of pie in the sky, but maybe the GOP will fuck everyone hard enough, that they WILL want Medicare for all.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Sometimes the side that’s wrong will become it’s most ridiculous and oppressive before a real change occurs

        • shivaskeeper

          I don’t even think that’s legal as far as telling future Congress what they can and cannot do.

          A present Congress cannot dictate what a future one does.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Honestly, I think it’s more a case of Republicans throwing shit on to a wall, to see what will stick. Business as usual!

          • shivaskeeper

            I mean they can effectively do it by staying in the majority, but it has been long established that telling even the next Congress what they can and can’t do is not allowed.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            They know they aren’t going to be in the majority for long. If Trump wins the presidency in 2020, I will be shocked.

          • shivaskeeper

            I agree but gerrymandering and voter apathy cannot be underestimated.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m hoping Trump has pissed off enough people, that he will be a highly motivating factor in getting people out to vote.

            There’s a secret part of me that wanted these assholes to repeal Obamacare, just so they could screw their own base. Unfortunately, they’re smart enough to kick the can down the road, so when the full horror kicks in, the rubes will be blaming the Dems, who will be back to running the show by then (I hope!)

          • shivaskeeper

            Ever time the put out a plan it doesn’t kick in until after the next midterm or even cycle.

            The problem is Trump is just the head of this boil. He may get voted out, or preferably resign ahead of the prep walk, but unless Congress follows, we will make no progress.

            I know you know that even if Hillz had won, without flipping one or both houses nothing would be getting done right now other than more never ending bullshit. There are plenty of the base who very well might not put a name in for President, but will still straight Party vote for (R) for every other down ballot race.

            My hope right now, and the thing I point out to those I deal with in the real world, is the GOPers own it all now. Nothing is still getting done. Anything that is bad is all on them, and the few good things have been because of bipartisanship.

            As for wanting them to get a repeal done, I understand. The vast majority of them will not get it until it hits them personally. But even then t seems a large percentage may not care as long as someone else suffers even more. In any case, if they do manage to push this through, the Dems should do everything they can to ensure it goes into effect as soon as its signed. Putting the pain and death off will not help in anything more than the very short term.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I really can’t believe Republicans are stupid enough to do this, strictly out of spite. It’s going to cost MORE to get rid of Obamacare, than to keep it. It’s just a spite based move, to please their idiot base, and their idiot base is too dumb to realize they’re screwing themselves.

            I read an article a while back saying that it’s probably best that Hillary did NOT win, since she’d be faced with this lunatic circus, and she wouldn’t have gotten anything done. I’m hoping Republicans just implode from their infighting, and end up splitting the party into two equally insane factions by 2020. That may be the only way we take anything back. Of course I’m also hoping OUR party doesn’t split into two factions.

          • shivaskeeper

            What other choice do they have? They have literally campaigned for 8 years on “give us all the reigns of power and we will make this go away”. They may not all be this stupid, but the heavily armed, anti government base they have stirred up is.

            Either they do what they said they were for going to do, or at a minimum they get removed from power in the next cycle. At the worst end of it, the same wingnuts they have been steadily stirring up will physically turn on them for being sellouts, or RINOs, or whatever else they see the government as in the fever swamps of their brains.

            That very well may be part of their infighting. The Tea Party was useful for getting GOPers elected, but then they started electing their own people who are just as crazy as they are. Anyone in the establishment knows their ideology and policies are stupid and cannot be maintained if they can even be implemented. They still need to walk a fine line with them as they are primed to hate the government and take out that hate if they feel like it. The whole 2ND Amendment solutions and reaching for the ammo box if the ballot box doesn’t work rhetoric.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I think most of their idiots are not really all that keen on policy. I don’t think they’d really care if their leaders gave up after the first 40 tries to repeal Obamacare. Most of them just want to feel like they’re “winning” and making the Libtards cry. I think stuff like the Muslim ban makes them happy, and building a dumb wall. Then the Republicans could get to what they really want – massive tax cuts for the very wealthy. Their dumb base doesn’t really even care about the deficit. They were freaking out when the black guy was president, but they won’t give a crap when Trump runs up a ten trillion dollar debt with those tax cuts.

