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Also wants seed money for STEM education

Utah Republican Orrin Hatch has never struck most people as a load of laughs — although we should note that he and Al Franken did write a country song together — so maybe Hatch is the perfect, straitlaced kind of guy to introduce a bill supporting formal research on the uses of marijuana in medicine. He wants to reduce the “bureaucratic red tape and over-regulation” that have prevented serious controlled studies from being done on the effectiveness of cannabis, seeing as how so many states have legalized prescriptions for the kind bud, but much of the research on its possible benefits remains anecdotal.

The bill, the “Marijuana Effective Drug Study (MEDS) Act of 2017,” would encourage more research by streamlining approval of research, making marijuana more available to researchers, and directing the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) to “develop and publish recommendations for good manufacturing practices for growing and producing marijuana for research.”

Oh, but there is a downside. Hatch’s press release is just one godawful Dad Pun after another:

“It’s high time to address research into medical marijuana,” Hatch said. “Our country has experimented with a variety of state solutions without properly delving into the weeds on the effectiveness, safety, dosing, administration, and quality of medical marijuana. All the while, the federal government strains to enforce regulations that sometimes do more harm than good. To be blunt, we need to remove the administrative barriers preventing legitimate research into medical marijuana, which is why I’ve decided to roll out the MEDS Act.”

“I urge my colleagues to join Senator Schatz and me in our joint effort to help thousands of Americans suffering from a wide-range of diseases and disorders. In a Washington at war with itself, I have high hopes that this bipartisan initiative can be a kumbaya moment for both parties.”

The whole thing is rather a surprise, since Senator Hatch, well known for his conservative credentials, is the last guy you’d expect to pass anything to the left. And while Hatch remains opposed to recreational weed, on medical research, he seems to have turned over a new leaf.

The bill’s cosponsors include Brian Schatz of Hawaii, Chris Coons of Delaware, Cory Gardner of Colorado, and Thom Tillis of North Carolina. Ted Cruz wanted to sign on, but the other senators just laughed and got him to sponsor a bill advocating medical uses of oregano.

Also, we must put Orrin Hash ON NOTICE: Crappy Dad Puns are Yr Wonkette’s field of endeavor, and we don’t need some Orrin-come-lately bogarting all the lousy jokes.

We would reefer you to our barrister, David “Cheech” Vholes, Esq., but we are informed Dave’s not here, man.

OK, as they say in the White House press corps, that’s a lid on today’s news, and it’s your OPEN THREAD, Dude.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky and stop calling us old, OK?

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  • Scooby

    Mormons can’t drink, but they can take any drugs their doctor prescribes. That’s why Provo is called Happy Valley. Most psychoactive prescriptions on earth.

    • chazmanr

      Who says Morman’s can’t drink? I’ve seen plenty of drunk Mormons. They may not be allowed to under church doctrine, but that doesn’t inhabit their ability to do so.

      • Scooby

        If you want to protect your booze only invite Mormons over in pairs.

        • armed_bears

          Or Catholics in handcuffs.

          • Scooby

            Then they just invest il like an enema.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Awfully dubious coming from Hatch . . .

    • Panika MCD

      doobie-ous?

      • PubOption

        That’s what I assumed he meant.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Gives me a chile feeling.

  • altleftjohn

    A joint study may be in order.

  • MrTusks

    Have you ever thought about your hands, man?

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Mein Führer, I’m starting to get some geometricals . . .

      • MrTusks

        They’re like tendrils of meat growing out of our bodies. If you had no concept of a hand, they’d be pretty gross, huh?

        I’m hungry.

    • They’re called fingers, but I’ve never seen ’em fing…

      Woah… There they go.

    • ahughes798

      Only if I did acid. Then you can use them to see trails with.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    I think he is calling for mandatory drug testing.

    • clubseal

      “This one made me cough a lot. C-.”

      • Skeptical_thinker

        I think he thinks he is calling for mandatory drug testing.

        IFMPFM

      • Skeptical_thinker

        My work here is not yet done.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    “High time.” He is such a kidder!

  • Ωbjectifier

    Ain’t no way that walking buzzkill wrote that. Had to be an intern.

    • Panika MCD

      he has a staff.

      • I’m sure he made a toking effort.

      • Beowoof14

        Probably not as well worn and Ted’s Texas Staff.

        • Panika MCD

          ??? Ted’s still on his first term…

          • Beowoof14

            Yes but over on Twitter, there is talk of lots of staff polishing by Ted, personally.

          • Panika MCD

            he blamed it on a staffer.

          • Beowoof14

            I took that mean his staff was begging for attention again.

    • OneYieldRegular

      If you worked for Orrin Hatch, wouldn’t you do whatever you could to light up your day?

  • Panika MCD

    wonder what the DEEP STATE put into Orrin’s bowl this morning.

    • Beowoof14

      I bet he will be sparking over it.

    • OneYieldRegular

      That ain’t Ovaltine.

  • GoutMachine

    This just in: Video of Rep. Schatz as Rep. Hatch asks to cosponsor:

    https://media.giphy.com/media/1RPfItDdejFeg/giphy.gif

    • doktorzoom

      Brian “Maui Wowie” Shatz

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The bill, the “Marijuana Effective Drug Study (MEDS) Act of 2017,” would encourage more research by streamlining approval of research, making marijuana more available to researchers…

    Hey, hey, yoo hoo! I’m a researcher!!! I’m just not involved in that kind of research. I could use the pain relief, though, yo!

  • weejee

    Lid on today’s news? Dok, you have no shame. I very much like that in a person.

    • Beowoof14

      Just a couple of ounces of persuasion is needed for the whole senate to get behind this bill, and order some pizzas.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    oh.. and “high hopes” too!? I gotta read whole articles before I get excited and not comment…

    That’s not a Real Press Release is it!?

    • Panika MCD

      it probably is.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Yup. Looks like it is, and with being blunt too…

        https://www.hatch.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/releases?ID=B9FCD1A1-1BA8-4E48-8AA4-A3FCA2E9D777

        Not even Al Franken would have done all that… Good thing Orrin didn’t get a single one of those references… In the fake-quoting press release…

        • Panika MCD

          nah, legislators are full of bad puns.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Well, ya, in principle, but there’s gotta be cultural awareness, cleverness, and playfulness… And ol’ Orrin might not be a complete Moran, and someone on his Utah staff could have the cultural awareness, but I just don’t see him as having that playful streak… to go along with that knowingly… unless he’s turned over a new leaf…

          • Panika MCD

            DAD PUNS LIBELZ!

            we’re not talking about the O’Henry Punoff here. they’re DAD PUNS.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            You’re gettin’ into one of MY Specialities… Oh.. wait… That wasn’t an admiring “they’re DAD PUNS.” …

          • ahughes798

            Well, Orrin writes country music. He did ask AL Franken to help him come up with some lyrics when he was stuck, so….

          • Beanz&Berryz

            He knows who can help to butter his bread…

          • ahughes798

            Franken seems to be genuinely fond of him as a person. Al may be being played by Orrin, but I think Al is good enough, and smart enough to not be played, and doggone it, people like him.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Al is one of those guys whose read on a person I’d be very inclined to accept, especially after Al had been around and worked with someone for awhile… That’s good enough for me…

    • doktorzoom

      Totally on his Senate website, man.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Ωbjectifier

    OG Hatch. A hybrid of Bubba Kush and Mormon tea.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    I’m expecting this package, you know? Like, it’s from Nepal. It’s fudge, from Nepal.

    • ahughes798

      They make the best damn fudge in Nepal!

  • weejee

    Let us join voices in a new spiritual number.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Dat squeezebox player knows what’s up.

    • Beowoof14

      For me the only memorable moment of Lawrence’s many many hours on my grandmother’s TV

    • proudgrampa

      That was a classic.

      Do you think they even had a CLUE?

      • willi0000000

        i’m sure the band knew.

        • proudgrampa

          Even LW’s band?

          • willi0000000

            what part of ‘musician’ didn’t you get? . . . i told my daughter that there was only one place i drew the line . . . if she brought a musician home ‘to meet Dad’ they wouldn’t get to the front door but there would be a flat crack from a grassy knoll and no more problem.

            [ never draw the line with crayon! ]

          • ahughes798

            Musician Libelz!!1!!1!!!!!1

  • Bright Bart

    haha Dave’s not here. Its me, Dave.

    • Just open the door, man!

      • Bright Bart

        Dave?

  • Panika MCD

    come now, Dok! I cover a state legislature. they are full of bad dad puns. unfortunately for the TX Senate, Bettencourt ruins them all by explaining them and then doing his suicide inducing Foghorn Leghorn impression. seriously, that guy needs to go to another plane of existence…not saying how he should get there, but he needs to go–I just hope that going has something to do with his corpulence and not someone doing [something something] with votes. this should be the one thing he can do to himself FOR AMERICA.

    • willi0000000

      late-term self-abortion?

      • Panika MCD

        something like that.

  • PubOption

    Tillis, Hatch and Coons – where have I seen those initials before?

    • doktorzoom

      Bravo!

    • Rags

      Almost as good as the Spong Fong Long Hong Kong Song bill.

  • Beowoof14

    Hey I am sure there was young staffer that wrote this message for Orrin and he still has no idea what it says.

    • ahughes798

      I’ve read that Orrin is pretty funny, so maybe just dad jokes.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Ohhh! This is me with my hand on the windowpane? Like, I could really feellll the window’s paaaane. Ohhhh.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Wow. This was fucking hilarious. I’m highly surprised (hahaha get it i said highly hahaha).

    *bong rip*

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The whole thing is rather a surprise, since Senator Hatch, well known for his conservative credentials, is the last guy you’d expect to pass anything to the left.

    In Washington, Douchie passes YOU!

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I’ve always wondered something about Hatch. There definitely is a thing where your first name affects your personality: Brians are often nerdy and introverted, and literally every white millennial woman has a douchey ex named Josh.

    So what the fuck is an Orrin?

    • Proud Liberal

      It’s a Mormon name.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Did they invent a bunch of them? I knew some normally named Mormons growing up, but also a few with some weird-ass names. Then again, the Bibble is full of them.

    • Panika MCD

      I don’t have a douchey ex named Josh.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        You will receive your DoucheJosh in due course, he’s probably just held up in transit.

        • Panika MCD

          nah, I avoid it by never being in monogamous relationships. the DoucheJosh will have to be reassigned.

          • marxalot

            Oh, in that case you’ll get a douchey side-swipe dude named Josh, with whom your boat crosses in the night but doesn’t exactly collide.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            That’s where the Mormony bit comes it…

          • Panika MCD

            I’d have to be married to one or more person already for it to be Mormony.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            You’re female. You’d have one spouse. He’d have many wives.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            LOL!! You are a tricky one to be tricky with…

          • Panika MCD

            that’s why the tricks should be left to me!

          • willi0000000

            OK, your treat.

    • It’s an old Gaelic name, meaning “white.” Or Otter.

    • My ex cheated on me with a douchey dude named Josh… But she’s Asian, so…

    • proudgrampa

      At least it’s not Oral…

    • marxalot

      The mean guy in “And Then There Were Five”?

  • Rags

    To be blunt, one of his staffers or the other guy’s staffers had a right old time writing this and it flew right over Orrin’s distinguished pate.

    • Arolpin

      The thing is that Oren Hatch is probably the closest thing we have left as a true sane conservative. He’s very conservative, but he’s also somewhat rational, and Mormons kind of believe in science for some reason, so they don’t always just reject something just because some egghead said it.
      I would never vote for Hatch (unless it was him or Drumpf/Sessions/Ryan/Yerlte/any-of-the-Texas-goobers), but I generally can understand where he’s coming from, and the 2002 Olympics kind of dragged Utah in the latter half of the twentieth century, so he might actually know someone who uses marijuana, and might have realized that maybe it’s not the worst thing ever (that would be canned clams).

  • armed_bears

    Duuuude… “Orrin Hatch” is an anagram for “Chart Rhino.” Woah!1!

    • altleftjohn

      Oh wow, maaan . . .

  • proudgrampa

    Did he REALLY make that statement?

    “To be blunt…” — laughed my ass off.

    • Panika MCD

      doing bad dad puns is required for legislative office.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Puff, puff, pass this bill

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Fun Fact: Kumar (Kal Penn) actually worked for the Obama administration in the WH.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atC_8aTGRtM

  • Msgr_MΩment

    4:20’s not here, man!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Ted Cruz just blew out another one of my irony meters.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/908070879158050820

    • GoutMachine

      Projection-meter is now fully broken, I think.

      • Beowoof14

        My favorite was the movie star who “acted” in the Video came out and said she hates Ted..

    • jesterpunk
    • Vincent Ricola

      Oh gross Ted Cruz, it wasn’t the media hitting the heart button on subpar porn late at night.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      LOLWUT?

      Even with the forbidden sex toys, Rafael?

    • ltmcdies

      that’s a joke ..right…..because we all know Cruz and his ilk live for telling everyone what to do in their bedrooms….everyone with a vagina at least

      • marxalot

        And all the homosexxicans of various types.

      • jowgajen

        Or a sex toy.

      • Rags

        Or anyone who spanks the monkey or takes any pleasure in sexxy times or……

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I just really hope Amanda Carpenter, who was left gently swaying in the breeze when he chose not to defend her from the accusation that they were making the anarobic bacteria with two backs in the National Enquirer, is really enjoying this.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Could someone keep this on file, to play in the background of every single time he visits a Moral Majority shindig?

      • Paul

        Extra points for “shindig”.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      so ted Cruz just came out in favor of ghey sex…

      • weejee

        Ted’s a bit slow. But now he knows how to get his rear in gear.

        • GoutMachine

          Orrin? That you?

      • Lord Jim

        We have it on record.

      • Parakeetist

        Yay! Finally.

    • Crystalclear12

      That’s it!
      I am not buying anymore irony meters!
      Industrial strength, my ass.

      • Parakeetist

        Bring the receipt back to Kmart.

    • Fartknocker

      Fuck You Ted and your continued pandering to the religious right. And your a condescending prick.

    • Michael Smith

      Ted! You know that’s not true!! We are just obsessed with your sex…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      So, wait – can I use these dildos I have leftover from the wildlife occupation, or can’t I?

      • Paul

        Are you a consenting adult? Then hell yes.

        • OneYieldRegular

          But if you were at the wildlife occupation, you are not an adult. So: complications.

          • Paul

            Fair point. Needs further deliberation. He should just sit on them for a while.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There is no right to masturbate. I heard this from someone in congress (as it were) assembled.

  • Crystalclear12

    Republicans sponsoring a weed bill.
    Isn’t that a sign of the end times?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Just one of many steps to Armageddon.

      • proudgrampa

        First step to Hell Freezing Over.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        in the Bibble…

      • marxalot

        Armageddon outta here?
        One step at a time…

    • Rags

      They are approaching.

    • jowgajen

      Legal weed is something a growing portion of their base wants. It could be a good issue for them.

      • Beowoof14

        Oh no Libertarians will have to admit they are really republicans.

    • pstokk

      They say only the roaches will survive the end times.
      At least we’ll have that.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        until we smoke ’em

      • Rags

        Yeah – we can gather them all up and make a new doob!

    • Beowoof14

      I believe they finally might be listening to Trump and the believe a big ole fatty is the only way to cope.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Uh… Blizzard in Bolivia. Lights flurries with a nasal mist, man. It’s not cool now, man. I’ll talk later.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    I’m sorry to barge in like this, but, uh, I think I must have gotten another one of your packages by mistake, you know? This is something from the “Mountain Snow Baby Powder Company in Bolivia”.

  • proudgrampa

    I got the munchies reading Orrin’s statement.

  • Raan

    This morning, there was a loud banging​ sound outside and it made me visualize a simplified map of Los Angeles as I woke up.

  • marxalot

    What are the odds that Hatch’s staffers wrote that and he got, like, half the jokes, but read the other half straight?

  • Bananas Foster

    I haz a knu h8 krush.

  • jowgajen

    So that’s hysterical.

    But seriously this is a great bill. We need good research on marijuana, and its being listed as a Schedule 1 Controlled Substance puts the kibosh on that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The whole thing is rather a surprise, since Senator Hatch, well known for his conservative credentials, is the last guy you’d expect to pass anything to the left.

    I had a professor once who was fond of saying “only Nixon could go to China.” Got tiresome after a while. Glad we have an updated version for this century!

    • doktorzoom

      Figures a tiresome professor would steal old Vulcan sayings…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Are we sure you didn’t write this for Hatch?

        • doktorzoom

          I didn’t deny it, did I?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            feeling better, I take it…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Idaho IS near Utah…

          • Arolpin

            Hell, southeastern Idaho pretty much *IS* Utah.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Now that Zippy mentions it, I hope you are feeling better!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It’s always struck me as an odd phrase. “Only a man that rigid in his application of his personal rules to others could be that hypocritical”, is my takeaway.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I like “only Nixon could go to China,” though, in truth, it’s something like “On Vulcan we have an old saying, only Nixon could go to China,” and it’s said on an SF Muni bus… But.. maybe that’s more the movie than a tired cliche…

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola amigos!
    home from the internship

    • jesterpunk

      How is it going?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        not bad – finished one (boring) project, but I won’t get to hear what the #2 guy in the office thinks about it till tomorrow. Then got a new project which is like, bigly research and writing on a new area, so cool!
        (I didn’t get to brief that attorney either, so my initial meeting on how to approach, which should be interesting, is tomorrow).

        • jesterpunk

          Good thing they keep giving you more projects and more difficult ones. That must mean you are doing a good job there.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks!
            They actually think I know stuff.

            It’s spooky.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    With Pence and Trump out of the way, Orren will be our new President. I think he just initiated his campaign.

    Smoke em if you got em.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That’s what I was thinking, once the dust settles after the shit hits the fan, a president that’s in favor of medical MJ isn’t so awful…

      and the best part is, the elf will be long gone too

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        From your typing fingers to FSM’s ears, so mote it be.

      • Lord Jim

        So how are we getting rid of Ryan?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          caught up in the illegal Russian campaign money, hopefully

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      We’ve gotta get AynRandPaul Ryan out of the line of succession, also too, for this to happen.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Damn. Well, if Orren were to push somebody in front of a train, that would be a “horrible”, “horrible”, “horrible” thing.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      What a dope.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        To whom are you reefering?

        • Lord Jim

          Time to weed out these morons.

    • Rags

      CU in court

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Ahh, there it is. I was starting to think I wasn’t going to hear any horrible news from this administration for an entire day.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Wait…can a president “wave” laws?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        sometimes, yes

  • OrdinaryJoe

    This is not the end of the culture war. Nor is it the beginning of the end. But it is the end of the beginning.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You sweet, bright-eyed innocent. Equal rights for POCs, gay people, women of all kinds, etc. are not going to happen under these guys. Ever.

  • proudgrampa

    THIS is why the Doktor was off for a few days. It takes time to write this kind of Comedy Gold.

  • Bananas Foster

    All joking aside, I think this may have a lot to do with the recent labor department report that cited men dropping out of the workforce and postulating that the labor drop may have to due with the opioid epidemic.

  • Jennifer R

    A good thread to make open.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or at least a smoking circle

      • willi0000000

        speaking of which . . . are you gonna pass that thing?

        [ i mean, you’ve had it since Tuesday ]

  • Shanzgood

    Dammit, I missed the abortion thread when it was hot! Were there any pearl-clutchers or gestational slavers? They are delicious. Nom nom nom!

    • Panika MCD

      I don’t know that they ever showed up. probably still over on one or more of the HRC threads.

  • Panika MCD

    “so, I was tryin’ to take a nap at the covfefe shops and Meeka made me put cream on my bottom. is there any diginities left? are there any more indiginities I can ‘I a survivor’?!” ~ Calliope Jane

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s why you have a tail CJ. Cover up your creamy tush and carry on…

      • Panika MCD

        “is off to the side! and she just pats more creamy on!” ~CJ

  • Thiazin Red

    Wait, wasn’t Hatch kind of funny and charming just recently too? This has been a weird time. Its also entirely possible that a staffer wrote it and he has no clue about the puns.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      While I am sure that plenty of Mormons are stodgy and horrible, two of the funniest and nerdiest people I know in the world are Mormon. I think there’s, like, a subset of them that secretly drink Pepsi, chug science fiction in all forms, and get jiggy wid it.

