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GOOD MONDAY MORNING, WONKERS! We have MANY newses today, but FYI: Evan is on vacay, and Linda and I are in St. Louis covering the protests, but all systems are still go! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!

The Cassidy-GrahamCare (TrumpCare 3.0) bill is looking like the GOP’s last best hope to repeal ObamaCare and fuck the poor people and youths who kind of enjoy not going broke for the sniffles. Don’t sleep on this one!

The infighting of Trump’s legal team has gotten hilariously out of hand, spilling out into a popular DC steakhouse where one of Trump’s lawyers was overheard bitching about another lawyer over his cooperation in the Trump-Russia investigation. LOL!

Over the weekend, Trump tweeted some stupid insults about North Korea, then sent some adults on teevee to warn about the dangers of dealing with a nuclear-capable leader who is “reckless [and] irresponsible.”

HR McMaster and REXXON are clarifying that the US is definitely, maybe, possibly still thinking about the Paris Climate Accords after jamming a foot in the door that former President Bannon tried to close. [Archive]

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke thinks we should shrink the size of 10 national monuments, including protected areas like Bears Ears, Grand Staircase-Escalante, Gold Butte, Cascade-Siskiyou, and Pacific Remote islands and the Rose Atoll so that the poor, besieged corporations can frack and fuck the land until it’s dead.

Trump is in New York this week and set to address the UN, and it’s anyone’s guess as to who in the world he’s going to insult.

Donald Trump needs the UN if he’s going to prevent a nuclear catastrophe, but his history of dickishness towards the global governing body is messy, spans decades, and even includes his New York trash palace.

Worried about being associated with Trump, the number of charity events at Trump properties has tanked, while political organizations are flocking to win favor by booking events at his trash palaces and golf courses.

As Alabama’s special election to fill Jeff Sessions’s Senate seat gets ever closer, Trump is going all-in on Luther Strange and will hold a campaign rally to express how much he luurrvvss him, which is weird because you’d think he might back Mitch McConnell’s arch enemy, Roy Moore.

In a surprise move, the FCC is asking Sinclair Broadcast Group to cough up some more details on its proposal to buy Tribune Media, and “justify how this merger is in the public interest.” [Legal Docs]

A US Air Force Chaplain at a base in Ohio thinks that anyone in uniform not worshiping Christian Jesus is in service to Satan. I wonder if that includes Jewish Jesus, Black Jesus, tuxedo t-shirt Jesus, and Punk Rock Jesus? [h/t Wonkette Operative Erin!]

Democratic 2020 hopefuls are increasingly becoming the target of Trump as he lobs tweets and bombs, hoping to knock them off their game sooner rather than later.

There’s people straight-up asking if Trump’s administration is simply too stupid to accomplish anything in Washington, or if they’re succeeding at imploding the size and reach of the federal government.

Local governments have decided to flip the script and are suing everyone, from parents to journalists, for filing FOIA requests in order to stall investigations and avoid paying legal fees. Dick move!

Vermont is toying with a new healthcare initiative that rewards doctors and hospitals for healthy patients by giving Ameros for creating healthier communities in an attempt to limit health care spending.

Officials in Baltimore are trying to figure out how to prevent thieves from ruining their bikeshare program after they quickly figured out how to rip bikes out of docking stations.

As the coup to reverse every last thing Obama did continues, REXXON is mulling closing the US embassy in Cuba, in retaliation for “THE INCIDENT” that left several diplomats and their families sick and partially deaf.

While Trump gloats on Twitter about cutting off gasoline in the DPRK, intelligence nerds are throwing up their hands in frustration that his administration was supposed to focus on rare and volatile rocket fuel. OOPS!

Al Jazeera is pissed this morning after Saudi Arabia asked Snapchat to start blocking its content, furthering tensions in the Middle East with Qatar and reinforcing the notion that social media is a bad source for news. [Archive]

Bill O’Reilly is still full of sads about being “You’re Fired” from Fox News, and blames “forces of evil and darkness,” which is what he calls his dick.

Nobody gives two soggy turds about the third-person memoir of Roger Ailes’s wayward protégé, and all he has to show for it are night sweats and a hearty blackballing. This one is weird.

People are raising red flags about a crime reporter who may have bullshitted large chunks of his investigation into Baltimore’s drug trade after local reporters found it impossible to verify his stories.

At 92, Hal Holbrook is retiring his amazing one-man show, “Mark Twain Tonight.” Holbrook has been portraying Twain since 1954, and reportedly never gave the same show twice; often letting the character reflect on current events. Here he is telling youths about government lies and slavery.

The Emmys were pretty brutal towards Donald Trump last night, from host Stephen Colbert’s monologue, and his phenomenal opening musical number, to a special guest appearance by a podium-crashing Sean Spicer. Top awards went to SNL, VEEP, and Handmaid’s Tale.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Chelsea Handler has thoughts on white supremacy after Labor DayThe Daily Show shared some thoughts about Donnie and Ivanka’s bullshit excuses; and Bill Maher is taking back states’ rights.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Asian small-clawed otters! They’re so squeaky!

Wonkette is supported only by readers like you, so give us money — we got bills and need more coffee!

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  • Nounverb911
  • bookish

    http://abc30.com/news/maria-forecast-to-intensify-to-category-4-hurricane/2428416/

    Maria, now a Category 1 hurricane, is expected to become a “dangerous major hurricane” over the U.S. Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico by the middle of the week as a separate hurricane heads for the Northeast Coast, the National Hurricane Center (NHC) said Monday

    • The Wanderer

      It is being scrutinized with a most intense scrut, I can guarantee you.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You know, Hoax Harvey was pretty impressive, and Hoax Irma had its moments, but all these other hoaxes out in the Atlantic are pushing it. You reach a point where it stops being funny.

  • Nounverb911

    “Trump is in New York this week and set to address the UN, and it’s anyone’s guess as to who in the world he’s going to insult.”
    All of them, Katie!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    The Thanksgiving episode of Master of None was brilliant, and I’m delighted it won a writing Emmy. I was not surprised Angela Bassett was nominated, because she was amazing. I wish she’d won. I wish Sean Spicer had stayed away. Not ready for any of Twitler’s people to be rehabilitated.

  • Nounverb911
    • coozledad

      In Nuremberg, it was known as “The Dock.”

  • Bananas Foster

    The otters have released a statement clarifying things after some misunderstandings.

    “Small clawed, assholes, not small handed. It’s not the same thing.”

  • Nounverb911
    • coozledad

      Sometimes those things come screaming back down in the vicinity of the launch pad. But it’s only audible after it hits.

      • Arolpin

        That would appear to be the best possible solution, Un dies due to a rocket-launch mishap. Unfortunately the DPRK would probably think it was sabotage, and go even more insane.
        I really, REALLY hope that someone (US, UK, EU, SK, JP, CN) has a long-term asset high up in NK leadership prepared to take charge if something does happen to Un and at least prevent them from shooting off everything they have in a suicidal orgy of defiance.

        • PubOption

          Kim’s sister appeared to be relatively normal, although I haven’t heard anything of her for some time.

          • puredog

            Never a good sign, when you’re a member of that family.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I don’t have the impression North Korea is a particularly progressive place when it comes to women in politics, but maybe family ties will make a difference.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      North Korea News Caption: “Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un’s extraordinary visual prowess renders binoculars unnecessary.”

    • Bright Bart

      whats that lamp plugged into?

      • Arolpin

        It’s not plugged in. The electrifying presence of Dear Leader provides all the power required. That is why the DPRK does not fear the war-mongering capitalist running-dogs, if they impose sanctions Dear Leader will smile and provide enough electricity for the entire Glorious Nation!

        • willi0000000

          so . . . he’ll be pulling that out of his ass too . . . just like every other thing he promises “his people”.

      • Bright Bart

        Juche

    • willi0000000
  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Officials in Baltimore are trying to figure out how to prevent thieves from ruining their bikeshare program after they quickly figured out how to rip bikes out of docking stations.
    1) Don’t hose bikes have locator beacons?
    2) How much do people really want to pay to ride a very heavy, slow bicycle favored by nerdy tourists?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Say, you know who else should retire his one-man show?

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      That one should have died in previews, but audiences can be so fickle.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Right? I mean, it’s just bad. Not even “so bad it’s good,” or campy bad.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          Too bad it played well in Peoria.

    • JohnBull

      Jimmy Fallon?

