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No scandal! No scandal! No seriously, for real, no scandal.

BREAKING NEWS ABOUT OBAMA PEOPLE BEING BAD! Earlier this year, we were inundated with trifling bullshit about how the real Russia scandal was that “Obama people” did “wire tapps” to Donald Trump, and that Obama National Security Adviser Susan Rice had improperly “unmasked” Trump people, which would just be UNFAIR. Where did she get off catching Trump people in the act of colluding with Russia, if that was what she was, in fact, doing?

Eli Lake at Bloomberg wrote a breathless SCOOP! piece about how Ezra Cohen-Watnick, who was one of Michael Flynn’s boys at the National Security Council until he was fired in August, found Rice “unmasking” Trump people numerous times during the campaign and the transition, except for oops, Lake was forced to admit in the 9th paragraph of his story that his story was not a story, and Cohen-Watnick had caught Rice red-handed in the act of doing totally normal things that national security advisers do.

Trump lapdog Rep. Devin Nunes wasted a whole week of America’s time, running back and forth from the White House to the White House to get secret intelligence from the White House (from Cohen-Watnick specifically!) about Rice “unmasking” Trump people, which he immediately and breathlessly shared with the White House. It was so obnoxiously obvious that he was compromised that he pretended to recuse himself from the Russia investigation entirely. (He is not recused. In fact, his paw prints are still ALL OVER Trump’s attempts to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation.)

Rice testified behind closed doors for the House Intelligence Committee recently, and CNN has a leaky scoop regarding the unmasking crimes she admitted to. Turns out she was just curious why, during the Trump transition, Trump people were sneaking the crown prince of the United Arab Emirates into New York without telling the Obama administration:

Former national security adviser Susan Rice privately told House investigators that she unmasked the identities of senior Trump officials to understand why the crown prince of the United Arab Emirates was in New York late last year, multiple sources told CNN.

This was in December, a month before Betsy DeVos’s brother, Blackwater monster Erik Prince, went to a secret meeting in the Seychelles facilitated by the UAE, about setting up secret back channels with Russia for the Trump team. Ayup.

The crown prince, Sheikh Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan, arrived in New York last December in the transition period before Trump was sworn into office for a meeting with several top Trump officials, including Michael Flynn, the president’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and his top strategist Steve Bannon, sources said.

The Obama administration felt misled by the United Arab Emirates, which had failed to mention that Zayed was coming to the United States even though it’s customary for foreign dignitaries to notify the US government about their travels, according to several sources familiar with the matter.

BURN SUSAN RICE FOR A WITCH, for that sounds … completely routine. She wanted to know why this Emirati sheikh we monitored in completely normal surveillance was sneaking into America and through the back door of Trump Tower, and in order to get a clearer picture of that, she said “HEY UNMASK THESE DILDO HONKERS.” Oh hi, Steve Bannon, Jared Kushner, and Michael Flynn! We see you!

When we originally learned that Rice had unmasked Trump people, Devin Nunes and Rand Paul and the brain trust at Fox News were all like “CRIME! CRIME! SUSAN RICE IS A BLACK LADY! CRIME!” But after Rice’s testimony (which we assume was about all the unmasking and not just this one thing with the sheikh, but you know, #classified), Republicans on the committee are singing a different tune:

“I didn’t hear anything to believe that she did anything illegal,” Florida Rep. Tom Rooney, a Republican helping to lead the panel’s Russia invesigation, told CNN of Rice’s testimony. He declined to discuss any of the contents of her classified remarks.

Oh. What about Mike Conaway, who took over the investigation after Nunes “recused” himself?

“She was a good witness, answered all our questions,” Rep. Mike Conaway, the Texas Republican now running the House Russia probe, told CNN. “I’m not aware of any reason to bring her back.”

Well shit.

But Trey Gowdy? Surely he still has a hard-on for locking Rice the fuck up?

Rep. Trey Gowdy, a South Carolina Republican who is helping lead the House investigation, told the Daily Caller “nothing that came up in her interview that led me to conclude” that she improperly unmasked the names of Trump associates or leaked it to the press.

HUH. She must be a more devious crimer than we ever knew, if she rolled these Republicans boys like this!

And what about flagrant shit-noggin Devin Nunes?