  • BosGrl

    He and Ted Kennedy were best buds. I’m sure Ted must have had medical marijuana during his treatment. I wonder if he sees this like a human because he saw that it helped his friend.

    • 🐶 BRAINTHRUST 5000 🐶

      As I found out before – he recommended RBG to Clinton for a SCOTUS seat; Bill hadn’t even thought of her before that.

      • BosGrl

        These “mainstream” Rs! Acting like people!

        • OutOfOrbit

          herd the name alot, i knew him (R), that is all i know but mebbee i could get to like him

          • BosGrl

            yeahhhh, Google him. He’s still an R, just not the worst.

          • Lordpnut

            I dunno…even for Utah, his ass is torqued to nine hundred Newton-meters. I suspect a shadier motive – perhaps to maintain Federal control.

  • Jennifer R
  • Aileen

    Assuming Trump, Pence and Ryan all go to prison together forever (please let this happen, our nation has been through enough) isn’t Orrin Hatch next in line for the Presidency? Normally, I’d be opposed to a crusty old white religious conservative who probably has opinions on what I should and should not be able to do with my uterus, but these days? I’ll take him, dad jokes and all!

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      He certainly knows more than we do . . . .

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Orrin is the Prince George of America…

    • BosGrl
  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Carl Sagan PBUH, approves of the proposed scientific research.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    That is going to be my new excuse

    “No officer, I’m just doing research”

  • Bobathonic

    Nice shade on Cubanadian Ted.

  • 3FingerPete

    Hey, fellow kids. Your dads have probably smoked a doobie or two at some point in their lives.

    • Thiazin Red

      My father told me the story of when he spent the night high in his brother’s head shop and became convinced that it was super haunted.

      • OutOfOrbit

        mebbe it was!

      • 3FingerPete

        I loved head shops. They always smelled of incense.

    • marxalot

      Running Dad smoked in high school, but Berkeley Physics was brutally competitive after Vietnam, so he couldn’t afford to lose any brain cells in college. No word on the 80s, when he was super sick all the time but we were also SUPER POOR.

    • The Librarian

      Hahahaha! I smoked with my dad one time. He got irritated that it took me too long to peel an orange coz cotton mouth. :D

      • 3FingerPete

        Oh, cotton mouth is the worst.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lol, not my dad- he was from an entirely different culture

    • DrBigHead

      Each generation thinks they discovered it.

      • puredog

        Like sex.

    • Arolpin

      My first pipe was my dad’s old hash pipe that he kept with all his interesting coins from when he was a kid. He gave it up years before but forgot to throw that one out I guess. (I was born in Berkeley in ’68, then we moved to Mendocino, which gives you a hint of my parents’ thinking at the time.)

      • 3FingerPete

        I would offer to cut off my right arm if I could have my old stash box back. I wouldn’t do it but I’d offer.

  • proudgrampa

    Hey! It’s 4:20 in Kansas City, man!

    • OutOfOrbit

      no it snot, its 4.27

      • willi0000000

        it snot?

        [ . . . and i thought all the rain from the hurricanes was bad ]

  • Yellerduck

    Would this be the red thread? I sinsa dime bag of puns. Maybe as many as 420.

    • altleftjohn

      Let a thousand flowers bloom.

      • willi0000000

        you’re making a hash of it.

  • shastakoala

    This post gave me the munchies.

  • Thiazin Red

    Ugh, one guy from my local D&D group is pushing to have the next meeting at some bar way the fuck out in Queens when we had been suggesting Bryant Park. I really don’t want to try to play in a damn bar, and I also really don’t want to go way the hell out to Queens. I’ll go if I get outvoted, but ugh.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      To put this into perspective, when the Wonkebago rolled into the NYC area, we had to trudge to some bar way the fuck out in Queens.

    • D&D in a bar would be weird…

      • OutOfOrbit

        D-ead and D-angerous?

      • Thiazin Red

        Its more the noise factor, I really hate having to shout.

        • marxalot

          Yeah, I’ve played D&D in a bar, but it was a quiet bar (ie, it was like noon on a Saturday, no one in there but us and the serious drunks– also us).

          • Arolpin

            If any of your group is familiar with Hibernia, talk to the manager. They have a little outdoor section off the basement that they will let you use for stuff like that if they like you. A friend organizes poker games there sometimes. They send someone down to make sure you have drinks every 15 minutes or so. (It’s somewhere in the west 20s or 30s.)

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Isn’t Orrin Hatch in the royal line of succession when the shit hits the fan? Maybe he’s just trying on the Bipartisan President of All of You Frock as a rehearsal?

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      That would be relatively good news at this point.

    • counterlife

      Hatch is is number 3 (I believe) in line of succession – 1. VP, 2. Speaker of the House, and 3. President Pro Tem of the Senate (Hatch). So Mueller has to get Pence and that idiot Paul Ryan out of the way too. I think he will. I am predicting President Hatch by mid to late 2018. Feeling optimistic today. And I hate Paul Ryan.

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    For a craven, “values”-oriented conservative, Hatch at least seems to have an endearingly nerdy sense of fun. Also, for a man who used to say things like “Democrats are the party of homosexuals,” I was impressed that he publicly and unequivocally spoke out against Trump’s transgender ban. So why can’t he make an easy leap over the intellectual puddle and apply that new-found understanding to the rights of women to control their bodies and their futures as well? (Sorry for the tortured syntax in that sentence – I’m in a rush). Jesus, this country is so fucking confusing right now…

    • DrBigHead

      And remember, apparently his best friend in the Senate was Ted Kennedy. I always found that a bit unexpected.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Orrin sparks a fatty every now and again. I’m sure of it.

    • Bananas Foster

      That’s NOT nice way to refer to Joseph Smith.

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        *rimshot!

    • Lordpnut

      They say he’s a fiend for covfefe also, too.

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        Yeah…but only the pure stuff…

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Dear Mr. ….:

    Thank you for contacting me regarding your concerns with President Donald Trump. I appreciate hearing from you and welcome your input.

    Like you, I am deeply concerned about many of the statements, views and actions of the Trump Administration. A majority of voters did not support Donald Trump to be President, and he has done little or nothing to bring the country together since his election.

    Indeed, since being sworn-in, Trump has only made matters worse, continuing his denials of the extent of Russian interference in the election, failing to release his tax returns or meaningfully address his many conflicts of interest, and persisting in offensive conduct that only further divides the country. The latest example of President Trump’s acrimonious rhetoric came in the wake of the recent events in Charlottesville, VA, where a driver rammed into a crowd of people, tragically killing one woman and injuring 19 others, who were participating in a peaceful protest of a white supremacist rally. The President failed to address the poisonous resurgence of white supremacy in the aftermath of his election, failed to condemn the clear acts of hate and violence, and, worst of all, repeatedly equated white supremacists and neo-Nazis with the protesters who gathered to oppose them. Regrettably, this conduct has become par for the course from the man that holds the highest office in the land.

    Since the day he took office, when millions of Americans marched around the nation to stand up for our values of inclusion, equality, and decency, I have been heartened by the fact that so many Americans have raised their voices against Trump’s seemingly never-ending list of misguided and divisive policies. From his efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act taking away insurance from millions of Americans to his executive order banning immigrants and refugees from predominantly Muslim countries to banning transgender service members by Tweet, we all need to speak up for the values that America represents.

    Our message every day of this Presidency will be the same: That we will not allow Trump to roll back the progress we have made, that his actions and words have consequences, that we will hold him accountable, that demeaning women, minorities, and anyone who disagrees with him will not be acceptable, and that we will not be silent. In my role as Ranking Member of the House Intelligence Committee, I am helping to lead the investigation into Russian interference in our election. I am also doing everything I can to reassure our allies and countries all over the world that the American ideal is bigger than any one man, even when that man is the President.

    Please be assured that I will continue to work to protect our democratic institutions and be a constant check on any abuse of power by the Trump Administration. And I hope that you will continue to share your thoughts with me in the future.
    . . .
    Thank you again for your thoughts. I hope you will continue to share your views and ideas with me.

    Sincerely,
    Adam B. Schiff
    Member of Congress

  • Panika MCD

    okay, now that it is open thread time. we really need to have a talk about Trey Trainor being appointed to the FEC which is a OMGWTF DON’T DO THAT!!!! mistake. he is one of those things that is just wrong in the State of Texas and expanding his reach to the FEC is worse than Ted Cruz.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Obviously, someone in Orrin Hatch’s family either needs medical marijuana or has an opportunity to invest in a research facility/pot farm.

  • anon_the_great

    Idda know, this doesn’t seem like much of a leap. Mormons have always been into herbal remedies

    • SDGeoff3

      My eye surgeon is LDS, and he’s great with drugs.

  • Uh oh, Jefferson Beauregard Roscoe P. Butterbeans Sessions III is gun’ be HOPPIN’ MAD about this!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    One of the problems with a do-nothing congress is that there is no way this will be Senate Bill 420.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/dispatches/2017/09/13/house-votes-defund-sessions-asset-forfeiture-expansion/ This is a pleasant surprise through it shows how scary and out of control asset forfeiture is

    • willi0000000

      they’re going to defund asset forfeiture? . . . that’s like saying you’re going to stop paying the guys at the mint.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I’m just saying, I kinda love Michelle Wolf.

    https://youtu.be/hbokFDfuspk

    • Lyly Sirivong

      Ok, I’ve never watched a Miss America pageant contest, but it looks like the most ridiculous thing ever.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It is. But these are the best questions, and answers, I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve watched it since I was a kid.

    • CripesAmighty

      I’d never seen her before. Saw it last night, had me howlin’. Badass hilarious.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I will personally reefer this bill to the appropriate committee.”
    — Orrin Hatch

  • Bananas Foster

    Well, Utah is right next to Colorado.

    He’s got a contact high!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Copy cats! Canada City is soon going to legalize pot and stop the war on munchies.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Calling partisans of all nation–Cut word lines–Shift linguals–Free doorways–Vibrate ‘tourists’–Word falling–Photo falling–Breakthrough in Grey Room

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’ve always admired Dada poetry. But I can’t claim to understand it.

      • OutOfOrbit

        is that whut that was?

      • SDGeoff3

        The art’s more fun, anyway.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Cannabis?

    Canna tell without more research.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Why did I immediately get the feeling that Hatch has a family member or relative or close friend who is suddenly very ill, and would benefit from medical marijuana, but who can’t get it?

    • jesterpunk

      Is he friends with Walnuts?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        He says he is on Twitter. Take that for what it’s worth.

  • OneYieldRegular

    On top of that, the first letters of each sentence spell out “I AM HIGH AS A KITE.”

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Made me look…

  • mrFawkes

    FB wingnut “friend” posted this threat an hour ago…Steven King has begun a fundraiser for hurricane victims he is willing to stand in the road as a clown everyday wear with a red balloon and the winner gets to run him over now thats a worthy cause, just wish more would step up.
    Debating on making this fool see the consequences of his threat.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jesterpunk

      Wait when do we get the Satanic ritual pizza murder manual?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Satanic Ritual Pizza Murders volume 2.4 is only for closers, baby.

        • jesterpunk

          I am going to have to talk to George Soros about this, I still haven’t received my Soros Ameros for the election. He can at least send me this book.

      • Crystalclear12

        Same manual just replace child sex slave with satanic.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        With Six You Get Satanic Pizza Murder. Don’t you ever go to the movies?

    • altleftjohn

      Sally Quinn? The fuck?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Who dumped the hallucinogens into the water cooler…AGAIN?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, I think it might be in the ductwork.

      • jesterpunk

        They took them out?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I do love a good, old-fashioned Satanic ritual. Nudity, pentangles and candles are a must. Animal sacrifice optional.

      • Covfefe

        Republican sacrifice?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          That’s just the kind of forward thinking we need around here!

        • jesterpunk

          You have to sacrifice someone with a soul so they are out.

          • Arolpin

            Also, I think it has to be kind of hard for you to give said sacrifice to Dog. I don’t think (commenting rules aside) there is much resistance on The Wonkette to going all Abraham on their Issac asses (without Dog being all Filicide Interruptus).

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Well, they clearly aren’t murdering the right people… with votes… ahem… Which is the best way to murder political opponents.

    • ltmcdies

      well they must be pretty piss poor satanists then as I haven’t seen some massive Democratic enemy die off recently.

      Or is this why “somebody” working for Ted Cruz hit that like button for a porn site

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Sadly my schedule is slammed today so I don’t get to hang out, but I’ll head out the door with this good counterpoint to a ridiculous Politico (yes, I know that’s repetitive) article:

    https://twitter.com/NateSilver538/status/907967540479053829

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Dear Chumps,

      He is not “shaking up” the system. He is “shaking down” the system.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Well if they’re not economically anxious Trump voters, their opinions don’t count…

      Now for a human interest story about Trump voters in Bumblefuck, Arkansas: How They Feel About Hillary’s New Book …

    • jowgajen

      Special elections are about organizing. They tell you whose base is more motivated, they are not an indicator for regular elections. So the only conclusion to draw is that dems are fucking mad and will show up. Which is great, but we have to keep going.

  • Me not sure

    This?…This is the open thread? Do you even know what you’re letting yourselves in for?
    …Wait,… what was I talking about, again?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Scoring some weed, man.

  • Jenny

    So yesterday a coworker was showing the new girl a funny gif of a puppy. That puppy just happened to be a pitbull.

    The new girl says, “I don’t know why anyone would want a pitbull, they’re lower class dogs.”

    Everyone went quiet. My coworker tells the new girl, “yeah, so Jen has 3 pits, and they can be cute dogs.”

    I just laughed it off. Shit is already weird around here and I’m moving to another area, so what do I care about her opinions.

    I did tell the boyfriend and it has bothered him more than me. “They’re good dogs! Good dogs who are very loyal. What does she know! She sounds so dumb! She probably has a tiny frou frou dog you have to cradle in bags. Not a REAL dog” – Boyfriend

    He sent me an email about a extra cost dog channel on direct tv this morning. He’s going to get it, because that’s what upper class dogs have!!

    I think he’s attached to my dogs, yeah?

    • Joe Beese
      • puredog

        I’ve always been partial to rotts, GSDs, and even Dobies. Though I have known some good pits, they tend to scare me. I am most fond of retrievers, though.

        • Three Finger Salute

          If I had a Doberman I’d name him Doobie.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Lower class? They don’t have income for fuck’s sake.

      • Jenny

        It seemed like she meant they were dogs of the lower working class. Ya know, minorities. Besides pitbulls are prolific. If you want a well bred show pit that still costs money, but every pit I’ve owned has come at a tiny tiny cost, or free.

        My Waffles was given to me from Austin Humane Society because I was the only one crazy enough to take her.

        • Shanzgood

          How could a dog named Waffles EVER be bad?!

          • clubseal

            Sure would have made “Cujo” a lot less menacing.

          • Jenny

            She’s high strung. Extremely smart but whoever had her before plus shelter life caused severe anxiety.

            She had been returned a few times, bit a shelter volunteer, and just in general gave everyone hell. Any other place would have put her down.

            Instead they just had her cornered off in the shelter and said she wasn’t adoptable. My son picked her out and he being a 7 year old completely ignored the unadoptable sign.

            So anyways they said no you can’t have her. She’s aggressive and not good with kids, pets, and men.

            I asked if I could just have 10 minutes alone to see for myself. They relented if I signed an injury waiver first. The poor young girl who brought her in could not control her, and was literally drug into the room. Great first impression!

            Anyways 10 minutes later we’re playing catch and retrieve, is sitting at my feet when I tell her, and slowly figures out that pulling isn’t working. This lady pulls me right back to her. That’s not fun!

            The lady in charge says she’s yours. Her adoption fees are waived. Please never bring her back.

            I’m not going to lie, the first 6 months were hell. She was constantly testing me in every dog way possible. Refused to do any training, chewed through the entire house, destroyed her kennel and anything I touched. Then one day it just clicked and she became less of a pain in the ass. She’s my shadow who minds commands, loves agility training, long hikes along trails, river swimming, and anything else I tell her to do.

            She’s still an anxious dog but I know her quirks and her signals. She’s something else but that’s ok.

          • Shanzgood

            Awww…damn, it’s suddenly dusty in here!

      • clubseal

        Dog freeloaders! Sad!

      • WIDTAP
    • anon_the_great

      While individual Pit bulls can be nice dogs, I know a few of them myself, as a breed they suck. Poor critters were selectively bred to kill. Brutally. There are so many better choices for a canine companion.

      • h4rr4r

        They were bred to kill things other than humans. To make them controllable they were bred to be great with humans.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          My dog’s part pit. Very smart dog, and nice to humans. Not so good with other dogs.

        • anon_the_great

          Bullshit

          • h4rr4r

            Which part?
            Read up on the historical use of the breed.

      • Jenny

        Yes, they were. Dog aggression will never be breed out of them any time soon. My three have gotten into scuffles before with each other. They do cause damage, and I keep my break sticks handy.

        I’ve had pitbulls for as long as I can remember. As well as dobermans, rottweilers, goldens, a shitzu, a jack russell, and a chihuahua.

        Pitbulls are just the dog I feel most comfortable around. All dogs are work but there isn’t a dog around that is as goofy, adventurous, or more willing to please as a pitbull. If you’re the right type of person they need and not dumb enough to ignore what they can do, they can be excellent companions.

    • SDGeoff3

      Sounds like a keeper, Jenny.

    • h4rr4r

      Pitbulls are fantastic dogs, dumb as a hammer from all we ever had, but fantastic dogs.

    • Thiazin Red

      People get weird about breeds. I had a massive load of a rottweiler and people were terrified of her. She was friendly with everyone except the mailman, but the media says they’re devil dogs.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      When my dog was a tiny little puppy (about a pound and a half), there was a very nice 80 pound pitty-rottie dog who lived down the street. She would play with him by lying on the ground and nodding her head at him as he jumped around her. 80 pounds of spun sugar.

      And that’s a good sign about the boyfriend.

  • anon_the_great

    I sit here in the Soviet of Washington huffing my legal weed and laugh and laugh and laugh

    • OutOfOrbit

      shut up

      • Shanzgood

        Cranky!

    • SDGeoff3

      Joining you in SoCal.

      • OutOfOrbit

        and you too shut up

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      school shooting there today

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        That was in the Eastern half of the state. The Soviet side hasn’t had a shooting since… 2014, I think?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          wasn’t sure where, but I’m not surprised that it was the eastern part

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Damn…

  • penny stock

    I haven’t bothered to delve into the details, but what’s up with Pelosi opposition to Medicare for All?

    WTF?

    • OutOfOrbit

      i been suspicious of her for a long time

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I think she’s just being a realist and knows Bernie’s bill will go nowhere. So she wants people to not forget about fighting for the ACA

      • h4rr4r

        Bernie’s bill is no different than the Republicans million votes to repeal the ACA under Obama, great marketing!

    • Bananas Foster

      I forget, now purity tests are good?

    • clubseal

      She’s beholden to moneyed interests, just like the rest of them?

      • ltmcdies

        while you lot are playing purity test….this is what’s going to help defeat SP as much as anything. Supreme Court preserves Texas’s gerrymandering.

        I wonder who was the fifth vote to keep those districts the way the are.

        http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/alito-scotus-texas-gerrymandering

        • clubseal

          Purity tests, i.e. having different positions on different issues, and comparing that to how our representatives vote/the stands they take.
          The world is black and white for some, I guess.

          • ltmcdies

            if there is scant attention paid to the SP landmines in the same way there was little attention paid ( in some corners) to the real risks of a SC with conservatives outvoting the liberals, there will be no SP for Americas.

            And maybe less Americans voting period.

          • clubseal

            I’m objecting more to the use of “purity test” as a way to shut out what is otherwise a totally fine question to ask about one’s representative.
            You and I both know that single payer – which I completely support – has a snowball’s chance in Congress of becoming a reality in a country where people think it’s evil to have to pay taxes, even if the authority to tax is in the Constitution they claim to love.

          • ltmcdies

            you know, you are right but unfortunately the history of the last few months has been an effort on the part of some within the Democrat party to use issues as litmus tests which really helps no one.

          • clubseal

            Word.
            Hopefully it’s just a post-election-loss phase.

    • Thiazin Red

      She knows that the bill won’t go anywhere, and that supporting a bill is a hollow gesture at this point? Focusing on doable stuff might be more worth people’s time.