            Uggh…these freaking idiots are really too stupid to be allowed to vote.

          • shivaskeeper

            You are right, they don;t understand or care about policy at all. I have said it before, but I don;t they are even capable of being happy anymore. They have lived with hate, fear, misery, and lies for so long that happiness is a distant memory for them. Misery loves company, so anyone who is still abel to be happy needs to be as miserable as they are.

            “Fearful, stupid, and hateful is no way to go through life son.”

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Obama care was THEIR idea from the 1990s, yet they hate it. They are sore winners.

          • nonononononono

            please keep calling. please keep the ACA in place.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            My senator is Miss Lindsey, so I don’t think my call will make a difference. Tim Scott just takes his phone off the hook (literally!).

          • Trip Space-Parasite

            Yah, but I was shocked last year too.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Some people stayed home because they thought Hillary had it in the bag, some thought Hillary would be “just as bad as Trump” and some people wondered what it would be like to have someone who knew nothing about government running things. I think most people see that he’s a clown, and I can’t imagine he’ll get re-elected. Of course, I could be wrong.

          • Trip Space-Parasite

            I really hope you’re right!

  • Mavenmaven

    War with Korea, and if his ratings go up after millions die we’ll invade Vietnam.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, we’re already in the middle of the Second War of Southern Regression.

      Please no 1812 redux again…

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Jesus. Sounds like his writers dusted off an old ChiCom UNGE rant from the ’50s, changed a few proper nouns and place names and handed it in. Of course he loved it…

  • dshwa

    Chris, I’m just spitballing here, but maybe take 5 minutes to ask yourself seriously if maybe it’s not us, it’s you.

  • btwbfdimho
    • Joe Beese

      “Saturday Night’s Alright For Launching Missiles Across The DMZ”

      • wait! what?

        “Quiet, Please. There’s a Baby on Stage.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      🎶 Hold me closer, tiny fingers 🎶

    • btwbfdimho
  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    This photo says it all about his royal anus’ UN speech… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6f7d9c9d586fb3cae9bf133cb8d174ca82579f3f358e9468bfca50b5e122109d.jpg
    Had enough yet, Kelly?

    It looks like he’s got a five alarm headache on top of the one he already has a 24/7 basis since becoming a member of cultTrump™,

    No sympathy here.

    • jowgajen

      I would like to be a big enough person to feel sorry for him, because I genuinely think he’s doing what he thinks is his duty in the face of a giant shitstorm of epic proportions. But I’m not, and I don’t.

      • shivaskeeper

        I concur on all points.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        I’d love to be able to hear the thoughts in the heads of all the other people in the photo. Even Melanoma’s.

        • jowgajen

          Lady next to Kelly has clearly taken her translation headset off.

          The one next to her is *not* happy.

          Melania looks pained, but she always looks pained when forced to look at her husband. So hard to say if she has any policy thoughts at all.

          Frenchish lady next to her is thinking of what she ate for breakfast and wondering if it’s going to come back up.

          Gentleman in the front below I can’t read as well. Possibly curious about the future, in a Nietzschean way.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          She looks like his Russian handler…

        • cmd resistor

          The ones with earphones are hopefully listening to music.

          • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

            With the volume on 11.

      • actually i do and i do.

  • jesterpunk

    Remember those ads before the election with the people managing and maintaining the nuclear weapons? The ones that said they where scared that if Trump won he would order them to launch them? Yeah somehow people saw those and figured it would be a great idea to elect someone who said they would use them when they could.

    • mancityRed6

      don’t want them standing around doing nothing, it’d be almost like welfare
      put ’em to work!

