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Indispensable tweet machine Yashar Ali has some grossness to end our day, and it is Brooke Baldwin of CNN being completely slimed on by a Fox Sports maggot. Watch it above! Live through the perfectly distilled douchery of one Clay Travis, who is talking about Jamele Hill and the teeny kerfuffle at ESPN this week, when Hill, an ESPN anchor, tweeted (correctly) that Donald Trump is a white supremacist.

There are only two things in this country that have never let me down, Travis intones, and that is the First Amendment and boobs. Baldwin’s other guest, Keith Reed, is so disgusted with Travis that he can’t stop making Tucker Carlson Face. Baldwin herself takes about a minute to determine that yes, he’s coming on her show to make like a common Donald Trump popping Tic-Tacs and mauling Katy Tur’s face.

We are with Travis on both the First Amendment and boobs, but you don’t see us going on TV and rubbing our dick on the host. Have some fucking respect and save it for Fox, where they’re used to that kind of thing, you dumb cracker wad of cum.

BOO HISS also it’s your OPEN THREAD.

Wonkette is ad-free, independent, womyn-owned, and ALL OUR EXPENSES are provided by generous ungross souls LIKE YOU. Fork it over, please!

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  • janecita
    • TundraGrifter

      If you ever go to The Cat Lady’s house, never ever ever look in the freezer.

      • Maclare ☕

        They call her the Crazy Cat Lady… but not because of the cats…

        • marxalot

          You read “Jonathon Strange and Mister Norrell” too, huh?

          • janecita

            Is the book good? I really liked the miniseries.

          • proudgrampa

            Yes. Haven’t seen the series, yet.

          • janecita
          • godsaidHA

            Great book! a friend gave it to me, I read 20 pages and gave up (too whimsical), then was stuck on a plane for 8 hours with only Jonathan Strange–loved it! but I don’t recognize Crazy Cat Lady reference.

          • marxalot

            The in back half, after Strange gets to Italy and needs to be utterly mad. The Cat Lady is in my opinion one of the better depictions of human scale craziness. I also enjoy the appearance of Lord Byron, largely because that weirdo would have involved himself in a magician’s descent into deliberate insanity.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My next door neighbor, Yuman to two cats, keeps the cat food in the freezer.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And then the murders began.

  • TundraGrifter

    Brooke Baldwin is super smart, articulate, and hotter than a two-dollar pistol.

  • Maclare ☕
  • memzilla Ω

    As for Travis, to crib from Charlie Pierce’s playbook: “These really are the fucking mole people.”

  • Vincent Ricola

    Wow. Fuck THIS guy.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Clay Travis. His name says it all. Fucker’s brain is clay.

    • Arolpin

      Something something about the best indication that someone is a racist being two first names……

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To be fair, he said that the only two things that never let him down were the 2nd Amendment (rookie mistake) and the expectation that Fox Sports will hire boobs like him. He was heavily edited.

  • anon_the_great

    He seems, er, 12?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Twelve year old boy Libelz!!1!1 The brothers, stepson and nephews would never ever say such things in public.

  • lucidamente

    A lawyer tells Joe Arpaio’s lawyers to fuck off in the nicest way possible.

    https://www.lawfareblog.com/open-letter-joseph-arpaios-attorneys

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      He really didn’t need to use that many words.

  • Bananas Foster

    Damn, Clay Travis looks beat for a 12 year old.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      He’s got that “I’m with Chachi” look

  • memzilla Ω

    UH OH, PISKETTI-OS! Looks like someone’s gonna roll over, Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news!
    . https://twitter.com/ericgarland/status/908799811264106496

    • schmannity

      Hello? Do you have Donald Trump in the can?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      His whole thread is AWESOMESAUCE

  • schmannity
    • Maclare ☕

      Also, Fat Bastard Man-Bun!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I’ve seen over on Deadspin and a couple other sites bringing up Curt Schilling, Hank Williams, Jr., Britt McHenry, Tony Kornheiser, and Max Bretos saying “why were they all suspended or fired for their remarks, but Jemele Hill only gets a slap on the wrist”?

    1) Schilling was warned and disciplined multiple times before he was dismissed
    2) Williams made his remarks on TV, and was not an employee of ESPN
    3) McHenry verbally abused a tow lot driver and in the process identified herself as an ESPN reporter
    4) Kornheiser made sexist remarks about Hannah Storm (a fellow ESPN employee) on his radio show, which is broadcast on an ESPN affiliate
    5) Bretos made a racially insensitive remark about Jeremy Lin while anchoring an ESPNews broadcast

    Meanwhile, Jemele Hill makes her remarks on her personal Twitter feed and at no time references in her Tweet that she is speaking in her capacity as an ESPN employee or that her opinion is ESPN’s…and they want to run her out of town.

    • grindstone

      Deadspin? Well right thar’s yer problem…

      • Arolpin

        Deadspin is probably the only sports-oriented site worth reading anymore. The comments bear a slight resemblance to the non-comments here, though I suspect they wear pants. (Seriously, Deadspin does good reporting, editing is about average for a blog.)

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Because of course saying that someone is a “white supremacists” is just as demeaning as being on the business end of racist/sexist/abusive rants.

      These “ass widgets”…

      • Lord Jim

        Moralz iz hard.

  • jesterpunk

    Here is a pair of bouncing tits.

    https://imgur.com/InB2Nvo

  • schmannity
    • Parakeetist

      I love that album.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    That interview went tits-up with a quickness.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Leave it to cleavage.

      • grindstone

        You just had to get that off your chest, didn’t you?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          You trying to nip it in the bud?

    • OutOfOrbit

      1st u said butts, now tits. whut u gonna say next? Pussy?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        PUSSY!

        • OutOfOrbit

          this makes 3 strings of pearls i’ve broken in the past 24 hours and my settee now haz 2 broked legs. you are a menace ( :

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I’m just glad I got to share Sir Mixalot and giant butts with you today.

          • OutOfOrbit

            i begin to suspect you is mebbee a (*retch*) a liburl! and and and mebbee even modern liburl to boot(ie)!!!

            i must cunsalt with my 7 mews and ponder this eneggma

        • OutOfOrbit

          now that i have restrung my pearls i suppose your might say, dilo

  • marxalot

    Elvis said only two things for certain: hookers and Coup DeVilles.
    This guy is less classy than Elvis.
    Welp. Happy Friday, y’all.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    He watched “Idiocracy” and said “I don’t get it, that Dax Shepherd guy is really smart, what’s the problem?”

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Jennifer R

    I am the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
    Taste my peach of wisdom and become enlightened.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      ’tis a tasty peach indeed.

    • marxalot

      Fruit of the tree of the knowledge of what you’re eating

      • OutOfOrbit

        that is complicated

    • OutOfOrbit

      i thought mebbee you haz 2 peaches

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Really like your peaches.
      Mind if I shake your tree?

      P.s. Call me Maurice.

    • Maclare ☕
    • Goblin King?

    • Sheepshagger

      I’m just rollin up my trousers here.

      • Creepoman

        You wear pants?

        • Sheepshagger

          Only when I hear the mermaids singing each to each.

    • Shanzgood

      Ermmm…I’m not *technically* supposed to be bisexual, but…damn.

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    You have to understand, he’s really a 12-year old who woke up in a grown man’s body! Blame the genie who granted his wish, not him.

  • lucidamente
    • Msgr_MΩment

      It fell FORWARD! There was a second cannon, sheeple!!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Quoth the Gassy Troll from the Boob Suppository.

      • Nockular cavity

        Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

      • lucidamente

        Just ask Ted Cruz’s father.

  • Scooby

    He can’t even add if you like the 1st amendment and boobs that’s 3 things you like not 2.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    NOT titties and beer?
    Hookers and blow?
    Mother, hugs, and speed?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Wing-nuts are outraged he didn’t say the 2nd Amendment never let him down…should be fired.

  • BadKitty904

    I remember when Wonkette used to end the week with Good News. Do any of y’all remember Good News?

  • lucidamente
    • Maclare ☕

      I never thought I would see overkill with a baby cannon, but there you go.

    • Until i opened this, i thought it was something REALLY different. And am, oddly, deeply disappointed

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Tune in for the next exciting episode of, “My Kid Just Blew His Fingers Off!”

  • Paul Dietzel

    Was just now watching the Nicole Wallace show (can’t recall exact name of show) on MSNBC and they were all talking about Ms. Hill and DJT and SHS and one thing they kept repeating (and also on other shows) is about how ESPN needs to fear the govt. because of the FCC but I was under the impression that the FCC has no sway with cable. If so, if ESPN had any nads they’d tell FCC/SHS/DJT to go piss up a rope. Of course we know that ESPN doesn’t have the balls to do so but I was sure hoping Rev. Al or one of the other panelists would suggest it.

  • whitroth

    What! What! On the air? Isn’t that, like, OFFENSIVE? Isn’t this almost as offensive as seeing Janet Jackson’s nipple (on recorded video, replay, slo-mo)?

    Off the air, with him! Fines!

    • mancityRed6

      I was in the UK when that happened. it was about midnight. long after the watershed hour (literally, from 10-11 they have teaser shows that are the equivalent of porn chat on SKY). don’t ask how I know this.
      the next day, everyone was asking me about it. how could that be shown?
      I said, “look, it’d be like if Jessie Wallace got her baps out on Eastenders, ummkay?”
      http://i1.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article122821.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/jessie-wallace-image-1-34984584.jpg

      • Shanzgood

        Baps? Isn’t that their word for sammich buns?

        • mancityRed6

          and boobs.

          • Shanzgood

            Huh. I never heard that. Paps, yes. Not baps.

          • mancityRed6

            it was in one of the newer sitcoms based in Newcastle
            one of the characters said she got her baps out, and I turned to the ex with a questioning face.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh. Newcastle. That explains it.

        • mancityRed6

          and now I want a roadside bacon bap.
          dammit

          • Shanzgood

            There’s probably a website for that.

          • mancityRed6

            those road side gas stations with their premade bacon butties….the thick bread and the non fatty bacon….*wipes face* sorry, drooled a little there.

          • Shanzgood

            Brown sauce!

          • mancityRed6

            HP brown sauce.

          • Shanzgood

            Fuck yeah!

          • mancityRed6

            never had it. I looked at the pickle jars with a sense of dread

          • Shanzgood

            What, you never had chunks of cheese with Branstin Pickle and a fresh loaf of crusty bread?!

          • mancityRed6

            ‘scuse me while I pray to the porcelain god.
            good, god, no.
            I was a good enough husband at the time to eat the peas I was served.

          • Shanzgood

            Mushy peas are Devil splooge.

          • mancityRed6

            that’s not nearly as convincing as I’d expect from someone who’s actually at that mess.

          • Shanzgood

            At least I tried.

  • Anna Rompage

    Funny, I’m sure there’s a number of women out there who have felt let down by his cock… ;)

    • YoBunnyBunny

      All of them, Katie.

  • Daniel

    …why would you think this was something to say on the fucking news?

  • Sheepshagger
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That motherfucker should have the word “Ignoramus” tattooed on his goddamn forehead.

      • Parakeetist

        It’s right under the 666.

    • Parakeetist

      Ye gods, what a fucking moron.

    • grindstone

      Jesus Christo.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      So!!! He still knows more than all the Generals!!! He doesn’t need to know what those whatchamacallits are… #MAGA

    • Jamoche

      Studies show most people can keep lists of around seven things in their head at once. Donnie can barely manage two.

      • Sheepshagger

        Are ivankas tits technically two things?

        • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

          Nah, it was just the one check

      • BeachBum

        What a relief ! That explains my 6 pack & pizza diet !

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Trump: “So what’s with all the weird patterns on your uniforms? Sometimes I can’t even see you!”

      “It’s called camouflage Mr. President.”

    • Lord Jim

      He’s stupid. He doesn’t care that he’s stupid. These facts do not bother me. What bothers me? THIRTY-FIVE PERCENT of the American people do not care that he is stupid. Dunning-Kruger is a pandemic that has swept our nation.

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t think that’s new, though. There was just never such a public venue for it that so many white people got to witness through the mass media. I’m pretty sure POC have been acutely aware of it for quite some time.

        • Lord Jim

          He stomped the Republican field in the primaries because he flung the dog-whistles aside and busted out the bullhorn. But the R’s cleared the field for him by spending years stirring the white-resentment chum. I wish to God people like Joe Biden had the guts to blame the American electorate. Not politically expedient? Fuck ’em. They’re never gonna go for any message that Democrats actually want to communicate. Ah, fuck it. I’ve lost the plot and I’m yelling at clouds.

          Breathe in…
          Breathe out…

      • YoBunnyBunny

        pfft!–Dunning-Krueger is HOAX!1!!!!!1!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The incomparable John Cleese. My favourite quote:

    “There’s wonderful humor everywhere. I’ll give you an example: I was in Miami, only about four or five months ago, and I had a massage in the hotel spa. Afterward they called me: “Mr. Cleese, you left your shoes in the spa. Can we send them up to your room?” I said, “Oh, how nice of you.” So, five minutes later, knock knock, someone opens the door. “Mr. Cleese, here’s your shoes.” “Thank you.” “Could I see some form of identification?” “Now, you know I’m Mr. Cleese because you just called me Mr. Cleese, and you know the room that Mr. Cleese was in because you came to my room number. So what are we doing asking for identification?” And the guy said, “Well, I’m sorry, I still need to see some form of identification.” So I went over and I got a copy of my autobiography and I said, “That’s me there on the cover. And down there it says ‘John Cleese.’” You know what he said to me? He said, “I’m sorry, that’s not good enough.” You couldn’t write something as wonderful as that.”

    http://www.vulture.com/2017/09/john-cleese-monty-python-in-conversation.html?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=s3&utm_campaign=sharebutton-t

    • BadKitty904

      The man’s a genius.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Lesson Learned: Never wear the head covering depicted in the “Brain Damaged” skit while staying in a hotel.

    • Shanzgood

      I feel sorry for the hotel staff member, though. Probably in his job description to ask for official ID.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        And I can only imagine what it might be like to face a disgruntled John Cleese

        • Shanzgood

          Gah! No!

        • FlownΩver

          “Marcel Proust had an haddock! So, if you’re calling the author of ‘A la recherche du temps perdu’ a looney, I shall have to ask you to step outside!”

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            “Right, that’s it, ya bastard” (takes switch to car)

  • Lord Jim
  • BadKitty904

    Speaking of the Paridae, Clay, the large family of small passerine songbirds including the tits, chickadees, and titmice…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3b664e9d88337c13661148e0b81f617ed8a13caab7237c4338df3ed022f98c83.jpg

    • doktorzoom

      They certainly seem upset.

      • BadKitty904

        Heaving with indignation, even.

        • marxalot

          Palpitating.

          • BadKitty904

            Quivering with rage.

    • The left tits are bigger than the right. All is normal.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Speaking of tits, I’m a big fan of the expression “tits over tea kettle.”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Chill, kids, you’ve never heard a sports personality talk about second base?

  • Jenny

    Spooked podcast is pretty good. Reminds me of those old ghost stories on tapes in the library. Do not want to go to the haunted time capsule bar!

  • Jamoche

    If you live long enough with boobs, gravity will bring them down. But he strikes me as the “trade in gf for younger model” type.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The man’s a tit.

    • mancityRed6

      libels

  • Sheepshagger
    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I feel like there are probably non-murderers who were talking about the societal impact of technology in forms that were responsible and not murder-justifying manifestos.

      • Nockular cavity

        This is a subtle but important distinction, between “murdering” and “not murdering” people.

        • mancityRed6

          *sighs*
          fine.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          OK, but what is that distinction? What could it be, what could it be?

        • FlownΩver

          As Pat Paulsen used to say, “Picky, picky, picky.”

  • thewalkindude

    Auntie Maxine bringing the fire again-

    “Democrats can’t trust Trump, Republicans can’t trust Trump, and Melania can’t trust Trump,” she tweeted.

    And one for Jeffy-

    “To Jeff Sessions, how does it feel to be dragged & humiliated? Now you know how the African Americans you disrespected feel”

    • Lord Jim

      That last one was very much to the point. Not that he’ll get it, but still…

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      I still can’t believe that someone had to tell her what “shade” was.

  • doktorzoom
    • Sheepshagger

      Someone drag out “fortunate son”. Di di mau!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Me too. MrsMatt decided to prepare by watching the Civil War series over the past three nights.

      • doktorzoom

        I was prepping by binge-rewatching the excellent 1983 “Vietnam: A Television History,” but I finally got my PBS “press room” approval and can screen the series in advance. Guess what you kids are getting Sunday instead of a mere Shitferbrains? A TEEVEE REVIEW!

        • Lord Jim

          YAY!

        • Shanzgood

          Was this week’s multi-thread Bernie vs Hillary derpfest too much to put together in just a few days?

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Since you are recovering from illness, avoiding the trolls is no doubt better in speeding your recovery.

      • aureolaborealis

        I re-watched the Civil War series a couple years ago. I started again this year, but it was too relevant, and I got depressed and put it back in the queue for later.

      • FlownΩver

        I’ve been prepping by smoking semi-shitty weed and renewing my appreciation for half a century of advancements in horticulture. Oh, and wishing people still had the capacity to get upset when the gubmint bald-faced lies to us.

    • mancityRed6

      one of those Vietnam shows, the ex swears one of the wounded being shown carried off is her dad.
      he did get a purple heart, so…

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      ZOMG! They interviewed Ken Burns on a local radio station about this the other day and I was late for work! I just watched a PBS American Experience episode on My Lai and, of course, I watch all I can on the Mayaguez incident because I wear the POW bracelet of one of the three left behind.

      Also too, if you haven’t already seen it (which you probably have) the Sixties, produced by Tom Hanks and on Netflix is a nice fix for us junkies ;-)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And this is not a bribe…why?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Because words mean nothing anymore in the Era of Turmp!
        And in summation, fishsticks do bramble, with a hogtie in the hotpocket, and none shall be the wiser! AMNESTY DEALS / ANGLED WANGLEDANGS AND LIBERTINES FOR ALL!

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          “All right. You can… cross barrels. All job appalled.”

    • mackafritz

      Because we’ll believe info from Russia exonerating trump from Russian collusion.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Jeebus Shaking Kee-ryst! Rohrabacher is a dumbass!

      He thinks they’ll give him truthful information? What a fucknozzle.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        He’s a long-term piece of shit loon. Thank the Okies for settling Orange County and spawning his supporters–also the rabid John Birchers. We’re working here to oust him and Issa–they’re both grotesque.

        • mancityRed6

          the inland empire is about the same as Oklahoma, so they feel at home there.

      • Canis Greyhame

        Russia definitely isn’t getting their money’s worth out of Rohrabacher.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Nobody ever got their money’s worth out of Rohrabacher.

          • Lord Jim

            If he volunteered, you didn’t get your money’s worth.

    • bbayliss

      That ain’t all:
      BOOM: US Government has THOUSANDS of intercepts of Manafort’s business partner, Dmitry Firtash

    • Jukesgrrl

      If California voters don’t wise up and kick Rohrabacher out of Congress, there is no hope for this country. He’s a traitor.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Prior to this, Clay Travis was only really known outside of college football circles as the guy who went on a 50-day “pudding strike” (as in, eating nothing but pudding for 50 days) protesting DirecTV’s refusal to sell NFL Sunday Ticket in the U.S. Virgin Islands (where Travis lived at the time).