      • WIDTAP

        Pretty much the same position she has about impeachment – if you don’t have the votes ready, why make it a big public issue that you will only fail at.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Which is part of why she ran circles around Boehner and ZEGS as Speaker

          • Lord Jim

            I’m slowly getting that idealism is great and necessary, but it’s all for naught if you can’t translate it into policy. “Politics”. “Policy”. Whoa. Mind blown. :D

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hollow gestures? Ratfucklican Repeal-and-replacers request that you watch over their hoppy beverages.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      here’s a bit of reality people need to keep in mind during all the excitement about SP

      http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/09/sanderss-bill-gets-u-s-zero-percent-closer-to-single-payer.html

      • Zippy W Pinhead
        • Zippy W Pinhead
          • Lord Jim

            “This is complicated stuff. And you know what? There’s nobody who has all of the answers. Nobody has all the answers,” he said.

            Who knew health care could be so complicated?

          • puredog

            I may be delusional, but my preference would be to fix Obamacare so that it approximates what it was supposed to be before the Rethuglicans destroyed it. Then, and only then, pivot the conversation to Medicare for all. Babby steps. I know, you may spurn me as an incrementalist, but I just think that’s a more likely approach.

        • tomamitai

          Why do Democrats have to come up with ways to pay for their legislation before they introduce it, while Republicans never pay for theirs? Oh yeah, IOKIYAR, I forgot, sorry!

    • ltmcdies

      I suspect she concerned it could be used as cudgel in 2018 against Democrats.

      Honest to god……the ” they are going to raise your taxes” bumper stickers are being printed now.

      • jowgajen

        I also saw the reverse argument, that promising something we cannot or won’t deliver will possibly piss off our own voters.

        • ltmcdies

          I think that’s a huge risk with the “Repeal and Replace” anger directed towards GOPers by their base when they couldn’t come through.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          See Obamacare Repeal and Replace, Ratfucklican.

      • Jimh

        Also, the “DETH PANELZ OMG” ones.

    • Covfefe

      Pelosi’s highest priority is a Democrat majority in the House. She supports any kind of health care for all, she’s afraid she sets up a purity test which might complicate things.

      • Lord Jim

        Besides, why not work on improving the ACA, which is in place, has increased coverage, has resisted concerted attempts to overturn it, and could be outfitted with a public option? Oh, wait, that’s silly. Let’s start all over again with a bill that will NEVER pass this Congress.

  • Joe Beese

    About to turn into a werewolf.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJoer1oWsAAs0Nh.jpg

    • BosGrl

      never mind – ignore this comment!
      (thought it was supposed to be Cheeto)

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        psst, iz hillary I think.

        • Joe Beese

          I do not like Hillary Clinton and I still get sad looking at that.

          Because whatever stuff I mightily dislike that she might have just finished doing, the office would still be occupied by an intelligent adult instead of the thing that’s there now.

          • OutOfOrbit

            there there, it’z ok

          • tomamitai

            Considering how the republicants feel about her, she would have just finished her 236th daily impeachment and acquittal, which would still be more than Cheetolini has accomplished.

        • Crystalclear12

          That explains the big hands.

        • BosGrl

          Yep – wasn’t wearing my glasses

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            you know I think you’re awesome…glasses or not. ; )

          • BosGrl

            <3

    • OutOfOrbit

      i like that graphic …. whut’ev’ it meanses

      • Nounverb911

        Callista misses Newt while he presidents the moon?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      How is your mother doing?

      • Joe Beese

        Well, thank you. Her condo balcony got trashed, but there’s no standing water in her apartment and – by an incredible stroke of luck – she’s got her electricity back.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’m so very pleased to hear that she’s safe, sound and comfortable. You must be very relieved.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      We could’ve had it alllllllllll

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To be fair, Orren didn’t go after the wonket’s home turf of dick jokes.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      He’s safe. For now.

  • The Librarian
  • Lance Thrustwell

    Did he really write that?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      More likely a staffer who’s laughing his ass off right about now.

  • DainBramage
    • Bananas Foster

      At least they’re dumb and obvious.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      ESPN’s “liberal bias”?????? …. ????? …. So the sportsball channel that plays on every flatscreen in every man-hole or man-cave in 32 flavors has “liberal bias”????

      Sweet cheezus on a rice cake… another peak on wingnut mountain reveals itself…

      • Michael Smith

        They’ve been doing this for a while. It got its start with Tebow, who Christianists thought was getting unfairly critical treatment from ESPN. It really cranked up a notch when ESPN featured diverse opinions on Colin Kapernick’s protest. Mike Ditka has basically called Colin a traitor and said “If Colin were on my team I’d never let him see the field again,” while other commentators have said that they love it and Colin’s a hero, etc.

        This is too one sided and liberal for them. They also now claim that the NFL itself is too liberal because it doesn’t fire the players that kneel during the anthem. These people see liberal plots around every corner. Thanks Roger Ailes and AM Radio. They are convinced that they are the last real Americans, and that they are under seige and their freedoms are in mortal danger.

  • Maclare 🍩☕

    Meanwhile in GA… Day 2 1/2 of no power here in Decatur. But we managed to wrangle a generator yesterday, cause we have wheelchairs and other medical crap to recharge. As a community service, we offered the extra outlets to our neighbors so they could power up their devices.

    One hour later…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c95babcdf26612b5435c942ceb181e555efe5e7be6d408ee0a5fb27a9a50d9e.jpg

    Later that evening we pulled some chairs around and folks sat and chatted around their charging phones, like it was a fire pit.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      looks like a phone orgy.

      • Maclare 🍩☕

        Orgies are time honored tradition for power outage!

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Except for that sad, lone phone. :(

        • OutOfOrbit

          voyeur i bet

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Totally phoning it in.

          • Michael Smith

            That’s ted Cruz’ phone.

        • jowgajen

          It’s into voyeurism.

        • Shibusa

          It’s the iTiffany.

    • Nounverb911

      My father informed me this morning that West Palm Beach has power, so trumps first stop tomorrow is definitely Mar-a-Lago….

    • WIDTAP

      Warming themselves by the LCD light.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Community…

    • proudgrampa

      Well, it’s good that people are sitting around watching it. That shit is a fire going to happen…

      • Maclare 🍩☕

        And that’s before people with laptops arrived!

        We had to take away the second strip and make folks wait their turn because it was making us nervous.

        Reminded me of the scene in Christmas Story, with the Ol’ Man and the Xmas tree lights.

        • proudgrampa

          You were wise to do that…

        • proudgrampa

          I think adding strips like that is called “daisy-chaining.”

        • Opalescent Riddles

          There’s nothing inherently unsafe about daisychaining power strips; it’s how you use the available outlets. It’s not the sheer number of devices or plugs, it’s the total power draw. Consider that a single string of Christmas lights can be 100 individual devices.

          You can do the math by looking at the input current and/or wattage rating of each device you’re plugging in. Phone chargers don’t take much input current, and you can get away maybe even 30 of them on a single circuit. Laptop chargers are typically in the 60 to 100 watt range, so you can’t do as many. Power strips are good for 1200 watts total, maybe more if it has 14 or 12 gauge wire.

          The generator surely has circuit breakers on its outlets. The power strip in that picture looks to be of sufficient quality to have its own breaker, so it will trip before it presents a fire danger.

          • Maclare 🔮

            Thank you! That will ease my mind next time.

    • Jamoche

      This is why there’s a solar USB charger in my emergency stash.

    • Paul

      Hope somebody used their re-charged phone to order you a pizza for your kindness.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    times I hate going to wal-mart:
    All of them Katie.

    • Joe Beese

      There’s a supermarket near me that has the same depressing shabbiness as a Walmart. But at least I don’t feel complicit with evil when I shop there.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        unfortunately, mom’s name brand milk is always out of stock at the slightly less evil supermarket, so instead of making two trips, I just suck it up and go to wally world.

        And it’s AWFUL, every time.

    • Lord Jim

      I feel ya. I’d rather go to a funeral.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      My good friend asked me if there was anything bad about living on Maui. I told her Walmart is terrible no matter where you are.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    God only knows what they were up to in there. Furthermore, Susan, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to find out all four of them habitually smoked Marijuana cigarettes…REEFERS!!

    • mancityRed6

      I still remember a quote from him from the late ’90s where he said that smoking pot leads to an interest in politics.
      and I said, “no shit, that’s why I read a daily newspaper.”

    • Joe Beese

      Gosh darn that fiendish weed!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Honestly, I would bet that my dad wouldn’t understand 90% of those puns.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Sweet Jesus on a breadstick, are we really in a place where Orrin Hatch as POTUS is the best outcome?!?!?!?

    https://youtu.be/K70cb2wKLno

    • OutOfOrbit

      by Dog you bit that nail on the head!

    • proudgrampa

      Only Mormon and Moroni know for sure…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You left out Morani, patron saint of A Idiocy.

  • jowgajen
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Against a wall. 7 guns…

    • mancityRed6

      if that doesn’t bring any outrage from both sides, then there is truly something very fucking wrong. that is just…it breaks my brain.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        eh, the Republicans have been crowing about liberal media bias forever, I wouldn’t hold my breath on them.

        • mancityRed6

          not holding my breath, I know not much will be said from the right, but for his spokes person to actually say that it should be a fireable offense is so far beyond the norm even in a tRump administration.

    • DainBramage

      I can believe how Unamerican they are. It’s the level of stupidity that’s mind-blowing.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Someone has to break it to Donnie that he is not a fucking monarch, he’s a public servant. I know those are two words that are very foreign to him, but we’ve got to try.

    • jesterpunk

      Fucking Snowflakes.

    • Bananas Foster

      It was easier for me to hear this shit from men.

      Just saying.

      Gendertraitor!!!!!!!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Hell, they’re all species-traitors, far’s I’m concerned.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Obviously, if you want to criticize the president without consequence, the solution is to be self-employed or retired.

    • TJ Barke

      This ain’t the Republic of Trump, you doughy, dopey cunt.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        What are places you don’t want yeast, Alex?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Imagine if Obama had demanded that NBC fire trump for his birther BS

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Of course our fruendly Free Speeches Enthusiasts will come along with their tiki torches to defend her right to criticize Trump, right? … Right???

      • Lance Thrustwell

        But of course!

    • Panika MCD

      sure, Sarah can fire people from organizations that she doesn’t work for. it only makes sense! (I might be starting to drink already.)

    • puredog

      Squirrel, nothing but.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    A naked protester plays his guitar in front of several riot police during a first day of strikes and protests against a labor reform decree by French President Emmanuel Macron on September 12, 2017.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f4a90da217f603f112b8f345554854b41e3b9746ef1b5c6d400577c26f977c59.png

    (For some reason, I post a lot about naked dudes these days…)

    • ariel_gee_398

      Shoes, man, wear shoes. Even the Naked Cowboy wears boots.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Bad news: He just had French toast and beans.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        That’s the reason they have shields.

        • Shanzgood

          Heh!

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Ha!

    • altleftjohn
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Are we sure he’s not just pining for his girlfriend?

      • Jonny On Maui

        If that was the case he’d be pushing a piano…

      • Lance Thrustwell

        At least he’s not pinin’ for the fjords.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          At least not until that one riot cop behind him lets go with the baton…

    • bubbuhh

      he’z prolly butt nekkid. No wonder they gotz the face shields

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Hugely unpopular opinion on the current Sanders bill:

    I’m completely against universal healthcare until the Republicans give up on trashing LGBT folks. I damn well know it’ll be used as a cudgel against LGBT folks (Particularly the “T”) and women’s reproductive healthcare.

    • Thiazin Red

      I am 1000% sure that making exceptions for LGBT and reproductive care will be tacked on by republicans.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        It will. Count on it, particularly coming from the Bernie wing. It’s all about white working class anxiety.

        • Wolf Tracker

          Oh good grief. Right because Bernie people don’t include LGBTQ in their ranks. Silly.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            They do, but I’ve run into enough that have been okay with throwing us under the bus for their economic concerns to NOT trust them.

            We’re barely even part of the conversation.

          • Wolf Tracker

            What they won’t let you do is take over the movement with your special interest agenda and that is what some of you have tried to do and you know that is true.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            My “special interest” agenda involves not being forced out of another job and not having to worry every month whether my insurance will catch on why I’m prescribed estradiol velarate and begin charging me the full two hundred bucks per vial.

            I have yet to see the Bernie wing address these issues. *shrug* I fail to see why I should put aside my concerns, either.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Great then show up and make that known and you will get support without trying to take over the party to just focus on that.

            You still have your special interest groups for that but a political agenda is not your personal cudgel for your personal agenda all the time.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            There is no special interest group for trans people. We’re just now being acknowledged by the likes of HRC.

            Hell, Clinton did more for us than any other politician on the national scene. Why should we trust mainstream Democrats less when they’ve gotten things done for us?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Oh bullshit and you just wanted Clinton for whatever reason. Many LGBTQ supported Bernie so there goes that theory.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Argument from anecdote as well as an ad hominem fallacy – impressive

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Not bullshit. Clinton changed policy at State. She allowed trans folks to change their gender on their passport without surgery. In shitty right wing states, this is often the only official document we can obtain.

            She also made it so the gay partners of diplomats are represented under their partner’s insurance plan.

            Bruce Rauner just signed bills against “gay panic” and did the same thing Clinton did at State regarding birth certs here in Illinois.

            I get to change my birth certificate in Illinois thanks to a fucking Republican.

            What has Bernie done for me to earn my vote?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Maybe you need to do some studying:

            Fighting for LGBT Equality

            Senator Sanders has been a longtime supporter of LGBT rights. In 1983, during his first term as Mayor of Burlington, Sen. Sanders supported the city’s first ever Pride Parade. He later signed a city ordinance banning housing discrimination.

            When he served in the House of Representatives, then-Congressman Sanders voted against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in 1993 and the so-called “Defense of Marriage Act” in 1996. Sen. Sanders hailed the landmark Supreme Court decisions in 2013 and 2015 which struck down DOMA and recognized same-sex marriage is a right in all 50 states, calling the decisions a “victory for same-sex couples across our country as well as all those seeking to live in a nation where every citizen is afforded equal rights.”

            The United States has made remarkable progress on gay rights in a relatively short amount of time. But there is still much work to be done.

            In many states, it is still legal to fire someone for being gay. It is legal to deny someone housing for being transgender. That is unacceptable and must change. We must end discrimination in all forms.

            Sen. Sanders is currently a cosponsor of the Equality Act, which would expand the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and other anti-discrimination laws to include protections for sexual orientation and gender identity. He has consistently supported legislation that would guarantee LGBT Americans would be treated as equal citizens, and has a lifetime perfect score from the Human Rights Campaign.

            Sen. Sanders will:

            Fight for the Equality Act, the Every Child Deserves a Family Act, and any other bill that prohibits discrimination against LGBT people.
            Work with HHS to ensure LGBT Americans have access to comprehensive health insurance which provides appropriate coverage and do not have to fear discrimination or mistreatment from providers.
            Continue to support the great work of the State Department’s Special Envoy for LGBT Rights and ensure the United States helps protect the rights of LGBT people around the world.
            Advance policies to ensure students can attend school without fear of bullying, and work to reduce suicides.
            Support police departments adopting policies to ensure fairer interactions with transgender people, especially transgender women of color who are often targeted by police unfairly, and instituting training programs to promote compliance with fair policies.
            Fight against discrimination against LGBT people by creditors and banks so that people will not be unfairly denied mortgages, credit cards, or student loans.
            Strongly oppose any legislation that purports to “protect” religious liberty at the expense of others’ rights.

            https://berniesanders.com/issues/fighting-for-lgbt-equality/

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            So, a big fat “nothing.” No legislation, no policies enacted, and just a platform.

            Sorry dude, I look for results, not fancy words. As much I would like the Equality Act to be enacted, it isn’t getting through the Republicans.

            Just like trans medical care would be an easy sacrifice to moderate or conservative Democrats.

          • Wolf Tracker

            You didn’t even read it because you don’t want truth and reality.

            Have a day!

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I did read. I read it a long time ago.

            I’m telling you, plainly, I won’t support any policy that is likely to leave us behind.

            Period. Either you protect us or I’m out. Hint: the Bernie wing won’t.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            You do realize that all those “special interest” groups can’t stop being gay or female or trans or immigrant… it is personal like that. we’ll more than happy to stop being that “all the time” when other folks stop using their own prejudices as a political cudgels on us. It’s not like LGBTQ folks are just asking to be discriminated against or women are just asking to have our health care services overcharged or just not even available for us.

          • Wolf Tracker

            No one told them to. They also can’t expect national political party to be their personal special interest party.

            You have a seat at the table not at the head of the table.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I do expect not to proceed with policies that will throw me or those like me under the bus.

            I won’t sign on for that, and I don’t see how trans people won’t be an obvious concession to throw under the bus on the issue of universal healthcare.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Read his damn platform instead of making shit up.

            https://berniesanders.com/issues/fighting-for-lgbt-equality/

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I’m not “making shit up.” I’m pointing out that he has zero record of actually enacting his policy claims when it comes to us, and his followers have shown a disposition to, as you did here, push away our concerns.

            You’re proving my point by being argumentative.

          • Wolf Tracker

            You proved you have a special interest issue and want to sit at the head of the table to have it heard. That is not how a national party operates. Thought that was clear to most people.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Yeah, not being left behind by universal healthcare is “wanting to sit at the head of the table.”

            Like I said, either include us or I’m in favor of not including your priorities.

            You didn’t last time and I voted for Clinton. Do fucking better.

          • Thiazin Red

            “Taking over” seems like it would more accurately describe the person who barged into the party, considers himself too pure to join, while at the same time stomping his feet and demanding that everyone do what he says.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Read below.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            BINGO the fucking nerve of the johnny come lately crowd showing up and demanding that everyone else step aside and let them run everything. The same group that wasn’t around 5 years ago, 10 years ago now thinks they get top be in charge because they are all WOKE and all shared the same dank memes on facebook

            ROFL such arrogance

          • YoBunnyBunny

            They haven’t even elected a local dog catcher, yet they swear their going to run a national political campaign….

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Once again sport- someone’s very life is not a “special interest”

          • Wolf Tracker

            Once again sportee- you have a seat at the table for your issues to be respected. Not the head seat at the table.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Once again, dumbass- look in the fucking mirror. I’m not the one denying anyone a seat at the table. I’m the one fighting to keep them from losing it thanks to people like you

          • Wolf Tracker

            Get lost. I won’t put up with your immaturity.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Again, don’t tell me what to do. You’re really not used to having to answer for your dopey point of view are you? Not used to having other adults push back and not simply accept your bullshit at face value? Consider this a learning experience and try growing the fuck up. The world doesn’t revolve around you any more than it does around me- the only difference is, I’ve known that since somewhere around high school. And it doesn’t revolve around Bernie or his cult of personality either. This is the entire crux of what is wrong with the movement- none of you have the slightest idea how to play well with others.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Read through the comments. You lost this debate in line 3.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            ROFL

            you keep telling yourself that

          • Thiazin Red

            He thinks women’s healthcare is way less important than white men’s feelings.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Bullshit.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Not silly at all- the Bros have already been very aggressive in their efforts to back burner what they consider “identity politics” issues. Sorry, women, sorry gheys, your shit doesn’t count…

          • Wolf Tracker

            No they are saying that should not be the main platform of the party and that is right. If the special interest groups glomm on to a party and takes it over it pushes many other people way.

            That is just reality.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Our lives aren’t special interests to us and we get a little upset at being told they are.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Well I like Jeeps and horses but I don’t expect a political party to focus on Jeeps and horses all the time either.

          • Thiazin Red

            Right, because thats exactly the same as civil rights or being able to control your own reproduction.

          • Wolf Tracker

            When you address the issue as how it pertains to all people then you have a stronger voice than making it a special interest issue.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            How is wanting a Jeep comparable in any way to wanting to be able to marry the person you love, or not be legally thrown out of my apartment for being gay?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Breaking News:Gays got the right to marry because a whole lot of non-gays also fought for that right not because of a special interest group.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Dude, it wouldn’t have gotten done without “special interest groups” like the HRC, ACT UP and many other groups dedicated to the fight for gay rights. Straight people didn’t just wake up one day and decide to give us our rights.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Those groups were just LGBTQ right?

            No straight people?

            Get real.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Poor straight people, not getting credit for being such a big help :(

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            BREAKING FUCKING NEWS- a bunch of us straight people want to keep it that way and not let the Bros throw it out the window just because it’s not important to them,

          • Wolf Tracker

            You want to fight. Go over to Breitbart.