    • coozledad

      Mine retired itself.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Gallagher?

      • Catstro

        Never a bad time to remind people about this fantasticly weird article by Lindy West
        http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a-paranoid-right-wing-watermelon-smashing-maniac/Content?oid=4357855

        • coozledad

          I remember Gallagher being a fixture on the Mike Douglas Show and Merv Griffin. He was always on the bottom, trying to punch down.

          I think that’s the essence of his appeal to preliterates.

          I watched part of one of his HBO? special back in the 80’s, stoned, and for the first time, I was less of a paranoiac than the comedian. It isn’t even humor. He’s just reaching a tentacle out to form a co-slime with your id.

    • janecita

      Hitler?

    • Bright Bart

      Jeff Dunham, fucking puppets. SAD!

  • ariel_gee_398

    People are raising red flags about a crime reporter who may have bullshitted large chunks of his investigation into Baltimore’s drug trade after local reporters found it impossible to verify his stories.

    And I thought Season 5 of The Wire was unrealistic. Mea culpa, David Simon.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I thought the first episode of season seven of Game of Thrones was unrealistic. They nailed it in the other episodes though. My uncle had an undead dragon and if blew blue fire.

  • Nounverb911
  • Asterix

    OTTERS!!!!!!!!!!

    NYC hell week: UN opening session, Trump in town, and a tropical storm maybe, perhaps, impacting the area. What fun.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      We can witness Trump shoving other world leaders out of his personal rescue boat.

      • Asterix

        He would.

  • JMP

    How could the forces of evil be behind O’Reilly getting fired when he’s one of their favorite evil demagogues and sexual harassers?

  • JohnBull

    Graves? Start calling them “freedom plots” and change into a positive narrative. It’s worked before.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Trump furious at being served 7up at a UN luncheon. “I asked for a diet coke and got this UN cola instead. Typical.” said Trump.

    • puredog

      Is he going to have his electoral map translated into all the languages so he can hand them out to the delegates?

    • cmd resistor

      Ha ha! My favorite thing today so far.

  • Nounverb911
  • coozledad

    The catfight between Trump and McConnell is kabuki. They’re having oily nihilist sex.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      That’s ugly, man.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Anglo-French tensions increase as Macron and May dispute which of them is the sanest world leader with nuclear weapons.

    • The Wanderer

      Follow-up to our lead story: German Chancellor Merkel getting fed up about being the only grown-up in the room.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    Nietzsche wept.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trumpcare 3: Even More Bed Shittening will make Friday The 13th Part 3 and Godfather 3 The Nepotisms look like Masterpiece Theater.

    • Parakeetist

      The Shittening.

  • Nounverb911
  • ariel_gee_398

    It feels too early in the day for me to already have rage nausea, and yet: https://twitter.com/PDPJ/status/909664664275038208

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      They do that on purpose surround a group and give them contradictory orders.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Zero-sum policing. That’ll help.

    • coozledad

      Dress rehearsal. These are the fuckers who’ll mow down people in the American Tienenmen.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Shanzgood

      I am so over the Hillz shit.

      • puredog

        “Over the Hillz.” ISWYDT

        • Shanzgood

          That’s Wolf Tracker impersonating me. He’s not clever enough to make a pun like that.

          • Shanzgood

            Added: Please block and report anyone using my profile picture today and I am going incognito until that asshole goes away.

          • puredog

            Be careful. He may now whinge that you are attacking him personally.

          • Shanzgood

            Looks like he’s moved on to YOU now.

          • puredog

            Yup. “He likes us! He really likes us!” (Barf.)

        • Shanzgood

          I have a dog picture just like that.

          Maybe I will show it to you later.

      • ltmcdies

        fine…be prepared for similar media obtuseness in 2018 and 2020, just about some other politician

        • Shanzgood

          That’s a troll impersonating me.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I’m completely confused.

          • Shanzgood

            Wolf Tracker got banned and now he’s having an extended temper tantrum by impersonating people. It was me for a while, now it’s puredog’s turn, apparently.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            By hacking their accounts, or just spoofing them?

          • Shanzgood

            Impersonating.

          • Shanzgood

            Sorry. Spoofing.

        • puredog

          That’s a troll impersonating me, too.

          • ltmcdies

            oh for fucks sake….I guess I best be hovering over posts to make sure who’s who for the next little while.

      • jesterpunk

        Wolf Tracker, you really need to get a life and stop impersonating people.

        • puredog

          How is that ankle monitor working for you?

          Does it chafe?

        • coozledad

          Or just post as ‘Horseshoe theory.”

  • ‘Small Clawed Otter’ – Can’t decide to make a Trump joke or reminisce about my college days boyfriend.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Just took the test and although the official results won’t be in until wednesday the preliminary results are already in and I passed!

    No ve dance!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO_Hq0h5Pk0

  • Nounverb911
    • OutOfOrbit

      how much doz she know about the waxing and how doz she know it?

    • miss_grundy

      She’s jealous that those celebrities have better designers than the one she had on inauguration day.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      They just can’t help but talk about pussy, can they.

    • Shibusa

      Shibusa on Kellyanne Conway: “She got plucked & polished & waxed & didn’t eat for 2 weeks and for what? To sound the same as all the other Trump spokesbimbos.”

      • Shanzgood

        Plucked and polished and waxed? More like sandblasted and skim-coated.

        • puredog

          Your flat spot must be shiny as a new whistle.

          Or did you mean your bald head?

        • puredog

          Well, someone is phishing. I am puredog in reality, and I did not approve (nor write) the message below about Shanz’s alleged flat spot. And since this has appeared MINUTES after I took a snarky swipe at the not-visibly-present Wolf Tracker, Imma gonna go with Wolf Tracker. But I lack the technological chops to produce any actual evidence for this assertion.

          • Shanzgood

            I checked the profile so I know it wasn’t you and the you posting right now is really you.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Is she talking about Emmy attendees or Fox News ladies?

    • ltmcdies

      I remember a time not so very long ago when a WH spox talked policy or some current thing going on in the world.

      not obsess about the cool kids not liking them.

      • ariel_gee_398

        The tone is set at the top, clearly.

    • nightmoth

      Yeah–jealous. “Sean Spicer got invited–Why not ME? Waaaaah!!

  • Asterix

    Is it possible Roy Moore is even too fucked up for the Trumps?

    There is a part of me that hopes Moore wins and starts bible-spewing shit all over the Senate – whole new realm of “political theater”. And I think it’ll drive McConnell nuts, which is a plus.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • P’jama Pahnts

      WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE sorry, sorry, I just get certain things.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        They have to play along or they won’t get invited to the Right Parties.

      • shivaskeeper

        Does it cut taxes on the rich and corporations? If yes, then it is good.

        Does it raise taxes or fees of any kind on the rich or corporations? If yes, then it must be destroyed.

        Also they are greedy self serving pricks who will gladly destroy the word, even the bit of it they are standing on, if it will fuck over someone else. And they love punching down.

    • Asterix

      Surprising no one.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sorry….. Graham/Cassidy care is WORSE than previous versions of Zombie Trumpcare.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJy-NopXUAI3c8T.jpg

    • Well, yeah. That’s the point: make it so truly awful that the “Conservatives” come on board.

  • arglebargle

    “A US Air Force Chaplain at a base in Ohio thinks that anyone in uniform not worshiping Christian Jesus is in service to Satan. I wonder if that includes Jewish Jesus, Black Jesus, tuxedo t-shirt Jesus, and Punk Rock Jesus?”

    What about Steeler Jesus? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/053736fa677fa764cb7e6b76a77bc4a31836b0f722cbd40a100ba5a7353fea61.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    That Air Force chaplain needs to get persecuted right the fuck out of the military.

    • Bill D. Burger

      That old First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America………..is sooooo’ yesterday!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e755353cd4b0b5be0968dedc48e16aa15a6ad777af03460e0d274b03b165b36f.jpg

    • shivaskeeper

      With some luck, he will be the next “Chaps” Klingershmidt.

      The problem is the Air Force in particular is fucking infested with these SBC Evangelicals. So actually getting an investigation done is going to be an issue.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It starts in Colorado Springs, which is rank with these assholes.

        • coozledad

          It’s fucked up when SAC is mostly end-timers.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What could possibly go wrong?

        • shivaskeeper

          For the Air Force, most certainly. Service wide it starts with the Chaplain Corps itself and the criteria used to certify a Chaplain.