      • jesterpunk

        Call me crazy but those people are the 1 group I want to be sitting around doing absolutely nothing. They can sit there and watch movies all day and get paid for it.

        • mancityRed6

          the boredom is probably what led them to flunk a few piss tests a year or so ago.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The base is too dumb to realize that we’re not the only country in the world that has nukes.

    • Elendira

      why have nuclear weapons if you are too much of a pussy to use them. MAGA!!! MAGA!!!! yeah!!!!

    • Three Finger Salute
    • therealpuredog

      I believe Trumpie’s exact formulation was “Why have ’em if you’re not gonna use ’em?”
      ETA: Didna scroll.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Brains?

  • ManchuCandidate

    This is what happens when you elect General Jack D Ripper as your preznit.

    Dr StrangeFinger or how I started worrying and hated Trumpanzee voters.

  • ltmcdies

    https://twitter.com/tweetmommybop/status/910203352369295360

    You really never want to see that expression on the face of the Chief of Staff when the Donnie talks

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I posted the second one down thread, but I didn’t see the first one til now. My, oh my.

    • Elendira

      Gen. Kelly: Oh god, I am going to be totally standing trial in the Hague by this time next year.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “Gen. Kelly slumped in his chair in defeat upon realizing he was too far away to execute Operation: Chloroform.”

    • Marceline

      Sorry General. When you climb in bed with the devil you can’t be surprised when he fucks you.

    • cmd resistor

      And no barf bag in sight.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Donnie is the chief of staph.

    • Covfefe
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      The Yahoo comments section.

      • Youtube

        • Paperless Tiger

          RT.

          • Three Finger Salute

            AOT,K. Also too, Reddit, The Hill, and CBC.

      • therealpuredog

        Lower case “y.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      This is why comments are not allowed.

    • that wins my day’s internet.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Lindsey Graham: “Democrats ONLY want to let Obamacare languish, they’re not willing to work on a bipartisanship basis.” Right, motherfucker, you went out of your way to include Democrats. I hope you fuck your base six ways to Sunday, but of course you’re too cowardly to enact Trumpcare immediately, you have to phase it in over a decade, hoping your dumb base will forget who fucked them.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      So what are Lamar Alexander and Patty Murray doing, playing tiddlywinks?

      • Covfefe

        Couldn’t describe it better myself.

    • armed_bears

      Imma say that South Carolina will get an asswad of cash to delay the final realization.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Graham promised a bunch of states more money, to pressure senators into voting for it. He fails to mention that the money will eventually run out. He DID bring up how we can’t afford health care, he did NOT bring up how we can afford another huge tax cut on the wealthy, and another massive military bill.

  • The Wanderer

    Gurth am Glamhoth, what a goddam travesty. Well, America, ’twas fun while it lasted.
    I think a rum and Coke, heavy on the rum, with dins tonight. Maybe a bedtime cup of coffee with a tot of Jaegermeister as a nightcap.

    • Werewolf

      Aurë entuluva!

    • therealpuredog

      Bedtime coffee? Yer doin’ it rong.

      • The Wanderer

        Nope. Caffeine settles me down.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Me too. Especially if alcoholic.

      • Mormos

        decaf is a thing.

  • Theory: Dick pics are turning young sluts into prudes.

    Proof:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/86b7175709fc2edb4c487b3be7f83e78cd4392274f5b3a6855406cba2ba3f970.png

    Either that or they’re too busy laughing

    • Oblios_Cap

      The way things are going, they need to start getting their sex in while there is still time.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Nah. If we’re all going to die anyway, why make it worse by suffering from herp-a-derp or AIDS until you get there? I’ll just sit and read the Trubama saga. Worst I’d get is a computer virus from some Russian tracking pixel embedded in FanFiction dot net.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Wow. Gross unsolicited hairy dong pics were the key to abstinence this whole time. The evangelical crowd really got this one wrong.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They finally wizened up?