            I gave you the reality here.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Don’t fucking tell me what to do

          • marxalot

            Will you die without either of those things?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Hey you want your issues to be respected then you have to respect other people’s issues and you can’t expect national political agenda to focus just on you.

            That is what special interest groups are for not a national political party. They have to have a broad view that includes many groups and can’t be taken over by any one special interest.

          • Maclare 🍩☕

            Women are “special interest”?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Feminist issues are and not all women are feminists.

            That is also just reality.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            WOW you might want to stop digging, sport

          • Wolf Tracker

            No and I won’t bend the need sportee.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Only one demanding that is Bernie, pal

          • Wolf Tracker

            Where is your evidence of that?

            Because he won’t let you take over his national agenda?

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Who cares about his agenda? He’s one independent guy. He’s the one who wants to take the shortcut by busting into an established party and take over despite the wishes of anyone else.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            his national agenda

            ROFL and there it is- as if I need to justify anything to you. Yes, it’s all about Bernie and HIS agenda. Not the Dem agenda, not the progressive agenda, not America’s agenda- HIS PERSONAL FUCKING AGENDA

            you just answered your own question, nitwit

          • Wolf Tracker

            You “but, but, minimum wage!”

            Minimum wage affects all people including LGBTQ.

            You made my point perfectly that your personal agenda not what helps all people.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Quit repeating yourself

          • Maclare 🍩☕

            What, to you, are the differences between feminist issues and women’s issues?

          • h4rr4r

            Silly 51% of the population, thinking they might be mainstream.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No, that is NOT what they are saying and that is the crux of the entire intraparty food fight and the crux of why many of us tare so annoyed with some of you semi regulars here who continue to have this massive blind spot about the issue. Taking abortion out of the platform isn’t some minor fucking adjustment. It’s one thing to wink and nod at a prolife candidate who is otherwise a decent choice- but demanding that prochoice be stricken as official Dem policy is something completely different. As is the continued attacks on LGBTQ issues. Somehow those people don’t count? Because all I hear from the Bernistas is that economic equality is some sort of magic cure-all that will fix racism and bigotry and misogyny and every other issue, so there’s no need to address any of those issues individually. Only that is a steaming load of horseshit and it all boils down to “only my issues count”. It’s not like women or the LGBTQ community or people of color are opposed to the economic issues- that is complete nonsense. They’re just not too keen on getting thrown aside and ignored in order to placate the Berniecrats

          • Wolf Tracker

            Now tell us how you know that?

            Did you ever attend a Bernie speech or talk with his supporters or just assume that because you maybe ran into someone that didn’t like Clinton and Gays so you assumed his supporters are like that?

            You still have your special interest groups for that but a political agenda is not your personal cudgel for your personal agenda all the time. It has to represent much larger view.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            You say Bernie supporters aren’t like that and then you yourself act just like that. Within the very same comment.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Oh bullshit. We have been down this road before and you know I am not going to bend the knee to you so you can stop trying.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Are you 12?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            12 year old libulz…

          • Thiazin Red

            Whenever he was asked about those issues, he would give the same canned answer on economics, while completely ignoring the larger issues. We all saw that.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            LOLOLOL at the Bro- listen pal, yes I’ve done all those things so STFU. And I’ve got some really bad news for you- it’s not your personal cudgel for your personal agenda all the time either. And the larger view is in favor of all those things the Bernistas want to dump. newsflash- just like the fucking tea party- you are NOT the majority

          • Wolf Tracker

            No I doubt very much you have and you are also not the majority of Clinton would not have lost to Obama and Trump so there goes your theory.

            Have a great day!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            now you’re calling me a liar? Flounce away, Bro. Just deny reality like your brethren the Trumpanzees. I also never claimed I am the majority, idiot. But when you add up the 51% of the population that are women, plus all the people of color in this country, all the LGBTQ community and those who support them, it’s a hell of a lot more people than a handful of spoiled, entitled Berners. Try again…

          • Wolf Tracker

            You proved that when you said “but, but, minimum wage!”

            Minimum wage affects all people including LGBTQ.

            You lose all credibility with that argument and prove my point.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that wasn’t an argument, shitforbrains.

          • Wolf Tracker

            It is your words and you made the point for me.

            Nothing left to discuss with you on this matter.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I didn’t say they weren’t my words, i said it wasn’t an argument. It was actually snark, a reply to comment that you won’t address

          • Crystalclear12
          • Zippy W Pinhead

            but, but, minimum wage!

          • Wolf Tracker

            Minimum wage affects all people including LGBTQ.

            You lose all credibility with that argument and prove my point.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That’s three times now with the same comment- you seem not quite right in the head

          • Wolf Tracker

            You made my point for me.

            Nothing left to discuss with you here.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            How about discussing the links that Crystalclear12 posted?

            Oh yeah, you can’t just handwave those away with some sophomoric rhetoric and a link to bernie dot com

          • Wolf Tracker

            You are the worst person the LGBTQ could choose for a spokes person.

            That is obvious.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            LOLWUT?

            nobody chose me for anything. I’m just mocking an idiot on a message board

          • Wolf Tracker

            So you admitted you are just trolling for attention which was obvious to me from the start when you had to make it clear you are straight.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No dumbass, I said I’m not the spokesman for the LGBTQ community- you can’t even read well, can you? Look, you are obviously an idiot, and a stubborn one to boot. I really tried to bite my tongue many times now when you were being an irritating prick to others here, but it’s become apparent that you can’t help yourself- you are simply an unpleasant person. I’m going to do Dok and the rest of the chatcave a favor and just block you. No more chances, sport. You are a disruptive force and I’m not going to waste any more time annoying the people who run this blog enabling you to continue to do so.

            Bye Felicia

          • YoBunnyBunny

            What the hell is minimum wage going to do for LGBTQ people if they’re at risk of being discriminated against in hiring/firing decision?

            “We pay $15 minimum wage… But no queersexuals need apply!”

            This shit right here is exactly how LGBTQ folks get thrown under the bus. This is what GGS is talking about (I think)

          • Wolf Tracker

            Here- read:

            Fighting for LGBT Equality

            https://berniesanders.com/issues/fighting-for-lgbt-equality/

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Unfortunately, the Christers and the Hyde Amendment will cause great harm unless and until we have a solid enough majority to go around them

    • Bananas Foster

      Purity tests are awesome.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Sorry I didn’t get to this sooner. I’m not looking for purity. I’m looking out for myself. If that’s now “purity” then call me a “purist.” I can’t afford my HRT treatment without insurance.

        • Bananas Foster

          Looking out for yourself is fine.

          But progress is almost always made in inches, not miles.

          Those inches should still be welcome.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Again, if we’re not in the initial inches it will be catastrophic for us.

            It’s that simple. It’s also why a lot of women and minorities took a hard look at Sanders.

          • Bananas Foster

            You seem to think it’s some kind of bizarre zero sum game. Like if we gain a bit you lose something…

            (I’m a bisexual female, so it’s not like I have nothing to lose…)

    • marxalot

      It is in Canada (sorry, I’m reading about HIV criminalization in Canada and how presumed access to care contributes to the demonization of positive people and the knock on effects for the trans community).

      • ltmcdies

        could you link your source for this please…as a health care worker in Canada who’s looked after trans HIV positive people during my career I would be interested in reading the source material

        • marxalot

          Right now I’m reading “Conflict is Not Abuse,” Sarah Schulman, in which the AIDS criminalization is used as a demonstrative case of misaligned priorities. I’m away from the book but many libraries have it either on the shelf or in ebook form.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I know what you’re saying, but reproductive rights issues have been used against us for over 30 years. I don’t think we can wait for the Republicans to stop using misogyny and homophobia to undermine health care access because it’ll never happen.

    • h4rr4r

      Yes, let’s make the perfect the enemy of the good, that worked so well in the last election.

      We can pursue many goals at once. Of course women’s health and LGBT must be included.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        The biggest problem I have with this specific bill is the Hyde Amendment still exists. Employers right now can cover abortion services on insurance. Sanders’ proposal would run smack-dab into Hyde Amendment problems, which means either women would have to buy riders to cover those services (which defeats one of the central purposes of his proposal in that essential services would not be covered) or those services would indirectly be driven out of the legitimate market.
        I’ve not heard much in terms of how we solve this particular problem.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          This definitely is a huge sticking point. I would hope that someone other than Bernie could address it.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            As I said this morning, I am troubled by this (I have other minor concerns, but those are ones that don’t involve a protracted war against the culture cultists). If we can find a way forward, great. Which is why I am cautiously optimistic.

        • h4rr4r

          The Hyde Amendment would have to go.

          This is a big picture marketing bill, it is designed to gather support not solve problems.

          Which is something Democratic candidates recently have struggled with.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Considering the Hyde Amendment is a major freakin’ roadblock to half the population having access to coverage, the big picture bill should really address how to fix that piece.

          • h4rr4r

            By removing it. There is no other possible solution.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Be nice if they explain that upfront, rather than leaving it to the 11th hour.

          • h4rr4r

            Again I think they are trying to stay big picture, not get into the weeds. Getting into technical details bores folks. It does not gather support.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Employers right now can cover abortion services on insurance.

          Not just that…insurance policies sold in California are required to cover abortion services.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Don’t be against universal healthcare as a concept or a policy, be against the GOP using the rights of marginalized peoples as a “cudgel.” Women’s reproductive care and undocumented people’s status and eligibility for the program are going to come up as things to fight for too. Also, whether former prisoners who’ve served their time will be covered (in many cases they’re disqualified from safety net programs, period), the majority of whom are nonwhite and poor. The fact that we’ve even gotten to this point is an excellent start. Now we need to push forward and leave no one behind.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        See, I respectfully disagree. Point in fact, and I’ll get called a “purist” again, I fully am on board with killing universal healthcare if trans healthcare isn’t included.

        I won’t vote for the loss of my mental health and financial stability. You can’t ask that of trans people.

  • TJ Barke

    Gonna pave the way for big pharma to monopolize…

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I thought the funniest thing I was going to see today was a Dodge Lancer with coffee-can exhaust tips and an enormous wing bolted to the trunk lid. Then I saw it in my rear-view — engine wound to the tits trying to get up to the speed limit while going uphill — getting passed by an ice cream truck.

    • Meccalopolis

      Flame decals on a minivan or gtfo!

  • This guy is like 3rd inline after Pence, isn’t he? This makes me feel better about that.

  • BearLeft

    He really wrote “delving into the weeds”? Holy shit. Utah is either way off the beaten path or a lot closer than anyone knew.

    • Jimh

      Well he and Jeff Sessions are definitely going to have to sit down and hash this one out.

  • Ricky Gay

    Even though Hatch is stealing our puns, Ima give him brownie points for the effort!

    • Nounverb911

      Maureen Dowd’s “funny” brownies?

      • Ricky Gay

        Well that was what I was going for. ;-)

  • Panika MCD

    srsly! guys! I’m usually begging you off of TX bashing. when I tell you that someone from my state is terrible ESPECIALLY FOR THE FEC you really need to call your senators! this guy is fucking terrible.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/09/12/trump-nominates-texas-lawyer-trey-trainor-federal-election-commission/

    here is just one time he went before the TEC on the whether or not to file as a lobbyist because he is an attorney giving advice to a legislator and being compensated for it, but he wants them to look at ALL OF THE EXCEPTIONS, KATIE even though he was not appointed to serve to an advisory committee or a journalist or something. 1:10:00-1:22:12

    http://tlchouse.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=13&clip_id=11742

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      maybe this is the two hours of sleep talking – but I kinda wish I had a little panika I could put on my desk.

      After two days of statute and recently passed bills work, I need the expertise – but in a wee, portable version…which I think would be awesome!

      Okay, yeah, it’s the lack of sleep.

      • Panika MCD

        I’m already a wee, portable version of a human!

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no no no…I mean like a little teeny tiny panika that gives me information and jumps up and down and shouts at me in a squeaky voice about some dumb ass thing our geniuses in austin are doing now.

          ; p

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          that was mean, I’m sorry, I was totally kidding though. I love your passion for the subject!

          Speaking of bills actually, do you happen to know when the stuff that takes effect in September gets added to TLO?

          I noticed today they still have the 2015 stuff up, so I’m going to have to mash together the old statute and the new bill to make sense of the thing.

          • Panika MCD
          • Panika MCD

            all the stuff that took effect on 9/1 is on TLO. in fact, every piece of legislation from the 85th regular and special sessions are on there. where are you getting lost?

            you have to make sure you have the bill search on the right session. you’re looking for 85 (R) for the regular session and 85 (1) for the special (though none of that crap should be in effect yet).

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i found the bill, I’m looking for the codified version (although the previous one is still helpful) on the statutes page.

            (notice the language in red at the top)
            http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us

            (and I actually knew about the 85 (R) and 85 (1)…I learned it in school!)

          • Panika MCD

            you want the engrossed version.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i have that too – what i want is that page updated, so i don’t have to keep cross referencing the existing statute with the engrossed version.

            I guess I’m just gonna have to mash the two together.

          • Panika MCD

            you expect TLO to be helpful to lawyers?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, well, seeing as how the fuckers passed a bill that has taken effect and amends a law we enforce IT’D BE FUCKING NICE!

            ; )

          • Panika MCD

            but then they would have to pay for it!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The TT article is general, and I don’t get the TEC video. What 3 Terribles can we tell our Senators about this guy?

      • Panika MCD

        you have to use Internet Explorer with the Silverlight plugin because Granicus is just that fucked up.

        I have to pick just 3?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          AS many as you like… I was gonna pass them on … 3 minimum…

          • Panika MCD

            works for a guy referred to as “Mucus” around the Pink Dome.

            thinks that an advisory committee or task force includes sitting down to dinner.

            works with Joe Nixon (last 15 minutes of that video, it’s a prize!) and like, really, who wants to be seen in public with that guy?

            thinks that “campaign in a box” is a free market principal….because government and campaign transparency is somehow anti-free market.

            thinks being required to include disclosure of who paid for a political ad is UNFAIR! because without that we’d all lap up the TX Right to Life Elimination of PP’s ad.
            https://www.texastribune.org/2016/08/17/analysis-unaccountably-free-political-speech-few-w/

            represented Sticky when he had staff sign up people for his bill that weren’t even in Austin. (thus committing perjury. because perjury laws are anti-free market or something?)
            https://www.texastribune.org/2015/05/18/stickland-says-investigation-him-over/

            and the candidates Empower Texans supported, the organization he represents and which Mucus runs, were deposed upon entering office about what they knew about Empower Texans directing vols and staffers to look over people’s shoulders once at their voting machines “just to make sure they weren’t committing voter fraud”…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Comments?

            Please oppose President Trump’s nomination of Trey Trainor for Federal Election Commission. In addition to his long-running battles with the Texas Ethics Commission, Trainor opposes transparency in political advertising. He asserts that requirements to disclose who paid for a political advertisement is unfair.

            “At the end of the day, that message is hurt because it must include a tagline, ‘Political ad paid for by Texas Right to Life’,” Trainor told the Texas Ethics Commission. “The real-world implications of this are, the message itself resonates across political lines. When you say who paid for it, it’s automatically tuned out by half the population, because it’s associated with being, oh, well, that’s a Republican message. And their target audience here is to actually move Democrats in a particular direction based upon the radio ad that they’re trying to run. So the government forced speech here is actually hurting the message.” He said voters could find out who pays for commercials in the campaign finance reports filed periodically with the state. He said people who are interested can go to the Texas Ethics Commission’s website to try to look up those details up after they hear the ads on the radio. https://www.texastribune.or

            In addition, he has made plainly false public statements about an investigation into legislative wrong-doing. https://www.texastribune.or

            Trey Trainor is particularly ill-suited for a seat on the Federal Election Commission. Please oppose his appointment.

          • Panika MCD

            sounds good.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Both Senators…

          • Panika MCD

            even better!

          • Beanz&Berryz

            But watch it, cutting from the Disqus thread shows the links as passing-through Discus, and so maybe exposing all sorts of Wonketarianisming…

          • Panika MCD

            if John Cornyn doesn’t know that Trey Trainor is a pain in the ass, then all I have to do is point him to the TEC. I do not have to copy from the Disquick.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            But, wouldn’t Trainor be the sort of dick Cornyn would like?

          • Panika MCD

            no. because Trainor supports Cruz and Cornyn fucking hates Ted Cruz.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Even though he likes porn, officially, now? (If that’s to be believed? Of did I fall for a spoof?)

          • Panika MCD

            no. he blamed it on a staffer. all those Tea Party assholes waste government money by paying others to tweet for them.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Well.. the fucker.. a good way for him to be in the news.. and.. I’m glad he had a Talk at home about it…

          • Panika MCD

            he had a talking to about it at home. Heidi runs the show.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            You’re discus private. Is there a way I can see what you say?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Oh.. the links died in the draft… ok…

        • Three Finger Salute

          At least they don’t say “This site works best with Netscape 9.”

          • Panika MCD

            small favors. I’d still like the fuckers no longer in charge of our archiving and livestreaming system. we had a state run one that worker very well! (it even allowed the time stamps in my reports to hyperlink to the part of the video it was…)

            ERROR 404

            Panika is complaining about Granicus again.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      TPM ripped him up for his retweeting of extremely hardline Catholic positions (as in “anything that isn’t mainline Catholicism is heresy and poison”). He’s a snake of the highest order and I agree this guy has no business in polite society, let alone in the halls of power.

      • Panika MCD

        only person worse is Joe Nixon who takes up significant portions of that video, but the last 15 minutes are particularly entertaining.

    • Panika MCD

      srsly, he says, “let’s talk more about this in my office!” means that a legislator has single handedly appointed a task force. srsly, this dude is bad news.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Today on Stoners Corner, a one-on-one interview with Senator Orrin Hatch…

    “Good day Senator, how are you doing? By the way, be careful of the brownies, no more than a quarter…”

    “I’ve had two…”

  • TJ Barke

    Post wisdom tooth update: Ouch, also, butterscotch pudding is dope as fuck.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh fucking hell man, that shit was awful when I had them done.

      Take the pills and have a nice nap.

    • puredog

      Wisdom tooth, meh, root canal meh. Get back to me after your gum reduction and/or implants.

      • TJ Barke

        Mmm, sounds rough. Tell me how many needles you’ve had in your eyes.

    • Meccalopolis

      You might be an olds

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Of course I read that as buttsechs pudding, and I was skeptical.

      • TJ Barke

        Nobody wants to have buttsechs with me, pudding or no.

    • aureolaborealis

      Sounds like the meds are working.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I think someone just saw how much tax money the Federals aren’t getting a share of…it’s a shanda I tell you! Money out there the Republicans aren’t controlling? How is that allowed?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Tax the stoners (and baby-boomer olds) so they can give the money to the rich? DEAL ME IN!!

  • Nounverb911
  • puredog

    Do we have a date for that photo of Orrin? Imma thinking he’s not looking quite so yare these days. . .

    • Three Finger Salute

      April 20th?

  • cmd resistor

    So now it is up to 8 old folks who died in the Florida nursing home that lost power and had no AC. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/fl-sb-hurricane-irma-broward-wednesday-20170913-story.html
    From the article: — Regulators do not require nursing homes like Hollywood Hills to have generators, and there are still 150 nursing homes in the state without power

    • jowgajen

      It’s worse than that.

      The nursing home is literally across the street from an affiliated hospital.

      The home had power, but a fuse for the HVAC was burnt out.

      Only residents on the second floor were subject to extreme heat.

      • Sophia

        How does this happen? Who was actually there looking after these people?

        • jowgajen

          Whoever it is should hire a good lawyer and start putting their affairs in order for when they go to jail.

    • Chyron HR

      “What part of “boring” don’t you understand?” – Ann T. Culture

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Let’s eat grandma!

  • proudgrampa

    “What’s you want, man? Bad grammar or bad weed?”

    https://youtu.be/iwcSNp-NET4

  • Nounverb911
  • proudgrampa

    Chuck Todd just read the statement. Funny as hell.

    “Eight puns in six sentences.”

    • Meccalopolis

      Beauregard must be fuming: taint funny damnit!

  • Bananas Foster

    So, tomorrow is my opportunity to ask much younger man out.

    Please give me good tidings and great cleavage.