Nunes refused to answer questions when asked about Rice Tuesday evening.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gonna guess that’s CNN’s nice and polite way of saying that in response to questions, Nunes shed a few anger tears, then went back to picking corn out of his b-hole while he awaits further instructions from Donald Trump, his real dad.

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  • TJ Barke

    Gowdy Doody never ceases to be a joke.

    • coozledad

      He’s what happens when two former Google execs team up to make hairdressers obsolete.

  • Indiepalin

    Trey Gowdy is investigating whether the technology exists that would have allowed Hillary to forward all her Benghazi emails to Susan Rice fours years in the future so nobody would be able to find them.

    • JohnBull

      It does exist. It’s how Obama was president when the towers fell.

      • C4TWOMAN

        And yet Hillary hasn’t used to to get herself elected in 2016. Geez, what’s the hold up?
        Generator failure?
        Shortage of Flux Capacitors?
        Alien invasion?

        • wait! what?

          The more important question is: If it’s not Hillary, then who is the last Jedi?

          • Paganish

            Kamala Harris

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Ran out of dilithium crystals?

      • therblig

        shaka! when the walls fell!

        • willi0000000

          Blovious! when the republican spoke.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Obama when the towers fell. Darmok and Jalad at Maralago.

  • The Librarian

    Rice was obviously guilty of doing her job while Democrat. I suggest that instead of jail time, she be given a hearty handshake and a job well done.

  • coozledad

    Devin is going to fill at least one of those economy sized cans with turd corn before they delegate anything else to him.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Ah, yes. A number 10 can of delight.

  • beingreleased

    Is this a true statement: Susan Rice couldn’t have unmasked Trump people out of spite because she didn’t know who she was unmasking.

    The second half of that sentence I know is true, but did she know they were (unnamed) Trump people? Also, I know she didn’t do it out of spite, but my question is whether she knew she was unmasking Trump people. Am I making any sense?

  • canes_pugnaces

    Tomorrow’s NYP headline: “Trey ‘Scumbrush’ Gowdy discovers (finally) Devin ‘Uber’ Nunes is a live creep.”

    Read all about it.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else unmasked people?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Can’t remember who it was on MSNBC last night who said that black women freak TrumpPenceZees the fuck out, but that appears to be the case…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea53e844f4e89b7c404f9b7e5768a60805a55aa9d9076b06138842ae3be4d411.jpg

    • coozledad

      I used to date a woman who could anticipate what I was saying by a few hundredths of a second and say what I was saying while I was saying it. Essentially, she had the makings of an excellent lip reader, but it was still unsettling.

      Black women don’t only actually know what Trump’s going to say, they can see the synapses starting to form the pudding he draws his words from. And he knows they are laughing at him.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      I’m going to download that, blow it up to 4Xs life size and paper my office with it. That ought to keep the riffraff at bay!

  • jesuswasablack

    “nothing that came up in her interview that led me to conclude” that she improperly unmasked the names of Trump associates
    Did the intrepid reporter think to ask if the subjects of the “unmasking” broke the law? Isn’t that the whole fucking point of this investigation?
    http://woodsrecruiting.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/slump.jpg

    • I think Trump Supporters assume he’s a Crooked Crook and gets away with a lot, just like they will after they hit the Lottery

  • Are you trying to tell me that a conservative political ‘scandal’ was based on nothing buy stupidity, credulity, and lies?

    That’s unpossible!

  • bookish

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/9/14/16305384/mcmaster-memo-leaks

    First, National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster wrote a memo demanding anti-leak action not only from the security services but from civilian agencies as well. It takes on leaks of classified information, then also asserts that “unauthorized disclosure” of “controlled unclassified” information “causes harm to our Nation and shakes the confidence of the American people.”

    Second, that memo — which went out a few days ago — leaked Wednesday night to BuzzFeed News’s Chris Geidner, because in the Trump administration everything leaks.

    • JOANN MCDEVITT

      Funny how it seems the amount of “leaks” went down when Bannon left.

      • coozledad

        He’s a Right Leninist. He only brings turds to the punchbowl, and he thinks it’s part of some world historical design.

    • CuC information has been in the works in the civi sector for at least 3-4 years now. We’ve got a 2019 deadline to be compliant with this huge 1600 page manual…

    • TundraGrifter

      This is assbackwards – no surprise. Everything the Federal government does is supposed to be public. Taxpayers pay the bills. We have a right to know – as well as a duty and obligation to ask.