    • SeeTrain65

      Laughter is the best contraceptive of all.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    People praising the speech: Republican lawmakers, Mike Huckabee, Bibi Netanyahu.
    Yeah, we’re fucked…

    • Three Finger Salute

      With or without Bibi Jr’s hooknose memes?

    • jowgajen

      The best people. The best.

    • therealpuredog

      There was a think-piece in the NYT on. . . .Sunday?. . .about Trumpie’s apparent complete lack of a sensayuma, and I found myself thinking: This could be a series. Let’s do Hucksterbee next.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Well, hell, I can save them the effort. Just look at Mike’s “jokes” on Twitter…

    • Nightflyer

      Can Rocket Man do an “over the pole” shot and destroy the Northeastern United States?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I doubt it. I suspect he doesn’t have a thermonuclear weapon that could be carried by his longest range missiles anyway.

        • Nightflyer

          Hmm…but he could take out Japan, South Korea, Guam, or Hawaii. Bad enough.

        • Nightflyer

          I like your title: “Cynical Zombie.”

  • jesterpunk
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I posted this on my Messenger feed and people loved, loved, loved it.

  • jaspersdad

    It was the first time in my life I ever, on reading the words, “The President will address the U.N. tomorrow” thought, “Oh, God, NO!”

  • Marion in Savannah

    A little late to this, but just in case nobody has put this up yet:

    https://youtu.be/frAEmhqdLFs

  • jaspersdad

    Iran’s foreign minister responded to Trump’s general assembly address on Twitter.

    https://twitter.com/JZarif/status/910205888677470208

    • ltmcdies

      Alrighty then

    • altleftjohn

      Tell it to the victims of your medieval regime, you fucking theocratic asshole.

      • therealpuredog

        Yup, this also too.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Even that was partly our fault. The people fell for a populist demagogue who was going to kick out the Shah. Once he got into power he purged the liberal anti-colonialists and installed a theocracy. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.

        • altleftjohn

          The ordinary Iranian knows about our role in overthrowing Mosaddegh in 1953, even if most Americans don’t. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammad_Mosaddegh To that extent, we are to blame for much of what happened in Iran since then. I believe that our policy toward Iran has been largely wrong-headed since then, especially with respect to our support for Iraq during the incredibly bloody war in the 1980s that Iraq initiated. But it’s no excuse for Iran’s support for terror and inflaming the Sunni-Shiite divide.

          • true but it’s not like any of trump’s shit is going to help.

      • jaspersdad

        Human rights leaves much to be desired. In a debate of who’s worse, I will still take Iran over KSA where political opposition are headless rotting corpses.

  • BeachBum

    I didn’t hear his speech and I’m not gonna, so could someone please tell me what Kim Jong Un eggzactly has to do to get hisself all blowed up ? So when it happens, I will know to buy extra beer and tuna fish.

  • handyhippie65

    ?!……….

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    So, if you think Kim and his generals were paranoid, desperate and a little berserk before, imagine now…..

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      This sort of trial balloon doesn’t help either.

      https://twitter.com/CNN/status/910216982489911298

      • Rags

        This is super brilliant. All we have to do is miss once and suddenly that deterrent is gone; it is a far better deterrent if never tested.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        So they’re just openly trying to start shit.

        Awesome.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Who was the speech writer? The turtle from Finding Nemo?

      • arundel

        Most likely that wretched ghoul Stephen Miller. Of “American Carnage!!” fame. Smug fucker must be pleased with himself, alarming the world with the worst speech ever.

        • MarciaCAdkisson

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    • therealpuredog

      Is Cillizzard a Boston boy? “Wicked stupid.”

      • Trip Space-Parasite

        Lizzard libelzz!

    • gene108

      Lauren, honey, you ain’t know white man to get a job and keep a job and be bad at it.

    • therealpuredog

      I do rather like Ms. Duca. Why, if I were a pharma bro, I might even be able to work up a good obsession.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Careful. That kind of talk could get your ass tossed in the pound.