    • Joe Beese

      We’re suckers for cleavage. You’ll do fine.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        But if he looks, don’t remind him where your eyes are…

        • Bananas Foster

          I honestly don’t give a shit where he looks, as long as it’s at me.

          • OutOfOrbit

            this guy is in trouble!

    • OutOfOrbit

      you already got green lights from me, and i blew me horn at’cha

    • You know what they say : The wider the spread [age] the better your chances.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      It depends on how much younger. Are we talking ‘dress up like an Xbox 360’ young?

    • Sophia

      Like I said before go for it. Sending good thoughts

    • calliecallie

      So cool. I am living vicariously through you. Hope it all goes swimmingly.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Let’s hope he can pass this puff piece!

  • Panika MCD
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      She is demonstrating patience. Very good.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        She’s a cutie…

      • Panika MCD

        that’s what “doggy zen” is all about. but CJ told her that it’s for me to work on my patience.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Well, boob booping does tend to disrupt the calm.

          • Panika MCD

            that is Calliope Jane libels.

        • HellhathnofuryDemme

          Reminds me of the trainer of Roxy (our Sub-standard Poodle).
          She said: “Roxy is ready for the next class. But…um…you’re not.”
          (Just the beginning of the fun with our neurotic, stubborn, and wicked smart girl.)

    • Thiazin Red

      That is an adorable dog, look at those ears.

    • Lord Jim

      Om mane padme hum, om mane padme FOOD!!

  • Spurning Beer

    We need volunteers to make bad puns from the following words:
    – ganja
    – bong
    – herb
    – hemp
    – resin
    – bud
    – boo
    – sticky
    – lid
    – tea
    – dank
    – kush
    – diesel
    – sticky
    – hash
    – indica
    – sensimilla
    – bhang
    – sativa
    – munchies
    – trichomes
    – Panama Red
    – Wowie Maui
    – tetrahydrocannabinol

    • Joe Beese

      I’ll need ROOR time to work on that.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Well, I went down south
      just to see my gal.
      Singin’ tetrahydrocannabinol the day.
      She was smokin’ ganja
      all day long.
      Singin’ tetrahydrocannabinol the day.

    • h4rr4r

      Bud,
      His message made total sensimilla.

    • Meccalopolis

      I’ve actually smoke Panama red, acapulco gold and Thai stick

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Ivanka likes the Kush”

      “Royal Canadian Munchies”

      “Who’s down with T.H.C.? Orrin Hatch and J.T.!”

  • amrak63

    It’s been 18 years, but I still miss the Moon… ;)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLAsBzOOhLQ

    • Joe Beese

      When that show premiered in 1975, its theme song was almost certainly the funkiest music my 8 year old self had heard up to that time.

      Still one of the greatest TV themes evah, IMHO.

    • amrak63

      Fair warning: I’ve been doing this every September 13 on some other sites.

  • bubbuhh

    In other weird newz, Huma Abedin iz one step closer to getting a divorce from pervert and soon to be prison inmate, Anthony Weiner. She and her ex-pervert to be appeared in court today for their first divorce hearing. Weiner did not sext the judge.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I was about to react about them still not being divorced, but c’mon, it’s Anthony Weiner. Of course he’s stringing it out.

      • jowgajen

        She’s his meal ticket, he’s unemployed. Also they have a babby.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Which I’m sure is the reason this is ongoing. She’s fighting for custody, he’s fighting for half her money. Because he’s garbage.

          • Thiazin Red

            Dude took a dick pick with their sleeping baby in the shot, the fact that custody is even a question is mind boggling.

          • Lord Jim

            And, unlike scum such as Joe Walsh, he his not a continuing part of the liberal noosphere.

    • Joe Beese

      He shall be referred to in all court filings as “Sex-Pervert Weiner”.

      • amrak63

        Weinerman, Weinerman, does whatever a weiner can…

    • Thiazin Red

      She deserves to retire someplace nice where Weiner is never allowed to be.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Just ugh… Whatta mess he is… damn…

    • Alan

      I’ve often pondered this. I have never once been tempted to send a picture of my penis to anyone. What’s this about?

      • bubbuhh

        Apparently many people are very proud of their naughty bits and think others will swoon with delight upon seeing pics of them.

        It’s the flashers syndrome write electronically large.

        • Alan

          Silly me. I always thought good personal hygiene and intelligent conversation were the way to go.

    • proudgrampa

      I just feel so bad for Ms. Abedin.

      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, Christ, what now?

        • proudgrampa

          Just that she has an asshole for a soon to be ex-husband. He is a fucking embarrassment.

    • ltmcdies

      Anthony Fucking Weiner…his continued existence on this planet evidence that there is no Clinton death squad.

  • Joe Beese
  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    http://money.cnn.com/interactive/media/the-macedonia-story/ [warning, has autoplay]

    Well, to add to the phrases I never thought I would say a year ago, fuck Macedon. I’m kind of split on whether I want this town bombed (with votes or whatever) or just feel grudging admiration on how easily they manipulate us.

    • clubseal

      I’d like to think that we’re not at a point where we advocate for the massacre of people because they take advantage of the stupidity of the average American.

      Maybe I’m wrong?

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I know, I’m more just frustrated that the greed and rapacity of these people has fucked us all and that they’ll face no consequences for it. I suppose I could ramp it down to I hope that a gigantic EMP burst happens above their shitty little hamlet.

    • Spurning Beer

      In case you’ve forgotten, Macedonia is the country that gave us the slogan, “Make Alexander Great Again.”

    • Lord Jim

      It’s a fascinating (and disheartening) story, but I’m getting sick and fucking tired of that parallax scrolling background bullshit. I’m not reading a magazine or watching a multimedia presentation, JUST GIVE ME THE WURDZ.

      • Bobathonic

        Yes, times eleventy-gazillion!

    • tomamitai

      Why the hell do advertisers pay for that shit, are gullible wing-nuts really a prized demographic? Oh, wait…

  • Nounverb911

    Guess who’s coming to dinner tonight.
    https://twitter.com/WestWingReport/status/908016709285629952

    • Jamoche

      As if. He doesn’t know what “bipartisan” means, he just knows he got ego-boo from talking to them before.

    • ltmcdies

      I wonder if they will get two scoops.

    • Spurning Beer

      “Reacharound” is misspelled.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Serving, Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

      • h4rr4r

        And Two Scoops of Ice Cream!

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          For Donnie. Everyone else gets one scoop.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Burnt Lobster Tail served on a bed of charcoal, smothered in a sloppy manner by Tomato Ketchup fifteen years past it’s sell-by date.

  • ZangoCrudmonger
    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Cannot get why my phone rotates photos like my ex does ……, something .. something .

      • The Librarian

        Yeah, me too. I find pretending to edit it and then saving it seems to work.

  • Nounverb911
    • Sophia

      What the fuck is this “proclamation” bullshit.

    • Spurning Beer

      Every day between September 15 and October 15, 2017 will be a Taco Tuesday. Selah!

  • Joe Beese
  • Joe Beese
    • Spurning Beer

      Two days ago was the 50th anniversary of Peter Tosh’s murder.

  • Meccalopolis

    Weed blunt dosing roll joint strains high hopes. Did I miss any? Me thinks a staffer likee the weed. Some of those are too sophisto fir an old Utah man

    • Kooolest G

      that’s what I was thinking, some smart ass staffer thought. this will be hilarious and senator hatch will never get any of these jokes because he’s a stuffy old mormon. that staffer is now fired and home doing bong hits on his couch

      • Courser_Resistance

        The very BEST thing to do once you lose your job.

      • Spurning Beer

        Yeah, you’d think he was a total nancy, but Orrin Hatch’s friends have called him “Senator Toke” for decades.

  • Nounverb911
    • Lord Jim

      WTF is it with these assholes and Russia? Is it just that they identify with the social dominator in Putin?

      • DrBigHead

        I think it is simply the money. By all accounts, Putin is one of the richest men in the world right now.

        • tomamitai

          Bingo! They’re attracted to money like flies to shit!

          • DrBigHead

            Or me to bourbon….

        • amrak63

          Why not both?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Is he the guy in the bad rug in the second row. Kinda center screen, but further back?

      • Kooolest G

        no he’s the guy on the stage talking. and most likely getting paid to do so

      • Spurning Beer

        Oh man, that looks like a Soviet era toupe.

      • bluicebank

        The “Moe” haircut is back!

      • Spurning Beer

        He’s the younger guy at the far left of the photo.

    • Thiazin Red

      WTF is up with the guy in the middle’s hair? That is a fucked up hair cut.

      • Jimh

        HEY MOE!

  • Joe Beese
    • proudgrampa

      W T EVERLOVING F???

      $454.49 SHIPPING?????

      • Joe Beese

        You don’t want to damage a museum piece like that.

    • Courser_Resistance

      You can buy crap like that at American Furniture Warehouse any day of the week. They seem to have a corner on the Ugly Faux Western look these days.

    • bluicebank

      Must’ve been one hell of a party.

    • BadKitty904

      I saw this exact couch in formerly flooded buildings in Houston.

  • CO
  • Michael R

    Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli ordered jailed for online bounty on Hillary Clinton’s hair

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/pharma-bro-martin-shkreli-ordered-jailed-for-online-bounty-on-hillary-clintons-hair/

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      He needs a padded cell.

    • altleftjohn

      Never doubt the power of prayer.

    • bluicebank

      Proof that the courts don’t accept “I was just joking” as a legal defense.

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        And I don’t think he was “joking” either.

    • The Librarian

      Hahahaha, just saw the WaPo headline: Martin Shkreli jailed after Facebook post about Hillary Clinton.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Some people just do NOT know when to shut up.

  • proudgrampa

    HEY, MAN! IT’S 4:20 IN SALT LAKE CITY, MAN!

    • OutOfOrbit

      not for long

    • jowgajen

      But they only have very low THC pot.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It’s 4:21 in Denver, man….

      • DrBigHead

        In Baltimore, its 6:42

    • altleftjohn

      DUDE! IT’S LIKE . . . 3:20 IN PORTLAND!

      • proudgrampa

        HANG ON. DUDE! THE SUN IS ON ITS WAY!!!

        But hey, it’s 4:20 somewhere!

        https://youtu.be/BPCjC543llU

      • puredog

        Fake news. It’s always 4:20 in Portland.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      IT’S 22:34 UTC EVERYFUCKINGWHERE!

      • tomamitai

        Not on Mars it isn’t.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Alrighty then!

  • bubbuhh

    Convicted Crooked Capitalist Whackdoodle Shkreli Ordered Jailed Immediately for Online Bounty on Hillary Clinton’s Hair

    Judge says Shkreli a public menace. 5 million ameros bail not enough to guarantee his good behavior while he awaits sentencing

    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/phrama-bro-martin-shkreli-ordered-jailed-online-bounty-hillary-clinton-n801141

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Wait a minute as I light up a pretty damn fine cigar!

      Karmahaha!

    • tomamitai

      Is he going to jail jail, or rich man’s jail?

      • BearLeft

        Wikipedia describes the return trip as follows:

        A prisoner going to court from the Metropolitan Correctional Center is presented to federal marshals in the basement of the building. Shackled at the ankles, chained at the waist and cuffed at the hands, the prisoner hop-marches through a tunnel nearly 40 feet (12 meters) below the street. The prisoner and escorts go through channels, or corridors, with electronic doors at each end. These are controlled remotely by officers who watch the journey through cameras. More prominent prisoners, who need to be segregated from the general prison population, are housed in the 10-South wing, which is noted for severely confining conditions.

        During this passage from jail to court, no one lays eyes on the prisoner except the marshals and the people in the surveillance stations. Once they have reached the north end of the tunnel, they wait for the prisoner elevator. Inside is a locked cage that the prisoner stands in for the ride up to the courthouse cells.

        Have a great time, Marty, you smarmy, self-satisfied prick (and I mean that in the nicest possible way, ’cause I don’t like talkin’ ’bout people, y’unnderstand)!

  • Courser_Resistance

    It’s a topsy-turvy few days! First, a crapton of Dems have signed onto a Medicare for All bill. It won’t pass this time around, but everyone’s now on notice that this is going to be a HUGE deal in the 2018 election cycle.

    Then some old, white, really conservative dude from Utah, of all places, proposes to do actual medical research on the effectiveness of cannabis! WUT???

    Also too, during my medical exam to drive for Lyft, the doc mentioned my tonsils were a bit red. I told her I had them out probably 25 years ago. They’re BAAAAAACKK! It does happen once in a while so I’m not entirely shocked. I’ve got ZombieTonsils!

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      I never had my tonsils out but my doc says they’ve shriveled up and disappeared. Now I have an idea where they may have gone. You’re welcome.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Thanks, you shouldn’t have.

        In my 30’s mine were huge and nasty so I had them out. It was a fucking nightmare. I’ve had a bunch of surgeries since and they’ve all been a cake walk compared to that nightmare.

    • SweetDeeKat

      WTF? I find this oddly alarming. Also Orrin Hatch. I’m at the age where I worry about losing my grip and this stuff DOES NOT HELP.

      • Courser_Resistance

        About the Zombie Tonsils? Don’t be. They’re lymphatic tissue that has a tendency to grow back if any tissue is left behind. My tonsils were huge and chronically infected so, I don’t find it all that shocking. My mom’s adenoids kept growing back, so they burned them out with radium (!!).

        Doc recommended I see an ENT when I can, but I looked at them myself and they look normal, not weird or anything. Bottom line, it’s not a big concern for me. They’re not causing me any problems, currently.

    • amrak63

      You shoulda been at that Memphis concert in 1990 when Zombie Tonsils opened for the Dead Milkmen.

  • Bitter Scribe

    This has been puzzling me all day: The jerkwad who eventually fired me from my job made me place a Dropbox account on my personal credit card. It’s one of those yearly automatic renewal things, and I’d forgotten about it until I found myself charged $99 last week.

    I promptly emailed Dropbox asking for a refund, and a very nice person calling herself Raven gathered my info and promised she’d take care of it. She signed her last email, “Jasas, Raven.”

    “Jasas”? Is that how you say “Yours truly” in Hindi or something? Or is it some hip millennial lingo that I don’t understand because I am An Old? Can anyone help me out here?

  • DainBramage
    • Bitter Scribe

      Attention North Korea: He’s not a pharmacist. He’s a screwer-over of pharmacists.

      • h4rr4r

        Attention Bitter Scribe: That is a joke Twitter account.

        • CripesAmighty

          Funny too. Those guys got game.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That face justs pulls the shit out of my Backpfeifengesicht string.

      • tomamitai

        Really, how has no one clocked him yet, is his security detail that good?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          He just smells so terribly bad.

    • altleftjohn

      In the Glorious People’s Republic of Oregon we worship pharmacists as gods. Of course, we call them bud tenders.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Buddy, can you spare a bud?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • jesterpunk

      I will take someone who doesnt understand free speech for eleventy billion Alex.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_v._Johnson

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s Biff Tannens all the way down, and their ironic enablers.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Asshat got into an Ivy (Penn) and graduated? Of course, he did earn a BS degree.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Because a flag should be more respected than us trans people.

      Fuck you, traitor.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Don Jr is mostly about the inheritance from the dad who disdains him, just like his father.

    • Bananas Foster

      Yes. Let’s compare human rights to… Cloth.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        It’s a dessert topping!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nah, because if he went down that road he’d have to acknowledge that you have a right to beat, rape, mutilate, maim, breed, sell, buy and use as property any flag that belonged to you.

    • tomamitai

      Jesus, are they SO desperate to distract people’s attention from their treason that they’re dusting off the flag burning issue again?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        it appears so

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      No.
      This has been another edition of Simple Answers for Stupid Questions.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

    A sane and purportedly compassionate Republican defying the holy writ of the KKKeebler Elf’s War of Pointy-Hood Aggression against magic trees and munchies?

    Pass the Hatchie on the left-hand side!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S4cldkdCjE

  • Seems weird that it’s still so easy for a teenager to walk into a high school with multiple guns and express an act of supreme self-obsession.
    http://komonews.com/news/local/report-shooting-at-high-school-near-spokane
    A young student confronted the armed student and told him, “Don’t do this.” He was shot and killed.

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: fucking Confederate States of America II fuckheads

    so these assholes who canceled their protest @the Lee monument in rVa (Richmond) for the 15th have stated the protest isn’t canceled. Mayor Stoney has yet to receive any permission for the permit nor has Governor McAuliffe lifted his ban on public demonstrations at the statue. These guys are a bit light on the racism department but come on guys, you keep saying “heritage” but that “heritage” is based on racism…i.e. the slave economy. apparently CSA II doesn’t get circular logic.

    And there will be a counter protest by liberals who will march from the Maggie Walker statue to the Lee statue. They have stated they will have their own protection too.

    sweet baby jesus…all of you..GO AWAY….Richmond DOES NOT WELCOME YOU!

    better yet. why don’t the CSA II do there protesting at the lynyrd skynyrd concert at innsbrook this weekend ( you know, like minds and such).

    and the worst part is some of my pals are deciding not to have our fun at the annual St. Bennedict’s Oktoberfest cuz they think the protest will spill out into violence ( the statue is like 6-8 blocks away from the church doing the beer fest)…i personally think they’re being chicken littles and i will not let some dumbfuck who wants to keep their racist “heritage” alive ruin MY WEEKEND!!!!

    though some of my friends who are on the fence about going to the Oktoberfest asked if i would come bringing my gun. goddamn it i haven’t concealed carry since 2003 ( just didn’t see a point in doing so anymore).

    anyway these fucks are pissing me off….go the fuck away…Richmond does not welcome them….we want no part of you….please go ruin some other city’s weekend!

    • Panika MCD

      they want you to take your gun to a church that is serving beer?

      • Blackest Noobs

        cuz they it will get overrun by the “heritage” protester at the Lee monument 6-8 blocks away; i know, i know, they’re all chicken littles.

        • Panika MCD

          but…gun + church + booze = illegals?

          • Blackest Noobs

            not in Virginia. well maybe.

            we have some loosey goosey gun laws. like i can open carry a loaded rifle if i wanted to say Kroger….cuz i need my .30 06 when buying bananas.

          • Panika MCD

            I’m in TX and guns are still barred from places of religious worship and bars. Kroger’s is fair game for open and concealed carry as they don’t post 30.07 or 30.06 signs. HEB posts a 30.07 sign so you can’t open carry.

          • Blackest Noobs

            i have half a mind to open carry my Dad’s .357 with a cowboy holster…it has a six inch barrel.

            years ago i had a Judge ( a .410 pistol) with different loads in it…i called it my Hellboy gun.

          • Blackest Noobs

            also…yes barred but it doesn’t stop conceal carry folks from bringing guns to churches or bars….i mean they’re not suppose to do that…but regardless, they do.

          • Panika MCD

            but it’s hot so you can’t really wear an outfit that conceals it. what? do they expect you to conceal the Hellboy gun in a thigh holster?

          • Blackest Noobs

            when i used to regularly conceal carry, my summer gun was a beretta .360, and the winter gun was hefty taurus .357 snub nose.

            i sold the beretta and replaced it with a kimber 9mm but my all time fav is the browning hi-power .40 cal.

          • Panika MCD

            I have no idea what any of that means…

            I’m not a gun person. I just sit through legislative hearings and have friends who provide me with moose meat when I visit Alaska. I don’t ask questions.

          • Blackest Noobs

            the beretta and kimber are smaller handguns, the .357 is a cannon even with a 2 inch barrel, and the browning is an improvement on the colt .45 1911 ( seen any WWII movie and usually the hero has one) and looks kinda similar.

  • BadKitty904

    Good. Anything that will send Perjurer-General Beau Secessions into a tiny, frothing rage is OK by me.

    • Bananas Foster

      But, once he gets into a frothing rage, you know what would help him….?

      A grand jury investigation.

      Oh, wait, that would help me, not him.

      • BadKitty904

        A stiff prison sentence will help him rethink his life choices.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          You all have mentioned frothing and stiff. It is therefore incumbent on someone to work Santorum in there.

  • BadKitty904

    Also, Orrin Hatch proposing this is one of the most genuinely funny things I’ve seen come out of DC recently. Here’s hoping the bill is passed…on the left-hand side…

  • chiefkurtz

    I think this change stems from increased acceptance of both medical and recreational marijuana use.

    The seeds for this acceptance were planted in Alaska some time ago.