      Certain things should be secret. Of course, far more is “classified” than it has to be or should be. But the basic principle is not that everything is secret unless it’s released. Everything is public unless specific steps have been taken (with good reasons behind them) to keep the information confidential.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “controlled unclassified” information – what the Hell? I suppose they could just classify everything, to avoid sounding like the FUCKING MORANS that they are…. What’s to keep these fuckers from classifying everything?

      • Bobathonic

        There’s a lot that’s actually For Official Use Only, and Personally Identifiable Information.
        In my world, FOUO is often budget related planning info that could, if released, provide some form of competitive advantage to some prospective bidders over others.
        PII is what it sounds like – SSNs, personnel folders (yeah yeah, virtual ones), stuff like that. .

        So, that form of information exists, and there are good reasons for protecting it. That being said, their leak concerns appear to be based in the WH, not scattered throughout the Executive Branch.
        Also too, we have way too much classified, often due to CYA practices.

        ETA: PS I have also too in my life handled U/HVSACO materials. Unclassified, Handle Via Special Access Channels Only. The info is unclassified, except for the association and identification with a codeword program.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          That makes sense… Clearly, much of their ire is over disclosure of internal strife and goofs that don’t seem to be some much legally sensitive as politically embarrassing… But, as with all things, they conflate it all… to try to hide their internal mess in the name of national security…

          • Bobathonic

            Yep, mostly the leaks have been embarrassments, not national security disasters. Well, maybe excepting that time Donnie Dreamer blabbed Israeli secrets to the Rooskies.

      • Lord Jim

        It is an old Washington bromide that the CIA would classify the phone book if they could.

  • Mavenmaven

    “It’s not true! I did not sneak into Trump Towers for nefarious purposes! It’s bullshit! I did not. Oh, hi, Susan.”

  • Panika MCD
  • JMP

    The far right has constantly desperately kept trying to invent some fake scandal to tar Susan Rice with, even as her record continues to be completely impeccable – hm I wonder if that might just have something to do with her race and gender.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Either one would justify inventing a fake scandal…

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It was a twofer: they were trying to make a scandal to hit the Obama administration with, and the person they were trying to pin it on was an uppity blah to boot.

      • Spurning Beer

        Hey, you know she’s got to be guilty of something.

    • GoutMachine

      …and mix in a soupcon of projection et voila! GOP souffle!

      • Meccalopolis

        Mmm soup and soufflé !

  • SayItWithWookies

    So right now the Republicans’ entire case is that nobody was supposed to find out who was colluding with Russian and UAE governments. Pretty rock-solid legal analysis there, and I’m sure Devin Nunes and the other paranoid congressmen who have kept this nonsense up are proud to have ruined their reputations for such a vital principal.

    • bbayliss

      What principle? They’re trying to cover their asses because they’re in deep shit.

      • SayItWithWookies

        That’s about as bedrock an underlying principle as they have.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Another fucking waste of tax payer dollars as the right wing douche bags desperately search for something that’s not there…Benghazi!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    It’s probably too much to wish for, but I sincerely hope that Nunes and Gowdy go down with the good ship Trumpy-pop and pay for their treasonous behavior.

    • Parakeetist

      Also, their stupid hair.

  • Crystalclear12

    So, Trump’s inside man Nunes, didn’t know enough not to pull on the Rice thread?
    When the dog is sleeping let lie!

  • bbayliss

    So Nunes recused himself (he didn’t) and now there are three republicans heading, or “helping” head the committee?

  • LesBontemps

    I have always wondered how Trey Gowdy’s head got to be that shape.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I have a theory he’s part-cephalopod.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Squid LIBELZ!!1!!!!1

        • kareemachan

          CTHULHU LIBELZ!!!!!111!!!

      • ariel_gee_398

        His suit jackets are always extra roomy to accommodate the tentacles.

        • Spurning Beer

          Wouldn’t it be the trousers that would need extra room for his testic…. Oh. Never mind.

    • Bobathonic

      Forceps.

      • Arolpin

        Run over by a truck? Oh, you mean he’s not a Bundy, just a Bundy-supporter. Then my bet is fetal alcohol syndrome.