          While most of the other priests, pastors, imams, rabbis, and various other flavors of Chaplain go to some sort of mulit-year religious school to learn to be a (whatever), these fucks do a year at a Bible College and they get certified by the SBC as legit Chaplains. This is compounded by the Dominionist push to take over the military as one of the mountains. Where other denominations may have better things to do than be a Commissioned Officer, the SBC points their people towards the commission as the goal. If there are four slots avaliable for Chaplains there will be three of these pastors ready to go.

          In my time in the Army Baptist Chaplains were far and away the most numerous. They were also far out of proportion to the number of actual Baptists in the rank. Not all of them pushed this bullshit this openly. The ones that were going to push this tended to keep it quieter so as not to get get caught.

          My recommendation would be to do away with the Chaplains Corps as a whole. No more Commissions at all. If they want to serve they can volunteer or get paid by their home church. But then again, I had no use for Chaplains as a whole.

  • TrumpCare: coverage from cradle to early grave. Sometimes. To a limited extent.

    Hmm. I think that gets past “bumper sticker” slogan length.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Healthcare and education. Those are the twin drums I’ll beat until I die.

    • Daniel

      TrumpCare: from cradle to gravely ill. And mildly also too.

  • Nounverb911

    Has NBC cancelled the “Megyn lies about crap for an hour show” yet?

    https://twitter.com/VanityFair/status/909758954468757504

    • Finnibar87

      She’s no Christiane Amanpour!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        And certainly no Tamron Hall.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If they could send her back in time (and to another network), she would kill on 1980’s Good Morning America.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Isn’t that the Kathie Lee Gifford hour? Because that’s a office feud I would totally buy tickets for.

  • puredog

    Linkie to article about eavesdropped Trump lawyers at the steakhouse no work. Here it is, though: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/17/us/politics/trump-lawyers-white-house-russia-mcgahn-ty-cobb.html?_r=0

  • William

    Cheeto-shithead is such a socialist. https://youtu.be/6inQmf96SYQ

  • bookish
    • Bill D. Burger
    • Finnibar87

      The GOP simply does not want Americans to get used to health care, lest they spoil us.

      • Suttree

        The ability to go to physical therapy and job hunt again is the cause of all of the problems in this country.

        • Stulexington

          You mean the government should protect the workforce because taxes are it’s major source of income? You must be a Marxist/Leninist Commie Socialist or some other crazy words I don’t know the meaning of but sound bad.

          • Suttree

            The sad fucking thing is that this is how I think about it! I know that I am a commie moocher and all, but I really want to fucking work! For the happiness in my mind and the paycheck in my pocket. I really enjoy being sore at the end of the day, with the knowledge of a job well done.

          • Stulexington

            I know, and I’ve started delving into the numerical arguments (like welfare pays for itself cause it’s cheaper than throwing people forced to steal food in jail and has a much higher rate of return to the workforce) because if I have to argue about it I’m probably taking to someone who has no empathy.

            I’m getting ready to say “fine you heartless asshole, the numbers also support it so fuck off.”

          • Suttree

            I would like to steal you a drink. :)

  • The Wanderer

    A look at a cute cartoon series called Squirrel and Hedgehog, which was used to brainwash North Korean children. It’s a tad nasty, but it explains a lot:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iV41khJKhBs

    • PubOption

      “When there is no food because Dear Leader has spent all our money on missiles, you will have to eat squirrel and hedgehog.”

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      NO welfare for lawbreakers, fucko.

      • shivaskeeper

        Wingnut welfare is always OK though.

    • arglebargle

      Go ask Putin, fucker.

    • vivian

      Where do I send the box of ticks?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He breeds them to raise as pets.

      • Suttree

        As far as I know, wishing crotch leeches aren’t against the rules.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Another grifting Republican hypocrite and freeloader. Gimme’ gimme’ ……

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Ghenghis McCann

      I really must set up my counterpart to GoFundMe. It’s going to be called GoFuckYourself.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      *Searches through purse*

      Oh, I’m sorry, Mike. It seems that I have neither money nor fucks to give.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Aw, cmon — you can spare some pocket lint or a used Kleenex, can’t you?

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Maybe one of those old crumpled up unused panty liners in a dirty wrapper that I keep finding in the bottom of my purse.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Ask him what he thinks about the cutting of public defender budgets, though, and I’m sure he’d reply that our constitutional right legal representation is only applicable for white rich dudes.

    • Stulexington

      Sorry, no money to spare. Here’s some thoughts and prayers. Oh and they’re not in your favour.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      A Ha ha hahahha… Oh yeah, I got your donation right here, bitch.

    • bbayliss

      We could always just forget about due process and lock him up

    • therblig

      i’ll send him something from the Poodle Foundation later, in a plastic bag.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I’m sure my cats will contribute something. Which is worth more — crap from the litter box or furballs?

      • willi0000000

        isn’t a blivet traditionally in a paper bag?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I’ll contribute. Here’s a nickel.

  • TundraGrifter

    The GNoP’s Uncivil War rages on:

    SPEAKING OF MCCONNELL’S UPHILL TASKS — “McConnell’s mortal enemy might soon be in his caucus,” by Burgess Everett and Seung Min Kim: “Three words are striking fear in Senate Republicans these days: ‘Senator Roy Moore.’ The bomb-throwing former Alabama Supreme Court justice has vaulted to a hefty lead in Alabama’s Senate special election, lambasting Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell every step of the way. A Moore victory promises to make McConnell’s tenuous 52-seat majority even more precarious, allies of the majority leader warn, potentially imperiling tax reform, raising the risk of default on the nation’s debt or even derailing routine Senate business.” http://politi.co/2f3GIrv

    — THE NRA’S POLITICAL VICTORY FUND disclosed $786,537 in TV, digital and radio ads yesterday in support of Sen. Luther Strange in Alabama, according to an FEC report.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “The bomb-throwing former Alabama Supreme Court justice has vaulted to a hefty lead in Alabama’s Senate special election…”

      Just in case you thought Alambama might have some claim to credibility.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      McConnell was in “Fatal Attraction”?

      • Bill D. Burger

        That would also be a good title for the Republican’s agenda! ;)

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst in Mizurrah…
    Cops goin’ all fascist on everybody.

    Well…more so than usual.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029604885

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    There’s people straight-up asking if Trump’s administration is simply too stupid to accomplish anything in Washington, or if they’re succeeding at imploding the size and reach of the federal government.

    Yes. That is all.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And yet, that D.C. rally of his supporters (all 30 of them) claimed they were impressed with his record of “getting things done.” It must be an interesting alternate-facts world they inhabit.

  • Suttree

    I had to read all of those words to get to the otters!?

    • Finnibar87

      UNFARE!

  • Shibusa

    Seems entirely possible that Cuba wasn’t behind the ‘sonic attacks’ at all. Frankly that seems beyond the skill set of Cuba’s spy agency, which was famously clumsy and amateurish for 50 years. Also, Castro immediately invited the FBI to come and investigate.

    • Suttree

      My money is on Russia. Maybe I am naive but they seem like the country to do it.

      • nightmoth

        Ditto.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        My money is on some sort of hysteria triggered by a non human caused health problem in a few people. But I’m a cynic.

        • Suttree

          My bird flu makes everything taste like chicken.

        • cmd resistor

          False flag by wingnuts to have a fake excuse to cut off ties with Cuba.

      • Shibusa

        Have you read “Red Notice”? Fascinating, and disturbing.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’ve been following this story because it’s so weird and I am firmly in doubt that Cuba had anything at all to do with it. Not only is it an attack that is way out of their skillset, but it sounds like it may have also affected some Cubans. Castro is practically begging the US to investigate.

    • georgiaburning

      They were very successful running Ana Montes for so many years, but this really doesn’t look like their doing.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • writersbloc

    Link to Lawyers fighting at steakhouse seems broken?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    My cat was doing her best small-clawed otter impersonation this morning. But she doesn’t do the squeaking sound right. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0357eb3f4bb48f0614d0310778425733a1d2f1e63053d56a523e3c26c20a1f85.gif

    • Bill D. Burger

      Our mouser does that same maneuver with her Alaska-grown-catnip-filled sock.
      Looks like a CA sea otter on crack. Hugs the catnip-filled sock on her belly and rolls about. Always makes me just stop and smile. That’s powerful stuff to kittez’!