  • jesterpunk
    • Joe Beese

      While wandering around Las Vegas some years ago, I drifted into the MGM Grand and found a Doors tribute band playing in one of the public areas. They weren’t very good but the surprise factor made it quite enjoyable.

      This sets the bar, though.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBRYsAfchkY

      • TJ Barke

        That is a fantastic bit.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “I can get twice as high” lol.

          1970s-’80s PBS was brought to you by the letters THC and LSD.

      • jesterpunk

        Jimmy Fallon is really good at impersonations. I don’t really like his show but his singing and impersonations are amazing.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I wish he’d do more of that, instead of his idiotic frat games like “crack an egg on your head” and “pour cold beer down your pants.” He’s a functional drunkard, too. Maybe if he chilled out by smoking a bowl instead, he wouldn’t be all jittery like he usually is.

    • Serai 1

      That opening riff is one of the touchstone sounds of my childhood. That tune was everywhere the year it came out, and it’s such a definitive sound.

      Jim’s acid love songs. Beautiful, melting, weird.

  • Kooolest G

    gonna have to hurry, israel has been doing tons of research on cannabis for decades now.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yup, there’s evidence that smoking cannabis inhibits the growth of lung cancer cells. One reason I use it. It may not bear out, but hey, it might…

      • h4rr4r

        I wish it was easier to get around here, legally. Chronic pain is covered, but I suspect the doctor won’t agree not having chronic is the kind of pain the law means.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I got my MMJ license for the pain of hip arthritis, so I wouldn’t have to take as many opioids. Worked like a charm, I used a fraction of what I would have used without it.

      • Serai 1

        My mom has arthritis, and has asked me about weed. I gave her some edibles and instructed her on how to eat them. About a week ago she told me she’d tried one, saying it helped her arthritis but made her feel weird. I asked if she like the feeling, and after thinking a moment, she said yeah, she’d like to do it again! Heehee. I always knew my mom would like weed if she’d just give it a try.

        • suziq

          I talked my mom into it and she did not like it at all, then ratted me out to my sister who yelled at me about it. So it goes.

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, best to only offer it to someone who asks on their own.

  • OddMan

    Guess who just got their bail revoked for being an idiot.

    https://twitter.com/CNBCnow/status/908090393941733377

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • jesterpunk
    • I was just coming here to point and laugh about this.

    • Sophia

      YES!!!!!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      So he’s not actually a greedy fuck; he’s actually a sociopath is what you’re saying.

      • OutOfOrbit

        he got kicked in the bails!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        same difference

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Somewhere along the way he decided “why not both?”

      • FlownΩver

        Imprisoned for aggravated douchebroness, very possibly until his January sentencing on that funny finance conviction. There is a residual measure of justice after all!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And he was so close to passing GO, too.

    • jowgajen

      Waiting impatiently for pics of him in a jumpsuit.

    • TJ Barke

      Should be locked up forever.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Good, something finally wiped that punk-ass smirk off his face.

    • Stulexington

      And when his lawyer tries to argue it shouldn’t be included in his sentencing hearing:
      http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/laughter.gif

    • Serai 1

      Ah, so the lawyer’s request was granted? Excellent!

    • amrak63

      Bon appetit, Mr. Shkreli.

      https://i.imgur.com/4iyoiUb.jpg

      • amrak63

        Why the happy monkey fuck is Disqus now turning all my pix posts into thumbnails?

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Maybe they’re in a bit of a tiff with Imgur.

    • He literally went with the “it was just a prank, bro!” defense.

  • Blackest Noobs

    cuz yeah when people dying from cancer get a bit of relief from the reefer and able to keep food down after chemo is a fucking PLUS.

    it doesn’t make ’em zombies ( like when they said no to smoking it but made those highly potent thc pills that did make patients into zombies) and let’s them able to do stuff while not suffering as much.

    it is a fucking no brainer. and in my opinion the only reason other Republicans or Democrats would oppose it is because they are heartless fucks who ought to have their own hearts cut out….just saying.

    people are dying, so fuck it, give them shelter, give them relief!!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      booze companys donut want the competition

      • Bitter Scribe

        But the cigarette companies already have the brand names registered!

        (cliche/urban legend from my youth)

      • OrG

        Big pharma also too.

        • OutOfOrbit

          never thought of that angle

          • SpideySenser

            There’s tons of info on line about industries that were against marijuana. It all boils down to the cha-ching. Check out this for starters. Marijuana is an amazing natural product that can provide almost anything, sans chemicals.
            http://www.ozarkia.net/bill/pot/blunderof37.html

      • h4rr4r

        They already have the perfect distribution infrastructure, they should be pushing to be controlling the new market.

  • BadKitty904
    • Panika MCD

      that is about Kerrville Folk Festival!

      • Red Bird

        really?

        • Panika MCD

          sort of. KFF didn’t start until ’72 and the song was written in ’68. but they’ve told many people that they were singing about a place like QVR when they wrote the song. so KFF/QVR is the Land of Honalee!

    • bluicebank

      Remember way back when the Right claimed this song was an anti-Vietnam War song? “…in a land called Honnah Lee” was code for “Hanoi.”

      They were crazy then, and more so now.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        “Puff” was obviously a veiled reference to the demon weed.

        • BadKitty904

          Rather than a breakfast cereal…

        • bluicebank

          The US military in the Vietnam War had it’s own take, nicknaming the AC-47 gunship after the song.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_AC-47_Spooky

        • Three Finger Salute

          Little Jackie Paper and all.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well, he did love that rascal puff.

      • BadKitty904

        Maybe they should spark a bowl, maaan…

      • 3FingerPete

        I was taught that song in kindergarten in 1962. I subsequently did not serve in Vietnam. What more proof do you need?

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        Those were the days…
        Remember when they were paranoid about Russia?

  • jesterpunk
  • Rick Hill

    Someone put pot in the postage stamp glue….

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Sounds like somebody’s chronic pain was fixed when his 20something staffer gave him a funny cigarette.

    • Wolf Tracker

      He does seem more relaxed lately!

  • Joe Beese

    Self-condemnatory Trump tweet for every occasion.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DJoC83eUEAEbt4s.jpg

    • 3FingerPete

      Donald is jealous of Obama’s press coverage.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich, April 12, 2017:

    Other than [courtrooms], I don’t see the point of gun-free zones,” Knezovich said. “When I grew up, we allowed students to bring guns to school — no one ever got shot.”

    . . .

    One audience member asked the sheriff what weaponry people shouldn’t be able to own.
    “LAW rockets, tanks, bombs, grenades,” Knezovich said.
    “There should be certain things passed right now to tighten up certain things.
    Knezovich blamed a lot of today’s violence on younger generations having a lack of respect. Older members of the crowd agreed.

    Freeman HS is in Spokane County.

    • jesterpunk

      “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”

      Socrates

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Ozzie is no Socrates, believe me.

    • BadKitty904
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      When he grew up, most people didn’t have access to .223 semi-automatic rifles and extended magazines.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yeaaaaaah, I intern in a government office (that’s in a building with courtrooms) where a lot of pissed off people show up. NO. THANK. YOU.

    • NotReallyHere

      I used to think Ozzie was a moderate, but since Trump got elected he’s been sounding more and more like a wingnut. He not that long ago blamed Obama for “war on cops” whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
      http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2017/mar/06/knezovich-stands-behind-heated-comments-blaming-ob/#/0

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Yeah his “war on cops” bullshit got old real fucking quick. I gotta say, one of the best things about moving away from Spokane is not having to hear Ozzie constantly whining about people blaming cops for shit like running over pedestrians or beating homeless people to death.

  • Lizzietish81
  • BadKitty904

    Let’s cue up Orrin “Smokey” Hatch and His Georgetown Bongsters!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HntjexDWuTg

  • Joe Beese

    It ain’t harmful like heroin
    It’s also cheaper
    That’s why I’m glad, homeboy
    That I got the…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waL3DAl55zQ

  • Wolf Tracker

    Hatch is from Utah

    Utah approves signature-gathering for 2018 medical marijuana initiative

    http://www.sltrib.com/news/health/2017/08/10/utah-approves-signature-gathering-for-2018-medical-marijuana-initiative/

    This is a big issue there because the have lot of seniors and they are connected to CO that just made pot legal so if they don’t approve medical marijuana it will flow in from outside and they don’t want grandma and Bishop Joe to go to jail for treating their medical condition with illegal weed.

    • Joe Beese

      Mormons forbid coffee.

      Just sayin’.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Which doesn’t stop them from drinking caffeinated drinks and if it is legalized then they will find way around it like they have most everything else.

        • Joe Beese

          All I know is that cops swarm around our side of the Colorado border and will pull you over for doing 68 in a 70 mph zone.

          • Wolf Tracker

            It has been a big money maker for Utah but now their own Mormon seniors and kids are getting caught and they don’t like that.

        • Zombishroom

          Vape only.

      • Bananas Foster

        That’s actually a weird hot beverage thing….

        It’s not a caffeine thing.

        Nobody has fully explained it to me.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Rick Hill
  • WomanInThePersistence

    Let’s not forget that Skrelli has a magical gift for making friends. Damn, I enjoyed this.

    https://harpers.org/archive/2017/09/public-enemy/

    ETA – juror number 10 for the win.

    • suziq

      Has it already been posted 500 times that his bails revoked? Pharma douche gots to go to jail!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well, maybe only 499 times.

        • suziq

          Yeah, I see that after reading down farther. Was elsewhere and got a CNN push breaking news. Guess I should figure out how to turn that shit off, they aren’t exactly breaking news.

      • Doug Langley

        Good god, I couldn’t even look down ONE POST to see this? My mind is absolute oatmeal.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          My scrolling down skills are not terrific either. Nbd.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Cut the hyperbole. As of this moment it has only been posted 398 times.

    • Doug Langley
      • WomanInThePersistence

        It may have been mentioned. Casually. In passing.

      • Augustus

        _[_[_[ Pharmabro >>> Karma, bro ]_]_]_

    • Arolpin

      I like Juror #10, but I want to marry Juror #59

      juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.
      the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.
      juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

  • Panika MCD

    “fornication! Meeka put creamy on my bottom AGAIN!” ~ Calliope Jane

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Now you gotta sits and be a good girl, or you’ll not get any better.”

      • Panika MCD

        (if she sits, the stuff rubs off. it’s on her bottom!)

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Okay, so minimal squirm mode.

          • Panika MCD

            “I squirm like is my jerb!” ~ CJ

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      it puts the lotion on the fur or else it gets the hose

      • Panika MCD

        “lemme try dis: it gives the Callie french fries pie or else it gets the farts…” ~ CJ

  • Anna Rompage

    What?

    Me, drunk?

    No, I’m just talking in cursive…,

    • Bananas Foster

      Get back to me when you’re at kanji.

      • Rags

        Katakana or GTFO!

        • Arolpin

          Hieroglyphics or bust!

        • Bananas Foster

          Pretenders are all about romanji!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      At times I feel like I’m writing in cuneiform.

    • Ωbjectifier

      The piano has been drinking
      Not me

  • CO
    • Joe Beese

      All of Western Civilization has been leading up to this moment.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Ted Cruz wanking to twitter porn on 9/11 has to be the quintessential description of today’s GOP

        • WomanInThePersistence

          …and that is a sentence I never wanted to read. Ever. Anybody have some extra brain bleach?

  • Serai 1

    Oh, no no no. This is not a surprise at all if you know Hatch’s history. I worked for a while at an herbal supplement company in Santa Cruz back in the 90’s, and heard all the news about regulations on the industry. Hatch was well known as a campaigner for changing regulations to allow such companies to operate more easily. Utah has a lot of supplement businesses, or at least it did then. So I’m not surprised he’s on board with weed, either. He seems to be big on opening up the area of health to less pharmaceutical control, though whether it’s strictly because BIG BUX or whether he’s into it himself, or a combination, I don’t know.

    • Anna Rompage

      They still have a lot of supplement to businesses..,

    • Joe Beese

      Put it this way. The local theocrats could have expressed their disapproval of alcohol by making Utah a dry state. Instead, they operate state monopoly liquor stores.

      • Covfefe

        God talks to Pat Robinson, George W. Bush, and Mormons.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Most of the Morman families I grew up around all have a huge interest in natural healthcare and vitamins. It’s a huge industry in Utah (and not all of them are legitimate, unfortunately for a neighbor). As a group that has suffered a lot of bias over the years, they’re deeply into self-sufficiency. So it’s not terribly surprising that Hatch would do this in a lot of ways but you can bet he’s getting juiced by someone, perhaps even in the church, to get evidence-based research on the table. In that sense, it’s not that inconsistent.

      • proudgrampa

        Yup. Multi-Level-Marketing health supplements are a HUGE business here.

        As far as I’m concerned, they’re all fraudulent.

        Makes sense, though, that they would be adding to Orrin’s coffers with support for “research.”

        • Courser_Resistance

          Morman grift is a think unto itself. Sometimes I think that most Utah Mormans make their living selling stuff to other Mormans.

          • proudgrampa

            Pretty much.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Until a new gentile shows up. Then it’s like a shark feeding frenzy.

          • Arolpin

            I heard recently that it got bad enough that some Stake Presidents have told members that they aren’t allowed to sell to MLM junk to other Mormons.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Hell yes. Mormon MLM (specifically Melaleuca and Frank VanderSloot) is what funds the Idaho GOP.

      • Meccalopolis

        Hmm (unironically)

  • Paperless Tiger

    I feel better already!

  • Meccalopolis
    • BadKitty904

      Madness!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It looks like crabgrass…

      • Meccalopolis

        Should have got the yellow flower in that shot

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      But you need to tame them before you bring them home or there will be blood…

    • Red Bird

      Nature is reclaiming her time.

    • therblig

      our jersey city street tomatoes are about to ripen. hopefully, one of the skunks i’ve smelled recently can grab a homegrown meal.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cad35cfe656f235344d3bf63f4f75aa3eeeca963fa307444baa739e5f557ddc2.jpg

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There’s a little town in Washington (about 1000 people) that lets people grow vegetables in the islands separating lanes of traffic on their streets.

  • CripesAmighty

    HAHHAHAHAHA! Marty Shkreli bail revoked–off to the sneezer!

  • jesterpunk
  • John Iwaniszek

    Hatch is sending secret signals to the left that he’s not really a Trumper.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Hillary has probably killed the real Orrin Hatch and replaced him with a body double. #evilhillary

  • Aaron Wise

    Clinton’s War on Drugs gift to the prison system is the single most repulsive thing we have seen in decades.

    • Lord Jim

      The Iraq Invasion wants a word with you…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Gotta love the Bro hyperbole

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        As does Iran-Contra, ignoring the AIDS epidemic, the My Lai Massacre…

    • tomamitai

      Not after seeing Ted Cruz’s “O face” picture it isn’t.

  • Jennifer R
  • BadKitty904

    I dreamed about a reefer five feet long…

    Fats Wallers’ notorious Viper Drag:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajKQ0C7LjXk

  • furrfu

    So when Chuck Todd covered it, why wasn’t it on The Lid?

  • Aaron Wise

    I blame Bernie Sanders.

  • Doug Langley

    In today’s episode:

    As directed by boss, I go into next room and start filing stuff. After a while, another of the temps (we’re 3 altogether) comes in to file other stuff. Problem, we’re right in the same spot. Now getting in each other’s way is a huge no-no, since boss can’t stand seeing anyone spending even half a minute just standing around. So what do we do? He suggests getting advice from boss. So we go back and ask. “Work it out yourselves” she says. “I’m too busy.” Fine, we go back to the other room. Then we find boss has followed us back. She spends several minutes explaining why she doesn’t have time to explain why she doesn’t have time to explain – or something like that.

    It’s like a demented sitcom or something.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Doug as the star of the Benny Hill Show.

    • CripesAmighty

      Jesus. Who hires these nanoHitlers anyway? They kill productivity and create chaos, drama, bother and aggravation everywhere they go.

      • Doug Langley

        It’s so weird how everyone else I’ve met in the place is the nicest, sweetest person you can imagine. If only someone else was in charge . . .

        • CripesAmighty

          Just takes one. And how do they wind up being in charge when they have no business managing a photo booth?

          • Doug Langley

            She’s low in the hierarchy and does seem to know the filing system very well. So there’s that.

      • Doug Langley
        • Doug Langley

          Sorry, this was meant to Jamoche’s post. Jesus, my brain is completely scrambled.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It’s how incompetent people justify their paychecks

        • Doug Langley

          Actually, she knows the filing system inside out. She’s just stressing herself (and me) to an early stroke.

    • Jamoche

      If you can draw stick figures, you could be the next Dilbert.

      • CripesAmighty

        Seriously. Keep a journal. There’s a very dark treatment up in here.

        • Doug Langley

          What do you think Wonkette is?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Therapy…

          • Doug Langley

            We have a winner!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It does have its good moments.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No judge! It says right here in my comment history!

            Judge: Sorry, Wonket doesn’t allow comments

    • SpideySenser

      Well that sucks, but I gotta tell ya after years of office work, those treacherous fucking office divas with no lives but to shit on every underling they can are really out there in full force.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • CO

    No wonder Nunes’s story died as quick as it started.
    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/908081935334952970

  • Jennifer R
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      with all due respect, those first two things are not like the third.

      • jowgajen

        Are they not? Acknowledging basic health care as a universal human right is pretty inline with the marriage equality thing.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i mean practically speaking – let’s start with the easy one. Electing a black man was not illegal, it just took enough (apparently) non-racists and the right confluence of politics for it to happen.

          As for marriage equality, my (apparently) homophobic/transphobic professor said it was going to fuck up the family code of TX law. They repeatedly use “mother” and “father”…but in actuality, a little find and replace is fine. (it was also not passed as a law or constitutional amendment, but rather a supreme court decision)

          Medicare 4 All, upends several huge industries (healthcare itself, pharma, insurance) as well as the government approach to those things – and that’s not even getting into how to pay for it or how to harmonize all hte various state laws. It has to be thousands of lines of law in the federal system and perhaps hundreds of thousands if you include the 50 states.

          • jowgajen

            Medicare For All isn’t single payer, though. It could be a step towards it, or it could be a stopping point on its own.

            With Medicare For All you are going to see a robust supplementary insurance market. You are also going to see doctors and drug companies charging more than reimbursement rates whenever they can get away with it. Medicare becomes the floor, a much better floor than our current – die on the street of a preventable disease – floor.

            Medicare is administered by the Feds. Medicaid is administered by the states. It actually reduces the complication of harmonizing state laws. Now, I would be fine with a Medicaid for All bill that simply freed states to use Medicaid funds for a state administered single payer system. I think we are on more solid political and constitutional grounds if we simply gave states the ability to form a healthcare system for their state. But that does open up a lot of interstate commerce issues and practical administration issues that maybe are a terrible idea.

            Paying for it is the sell. But we have to stop having the Republicans voices in our heads here. The “who is gonna pay for it?” argument just takes for granted a negative Republican world view. The question is “What are we willing to pay for?” We can have single payer, we just have to be willing to pay for it.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            “Paying for it is the sell. But we have to stop having the Republicans voices in our heads here. The “who is gonna pay for it?” argument just takes for granted a negative Republican world view.”

            I am not familiar with the subject, but other people have made some interesting arguments about it.

            “The question is “What are we willing to pay for?” ”
            And this is the problem in my mind, the answer is taxes (or a dramatic shift in budget priorities) – I have faith neither will change.

            “Medicare is administered by the Feds. Medicaid is administered by the states. ”
            Fair enough, I did not know that, but it still has a ripple effect on the states and we still haven’t addressed the massive economic issues at play, i.e. huge changes in our economy.

            I for one think universal health care, of some kind, would be a HUGE sea change for torts cases, but that’s just in my little world. It would change the nature of lawsuits COMPLETELY and actually achieve “tort reform.” Which is kinda my point, there are other things that need to be considered.

      • tomamitai

        Hasn’t Hillary said all those things? ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) I know she used to oppose number one, as a lot of other “progressives” did and are embarrassed to admit.

  • Three Finger Salute

    And in related news from Leaf Country, some of the Mounties are having a sad that they’re Just Not Ready™ to let go of the status quo.

    Police in Canada ask Trudeau government to delay landmark cannabis legalization vote, citing fears about department preparedness for new enforcement protocols

    Um, what do the unicorn cops need to be prepared for? Getting used to not cuffing people for smoking a plant, but just disapproving of them politely? Oh, fuddle-duddle. Senpai Justin is not noticing you. Everyone is getting their Dudley Doob Rights in 2018, and that’s just the way it’s going to be. Go smoke a maple leaf and chill out, eh.