        • Bobathonic

          No, really, forceps. “Minor facial injuries due to the pressure of the forceps”

          http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/forceps-delivery/basics/risks/prc-20014741

          • Arolpin

            Yep, which is why my grandfather never used forceps in the hundreds (thousands?) of deliveries he performed from the 40s through the 80s. It helped that his hands were about the size of those novelty foam fingers you buy at a stadium. Of course that made his insistence on giving every male a prostate exam as part of a physical less than popular (the area had a very high rate of prostate cancer, back when it killed a lot more people).

    • Spurning Beer

      Inbreeding

    • FlownΩver

      I always thought “pointy-headed” went with “intalekchuls.” Not this time.

    • Boscoe

      I keep flashing back to that Palin video with the turkey decapitation machine running in the background…

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
      • GoutMachine

        The original American Coneheads.

    • Edith Prickly

      Fin head, fin head, Benghazi-obsessed fin head…

  • lucidamente

    Is this the place to say that being unmasked by Susan Rice is about the hottest thing I can think of?

    • bbayliss

      I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Crystalclear12

    How very keystone cops.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Not even. At least they were funny.

    • bbayliss

      All they had to do was announce that the crown prince was coming to talk about adoptions.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Jared was there to get funding for his 666 Horror Hotel.

    • bbayliss

      Another great deal maker

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I”m facing a most difficult task
    I’m losing face
    But it’s just a mask

  • Panika MCD

    OT: FEMA oops.

    http://m.beaumontenterprise.com/news/weather/article/Here-s-why-FEMA-left-Jefferson-Co-off-flooded-12191486.php#photo-14077946

    FEMA left Jefferson Co. off the list of counties to receive housing aid after Hurricane Harvey. you know Jefferson Co. as the part of I-10 which literally looked like an ocean.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIb6SFcVwAAns0-.jpg

    but for REASONS the housing which was available BEFORE the storm were counted as available AFTER the storm. uh oh sketti-oh! they’re workin’ on it.

    and here is a journalist all teary because he finally made it past the gas station near granny’s house.

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/09/02/us/harvey-beaumont-flooding.html

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It’s hard to tell the counties apart from DC…

      And I hope not to be in water that rough next week…

      • Panika MCD

        and if they are, I hope they don’t count housing available now as available then.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          It turns out that reading maps from DC, maybe 150 years ago, is how our public hospital ended up on one of the biggest hills in town… Way back then, that hilly spot, not marked as a hill on the DC map, was given to the railroad. The RR got here and was like, THAT ain’t gonna work. The state traded some flat ground for the hill spot, and that turned out to be the state land available for a public hospital.

          A hospital up there isn’t so bad, usually, unless you want to get all the workers there on a weekday, or ever, or anytime something untoward happens like a storm, or snow, or ice, or anything like that…

          Eyes on the ground are usually a good thing…

    • FlownΩver

      Heckuva job, Orangey!

  • bbayliss

    Let’s not forget that this was a campaign to prove that Obama had tappppppppped trump tower.
    Now the names that weren’t public before, Kushner, Bannon, and Flynn are public as well as Eric Prince and it’s clear that they were trying to establish a back channel to Russia using the UAE as facilitator.
    Thanks, Nunes.

    • Bobathonic

      I think I’ll withhold judgment as to whether he’s an inadvertent hero or not.

      • FlownΩver

        Certainly no Alexander Butterfield. Not on purpose, anyway.

      • bbayliss

        Believe me, He’s no fucking hero.
        He worked on the transition team in charge of intelligence, which means he had to know about Flynn. He’s been doing all he can to derail the investigation because he’s in it up to his neck.

  • jowgajen

    But she was doing her job while black and female, clearly she was criming.

    • RMKH

      Yes, a blatant case of GWB (governing while black, similar to DWB) which of course was Obama’s crime.

  • Zonath

    So Congressional douchewads apparently didn’t realize that by spinning the unmasking angle as a crime in order to lead people away from the actual Russia investigation, they’d in fact be throwing more kerosene on the fire of the Russia investigation by forcing Susan Rice to admit that she was in fact doing the Russia investigation under Obama even before Congress insisted on having a Russia investigation? This is some twelve-dimensional chess they’re playing there.