    • Raan

      Eating pudding should be its own reward.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Too bad he doesn’t still live there. Maybe he would have been blown away into the sea.

  • Nockular cavity

    Hey, maybe he’s still breastfeeding. You don’t know!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Retiring…. to a fucking island!

      • Jukesgrrl

        … with no extradition treaty.

    • Lord Jim

      Whatever…

    • mackafritz

      How about the crooks who cashed in?

  • UncleTravelingMatt
  • Dude says he’s a boob man but I take him as more of an ass.

  • jesterpunk

    Is anyone surprised he works for Fox? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • TheGrandWazoo2

      “GET OFF MY LAWN!!!”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I’m enjoying the hell outta the meme’ing of this thing:
      https://twitter.com/david_j_roth/status/908765944398393346

      • Chyron HR

        Not bad, but I still prefer Sammy Hagar.

      • mancityRed6

        “BIGGEST INAUGURATION CROWD IN HISTORY!”

      • Nockular cavity

        “Step it up, little Manuel! You don’t want to ride on the deportation train, now do you?’

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        “Make sure to get the back, Dreamer.”

      • OrdinaryJoe

        “Don’t expect a tip”

    • Sheepshagger

      Mow Americas Grass Again?

  • Raan

    “People who don’t expel urine are usually the most suspicious.” – Pat

  • Thiazin Red

    Man, I am still legit grossed out by that article about the shit covered garbage house.

  • Ok. I clicked cause of the boobs but stayed because you’re all wearing bee costumes too…

    Yes, drinking early again…

  • bubbuhh

    Boo-oobs. Anyone seriously believe these boobs won’t let everyone down?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/263538d99ed69ebb3b9de5ae12fcf78b5aabfa4864f9b33b24a4e7d4a1b3f9b1.jpg

  • Sheepshagger

    Zapad 17. Just a hundred thousand assault troops mobilised on NATO boundaries in war posture. No drama. https://twitter.com/oksanaylia1/status/908371902317699073

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Since there seems to be a theme going on of posting “boobie” pictures, here’s my contribution.

    Myrtillocactus geometrizans cv. FUKUROKURYUZINBOKU, colloquially known as the “Breast Cactus”.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fb6334f37ecfceb4ac3323b4be97a9a7bc6e0511927d3fbec0e72d773a4b5665.jpg

    And just because, Echinopsis lageniformis f. monstrose, otherwise known as the “Penis Cactus”.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0c0c23ea4150ae6e972497fc360889a5a337d21581ea693d8633190fa74657bb.jpg

  • johnnyangel
    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      That show is freakin’ hilarious and the episodes with Daveed Diggs are extra special because he’s perfect :-)

      • johnnyangel

        And Maya Rudolph’s episode was amazing.

  • Maclare ☕
  • jesterpunk

    You know what else will never let you down?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APmoU74ZsG4

  • Ellie

    CNN sorry they made him go away, so they invited him back.

  • moeman
  • Raan

    Oh, hey, I just remembered this picture I took the other day of a hurricane-fortified house. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b988747676eb6240699ac51dcd453b19092279e01b536810dc62d0ff1594f348.jpg

  • Pancakes please!

    Poor Fox Sports. They will always be chasing ESPN.
    Sad.

    As soon as I heard this imbecile say boobs I just assumed he would start chanting “baba-booey” after that.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    It’s almost as if a requirement for being a conservative these days is to snort large amounts of bath salts.

    https://twitter.com/BrittMcHenry/status/908702546134519811

    • mancityRed6

      why did he always have to pick Kansas?
      it was almost a curse.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Good lord, they excel at missing the point…and she works for ESPN…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Heh, yeah… its an apples to hand granades comparison, at which the wingers excel.

    • Lord Jim

      My God. These people fucking SUCK at moral equivalencies. And semantics. “Mention”? Gaaaaawwwwwwd.

    • Maclare ☕

      It just makes me remember we used to have a president who knew how to fill in brackets…

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    But you know, they’re basically the same.
    https://twitter.com/joncoopertweets/status/908771124531560448

    • therblig

      that’s just not true. trumpy wanted to know if her wife wanted to sell their apartment.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Weird. Because I think he told us he was the bestest friend the LTGBs would ever have.

  • Panika MCD

    if anyone is looking for some light fare to act as a sorbet between your heavy non-fiction books, Jazzy recommends eating The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. she’s been working on it for three weeks and still can’t get enough!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      At least she has good taste.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      A dog that eats books? Wow.

      • Panika MCD

        now you both want her and do not want her more…

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Books are good for you. Lots of fiber.

      • Panika MCD

        she has butthole issues. she’s not supposed to have too much fiber.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Enough with the fucking boob obsession! Your mother has them, your sister has them, your Aunt Evelyn has them, your daughter has or will have them. Men have them too, by the way, what they don’t have is mammary glands, so they stay flat, unless, of course, the man is really overweight. 51% of the earth’s population either has or will have them. They are there to feed babies, for christ’s sake. GTFOI!

    • Panika MCD

      absurd. men have chesticles.

      • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

        Moobs

        • Panika MCD

          CHESTICLES!

          • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

            MOOBS!!!!11!!1!1!!!!!!

          • Lord Jim

            Hope y’all have about gotten this off your chest…

          • Panika MCD

            don’t be a tit.

          • Lord Jim

            Aureole about done with this yet?

          • Panika MCD
          • Lord Jim

            Mmmmm…Boobies…

          • I love them. ♡♡♡

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Trump isn’t a real leader, he’s just the titular head.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            LORD PALMERSTON!
            Wait, what are we talking about again?

          • Raan

            PITT. THE. ELDER.

          • Rags

            A. Jones Mounds!!!!

          • Panika MCD

            Chug, chug, chug. Puff, puff, puff. Ding-dong, ding-dong. And then the murders began…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Mammaries, daddaries.

    • Jonny On Maui
      • Angela Ruzzo

        Hang out at a nudist beach for a week. After about 2 days you don’t even notice people’s stuff anymore. Although if somebody the size of Dolly Parton or John Holmes walked by, I suppose one would notice that.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Spend some time on the beaches here. Infinite body types and coverings. What I have noticed myself noticing is the skin art. Lots of tattoos here.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Boobs are nice as long as they are natural. Always been more of a leg and butt man myself.

      • Jukesgrrl

        We don’t care.

        • Wolf Tracker

          That’s nice and I don’t care that you and your imaginary friends don’t care.

          So there!

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Thank you reducing women to body parts.

        • Wolf Tracker

          So your are the .01% of the human race that doesn’t look at people for physical attraction?

          By the way where did I say women?

          Run along now.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Best for me to just drop it because you’ll never understand what’s wrong with your statement.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Right- or read the other comments which don’t agree with you.

            Have great night- I will!

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Opinions are like assholes…everyone has one.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Actually no and some people are born without one.

            For your education:

            Born without a rectum.

            Imperforate anus

            Imperforate anus is a defect that is present from birth (congenital). The opening to the anus is missing or blocked. The anus is the opening to the rectum through which stools leave the body.

            Worms use the same opening for both mouse and anus.

            http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/news/170715-hammerhead-worm-vin-spd

            You might want to pay special attention to that last one.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Personally I am a silhouette man. I like the shapes. More unexplicily interesting than a mandelbrot set.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Everyone has preferences. As a woman, I have always accepted that.
          I have a theory that men can be classified as boob men, leg men, butt men and freaks. Some men like big boobs. Some men like big boobs. I have always gotten the small boob guys, the leg guys (5’3 with 31 in inseam) and butt men. And freaks because small narrow feet.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Smiles. Smiles are sexy. Also eyes. Eyes and mouths that smile together are VERY sexy.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I am still fascinated by them. Don’t shame me and make me go into the closet and become a weirdo. Just let my have my freak.

      • I’m a hetero woman who LOVES boobs. I think they’re awesome.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They are not interesting. They are sacks of fat and milk glands. Human females are the only mammals whose breasts remain enlarged when they are not nursing young. If we were like apes, they would flatten completely in-between babies. They’re not important or useful unless you are a baby.

    • And a penis is only for serving up sperm.

      • mancityRed6

        urination and masturbation, too, please
        come on, only half of us are a one trick pony.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Wait, we can urinate through our penises?

          • mancityRed6

            I don’t want to know what you’ve been doing.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            Then I should probably take down the videos.

          • mancityRed6

            no, wait, I just subscribed.

        • Wait – and I put that thing in my mouth?

          • TJ Barke

            I can’t imagine why anyone would, honestly…

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            You get boy germs that way.

          • mancityRed6

            if they don’t reciprocate, then I would question why you would.

          • No reciprocation necessary. It’s just a natural sensuous response I have, like wanting to lick a popsicle. ..that’s acttached to a really hot guy. I mean a guy with a terrific personality.

          • mancityRed6
          • aureolaborealis
          • I have to wait for a better internet connection. 😕

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Apparently the hot new sexual trend is anilingus. I love the freaky as much as the next pervert but…no. Just no.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well, that depends entirely on the male to whom the penis is attached. Sometimes sperm is all they are good for.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea
      • mancityRed6

        dammit

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Of course. It is about boobs.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I can handle it. Been handling it for 61 years, I’m an expert.

    • TJ Barke

      They’re just really captivating…

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You were taught that. You can unlearn it. We don’t appreciate it.

        • TJ Barke

          Sorry, but no, that’s not accurate.

    • mancityRed6

      I like boobs, all shapes and sizes. especially if they’re real.
      no apology.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Humans have ’em in the wrong place, anyway.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        First time one of my cats had kittens I was 8, and I realized that cats have 6 of them. Thank god we don’t!

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      As a hetero woman boob-haver, I’ve always thought they were amazing (not mine, they’re okay but small). I’ve always wondered– have I absorbed some kind of cultural appreciation for them, or are we humans wired to think they’re beautiful?

      Maybe because they are the first source of complete satisfaction (for a babby)? My youngest daughter used to “sing” with pure joy when she nursed.

      If PTSD alters genes, is the memory of bliss also passed down through generations?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I don’t think it’s bad to think so, or that there’s not a biological/psychological basis for it. I mean, they really are an erogenous zone and it’s great to enjoy that. But it’s the sort of public ownership over them from straight men that I find really tiresome and obnoxious. Like we need to be told and reminded that they’re sexualizing our bodies all the god damn time.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They certainly are amazing when they are being used for their natural purpose. I feel very happy when I see a woman breast feeding, because usually both of them are, as you say, blissful. But anything else is definitely cultural, because breasts are not “titillating” in every culture. My cousin lived in Saudi Arabia for 15 years, and she said you might occasionally a woman veiled from head to toe in black, sitting on a public bench, with a breast exposed while feeding a baby, and nobody paid any attention, but if that same woman walked down the street with her legs exposed, there would be a riot.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I just about blew up at the sandwich monkey at Subway some time ago for asking if I saw some woman’s huge boobs in the parking lot.* Something along the lines of how my wife breastfeeding our son just about zapped any interest I had in breasts, which I’d long suspected was a taught fascination anyway.

      *he actually meant someone who was terribly obese, but that doesn’t earn him any favors.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I had a male P.E. teacher in 4th grade who had a lovely pair, LOL.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Ms. Thinker has no boobs. They were whacked off because cancer. She still likes boobs (she is more than an a bit bi) and i do, too.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’m very sorry to hear that. I’m sure she would rather have kept them, but I’m glad the cancer is gone. I am a firm believer in keeping all the bits that I came with whenever possible. I also believe in replacing any bits that were lost or were left out. I was born missing a significant number of permanent teeth, and I got some lovely replacements, better than originals, because no cavities. They’re permanent permanent teeth, too, I don’t have to put them in a jar at night.

    • bbayliss

      BOOM: US Government has THOUSANDS of intercepts of Manafort’s business partner, Dmitry Firtash

    • TJ Barke

      Wait, what?

      • bbayliss

        Big fuckin deal. On top of other big fuckin deals.
        Rohrbacher trying to get a pardon for Assange, and then this, Years of communications between Manafort and his Biz partner.

        • TJ Barke

          I can’t wait to be let down!

          • bbayliss

            C’mon sunshine, one a these days…

          • TJ Barke

            I never fail to be disappointed in any number of personal and public, national and international events and developments.

          • bbayliss

            You’re talking to the king of disappointment.

          • TJ Barke

            I’m so disappointing that I’m not even the king of disappointment…

          • bbayliss

            I’m so disappointed.

  • Wolf Tracker

    There was some guys on Breitbart last night trying to get people to boycott the NFL because of the announcer calling Trump a white supremacist.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/Oh7pRjePfuvVm/giphy.gif

    • Wait. I thought we were already supposed to boycott the sportsball because of that black guy who won’t stand during the national anthem?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The snowflakes are trying to take credit for THEIR cause piggybacking on another cause. They really are lazy SOBs.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        The crazy thing with that is the NFL is getting boycotted from both the right (because the league won’t force players to stand for the anthem) and the left (because owners have effectively colluded to blackball Kaepernick).

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Let troll ’em so white supremacists boycott football. Fuck em. Football is ‘Merican!

      • mancityRed6

        you do know that American football is just a bastardized version of rugby, right?
        and that the last time rugby was in the olympics, America’s rag tag team beat France’s professionals and caused riots?
        (hint, it was in Paris)

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Yay! Today I learned the Human word for “bear snack infomercial!” #Woof

    • Jukesgrrl

      Unless something else has happened I don’t know about, the ESPN employee who called out Trump is NOT an announcer and she is not associated with the NFL in any way except that she may comment on particular games or players. She is Jemele Hill, a long-time commentator on ESPN, and host of their 6 p.m. Sports Center hour, which skews more toward cultural issues rather than strictly sports. For instance they report on sports controversies, player issues, movies, music, etc. She and her co-host, Michael Smith, have made some very entertaining videos spoofing famous TV programs and movies. Boycotting the NFL because of something Jemele Hill did is as dumb as boycotting them because of something I did.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Oh thanks. I hadn’t even read the story just what they were saying on Breitbart.

        • mancityRed6

          hive of scum and villainy, or something.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Gonna be one of those nights on here I think. May bow out early and go play pool at the bar.

          • mancityRed6

            lucky you. my best boy had kids and moved, so, no more pool table in the basement.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        It’s okay, I don’t think the mouthbreathers actually understand what “boycotting” means, from their other ridiculous threats. I think they think it means “FUCK THEM! ME SHOW THEM! HAHA!” and “of course, I’m still WATCHING!”

    • Raan

      Why not, they already hate the Statue of Liberty.

    • bubbuhh

      Bratbarf Drools!!!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “How dare they call him that thing we love!” — Trumpkins

  • PigDootsMolloy
    • Raan

      “President Goatse”

      https://youtu.be/RYXkuzT_sdk

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      McMaster said that Donnie’s speech will focus on “peace, prosperity, sovereignty and accountability”.

      I thought, “He’s going to mispronounce at least two of those words.”

      • Raan

        My money’s on “sovereignty” and “prosperity”.

        • TJ Barke

          Sov-rigg-nitty

          • Lord Jim

            Soviet…something…

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            “sove-reagan-tee”

    • Bill D. Burger

      He will tell them about his YOOOOGE’ bigly presidential victory, tell them how much all Americans now love him, show them maps of his greatest-of-all-time electoral win, his largest-of-all-time inauguration crowd, his hot wife….and then threaten fire & fury if the rest of the world doesn’t do what he says because only he can solve all the world’s problems.

      Wheew….nailed it!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    So you guys don’t use the word tit to mean an idiot ?

    • Raan

      No, even though we do use “boob” for the same purpose.

    • Wolf Tracker

      No but Twit is used for someone obsessed and immature.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      We don’t, but we truly enjoy hearing you all going “Ya TIT!”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Not last I checked.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Moran, dumbfuck, fuckass, dipshit, my quiver’s pretty full there.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      No, but we DO use “sod” to mean transplanted slabs of grass!!!

      • Lyly Sirivong

        What ? Err… so… I guess you don’t say “sod off” to mean… err… “get lost” ?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Clay Travis. Two redneck first names. What’s his middle name, Jim Bob, Cletus, aot,k?

    One more thing, sportscaster Floyd Earl Rickie Bobby,

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7f2600fc5e761ffc5a432d12c29409ed0195a926083bb4bbdd256d5e090d628b.jpg

  • Panika MCD

    you are jealous. but you are not jealous for it will be on the livestreams. I think Wonkette should do a livebloog. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/03b978fbd7e7f0230ee022f628dd24074bf2c1f08e5af5b908e3b6a61179679f.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      That sounds like a cool show.

    • Zombishroom

      Wow! Edie Brickell is back!

      • Arolpin

        She’s only there because her husband is co-headlining. (JOKE, THAT’S A JOKE! I loved the New Bohemians in the 80s, and I love Edie Brickell.)

        • Zombishroom

          I thought they split up. Maybe she’s there to piss him off. Really good band, though. NTH I didn’t even notice Paul Simon on the bill.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Damn. That looks awesome!

  • dshwa

    I like breasts. But I’ve never used that fact to try to win an argument. I’ve never even considered that relevant to any argument I have ever or would ever make about anything. I can’t even fathom an argument in which that fact even becomes relevant.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I have much more success with dick.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        I always win every losing argument by grabbing my Dick and yelling, “suck this man!”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, the next time I get into a heated argument with someone, and the argument goes for longer than ten minutes, I’m going to blurt out, “I just love boobs!”

      I will take careful notes on what happens after that.

      Somebody has to do the hard scientific investigations. Why, you ask?

      Because, I just love boobs.

  • Anna Rompage

    So this guy is the Jesse Watters of the sports reporters realm…

    BTW, I can see Fox has done s smash up job at curtailing the sexual harassment over at their “network”…

  • DainBramage

    I’ll admit that I listen to too much sports radio, but the shows I listen to are not offensive like that twit’s show must be. I don’t listen to Fox sports radio, as when I have it generally wasn’t about sports, it was more bullshitting about personalities and what the host likes and dislikes.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      One thing for sure: That asshat is going to have a massive increase in the number of listeners to his fucking show. I’m sure he knew that the publicity will work in his favor.

      We live in a nation that caters to assholes.

      • DainBramage

        Sadly true.

  • Incoming Ham

    I’ve already heard the “nuh, uh – she’s WORSE. There are pictures of her topless and bottomless.”

    • natoslug

      Is there a problem with topless of bottomless? Although, I guess if that means there are pictures of her as a severed torso, then yes, that’s kind of fucked up. Wait, what are we talking about?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Oh, as if privatizing ATC wasn’t enough fun for the travelling public.

    One of the key aviation safety reforms enacted in response to the 2009 crash of Continental Connection Flight 3407 in Clarence Center that took 50 lives in 2009 ought to be repealed or changed, an advisory committee told the Federal Aviation Administration on Thursday.

    The requirement that all commercial pilots obtain a license based on 1,500 hours of flight experience “imposes costs that exceed benefits,” the Aviation Rulemaking Advisory Committee said in a report that its members approved in a 21-4 vote at a Thursday meeting.