    • coozledad

      She looks like my Biguelito.

    • OutOfOrbit

      to me looks like yuuge youmungus giant cat rolling over houses & streets as seen from a high-up aerial view

      • Shanzgood

        So you SMOKED your breakfast this morning?

        • OutOfOrbit

          well not on porpuss, it wuz a accident, a misunderstanding about flames & heat & bacon (which you know all about)

    • Gayer Than Thou

      My cats like to do this wherever they can find the most dirt and dead leaves and then they curl up on the couch, covered in dirt and dead leaves.

      • willi0000000

        that’s just how they say “fuck you! now clean up this mess and then open me a can of expensive food . . . NOW!”

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      When one of our cats does that I tell my wife, “If he/she were a CBS news anchor, his/her name would be Dan Writher.”

      It gets funnier every time I say it, though she doesn’t seem to realize that.

      • Canned Covfefe

        “…though she doesn’t seem to realize it.”
        I can’t imagine why.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headlines from the future:
    – Florida “accidentally” spends Trumpcare block grant on new stadium for the Marlins.
    – Illinois Governor flees to Bolivia with suitcase full of Trumpcare money.
    – Scott Walker announces new program to provide clinical care at DMV offices. “Please take a number.” says Gov. Walker.
    – Sam Brownback refuses Trumpcare block grant, saying “It is too wasteful to spend this much on the weak and sick.”

    • SweetDeeKat

      Shit, I thought that was from today.

  • Daniel

    Trump is now asking his supporters to pay for the wall.

    This is called “keeping his promises”.

    • Finnibar87

      The worst part?

      Most won’t STILL notice the wall meme was simply an applause line, and will pony up the cash.

      • Daniel

        Yeah. They will never, ever see that he’s a tacky, bullshitting conman.

        • willi0000000

          and they won’t see the wall either.

          [ somehow contributions to The Wall Fund™ will turn out to be classified as charitable contributions to the t’Rump charity fund ]

          • Daniel

            When it raises a million, he donates that cheque he promised to Houston.

          • willi0000000

            your breath . . . hold it you should not.

          • Boscoe

            hahaha He’s never writing that check…

          • Boscoe

            Sure they will! At some point he’s just going to claim the fences that are already there were “the wall” all along, and because they were repaired and renovated while he was “president”, that means he “built” them! MAGA!

          • willi0000000

            i don’t think he will point to anything . . . he’ll just tell them that he did it.

            reports to the contrary are fake news and don’t take into account the latest Invisible Wall™ technology.

          • Boscoe

            Well sure, he’s not going to actually do any RESEARCH or anything.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s so (supposedly) rich, why doesn’t he pay for it himself?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He doesn’t even pay his bills. OPM is the only thing that keeps him in burnt steak, ice cream, and trophy wives.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Morning poetry-

    I have no regrets
    except, you know, the usual…
    the girl I didn’t ask out when I was 13,
    the girl I did ask out when I was 23,
    that time I got drunk and yelled at my friends,
    being mean that one time,
    that thing with the onions (don’t ask).
    All in all though,
    no real regrets,
    except maybe,
    missing my dad’s funeral,
    making the the girl I asked out when I was 23 cry
    because I was an asshole,
    the car wreck,
    fighting with my brother…
    Now that I think about it
    I’ve got many, many regrets
    and I don’t know if that’s a good thing
    or bad.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “it’s anyone’s guess as to who in the world he’s going to insult.”

    AOT,K?

  • jesterpunk

    God dammit, it seems our beard stealing impersonating troll is back today with a new account. Dok banned them twice yesterday but Wolf Tracker just won’t go away. If you see an unusual comment from someone check their profile. The new account only has about 10 comments. They also use the same avatar as the person they are impersonating.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He’s already gotten hammered again this morning.

      • ariel_gee_398

        He’s industrious, I’ll give him that. He gets more trolling accomplished before 10 am than most of us could hope to in a month.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He should probably run for president or some shit.

          • ariel_gee_398

            President of his HOA, perhaps.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That would be a match made in hell.

          • puredog

            Gotta keep the assholes out of the neighborhood!

        • bbayliss

          Will it end when he has to go to work?

          hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      • jesterpunk

        He made a new account already.

    • Finnibar87

      I know that poster from another thread, and I suspect he’s been had by a troll stealing his avatar and moniker.

      It happens a lot on Disqus.

      Also: I kinda hope so; the real Wolf Tracker never struck me ws such a little bitch.

      • Shanzgood

        Trust me. He is.

        • Finnibar87

          Oh, I have seen those posts, no worries.

          And they don’t sound like the other Wolf Tracker I know.

          Identities are easily stolen via Disqus.

        • Finnibar87

          The one posting here is a complete troll.

          The same ID on other boards isn’t.

        • puredog

          How is that lipo working for you dear and has your flat spot healed yet?

          Maybe there is a better forum for people like you. Try the Incels. They seem to be more your cup of tea dear.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I missed it. Wolf Tracker lost it? He often seemed reasonable.

      • Finnibar87

        He could have been hijacked; there are a number of trolls who hang out at MMfA pull that shit all the time.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Barstitches!

          • willi0000000

            farging ice holes!

        • Shanzgood

          His old account is gone but he’s still making references to conversations he had as Wolf Tracker so I’m sure it’s him.

      • Stulexington

        Seems like he did not like people poking fun at incels and then started accusing people of stalking him for responding to his posts. Things rapidly went down hill from there when he started demanding people stop responding to his posts and they responded with “it doesn’t work that way.”

        • puredog

          You should probably be careful spreading lies like that.

        • Stulexington

          Sorry, I already blocked you, you’ll have to come up with another account if you want me to see that.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        A friend’s description of a former acquaintance of ours: “She’s a great person about 95% of the time. But that 5%’ll kill you.”

        • Canned Covfefe

          Succint.

    • Marceline

      What is he going by now so I can block him again?

      • jesterpunk

        Number is hOIJzSJk5b, he is impersonating me now.

        • Marceline

          You can report him to Disqus for impersonation.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Ottercam. Ottercam!

    Mornin y’all.

  • Nounverb911
    • Querolous

      Senator Rand Paul ✔@RandPaul
      Graham/Cassidy keeps Obamacare and tells the states to ruin it. Hey! That’s my job!

    • Querolous

      ――

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      There’s a certain dazed look in the eyes of his daughter …

      • Snopes Shop

        Because daddy makes her shoot deer

      • Pilotshark

        maybe she goes to school and the kids tell her, that her fathers is an a$$hole big time, then proofed it.

    • Boscoe

      “Free” in the sense that WE have to pay for it.

  • writersbloc

    Reporter in Baltimore faking a big story… Season 5 of The Wire was pretty good.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I just woke up and turned on the teevee and our national embarrassment is nationally embarrassing us at the UN. Ugh. Mondays.

    • Bananas Foster

      If Trump is embarrassing America, it must be… a day.

      Or, it could be night.

      • Daniel

        Fake news!

        He also embarrasses America at night!

    • Daniel

      Nikki Haley yesterday explained Trump’s cretinous tweets as a result of him getting “emotional”.

      This is why a man has to be president.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Two southern senators gonna’ give you healthcare…..gonna’ give it to you REAL good. How could you not trust that face?

    https://radio.foxnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Bill-Cassidy.jpg

    • coozledad

      Phil Everly made an ugly corpse.

    • nightmoth

      When a barnyard rooster looks at you that way, it goes in the stew pot.

      • Daniel

        Certainly when it looks that way at Carl Weathers.

    • The Wanderer

      Raep Face!

    • therblig

      ned beatty has nightmares about that face

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “You sure got a purty mouth….”

      • The Wanderer

        Quietschen wie ein Schwein, Junge.”

        • therblig

          ah, german love poetry. so lyrical

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Needz moar banjo muzik.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      To which I want to say: “Is your hair on purpose?”

      • P’jama Pahnts

        *spit take*

    • LosFelizGuy
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      He looks like a Dick Tracy villain.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I got my coffee. And the world seems as fucked up as ever. Time to drive 240 miles to get a refrigerator. MOAR COFFEEZ

    • Suttree

      That refrigerator best give blowjobs!

    • Stulexington

      Sweet Jesus, even the hermit in the mountains thinks that’s too far from civilization.