    • bbayliss

      Except she wasn’t doing a Russian investigation.
      She was trying to determine who the crown prince of the UAE was communicating with and why he hadn’t announced his visit.
      $ for Kushner? Nuke plants for the middle east? Syria? ISIS?

      • Zonath

        Honestly, at this point I’m getting confused. This has more side plots and secondary characters than a Russian novel.

        • bbayliss

          Write this down:
          Cambridge Analytica
          Mercers
          Felix Sater
          Akhmetshin
          Kaveladze
          Agalarov
          It will all become clear.

          • Rags

            Pat them all together they spell MA FACK. The pattern is emerging! Do yoa see it?

    • OrG

      They’re not very smart.

      • Roadstergal

        And they think they are.

        ETA: They’ve never had to deal with people of the caliber of Rice and Muller up in their business before, because people of that caliber had no particular need to give a shit about them. Trump gave them one.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      This is some twelve-dimensional chess they’re playing there.

      Their problem is they think they are playing six-dimensional chess.

    • shivaskeeper

      She may not have been doing the Russia investigation. It seems like most of these names were cropping up in conversations of people we monitor routinely.

      It works something like this:

      I am monitored during routine surveillance. The call is logged, and any actual recording or the like are deleted. That’s basic incidental collection. I call again. The same thing will happen. The third or fourth time, someone higher up the chain might look into me to verify if my contact is legitimate. Say I am calling a Russian government contact about visas for and upcoming tour. Completely legit and it’s dropped. If it appears to be not legit, the unmasking process starts.

      It’s not a first time thing. Multiple, repeated contacts are required, then the unmasking has to be granted by the FISA court.

      All of that is just routine business. That it may have to do with the current investigations is just serendipity.

      Asshats like Nunes are banking on the base only understanding things from a Jason Bourne/James Bond movie perspective, so they can poison the narrative.

      They may not know the nuts and bolts of how the collection is done, but they know unmasking cannot be done at random. Since they screeched about it, they have to go through the motions of looking into it.

  • TJ Barke

    OT but we may have a murder mystery in my podunk town.

    • efoveks

      Oooh! And in what small berg might you be these days, that this criming occurred?

      • TJ Barke

        Well, it may be premature.

        • Bobathonic

          “I’m not dead yet”

          • TJ Barke

            I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

          • Lord Jim

            Maybe you could meander casually to conclusions?

          • RMKH

            I’m getting better!

          • Paganish

            “Shut it — you’ll be stone cold inna minnit.”

        • armed_bears

          She turned him into a newt?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          “Treason, mon cherie, is a matter of dates.”

          • Dudleydidwrong

            So if it’s a medjool it is treason, and if deglet noor it is not? Inquiring date lovers wish to know.

            What is your thoory on the matter?

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            I got the date joke after a second, but for that second I thought I was having a stroke.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          That’s what she said.

    • bbayliss

      Grist for the “My Favorite Murder” mill?

      • TJ Barke

        Well, not really. It may be a staged suicide.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The State Trooper who was shot by the Harold Dieterle look-alike?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      You seem to know an awful lot about this. Just where were you the night of the murder?

      • TJ Barke

        How do YOU know it took place at night?!

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Curses!

    • The guy who stole a tow truck with car in tow and then backed into several cop cars was shot?

  • Iron Monkey

    Is it too perverted (or just perverted enough) to think of unmasking as reverse S&M ritual?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Mine went the same way, the awkward aftermath of S&M where everyone looks faintly embarrassed at the various things they’re taking back off.

      • bbayliss

        And cleaning of bodily fluids.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Precious ones?

          • bbayliss

            They’re all precious.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Every sperm IS sacred.

    • bbayliss

      Nothing perverted about it. An intrinsic component.

      • OutOfOrbit

        if not perverted whut isit good four?

        • RMKH

          Absolutely nuthin!

          • Bobathonic

            Say it again!

          • OutOfOrbit

            y’all

          • Rags

            Huh!

          • OutOfOrbit

            good gawd

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Some of my best friends are perverts.

          • OutOfOrbit

            **deep blushing here**

          • Lord Jim

            Some of my best perverts are friends.

        • Lefty Wright

          Apologies to Edwin Starr.

    • The Wanderer

      No, and thank you for giving me a story idea.