  • Raan

    as i lie in bed eating a pop-tart

    https://youtu.be/pP11VfgEDIU

  • WomanInThePersistence

    The Disqus, it is cranky. Again.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I go to various other sites that use disqus for commenting. I don’t have the problems with disqus on those sites that I do here. Boy howdy, does disqus suck here at Wonkette! I suppose that’s because disqus does not handle non-comments properly.

      That’s discrimination and should be fixed, STAT!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I think it’s because our threads are so long.

  • natoslug

    I like booze. And boobs. And pizza. And pie. And many other things. Holy shit, random Fox guy, why limit yourself? We have a wonderful world out there, full of all sorts of things to love. Like that pillow over there.

  • bubbuhh

    He should’ve splained that he also likes his jock a lot. That would’ve been news.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPVgKoruWdA

  • Bill D. Burger

    When Turnip addresses the UN, he has some yooooge’ batshitcrazy shoes to fill. I think he’s up to the challenge.
    Gonna’ be a tsunami of stupid, crazy and poor teleprompter reading there that day.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/A3wlYfKighY/0.jpg

  • dshwa

    Also, I love the look on the guy on the left’s face. You can tell he’s thinking “jesus, who is this dumb motherfucker? I had to bust my black ass to get where I got and this frat boy poser just fell off the turnip truck and onto this panel.”
    Me, I thought here’s white privilege in action in a debate about what a black woman said about white supremacy. Somebody get the defibrillator out for irony again.

  • Lizzietish81

    So my landlord doesn’t take checks.

    He insisted that rent be paid via online deposits. Ok, I have Ally, they are an online bank if anyone can do this, it’s them.

    First time it didn’t work. Turns out it was my fault because I didn’t get his account info I instead put in his email and Ally said they would contact him for the info. Come around to the seventh, it’s not done. What. The. Fuck.

    He gives me his account information and I sheepishly put it in like I should have done weeks ago. Ok.

    Today I get a text at like 3:30 that the payment did NOT go through and that I have to go to the bank RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and deposit my rent.

    Even though my bank emailed me this morning saying everything was good, this afternoon they emailed me again saying “Just kidding”

    So I left work a half hour early (after submitting my time for the first half of hte month which is another fucking rant) rushed home, got my check book, rode back to the bank and made the deposit.

    As far as I know it went through.

    Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUOzEthA_yU

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Your landlord doesn’t take checks? Are they not considered legal tender in Canuckistan?

      • shivaskeeper

        Lots of businesses won’t take checks. Nothing like a few bounced check fees tacked on to not getting the money owed to you to make you stop taking checks.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Most local stores just run them like debit cards, at least around here. But I am startled by a landlord not taking them. It’s not as if he doesn’t know where you live.

      • mancityRed6

        NY, I think.

        • Lizzietish81

          But really close to the border (like a couple of hours I think)

          • mancityRed6

            it was a decision between Rochester, anywhere in Maryland, and KC when the first ex and I moved to the states.
            KC won because I’d been there before.

          • Lizzietish81

            I’m in Syracuse, close to the downtown so I don’t need a car yet.

            It’s a funky little city.

          • mancityRed6

            Earth Crisis is from Syracuse.
            they’re a vegan straight edge band with cookie monster vocals
            it’s a cover, but they’re not for everyone.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz_JjYxDW8s

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Whoops! My bad.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      You landlord probably had one single bad experience with checks so he decided that he would not take checks. The bastard.

      Okay, maybe he had two bad experences. Still a bastard.

      • Lizzietish81

        I’m not sure who my ire should be directed at, him for not taking checks or my bank for failing.

        I will call them tomorrow and ask what the fuck?

      • h4rr4r

        Checks are always a bad experience.

    • mancityRed6

      when I had the asshole pass a forged check for me, I had to fight to get my rent payment through.
      it was sent to the closed checking account the day after I put a hold on it.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I’m corrupted today. My selective dyslexia read that as “Big titties”, and I allowed myself to be dissapointed and had to correct my emotional milieu. AGAIN!

  • Rick Hill
    • mancityRed6

      kung fu would have been so much better with him as the lead.

  • Shanzgood

    Legal Wonkers: I have a newly acquired sort-of foster daughter who started staying with us last week. She is besties with my actual daughter and we took her in because her family situation is really screwed up and has been for years. AFAK, she is here with her family’s permission (her “father” helped load some of her possessions into my car and didn’t even bother saying hello, so I didn’t even know it was him) and her grandparents, whom I’ve met/spoken to several times, are super sweet and know what’s going on.

    My question is: do we (either my new “daughter” or I) need any sort of legal protection regarding this arrangement? My concern is that at any time, the father or stepmom could decide to be assholes and punish us somehow, demand her time in the form of babysitting their brood of younger kids or the wages from whatever job she might get again (which they’ve done in the past) or, god forbid, sue me or call the cops on me for some reason.

    I’m not looking for formal custody or money. The grandparents give her an allowance and have tried to offer ME money as well, which I refused. The grandma also told me that the dad gets $650/month from SS for her support, none of which she sees now, that I know of. So I suspect he would be reluctant to sign anything official giving her permission to live with us or taking any other legal steps that would allow her a path to becoming an emancipated minor (she recently turned 17), which I’ve also looked into on her behalf before she came here.

    Any suggestions?

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’m no expert in this area, but it sounds like a consultation with an attorney would be worthwhile, at least.

      • Shanzgood

        I think you’re right. I had a great family law attorney when I had to deal with some crap with my XH, but I can’t find her now.

    • mancityRed6

      the age makes all the difference in Kansas. 16 is an adult here, I think.

      • Panika MCD

        16 is the age of consent, not the age of majority.

        • mancityRed6

          yeah, but when can she be emancipated? that is the question.

          • Panika MCD

            16, but she has to file for it.

          • mancityRed6

            you google fu better than me, best answer I got was 18 unless marriage was involved.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      What state are you in?

      • Shanzgood

        Kansas.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Depending on the laws of your state, you could be said to be sheltering a runaway.

      • Shanzgood

        I wondered that, but dismissed the initial concern because her father helped her load her stuff in my car. But that doesn’t preclude him being a dick later, if he decides to. That’s why I was asking.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Is that a bad thing? I think that’s not a thing here.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        In Georgia, they don’t spend any resources on 17 year olds. Too close to being adult anyway.

    • Wolf Tracker

      If she was to get injured or need to go to a doctor you would need permission from a parent to have her treated which could be a problem in an emergency.

      Look up guardian permissions for your state which you would need her guardian parent to sign.

    • Me not sure

      Until you get anything further from an attorney, I would think it best to get a notarized letter giving permission to seek medical help on her behalf and another giving you permission to travel out of your home county.

      • Shanzgood

        That’s what I was thinking of. I’ve asked her to get her insurance card. She says her stepmom can manage it because she’s the more “adult” one in the situation, even though she lies and manipulates all the time. Oh, and bankrupted the family to the point where they’re going to lose their home.

        • Me not sure

          I think a trip to her school counselor and/or school psychologist might be helpful.

          • Shanzgood

            She’s been, and family services (or whatever it’s called) has been notified about their family multiple times. The only thing that ever happens is that she gets punished for it.

          • Me not sure

            Is a formal foster relationship out of the question?

          • Shanzgood

            Her dad isn’t going to give up custody. He gets $650/month and doesn’t have to spend any of it on her now.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      See if you can consult with a lawyer in Kansas. You are doing a good thing, a very good thing, and I would hate to see you get hurt for it. This seems like a legitimate group.

      https://www.justia.com/lawyers/civil-rights/kansas/legal-aid-and-pro-bono-services

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Talk to a family law attorney in your state sooner than later. I’m sure my fellow sufferers will agree that any advice you get beyond that is worth what you paid for it. Laws governing parent-child relationships vary wildly from state to state. Trust me on this one; my wife is a family law lawyer.

      • Shanzgood

        Thanks! I would have gotten it all in place beforehand but the whole thing happened sooner than I expected. I didn’t even get to get her room ready.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          In my county, they have a family law center in the courthouse. You can get time with an attorney there on a pro bono basis. The half hour I spent there during my divorce was helpful.

          • Shanzgood

            I’ll check, thanks!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            There’s tons and tons of family law help in San Diego due to people not having lawyers after the financial crash of 2008. There are special clerks for self-represented people that are great and the court website has tons of helpful information. It might be worth checking out your court’s website.

    • Panika MCD

      agreed with “me not sure”. age of majority is 18, but she can apply for emancipation or you can get guardianship papers, but you’ll want those notarized letters in the meantime.

    • BeachBum

      I would document everything that has happened including all conversations with every one and see a legal aid lawyer if you can.

    • bbayliss

      Do you have access to legal aid?

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t know. I was going to ask local friends for a recommendation.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      There’s this. It looks useful, but I haven’t read it…

      http://www.ksgprog.org/Publications/Guide%20to%20KS%20Law.pdf

      It’s from these guys, not a direct match for purpose, but in the ballpark, and they have sample legal forms…

      http://www.ksgprog.org/

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      You need a Power of Attorney for medical treatment and don’t expect any form of monetary support. Is she insured under a policy of either parent? If so, you need to get a copy of the insurance information.

      Emancipation is just a legal expense at this point considering it seems her parents have given her up willingly.

      I took in a vulnerable person myself a few years ago. But, he was legally an adult at the time and was a positive influence on my children. You have a heart the size of New York. Please be careful.

      But with all of that being said, I don’t see any monetary exposure on your part for taking her in. You’ve got other things to worry about.

      • Shanzgood

        I’m not worried about money, just about her having a safe place to BE. I’ve asked her to get her insurance information, just in case. Perhaps it would be wise to request it myself from her dad or stepmom so I can have an official record of saying “hey, since she’s LIVING with us now, we need this in case of an illness or emergency.” Then I would have at least some sort of proof that they acknowledge and don’t object to her being here.

        Currently, she and my daughter and another girlfriend of theirs are in the living room giggling and playing Rock Band like regular teenagers and it’s GLORIOUS. I love hearing them!

        • TundraGrifter

          When she turns 18 she will need to give you written permission to access her medical records, speak with her college or university if she goes that route, etc.

          • Shanzgood

            Well, one thing at a time…

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          You still need a medical POA. Just download one from the internets and have them sign it in front of a notary. Without it, you need them to go with her to a doctor’s appointment. Plus, if they sign the POA, they will have, albeit unknowingly, legally have consented to having her live with you.

          • Shanzgood

            But if they’re not as stupid AND they are as venal and abusive as I’ve assumed, I’m worried that might trigger them into trying to forcefully retrieving her.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            I know a little about your situation from past posts, so I understand what’s going on. But obviously I’m not there to know the exact details. Do you know a Notary? Or do you have a friend who is an attorney? Even if they are a real estate attorney, they are qualified as a notary. If so, can you download a POA and be very casual about having one of the parents sign it? “You know, since Carla is now staying with us, she might need to see a doctor and it would be really helpful if I could take her without inconveniencing you….”

            I’m trying, Shannon!

          • Shanzgood

            Thank you! Here’s to hoping they’re stupid and distracted. Her grandparents take her to her therapy appointments most of the time so they might be persuaded…

      • Shanzgood

        If I get medical POA does that make me responsible for any medical expenses her insurance doesn’t cover?

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Absolutely not. It only give you the authority to make medical decisions for her and to seek medical treatment on her behalf (you get to decide if she needs to be seen by a doctor)

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          PSA on POAs – In the past, I’ve signed medical POA’s giving my parents authority to act on behalf of my children when they were little and I traveled on business. I signed a medical POA for my then husband when I was pregnant in case anything happened to me during childbirth. Even though the spouse is supposed to be the ultimate authority, look what happened to Terri Schiavo. POAs are revocable, inexpensive and good to have on hand.

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      A) keep those grandparents in the picture. B) if they can afford it, accept their money. It will help you keep her fed, and well, and it will help them feel that they are contributing. Only if they can afford it of course.

      What a nice person you are.

      • TundraGrifter

        If you accept the money write down what it has been spent on. Don’t just throw it into the general kitty. Down the road those records might prove very, very useful.

        On second thought – try to document the extra expense to you even if you don’t accept any money from anybody else. Couldn’t hurt. Our best friend took care of his mother day and night, 6 or 7 days a week, for 8 years. His mother passed away and his siblings wanted to know what happened to SSI and husband’s pension and when they were going to get their share – since he’d been living off it. Complete BS, of course.

        I told him to calculate what a third-party care provider would charge (at the $10 or $12/hour or whatever they would be paid for such work) over those 8 years, split it up, and send the whining siblings the bills for their shares.

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t want the money. But when the grandpa brought some furniture for her, he also brought a “care package” of a huge package of Charmin and some painting supplies, so that was nice. Plus, the guy who helped move owns a construction company and gave me his card so o can get a quote on some work I need done.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Nobody thinks you’re doing this for money. Nobody. But the grandparents obviously want to contribute. It’s kind of like how those of us who weren’t affected by the many awful storms of the past month kicked in a few bucks. It’s what we can do. They sound really nice. I’m glad that this young person has them in her life. Nobody can have too much love.

          • Shanzgood

            Well, then, if they offer again, I’ll suggest they give it to their granddaughter and she can decide what she wants to do with it. She deserves to know there are people willing to take care of her even though they aren’t getting any money out of it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That sounds like an excellent plan. That young woman will benefit from knowing that there are people who care about her. And you really are a good person.

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks but it just seemed like, well…I have a big house and it’s really no problem. Plus, she’s a great influence on my daughter, so I guess I’m not being totally altruistic. I like seeing BOTH of them happy together like puppies.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            So suggest that the grandparents send the money directly to her (your idea, and a very good one). She might kick in for groceries, she might save up for school, she might spend it all on fancy shoes. But she will know that she is loved. And that sounds like that should be the priority.

          • Shanzgood

            That’s the whole idea. But I tell you what, I’m really glad she has her grandparents for backup love and also a potential rescue zone in case things get ugly. I didn’t ask why the grandparents couldn’t take her in because potentially they are taking in the rest of the family and I didn’t want to highlight that because I don’t know how she feels about getting separated. I just want her to feel good about where she IS right now.

    • TundraGrifter

      You are a very, very good person! Well played!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Keep being awesome.

    • memzilla Ω

      Keep a contemporaneous log of everything you do with and for her. It will reduce your liability enormously in case they attempt to go after you, because they will have nothing with which to counter it. You are entitled to the $650/mo SSI if you are supporting her and don’t be ashamed of seeking it, because you’re doing it FOR HER, not you. In your log, also keep a list on what you spend on her. Good luck.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Plus you might be able to claim her on your taxes.

      • Shanzgood

        The only money I spend on her is food, and that’s negligible. I don’t want the SSI money because that would entail a legal fight I don’t want to deal with. She’ll be 18 in 9 months and I just want to give her some much needed breathing room in the meantime.

        • memzilla Ω

          Unfortunately, as fucked up as this sounds, you may be exposing yourself to legal liability if you DON’T petition for the SSI if she is living with you. A lawyer will know more.

          • Shanzgood

            I’ll check. Thanks!

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Couple of thoughts: If Social Services is involved with her and/or her household, be careful. (You said that Family Services had been ‘called’ about the household in the past) If they show up for a home visit and determine that she is “missing”, you don’t want to be in any legal jeopardy. They may be obliged to place her in a foster home temporarily. If necessary, maybe you could inquire generally about how to apply to be a temporary foster parent.
      Also, how are you handling things with school? They are likely to get cranky if her parent/guardian situation has changed and they weren’t aware of it. i.e., who to call in an emergency.

      Finally: Links to legal services and bar associations. (The bar associations, whether local, state or the American Bar Assoc., generally have referral services to local attorneys who can provide services in the necessary field, often at sliding scale fees.)

      https://www.kansaslegalservices.org/

      http://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/probono/directory/kansas.html

      https://www.ksbar.org/page/child_custody

      • Shanzgood

        I will look into it!

        As for school, we’ve already had to deal with some of that, even though they have only been back 2-3 weeks. She asked me to lie for her to her grandparents about some time she missed when she and my daughter were both sick last week. I told her she needed to get a legal guardian to call in sick for her since I’m NOT one and she told me she had. But I got a call from her grandma later that day and busted her for lying to both of us, so I told her to get her shit together because she lied to ALL of us and it’s insulting to presume we were all too stupid to figure it out.

        So there’s that. I’m not her legal guardian and I can’t do those things. She calls me Mom but I’m not and she needs to understand how that works. And doesn’t.

  • Lizzietish81

    Rant number two: It’s bad enough that the ordinary shleb will just regurgitate whatever bullshit the Republicans spew about the Democrats, but then DEMOCRATS do it too.

    “Oh Al Gore was too dull…Kerry was too elitist…Clinton was too corrupt”

    Really people? It doesn’t occur to you that the lying sacks of shit who lie about EVERYTHING else may be lying here too?

    Fucking a.

    • jesterpunk
    • Anna Rompage

      Al Gore played it too safe when he was running….

      I voted for the man, but was never hugely excited by him as I thought he was trying to play to too many sides, and came off dull & stiff…

      I then got chance to see him speak a couple years after the election, and walked away feeling that if he would have been himself, he would have easily won…

      • bbayliss

        I saw both Clinton and Gore speak, prefered Gore.

      • h4rr4r

        I feel like this was the case for Hillary as well. She did not want to rock the boat since she thought it was in the bag.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I like to think so, but everything the Dems do is scrutinized and held against them to an absurd degree, compared to Republicans. I can’t really blame them for being cautious.

      • TundraGrifter

        I think Mr. Gore made a big mistake when he didn’t let Bill Clinton really join the campaign. I understand he wanted to do it on his own. But our nation suffered severely under 8 years of Mr. Bush.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Franken has a dry wit.

    • h4rr4r

      Seriously though Al Gore was boring.

    • Lord Jim

      Mind. Blown.

    • tomamitai

      “Oh Al Gore was too dull…Kerry was too elitist…Clinton was too corrupt”
      I thought they all had just the right amount of those qualities.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Dems start wringing their panties with the wrong perspective. “Too dull”, “too elitist”… in relation to whom? Other Dems or the GOP fucker for the general election??? I don’t know what compels Dems to relitigate the primaries during the general election campaign… smh

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Mad Men Beauty and the Orange Beast! lmao

    [Jon Hamm says Trump, Bill O’Reilly tried to intimidate him at a ‘Saturday Night Live’ after-party . Didn’t work.

    These two Dons just couldn’t get along at all.
    “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm discussed an encounter he had with Donald Trump in 2015 where the now-President attempted to intimidate him — and Hamm wasn’t having it at all.
    “He was with Bill O’Reilly. They’re both tall dudes. And I’m a tall dude. And they both do that tall-dude thing, which is try to intimidate you,” he told the New York Times in a profile this week.
    …………………………………………………………..
    ” Hamm recalled being at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner when former President Obama poked fun at Trump.
    Watching (Trump) who has no problem telling people what to do and giving people trouble, he didn’t take it very well,” Hamm said, laughing.
    …………………………………………….
    Hamm was joined by Jake Gyllenhaal in a fund-raiser for Hillary Clinton in Oct. 2016 — clearly publicizing his allegiances with someone other than Trump.]

    http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/jon-hamm-trump-intimidate-snl-party-article-1.3497970?cid=bitly

    http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.3497968.1505488577!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_1200/hamm16f-2-web.jpg

    • Having seen THOSE pictures of Hamm…he wins the measuring contest by several lengths

      • Bill D. Burger

        rotfl….. I’ll take your word for it! In the looks department, he’s a few miles ahead as well.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        A country mile.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        The Hammaconda ™

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      …must refrain from making lewd comment about Trump’s mouth in that photo….stay classy, TR…stay classy. Aw fuck it. It looks like he’s warming up for Mr. Hamm.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        We have already heard plenty of things about Trump’s gaping asshole mouth. Never too much.