  • reelreeler

    I hope Sinclair is denied the acquisition of Tribune. I live in the St Louis area and they already own one station here, complete with a half-hour, right-wing, ass-hat propaganda show every night before Jimmy Kimmel. We don’t need two more of our stations broadcasting that conservative tripe.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Maybe they can create a 24 hour Hitler Speeches Channel.

      • ariel_gee_398

        At least it would keep the SLPD entertained.

      • Vincent Ricola

        The History Channel had that exact program schedule from 2000 – 2006.

        • TJ Barke

          Yeah, but they weren’t on Team Hitler Did Nothing Wrong…

          • Boscoe

            They were just on Team Nothing But Hitler Ever Happened…

        • Suttree

          I like their new programming of aliens did it. Come at me bro!

      • Mavenmaven

        While of course arguing that Hitler was a leftist/antifa/Jew.

        • TJ Barke

          But applauding his “blood and soil” rhetoric, because cognitive dissonance is just their favorite.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    “Trash Palaces”? Is Mr. Dom unaware that they are very gold? I mean, that makes the automatically classy!

    • Suttree

      I also too have shit in a casino.

      • natoslug

        The croupier gets so pissy whenever I do that.

    • natoslug

      That explains a lot. Donut might be a lot smrtr if he’d focus more on Mind Palaces.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    OT: I am a really old old.

    How old?

    I found out that our new hire (a mid 30s woman in a STEM job!) Is the daughter of a former colleague that I haven’t seen in 20 years. I’m working with the children of people who were young when I worked with them:-(

    • natoslug

      I am not there yet. All I get is told “I wasn’t born until x years after that” when I make a totally hep pop-culture reference at work from my high school years. Still, my lawn, GTFO it, you whippersnappers!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        “That’s the year I was born” is what I used to get.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I hear ya. My “OMG I’m OLD” moment came when the babies I babysat for as a teen started having babies.

  • Boscoe

    FFS… so that “third-person memoir of Roger Ailes’s wayward protégé” is being ignored by publishers because, get this, it is written as a semi-fictional novel, not necessarily as an accurate historical account. You know, like the kind of thing O’Reilly would write. Well, I hope the stupid fucker at least got some “healing” out of the process of utterly wasting his time…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      What’s really interesting about that story is the part that I think Politico left out. They reported when it was all happening that both Ailes and Mrs. Ailes suggested that he was being groomed to accommodate Mrs. Ailes’ more personal needs after Ailes went.

      • Boscoe

        Urgh… good thing I’m fasting before surgery today. Blech. I did think it was interesting that Ailes’ secretary was trying to hook the guy up with “Fox staffers and on-air personalities” like some kind of private dating service. I’m sure they felt no pressure to comply…

  • P’jama Pahnts

    OT but I spent $400 on a record needle last night. There was alcohol involved.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Woah! I’m currently in the process of digitizing my giant collection of albums and may need another needle again soon. But not for $400. That better be the best needle ever.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        It was described in certain forums as a “good budget stylus”.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Came here for needling?

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Yes, Very stylus of me, right?

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Nice way to turn the table on me.

          • Daniel

            I think you’re both off topic. This whole site seems preoccupied with 45.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Unfortunately it’s a long playing problem.

          • theblackdog

            Maybe we need to bring it back down to 33

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      So sound wise, how does it sound compared to cheaper needles? My wife’s dad gave us his old record player and speakers. He bought it in Germany while stationed there when he did code stuff for the army during the cold war. Over 50 years old and still sounds incredible!

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Detail, warmth, more detail, tracking. My current cartridge is new but doesn’t track well. I get inner-groove distortion and some records phase out a little. This despite meticulous alignment and tracking force adjustment. This new one will be my first expensive one. My current stylus was *only* a hundred bucks. And yes I realize how deuchy that sounds.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Ha! Well I can’t say anything considering I recently bought a $500 set or markers. :P

  • ariel_gee_398

    OMFG that idiot is bragging about his hotel at the UN. Jesus christ. I’m all out of apology baskets for the rest of the world. https://twitter.com/jeffzeleny/status/909779544504193026

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      It’s never not about him. He more narcissistic and self-centered than most 3-year-olds I know.

      • ariel_gee_398

        I know, it just never fails to make me nauseous to think that some not insignificant portion of the population thinks this is an acceptable way for the President to act. Nevermind Barry’s fucking shoes on the desk, this disrespects the office.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          NEGRO shoes on the desk. Don’t forget the distinction.

          • ariel_gee_398

            True. Though with Trump, it was probably a combination of racism and jealousy because he can no longer raise his legs up like that.

    • jesterpunk

      Remember when Trump said Hillary would use the presidency to make money? It’s always projection with that asshole.

      • TJ Barke

        It’s always projection with all of those assholes.

    • TundraGrifter

      Remember he first met Jeff Sessions when Jefferson Beauregard asked him to testify against a $1.2 Billion loan to finance rebuilding the UN NYC building.

      Mr. Trump is hardly a William Zeckendorf.

      • CripesAmighty

        There’s a backstory: Donald put in a low bid on the project and the UN was all, “Haha, not even at that price. Go away with your tacky shit”, and Donald was all,

    • therblig

      any word on his electoral college victory?

      • ariel_gee_398

        That’s probably Section 3 of his address, after Section 2, titled “Both My Hands and My Dick Are ENORMOUS”.

    • Me not sure

      No one staying at that hotel during the speech could say the same thing.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      At some point he will try to put on latex gloves and complain that his hands are too big. Right after he shows off his election map.

      • Arolpin

        Unfortunately, the rest of the attendees at the UN will be so shocked that Drumpf is gloving-up before the handshake line that they won’t hear his joke about his hands being too big, they’ll just be gasping in shock at the breach of protocol. Drumpf will assume that they are stunned into silence by the size of his massive hands.

    • cmd resistor

      This is a joke, right?

      • Daniel

        I thought so too, but apparently there’s this thing called “the electrical college” and he really is President.

      • ariel_gee_398
        • cmd resistor

          Oh Geez.

        • cmd resistor

          Ugh I actually watched a clip of this )(without sound, just closed captioning). What a jerk. He looked like a kid who had to pee. When does he get to shove aside some world leaders?

          • ariel_gee_398

            I assume after he’s had lunch and a nap.

          • cmd resistor

            I read he was having a “working dinner” with heads of Latin American countries tonight.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Great, someone else will get two scoops of ice cream and we’ll be at war before dessert is over.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hey Blarney, long time no see. How’d you weather the storm?

      • MynameisBlarney

        The yard is a mess still. and there are still limited services here in the upper keys.
        I can only imagine how shitty it still is past mile marker 73.
        I heard they were still finding bodies which was why the roads were/are closed. But that is not something I can confirm right now.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Up north in the panhandle we just had debris and 36 hours without power. nothing too bad.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Wow, brutal! Glad you are OK.

        • The Wanderer

          Wonderful to see you made it through.

    • jesterpunk

      Hey Blarney, glad you are safe and hope your house wasn’t damaged too bad from Irma.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • The Wanderer

      I just laughed inappropriately.

    • theblackdog

      This explains the Mario and Bowser wedding Amiibos.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/915477f9fa54f7c60aeda313477ba68c815240d87ec8fc3d1f2a4f215c0213be.jpg

      (Seriously it looks like Mario and Bowser are holding their hands towards one another. My fiance and I have discussed putting them on top of a cake at our own wedding)

      • MynameisBlarney

        DOIT! And take pics. LOTS O’ PICS!

        • theblackdog

          I will! They just won’t show up here until next May ;-D

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    How does one “officially” report an imposter? Like to Dok or Disqus?
    That WT character keeps reappearing …

    • jesterpunk

      Dok banned them last night and did an IP ban so they are using a vpn or Tor or something to get around that. Not sure what else they can do except IP ban each new account or put all new accounts into a timeout where they need to be approved by admins.

      • puredog

        These fake posts all come from the same disqus account, as best as I can tell (seemingly, hOIJzSJk5b), where WT must just be changing the username and avatar each time he wants to “be” someone else. You’d think that account could be blocked by number. However, I guess there’d be nothing to stop him from opening a new disqus account. Lather rinse repeat. Such fun.

        • jesterpunk

          Thats what Dok did twice, then they have an IP ban option which he used the second time last night. That lasted about 5 minutes until WT came back and Dok IP banned them again. But they just keep making new accounts with new IPs to get around the bans.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Just to be meta, he came back once as Dok.