      • OutOfOrbit

        ohhhh noooo

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’m working to get my head around reverse S&M before I can get to the possible pervertedness…

      • Lance Thrustwell

        M & S?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I was thinking that could be a possibility, but then I thought the reverse part was more likely activity based than linguistic…

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Tickles?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Sweet tenders… But with no chicken. Or sweet sauce.

    • Bobathonic

      Oh, sort of a de-gimpification?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        What this country needs is a de-gippification and erase any traces of Ronald Reagan

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Who?

    • OutOfOrbit

      like a sadist refusing to inflict pain on a masochist?

      • bbayliss

        cruel

        • Lefty Wright

          Unusual

    • mancityRed6

      yes

    • mardam422

      No. We never do that at the meetings. Ever!1

  • armed_bears
  • Lance Thrustwell

    Unleak the maskers!

  • Beowoof14

    But she was black, like guy who was presidenting from Kenya, can’t you see the problem sheepel,Smart black people doing their jobs properly gets in the way of Trump planned skullduggery.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      They just ACT like they’re being honest, diligent, thoughtful servants working in the public interest…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      White supremacists dislike all black people, but they really dislike obviously smart black people. They fear vengeance, and rightly so.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        they fear being shown up for the inbred dullards that they are

      • Lord Jim

        Been saying this for an age. Whites are terrified that minorities will gain power, then treat whites as whites have treated minorities FOREVER.

        • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

          They used to say it outright. I remember a documentary I saw years featured excerpts from 19th century western Canadian newpapers editorials about how the “Indians” should be even more oppressed because they were going to take their revenge otherwise.

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        Hence Gavin McInnes & co.’s hatred of Neil DeGrasse Tyson.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Uppity!

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      There are no smart black people. They are all criming thugs.

  • Spurning Beer

    Hurray! We have a new fixed expression available! From now on, when a National Security Advisor of color unmasks alleged Russia-colluders, we can say that he/she is “all over them like Rice on whites.”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    What makes me craziest about the reporting on this is that I have yet to hear any media outlet (including Wonkette?) explain the difference between “unmasking,” i.e. an internal process to reveal the names of U.S. persons in suspicious conversations and activities, and “leaking,” i.e. illegally revealing those names to people without the proper clearances. Everyone from Paul Krugman to Vox to NPR to the RWNM just allows the conflation of these two terms. This is how they make the American people stupid.

    • bbayliss

      No one has to make Americans stupid.

      • DrBigHead

        It seems to be the one thing we ARE exceptional at…..

    • GoutMachine

      Whichever one sounds bad is the one that Democrats do.

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Unmasking – that’s like playing peak a boo.
        Leaking – what faucets do in poorz bathrooms. also syphilitic dicks.

        • pstokk

          Jeez can’t we go one day without talking about Ted Cruz’ dick?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      TBF, wonket and many others have explained this- it just gets drowned out from all the RW noise

    • NastyBossetti

      I’ve seen/heard it explained multiple times, but I’m not the average news consumer, so I imagine most people in the country still have no idea.

    • DrBigHead

      I would be willing to bet that most Americans believe it is the same thing.

    • jesterpunk

      Leaking is what Russian Pee Hookers do for Trump right?

    • shivaskeeper

      That was my complaint about “hacks”. It was and is so very much more than hacking, bit I have come to grudgingly accept it as shorthand for, “this is too complicated to explain, I’m not sure of all the particulars in any case, and half of you would say it was fake anyway”.

      • Lord Jim

        Also the lamentable loss of the distinction between “hacking” and “cracking”.

        *Le sigh*

        • Roadstergal

          I gave up on people using ‘hacking’ correctly about the same time I gave up on people using ‘dongle’ correctly.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      What is sad about the “unmasking” is that if the surveillance is of a foreign entity and an American is identified, then the NSA can go after the evidence. An American can’t be surveilled directly, but these dummies were picked up calling the foreign entities.

  • James Baskin

    “We’ll sneak the sheik in, wrangle up a sweet deal, and nobody will even know he was here.”
    These guys are smooth. I mean realllllllllllllly smooth.

  • Covfefe

    I believe we in these premises established a couple of days ago that among the US persons Susan Rice unmasked was Devin Nunes and some other guys who met with Turkish spies. This is why your man Devin was so freaked out.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If she wasn’t unmasking anyone, why did she meet with Bill Clinton on the tarmac, huh?