      • That’s not wide enough

  • The Librarian

    Fox Sports Dude is the slimiest ooze on top of the scum that is Faux News

  • altleftjohn

    He believes in boobs.

    He’s just never seen any.

    • h4rr4r

      It’s called faith.

      • natoslug

        Call in Hope and Chastity and let’s get this party started!

    • mancityRed6

      no, not in IRL

  • natoslug

    Blueberry Maple Stout is weird. And way too sweet.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I would have guessed… Both…

      • natoslug

        Yeah . . . but I forgot to toss anything good in the fridge to chill, and this was the last bottle of anything that I wouldn’t drink last week. Well, other than the stuff from Pelican Brewery that will result in a broken jaw if I drink it without sharing it with my wife.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Any beer in a storm…

    • Wolf Tracker

      Maybe on pancakes?

    • mancityRed6

      stout is supposed to be kinda bitter
      unlike bitter, which is damn good.

    • TundraGrifter

      I’ll bet it would make a bitchin’ Beer Bread.

      3 cups self-rising flour. You MUST sift it. This is not an option.
      12 oz. beer

      Mix and pour into a well-greased bread pan. Take a knife and gently cut a crease down the middle of the dough the long way. You can put some melted butter on top if you feel like it.

      Bake 350 (degrees – I can’t find the little “o”) for 1 hour. Broom straw or toothpick should come out of the center clean. Let cool 15 minutes before serving.

      Eat it all because it really doesn’t keep very well – or taste as good the next day.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        You have a broom? Fancy!

        • TundraGrifter

          Well, yes, but it would be gross to use a straw from that to test bread. About thirty years ago I went to visit my Mom in the Midwest and near her was a place that made brooms. They bundled up the straw they cut to make them even for cake and bread testers. I still have some left.

  • Sheepshagger

    Pope persists with Catholicism. Bears proven to defecate amongst trees. https://twitter.com/reuters/status/908819673004814336

    • Thiazin Red

      Not going to lie, hot HSI guy is kind of distracting.

    • mancityRed6

      are bears Catholic?
      does the pope shit in the woods?

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        1, only at churches where the Communion hosts are Nilla wafers and available on an all-you-can-eat basis.
        2, check with Russia for the tapes.

      • Raan

        “I keep telling you, man, where his Holiness does his business is his business.” – Cesar Vialpando

    • Stulexington
    • tomamitai

      I’ve shit in the woods, does that make me Pope?

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    He has this really rare disorder where he’s convinced he’s Seann William Scott in a comedy.

  • Picabo

    “There are only two things in this country that have never let me down, Travis intones, and that is the First Amendment and boobs.”
    And then the murders began.

    • mancityRed6

      see? that is awesome.
      when it becomes a thing, you won’t even have to say it

      • TundraGrifter

        ATTMB

  • Me not sure

    The guy on the right has those squinky Sam Brownback eyes, so probably his mom drank lot while he was a li’l biscuit in the oven.

  • OrG

    Boobs have let me down before.

  • Bill D. Burger

    My hero for the day:

    [Guy asks Tomi Lahren for a selfie but instead FILMS their interaction during which he asks her ‘how does it feel to be a racist piece of sh*t’!

    Tomi Lahren, a conservative media commentator, and an unidentified man had an interaction that was uploaded to Instagram
    The man appeared to have asked Lahren, 25, for a selfie
    Lahren cocks her head back and smiles before the man, who was filming the interaction, instead asks: ‘How does it feel to be a racist piece of s***’

    Lahren then walks away, all the while keeping the smile plastered to her face]

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/09/15/17/445113DC00000578-4888806-A_man_asked_Tomi_Lahren_25_for_a_selfie_and_filmed_the_interacti-m-19_1505493527882.jpg

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4888806/Guy-asks-Tomi-Lahren-selfie-insults-her.html#ixzz4sn1YAe58

    • mancityRed6

      alternate question:
      do you have your own insurance yet?

  • Bill D. Burger

    “John McCain is a war hero because he was captured. I prefer people who weren’t captured.” ____Donald J. Trump, July 18, 2015

    Uhh….today:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/908768057140629506

  • Hardly Ideal

    I thought I’d finally visit my dad and wingnut relatives this weekend, but it looks like I’m going to spend that time cleaning my brains from the walls, on account of my head exploding. Jesus hickory-smoked Christ, man.

  • Doug Langley

    Management is always right dept:

    Over the weeks, we’ve bounced from one “top priority” task to another. Nothing really seems to get completed because every single thing is the biggest thing. Today: I’m doing one project that’s the latest top priority. Boss comes in. “Game change” she announces. New orders from manager. Now everyone has to go back and finish the thing that was the big biggie last week. So I and the other temp guy go to next room and start on original project. Then boss comes in. “New game change” She wants to girls to do the work instead of us “because they file faster than you do. I’m not being nasty, just saying.” So we go back to doing what we were already doing, minus 10 minutes for all the running around.

    Good thing I’m loaded up on Prozac or this might actually bother me.

    • mancityRed6

      we’re breaking in a new scheduler, fresh out of college. I had to tear down off of a setup (15 pieces in on a 30 piece order) ’cause they wanted these other parts, stat!
      the other parts take at least 20-25 minutes and we can only run one at a time because each piece is at least $30.
      yeah, I feel ya.

      • Doug Langley

        I’m so frustrated with all the companies that just simply MUST hire people fresh out of college instead of older folks who might actually know something.

        • mancityRed6

          we’re so short in the machine shop, one of the machines sat idle all week.
          all week.
          and they put their work on me.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, that’s some real micromanagement right there.

    • CripesAmighty
    • WomanInThePersistence

      It sounds like she’s being gaslighted just like you are. Im not defending her, because she sounds awful, but maybe it’s a systemic, rather than a personal problem?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Hey MRA’s. That shit is not funny. We’re not laughing with you, we are laughing at you. You say that shit and you look like a fool, an adolescent boy. So just stop it.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Like an immature adolescent boy. The one that the mature ones look at and shake their heads.

  • Panika MCD

    boner pills were dead, dead as a doornail. and then the murders began.

    • mancityRed6

      needs more of a lead

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Okay. First part of sentence was, “After taking a whole bottle of them, it turned out that the…”.

        • mancityRed6

          damn those emails! they were wrong, so wrong.

        • tomamitai

          “…anti-psychotic pills were placebos, and then the murders began.”

      • Panika MCD

        then you write a murder mystery about Bob Dole!

        • mancityRed6

          *he falls of the platform and stabs someone in the chest with his pen*
          no, no one would ever buy it.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      Oh man here we go again…

      :)

    • NorthernSaber

      “…as they drank red rum in a snowed-in hotel overrun with balloon-toting clowns.”

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Anna Rompage

    Check it out, more people from the supposed master race… they’re loading their weapons and going to defend a confederate statue that is slated to be removed, “at all costs”…

    When they say 3%ers, are they’re referring to the number of teeth they have left?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/86f3695715b063fd28cfd5e4dbdfb264cf7380dc4d53487afc98bf17fecd9bbb.jpg

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Where does one purchase Lycra confederate flag clothes?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Asking for a friend?

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        Well, I’m guessing this crowd is in the Walmart parking lot, so…

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Fayetteville, NC

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Why do the people who claim to be part of a master race always seem to be the dregs of that race? What are they trying to prove? “I may be a toothless, cousin fucking moron who couldn’t graduate from High School, but because I’m white, I’m better than you?” Isn’t it funny (not “ha-ha” funny) how intelligent white people never have to spend their time claiming to be racially superior?

      • natoslug

        As a pink-ish person with shades of beige and minor splotches of white and the occasional freckle of cocoa, I agree.

      • CripesAmighty

        Behold the omniscient, omnipotent Hickerati.

    • INAPPROPRIATE GENDERFLUIDISTIC REMARK

      And they say it’s hard to tell if a whiny liberlz is a boy or a girl.

      • H0mer0

        [and someone owes spandex an apology]

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      They only have 3% of the DNA that normal humans have.

      • RMKH

        The rest being porcine?

    • Wolf Tracker

      If you tested them and added all the scores together I still doubt they would make the 100 score for average IQ.

    • Not quite a full set of teeth.

    • Raan

      The 3% refers to the percentage of people outside of their family who would fuck them.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or how many went beyond third grade

        • And didn’t get kicked out of homeschool.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Master race!??” Shit. The Waffen SS would have used those rednecks for bayonet practice.

    • Bocephus, Bobbi Sue, Betty Lou, Ginny Sue, and Billy Bob all piled into their 4-wheeler….and the murders began.

      • puredog

        And nothing of value was lost.

    • NorthernSaber

      I hear banjos, and they’re out of tune…

  • Picabo

    Cassandra Peterson, aka Elvira Mistress of the Dark once ran for president with the slogan, “There are two boobs in the White House. Why not mine?” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9a9531be54368e49a9304b759cb2f10e531d83e4482c8b5fe9498538b39d425.jpg She had a sense of humor.

    • mancityRed6

      I’m thinking this would have been the ’80s

    • Wolf Tracker

      Looks like clear violation of conflict of interest. If they tried to hide it even better.

    • Raan

      Steak?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      JUST got caught?

    • TootsStansbury

      They spelled bilking wrong.

  • Panika MCD
  • Incoming Ham

    Folks, get your shots before you go to the tropics. You’ll be glad you did.

    • Ωbjectifier

      No tattoos also too!

      • Incoming Ham

        And wear shoes.

  • Joe Beese

    I tipped my pedicurist 40%.

    She earned it.

    • Doug Langley

      So how did it go?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a happy finish, judging by the tip

      • Joe Beese

        This is certainly the nicest my feet have looked since the Carter administration.

  • Lizzietish81

    Rant number three: John Green suggesting that the Persians weren’t the villains that the Greeks or comic books portray them as doesn’t mean he’s saying they were better.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Yes. But the Hittites were just as bad.

      • RMKH

        And don’t get me started on the Scythians

        • WomanInThePersistence

          The Sumarians have always annoyed me. Damn them and their literacy.

          • RMKH

            Yeah, but they invented beer, so they get a permanent pass from me.

  • jesterpunk
    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I hate that fucker

      • jesterpunk

        So do I but there is a Trump tweet for everything.

      • RMKH

        With the fire of a million suns.

  • Red Bird

    Another big news day. Back to the yard work.

  • Thiazin Red

    What are people reading now?

    A couple chapters in to Deed of Paksenarrian by Elizabeth Moon and I’m glad that while it presents a young woman running away to join a mercenary band as an unusual choice, the lead character isn’t the only woman and the writer doesn’t fall into the “Not Like Other Girls” trap.

    • Panika MCD
      • Beanz&Berryz

        Two sets of bear toeses…

        • Panika MCD

          “I still has dewey claus!”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            From the tiptoeing in the two lips..

    • WomanInThePersistence

      “Plato and a Platypus Walk in to a Bar…”

      I’ve made it to the dedication, which is to Groucho Marx. “These are my principles; if you don’t like them, I have others.”

    • Jennifer R

      I think I feel like rereading Monsterous Regiment again.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Elizabeth Moon’s books aren’t usually my favorite style but I’ll have to check out that book.

      I’m still reading Dragonsbane, which is a fantasy novel about a woman but the only other female character is the villain and she’s ridiculously stereotypical, considering all the tropes that the rest of the book challenges. Other than that, the book is very entertaining.

      • Thiazin Red

        Her sci fi isn’t my favorite, but I’m liking this one so far. It was 4 dollars in a sale on audible so I thought I would give it a try.

    • mancityRed6

      if I didn’t already have Futurama to fall asleep to, I’d be reading fear and loathing on the campaign trail, ’71 again.

    • Raan

      This Blade Runner let’s play.

    • NorthernSaber

      “Into the Silence”, Wade Davis’s gripping (and often wrenching) work on the connections between World War I and the early Everest expeditions- especially Mallory’s. It will get into your head- these guys were so haunted by what they’d seen in France that the idea of climbing into oblivion on Everest seemed perfectly sane. Recommend it highly.

    • altleftjohn

      I’m about to read (listen to) American Nations again. https://www.librarything.com/work/11745513

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Wonkette.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Elizabeth Moon is a great author. I bought Double Down about the 2012 election and I preordered Hillary’s new book but it hasn’t come yet.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh…on the Mueller train rolls. Coming for you Donny!

    [Facebook Gave Special Counsel Robert Mueller More Details on Russian Ad Buys Than It Gave Congress
    Social-media company shared copies of ads and account information, people familiar with the matter said. (*They say they will try to cooperate in any way possible with the investigation.)

    A search warrant from Mr. Mueller would mean the special counsel now has a powerful tool in his arsenal to probe the details of how social media was used as part of a campaign of Russian meddling in the U.S. presidential election.

    According to Facebook’s policy, under U.S. law, a subpoena directed at the company would only allow access to “basic subscriber records” for a given account, including its name, when it was created, credit card information and, if available, the internet protocol address of where the user or page recently logged in or out.

    A search warrant is a more powerful tool that would compel Facebook to disclose more detailed information about various accounts, such as messages, photos, videos, timeline posts, and location information.

    According to a January report from the U.S. intelligence community, the highest levels of the Russian government were involved in directing the electoral interference to boost Mr. Trump at the expense of his Democratic rival Hillary Clinton.]

    A Facebook spokesman said the company continues to investigate and is cooperating with U.S. authorities. A spokesman for Mr. Mueller declined to comment on the investigation.

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-gave-special-counsel-robert-mueller-more-details-on-russian-ad-buys-than-congress-1505514552?tesla=y&mod=e2tw

    • Wolf Tracker

      FB may have violated election laws if the ads were not clearly identified as political ads and Mueller wants the records of who bought them and examples of ads not who may have viewed them I think and that should be an esay get.

  • Alan

    The face on the other guy is priceless.

  • The Wanderer

    ” . . . dumb cracker wad of cum.”

    Semen libel.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Damned, if it doesn’t seem that Dana ‘WhyYesI’mBatshitcarzy’ Rohrabacher IS working for Putin.

    [GOP Congressman Sought Trump Deal on WikiLeaks, Russia
    California’s Dana Rohrabacher asks for pardon of Julian Assange in return for evidence Russia wasn’t source of hacked emails

    By Byron Tau, Peter Nicholas and Siobhan Hughes
    Updated Sept. 15, 2017 6:06 p.m. ET
    93 COMMENTS
    WASHINGTON—A U.S. congressman contacted the White House this week trying to broker a deal that would end WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s U.S. legal troubles in exchange for what he described as evidence that Russia wasn’t the source of hacked emails published by the antisecrecy website during the 2016 presidential campaign.]

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/gop-congressman-sought-trump-deal-on-wikileaks-russia-1505509918

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJy4_cKUIAATSoS.jpg

    • TootsStansbury

      Well everyone else on the right is so it only makes sense.

    • Wolf Tracker

      If Trump even discussed a pardon in return for any evidence to help him in the investigation it would be bribery and I am sure Mueller would just love that.

  • amrak63

    Hey, didn’t DC Comics’ new crop of “Bloodlines” heroes back in 1993 or so include a guy named “Fox Douche Man”?

    *waits to see if any other Wonketarian is geeky enough to get the reference*

    • mancityRed6

      no, but it sounds relevant.
      (’93, I was skipping school and dating under my age. and drinking underage)

  • TundraGrifter

    “Does this hat make my boobs like big?”

    That’s a peach of a pair.

    • mancityRed6

      no, never.

      • altleftjohn

        I’d still like to see it tried.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Can you put both of them in that hat at the same time and what size is the hat?

      Sounds like a volume question on a test.

  • mancityRed6

    so a friend of mine from way back in the Joplin days has passed. I’m getting together with my boy in Lawrence tomorrow to plan the trip for the Sunday after next to attend a gathering at the Blackthorn (Joplin).
    I just hope I don’t have to dress up.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Condolences. I would say throw in a tie just in case or maybe tie dyed?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh lordy…such a cornucopia of scandal-laden riches. Mueller’s team must just be having fits trying to pare it all down. But…I do have faith in them.

    [Trump Advisers Secretly Met With Jordan’s King While One Was Pushing A Huge Nuclear Power Deal
    Michael Flynn, Jared Kushner, and Steve Bannon met with King Abdullah II while Flynn was reportedly pressing for a controversial, for-profit deal to build nuclear power plants in the Middle East.

    Posted on September 15, 2017, at 2:12 p.m.

    The meeting — details of which have never been reported — is the latest in a series of secret, high-stakes contacts between Trump advisers and foreign governments that have raised concerns about how, in particular, Flynn and senior adviser Jared Kushner handled their personal business interests as they entered key positions of power. And the nuclear project raised additional security concerns about expanding nuclear technology in a tinderbox region of the world. One expert compared it to providing “a nuclear weapons starter kit.”]

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasonleopold/trump-advisors-secretly-met-with-jordans-king-while-one-was?utm_term=.pn3qd7DZZ#.wiW98EROO

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Real Estate Prince Jared is all about nucular power…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    sorry Keebler Elf

    http://abc7.com/2420937/

  • Suttree

    He people. I’m back. I don’t know if you noticed me gone, but I have been staying away from everything but Jalopnik, Atlas Obscura, and I forget the third. Guh, Thhhhppptttbbbbttt! I just want to see the old friends and bullshit. Don’t ask (Although it has nothing to do with Lizzie except i have been ignoring her with the rest of the world). https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ddfddbdcbcb6725b22f33574dce7ad01fcae12091d6aceb48cd994ea10bce3f3.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ccd17acbf38014e88ea1163d0376b90be06d1b311ff4ab410c0f763a399aeaf6.jpg

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sometimes ignoring people is…necessary. Also, booze.

      • Suttree

        I haven’t had any booze until tonight. I feel sociable enough again.I also feel bad because I think that I am important enough that someone might miss me. In both ways!

        • Shanzgood

          Yes! Hi, there!

          • Suttree

            I did comment this morning though. That is how I knew that my mood had changed. :)

          • Rule breaker!

          • Shanzgood

            Sorry I missed you!

          • Suttree

            Oh no! The h o r r o r . . . .. . . .. .. .!

          • Shanzgood

            Pft!

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Welcome Back!!

          • Suttree

            Thanks darling!

    • altleftjohn

      “Education”

      • Suttree

        Elucidation, also too.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I was wondering….

      • Suttree

        Sorry. Just haven’t been talkative. Booze will loosen me up tonight though. And it is young.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Forgetting the third thing is likely to be fatal to your presidential aspirations Suttree. Just sayin’.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Forgetting the third thing is likely to be fatal to your presidential aspirations Suttree.
        Assumes facts not in evidence. See current occupier of said position.