        • therealpuredog

          Woof.

  • gene108

    North Korea has nukes. North Korea has missiles. There’s not much anyone can do to stop them now. You just don’t want them selling their nukes and missiles to other countries.

    If North Korea attacked anyone, the government there would be hit very hard by a lot of adversaries, so they are a barking dog, who won’t bite. They are not an immediate concern.

    What is sad is the U.S. has no response to real and immediate problems like the mess in Yemen, which seems to be largely ignored by our media.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      If you are threatening to destroy them, might their leadership decide they have nothing to lose by launching a first strike and at least going down swinging? This is like watching a couple of lunatics having a fart lighting competition in a powder magazine.

      • willi0000000

        i wish it was something as safe as that.

      • Three Finger Salute

        So that eclipse was prophetic after all.

        They’re living in a powder keg and lighting their farts.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Because it’s “our terrific ally” Saudi Arabia that’s doing it. The media never admitted that 9/11 had nothing to do with Saddam and everything to do with the goddamn center of Wahabism. Wahabism is a particularly virulent strain of Islam being spread all over the world by Saudi Arabia. It doesn’t represent the whole of Islam and in fact, Wahabists are the ones killing members of reform sects like Ahmadiyya and the Ismai’li Shi’a. It’s just like there’s Jimmy Carter Christians and there’s fucking Westboro. There’s Bibi and there’s Albert Schweitzer. Fuck, there’s the Dalai Lama and there’s that Sukiyaki whatsername who’s some human rights advocate if she’s ignoring the Rohingya. If all of Muslims everywhere were bad, that Aga Khan guy would have flown a Bombardier into Parliament Hill and made Trudeau pay for it bigly. The Saudi oiligarchy is evil. And they get away with it because, well, oil and because they’re squatting on Mecca.

  • RMKH

    Raise a little hell, raise a little hell, raise a little hell.

    Mission accomplished Agent Orange. Perhaps Missles Accomplished as well.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      If Netanyahoo is in charge of Israel, tell me again why we support Israel?…

      • Three Finger Salute

        Because the Hitler Jesus prophecy and Lebensrauming dirty Muslims to avenge the Holocaust.

        Other than that, I got nothin’. Oh, wait: oil.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Well, fuck oil….

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            I prefer water based lubricants, myself.

        • Roadstergal

          And Bibi knows it. He’s been courting the crazy Christian Rapture-mania wing for a long time, and has done very well with it. Fuck that guy.

      • BigCSouthside

        I’m not too sure. They have the military strength to basically beat the shit out of anyone in the region.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        For purely practical reasons. Intelligence sharing and ideological unity.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        for the same reason we’re hoping the rest of the world doesn’t give up on us because we have Donnie in charge?

        • Werewolf

          Thank you.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Because teh Bibble tells us so! You one-a them thar HERETICS?!

    • Paperless Tiger

      Yeah, it’s not every day you hear an American president threaten to start a nuclear war at the UN.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Pretty sure it’s a first.

    • therblig
    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      STFU, Bibi!

  • bookish
    • Three Finger Salute

      “Despite the negative North Kovfefe”?

      There’s no words on that speech! FUCK IT, I’LL WRITE IT! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    This picture of Kelly kinda sums it all up
    https://twitter.com/Shareblue/status/910188129591681026

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I’d sit stone faced too if I was coming the realization that the fucking lunatic in the oval office is fucking looking to start WWIII and send us all back to the stone age.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Meanwhile – clueless and fabulously wealthy Melania has been deserted by France & Zambia…

      • BigCSouthside

        Is that Blue Steel or Magnum?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Botox.

  • bookish

    galen humphrey @galenh
    ·
    1h
    Replying to @Shareblue and @KailiJoy
    Crotch Man threatens Rocket Man; if war occurs both fleshy boys will hide in their bunkers while innocents die for their galactic stupidity.