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      sexy time?

    • DrBigHead

      No one can refuse the Big Dog.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Wasn’t that Loretta Lynch? Or is that the joke (I’m tired and bad with jokes today)?

      • Lord Jim

        Smells like snark, but I definitely identify with a little confusion in these batshit crazy times.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        They all look alike? /s

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Sen. Chuck Grassley To Subpoena FBI Agents Blocked By DOJ From Testifying On Trump’s Firing Of Comey

    As The KnifeTurns

    • OutOfOrbit

      now i haz a confuse

    • Skeptical_thinker

      See “SQUIRREL!” comment above or below.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Remember that time she tried to unmask Batman?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      You’d think they’d be happy with all those Scooby Doo villains she unmasked. She saved the mine from being bought out by Old Man Johnson! Why do you hate mineworkers, conservatives???

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Mr. Carswell?!!?!?!?!

    • Lord Jim

      She was gonna pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger but took one look at the last guy who messed around with Slim and thought better of it.

  • HellhathnofuryDemme

    Couldn’t the sheikh have texted or called?

    • BigCSouthside

      Not if you want to avoid the NSA because the content of your conversation is illegal

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Then bump into each other on a tarmac, like the professionals!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Magic carpets: how do they work?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    WTG Goopers! Ya all stepped on your own dicks yet again. Far from demonizing Rice, you’ve now forced the issue into the public and it turns out she was doing the right thing because the boy king’s minions were once again up to some hinky shit that is probably illegal. Funny how quiet you all have gotten about this now that you realized you fucked up. Quick, time to start shouting SQUIRREL! in Jim Comey’s direction again and hope that doesn’t blow up in your faces too…

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Quick, time to start shouting SQUIRREL! in Jim Comey’s direction and hope that doesn’t blow up in your faces too…

      Given their track record, it will, and soon.

      • TJ Barke

        Sarah Hickabee was talking about him just a couple days ago.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup, and I’m gonna LMAO when it does

        • miss_grundy

          When are they going to go after the pinging server in the Trump Tower basement?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          When have we STOPPED LMAO? It’s a circus and it’d be funnier if millions weren’t also getting screwed.

      • Lefty Wright

        They never stopped. That and the Clinton emails are still on their agenda.

    • SeeTrain65

      Music has ‘Dubstep.” The GOP will always have “Dickstep.”

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    We can only conclude that she’s illegally blackmailing them with super secret NSA info that she isn’t supposed to have.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Governing is much harder then obstructing governing.

    • TundraGrifter

      And, apparently, leading is so much harder than governing.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Leading? How does that work? How does any of it work?

        • TundraGrifter

          See: Obama, Barack.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Valerie Plame says STFU conservatives.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Or cornbread. Interesting that Melanoma knew how to put gloves on…

  • TJ Barke

    Can we haz new post now?

    • pstokk

      But liquor is quicker.

  • mardam422

    She is so devious and diabolic-like. Has them all fooled. The fools!!! Unmasking!!!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    How dare Susan Rice not have actually committed the crimes they accused her of?

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Ricky Gay

      A Before picture

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Never stick Trey Gowdy directly into your ear canal.

      • proudgrampa

        Never put anything smaller than your elbow into your ear!

  • whitroth

    But…but… she did it while BLACK! Bust her for EWB (existing while black)!

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      AND FEMALE! It’s a DOUBLE WHAMMY

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Oh, for the love of…..Trump again joked about his hands being too big for gloves.

    • Roadstergal

      No thinking needed – we _know_ he doth protest too much.

    • Spurning Beer

      If the gloves don’t fit, you must acquit.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Nunes is in serious shit and should be removed from office immediately for being involved with Flynn to discuss kidnpping the Turkish cleric and interfering in the investigation.

    Gowdy is an asshole but he was a lawyer and he could be disbarred if he was to claim Rice did something illegal without solid evidence and there is no evidence apparently.

    I expect Mueller has already spoken to Rice and already made that conclusion.

    • gingerwentworth1

      what about all the bogus claims related to Benghazi he was jawing about for months on end?

  • Paperless Tiger

    The Republicans are desperate to frame any dem for any thing to distract from the overpowering stench of Trump’s pantload of scandals. Tragicomedy at its best.