    • Covfefe

      Easier to turn an American aircraft carrier around than to turn the RCMP/GRC around. Thought everyone knew that.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not all of them apparently. Bill Blair, the MP who played a key role in drafting this bill, was Toronto’s police chief before he joined Trudeau’s cabinet. And I don’t think Benton Fraser would mind if anyone wanted to Get some Relief from a Reef Leaf With the Chief and Deaf Dief.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1e5efb0871f7ddad728553949db52c67e3e3b04d3d0aedf6863cba39aee728d.jpg

        • Courser_Resistance

          I loved that stupid show.

          • Three Finger Salute

            It must be on Canuck Netflix, eh?

          • Courser_Resistance

            Could be on either US or Canuck Netflix cuz it aired in the US, too. I have the DVDs from way back.

          • I just checked, it is not.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Sergeant Preston always seemed very adaptable.

    • bbayliss

      They needed more cheetos?

    • Augustus

      stoners are notoriously violent, though

  • Aaron Wise

    Clinton’s war against drugs = mass incarcerations.

    Hatch had nothing to do with it.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Is it idiot day today? Did someone send out the moron bat signal?

      • Wolf Tracker

        Are you trying to say Clinton did not have a war on drugs

        The law at issue was the sweeping Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, which provided funding for tens of thousands of community police officers and drug courts, banned certain assault weapons, and mandated life sentences for criminals convicted of a violent felony after two or more prior convictions, including drug crimes. The mandated life sentences were known as the “three-strikes” provision.

        http://www.factcheck.org/2016/04/bill-clinton-and-the-1994-crime-bill/

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          sigh, community police officers and drug courts are (roughly) mean to keep people out of jail.

          Banning assault weapons was good.

          LIfe sentences for violent felons…that had a lot of support then and probably does now.

          BILL Clinton – cause the implication is obvious here – did not start the war on drugs or end it, he is a link in teh chain.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Maybe you better go study the stats because of that law many people went to jail for life because of drug convictions.

            It did not keep people out of prison it put more people in.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            brah, look above.

            It did not keep people out of prison it put more people in.

            That’s either a strawman or you don’t comprehend so well. I said COMMUNITY POLICING is supposed to lower crime. The bill, as noted, flawed and had unintended consequences – and both clintons said it was a mistake.

            They OWNED up, something I give them great credit for.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Brah look at his own words: “I signed a bill that made the problem worse,” Clinton said. “And I want to admit it.””

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            more SPAM.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes because we must ignore what he said about his own law as evidence it was a bad law.

            Might want to pay a little more attention in those law classes.

            Have a good night!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Pfft, I aced criminal law, thanks, and probably know more about it.

            The law was signed, the evidence showed it was bad, he admitted a mistake and apologized.

            What the ever loving fuck? I don’t get your complaint other than, “grrr, clinton.”

          • Wolf Tracker

            Over 20 years working with that criminal justice system. Psych. and POST certified but hey whatever.

            I am not looking for a personal fight. You posted on my comment trying to argue the law and stats when you should know I was prepared for that.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i didn’t actually, law and criminology are two different things. And we’re gish galloping here…you put up a scurrilous claim backed by a link that didn’t reflect your implications. AND you’re blaming hte clintons for not being pyschic and knowing the outcome of a law (that was of course passed by congress as well, but not criticism there).

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes you did actually and if stats and his own words are scurrilous maybe you don’t understand the meaning of that word.

            I have nothing against you personally but you keep wanting to get personal and now you are upset that you lost the deabate.

            Get some sleep and try again on some other issue.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            how am I getting personal? Your position is untenable, unsupported by your own source, and frankly stupid.
            I’m exhausted and still proving you wrong.

            It was a bill that had unintended consequences and you’ve got a bug up your ass about it. They copped to it and admitted they were wrong. You keeping implying they should of known it was bad and I still don’t see why it should have appeared to them to be bad at the time it was passed. It was par for the course in 90’s era government (or 70’s era government), apparently had support from Bernie, and did a lot of other good things (like the violence against women provisions).

            I keep telling you that and you keep posting BILL Clinton’s quote. This is irrational.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Read your own posts to see how you turned personal when you lost the debate.

            Have a good night!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            naaaaah, an insult was well deserved, but not an actual ad hom.
            Your “argument” as such was and is ridiculous.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            P.S. Your use of his words was scurrilous, like dictionary definition of it:
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/63e4e6fcab840be3b0952b1934a68ebb8e3d5c706f59db6d86035605405e09ca.png

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Might as well give it up- your conversation will just continue to go downhill

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          from your link:

          “Some in the Black Lives Matter movement have blamed that provision for mass incarceration. But that overstates the effect of the bill, as the steady trend toward increased incarceration long pre-dated the 1994 bill.

          “The law is blamed by some for rising incarceration rates, though as we will explain later, that trend actually began in the 1970s. ”

          “In a speech at an NAACP convention in Philadelphia in July, Clinton acknowledged that tougher incarceration provisions in the bill were a mistake. “I signed a bill that made the problem worse,” Clinton said. “And I want to admit it.””

          “Although Hillary Clinton was not in the Senate at the time and did not vote on the bill, she spoke in favor of it at the time. Asked about the law during a Democratic debate on March 6, Hillary Clinton said that “there were some aspects that worked well” including violence against women provisions, but she allowed that other portions related to increasing incarceration “were a mistake.”

          “Crime did drop in the years after the bill passed, as Clinton said, but he gives too much credit to the crime bill for that. Experts who have studied the impact of the law say forces independent of the law were mostly responsible for the crime drop.

          A Government Accountability Office report in 2005 estimated that the 1994 crime bill resulted in 88,000 additional police officers between 1994 and 2001, and that the influx of new police officers resulted in “modest” drop in crime.”

          “He (Clinton) may be able to claim some credit, but the jury is very much still out on this,” John Worrall, a professor of criminology at the University of Texas at Dallas, told us via email. “Criminologists and economists are in no agreement as to the causes of the crime declines we’ve seen. Could be economic, demographic, a civilizing effect, possibly because of abortion or lead paint, tougher sentences, etc., etc. A dozen or more explanations have been offered and no one agrees.”

          I could keep going, but folks should really just read the whole piece.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            But it’s still all her fault, because SHE’S A WITCH

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            she turned me into a newt

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            did you get better?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Thanks but I already read it and saying he did not have a war on drugs and increased incarceration is not factual according to stats.

            “I signed a bill that made the problem worse,” Clinton said. “And I want to admit it.””

            I think that makes my point.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            So, you’re purposefully obtuse? It’s your fucking link and you clearly are twisting the stats your harping on about to fit your conclusion.

            “The law is blamed by some for rising incarceration rates, though as we will explain later, that trend actually began in the 1970s. ”

            The bill included a federal “three-strikes” provision which required mandatory life imprisonment without possibility of parole for those who commit federal violent felonies if they had two or more previous convictions for violent felonies or drug trafficking crimes. In his mea culpa in August, Clinton said that while most people are in prison under state law, “the federal law set a trend.”

            The protester’s complaint assumes, of course, that the 1994 crime bill was a major contributor to mass incarceration that hit the black community particularly hard. But experts say that puts too much blame on the 1994 bill.

            The trend toward increased incarceration began in the early 1970s, and quadrupled in the ensuing four decades. A two-year study by the National Research Council concluded that the increase was historically unprecedented, that the U.S. far outpaced the incarceration rates elsewhere in the world, and that high incarceration rates have disproportionately affected Hispanic and black communities. The report cited policies enacted by officials at all levels that expanded the use of incarceration, largely in response to decades of rising crime.

            “In the 1970s, the numbers of arrests and court caseloads increased, and prosecutors and judges became harsher in their charging and sentencing,” the report states. “In the 1980s, convicted defendants became more likely to serve prison time.”

            Indeed, this trend continued with tough-on-crime policies through the 1990s as well, but to lay the blame for the incarceration trend entirely, or even mostly, at the feet of the 1994 crime bill ignores the historical trend.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Again his words “I signed a bill that made the problem worse,” Clinton said. “And I want to admit it.””

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            and?

            Unintentional consequences and not nearly as bad as you claim…there’s never been a shitty law before? One that had unintended consequences? How about prohibition?

            Ye fucking gods, why are you harping on this? They’ve both admitted it was wrong and bad? You think hillary would have cackled like a harpy signing something like this again? cause that’s what you’re implying.

            We’ve got an orange madman who wants to deport law abiding children brought here by their parents, start wars in N. Korea, Venezuela, and Mexico, waste trillions of dollars on a wall, ban muslims for being being muslims…you saying that’s better than a 22 year old law. Were you fucking alive then? Do you remember the climate at the time?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Yes I was alive and voted for Reagan in my first election.

            AND you?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I was alive and remember it quite well…it was BEFORE i started smoking weed.
            Hard on crime was a big push and a winner in elections as it ALWAYS has been.

          • Wolf Tracker

            A winner in elections is not a reason to send people to prison for drugs.

            That is why I did not support Hillary.

            Say one thing and do another and bad results.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            so you allowed a fucking lunatic into office who’s going to do so much worse? (And AGAIN, they fucking copped to being wrong? Are you perfect? Would you be a perfect legislator? I doubt it. ANd after all, presidents adn congress work for the people doing what hte people want).

            Just imagine this, you and your ilk have put hundreds of thousands of undocumented peopel at risk of being deported, spending months in jails (cause that’s what immigration centers are.)

            Google images from two summers okay – you’re upset that adults with two prior convictions and a subsequent violent conviction are going ot jail, but not FUCKING CHILDREN? AND BABIES? AND PREGNANT MOTHERS.

            oooh, fuck you.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Guess that ends that.

            Might try reading my posts instead of your childish judgement and rants.

            Have a god night!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          oh goody- saved me the trouble of scrolling down to find one of your comments to use the block function

          lol, and I’m the one looking for a fight

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ugh, and WAY too tired and have WAY too much to do to get into this.
            No sleep last night, 5 hours of internship, work at my other job, dishes, laundry.

            Sheesh.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            It is a valiant but futile effort to get any sense out of WT. Get some rest.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks friend, I need to. Been delirious most of the day. Mom isn’t feeling well, so after I got home, I had some chores to run for her.

            (that first beer when I was done was glorious! Now, onto dishes and laundry)

          • Wolf Tracker

            Right because the facts of the law and Clinton in his own words is not convincing.

            “I signed a bill that made the problem worse,” Clinton said. “And I want to admit it.””

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            SPAM, lacking nuance, and ya know facts.

            I’ll let the others take over. I’m sick and literally tired of this already.

          • Wolf Tracker

            No yo are just upset because you lost this debate by arguing against the law, stats and his own words.

      • Panika MCD
      • Rachel Book Harlot

        It was that freaking Bernie/Messiah post. Brought all the attention whores here. Now we need to have the place fumigated.

    • Panika MCD
    • Red Bird

      You spelled Nixon wrong.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Everything bad in the universe is Clinton’s fault though

        • Shanzgood

          Any Clinton will do.

        • Red Bird

          You think you’re making a joke but the other day I was eating a bag of the HEB fruit and nut mix and some of it fell on the floor so I couldn’t eat it anymore. When I turned around, I saw the faint shadow of Hillary Clinton laughing because she caused me to drop my fruit mix. Beware of Hillary!

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            Oh my god, now I know why my colleague didn’t enter their information correctly into the database! Hillary Clinton deleted it with her secret basement server!!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            She’s the reason I don’t have access yet to the network so I can export data from Access that I need for my project!

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            She’s an evil genius who really should smile more while speaking in hushed tones so as not to sound too shrill.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            She also appears if you say her name three times while looking in a mirror.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            also, she’s wrong for admitting mistakes – she never should have made them in the first place!

          • Lord Jim

            Hasn’t she learned anything from the Republicans?

          • Doug Langley

            You know, I thought it was a bit convenient my car lost oil the same day she was in town.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            this is probably comment of the day, but I’ve been out.

            ; )

        • amrak63

          I had to have 18 inches of my small intestine removed in 2014 because of Crohn’s Disease.

          DAMM YEW EVUL KILLARY!!!1!

          • amrak63

            The first part of that is true, but the operation worked, and I’m doing a lot better these days.

    • Alan

      Clinton’s war on drugs? You’re a couple decades late.

  • Red Bird
    • WomanInThePersistence

      And who is that cutie?

      • Red Bird

        A stray that was hiding in my front yard. She’s gotten pretty comfortable hanging out with me while I try to find her people. But need to find her a permanent home soon. She’s a bacon bandit.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well, she’s very sweet looking. Stupid, obvious question – have our taken her to a vet to see if she has a chip?

          • Three Finger Salute

            On her shoulder? She doesn’t seem the type.

          • Red Bird

            Yes. No chip.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well, darnit.

  • Aaron Wise

    Hillary Clinton Says She Agrees Her Role In Mass Incarceration Was A Mistake

    Warren Hatch was like wha?

  • Panika MCD

    who is this Aaron and why has he dubbed himself “wise”?

    • jowgajen

      Someone who can’t see the difference between passing a policy with unintended consequences and maintaining that policy long after the consequences were well understood?

      • Panika MCD

        but…why is he here? shouldn’t he be over with his shit stain friends on one of the “hey, HRC has a book thing!” threads?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          our bad luck

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          No one is over there to provide the attention he so desperately craves. Bless his heart. We have a couple of resident trolls, and I am committed to ignoring the hell out of them.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      same reason I call myself a pinhead- it’s the opposite avatar thing

      • proudgrampa

        Every day, I learn just a little bit more about you.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          It’s true- I don’t actually have a man bun…

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        But I really am a minor Greek goddess!

        • Three Finger Salute

          I don’t work for Adobe, but I’m creative and sweet.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          And I am a stubborn, yet adorable, 13 pound Yorkie mutt.

        • Lord Jim

          And I really did abandon my ship!

          And become a trade representative to Patusan!

    • jesterpunk

      A Bernie Bro who likes to cry a lot over donuts.

      • Panika MCD

        can’t he go cry somewhere else?

        • jesterpunk

          I don’t think anyone wants him.

          • Panika MCD

            he doesn’t have BoB-friends over on one of the threads we already abandodned?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            He needs Ted’s free porn account…

          • Shanzgood

            He should try hooking up with Wolf Tracker.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            ha!

          • Panika MCD

            WT really does need to steal another beard and mustache…his current one is beginning to rot.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            okay, what is with the facial hair stealing thing? I clearly missed this in real time, but I’m sick of not knowing the joke.

            Harrumph.

          • Panika MCD

            he said he had “steal blonde” beard and mustache after I asked him how he could be both blonde and bald at the same time. this is also too why we say he has no eyebrows.

          • Sophia

            What about that thread that Dok had to do clean up on aisle 3 on. Wasn’t there a bunch of Bernie bros on there?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Is this a new visitor?

      • Panika MCD

        I guess?

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I seem to have missed this person. Where are they?

      • jesterpunk

        He was in the Bernie isnt a Messiah thread now he came over here to feel sorry for himself and whine.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I just reloaded, and see that he is somebody I have already blocked. Obviously he is memorable. /s

      • Panika MCD

        he is ADORABLE!

  • Jennifer R

    Man Wells Fargo, sending me a credit card offer is kinda dumb.

    • jowgajen

      Grifters gotta grift.

      • proudgrampa

        ^this^

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      S’okay. They took the liberty of filling it out for you anyway.

    • TootsStansbury

      You know, when we finally left them after years and years ( we were legacy from Central Fidelity and then Wachovia) the manager didn’t even try and stop us, it was like she was embarrassed.

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah I am legacy from Wachovia.

        • Arolpin

          I’m legacy from like 2 companies before Wachovia. And I’m too lazy to switch, because they haven’t screwed me. Yet.
          I know at one time my bank became First Union, who I hated from seeing how they cheated service members when I was in the Navy, then it became Wachovia, and I hated Wachovia for some different reason, but unfortunately Navy Federal doesn’t have any ATMs near me, so that account sits idle with $4.08 sitting in it to keep it open in case I finally get pissed enough to close all my Wells Fargo accounts (other than my mortgage, because the rate is really low and I’ve already re-financed it twice and hate the paperwork nightmare involved).

          • TootsStansbury

            LOL we were first union too and now we’re at NFCU.

    • Sophia

      They just charged a few things on it already for you. They’re considerate like that.

    • Covfefe

      Wells Fargo sent you an information card. So you can’t say you didn’t know they signed you up for that account.

  • TootsStansbury

    Here is something I thought I’d never say: I giggled at Orrin Hatch’s statement. Giggled; not snort laughed, Elferson Bogart Smegson the Third, so dont go having me arrested.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://jennytrout.com/?p=11644 chapter 2 of The Handbook for Mortals recap by Jennifer Trout aka in which we meet White Trash Zatanna (thats my new nickname for our precious snowflake main character.)

  • Joe Beese

    “The memos that Comey leaked were created on an FBI computer while he was the director,” Sanders said.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/sanders-accuses-comey-of-violating-federal-law

    Also, his grocery list was written with a government-issued pen.

    • mancityRed6

      check his house, he probably took a few pens home.

      • Sophia
        • Serai 1

          20 staples a YEAR? Wow, offices have changed!

          • Sophia

            I wondered about that myself. I use more like 20 a day. These people must work in a truly paperless office.

          • Jamoche

            And that’s why averages are meaningless on their own – every time I start a new job I get a kit with a stapler in it, and every time I leave, that stapler is still unused. It’s not that I don’t use paper, I just never have any reason to staple it. So that office likely has several hundred mes for every one you.

          • Serai 1

            I used to use 20 staples an HOUR. Lots of paper tended to pass through the desks I worked at. 20 a year doesn’t even sound possible. I mean, if you use them at all in your job, you’re going to use more than THAT.

      • therblig

        careful – Homicide – Life on the Streets

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Many_Splendored_Thing_(Homicide:_Life_on_the_Street)

        Lewis (Clark Johnson) and Crosetti (Jon Polito) investigate the fatal shooting of a man, who was apparently killed for a $1.49 pen. Lewis believes there must be more to the story, refusing to believe a pen is worth killing for. When they search suspect Mitchell Forman’s (Sal S. Koussa) apartment, they find thousands of pens, many of which line the walls like bizarre decorations. Lewis later finds Forman at the police station, where he originally planned to turn himself in, but instead went up to the roof to commit suicide. Lewis lures Forman away from the ledge by enticing him with a beautiful golden pen, which belonged to Lewis’ deceased grandmother. Forman is taken into custody. Later, Lewis still cannot believe someone would kill over a pen, but Gee (Yaphet Kotto) suggests it is no worse than killing over a car or woman. Lewis, determined not to develop such a strong attachment to a material item, gives his grandmother’s pen to Felton (Daniel Baldwin).

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Wasn’t this something that was debunked, like, 3 months ago when Brietbart tried it?

      • mancityRed6

        they had a story, yesterday, about new Benghazi “evidence”
        yeah.

      • Wolf Tracker

        Yes and Comey says he retyped them from memory on his own computer and asked the FBI to verify that account.

        Trump dropped that line.

        • Joe Beese

          His thoughts were work product whose rights are owned by the federal government.

          • Wolf Tracker

            By that measure he could never say anything and the FBI does not want to go down that road. Books to write.

          • Covfefe

            Who in the FBI decides what road the FBI wants to go down? The director? Maybe?

          • Wolf Tracker

            FBI has their standards. Not saying I support everything they do but in General Fed courts and laws are more lenient than state laws and courts.

  • Aaron Wise

    Let’s not ever forget the 1994 bill that the Clinton’s used to incarcerate millions.

    • jesterpunk
    • Joe Beese

      Does your hobbyhorse have a name and can I give it a lump of sugar?

      • Aaron Wise

        1994 crime bill.

        • Joe Beese

          And “superpredators”. I haven’t forgotten.

          I’m more on your side than probably any other regular here, and you’re still boring me.

          • Aaron Wise

            Learn history

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Eat shit and diet

          • Jonny On Maui

            Oh grow up. This is an educated bunch.

          • Panika MCD
          • Covfefe

            History has its good parts. But a lot of history is just politically correct.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            When you lose Joe Beese, lol

        • Panika MCD
        • TootsStansbury

          The fuck is troll on about now? Trolls. They gotta go, they’re part of everything that is wrong in the world.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      All by themselves. Like Royalty. Like Dictators. Don’t forget!