  • SnarkON

    Great, now I have fucking “Rocket Man” stuck in my head.

    • doktorzoom

      I think it’s gonna be there a long, long time.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        ISWYDT

      • Jimh

        Oh no, no no.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        my walkup music for Gene Kranz

  • 🐶 BRAINTHRUST 5000 🐶

    Fuck Chris fucking Cillizza

    • Red Richmond

      He’s trying so hard to disprove the truism that a broken clock can still be right twice a day. At the very least, he’s certainly the exception that proves the rule.

    • SeeTrain65

      Now THAT’S poetic.

  • Saxo the Grammarian
    • Angela Ruzzo

      My mother didn’t buy that one for me. Instead she bought “My Guardian Angel” which was more comforting, but completely useless.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Jesus Christmas this shit makes me want to scream into a pillow. For HOURS.

  • whitroth

    Y’know, just *one* nuke can ruin your whole day.

    “Look out, look out from your schoolroom window
    Look up, young children from your play
    Your bright young eyes will turn to ashes
    In the blinding light of Enola Gay,” – Enola Gay, U. Utah Phillips

    Just one question: which nation in the entire bloody world did he *not* piss off?

    • gene108

      Russia

    • Angela Ruzzo

      When I was a girl, if someone said “That was close!” the response was “Close only counts in horseshoes.” Then I took a class in nuclear war in grad school and looked at the maps presented by a military guy who was invited to show us how many people would die in Miami if nuclear bombs fell, with all these pretty, color-coded circles of different levels of imminent death and destruction, and I thought “Close only counts in horseshoes and nuclear bombs.” You could miss the target by 10 miles and still kill millions of people.

      • Mormos

        my grandpa always says “horseshoes and hand grenades”

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I’ve heard that one. I would guess that land mines count too.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific
  • TundraGrifter

    “Nice little ‘earth’ you have there! It would be a shame if something happened to it.”

  • TundraGrifter
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Ran on TV once. Immortalized forever.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      https://youtu.be/Tj9M34DzAKo The Missiles Are Flying Halleujah!

  • motmelere

    Trump could read the most profound statement ever and I would still hold back praise until the end for fear of tic-tacs & puss grabbing.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      He could read Shakespeare and I would want to vomit. His voice is so repulsive.

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        Yeah, N.K. note-taking guy has listened to more than I ever will.

  • ltmcdies

    In other speeches…Macron says some nice things

    https://twitter.com/UN_News_Centre/status/910224324048584704

  • Angela Ruzzo

    This is so fucking embarrassing. I have already heard from European friends about it. They call the US “Trumpistan.”

  • JustDon’tSayPeter
  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Welp, I made up a Bingo card yesterday trying to anticipate what loonytunes would come out of Trump today (“Obama” “#corruptHillary” “bigly” and so forth) but I utterly failed, I see, to include “Rocket Man” or “threat of nuclear war.” I apologize. No matter how fucking insane we understand the Orange Deviant to be, he will still somehow exceed our wildest nightmares. What a pig. Horrendous.

  • therblig

    now he’s going to make the UN great. where can i get my MUNG hat?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Do what now? I couldn’t hear him over the principled, sober professionalism of Messrs. Kelly, McMaster, and Mattis.

  • Edith Prickly

    John Kelly does the mother of all facepalms at the UN
    https://twitter.com/Kyle_Feldscher/status/910200900341387264

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      “Fuck this, i am going to the nearest bar and get drunk”

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Ooo!
      Melania has her “take me seriously” pantsuit on.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        At least she had a clue. One clue.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      “Jesus Christ, Mueller. Would you hurry the ever lovin’ fuck up already?” – Gen Kelly

    • miss_grundy

      First at the Trump Tower. Now at the U.N. I wonder where Kelly will show his embarrassment next?

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    $130 billion to rebuild Europe after WW2? That’s a bargain. All we’re getting for that much is Houston. Although I’m sure there’s fine people in Houston, its basically a petrochemical hell hole from what I’ve seen.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Texas is not sending its best and brightest to the rest of the US, believe me.