      • Suttree

        I always knew that child I made with a warm watermelon would come back to haunt me!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Good to see you back.

    • Arolpin

      Yeah, Jalopnik & Deadspin were the only sites I could read without flying into a rage for 6 fucking months. At this point I’m channeling my anger and slowly working on changing co-worker’s minds about Drumpf one at a time. I’ve stopped being polite, and just tell them they are wrong, and proving it. Luckily, I’m employed because I know things, and my co-workers know this, so they actually listen (and they don’t close sales without my team, which means they don’t get commission.
      And thanks to something I read in Jalopnik, I’m doing my first track day on Monday, which I think will be a good way for me to work through some anger issues. (I love my car, I won’t bump anyone out of the way, but I might drive really, really fast for a while.)

      • Suttree

        Haha! Nice. It is a nice outlet. I don’t even own a vehicle right now. I just like machines. And for the most part there isn’t much in the way of politics.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    RIP Harry Dean Stanton

    • tomamitai

      The glowing green Malibu came to take him up to the mothership.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Intense.

    • Shanzgood

      Well, damn. I’ve loved him since Paris, TX.

      • Great movie.

      • SayItWithWookies

        We’ll always have Paris, TX.

      • Dinz6315

        Wise Blood and Paris, Texas were two of the best.

        • Shanzgood

          Guilty pleasure with Quantum Leap, though.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Also in a movie that I loved, and I may have been the only person who did: Slamdance.
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slam_Dance_(film)

          • Shanzgood

            That’s new! I’ll check it out!

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            If you can find it anywhere, let me know. (prepares to dig out old VHS player)

    • mancityRed6

      a friend to Bukowski and Thompson.
      this is a major fucking loss.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Come on baby. Jonesy. Come here……..”
      One of sci-fi’s most unforgettable moments.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/29cf99d80775fcd676439437a80732bb1d11fc00d735eaf93c2b52582fa2b50b.jpg

      • mancityRed6

        umm, Repo man? anyone?
        oh, ok, sci fi.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Hey! It was the very first time we got to see the xenomorph….the wholly overworked and overused to this day iconic xenomorph.

          • mancityRed6

            blame/credit Geiger. he did that.
            and penises in his art.

          • mancityRed6

            they had a festival of sorts, the first four alien movies back to back to…you get the idea.
            halloween, ’98 (or something like that)

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          Plate of shrimp, every single day.

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
    • mancityRed6

      I didn’t know him, never met him, but he was a great actor, and he knew a couple of guys I read on the regular…so…damn.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Ninety-one is a damned good run, but…shit. He’ll be missed. He’ll be missed.

    • Thiazin Red

      He was really great. I was watching Strait Story the other day and Stanton is on screen for about a minute and gives a layered complete performance in that short time.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Noooooooooooooooooo

  • TootsStansbury

    So can we use “And then the murders began” instead of “with votes”? Am I late with this?

    • mancityRed6

      it’s better than canned clams, in my opinion.
      and then the murders began

      • John Thorstensen

        YOU MONSTER!!!!

        Was I first?

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          From a woman’s perspective, that’s not necessarily a good thing. :p

          • Panika MCD

            and then the murders began?

          • mancityRed6

            yes

          • Lord Jim

            Don’t hate. :D

    • natoslug

      This is a story about the color blue. And then the murders began.

      • mancityRed6

        blue is for depression, orange is for insanity
        (something from a long time ago)
        and then the murders began.

  • Panika MCD

    The night Max wore his booby suit and made boner pills of one kind and another his mother called him ‘WILD THING!’ and Max said ‘I’LL EAT YOU UP!’ so he was sent to bed without eating anything. And then the murders began.

  • mancityRed6

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5KeXgli768
    with lyrics, cause his voice is hard to follow unless you know it.

    • tomamitai

      Rachel Dolezal’s favorite song?

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Just watched the video…

    The douche nozzle is a fucking clown. Somebody actually pays him to make words with his mouth???

    Home girl handled it better than I would have. I would have disconnected his feed with the quickness for bringing his stupid on MY segment. He just disqualified himself from ever being taken seriously. And he actually thought he was making a funny, too, the little ass widget!

    • jesterpunk

      He does work for Fox…

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Says it all…

        • jesterpunk

          I think its a requirement to work there.

  • Panika MCD

    One boobyknocker Sunday, the caterpillar was hatched out of a tiny boner pill. He was very hungry. And then the murders began!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Fig leaf after fig leaf, til he got to the Good Parts…

      • Panika MCD

        FUN BAGS LIBELZ!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Could be a whole bush of leafs!

          • Panika MCD

            but what of the ice cream sundaes!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Why not AOT,K? Maybe with a cherry on top?

    • natoslug

      As the sun set on Paso Robles, a ring screamed out at the old Clayhouse estate. And then the murders began.

      No,
      I’m not going to drink this entire bottle of Clayhouse Estate Petite
      Syrah by myself — why do you ask? I’m sure I’ll give the cat some.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I been to Paso Robles once. Saw a golden eagle there, I think, but not the Clayhouse, I’m pretty sure.

        • natoslug

          At this point, all I know about Paso Robles is what’s on the label of the bottle in front of me.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Classic California oak savanna hills… Nice. Even with all the ritzy wineries there now…

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
      • Courser_Resistance

        Very pretty, thanks!

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Stolen.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        What do you mean?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          I have copied the image and will reuse it.

  • jesterpunk

    Completely OT but I love seeing comments on other sites saying you can’t use a telecaster or a flying V for punk or any other model they say can’t be used for punk.

    Have they ever heard of the great Joe Strummer

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf0Oz1kjw48

    Or Husker Du?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1sYN0PuRs4

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Took me a bit to figure out why it seemed weird that punk had it’s panties in a knot over teleprompters…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I thought the only rule for punk was that you can’t play in tune…

      • jesterpunk

        The only real rule is there are no real rules. You just need something that can make noise with some strings on it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Hey! I’m right here, if you didn’t notice. They sell Boss tuners to anyone these days.

        • jesterpunk

          They even let you buy clip on tuners for some reason.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          unlike jam bands, whose only rule is that every song must have a meandering 45 minute instrumental break and that song endings must take at least 10 minutes to happen

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            We auditioned a bass player once-I won’t mention a name because you probably know him-who was definitely of that ilk. We started with some simple 1-4-5 country song just to find a groove and he played some long, complicated, ridiculous tag-ending to it. I was like, dude, you know we don’t pay by the note, right?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

            One
            Five
            One
            Five
            One

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Love that joke.

          • Lord Jim

            That’s low. That really hertz.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            There’s a tonic out now for that.

          • Lord Jim

            Dominant types don’t need that kinda thing.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It never hurts to augment your skill set.

          • Lord Jim

            Cheap puns like that could diminish your credibility.

          • NorthernSaber

            At this point, mine is half diminished…

    • TootsStansbury

      Both of these are things I love.

      Punk. Instead of Public Enemy no. 1 I am Senior Citizen no. 1 but I can still throw a mean vote.

    • Charles Insandiego

      People who say things like that have no idea what Punk is.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah really, you can find at least 1 punk musician playing any guitar brand and model. There is no right or wrong guitar for punk which makes it funny when people list off guitars you can’t use.

        • Arolpin

          I disagree. GG Allin did it wrong.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I fucking LOVE The Clash!

      https://youtu.be/YuS698b0ess

      • jesterpunk

        Really good song.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Yes. Yes it is.

      • Dazza

        The Clash are the appropriate background/foreground music for the times we now live in.

  • natoslug

    The dog is staring at me. There are multiple meanings when she stares, then backs up and makes an anxious growly-burp noises: 1. I just pissed on the entry rug, and I want you to know about it and revoice; 2. I’m thinking about pissing on the entry rug, but I would like to give you a chance to let me out; 3. Hey, have you paid attention to me recently? You really should pay attention to me!; 4. Did you know the other dogs are doing bad deeds? You should really pay attention to their bad deeds! Oh, and I just pissed on the rug again, but don’t forget, this is about the bad deeds of other dogs.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      When a cat does this, it means

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        when the cat did it, then the murders began

      • Dazza

        …and then the murders started.

  • Courser_Resistance

    I had to watch the video and I can’t believe that happened. I loved Brooke Baldwin’s face… The whole, ‘did he just say what I think he did? Boobs? Wuuu, how is that relevant.?’

  • Wolf Tracker

    Friday!

    I have my ranch chores all done and the dog is fed and already in bed.

    Looks like it will get wild here tonight so I am heading to the bar to play pool with friends that are also suckers and will buy my beer when I win.

    Have a good night or whatever Wonkettes!

  • CountryClubJihadi

    What a complete nozzle. But, its ok with me when Dave Chappelle talks about titties.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgP-KjbeNBA

    • Courser_Resistance

      There’s a time and place for titties. Who doesn’t like titties? A CNN news show is not the place to talk about how much you love titties. You look like an idiot.

      • Suttree

        Talk about titties when you and your friends have some booze. Some of them are female, and some of them are male. Y’all bond talking about that stuff. Or if you were a lucky bartendee, back in the 20aughts, my ex-girlfriend the bartender would flash you a boob if you were the only person at the bar looking at her. And then the murders started!

        • Courser_Resistance

          LOL, oh yeah, been there, done that! Looking back it seems much stranger than it was at the time.

          • Suttree

            At the the time is seems rather normal and what any consenting adult would do under the circumstances!

        • Did she use her boobs as murder weapons? AFAF

          • Panika MCD

            I always do.

          • Suttree

            Her “vitamins” were involved in a few bike crashes and a grave impression on a friends face. He took a power nap in the cemeteries a few blocks away.

    • Suttree

      I saw Dave Chappelle live, right when the second season was about to come out. His live stuff is different than the show of course. It was hilarious! UNO Lakefront Arena circa sometime between 2002-2004?.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I saw him right when he came back from being disappeared. 2007 at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. I camped out on the Ticketmaster site and bought the max number of tickets – 6. So my brothers, SIL and daughter were able to go. Daughter was 16. Good times.

        • Suttree

          Nice! He was awesome in 2003! The only problem was the drunken assholes in the crowd who came for “I’m Rick James!”

    • CountryClubJihadi
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I’m glad that Dave Chappelle finally won an Emmy, for his SNL monologue.
      TMZ caught him walking around LA with it.
      http://www.tmz.com/2017/09/13/dave-chappelle-walks-around-with-emmy-award/?adid=TMZ_Search_Results

  • Panika MCD

    Mr. and Mrs. Fun-Bags first met Paddington on a railway platform. In fact, that was how he came to have such an unusual name for a weenerboner pill, for Paddington was the name of the strip club nearby. AND THEN THE FURNITURE SHOPPING BEGAN.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Oh shit. I forgot tonight is The. Big. Game. Clarkston v. Lewiston. Bantams v. Bengals. I was asked who I was rooting for. I said, “Go Maniacs.” I found myself in Big Trouble. “Go Bantams!” ’cause, “Bengals”? Really? You can’t get any more creative than that?

  • SnarkON

    Every white male in America needs to take a 24 hour time out. Really, all of you, shut the fuck up.

    • Covfefe

      Does that include me?

    • natoslug

      And then the murders started . . .

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      What about me? I’m in Canada.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Plus, zombie. That could put you technically outside the target demographic.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’m not sure if it applies to Ken dolls either

          • Lord Jim

            What about digitized personality constructs? Asking for a friend…

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Good point!

          • Lord Jim

            Never before have I had occasion to contemplate the advantages of being undead.

      • SnarkON

        Hush now.

    • This will seriously impact the Juggalo March on Washington.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Thank God.

    • DrBigHead

      Would you mind sending MsBigHead a quick note explaining why I am cowering in the bedroom?

    • Shanzgood

      I completely understand your frustration but that’s not the answer. Even for just 24 hours.

      • SnarkON

        No, it’s totally the answer. Mr. SnarkON and SnarkON Junior are both white men, and they are delightful. And my dad is a white man and he is delightful. But they all need to be quiet for a day, just on principle.

        • Shanzgood

          I still disagree. On principle, you are asking ;or requiring?) potential allies to STFU. That’s not helpful for anyone.

    • Left Coast Tom

      As a backpacker I’ve gone several days at a time without typing anything at the internet.

  • Ricky Gay

    Cracker wad of cum. Perfect! Exactly! Bellissimo!!!

  • Shanzgood

    I like that she had the power to shut the whole thing down but I’m sad she had to also get rid of the guy who was being supportive.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Just in from the All-England Summarize Proust Competition.

    “Well ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork, so I’m going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwAOc4g3K-g

  • Panika MCD

    Once upon a time there were four little Rabbits, and their names were-Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter. And then the masturbation began.

  • spangled

    wait…did he say she shouldn’t be fired because he believes in the first amendment and boobs? what?

    did he think this was a funny joke? was he trying to remotely say “nice tits” to jamele hill? i am so confused about what the fuck he was trying to say here.

    and go keith reed! good ally!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • ltmcdies

    OT … you know how when your home has been blown away in a big wind and you’re up to your ankles in mud left over from surges and your nerves are jangling… Trump hotels has the answer
    https://twitter.com/docrocktex26/status/908832406039334912

  • mancityRed6

    maybe ’cause you know the title says “flame retardant”
    http://www.plaidstallions.com/images/creepypj.jpg

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      . . . and then the murders began.

      • mancityRed6

        it so fits
        this is a thing

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      The sleepwear protects agains cognitive impairment?

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        no, causes

    • TootsStansbury

      Sitting here in Queens
      Eating refried beans
      We’re in all the magazines
      Me, Mom and Daddy

    • old skewl birth control

      • mancityRed6

        you say that, but maybe it’s just been too long for me.

  • mancityRed6

    I’ve seen a few used car/insurance/rainbow vacuum salesmen in my life to know
    http://www.plaidstallions.com/images/madetomix.jpg

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    RIP Harry Dean Stanton. I always had a soft spot for him. Perhaps because he sort of looked like a zombie himself.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/twin-peaks-and-repo-man-star-harry-dean-stanton-has-died-at-age-91/

    • mancityRed6

      baby, I hurt

    • The Librarian
      • mancityRed6

        he was an outlaw

        • The Librarian

          He was a fabulous actor, also too. RIP

    • TJ Barke

      AVENGE ME!

      • mancityRed6

        yessir

        • TJ Barke

          The proper reply is: WOLVERINES!

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I disagree. I think the proper reply is “STOP FUCKIN’ CRYING, JED!”

          • Lord Jim

            You think I dont know…what I’ve gained…FOR MY WIFE?!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        By the suns of Worvan…

      • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

        Oh Jesus, I saw that on July 4. In a theatre. This year.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why are “lifelong bachelor” and more importantly “peacefully” in quotes??!?!?!?

      • Thiazin Red

        I was wondering that too. Thats very odd.

      • I think because they are direct quotes from the estate XD
        They could have specified however

    • ltmcdies

      Oh no. I’m having a sad.
      RIP, Mr Stanton

  • Nick.Trite

    Also “the first amendment has never let me down,” says the straight white male whose free speech has never been suppressed by slurs.

    • SnarkON

      Dude will be president in 2020.

  • whitroth

    Hey, open thread… a thought struck me a bit ago: now, I don’t know if this is state or city charges… but aren’t there criminal charges for sexual predators? Just *think* how his right-wing funnymentalists pastors will feel about that…..

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Asshat in front of me at the library check-out was strapped with his trusty six-shooter. I was about to make a smart-assed comment asking him if he was on the reserve list for Hillary’s new book, but I figured anyone insecure enough to feel the need to open-carry at the public fucking library is probably not the most stable sort.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Good call. What kind of idiot carries a gun to the library?

      • DrBigHead

        The Arizona ones….

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You never know when a toddler might need to get straightened out at Story Hour. Little bastards…

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Your libraries are more exciting than the ones around here.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Conan the librarian?

        I said BE QUIET!

        [[[BLAM]]]

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        As the old saying goes, you never need a gun until you need one badly. Or until someone tries to grab the last copy of Bill O’Reilly’s latest book ahead of you.

        • Lord Jim

          Killing the Patrons.

    • mancityRed6

      my stupid ass would grab for it.
      fuck him.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
      • UncleTravelingMatt

        It’s pronounced Lie-berry.

        • Lord Jim

          Ahem. “Lahbry”.

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      At the library where I worked in NC, we had a regular whose assault rifle was always strapped into his passenger seat. He wasn’t allowed to bring a weapon inside, but we were still pretty terrified of him. Once, he saw someone park illegally in a handicap spot and came in and told us that if the guy didn’t move his car, he would slash his tires.

      Being a civil servant is so fun sometimes.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        My librarian friends have stories that will make you turn pale.

        • Amelia Resists and Persists

          Oh, no doubt. Everyone has those stories. My favorites are the drunk patron stories. Like, one Sunday a woman coming in to print out forms for her divorce decided to get super drunk first and spent about 20 minutes telling me how pretty I was before wandering back outside and trying to climb into some guy’s car, which she had mistaken for her own. We had to call the cops on her so she wouldn’t drive home.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            To be fair, my local library is in the meth ghetto; it’s a combination day care center, public hygiene facility, rehab, social service provider, and lunatic asylum.

        • DrBigHead

          Had a student job in the library. Strangest thing I experienced was finding a large pig head in the toilet in the second floor men’s room. A big head, not a little fetal pig head. Whoever did it had to get the head from a butcher

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s awesome! Pics or GTFO!

          • DrBigHead

            I wish I had taken one. It was 30 years ago. College campuses are weird places, and the libraries at large State schools, especially those open to the public, are the weirdest of the weird.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Man, I flushed five or six times and this fucking pig’s head just won’t go down!”

          • DrBigHead

            I want to know how they got the damn thing into the library undetected. It happened mid-morning. They would have had to walk past staffed security desk. It was much too big to have fit in a typical backpack. I do remember that the campus police though it was hysterical.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Let alone “why”.

          • DrBigHead

            Oh God, I’m not going there…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            There’s the start of a short story in there somewhere.

          • DrBigHead

            It has long been one of my go-to bar stories

    • Lefty Wright

      About a year ago, a guy drove up to the grocery store in his 25 year old Suburban with the Don’t Tread On Me sticker. He was about 5′ 9″ and weighed about 350 pounds, not counting the pistol on his hip. He waddled into the store and he was so fat he could not hold his arms straight down. I’m thinking if someone came in intent on shooting someone, he put a target and sign saying “shoot me first” on his chest. He would be hard to miss and obviously could not pull a Bruce Willis Die Hard escape. Needless to say, I went back home.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      I remember a talk-show anecdote about an actor’s kid (the actor might’ve been Michael Keaton, I’m not sure) who went to a movie premiere carrying a bag with a Batman costume in it, which he stowed under his seat. Because if anything went down, that six yer old was going to be ready.
      It’s basically the same thinking as gun-fondlers, and about as effective.