          • therealpuredog

            oooooooo
            Trying to get Dok’s goat may not be a good life choice.

    • Daniel

      Maybe you should stay off the asshole radar?

      Just sayin…

    • Stulexington

      It’s actually one of the bullet point options on the “report” section. Just click the little arrow in the upper right hand corner, then hit “flag as inappropriate” and you’ll get the list.

    • Arolpin

      If you’re on a computer, there is a little down-arrow to the right of the name, if you click on that you get the option to Block User or Flag as inappropriate. If you select Flag as inappropriate, a window opens up with several options, select Impersonation — misrepresents themselves as someone else

      which will send a report to the moderators, and then block the fool.

      • Shanzgood

        There’s also the “targeted harassment” option.

        • Daniel

          Targeted? Is that the flat spot target, cellulite target or bad wig hat target?

          Or maybe it is the asshole target?

          • Daniel

            Didn’t you accuse people of stalking your comments?

          • Daniel

            Gee- how does it feel to get a taste your own medicine?

          • Daniel

            Think through what you’ve just said, dullard.

          • jesterpunk

            The difference is I don’t need a gang of assholes to run you off the boards.

          • Daniel

            Is that your aim?

            I just find you tedious, honestly.

          • jesterpunk

            You should have considered not joining a gang of assholes then I guess.

          • Daniel

            What exactly are you pissed off about?

          • Shanzgood

            Looks like it’s Daniel’s turn.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            ^^ This one? ^^ Changed alias twice so far.

          • jesterpunk

            You were warned!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        That’s it … great. Never had to do that here before …

        I blame Trump.

        • jesterpunk

          He is impersonating you now.

    • shivaskeeper

      Next to the comment in line with the name there is a drop down menu. Flag as Inappropriate, then pick Impersonation. You can block it at the same time if you want, or not so you can flag every other iteration of this lunatic.

  • Suttree

    I don’t even like you guys anymore. I am going to watch otter videos. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/deaab06c466790c5f66203a2d24979a5b0a404dca607c78bae4754cfb2077a5f.jpg

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Hey Wolf Tracker, do me next, you wad.

    • Me not sure

      The rapscallion dasn’t if he knows what’s good for him. I shalt hold thy quaff in solidarity whilst the thrashing progresses, good sir.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      He did…and then changed it to “shivaskeeper” – I thought the post was odd for you.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Re. the Bill Maher video and California standing up to the Trump admin –

    “We the rebels now! We the rebels now and we git to talk to like dis!” is the best thing I’ve heard so far today. But I’ve only been up for an hour.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT, but OH YAY! We just got a call from an animal hospital in Richmond Hill, GA about 15 minutes away saying that someone had found our missing cat Delilah. We’re amazed and delighted. She’s been missing for years, and someone brought her in and the vet clinic scanned her for a chip, which she has. She’s apparently in good shape, and we can’t wait to go and get her. Happy time!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That’s great!

    • Elvis Causticfellow
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Cats. They do so love adventuring. I’m sure you’ll be curious as to what she’s been doing for the last few years, but I doubt she’ll tell you.

      Glad she’s going home :-)

      • Arolpin

        My sister recently purchased GPS tracker collars for her cats. One of her cats likes to hang out on the roof of a bank during the night. They both roam further than she thought, and more into town than into the woods. As she’s been collecting the traces, it’s pretty obvious that her cats are patrolling their beat.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          We have special fencing to keep ours in the yard, but that still does not stop our newest addition, a street kitty who loves adventure and who is much more clever than my long-suffering fence-mending husband. I should look into those collars–I’m very curious as to what she does when she goes on her jaunts.

          • Crank Tango

            Do you guys have Purrfect fence? I’m curious if it works or not…

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            We do! It works pretty well, actually, although if you have to work around “climbable” things (trees, arbors, fences, etc) it becomes a bit more of an engineering feat. But we have 5 cats now and except for the tall, young, skinny one, it keeps them in.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Yea Delilah and yea technology! That is great news.

    • Kateaux

      Hurray, hurray, hurray! Bastet be praised!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        In “good shape” after years means she’s been two-timing you with another family. On the streets, she’d have been loaded with fleas and internal parasites within a month. I help with ferals here in NYC, and they lead Hobbesian (nasty, brutish and short) lives.

        • SarahCSoares

          Google pays now $99 to each worker for working on computer.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !si295d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNewSportNetJobsOpportunities/simple/work ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sd325l..,.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Fuck you. No Lori, no peace!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Who snuck the onion ninjas in here!

    • Vincent Ricola

      That is great! I’ll bet Delilah has some stories to tell.

    • Me not sure

      Be careful, life on the streets changes them in dark and unpredictable ways. Count the silverware every night.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      How wonderful!! Yay, yay, yay, Delilah!

    • lroom

      That is wonderful!

  • ariel_gee_398

    But looking a little closer at Trump’s nominees reveals some figures who have stirred up controversies of their own. High on that list is Stephen McAllister, the Kansas solicitor general who made headlines last fall when he tried to defend an anti-abortion law in his state by approvingly citing Dred Scott v. Sandford, a Supreme Court ruling that argued black people could not be citizens of the United States.

    If Donald Trump has one “superpower,” it is finding the absolute god-damned worst people to hire. Always. I don’t know how we got lucky and got a competent FEMA administrator.

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/09/trump-nominee-cited-dred-scott-slavery-decision-as-sound-precedent/

    • cmd resistor

      Probably because of a law passed in 2006 that mandates that the FEMA director have 5 years of emergency management experience. So he had to actually look in a pool of people with qualifications that fit the actual job.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Donnie didn’t appoint them?

  • Rick Hill

    In a surprise move, the FCC is asking Sinclair Broadcast Group to cough up some more details on its proposal to buy Tribune Media, and “justify how this merger is in the public interest.”

    “Well, Mr Chairman, we’ve detailed that, completely. It’s in this folder…yeah, that one right next to a large sack with a dollar sign on it. Not quite certain where it came from. Perhaps you dropped it.”

    • TJ Barke

      It’s just posturing I’m sure. I can’t imagine the current FCC having a problem with further control of the public discourse being given to reactionary right wingers.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Wouldn’t want any oppression to occur …

        • TJ Barke

          Your intolerance of my intolerance is the real intolerance!

          • willi0000000

            his intolerance of your intolerance will not be tolerated!!!!!

          • TJ Barke

            I’m so confused…

          • willi0000000

            i can’t tolerate that.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Vincent Ricola

      That whole Sean Spicer thing last night was pretty appalling. Par for the course in America where we have a pathological need to redeem and normalize our worst, but still, too soon.

      • Stulexington

        But only if they’re Republican. There’s also a trend to demonize your best but only if they’re Democrat. It’s almost like your media is controlled by a foreign wealthy person who doesn’t like your country or something.

        • Vincent Ricola

          This is true. I’ve yet to see the hilarious skype skit from Anthony Weiner on Fallon or John Edwards cracking jokes with Colbert.

      • It’s all slapstick and a big joke, but we’re not invited to the funny.

    • Daniel

      “You lied to everyone every time you spoke, but now that’s not your job you’re being a great sport and admitting it! You’re forgiven!”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      NO. Just stop. This is not normal and it’s not okay to make it normal. I didn’t watch the emmys and I refuse to watch any program that gives airtime to any of these defective troglodytes.

      • H0mer0

        what did Sigourney Weaver do to be associated with these two?

    • freakishlypersistent

      Put me in the fuck no Sean Spicer you lying asshole camp. And fuck you librul hollyweird for palling around with terrorists.

  • Rick Hill

    I for one…am not quite sure these are the robot overlords I’ve been waiting for…
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aRjZ5My_700b.jpg

    • NastyBossetti

      She has sad eyes.

      • Rick Hill

        The things she’s seen……

        • The Wanderer

          “I’ve seen Vegemite used in ways that were . . . unnatural.”

          • From Russia with Love

            Rent two of them. Get a Vegemite sandwich!

        • Daniel

          With your eyes.

          The Tannhäuser Gate is in Austria.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Sad-Eyed Sexbot of the Outback, Dylan’s lost masterpiece.

        • From Russia with Love

          It’s the other Australia.

          • ariel_gee_398

            And that’s why I should never skip my second cup of coffee.

          • From Russia with Love

            It’s ok, and otherwise great song ref.