      • Aaron Wise

        Dont forget the past

    • Panika MCD
    • Three Finger Salute

      Let’s not ever forget that Gingrich exists and staged a deplorable revolution to effectively hold real progress hostage, to get revenge on Bill for daring to “steal” the second term from pappy Bush and interrupt the Reagan Reich.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      The one Bernie voted for?

      • jesterpunk

        You cant point that out to the Bernie bots.

      • Aaron Wise

        Bernie wasn’t President.

        • jesterpunk

          Neither was Hillary dumbass.

        • Panika MCD

          HRC was not in office at the time. this was the sticker she would have been wearing:

          http://images.dailykos.com/images/218549/story_image/I_Did_NOT_Vote_Sticker.png?1457021762

          • Shanzgood

            So many fuckers I want to tattoo that on, including the two trans lesbians I know who WROTE IN for Sanders…and then were out in the streets in the next couple of weeks protesting Trump.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            They belonged to the Infamous 111,850?

            Hillary Clinton Democratic 65,853,516 48.18%
            Donald Trump Republican 62,984,825 46.09%
            Gary Johnson Libertarian 4,489,221 3.28%
            Jill Stein Green 1,457,216 1.07%
            Evan McMullin Independent 731,788 0.54%
            Darrell Castle Constitution 203,010 0.15%
            Bernie Sanders Independent 111,850 0.08%

    • Wolf Tracker

      Yes Aaron is trolling a bit but he is correct that Bill Clinton’s 1994 law resulted in many people getting longer sentences and even life for drug offences.

      The law at issue was the sweeping Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, which provided funding for tens of thousands of community police officers and drug courts, banned certain assault weapons, and mandated life sentences for criminals convicted of a violent felony after two or more prior convictions, including drug crimes. The mandated life sentences were known as the “three-strikes” provision.

      http://www.factcheck.org/2016/04/bill-clinton-and-the-1994-crime-bill/

      It is what it is and we can’t cover up for Bill’s mistakes or we will make the same mistake again.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Look, Hillary would be the first to tell you that it was certainly a lot of work to run for DA in every jurisdiction in the land and personally oversee the erasure of any kind of sane use of prosecutorial discretion so as to drive incarceration rates to record levels, but you have to admit it was worth all the effort. She does get results.

    • Bananas Foster

      Let us not forget that politicians are fallible…

      And pretty much decide that we should valuate them on a current and rational basis.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not to mention that there can always be worse. Obama deserves criticism for drones and persecuting/prosecuting gov’t whistleblowers, as well as refusing to deschedule pot toward the end of his term. But compared to the Orange Supremacist? Obama in a nano-heartbeat!

      • Panika MCD

        I thought the were (sometimes emotional) automatons…?

    • Panika MCD
  • Jennifer R
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Congrats!

  • eastcoastlib

    Must consult the Book of Mormon as to their position on the wacky weed. My guess is they may not be allowed to use it but growing it and selling it are totes okay

    • Courser_Resistance

      Depends on what Joseph Smith ‘tells’ the elders.

    • Ωbjectifier

      It came to pass…

    • Bill D. Burger

      Come to Colorado and check out Elevation Ministries of Denver: Heavenly!

      [Elevation Ministries announced this week that it will become the first ever church to offer wedding services in a “cannabis-friendly” environment.

      The weed weddings will be held in the newly renovated International Church of Cannabis in Denver, Colorado.

      “We thought there would be interest from people wanting to get married at the church, but we never expected such a response,” said Lee Molloy, a church spokesperson. “The demand from couples interested in celebrating their wedding with us in a “cannabis-friendly” environment has been far greater than ever expected. We are truly excited to start turning those dreams into realities.”]

      https://thefreshtoast.com/cannabis/weed-weddings-offered-at-church-of-cannabis/

      Although I almost uniformly agree with Christopher Hitchens that “…religion poisons everything.” perhaps this one serves a ‘higher purpose’afterall. Looks like a very interesting building, at the least.

      https://thefreshtoast.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/weed-weddings-offered-at-church-of-cannabis-1.jpg

      • Courser_Resistance

        I haven’t gotten around to checking it out, have you?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Probably the best choice of love song for a weed wedding.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNOTF-znQyw

        Even though Annie != Mary Jane.

  • Panika MCD

    dear Aaronic,

    Robin Williams sang it better.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlV3HA_ymSM

  • bookish

    https://www.propublica.org/article/rethinking-the-infrastructure-discussion-amid-a-blitz-of-hurricanes

    The wonky words infrastructure and resilience have circulated widely of late, particularly since Hurricanes Harvey and Irma struck paralyzing, costly blows in two of America’s fastest-growing states.

    Resilience is a property traditionally defined as the ability to bounce back that a host of engineers and urban planners have long warned is sorely lacking in America’s brittle infrastructure.

    Many such experts say the disasters in the sprawling suburban and petro-industrial landscape around Houston and along the crowded coasts of Florida reinforce the urgent idea that resilient infrastructure is needed more than ever, particularly as human-driven climate change helps drive extreme weather.

    • Three Finger Salute

      GOP response:

      “It’s called bootstraps, y’ever heard of ’em? Pfft. Liberal sissy cucks and their ‘human-driven climate change’ socialist hokum. Don’t they know now is not the time to politicize a tragedy by talking about infrastructure?”

    • Augustus

      it occurred to me today that Conservatives are really anti-conservatives in several respects, notably in the case of climate change

      if there is agreement among the vast majority of trained experts that catastrophic anthropogenic climate change is real, and there is, the most conservative thing to do would be to take sensible action to prevent cataclysmic death and destruction in the future

      really what Conservative means is, “preserve white male ‘christian’ hegemony and corporate oligarchy”

      it’s that kind of conservation I think

      • jowgajen

        It’s been obvious for a while, but lately they’ve taken out billboards and skywriting.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Their entire political POV collapses though if they acknowledge the reality of climate change. It isn’t that they can’t accept the science, they can’t accept the consequences of admitting it’s real

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not only that, but anti-science and pro-religion. The Republicans of today are no better than the Catholic Church during Galileo’s time. They’re still trying to appeal the Scopes verdict and generally quash anything that contradicts the innumerable logical holes in their “infallible” book of fairy tales. Their biggest argument (as stated, anyway) against abortion is that the fetus has a “soul.” As there is no scientific instrument to test for the existence of such, their argument is invalid.

        • Augustus

          I agree, although I believe there is room for spirituality and science to co-exist, which means that there must be a boundary between what faith can and can’t be used to explain

          for these people it’s anywhere that’s convenient for them sociopolitically

          I tend to believe there are very few things science can’t explain, but there are a few

          • Shanzgood

            Just because it can be explained doesn’t mean one’s preferred deity didn’t do it

            And I’m a 2nd generation atheist.

        • Lordpnut

          Agreed. But Scopes was found guilty and fined fitty bucks or somedamnsuch. They’re not trying to appeal so much as deny admission of any relevant evidence.

      • Lordpnut

        Indeed. The party of limited government and liberty of faith screaming “THOU SHALT NOT…” while they climb into your uterus looking to seize your drugs and porn.

  • Ωbjectifier
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Had a buddy of mine return back to planet earth during that song at a Dylan and Dead show

      we laughed…

  • Marceline
    • Three Finger Salute

      0 comments so far. OK, whoever runs that YouTube account for the Obama Foundation needs to hurry up and disable comments on ALL his videos STAT!

      • jesterpunk

        Slightly off topic I hate the new youtube interface, my comment blocker add on no longer works.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I just download the videos offline if there’s ones I want to watch. If I don’t want to watch them again, I delete them. KeepVid is a website that does it from the browser; also command-line program YouTube-DL (has assorted GUIs if you’re not comfortable with the terminal), and download manager programs jDownloader and Free Download Manager. You can even watch a temporary cached version in VLC using the “Open Network Stream” command (ctrl or cmd N), just copy and paste the URL. YouTube the website is useless.

        • Serai 1

          You know what I do? I don’t look at the comments on political videos. I only look at comments on crafting and cooking videos, because those are almost always on topic and civil.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Great job Obama!

      We need another Obama and I think Kamala Harris could be that person.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Obama (black) + Hillary (female) = Kamala

        It’d be nice, but knowing how Murica obviously deals with precedents, I’m only cautiously optimistic and even that’s an overstatement. We haven’t even had any Catholics since JFK.

        • Wolf Tracker

          Kamala is mixed race, female, former attorney general, supports Medicare for all and is not afraid to buck the old boy regime.

          I will have to see more of course but so far I like what I see and her chances.

          • Shanzgood

            She’ll really get that Hispanic vote, right?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Most likely but what do you have against Hispanics?

          • Shanzgood

            God, you’re so fucking oblivious.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, nice work.
            ; p

  • yyyaz

    I’d bet that JeffBo “Fudd” Sessions would enjoy one of the nice green cookies I used to bake in the days of yore. So much so, that he would gobble down a second one. Which would be a mistake. A hilarious one, but still a mistake.

  • Baconzgood

    So I know some of you are “hipster foodies” here on this recipe site. So Baconzgood will give you a wonderful recipe for the spring. And guess what? You can get ALL these ingredients for free in your back yard because they grow wild! (At least in the north east).

    Ready? If not I don’t care.

    Grab some fresh cilantro and wild spring onions (if you know what these look like you’ll stop running them over with your lawn mower). Then get as much dandelion leafs as you can (be sure people don’t put grass fertilizer or weed killer on them BEFORE you pick them). Grab a yellow dandelion flower or too.

    Then grab some wild blackberries/huckleberrys (this is hard. Because not only is it tough to pick them-they are full of jaggies and thorns- because they are only starting to ripe when the wild onions get dead. Timing is crucial).

    So, for argument sake you foraged these fresh ingredients, what now?

    1)Clean all fresh ingredients thoroughly. In tangle the wild onions. Clean wild onion roots, cut off those little hairs off, and the green leafs (the leafs will look like “chives”)

    Put in the bottoms of wild onions in a pan with fresh garlic and a little butter and a splash of olive oil (keep away from extra olive oil. Make sure it’s heavy…Bacon grease or a bit of lard works best). On very very very low heat.

    2) place the greens on on a plate with some of the mashed up dandelion flower (just use your hands to break it up as a garnish)

    3) (opitional) I was a big fans of putting on slivered almonds, cashews or pine nuts (peanuts or black olives kick ass here now)

    Dressing. Take the low heat, garlic and wild onion bulb pan. Add balsamic viniger, a little of grape jelly (I know but it works well with the bitterness of the wild greens), some brown sugar. Salt and pepper. Let it cool pour in a bowl and add 1/4 of a raw egg white. Stir viciously pour on the salid. Garnish to taste with graded cheese, pepper, and tour favorite spices. Add a couple more berries. Eat. Get stoned, and get ready for this conversation.

    Your friends: man that’s amazing. That’s a salad.

    You: look in the back yard. I made that salad out of things I picked out of my lawn.

    Your friends: seriously?

    You: yup. It’s funny how many people don’t realize how much healthy fois you can pick up and eat in your own back yard”

    Then look at your vegan friend and say “BOOM! They don’t teach you that at whole foods now do they?! *Mike drop*”

    • DrBigHead

      Last year we had an infestation of a “weed” that I had not seen before. Appeared out of nowhere at the start of the monsoons and started growing like, well, a weed. Discovered it was purslane. Ate the hell out of it.

      • Baconzgood

        When me and ex-mrs baconz moved into the house she told me to get rid of “all these weeds” under the deck. Yeah I did. She didn’t know that it was an herb garden from the previous owners.

        She even grew tea. Which is hard in this part of the world.

        Yeah I got rid of them all…in my fucking mouth!

      • jowgajen

        I had no idea portulaca was edible for humans. I did know it’s toxic to the kitties, though.

    • Doug Langley

      “I’m Euell Gibbons. Did you realize most parts of a car tire are edible?”

      • Baconzgood

        Not the steel belts. They go right through you. And trust me it ain’t pretty.

        We will just file that under “lessons learned hardest are learned best” and leave it at that.

        • proudgrampa

          They make great sandals, though.

          • Baconzgood

            Baconz will eat anything after a few shots and a $50 bill in front of me.

      • Serai 1

        “Did you ever eat a pine tree? Did you ever lick a river?”

        • proudgrampa

          “Do you like gladiator movies?”

    • Panika MCD

      we do have some Australian wanks that can use it now.

      • Baconzgood

        I don’t think the same things grow wild there. I could be wrong. In fact I’m sure I saw a kola bear here. Though i had just woke up after I finished a bottle of whisky and ate a strange tasting kielbasa

    • TootsStansbury

      I always wrinkle a brow at expensive blackberries in the store. Those fuckers grow wild, everywhere. I ‘member bringing a bucket home for Moms to make a cobbler, one fer me, one fer the buckit.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IIRC, there was a wild bush in germany we used to grab handfulls from.
        (Present OCD me WOULD NOT do that).

        • BosGrl

          My sister has a wild blueberry bush at her lake house in NH. We used to let the kids eat the berries (after washing!) until one day we saw ducks stroll up from the lake and help themselves.

      • Baconzgood

        Yeah. For some reason they taste better when you have the scratches on you and put a little sweat gathering them.

    • I used to teach people about some of the wild foods available, including some that were invasives – particularly garlic mustard. It’s amazing at how many people don’t realize that there’s free food right in their lawn – or a short way away.

      One thing I have noticed is that kids (and their parents) have no idea of what their fruits look like in the wild state. I’ve watched people walk right by blueberry bushes, raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries.

      • Baconzgood

        My boy scout leader taught me a lot about anal sex….I mean finding food when you are camping.

  • proudgrampa

    HEY MAN! IT’S 4:20 IN PORTLAND, MAN!!!!!

  • RMKH

    Since this is OT, I’ll go OT:. Many of you are asking yourselves today, “How can I celebrate in music the recent disclosures about Senator Cruz’s leisure time activities?

    I submit “The Rattlesnake Shake” by the original Fleetwood Mac blues band. The live version is a rockin’ 20- minute paean to autoerotism. Highly recommended.

    https://youtu.be/eq4ehZDuECg

    • Joe Beese
    • Shaydee

      Who did that old song ‘My Big 10 Inch?”

      • Zombishroom

        Aerosmith.

        • Zippy W Pinhead
          • tomamitai

            I got yelled at by the GM for playing that on an AM station. Thank goodness he wasn’t listening when I played “My Ding-A-Ling”.

          • Zombishroom

            Nice!

        • Three Finger Salute

          And supposedly it was about a 10-inch vinyl record.

          Wink-wink nudge-nudge.

          • RMKH

            Know what I mean? Say no more.

    • ariel_gee_398

      With the pretty much perfect lyric:
      “Log on in the night time
      Drink a half-bottle of wine
      Buy a couple of records
      Look at naked girls from time to time”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJZszAbCODU

    • Ωbjectifier
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the real Fleetwood Mac

      • RMKH

        No shit. Got to see Peter Green in the early 90s. At first he seemed out of it (naturally, not from drugs) and mailing it in, but my buddy and I stood right in front of him at the edge of the stage and yelled at him until he turned into Peter Green for a while. That was worth it. The bass player for that gig was the guy from Whitesnake. Wait, what?

  • memzilla Ω
    • Shanzgood

      I hope he likes grey baloney.

      • Jonny On Maui

        I hope grey baloney is the least of his worries…

        • Shanzgood

          I was trying to be nice.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Well, you are. I wasn’t.

      • Left Coast Tom

        If it makes him sick maybe someone can raise the price of his medication several thousand percent.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I met a girl who sang the blues,
      And I asked her for some happy news,
      She said, “Martin Shkreli’s going away.”

    • Suse

      At last – a judge who knows how to judge!

    • That’s an impressively bad picture of him too. Perfect.

  • Aaron Wise
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Shaydee

    Oh those crazy magic underwear wearing temple marrying Mormon men!!

    • Wolf Tracker

      You mean you don’t have any magic underwear?

      • Shaydee

        I consider it magic if I remember to change them every day…

        • Wolf Tracker

          Or if they are the ones when you had that special experience.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Not since the thieving gnomes in my last game of D&D…

        • Wolf Tracker

          Damn them gnomes to hell!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Important Opinion-

    The only candy more exciting than Easter Candy is Halloween Candy. Chocolate in the shape of bunnies and eggs is cool, but chocolate shaped like pumpkins and bats? Even fuckin’ cooler.

    • bbayliss

      Candy Corn. The best worst ever.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        It so is.

        • bbayliss

          Peeps are 2nd.
          edible after being unwrapped for a week or two.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            The simultaneous joy and disgust when you eat them is an interesting combination. They are also fun to put in the microwave.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            We once tried to kill a microwave by stuffing it full of peeps and lighting em up for 9 minutes…

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            We should hang out.

          • Shanzgood

            Sugar coated packing peanuts is what they are.

          • bbayliss

            Kinda, but not really. Don’t ask how i know.

          • epazote

            Microwavable too
            nuke the Peeps !

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I hate to admit it, but I love them

    • Suse

      Mini Butterfingers go nicely with pinot noir.

      • SpideySenser

        Rumor has it Nestle is going to stop making Butterfingers by the end of this year. I only eat a couple a year, but since I heard that I now have cravings. And your pinot noir tip is now a must do soon, if said rumors prove to be true.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I will riot. I will burn things. I will flip things over.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I will join you.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no…no…NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

          • SpideySenser
          • BosGrl

            “In a recent press release, Nestle confessed that it is planning to sell
            its U.S. confectionary business by the end of 2017. So, if the brand
            can’t find a buyer, favorites such as Butterfinger, BabyRuth, 100Grand,
            SkinnyCow, Raisinets, SnoCaps, SweeTarts, LaffyTaffy, and Nerds will no
            longer occupy candy aisle shelves.”

            Yeah, my daughter is going to freak out. No Butterfinger or Nerds.

          • SpideySenser

            I think the Baby Ruth thing may be even more painful than the Butterfingers. Let’s all pray to the FSM that Nestle finds a buyer. RAmen!

          • CripesAmighty

            Pity. I’m rather partial to the ‘crunch’ bars with little rice crunchies in em.

          • BosGrl

            Oh I forgot about Crunch!!

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Wow, I used to be completely addicted to those.

  • Jennifer R
    • Shanzgood

      I think we should expect transphobes to automatically disclose first instead of trans people. “Hey, just so you know, trannies freak me out to the point where I might do murder if I find myself sexually attracted to one.”

      That would be fair.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Sounds like a helpful T-shirt.

  • Bill D. Burger

    My one regret today is that Ted Cruz’ porn addiction had been revealed during the GOP primaries so Trump could have call Cruz “Horny Ted” to the end.

  • Jennifer R
  • Zombishroom

    https://youtu.be/tgFnZQbmup8
    Love the samples in this. I swear I hear Black Sabbath.

  • Bill D. Burger

    https://twitter.com/frankthorp/status/907617979331903488

    HUHUHUHUUHUHUHUHUUHUHUUUUU! Cruz’ problem is with his “staff”! I knew it.

    • mancityRed6

      he said “staff”

      • Bill D. Burger

        He had a problem with his STAFF. I knew it!

        • Joe Beese

          Not since Bob Dole pretended to have an erection at the sight of Britney Spears’s suggestive dancing have I had as unpleasant a time considering Republican penis.

          • BosGrl

            I… missed that and will not Google it…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Ted either needs to buck up and listen to some Shaggy or admit it was him and try to move the fuck on. No one will let it go if he keeps giving that answer.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The sun was in my eyes! The dog ate my homework! Somehow my twitter account ended up on a porn link all by itself!

    • Anna Rompage

      Yep, he blamed it on his staff, Mike Hawk

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I posted a Spirit song further down in thread and it has generated an amazing YouTube playlist

  • CO

    I’m sure the freedom caucus will be right on this.
    https://twitter.com/ABC/status/908096863546564608

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There’s something – something – about the fact that those two think it’s classy that he wasn’t willing to spend a thousandth of a percent of his own money for the two of them to start their lives together.

      But Omarosa’s not classy enough. Sure.

    • BadKitty904

      The GOP, Party of “Fiscal Responsibility,” fellow tax-payers…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yes. Far right.

    • Anna Rompage

      What?

      What kind of ex Goldman Sachs executive doesn’t have hit or her own jet…

  • Aaron Wise