  • CO
    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      “Whyy is she bReEETHEEEENG?!?1/!?/1/1?!?1/”

  • SayItWithWookies

    The Vatican brings one of its US embassy personnel home in the midst of a child porn investigation involving said diplomat. The kicker? They did so after refusing to waive diplomatic immunity for the subject of the investigation. I’ve not been a huge fan of New Pope because there’s not much difference in the church’s ultimate direction, and shielding a high-ranking priest doesn’t help.

    The US government reportedly requested the priest’s diplomatic immunity be lifted, but the request was denied, according to the AP news agency.

    The priest, who authorities declined to identify, was a senior member of the Vatican embassy staff, the news agency reported, citing an official familiar with the case.

    The Vatican said it was working with investigators internationally to collect evidence in the case.

    • Lord Jim

      This is a REALLY bad idea…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Agreed. “Better than the last few popes” isn’t saying much.

    • I dunno if that one be on New Pope. Seems to me that kinda decision would be on the Cardinals, who are a bunch of fat cat ankle biters by and large
      But if it is, bad, Frankie, bad. Do better.

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

    Can you still get a Monte Cristo? I haven’t had a Monte Cristo in ages.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Is that safe for work?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Yeah, but they’re really rich, and they come back on you with a vengeance.

    • Sheepshagger

      Just look sideways at a cop. You’ll get monte cristoed real good.

    • mancityRed6

      tell me about it
      I would…well, more than I would for a Klondike bar

      • Suttree

        If you can actually make a Klondike Bar to perfection at a drunken orgy. You would be a god!

        • mancityRed6

          with real chocolate, not like today?

          • Suttree

            It isn’t a fucking smore! Of course! :))))

          • mancityRed6

            a lot of the new candy says “chocolate flavored” cause they can’t put real chocolate in it

          • Suttree

            I don’t eat chocolate. So my knowledge is sparse except for foodie blogs.

          • mancityRed6

            playstation and the vhs were on different inputs.
            I would pause a game and then…yeah, I’ve said too much.

          • Suttree

            I had that same problem with……..

          • mancityRed6

            don’t get me started on what the meth did.

    • Suttree

      I used to work in that one short order diner that served booze and about 100 menu items. Fuck yeah! If you are in my company you can get a goddamn monte cristo for every six drinks that you fetch me. Or maybe putting the fire on me out is worth two or so. We’ll make that arrangement when the times comes. :)

      • You can make em real easy. Basically a grilled cheese on french toast without cinnamon, no?

        • Suttree

          Replace cinnamon/sugar with paprika and it is basically a grilled ham and cheese on french toast. I just haven’t seen it on a menu forever and a day. It is simple AF, but most people can’t use two pans at the same time at home!

          • Not sure you would need two pans for it, would you?

          • Suttree

            How fast do you want it cooked?! says the short order cook in me. I have always liked doing stuff with family like serving them their own personal omelet. Of course with toast and hash browns and meats…… I usually use all four burners of a standard stove for over 3 eaters. If the pans are available of course. I just love doing that at my father’s house because he and his wife remodeled the kitchen years ago and have a six burner Viking that they bought used from a restaurant that failed. It also allows me to spoil my step-mother who grows all of the vegetables. I really like to spoil her because she puts in the most work! To others around the table, it is like “Wow! That was just like going to so-and-so’s!” But my Miki understands!

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    I hope the booking person was fired.

  • mancityRed6

    fuck, RIP Harry.
    I got nothing now.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Tu-7-wc0pg

    • twinkie223
      • Suttree

        Nice! I have heard this before and it is amazing!

      • mancityRed6

        dammit, I just posted that.
        I like you.

    • Suttree

      Not right now man. I would like to do it in the future though. He was great!

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, it’s a car wreck for me. I just can’t not slow down and look.
        I’m just like that.

        • Suttree

          Yup. I need special alone time for that. A lot of people I don’t really have much affinity for, but Harry was a great!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    That moment when you drive two hours home and everyone cancels on you all weekend.

    I kinda feel like crying.

    • Suttree

      I didn’t have anything like that today hun. But I know how you feel. I’ve been there before! Hugs!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, darnit. And *hugs*.

    • Sheepshagger

      People ain no good.

      • Suttree

        There’s that occasional that pokes ya kinda right!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That sucks.

    • SnarkON

      Damn, I’d be thrilled at the opportunity to hole up at home alone, do yoga, bingewatch Netflix…

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Go ahead and cry. You been fukked over. But you’ll feel better in time.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      And then the murders began.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      That sucks, I’m sorry.

  • amrak63

    I missed something. Why all the boobs and murders references?

  • Gonna guess Trav there is Incel, if not now, then shortly.

    • TJ Barke

      incel libel?

      • you are right. All things being equal, he would be considered V-cel, wot?

      • HorseChestnut

        No.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I just got an alert that someone tried to use my bank card number and now I have to deal with that mess four days before a vacation. This is the second time in the last year.

    • :hugs: there are 140 mil Americans going through this very thing if that makes you feel better.
      Probably doesn’t.
      Hope you get it sorted right!

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I know I’m not the only one dealing with this bullshit. I probably would deal with it more reasonably if I hadn’t lost the past few days to fatigue and a headache that won’t go away. Now all that last minute stuff is piling up.

        I’m just extra grumpy.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          So sorry, babycakes. Take it easy when you can.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Thanks. I’ll be relieved once I’ve landed at my destination.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Safe travels! Party til ya puke!

        • I had a migraine at work today and was all sorts of surly. I yelled at a poor old man (who is a pain in the ass, but a very nice old man) and felt bad about it, and likely will for years now
          He thought I was jokin tho so was not offended thank goodness

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Headaches are the worst. Hope you feel better.

          • Eh, I am fine. I did NOT get an alert from the bank like you :snugs: At least, not today.
            Compounded not feeling well with angst over financial…. I likely would be going on a rampage or something so imma tip my hat to you

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Mostly it’s the time I have to take now to go to the bank to get a temporary card because my replacement won’t come in time, and make sure all my auto payment things are changed. And clean for the cat sitter, and pack, and make sure I have info on all the things I want to do.

            Not much I can do but complain though. And hope whatever asshole tried to use my card at an autobody shop can’t get their car back.

          • Here is a good place to complain, and venting DOES science fact relieve some stress hormones so they do not build up.

            HA! That should be good. But they will likely be all arrested. Banks take that shit seriously because it puts them on the hook to pay stuffs that are not legit, if they let them pass

          • Lord Jim

            Wonkette has been good about listening to me whine about the weirdest things.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            I think I got the text message as the transaction was occurring. I don’t know how they catch that stuff but I’m glad they do.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Dude, we settled a case yesterday and someone tried to hack the settlement payment and reroute it to another bank. A million dollars. We called the FBI.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Damn!

        • God damn.

        • TJ Barke

          Whoa.

        • btw, congrats on your settlement at least. And glad it was a tried hack and not a successful one

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I am so pissed we gave that scumbag any money at all. He used the client’s company like an ATM and bought himself all sorts of crap and did all sorts of shit and I don’t know why, but we had to give him even more money to make him go away. I fucking hate it.

          • Oh shit, I thought it was YOUR money

          • CindyinEncinitas

            MY MILLION? No one gets between me and my million.

        • TJ Barke

          And then the murders began…

    • jesterpunk

      Its a good thing you got an alert. Hope you can get it all sorted out before your vacation, also enjoy your vacation.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        That’s very true. I’m glad they have the checks in place. Thank you!

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          My credit union uses Visa Fraud and they check for anything unusual. When I take a trip and don’t alert the CU, I always get a call when I use it out of state.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Yeah, I had my travel notes in place for my vacation so they wouldn’t turn it off because of my own transactions. It’s a good service and I can say that it’s great to know it works.

          • Arolpin

            I found that the way to alleviate that is to book your trip with that card. AmEx at least is smart enough to say, ‘Hmmm, Arolpin just put $100 on his card at a bar in Quebec City. He doesn’t live near there. Oh, he booked a hotel in Quebec with the same card, no need to worry.”
            I learned the hard way when I was trying to buy computer stuff for work in another city and the card was rejected, which really upset me because I knew it was completely paid off. I was so flustered I just used another card, and called them when I walked out of the store. They immediately explained that out-of-state computer purchases ALWAYS raise a red flag.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      We’ve had that happen. Someone counterfeited our number on a card. The bank spotted it instantly (somehow). We got a new card really fast.

      I advise people have just two credit cards. One that you can pay off each month, and a second card if you go beyond what you can pay off. That limits the finance charges. Your situation is another reason to have that second card and I will incorporate it for anyone foolish to ask me for advice.

      • I only got the one. Not sure I wanna have two….
        muttergrumbles adulting sux

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’ve lived that way for years. I have an Amex for things like gasoline and anything that I need a record of for tax purposes, and a Visa that lives in a drawer and is never used unless I am on vacation. Debit cards are the risky ones…I have one and use it, but I keep telling myself to give it up. The damn thing is so convenient!

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I have a credit card, but a small credit limit.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Last I heard, credit limit does not block use of the card. Going above the limit triggers fees or higher interest rates. Be aware so you don’t get surprised.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            No, but the credit card alone I couldn’t rely on during my vacation because it’s not enough money. If I really had to though, I could keep making payments from my bank account it would just be a pain in the ass.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I really needed some beer and I was short a few bucks…sorry.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        And the murders began.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m so busted…

    • bbayliss

      This’ll piss you off.
      WOW: Equifax Had A Patch For Months And Chose Not To Use It
      http://crooksandliars.com/2017/09/wow-equifax-had-patch-months-and-chose-not

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        In my last I.T. job, we were constantly being urged to keep the software up-to-date with patches and new versions and so forth. Pretty much everything was 5-10 years behind. Why? Because when we (I.T.) asked the business areas to test/sign-off on the new, improved versions, they NEVER NEVER NEVER had the time or people or some other resource. So it all just drifted along, perpetually in testing limbo.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I hope they get destroyed by lawsuits. I don’t know if I can tie this to that particular hack.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I tried to buy something on eBay using PayPal yesterday. I clicked on the PayPal payment button, it took me to a PayPal screen where I had to log in, as usual, and then…I just got a blank white screen with a spinning thingy. Three times I tried it, always the same, and this is not normal. I called PayPal and believe it or not I got to talk to a live human after being on hold for only 12 minutes, who tried to blame it on my browser and said there was nothing wrong with their site, but I wasn’t having any of that. I then started over and paid with Amex. ONE MINUTE LATER I got an email from PayPal saying their payment had gone through, even tho I never clicked on any button to authorize the payment. So I paid twice. It was only an $11 purchase, but still… However, Amex took care of it right away, no questions asked, that’s why I like them. I am a bit worried about using PayPal after this.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        That’s very concerning. But my bank has also been really quick about dealing with any issues as well.

  • ContextIsKey

    Not even the worst story I read today. I refer you to the North Carolina GOP’er whose pitch to voters is, “Vote for me because I’m smart and white.” Sometimes I’m just embarrassed by my adopted home state. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/09/06/republican-smart-white-traditional-a-mayoral-candidate-said-on-facebook-it-backfired/?utm_term=.36069a21ddac#comments
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kimberley-barnette-white-mayor_us_59af342ae4b0b5e53101d60d

    • Maclare ☕

      Also wished the poors should go away, and said this gem;

      “I don’t believe that transgenders should be in bathrooms based on their, who they identify with, I never have,” she said. “I believe that there could be a separate restroom, but however I do not believe that that should be allowed whatsoever.”

      Smart is not in evidence.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        Dumb and white sure is.

  • Picabo

    WTF! Does John Fugelsang post here? Just WTF.
    https://twitter.com/JohnFugelsang/status/908486052544950272

    • Almost as interesting as Reginald’s quivering member

      • TJ Barke

        I think there’s medication for that.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          But if it lasts longer than four hours, the murders will begin.

      • altleftjohn

        Reginald’s member quivered. And then the murders began.

  • mancityRed6

    fuck, two of my faves
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg5yXLhl3CQ
    both dead.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Mine’s a grackle.

  • TJ Barke

    I wish I was dead, and then the murders began…

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Stop it.

      • TJ Barke

        And then the boobs and free speech or something, I don’t even know anymore…

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Nobody does.

    • Jenny

      No you shut your face and go look for boobies

      • TJ Barke

        They’re not really into weird anti social downers, generally.

        • BosGrl

          I know you don’t want a mushy hug, but I’m giving you one anyway. And you’re an attractive man. You just haven’t met her yet but she’s out there.

          • TJ Barke

            Nope.

  • natoslug

    A full glass of wine. Consider it a promise. Until you take a sip, you do not know if it is an empty promise, or something greater. You take a sip, and then another. The glass is empty, eventually, but the promise is not. And then the murders began.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Well sipped.

  • I did something at work i’ve not done as a Team Lead today. One of my minions flagged me down to let me know the service provider she was on the line with was going cuckoo…normally i’ll just listen in to double check, but this provider was being so awful i had to take over the call and tell the provider off for being a bitch to her coworkers

    • BosGrl

      When I was a C/S manager I used to hate taking those calls. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone off, though. Yay Pickwick!

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    DC Comics just published latest Superman – protecting undocumented peoples.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8498e141f100a6c676285287e1f6d5c58b76d884dba914be21be8390ebf9a4f2.jpg

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      Many snowflakes are triggered.

    • TJ Barke

      Kal El is a violent illegal alien, why hasn’t he been deported, #MAGA!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Nicolas Cage is such a yuge fan of Superman that he actually named his son Kal-El, lol. Sorta makes sense, I guess, in that Jor-El reportedly was his… “godfather”…

  • BosGrl

    My FB friend that posted this article is a Yale man, progressive in some things but maybe a bit of a Log Cabin Republican. His attitude and those who commented on it were “where does it all end?” Curious as to what my fellow Wonkers think.
    http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2017/09/15/yale-formalizes-freshman-to-first-year-change/

    • Lord Jim

      Well, I’m male, so I dunno if I’m the person to weigh in…
      But when did that ever stop a white man from opinioning. XD

      One part of me thinks “Does anybody really even think about the ‘man’ in ‘freshman’ or ‘upperclassman’?” The other part of me says “Well, if it’s an important symbolic act to replace ‘he/him/etc’ as generic pronouns, why not keep going?”

      • The Librarian

        Lol, should have just upfisted and let mine go.

      • BosGrl

        That’s what I think. I was disappointed in my friend, and another friend, also Yale, very leftie, who agreed with him. I didn’t stick my 2 cents in because I didn’t know the other people and the original poster gets testy and I didn’t want to start anything.

    • The Librarian

      I think I’ve been out of school for so long, (which makes me old school?), I never thought about it before and the terms never bothered me. However, seeing how pronouns have changed over the years, it’s probably time to make this happen.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I mean, you don’t have to go so far as to say “freshindividual,” but there are neutral synonyms for what might be construed as male-oriented academic terms. Bachelor and master’s are already undergrad and grad degrees. I don’t even think other countries do the fresh/soph/junior/senior terms, except to clarify them for American audiences. England has a totally different system, and Canada just says “grade (number)”, “year (number)”, etc. Personally I think the whole model of locking kids into a grade-specific curriculum over twelve years is too cookie cutter. Everyone should have an individual education plan, not just the “special needs” kids who get ostracized for being “different.” I tested two grades ahead. Other kids are made to feel stupid, because they may read at a collegiate level but get left back on account of failing to grasp algebra. The whole thing is a failed product that needs to be reformed, which would have the added effect of removing the “Fresh-man” designation by default, even without bringing “gender neutrality” concerns into it that rile up the clickbait base.

      • BosGrl

        I could not agree with you more. I wish I could upvote this x1000.

    • I personally never cared on this particular one. Like man-kind, it is inclusive and fine to let it be inclusive imo. Actually, more feminist to MAKE it inclusive, and rather surprised the MRA nuts are not the ones demanding they change to gender neutral to protect the sanctity of “their” terms.
      Having said that, if that is what they want to do, it is also ok with me. If I recollect correct, isn’t that what Canadia used to call it anyway? Firsts and Seconds rather than Freshmen and Sophomores? It has precedent.

  • Jenny

    You guys the spoiled future step chilrens are on their way and there’s nothing but murders and boobs in here! Bad wonkers! Bad!

    • mancityRed6

      and then the boob murders began.
      wait…

  • mancityRed6
    • mancityRed6

      there was, probably is, a pool hall in Joplin called Missouri Breaks.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I remember seeing that in the theatre.

  • natoslug

    I’ve tried to hide it, but I have to confess. I committed murder tonight. Yes, I killed that bottle of wine. And a Blueberry Maple Stout. and a Hexagenia IPA. Shit. I’m a serial killer!

    • bbayliss

      Not the corn flakes too

      • natoslug

        I am not yet ready to confess to being a cereal killer.

      • altleftjohn

        Barley, be my guess.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      So, you admit you’re a cereal malt killer?

      • natoslug

        Damn you! Okay, I admit, both serial AND cereal . . .

      • OutOfOrbit

        technicality mistrial

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m enjoying a bottle of Amador County Zin.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Amador is best wine county for zins.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I usually prefer Barbara from there and Zins from Lodi, but this one’s nice…2015, bought on futures.

    • proudgrampa

      Thus, the murders began.

    • RMKH

      The junked up stout needed killin’

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola! home from the non-job.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      How many errors did you correct and wrongs did you right today? AOT, K, probably.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, since you asked – our case went from strong to “eh, that’s good too” and then I did some googling and our case is now, “these fuckers are violating this section of law right now, this exact minute and we have the evidence.”

        so yeah, got ’em!

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Nice! If I ever get into legal trouble, I’m calling you. Rock star!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, my attorney seemed pretty impressed.

            Then the #2 gave me two more important but tedious as fuck assignments, which is fine.

            Oh yeah, and the admin task for the baby attorney. He seems happy with my monkey work.

          • babby attorney still has things to prove and therefore prolly thinks he cannot task you with stuff he should be doing, is my guess.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            perhaps.

            even yesterday I casually mentioned something that could help with the trial I’m doing monkey work for, so maybe he’ll come around too.

          • Not likely. If he is trying to prove his own worth, he is going to be reluctant to hand over anything, until he spazzes and is overburdened of course.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            perhaps, perhaps. I will say he apparently had a rough day in court this week.

          • The Librarian

            Tedious as fuck tasks done well=chances to do the better stuff.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh yeah, he was sastisified with the first thing I did for him (attorneys don’t seem to show a ton of enthusiasm for a job well done), so I’m doing the same thing, but different topic.

            Also, I’m doing a new thing for him that is complicated as fuck, but really important to whether this government entity is getting screwed or not.

    • Bon soir!

    • altleftjohn

      As a co-worker of mine once said, Another day, another 87 cents.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, I’m an intern so – I’m actually out money.

        • BosGrl

          Well – I have a story related to the “oh my fucking God, looking for a well paying job sucks” theme we generally have going on in here. Sorry to hijack your post.

          I was driving down to Boston to see my parents this morning. I had on black stretchy pants with cat hair on them; moccasins; no makeup; and wet hair. About halfway to my parents, I got a call about a job I had applied for a month ago. I start a 4-week temp job on Monday so I was like, Jeez! the only time I can come in is today! But the woman said, OK, come on in! I said, I’m not really prepared, sooo, but I’ll come in. The job was in Boston so no time to turn back and go home. I opened all the windows and the AC to dry my hair, stuck a clip in my hair in the front so my bangs wouldn’t be flat to my face and somehow scrounged a lip pencil from the bag I took instead of the one I usually use… I was a mess.