      • More lifelike than her Johns’ eyes.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      You go to bed with the robot overlords you have, not the robot overlords you wish you had…

    • TJ Barke

      Real women can judge you, and feel disgust…

      • MynameisBlarney

        And mock the tiny penii.

      • NastyBossetti

        Real women have thoughts and opinions and vocal chords with which to express them.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          “Eeeew!”
          — Incels everywhere

    • Arolpin

      Austrian brothel (fucking auto-correct, I said BROTHEL, not brother) buys a SECOND sex doll after its first refused to sleep with incels, stating, ‘I’m only giving my latex simulation of a pussy to Chad Thundercock and other Alphas. All those incels should go back to their parents’ basements.” FIFY

    • Juan de Fuca

      Couldn’t these people just buy a sex doll for the hundred bucks they spent to go into a public place and say (out loud) “Yeah, I want an hour with that inflatable thing”?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Apparently this one is $6000.

        • From Russia with Love

          Ya gotta amortize it. $6000 devided by 50 times a day…

          • willi0000000

            at 50 times/day either you or it are going to burst into flames from the friction heat.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            There’s a reason they make baking sheets out of silicone.

    • This could singlehandedly derail the Alt-Right.

      • From Russia with Love

        Perfect!

    • MynameisBlarney

      WTF?

      • Good to know you’re safe, old chum!

        • MynameisBlarney

          Thanks dude.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        No no, it’s “Fuck the what?

    • Wild Cat

      No one would be crazy enough to do it, but there must be a bad Bladerunner ripoff flick in the making . . .

    • NastyBossetti

      I don’t really understand the mechanics. Like, it seems like it would be unwieldy to fuck a human-sized doll because she can’t move her own limbs or anything.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Same here.

      • Edith Prickly

        I think that’s a feature, not a bug.

        • *SHUDDER*

        • MynameisBlarney

          Gross.

          • From Russia with Love

            I know. She should move. Just not talk.

    • The Wanderer

      One hopes they hose her out after each use.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I had the same thought and was immediately sorry I did. Man, talk about nightmare jobs… ew

      • MynameisBlarney

        Dip it in barbicide and wipe it down?

      • Rick Hill

        Or, maybe, some people pay for her to be….soiled.

        • From Russia with Love

          A buttered bun.

    • georgiaburning

      This technology is bad news for Melania, or maybe not on second thought

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I just am so skeeved out by this. I have absolutely no objections to sex dolls, if that’s what you are into, but SHARED sex dolls?!! I really hope they have a good fumigation and disinfection program in place.

      • Rick Hill
        • Rick Hill

          “Hey, Irv! Clean up on number 12.”

          • From Russia with Love

            And Irv, don’t get “distracted” this time.

        • NastyBossetti

          ohmygod! As a real live person with a vagina, that idea makes me cringe, but it’s also hilarious.

          • From Russia with Love

            It’s payback from those Republican dudes who can’t get laid.

      • PSAs about ‘safe sex’ with your sex doll.

        This is not my grandpa’s Oldsmobile, no siree.

      • Rick Hill

        Or maybe they just buy disposable inserts. That seems like the efficient, corporate solution

        • NastyBossetti

          She’s the only woman in the world who is using the female condom.

          • From Russia with Love

            lol. That didn’t sell too well, did it?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Just run her through the dishwasher. Should be good enough, right?

      • Serai 1

        I take it you’ve never been one for the orgies.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Crikey

    • From Russia with Love

      Could be the proportions lumberjacks are looking for.

      • The Wanderer

        Lumberjacks, huh? I hear that they’re OK.

        • From Russia with Love

          You know, they sleep all night and work all day.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And then the murders began…

    • eggs ackly-wright

      ♫ Tie me blowup doll down, mate…♫

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        LOL!

    • davej1s

      Isn’t that a picture of Mrs. Mnuchin?

    • Serai 1

      Not sure what to think about this.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Trying not to.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    How cute. Bill O’Reilly thinks he’s still relevant.

    • Stulexington

      Bill who?

      • From Russia with Love

        You know, code name Falafel Blowjob.

  • I wish and hope and dream and pray,
    That Spicer signed no NDA.

    • From Russia with Love

      They all signed an NDA. They were somewhat slower with their SF86 Forms for a Security Clearance.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m not sure government employees can be held to a standard NDA like the private sector. The agreement would have to be between the employee and the employer, and the employer in this case is the United States government, not an individual. Sean Spicer served at Donald Trump’s pleasure, but Donald Trump was not his employer. We were.

        • From Russia with Love

          I signed numerous NDAs as a DoD civilian and as an Air Force officer. Any time you are read into a classified program, basically.

          “GAO found that 48 federal agencies reported that: (1) government and contractor employees signed about 144,000 and 98,000 nondisclosure agreements, respectively, between October 1, 1989, and March 31, 1990; (2) implementation costs for those agreements were about $433,000 for government employees and about $12,000 for contractor employees…”

          http://www.gao.gov/assets/90/89057.pdf

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Pathetic. And not at all surprising.

    • Stulexington

      This would be so ridiculous with literally anyone else in politics. I mean I have a pretty low opinion of a lot of them but buying a copy of an award you didn’t earn? That’s Trump level pathetic.

      • Me not sure

        He hangs his purple heart on them.

      • Daniel

        Yeah, “buying”.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Don’t forget “I always wanted a Purple Heart”.

        • From Russia with Love

          Then calling it a replica when somebody took him to task for it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “…except for that ‘serving my country’ and ‘getting wounded’ part.”

          • Stulexington

            Well a nasty wound prevented him from serving, but not playing sports, it’s totally the same thing!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Bone spurs in his heel. He couldn’t remember which foot.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Didn’t keep him off the tennis court or golf course, either.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I mean, who would do that? You’d have to be the kind of psychopath that hangs fake Time Magazine covers of yourself all over the place, and surely Donnie isn’t that pathet….oh.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      That is the saddest, most pathetic thing…

    • TakingAmes

      I’m almost more upset that the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES had/took the time to watch the Emmys. I mean, shouldn’t he have been, I dunno, prepping for his appearance at the UN?

    • SeeTrain65

      And the chocolate inside the wrappers wasn’t even that good.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    God, is today going to be yet another day of drama and enabling one particular troll to suck all of the oxygen out of the room? Enabling it by talking about it, responding to it, is giving it the idiotic satisfaction it craves. We know how to block and ignore, please, can we do that?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I immediately block him when he reappears. Don’t feed the troll.

    • MynameisBlarney

      TLM?

      • natoslug

        No, Wolf Tracker. You missed his ever-so-hilarious spoofing of other commenters by copying their avatars and usernames and posting inane shit for the last few days. Dok keeps banning him, so he creates new accounts.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Oh wonderful.

    • natoslug

      I immediately block and ignore. And may take the day (week?) off from non-commenting if this shit continues.

      • Juan de Fuca

        He’s still not banned yet? WTF? I finally blocked him after he threatened to sue me and my rabbits. Well, he didn’t really threaten my bunnies but I assumed that was next.

        Just ban him already. How hard is this?

        • natoslug

          It sounds like Dok’s done that. There are workarounds, though, so like herpes, he keeps flaring up.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Oh, gotcha. There are indeed workarounds but as long as Dok has banned him, what else can ya do besides keep blocking his new accounts? It’s all good. I felt bad for the guy for a while but he needs some help.

            How ya liking this Cali weather? I’ve got every window open in the house, just breathing in the fresh cool air. And yes, I do know you live like that year round up north but some of us down south don’t. ;-)

          • natoslug

            Enjoying the rain. I’ve had most windows open since the smoke all blew away. It was blazing away in the mid-60’s for far too long here! (plus, the occasional spike up to 96f, which my redwoods said was way too fucking hot, we’re going to turn yellow now, dammit!)

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Unless he’s hiding behind a VPN, the powers behind Disqus should be able to block his IP address. Editrix would need to escalate the problem to that level.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            And if it’s behind a VPN, just keep blocking IP addresses. A VPN provider only has a limited number of servers. Scriptify the blocking. In a few days, unblock the IP addresses. If troll shows up again, run the script and continue blocking IP addresses. No, I don’t know how feasible that is but, well, there you go.