    • Sid Pevear

      With a name like Nunes you would think Steve AND Louie would be giving him the side-eye.

  • Gorillionaire

    Seems like Nunes would be drawn and quartered by now if he was, ya know, not cracker colored and didn’t have a (R) after his name.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Has anyone else seen Trey Gowdy on Forensic Files? He’s had a couple cases he prosecuted covered by teevee. Still creepy.

    • Lord Jim

      Yes. I was unnerved.

      • Roadstergal

        Forensic Files unnerves me. That much SO DRAMATIC TALKING AND MUSIC doesn’t work for me.

        • Lord Jim

          There’s a cheezy factor there that kinda tickles me, but I ain’t right… :)

          • Roadstergal

            My husband loves that show. He keeps trying to get me to watch it because the content is relevant. I keep assuring him that I know already that he’s the person most likely to kill me. :p

          • Lord Jim

            Fucking LOL!

          • handyhippie65

            it’s always the one you least expect.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          The music kills my kid who has anxiety issues. I can’t watch when she is here.

        • Sid Pevear

          No shit, just STFU and get on with it.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Did not know. Is it worth seeking out?

      • Lord Jim

        It’s an okay show. Gowdy Doody’s eps are no big, but see for yourself.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          It comes on TV here on an HD channel. I OD sometimes.

      • SweetDeeKat

        Forensic Files is great because they wrap up the crime in 30 minutes, so you can watch more. I watch more true crime TV than is probably healthy, but I do enjoy the mechanics of case solving.

        • gingerwentworth1

          Me too. I was wondering why too. It IS the mechanics of case solving. And I also believe that for me, it’s the one place where the people in charge are trustworthy, and they want to do right, and then they do do right, and it all works the way it’s supposed to. Instead of the extreme cruelty and indifference of policemen shooting innocents and getting away with it, or being professional liars like these schmucks in gov’t. and on Fox News.

      • gingerwentworth1

        He seems like a regular prosecutor in that show. But I found myself thinking, ‘what did the jury make of his strange appearance?’ Because now we’re used to how he looks, but those jurors had never seen him before. Anyway, if he wasn’t such a lying liar, I firmly believe he wouldn’t look so weird to me.

  • Serolf Divad

    The fucking shit you can get away with when you’re a Republican! I mean Trump fucking posed for a picture that would make John McNaughton pop a foot-long woodie if he’d painted it with Obama as its subject:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/803204756f193af5dea10076a338ed1457a64da45506e81a95cc115f8ad67cfd.jpg

    • Lord Jim

      “Oh Prince of Darkness, we, your faithful servants, have gathered here to seek your aid once more…”

    • Iokiyar!

    • BJW

      At least this picture was put to good use by Oliver Willis in an Avengers spoof: https://twitter.com/owillis/status/872257766194372609

      • BJW

        Click on link to get the hilarious stuff!

    • JoeChristmas

      And the $300 mil bribe the Saudi’s gave to Ivanka…Never Forget!

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    But was that VEGAN corn he was picking out of his BUTTHOLE? Or perhaps was it BUTTERED?

  • cats530

    Icky. Does this mean I have to like Trey Gowdy temporarily?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      No.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Peanut poop libelz!!!111!

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      My dog once ate a whole pan of peanut brittle my girlfriend made. Dogs apparently do not digest whole peanuts. You know that weird white-green color that glow in the dark plastic is? Peanuts in dog poop. I think that’s what that plastic is made from.

  • javadavis

    Trey Gowdy is unwilling to prosecute Susan Rice for doing her job? He of the elevnty billion investigations into “but the Benghazi emaisl!”?
    Are you sure this isn’t fake news?

    Hm, perhaps some of Rice’s testimony was what circumstances prompted her to, for totally legit reasons, unmask Gowdy-doody for getting involved in some Russian hanky-panky.

    Am I too cynical, for doubting that Gowdy might actually just do his damn job for once?

    • Johnny Appleseed

      Yes, why start now?

  • JoeChristmas

    Thanks Evan for posting a picture f the beautiful Susan Rice instead of that anal herpes lesion.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      Which one?

  • Relativicus

    I remember when Eli Lake was a thing! Oh, those lazy, crazy, hazy days of summer.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Nunes is really covering himself in something very different from glory.

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