    • Anne Rogers

      What did the US get out of it- overrated food and sneering disdain from cowards?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I was asked about Rocket Man’s wiener
    And I’ll tell you, it’s like a pipe cleaner
    When it comes to North Korea
    I have verbal diarrhea
    Next time, I’ll be sure to be meaner

    -DJT

  • Roadstergal
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    so if I tell Chris Cillizza that his tweet was wicked bad and that he’s a righteous hack, does that make me poetic?

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      I’m an old, and need enlightenment, is “have a great day” the new STFU?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        “Bless Your Heart” used to be only Southern. Is now a universal.

        • The Flaming Carrot

          A fakely-sweet motorcycle chick in North Carolina said that to me after she saw that I was covered in blood and mud from a hiking fall (but cut in front of me to get to the drinking fountain at the trailhead). It took all my self-control not to punch her in the mouth.

      • Have a great day is the great internet way to admit someone totally ran over you, backed up, ran over you again, and jumped on your remains, without actually admitting it.

        • HellhathnofuryDemme

          A certain lupine hunter said that to me, and it sounded a tad passive aggressive.
          Thanks!

          • The Flaming Carrot

            Me too!

    • H0mer0

      depends on the type of poesy you are striving for.

  • BadKitty904
    • Anne Rogers

      Is that why BO destabilized Libya and Syria?

  • bookish

    Rocket man. He’s just so proud of that. He thinks he’s really done a thing. What an ignorant child.

    • I still do not get how it is supposed to be an insult when all astronauts and wanna bes would kill someone for that same nickname,

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Donald J. Trump: Fuck-up Man.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • aktlib101

    What a National Embarrassment. Dolt45.
    A green light to dictators (almost) everywhere. Chaos is good.
    MOFO idiot.
    How will we (and the world) recover?

    • miss_grundy

      Three years from now a Democrat will win and it will take two terms to clean up the mess left by this asshole. And you know how the American people will reward this Democrat? By hiring a Republican to replace him or her.

  • Paperless Tiger

    The President of the USA just threatened a massive terror attack against the civilian population of North Korea, total destruction. Western Civilization now means nothing. Kim Jong Un may have finished off the Pax Americana by firing a few duds into the ocean.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      He is a monster. Evilness and mental illness are a deadly combination.

      • Kim Jong Un is a pretty nasty piece of work, too.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    This just showed up on my Jabber feed:

    Only for internal use is Vladimir Putin’s memorandum concerning the “American Project”.

    After listening to Donald Trump today at the United Nations, I realized that he was hopeless idiot who would not take care of US sanctions against us. How very unfortunate. One might think that greedy, debt-ridden American businessman will move heaven and earth to help ExxonMobil, and we do business so that everyone can become immeasurably rich.

    At this time, my instructions are to scrub mission and release pee hooker tape for wires. Thank you all for your hard work. Not a word about it is outside, or you’d better ask someone to try your soup!

  • Panika MCD

    after reading those Cillizza tweets, I’m convinced that Chris Cillizza is WT.

  • ziggywiggy

    “I spoke with President Moon of South Korea last night. Asked him how Rocket Man is doing. Long gas lines forming in North Korea. Too bad!” Is anyone going to point out to him that most citizens in NK don’t own cars? http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2017/sep/19/donald-trump/are-gas-lines-forming-north-korea/

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • bookish

    https://shareblue.com/world-leaders-watch-stone-faced-as-trump-casually-threatens-nuclear-war-at-un/

    It was not a carefully planned part of his speech, vetted by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley, or any of his aides. Instead, it was a typical Trumpian moment in which he added, at the last minute, a threat of war, the consequences of which he clearly does not understand. According to MSNBC reporter Kristen Welker, Trump added those words himself.

    “The United States has great strength and patience,” Trump said. “But if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea.”