            Tedious, but, well, so is the troll!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Why unblock them? A “no VPNs” policy might be a good thing.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Well, speaking as a selfish person, I am considering using a VPN and having to bypass it to use my favorite non-commenting site would be a tad inconvenient. On the other hand, dealing with a brain-addled asshole troll is quite inconvenient also too, so there’s that.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I use a VPN myself and have since the new FCC commish came into being.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Methinks Dock has been avidly playing Whack-A-Troll this morning.

    • From Russia with Love

      Tolf Wracker? Block him until Dok fixes his wagon.

    • NastyBossetti

      No joke, the down arrow that allows me to do that seems to have disappeared today. I will have to revert to using my mind to ignore.

    • Serai 1

      If no one mentions him at all, but everyone just flags and blocks, he’ll eventually leave. But every time someone mentions him, he has evidence that he’s having an effect, so he keeps going. If we stop, no juice, no engine.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      So true!

    • Sophie McMillan

      OMG – my life in cranium shell

  • A Washington toad name of Spicer
    Told Trump “I will gladly go lie, sir!”
    “Then I’ll go on TV
    And as quick as can be
    Will still be a toad but just nicer.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Always pissing off Judas with the fake farts.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yup.
        Everyone knows Judas prefers genuine flatulence.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      ROFL

    • CripesAmighty

      Welcome back. The funneh survived the storm, I see.

    • H0mer0

      I learned to do this in college from a friend named Harry. I still can’t do armpit farts and was so envious of my brother.

      • Serai 1

        I can do cheek farts. My technique is pressing the heels of my hands into the center of my lips and blowing the air out through the sides. Produces some seriously awesome fartage. My nieces love it, but my nephews are getting a bit old for it. (Damn, kids get serious a lot sooner these days, have you noticed that? Pumpkin’s brother doesn’t get why Poisoning Pigeons in the Park is funny. Man, I was howling at that song at his age.)

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Makes me think of what I would call “cheese whispering” for lack of a better name. Squeeze air out of cheek between cheek and teeth/gums on one side of the mouth. It makes a high-pitched sound. With enough practice you can modulate it to form various sounds that sound like certain words. Then you can construct short sentences. It sounds really weird. I had one friend who was like a world-renowned expert at that. He spent a lot of time in the principal’s office.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I lost count of the number of times I got sent to the principals office for doing armpit farts.

        Damn teachers couldn’t take a fucking joke to save their lives.

    • Serai 1

      THANK YOU for my first actual laugh of the day. Man, this place is fucking EVIL!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ab2149c33a2fba8e967ff73605f8f1d620da60488ddbf300fd2f2e64590e983.gif

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      WINNAR!

      Congratulations! You win my occasional award for making me LOL! hard enough to scare all three of my cats to their safe space under my bed. Please collect one thought and one prayer at the concierge desk.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • bbayliss

      This is a story everyone should know.
      He literally saved your life.

    • Serai 1

      He saved us all. Let’s hope it wasn’t just so we could be incinerated by two masturbating lunatics.

      ETA: Wait, they never even gave him a MEDAL? Jesus fucking Christ.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Lionized?” Like Cecil?

  • natoslug
    • Rick Hill

      Cripes. I went through shore patrol training back in the eighties. They taught us, as they said all law enforcement is taught, that you use the least amount of force for the situation required. Bets that this cop also sat around with his buddies, talking about how they would shoot a n***r or an lgbt and get away with it.

      • cmd resistor

        Yeah, a folded up pocket knife is what the stories seem to say.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      It’s probably not ever a good idea to yell “Shoot me” at cops (IF – and it’s a big “if” – she actually did) . . . but especially not in Georgia, and not if you’re in any way identified with a group they might dislike.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “According to the Washington Post, which tracks civilian deaths at the hands of police, nearly 1,000 people were killed across the country in 2015.”

      Meanwhile, the wingnuts worry about ISIS and Messicans.

      • CripesAmighty

        It was ever thus.

  • doktorzoom

    Troll removed again. This one keeps coming back, so please do not feed, but DO FLAG them. I’ll be keeping an eye out.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Thanks Dok.

    • Serai 1

      Best way to deal with this one, I think, is not to mention its presence AT ALL when it appears. Just flag and block. Every mention gives it a reason to come back, so don’t give it the juice. And thanks for your constant vigilance!

      • TundraGrifter

        Agreed! Such antics are the Internets equivalent of playing the piano in a public park at 4 am to get back a girl friend. It will never work – it will demonstrate how pathetic, sad and little the poor person really is.

        • Serai 1

          See now, that guy interests me. Not because what he did was good – it was silly and pathetic – but because something like that tickles my storytelling bone, and I want to spin a yarn about how that guy ended up in that park. There’s all kinds of possibilities there. Why a park? Why a piano? Why publicly? Why THAT park? Why THAT piano? Why that woman? Who is she? One could go on, every one of those answers could spin out into something meaty. But he’s only interesting in the first place because (unlike some people) he made himself visible, took an (admittedly stupid) risk, and created the ground for a story.

          • Who was it?

          • Serai 1

            A couple of days ago, some thwarted Romeo decided he would make a Grand Romantic Gesture, and declared he would play This Here Piano in a park until the girl who’d rejected him took him back.

      • Marceline

        Yeah, that one is no TLM. There’s not even entertainment value.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Very very good advice for everyone. However, it seems like getting everybody on board to do what you recommend is like herding cats during a conflagration.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Aww… being despised is the only thing that gives Wolfie significance. Are you really gonna deprive him of his sole reason for existing?

    • doktorzoom King

      How is that working for you?

      Maybe what you need to do is post a public apology article for allowing a little group of man haters to take over the forum with the Wonkette rules clearly explained and then ban the little group on wonkette that thinks it is their personal support group for bashing men and then enforce your rules.

      That should of course include a personal apology from you since you have encouraged that or is your mind so open your brains fell out?

      Might want to run that idea past Rebecca because it would be damn shame if Wonkette was taken down with a law suit now wouldn’t it Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho.

      Don’t bother banning this account as it will self destruct in 5..4..3..2..

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Yellerduck

      So, they’re admitting it cost jobs, of bankruptcy lawyers.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Random thoughts:
    I’d have gotten up and left when Spicer came out if I’d been at the Emmys.
    O’Really can go fuck himself sideways with a rusty vote.
    I’m getting pretty motherfucking sick of these motherfucking reptiles trying to take away my healthcare.
    The otters were squeaky as promised.
    Tedious trolls are tedious.

  • Serai 1

    Man, I WISH I could have seen Holbrook’s Twain. I have a DVD of the show, but as you say, it was never the same show twice. Such a marvelous actor, with a role he was born to play. *sigh*

    • TundraGrifter

      I’m old, but not old enough to have seen Will Rogers’ vaudeville act. It sounds very similar. Mr. Rogers would sit on stage and read the newspaper, commenting on current events.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So, Olive Garden just staged their annual stampede for those unlimited pasta passports (which allow you to eat yourself to death via two months’ gorging on breadsticks and pasta). They sold out all 22,000 passses in one (count ’em, one) second.

    The “lucky” buyers must have had their credit-card info on auto-fill; schlubs who thought they coud just leisurely type it in were on the eighth digit at best when the window closed. Much social media butthurt from would-be gourmands. http://www.grubstreet.com/2017/09/olive-garden-sells-22-000-pasta-passes-in-less-than-a-second.html

    • CripesAmighty

      Olive Garden? 22000? Bleagh. Buying Zantac futures.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Imodium or GTFO.

    • HazooToo

      Thank you for letting me know how impossible it would be to get one before I even let myself become intrigued by the possibility. I would have eaten myself sick and not been able to look at pasta for a year.

  • BrendaKay

    If we could all just roll around in soft wood mulch like the otters, there would be world peace!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Watching “highlights” from the Emmys. That lame attempt at a Melissa McCarthy impersonation was a low point.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I always said he needed to work on his Melissa McCarthy imopersonation act. He ain’t gonna get any decent gigs unless he improves his delivery.

  • K those otters are adorable but the soundtrack appears to be from the inevitable movie about trump destroying the world.

  • mimar

    “They’re so squeaky!”
    LOL!
    Cool people (like Wonkette and us Wonkers) love animals.

  • JCfromNC

    This kitten eating is probably the most adorable thing I’ve seen this month:
    https://wilwheaton.tumblr.com/post/165217058624/mydrunkkitchen-peopleareaproblem

  • SarahCSoares

    Google pays now $99 to each worker for working on computer.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !si295d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNewSportNetJobsOpportunities/simple/work ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sd325l..,..

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