          They liked me! They said they could wait 4 weeks for the 2nd interview and they also said people came in with appointments who looked worse than I did (hah!). So just goes to show you, a “fuck it” attitude and a big smile, even without makeup and a decent bra, might just get you in the door :D

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            yay! Good for you. I’m so happy.

            And actually they’ve hired two previous interns i know of. I think I could have a (happy) future here.

            (If I don’t screw it up.)

          • BosGrl

            You won’t and they will! Time for people to recognize your worth.

          • Congrats!

          • BosGrl

            Thanks :) it was a good day.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            glad to see those coming for people here (including me).

            It’s been too long without.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Must have been a man.

        • altleftjohn

          How did you ever guess?

    • BosGrl

      Welcome home!!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Hiieeeeeee!

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy
    • natoslug

      Better non than hand?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Moving on from boobs…

    Apparently, the Trump idiots are on a dick-measuring contest with Jon Hamm. I have it on good authority that most folks are gonna come up short against Hamm.
    https://twitter.com/FranceWorldProb/status/908793429685088256

    • bbayliss

      This is a league out of which trump is.

    • Thiazin Red

      Hamm is pretty much exactly the opposite, charming, funny, talented, good looking with nice hair and a massive dong.

      • Three Finger Salute

        So he’s like dark method-actor version of Trudeau lol.

    • OutOfOrbit

      just wanted to stick me head in the door before bedtime AND I MISSED BOOBS?!

      horrors! how can i sleep after this outrage?

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

    For a long time, I used to go to bed early. And then the murders began.

  • DainBramage

    OK, sue me. I saw this over at Ballon Juice, but I figure it’s too good to not pass on. Twerp burns his SMEGMA hat.
    https://twitter.com/_weese_/status/908492601891975169

    • bbayliss

      Fire, how it work?

    • therblig

      it’s the “your move” that really drives it home.

      nah, he’s just another douchebag.

      • bbayliss

        I expect more from young people, even the twerps.

    • mancityRed6

      duh, I did this, this morning
      it’s still funny as fuck how fickle his fans are
      can I say Bernie now?

    • Lefty Wright

      He looks like he’s 15 years old. Acts like it too.

    • If I ever hear “Economic Anxiety” again I will smite a thing.

      They were fine with white supremacists.
      They were hunky- dory with the wall being symbolic and ok us paying for it now at least and eh, jobs will come back someday for sure. They did not bat an eye over sexual harassment and claim all the very ties Trump has with Russia are all made up, even the ones they admitted to. Cheered when he pulled regs off of the same fuckers who gave us the 08 recession, and cheered again as they pulverized protections of the environment, health care, actual infrastructure, public assistance, all of which would have, guess what, helped with economic anxiety.

      But he dares let a buncha people brought here as kids who serve in our fucking military and study stay and they burn their hats.
      Economic anxiety my left tit.

      • The Librarian

        I’ll add my right one to that.

    • The Librarian

      He burned his asshat?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Who’s drankin’?

    I spent a day earlier this week helping a friend glue back together an old 1890’s Bosendorfer grand piano. I refused payment, but he dropped off a mixed-case of REALLY good beer at the shop today. “Will work for beer.” Fuck me…and I wonder why I never have two nickels to rub together…

    • mancityRed6

      two new parts on one machine, I deserve this

    • TJ Barke

      Alcoholic drank usually has too much calories…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Just skip dinner to make up for it.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Drunkorexia?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Drunk or what?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Drunkorwhatsia? I think it’s in the Balkans.

          • mancityRed6

            drink enough and you’re not hungry.
            and I’m there, right now.

          • I have never, ever, ever had that problem. Usually the reverse

          • mancityRed6

            alchohol is drink until you can go to bed, if it’s late enough.
            weed is different.

          • Not for me. drinking I wanna eat. And smoke. Smoking I wanna eat…not so much smoke though, being smoking already.
            The eating though continues until moral improves

          • mancityRed6

            smoking makes me hungry, if I can’t ease that, then I get horny.

          • Suttree

            Haha! Lately, I run out of booze and then eat until I pass out. Sure my fucking liver feels better, but what about my cholesterol! Huengh!?

          • Life hack: Stock your house with fruits and veggies.
            So when you binge, it is healthy stuff

          • Suttree

            I eat all of the peaches and plums. Then I turn to the celery. If you find a person who doesn’t eat celery with dressing….. Shoot them. They are aliens. Eh, I also get lazy and don’t make the big salads that fill me up. Frozen crap is too easy.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Preaching to the choir…

          • Suttree

            Sheet! I used to be a scrawny 6’1″ 185# guy. Then I gave up the diet plan, and ballooned to 225#!

          • ya. That is a ballooning.
            *squints at you*

          • Suttree

            Good gawd! I gained 20 lbs fro 185 to 205 over the last year and a half or so after my back went out. Then i ran out of money and started supplementing booze with sweets and midnight snacks. It was horrible! I just want to drink heavily and enjoy food minimally.

      • RMKH

        Priorities

        • TJ Barke

          I’d like to be less fat, so, yeah.

          • RMKH

            Me too, but priorities

          • mancityRed6

            less cardio, more weights if you can do it.
            it works for me.

          • You’re kinda not fat?
            Course, that could just be me lying to myself daily so my perception may be off….

      • Catstro

        I’m not drankin’ tonight because I desperately want a Sprite and I have to choose between the two. Can’t justify drinking that many of my calories today.

    • RMKH

      Old Chub from Oskar Blues Brewing in Colorado. A malt bomb of the highest order.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Good choice.

    • mancityRed6

      kansas whiskey, $13 buck before tax.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i am, but have to knock off early, early as fuck class tomorrow.

      • on a saturday?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ayup – that’s community college for ya.
          There’s apparently sunday classes, but I’ve never seen or heard of one.

      • RMKH

        Cut the class. It’s time you learned how to be a college student.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, I’m a COMMUNITY college student. I did enough ditching when I got my B.A. (Including coming to campus one rainy day and deciding my time was better spent on a couch watching cartoons).

          • Suttree

            Go to class and flirt through your hangover!

          • Three Finger Salute

            OT, you know what sucks about America? Besides a lot of things.

            Once you get your undergrad/bachelor’s degree, you’re ineligible for federal student aid ever again (FAFSA) for the rest of your life. States may have their own small funds, and then of course there’s scholarships. But the rest is “free market”.

            So if you want to go on for a grad degree, get a second undergrad degree, or do a certificate at the local commuter college, you either come up with the money yourself, or go back and beg the banks to be your wealthy patron of usury. No mulligans or debt-forgiveness if you screwed up and got an English degree instead of a network security certificate.

            All part of the plan to scare more people away from book lurnin’ and keep the plebs illiterate, while the aristocrats rule over them and receive the wisdom of the ages. Same as it ever was.

          • I don’t think I had a FAFSA. Think it was a state one. MMmmmmhhhhmmmmmmm….*ponders*

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            actually I think that’s Pell Grants.

            I get subsidized and unsubsidized federal loans, serviced by the loan providers. (Ugh, my one for this degree are Navient).

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            also, to your point, yeah, that’s fucked. I had a shitty art degree, now I’m trying to get a new education.

            I didn’t want to go to law school on student loans, but if my LSAT score had been good enough, I *possibly* could have gotten a scholarship. But my score was only good enough for a full ride at some shit school, if it all.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Um, a shit law school, if accredited, is a Law School. Everyone who passes the bar can practice law. To get through law school you need a upper normal IQ (110 will do), a law library (now on-line), time to read, and focus. Find a state school.
            If your plan is to be a Supreme Court Justice you should practice your jump shot. There are over 1000 more NBA players than Justices. If you want to pass the bar, do a 4 year executive law school, and decide what life activity you can dump for the next 4 years.

            If Michele Bachman could do it I know you can.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Obama (Peace be upon him) kept Graduate student loans cheap. Now is the time for grad school or a certificate program if you are going to go. File the paperwork saying you will take either 18 grad credits a year or 24 undergrad credits. Go 6, 6, and 6 summer to keep your sanity. Or 9, 9, and 6 summer. I don’t know a lot, but I know how to go to college and keep the price down.
            If your school runs on Quarters or 6 week mini-semesters your milage may vary.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Obviously no cannabis or Cap’n Crunch was involved.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        God I hated Saturday classes. I always taught Friday evening instead. Get out early, sleep late. Always head to a bar where one of your students is a bartender/server/bouncer.

    • DrBigHead

      Countdown has begun at Casa BigHead. MsBigHead will be home in an hour and 20 minutes. We have both had weeks from hell. Managed to hold off until the madness was over. Tonight, there will be booze.

    • Anna Rompage

      Imma Drinkin….

      Just got home from work with a 6 pack of BeakBreaker imperial IPA…

      I’m the same way BTW, usually willing to help out a friend with skilled labor, all for payment in beer

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? It’s a thing with these artisan types, innit.

        • Suttree

          When you see someone with that love in their heart. Ain’t gonna be many of us left come long.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I hope they put us all in the same internment camp together.

          • Suttree

            They better build a fucking museum of outlawed crafts specifically for each or us!

        • Anna Rompage

          Pretty much!

          Though I have a friend who’s dog tore up a friend’s antique 1/4 sawn oak door, chewed the edge off the thing, and put deep gouges into the surface..

          Imma gonna charge a pretty penny for that one…

          One of the few…

          • CindyinEncinitas

            The ex made a dining room table of quarter-sawn oak. I love it. It’s in the Stickley style.

          • Suttree

            I have a few dining tables in New Orleans, that I sold to bartender friends for less then the cost of the fucking glass to top it!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’m working on a big trestle table right now out of some massive planks of quarter-sawn oak. Oak in general isn’t worth a shit for woodworking, but quarter sawn is a whole different beast.

          • Suttree

            You’re lucky. I sell a dining table and they need goddamn glass. Which ain’t none too cheap.

          • Anna Rompage

            I love the old arts & crafts designs…

            I’m particularly fond of Greene & Greene. They incorporate some Asian influences into their designs that really add some lovey texture & lines

            Here’s a Greene & Greene coffee table I made a few years back for myself… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/617046dd728202d0da24e9678bdf4a97f35f1cf7a6584c91ae2c320d72550d98.jpg

          • Suttree

            Are those fold downs or end insets?

          • Suttree

            Eh, nevermind I now see that is just a shadow. I was actually excited for a minute though! I was like why is she putting 3″ drop edges on a coffee table? I made me think!

          • Anna Rompage

            They’re bread board ends with floating mortise & tennon joints.

            The ends are slightly oversized to give a little texture and flair

          • Suttree

            I saw that after a longer look that my drunkin mind initially held. They are oversized by at least a 16th though!

          • Anna Rompage

            About 3/16″ actually…

          • Suttree

            Ouch!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Breadboard ends look better is they are longer than the table width. The problem here is that humidity goes from almost nothing to saturated in the summer, so expansion/contraction is massive. If you build something in the winter and don’t make the breadboards long, the table with be sticking out half an inch past it on each side come summer.

          • Anna Rompage

            Yeah, the proud joinery details of the ends fix that issue…

            The main problem is giving your joints enough space to be solid, yet be able to float & move with the expansion & contraction of the main top…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The first lesson is woodworking…wood moves.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nice! Mahogany? I like the Greene and Greene style too….the little scalloped splines in the breadboard ends…

          • Anna Rompage

            Yep, this little baby took my a lot of time, a lot of hand chisel & plane work too, which I love!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I did a Greene and Greene style office desk and credenza some years back…figured cherry top, cherry/figured eucalyptus veneered panels for the case. A bit too showy for my tastes, but the client loved it. I’ll dig up some photos some time.

          • Lord Jim

            Sweet.

          • Suttree

            When you can charge a wealthier friend. Ya damn well better! We can’t stay in booze long by helping each other out.

          • Anna Rompage

            Well, and this job is gonna be a nightmare,

            Gotta totally strip the thing to bare wood, remove 3/16″ thickness from one of the 6″ wide vertical rails & also outside edge of the door, then lay new hand sawn 3/16 veneer to replace the old wood, stain & apply clear coat

          • Suttree

            Oh yeah! That is a whole lot of work there! I don’t ever deal with wood. Metals is it. Get your carpenter to come behind me please.

          • Anna Rompage

            Um, excuse me, as the carpenter and designer, I will submit the plans to you… ;)

          • Suttree

            Hehe! If that is the case then ! I shall build it to your exacting standards. And drop it off at your, place to hopefully never be seen again, until it is sitting in the client’s house. And it’s paid for. :))))))))

          • Anna Rompage

            I swear not to take on any clients as bad as the Michael Kors folks, those people were evil!

          • Maggielle

            I’ll be in my bunk.

    • Suttree

      haha! Awesome to have that skill though. And you know what they say? “When you love what ya do, you will never work for more than a nickle a day in your life.” :)))

    • Suttree

      Got paid today for a couple days work. I’m drinking! I had to spend money to go pick up my tools and my money though. Don’t ask no fucking questions! I’m alright and getting drunk though!

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Latitude 33 blood orange IPA. I love the taste but at something like 7.3% alcohol I can only have 2 pints or I get “easy.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That sounds tasty.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Try it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Upslope makes a blood orange saison that comes out in the fall. One of my reliable faves.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I’ll keep my good eye out…

      • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

        San Diego County haz all the best brews.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Yes, well, an embarrassment of riches… So fun.

        • TundraGrifter

          Portland libulz!

          • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

            Portland is good, but too far away. SD beer takes less time to get in mah belly.

      • RMKH

        I’ll be right over

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I’ll have them pull you a pint!

      • Swampgas_Man

        Cider brewery opened up literally around the corner from where I live. Delicious, but I get kind of groggy afterward.

      • mancityRed6

        “two long island iced teas here, please”
        really, I just wanna take pics of your fave spots.

    • Look at it this way….it is money you do not have to spend on beer, therefore, profit!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Umm, I’m a little short on my mortgage this month. Would guys be willing to take a six pack of…”

        • mancityRed6

          fine
          *turns around*

        • If they won’t take a six pack, they might take a blow job?

    • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

      1890’s Bosendorfer grand piano . . . where . . .

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He’s a tuner/rebuilder. I’m not sure where he came by this one. It’s really beat. If he can do a decent restoration some people-mostly in Asia-have dangled some pretty big dollars for it.

    • mancityRed6
  • mancityRed6
    • therblig

      right after “repo man” came out, we found a kitten under our steps and, naturally (because we’re suckers) she became part of the family. we named her “harry dean”. she was a sweetie.

      • mancityRed6

        I didn’t see Repo Man until at least 2008.
        yeah, I lived a sheltered life.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          We all have gaps. Streaming has helped me get up to speed.

          • mancityRed6

            growing up in a little shit town in Missouri cramped me for a long time.
            but, I’ve lived overseas and in 5 states for at least 3 months.
            I’m a seasoned traveler compared to who I graduated with.

          • mancityRed6

            and I am in no way done learning.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        He was also great in Escape From New York (a favorite movie of mine) and of course Alien

        • therblig

          he was in “The Avengers” for probably a minute or so and yet managed to put his stamp on it.

  • Jennifer R
    • TJ Barke

      Except actually the “anarcho” capitalist would be like “Oh cool!”

      • wtf is anarcho capitalist? How does that even work as a thing?

        • TJ Barke

          Pro tip; it doesn’t. It’s just severely anti social capitalist extremists co-opting language of rebellion.

        • Rags

          It’s not greatly different from an anarcho-syndicalist commune in that it’s just as silly.

    • Parakeetist

      Huh?

      • Jennifer R

        The various governmental and economic models people like have commonly accepted flags/color schemes in this day and age.
        The black one with the hammer and sickle is anarco communism, and the blue and black is anarco transhumanism (the people who believe in the technological singularity ala Star Trek)
        Yellow and black there is anarco capitalism, which is like warlords and stuff in reality, and suave people drinking raw milk and fucking on top of piles of gold bullion in their heads. Green and blue is feudalism, which you should already know.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    The first thing the baby did wrong was to tear pages out of her books. And then the murders began.

  • Picabo

    Today in history. I don’t like to post it, but we need to remember.
    https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/908677172147179520

    • RobKanC

      But have you thought about what the little girls did. Both sides are to blame! – Derr. Cheeto

  • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

    He seems nice.

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

    riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. And then the murders began.

    • NorthernSaber

      Let us re-Joyce!

  • Left Coast Tom

    Taken last year, Edson Lake in Yosemite. Mt. Starr King (right) and the back side of Half Dome (center) in the background. Edson is about 1/4 mile off-trail, the picture was taken from near the top of the cross-country climb to Hart Lakes.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7a2127b8df803a8dec8a14ab7dd229a285d602fde57b6f5bc0ed8a86b72f3c1d.jpg

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I love the High Sierras. I love the Seven Devils and the Gospels slightly more (so if you ever find yourself in Idaho . . .) but the Sierras are beautiful, and your pics are great.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I’ve been to the Sawtooths in Idaho, but not elsewhere. In Montana I’ve been to Glacier NP, and Bob Marshall Wilderness.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I’ve never been to the Bob Marshall. It’s on my list, right next to Banff. I feel lazy for never visiting either (and even driving past Marshall.)

          • Left Coast Tom

            Actually, for Idaho “border states” I’ve found the Wind Rivers to be really Sierra-like – tons of granite, lots of lakes.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I’ve climbed around The Fortress and Gannett. It is beautiful country. I sometimes feel like we are faced with an embarrassment of riches. There isn’t enough time to go to all the places in the west I want to see (or return to.)

  • AmericanAssassinCaptainHowdy

    We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. And then the murders began.

    • TundraGrifter

      Jinx. Jinx. JINX!

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Whatever. It was on CNN, therefore FAKE NEWS!!1!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Silicone?

      • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

        Not fake boobs, fake NEWS!!!1111!

  • mancityRed6
  • PigDootsMolloy

    Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, and then the murders began.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Dicktater Dipshit had an office desk rolled out onto a tarmac from which to watch himself get off. Are you fucking kidding me? There’s even a desk lamp. What, no adding machine for the people he wants to murder? No Rolodex of death?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad47fb5893bf3d74731b3c3b6e895d463398f7220f76d38fd43a89dcafaa5dd1.jpg

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-41289532

    • natoslug

      Who does he think he is?- the current president* of the United States of America?

    • Maclare ☕

      Is… that a blotter?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Looks to me like it might be a map, an important accessory for megalomaniacs.

    • The Librarian

      Must be a solar desk lamp.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        *I just snorked an IPA out all over my iMac. Thanks.*

        • The Librarian

          Apologies!! I have done that to mine as well! :D

    • RMKH

      I say we tell them both that there’s willing underage girls in that room over there, and once they’re both in there we lock them in and launch them to Tralfamadore

    • Left Coast Tom

      Where are the generals taking notes?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Examining the exhaust plume from underneath the rocket.

        • Left Coast Tom

          It should also be remembered that one of the “charges” under which he had his uncle executed was “failure to clap with sufficient enthusiasm”.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Probably gave Trump an idea.