  • TundraGrifter

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6731514148c67151f044f535740e3748bf218b77e3328dde1d5e6d8d63e4a87c.png

    “Sir – You need a ticket if you want to sit there. Now please LEAVE!”

  • Me not sure
  • BreakingDeadMen

    Like Kruschev, but unhinged.

    • phoenix00

      > Like Kruschev, but unhinged dumber.

      FTFY

  • themidniteskulker

    He’s a spellbinder.

  • Incoming Ham

    Our Tweeter in chief in the kid from the Twilight Zone.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETfzfy0jy74

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Yup.

  • bookish

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/09/19/552201844/senator-mulls-nuclear-limits-on-trump

    There was some consternation Monday on Capitol Hill after President Trump told the United Nations General Assembly that “if [the U.S.] is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea.” Congress is, after all, the only branch of government constitutionally authorized to declare war. And that would seem to include nuclear war.

    President Trump told the U.N. General Assembly Tuesday that the U.S. may have no choice but to “totally destroy” North Korea if forced to defend itself and its allies.

    But Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Bob Corker says it’s complicated.

    • Swampgas_Man

      One big bang isn’t a war, it’s a . . . a STATEMENT.

  • Tiny kaiju

    “Wicked few”
    Chris, that’s not poetry that’s how someone in New England tells you how many Munchins are left.

  • bookish

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/attack-north-korea-could-spare-021841392.html

    “I don’t know what plan would not put Seoul at risk,” said Melissa Hanham, a senior research associate at the James Martin Center for Nonproliferation Studies. “The bottom line is: North Korea does have the artillery. It’s vague enough that I want to give [Mattis] the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot conceive of a way where you would militarily engage with North Korea and not put Seoul at risk.”

    Seoul’s geographic proximity to North Korea has been a deterrent for U.S. military intervention on the Korean peninsula. Pyongyang has thousands of traditional arms ― rocket launchers and cannons ― buried in the mountains just north of the Demilitarized Zone that could rain down upon Seoul’s skyscrapers if Kim felt threatened. The weaponry, built up in the decades since the end of the Korean War, is heavily fortified and would be almost impossible to take out in one fell swoop.

    Jonathan Pollack, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution specializing in Korea and China, was puzzled by Mattis’ statements, arguing that the defense secretary is usually a “voice of real reason” in the Trump administration.

    “He’s a very sober, careful guy,” Pollack said. “Frankly, I haven’t got a clue about what he’s talking about … He knows what the terrain looks like, he knows what the risks are, he knows how deeply buried and dispersed the North Koreans are… I guess I’m having difficulty connecting the dots.”

  • IrishGrudge

    So, has anyone asked Sir Elton John to weigh in on how he feels about Führer Trump using his song title to describe Kim Jong Un? We get it Donald. You heard a song in the 70s, and you remember words from it. Jesus Christ.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      I’ve had that execrable chorus stuck in my head all day, which would be bad enough if it weren’t put there by someone who thinks its cute to threaten the total annihilation of a country with it.

  • phoenix00

    Is Chris Cillizza a good journalist? Or is he a GOOOOOOD journalist who needs to do journalisms gooder?

  • MarciaCAdkisson

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !si295d:
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  • The Flaming Carrot

    For the 314,159th time, why is this fuckhead still employed?

  • Peggy Ryan

    My grandson sometimes calls people names. He is 4. Way more mature than the moron in the White House.

  • Kitty Smith

    I have to admit, Cillizza is perfect for what he does.

  • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

    As part of the latest volley in the war of Elton John song titles, Un vowed that if the Madman Across the Water sends Bennie and the Jets to bomb his country, he will Burn Down the Mission.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    Yeah, what was the presidential part? The part where he told a bunch of African dignitaries that his con artist friends were making a beeline for their countries to Three Card Monte everyone to death or the part where he liberally abused what must be Elton John’s copyrighted material?

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