    • cheetojeebus

      Who’s the first guest tonight?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Hitler?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Now before you ask, no, I’m not surprised.
    https://twitter.com/JonLemire/status/908807911513759744

    • Thiazin Red

      Uh duh, did anyone think that would actually happen?

      • altleftjohn

        Yeah, touch the pearls . . .

      • Alan

        Nope.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      “President Donald Trump’s inaugural committee raised an unprecedented $107 million for a ceremony that officials promised would be “workmanlike,” and the committee pledged to give leftover funds to charity. And then the murders began.”

    • bookish

      You don’t say?

    • Alan

      Color me shocked.

  • altleftjohn

    Let us go then, you and I,
    When the evening is spread out against the sky
    Like a patient etherized upon a table;
    Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
    The muttering retreats
    Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
    And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
    Streets that follow like a tedious argument
    Of insidious intent
    To lead you to an overwhelming question …

    And then the murders began.

    Last one, I promise.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I have been reading all day about the fuck-ups at Equifax.
    https://www.cnbc.com/2017/09/14/equifax-used-admin-for-the-login-and-password-of-a-non-us-database.html
    I worked as a Systems Admin for 25 years, and I have been complaining about this kind of incompetence since Day One. There is ZERO excuse for this, as “Best Practices” have been widely known for 40 years – 1) change the default admin password immediately on all network devices 2) change the admin passwords every 6 months 3) require users to change passwords every 3-6 months 4) do not allow users to reuse their 4 previously-used passwords (some say this should be 10 previously-used passwords) 5) prevent users from using any part of their name or login ID in the password 6) require users to include at least 1 number and 1 capital letter in the password 7) block silly passwords like “1-2-3-4-5” or “password”. This is basic I.T. administration stuff, it is not brain surgery. The admins don’t do it because they are lazy and complacent. At my last job, they hadn’t changed the admin password for 10 years, and didn’t change it after I left. I could hack their system any day if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.

    All of this makes me think they are so incompetent that signing up for their free monitoring service is a waste of time and not worth the paper it’s written on.

    The scary thing is that pretty much every company out there and every government has a network that is being run almost or just as badly as Equifax. If I think about that too long I have an anxiety attack.

    • Three Finger Salute

      A little laughter might help diffuse it…?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6iW-8xPw3k

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Good one! Thanks!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      and to think, to them our personal info is entrusted, even though they ain’t hte government.

      (In contracts class last night, somehow we ended up on the topic of these fuckers)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They know everything about us, including things that aren’t true. For example, after Hurricane Katrina when I didn’t know where I’d be living for a while, I had my subscription to Better Homes & Gardens transferred to a friend in Florida for 3 months. Equifax now lists HER Florida address as one of MY previous addresses, and this shit shows up on random security questions now and then. It was also proof positive that magazines sell our addresses to anyone who will pay for them, which is a good reason not to subscribe to magazines.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          wait till you hear about Lexis-Nexis service, I think it’s called people search or something.

          I used it as a journalist, and may again in the law office. That shit has EVERY THING about you, including your neighbors and relatives. It had a few of my addresses as some kind of crazy shit.

          Someday, spend the $25 or whatever and check yourself out.

          • BosGrl

            A bill collector, looking for me, called one of my neighbors once. It was so freaking embarrassing.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s what we were discussing last night in class, how that works and why it works and why those people are goddamn assholes.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I am familiar with Lexis-Nexis, because my last job was at an insurance company. They automatically downloaded gigabytes of data to our servers every night about our policy holders. Anyone who hacked into the company’s network could gain access to all that Lexis-Nexis data, which was not encrypted.

            I once paid $25 for my own criminal background check, just to make sure there wasn’t any inaccurate information on it because almost all employers check on this now when you apply for a job, and there wasn’t, which was nice to know.

    • BosGrl

      At the Company I Used to Work For (which was a tech company), we users had to change our passwords all the time and use the capital/numeral thing, but they had a huge cyberattack over the summer. I knew a backdoor to one piece of proprietary software where the user/PW was admin/admin. For the 8 years I was there.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Every home network or WiFi router I have ever used or configured came with the default user/pw “admin/admin” and the default IP address 192.168.1.1. Most people never change either.

        • BosGrl

          Yes, and I learned long ago to always update passwords thanks to an insistent ex-husband, who was absolutely right. This particular software at my company potentially granted access to medical records so it was pretty bad to have such lax security. I still have the software on an old computer and like you I could hack it (which I never, ever would, but still).

          • Angela Ruzzo

            At my last job I was in charge of the fax server software, which redirected all incoming faxes to the Outlook Inbox that matched a department or employee’s personal fax number. Several times a week I would be alerted to faxes that were “lost” – there was no matching Inbox. Every time it was dozens or hundreds of pages of someone’s private medical records. What was happening was someone at a hospital or doctor’s office was sending a fax from a fax machine, but they were dialing the wrong 1-800 number and it was reaching my company by mistake. Talk about a HIPAA violation! Human error is always a problem.

          • BosGrl

            Ugh.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        There is a very easy way to get around the requirement to change one’s password frequently, but I never met a user who figured it out. I won’t post it here, it’s an Admin secret, but it depends on how the password history setting is configured. At my last job, this was set so that users couldn’t use their 3 previous passwords. The very best security would change that to NEVER using any previous password, but users hate that, so it is very rare.

        • BosGrl

          All of our programs required that – you could not use your last 7 or whatever passwords. So in some ways they were secure; just the older software, I don’t know, maybe they just forgot about it?

    • Left Coast Tom

      1) change the default admin password immediately on all network devices

      My personal design preference is that network devices (or other systems) shouldn’t have default “admin” accounts or passwords, start it up, the user picks the defaults, employ sufficient access control to ensure bad actors can’t recreate that initial state.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Unfortunately, Microsoft designs their servers and desktops to have default admin accounts, and there’s nothing to be done about it. It comes in useful if you are one of the Systems Admins, but the problem is the Systems Admins want to make things easy for themselves, at the price of security.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Microsoft’s not the only one. Suppose you’re installing an Oracle database – what’s the first thing you should do? Delete tiger/scott.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            True. It has been so long since I installed a Mac server that I can’t remember how they configured the admin account, but I don’t think it was any better than Windows.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’ve never installed Oracle, but I have installed SQL. At my last job, the “sa” account had the same password as the Network Admin account, which was really stupid.

          • Arolpin

            Ugh, SQL was the bane of my existence in my ISP OPS days. Some customer would install a new SQL server, and it would be compromised before they finished the setup, at which point it would immediately start spewing shit out to the internet.
            It got to the point that I had to walk customers through how to set up a basic firewall for their configuration LAN and explain to them why you should ALWAYS set up new servers on their own network and get them secured before you put them in production. Some of the less clueful customers didn’t get it, so we tied their utilization records to an alarm that would trigger if they started sending a bunch of traffic. We should shut them down, tell them to not put anymore unsecured SQL servers on the net, and then repeat the next month.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I hated SQL. I hated the interface, I hated the queries, I hated everything about it. The only thing I hated more was ImageRight – our document management software.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        “admin” account accessible only via client digital certificates. That is all.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Also, if you want real security, you must disable all USB ports and external storage devices, and external uploading, and make those USB ports only accessible with proper authority.

        • Arolpin

          At one point in the early ISP days we only allowed TACACS or RADIUS authentication for remote login. If you wanted to log in when RADIUS was down, you better hope you had a console server (the console servers were locked down in a different way) and that it was plugged into the console port of the device (and it was set to 9600/8/n, and you had the correct fucking cable).
          I suspect that the reason we were so anal about it is that the entire tech staff was either Russian ex-military/intelligence or seriously deep in the Phreak/hacker/2600 culture. AFAIK we were never compromised; lots of customer accounts were, but our core systems were secure.
          At some point they moved to RADIUS with SecureID, which was great until your stupid SecureID keyfob died or lost time sync.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    In briefly, then out for a friend’s birthday (I got her the book). Can’t have too much fun, because I have my annual “have the medical people poke and prod you lots for the insurance discount” checkup tomorrow.

    • BosGrl

      Have a little bit of fun!

  • Swampgas_Man

    Have to make it an early night, I have an actual JOB (for the first time in four goldang months) in the morning.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Been 14 months for me, lucky dog you. Go get ’em!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Good for you!

    • BosGrl

      Way to go!!

    • Doug Langley

      Yay!!

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Huzzah!

  • natoslug

    It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. And then the murders began.

  • natoslug

    I have a dream. And then the murders began.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    I’d like to propose a new daily feature in the non-comments.

    I think we should have a point where we share the worst fucking story we read today.

    Just below Angela mentions the Equifax fail, I’m sure there’s something trump did.

    It could be fun…or really fucking said. I dunno.

    • Doug Langley

      I share the worst fucking thing that happened to me all day. Does that count?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, speaking of which, where is today’s entry?

        • Doug Langley

          It’s down there, about 3 hours ago. Basically, they got mixed up again on which project is the most important, and in the process boss told me I wasn’t a fast filer.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh FFS.

  • natoslug

    Be white, be rich, and be male. What other advice is there to give to future generations?

    • bbayliss

      Keep your head down.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Mind your manners?

      And then fuck everyone else.

      • natoslug

        Well, the second part, at least.

    • BosGrl

      Pants are optional.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Be Christian, but only those Christians who are members of the church of Supply-Side Nazi Jesus.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Inconceivable!

      • natoslug

        Never wear white after Labor Day . . .

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Don’t piss into the wind and don’t marry a Trump.

      • natoslug

        Boy howdy, you don’t need to tell me a fourth time about that first one . . .

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Always wear clean underwear; you never know when you’ll have get into an ambulance.

  • Raan

    We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. And then the murders began.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      We did that one this morning, but it bears repeating.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Just heading out the door to the bar when this popped up in my feed:

    Robert Mueller meets with House committee where impeachment begins

    Yesterday, Mueller met with the chairman and ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee in bipartisan fashion, according to a San Francisco Chronicle report (link). Few details if any have been provided about what took place during the meeting. But this is the first known instance of Mueller meeting with congressional leaders since the beginning of his investigation. Now that he’s met with Congress again, it points to a major milestone in his investigation. Moreover, he met with the leaders of the specific House committee where the impeachment process begins.

    http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/mueller-house-impeachment/4952/

    Now that should make some people here smile!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And then the hilarity ensued.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      And then the murders began.

    • Doug Langley

      The plot thickens.

    • RMKH

      Gaia, I want to believe that SO BAD.

  • Michael R
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Don’t ask what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. And then the murders began.

  • Maclare ☕

    “‘Where’s Papa going with that axe?’ said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.”

    And then the murders began.

    • Panika MCD

      I almost did that one earlier today, but it seemed too obvious.

      • Maclare ☕

        Not a flaw, but a feature!

      • RMKH

        And someone else did. We’ve had a lot of echoes but that’s to be expected in a group like this

        • bbayliss

          thi …thi….thi…..thi…..thisssssssss

      • mancityRed6

        umm, you’ve seen the people here? right?
        not that I’m saying anything bad,
        and then the murders began.

  • natoslug

    WTF? — I had no idea Scientologists were storing their sacred shit here in Humboldt . . . https://lostcoastoutpost.com/2017/sep/15/whats-story-place-petrolias-scientology-bunker/

    • Three Finger Salute

      Another wackadoodle cult that refuses to die despite having as much credibility as the Branch Davidians. This is why I cringe over the notion that Hollywood is supposedly on the side of “Democrats.” Scientology is neither science nor logic, and is just as anti-science as creationism and the Alex Jones fanatics. We allow celebrities in our ranks at our peril.

      • Lord Jim

        Normally, I try, as a Christian, to take a very “live and let live” posture toward religions. But Scientologists have done some truly heinous things. Google “operation snow white” or “Lisa McPherson”, for a start. And Hubbard was mean and batshit crazy.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And a terrible writer. To this day, Dianetics is the only book I not only couldn’t get into but couldn’t get past 100 pages, let alone finish. And I’m a voracious reader. Best-seller my ass.

    • mancityRed6

      why do you think the pot is so much more potent there?

      • natoslug

        All the Thetans or, um, whatever it is the Scientologists yammer on about? (but really, the pot isn’t more potent — we were just more remote back in the day. And now that the idiot growers in the area fought against legalization in California, we’re being left behind in the rush to legalization and marketing and acceptance. Fucking stoners.)

        • mancityRed6

          a friend of mine’s son went to Colorado and now he’s a great grower.
          his parent’s don’t know what to think about it.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Grower not a shower?

          • mancityRed6

            if I could make that kind of money he’s making in a beautiful state, hells yes.

          • Arolpin

            The best scene in Weeds.

          • Arolpin

            My cousin has been a grower in CA for 20+ years. He’s one of the ones who pushed for legalization, because he has kids getting close to college age, and he wants his finances to be open and above board.
            His dad was a bit concerned (my uncle has stayed true to his hippie roots for 50 years) at first, but quickly realized he was running it as a long-term business, and I suspect invested to help him expand.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I’ve been told that growers in Mendocino County are hoping there can eventually be an appellation system for pot as there is for wine – by someone with the Anderson Valley Wine Growers Association, whom I randomly encountered while wine tasting.

    • Rags
  • Me not sure
    • RMKH

      “Tranquility Base – there goes the neighborhood” – Grace Slick

    • Doug Langley

      “Oh, good God, Neil, it’s supposed to be “one small step for A man”. Okay, take two.”

  • Doug Langley

    Okay. Just got done talking with a recruiter. She wants to submit me for a web design position. Wait, what? A business call at 8:00 on Friday night?? Believe it! She wants to move fast on this. She says I should pass the interview with flying colors. The place is here in town, pretty close, it’s perm, pays twice what the file clerk thing does, and I would enjoy it far more.

    Okay, don’t get your hopes up. But I really, really want something to get me out of file clerk hell.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      So, what’s up for your week end? (distraction)

      • Doug Langley

        Resume, portfolio, prep for tech interview Monday. Gotta do it during lunch hour.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          All good + a good night’s sleep. That should do it.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          Data Ninja sent me a link to a free book on interview techniques. You want it?

          • Doug Langley

            Sigh. I have bags on info on interview techniques.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            cool. CRUSH IT!

    • suziq

      Very cool! Good luck! I am always surprised at how these days there is no normal “work week” which can be good or bad. Depending on if you want to ever have a real weekend.

      • Doug Langley

        Sigh. I keep thinking what Europeans say: “Americans work like dogs and get nothing for it.”

        • This is a thing that is true.
          We sorta somewhere along the way adopted the legendary German work ethic, sprinkled it with the Japanese idea that your Job is your life, and then paired it with rando-x third world’s idea of renumeration.
          We truly are a melting pot.

          • Three Finger Salute

            the legendary German work ethic

            Otherwise known as “Arbeit Macht Frei”.

            …and people say America isn’t a fascist society.

          • Doug Langley

            I’ll be the most free corpse in the graveyard.

          • RubyDMatta

            (Get Now $99 hourly with Google){what’s more, carry on with a financially solid life…})(Get-paid-weekly by Google)
            last tuesday I got Land Rover Range Rover after I been earnin $12184 this month . this is certainly my favourite job Ive ever done . I started this five months/ago and pretty much immediately started to earn minimum $75 per-hour . look at here now
            !si294d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeCashJobsShareOpportunity/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!ss254l..,……

          • lol no, really XD Even hundreds of years ago how hard Germans worked was a thing other countries commented on.
            I took some Russian studies in college and was reading this bit on the German section of St. Petersburg and the author remarking on how they insisted on putting in a full day’s work every day (except sunday) without even breaking off for tea

          • CordeliaJWhalen

            Get paid weekly by Google (Make $99/hr with Google) and live a financially strong life…
            last tuesday I got a great new range Land Rover Range Rover from bringing in $12073 this last five weeks . it’s certainly my favourite work I have ever done . I started this 7-months ago and straight away startad bringin in more than $75… per-hr . try this web-site
            !si290d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://FinancialGoogleStuffReportsGetProfitWorks/get/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sp310l..,.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            Wow. Spam that’s aaaaaaalmost on topic!!

          • DanielleGStover

            (Make $99/hr with Google)(Get-paid-weekly by Google)(what’s more, carry on with a financially solid life…)
            last monday I got a new range Land Rover Range Rover since getting a cheque for $12899 this last 4 weeks . this is definitely the most comfortable work I have ever had . I started this seven months/ago and straight away was bringin in over $85, per-hour . look at this web-site
            !si294d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleLegitimateClickWorkFromHomeJobs/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sa344l..,..

        • Three Finger Salute

          WHY DO U HATE FREEDOM?!?

        • suziq

          Don’t think about that shit, it is hard to stay positive but take it one day at a time. Like a common alcoholic. Or, move to Europe? Hope it all works out for you, it is crazy how things are turning out and I am glad I am done with that working thing.

    • Alan

      Best of luck! Question: How old are you?

    • Three Finger Salute
    • handyhippie65

      may the lady smile upon you.

      • Morrigan in Oregon

        gently brushes a wand over the L. . .

        • handyhippie65

          i rarely use capitalization, as i only learned to type( if you can call what i do typing) when i got the internet. but she already knows me oh so well. she’s been carrying me all of my life. i write in all capitals so other people can read it, and type in all lower case ’cause, well, i’m kinda lazy.

          • Morrigan in Oregon

            No judgement do I have for you on caps, for who am I to judge? The Internet is a marvel in our lives and i am just glad to read of such unabashed love for her. :) Blessed Be!

            (my typing was formed at an age when 65 words a minute was minimum, not that I ever remotely approached that level. )

    • WOOO!!!! Pullin for you, Doug!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Best of luck, I hope it works out and you love the job.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Go! GO! GO!

      Best of luck to you buddy.

    • grindstone

      Fingers crossed for you.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Excellent. Don’t focus on a Friday 8:00 call. Most people over about 25 are home most Friday nights. Also too, the recruiter could be calling from anywhere in the world.
      Good luck!

    • HooverVilles

      Best of luck. Hope this works out for you.
      PS: I put a word in with teh Ceiling Cat, so that should help.
      >^o.o^<

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    It’s full of stars. And then the murders began.

  • mancityRed6

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7-oIbwquhg
    fucking hell.
    Phil, baby, I wish you would have left a good youtube presence.
    Imma be there next weekend.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • bookish

      There’s Drumpf arm wrestling again.

    • yyyaz

      Profiles in Derpage.

    • Johnny Appleseed

      Wow. BIG boobs!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.

    And then the murders began.”

  • Panika MCD

    Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas chesticles, with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer’s weenerboner pill. And then bitches be like, “we murdered Ayn Rand! except we didn’t ’cause Meeka ain’t got none of that garbage. so we murdered the neck pillows instead! MAKE A MESS!!”

    • mancityRed6

      been there, done that.
      come on

  • mancityRed6

    I’m coming up on a year on my own, again.
    I just want to give a shout out to all of you who helped me a year ago.
    I’m better now.
    thank you to all of you.
    I really appreciate it.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      I probably wasn’t one to help you but congratulations. I also had to recover and found new friends that helped.

    • mancityRed6

      and then the murders began

    • Slamtundra

      Yeah man, or lady, this place does great things for those of us in need.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. Then the murders begin.